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freddieslater · 2 years

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i’m so scared that s10 of tdg will be on the level of s8. here are some of my concerns lol:

-that they won’t give jody a proper goodbye. kia has all but confirmed she’s leaving, if she gets a one off rushed episode like chloe or sasha ill be so disappointed. she’s basically the main character at this stage, the only one we’ve really seen go through it all, i literally feel like i know her

-they’ll continue with the slapstick editing and silly plot lines. silly plot lines like the wardrobe ep are good if carried out well, but they really haven’t been recently. it all feels so unserious at times and there’s never any high stakes anymore compared to early seasons of tbr, lily falling off the roof, carmen through the bridge, the dg closing, kazima nearly getting deported? when things are serious they always have some random B plot that ruins the episode

-the kids just aren’t naughty enough anymore 😭 compared to liam sapphire elektra etc it feels like the characters barely notice theyre in care half the time now, like it’s too happy i feel like they wouldn’t even show a fight on it now, all the characters get on too well

-even though they get on well, the group chemistry is not there. it’s because people are going in and out with almost no fanfare, whereas when people would leave or arrive it used to be a 2 part episode. you don’t get that bond that was there in the early seasons, the characters are too unsettled and so much time is devoted to other stuff rather than character/ relationship development

-they literally haven’t developed any of the new characters. every new person should have an episode like Bec, she’s the only one i feel attached too. even people like bird and candi rose have been under-utilised in exchange for random plots for under written characters.

- the younger group (sid, taz etc) all are too old to be playing 10-12 year olds now, it’s time to give them more mature plot lines, like the one of Taz and her mum. they need to add a younger child like harry in tbr to take that place as the current “kids” are out growing that role very quickly.

-the bright lighting and sometimes cartoonish acting really makes it feel so unrealistic at times, we know gritty and dark children’s tv can be done well, so why can’t they revert back to the old formula that worked extremely well?

-more challenging material needs to be given out to the cast, such as jodys therapy sessions. they give her all the heavy stuff which i love but they’re really not using carma or sarah enough these days, sarah was so good in the ep where she met her mum. they aren’t young anymore and can really handle the material instead of giving it all to kia, once she leaves someone else will probably take on the heavy plot lines instead of dispersing them evenly.

-they really lost the tenderness of being in care and these kids being family around s7, (excluding s9 for covid reasons) but they would previously all be hugging, hands on backs and even mike kissing tee goodnight once. the older ones would always lift up the younger ones etc and that aspect has disappeared now. can’t imagine may-li or scott tucking anyone in or kissing anyone goodnight lol but they should bring it back when they can

-the filler eps r so forgettable, and while i enjoy an occasional care worker ep i feel like there’s been so many in the last few seasons. the writing is clearly catering to a younger audience now, but it doesn’t suit the show at all even i feel like any scene that kia isnt in just falls flat, she definitely gets the most time devoted torte writing of her character. needs to go back to more natural language like liams “I DIDNT TAKE UR SKANKY LAPTOP ORITE!!!” hahaha sounds so much more realistic to how kids talk 😭

sorry for the long rant but i feel like you’ll appreciate this nonetheless haha love ur account <3

1. that is honestly one of my biggest fears as well. if Jody gets a half-hearted, rushed leaving episode that tries to split the focus between her and something more juvenile and pointless, I'm going to be really upset, because considering she's been here since the end of TBR, she deserves a really good send off. it's not a question of IF she's leaving in series 10, so while we can already start to process the thought of the show without her, it's going to hurt more if the episode doesn't do her justice

2. you are asolutely spot on. it's something I've been noticing more and more recently, and it was definitely a problem a few seasons back as well. I do understand that the show is for kids, but so was TSOTB and TBR, and young children don't need things dumbed down for them. it's more of an insult that the writers are relying so heavily on that slapstick kind of humour without any real consequences or storylines of real importance, it's like they don't trust their audience to be able to understand more serious matters. I do appreciate the way they handle a lot of Jody's storylines but that simply leads into another of your points which is that while Jody gets halfway decent plots to work with in her centric episodes, the others all get some silly reused storyline that doesn't even really matter in the long run. and the B plots almost always ruin the episodes now which is really annoying because there are so many episodes that could've been Incredile if they had just... tried a little harder.

3. once again, your point about the kids just not being very naughty anymore is correct, and I think it again comes from the writers not really trusting their audience. it's as though they believe that kids will see a kid acting up and doing bad things and think that the network is going to get in trouble for being a 'bad influence' even though, once again, Jody gets storylines about anger issues and constant slip ups where she shouts and hits things, but that is the only real example of a kid with anger issues we've had lately. I was so hopeful when the new character, Kyle, came into it, and when he had that moment with May-Li where it almost felt like he was going to hurt her or was at least trying to intidimate her because I thought, finally, they're giving us a character who actually acts up and has some serious problems going on that could have real consequences. and then they downplayed it into the usual big speech of the end of the episode where May-Li realizes she's been doing something wrong, and Kyle isn't playing up anymore. I want the kids to act out! I want them to get into fights! I want them to get angry or upset and say things they don't mean, and I want real consequences for things that they do!

4. I was hoping that maybe the lack of chemistry between the group of kids just came from how new the actors are with each other, but I can't disagree with you. the constant rotating cast has become a problem for the show, because like you said, the friendships just don't feel real. we're supposed to believe that they all just sort of fit in after an episode or two and make these connections so easily, but I just don't because the chemistry is not there. we've had barely any time to adjust to Clem and Ruby, and now we have Kyle as well. we're meant to think that Sid and Max are the best of friends and while I did briefly buy into that for some of their scenes, we now... haven't seen Max at all, and there has been no explanation for that? I hate the way they have characters disappear mysteriously off-screen now, their leaving episodes ARE important. I can understand if the kid is only meant to be a temporary feature for a few days or a few weeks, but to have so many of them come and go in a blink without an explanation really messes with the general chemistry of the group and just the audience's ability to actually... care about them.

Which I'm realizing also leads into 5. the kids just don't have personalities anymore beyond what is convenient for the storyline of the episode. they change their traits about so often just to fit the storyline that it genuinely feels like they're just spinning a wheel to see who will be the main feature this time, when they could put a bit more effort and thought into the characters and flesh out real personalities for them. Bird and Candi-Rose's lack of development is something that really bothers me! we've had them for a while now, and while, yes, we know a bit more about them than the others and they've had like two serious, important to their background storylines that have gone... nowhere. I want to see more of Bird's internal conflict about knowing his dad isn't his dad and keeping that huge secret from Jay. I want to slowly peel back more layers of Candi-Rose's trauma with her parents, why she had to go under a different name and can't see her sister for both their safety. I want a Jay centric episode that isn't just for comedic effect and focuses PROPERLY on his issues with the truth and the reason he feels the need to turn everything into something he can poke fun at, and how he really feels about being in care. I want to know how things are going with Taz's dad, and maybe more of her playing the piano or talking about her mum, and I want Sid to have some more growth beyond just being 'weird' especially now that he doesn't have his puppet. There is so much potential in all of the characters but the writers just don't seem to care much about any of them. Which begs the question of how are meant to, either?

6. again, leading on from what I was saying, I would LOVE to see the younger ones getting more mature plots. Taz and Sid have both matured so much since the beginning and they don't deserve to be shoved into a B subplot about starting a comedy duo that is never going to get mentioned again in any episode because neither of them actually cares about comedy. while I want the kids to have fun and be kids, I want the episodes to have some meaning and not all just feel like throwaway fillers. we do need a new younger kid in the DG like Harry, I'm really curious about who would find themselves filling the 'parent' role like Sapphire did.

7. I don't even really have anything to add to that; I miss the kind of dark and gritty feel and I'm a bit sick of the silly feel to every episode.

8. precisely! while I adore Jody centric episodes because Kia is brilliant, as we have already seen Many times, they really do need to give the other actors the same chance to show how brilliant they are, too. I actually forgot about Floss meeting her mum because again, it was a throwaway that was just never mentioned again. but in that episode, Sarah really did show us just how good she is with that kind of heavy writing, and the other kids should get a shot at it, too. they all have a good enough base storyline to build on! Taz's mum is dead and her dad can't look after her probably due to grief. Sid's aunt whom he loved dearly presumably died and he ran away from his old care home. Candi-Rose had to be split up from her sister for their safety and both had to change their names. Bird and Jay were neglected by their parents, and Jay repressed all of the bad while Bird protected him from the truth (and continues to), not to mention we have completely abandoned the storyline about Bird's diabetes, and Jay has a tendancy to lie without even thinking about WHY. Ruby's mum went to prison for accidentally killing Bec's mum in a driving accident, and now because of her time inside, she struggles to look after Ruby at all. they have potential!! the writers just need to USE it.

9. the softness! god, I miss the general family feel to the DG. you're right, I hadn't really noticed it but there was something that feel different and that's a big part of it. once again, they try to make us buy into the idea that they're this big happy family but they just... aren't, not anymore. May-Li only has that parental feel with Jody, and while I do like Scott, you do have a point about him not quite feeling as soft toward the kids as Mike was. perhaps that's the point, I mean, we don't want just copy-paste characters every time, but it wouldn't hurt for them to keep that soft family feel with SOME affection.

10. I so miss the natural feel of the dialogue. everything every single character has said recently has felt SO scripted and a bit stilted? and I don't blame the actors for that! while they are still young and learning, I think they would benefit way more from a more natural script, let them improvise a bit with how they say some things and give each character a different voice rather than them all having the same monotonous scripted feel to them. and yeah, there have been some more care-worker centric episodes than may be necessary which has kind of thrown the vibe off a bit.

I absolutely appreciate the rant, and thank you so much!! that's so sweet, I really love your thoughts and opinions <3

#oh look a wild anonymoose #ask away earthlings!#tdg #the dumping ground

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neo-shitty · 3 years

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toffee!

hehe glad i could make you laugh, oooh that sounds awesome! yeah id love to be tagged it sounds great :)

YES the differences are so fucking weird. like, they do know they're the same age right? i feel like its just an exagguration of how much the persons role in the group matters, like we see chan being held up as such a mature, old leader while jungkook who is literally the same age, is still babied etc. like enha hyung line is basically the same age (if a bit younger) as chenle and jisung but somehow the rules are different?? as you point out, still legal but still bizarre. hehe yeah, i mean where else are we going to rant? quora lol. mmm, hopefully more people can just write less smut abt people who are barely adults

ah, no prob it didnt take long. yeah i think thats right (i keep forgetting you know my url lol) mmhmm :( i think if that happened irl there would be some major trauma going on. knock wood it never happens to you or me lol (/hj)

hehe same! oooh glad Redemption For Cheese was realised! yess we cant rllycomplain that theyve written/produced too much good music lol. yeah, ive dragged him into being a stay so *dusts hands off* mission accomplished. mmm yeah, they tend to have a certain vibe but tbh it couldve worked if they were any other group but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ahh ur one step ahead of me on the stages of listening to ssick i think, still not convinced but thats okay! hehe, it had to be said. yesss the itch in the back of my brain is very satisfied by sorry i love you, felixs vocals deserve to be appreciated! (side note i feel like hes trying to sing more like his speaking voice, sorta husky, but tbh i wouldnt be mad if he sang like in glow, his sweet honey vocals made my life lol. but i think ive heard him say he doesnt like singing like that cos it makes his normal voice less husky, so what can you do)

> YES SOMEONE SAID IT. seungmin rap KING, he sped thru that rap like it was nothing, he deserves more rap lines. i do like how they gave minho some melodic rap lines this comeback, my guy deserved to show off those skills that made him not be eliminated (flashbacks to stay collectively wanting to murder jyp) and we already know changbin can sing, my man murdered masked singer. hyunjin can obviously sing as can jisung and felix, and i want to hear chan rap more! i feel like he started as part of 3racha (as a rap unit not producing) and then just became a vocalist (which im fine with, but it could be nice to hear him flex his rapping skills) and was partially replaced by hyunjin. anywayyy

back to album talk. lmaooo sad music to twerk to PERFECTLY describes silent cry. yes secret secret is and will always be, a masterpiece. hehe glad i could make you laugh :) i just felt like they have similar vibes. putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised. oh my beloved track, red lights. ahh thats okay, we can have different opinions, but by god the lyrics are *chefs kiss*. *banging on table* TWISTED AU TWISTED AU TWISTED AU. yess id love to see ur take on it! sdfghjkl it would have been glorious

no no! not stupid, just able to predict my brainwaves. ooooh thats so cool! makes me want to go there (wherever there is lol) yeah the waves are pretty good here, but none of my familys a surfer, so we dont rlly enjoy the full potential lol. YES moving on to gone away, it is indeed a heartwrenching track, but the vocals and the bloody key change? makes me want to brave being sad just to listen to it. mmm yeah, good point :( i feel like ive just gotten used to overthinking so much so that it doesnt matter what mood im in, ill do it anyway, so might as well just do what i feel like doing anyway.

yeah i think ur right! it is quite comforting knowing that all the tracks will get the love they deserve. i feel like also people assume kpop is just one genre which is utter bs. there are so many different vibes and feels and songs, i couldnt get into kpop (of which i thought only the bright cheerful present day bts stuff existed smh) until i heard gods menu so... idk where i was going with this but yeah. :)

YES FUCK YG, theyre literally on the brink of being kicked out of the big three and they are holding their salvation hostage without letting them do ANYTHING. idek what thought process goes thru their minds but arghhh its so infuriating. yess lisa's cb will be awesome but ot4 is the gold standard here.

hehe, glad u could get to this point. no no! u dont sound like a cult member at all lol yeah, i loooove some of their songs but the whole 23 members thing is getting to me. thats prob a common problem with nctzens but what can i say? im a simple girl with a limit to how many korean boys i can give my money to. atm im just trying to get into ateez and finish memorising enhypen's faces. also kard is kinda sucking me into their fandom atm, as well as eric name lol. ah what can you do? ooh thats good!

hehe i love it too! its exactly like online penpals, that was rlly well put. aww ty! hmm im okay, recovering from a bad case of rsv so thats fun. im doing okay mentally, starting therapy soon (after having to convince my mother that its not just smth i can brush off). physically i wont go into, basically i should be doing stretches to help but they dont completely fix it so my lazy ass doesnt do them, plus i got told recently im going to be stuck with this condition for the rest of my life so thats fun! ah, before you type smth dw abt me ill be fine. the weather atm is cloudy but warm, its been raining on and off today which is good for the garden. uhh i just finished reading sunburnt veils and im in the middle of prom theory which is rlly good. ummm ive got a concert tonight? that i may or may not be able to sing in (bc of the whole rsv thingo) and uhhhh idk. my dog is cute? im drinking tea rn? ive got a school dance coming up?

wbu? hows ur day going, how are you? whats the weather like on ur end? done anything interesting lately? found smth that makes you rlly happy? just any random thing youve been dying to tell someone?

no no! dont apologise, i love these exchanges. i think im happy to continue them for a long time :) on the other hand, if you get tired of them, feel free to just not answer at any time. goodness gracious this was a long ask haha hope it isnt too annoying

<3 w.a. 🐺

sorry it took me a bit to reply, i was fixing my theme ;n;

yeah, i figured it was because of the roles too. my friends and i still get taken aback when 3rd gen idols are the same age as 4th gen ones. in my head it doesn't add up sometimes. PLS THE RANT AT QUORA SKJDK tbh tho it's just going to be normalized as the years pass? esp that the boys are growing older and the amount of explicit fics will just increase. i might have to start blocking tags.

i had to look up the previous ask to remember what we were talking about xd i hope the events in champagne problems never happens to anyone. realistically, it probably happens a lot. damn i really won't wish that pain on anyone. dragging your brother into being a stay i whEEZED JFKSA additional noeasy music enthusiast o.o and ALL I CAN SAY WITH YOU GUSHING ABT FELIX IS AHA WHIPPEEEED OML can't blame you tho, i also want to hear felix sing more in other shades (if that makes sense HAHA) i really hope they'll do the role exchange in the next comeback :( or like in the near future bc i know they can do it :( the day i hear seungmin rapping it i will respectfully pass away. minho was given more lines this comeback thank fUCK i could rmb my irl being vocal abt her frustration. i don't get why minho barely has center time/lines in title tracks??? like the line distribution in the past eras just made me ???? if seventeen can balance lines with 13 members why cant a group of 8 do the same? moving on. i haven't watched the stray kids show simply bc i don't want to cry HAJS but i've seen clips. imagine if skz debuted without minho and felix?!?!? i rmb another irl catching bias feels towards changbin bc of the masked singer only to find out that the man's a rapper. i love how skz's vocals were highlighted this comeback :c there were a lot of mellow tracks! i find it cute when chan sings/raps bc it gets kinda obvious that he's a foreigner? the accent (im not even sure if it's the accent) it just shows. "putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised." CORRECT.

abt the twisted au o.O i'll inquire my irl if she wants to write it or not. if she doesn't want to, i'll do it. i miss writing twisted aus <3___<3 and i also miss going to the beach with my friends :' ) but it's starting to get cold here and i don't think i'll be able to enjoy the beach as much as i would if i went beaching in the summer. so maybe next summer? gone away really has an sm-ballad vibe. the thing about skz being a self-producing group, their songs don't sound like typical jype songs? and i just appreciate that bc in all honesty im not a fan of jyp groups at all. PLS the overthinking. i wish i could mute overthinking.

anyone who assumes kpop is just one genre obv hasn't listened to a single track. if kpop was just one genre why do i like some tracks more than the others??? oh you've only recently become a kpop stan? tbh im not a fan of the bright songs of bts either. i liked their older ones *chefs kiss* really matched high school vibes. yg has good artists and they're just wasting the talent ~.~ that strategy they have will get tiring eventually. people will stop waiting on blackpink and move on to newer more active groups ://

HAHAHAH yeah the 23 members is pretty overwhelming! it was the reason i didn't bother stanning before quarantine started. i don't regret stanning tho, met my ult bias in that group <3___<3 i don't really purchase albums unless i like the tracks xd ohhh getting into ateez just in time for the comeback! let me know what you think about them! i was fond of them at some point but grew out of it. good luck with memorizing enhypen! it took me a while to distinguish to people there XD i haven't checked out kard yet but chan plays their songs during lives and they're sexc hype music me likey *u*

i had to look up rsv im sorry. i'm glad you're recovering! please rest more and don't stress yourself out. bro i wish i could go to therapy too bc i have weird issues i can't justify and i need a professional to tell me what's the reason behind it. stuck with what condition btw? what happened? i'm sorry in case i just forgot. yesterday was a bit rainy for me too :(( it's not the type of rainy that makes me anxious so B) oh concert! good luck and i hope you'll be able to sing but i also don't think it's best for you rn :c what's your dog's breed? and yes i just finished drinking tea too. AAAAA i miss school dances :(( the last one i was supposed to have was cancelled bc of covid.

i was less productive today and i'm teetering between being mentally stable and becoming a hermit again. i'm anxious with a lot of things atm so like : D not the best state. today it was a bit sunny but not hot hot which was nice. i changed my theme today bc i couldn't wait for sept. 1st. and no i haven't found anything that makes me happy HAHAHA shit like that's hard to identify. don't have anything to say too, i'm just thinking about why i'm procrastinating too much atm T_T and i'm listening to this rap song atm and one of the rappers sounded like han.

it isn't annoying! i enjoy the long exchanges but i do admit it takes me awhile to type down a reply. so if i get more busy, it'll prolly take a bit longer for me to reply.

#toff.asks #wild anon 🐺

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houseki-no-suffering · 5 years

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on ch 82 and what the hell is the deal with phos

super long wall of words ahead, you've been warned. also, im not qualified to discuss the emotional effects of trauma, so please correct me where im wrong and don’t hesitate to add on this post

contains an analysis of phos’ character arc, explanation on why and how they snapped and what might happen to our child next:

1. genki phos 2. post winter phos 3. laphos 4. on trauma 5. on snapping 6. speculations about the future

so, first things first, I could not help but notice the sheer number of parallels between this chapter and other significant points of the story. it seems to me that parallels are becoming more and more frequent as the moon arc goes on, and that’s not just because there are simply more chapters to draw parallels from as the story grows in size.

I believe that we’re at a turning point in the story, or even that the turning point has been reached, (aechmea telling barbata to fix phos for the umpteenth time is most likely going to give phos the last treasure, but ill get to it).

so, to try and understand what in the seven hells is going on with our baby at this point (the fandom collectively adopted phos since chapter 2, sign the papers if you haven’t already and donate to the fund to send phos to therapy) let’s retrace phos’ character journey.

1: genki phos

the phos who is too good for this world, too pure, the cinnamon roll who has no idea what the hell is gonna happen to them. oh joy.

hnk sets off as a coming of age story. phos is the youngest, they’re seemingly useless in a society that values usefulness above anything else so genki phos is initially driven by lack of purpose.

i’ve speculated already on the characteristics of the lustrous society, a society that emphasizes sameness over difference and that has no place for outcasts like phos and cinnabar. your value, in lustrous society, is dictated by how much and in which way you can contribute to the survival of the species, with elite fighters (the diamonds) being at the apex of the social pyramid and everyone else coming after.

additionally, while gems live in a highly interdependent and close-knitted society, such interdependence never takes into account emotions, loss, imagination, introspection and free-thinking. the society is extremely practical, apathetic, immobile, and everyone is expected to conform to that.

think about antarc: they’re the poster child of lustrous society: a 3 mohs hardness gem who managed to become an elite fighter out of sheer willpower, who’s blindly loyal to sensei, who sacrifices themselves for the greater good (the group’s interests > the individual’s interests), that does little if any introspection and that is happy about all of this and wants to leave it this way.

phos isn’t like this at all.

since the very beginning of the series we learn that phos is an anomaly. and that’s okay, other gems have been anomalies, like padparadscha, cinnabar, even antarcticite, but while those gems found a way to tip toe to the margins of lustrous society to remain unobtrusive exceptions, or forge themselves into proper, useful members of the group, phos cannot do that. which is ironic, because we know that one of phos’ core characteristics is that they’re able to change and to bring about change in a world that is as immobile and still and stiff as… well.. rock.

like @ruddy-rutile pointed out in a past analysis, phos’ problem wasn’t so much that they didn’t fit in, but that they didn’t fit in the appropriate way: they’re emotional, they’re loud, they’re unreliable, they’re not apathetic. they’re kind. compassionate. imaginative. and imagination is something the other gems lack.

this fuels a deep sense of self-hatred that even at this early stages of the story is lying just beneath the surface and oozes out quite easily, like when phos wants to help ventricosus and mumbles that it’s no problem if they die in the attempt, they’re a good for nothing after all, what difference would it make if they dont come back. at least they were able to help someone, contrary to how they were unable to help cinnabar.

this is the leitmotif of the series: phos is a kind, selfless gem who cultivates a deep sense of self-hatred. the internalized pressure and need to feel useful turns into a necessity for change. they need to save cinnabar, they need to save ventricosus, they need to become a fighter, they need to help sensei.

contrary to most of the other gems, phos loves and loves openly and unconditionally, they’re self-less by nature and that selflessness is a barrier that hides the real reason theyre so ready to put their life on the line for other people: the fact that phos thinks that their own life isnt wort a scrap.

as someone who believes to be worthless, guided by shame and guilt just for being alive and fueled by a deep desire to feel loved and accepted (just like a child), phos is unable to cope with grief and emotion if not by guilt tripping themselves even further.

the fact that the amethysts were almost taken is their fault, the fact that cinnabar is suicidal is their fault, the fact that antarc was taken is their fault, same with ghost’s abduction. the only way phos knows to cope with this guilt is by doing what every other gem does: bury these feelings deep inside their head and throw themselves into work. be useful, like alexandrite, rutile or red beryl.

2. post winter phos

what was a story about purpose, about phos’ coming of age, reaches an end at this very point, with antarc’s death. phos has become stronger at this point of the story, they have agathe legs and gold arms and they have grief to cope with, trauma.

just like alex’s job is studying the enemy and red’s job is making clothes, phos’ job is the one they originally desired for themselves: to fight. because there is nothing as valued as a good fighter in gem society and probably young phos unconsciously hoped to overcome self-hatred by taking on the most useful job there is.

post winter antarc is a skilled soldier, so skilled that bort wants to pair up with them. phos has reached their old goal: through loss and maturity, now they have a place within their society, they’re accepted and appreciated, valued but not loved. because these gems are so, so bad at emotions.

and this is where ms ichikawa begins to fool us all. she had us think that this story would be simple, but now hnk starts its steep and unrelenting detour toward existentialism and phos begins their dance toward madness and bottomless grief.

post winter phos is a soldier, they can fight off lunarians, but theyre still blaming themselves for antarc’s death.

we already said that phos is a very emotional gem and they possess a fervid imagination (probably just like lapis). so what do they do? they start thinking. “maybe i can retrieve antarc if we collect enough pieces. if i can communicate with the lunarians. if i can understand why we’re fighting.”

thinking quickly turns into questioning: why are we fighting? why are we so weak? why am i different? what changed me? is it the new additions, is it just life experiences? can we change? how can we change? antarc told me i shouldnt shy away from life, so im gonna push myself further and further.

that’s when shiro’s arc happens and sensei seems to know something about it, something he won’t tell the gems. phos’ questions suddenly turn to him.

phos is pretty much paranoid at this point of the narrative: they have experienced loss for the first time. consumed by guilt and grief for antarc’s recent abduction (even if phos still doesnt know what death means, we’ll get to that in a while), phos cannot think straight. they can’t be questioning the one authority every gem recognizes, the person phos and everyone else wants to protect, their leader, father, teacher.

phos feels like scum just for even thinking about it, as loyal and young as they are. and yet once you start questioning one minuscule thing about the way you have always lived your life, more and more will follow. it’s a cascade effect and it becomes faster the higher the number of questions, until you’re left with nothing but doubts and you must take into your hands the responsibility to find out for yourself.

this is more or less what happens to phos. they feel awful for doubting sensei the first time, in chapter 27, so they spill their guts to cinnabar, confessing their sins. but what cinnabar says does anything but put phos at ease: of course phos is doubting sensei: he’s shady, everyone knows.

however, while cinnabar is a quiet outcast, extremely prudent (and cowardly if you want) in the way they decide to face life, phos is the total opposite. they just needed a little nudge, they were already on the edge of a cliff of doubts and existential fears. cinnabar’s words are the second, big step that sets phos off on their path to the moon.

chapter 28 is when we see phos self-destructing because of this inner conflict for the first time, a pattern that will be repeated again and again the more phos loses sight of the truth, of a reliable something, a goal to cling onto and find direction.

it is ironic, because phos becomes a direction, a goal, the gems and the moon people’s hope (ch 59 and 72), but in doing so they have no hope left for themselves. let’s not forget that phos is very young by gems’ standards, not to mention in comparison to the moon people. how fair is to expect from a traumatized child to save the world and find answers to questions that run thousands of years deep and give phos nothing in return?

the pressure is enough to break phos and it does, quite literally, over and over and over again.

3. Laphos

lapis’ head comes at a time when phos was literally no longer able to manage this pressure.

it brings a waft of fresh air, it brings what emotional, kind phos needed to detach themselves from grief: coldness, rationality. and yet, it takes something away from phos as well: laphos is the phos that can no longer talk with cinnabar, the phos that brings cairn to reject the gems altogether and launch themselves into their kin’s killer’s arms. laphos is the gems and lunarians’ hope for a brief time, then it becomes the enemy.

i find it interesting how phos feels responsible for goshe and morga’s abduction too, even if phos was unconscious when it happened. phos has no clear boundaries between themselves and the rest of the world. they feel responsible for everything and guilty for everything. whatever they do will never be enough neither to make up for their past mistakes nor to find everyone a clear sense of purpose, safety, truth.

ichikawa plays with truth a lot. truth is that the lunarians are bad people and the gems must defend themselves, truth is that sensei is shady, truth is that the moon people are actually good, truth is that death is real, truth is that sensei is evil, truth is that cinnabar hates phos, truth is that the gems are evil, truth is that sensei is the only one that loves phos. who knows what the next truth will be, but can you call it truth, at this point?

if there is one point, i believe, that ichikawa is trying to make clear is that truth is subjective and that it changes, just like phos’ goal, the more knowledge you acquire and the more mistakes you make. truth is subjective but it must be sought after: you gotta keep fighting, you gotta move on even if you keep making mistakes, even if you cant undo your actions.

and another thing i think she’s trying to say is that you cannot make it alone. the moment phos tried to take it all on their shoulders, they moment they acquired lapis’ head, is the moment everything came crumbling down ten times faster than before.

and the most ironic part is that phos is still kind, even underneath that mantle of aloofness: they tried to do everything by themselves because they didn’t want to put anyone in danger, but in doing so they manipulated the gems just like aechmea. and aechmea knows and he’s been using phos for this.

4. Even more trauma

running after truth and after newer and more nuanced goals, phos has completely lost sight of themselves.

where do their alliances lie? what about their history? phos wakes up in ch 72 after the night raid and immediately breaks into pieces because they’re reminded of how cinnabar attacked them, the one gem they thought was their friend. one of the few truths phos had been clinging to.

phos wakes up after the night raid and asks the enemy “to the lunarians i look like a gem and to the gems i look like a lunarian. what am i?”

they break into pieces because they still believe they’re useless. they couldn't save cinnabar, they couldn't save antarc, they couldn't communicate with the earth gems, they couldn't even see adamant.

this is reminiscent of the very beginning of the manga: phos needs to feel useful, they need a goal, they need to be good at something. and just like they were ready to get lost at sea forever to help ventricosus they’re ready to die for someone else’s cause (not even phos’ own because they have no idea what to believe in at this point) just to be of use. after all, to phos, phos is nothing more than a scrap.

euc disagrees. ch 71 “we need you in our future” is a sentence that phos has probably ached to hear for centuries. “we need you. you are loved, you mean something, you are enough. you belong. we cannot build a future where you aren’t part of the equation. you matter”

and look at the way phos looks at euc. they can barely believe them and in fact they don’t. phos expresses some concern about dying (”after all, those less than 5 includes me”) but they still throw themselves into danger, they still take no care of themselves.

Phos’ self hatred and self-destructive tendencies run deeper than euc’s words could ever cut. those words meant well, but they were too little too late. phos thinks they don’t deserve this kind of hope, they cannot understand it, cannot fathom a world in which they are true and so they will go on believing that they are alone and worthless. next time they go on earth, they’ll go alone and unharmed

it is ironic. they did so much, they went to the moon and back multiple times, put their life on the line multiple times, made more progress toward unveiling the truth about the lunarians and finding a way for them to be free of samsara than anyone else did in hundreds (presumably) of thousands of years. they did it by themselves. in barely three hundred years. that’s impressive. and yet it’s not enough for phos. in their mind, they just keep failing.

so what’s the big deal? they can sacrifice themselves, it’s the least they can do and no one will miss them after all. unfortunately, this is true, at least to some extent.

im appalled by how little even the moon gems care about phos. they’re so self-centered it’s almost funny.

even alex, who has gone through loss and grief if not as much at least in a way similar to phos cannot find enough compassion in themselves to be concerned about phos’ wellbeing after a few months on the moon.

ive heard people mention how this could be a result of the moon people injecting who knows what into the gems or manipulating them someway or another, but i believe that there was no need to. phos is an anomaly after all, their kindness is an anomaly. the lustrous are little more than self-centered children: they are able of little if no introspection and they cannot process complex emotions like grief if not by shutting off those emotions altogether.

the moon gems are still vaguely concerned about phos. in ch 76, when phos departs for earth for the last time, they do tell them to be careful and come back if things get bad, but they do little more than that. it’s little comfort and too little emotional closeness and by no means close to the huge amount of support and (emotional) assistance that phos needs at this point.

phos tries to make do with what they have: a will to end this war and the superficial words of what should be their family, but it’s not even remotely enough. and yet phos, just like any other lustrous, is very bad at introspection: they don’t notice or if they notice they repress it. what’s one more thing down the subconscious after all? it’s fine. phos can take it, until they can no more and they snap without having any idea that they will snap.

phos’ journey, which has made them increasingly more emotional, fragile and human (the last one quite literally) has also made phos even more alone than they were at the beginning of the story. more alone, with the same sense of worthlessness, the same urgency to be good for something or self-destroy, and so much more grief, trauma, guilt and repressed emotions.

5. snapping

“I mustn’t think of anything” phos reminds themselves in ch 76. because thinking never brought anything good and because euc would see right through it.

once again, phos is repressing emotions. here they go, trying to be a cold blooded killer, ready to betray sensei again, the one person who has been good to them and that phos tried to hate with all their heart but just couldnt.

as ive written in a previous analysis, one of aechmea’s lowest blows was to tell the gems he was exploiting and manipulating to reach a salvation he doesnt deserve that if the gems want to acquire freedom they must do so by themselves. talk about coherence.

but that isnt all, he sinks even lower than this: he makes phos and the others question sensei’s affection for them. he says that sensei’s love is fake, it’s synthetic, the gems should totally make him pray or destroy him, no remorse, no strings attached. it’s such a dirty move.

no wonder it confuses phos even more. phos believes it, or tries to, they say they want to break sensei into pieces, but after the night raid they realize that it cant be that simple. sensei never attacked them. he has always been good to phos. and phos feels even more worthless, more of a traitor for daring believe in love, in sensei’s affection, when here they are, on the lunarians’ side, ready to betray him again.

how dare phos hope for anything? they dont deserve love, they dont deserve hope, they dont deserve happiness. they can try to give it to other people, they’ll kill themselves in order to do so, but they have no more hope and no love left for themselves, and they had so little to begin with.

as ive said, phos has little self-awareness and little introspection. i do believe that they had no idea they were going to snap until they did. even in ch 77, when sensei tells them he cannot pray, phos spends their last seconds of consciousness (before being attacked by all of the gems) to kindly ask him to pray. they dont care about themselves, but they dont reflect long enough to consider that reaching out to sensei like that could be interpreted as hostile by the paranoid earth gems. i think this is the first sign that phos is about to snap: they’re quite literally desperate.

tired beyond measure and forced to spend 220 more years in isolation, broken into pieces scattered all over the island, when phos comes to their senses again once kongo reassembles them they’re beyond despair. this war is taking the last toll on them and phos has no more energy to go on.

“please,” they say “pray. do it for no one else but me. grant me mercy,” from one bodhisattva to the other. they’re still somewhat normal, but when sensei fails to pray again phos can’t take it anymore. desperation and rage, fueled by hopelessness, worthlessness, grief and exhaustion make phos launch themselves against sensei, which, ironically, it’s exactly what the story needs.

apparently, phos is human enough to activate sensei but not human enough to make him pray. however, when the two of them join hands, sensei can actually pray. maybe it’s because both phos and sensei are intended to be bodhisattva? maybe because human voice commands are not as strong as contact? i have no idea.

phos has snapped by the way, and it’s weird how they go from “If only you weren’t here” to “sensei actually loves me” in a couple of chapters. in a certain way, we’re seeing phos going back to their roots: they love sensei and trust in sensei’s love, they’re once again openly emotional and impulsive, they’re once again ostracized by the gems (of course, much more violently this time).

i have written about how, after ‘fusing’ with sensei for a brief second, phos doesnt speak for the entirety of ch 81. they look and act like a literal monster, a scared animal, which is ironic since we know that they’re now human. i hypothesized that they might be reborn and that’s why they don’t speak, they’re a literal infant, but in light of ch 82, i think they’re simply hurt beyond measure.

they reversed to their old emotional persona, vomiting out all the emotions and pain and rage and hate they repressed during these 300 years. and yet they still don’t hurt anyone, not as much and as deliberately as they could at least.

they’re conscious enough to recognize the notebook and be reminded of their lost friends, realize how little the earth gems care for phos and for what they’re doing. and, i believe, when phos is rescued and comes back to the moon, they are, for the first time in the whole manga, enraged by the earth gems’ stupidity and sheer ungratefulness.

phos has been fighting for the wellbeing of everyone for centuries, putting their life on the line, never asking for anything in return and always believing that they were doing the right thing. and yet it’s not enough.

aechmea is a clever politician, and like every good politician he’s good at picking up changes and turning them in his favor.

he notices that there’s something wrong with phos and with the way they feel about the gems. maybe he doesnt yet realize that phos is angry at them for being ungrateful, but he senses something so he provokes phos: “you said to leave you on earth last time. did you change your mind?” that is “i’m not your enemy. see? im doing what you want me to do. not quite like those people down there on earth. oh, wait, were those your friends? aw, such a pity. to think they attacked you after everything you’ve done for them. but they’re your family, right? i’ll send you back to them if this is what you want. see? i’ll listen to your wishes. i am grateful.”

look how intently he looks at phos as phos incoherently and obsessively repeats the same thing over and over: “he would have prayed. he would have prayed for me. he loves me. he would have prayed.” if you want, this is also a syìubtle way for phos to apologize: they still feel responsible for their failure, but aechmea must understand: phos did everything they could, it would have worked, it was the gems’ fault.

adamant put phos back together, showing phos that he still cares. he is the only one that loves phos, while the gems (all gems, phos doesnt care much for differences at this point) keep hurting phos even if phos is only trying to help. so they must be killed. to hell with them all. and, notice, phos doesnt include themselves in the ‘gem’ category: they’re no longer a lustrous. they’re a monster, a liminal creature.

with nothing left to believe in if not sensei’s love and a promise to make him pray and then die in peace, phos wants to destroy the only thing that they believe stands between them and finally being useful, but also between them and freedom (freedom from suffering, from guilt, from existing, from their pain, from being): the gems.

this isn’t the first time that phos wants to kill something: in ch 68 they spoke about crushing sensei to pieces. it’s heartbreaking how phos went from “if only the moon people weren’t here” to “if only sensei weren’t here” to “if only the gems weren’t here.” will it turn into: “if only i weren’t here?” who are phos’ allies? who does phos feel kinship with? who is phos? they no longer know, and they’ve not known for a long time.

aechmea has noticed and he’s quick to turn the situation to his advantage. he shakes phos’ hand, he’ll grant them freedom just like phos will grant the lunarians’ freedom. he’ll forgive phos for failing, for their sins, for the bottomless despair and guilt that phos has been living with for centuries. salvation, hope, that is all phos needs.

as @rinboz pointed out, phos’ gold in ch 82 takes the shape of a lotus seed pod, a direct reference to when antarc was abducted and the gold had turned into a lotus flower.

through pain, phos had blossomed into a new character that day, marking the beginning of their long journey toward truth and toward discovering that there is no truth. the day the story changed from a coming of age manga to something much, much more intricate.

phos’ pod is empty, they have nothing left to lose, it’s a dead flower. this is the end of the journey that started with antarc’s abduction. when phos wakes up again, it will probably be with new memories and a new addition to their body, possibly red diamond.

phos’ self destruction has reached its apex because it finally became so intense to extend outwards, to other people that, in their immense grief, phos wants to bring down with them. this might be a minuscule form of progress: anger is better than repressing emotions at least, but phos’ problems are far from being solved.

6. on the future

what will be of phos then? it really depends.

the fact that they’re finally showing all that sufferance and those emotions they tried so hard to repress is good, but aechmea is still there to take advantage of it.

phos will never be free as long as they dont associate themselves with someone that truly loves them and as long as they cant find someone that can help them deal with their emotions. aechmea is just using them and only ichikawa knows what he meant when he told barbata to be careful with those 200 years emotions.

theoretically, phos was unconscious during the timelapse, but if there are emotions to treat carefully maybe they weren’t? maybe the change we’ve seen in phos this chapter depends on what they had to endure during that time. or maybe aechmea simply wants to make sure that his pet is easy to use.

i do believe we’re close to the end. i dont know if it will be the end of the series or just the end of phos as we know them. i could hope for something good to finally happen to them and for them to heal, but it would take a therapist or someone that loves phos.

maybe euclase could side up with sensei, they seemed the most concerned about phos’ status and the most prone to believe them. maybe goshe and cicada could do something again, maybe rutile will fix padpa once more and padpa will talk with the earth gems (not very likely, but im throwing theories left and right at this point), or maybe barbata will refuse to follow aechmea’s instructions, at least in part, and try to help phos.

as always, im afraid we’ll have to wait. in the meantime, please hug phos. if you read up to this point hug phos. hug them now and shower them with love, because no one else will

#houseki no kuni #land of the lustrous #hnk #phosphophyllite #meta #best

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rimurutempest-bounced · 5 years

Text

questions for neurodivergent folks ( from @shitborderlinesdo )

post here!

if ur autistic:

1. do you stim?

yes, sometimes! i’ve suppressed a lot of it over time but i still do some subtly.

if so, what are yr favourite stims?

touching/tapping the tips of my fingers together, stroking soft patches of skin(esp backs of my hands, wrists, or parts of my thighs, hips, ankles), cracking knuckles, stretching fingers/feet/arms/legs rly far, rapid blinking(though i also have a tic involving blinking which is similar, but involuntary), bubble wrap,flicking light switches/door lock mechanisms, bouncing on toes, toewalking, chewing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(esp pens/pen caps and similar textures), biting, mouthing/lipping things, clacking my teeth lightly, whistling, leg jiggle sometimes, jumping, skipping, hopping, and a few other rly specific things (like involving swimming, or being on something and hanging so im upside down and stuff)

2. happy stims? chewing, biting, skin stroking, finger tapping, skipping, hopping, jumping 3. negative stims? snapping fingers, “hiccuping” (it’s a little giggle/hiccup type thing i do, but idk what to call it), teeth clacking, leg jiggle, exposing too long to extreme cold temps, hitting head against things 4. favourite textures? idk how to explain the soft-smooth i like; silk usually looks like it should feel like this, but it doesn't. also when people talk about “plush velvet” the texture that comes to mind is good, like a really nice stuffed animal or a cavalier king charles spaniel with super soft fur, but real velvet feels bad lol. also just most fur in general, esp rabbit, cat, certain dogs. some wing or chest feathers on birds like doves. milk weed fluff. soft, squishy, fuzzy caterpillars(not the bristly guard hair ones. more like forest tent caterpillars), moon jellies, soft leather/suede, really smooth grey granite, polished shiny pink granite, lambs ear/mullein 5. least favourite textures? some types of linen are VERY BAD but idk what they are, they’re like stiff and scratchy and feel super cold? gummy bears, ew. really hard chocolate in cold ice cream, a lot of faux furs, like so many, most (sheep)wool, scallops, often times chinchilla fur feels bad, most velvet, esp crushed velvet, potato sacks, a lot of plastic bags/thin plastic film 6. what's a pet peeve of urs involving a specific sound? squeaky plastic is the worst, esp from plastic wrap. teeth grinding/bruxing is bad, hearing people having sex in another room/apt, heavy footsteps/stomping, esp when fast like running, door slamming, when people slam their hands on a table because they just thought of something, the sound quality of like...having water in your ears/popped ear drums, where everything feels muffled and almost whispery/far away, but also REALLY LOUD AND CLOSE... 7. a specific sound that makes you Really Happy? al snoring softly like a cat, my cat snoring, cats purring, crackling fires, wind whistling, waves lapping, thunder rumbling, THUNDER CRACKING, wood creaking in a strong wind, that soft snuffling of cat/dog noses, the sound of rodents digging in bedding or eating millet, angel caller bells(bola, fairy callers, whatever you call them) 8. when were you diagnosed (self or professionally)? about 6 years ago what has changed with the diagnosis? i dont hate myself for as much of my behaviours/thinking/speech patterns. im slowly trying to let myself let go of “survival mode” NT behaviours i was forced to learn 9. are there any behaviours you have that, prior to diagnosis, didnt make much sense, but now they do? too many to list lmao 10. what kind of representation would you like to see of autistic ppl in media? girls, trans folks, autistics of colour, just less cis white boy perfect example savants. autistics with “atypical” autistic symptoms. autistics with ugly meltdowns and other unpleasant symptoms. autistics who are messy eaters, who can’t dress themselves, who struggle with everyday tasks and self care. autistics with “useless” special interests that cant be reworked to make them more productive genius types. LOUD autistics.

if ur mentally ill:

11.when were you diagnosed (self or professional)?

6 yrs old or younger

12. what is your diagnosis/are your diagnoses?

BPD, (various types of)depression, DPD/social anxiety(when i’m alone)/agoraphobia, panic disorder NOS, mood disorder NOS, DID, ADD/ADHD-PI, ASD, gender dysphoria at one point, conduct disorder or whatever it was called. IED. all i can think of. all diagnosed professionally over the years, though ASD is not on any official records because i asked it to be left off to avoid that specific abuse/stigma.

13. is the community youve found with other mentally ill ppl helpful?

mostly no. but in some ways, yes. i appreciate having more access to info, hearing relatable stories, common symptoms/experiences that help me understand things better, etc. close friends with illnesses/disorders are nice, but mostly i know them for other reasons outside of diagnoses.

14. do you find it challenging to tell ppl yr mentally ill?

absolutely

15. what are the most effective coping mechanisms youve found?

im not sure. i just...cope? somehow? not always effectively, but idk.

16. have you ever been to therapy?

if yes, what helped and what didnt help?

i hate group therapy. in individual therapy, i like having my husband sit in on the sessions for support. therapist NEEDS to prompt me and ask active and specific questions. setting clear goals with clear steps helps. a lot of more “creative” methods actually are super unhelpful for me.

17. do "find your happy place" exercises help you or no?

sort of? i don’t try them much. usually they make me sadder that im not there.

18. what are some of the most Tiresome Cliches ppl tell you to deal with yr mental illness (i.e., "just do yoga!")?

“everyone gets depressed”, “yoga”, “fresh air, sunlight, and exercise!”, “essential oils”, “meditation”, “_______ diet/supplement”, “mind over matter”, “lose some weight” (THIS DOES NOT MEAN NONE OF THESE CAN BE HELPFUL AND I DO WANT TO DO SOME OF THESE THINGS, BUT STATING THE OBVIOUS ABOUT THIS SHIT AND BEING CONDESCENDING IS SO FUCKING ANNOYING)

19. what books / movies have really helped u?

none in this regard

20. what kind of representation would u like to see of mentally ill ppl in media?

idk. better. sympathetic without condescentding, infantilising, or demonising. sympathetic recovery stories, showing a happy ending, but not some “theyre cured” BS

if ur chronically ill:

21. when were you diagnosed (self or professionally)?

asthma - like 4 yrs old, tendonitis - like 13 yrs old, unspecified pain/inflammation - 2019 professionally (like 2011 ish on my own, but really it started when i was ~13), nocturnal epilepsy - not done with diagnosis process/testing as of july 2019, a few chronic infections that don’t affect me any more were diagnosed when i was a kid, idk

22. do you find the support system with other similarly affected ppl to be helpful?

i’ve not been involved much, tried it out, really

23. what do you struggle w most on a daily basis?

pain/inflammation/stiffness in joints, back, neck, shoulders, feet

24. what helps you most?

i wanna say sleep, but it actually makes everything worse so, new diet(anti inflammation), making goals/plans, spirituality, going to healing places like the woods or by the sea or mountains, massage, soft comforting petting from my husband

25. what do you want to tell able-bodied and neurotypical ppl in regards to chronic illness?

it’s not the same. yeah maybe “everyone has back pain”, but my pain and your pain are different; they happen for different reasons and they affect us in different ways. if everyone is in pain we should do something to make life easier for everyone, not dismiss people who are suffering.

26. how do u keep your strength on a daily basis? i dont

27. if yr family supportive?

mostly yeah?

if not, who do you find the most strength and support in, outside of yourself?

my husband, regardless

28. what kind of representation would you like to see of chronically ill ppl in media?

show me people who find creative, easy, free/cheap ways to be comfortable/improve symptoms. do not fucking cure them to make them happy. let them be happy and comfortable by finding new ways to do things, no by erasing their obstacles.

if u have bpd:

29. when were u diagnosed (self or professionally)?

2014, i think? though it was suggested by a therapist in like 2008 or 2009

30. do you think the support system in the community is helpful?

31. what are some of the ways you keep yrself grounded and remind yrself to Take a Step Back when bad feelings get in the way of rational thinking?

remind myself other people have autonomy, think about how i would feel if someone reacted to things i was doing the way my brain wants to impulsively react to them, talk talk talk, find something else to do as distraction

32. coping skills?

idfk what they are, they’re just there. usually.

33. how do u keep yrself in check when impulsive mood swings come around?

uh, mostly i covered this in 31. gotta reset focus on something else, find distraction that produces different emotions until mood passes

34. what skills do you use to remind yourself that you are loved?

husband. doesnt always work, but mostly.

35. who has been the most supportive of u?

husband.

36. how has your diagnosis changed the way you view yrself and yr interactions w other ppl?

more mindful of others feelings and needs, esp my mum with BPD

37. what kind of representation would you like to see of ppl w bpd in media?

not fucking abusive/manipulative or miserable. let us struggle but have great supports and practice effective coping skills so we can build stronger relationship bonds and enjoy socializing and/or things that are personally important

all ppl:

38. how do you deal w ableism that comes at you from all directions?

laugh about it with my friends i guess?

39. who in your life is the most supportive of u and yr recovery?

husband

40. who are some people on tumblr who have really helped u in yr journey?

well, i met cieran here. alice has been a good influence. there’s a few of you for sure, though maybe not all specifically for these sorts of things.

41. best coping skills?

i dont know

42. most irritating Ableist Cliches ppl use to tell u yr not good enough?

infantilizing me(comparing me to a child), mocking my productivity/commercial success, “daddy issues”, trying to gaslight me into thinking i’ve been abusive because we disagree on something/i pointed out something they dont like

43. best most supportive thing anyone's said to you?

“i want to be like you when i grow up”

44. songs for Happy Times?

counting stars, gooey, just about anything by MIKA, most “meme” songs

45. songs for Not-Happy Times?

a lot of hozier, bastille, of monsters and men, rage against the machine, flobots

46. non-triggering movies that discuss mental illness?

im not sure, i know there are some i love that i could list, but none are coming to mind. not a movie but: moomin and most ghibli media, esp kiki’s delivery service.

#long post #mental health #actuallyautistic #chronic illness #borderline personality disorder #about me #idk #shitborderlinesdo

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necroticarachnidism · 7 years

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> Cae: Be Ridiculous.

necroticarachnidism

Being kidnapped isn't the worst thing that could possibly happen to you. Your captors were certainly trying their best to be cruel, but the holding cell they shoved you in after their deranged "traps" wasn't as claustrophobic as it could've been, and incredibly clean. There was even one entire piece of unnecessary furniture, in the form of an incredibly cheap and tacky folding screen. The only problem is that it's always inevitably interrupted by-

"HOW ARE YOU TWO DOING IN THERE? LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE BEEN HAVING A PRETTY GOOD TIME! NOT."

That.

You and Dualscar both groan at the voice you've become far too accustomed to over the course of this trip. At the very least the ringleader and their cronies were here in the flesh, though, which was marginally better than having to hear them abuse a squeaky intercom.

The leader pulls a set of handcuffs out of their pocket and starts spinning them around on their finger before they almost immediately fly off and fall to the ground. After picking it up they almost try again before deciding against it and handing the handcuffs to one of the other gang members.

"I'm going to need you to cooperate with my friend here. We're doing something special tonight, and it needs a helping hand from each of you."

trolljacksparrow

"Why, can't you...HANDle it yourself? You know it'll just get out of hand otherwise." You hate yourself sometimes, you really do.

It could be worse, they could be competent.

However, incompetent as they are, you are Not going along for the ride. They've been haranguing you and your friend for DAYS! You're not giving them an inch! So instead, you muster up a defensive snarl. Its difficult to be mad at them, considering how pathetic they are, but you try to think about how awful your hair looks after a week of neglect anx that gives you the Power necessary to access your battle face.

You jab a clawed finger in their general direction, fins flaring. "Listen....fuck you." Okay, try again.

You put up your dukes and bare your impressively large teeth. "Do you think we'll just hand ourselves over? Hell no! Come get some, motherfucker." Yeah the cmere finger gesture is happening. Yeah.

necroticarachnidism

You also hate him sometimes, the puns get him a light smack on the arm. The gang seems rather happy about him playing along, though, because of course they are.

Which is then immediately squandered by his attempts to stand up to them. The one with the handcuffs growls a little and takes a step foward before being stopped by the leader.

"Listen," they say, rather flatly "we can do thi-"

"The easy way or the hard way, yes," you interject. "He's picking the hard one, please do continue."

They sigh at you, you sigh back louder, they sigh again and don't stop their associate from creeping closer as they try to engage Dualscar in a hissy match. The leader then makes a solid attempt at fishing their keys out menacingly.

"I'd prefer this not get violent, but if you really insist..."

caepaecaesurae

The tension was somehow starting to mount, despite the competence of half those involved, and threat hung in the air for nearly a second and a half before someone's phone rang. It was tinny the first time, soft, as if just as uncertain as their captors, but quickly gained in confidence. There was just enough time to momentarily doubt whether they had heard correctly when it called out again, more firmly, a second or two later.

Someone was definitely calling one of them, and it sounded suspiciously like the default ringtone of a popular chat program. ...but where was it COMING from?

trolljacksparrow

Waitwaitwait theyre ACTUALLY gonna fight you??? Ohhhhohohoh fuck yesss you're gonna do ART THERAPY with their insides when---

You just look around in disbelief. After all, it cant be you.

"We're having this showdown type thing, and your phone is ringing? How are you that bad at paying attention and looking proper intimidating? What's next, I find out you had another nemesis on the side?? I'm almost hurt - and you wonder why im not going along with this? For all I know youll mistake our legs for arms and tie our feet together!" Cross your arms, huff, tut tut maybe.

......Remember what you were doing and uncross them, going back to posturing. "Anyway, violence for the violentblood - and honestly, do you really think you can take me? "

caepaecaesurae

Ring... ...was it off to Nadaya's left?

necroticarachnidism

As the ringing started the leader immediately turned to the member of the group who hadn't been part of this incident with a very accusing look. Said member simply gestured to their form-fitting and clearly pocket-less outfit, then to the one with the handcuffs. The one with the handcuffs almost said something, then was immediately interrupted by Dualscar's monologue.

That pissed them off.

"I don't have a fucking phone! None of us having a fucking phone, holy shit, the only thing I have-" They trail off, realizing that they do in fact have something and pulling it out. It's some kind of gun, loaded with a vial. "The only thing I have is this! To drug your dumb ass again!"

"We're a real knockout with drugs." adds the catsuit one.

That was true, at least by comparison to everything else. Not only had they managed to drag you here in the first place but they had their hands on something that could fuck with your mind control. It was the one of the few things they'd actually pulled off.

Meanwhile, to Nadaya's left, the ringing sounds distinctly like it's off to your right. But they took your items, so if it's not them then...? You take a curious step closer and look intently at the area it sounds like it's coming from.

caepaecaesurae

Nadaya's claws tingled faintly, the fourth time it rang, on just his left hand. Why was the ringing coming from so close by? It seemed to be following the tips of his fingers, especially the thumb and little finger claws.

trolljacksparrow

Okay okay wow you are going to MURD--what. "Okay a real knockout with the drugs being plural is a bad pun since youre the only one vaguely knockouty and also quit it with the drugs okay what the fuck," you trail off just staring into your hand, and bringing it up to your face, digits with tingling sensations first. "What the fuck," indeed.

caepaecaesurae

His hand rang at him, right in his face, very distinctly.

trolljacksparrow

.........You make a phone gesture with the fingers. "What??????"

caepaecaesurae

There was a soft audible click, and a deep, familiar voice answered in a wry, almost affectionate tone. "WVhere are you?"

necroticarachnidism

Catsuit winked at the half compliment but this was quickly overshadowed by...whatever was happening.

You personally were looking at this with clear curiosity instead of pure what the actual fuck.

trolljacksparrow

Okay, its. Sounding like your kismesis. Your magic, hope god kismesis. Oh, thank god, you're not losing your mind.

"Caesurae?? Honey is that you?? Gotta hand it to you, this is a brilliant way of contacting me," At this point, though, you were really looking forward to beating people up!

"Gimme two secs I'm gonna kick some ass first," and you deathgrin at your enemies, still talking in your hand.

caepaecaesurae

"Brilliance is one of my better traits," the voice agreed humbly. "If you're sure, dear, I can call back in a fewv minutes, just wvanted to hear your vwoice."

Apparently the magic hand might actually let Nadaya handle this on his own if no one interjected.

necroticarachnidism

Nadaya's opponent is more baffled than enraged right now, but starts approaching the cell again when ass kicking is mentioned.

You are having none of that.

"Okay, pardon me, but I am not going to let you hang up on your fucking magic kismesis so this idiot can try to stab you."

caepaecaesurae

"Oh, hello! Say, can you pass her the phone?"

trolljacksparrow

"Okay thats....fair enough I guess? I mean he wouldn't succeed, but, yeah. Can yall hold on on the death maze bullshit for a moment? Trés bitchinnnn'," and you pass Mindfang the....hand. You put her hand to her face.

caepaecaesurae

At some moment during the awkward fumbling, his claws would stop tingling and hers would start.

necroticarachnidism

There's almost a protest at Nadaya putting your hand to your face but you know what, you can't think of a reason for that not to work, it might as well, this is fine. Copy the phone gesture Nadaya was making.

"Caesurae, please tell me you have something planned, nobody else here does."

caepaecaesurae

"I wvas hoping to figure out wvhat wvas going on wvith you twvo, and if you needed a ride back."

trolljacksparrow

You can't help the smile on your face, you spent a week being unable to contact anyone and you miiiissed theeeeemmm... "We're starring in saw for idiots!" You add, hopefully loud enough to be heard.

necroticarachnidism

"We've been kidnapped and harrassed by mororns. Nadaya is apparently fine here fighting them but I'd quite like a way out."

That gets the group responsible looking around. Was...something going to happen?

caepaecaesurae

"Alright my dear. I'd like you to try to accept a vwideo call, so I can send you something. I'm sending the request nowv."

"Just... do your best."

trolljacksparrow

"You can teleport wwhy cant you just send us a phone, " This is getting Ridiculous.

necroticarachnidism

The word 'teleport' only makes the kidnappers more antsy. Meanwhile you...try your best. You make a rectangle with your hands.

caepaecaesurae

The rectangle filled with moving light! There sure was a giant, slightly relieved looking Ampora sitting in a nice-ish livingroom. He gave her a smile, adjusted something out of frame, and said -- "--There, I'vwe got wvhat I need." He took a step back, produced a portable one-use transport pad, and spun it in his hands once, and then looked back towards her with a peculiar look of concentration...

...and it disappeared, and reappeared on the floor at her feet.

"--Dearest, I promise, there's a method here."

trolljacksparrow

"....You beautiful, angelic man you." Holy. Fuck. You offer Mindfang the crook of your arm like a gentleman or some shit, fins and ears perked up. "And you lot " with a menacing look at the assorted kidnappers, "better never brighten our nights again."

necroticarachnidism

Make sure the transportalizer is armed, and then absolutely take that arm, you are now the picture of elegance (minus all the appearance neglect).

After a moment the kidnappers try to scramble for the door, fumbling with the keys, but nowhere near fast enough to catch the two of you before you port away to...wherever this will take you.

caepaecaesurae

Mindfang and Dualscar are whisked away to Nadaya's ship -- and then the device they just left explodes behind them in a colorful fireball. It might be enough to knock the saw wanna-be's off their feet, but probably not injure any of them unless they use the wrong hair products and are slow to put it out.

The moment her hands parted, Caesurae lost his connection to the video call -- but he scratched his chin, considered, and gave it a few long seconds.

...then Nadaya's pants rang. If Nadaya swatted at his beltline to refuse the call, he'd laugh and consider it good.

trolljacksparrow

"Absolutely fucking not. I fucking hate him. Are you hearing this shit Sicari? I truly hate him."

You swat at your belt like your pants are on fire!

"Also hey Mindfang if you wanna like....use the bath here or sleep or whatever go ahead its all good - I'm gonna go....cling to him gleefully, honestly." You just. You are just Attention Starved by now.

necroticarachnidism

Rather undignified giggling at the swatting. Amporas.

"I think I'll take you up on that. I might drop by in a few hours to thank Caesurae personally, since it sounds like he'll be here for a while."

caepaecaesurae

The pants obediently stopped ringing when Nadaya refused the call. Caesurae would be more than happy to apply attention to his missing and beloved quadmate, and to meet with Mindfang later.

trolljacksparrow

"Hey now," he couldnt contest that though. "Hey...now...listen." yeah. Yyyeaaah. Yeah, Nad's gonna dissappear to his quarters for a change of clothes at the least, and transportalize over to be very grateful and very tired at Caesurae - adrenaline barely let him sleep - but mostly just to be delighted and cuddle him.

caepaecaesurae

Caesurae missed him, and is glad he's back, and will happily cuddle him through a nap.

trolljacksparrow

The most affectionate nap. The most.

#ooc #logs.txt #drugs //

3 notes · View notes

gw-thesis · 5 years

Video

youtube

Why I feel it’s most important to address the gospel and present it as the basis of my work.

This has been what my world revolves around I can’t shake my focus on to anything else. Nothing else can fascinate me more than what I continue to learn about God. Everything I learn, I receive differently seeing it from an eternal perspective. Like Erwin McManus, I’m a people observer and all these waves of the world I can’t be swept up in, although it affects me and I do care, its different. The freedom and liberty, transformation and peace, the joy and hope and oh the love of Christ, truly knowing Him is something I can’t shake. And knowing He calls to be in relationship with everyone regardless of their background and all these writings are people being sent out to share what they have experienced. So either I tell my testimony, share others’ testimonies or continue the message with a different method. In the movie Risen, the centurion asks Peter, “So what are you going to do now?” and Peter responds “What else can I do now?” (roughly paraphrased). And I think that’s roughly where I’m at. I don’t know what else to do or what else to share or explore.

It’s ideal for right now because I see we’re in this climate of people taking on spirituality as a more common thing. Yoga is being introduced more, hearing mindfulness and consciousness, therapy is talked about more, less stigmatized than once was. And this is a time where people are speaking more about this, people’s position on faith shift. It’s a higher number of people being “spiritual” rather than “religious” which is like two things. An element of renouncing faith to a more secular sense or secularism acknowledging self or spirit. It’s more known as agnosticism but the problem with agnosticism is just an on the fence thing, it’s very unstable and has not much grounding.

What has happened as similar as in Galatia, the gospel has been watered down and Paul responds to this in Galatians 1 [https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Galatians+1&version=NIV]. When the Gospel is watered down, there is no difference from that or any other story. And we just add another story to the mix of stories we already have come across that don’t point to truth. The series of important reasons of the gospel are in this read [http://www.bible.ca/ef/expository-galatians-1.htm]. And we see how it changes so many; in music especially as seen here [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUO_r_Le5EE] but people have walked away but it was a beginning of them finding their voice. Though some have been consistent in that voice and even praised for it in the secular world like Alicia Myers - I Want To Thank You and TRAMAINE - FALL DOWN (SPIRIT OF LOVE) both mentioned in that video. We then see artists today, like Lauren Daigle, Kanye West who are more known and unapologetic in sharing their faith. And in their sharing of their faith, there is an introduction to a grounding in the spiritual quest. Because this spiritual quest or journey is all abstract in their description and it looks a certain way that people are just acknowledging spirituality but its not grounded in anything. Meaning this unnamed place can be good but just as easily can be bad because no definition has been established. So in introducing a foundation, this helps for stability and direction. In a world claiming to be found in spirituality but lost on the grand scheme.

[being spiritual]

- https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2017/09/06/more-americans-now-say-theyre-spiritual-but-not-religious/

- https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2016/01/21/americans-spirituality/

- https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2017/04/05/christians-remain-worlds-largest-religious-group-but-they-are-declining-in-europe/

- https://www.vox.com/identities/2017/11/10/16630178/study-spiritual-but-not-religious

[agnosticism]

- https://www.huffpost.com/entry/youre-not-agnostic-youre-an-atheist_b_4675638?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAANzmcw5P6ySYn0X0ONsInQjsw5be16RoGf5OOFzC4u06afz9N7zyssMSTLf5AA2_dLlTGzKWkWXodEJhy3-5G7Rk1ErHPrzcpcbCZW9-rAEe4R4ItqqtQzoQc_c9XrennQHj0gpDj-bKegVgYlVi-xuocinKdlYQDLEJp7Vp9yhL

- https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/belief/2009/may/21/agnostic-islam-faith

- definitions: https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/atheism-agnosticism/

0 notes

dwdelaney-blog · 5 years

Text

jun2019

https://drive.google.com/open?id=11x5r-nikpIv6wON_KfauHwl0neh1eRjA

My name is Dennis.

I have been writing about a large group of people making my life miserable. It is the worst kept secret in america. I have paper notes written from about 15 yrs ago and the google site itself is around 10 yrs old. it is thousands of pages in text and includes audio notes and images as well as some video which is listed on youtube. there are slightly more than 400 or so different sites and the most recent sites are at monthly site addresses, ie may2019. the specific site of the most recent site is at https://sites.google.com/site/dwdelaneymay2019 and the first site is at https://sites.google.com/site/dwdelaney/ . I ve tried to get peoples attention with the site and had hoped it might make the people that are doing this to me to stop, it hasnt. lots of other sites, wordpress, flickr, tumblr, google photos, instagram.

I had mistakenly thought i could shame them into stopping. I cannot. please help me.

5/24

Ive tried everything i can think of. I cant get an acct on twitter or snapchat or some of the other sites because i dont have a phone. I dont have a phone because i dont have any money. Ive been as clear and loud as i can possibly be. What ive been saying, ive been saying for along time. From what i understand, the defs are using the addiction frame as an excuse to make me live like this. They know it isnt true. I know it isnt true. The defs believe it doesnt need to be true in order to justify doing this to me. Ive written on this a lot, and for along time. I dont have anything to add here thats new. Some things have changed, perhaps. Regardless i will say what ive been saying. The po - . they busted hard. They knew theyd lose all along. Car talk - theyre on tape - on they radio. Talking about hitting me with chem. Not therapy. Not medicine. They arent fooling anyone with that nonsense. The evidence was cringeworthy good. Now the defs wont abide by the judgement. Po wont enforce because they are a named party. They are on the front page of the court documents. On the defendant side. They cant even pretend to be impartial. They dont have to. You cant police the police if theres no one to enforce the judgement. Wheres those handcuffs nancy. This thing has been going way too long. Before the legal complaint, 15 yrs ago. Before the page was started 10 yrs ago. The doj has changed administrations and tried to sabotage my case by influencing my individual actions and my thought process itself. I am subject to involuntary communication, i believe, while i sleep. I think this is i am kept, not just homeless, but outdoors homeless. I have reason to believe these communications have been used to attempt to weaken my case and used in combination with other strategies i encounter in my waking hour. The cocaine on the trash bags, back when i was led to believe that buying my food would risk forfeiting my case. This was itself used to bolster the addiction frame. Its worth pointing out im not addicted to anything, including cocaine, when maybe i should be. The fact that im not is the strongest possible evidence against the defs - and their bogus addiction. I ought to be suing the rouge partisans at doj for trying to get me addicted. Like those people making money off the opioid addicts. The people doing this to are not average people. They are experts in psychology and pain. That means chemistry, pest control, medicine and chemical warfare. It is particularly troubling that i believe dod, po, dod po which is mp are involved. Note esp rel b/t pols and dod - in ing - 33rd - esp il adj gen - and links to cl&e. Note esp austin is adj gen and ierc and scrp - politically this works w/ caths as well - as a social net that means kcs - and karl kemme - karlihker - etc. the link between the po and ing/scrp is strong - keen - gillette - all the evidence on spddefendants, scsodefendants, scrping, good example is sideshow bob, the knight mgr - social nets - get aux police status - chem - boesdorfer - steil was 3d shift - when he was pulled it gives a good window into the timeline. Note how things happen in sangamon county. All the names match up. Bob is russes brother - or his kid or something. Steil is irvs boy. The arson frame lets him mobilize ffs to hit me with chem as fire prevention. The shifts are 24 hrs - so they have lots fof time - xa clutzo - pest control - chem - note esp steil goes to iema - sticfusion - xa fema and iema - extraordinary powers - and note po and addiction frame - mrt and dirt - stone in derd - nix alums - team nix - chigop - rummy as rep - h/k - huizenga - note timeline on isp addiction - mrt - starts when i get into town - blago - gnuteck - cl&e sandbags jbt - roth dragoo - teaparty - the teaparty are way into the dwdelaney fun. And they have used gov as an excuse to have me as their entertainment. Thats why i argued 1983 - due process. Equal protection. The po is in the thing big. And they wojcocki at sheriffs. That doesnt know anything about law enforcement. Hes never spent a day of his life as a cop. He edited the spfld dio newsletter - and ringeisen created a job for hin uis lobbyist. Because he knows people. Hes got clout, power that he holds personally. Note esp wojcocki is ilsen, the woman from lg. And the woj fam link to albx - albanese - who, himself is linked to mgraw the mcds mgr in town. Mgraw owned the stores where certain inds worked - sixth st - macarthur/lg - several other. Mrt and dirt was po - and note caths are specifically involved in addiction frame from spk. And that followed me to spfld - they hit me really bad in spk with chem. They also physically hit me. Some guy ive never seen before just punched me in the nose twice, broke my nose, got the xrays and everything, and a car pulls up, a door opens, he walks up to the car and gets in. i got the plate, filed a report. I cant remeber how many i have filed reports and nothing ever happens. Dont know what to think of the inginspk stuff. I think they called me a pow and did sere pychology in order to justify hitting me with dod product chem. Chemical warfare materials and tactics. For fun, how to train your dragon. And i got to put up with pictures of groundhog day on the natl rev instagram page. FU. they know the addiction frame is bogus, but i guess the wh believes it is within the power of executive branch to make up some excuse in order to keep me living like this. I can have my life back when i give up my case. Shave and a hair cut . i have been thinking about this thing all wrong. Its all one big misunderstanding, they were really just trying to help me out. What with me being an addict and all.

First, the defs watch everything i do, every footstep, listen to every word. I write the page. They read. I filed a lawsuit against exactly what they are doing, with them as named defendants. How can they possibly say i consent. And they lost. Right. Also, note that the theres an element of txgop prank here. The jail - the charge b & e. Tx fam johnson. Designated as a pow - enemy combatant - lone wolf terr - spfld radio kelm - chatham package - lon chainey - chi football - monsters of the midway - romney from bain capital - bain is chigop - wolf bane - rabbit - bunny - bunny bread - bct - bread truck drivers - lfmc - sixth st - scb - pambianco - spfld roadrunners - sjh - hic - centaurs - shs - ackerman - terry nelson - duane gibson - -brooks bros - irv - stone - suncruz - palm - charlotte - ann colder - stuck in galv - halliburton - longies - ororke - obscen phone calls - gwb admin - agag - perry homicidal threats frame - xa rice arroz - night owls - smu - american graffitti - ron howard - happy daze - 123 oclock - 4 more years - haley barber - nicky haley - mark few - mark denzler - thers also shark smear linked to dads fam. Grandma remarries someone that has an adult son that works at the post. Never met the guy. Thats what the glasses thing is about. All this was supposed to be unearthed by the counterintel inv. But that was just cover for the fact they busted so hard. They got nothing. They had to find a reason to stall. The po wont enforce. The caths run it. Note usccb and h/k - esp the time period i leave ftl for spk - and note what happens when i get back to spfld. The thing with them putting me in jail. The cocaine on the floors and walls. Thats also the psych frame. Thats why the dude from efe - sc wants to use mental illness as an excuse for “treatment”. Its chem. Designed as poison and used to make me hurt and keep me from getting sleep - lincoln era gop - jeffe ron - whigs - ipi - peeps - humint - social network - fraternal orgs - shriners - fop - unions - sports - shgfootball - esp kcs - but see also - roa - ngaoi - teaparty - note esp link b/t - ilfop and ilroa - ilfop and ngaoi - xa ilfop pence link - gregorian chant - trumpence - baiseboll - kingmakers - mel sembler - rauner - paprocki - sembler seed - ftl - principles bldg next to apt in ftl - carlyle - bush - cia - clockwork orange - vala - guards - 233mp - 33 hq guards - jeepsters - crep - airport guards - and fd - xa scso - swat - tru - cit - and see names of people linked to dirt and mrt - esp eric hall - auburn - boesdorfer - boes link to mta - jasmon - nifong - trucks - coal trucks - tx ata - tex mex - job at shim factory - ed smith is tx liuna - furman milburn - furman schuh - txgop - mighty muffler - galv usarec - deps used to do ops - wal emps - note esp dunks spkr at conv for trademark - takes opportunity to spk to state that their largest competitor is political. Unsolicited on the topic, former bain emp says be happy. That has a very specific meaning for some readers - xa wal - omnimedia - terry nelson - duane gibson - bc04 - kjell - swift - blessing - ilgop - xa carlyle - txgop - dutton - bonilla - charles s dutton - the cover of the natl rev features - duane - the rock - johnson - txgop prank - not treatment - trick - xa aches - hh’s - jc - chamber - bob has a gavel collection - chamber ic - xa chamber trucks - mta - the addiction thing is like all the other stuff - all whisper campaign. No one says anything to me. I wrote up a website on wordpress - 953 - just on consent - they know i dont consent. Theyre not trying to listen. They dont have to. It doesnt matter. There is nothing i can say or do thats going to make them stop. Its not about addiction. They needed time to stall. Time too marginalize me. They can claim they killed my grandparents. They can claim im a ntional security threat. The fact is they dont have to prove any of this stuff. They knew theyd lose. And after they lost, they knew they would keep me living exactly the same way for as long as they wanted. It never made any difference. They joke about the whole thing - which is exactly what put them in this spot from the beginning. They cant admit what they did in sangamon county. To me. Then they followed me to florida, washington state, tx, and ive been in lots of different states now. They cant admit that they have been wrong. And as long as they dont have to - they wont. What they are doing to me is wrong. They know it. Or they should know it. They cant stop. Who is going to be the first person to blow this story up - because its coming - this is the worst kept secret in america. Its coming

cartalk – po is busted – radio communications show that po not trying to “treat” some sort of medical problem. that evidence was one of the things that made the defendants lose as badly as they did. if that ev was to leak, then the doj is wrong for it getting out. the po is wanting to have it both ways.

they wont enforce the judgment, against themselves. they have instead, decided to protect their political patrons and themselves and openly have defied the rule of law. rather than doing the job that everyone in america thinks they are doing, “law enforcement”, they have a more enlightened view of what their job is. look out for number 1.

5/30/19

note the pants and the position of abes hand - about as subtle as a steam caliope - caci - semper vigilans - perv - expo - pedophile frame - springfield consulting - wide awakes - whigs - lincoln era gop - ierc - airc onditioning - 404 chem batt - celletti - ilroa - adj genl - xa austin - big red - fox - boris johnson - bor i bor - bors - arriba - johnson - xa txgop - note rel b/t gop & brit conservatives - 10 downing - x - 33rd - lincoln silhouette - 4s - cross hairs - reticle - target practice - batting practice - precinct - nabors - glyphosate - riggleman - farm chem - farm bro - comer - comida -

5/31/19

Text for cartalk - veritas - havent taken site because - runs into 1a issues - and cant arg civil defam - because what im saying is true - theyd have to arg on the merits - they dont want that - they lost - in court - but the wits cant speak in public - thats what the defs are betting on - thats why the po isnt enforcing - and they knew theyd lose all along - they cant even pretend to be impartial - they are named parties in the litigation. 1983 - due process - equal protection - and see esp - dod - mp - color - vigilantism - aux police - kcs - deps - usarec - note esp 233 - gillette - keen - fuel specialists - but see also corp - mcds - abe lincoln cab - wal - etc.

po is involved in mental illness frame - and addiction frame - they lost at trial - trying to argue that - based at least in part - upon recorderd communications between dispatch and squads - as well as comms b/t squads/ offcrs - and inds - phone convs in squads - as well as ind testimony - wits - addiction frame is - bo - gus - ive tried a lot of different social media sites. Google sites - dwdelaney - google photo - flickr - wordpress - medium - instagram - imgur - tumblr - youtube - I cant access the sites that require a phone like twitter, facebook etc. I cant even get an “obamaphone” because im homeless and my id wont register when i try to apply. I have try to say that i dont consent as loudly and as often as i can. They know its bogus. But you see the new statue in front of the alplm and the cover on the natl rev and you hear wh flacks say they think the pres can continue doing whats hes doing under article 2 exec power. It has been suggested that the doj picked up my case as a civil rts case and they won. Then i guess a new admin comes in and wants to blow up my case as its being appealed. Defs lose all appeals. Po and gop wont stop. They want to stall out and force me to concede consent. Schaive and a haircut - they might have some legal authority to do this to me. I dont understand how thats possible. I dont understand how i can be forced to live like this. It should stop. Ive been trying to say that. Someones not trying to hear me.

6/1 they messed with my myspace page. they inserted a photo of me that I didn't post to that account. they are messing with my pages. xa psychological elements of pain - theyre trying to fancy it up. they want to change the way I think about the pain. xa Stockholm syndrome. im supposed to be thankful when they don't hit me that hard. they could be hitting me harder. sometimes they hit me hard. they should stop. ive been trying to tell them that this is the list of sites as of jun/2019 - note that ive tried to use others but I cant because I don't have a phone.

Google sites - monthly - ie. https://sites.google.com/site/dwdelaneyjun2019/

Google photos - https://photos.google.com/?tab=oq&pageId=none

Flickr site - flickr - https://www.flickr.com/photos/151524170@N03/

Medium https://medium.com/@dwdelaney/

Wordpress site at -https://www.dwdelaney.wordpress.com

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/dwdelaney/

Tumblr - site - https://www.tumblr.com/blog/dwdelaney

Imgur - https://imgur.com/user/dwdelaney

Youtube -

https://m.youtube.com/user/dwdelaney

6/2

Agricolae - farm bro - glyphosate - h/k - dept agr - cbot - commodities - sonny perdue - ga - wh cos before mulvaney - il agr is state fair - smarjesse - “marketing” xa sportstalksmans - ssc - caths peoria - 182 airlift - jsoc - downing - ovp ran ops out of jsoc - erik prince - bw - ctc - cofer black - badgers - atl - koch bros - baise - greco baise vala - dr pepper - loft as radicalization frame - oc links - clarridge - bunn in oc - geo w bunn - mel sembler - augie busch - college of cardinals - xa camp and blankenship at ipi - liquor and tobacco lobby - and koch bros - paprocki links to ipi - lincoln era gop - wide awakes - service master - brandt - fsb - farm chem - henkel - pain and sleep - king of the hill - hillen chip guy - trucks - wal vendors - city mapping guy - terr tracking - “treatment” for my mental problem - addiction - was right about the hoff - and sunday school girl - though she left early - and may not have even known they were using her as an excuse - tileman - mak denzler- mark few - burtt and hefferon - top gun cunningham - albo - fibromyalgia - pain that is invisible - and doesnt leave marks - the perfect crime - usarec - prospects - under the radar - recruiters used the lure of extremely well paying jobs in order to get kids to do ops - 4 more years - happy days - 123 oclock - haley barber - niki haley - team nix - team mack - mckinnon is a tri - swimmers - ronda sentis - y coach sharmin - illini sharktopus - topaz gunderson - wal mgmt link to crs - uis - xa yrs - scrp - ierc - chao - fudd - james elmer mitchell - it just gets funnier every day dennis - doncha get it - youll figure it out dennis - they knew i wasnt a terrorist - or a pedophile or an arsonist - georgia - able cravens - breck girl - airborne chem - celletti is adj gen - like austin - note roth dragoo - teaparty links - romculsoc - libri - pecori - palazzolo - sleep - get it dennis - pecori was ierc - libri is dod civaff - xa ilroa - phone tree - who else can ask someone to do something so obviously illegal - what does that conversation sound like - you have to tell theother person that they are in no danger of being held accountable - by the police - by the courts - dist atty - usatty - doj - if someone asked me to put something in my gas tank - and drive upwind of some dot on my phone - id say hell no - do it yourself - that sounds illegal - and the defs haveavoided any consequences this entire time - how many years has it been - long enough to conceaal and destroy as much as evidence as they could possibly hope to - long enough for the people that were behind it - to quietly fade into the background - thats what this is about - there is no pain left for the defs - they got what they wanted - time - the mcds guys are gone - and now people have retired - moved - gotten different jobs - they had lots of time - the po is still backing them up - its just the po now - not doing their job - is all i can point to - that and the dod people - id say the original pols are gone but the arent - trump was elected on a fudd platform - as well as ldrshp in cong - and ilgop - they have demonized me and kept me wandering the country - from one town to another - in abject poverty - relying only on handouts - in pain all day long - sleeping on sidewalks - talking into my little voicerecorder

6/3/19 - ilroa - roa - i think this is it - xa libri - scrp - reticle - cross hairs - terr frame - bene & the jets - 33 hq - ing - ilfopngaoi - etc. cambone - ovp/jsoc -

6/2 - defensetv - logo - for 33rd hq - civaff - reticle - cross hairs - 90′s - 10 lines - 2 fives -

look what i found

- xa libri - scrp - civaff - bitcoin - cryptocurrency - ierc - pecori - romculsoc - greco baise vala -

33rd - ing - hq civaff - libri - four f - f2 - fu - the - the - l&e - Le - fu l&e - fuel specialists - 404th chem batt - celletti - adj gen - austin - adj gen and ierc - chosen by cellinis wife - (cellini) - note celetti - c el & “i” - kcs - karl kemme - vala is gk - sabado gigante - they knew i wasnt a terrorist - they put me in jail - they werent trying to “help” me - they own the po - sheriffs - wojcicki - rauner - paprocki - mel sembler - saw that bbar used the word bogus in the paper today - car talk guys say bogus

6/4

Update 2019

inducements

Basis of the claim - the original complaint mentioned the 1983 - due process and equal protection claims. I also plead a rico charge under a civil liability theory. In order to make this thing happen, the defs have recruited participants with the promise of a job, a promotion, overtime hours, or other such inducements. Conversely, those refusing to participate, or those that had been involved, but had decided to stop or speak out against the defs, have faced penalties in wages, hours etc. In particular, in order for this to continue, defs have directed these specific retaliatory measures toward witnesses for the government, the plaintiff, me, as well as those that might even consider such a position. The evidence for this is without question. These individuals have faced tangible losses in income, threatened with long term unemployment in their chosen field and have also endured significant social and peer pressure as well. Those defs that are employed in intelligence, either as analysts or within collection or any number of different technical specialties, were pressured to participate in, what was knowingly illegal activity, fucking with me, ie. identity theft, aggravated battery etc. They were forced to use gov authority to fuck with me. The defs witheld hiring people that wouldnt participate. This could itself form another rico type allegation under a theft of services legal theory. Its not all fun and games. Its misuse of gov legal authority. It specifically benefits the defs in that it is also a demonstration of power. As such, it can be used to recruit in the future and prevent opposition on any number of different fronts. The misuse of authority, in my case, gets them more power. The baines thing and the nixon thing both are directed by elements within the group of defendants that are in direct political opposition to themselves. Txgop, would benefit, in a very real way from destroying my life, under some bogus claim linking me to a prominent figure within the txdems. Similarly, the nixon smear, or the wp smear, demonizes me and mobilizes forces that are politically opposed to their real or perceived agenda. Im trying to figure out why this thing wont stop. I guess there was a case, the defs lost. Po wont enforce. I cant tell whats true. I have a lot of people tell me a lot of different things. In order for this to happen, some things have to be true.a large group of very powerful people is behind this. This is the worst kept secret in america. I shouldnt have to live like this.

6/5 - google sites list of sites as monthlys - in pdf form

Rose long is chair - long elevator - lord vader - dark side - team lift -

Roth - ing - 33rd legal - roth dragoo - penny marshall - big dragoo -

Air cond - american cons union - we accomodate - caci - ierc - skinner box - carlyle - principals and agents - bah - alco frame - booze alien - reeses - re & re - ren re - reineke - usmc - glyphosate - comer - comida - abraham maslows pyramid of needs - hierarchy - abraham - brauer - ippa - pence - 2p - topaz - lincoln era gop - red eyes - addiction frame in spk - wpp - dennispmoore - urinary tract infection in fla - box office job - 90’s - reticle - cross hairs - james elmer mitchell - sharktopus - panther - hart - scb - cl&e - inb - van meter - how to train your dragon - lincoln cab - deployment - robert urich - ierc - wideawakes - haley barber - 123 oclock - baines - bennis elaine - bainc apital - pope bene - they put me in jail on a trumped up charge - entirely fabricated - breaking and entering - burglary - bene - 2m - slugger - spfld sliders - football - sportstalksmans - peoria - xa wojcicki - sheriffs - usccb - h/k - chigop - thompson alums - nix alums - baise - springfield consulting - was right about the hoff and link to shs - skreech - thats the only name on that show ive heard - xa bell imagery - consent - ecole - hammertime - bigfoot exterminators - poison - king of the hill - dang ol dale patterson - henkel - kindred - mu - roddavis - yrs - spfldconsulting - carlyle - bush fam - geo w bunn - ima - mark denzler - ideas il - security guards - off duty po - 33rd hq guards all have to leave - thats important for timeline - when they kicked out the priv guards - from camp lincoln - xa carlucci wackenhutt - bush at cia - cofer black - demonstration of power - bunn - money - chase - ache - chevy chase maryland - laffers - bethesda - va hosp - emps do ops - cofer - sleep deprivation - 247 creates fibro - weakens immunity - xa physical trauma - the nose - the car - dennsipmoore - scrp does cryptocurrency to reward ops - under libri as gop chair - how it happens in spfld is about the jobs - thats the irv mantra - only people that will do ops - me - will ever get jobs - fd - pd - politics - even corp - mcds - mgraw albanese - wal schweska - be happy - no hurry - whos extorting who - the jobs go to the mil side - bell - recruiters - meps for the area is stl - xa caths - slu - spitzer - mark few - usccb ldrshp follows me to spk - when i get there - and the addiction frame follows me back to spfld - xa trophies frame - note esp link here b/t hic - peoria dio - cat ima - and sjh - spfld roadrunners - team mack - samuel charles - mark mckinnon - 2m - mu - bene - antifa - jacob engels - andrew jackson - rachel - ache - ftl brooks bros riot - duane gibson - terry nelson - ackermann senterfitt - mckinnon - huizenga - servus - wm - mace paolino - chem lon - team mack - precinct 10 - 33rd - gu - winston - civaff - 4F - llcc - workforce development - gingrich - physics - vaq209 - rape frame - rufies - eroll in sd - and see watson is mi - and at pendleton when im there - nuclear power plant frame - terr frame - loft was radicalization frame - eastern philosophy - sufi poet - rumi - dod - rummy - nix alums - copeland - vala - usss - homicidal threats frame mobilizes po - and dod - thats why when i went into the hpd in person - to make a compaint - because the pain was really bad - they sent me to the homicide dept - and then they just gave me a scrap of paper with the addr of the epa - other mi - spfld - kingtech 4 wheeler - kingtech was mi - background checks - note esp shgfootball for links - thats why this is still going on - shgfootball and wojcicki at sheriffs - mckenna in chi - paprocki and rauner is mel sembler - kingmakers - baise - xa wojcicki at albx - mgraw albanese - albo - hot tub tom - top gun - 123 oclock - cifa - burtt - hefferon - agag - laffers - usattys - carol lam - clutzo - netznik - fd poison - arson frame - dmh - who used to work at the bldg next to dor - in the same bldg - on my walk as guard - xa shs and simpsons - roger ailes - no fooling - note esp farm policy - and see boris johnson - duane the rock - johnson - bene and the jets - 183 fw - mm - mike meyer - fuel specialists - timm and lopian - link b/t scso - and 233 - keen - gillette - xa sd - wilkinson - liuna schaive - blagoliuna - hardy pisano - isea2002 - hardy reps sang co in excessive force case - he asks me questions about dennispmoore hit - had to sit for deposition - nobody has to answer my questions - furman milburn - furman schuh - schuh is ilsen - links to rauner - rauner tries to hold dems hostage on my lawsuit - shuts down gov until gov gives up case - they dont - rauner appears foolish - people leave and he picks up lots of people from ipi - trump tries the same thing - it fails - thats why the shutdown - maybe - maybe not - ive been thinking that - xa sanctuary cities - attack on due process - maybe just my imagination - i undersatnd it makes me look bad to say that - but ive been thinking that - where do we go now - the defs dont want to admit they did something bad - for all the talk of being religious - and the backing of the church - you cant shame them into doing the right thing - roger stones - im not trying to pretend to be something im not - 33rd - we acc - caci - pedophile frame - minors - investigators - clearance - gina larkin - perv - expo - alplm - semper vig - always vigilant always present - vala is gk - steil is knight mgr - karliker is knight mgr - karl kemme - rivkcs - sd malta - karcher - sembler - addiction frame - principles - breck girl - 2p - muffler goes out in cape - charlotte rousse - ann colder - roger stone - irv in ftl - porter goss - house gop - hic - bush cia - carlyle - gosslings - gwb - longies - obscene phone calls - gal vest on - james baker III - hou meps - hou civaff - ed smith is spfld and tx - thompson has labor links - chi liuna - medieval recreation - kurtz - ambulance - dan tanna - spencers gag gifts - kurtz is usccb - mcconnell is slugger - vegas takes place in a garage - xa basketball - highschool - jim scott - rocky wirtz - george orwell - shs -

update 2019/scrp

In bigfoot exterminators - barone calls riggleman - den -

Simpsons - ned flanders - and fox - beavis and butthead - simpsons - is flanders - kids - two kids - rod & tod - line from flanders kid in “flaming moes” - smells like tinkle” - chuck tingle -

Note esp - first page of - bigfoot - lists gps as - 2311 - not emergency - xa tracking - deet - mosquito abatement - poison - colorless and odorless - hypersensitivity with chronic exposure

Skimming the “tome” - this stuff gets riggleman - the nom - and the seat - dist leans r - not going to waste time reading this stuff - lots of references to me - xa joke between him and his dod buddies - hes an anthroplogist -

Unite the right - scrp hq addr -

The Sangamon County Republican Central Committee (SCRCC)1132 E Sangamon Ave, Springfield, IL 62702

6/5

6/6

SCSO DIRT - pages - links to larger docs - update2019

Fits timeline - july 2004 - exactly when i get into town - complaint in galv was - july 2004

I leave tx because they wont take my complaint in tx - i drive back to spfld - i get there in aug - car breaks down - i need to make money for gas - xa cape - charlotte -

Isp - mrt timeline - and see dirt timeline - gen - 2004 - 2007 - note esp bressan -

The original site and doc are from 2011 - the mrt update places the start of the program at just about the time i get into town and stops right about the time i think a legal case may have been taken up by the feds - lots of other “retirements” - moves - take place around this time - note esp steil move - 2006 spd retirees - and see also us pols - usattys -

Isp mrt timeline -

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1WuGqJVuRQdvHOoU3Zc2brzOIwcAkIMg4q6FzYqRMnPk/edit?usp=sharing

Dirt site -

https://sites.google.com/site/dwdelaneydirt/

Big picture is boes - auburn - county board - eric hall - roddavis - curtright - mu - kindred - henkel - hvac - forced air - dare - baise ball - facio - ace - ache - rove nickname - xa ipi - tileman - and see ibt - coli - choline - mta - jasmon - gop - rummy - nifong - aiw - #10 - ab - garbage trucks - wm - huizenga - mcds - gidwitz - kinzinger - boesdorfer - shriners - jeepsters - social network - caths and shriners - xa kcs - xa christian county - gop in christian county - taylorville - pana - job at mai - poison ivy - rostoff - animal drugs - jurkanin - isp - xa timeline for mrt - kornfeld - hoff - sjh - roadrunners - swimmers - team mack - bulldog - winston - thompson - rondesantis - james elmer mitchell - i talked about davis before the election - im still talking about him - links to rove - crossroads - organ grinder - uncertain - sacco goes to dpr - they have guys w clearance - investigators -

From dwdelaney - dirt -

Sheriff disbanding DIRT, warrant teams

By JAYETTE BOLINSKI ([email protected])

THE STATE JOURNAL-REGISTER

Posted Jul 08, 2009 @ 11:30 PM

Last update Jul 09, 2009 @ 06:40 AM

Sangamon County deputies whose primary roles involve rooting out drugs and searching for fugitives are being reassigned to patrol duty as the sheriff’s office struggles to plug a budget shortfall.

Sheriff Neil Williamson said Wednesday that, while he hopes the teams can be reformed in the future, it is unclear when that might happen. Next year’s budget already “is looking grim also,” he said.

Five deputies are affected by the change.

*Lt. Brian Bressan and deputies

*Jason Boesdorfer and

Kenny Karhliker

make up the sheriff’s Drug Investigative Response Team,

while deputies

Matt Lorton and

Jim Tapscott,

the sheriff’s warrant team, are on loan to the U.S.

Marshals’ fugitive task force.

All five will be back on the street effective July 20.

The sheriff’s office previously disbanded its crime prevention unit as part of its budget-cutting efforts. Williamson said he was asked to trim $850,000 from his budget because of the county’s “severe financial constraints.”

He called the warrant and drug teams “two of the most successful units we’ve had” and said disbanding them was one of the hardest decisions he’s had to make in his 15 years as sheriff. However, Williamson said, he is doing everything possible to avoid layoffs.

He also expressed concern that crime could escalate as a result of the cuts. The office will have to react more to crime now, rather than being able to take preventive steps.

“We are getting back to the basics of what a sheriff’s department is supposed to do,” he said.

The sheriff’s warrant team was formed in July 2000 and supplied two deputies to the U.S. Marshals’ fugitive task force. Since the warrant team was formed, more than 4,900 fugitives have been captured, Williamson said.

The team’s disbanding means the sheriff’s office no longer will have representatives on the fugitive task force.

The DIRT team was formed in July 2004 in response to what was at the time a growing methamphetamine problem in Sangamon County. The team made numerous meth-related arrests in its first two years, which Williamson said drastically curbed the local meth industry.

The DIRT team has made about 1,700 drug-related arrests since its inception.

This is an email -

with a copy of the site written in 2010 - dirt - link is above - some links as intro - are on the page -

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Updated Mar 8, 2010, 12:57 PM

DRUG TRAFFICKING FRAME

DIRT - BIG PICTURE

- See also "timeline" – big picture

(Drug frame as excuse for harassment)

First, note hall rumor of cocaine use. I’ve Never done cocaine in my life. Second, I was set up in san diego to make it look like I was involved in my brother’s drug use and sales. Afl-cio internship puts me in san diego, where only person I know is Delong. He is staying in an apartment where, I find out later, although not living there and rarely seen, the leaseholder is Pennell. I’m in san diego and Johnny comes out to san diego, where I find out he’s buying and selling cocaine. I tell him to stop and he ignores me. He gets busted. He goes to jail. I’ve been staying at kennedy house and working day labor after the last election when Johnny says he getting out on probation but he needs a California address before they let him out on probation. I don’t have near enough to get my own place and Johnny says I can use his account, which had, I think, a little less than two thousand dollars in it. I find the place on broadway, in the gaslamp, very cheap. By the time I pay first and last months rent and security deposit, I’ve taken out all but a couple hundred dollars. He’s pretty upset about this at the time. Anyway, I think the whole putting me in san diego with Johnny thing and then him getting busted in san diego while I’m there and then me needing a place for him was pre-planned. Somebody knew I would have to use johnny’s account to get a place and that this could be used to justify harassment by scso back in springfield. Even with that as an excuse, the officers on the DIRT squad still went way beyond the scope of their authority in using vehicle exhaust to prevent sleep and cause pain and were involved in getting pedophilia frame arranged.

The background of the officers illustrates why they were chosen.

Drug frame – ob – pennell – irv smith – scrp – johnny’s probation - apartment –

note also – hall cocaine rumor

and see also madonia pubdef’s – frame-up

Dirt run by sacco – Those involved:

Bressan, boesdorfer, karhliker, Lorton, tapscott –

Bressan – demarco – long fam – north end r’s – evening r’s – timm/clatfelter – 183 fuel specialist – chatham legion w/ lopian and rackets - professional courtesy guy – taser guy – ran dirt team

Bressan at:

http://sites.google.com/site/dwdelaneybressan

boesdorfer – aimee gray – mta w/ jasmon – trucking – renfrow at mta – (renfrow – davlin)

Loren boesdorfer was auburn mayor, scrp – pd, fd

boesdorfer at:

http://sites.google.com/site/dwdelaneyboesdorfer

Karhliker – shg coaches – leonard – IC – “scso defendants” and “timeline” site, prez at fop

karhliker – leonard background at dwdelaney and at:

http://sites.google.com/site/dwdelaneyshgcoaches

dirt/warrants disbands (see also sacco bails) – timeline:

http://sites.google.com/site/dwdelaneytimeline

other scso defendants:

http://sites.google.com/site/dwdelaneyscsodefendants

see new links: Tapscott – terry moore – timm – timm/lopian – long fam – tapscott/moore

(Brian long’s wife employed at pccc – coffey/Saputo)

and see new boesdorfer links to sommer and timm

links - 6/6

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1EdPJGL0cSrP_DsTS6y_skzxS-fq67kFt3JL-oOh5aQE/edit?usp=sharing

Hayes goes to ursuline - he runs tru w/ tapscott - tapscott info at scsodefendants

When I lived in a storage unit near nelsons they were involved in the chem - vehicles

Lindvall runs nelsons - and was ursuline basketball coach - in 2005 he goes to sci - im at storage around 2004 - 2005 or 6 shortly after I got to spfld I think

Sci is wharton xa eck noonan soccer - donley is linked to lindvall - xa coal trucks mta jasmon and see shriners trucks scso boes xa roddavis auburn eric hall mrt - scso dirt - nelsons has cafe gig at dept agr dnr and lrs -sci is torricelli - xa nelsons site - riggle - carnduff for stic - and see sticfusion - these guys at stic are terr frame - sleep deprivation and pain - stic has or had bw badgers - 233 and scso isp -

Riggle is the llcc ad - xa gray on bd - riggle is mike houston 79 co chair - houston is very jcs and chamber - claims to be a product of the jcs etc -

Riggle replaces dhabalt at llcc - dhabalt is fam spd - xa crimestoppers koester - and stic aclu - scso acts on stic and intel to disproportionately enforce the law - claim crimestoppers but its oppo

Campo is yrs and scso - related to stl bommarito - thats where his juice comes from - xa cars - mi10 - caths - usccb - alton is spi dio - and see cars - xablankenship campo ipi -

Stic dir is soccer player - carnduff -

Scso

Boes - dragoo - steil - durr - karhliker -

Xa ing - gillette - ROyER - erve - ken - xa spd links to ing - celletti - cl&e - vala/gray - mrt - wal badgers - nsa - schweska - yrs - caths -

Scso -

Those guys that won’t work w/ koester - trouble - the po is not an uninterested party in this thing - they got busted talking about hitting me w/ chem - sleep deprivation - “wide awakes” - glyphosates - glu - they are not impartial - and they “disagree” w/ the court ? -

Linkage b/t pols - scso - ing - dod - recruiters -

Boes - auburn - eric hall - roddavis - mrt - shriners - xa hawrelak - denzler - chamber - lumber - mta - jasmon - boes -

Xa steil - sfd - iema - irve - busted for 3d shift sleep deprivation and still on the job -

Police unions - ron stone - pbpa - xa dia - foia request - 2006 retirees -

Hayes

I think hayes is the pedophile frame

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0Bzk8QhyFwCORMDJjM2VkZTEtMzVkYS00OGY0LWE4ZDYtOWQzYWI4ZDhkMGQ2/view?usp=sharing

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0Bzk8QhyFwCOROTFlYjE4NjktNGY3Yy00NmU4LTk4ZTktYWVjYzRkNDlkM2Jm/view?usp=sharing

Manci - moriconi - gambling -

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0Bzk8QhyFwCORZGQ4NmVlOTYtYmJkNi00MmFiLTk3YjYtNGQ2NGExMmJmODVi/view?usp=sharing

Boes -

Auburn

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1GB0L5AsG5PSFTVaFvYeLDu5SQN83Fn2EVlHwuh1jfKk/edit?usp=sharing

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0Bzk8QhyFwCORNmU0YjhjMmItYTk4ZC00MDMyLThmODctYWFlN2NhMTcwMzk4/view?usp=sharing

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0Bzk8QhyFwCORNDQ2Y2MwMTAtMTMwNi00NzM2LTgzNGUtNjI2N2QxMDkzYmVj/view?usp=sharing

Dinardo link - illini cc swimmers

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0Bzk8QhyFwCORMjc0ZWVkYjctOWM0OC00YTE3LTg1ODItMjMyYTMyZGY3OTQz/view?usp=sharing

Steil is at “steilextensions” page

https://docs.google.com/document/d/17D6CpX_qZQKSXaVNPOeNG1UT2hGQFHLBEJ541D_NxNQ/edit?usp=sharing

OPERATIONS DIVISION Captain Cheryllynn Williams

In 2017, there were 41,344, incidents in Sangamon County where deputies either initiated a law enforcement service or were dispatched to a call.

There was a lot of movement in the operations division in 2017. In April, Will Brooks, Jordan Cox, and Ryan Kuntzi were hired as a Sangamon County Deputies. Deputy Brooks began the Field Training Program immediately due to prior law enforcement training, and Deputies Cox and Kuntzi began the Illinois State Police Recruit Class. Sergeant Andy Danes was transferred from second shift to the Investigations Division in August. Detective Nancy Finley was promoted to Sergeant and transferred to second shift. Deputy Travis Dalby was transferred from second shift to Crime Prevention in March. Deputy Andrew Brashear was transferred from first shift to the Investigations Division in November.

In June, Deputy Knox retired after 25 years of service. His humor and kindness will be missed.

“Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13 (law enforcement motto)

SUPERVISORS:

Lt. E. Knowski

Sgt. J. Tapscott

Lt. R. Steil

Sgt. A. Mayfield Lt. W. Cearlock Sgt. W. Wooden

Sgt. N. Finley

Sgt. J. Boesdorfer

Sgt. D. Miller

DEPUTIES:

S. Butterfield

D. Timm

D. Howse C. Law T. Koester B. Baughman

T. Roderick

A. Cline D. Dickason M. Garst A. Womack J. Bartello M. Long

S. Wieland

J. Budd B. Stapleton G. Harney B. Tweryon

D. Guernsey

B. Fleck A. Robinson Ja. Hayes M. Wilkin

N. Campo

J. Hanson A. Smith A. Jahns J. Smith E. Maulding S. Matli M. Powell M. Tudoreanu

T. Sommer

A. Henton A. Finigan

Deputies listed in bold text are Identification Technicians, and in italic are Accident Reconstructionist.

11/5 - Raperumor

was right about raperumor from docs - the guard lady - xa cra - newfrontier - Dirksen - boes - vono - when I was in kc - I drove to kc - when I was there someone loosened the lugnuts - chem on the road and in town - xa vono links - dale - esp herb Henkel - dangole - hank hill - dales dead bug - judge - agag - fox - tx22 - xa ibt916 - chamber - clear money - abf - dot - tracy - jasmon - boes shriners - donley - chem - water - lpw - dennispmoore - utils - trophies - shg - spk - Mitchell Jessen - clute - hecla - Cletus - celletti - callis - slu - gambling - vono - Henderson - sd - duraneb - neb charlotte - 29 palms - Huachuca - mi10 stl - the hill - red sauce - alton dio - spi - paprocki - lucas - ipi - gentleman - mus - ipi tileman - Blankenship - yrs - scso - aux po - chem - schweska - wal - smiley - 233 - scso - mrt - eric hall - roddavis - sites - 27 - Dirksen - carnduff - and see wm - landfill - durako - steil - hardy - paolino - fl - see esp boes - 916 Sullivan - scso - donley - coal trucks - Sherman pd - ibt grievances - radio dispatch - busted like po - that's why the judgment was high - busted so hard - not some sort of misunderstanding - they aren't fooling anyone w/ that nonsense - raperumor is true -

Vigilantism - guards - vono - duraneb - henderson - suhadolnik - icb - dale patterson - fox - henkel - fibro - chem - xa spk - caths - mitchell jessen - sleep deprivation - yrs - doj - gop attys - burkhardt - hecla - clute - cl&e - celletti - karl kemme - kcs - usccb - preston gates - riverside - broken nose - sere - sergei rachmaninoff - petraeus - troop surge - delay/stall - tx22 - gal veston - pompeo - sylva & us - note r - ecole - consent - green light - la showbiz - gop - op - chem - franchises - zito - ovp - ovp is jsoc - scooter - schaive - xa schaive links - liuna - blago - ipi - paprocki - spi dio - lucas - liuna - donley - aci - industrial chem - thompson - water - lpw - dennispmoore - flatop - spk

dirt - scso - this bressan ev is fn gold - note esp link to

Grandview - long - ierc - scercc - lord Vader - wide awakes - caci - semper vigilans - Lincoln era gop -

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1WuGqJVuRQdvHOoU3Zc2brzOIwcAkIMg4q6FzYqRMnPk/edit?usp=sharing

xa boes - auburn - Sommer - brandt - aux police - color of law - and see CIT - mental health frame - mhcci - pico fyans - romculsoc - suicidal - autistic - depressed - xa fertilizer - stimulants - sleep deprivation - glutamic acid - rondesantis - James Elmer Mitchell - usccb - hecla - dean Cletus - you ports cleat - obscene phone calls - homicidal threats frame - they knew I wasn't a terrorist - usarec - galv - veston - txgop - spfld - mike judge - king of the hill - albo - galv is Halliburton - longies - hot tub tom - sugar land - rove - bene & the jets - 183 fw - fuel specialists - timm - xa dirt - lopian - Dutton bonnilla - Charles s Dutton - the rock - Comcast - Carlyle - bush fam - cia - bunn - cofer black - demonstration of power - wide awakes - Henkel - crabtree the fiber guy - sere guy - Petraeus - rock man - troop sere g - optics - civaff - optempo - 123 o'clock - heffe Ron -

6/7

Boes - davis - big picture - sportalk - cwlpdir - dwight chapin - chapin rose - h/k - rondesantis - shim - addiction frame is bogus - roddavis - yrs - rove - rga - crossroads - eric hall - DIRT

These sites have some of the same arts - dif links - comments -

docs linked to boes - davis - shim - yrs -

Sites with links to boes - davis - eric hall - dirt - mrt - addiction frame - roddavis

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1htBcfHNpjKFegWVPS_a1xF8eHZ8yJ7_lp2CcLaQEoWg/edit?usp=sharing

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1XQbJXm3UZqrj_aqOXdlQuukMEcZY1JhvCXjeErlS_9g/edit?usp=sharing

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ip60ACGb1JcUL_3HgTTqlBWvDF6VIfffGaazdI6-Y4k/edit?usp=sharing

Davis - christian county gop -

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1FfgDNTnrFOavyNax4xJz3efUZoBu2ZgqOqWe3VuKgjk/edit?usp=sharing

Fuddruckers

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1X-2wjwJnuNCvwdSPxJ-oGfQK63hOtxqdXjxs3aM3cO8/edit?usp=sharing

Sauerpaul

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Zx_z3BUD0ydnEKTMxuJkuhoGb0QZWr7ZPTSyMioqJsI/edit?usp=sharing

DAVIS - SPORTSTALK - SHIM - YRS - ROVE

Taylorville man launches run for state House seat

Herald & Review (Decatur, IL) - Tuesday, September 19, 1995

Author: SARAH ANTONACCI ; H&R Taylorville Bureau Chief

TAYLORVILLE -A 26-year-old Taylorville resident announced his bid for the state House of Representatives seat occupied by Democrat Rep. Gary Hannig of Benld. Rodney Davis , a Republican, is a Taylorville High School and Millikin University graduate. He said he wants to build careers in the 98th District -not just jobs. He plans on doing so by being a leader where there has been a “fundamental lack of leadership.” Davis noted that communities in the 98th District -which includes all or parts of Christian, Macoupin, Madison Montgomery and Shelby counties -have suffered economically. “I will work to put together a jobs and employment program: an economic development plan which will work to retain, as well as attract, businesses and economic growth, which our area needs to prosper,” he said. One of Davis’ top priorities, he said, is to advance Project 29. He said he is familiar with the death and destruction that has occurred on Illinois 29, a highway he drives every day to his job at the Secretary of State’s Office in Springfield. “I want to make sure the funding comes along for the next phases in a more timely manner,” he said. “I think there’s more bureaucracy going on than needs to be. “Being a part of the bureaucracy in Springfield has given me a bird’s eye view of what kinds of waste occur there,” Davis said. “We need leadership to fight it.” Davis has been a Republican precinct committeeman in Taylorville since 1991.

He served as regional director of the

Illinois Young Republicans

and now serves as the group’s statewide secretary.

His wife, Shannon, also is a longtime Taylorville resident.

Plummer link – lumber –

SHIMKUS MAKES APPOINTMENTS TO ROUND OUT STAFF

State Journal-Register, The (Springfield, IL) - Thursday, January 2, 1997

Soon-to-be U.S. Rep. JOHN SHIMKUS' office staff is getting much of its manpower from a couple of sources -- Secretary of State GEORGE RYAN's office and the recent legislative campaign of RODNEY DAVIS . Shimkus, R-Collinsville, who will be sworn in Tuesday to a two-year term representing the 20th Congressional District, earlier named two ex-Ryan staffers -- CRAIG ROBERTS and BRAD CARLSON -- to be his Washington, D.C.-based chief of staff and Springfield-based deputy chief of staff, respectively. Roberts was campaign chairman for DAVIS, a Taylorville resident who lost to Democrat GARY HANNIG, D-Litchfield, in the 98th House District in November.

Davis himself will become the Springfield-based personnel director for Shimkus. His job will also include handling the office budget and doing constituent work, Roberts said. Davis' campaign manager was MATT JOHNSON, 24, of Springfield, who is leaving his job on Ryan's program staff to become a junior legislative assistant in Shimkus' Washington office. He's also the son of

BARRY JOHNSON, lobbyist for the Illinois Lumber & Material Dealers Association. Shimkus' Illinois press aide will be STEVE TOMASZEWSKI of Nashville, the Washington County GOP chairman, who has been working as an auditor for Ryan. Tomaszewski generally oversaw Shimkus campaign operations in Washington, Marion, Jefferson and Clinton counties, Roberts said, and his family owns the Nashville Times newspaper. Davis, Johnson and Tomaszewski will all make salaries in the mid-$30,000s, Roberts said. The Springfield office should be open within days at Sixth and Madison streets, Roberts said. Also working there will be MARY ELLEN MADONIA, 26, who was finance director for the Shimkus campaign. She'll become as a $33,000 district aide. "I took a big risk in working for John, but I believed in him," said Madonia, who left a Sangamon County job to join the campaign. "I'm just fortunate that the voters felt the same way." Madonia is daughter of Springfield City Treasurer JUDY MADONIA. Among other Shimkus employees:

DORA ROHAN of Collinsville, who has been Shimkus' secretary in his six years as Madison County treasurer, will run his Collinsville office;

STEVE MADDEN, a recent law school graduate from Springfield who volunteered on the Shimkus campaign, will be a junior legislative assistant in Washington;

MARY BALLARD, formerly with Modern Mailing Systems Inc. of Springfield, who handled Shimkus mailings, will be constituent coordinator for offices in Springfield and Collinsville and a part-time office in Centralia;

CHERYL CRATE, who has worked in Washington for U.S. Rep. TOM COBURN, R-Okla., will be Shimkus' legislative director, bringing with her experience on the staff of the Commerce Committee, where Shimkus will serve; and

DAN BLANKENBURG, who has been a junior legislative assistant to U.S. Rep. TOM EWING, R-Pontiac, will be a senior legislative assistant for Shimkus. Shimkus, meanwhile, will no longer be Madison County treasurer after today, and he's feeling a bit nostalgic about his six years in county office. He said he was "pretty depressed" working in an almost empty office, and noted that six years was the longest he's ever stayed at the same job. "I'm excited about the opportunities ahead of me, but I've fought some good battles here," he said. He's hoping that Democratic Madison County Board Chairman RUDY PAPA, a Democrat, will appoint the chief deputy in the treasurer's office, WES TUCKER, to the post.

Moriconi police -

Scso

Boes - dragoo - steil - durr - karhliker -

Xa ing - gillette - ROyER - erve - ken - xa spd links to ing - celletti - cl&e - vala/gray - mrt - wal badgers - nsa - schweska - yrs - caths -

Scso -

Linkage b/t pols - scso - ing - dod - recruiters -

Boes - auburn - eric hall - roddavis - mrt - shriners - xa hawrelak - denzler - chamber - lumber - mta - jasmon - boes -

Xa steil - sfd - iema - irve - busted for 3d shift sleep deprivation and still on the job -

Police unions - ron stone - pbpa - xa dia - foia request - 2006 retirees -

Hayes

I think hayes is the pedophile frame

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0Bzk8QhyFwCORMDJjM2VkZTEtMzVkYS00OGY0LWE4ZDYtOWQzYWI4ZDhkMGQ2/view?usp=sharing

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0Bzk8QhyFwCOROTFlYjE4NjktNGY3Yy00NmU4LTk4ZTktYWVjYzRkNDlkM2Jm/view?usp=sharing

Manci - moriconi - gambling -

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0Bzk8QhyFwCORZGQ4NmVlOTYtYmJkNi00MmFiLTk3YjYtNGQ2NGExMmJmODVi/view?usp=sharing

Boes -

Auburn

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1GB0L5AsG5PSFTVaFvYeLDu5SQN83Fn2EVlHwuh1jfKk/edit?usp=sharing

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0Bzk8QhyFwCORNmU0YjhjMmItYTk4ZC00MDMyLThmODctYWFlN2NhMTcwMzk4/view?usp=sharing

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0Bzk8QhyFwCORNDQ2Y2MwMTAtMTMwNi00NzM2LTgzNGUtNjI2N2QxMDkzYmVj/view?usp=sharing

Dinardo link - illini cc swimmers

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0Bzk8QhyFwCORMjc0ZWVkYjctOWM0OC00YTE3LTg1ODItMjMyYTMyZGY3OTQz/view?usp=sharing

Steil is at “steilextensions” page

https://docs.google.com/document/d/17D6CpX_qZQKSXaVNPOeNG1UT2hGQFHLBEJ541D_NxNQ/edit?usp=sharing

OPERATIONS DIVISION Captain Cheryllynn Williams

In 2017, there were 41,344, incidents in Sangamon County where deputies either initiated a law enforcement service or were dispatched to a call.

In June, Deputy Knox retired after 25 years of service. His humor and kindness will be missed.

“Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13 (law enforcement motto)

SUPERVISORS:

Lt. E. Knowski

Sgt. J. Tapscott

Lt. R. Steil

Sgt. A. Mayfield Lt. W. Cearlock Sgt. W. Wooden

Sgt. N. Finley

Sgt. J. Boesdorfer

Sgt. D. Miller

DEPUTIES:

S. Butterfield

D. Timm

D. Howse C. Law T. Koester B. Baughman

T. Roderick

A. Cline D. Dickason M. Garst A. Womack J. Bartello M. Long

S. Wieland

J. Budd B. Stapleton G. Harney B. Tweryon

D. Guernsey

B. Fleck A. Robinson Ja. Hayes M. Wilkin

N. Campo

J. Hanson A. Smith A. Jahns J. Smith E. Maulding S. Matli M. Powell M. Tudoreanu

T. Sommer

A. Henton A. Finigan

Deputies listed in bold text are Identification Technicians, and in italic are Accident Reconstructionist.

0 notes