Can confirm Sameoka was not left under my tree last night. Tragic. Christmas canceled

The concept of lark finding out “what the doodler wants” and then shattering it before anyone else can know is sooooo fascinating to me because the way I’ve always read it the doodler doesn’t want anything. To me, the doodler was horrifying because it was not an all powerful malicious entity with goals or wants, but a faceless brainless force of nature that was so strong it’s mere presence in the world spelled destruction. Like never once in the podcast has the doodler shown any agency or intent, every action in service of it even in amod seemed entirely motivated and verbalized by its acolytes. We know from amod that the doodler thrives of the concept of randomness and to me that’s all it ever was. It was so heavily entrenched in the random and chaos that it physically could not have wants or desires for power because it would so be against its very nature. That’s why the doodler was scary to me, because it could not be manipulated or tricked like a person could, it was simple raw destructive horrifying power, and I don’t think the lark stuff disproves that. What if that is the truth, what if the doodler doesn’t want anything? If you’re lark, a person who feels crushing responsibility for this disaster and you find out that it is no different in intent than a hurricane, does that not terrify you? Does that not instill in you a fear that if anyone else found out they would feel so powerless against it that they would just give up? They’d give up and the world would end and it would be your fault. This was not the all powerful creature 11 year old you thought it was, the one he wanted to fight to prove his strength, this is pure entropy and chaos and randomness and destruction and no one else can know lest they stop fighting? Is the fighting fruitless, who even knows, but at least it fools you into thinking you’re making a difference.

cas should’ve been in every episode of s8

sorry. i may be completely misunderstanding this. but is kazui’s voice drama implying that the reason his wife committed suicide was not because he cheated on her but because he was hiding the fact that he’s gay. because i’m gonna be real that’s the only thing that makes sense here

I was about to impulse buy Dream Daddy but I don’t have enough in my steam account for it

^ real picture of me rn

like i knew it. i knew this was going to happen. 12 minutes beforehand and i fucking called it.

honestly i can live with unrequited byler but what annoys me off the most is how will byers was absolutely sidelined this entire season literally all he did was cry in those 4 hours of content

It’s Thanksgiving and yet here I am not getting stuffed.

A 12-lap race? lol

// vent

i want to sit with loki, cry, and maybe that’ll help things

world is against me. woke up at 3am for jetlag/insomnia reasons and didn’t even have anything to make a really nice breakfast with. what the fuck.

i’m going to weekly therapy. i haven’t missed a dose of my meds. my meds have increased actually. i’ve haven’t cancelled any therapy or psych appointments. i’m 23 days sober of alcohol and weed. i try to use different coping skills.

so why is none of it working. why do i feel worse. what am i doing wrong.

there’s so much shame and guilt every time i have an episode. it must be my fault. it has to be. i’m not trying hard enough.

but fuck. my head is spinning of self harm and suicidal and homicidal thoughts. so loud and intrusive and eating away at me.

i can’t do school still. can’t do chores. work is draining me. i’m in so much debt.

i just want to get stoned out of my mind and not feel any of this. but i can’t.

ugh

If I’m the villain in someone else’s story, they better have given me an over the top outfit and a dramatic monologue.

this manatee looks like it’s in a skyrim loading screen

HEARTBREAKING: character actually mildly interesting to think about but I Dont like their fans

As a reminder that good exists out there, a coworker recently confessed to me that he found out his child is questioning their identity (kid's gender redacted for this post). The kid is keeping it from him, so he can't say anything to them or show that he knows, but he's doing his best to get mentally prepared and educated so that he'll be ready whenever his kid does feel comfortable enough come to him.

For context, this guy is a big, bulky middle aged dude who loves sports and typical outdoor "manly" activities. As his coworker and friend, I know he's a kind and sweet teddy bear of a person, but his kid probably views him as a stern, authoritarian figure, the way most teenagers view their parents. His family lives in a conservative area, so I'm sure between that, their dad's looks and interests, and the fact that their dad is a Figure of Authority, the kid is worried that they won't be accepted.

But you know what? When he found out about his kid, the first thing he did was reach out to his closest queer friend and ask for resources for parents of questioning children. His biggest fears are that his kid will be bullied or discriminated against and won't feel comfortable enough to be themself. His second action was to find himself a mentor in another parent who went the same situation (kid coming out in a conservative town). The other person is preparing him for some of the struggles his kid may face and the fights he may need to take on as a parent to make sure his kid is safe and treated well.

Something I want to emphasize for people focused on language as the primary method of allyship is that when we spoke, he used some outdated terms and thoughts about gender and sexuality. That does not make him bad. These were the terms and thinking used about questioning teenagers when he was growing up and he never needed to learn more current ones. But now that he does have that need, he's throwing himself in head first because that's his kid and he's darn well going to make sure that his kid feels welcomed and has a safe place to be themselves even if they never come out to him.