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#what id use to make tht stuff. does tht make sense. no . OKAY
tapsoda · 2 years
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i need to be more creative
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zwei-rhunen · 1 year
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Squeenix why do u do dis to me D:
Someone tell the lalafells that there's an untapped market to be had! Level 35-48 jewelry is the latest trend!
A once in a lifetime gil-gathering endeaver for your local, aspiring venture capitalist!!!!
.... in other news, I've been prepping myself for jewelery-crafting shenangians, which means clearing out my inventory LOL
But I got too invested and this time I took the time to research alot of the stuff that I've been hanging onto, and it turns out they're really easy to get later if i really wanted them back.
Most of it was either crafting materials (i thought they were turn-in tokens bc they looked special) or they were things that were fairly inexpensive to buy off other people if I wamted to do that in the future. I'd kept alot of things bc I wasn't as familiar with the UI/the game as i am now back when I tried downsizing in the past. Like I'd hold onto alot of junk bc for example, I'd research about this cool shiny item. and it'd start out so innocently lol.
I'd be like,
"oh I can use this to craft neat gear! Well I'll hold onto it bc i want to do that soon"
but then itd quickly spiral into
"oh, well I need a master crafting tome of X level, and to get that I need to collect these things. Okay that's doable. But wait, to do THAT, I first need to level up these 2 jobs so i can craft/gather the ingredients, alright.. (goes to level up the jobs) ...oh. i don't even have access to the zone that I need to collect those materials in, so then ACTUALLY I need to do the MSQ up to THIS point. Damn, thats kinda devastating bc I just spent all this time leveling lmao. Well, I got this far and i dont want to just toss these items, so ill just hang onto them for now
And then eventually I forgot about the details related to those items, but I remember how let down I felt while dealing with them so i just put it off and eventually they blurred into the clutter of the other stuff going on in my inv/I got invested into other goals lol
But now I've gotten better at asking the right things like "is this item rare? Where is it dropped? What is it used for, is it for crafting or a token or smth else? Also, does an NPC vendor ask for this in return for something cool? Could i buy this item on the MB later on?"
Whereas before, I'd just be like "okay. what can i use this for?? " And then I wouldn't see any crafting use for it, so I'd just toss it, and then 10 mins later id go to Mor Dhona and realize DANG IT was a TOKEN, i coulda traded that for smth interesting!! And it seems like a PITA for me to get again 😭 .....so thus began my hoarding :)
can't regret what you don't discard! lmfaooo
Also said screw it and sold off most of my food bc I realized by the time I worked thru all those edibles, id probably have a sub and would be able to buy HQ food really easily. Like, I'd been holding onto the food from when I had brute-force-leveled CUL to 50, and I'm still gonna have like ~200 hours worth of exp lmao.
I also actually, seriously reviewed the differences in food stats for once in my life (this deserves so much praise tbh bc I do not care for their details as long as I'm getting the exp buff lmao) and realized my level 15 HQ food is useless to hang onto bc my lvl 40 normal foods are still way better, and all this other info that's probably common knowledge lmao (and ik i CAN get more efficient with this if I prioritized food with stats that align with which jobs I'm gonna main for now but um. this is far as I care to go into the weeds with food details for now lmaooo like... no. stop thats too much to worry abt for me 😭😂😂 i mean like, i know (i think i know?) Strength and determination for tank, spell speed/piety for casters, skill speed for dps bc it just sounds like it makes sense lol. So like ill half-assedly try and pick the best stat buff food but its not really smth tht im overly concerned abt atm tbh. Maybe later at a higher level but for now everything seems to be okay without needing to suffer over the details)
So I sold off a buncha stuff off to an NPC and now i have a whole page and a half of space. I'm so excited!
I also reviewed the clutter in my chocobo sidebags and finally traded in the ancient gear drops to Rowena and sold off some faded maps that i realized are really common and can get again later lol
I'd have more space but i think I can use those few items up in the short term so it's just a waiting game for moar space uwu
But, yeah!!
✨️ A page and a half of inventory!! ✨️
I haven't had this much space ever since probably the MIDDLE of doing the main 2.0 MSQ!! xD
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angeltrapz · 3 years
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SAW ASK!!!!!! 💞 n ee wayz as far as Eric/Adam goes i wld love to hear yr thoughts on how their relationship looks @ th very beginning when Eric still v v fresh in his recovery (obvs we’ve talked a lil abt this both but expandin on stuff), n also u mentioned Eric knowing how to bake (at least some things) n id LOVE to hear more abt that!! also for a general SAW polycule question, just bc it’s a dynamic i don’t think either of us have rlly touched on, thoughts on William + Mallick?
SAW ASK!!! (tysm!! <3)
okay so Eric/Adam:
I rly like th idea u had where they meet at one of Bobby’s groups (also throwing in tht I think abt Group Therapy All The Time) bc like. neither of them want to be there, neither of them rly have much in common w any other survivors, n neither of them can stand Bobby Dagen. so tht’s still like, th foundation fr how these 2 meet to me lol. the idea of them listening 2 him talk while rolling their eyes at each other n fake gagging is So Good.
I feel like Adam is just... rly open? w Eric? bc god does he understand how fucking hard it is 2 be around ppl after smth like that - maybe not to the same extent (though they DO have tht solidarity), but like. there’s only so many times u can hear “I’m so sorry tht happened/I can only imagine what u went thru” b4 yr ready 2 just tell ppl to shut the fuck up. so like, on Eric’s side of things, not getting tht frm Adam? not hearing the whole “I’m rly sorry u almost lost yr son and were locked up fr six months”? tht’s foreign territory ENTIRELY 2 him. sorry is all anyone has to say, even other survivors. Adam not saying sorry n instead being like “well I’m glad yr still around” is kind of what makes tht decision in Eric’s head like, yes, I think I want 2 get to know this dude. He Gets It.
n Adam is just patient too. letting Eric come 2 him, making sure he knows he’s there, tht sorta thing, bc regardless of how much he likes Adam, being around ppl again is not smth he can just jump into. it’s a wound tht is still raw n open n aching n he needs to treat it w care instead of rubbing salt in. n Eric half expects tht to turn Adam away, esp when he sometimes goes a day w no communication, but it doesn’t n he’s just sorta like ??? bc Eric never rly... saw some1 making tht kind of accommodation fr him, never expected some1 to understand it. tht’s another region I feel they’re very similar in - contact, sometimes, can b very very hard, even over text. if they don’t speak all day, tht’s okay - they send each other “i’m okay” texts n th other person responds w “good” n tht’s fine. Adam provides compromises when Eric never even knew tht was a possibility. it’s good.
things progress kinda slowly but not in a bad way. they’re just kind of getting used 2 each other - both of them have been alone fr so long, having some1 in their lives tht they give a shit abt n who gives a shit abt them is smth they’re both navigating. fr Eric, it’s being around some1 consistently after his trap. fr Adam, it’s actually having a friend who doesn’t make him feel like shit + having some1 he can definitively say is there. sometimes its easier 2 sit in comfortable silence than it is to force a convo neither of thm rly have the energy fr. sometimes just being in a room together is enough. tht’s smth they both notice - tht it’s like. they find it easy 2 be around each other. which is SO foreign to both of thm so they’re just kinda feelin it out?
n again like u’ve written b4, I also feel one of th turning points is when Eric calls Adam abt his hair + Adam shaves it fr him in his bathroom. tht’s th point where they’re both like “oh, I rly care abt this person.” bc it’s three in th fucking morning, Adam didn’t even have 2 pick up his phone or even answer when he saw it was Eric. but he did, bc he cares, bc he wants to help, n Adam’s just kinda freaking out internally too bc it’s been a looong time since he’s felt tht way abt some1 - he just wants Eric 2 be okay. n it’s then tht he’s kinda like, coming 2 terms w th fact that he truly cares abt someone who he can say without a doubt cares abt him too and it’s just like. oof. ESP when Eric sleeps over bc again, it’s early as fuck, and isn’t it so much easier 2 just have him stay? isn’t it easier fr Adam to make space fr Eric in his bed n home n heart? n Eric actually doesn’t tell Adam abt this later, but tht night he sleeps over after Adam shaves his hair? it’s th best he’s slept in fucking weeks.
I feel like after tht they’re a LOT more comfortable w each other - not tht they weren’t b4; I mean in th sense tht when they’re not doing too great, they’ll reach out 2 each other rather than bottling it up n dealing w it alone. Adam comes over w CDs he likes bc he can’t talk abt it but he doesn’t want 2 be by himself n they sit in Eric’s living room together in comfortable silence. sometimes Eric sings 2 him. they both find tht it helps. Eric becomes more accustomed 2 accepting help when he knows he needs it + Adam offers - dimming th lights n staying close by to keep him frm getting another migraine, having th TV on but w the sound down low enough tht it doesn’t feel like some1′s hitting him over th head w too-loud dialogue, getting things fr him on th days tht his nerve pain flares up n he’s mostly confined 2 his bed. they’re there fr each other. this is what friendship looks like fr them, two Jigsaw survivors who understand each other better than any1 else ever could.
another huge step fr them is like, th first time Adam offers 2 help w Eric’s rashes. I feel like, even as they grow closer, tht’s still not smth he’s vocal abt/comfortable showing often, something he’s ashamed of bc he feels like it’s gross n he doesn’t want 2 like. make Adam deal w that. but like during one of their sleepovers where Adam cuts his hair fr him n Eric’s got his shirt off he just. grabs the ointment he knows Eric keeps in th cabinet above the sink n while Eric’s still sitting w his back to him, he wordlessly begins tending 2 the rash spread along Eric’s shoulders n his neck n back, n Eric just. freezes. Adam doesn’t say anything, just does it fr him, n Eric kinda. Breaks Down a lil bit. like he just starts silently sobbing bc Adam doesn’t have 2 do this. he doesn’t have to help him w one of th things Eric hates most abt his own body. he could think it’s Gross. but he doesn’t think it’s gross n he doesn’t mind touching it and he’s so gentle when applying the ointment n then when he’s done he just kind of leans against Eric’s back bc He Knows. he reaches around front n grabs one of Eric’s hands n just sits there w him while he cries it out, holding his hand 2 say I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere, n that is MAJOR fr Eric. and honestly? tht’s kind of th first time he Rly becomes aware of “oh fuck I love him.” (Adam too, ngl)
basically, the way it starts is a shared experience, smth no one else can rly say they have, an understanding based on tht shared experience. giving each other space until they begin inviting each other in. care, patience, “I’m here.” re-learning th feeling of mutual concern. somewhere along th way, it turns into love, and somehow falling into tht is just as easy.
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Eric + baking:
YES I love this hc!! this is smth he picked up during his time btwn jobs during th earlier stages of recovery (but After meeting Adam/connecting w Art) bc he needed smth to do n was just sorta like, “well I guess this works huh?” n like. it was def a learning curve bc Eric can cook, relatively well/at least okay, but baking is a entirely different matter. at frst he was kinda discouraged when things didn’t turn out th way he hoped they would, but w gentle guidance on Art’s side n enthusiastic encouragement frm Adam, he stuck w it n has gotten pretty good as a result!! his fave things 2 make r peanut butter cookies (he does a little design on th top w a fork n both Adam + Art r like Oh My God That’s Adorable) + th aforementioned carrot cake cupcakes!! frosting is usually homemade n it’s usually cream cheese! he makes his own frosting fr cakes n stuff too (Constantly has 2 tell Adam to “keep yr hands off of th frosting/batter/dough! we’re not gonna have any left!!!” even tho tht Doesn’t stop him).
he makes rly good banana bread too! tht one was a lil harder 2 learn but he’s honestly pretty proud of it now. it’s so funny bc Adam typically doesn’t like stuff like tht but if Eric made it? oh it’s Amazing. (he’s like tht w Art’s cooking too kjdfhjs partially bc he is a Disaster in th kitchen, but also bc That’s His BF/Best Friend!!!)
if some1 is feeling particularly shitty he takes requests (Adam usually wants brownies + Art is partial 2 peanut butter cookies but w chocolate chips too) n it’s just a nice lil thing he can do 2 help, which is smth he Always wants to do. he also stress bakes tho so sometimes his bfs have 2 just kinda like check in n make sure he’s doing okay. but! yeah baking is smth he enjoys + is relatively good at!!
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William/Mallick dynamic:
yr right I haven’t thought abt this dynamic much but I Am Now!!!
I feel like at his core, William is def a caretaker. Mallick, 2 me, is someone who is just wholly unfamiliar w being cared for. so like, at the Very Least, they’re both dating Adam + Lawrence, right? they spend a lot of time around each other. plenty enough time fr William 2 pick up on this. it just kinda. makes his heart hurt, bc he sees the unease in Mallick’s eyes every time one of thm performs even th smallest acts of kindness fr him - not bc he doesn’t appreciate it/doesn’t want it, but because it’s more that he feels like he doesn’t deserve it. n William Sees That and is just like. I Need U To Know You’re Loved.
they’re comfortable w each other, of course they are! they’re friends, good friends, who happen 2 be dating th same people! who go to bed together at night n wake up w each other in th morning. it’s love, they know tht, but Mallick still always looks so surprised when William makes waffles fr him fr breakfast. William cares.
n Mallick can kinda feel it, and he’s not resistant 2 it, but he’s definitely on edge abt it a little. but William also just has this air abt him that Mallick finds it hard to stay keyed up in, so it doesn’t rly take long fr Mallick to at least be at peace w William’s attention. but the moment he starts to really fathom it is during one of those days he can’t get himself 2 relax n is just shaking out on the couch, knees drawn up to his chest n his arm wrapped around thm, just kinda staring down at th carpet n just Not having the energy to get himself out of his own head. Lawrence + Adam r at work n Eric is taking a quick nap so it’s just Mallick n William.
so Mallick is sitting there spiraling n his breaths r coming out a little fast n William just sits down beside him, a mug of warm tea tht he sets down on th coffee table fr a moment, n he just rests a hand on Mallick’s shoulder. doesn’t say anything, just sort of like. offers tht bridge, opens tht avenue. n Mallick is like This Close to just breaking entirely, but what rly does it is when William just swipes his thumb over his shoulder n squeezes. n Mallick rly DOES break down, almost ugly-sobbing and wheezing, n somehow he ends up w his face in William’s neck, pretty much curled into his side, n tht’s when it truly hits him how much William cares abt him too. tht there are Several People who hold tht kind of room fr him in their hearts n lives. William didn’t even have 2 say anything fr Mallick to understand that, to know it as truth. n tht’s like, one of th events tht actually leads Mallick to building up tht self-esteem, knowing that.
n after tht happens, Mallick is a little less reluctant abt accepting William’s (+ everyone else’s!) help, at least some of the time. like Mallick will catch himself digging his fingers a lil too harshly into th stump of his arm (I’m w u on 10 Pints resulting in at least a partial amputation - like what was tht little scar in 3D???) n then he’ll feel William’s hand cover his n gently curl around his palm 2 be like “I’m not gonna say anything, but I see you, it’s okay,” n his grip relaxes. Eric will notice he’s working himself up too much n he’ll reach out n take one of his hands while he’s pacing + laces their fingers together so tht Mallick has to pause a moment n then he’s able to breathe. Lawrence stumbles across him in th midst of a panic attack n Mallick finds himself breathing easier when Lawrence takes one of his hands, places it over his chest + his heart, n breathes w him. Adam holds him when he jolts awake frm a nightmare. lil things like tht.
one of their fave things to help them both de-stress is they’ll lay in bed n William will read out loud to Mallick, who has his head on his chest n is listening but doesn’t have to put too much energy into keeping up, bc it’s mostly abt being close + having smth to fill the silence tht neither of them feel particularly comfortable in anymore. sometimes Mallick falls asleep n it honestly makes William rly happy bc not only is Mallick relaxed enough to actually close his eyes, he also trusts William enough to fall asleep around him, trusts him during a time he’s at his most vulnerable. it’s not uncommon fr Lawrence to get home frm work to find th two of them curled up against th pillows, sometimes both asleep or just Mallick while William continues reading silently and brushes his fingers thru Mallick’s hair. Adam def has a pic of them like tht somewhere, hung up on th cork board Art had bought specifically fr those kinds of photos. it’s smth easy tht doesn’t really require much energy + has the added bonus of just being close to n held by someone u love n who loves u.
and they help each other. sometimes William has a rly hard time looking at himself, the days where his guilt sits heavy in his chest n doesn’t seem 2 want to anywhere, n Mallick will just sit w him outside on th porch swing and just Be There bc it’s like. “I’m here, I want to b here, Jigsaw was wrong, you are not a terrible person, u did what u could w what u had and I love you,” in a single action. I think William also struggles, like u’ve mentioned tht Eric does, w th guilt of what happened + feeling like it was his fault. so Mallick sitting w him, their shoulders brushing, fr William it’s like, if he was truly as awful a person as John seemed 2 think he was, wld Mallick be this close? wld Mallick willingly lay down beside him some nights n kiss him good morning? wld he kiss him again on th cheek after he makes a fresh pot of coffee + pancakes? n William knows tht Mallick wouldn’t keep himself so close if John was right, so it’s like. proof of tht. n tht means a lot to William. sometimes tht’s all he needs.
they don’t have 2 deal w their struggles alone. they’re both surrounded by ppl who love them n want to see them do well - it’s only natural they feel tht way abt each other, too.
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Today has been a very stressful day, so guess wtf time it is? Drunk Breaking Dawn Pt. 1. Here is what I soberly remember of the movie (I have not watched it since BD2 came out): 
1. There’s a wedding.
2. There’s a honeymoon.
3. There’s swimming in the ocean.
4. There’s an accidental pregnancy.
5. The baby almost kills Bella.
6. The canon incident that we all hate happens.
7. The Volturi evilly laugh. 
Same as Eclipse, my drunken narration of the movie will be below the break.
A brief intro statement, I was 100% sober and just beginning to drink at the beginning of the Eclipse post and progressively got more drunk. For BD1, I’m throwing back before I even start watching this shit show.
- I love the effects of the intro. it’s very calming. THe putting away childish things quote is literally a Bible verse. I hate that Stpehen appropriated Quileute culture, Christian culture, and every culture. I know she’s mormon but sitll. THis shit feels real appropriated.
- Idk why rennee is all happy. she never gave a shit before.
- OMG ALICE TEHCING BELLA TO WALK IN HEELS IS THE CUTEST ICRY.
- carlisle carryign the bench is literally the hottest hting i’ve ever seen fck
- lowkey kinda creeprd out because she’s literally sacrificing her humanity to marry this deud she’s known for like a year but everyone other than jacob is super supportive
- damn she’s looking @ this dreamcatcher and it’s making me sad but tbh that shit probably caused half her nightmares because she’s not native so sleep paralysis (if you know you know).
- DAMN EDWAD RELALY JUST ADMITTED HE’S BEEN A VIRGING FOR OVER 100 YEARS WHAT AB RAVE MAN WE STAN
- BUT FOR REAL WHY IS NO ONE FREAKING TF OUT THAT SHE’S LITERALLY BEGGING TO DIE FOR THIUS DUE?
- he just todl her hes killed people and explained it and it didn’t work she’s still down to clown with this vapire emo boi
- HOW HE’S SMILTING @ HR WTF I AM SO ALONEEEE
- i just wama ne im loved amd ne loved in retun plz
- this dream sequence is awful also fck the volturi is til hate that they never overthrew that crabbyass monarchy bullshit they were powerful enough
- i just wanna be like rosalie when i greow up
- charlie knew shit was off when he saw those crapsk 
- why the HELL is renen actin liks she cares? bitch go the fuck back home
- jessica is the only one with any damn common sense in this whole series talking about they’re too fucking young for this shitt bitch true and itm akes sene now why she was the valedictioajrn 
- SLEEPING AT LAST IS THT GROUP IDK IF YALL HAVE HEARD ANY OF HTEIR OTHER STUFF BUT THEY’RE AMAIZNG AND I USED TO CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP # THAT SHIT
- damn id’ be fuckign panicking too your lfie is over hoe 
- stpeheen sto pwiht your racist ass smiling its offensive
- CHARLIE FUCKING DEWEVRE BETTER SOMEONE LOVE HIM PLEASR
- this wedding is gorgoeus though i live for hte fuckj g aestiec 
- OH MY GORD THE PROM SONGGGGGGGG  FCK ME RIGHT IN THE EMO 
- IT JUST HIT ME WHN THEY WRE LOOKI  @ EACH OTHERS EYES THIS BTCH REALLY MARYING AN UNDRSF VAMPIRE HOE this shit is horryighn why was i not scare?
- carlisle is the love of y life
- sth is a lil ray of sunishen 
- i just reaized howd fucked it is that sue and chalrie are starng to catch feelz ut sue knows his daughter is funckugn off with a unded vamp emo iboi
- OMG I FCUKING HATE STEPHENE RACIST ASS I LEGIT MADE AP OST EARLIER SYAING LAURENT WANTED TO DO THE RIGHT THING ANDWOUVLEBE BEND A VEGETATIAN BITCH AND IRENEA CONFIRMED FCK THIS SHIT IM OUT ANG ANGRY
- charlie is gget ing drunk as hell my spiritn animel
- jesica is smart and beautiful she needs t os stop being jealous and petty know ya wotht girlie you got itl
- I SWEAR WHEN IGET MARRIED OSMEDAY IF ANYONE GIVES A SPEECH LIKE THIS I WILL PERSONALLY DRAGT HER ASS OUT.
- edwar lves her so much fck im all alone\
- how haoph hacob is when they hig i hate canonn they were best friends fc,
- jacob stay the fck outta her sex life she;s been wanting this for ad dman year fkc steohe let them jsut befriend
- steh is so swert but e is a chidl fck the is reacist plot bulshit
- CHARLIE DESEVRD BETTR FCK THIS PLOT FOR REAL I HAE CANON
- bela looks os ad she knows it’s goodbye but edward’s family is all smiling because they have her now hwat fthe ckc
- jac0bs cryng my heart brke
- i love bineg dunk 
- the scene isn rio is my faorite isn any of the movies eveyrhting looks warm and happy
- this bich can drive ab oat too damn he can just fod evryhin cant he
- CARLISLE BOUGHT A WHOEL DAMN ISALND FOR HIS WIFE AND I CANT ECVE GET A TEXT BACK? 
- deis this honeymon scene make anuone else unconmfy becuae same
- marying a vampire would be horrying af but also hot af and good af becuase htye oculd love so much and protect you from everythign fck 1-/10 woukd efeel safe
- bwll gaving a panic attakc ism e anyt tinme i try talking to an attractive man
- slepeign at last fckign ti up agin bit ch theis m yshit 
- when he said it was the best night i cred 
- tstoehe added the chess game like this shit is a hoje but i would love to play chess on my honemodn idk how uut  i want a man to each me but not mansplin
- WHY THE FUCJ AR THEY SO CTE ON THIS AMN HONEYMOON?
- i know i sadn it was horryig but i want a hotass vamp emo boi husband plas 
- damn jacob is being too emo she aint really gonan be ded for ever youll see her agianb itch
- ‘CULLENS ARE NOT A DNAGER TO THE TOWN OR TRUBE” BITCH IB EG TO FUCKIN DIFFER THIS SHIT BIOLOGICAL WARDARE RACIST ASS STPEHEN WRITING THIS FUCKING BULLTSIT
- ‘NONE OF THEM BELONG TO THEMSEVLES ANYGMROE” - SOMEONE SAID IT BITCH THSI SHIT IS FUCKRE IP
- i fucking hates these vamp racist bitches but i want a nonracist va,p husband bitch thus hot afck
- how tf does she not know shes rpegr yet eatin this weid ass shit?
- THESE FKERS BEEN AROUND FOR CENTURIES TLAKING BOU IDK IF ITS VEEN POSSIBEL BTICH YU SHOULD FUCKUGN KNO BY NOW
- ROVERT SPOEAKIN G PORTGUEVE IS SO KING ATRACTIV
- poor bella her life chaned so uqick and she[s soc scared fck dcnaon
- POOR CHARLIE I HATE THIS HE DESERVES TO BE LOVED AND TURTH TOLD
- ROSALEI IS THE EST 
- “YOU LOOK TERRBLE’ THIS IS THE FRIENDHSOP WE WANT WHYT THE FCK DOES FOPSTHE RUIN EALL THIS SHIT
- CARLISE IS FUNCIGJ HOT
- LIRALY BITCH I JUST WNAT A PURE FIRENDHSIP WUTH JACOB AND BELLA ITS WHAT THEY DESERVE FJC CAON
 - this montage is turopy a f when youre drunk waht the helc por jake thugh
- im sorry but i;n laughign my ass off at these fuckugn wolf vocie overs lmaoooo this shit hilarious
- SETH HAS SUCH A PURE HEART WHTY TF DID SPTEHEH RUIB HUS FUCJING CHILDHOOD BULTHIST
- WHY IS EVEYRIJE BSUCG AFUCKUGN BUTCG TO LEAH???? SHE DESEVRED THE FUCKING WORLD STPEHEN IS A RACISHT BITCHHHHHH
- calisbe is fos unicngn hot
- i just reaized robert is like the best fuckugn actor like this diolaguge is wha k as fuck btu he’s acitng all emo boi oscar worhty shti
- they realy had her fuckin drink blodo i hate cannjnonnn
- ifelel the same as kaje watchign this 
- but carlisle’s prety face made it all fuckig hetter
- FUCKRT HIS SHTI CHARLIE DESERVED BETTER HE’S THE BEST DAD FCK CANO NFUCK STEPRHNE 
- okay ut id is cute as fkc whe nedward hears the baby 
- esme and calrisle wilougn to risk their lives for bella i cryi
- fkc i really do hate cnaon because jake is acting liek an adult now and trying to do the honrble thig bue he should be a hpaoy chidl 
-  resnemsien is a ficking ridjcils name and we all fuckj nnew
- i ahte this part i’n bot even wathcing this shit rgros me rout 
- WHY THDID FUCK DID THIS BITCH HAVE A FUKCUNG SYRINGE OG VENOM LAYING AORUND? HOE!?!?!
- literlaiy fuick the dynamics of this whole moty hfknfucjg storyline plot bitch
- LEAH AND STHE DESERVERD BETTER
- SO DID JACOB
- SO DID ALL THE WOLFPAKC STPEHEN IS A RACIST AS SHOE
- aw hell here the fucks we hgo with theu ickgn im************** bulshit i ghate cnaojn canon can suck ad ick
- YES BILLY DEFEND YOUR CHIDL 
- rosalie is literally perfect when cnai b ehr 
- im real glad im drunk rin now because ioculd nto sit throguh this shit sober
- imp&******* is the worst plotline fkc]
- bit iamgiben falling alseo lookin gsick and waking up fhot as uck goals
- this sogn making me cry literlalu imcruing ims o alone lmao
- rheye really ended htoe move wirh red eyws lmaoooo
- hodl the fick up a damn minute stpeehebn producre htis cufkcng shit?
- now heres the hoes iv’ve been waiting on burnt the monarch fuckwits i hate thes epompis fuckers
- OVERTURBR THESE FUCKSERS THEY HAVE TIOO MUCH POWR 
CARLISR COULD FUCKING D OI T I HATE CNAON BRING THE VAMPIRE DECONOARCY
- OOHG BRUNNO MARS BRINGNG THE FUCKING SIMPSSHOES ANTHM I NEEDLOVE IT
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wannasoftimagine · 7 years
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lee daehwi as your soulmate
imagine having daehwi as ur soulmate where u have the date u meet written on ur wrist
(as requested!)
ur soulmate clue isnt really visible for awhile just bc ure like. a tiny kid for the first majority of ur life lol
for awhile u just have a smudge of ink on ur wrist so,,, u dont rlly have a choice but to let it be
ANYWAYS
once u start to get older, the markings on ur wrist start to become more and more clear
ure not super sure if theyre letters or numbers or smthn else, bc it doesnt show up on ur skin quite right yet
eventually, ure able to decipher it as a set of numbers and ure like. okay cool BUT WHAT DOES IT MEAN
u talk it over w some of ur family and friends, and everyone seems to have their own idea abt what it means
but the more ppl u talk to, the more they start to agree tht it seems like a date - for several years in the future
at tht point u realize that its probably the day tht ull finally meet ur soulmate, so theres not rlly much u can do abt it until then
ure a little tempted to try and search for someone with a similar clue, but there are just SO MANY to sort thru tht u decide its not rlly worth it
u try and focus on urself - struggling thru school, spending time w family/friends, typical stuff that most ppl ignore bc theyre too busy searching for their soulmate
honestly its kinda nice knowing when ull meet ur soulmate, since u can relax until then
time passes bc u kno. tht tends to happen in life
SO
it starts to get closer and closer to the date when u meet and NOW the nerves are coming
bc ure like ?? what are they like? what if i dont like them? what if they dont like //me//? where are we gonna meet? what time? do they have the same clue? what if i dont recognize them????
honestly ure a mess of worries by the time the day comes
trying to sleep the night before is almost impossible since ure such a bundle of doubts as u toss and turn in ur bed
come morning, u do ur best to dress as nice as u can
but honestly ure starting to doubt ur sense of fashion and style at this point
eventually u have to calm urself down bc theres no point in stressing out too much, or else ure just going to freak out and have an awful day, soulmate or not
then ure like waaaait a second,,
n u realize tht u dont know when exactly or where ure going to meet ur soulmate
which makes things much harder tbh
u settle on staying on a park bench, watching ppl pass and letting ur wrist casually rest beside u so its out in the open
ure hoping tht someones just going to walk by and be like oH HELLO SOULMATE
as time goes on u realize tht ure not that lucky
actually ure prob rlly unlucky bc bugs seem like theyre attacking u and u take tht as ur cue to leave
ure wandering around a little bit when u stumble across this cute little hole-in-the-wall cafe, so u decide to go in and rest ur feet there
(also maybe meet ur soulmate bc tht would be super Aesthetic u feel)
anyways
u wait around with a cup of coffee and a bagel, hoping that ull see someone walk in with a mark similar to urs
u realize pretty quickly tht it wont happen bc 1) so many ppl keep coming in and out, and 2) no one walks around showing off their wrist tbh
tht leaves u growing more frustrated and worried in ur spot
part of u wants to just approach random strangers and ask “listen im meeting my soulmate today CAN I SEE UR WRIST”
but the realistic part of u is like “what the heck no dont do tht”
u settle on agreeing with the latter
at some point, as ure boring holes into the dozens of strangers frequenting the cafe, u start to nod off
u dont even notice until one of the workers is shaking u awake with a polite smile and telling u tht the store is closing, so ure going to have to please leave
thts when ure like “wow,,, i was rlly tired bc it is LATE outside” but also “WAIT WHAT IF MY SOULMATE CAME HERE WHEN I WAS ASLEEP”
even as u frantically look around, u dont see any cutely written messages from ur presumed soulmate or anything like tht
all u can think is tht maybe ur soulmate clue doesnt mean what u thought it did
after all, its around evening already, and u still havent seen a sign of them
u end up wandering around outside again, too worried abt the possibility of never meeting ur soulmate to be freaked out over the whole “tiny kid walks around alone in the dark!!!!” thing
anywho
u keep checking ur phone (and feeling rlly grateful tht u havent run out of battery yet) and time just keeps to slip thru ur fingers
u end up going to a small restaurant for dinner, but its a place tht uve visited before and u dont see anyone new that could be ur soulmate
afterwards u decide to head on home with a heavy heart
u keep thinking “mb its not the date when we meet??”
but honestly ure not sure what else it could be
like is it the date ur soulmate is born?? but thtd be a kinda creepy age difference,,
and,,,, okay yeah u cant rlly think of anything else
u may or may not get lost a couple of times bc ure so absorbed in ur own thoughts
it doesnt help tht ure not exactly the best with directions
by the time u think ure nearing ur home, ur phone flashes at u with the time 11.51pm and ure like “???!!!!!!!!!!!”
u dont even know what to think at tht point
but then u get hit with the realization tht ure not meeting ur soulmate today and u might never meet them at all, and ure crushed with this aching sense of nothingness
ure just about ready to curl into a ball and just lie on the street for the rest of ur life when u hear someone yell “URE WALKING IN CIRCLES”
and u snap ur head up to try and see who said tht, and u see someone sticking his head out of his window and gesturing wildly
“wHAT” u manage to yell back, bc itd be embarrassing if this guy was trying to help u navigate around and u ended up sobbing back in response
“URE GOING IN CIRCLES UVE PASSED MY WINDOW LIKE 10 TIMES”
and thats.. just as embarrassing tbh
“ARE U LOST??? WHERE DO U LIVE”
all good intentions aside, u frown at his figure to tell him “IM NOT TELLING U WHERE I LIVE”, a pause, and then u add on “U CREEP” bc ure a strong independent individual who doesnt need any freaky dude in ur life
“AT LEAST USE UR PHONE OR SMTHN!!!! URE NEVER GOING TO GET HOME AT THIS POINT”
u feel a little dumb at that bc,,, honestly uve been so wrapped up in ur head tht u kinda forgot u could just use ur phone for directions back home
still just as u pull it out, it flashes a “dead battery” symbol and just. dies on u
“ITS DEAD” u tell the guy, altho ure not rlly sure why ure telling him this bc what if he really is a creep and now he knows u cant call for help ??????????
“IM COMING DOWN”
okay, thats definitely not helping ur i-think-hes-a-serial-killer idea
when he finally closes the window and makes his way down and outside to u, uve prepared urself with a rock
just,, in case,,,,,
(its not even a really good rock but u gotta do what u gotta do)
“i didnt want to keep yelling” the guy says, and he looks much sweeter in person (and when hes not screaming directions at u)
he sticks out his hand and ure like ?? but u take it anyways
“im lee daehwi!! do u want to borrow my phone?” he holds it out to u and even tho ure really tempted to take it, ure still a little skeptical
“if i put my address in there, then ull know where i live and u can track me afterwards”
he seems to find tht both very amusing and very insulting, since his face contorts into a half-laugh half-grimace
its a funny sight in of itself, so u cant help but smile at his expression
u end up bickering a little bit, and by the time he shoves his phone into ur face, u glance at the time and its past midnight and oh
today isnt the day u meet ur soulmate, then
ur face falls and he immediately yanks his hand back, obviously concerned
“are u okay?? whats wrong????”
and even tho hes still basically a stranger u cant help but show ur wrist to him and manage to explain tht u thought u were going to meet ur soulmate today, but its too late bc u still havent met them
but daehwi is giggling and ure like “dONT BE A JERK” but hes already pushing his own wrist into ur face
instead of the date, his reads “11.51 PM” in the same small dark font, and its like oh. OHHHHH
he pushes at ur shoulder, teasing u tht ur clue was more obvious bc “i had to wait around every day to see if i met someone new!!! i just want to sleep but i had no idea when id meet u”
and even as hes pouting u can barely process how relieved u are so u. accidentally zone out juuuust a little bit
he notices of course, and manages to get ur attention by saying “im glad its u tho bc ure super cute”
u stare at him, suddenly super focused on him, and he laughs
“i was just trying to get ur attention, but i do think ure rlly cute”
ure both still a bit in shock, but u manage to carry on conversations well enough bc now tht u know ure each others soulmates, ure desperate to talk to each other forever
he ends up insisting on cutting ur convo short and walking u home bc its so late, but he gives u his number and a quick, embarrassed peck on the cheek with a promise to talk to u soon
its even harder to fall asleep that night, ur head filled the memory of daehwi grinning at u like ure the best thing hed ever seen
others: jisung | sungwoon | daniel | woojin | more coming soon!
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chikotos · 7 years
Text
speaking of That my mom is finally recognizing that when I say “i dont feel good” it doesnt mean i have a cold or sth its that Uh, im probably experiencing suicidal thoughts and cant express it well (or at least smth along those lines) and my house has been dirty cuz i havent cleaned in a while or i cant keep it clean and she n my sister cleaned an area and i repeatedly told her not to bc shes always using my sister to do things im not adequate enough to do on time and its rlly not fair to her even if she doesnt realize it cuz like shes only 12 & we dont ever even talk so she shouldnt have to take care of someone 5 years older than her.. and i was gonna clean but I basically slept all day so i could just clean alone at night when I feel safe to walk around the house . i wasnt even tired idk why i slept but now im eerily awake and maybe will be umless i force myself to sleep
its so lonely here and thats only hit me like this year cuz all the time before I would go through periods of hanging out after school maybe.. twice a year? and only hanging out with one person whod have many friends but theyd b my only friend which is a problem i tend to have. but it jst got to the point where im realizing, i think cuz i was in my schools drama program n exposed to lots of friendships, that im jst like ,really fucking lonely. Which is unfortunate because ive always been such an internal person at home and have been able to work creatively but thats all like leaving me? art doesnt make me happy anymore because i dislike my art so much and havent had a platform to share it in so long and i guess I thrive on other ppls opinions of it? and I definitely cant write anymore. I havent been able to zone in on an interest in MONTHS and thats left me creatively drained, a lot. 
I think im starting to rlly, RLLY redirect my complete attention from interests to ppl (which always ends well am i right lads) and it isnt fair to ppl who like, have others and need space and time etc or Uh, dont even know me. but its like a switch like , I can either be creative or i can feel loved and Boy Howdy, do i need both,
its just weird cuz im the only one in my family thats emoitonal like this and I think thats why i feel so isolated. like im not exxagerating when I say my dad has 0 friends tht arent family. my mom has work friends she will hang out with maybe 4 times a year not for work, but shes always complaining abt social situations which I can understand. maybe my siblings r like that too but my sisters young n focuses on minecraft n stuff n hangs out w friends more than me n we barely know each other so its not like id know, maybe my half brother is but whens the last time hes wanted to talk to me right. like i cry all the time and all it does is make my dad angry at memfor being incompetent and make my mom think its her fault and my sister confused and jst takes up everyones time
and its jst all v strange. like i was kinda raised 2 not have friends, inadvertantly i guess. i can remember my mom trying to make me feel better about something along the lines of u can b okay w/out friends if u have family but she jst told me friends dont matter and im never gonna talk to ppl i meet at my age as an adult, so it stuck w/ me and i started to make moral judgements on ppl on small things we could talk out like say, they use homophobic language sometimes but im sure theyd respect me enough to stop, but id make those judgements before we could befriend each other n take a chance, kinda to protect myself from attachments? but later in life ive found ppl who dont do stuff like that, and thats when i focus in on them im an unfair way to them and they r the only person/group of ppl in my life, etc etc and idk how to stop because im so scared of hanging out w/ most ppl alone i guess? but ill still be here, thinking about like example (namedrop bc he doesnt have me tumblr anyways) my friend jacob tht never hung out w/ me outside of school but i fuccin loved that kid n he just stopped talking to me over the summer n ignored my text i send first day of summer and now we see each other and talk briefly but its like he wont let us be friends anymore and smth like this always happens and its So
and tbh how can i expect it to not happen when i limit myself so much n they will have plenty of other close close friends when i dont? and i think ive gotten better but idk anymore. 
and uh, unrelated. I think my dog ive had for 12 years may have to end up being put down this year. hes got cataracts in both eyes and skin diseases and back problems and teeth problems (hes inbred) and hes losing his hearing too and for the past two weeks hes been peeing everywhere and we can let him out but he cant climb stairs anymore n he has to walk them to get to our yard and im the only one w/ the patience to pick him up (hes only 8 pounds) n put him in the yard bc my parents will jst scream at him n my sister doesnt like dogs and hes got seperation issues w me and whines when he cant be in my room which is the farthest from the door out n stuff. and its like rlly stressful my mom will scream at him in front of my sister n brother n me and the other day she said my dad grabbed him by the neck and threw him out on the concrete cuz he peed inside and hes so tiny that thats just gonna make everyting worse and its notmlike i can stop them bc why would anyone listen to me and hed prob b fine for s few more years if he lived in a patient house with ppl who would take him to the vet but theyre prob gonna put him down early snd its gonna b so weird w/out him
when i showered earlier i took s razor with me w/ the intent to cut my thighs, and i did a little, but i never ever draw blood wnd its strange. why am i given these urges when im so fucking terrified of blood. itll still leave marks n stuff but it makes me feel weak ? n ill bruise myself up instead but its never the same. and im such an advocate for help w self harm but i cant for myself. its like i subconsciously want 2 get caught ? idk. i did throw my razor away though and the others i have r rusty and im not THAT much of a dumbass so i dont have options to self harm anymore unless i get new ones. lifehack
and uh lol, having no schedule n it being summer my eating habits r SHIT. it always hurts to eat p much, its at different times n most of the time i just snck only or i dont eat for hours n see black spots n stuff. and when i dont eat its not a body image thing (im nt rlly happy w my nody but its not sth not eating will help with) its cuz i dknt wanna go upstairs for food where my dad is n the snacks r downstairs so its easier, or cuz i forget or cuz i like, want to punish myself? but im too lazy to self harm. its weird
n since ive stopped id’ing as ace officially my internalized lesbophobia has gotten so much worse . im so repressed and lost ans sad, nothinng rly makes sense? I either fall in love w/ anyone who flirts with me or i focus on someone who ill never fucking talk to or see again and imagine countless scenarios n set myself up to b sad. i seek validation from ppl on it but nothhing comes out right or i just cant say it, because other than when i make myself the butt of gay jokes i just cant sven get the words out of my throat that im gay cuz im jst so ashamed and disgusted with myself. ive been looking at pictures of guys lately cuz ive been trying to force myself to like them. back when i thought i was pan it always felt safer bc i could always just love a cis guy or whatever and everything would b okay for my family ykno. and its such a shameful thing for me bc my irl friends who im out to, most see me as v confident abt it at least a little bc im loud abt it u kno, and make all sorts of jokes, and i jst know so many would b surprised or like sad abt that
i want to stop liking girls so much. like holy shit. i have so many straight girl friends and i hate it when they flirt with me because lik, none r my type so i feel nothing but then i feel like i shiuld then feel like No i shouldnt then feel like i shouldnt even be around them bc im a gross disgusting creepo dyke predator. n they always use the excuse of me having a gf so its fine id never hit on them well like, now im single so i have to be DOUBLE careful not to b affectionate w them as im w all my friends and itsssssssssssssmjshfjhdjfhsjdhjshdjshdjhsjdhsjhdjshdk
and i like, think abt this girl alot n yea its romantic even thomwe never fucking talked n rlly i do that w lots of girls and its making me lose out on friendships bc i wanna b their friends somehow bc i think theyre very cool n stuff but i cant stop hodling on to stupid daydreams n idealizations i get to distract me when im sad n its jst stupid like i know its dumb but guess whos boutta keeeeeeppppp doin it??!!!!! boy!!!
and i try so damn hard to talk feeling out, n talk abt who im attracted to n stuff w ppl, n i try so hard to gush but i cant cuz smth comes outta my mouth and then i cant speak past that and no one ends up rlly knowing how i feel, bc ANY time i talk abt anytingngay related abt me its what happens. and i listen to others talking abt tht stuff and i jsut get so god damn JEALOUS bc idk how to express myself 
all these inadequacies n shit is making it rlly hard to see how,im gonna b on my own n its always been like this. at TWELVE YEARS OLD i came to fhe fucking conclusion that i was just gonna kill myself when i turned 18 so i didnt have to deal with all this and i was OKAY WITH IT and i just went through life knowing that and hiding it and so rarely questioning my inevitable suicide as a childc so instead of dealing with all that n my problems n getting better i let myself get worse cuz uh, fuck it right
idk its all just occured to me how im not a fully functioning human being, in seberal if not all aspects of my life, its weird. now that I actively want to live and realize i uh Kinda have to simce ill b the legal guardian of my brother its all very scary
sorr i was all over the place and all the typos i didnt mean anyof them n im not crytyping like, i cried a bit but i jst hate typing kn thsi shitty tablet keyboard, n dont wanna spellcheck. if u read through comgratulations also please dont message me abt like the self harm junk n my dog n stuff like, whatever ur abt to say. I Know my guy 
time to go uhhhhhhhhhhh daydream about impossible gay shit with guilt in the back of my mind
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getallemeralds · 7 years
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Multiples of 4!!
oh no we have to do MATH It’s. Really not that hard. shut up ill do it skipping those we’ve already answered, by the way!
4. Is your last name longer than six letters?
yes. by a lot. H-A-M-A-D-A… uhhhh oh it’s exactly 6! that’s cool. I… don’t know my last name? So I guess same as Hiro’s. 4 letters! R-I-D-E. mathonwy, so. longer, yeah
8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?
mmm. too many. can we get a fricking, new partner just so these questions arent so angsty i kissed trust A LOT !!!!! that works
12. Where did you sleep last night?
in bed! with my mom. we share a bed. like we still have our sleeping bag in case we need it? but mom let us share her bed
28. Have you ever kissed a football player?
That’s… weirdly specific. i dunno guys, have we? i used to football! Well. Does it mean American or Everywhere Else? i used to everywhere else football! alright lets all kiss mae HOORAY
32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?
[shouts from across headspace] YES
36. Are you a simple or complicated person?
[singing] whyd ya have to go and make things so complicaateeeed In personality… Yes? I take care of people. I just want my friends to have a good time. what the fuck is a stable sense of identity tho ( MEEEEEE)
40. What made you start liking the person you like now?
aw man this is totally a romance one. we sort of dont … like anybody that way, right now. I DOOOOOO [tackles trust] HGHDFGDHZ guys thats not an answer i like trust cause. he was there for me w hen things were really really shit? and even when he, wasnt there for me, it was because he was worried id get hurt more if he was. and i HATE HOW HES SO DUMB AND SACRIFICES HIMSELF A LOT jesus shit trust most of your kins do that shit too. hes a gay baby. i love him Wow, thanks.
44. Does anyone disgust you?
HAHA I FUCKIN WONDER maybe we should stop bein salty about magpie for a bit? NAH
48. What color shirt are you wearing?
uh. black. thats MY shirt, you asshole! inspace i aaaaam wearing… uh. yeah im still wearing the shirt idrew myself in. did i actually post that? fuck i dont remember red! i didn’t bring a change of clothes. WHICH IS WHY IM UPSET ABOUT LOSING MY PANTS. HINT. it was an accident ): Green. im straight up naked right now YOU’RE COVERED IN FUR, DON’T GIVE T HEM THE WRONG IMPRESSION i can stop being covered in fur if yall want? DONT DO THT
[scrolls past “anyone youre giving up on”, trust starts laughing]
52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?
OH MY GOD? WAIT ARE YOU SURE YOU GRABBED THE RIGHT ONE YEAH????? [LOSING IT] do we even need to answer this with trust here [on floor]
56. Do you like to cuddle?
shit yes please pet me meet me in the CUDDLE PIT [wheezing] don’t touch me 8| or well. unless you’re my friend. which all of you are. still not a fan of uh, prolonged contact though? hugs are okay, being held onto for a while is unnerving
60. What do you carry with you at all times? 
[impulsively] my ass I’D. HOPE SO?????? I still have my Evoker, actually. I haven’t had to use it in a long time, but I keep it with me just in case. we always have our phone on us ngl.
64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute? 
[smooches trust] :D i literally cant remember who i have a crush on, guys bandetto? THAT WAS YE A R S A G O OOOOOOOO
oh my god how long IS this very?
68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?  
NEITHER, GOD, NO, leopard print? i guess? im disowning you
72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?    
guys was it pizza hut or dominos that had the valentines day promotion idfk my dude its been a long time either way.
76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?    
we kept hearing about it but we dont know a single thing so, no [nasally voice] do you want anime? nooooooooo MAE YOU TYPOED IT AS “WANT ANIME”, I SAID “WATCH” MAYBE I WANT SOME ANIME RIGHT NOW!!!!!
80. Are you from the south?    
im really glad we changed up the formatting, guys we’ve always been up north. we’re miswe… mid… leo help midwesterners. pat i dunno how you kept fucking that up so bad
84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?  
we’re in like. no condition to do any of that. i parkoured?
88. Is your phone touch screen?    
i dunno guys, IS our phone touch the screen? imagine how is touch the screen knock it off. yes.
92. Have you ever made out in a car?    
ew, no? mae, even counting system stuff? [annoyed noises] okay, maybe once
96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?    
haha oh man, that would’ve been at ms rose’s house… wow. :,) so like. maybe a decade ago. GUYS WE’RE TWO DECADES OLD WHAT THE FUCK
100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?     
probably? not even abt magpie ths time, we just have a lot of people on facebook but we don’t even use it
104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?    
[magnus voice] pard’nr NY’ALL that sounds like something id’ look cute in actually? NY’ALL stop
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