#who the fuck planned this absur
Note
they're all straight, what do you expect?
to think of how queer the first tour was............
overruled by straights
at a harry show
like
who knew? yk
the audacity
#anonymous#like i was the only straight at harrys show for the whole 17/18 tour#guarantee#just lil be being an ally giving flags and serving as a shoulder for people to cry on on songs that they related#be surrounded by straights that really truly think they can 'g3t it' with harry is 1000000% not what i want not what i planned like#who the fuck planned this absur#absurd#its so bad
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Story time:- Shitting the bed (Disrespectful house guests) CONTAINS NSFW moments
I need to start using my tumblr more... My threapist said I should journal more and tell my life stories because a lot of them are just as absured as this...
Okay so this is not an am I the asshole stories because I know I am not. I wrote this last night night whilst stoned. I also wanted to test a new clicky RGB keyboard that my Friend Kendra bought me (She was at this party too and can verify it's a true story...)
Here goes
Okay, so... close to a decade ago, now I held a party after the Armageddon expo (Anime and Geek convention in New Zealand) one year.
The lead up was that I was working on an assignment for Uni that needed to be in before Sunday. Sunday was Armageddon, and I was hosting an after-party for cosplayers and furries at my parents' house.
It was a sleepover, and I had worked extra shifts to afford a boat load of Kai to feed everyone. My folks were away in the UK. They knew about the party and they knew about my rule.
If you stay cooked, breakfast is at 10 am because you can sleep in. After that I will give you a job cleaning the house. This had worked previously to great effect.
My folks' house can comfortably sleep 12 (in beds) + more on couches.
The whole of the local furry community was invited, and my best friends at the time had helped me plan.
I get my assignment done at 3am after much tinkering and fuckwittery with word counts as Uni had fucked up the brief and there was ambiguity about word count. Fuck it! It's 3am, it is done. I need to sleep and get ready to let off steam.
Arrive at Armageddon, meet friends, and help friend Cosplay as Totoro in a big fursuit. Meet more furries, including draw fest artists. Fuck it! Invite them. This party is going to be the ultimate nerd fest.
And that's when I meet AL... AL is a dragon furry, who is so up himself his fursona has two dicks... I didn't know this at the time. AL asks if he can come. I had only met him once previously but had interacted well enough online and he seemed cool.... Say fuck it! Come along.
Start getting messages out of the blue from a Trans friend, B, who had just gotten back into the country after a messy break up. Say Fuck it! She can come too. It'll do her some good!
Fast forward to the party. Everything is going swell. I am the perfect host. I'm nervous because my parents' house is full of people I have had next to no sleep and a full day of convention. I'm knackered, my best mate. Let's call him Phoenix. He has packed me a joint. Instantly feel better.
Start to notice something is off...
Notice AL and B are making out like it's an Olympic sport. They are all over each other, and it's squicking out my guests...
Ask them politely. Hey guys... It's not that kinda party. We got people playing fucking Yu-Gi-Oh! And drawing furries and you're... You're doing that...
It gets later, and people start to trickle out. The stayers are watching anime on a projector in the living room that Totoro friend, had brought over.
I'm like, sweet. This is my time for another joint, and I'll set up beds. I walk into the kitchen, and what do I see? B An 8 foot transwoman in heels sucking off AL...
I am beyond mortified and beyond words... AL smug face says something to me, which I forget.
Anyway I tell them that it's not appropriate quietly and again not that kinda party. No other party guests saw that, thankfully... Read the room seriously!
Move on to allocating beds. Okay, so let's put them separately...
B pipes up. "Um... I will have anxiety if I don't sleep away from other people who I don't know" sounds fake as fuck.
Okay, you can have the room my GRANDMOTHER sleeps in when she visits... and my room is ABOVE YOU...
Everyone hears this... Everyone goes to bed. I go upstairs when they do. Spend a little more time with core friends. Break down and tell them what happened... and how mortified I am.
They ask me why you did not tell us? Because I didn't want to ruin the party...
Go sleep. Hear fucking. PISSBOILED! I am so angry! Angry cry self to sleep listening to Weezer. "I am the greatest man that ever lived" (I was masc at the time...) more on that story later...
Skip ahead to the morning. I am up first as I had not slept, nor had they. (The headphones did not hide the fucking...!)
Here I am, angry breakfast! Thankfully, due to many doors between guests and them (except for me... I AM THE ONE WHO HEARD EVERYTHING!)
It was awful... Thankfully, everyone helped clean and was grateful for breakfast. EXCEPT FOR THEM!
THEY DIDN'T GET OUT OF BED UNTIL MIDDAY!
I had shit I needed to do! Everyone did! Everyone knew this. It was on the invites! I purposefully sent the invites. Because in the digital age, respect the party rules!
And I made it very clear 3 TIMES!
☆♤♧◇♧♤♡☆
NOT
THAT
KIND
OF
PARTY!!!
☆♤♧◇♧♤♡☆
They have the AUDACITY! the AUDACITY! to ask where's BREAKFAST!
After a brief explanation... AL, to his credit, helps a little with the last of the cleaning....
B does a sneaky exit but gets caught at the door by me. She says , sheepish and fake sad sounding "Bye...." *Sad eyes look away* ME ME me me me kinda look.
Leaves... Whatever screw her! She's out of my life now...
Meanwhile, other guests start to ship out and thank me for my hospitality and grace, humility and kind hosting, and network skills, etc...
AL and core BFFs last to leave (Phoenix, and Rei) after knowing what has happened asked me if I wanted to stay with them. Say yes please. AL hears this (he's still not left yet) and says he'll travel with us...
Que? No, me gusta!
Does not get hint. Walk to.bus stop is silent.
Get to bus. AL invites himself by stating “Am I coming to [PHOENIX and REI'S HOUSE] with you?”
Rei who has had it at this point states “I don’t know… Are you?” and glares at him.
Finally getting the hint AL gets off the bus.
Watch him leave… Continue Bus journal. All of us are gobsmacked… GAGGING!!!
Continue to my friend's house. Phone blows up. Messages from B saying how much of a shit host I was and how unwelcome she was made to feel…
CALL OUT HER BULLSHIT! Phoenix is cheering me up by making me laugh about the whole thing calling it the "Kitchen BJ saga" Rei is pouring me a hair of thedog bloody mary and a cup of tea
Come home a day later. Shit stains on the bed…. I AM FUCKING LIVID THEY LITERALLY SHIT THE BED!!
End up charging both of them for the price of entirely new bed sheets… AL reluctantly pays as he has rich parents, find out later that he payed for B too.
Never hear for B again, except randomly bumping into her in the hospital (I am an RN) No words were spoken but I honestly hope she is well… AL occasionally pops up in online circles, Never let him live it down. Trues to laugh about it because “LOL It’s been close to a decade” NO! YOU SHIT THE BED! I’m never letting you or anybody else forget it!
If you read this far you are a saint. Thank you for letting me get this off my chest
Peace and love tumblr!
MAY YOU NEVER SHIT THE BED!
Gwen
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Male reader x Jasper Hale.
Plot Line: The reader’s lived in Forks his whole life. The Cullens show up and he’s afraid to admit his crush on none other than Jasper Hale. His friends however, have a plan to let Jasper know how much their friend swoons over him. Who knows? Maybe Jasper might feel undeniably flattered.
In this fanfiction Alice and Jasper are just best friends. Jasper is bisexual. Fake names have been made for the reader’s friends.
Friend names include: Jane and Westley (Wes)
TW: cursing, a lot of teenage embarrassment, and fluff.
Words: 1,626
———
And then, in the midst of it all, I saw your eyes. To fall is to accept, and to be damned is to reject. Yet in the end, no matter what I may feel or see, damned is all I am to be.
There was a long pause of silence. Your friend, Jane, looked at you and gave a soft smile. “Y/N... you’re really good at poetry but that’s just depressing.”
A loud snort came from your left. You turned your head to see Wes waving his hand. “Sorry bro, but that was absolute shit. Sad poetry about how much you like the guy? Scared of rejection? What are you a 13 year old girl?”
“Hey! I take offense to that,” Jane snapped back. She pulled her pony tail out, starting to redo it. “Listen, I think it’s sweet that you like him so much. However, I have to agree with Westley. Being upset about it isn’t going to help you and you know it.” They were right. You didn’t want them to be, but they were. Letting out a sigh, you let your head drop to the lunchroom table.
“Just end me now,” you complained, your voice muffled by the table.
“Y/N... come on. Pick your head up. How about after school we can all get online and play video games? I bombed the last round of Call of Duty,” Jane said. Wes laughed again. “Bombed it?! You did worse in that last round than I do in English!”
Then they started to bicker. You let out a huff of air, sitting up. You looked down at your depressive poetry book. It was filled with poems about how much you liked Jasper Hale. One of the many members of the ‘Cullen Clan’ as the town called them. They just moved here and you couldn’t get Jasper out of your mind. On the first day of school you tripped in the halls, dropping your books everywhere. You didn’t think that the most handsome, polite, and chivalrous man would come to your aide... but he did.
Your eyes met and suddenly you were in love. Well, you didn’t say you were in love until three months later, in the middle of November. Thanksgiving break was coming up, and you were excited to not have to stop yourself from staring at his gorgeous face.
For a split second, you felt eyes on you. You turned around and scanned the lunch room... but no one was looking at you. You couldn’t stop yourself from glancing at Jasper and the rest of his siblings. Damn. His hair had gotten longer.
That’s when the bell rang. You quickly stood up, almost stumbling when you did. In a rush, you grabbed your books and waved goodbye to your friends. You’d talk to them after school.
***
The second you got home, you made your way to your room. Dropping off your bookbag to procrastinate your math homework, you turned on your console. Jane and Wes were already online as if they ran home at the speed of light. Well, Wes probably did. God he was such an idiot.
You turned on your headset and joined their party invite. “Hey guys-“
“Y/N! WE HAVE AN IDEA.” Oh god. They said that in unison.
“What’s your idea...” you asked, rather wearily. You felt your heartrate slightly pick up at the thought of whatever they were thinking. You knew it wasn’t going to be good. Whenever those two conspired, chaos seemed to follow.
“Okay, so Wes and I were talking-“
“And Jane and I thought-“
“We could just ask Jasper out for you.”
“WHAT.”
‘Okay. No. No. Absolutely not. Hell no. Not in a million fucking years. No. Not at all. God no. Please no.’ It took Wes clearing his throat for you to realize you said all that out loud .
“Guys... please don’t. I’m already embarrassed enough about it, you know? I don’t need you two screwing this up for me and making me out to be a fool in front of the guy I like!” You had a point. They could completely ruin your reputation and embarrass the hell out of you in front of the whole school. Oh god. “How would you do it?”
Jane laughed over the com. “We were thinking we could just put a letter in his locker. No, you won’t get to read it. No, it won’t be embarrassing. Something short and sweet. Right, Wes?” Wes groaned. “Noooo. We gotta make it romantic. Endearing. Full on flattery that Jasper couldn’t do anything accept ask Y/n out! ‘Oh my dear Jasper, how I’ve thought of you many a moon. Like a Romeo without a Juliet, I long for you. Your smile and glowing eyes, how I dream of them. Oh won’t you be mine?!’”
“WES.”
Your cheeks burned red. You couldn’t help it! He was embarrassing the shit out of you! “So help me God if you actually write any of that down-“ you gritted your teeth, your face a deep red. You took the headset off, pressing the power button. Nope. Can’t do it. Taking in a deep breath, you turned your headset back on, putting it back over your head. Wes was apologizing, swearing that he and Jane wouldn’t actually pull anything like that.
***
You dreaded this. More than dreaded this. You despised it. Loathed it. You wanted nothing to do with it. The closer you got to school, the more mortified you started to feel. Nothing had even happened yet. Just the thought of Jane getting to school early and putting a letter in his locker... oh god...
When you got to school, you could see The Cullens pulling up. You glanced at their cars as Jasper stepped out. He instantly looked at you. SHIT.
You turned your head as fast as you could, rushing into the building. ‘Nope. No. Not happening. Hell to the no. Jesus christ Jane- why did you have to do this to me you bitch. What if I become too embarrassed that I go speechless? What if I get rejected? Then what? I go home and cry about it like the scared little boy Wes thinks I am about this? Man. So what if I cry? Okay. Guys cry all the time. Maybe not over rejected crushes but- but whatever! Ugh!’
Your thoughts ran absolutely rampant. You couldn’t stop them. You rushed to your locker and started to unpack your bag. Grab your books. All of them? Yup. No stopping at your locker today no matter how heavy the load is. Pencil pouch? Yup. Got it. Water bottle-
“Y/N?”
Oh fuck. Oh shit. Oh no. God please no. You turned to see Jasper and your hands became sweaty. Suddenly all of your books slipped out of your hands and landed on your feet.
“Fuck!” You shouted, stumbling slightly back. You felt a strong hand steady you, and Jasper was looking at you with a worried gaze.
“Are you okay?” He asked, reaching down to pick your books up. Okay maybe he didn’t read the note and if he did dropping the books distracted him enough-
“I... read the note in my locker,” he said. FUCK. “And... I’m flattered.” What.
Jasper had this small smile on his face, holding out your history textbook to you. “I assumed you had at least a slight crush on me by now. I’ve... caught you staring. Though, I guess I was staring as well in those cases.”
Okay. What. This is not- this is extremely different from what you thought was going to happen. Was he... confessing?
“I truly am flattered that you’d write something so nice-“
“It wasn’t me!” You cut him off, your cheeks slowly turning a deep shade of red. “I- I um- my friend Jane she wrote it. Her and my other friend Westley knew that I liked you and they wrote the note together... somewhat. So I’d stop... avoiding you. And my feelings. I guess.”
Jasper smiled. Oh. He was uh. He was smiling. Okay. Okay that’s a good thing- right?
You couldn’t help but smile back. You took the history book from him and let out a nervous laugh. “I’m... so sorry if they wrote something absured.”
“No. It wasn’t anything bad. You don’t have to worry about what was written. However... I must admit, I thought you were... well, attractive. When we met on the first day. I wanted to let you know that I’d love to take you out on a date.”
He still had that soft smile. Those gorgeous eyes... he was so handsome. His voice was so soft, and in a few words you could just hear the southern accent. Your stomach turned and your heart skipped a few beats.
“I um... I- I would love that. I’m- I’m actually free tonight-“
“Perfect. How about I pick you up at six?”
Oh. OH. You looked away from his eyes, smiling like an idiot. “Six... six works. Yeah.” You glanced back up, seeing he was holding another book of yours. Your poetry book. Your eyes went wide as he handed it to you.
“Alright. I’ll see you at six then, okay darlin’? And... you don’t have to be afraid to talk to me. My siblings aren’t as mean as they look. I promise.” The bell rang. He waved goodbye to you, turned around, and started to walk away.
Holy shit. Jasper Hale just asked you out. You have a date with him tonight! You screamed in your head, quickly scrambling for the things you needed. Slamming your locker shut, you spun on your heel and headed to your first class. So maybe you could accept this. Your feelings for Jasper. And... maybe you could fall in love. Just this once.
———
Hi! So I hope you liked this. I’m sort of planning on writing Jaspers version of this, and maybe how the date goes! If this gets popular enough I 100% will!
#twilight#x male reader#jasper hale#jasper hale x reader#jasper hale x male!reader#twilight the movies#twilight breaking dawn#twilight eclipse#twilight new moon#the cullens#twilight fanfiction#twilight fluff#twilight fandom
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