#when he cheated he sent me multiple pictures of her naked and her in our bed.
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I want to murder the love I feel for the man that cheated on me twice and beat the fuck out of me every day while claiming he loved me more than anything
#He is now dating the girl he cheated on me with at LEAST twice FOUR years ago :-)#so awesome and great for me to know they probably stayed in contact that whole time! love that!#found out bc he got a text and it said ‘I could kiss you all day’.#while we were together and everything was fine. I don’t understand why he did that.#this shit literally makes me want to off myself lol#and it fucking sucks because we dated for five years and it was so good for so long#and I love him more than I’ve ever loved anyone#but there’s nothing I can do#he also was the one who got me addicted to fentanyl.#and as soon as he went to rehab and got sober he left me. I wasn’t clean yet and could have died and he just left.#found out soon after he’d been seeing her.#when he cheated he sent me multiple pictures of her naked and her in our bed.#and my dumbass got back together with him.#every time#I was fucked up before this relationship but now I am literally irreparable#I can’t heal from this shit#he’d tell me to kill myself#and say he wished I was dead#knowing how difficult shit was for me and how suicidal I was#he’d strangle me and spit on me and trip me and punch me in the face#he’d constantly tell me I ruined every aspect of his life and that I was the worst thing that ever happened to him.#then he’d tell me that I’m abusive because of my mental illnesses.#I’m so tired :(#I’m so fucking damaged and broken from this shit I cannot even put it into words.#abuse tw#physical abuse tw#physical abuse cw
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Three Minutes
Prompt: Harry slips up and it’s only right his wife serves him a little punishment.
Word Count: 3.2 k +
Warnings: Language, Sexual Content (sexting, dirty talk, public, subby!h)
AN: I’m excited to share this!! I’m pretty sure I’m going to do a part 2. Let me know if you’d like to see this! I’m dedicating this to @harrywritingsbyme because she’s an amazing writer and you need to read everything of hers! Requests open ☺️
Reblog if you can!
Harry was dreading his interview with Howard Stern. The guy was an obnoxious prick who had no filter and liked to put people on the spot - it’s what he’s doing right now.
You were off to the side, watching the interview next to Jeff. It was matter of time before Howard brought you up to pick and prod at your husband.
“So Harry, you’re married, yes?” Howard asks, typical sunglasses on and curly permed hair donned. His mouth a little to close to the microphone.
“Yeah, I am,” Harry smiles tightly, hands rubbing on this upper thighs. He spares a quick glance over to you.
“She’s here, right?” Howard looks over at you and winks, “Fucking gorgeous babe, huh?”
You roll your eyes at the interviewers remark and Harry’s isn’t pleased but nicely responds, “She’s amazing, way out of my league.”
Howard laughs, “Now I have to ask you, does she tour with you?”
Harry replies, “Yeah. For the most part, sometimes she’ll go off to visit family or friends for a bit.”
The interview smirks, “Does she get worried you’re going to fuck other people while she’s not there? I mean you have girls falling at your feet. It must be hard to avoid temptation.”
You blink owlishly, attempting to contain the offended scoff bubbling in your throat. Jeff snickers and you send him a elbow.
Your husbands face can’t hide his annoyance at the question, “Are you asking me if it’s hard not to cheat on my wife?”
“I mean you could have a line up of girls after every show willing to blow you. I couldn’t be satisfied going home to the same thing every night.”
The band is looking back and forth at each other - clearly uncomfortable. Mitch’s face completely blank - of course.
“Well, I mean - I think that kind of stuff like...people going crazy over you was exciting when I was a bit younger. But no, I mean I’m very much in love and also consider myself a monogamous person.”
“Man, I mean - some of the songs you write about her? Watermelon Sugar, that’s clearly about eating her out,” Howard laughs, the tune playing softly in the background.
Jeff nearly chokes on the water he’s drinking and you pat him hard on the back - as payback for making Harry do this interview.
“I don’t think I’ve ever had pussy so good I’d write about it,” the interview jokes crudely. The women interviewer tittering in the background at his antics.
Harry fumbles, “Uh-uhm, it’s not uh- necessarily about anything or any act like...in particular. Just about having a good time with the person you love.”
The female interviewer who stays mostly quite chirps in to break the tension, “Is it hard to be long-distance when she’s not on the road with you?”
“Not at all. Most of the time she’s with me but we’re lucky we have technology that helps us not feel so far away from each other.”
Howard smiles, “How do you not go crazy being without sex for long amounts of time?”
It’s odd how obsessed this guy is with sex. As well as painting Harry as some sex-crazed rockstar who can’t go a day without.
Harry then goes on to put his entire, big ass foot in his mouth. “Y‘know that’s uh-that’s what good about FaceTime and Snapchat.”
The interviewer grins like a predator at Harry’s admission. You’re face is bright fucking pink. You’re gonna murder him.
“Well you heard it here first, folks. The key to how Harry Styles - one of the greatest artist of his time- keeps a happy relationship with his wife while he’s on the road. Dick pics and FaceTime sex.”
Harry glances over at you, his face apologetic as he already knows he in trouble.
You’re not that embarrassed - it not like it’s a weird thing to do but you didn’t want him talking about it with a trashy talk show host.
The interview is almost over which is good because Harry’s about to lose his temper after he’s asked about his step-father’s passing and the stalker who was harassing you two.
During the interview however, you get a wonderful fucking idea as easy payback for Harry’s little slip up.
After Harry’s tossed his headset and microphone pack off with a little too much force to be unnoticeable - he’s sliding up beside you.
“Baby love,” He murmurs sheepishly into your cheek, nuzzling there for a moment, and breathing in the scent of your shampoo.
“You did good, H,” You reply softly, landing a soft kiss to his lips before pulling back to brush his hair off his forehead.
“Y’not mad?” Harry asks warily, knowing he got nervous and gave a little too much information.
“No baby, not mad at all,” Your voice steady and believable. It was true - you weren’t mad, just a little annoyed.
He seems confused. He knows you like the back of his hand and usually, you get peeved when he says something in interviews you’d rather the word not know.
Like the one time he let it slip you had an affinity for hooking up in hotel pools after dark. Prat.
**
Harry multiple appearances that day and it ends in a dinner at a fancy restaurant in Beverly Hills with big wigs.
You were invited but declined, despite Harry’s pouting and whines for you to go. You were the only thing that made these work obligations go faster.
However, you had other plans and a little bit of revenge to play on your unsuspecting husband.
All in good fun - of course.
**
Harry sits down with a group of people from his label. They’re all dressed in tight suits and rolex watches.
Harry on the other hand is in a flowy button-up only halfway done and a tight pair is skinny jeans. Jeff is dressed pretty casually too.
They were talking about tour dates and had just received their appetizers when he gets the text from you. Your name in his phone as baby love.
Harry nearly chokes on his water when he opens the message to reveal an image of you nearly naked in your shared bed. You skin tone standing out against the baby blue comforter.
You have one of his vintage tees on as well as some creme boyshort panties. The shirt is lifted though, rumpled up by your collarbones to reveal your breasts.
Harry wants to drool over the picture but doesn’t want to risk anyone else seeing his wife in any state of undress. So he quickly responds.
Baby, I’m at dinner.
You reply with another picture. A hand tucked down your underwear, cupping your heat. He can see the outline of your fingers underneath the thin fabric.
Already have something you could eat.
Harry can already feel himself twitch in his jeans. Cut it the fuck out now
Another. Fucking. Picture. Comes through.
This time you’re completely stripped, tits visible with soft pink peaks, and a hand strategically covering your cunt.
Make me, H.
It clicks what game you’re playing. You rarely sent anything risqué when you where together because you had each other physically.
Harry curses under his breathe, locking his phone and pushing back his chair a little too fast - excusing himself to the loo.
As soon as he clicks the lock on the single-person restroom, he’s pressing on your contact information and you pick up on the very first ring.
“You bloody brat, I’m out at dinner,” Harry hisses at you, giving himself a rough squeeze through his tighten trousers.
All he hears back is a breathy moan. He’d know that sound anywhere - you’re touching yourself.
“What the fuck are you playin’ at?” Your husband demands, but the clipped edge in his tone tells you how much it’s affecting him.
“Just a little payback, babe...for spilling our dirty secrets,” you hum innocently, deciding to send him another picture.
It’s a simple photo without context some might not even understand. It’s just your hand but your fingers glistening with your arousal.
Harry’s hand is about to crush is phone into bits as his eyes roam the picture. He was nearly panting, already able to imagine the taste and smell.
He takes a deep breath before he threatens you, “if you don’t pull your desperate little self together right now- I’m not going anywhere near that needy cunt and I’ll make you spend all night choking on me.”
Instead of the typical, sad whimpers he expects to hear - he receives a patronizing, high-pitched giggle.
“That’s not how it’s going to work tonight, H,” you inform him in a matter-of-fact manner before continuing, “we’re playing by my rules.”
Your husband laughs in disbelief, echoing against the bleak bathroom walls, “and what those rules, sweetheart?”
“You’re going to go sit through your nice little dinner, rockstar. And I’m going to send you pictures, maybe some videos to watch to keep you entertained. If you don’t open them within three minutes each time and reply - you’re not coming tonight. The couch will have a blanket and pillow ready for you.”
If he was in charge, he’d laugh and remind you that you two have three lovely guest rooms he could choose from. But he doesn’t want to push it.
“Fuck,” Harry spits, having to cram his hand into his jeans to adjust himself so he doesn’t look like a pervert when he goes back out.
But he was so fucking game.
He’d do anything you wanted from him - no matter if he could embarrass himself in front of business partners or fans. He was besotted, whipped, whatever you wanted to call him.
“Are you going to be good for me, baby?” You coo tauntingly, from the other end of the line. Basking in his little huffs of air and the agitated lift in his voice.
“Yeah, m’gonna be good,” he murmurs gruffly, his demeanor had changed now that he wasn’t in charge any longer - always willing to let you be dominant when you wanted to be.
It wasn’t often - but when you did, Harry would fall into a nice, fuzzy headspace of compliance and submission. He always wanted to please and this amplified all of his desires.
“Best husband I could ask for, you know?” You reward, knowing that the games are just getting started and you wanted to make this last.
“I love you s’much,” Harry automatically returns, with deep devotion and honesty. His voice as sweet as maple syrup.
“Are you hard, H?”
He grips himself, like he’d just remember, “m’really fucking hard for you.”
“Snap an picture for me, pull yourself together, and then go back to your table - don’t forget the rules.”
“Yes ba-“
Then you end the call while he’s talking.
Harry’s a little shaky as he swipes onto his camera. He grips the thick outline of his cock, rings glinting in the dull lights, and takes a picture.
He hopes it’s good enough and quickly sends it before splashes some cold water on his face and thinking of anything but his naked wife laying at home in their bed - wet and horny.
Jeff gives him a side-eye when he sits back down, casually throwing a napkin over his lap because he can’t help the semi that refuses to go down all together.
“You alright?” His manager asks him, the others still in the throws of tour venues and vendors discussions.
Harry nods, lying easily “the missus couldn’t find her phone charger - thought I nipped it.”
“You do love to steal those,” his friends agrees before cutting off one of them men to suggest three days at Madison Square Garden instead of two.
Harry’s clutching his phone like a lifeline, anticipating the indicative text vibrations that let him know you’ve sent something.
However, despite how many times he checks, fifteen minutes pass and still nothing has sent from you. He almost starts to worry if you’re okay.
But just like the sneaky little thing you are, you wanted to give him enough time to calm down and relax before rilining him up again.
When it finally alerts him, he’s unlocking his phone and opening the message thread as fast as possible.
The picture makes his jaw almost drop on the fucking carpeted floor. You’re in one the large closets in your home- the one that holds all of his Gucci suits in particular.
There is a massive floor to ceiling mirror in this room that you’re standing in front of. You’ve slid on one of his custom silk Gucci button-ups that has styles embroidered on the breast pocket without doing doing up any of the buttons.
He’s an absolutely goner for you in anything that makes you look like his property - the large engagement ring and wedding band on your left ring-finger satiates that feeling quite well.
It takes he a moment before he realizes what else you’re wearing. Your fucking collar. It sat tight around your neck, the expensive leather biting into your skin.
Your one hand was holding the phone and the other had a hand teasing at one of your hardened nipples through the silk fabric of the shirt.
He keeps his phone in his lap with a dim light setting so nobody can risk a chance at seeing such explicits pictures of what’s his.
You look so good with my name on you, baby. Please, want to see you in just the collar, take off the shirt.
Harry fumbles along with the conversation, that’s revolving all around him, “Yeah, I loved Argentina. Definitely want to got there again.”
Buzz.
How’d you already forget I’m in charge? Maybe I’ll just go to bed if you’re not going to follow instructions.
As punishment - if you can really call it that - in the next image you don’t have the collar on any longer and you’ve done up a few buttons on the silk shirt.
Harry feels panicked at the thought of you stopping. He was in a nice, soft headspace clinging onto anything you were willing to give him - desperate to make you happy.
I’m sorry, baby. I’ll be good for you. You’re so fucking sexy. I can basically taste you on my tongue.
“Harry?” Jeff draws him out of his haze. He’s looking at him expectantly, eyebrow quirked, and a martini in his hand.
“What did you say?” Harry asks, eyes itching to dart back down to the screen of his mobile.
“Would you want Kacey to open for you again in North America?” Jeff repeats with annoyance.
“Oh, uh-yeah, that’d be great,” he tells them without really think about it.
He should be paying attention to this pretty important meeting but he can’t when he gets another alert.
The video is back in the bedroom, your delicate fingers sliding down your torso with the button-up pooled around your ribs.
Your hand slowly, at a near crawl- traces down with the camera until the manicured tips of your fingers are at your mound.
Harry’s stomach is tensing in excitement as he watches your fingers dip into the part in your slick, swollen folds.
He has to bite back a groan when the video cuts off and he reads the text below the attachment.
Was this the pussy you enjoyed eating so much you won a Grammy writing about? Was Howard right in his interview?
If Harry was in charge, he would have delivered a few resounding smacks to your arse for how cocky you were being - despite it being the absolute truth.
Did he write and win a Grammy based on a song about how much he loved eating his wife out? Sure fucking did.
Baby love. Yeah, wrote it about you. Write all my songs about how much I love you and your body. Everything is yours.
Harry is so good when he’s subby - is the thing.
Harry was a sappy sod anyways, always ready to tell you how much he loved you and thousand of other sweet things. This just amplified all of his warm, fuzzy emotions.
Send me a picture of your left hand
He hesitates for a moment, still nodding along to the ebb and flow of the business talk but having no actual idea what they’re talking about.
Harry places his large, wide hand flat on the table in front of him. He knew why you wanted his left hand - you were just as possessive as him.
You want to see his long, slim fingers that feel so good inside of you. You want to see the glimmer of his wedding band as well as the tattoo of your name on the outer curve of his hand.
He doesn’t think to turn off his flash. It ends up going off in the dimly lit restaurant and blinding the table, reflecting off the silver flatware.
He looks like a complete knob - taking a picture of his hand but also something weird Harry may do anyways and upload to his Instagram.
The men blink a few times and look at him with a confused expression. Jeff jabs him roughly in the side.
“Uh, snapchat streak,” he mumbles, tucking his phone back into his lap and sending it.
You were cutting it close, babe. 2 minutes, I don’t like waiting. But fuck, who’s name is that on your hand, who’s that ring for?
You, you baby. All of its for you, promise. I belong to you, only you for the rest of my life.
The response is quick.
But...you have girls falling at your feet, lining up to blow you.
A direct quote for the interview today. Brat - she knew how he hated when people assumed or talked like he had no self control or morals.
Only want your mouth, your cunt, your tits. So bloody gone for you, baby. Please send me another video.
He really shouldn’t be egging you on.
Your being greedy but you’ve been following the rules so I’ll allow it.
The video does not disappoint. You’re hand is nestled down between your thighs, pinching at your puffy, stimulated bud. Just the amount of pain you like. It’s a short clip but it has him wriggling in his seat.
He watches it again but before he can finish it - Jeff is snatching his phone out of his shaky hands and tucking it into his own pants pocket.
The manager’s obviously sick of the lack of focus and honestly, how disrespectful Harry’s being which is something he usual never is.
“Pay attention,” he whispers with a sharp, irritated tone before clapping Harry on the back to play off the scolding to the group.
Harry feels a knot form in his stomach as his phone sits stagnant in his friends pocket. His wife sitting, impatiently waiting for his response that she’s not going to get.
He watches his vintage wristwatch as fifteen minutes pass, he hears a few buzzes from his phone that go unattended.
Harry’s not fuzzy anymore - well not in a good way. He has anxiety bubbling in his tummy and his semi had finally disappeared from nerves of disappointing you.
He decides to engage in the conversation to keep his mind off of what is waiting for him at home. He craved to look at those images and videos again. To have it in real life.
**
It had been three hours since he responded. The people at the table insisting on dessert and alcoholic coffees despite Harry saying he was exhausted from a long day of promo.
At the end of dinner, Harry would love to lie and say he’s recovered from his shakiness but he hadn’t.
After shaking the hands of the record label men, he walks to his car with Jeff. He gets a nice talking to before his phone is being placed back into his hand and he’s sliding into his obnoxious vintage Ferrari.
He takes a deep breathe before he unlocks his phone. The buzzes he heard where not all from you. A few from Twitter, his mum, Niall. There was only one from you.
Game Over. You lose.
—
Thank you for reading💕🥺
#harry styles#harry styles fic rec#harry styles masterlist#harry styles writing#harrystylesfanfic#fanpic harry#fic rec#husband harry styles#Harry styles shut#harry styles imagine#harry styles x you#harry styles x y/n#harry styles x reader#harry styles prompt
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Sanctuary - Chapter 61
AUTHOR’S NOTE: SECOND LAST CHAPTER! EEEEEK! I’VE ALREADY BEGUN THE THIRD AND FINAL INSTALMENT OF TYLER/ESME SO LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED ;)
WARNINGS: none
TAGGING: @c-a-v-a-l-r-y, @alievans007, @thunderintheshadows, @innerpaperexpertcloud, @valkyrie-of-the-light
He can’t remember the last time he woke up like this; gradually, instead of bolting awake because of a nightmare or even the smallest of noises and the slightest of movements. Eyes slowly flickering open, taking in the brilliant sunshine that streams through the curtains; a slight breeze tumbling through the window and fluttering the thin fabric. He’d managed an entire night’s sleep. Worn out by jet lag and the multiple emotional meltdowns and their love making; once in the kitchen, again in the living room, and then their final session in the bedroom. The pain is there. It’s always there. And he suspects it will be for the rest of his life. It, along with the various scars that mar his body, the memories of his previous life that he’s burdened to carry forever.
Still on his stomach, Tyler reaches blindly for his cellphone that rests on the table next to his side of the bed, using the heel of his other palm to clear sleep from his eyes as he checks the time.
6:28.
It’s actually late for him. For five and a half years he’s been getting up at the crack of dawn; accepting his role as the one that wakes with whatever baby when they decided it was time for a change and a bottle. It made him feel useful; that he wasn’t just the one responsible for putting in half of the DNA needed to create a life in the first place. So he’d happily and willing taken that on. Enjoying those quiet moments that he shared just between him and his child. Children, in the twins’ case. Often sitting out on the front porch or on the back deck with them cradled against him; enjoying the way those tiny bodies snuggled into him, how all of their fingers would curl around one of his as he fed them their bottle, those bright blue eyes never leaving his the entire time. Pure, beautiful moments that he’d never felt as if he’d deserved. Especially after the horrible decision he’d made when Austin was so sick. It was something he’d thought he’d pay for for the rest of his life; karma either sending him to an early grave or allowing him to escape death time and time again in favour or living with profound guilt and self hate. But then he’d met Esme, and everything changed. He changed. Starting with those five days in a dirty hotel room in Dhaka.
He quickly checks for texts. It’s an old habit; used to either being woken up in the middle of the night or being finding missed messages. Something was always happening; problems with other missions that Nik wanted his input on, a job that she needed him to do, or when she’d been into the wine and she’d send him her many propositions, filthy suggestions, and…once or twice…half naked photos of herself. Constantly flooding his inbox with her bullshit; despite the four kids and the wedding band on his finger and telling her time and time again that he’d never…in a million years…cheat on his wife. The one person that loved him unconditionally, despite all of his bullshit. Who he loved in the exact same fashion. A woman that had come into his life when he least expected and altered everything. That stuck by him during even the most difficult and trying of times, and who not only had given him everything of herself that she possibly had, but a chance at a normal life.
Nothing from Nik. Or Yaz. They’ve gone silent and he’s grateful for that. He needs time; time to deal with all of the bullshit going on in his head, time to let go of everything in the past that’s been weighing him down and threatening to destroy not only him, but his marriage. His body and mind need rest, and he was certain that neither of them…especially Nik…would be willing to let that happen. They felt he owed them answers; an explanation as to why he just gave up and walked away. He felt he owed them shit. Weren’t years of blood, sweat, and tears enough? Hadn’t he already paid his debts? Wasn’t nearly dying in Dhaka a big enough price to pay?
There’s two messages. Both from Ovi. The first is a picture of the kids gathered around…and on top of…their uncle Kyle in the middle of his brother in law’s living room floor. He’d created a makeshift sleeping area with a blow-up mattress and all of the cushions from the couch, and all of them -including Kyle himself- were fast asleep. The second is a text itself; one that brings tears to Tyler’s eyes. Heartfelt and poignant. That once teen now a man just putting his heart out there. Telling him how grateful he was that fate had brought them together. That they’d been strangers but now they were family. A family that he loves and is proud of and never wants to let go. How Tyler doesn’t think he’s brave, but he’s the bravest person Ovi has ever known.
You have to do battle with your own head every day. And you always beat it. That’s courage. That’s brave.
It takes him several minutes to compose himself; to be able to see the screen in order to compose a message in response. Just a simple thank you. And a ‘I’ll see you soon, mate’. Ovi won’t expect anything else; he knows Tyler is a man of few words. Especially in emotional situations.
Putting the cell phone back on the table, he rolls over onto his back; grimacing at the tightness in the middle of his spine and at the pain that take erupts in his shoulder and travels down all the way to his fingers. And he closes his eyes, a forearm across his brow, attempting to will the pain away instead of having to actually get up and get some meds; content in the warm confines of his bed…their bed. With that warm, soft body sleeping next him.
She stirs, rolling over onto her side, sliding closer to him and laying a hand on his stomach. “What’s wrong?” she mumbles, eyes never opening
“Nothing’s wrong. Ovi just sent me a couple text messages that I didn’t get until this morning.”
“That’s because I kept you too busy to look at you phone,” she says, and then gives a sleepy giggle. “I told you I was crazy hormonal.”
“I am not complaining,” he grins, and remove his forearm from his eyes and lays his hand on the top of her head; slowly running his palm over her hair, down onto the nape of her neck and to the spot between her shoulders. “Think we can keep things crazy hormonal in a good way? Because sometimes…”
“I go batshit insane?”
“Well, I was going to say sometimes you’re a little off the rails. But if you prefer batshit insane…”
“Do ever wonder who came up with that saying? Who decided that batshit was the insane? How does someone go about discovering something like that?”
“Babe, our brains do not work in the same way. Because no. I’ve never once wondered that. Do you just have all these wild, weird things running free in that pretty little head of yours? Because I’d love to be able to get in there for just one day and see what’s going on in that mind.”
“Trust me, you do not want to know,” she laughs, and moves even closer to her. Tucking herself under his arm, presses tightly against his side. “What time is it?”
“Almost seven.”
She groans. “What is wrong with you? Why are you up so early? You’re retired now. You can sleep all damn day if you want. There’s no kids here, no dog, it’s quiet, it’s relaxing. There’s no need to be up this early.”
“Force of habit,” he reasons, and drops a kiss on the top of her head.
“A lot of habits are going to change,” she says, eyes closed as her fingers trace the tattoos and scars that decorate his body. She doesn’t have to look, every location and every inch of each long ago memorized. “Maybe you will get fat and lazy.”
He grins. “You still gonna stick around if that happens?”
“You can’t get rid of me that easily and you know it. It would take a lot more than you getting fat and lazy. But we both know that’s likely not going to happen because you…” her fingers move along his throat; over his Adam’s apple and up onto the underside of his chin, tugging lightly at his beard. “… can’t sit still for more than five minutes. We’re going to have to find lots of things for you to do. So you don’t start getting that itch and wind up back doing what you did before.”
Tyler knows she’s worried about it; that he’ll get bored with a ‘normal’ life. That domesticity and the routines it comes with won’t be enough to keep his hands and his mind busy. And maybe it will. Maybe one day he’ll wake up and miss what he used to do. Maybe he will feel that itch to get back into something more exciting and dangerous. But he won’t let himself wander back down that path. There’s just way too much to lose.
“Not going to happen,” he assures her. “I’ll find something. There’s got to be lots to do with fifteen acres. The house doesn’t need work but there’s other things I can find I’m sure. Something I can get the kid into. It’s going to be hard on him. Twice we’ve uprooted him.”
“First of all, you have to remember that Ovi is not a kid anymore. He’s a man, Tyler. With a girlfriend that is moving in with him. And I know it’s hard to believe and it’s even harder to accept. I have a hard time with it. That he’s not the same Ovi that we brought back here with us. Second, he’s tough. Tougher than anyone gives him credit for. Look at what he went through in Dhaka. He was only fourteen then and that could have easily destroyed him. He stepped up. When you asked him to take the kids and take off. And he managed to keep them and Chloe safe. That is huge. That is a massive step for him, and I don’t know about you, but I’m crazy proud of him and I can’t wait to tell him that.”
“I’m proud of him too. He’s a good kid. A good man,” he corrects when she looks at him. “But he’s still Ovi. In my eyes.”
“Well one day Ovi is going to get married and have kids of his own and then what? He’s going to make us grandparents.”
Tyler frowns.
“Sobering thought isn’t it?” she laughs, her hands in his hair -or what’s left of it now-, palms rubbing against it. “It could happen nine months from now, for all we know.”
“It fucking better not. I don’t want to be a new father and a grandfather at the same time.”
“Especially when you’re going to have so many diapers to change.”
“You mean you’re going to have to grin and bear it when I decorate the nursery. Because it’s a girl.”
“It’s diaper duty for you. It’s a boy. Your track record speaks for itself. You’ve made three boys since making one girl. Think about it.”
“I have,” he curls an arm around her waist, effortlessly hoisting her on top of him, those soft breasts and those silky curves pressed against him. And he combs his fingers through her hair and kisses her forehead. “It’s a girl.”
“You’re going to be eating some humble pie when we found out otherwise.”
“I’d rather eat something else.”
“I could make us breakfast. Or you could take me out for something.”
He scowls. “I wasn’t talking about actual food.”
“Oh…” she pouts dramatically, eyes widening when she finally comprehends what he really means. “…oh…you mean that.”
“Yeah…” he grabs her by her hips and unceremoniously dumps her onto her back, a grin on his face as his hands rest on her thighs, gently pushing them open. “…I mean that.”
*****
It’s day three when the kids and Ovi return.
The afternoon and the evening before had been rough; a lot of anxiety, and near crippling depression accompanied by the guilt he was feeling over leaving the McMann kids’ lives in the hands of rookies. Triggered by a call from Nik that he’d let go to voicemail, followed by a simple text of: WE NEED TO TALK. And it had come out in the worst possible way: a lot of yelling and aggression and horrible, harsh words directed at the one person who didn’t deserve it.
Afterwards he’d felt even worse; disgusted with himself for the things he’d said to her. Yet she’d never retaliated; barely raising her voice, never responding with the thousand and one harsh things she could have thrown back at him, the expression on her face remaining stoic and solid. Yet he’d seen it in her eyes; the hurt he’d caused. That same look she’d had when he had sent her away with Saju and Ovi.
He’d apologized profusely, and she’d never pushed him away when he’d reached out to hold her and kiss her and stumble over his words as he tried to take back everything he’d said.
“This is going to happen,” she’d reasoned; so calm and strong and so willing to help him. “It’s all going to come out. It has to come out. This is just one of the ways it will.”
It had passed as quickly as it had come on. That calm and gentle way of hers soothing all the guilt and helping chase away the anxiety and take away the edge of the depression. But they’re always there; lingering just under the surface, eating away at him little by little, always threatening to explode and turn him into a monster. It’s his number one fear; that he’d become just like his old man. The job had given him an outlet for all of the hurt and anger that had taken root in him at a young age; constantly being reminded that he was a disappointment and that he’d never amount to anything or every be ‘good enough’, seeing his mother abused in every way possible. Now that outlet is gone. And while it needed to go, he fears that without it, he’ll turn into the one person he’d vowed he’d never be like.
Nik’s in the passenger seat of Kyle’s truck and Tyler sees the way she watches him; eyes narrowed, creases across her brow, lips set in a firm line. He knows she expects some kind of explanation from him; a reason why he’d just so abruptly walked away. And maybe he does owe her one. After all, they’ve been friends for a long time, and she’d always trusted him with even the most complex and dangerous of jobs. But he feels nothing when he sees her. No remorse that he’d cut those strings without warning her first, no connection to their friendship or anything sexual that had happened between them years ago.
“Daddy!” Millie is the first one out of the truck, not even taking her uncle’s offer of a helping hand as she leaps from the back seat and hits the ground running, tears already spilling down her cheeks. And he effortlessly scoops her up onto his arms before she can collide with his legs, a forearm under her bum and a hand on the back of her head; tiny arms curling around his neck. “Daddy…” she sobs, and he can feel those tears through his shirt. “…I knew you’d come home…I knew it…”
“I told you I would,” he presses a kiss to the side of her head, closing his eyes against the threat of his own tears. “I told you I’d come home.”
“I missed you, daddy. I missed you so bad it made my tummy hurt. And my heart. My heart lots and lots.”
“I missed you, Amelia,” It’s the first time he’s called her that in two years; since she decided she didn’t like her full name and wanted something more ‘fun’ and ‘kid like’. And he lets the tears come now; not caring who is there to see them. Kyle, Nik. It doesn’t matter anymore. All that matters is the little girl clinging to him with all the strength and power she can muster up. “I missed you so much.”
“I don’t want you to go away ever again. It’s too scary when you go away. I don’t like when you leave. It makes me sad and I worry that I’ll never see you again.”
“I’m not going away ever again. There’s no more going away. I’m home now. For good. You don’t have to worry about me going away ever again.”
“Promise?” she sniffles and pulls back to look at him. “Promise you’ll never…ever…ever…go away again.”
“I promise.”
She holds his face in her hands. “You have ouchies again.”
“Nothing serious. And they’re going away. There’ll be no more ouchies again either. Ever.”
“Ever?”
He nods.
“I like your hair,” she says as an afterthought, giggling as she rubs her palms against it. “It feels funny. Why are you crying?”
“Happy crying,” he assures her, as little fingers work at clearing the droplets away. “Happy tears.”
“Daddy!” the twins cry in unison, and he moves Millie over onto his hip and crouches down as the boys come flying towards him; one arm reaching out to gather both of them into his embrace, pulling them tight against him. Once more letting those tears flow. It’s the longest he’s ever been away; two weeks was the record before. But it’s been nearly four. An entire month away from his kids. Nearly thirty days of not seeing them face to face. Of not reading bedtime stories and tucking them in. Of not being able to even hug them.
“Your hair is so cool!” TJ exclaims, as rubs his hands along his father’s head. He’s a tough kid; hiding a big, sensitive heart underneath a hard exterior. Tanner is the sensitive one; an old soul stuck in a little boy. And he holds onto his dad with all the strength inside of him; his face buried in the side of Tyler’s neck as he sobs, that small body shaking with the force it.
“It’s alright, mate,” Tyler kisses the side of his son’s head, rubs his back soothingly. “It’s alright now.”
“I was so scared,” Tanner’s voice is muffled against his father’s neck. “That I’d never see you again.”
“I told you I’d be home. That nothing could stop me from getting back to you guys. That there was no one out there that could keep me from you.”
“I missed you so much, daddy. I’m glad you’re home. Don’t go away again, okay? I don’t want you to away again.”
“I won’t,” he promises, and runs a hand over Tanner’s hair. “I won’t go away ever again. Why don’t you guys go and see mommy? I’ll be inside in a little bit, okay?”
He gets more hugs and kisses, and then all three run off; their footsteps loud on the wooden porch stairs as they make a made a dash for the front door.
“Look at this guy,” Kyle says, a broad grin on his face as he holds onto one of Declan’s hand, the baby strong on his legs, gait slightly wobbly. Eleven months old and already meeting such a huge milestone; a proud smile on his little face, blue eyes sparkling. “Just happened over night Esme said.”
It takes Tyler by surprise. And makes that month seem like it had lasted even longer. When he’d left that night, Declan was just learning how to pull himself up to a stand using the railing on his crib or the edge of the couch or someone’s legs. Now here he was, so close to walking on his own. And that emotion chokes at him once more as he gives a “look at you, mate, look at you” and then holds his hand out for his son to grab onto. Little fingers tightly grabbing onto one of his; confident that his dad won’t let him fall.
“She wanted it to be surprise,” Kyle says, as Tyler scoops Declan into his arms and stands up, running his fingers through that thick strawberry blond hair and peppering tiny cheeks with kisses. “She told me not to say anything.”
“Feels like I’ve been gone forever. I had a baby when I left and now, I have a toddler. It’s…surreal.”
Kyle nods in agreement.
“Thank you. For taking them. For giving Esme and I some time alone. We needed it. There were things we needed to talk about it. Without little ears around.”
“Nothing I wouldn’t do for my kid sister. Or you. I know we haven’t always seen eye to eye, and I said some things I shouldn’t have the other day. About what you do and how you handled things. But I know you love my sister. I can see that. In the same way I know you love your kids. I was just worried about her. That’s all. I know you can understand that.”
Tyler nods.
“But it wasn’t personal. Against you. It was just the situation. I just wanted you to know that. I was important to me that you know that.”
“I’d never do anything to hurt your sister. Ever. And it’s important to me that you know that. So…” he switches Declan from one hip to the other. “…you and Nik, huh?”
Kyle nods.
“You guys can come in if you want. Stay for dinner. We have tons of food and I know how much you like to get on the grill.”
Kyle rubs at the back of his head. “You think that’s a good idea? I mean, Esme and Nik don’t actually get along and my sister did say you wanted to put everything behind you. I just assumed that means everyone, too.”
“It does. Which is why I think you guys need to come in. Might be the last time we ever all get a chance to be together. We’ll be leaving soon, so…”
“I just don’t want it to be awkward.”
“I promise I won’t let Esme throw down with Nik. I can’t let my pregnant wife beat the hell out of someone. Even though she’s probably fully capable of doing it. Besides, I think there’s some things that need to be said. Before I can actually move on. So humour me, yeah?”
“And you promise no cat fights? As entertaining as it might be?
“I promise,” Tyler grins and then turns to towards the house. “Just a heads up though, if you want beer, better go and get your own. We don’t do that here anymore.”
****
“There’s some things I need to say,” Tyler begins, as he and Nik sit on the top step of the back deck; watching as Kyle and Ovi entertains the oldest kids in the pool, Esme in the house putting the baby down for a nap. “And I need you to just keep quiet and let me say them.”
She blinks at the tone of his voice; quiet, all business. Then nods for him to continue.
“I don’t owe you anything, Nik. I’ve given you enough over the years, especially over the past five and a half. I let you come between me and my family. I let you get into my head and convince me that I couldn’t properly take care of them and provide for them without doing the job. That it somehow made me a lesser man because I wasn’t out there killing people. And if I’d been even half the man I was before Dhaka, I never would have let any of that happen. I would have told you to go fuck yourself and you know that.”
She nods.
“But I realize that I can’t move on if I don’t give you an explanation. Because I need to let go of the past and if I don’t saythe things I need to, it’ll bug me for the rest of my life. I’ll never be able to rest…truly rest…if I don’t let it all go. I’m done, Nik. With everything. I’m done with that life. With the job. With everything and everyone that comes with it. I realized I wasn’t the guy who could get those kids out. Not with where my brain is. I was more of a danger to them than anything else. Because I wouldn’t have been able to focus or get my head on straight and that would have been a total disaster and you know it.”
“I do,” she agrees.
“I’m not in a good place. Mentally. I haven’t been in a good place in a long time. And I should have walked away when Esme had the twins and Tanner was in the hospital and we didn’t know if he was going to make it or not. That should have been the end. I should have told you to fuck off as soon as you called me. He was a week old and we didn’t even know if he was going make it to two weeks and I let you suck me right back in. I abandoned my wife when she needed me the most. I abandoned my son. Who could have died. And you know what’s worse? You knew how bad things were and you knew they needed me, and you still didn’t leave me alone.”
“Tyler, I…”
“You never could leave me alone. You just kept coming back and calling me and text me and emailing me. You didn’t give a shit that my baby was in the hospital and might not even make it. You didn’t give a shit that Esme needed me. You knew I wouldn’t say no. As soon as you pulled that ‘you need the money to take care of them properly’ bullshit. You knew that that’s what would get me back out there. Whether it would kill me or not. How fucking dare you? How fucking dare you disrespect my wife and my kids like that. Put that shit in my head and take me away from them.”
“I never meant to…”
“I’m done. For good. I can’t do that life anymore. I don’t want to be that person any longer. I want to be a husband. I want to be a father. Those are the only two things that matter now. And I want you to accept that. After tonight, I want you to walk away and forget you ever knew me. Lose my phone number. Lose my email. Pretend I never existed. He’s gone, Nik. That Tyler’s gone and he’s never coming back. No matter how hard you try.”
“And you’ll be happy? Not being that Tyler anymore?”
“I just want to be normal. I want to wake up every morning beside the love of my life. I want to make my kids breakfast and take them to school. I want to watch them grow up. See them get married and have babies of their own. I want to grow old alongside of my wife. That’s the life I want. That’s the Tyler I want to be. And you need to accept that. I’m done, Nik. We’re done.”
“And when you get bored…?” she presses.
“I’m done,” he forcibly stresses. “This is it. When you walk out of here tonight, I don’t want you contacting me ever again. And I don’t just mean for the job, either. Don’t sit there and pretend that you don’t know what I’m talking about. That you haven’t spent the last five and a half years trying to get me to cheat on my wife.”
She shifts uncomfortably beside him.
“I don’t care what happened between us in the past. It was never going to be what you wanted it to be. I told you that right from the beginning. What I have with Esme? We were never going to have that, Nik. I never wanted that with you. I never wanted it at all. Until I met Esme. And I’m sorry if you can’t handle hearing that. But it’s the truth. And I’m sorry if you feel that I used you or lead you on, because that was not my intention. We were in agreement; it was just sex.”
“It was,” she says. “Until it wasn’t.”
“Until it wasn’t for you, you mean. Because that’s all it was for me. And I know what you think; you think I only asked Esme to marry me because she found out she was pregnant with Millie. But that’s not what happened. I was in love with her. I wanted to be with her. And our kid. I didn’t marry her because I felt obligated to do it. I married her because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. And if you can’t get that through your head…” he shrugs. “…I don’t know what else to tell you.”
“Tyler…” she reaches for her, attempting to lay a hand on his thigh.
“Don’t,” he warns, and moves away. “Just don’t. My kids are here. My wife is right inside. Just don’t.”
She holds her hands up in surrender.
“You need to leave me alone. You need to stop trying to come between Esme and me. I’m never going to cheat on her. Ever. She’s the only woman I want to be with. And you’ve got a good guy there,” he nods in Kyle’s direction. “He’s a really good guy and you need to give him a chance. Let yourself be happy for once, Nik”
“It’s hard,” she sighs. “Letting go. I get the feeling this will be the last time we ever see each other. The last time I ever talk to you.”
He gives a small smile. “That’s the plan.”
******
“You know what the first thing is we need to buy when we get to Australia?” Esme asks hours, her voice barely above a whisper.
Tyler looks over at her; loving the way the moonlight bathes her smooth skin in almost silvery glow. “What’s that?”
“A bigger bed.”
He chuckles and looks down at the tiny bodies curled up contently beside him. And on top of him. Tanner fast asleep on his stomach; stretched out along his father’s torso with his head tucked under his chin. Millie tucked under one arm and TJ under the other, his hands on their backs and their faces pressed into his ribs. Declan still awake; sitting between his parents, gently grabbing and yanking at a complacent Mac’s fur as the dog rests in front of him. The kids had insisted on sleeping in the ‘big bed’; not wanting to be away from their dad for a single moment. Scared that they’d open their eyes and he’d be gone again.
“One of those double king-sized ones,” she muses. “Or maybe one that takes up half the room. That can be your first project. You can build it.”
He nods. “I could do that. Where do we find a mattress to fit it?”
“I’m sure there’s a place in Australia we could find them at. Or we can just look on the internet. You can buy everything on the internet. And you know what the best thing about having a bed that big would be?”
“I do not want the kids sleeping with us for the next eighteen years, so if that’s what you’re going to say…”
“Actually…” she reaches out to rub the top of his head. “…I was going to say that I love having a large playground.”
He grins and gives her a wink.
“Nik seemed to be in a mood when her and Kyle left,” she says, as she attempts to wrangle Declan onto his back. “What did you do? Turn down a blow job?”
“Why do I need any from her when I get enough from you?”
“Maybe you like variety, I don’t know.”
“The only one I want to be getting blow jobs from is you, so…” he lays a hand on the small of her back. “…stop.”
“You must have done something. Or said something. She looked like she was ready to throat punch you. Ughhh, child…” she groans, as Declan gets up into a sit once more. “….do you have to be so stubborn? Do you have to be so much like your father?”
“You say it like it’s bad thing,”
“Sometimes it is. Sometimes he does things that make me want to drink. Like right now,” she sits up and scoops the baby up into her arms, settling him against her chest; one arm under his head, the other supporting his legs. “And he’s so long and he’s so solid, oh my god.”
“He’s going to be a tank. Probably taller than me. And heavier. You never told me. That he was walking. I mean, not on his own, but with help.”
“I wanted it to be a surprised. There’s been so much bad things happened that I wanted there to be something good for you when you got home.”
He smiles and runs his hand up her back, gently squeezing her shoulder. “Thank you.”
She merely winks at him in response.
“You’re a pretty good wife, you know that? I could spend the next forty years with you. Easily.”
“Yeah?” she grins. “Well I think I can handle a life sentence with the likes of you.”
He smiles, then trails his fingertips down her arm and over her wrist, taking her hand in his hand. “You won’t have to worry about Nik anymore,” he says. “I handled it.”
“You mean just about the job or….”
“About the job. And us. I told her she’s been trying to screw things up for five and a half years and I was tired of it. That whatever she wants from me is never going to happen. That I just want to be a husband and a father. That’s what I want to do with my life. Be with you and the kids. And if that’s all I do for the next forty or fifty years, then so be it. I’ll die a happy man.”
She raises their join hands to her lips and presses a kiss to the top of his life. “You’re a good man, Tyler Rake.”
“Yeah?” he tightens his hold on her hand. “Only because you make me want to be.”
#tyler rake#tyler rake fan fic#tyler rake fan fiction#extraction#sanctuary#chris hemsworth character
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Symphogear, EP.7 (Cont.)
“i have not now, nor ever, liked this creepy ass church elevator.”
“kanade please get out of my head, just because im hungry doesnt mean you have to tell me every time i am”
Hibiki finishes getting a full body X-ray. She’s fine.
“that anime protagonist immunity is really kicking in well!”
“by the way, your wife is here! and she’s looking mighty miffed., as opposed to me, mighty milfed.”
“you dont strike me as a mother figure but ill play along for now”
“i just hope miku’s okay...”
“oh, she’ll be fine! see, i’ve seen these kinds of plots before. big secret revealed, another lover is shown, the victim watches as they’re thoroughly cheated on, and they get to lik-”
“please stop breathing”
Genjuro’s wasting away again in Margaritaville. Looking for some daughter to adopt. SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT THERE’S A, WOOOOMAAAAAN TO BLAAAAAAAAAAME, BUT HE KNOWS
XYLOPHONE RIFF
THAT’S IT’S ALL HIS FAULT
XYLOPHONE RIFF
“i hate it when he gets like this. jimmy buffets not a good look for him.”
“for once you and i agree. seeing the commander sulk like this like a middle aged perma-tourist is genuinely miserable”
“hey homies! im back and i brought some bitches! oh, jesus, why does this place smell like mistakes in miami?”
“its me. im sorry. every time i feel like i failed as a dad, my anti-dad energies manifest. imagine every midlife crisis rolled up into a single ball, smacked into the face for eternity. thats the depth of my pain for failing this girl.”
In a moment of positivity, the friendship between Tsubasa and Hibiki is cemented.
> Tsubasa has joined the party.
“FRIENDSHIP!”
“fweindship.”
“uuuuhhhhh... dadship? yeah thats close enough.”
“WE’RE ALL GOOD FRIENDS!”
“ya tiddies are ringing again, better go get it”
Ryoko also points out that Hibiki’s relic is fusing with herself at an alarming rate. This is important to keep in mind.
Meanwhile, at night.
Miku is posing in the motherly “you done fucked up, where have you been young lady” position. A cold scolding is coming.
“.........................hey miku......”
“you can come in. are you worried im gonna bite? you suplexed a car. that shouldn’t be an issue anymore.”
“miku, i.... i wanted to tell you.... but.... the plot wouldn’t let me, miku....”
“should’ve told the plot to fuck off anyway. now you’re gonna live with that. you’re sleeping... on the bottom bunk.”
“b.... b..... b...... b.... b...... bottom bunk...?”
They slept separately that night. God, this is so stupid. All of this is so goddamned stupid. “I’m so mad at you even though you saved my life.” This is just so. AUGH. THIS IS DUMB. KANEKO WRITE BETTER ANGST THAT MAKES SENSE THAT ISN’T THIS.
Meanwhile, far away from this garbage...
Chris, having been evicted from Fine’s McMansion, wanders the streets of mumblemumble aimlessly. Don’t be fooled by her new fancy dress. Basically, she’s a combat-competent hobo.
“no food. no home. no victories. this sucks. whyd you do it, fine? we coulda been great together. but no. ya fired me. now i look like im prancing the red light district with a highly advanced superweapon around my neck.”
“no... hibiki’s to blame. ever since that genderbent little mac showed up to fight me, it’s been all downhill. fine thought me a laughstock because i couldnt take out her oversized boxing gloves, and now she beat me while i had nehushtan. god... i wish i never met that damn hamster faced chubby cheeked nerd.”
“wait, whats that crying”
Chris spies two kids talking to each other, one of them crying. Chris immediately makes an assumption, believing the big bro is bullying his sis.
“hey! stop nicking her lunch money, twerp”
Chris currently is a firm believer of corporeal punishment.
But the sister deflects the blow. Chris can’t even defeat children right now. Truly, this is a record low for her. You know you blew it when even kids are schooling you on basic morality. She then tells the little girl to stop crying, ironically mirroring her brother.
The infamous double T-Pose maneuver. Chris, you might as well get a shovel and start digging your own grave.
“i keep doing bad things badly, and now im doing good things badly... when fine said i was bad... did she just mean im not talented?”
Chris, finally, does a good thing and helps these kids find their parents.
“yeah. hibiki saved a kid when she got her gear. guess what? bam! im saving two! that’s fifty percent more kid per kid saved. take that, weirdo.”
The kids call her out on Chris singing unconsciously, and Chris gets flustered over it. Dawwwwww.
Chris manages to get them to safety to their Dad...
...while brutally lying about it, making Chris look like a predator. There’s a very crushing irony at play here, given who Chris used to serve.
“ugggggggggggggggghhhhhh hes not even gonna payyyyy meeeeeee why the fuck did i dooooo thiiiiiiissssss”
“hey, you know. you kids have a really nice relationship with one another. care to give me tips on how to be an empathetic human being capable of making friends?”
“maybe we’re born with it”
“maybe its maybeline”
“maybeline...”
Meanwhile...
A cold wind blows through Lydian Apartment 69-L. (I don’t actually know if that’s their room number, I just made it up.)
“jesus take the wheel, because i’m jumping out the passenger seat to save this current wreck of a relationship”
“miku please i saved your life, doesnt that count for anything”
“you already killed me the moment you lied. also im taking the bottom bunk so i dont have to see your face coming down the ladder.”
“miku you cant hide in this depression den forever. i know i hurt you and im sorry for it, but please understand i literally couldnt do it. you saw there were punches and violence and stuff... i didnt want you tied to that...”
“what was that? i cant hear your apologies over my incredibly loud snoring. SNOOOOOOORE. SNOOOOOOOORE. SNOOO- fuck, i just swallowed my spit, fuck”
“i hope this cocoon of displeasure you’ve made for yourself lets you erupt into a butterfly of acceptance so i can fly with you again.”
“......thats not fair. you cant say those beautiful metaphors and get away with it. let me be mad... sniff... let me be mad...”
Sadness wafts in the den of lies Hibiki has been forced into.
No music plays. There is only heartbreak, and woe.
In the midst of this pain...
Ryoko loredumps about how the Symphogears work and are immune to the noise on her blog, ‘hornyonmainforscience.org’, her hybrid science journal slash kink zone. It’s mostly a recap with some pretty good soft techno beats in it.
“i made a custom brew of red bull, five hour energy drink, coffee, and cream. i call it gamer girl piss.”
“damn. that’s some good piss.”
She muses about how Hibiki has managed to break the limitations of her Symphogear, making her a totally unique specimen. Wait, where have we heard this before...?
Hey... Ryoko... let’s just... cool it a bit with the Hibiki pictures... come on...
Ryoko touches upon the Custodians and the Curse of Babel. We ain’t touching that shit until later, because that’s another shitfuck box of crazy just ready to jump us in a dark alleyway to rob us of our wits.
Back to Lydian:
“miku whats the answer to the first three multiple choice questions”
“B. A. D.”
“oh, thanks. huh, BAD.”
“yeah. you are.”
“mmm. taste likes dissapointment. just like my life.”
“hey table for two haha get it cause there’s two chairs and miku for the love of god, please, forgive me”
“ive surgically removed my eyes and drew eyelashes over them with sharpie so i dont have to see your bird bangs.”
“thats very rude to both me and my hair. also, wig.”
Even Hibiki’s meal is judging her. Mainly for not eating it. Fucking look at this. God, that looks amazing. Fuck, why did I write this while I was hungry.
“miku you cant do this forever. i might die and youll end up crying on my tombstone going ‘oh god, why, oh god’, and really, i cant live with myself if that happens. mainly because id already be dead by then”
The Anime Janai crew show up to break some icebergs with a goddamn sledgehammer. As the self-aware Gods of this realm, they got very tired of this poor display of angst, and have decided to directly intervene.
Nevermind. They came for her kneecaps, and they most certainly got them.
PLEASE. I’M BEGGING YOU. END THIS GARBAGE PLOT THREAD.
“look. imma lay down the facts. yall are gay. yall are in love. yall are angry for the wrong reasons. its nobody’s fault here but the writer. so please kiss and make up. pretty please.”
“kaneko... you fool... we all know what the original sin is. its your hack writing making this stupidity in the first place. let the pencil go, asshole!”
They bring up the fact that Hibiki isn’t doing her work and wonder if she has a job on the side, which isn’t allowed by the school. Miku gets annoyed and bails, with Hibiki running after her. Unfortunately, Miku runs faster...
“oh god miku not the rooftop whatever you’re thinking just dont do it! please!”
“no. i came here to angst, since this is the Maximum Angst Zone.”
“i..... okay! okay, that’s fair! rooftops are the perfect place to look sad while getting proper air ventilation, thats fine”
It really would have been better played if it was played off that she felt hurt not because of the lie, but because she felt like she could have helped her better having known the truth, and it being a self-loathing sort of scenario for not being there better for her and not fully understanding the risk at play.
But no, instead, we get this.
youtube
Absolutely obliterated. A heart ripped, shredded, and sent to the Shadow Realm.
The episode ends on that note, but has a post credit scene.
Naked. On an old timey telephone. On a computer. Wearing stockings and long gloves.
The main antagonist of the series, everybody.
She’s talking the best English possible to some random-ass American when suddenly bursting through the scene is none other than:
“I WANT WORKERS COMPENSATION YOU BITCH, BEFORE I UNIONIZE YOUR NAKED ASS”
“AND I WANT A GOOD REFERNECE FOR MY FUTURE EMPLOYER, AND ALSO A SEVERANCE PACKAGE SINCE I’M FUCKING HOMELESS”
“i paint my eyelashes with mascara made from the tar of freshly carbonated corpses manufactured through noise, what on gods green earth compels you to think id give a rats ass about you?”
“so you never cared, huh! you’re just a nasty naked hedonist trying to- trying to- what the fuck are you even trying to do?!”
“i want to live the dream every spicy little fossil like me yearns for.”
“I WANNA FUCK GOD!”
“how- what? what? how do you even- what? are you- do you want to be the pope? is that it? does the pope get to fuck god? are you- is this a larping thing? you’ve really been into larping lately! i don’t like this!”
“youve never read the old testament, have you. ass out, pussy bare, hips up and barefoot. that’s how god’s always liked it.”
“now get lost, punk. you tipped off my hand to genjuro and now you being here is going to ruin everything. if you still feel any semblance of devotion, eat one of your own bullets and call it a day.”
“it’s 2012 bitch, if the mayans dont get you, I WILL”
“what god gives, He takes away, and so do i. i built you from the ground up. your relic, which was good for jack shit on you. the nehushtan, which you failed to do anything with except zap a couple hundred people. stop wars? you’re a walking war, waged by me, for me. and your cartridge has just run out of bullets.”
“uh oh! hand’s acting up again! better bail before i send you back to smacktown where all the bitter little shittalkers like you strut around spending their lives being useless as hell.”
“ah fuck, im not dealing with no manos: the hands of fate bullshit again”
“and guess what else i got on motherfucker”
“i see the union efforts have officially been busted. understandable, have a nice day ma’am”
“LEAVE.”
“I’M GOING, I’M GOING”
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I just realized there are some asks left... The rest? 😉😄
Are you kidding me?!
Not what I meant when I said ‘ask me stuff I’m in the mood to answer questions’. 😂😂
1. The meaning behind my url:
I wanted S_Nebulosa or something but that was already taken… so I had to come up with something and somehow that’s how I came up with this. No deeper meaning.
3. How many tattoos I have and what they are:
One tattoo of 3 snowflakes.
5. Piercings I have:
I have pierced ears and that’s it.
7. Biggest turn offs:
When someone has a weird air/moves weird or something. Idk sometimes when I see someone I instantly know I dislike something about the way they move or hold themselves. It’s really vague and weird but it is what it is. Also being mean or rude. Cancelling stuff last minute for reasons like ‘also had plans with someone else’ because you could’ve just put stuff in your agenda and let me know before I was all hyped up and ready to meet… and chewing with an open mout.
9. Tattoos I want:
A star Katie drew but maybe with something else or made into a nice design or something.
11. Age:
23
13. Life goal:
Be happy, nice job, kid(s), spouse. Oh no! Have my parents come visit me instead of the other way around because I’m so independent and mature. That’s more attainable.
15. Relationship status:
Single
17. A fact about my life:
You’re assuming I actually have a life?
I have too many hobbies and I’m too attached to them to quit anything but it’s also getting in the way of stuff like uni…
19. Middle name:
Don’t have one
21. Are you a virgin?
I’m a cancer
23. What’s your sexual orientation?
I’ve given up labelling myself. Or maybe accepted that I don’t want to label myself. I don’t know. I just use (umbrella term) gay. Also something on the asexual spectrum probably.
25. Someone you miss:
I honestly don’t really miss anyone.
27. First celebrity you think of when someone says attractive:
First celebrity I think of when anyone says anything (positive) is Katie… what a surprise.
29. One insecurity:
Only one? I guess… my body
31. Have you ever taken a picture naked?
No
33. Have you ever kissed a member of the same sex?
Like, quick peck on the lips? Or actual kiss kiss? The latter; no. The former; yes. In a play for a scene. And my sister, mom and grandma probably.
35. Have you ever danced in front of your mirror?
Maybe when I was little but not as a teen or adult.
37. Have you ever been dumped?
No, that’s the benefit of never having had a relationship.
39. Have you ever gotten in a car with people you just met?
I don’t think I have.
41. Have you ever snuck out of your house?
No I didn’t really have anywhere to sneak off to and I wouldn’t dare anyway.
43. Have you ever been arrested?
No omg my mom would have me killed. (I know I’m an adult but my mom is still scary when she wants to.)
45. Have you ever met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere?
Well, I do occasionally manage to have friends. So, yes. If this question is meant as in, like, a booty call or something; then no.
47. Have you ever had a crush on your neighbour?
No. I don’t really know my neighbours here and my parents’ neighbours are families with kids I used to babysit so that would’ve been very inappropriate and awkward. But thankfully I just didn’t seem to ‘do’ crushes until recently.
49. Have you ever slept in a bed with a member of the same sex?
Yes. Is this supposed to be scandalous (for straight people)? I used to sleep in my mom’s bed with her when my dad was away for business (alternating nights with my sister and sometimes on the last night if it was an odd number of nights we both got to sleep there). And my sister has a double bed and sometimes I ‘sleep over’ with her in her bed. And I’ve shared double air mattresses with friends before for sleepovers and once on a school trip where the boat back had broken or something so we were sent to a hotel that only had double beds…
51. Have you ever been on a plane?
Yes, multiple times.
53. Have you ever slept in until 3?
Probably not. That’s really late. Might’ve stayed in bed until 3 (or later) staring at the ceiling or spending time on my phone but I don’t think I ever managed to sleep until 3.
55. Have you ever laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by?
I have.
57. Have you ever played dress up?
Yes, I used to love dressing up as a princess. We also have this (dumb, sorry, I’m opinionated) thing here where people dress up (not Halloween, we don’t celebrate that) in February or March. (It’s called carnaval.) In primary school we had to go dressed up on the Friday before.
59. Have you ever been lonely?
I’m a lot lonely and very often…
61. Have you ever been to a club?
Yes, I think so.
63. Have you ever touched a snake?
Maybe? Look at my memory failing me. Probably not because I think I’d have remembered and it would’ve freaked me out so much.
65. Have you ever been suspended from school?
No, goody two shoes, remember?
67. Have you ever been in a car accident?
Not a big one but on the way back from a holiday with friends some truck tried to merge into our lane by driving through our car. Didn’t work. Had some damage to the pain but mostly his own truck got damaged. Was a whole deal with the police and stuff and him not speaking any language any of us spoke… and I was a little shaken. But all ended well and insurance covered our damage. Or he did. I don’t know. It was my parents’ car. I handed them the papers we got from the police and they fixed it with insurance and stuff.
69. Have you ever witnessed a crime?
Omg yes when I was like a super tiny kid. Maybe 3 or 4. (Wait, is a crime different than an offence or something? Idc. I want to tell this story now.) I vividly remember it because I was sitting in the car while my mom was packing the groceries in the trunk and a man took a woman’s bag/purse and ran away. She started yelling at him and chasing him and it spooked him so much he dropped it. It made a huge impression on me even though I probably made it bigger in my mind than it actually was.
71. Have you ever been lost?
Yes, at summer camp we were lost once during a night scavenger hunt/walk/quest thingy. I don’t know the translation. And because of my sublime sense of direction I get lost all the time and thanks to modern technology find my way again.
73. Have you ever felt like dying?
Like I was dying or like I wanted to die? Yes to one of those two.
75. Have you ever sang karaoke?
I’ve played singstar or some equavalent before during birthday parties.
77. Have you ever laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose?
Damn no I’m glad I haven’t.
79. Have you ever kissed in the rain?
No
81. Have you ever made out in a park?
No
83. Have you ever glued your hand to something?
I’m me so I must’ve. Definitely to paper but I don’t know if I glued it to something else ever.
85. Have you ever gone to school partially naked?
No, the least I’ve probably worn was shorts and a t-shirt (and underwear and socks and stuff).
87. Have you ever sat on a rooftop?
Yes, my internship had a rooftop terrace thingy.
89. Have you ever been too scared to watch scary movies alone?
Have I ever not been?? I’m usually too scared to even watch scary movies with other people…
91. Have you ever been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?
No and nowadays with phones and stuff, I would not appreciate it at all. That thing’s expensive and not water resistant.
93. Have you ever broken a bone?
Yes, broke my thumb (not all the way through) and splintered off a tiny piece off bone in my pinky. Those are two separate occasions.
95. Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?
I have
97. Have you ever cheated on a test?
Yes. In the second year of (Dutch) high school, my history teacher would not pay attention at all during tests and I didn’t like history tests because of all the dumb facts (that I now know can be really useful and give you an idea of when stuff happened in relation to other stuff). So, I had put my book on my lap. Also, during Spanish because we knew the test would be to write a letter so the entire class just pre-wrote it using google translate and printed it to tape it inside their dictionary. I did too.
99. Have you ever met someone who didn’t seem real?
No and this seems odd too because everyone is real… but maybe I just never feel like a person isn’t real but me meeting them isn’t real or something… idk
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All odd #'s from the "Get in My Business" for Graceland, please and thank you !!
(wrote this on Grace’s birthday night) All right, Dani! I’m pretty sure I’m just sober enough to answer these since Emilio kept pouring me birthday shots last night. Didn’t he learn from the last time he did this?
The meaning behind my url: I lost my tumblr page during that stupid adult content purge so I’m guessing you mean my Wordpress blog. I named it after two of the things I love the most: Cacti and Watermelon.
How many tattoos I have and what they are: Currently, I only have one though I might be open to another. The one that I do have is a rose on my right arm that matches with my cousin, Savannah’s. Her’s is on her left arm though.
Piercings I have: Just my ears. I don’t plan on anything else. Nairi tries to convince me to pierce my belly like hers but issa no for me.
Biggest turn offs: Short men, men with big ass egos, funk and like I mean funk you didn’t even bother to mask funk. Cheesy pickup lines.Tattoos I want: Emilio doesn’t know this, but I really want to get a small letter E somewhere on my body but I’ll wait til further in our relationship for that.Age: Just turned 29!Life goal: To be married and have a family though right now just going with the flow.Relationship status: Taken by my wonderful boyfriend, Emilio. He’s pretty sexy too.A fact about my life: I’m a part of a bourbon-producing family. Pretty sure my daddy is going to try to get me to take over the companyMiddle name: AnnelieseAre you a virgin?: Yeah no. My legs have been opened wide quite a few times.What’s your sexual orientation?: HeterosexualSomeone you miss: My Mam Ma. She was the greatest grandmother ever. She would always have the biggest breakfasts on the weekends and was the one who awakened me to good foods.First celebrity you think of when someone says attractive: Chris HemsworthOne insecurity: Not being able to keep a man in my life forever.Have you ever taken a picture naked?: Yes. I’ve sent a few nude texts in my lifetime. Hopefully, I’ll send a few more to this man in front of me.Have you ever kissed a member of the same sex?: Nope. No thrill in it for me.Have you ever danced in front of your mirror?: Pfft! Who hasn’t? Have you ever been dumped?: Yes. I really thought I was in love at that time too. Now compared to Emilio, I see just how much of an asshole Denver was to me and I’m glad he did.Have you ever gotten in a car with people you just met?: No. Why tell my students about stranger danger if I don’t practice what I preach?Have you ever snuck out of your house?: Yes. I rebelled against Daddy so badly. But at that time I valued my friends more than my family. I’ve gotten a bit better at that but not by much.Have you ever been arrested?: No, surprisingly. My friends and I were bad.Have you ever met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere?: That’s how Em and I met; on a blind date. I was wary about it at first but after meeting him, I wouldn’t have had it any other way.Have you ever had a crush on your neighbor?: *laughs* When I was a youth living in Georgia! But in my adult years, I lived so far away from folks that there weren’t many neighbors to be around.Have you ever slept in a bed with a member of the same sex?: Oh yes, last night.Have you ever been on a plane?: Multiple times. My daddy’s private jet took us everywhere.Have you ever slept in until 3?: If I party really really hard. I haven’t in a while though.Have you ever laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by?: Still do if I’m really bored off my ass.Have you ever played dress up?: I did. Savannah and I usually got dressed up in our mom’s dresses and did tea parties.Have you ever been lonely?: *sighs* Yes. I’ve always been sort of lonely in my life. Part of me loves the solitude but the other part of me despises it.Have you ever been to a club?: This party animal? *points to self* Have you ever touched a snake?: *shivers* Ew. Gross. That’s a no.Have you ever been suspended from school?: No. A perfect student in class. Have you ever been in a car accident?: No.Have you ever witnessed a crime?: No.Have you ever been lost?: Probably once or twice as a little kid. As an adult, I’m always lost! :PHave you ever felt like dying?: No.Have you ever sang karaoke?: Yes. I did a duet with Nairi at a barbeque joint.Have you ever laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose?: Ew, no! I hope it never happens either.Have you ever kissed in the rain?: No, but it’s on my bucket list!Have you ever made out in a park?: On my bucket list too. *makes note to show Emilio her bucket list.*Have you ever glued your hand to something?: *cocks head* Like intentionally? That’s a no.Have you ever gone to school partially naked?: No! What kind of questions are these?!Have you ever sat on a rooftop?: No.Have you ever been too scared to watch scary movies alone?: Yes! Not a fan! Have you ever been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?: Yes, earlier by this man trying to make me drunk!Have you ever broken a bone?: Yes, my left arm as a kid. I tried to fly by jumping off the dining room table. I’ve gained more intelligence since then, I promise.Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?: Yes. Especially when grading papers. Kids are so hilarious.Have you ever cheated on a test?: As a kid yes. Teenager not so much.Have you ever met someone who didn’t seem real?: My dream man. That’s an easy answer.
@nonsimsical
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Mrs. & Mrs Luthor - Part 2
"So how are you and Sam?" Kara was curious
Lena did a tender smile "We are working better, thanks for your concern"
"And the baby?" Kara bit the inside of her cheek
"I have pictures wait"
Lena pulled out her phone and checked the gallery. It was full of pictures of Sam, Sam naked, she scrolled up leaving the pictures behind until she reached the new pictures of Ruby
"Here" Lena shown the pictures to her best friend
Kara took the phone "Awww she's so cute!" Kara was a puddle watching at the pictures
Lena laughed "There's also a video Ruby saying mama" Lena was feeling proud "I am mama"
Kara hit on the play button and there was Sam with Ruby in her arms pointing at her with her finger. Ruby with a deep frown looking at Lena while Sam repeated a few times Mama until after a few seconds Ruby said mama. Lena was the one recording the video. Kara cackled when she heard Lena jump from her seat screaming YES
Lena rolled her eyes "Enough" Lena took her phone back
"If she wasn't the seed of the devil I could tell Sam is an amazing mother" Kara took a sip of her green juice, the ones she only drink with Lena
"Watch out Kara" Lena warn
"Sorry... anyway we have new toys. HER has sent new awesome weapons and you have a -secret- target in a few weeks" Kara left a file in the table "Oh and I'm dying to babysit Ruby one of these days" The blonde woman stood up
"Liar" Lena picked up the file, she only got paper files when it was important
"Have fun tonight at the neighborhoods party" Kara mocked at Lena
"Come on..." Lena rolled up the file and hit softly Kara's arm while she was laughing "Dork" Lena shook her head while she Kara leaved the old fashioned restaurant
Lena was drove home, she wore her gold wedding ring and parked the car at the garage. When she walked in the garden and kicked one of Ruby's toys she got annoyed, she repeated multiple times Sam to pick this things up. She was going to the kitchen door and saw the lights of the shelter on, she really hated that thing, it didn't fitted at all with the house but there was were Sam got her tools and where she used to relieved stress with her punching bag until Lena made her to put it on the bedroom. Lena enjoyed the view of Sam hitting that thing hard.
Lena crossed her arms in a prudent distance of the door of the shelter "Sam?" Lena waited for a few seconds
Samantha opened the door with a grease stain in her face and Ruby holding a hammer in her hands "Hey baby" Sam smiled big "You are home early" She walked towards Lena
"Can you just not give our daughter dangerous tools?" Lena took the hammer from Ruby's hands off seeing the little girl about to cry
"But she likes it" Sam knit brows
"No tools until she knows what she's holding" Lena said slowly
"Uhg, alright" Sam were about to kiss Lena but she put a hand in her chest making her stop "What?"
"Grease stain" Lena pointed taking Ruby in her arms "Clean your face"
Lena made her way to the house and Sam went back to the shelter closing the door behind her. She opened again the hidden door going inside. She sat in her leather chair and hit the replayed the video of the new target.
"A man in his twenties, weak, seems useless" Sam said out loud
"He has the codes of our people and other people, I need you to find him, take the codes and clean everything. It will be easy with your skills. You will use your favorite toy, a bazooka" A female robotic voice said "You are our best Hitman Reign, you can't fail, there's not two chances. I exactly two weeks you will have 24 hours to do your job"
"Easy... thank you mother" The video ended also the call.
Sam cleaned her face, picking up one of the car pieces she had prepared in the shelter and went inside the house finding Lena feeding Ruby
"What's that?" Lena made a disgust face when Sam left in a side of the kitchen a car pistol
"I was cleaning this for a friend" Sam placed her hand in Lena's back bending over her to kiss her in the lips "I like this red lipstick" She kissed her wife again
Lena smiled in the kiss "You are ridiculous" She placed a hand in the side of Sam's neck pulling her into another kiss and pushed her "When's the neighbors thing?"
"I think it will be around 22:00" Sam picked an apple and bit it
"I have to go to the office to a technical emergency, I'd be back before 22:00" Lena said thoughtful "Martin's house?"
"Yup" Sam hold her apple in her teeth taking off her shirt "As always" She leaved the kitchen
If it wasn't because she had an easy target she could have go behind Sam and fuck her until the neighbors hear her calling her name, but there was also Ruby awake so that impossible. Sometimes Lena really missed having Sam for her own, they argued a lot or ignored each other for hours but the sex always was make up sex were always incredible.
Lena put her hair up in a perfect bun, wore a fancy tiny black dress while Sam was taking a shower singing. Lena always loved to hear Sam sing or her goofing songs
"Babe, Ruby is sleeping in her crib, I really have to go"
"I love you!" Sam yelled cleaning the shampoo of her eyes
Lena smiled "Love you too" Lena wore her beige long coat and left the house
A taxi was already waiting for her out of the house. The driver left Lena at the doors of a really expensive hotel in the middle of the city, the man nodded at Lena, and she nodded the man back. She made her way into the hotel towards the room assigned. There were two bodyguards waiting, they checked her purse it only had a few -toys- and the men did a disgusting smile. Lena wanted to kill them but instead she smiled back
When she was in the room the men closed and locked the doors behind her. She smirked pleased. There was a tall man wearing only a pair of green silk pants
"They told me they will send a beautiful woman but..." the man said and Lena opened her coat "...this is getting better"
Lena untied her bun letting her hair fall in her shoulders perfectly and the man went into his knees crawling to her feets. Lena put a one of her heels in his chest making him stop. The man let her to tie his wrists and a choker in his neck and a piece of dark leather in his eyes, and wore leather gloves
"You know mister Waltz? You've been a very very bad boy" Lena whispered at the man's ear "you know what happen to bad boys?"
"What? What happens to bad boys?" The man had already a boner
Lena tightened the choker hearing a moan of the man "They DIE"
"What?" The man frown and Lena broke his neck
Lena escaped in a cleaning elevator whistling enjoying the views of the backstreet. The taxi was waiting for her, she went inside and gave the man an USB she collected from the target. The old man started their way back to Lena's home
Lena only wanted to see Sam and her daughter, she preferred to do distant targets, these ones make her feel dirty like she cheated on Sam.
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Yes - Harry Styles Mini Series (Part 6)
Part 5
**Word Count 3,508
You were now staying in Harry’s childhood home with his parents. It was a little awkward at first because you and Anne still had a relationship to mend, but you were hoping that with her extending the offer for you to stay with her, it meant she was willing to work on things.
Although, she could have only offered becasue she didn’t want you to be the reason Harry postponed something with his career. You were laying in bed trying to read a book, but you couldn’t. Normally, you loved to read, but being stuck in bed for almost five days was getting to you.
You weren’t exactly on bedrest, but Harry and Anne were both very adament on you taking it easy. You sighed getting up and looking around the room. It had been well over two years since you were last there. In your snooping, you ended up finding an old picture of you and Harry, from when you first got together.
You both looked so young and it was only a few years ago. You took the picture and hung it up on one of the little boards that were in there. There was a knock on the door and then Anne walked in.
“I made some lunch, if you’d like to come down,” she smiled.
“Oh, uh, sure,” you smiled before walking downstairs.
“So, how are you feeling?” Anne asked as you both were eating.
“Better,” you said. “I think under the circumstances of that night was the only reason it happened.”
“What exactly did happen that night?” Anne asked.
You sighed. “When I went left the restuarant, there were like twenty or so paprazzi with cameras flashing. I covered my face and tried to walk through them until one was saying something like, “Don’t be like, just give us a picture,” and when I ignored him he wrapped his arm around my waist and lifted me up. Then at one point he put his hands on my chest and that’s when I elbowed him in the face. He let go of me then and looked like he was about to hit me, is when Harry came in and stepped in front of me.”
“Oh, wow, I knew along the lines what happened, but not in full detail,” she said. “But if you don’t mind me asking, why did you leave the restaurant?”
You looked down. “I felt like I wasn’t wanted there. It was all too much, so I just had to leave,” you whispered.
Anne sighed. “That was partly my fault,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry about that.”
“I can’t exactly blame you though,” you sighed.
“And I can’t exactly blame you for everything that happened between you and Harry in the past,” she said.
“Both of us were young and with the pressure our of careers, it became too much and we ended up saying a lot of things we didn’t mean,” you whispered.
“I had never seen him that heartbroken before,” she sighed. “It was the first time he really felt it was over between the two of you.”
**
The Break-Up 2015.
You and Harry had been back together for a few months for the fourth time since you first met. It was sort of your thing to be together, figure out it wasn’t working anymore, and then break up again. It’s not like you wanted it to be that way, it’s just how it was.
Until that one night. Harry was on tour with One Direction, while you were working on your album in the studio. Harry was in different cities and countries every night and you were held up in a studio in LA.
You two hadn’t spoken except for a few texts in almost a week because of crazy time zone differences and you being in the studio. However, the night before, you and Harry decided to have a little date over facetime the next day, so you made sure to take a break from the studio that day.
You made sure that you were dressed nicely and did your hair and makeup, even though you knew Harry wouldn’t care if you were just wearing sweats and your hair was up in a messy bun. You wanted to treat this like an actual date, since you wouldn’t know the next time that you two would actually have a real date.
The scheduled time for your facetime had come and gone without Harry ever calling in. When he was ten minutes late, you decided to try and call him, but he never answered. So, you tried to call his phone and then sent him a few texts.
Nothing.
For some reason, you decided to go on social media and you saw some pap pictures of Harry out and about with a group of people going to dinner and then leaving some club in the city they were in.
You should have been pissed. You should have been more than pissed that he ditched your date for a dinner and some club, but you weren’t pissed.
You were hurt. Tears began to well up in your eyes and the eye makeup you spent so long on started to run down your cheeks.
It was happening again. You could feel it. You could always feel it. The moment when the breakup was coming.
The first break up happened after a year of dating. Since the two of you were considered the “hottest” couple that year, you two were constantly getting papped together or having cheating rumors speculated whenever either one of you were photographed standing with someone of the opposite sex.
In the beginning, neither one of you let it bother you because you knew it wasn’t true and that neither one of you would ever cheat, but eventually the media and the rumors won--after a really bad photo of you and one of your crew members were out at a club.
You were drunk as you were leaving the club and he was trying to keep you from falling. His arms were wrapped around your waist and you were leaning up against him before getting into the same car.
Harry was livid to say the least and started to think that all the other times you had been accused to cheating in the media was true.
So, he ended it right then in there. A few days shy of your one-year anniversary.
The second break-up happened after you two got back together a few months after the inital break-up. You two had talked over what happened and agreed to move on from it, but a few months later, it was over again.
During the months of your break-up, Harry had been seen out dating someone else. He kept reassuring you that it wasn’t like that, they were just friends, but one night you two had ran into her and she implied they had been more than friends.
You were angry and hurt because you didn’t know what the truth was. You felt angry because Harry had possibly lied to you and hurt because your relationship must not have meant that much to him in the first place for him if he was sleeping with another girl weeks after your break up.
So, you ended it with a slap to his cheek right then and there.
The third break-up happened just a week after you two had gotten back together after you realized that the girl was lying about sleeping with Harry. You and Harry were having a date night in, watching movies on Netflix and eating take out.
Harry had been on his phone for a bit and you could tell that he was reading something.
“Whatcha reading?” You asked him.
“Your new interview,” he said.
“Oh, that’s out already? I thought it wasn’t supposed to come out till tomorrow,” you said. “Let me see.”
“You talked about our sex life,” he said.
“Wait what?” You asked confused.
“Right here, you mentioned something about our sex life,” he said showing you the line.
Okay, it wasn’t like fully detailed and you hadn’t actually talked about it in the interview, but yet there it was in the article written up about you.
“I didn’t, I didn’t say anything about that during the interview. We had gone out for drinks after and we were playing that Never Have I Ever game and someone said they never had multiple orgasms in one night and I took a drink. I never went into detail about who it was with or anything that we did,” you said.
“Well, it’s there now and everyone is going to know about what we do in the bedroom,” he sighed.
“I’m sorry, but it’s not like it says anything bad,” you said.
“But it’s our private business out in the open, Y/N,” he said.
“Oh, but you can write a song about it and it’s perfectly fine?” You asked.
“That’s different. I’ve never once talked about specific details in the lyrics,” he said.
“And I didn’t talk about specific details either,” you defended.
“Maybe not, by this journalist added in their own and everyone is going to know,” he said. “And it doesn’t help that the photoshoot you did, you’re practically naked.”
“Yes, I’m techincally shirtless, but nothing is showing,” you said. “And why are you upset about that? You’re the one is always preaching about not judging and not having double standards for females, yet you’re upset that I’m shirtless in a few photos while it’s perfectly okay for you.”
“Well, it’s different when you’re my girlfriend and talking about our sex life in an interview accompanied by naked photos. Do you realize how many guys are going to be all over you now? How many guys are going to think about you? I don’t want you being seen as a sex object because you’re more than that,” he said.
“Oh, but it’s perfectly fine as long as you’re the only one seeing my naked and have sex with me, right?” You said annoyed.
More things were said. And then Harry ended it, right then and there.
Back to the fourth and final break-up. When you realized that Harry had stood you up that night, you called him and called him. He, of course, didn’t answer. He was probably too drunk or too tired to bother answering your call. You would have left a voicemail, but you knew that you had too much to say and not enough time to say it, so you sent him a text instead.
“I can’t believe that you ditched our date tonight to go out with your friends for a fancy dinner and some cheap club. We haven’t spoken to each other in almost a week and we finally agreed on a time and you blew it. Who are we kidding Harry? This obviously isn’t working anymore and to be honest, did ever truly work. We’ve through this before and we’ve tried to make it work and it just never does. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be with you and then not be with you. This cycle of “love” is not healthy and we both deserve to be happy. You can’t honestly say that you’re happy with our relationship becuase if you were, you would have been there tonight. I waited for you for over four hours and you never came. If we both were really happy, we would say fuck you to our schedules and make time to see and speak to one another. This time is the last time for us, Harry. It has to be. We both deserve more. I love you, I really do, but what we give other isn’t enough for me anymore. I’m sorry I’m telling you this over a stupid text, but it’s the only way I know to reach you.
Goodbye Harry. I love you and I always will, but this is the end. It has to be.”
**
“And it was,” you said. “I had made the decision that it would be because it wasn’t fair to either of us to keep going back to each other if we weren’t going to make it work.”
“I know and I’m glad that you did that,” she said. “You were right, the two of you weren’t in a healthy relationship. The only time it really seem to be right was that first year you were together.”
“Yeah, it was amazing. It was the first time I really fell in love and I was happy. We both were happy, but then shit happend and we were done,” you sighed.
“Harry still believes had he not overreacted over that photo that you two would have never broken up and you would have still been together till this day,” she admitted.
You bit your lip. “Maybe, but I’m sure one of the other issues we had come up later on could have still happened.”
“Perhaps, but I think what’s best now, is to not worry about the past. The two of you are together now and you’re having a baby together,” she said.
“Yeah, we are,” you smiled putting your hand over you still non-existent bump.
“I know that I said to leave the past in the past, but Y/N, I have to ask you, if you were so adamant about not being with Harry after that last breakup in 2015, why did agree on getting back together with him now?” She asked.
“Honestly, it just felt right,” you admitted. “It didn’t feel like all the other times when we talked about getting back together. We were apart for over a year. We hadn’t spoken to each other or even seen one another in such a long time, yet the second I saw him again, all those feelings I had for him rushed back to me. And we’re both older now and I feel like when something comes up between us, our first thought isn’t going to be to just end things, like it had been in the past. We’ve actually had a bit of a run in with that and I think we handled it pretty well.”
“What run in?” She asked. “Sorry, I don’t mean to pry, it just, I’m curious.”
“No, it’s okay. When those pictures of us in Miami were taken, my team said that someone from Harry’s team had tipped off the press and told them where we would be and to release the photos for publicity. At first, I was furious and thought that was the only reason he had called me after all this time and we had some words and Harry was about to leave because he couldn’t beleive that I actually believed he would have something to do with it, but I stopped him. I apologized for accusing him and we talked it through,” you said.
“Well, that’s huge a step for you two,” she said.
“Yeah, it is,” you smiled. “And just being with him again feels different. It almost feels like we’re starting over again because so much time has passed and we’re in a different point in our lives.”
“But you two are still quite young,” she said. “You two still have your whole life ahead of you. Your careers, I mean Harry is just now starting off his solo career.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” You asked confused.
“I’m just saying that, how is Harry supposed to have a career when he’s going to have a baby to help raise?” She asked. “He has a tour coming up at the end fo the year, what happens if he’s on stage and you go into labor? What if he has to cancel some shows and disappoint his fans? Did either of you think about that before you slept together?”
“I-I... no, but-” you stuttered out.
“Exactly neither one of you thought about anything,” she said. “i know that what’s done is done and there’s no going back from it and I promise you that I will love and take care of this baby, but I can’t say that I’m thrilled over this right now. If you and this baby end of ruining his plans for his career, I will never forgive you Y/N. He is my baby and I want nothing more than for him to be happy, but I know that if he loses his music, he won’t ever be truly happy.”
You looked at her with wide eyes. “Do you think I want him to lose that either? Do you think that I’m going to make him choose between us and his career? Will having a baby right now make things a little more difficult with the way our careers are? Yes, but we’re going to figure it out and make it work. And how can you sit there and be nice to me and make it seem like we’re working on our relationship, but then be so cruel me to the next?” You asked.
“I don’t mean to Y/N, I’m telling you how I feel,” she said. “My children are my pride and joy and I love them with all my heart and I will do whatever it takes to protect them.”
“I get that Anne, I really do, but you have to know that I love Harry more than anything in this world and I want him to do everything that he wants and I would never want to be the reason to hold him back. Is this bad timing to have a baby? Yes, but that doesn’t mean we’re not looking forward to being parents. And another thing, for someone who keeps saying to leave the past in the past and move on, sure does keep bringing up the fucking past,” you said before getting up from the table and going back up the room.
**
Later that night, Harry had facetimed you and you two were chatting.
“I miss you!” He whined.
You laughed. “I miss you too, how’s spending time with James? I’ve been watching the show and you’re doing great.”
“Thanks, baby,” he smiled. “And it’s going great. I’ve having a blast. I love hanging out with James, so it doesn’t feel like work. How are you and the baby?”
“We’re doing okay,” you said. “I still feel nasueous at times.”
“I read somewhere about drinking a certain kind of tea can help with that,” he said. “I’ll look it up again and send it you.”
“You read it somewhere?” you giggled.
“Yes, the entire flight I was reading this baby book I found,” he blushed.
“Aww, that’s so adorable,” you smiled.
He laughed. “Anyway, how are things going with Mum?”
You sighed looking down. “They’re going...”
“Y/N, what happened?” He asked.
“Nothing too bad, it’s just, I thought we were moving forward and then she just said some things and I stormed out and haven’t talk to her since,” you admitted.
“I’m sorry, baby,” he sighed. “I knew I shouldn’t have come here.”
“Yes, you should have,” you said. “That was what she brought up. She’s afraid that the baby and I are going to hold you back.”
“You’re not,” he said. “We’re going to find a way to make everything work.”
“I know and I told her that, but she’s worried that we’re not,” you sighed.
“Don’t worry about her. I’ll talk to her,” he said.
“No, don’t. I don’t want to feel like I’m coming between you and your Mom,” you whispered.
“You’re not coming in between us,” he said. “I know my Mum and she’s just looking out for me. She’s quite the protective one, you know.”
“Yeah, I’ve gathered that,” you said.
“I’m sorry. I’ll be home in a few days,” he said.
“I can’t wait,” you whispered. “It’s weird staying in your room without you.”
He laughed. “Especialy with all the memories we’ve had in there,” he smirked.
You blushed. “Shut up,” you giggled.
“So, do you have a little bump yet?” He asked.
“No, not yet, but I feel bloated,” you said. “But my boobs I’ve gotten a little bigger it seems, which makes them pop out of my shirts more than they usually do.”
“Well, I wasn’t going to say anything...” he smirked.
You rolled your eyes and pulled up your shirt.
“Hey! I was enjoying the view,” he pouted.
You giggled. “You’ll enjoy it soon enough when you get back from LA.”
“I can’t wait,” he said.
You giggle yawning.
“Well, I better let you get some sleep, baby,” he said.
“No, I’m okay. I want to keep talking to you,” you whined.
“We can talk tomorrow,” he smiled. “You need your rest.”
“Fine,” you groaned.
“I love you,” he smiled.
“I love you too,” you smiled. “And you better call me tomorrow.”
“Don’t worry. I will,” he smiled. “Night, baby.”
“Goodnight,” you smiled blowing him a kiss.
He pretended to catch it like a dork and you both ended the call before you put your laptop on the table and crawled into bed.
**
Thank you to everyone who sent in ideas breakups/arguments! I tried to use bits and pieces of each! :)
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20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating And Hand Over Some Major Karma
Cheating is a common thing you hear about these days, and while no one likes to be cheated on, we all like to dish on the latest gossip.
The 20 people share not only the details of the cheating, but the awesome ways they got back at the cheaters, too.
1. Nope, she won’t
Walked in on fiancé in bed with a friend of her’s she met while I was away. The engagement ring was on the nightstand next to them. I just calmly walked over, picked up the ring, said “looks like we won’t be needing this anymore” walked out, returned the ring, went home, punched a hole in the garage wall.
2. Impressively calm
Left the bar we were at (together, I might add) to get some fresh air outside with a friend we were with. Came back in and saw her sucking face with some dude at the bar. Friend looks at me, very confused. Not wanting to cause a scene, I had us go back outside. Came back in when they were done, got everyone home safe where they needed to be, called her out on it at home, and broke up with her.
Granted, we weren’t working out and I was looking for an excuse to break up with her, but it still sucked.
3. Gone, girl
I ghosted her. In a big way.
I left on a Wednesday afternoon to go out of town for work until Friday night. She wasn’t working that day so I kissed her goodbye and left figuring that she’d probably crash at my place while I was gone. Once I got on the road I realized I left my paint meter (I was going to an auto auction) at the house so I turned around and went back to grab it. I guess I was gone an hour? Anyhow, I get home and there’s a strange car in the driveway… I enter the house quietly, grab the paint meter that I had left by the door, hear her clearly doing some guy… Ok, it’s on. I walk outside, snap a pic of his car in my driveway and leave.
I sneak back out, call a friend of mine who works construction, he gets me in touch with his friend the locksmith. The next morning after she leaves for work the locks are changed.
That night I get a panicked phone call, many of them. I ignore them. The next morning I text her a pic of his car, told her the locks were changed and to not bother calling me or texting me as she was now blocked.
4. A bit chilly
I screamed that there was a fire. Locked them out of the house. They were naked in January in Hungary. -30 celsius. Happened 20 years ago.
5. The Calm Behind the Fury
I was having a lot of complications when I was pregnant with my oldest daughter and had extreme pain one day, so I came home early from work. When I got home I saw two purses sitting on the stand that I knew weren’t mine. I head to my room to see if my then boyfriend could explain the purses. I hear noises coming from our room and I know exactly what those sounds were. I opened the door to peek in and he’s having a threesome. I close the door and just go back into the living room. I was shocked. I was supposed to be on bedrest, but I was the only one who had a job, so I was going to school and working while he got to stay home all day. I was livid, but what was scary is that I was so furious that I remained calm. I went into the living room, sat on the couch and waited for them to come out. When they finally did I asked them if they had fun? Told them they needed to get out of my apartment. He tried to talk to me, but I told him he needed to get out. I calmly packed his stuff up, had a friend come over because I couldn’t do heavy lifting being 7 months pregnant and dropped his stuff off at his parents’ house that night. It’s still shocking to me that I remained so calm being that angry.
6. Never went back
This didn’t happen to me but a co-worker. He came home early and she was banging the best man from his wedding. They didn’t see him, so he left, and never went back. He worked as a mechanic days and a bartender nights to buy her a nice house and nice car, he drove an 80s Chevy truck with 350,000 miles. She didn’t know why he didn’t come home. He quit the shop with no notice. Each day he was missing her calls to the shop and she became more frantic. He showed at work two weeks later to get his check. Told us why he ghosted on us. Left her with a fine house and a car she can’t pay for. They didn’t have kids, so I guess it’s good.
7. “You made me do it”
I was out for a friend’s birthday and my boyfriend was out with his friends but was supposed to meet up with us. We were texting but his replies seemed like he was drunk until he just stopped replying. So last call happens and I go back with my friend to her place which was just down the street from my boyfriend’s apartment. I’m drunk and I know he’s drunk so I decided to head to his place so I can surprise him and get laid.
Funny story. I got surprised because he was getting laid. I straight walked in on him with some woman naked on top of him. There was lots of yelling and he tried to blame it on me. I will never forget the sight of him naked in the kitchen trying to hide his junk while telling me I made him cheat.
He also tried to tell me he couldn’t get it up so he never really had sex with her.
All in all, it was a really awful experience and it made me incredibly insecure for the next few years. Also jealous. It really messed me up in my next few relationships.
8. …ballsy
It was actually at a bar. I spotted him with another girl about a dozen yards away sharing wine and an appetizer. I went up to them and was just like “Hi, uh, I thought you were at Joe’s tonight?” He just kinda looked at me dumbfounded and went “oh, hi, this is [anon], this is Laura”. It was VERY bizarre and we all just stared at each other for a minute before he had the balls to say “we are just finishing up here but I’ll come by your apartment later”.
9. What a schmuck!
He wouldn’t take my phone calls or respond to text messages while I was at work. I looked and found his online dating profile. Came home, went through his phone. He had been cheating on me with multiple women. Sent and received nudes. Went to their houses. Took pictures of MY house and sent them to women claiming it was his and he “just bought it.” He didn’t respond that day because he had a date with a girl at Walmart. Woke him up after I went through his phone and told him I knew. His response, “this couldn’t wait till the morning?”
10. Good call
I went in planning to beat up the guy having sex with my wife. I then saw he was comfortable 6ft 4 and all muscle. I decided to close the door and calmly take my stuff and go.
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October 8, 2017
*******TRIGGER WARNING******* A form of rape, depression, anxiety, maybe some self harm, and abusive relationship********
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I haven’t been writing lately cause I have been super busy. I’m failing 2 college classes right now and my ADHD is at it’s worse. Lately I have been thinking about my most recent relationship. As I look back, I notice how abusive he was. His name is Steve and he is 100% dead to me. He was my first, and I regret that a lot. Our sex life was never that good. I know this is TMI, but, I have to explain a lot to get you to understand what was wrong. At the very beginning, I told him I wanted to wait till marriage and that I hated the idea of nudes and sexting. We were dating for 4 months when we spent the night together for the first time. It was Halloween and I was Harley Quinn and he was my Joker, it was our thing. We stayed at a mutual friends house and I had fun. We cuddled and watched movies. When everyone fell asleep, it was just Steve and I. He started to do stuff to me that no one has ever done with me, I went along with it so I wouldn’t seem lame or that I didn’t love him. I joined in doing things to him I would never do to anyone. That is when we should’ve broken up, but I thought I was head over heels for this boy. We never really did anything like that until January when I went over to his house after my friends birthday party, and at that moment I wanted to do more, I was okay with it, and that was the day we saw each other naked for the first time. We did that for months until I was 100% ready to lose my virginity. After that, sex would be all that we did, and I wasn’t having it. I wanted to go over to his house and just cuddle maybe play video games or watch movies, but cuddling led to making out which led to some type of sexual favor. We laid down some rules, okay, one rule: no anal. That rule, he loved to disobey. He would do it “on accident” when I knew it wasn’t, so I just let it go because I didn’t want to argue. After awhile of having sex or doing sexual stuff every time I came over, I started to refuse to do anything. He would start to do anything to me until I gave in. As I look back at all of this, it could be considered a type of rape. Other than our sex life, he was very emotionally abusive. Steve would say that I couldn’t be friends with any of the guys I was friends with, unless he knew that they weren’t attracted to me. I gave up a lot of friends for him, even some girl friends because I just wanted to be with him. I wasn’t perfect in the relationship either, I was controlling, but in my own defense, in my eyes, I see it as getting the thing I desired most, his attention and his love, which he didn’t really show much of. To everyone else, I was the bad guy or we were lovey dovey. Behind closed doors, there were times where we were being very cute and all that, but he got angry fast. I would get annoyed because he would break promises that he made months in advance, then he would get mad cause I was getting annoyed with him. We “broke up” multiple times and went on a total of 5 official breaks. We thought we could fix it. Now that I think back to this, he just didn’t want me to leave so he could use me for his sex toy. Steve was never there for me and he never supported me. I told him everything that happened or was happening to me, but he would never comfort me, he did at first but he just gave up on me. He never fully opened up to me and distanced himself. He lied about everything, and he even says that I was the excessive liar. As the relationship progressed, I got more depressed and started to self harm more. He said that he would always be there for me when I was falling apart, but he never was. He was the one that was tearing me apart. When I got my wisdom teeth out, all I wanted him to do was come over, when my parents were home, to come take care of me and take naps and cuddle, but he never did, and that broke my heart. He would say that if we broke up, he would kill himself, so I stayed, not just for that reason though, I thought I was in love with him. He said that he got anxiety every time we fought. He would be so cutesy just to get in my pants. He wouldn’t let me do anything for him. I had to do everything in the relationship, he would just sit there, but he would get pissed because I made the plans and he didn’t want to do anything, we did everything he wanted, but when I wanted to do something for me, he would throw a fit. The first promise he made was that he wouldn’t smoke weed or drink, but he did, and lied about it. I smelled it on his hair one day and he said it was shampoo, and I believed him like the idiot I was. We should have broken up a long ass time ago.I broke up with him on April 7, but a few weeks later, I decided I wanted him back, so I waited on him to say yes. We were kinda together for more than a month after that, then for the last 2 days, he wasn’t all cutesy and he wouldn’t let me kiss him, he was talking to other girls. The last day of school, he told me he didn’t want me. I cried for a month over him. We talked for a little while, until he blocked me on Snapchat, but he said he deleted it. He brought me back some of my stuff, and I gave him back some of his stuff, but I kept the majority of it. He burned most of the stuff I gave him, I either bought or made him stuff. After that, I boxed the rest of his stuff and it’s all in the basement now. I was talking to him one day, when my friend Riley came over, her boyfriend at the time was Steve’s best friend Derek. Steve was telling Derek lies about me and my deep dark secrets. He was saying a lot of stuff, then he said something that was unforgivable. A few years back, i learned that my dad cheated on my mom, probably when she was pregnant with me. In may, I was taking pictures with my dads phone, so I sent the pictures that I took to myself. I deleted what I already sent to keep track. When I was done, I go back to the photos app to the recently deleted folder to recover the pictures I just deleted so my dad could have them. In the folder was my dads nudes and pictures of naked women with red hand prints on their asses. I told 2 people about my dad, and they were Steve and my friend Leila. Steve used that against me and got me to hate him. He blocked me on Facebook. I made a photography account on Instagram a month after that around our 2 year anniversary, and I followed him on that, I just learned that he blocked me, but only my photography account, not my main. I unfollowed him on all if my social media. He made the break up nasty, we could’ve been friends if he wasn’t such a dick. I have moved on, but I just think a lot. He moved on pretty quick while I still haven’t been on a date. He has a new girlfriend, who is named Emily. I am happy he is happy, but I wish he would burn too. If I wasn’t so nice, I would go up to her and tell her how big of a dick he is, but I would never. She’s pretty ugly, and fat, so he downgraded, so boom. I am still on the quest on finding me a boyfriend, but, it’s not a huge deal. So, here’s part one on the stuff that’s been happening in my life.
-Emily
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January 15, 2017
I’m not paranoid for no reason. I know when something’s wrong. I’m not paranoid for no reason. I know when something’s wrong. I HAVE to remember that. I have to repeat it to myself. I’m being gaslighted like crazy.
He tries to make me feel crazy for being suspicious of him. I could tell him I think his hand is in the cookie jar WHILE his hand is in the cookie jar and he’d outright lie to me saying it’s not in the cookie jar and it’s never been in the cookie jar since I told him not to put it in the cookie jar then yell at me about me accusing him of putting it in the cookie jar. When I try to say anything like explain why I suspect his hand is in the cookie jar, he yells at me to cut me off and gets annoyed that I’m even talking.
I’ve pointed out before that he never keeps his promises and he always lies. That’s my argument and he acts like it’s not true. He doesn’t bother to deny it, but he doesn’t own up to it. He knows every time he’s promised to stop doing something, he breaks his promise. He promised to stop mentioning ex girlfriends in front of his parents but just kept doing it. I don’t think it was unreasonable for me to request he stop when he did it every single time we were with them and his dad even told him he should stop THE FIRST TIME WE ALL SPENT TIME TOGETHER and continued to comment on it the other times it happened. I really don’t know why he’s with me when he strongly implies he prefers them to me. Because of their looks AND their personalities. Like maybe I could comprehend why a man would think his ex girlfriends were better looking than the girl he settled down with but still want to be with that girl for reasons beyond looks, but how could you not even think someone’s personality is better than those of your ex girlfriends? I’m not just insecure about this either. He literally told me multiple times that he had a better time with his ex girlfriends and he doesn’t like going anywhere with me. He said about one of them that even if they ended up getting into an argument, at least it was “worth it” to go out with her. I know that sounds harsh to the point where it’s like why are you still with him? But I just am and I can’t not be with him.
Anyway, I’ll explain what brought me to writing today. About three months ago, after I caught my husband looking up girls he used to hook up with on pornhub, he said he’d stop watching porn. Him watching porn was a problem because he refused to have sex with me and couldn’t even get fully hard for me since I gained weight. Porn made it worse because if he already came, he really had no reason to start having sex with me. Also if all he’s seeing in porn is skinny naked girls, it’s like the grass is greener on the other side and he’ll never be attracted to me.
This time he acted like he really meant that he was going to stop watching porn. It was around the fifth time he’d promised to stop then actually didn’t stop. I was naive to give him the benefit of the doubt and “believe” him this time. I thought because I’d caught him doing something so heinous, he’d realize the error of his ways and finally stop. Every once in a while, I’d ask him if he was still watching it. The other times before when I asked, he’d just avoid answering. This time around he actually said he stopped. I never knew him to answer a yes or no question with an outright lie. I trusted him to tell me the truth if I was asking a simple question to his face. Because how could you look at your spouse, the person you love, in the face and completely, unwaveringly, without hesitation, lie. Outright lie to them.
The frequency of our sex didn’t change. It didn’t budge. Once a week would be lucky. I think we went three weeks in between two times in a row. He said he didn’t feel like having sex. I once asked him if he got horny and he said he did but just repressed it. He said it was tiring to have sex and he couldn’t hold himself up like he used to when he was skinner. I should have known. I did know, in a way. If someone is supposedly not masturbating but they’re not having sex for weeks at a time, then what the fuck. It’s not plausible for them to just not have any stimulation at all. I wanted to trust him when he told me he had stopped watching porn.
He made me feel more worthless. If he only had the choice to take care of his needs via my vagina and he chose not to at all, I must really be repulsive. I am young and many, many people think I have a pretty face. But because I have fat on my body like a normal human, it makes me untouchable. It makes his dick soft.
Another thing is it’s more insulting to listen to excuses such as “I’m not interested in having sex” KNOWING that evidence points to otherwise. You KNOW those are excuses. It’s not the real reason he doesn’t want to have sex with me. If he can watch people have sex in videos and even attempts to watch videos of girls he’s had sex with before, at what point would he decide “nope, I don’t want to do that in real life with my wife.”
Anyway, a few days ago something bad happened between us when we were really drunk. I was blacked out for most of it, but I remember it at the end. Ever since then, he’s wanted to have more sex. At first I thought it was because he felt guilty. But it’s still happening so I’m not sure why he’s getting hard and in the mood for sex. I don’t think his guilt would last that long.
Today he admitted that he’d been watching porn the whole time. He said he stopped three or four weeks ago, but that’s probably a lie because it’s only been a few days since he started having sex with me. I recalled all the times he’d lied to me about it. Several times he brought it up like he expected a pat on the back for it, other times he did it to prove a point when I was upset with him. “Did I stop watching porn? Yes or no?” How could he argue a fucking point and act like it’s true when it’s not even the fucking case????? How could he bring it up once in a while just to keep the lie up????? What is wrong with him?
I KNOW I’m right during arguments and this proves it. I tell him what I think he thinks of me and he denies it. He’s a liar. I can’t trust him. I used to want to trust him. I could point out that I think he’s lying and he’ll yell at me for not trusting him and threaten to break up with me even though I have NO reason to trust him.
I don’t think he’s cheated on me before, but he’s never had the chance. He doesn’t get why I would be insecure about him cheating on me. He’s cheated on every girlfriend he’s ever had and the ones he didn’t technically cheat on were short relationships where he left the girl. He lies about situations just to make me jealous such as the time when he said a girl sent him a picture of herself in her underwear while we were in a relationship or that my roommate was naked in front of him. Even if he would never do it sober, he told me stories of him blacking out and hooking up with girls or beating them. He promised to never do a certain thing to me, but he did it when he was drunk and promised not to do it again. But it happened again the other night in that situation I mentioned before. He also acts like he hates me. My presence, my personality, my body. He denies that if I bring it up, but he definitely acts like he hates me. So what the fuck is up with me not being able to say these things in front of him without being yelled at before I could finish the thought? Why won’t he accept the fact that it’s reasonable for me to be paranoid about him cheating on me? He even seems like he’d cheat on me and make the excuse that he did it because he knew I thought he would do it. Like two Christmases ago when he left me while I was asleep to go to a club and do coke. He said he did it because I expected him to do something bad.
He blames me for his actions. Today he blew up at me because he lost his debit card and someone was using it. He claimed it was my fault because we were arguing over the phone when it happened. He lost our ebt card just the other week actually so clearly he’s just an irresponsible prick. He actually blames his ex girlfriend for making him turn to drugs and hooking up with a lot of girls. I pointed out that everyone gets cheated on and broken up with and they don’t do drugs unless they are the kind of person who does drugs, but he won’t own up to the fact that he screwed up his own life.
Anyway, I was just thinking about how angry I was about him blatantly lying to my face. He thinks it’s not a big deal. I wish we were the kind of couple who shared everything, but that’s not the case because he’s a lying sack of shit. I can tell when what he says doesn’t add up. I tell him what I think the truth really is and he denies, denies, denies. He doesn’t even give me credit for seeing through the bullshit. Still just thinks I’m an idiot. I know what I’m talking about. I have intuition. His mission is to make me question my intuition, but if there’s anything I’ve learned from being with him it’s that I should listen to my intuition.
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