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jinmukangwrites · 3 years

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@damianwayneweek Day 3 (6-15): “That wasn’t supposed to happen” | Reconciling with Tim | Autistic!Damian

Note: at this point, this is just "Damian cries and Dick hugs him" week. Someone send help. I love these two so much.

Warnings: angst and tears and Damian being a ball of separation anxiety.

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The smell of sea salt mixed with the pollution of Gotham's coast is almost close to nauseating. If Damian hadn't already been feeling anxious and sick to his stomach, he would definitely be now.

And the thing is, he doesn't even know why.

It's been this way all night. It started before tonight, even. He's convinced himself it's probably something he had for lunch, but even a child would know that's a weak grasping of straws. No one ever gets sick from the food made in the Wayne Manor, not when Alfred is there to cook it.

But he tells himself it's because of that anyways. He feels sick to his stomach because the lettuce in his sandwich must have been old. Not for any other reason. And certainly not because his father has been off-world for the past month and Richard is once again holding the mantle of Batman while he's away.

"What do you say about heading home early?" Richard asks from where he stands besides Damian. The word home grates on Damians nerves for reasons that he... cannot bring himself to comprehend.

Damian nods his head, not saying anything. It's been a quiet night in Gotham anyways. His nerves feel fried from the constant anxiety pressing in his chest and he's sure the moment he gets to his bed he'll pass out.

Or at least stare blankly at the ceiling until he does.

The ride back to the manor is silent between Damian and Richard. Almost a month ago, it used to be loud with banter whenever he and Richard had a minute to themselves. They'd get back at the manor and Alfred would be there to pester them into taking care of themselves. Cassandra and Duke would enter and leave as they wished with the occasional appearances of Timothy and Jason. The only time they had to themselves was inside the batmobile, as there's not much private banter you can have while defending the streets either.

But it's silent now. Damian's chest and stomach hurts and no words seem to want to come to his throat, but he's not usually the one to start the conversations anyways. Something is keeping Richard silent as well. The thought that, for whatever reason, Richard doesn't want to talk to him makes his anxiety spike just the same as the thought of conversation.

It feels like the second they pull into the cave Damian's jumping out of the car and stalking towards the changing rooms. Alfred let's him stride past, lifting an eyebrow as he does, but he doesn't stop him. Alfred simply walks over towards Richard and offers him a cup of tea from the metal tray he's been holding.

Damian can hear the low rumble of words beginning to be exchanged between the two, but he's already too far away to make sense of them. He doesn't care to listen anyways. He just wants to get dressed and go to bed without anyone talking to him.

Without anyone asking him what's wrong. They must notice something is wrong, right? What would he say if they do ask? No. No one knows anything is wrong. Because nothing is wrong. Everything is okay.

He dresses into a clean pair of pajamas that feel fresh from the dryer and heads straight towards the exit of the batcave, not sparing Richard or Alfred a glance as he does so.

Everything is okay. He ate something bad for lunch.

That's all.

He manages to get all the way to his bedroom without running into anyone. Cassandra and Duke must be busy tonight, and he can't think of any reason why Timothy and Jason would be here at this hour of night. It's not surprising he didn't run into anyone. Why does he almost wish he had?

He shakes his head and closes the door behind him. Whatever is making him feel this way, it will go away if he rests. He's sure of it.

Wordlessly and single-mindedly, he removes the decorative pillows from his bed and pulls down the sheets. In a few practiced and fluid movements, he's under the covers and glaring at the ceiling, his stomach clenching.

There's glow in the dark stars above him, made of plastic and held to the ceiling with fun-tak. His eyes drift to a bigger glowing figure, it's circular and there's swirling patterns that mimic the global storm of Jupiter's surface. Another has two rings, like the planet in Treasure Planet.

Richard put them up the second month after Damian first came here. Damian had expressed... desires... to study and learn how kids who weren't raised in the League of Assassins lived. Glow in the dark stars was something Richard very much enjoyed getting off of Amazon that night, saying they were all the craze when he was younger. Every friend he visited had them in their bedrooms. His own childhood bedroom still has some old and dim ones hanging on the ceiling from when he convinced his father to get him some.

He didn't understand the appeal of them then. Nor does he now. Perhaps it's something to do with children in Gotham never seeing the actual stars because of the light pollution. All he knows is that in the desert he grew up in... these fake green plastic decorations do not compare to the galaxy he used to see as if the only thing separating him from the universe was a single pane of glass.

He turns away from the fake stars, closing his eyes, before they open again to glare now at his bookshelf, filled to the brim with books of all kinds and Cheese Viking figurines. There's a collectable coin there too, one Richard accidentally won way back when he decided to buy a mystery box from some website. It turned out to be pretty rare. He gave it to Damian and Damian got curious enough to look up the game.

It's his favorite game now. Because Richard found him a random gold coin.

Richard. His stomach clenches. Why won't it stop hurting? He has no reason to be this anxious.

No reason at all.

There's a soft knock on his door. Damian shifts so he's holding himself up on his elbows, watching as the door opens to reveal none other than Richard. His hair looks damp from a shower, which makes Damian wonder how long he's been glaring at random things in his room. He's dressed in an old Gotham Knight's tee-shirt with mustard stains around the right breast. Damian went to a game with him when he was wearing that shirt. He accidentally got shoved into Richard in the crowd, looking for their seats, when Richard was holding a hotdog. It got all over him, but the mustard is the only thing that persisted multiple rounds in the washer.

"Dami? You up?" Richard asks. Damian reaches over and turns on the dim lamp by his bedside.

Richard's eyes settle on him, and he smiles. It looks strained though.

That festering, lingering anxiety spikes.

"What is it?" He asks.

Richard walks into the room, then sits down on the side of Damian's bed. Damian bends his knees to allow room for him. He brings his pillow in front of his body and hugs it.

"Did I do something wrong?"

The question shocks Damian, as he didn't mean to ask it. It seems to startle Richard as well, because he goes stock still and looks at Damian with wide eyes.

It shocks them both, but it must be the reason if a bad lunch isn't.

Then, Richard breaks into soft laughter, rubbing the back of his neck. "I was about to ask the same thing, actually," he says, once the laughter dies down.

Damian frowns. Has Richard done anything wrong?

No. The answer is immediate. Richard hasn't done a single thing wrong. He's been nothing but his usual annoying and loud and pushy and kind and loving self since his father left and he came to keep the suit warm.

It almost feels like the beginning all over again. Waking up in the morning and smelling sweetened mocha instead of straight black coffee. Sketching in the afternoons by the fireplace in the family room and being interrupted by Richard barging in with a portable speaker, blasting the newest trending pop song. Going to bed with a goodnight hug. Bandaids snuck into Alfred's first aid supply that have cartoon and Disney characters designs. He's wearing a Frozen 2 bandaid now, on his knee.

If his father hadn't left with the rest of the Justice League, the band-aid would be a normal tan color and the day would be close to silent and alone.

It's feeling normal again, he realizes with horror. Because whatever mood Richard brings into the manor isn't normal. Normal is Bruce Wayne silently checking up on him throughout the day and calmly helping him with homework and giving tips on sketching techniques. Normal is leaning against the strong shoulder of his father as he tests those tips while his father reads a book, the only sounds to interrupt them being the ticking clock on the wall and the crackling of the fire.

Normal is... Normal isn't...

It's not this. He likes the time he spends with his father. He enjoys the wordless love and reassuring squeezes to his shoulder.

Normal isn't the loudness and silliness of Richard's affection.

And just like that, he finally knows what's wrong.

It feels the same as it used to be. Back when they thought his father was dead. Back when Richard seemed to be the only trusted adult in his life, and the daily interactions he had with him almost promised to be infinite.

And then they found out his father was still alive, just stuck in time. With the help of Timothy and others... They managed to bring him back.

And.

And Richard left.

And Damian was left.

And.

And that wasn't supposed to happen. Was it?

He hasn't allowed himself to think about much. It was something neither of them had acknowledged or mentioned. Richard once said he considered adopting Damian if his father was dead. Damian didn't stop himself from taking comfort in that.

And it feels like history is repeating itself. His father is away. Richard is Batman.

However, now Damian knows that the second his father returns, Richard will be packing his bags and leaving. This isn't normal. He can't get used to this again. He loves his father. But Richard...

It hurt enough the first time, watching him go.

And it will happen all over again. He'll get comfortable with Richard and his daily hugs and laughter, and then he'll be gone.

Separation anxiety. He has separation anxiety.

"Oh buddy," Richard coos, wrapping his arms around Damian and bringing him to his lap to hold him better.

He's crying. Tears are running down his face and it's stupid, because he knows that when Richard leaves again, it won't be like he'll never see him again.

But he's crying, and it hurts. Hurts more than if he had eaten something bad. He clutches to the pillow between them and let's the tears fall.

"Tell me what's wrong," Richard soothes, probably the only person in the entire universe to not freak out when he cries. Probably the only person in the entire universe Damian would allow himself to cry like this to. "What can I do to help?"

"It's stupid," Damian says, through it's through a hiccupping sob, which makes it sound very not stupid to someone like Richard. He sniffs and rubs his eyes on the pillow, forcing his breathing to go normal and to stop crying. "It's nothing. Father will come back, and- and you'll go back to Blüdhaven, and everything will be normal again."

Richard stills, then sighs. "So it's about that," he says softly. Of course he immediately knows what Damian means. He tightens his hold on Damian. "You know when your dad comes back, nothing will change between us, right? Even if we're on the opposite side of the world."

"I don't want to be on the opposite side of the world," Damian snaps, shoving himself away from Richard and glaring. "I want- I don't-" he presses his face into his pillow and groans.

Dick is silent, then he shifts closer and wraps his arm around Damian's shoulder gently. "I know. I don't either. But... it's just the way things have to be. You know this. Just like you know that... that if you ever really want to, I can clean out my guest room."

Damian shakes his head, his feelings feeling so all over the place and raw. "I just- when father came back, I didn't expect you to just leave. I don't want to choose. I-"

"I know," Richard whispers. "I know. I love Bruce. He's my dad too. But, you know us. If I move back in, we'll be at each other's throats. I'm a grown man now, Dami. I have to be on my own. He's... Protective. He still sees me as seventeen years old. And he's your father. You should be with him."

Damian sniffs. He doesn't nod. He doesn't shake his head. Agree nor disagree.

Simply understands.

It's just the way things are.

He stays silent as Richard continues. "And you know that I'll always be there for you, if you need me. I'll drop everything for you. Just say the word. I'll be running, even if I'm on the other side of the world."

Now Damian nods. Let's the cotton of his pillowcase soak up his silent tears.

He doesn't feel much better, but he doesn't feel so awful anymore either. He supposes that's the best it will get in this situation.

So he just sits there until his head begins to dip with exhaustion and Richard pulls him in so he's laying against his shoulder. His eyelids droop, and they stay there, together, like they used to.

It's scary to allow himself to become attached to things, but he can never help himself with Richard.

The best that he can do is enjoy it while it lasts, and make the most of it.

Richard will be gone when father comes home, but for now he's here, and he's warm, and he's solid.

Damian falls asleep, and Richard doesn't leave that night.

#damianwayneweek2021 #damian wayne #robin #dick grayson #nightwing #jin writes #fanfiction #dc comics

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norcumii · 5 years

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I...might have had a plunnie bite me earlier. After chewing through angles with @dogmatix, I’m sending it out onto the tumbls for adoption if anyone wants it, because while a bit odd, it was interesting. Feel free to snag it if it caches your interest, just please let me and/or Dogmatix know!

This is a universe where Palpatine’s plotting don’t quite go according to plan. The invasion of Naboo goes down differently. Perhaps Obi-Wan dies, perhaps none of the Force users do. Either way, when Qui-Gon goes to remind Yoda that he is training the boy, Yoda reminds him that no, the boy will not be a Jedi.

So Qui-Gon quits. If Obi-Wan’s alive, that might well cement the rift between them (his death, on the other hand, might have been significant cause to Qui-Gon’s decision – goodness knows he doesn’t tend to be very rational when he’s got Heavy Emotions around). Qui-Gon sticks around Naboo to train Anakin, because Jedi or no the kid needs training. Padmé is happy to have the young hero remain, and in short order Shmi is brought in so there’s some pretext of a normal adolescence for young Skywalker.

Sidious, meanwhile, does not appreciate such potential slipping through his fingers. His conniving takes a different turn, as he settles on how to destroy the Jedi and the Republic.

Anakin grows up somewhat well-adjusted. He and Qui-Gon don’t always see eye-to-eye on this Force business, and he refuses to be a Jedi type. It’s just...not him. This does not always sit well with Qui-Gon. Meanwhile, Anakin and Padmé grow as friends, until one day there’s a distinct mutual ‘oh no, they’re hot!’ moment which confuses them both. By the time Padmé is looking to step down as queen, she and Anakin are in a quiet, background courtship that’s reasonable, sane, and willing to take its time.

Her people still want to elect her queen for life, and she decides to challenge some cultural issues. Sure, she’ll be queen – BUT her people have to accept she’s getting into a relationship and not doing the usual quit-for-family thing, she’s going to keep working.

Padmé is very confused when the vote passes, because this is not the outcome she expected. Once Anakin finds out that he’s not required to be royal consort or anything weird like that, he just goes back to being her primary cheerleader because of course the people adore her, duh.

Palpatine meanwhile agitates the galaxy towards becoming an Empire. It might be interesting if in this universe, the clones aren’t used for the war: instead, it’s all volunteers(/conscripts). The Jedi understandably can’t handle both leading and attacking living beings in a blasted WAR, so they nope out and try to negotiate things into peace, meaning everyone is pissed with them not taking a side. Propaganda works against them, and meanwhile Sidious keeps his pawns dancing closer and closer to declaring him emperor or the equivalent.

The Naberries – what, you didn’t think they’d take Anakin’s name, did you? - try to make a life for themselves in this chaos. Kids happen. Then, when there’s 3 or 4 spawn running around, Something Tragic Happens.

The initial thought was a vacation gone horribly wrong. Perhaps two kids stay at home – lingering illness with poor timing, or someone is VERY determined that they don’t wanna. Shmi and possibly Qui-Gon are available to help care for the kids, along with Padmé’s parents. Regardless, the end result is Anakin and Padmé get separated, both with a kid each. They have reason to think the other is dead, and with the Empire now on the horizon, they are on the run, and they have to take care of the child they managed to grab.

Alternatively: Qui-Gon didn’t quit, but was Most Put Out when Anakin didn’t join up with the Jedi. Poor Obi-Wan – living or dead – might well have been the point of contention between them. Yoda simply might have put his foot down, and no one was happy with that. Regardless, Qui-Gon proceeded to complain most bitterly to sympathetic ears, and already-a-Sith-apprentice Dooku realizes this is his moment to shine. He offers to help, traveling to Naboo to teach young Skywalker the ways of the Force and perhaps coax him into the Dark side joining the Jedi.

He becomes very frustrated to find that Skywalker is doing incredibly well in a stable and happy home environment, with familial support. He is even more irked to find that teaching the brat to tap into his emotions doesn’t lead the kid down the Dark path as hoped, but just makes him more Attached. Dooku doesn’t look forward to reporting the results to his Master, but keeps trying, and even starts to concoct a long con plot to have the child think that everyone is dead and gone. Perhaps Dooku really will kill them, but that’s a planned bonus, not a guarantee.

Unfortunately for Dooku, there’s two snags. First, he finds he is growing to like Skywalker. The utter insufferable brat is someone he is...urgh. Growing fond of. Meanwhile, the second snag is that Sidious is taking “go big or go home” to heart. Instead of dumping money into armor and transports and whatnot for clone armies, he’s directing those funds into creating the Deathstar.

It all comes to a head tragically, in a combination of unfortunate events. Anakin catches Leia taking out a starfighter, and he’s insisting that nope, she isn’t doing that...without him coming along. One of the younger ones followed Aunt Sola and the cousins into a shuttle, because they wanted to go on the trip too, and remains undetected in the hold for most of the trip. Padmé discovers her child’s absences, but since someone isn’t answering his comm, Anakin, she leaves a message and goes to fetch the kid herself. The youngest, however, isn’t ready to be left alone and insists (at full volume) at not being left behind. Fine. It will be a trip, an adventure, just between them.

They end up chasing the wrong shuttle, since Sola took advantage of royal connections and got upgraded to a much earlier flight.

Dooku catches wind of things shortly before shit hits the fan, and in a moment of desperation and begrudging affection, sets one of his lingering kidnapping plans into motion. Shmi and Luke are taken, grabbed by armored guards and forcibly removed from the planet. They are in hyperspace by the time the Deathstar arrives.

Anakin and Leia bear witness, from the far side of the moons. Sure, Anakin’s first instinct upon a whole new fucking moon appearing is to get away. The Force is screaming in his ear. He left his comm at home because he hadn’t meant to end up on a joyride, he’d just gone looking for his kids.

Padmé and the other children are in hyperspace when the Deathstar fires.

Perhaps this Deathstar was constructed too quickly. Perhaps something went wrong. Perhaps when Naboo explodes, it takes out the Deathstar with it.

Whatever the reason, both are destroyed, and there is suddenly so much death screaming through the Force. When Leia and Anakin come to, Naboo and the weapon are gone. To their best knowledge, so is everyone else.

Sidious takes his opportunity, manufacturing evidence that the Jedi were behind it. The galaxy does love a scapegoat, and the Order is decimated as war criminals, sheltered by none and assisted by only a few. As a native of poor, destroyed Naboo, there is so much sympathy for Chancellor Palpatine, who declares himself emperor because there must be order.

There is an Empire, and there is a Rebellion. Padmé dives into that, struggling to find something solid that she can work towards building. She tries so hard to neither smother nor be distant from her child, and she tells them many a tale of their father and siblings.

It only takes two kidnapping attempts by Imperial types to chase Anakin underground. He’s almost completely untethered, and only the need to make sure Leia is cared for keeps him (sort of) sane and functioning. He fakes smiles and leans on his earliest skills, and the underground swoop competitions earn a new champion. Leia adores flying, and her father throws himself into keeping the bikes in the best damn condition they have ever been in. They hop from planet to planet, never using their real names and trying to find out what happened.

(At some point, a young Han Solo decides he’s gonna try his luck with the pretty swoop chick at a bar. There’s middling success, but she seems more amused by him than not, and in verbal combat she bites back – that’s fun! They’re in a nice private booth in back when her mechanic ambles over, sitting down with new drinks for all 3 of them. She thanks him as “Dad,” at which point Han is suddenly VERY nervous. “So, uh, is this where you threaten me with a shovel?”

The racer laughs, so it’s not a total fail, but ‘Dad’ is giving him a mystified look like he’s now talking Shyriiwook. “Y’know, the ‘if you harm my daughter in any way–’”

Realization crosses his face, then fella gives him this absolutely incredulous expression. “Oh hells no,” he says, taking a drink. “Leia knows how to take care of herself.”

It’s matter-of-fact, such an offended declaration. Han looks over at Leia, who has a sweet smile that somehow is also all teeth.

Han’s not sure if he’s ever been that terrified and that aroused before.)

Shmi and Luke end up at a secret facility, either on Serenno or Kamino. They’re to be held there until Dooku arrives – he was on Naboo, and so never will. They’re kept under guard by the first stormtroopers, men who are well fed on Imperial propaganda (no matter that the Empire is brand new) and were bred to be loyal. Yet Shmi recognizes slaves, and Luke just flat out likes people. It doesn’t take long to make allies, then friends of their guards.

They get quite the shock when the guards finally remove their helmets. The brand new Empire had a swift influx of loyal soldiers, clones bred in secret and ordered to remain in their interchangeable armor. Bred to be loyal, and with a brain-washing chip for those who get too far out of line. Yet the clones are intelligent beings, and it doesn’t take long for them to see what the situation is. There starts to be whispers of dissent, though no one says the actual forbidden ‘rebellion.’

Shmi becomes a bit of a cornerstone for some of them, with o so carefully edited stories of her time as a slave – and what stories ‘she might have heard about those who claimed to have escaped.’ Luke becomes a mascot, especially once the clones realize the kid already knows how to use a blaster (and use it well!), not to mention how to fight. They like teaching him tricks, and learning about the outside galaxy at the same time.

Meanwhile, with nowhere else to turn and a young child that is strong in the Force, Sola Naberrie thanks whatever gods there are when she runs into a tiny group of Jedi. She has money, and she has the Naberrie name (and she has the ghost of Naboo, which is far greater currency in this horrible new galaxy) – she takes them in and begs them to teach the child of Padmé Amidala and Anakin Skywalker, because she can only hope that is something they might have wanted. The Jedi latch on to what little bit of hope they can find, because someone in their group remembers the horrible snafu that was Jinn and the supposed Chosen One.

Besides, what else is there?

At some point, of course, it all comes to a head. The Rebellion will face down the evil Emperor, and Padmé Amidala and her child will be happy to take point. Anakin and Leia keep company with the nefarious sorts that are the only types to mingle with Jedi or Rebel scum, and where else would you go when you need all the pilots you can get? Shmi and Luke refuse to remain slaves, and neither of them would ever give up on family, no matter how they might have found and adopted them – and the clones will only remain slaves for so long, too. The Jedi will have to fight, because that is all that is left, and Chosen One or not, they’ll take all hands that will join with them.

The road back together is just as rocky and improbable as the family’s survival, but survive it they will.

#star wars #all the aus #fic ideas #plunnie for adoption #i don't even know don't look at me like that

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