I read Chuggaaconroy’s statement today.

It’s a lot to process, to say the least, but… I think the best way to summarize it is that Emile did indeed fuck up. Multiple times in fact. But it seems like he was kind of a victim in his own right at places.

I don’t know if I’m going to resubscribe to him for the time being, nor do I know if I’ll add TheRunawayGuys back to my fandom list. All I will say that I feel bad for everyone mentioned in the document, as well as Emile himself. Everyone suffered in their own way, and I hope they can all heal and move on.

thinking about how the island where luffy was raised is called Dawn Island and how he embarks from it and 2 years later we’re at Wano where people have been waiting for the Dawn for a very long time and Luffy is here to bring it

I cannot explain how UNBELIEVABLY Taylor it is of her to push me to the brink of tears before she’s even onstage, to have me questioning every life choice that has brought me into a stadium of 70,000 people, to have me dangling over the edge of a panic attack and then reset every single one of my emotions by appearing onstage to send the entire crowd into the stratosphere.

i've talked about this before, but the introduction of the hound and what it stands for re: silver eyes after we learned more about them during the conversation ruby and maria had in argus is so, so good.

the light is fueled by the desire to preserve life. that is how ruby manages to use her powers; she wants to protect her friends.

but it only works against grimm, the darkness incarnate, the opposite of light. and that's where the hound comes in: what do you do when the darkness incarnate has light within it? are you going to use the light to destroy the very life it is meant to preserve? is there even preserving that life anymore, or is it already dead, only kept alive by the darkness? and wouldn't that be twisted, when it is the darkness that is preserving that life, in a very bastardized way?

it is quite a dilemma to have, more so when you add cinder—who was mentioned by ruby in her conversation with maria—into the mix. ruby already almost killed cinder once, on top of the beacon tower, with her light, which led to—incidentally—cinder becoming even more grimm—certainly more visibly so.

maria says that the only way ruby can get practice in is by "trial by fire", which is mostly about using her powers to protect people against the grimm, but i think there's a double meaning afoot that has to do with the purpose behind the light:

if there's any chance of helping those who have met the same fate as the hound and it's something ruby's willing to do (and why wouldn't she?), then the first step towards that goal is cinder—and because the light is meant to preserve life against the darkness, it does not lead to cinder's death like it almost did the first time around.

like. c'mon. this is a storyline that has been set-up since the very last episode of V3 and it's steadily coming along and watching it happen in real time is somehow mind-boggling to me. like they're really going for it. this is happening, where else would it lead with all this build-up, with the pieces they've got so far?

yes yes this is me basically being amazed at basic storytelling but after getting burnt by one too many shock twists, it should be allowed.

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It’s almost worse knowing they hurt me unintentionally because I don’t have any right to hate them. It was an accident, they didn’t know, but still I have breakdowns at the mention of them and they don’t even know.

How much am I allowed to post/ramble about the solarpunk zombie apocalypse story I'm working on before it gets annoying.

Bonus points: I haven't actually gotten to the solarpunk part of it.

long tag ramble below u have been warned

I HATE BEING SENSITIVE I HATE IT

long rambling personal about chronic pain under the cut

on thursday's pt session they were having me work with someone different cause my usual was taking time off. he asked if anywhere hurt more during an exercise and i said my knees and he got all serious and had me do a thumb hypermobility stretch and asked if eds runs in my family, if i experience any other joint pain and for how long. i told him 'uh idk' and 'yes all over' and 'as long as i can remember but it's gotten really bad in recent years and i also have nerve pain' and then we just kinda looked at each other. and then he was like '...alright keep going with the exercise, i'm thinking' and at the end when he said goodbye he seemed like sad or guilty and opened the door for me and i didn't realize why at the time because the session had been harder than any of the others but not like insane but OH MY FUCKING GOD has my pain been bad this weekend. it's times like these that i'm glad i live with my family.

and also. i researched eds in more depth and. it's fucking uncanny. how the hell did this not come up when i was researching before because it is like exact and touches on some symptoms i hadn't even considered to be related to my pain. if it's not heds it's probably hsd i guess?? which is

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Love having to help hold everyone else’s lives together but the second I’m struggling and need help then I’m too needy and being a problem

Apparently I timed my quitting perfectly

guys if i asked, would you tell me your angstiest y/n moment?

click the picture for a slightly better quality image

17. The Star

Upright: renewal, hope, end of a destructive period Reversed: disconnection, despair, overwhelmed by challenges faced

A far too detailed reading of this card below

The star appears in a time of vulnerability as you have to be open to believing in more than what has been. In traditional decks (and here) this vulnerability is depicted by having naked figures. The one large star represents the core of Cam's being, which comes across as hopeful and warm even after suffering a great loss (at least to me it does). Cam's bow is unstrung, to show whilst capable of destruction/violence they are unwilling.

Traditionally this card depicts running water to show the flow of the unconscious and the conscious and that they need to be in balance with one another. Water didn't fit so here the universe/night sky is flowing between Cam and Dagger seeking balance. This card is also about balancing practicality with intuition, I think Cam and Dagger could balance each other nicely. Where as Cam's body language is very open (for honestly), Dagger's is much more guarded and she is gripping her weapon ready to use it.

Upright Meaning - The Star is after card after The Tower in most tarot decks, so can signify the end of a destructive time or an end of harsh challenges that you have endured of late. These challenges may have cut to the core of your being forcing you to acknowledge who you really are, giving you a new sense of self. With this new understanding of your self you are entering into a time of important personal growth, but from a place of peace and calm. You will learn that dreams can become reality.

Now is a good time to be honest with yourself about who you want to be and make the changes needed to transform into that person. Now is the time to get rid of limiting beliefs or deceptions and live as you. During this time be open to new ideas and the possibility of rediscovery.

Reversed Meaning - The Star reversed shows up when you are feeling that there is no hope or purpose in the world. You may feel overwhelmed by challenges and uninspired by your day to day (either work, hobbies, relationships ect.). Maybe a project isn't panning out as planned and you are wondering whether it is time to cut your losses and just move on.

This card often shows up when you need to align/realign your daily life with your own core values. Take the time to step back before your burn yourself out trying to push through the challenges. Whilst everyone's version of reenergising looks different, being near water helps most people.

The Star reversed can also be a warning that if you don't take time to realign now you run the risk of being overwhelmed by challenges and collapsing in on yourself (shown by Cam and Dagger looking like they are falling when this card is reversed , compared to jumping when upright).

This is just my interpretation of the characters so it might be different to how they were intended or how others see them.

[Bonus - In romantic readings The Star can signify that you are ready to move past previous hurt and harmful relationships and open yourself up to a new person ... no comment but consider it]