man if you're voting for biden just to vote against trump, just say that. we have got to get over this harm reduction shit when what we really mean is harm reduced for us, me, mr american and literally nobody else on this bitch of an earth. if the only and most emphasized thing we do to reduce the harm our president and their platform does to the living is vote, we are reducing nothing. for anyone or ourselves, because voting alone doesn't challenge the trajectory of anything. it buys 4 more years before we have to do it all again, if that. thinking this way is what promises having to think this way again, and again, and again and again. in 2024, who american leftists vote for 1 day of the year matters little compared to what we do the other 364.

a ‘my girl’ interview

I did one for the Flatmate series so I thought the MG babies deserved one too :D This is like a boyfriend/girlfriend tag where they answer questions about each other :)

.

Harry: Hi! I'm Harry and this is my wife, Bambi–

Bambi: That's not my name.

Harry: We're here to answer questions about our relationship to show her dad that our marriage isn't a bad idea.

Bambi: Hi, Dad.

(Harry whips his head around, his face pallid, and Bambi bursts out laughing)

Harry: You need to stop doing that!

Bambi: Anyway! (yanks the piece of paper from his hands) Let's begin!

---

Question 1: Who is my celebrity crush?

Harry: Bambi's got so many. She's cheating on all of them with me.

Bambi: Biggest celebrity crush then.

Harry: Easy. Yours is Leonardo DiCaprio. (to the camera) She cried watching Django Unchained because Leo cut his hand on set but kept on acting.

Bambi: Not true!

Harry: You did cry! You wouldn't even let me touch you!

Bambi: (rolls her eyes) I mean, yes, I cried, but Leo's not my biggest celebrity crush.

Harry: You literally said that if you could vote for the Oscars' winners, you would've picked Leo over me. (to the camera) Yes, I was in the same category as Leonardo DiCaprio.

Bambi: (to the camera) I never said that, because Leo would've still won without my vote.

Harry: (gasps) TRAITOR!

Bambi: But no, babe, (clasps his shoulder) my biggest celebrity crush is...you.

Harry: (places both hands on his heart) Aww, really?

Bambi: Yes

Harry: (tv host's voice) AND THE OSCAR GOES TO– (points at Bambi, she smacks his hand away, he laughs) Anyway, who's my biggest celebrity crush?

Bambi: Ruby Ellis.

(Harry stares at her. She stares back, trying to keep a straight face.)

Harry: (tilts his head) Bambi, come on.

Bambi: Okay, sorry, (smiles) Rihanna.

---

Question 2: Where is the most public place we have had sex?

(Both sigh, look at each other, then laugh)

Harry: Everywhere?

(Bambi slaps him on the arm)

Harry: (to the camera) Every sex question is her picks by the way.

Bambi: Answer the question, please.

Harry: Why don't you answer it first?

Bambi: Niall's listening party.

Harry: Wait, we had sex at Niall's listening party?

Bambi: Yeah, we did, we went to the bathroom–

Harry: (speaks at the same time she's speaking) Did you have sex with someone who looked like me?

Bambi: (continues speaking as she covers his mouth with one hand while he laughs) –while everyone was listening to the last song, and you fucked me on the sink, and the lock on the door was broken so you had to keep one hand on the doorknob.

Harry: (removes her hand, eyes wide) Yeahhhhhh, how did I forget that? I didn't even know I could multitask until that night. That was pretty insane.

Bambi: (to the camera) Niall, if you're watching this, we're sorry and we loved the album.

Harry: (to the camera) Our favourite album of all time! (back to Bambi) For me, it was that time on set after we'd finished filming a sex scene, and you were going on and on about me spanking my co-star, and the only way to shut you up was dragging you to the back room.

Bambi: (glares at him) The spanking wasn't on the script.

Harry: I was in character. And you know spanking you is like a habit for me.

Bambi: Yes, you were in character, and that girl wasn't me, so what kind of excuse was that?

Harry: (laughs nervously at the camera) NEXT QUESTION!

---

Question 3: What is my favourite sex position?

Harry: Oh, we've actually discussed this; we've got the same one. Cowgirl.

Bambi: But we don't call it that because it doesn't sound sexy. So...it's the one where I ride his dick.

Harry: Wow, you are blunt.

Bambi: (ignores the remark) I remember you saying you loved me on top because you wanted to watch my boobs bounce. (peeks into her own shirt) Even though they're nonexistent.

Harry: Don't shame your boobs! They're my favourite things in the world. I will fight you! (squints his eyes at her) But wait, I find it weird that you love being on top but at the same time also love being dominated.

Bambi: (shrugs) To be honest, I prefer doggy style, but I hate not seeing your face when you cum.

Harry: Oh my God, same!

---

Question 4: What part of your body is my favourite?

Bambi: My eyes.

Harry: (fakes a gasp) How did you know?!

Bambi: I can read minds. (smiles) What's my favourite part of your body?

Harry: (smile mischievously)

Bambi: My favourite part that's not your dick.

(Harry frowns and huffs angrily)

Bambi: Hurry! (checks paper) We've got three questions left!

Harry: My...(pokes at his own cheeks) dimples?

Bambi: (purses her lips) To be honest, I don't really know. It's different every time I look at you.

Harry: Baby! (heart eyes, pouting) You make my answer sound shallow.

Bambi: (shrugs) I can just say I love your arse.

Harry: No, it's fine. I prefer the cheesy answer.

---

Question 5: What is my best childhood memory?

Bambi: Yours is the first time you skipped Mrs Knox's class with your friends and spent the whole afternoon swimming in the lake behind our school.

Harry: Wait, did I tell you that?

Bambi: You did. You said it was "the best day" of your life. (pretends to look upset as she stares at the piece of paper on her lap)

Harry: Aww, baby (kisses her temple), my best childhood memory is always the night we met. And I assume it's yours as well?

Bambi: (looks up, smiling widely) Nope. Mine's the time you got beat up to bring Thumper back to me.

Harry: I'm glad my suffering and childhood trauma brings you joy.

Bambi: (pinches his cheek) It really does, yeah.

---

Question 6: How old was I when I had my first kiss?

Harry: Ha! You lost your first kiss to me because you kissed me without my consent!

Bambi: Did it even count as a first kiss?

Harry: It so did.

Bambi: A kiss requires two people. You didn't kiss me back so...(to the camera) I was sixteen and it was with Blake Roman.

(Harry glares at her. She grins, throws an arm around his neck and kisses his cheek)

Bambi: Yours was when you were fourteen, right? With a girl with braces?

Harry: (sighs) Josy Sinclair. We were in the closet during a game of seven minutes in heaven. I think she bit my tongue by accident. She also let me touch her boobs over the bra.

Bambi: So you've always been a boob guy.

Harry: I guess so.

Bambi: When Blake and I kissed for the first time–

Harry: (covers his ear) Lalalalalalalala

Bambi: Very mature, Harry.

Harry: (still covering his ear) I can't hear you!

---

Question 7: Why do you think you were attracted to me?

Harry: Because you've got a fetish for older men.

Bambi: I have not! Blake and I were the same age!

Harry: You hated him at first, though.

Bambi: Doesn't mean I didn't want to fuck him when I first met him, though.

(Harry clutches his chest as if he'd just been shot and pretends to fall off the chair. Bambi bursts out laughing and pulls him back up)

Bambi: Honestly, I don't know why you were attracted to me. And I don't even think you know. I don't even know why I was attracted to you.

Harry: Yeah, I think it just...happened, you know? Like I said in my vows, you kinda just...grew on me.

Bambi: Awww (grabs his face and kisses him softly). Same.

Happy Together

So, I’ve been writing a kind of 27 Dresses fusion but it deserves to be in multiple parts, hope you like it so far : ) Tagging all the lovelies who championed this Klaroline mix @sekretny13 @klarolineagainnaturally @realynn8 and so sorry for the delay.

Synopsis: She's a wedding planner and heiress, he's a journalist who thinks she's the perfect subject for his story. But both of them are hiding from the truth and each other in the process. 

“How refreshing! A man who doesn't believe in marriage.��

“I'm just trying to point out the hypocrisy of the spectacle.”

“Oh! That's so noble of you. Do you also go around telling small children that Santa Claus doesn't exist? 'Cause someone needs to blow that shit wide open.”

“A-ha! So you admit that belief in marriage is kind of like believing in Santa Claus!”

“You are unbelievable.”

“Last time I checked you were the one who let it slip that Santa Claus doesn’t actually exist and I’m just wondering whether you truly are the Grinch in disguise.”

“Oh, puh-lease, I was clearly provoked and distracted by my current duties.”

Caroline was playing the dual role of bridesmaid and wedding planner at the Plaza Hotel for her former college roommate. Roles she knew extremely well and had too many times to count and had embraced over the past few years. Yes, she didn’t need the money, but it was something she truly loved to do.

Maybe because she'd been doing it since she could walk. Caroline would dress up the family cat as the groom and she'd walk down the makeshift aisle in her mother's best, lace tablecloth while humming the bridal theme at the top of her voice. 

“And clearly while being provoked you also managed to multitask so well,” he joked, passing her the flowers that had found its way to him courtesy of multiple, jilted bridesmaids during the bouquet toss. “I don’t much care for lilies and, not going to lie, I’m disappointed you didn’t go in for the catch yourself. I really took you for the competitive type, Forbes.”

“You clearly have too many opinions for your own good,” she shot back, snatching it from his grasp but not missing how good his skin felt against hers in the process.

Bastard.

Those rogue dimples were also proving to be a burgeoning problem.

“If I’d known you were going to be such a smart ass, I would have uninvited you or at least insisted you be muzzled or tied to the table.”

“You gave me the chicken option, what did you expect?”

“There’s nothing wrong with the chicken.” He gave her a look which said there clearly was a problem with it. “The food budget wasn’t given the priority it deserved but I can only control so much. Okay, fine, it’s the least you deserved. You are so not the guy who writes those beautiful wedding announcements in the Post. Obviously you have a romantic ghostwriter hiding in the wings somewhere.”

“Why can’t you believe that I wrote those stories?”

“Well, for starters that sloppily tied bowtie at a formal event or the fact you don’t believe in love or marriage,” she snorted. “And this field trip to supposedly document my life experiences is just a public relations exercise, nothing else.”

“Public relations exercise? I do work in the media so those things go hand in hand. Anyway, last time I checked the Forbes heiress signed off on this project and was more than happy to be profiled and share her personal experiences.”

Caroline hated that misconceived title with a passion.

Heiress.

Sure, she was incredibly wealthy but she was also an ambitious, hard worker but nobody seemed to care about that part. It was something she felt devalued her existence and Caroline had done all that she could to distance herself from the gossip.

“Not exactly,” she shot back, knowing that much was true. She was going to kill Katherine for saddling her with Klaus Mikaelson in what was probably a weird and misguided matchmaking attempt knowing her evil tendencies. “But, even so, I thought the guy in question wouldn’t bitch and moan about poultry options.”

“Says the girl who entertains fairytales?”

“You don’t know anything about me,” Caroline replied bitterly. “But clearly I should have assigned you the vegan option in hindsight.”

“Tofu is my best friend, so you’re kind of stuck with me.” She looked at him dubiously, clearly not convinced. “And as much as I love the lilac tonight, I’m looking forward to your next ensemble.”

“How very male of you...”

“How very stereotypical of you,” he growled in response, his crimson lips twitching in annoyance. “That's not what I meant. You have no idea how many of our readers want to know the hottest bridesmaid colours for fall.”

“Spare me.”

“I’ll take that as a ‘no comment.’ Whether you like it or not, your publicist has given me all-access for the next month in the lead up to the Fell/Salvatore wedding in the Hamptons, so I’ll see you real soon, love.”

“I have a name,” she shot back, her anger no doubt leaving a trail in her wake as she stalked away.

“So, Caroline, do you think I’m going to find my true love for catching the bouquet?” Caroline knew he was smirking and she didn't like it one bit.

“I think you’ll struggle finding anyone to love you. Period.”

“So, I assume that’s a no to being your plus one?” Caroline didn’t bother to respond, just returned to her wedding duties without a backward glance.

The Fell/Salvatore Wedding Pre Rehearsal , Bridgehampton, two weeks later

“How could you do this to me?”

“You’re going to have to be more specific,” Katherine shared, swiping a piece of tasting cake and taking a bite. “Last time I checked given the devastatingly beautiful calligraphy on the invite Meredith Fell and Stefan Salvatore are soon to be joined in wedded bliss at this very site and I vote for the red velvet option.”

“How incestous,” she bit back, thinking about her ex-boyfriend being the groom-to-be and her the bridesmaid and wedding planner at his nuptials. Yes, she’d probably agreed to doing it so as to pretend that she didn’t really care he'd moved on and she was still just the same. “Who decided I needed a publicist anyway?"

"You did when Page Six was banging down your door three years ago about what you were wearing to the Met Gala and whether it was true that you drunkenly hooked up with John Mayer."

"It was once," she argued. "Although, just because you call yourself my publicist doesn’t mean that…”

“You agreed to the story, said it would help boost your social media following,” she argued but her subsequent and remorseful expression gave her away. “Fine, I might have overreached but given your already impressive reputation, it can’t hurt.”

“And you also never told me that the reporter in question was so…”

“Gorgeous?”

“Arrogant and presumptuous,” Caroline offered quickly. “He’s incredibly opinionated and nosy.”

“He’s a reporter, that’s what they do, Care.”

“Well, I don’t appreciate it,” she scoffed. “Any chance you can send him on his way? As far as I can tell he’s not the reporter he purports to be anyway.”

“He’s so endearingly persistent though…”

“That I am,” a familiar but annoying voice interrupted. “And our readers are so desperate to know about the bomboniere.”

“Wow, you actually know what that means?”

“I can talk about wedding details all day, love,” he chuckled. “Most people stupidly persevere with the sugarcoated almonds but more modern brides…”

“Just stop,” she interrupted, hand extended in protest. “I don’t need you to tell me how to plan a wedding, Mikaelson.”

“But it would be remiss not to mention that the readers want to know what the bridesmaids will be wearing. The hot tip is Vera Wang in Tiffany coloured blue. Oh, is that red velvet cake?"

“It's to die for," Katherine replied knowingly.

"Get rid of him,” she muttered, through gritted teeth and pleading with Katherine. “I can only take so much contrived sarcasm.”

“So, that’s a no on the Vera Wang then?”

“That’s a hell no to everything,” she hissed. “In fact, if I don’t see you again it will be too soon.”

“She’s jealous I caught the bouquet, right?” Caroline didn’t need to turn around to know that he was smirking. “It’s fine, we can catch up at the bridal table given we’ll be seated together.”

Caroline silently cursed her impending doom, wondering why he was persevering and she was doing the very same thing. Maybe they had more in common than she first thought, but Caroline would never admit that. She had far too many duties to fulfil and no arrogant reporter was going to ruin this next two weeks.

Or at least she thought.Or at least she thought.Part 1 on AO3 HERE

Linuxizing the Office: An Interview with The Mad Botter

If you follow us on Twitter, you’ve probably seen software development company The Mad Botter dangling a System76 machine before your very eyes. Thanks to the company’s recent conversion to Linux, that’s not the only System76 machine you’ll find there! This week, we sat down with Michael Dominick, The Mad Botter’s Founder and CEO, to discuss his team’s switch to System76.

What kind of work goes on at The Mad Botter?

Michael: We’re a software development company. We mostly code on Python, along with some Ruby and Rust, coding IDEs, and using a whole lot of LibreOffice. One of our products is a radar display that runs on Linux and Windows. We actually use a Thelio as a flight simulator to test our software.

Our new product is an automation tool called Rabbot. It involves us having to very quickly spin up a bunch of Ubuntu servers for customers who need them. Having the .deb instances on our computers has made that process a hundred times easier, because we can deploy test units to our machines with the same docker container that works exactly the same as it does on our cloud instances.

Why is it called Rabbot? And what’s with The Mad Botter?

I went a little crazy with the Lewis Carroll references. I have a degree in literature, so I’m very familiar with Carroll’s work. When I moved from New Jersey down to Florida, the name of the company conflicted with a very large football team in Florida, and they did not like that. I had to rejigger everything. We already had a product called Alice at the time, so we decided to build around that.

How long have you been in business?

The Mad Botter has been around for 3 years, and the company before it in New Jersey was around for an additional 3 years. I’ve been running development businesses for around 11 years.

How did you hear about System76?

When I was hosting Coder Radio with Chris Fisher, he would always tease me for being an Apple guy. You know—hipster coffee, the whole thing. He told me, “If you really want a controlled experience to try Linux, take a look at these guys in Denver.” So I did. It wasn’t a huge investment to try on a laptop, and I ended up loving it, so I got the Ratel tower. That was the beginning of a long road to Linux purity.

What System76 machines do you have around the office?

I was the first one to adopt a System76 computer at the company. Now, to make life easy, we only buy System76 computers. Currently we have an older Galago Pro, a Thelio, and 3 Lemur Pros. There’s a couple of Darter Pros running around, too. All of our machines are running Pop!_OS 20.04.

Moving forward, we’re standardizing down to the Lemur Pro and the Oryx Pro. People who have to run VMs are getting the Oryx Pro because you can spec it up a little more. Everybody else is using the Lemur Pro, which is a great all-around computer. The Thelio is a special case because we have to run our flight simulation software on it.

What prompted you to bring your company fully onto Linux?

Honestly, it was macOS Catalina. We were having too many problems with people updating OS X and breaking Homebrew packages, to the point where we had to reinstall our custom toolchain every time we updated. The last guy on Mac updated to Catalina recently, and he had to struggle with Excel libraries because Apple moves things between OS versions. It just wasn’t worth it. I’ve been talking about it for about a year with my CTO.

All of our back-end service runs Ubuntu. Most of the client-side work we’re doing is for IOT devices, and that’s all Linux. We ended up basically having an expensive machine so that we could emulate Linux on anything. It didn’t make a lot of sense to keep using Mac, so we switched.

How was the transition from macOS to Linux?

Actually super easy! Once we wrote a few setup scripts and packages we needed for different jobs in our pipeline, we were up and running. We already had a bunch of scripting and automations for the servers we had, and they’re all on Ubuntu, so it’s not a big jump in terms of the command line.

How did you find the overall experience on Pop!_OS 20.04?

I found it pretty intuitive. Learning the keyboard shortcuts took about a week. I really don’t have any issues. I like the tiling, I use that every day. It definitely makes it easier to multitask on a laptop screen.

Have you tried other distros?

We had a brief stint with Fedora, but because all of our back end was on Debian or Ubuntu, it made sense to stick with that Debian world. We also tried Linux Mint briefly. But honestly the ease of being able to buy a system pre-installed with Pop!_OS that you guys support—where I can just go to your GitHub and see if there’s an issue—is an attractive option.

Have you had any experiences with our support team?

I have a bad habit of spilling tea and other beverages in my laptops... A few times you guys were able to walk me through my issue. I think the most recent one was with Thelio. There was an issue with the graphics card where only one of the DisplayPorts actually worked, so they walked me through trying different things and we were eventually able to figure out why that was happening.

______________________________________________________________

Committed to STEM education and open source software, The Mad Botter INC team is holding a Fourth of July contest for high school and college students! Create and share an open-source project that addresses ballot access or assists with voting, and you can win a System76 Thelio. Hey wait, that’s us! Check out the contest page for details on how to enter.

Michael Dominick is also host of The Mike Dominick Show, where he looks at the latest news from the worlds of technology and open source. Listen to his interview with System76 Principal Engineer Jeremy Soller—stay tuned for the teaser!

If you want to talk to us about how System76 has helped your business, contact [email protected].

Julian Hwang // Intro

Hello ! My name is Backy (she/her) ヾ(＾∇＾)❀ I'm 25 years old and I live in Canada!  ❀ Feel free to like this post or drop me a message on discord if you're interested in plotting. I'd love to get to know you and your muses! (｡’▽’｡)♡ ❀ 

Without further ado, here's Julian Hwang (fc: Bang Chan (2010) // Im Siwan (2020)), my overworked friendly bean ❀

✮ Spotify playlist:  Julian Hwang ✮ Pinterest: C: Julian 

( Bang Chan & Im Siwan ) bopping along to I’m Yours by Jason Mraz is Julian Hwang, the twenty-one year old cismale thrown back to their business days with some of his memories. voted most likely to live in a library, Julian was known for being studious & self-destructive, go figures you’d always find them taking 15 minute power naps on top of a book, but grew up to be hard-working & fanatical . 

♦ The Basics ♦ 

↣ Name: Julian Hwang ↣ Nickname: J, Kangaroo ↣ Age: Twenty-One // Thirty-One ↣ D.O.B.: October 3rd, 1988 ↣ Education: Third Year @ RVU (Business Management)  ↣ Sexuality: Pansexual 

↣ Occupation(s): Tutor, waiter, odd-jobs ↣ Languages: English & Korean ↣ Drinking, smoking, & drugs: Yes (socially), no, & yes (study drugs)

↣ Quirks: Drinks coffee with way too much sugar, randomly obsessed with knitted things, bites nails when stressed, left-handed, & has a horrible sense of direction ↣ Likes: Coffee, tea, spicy food, mangos, swimming, the stars, the colour orange, the ocean, & cooking ↣ Dislikes: Being late, bitter food, tequila, violence, horror movies, cold weather, flying, & cleaning

♦ background (then & now) ♦ 

↣ Hometown: Adelaide, Australia ↣ Nationality: Australian ↣ Ethnicity: Korean ↣ Parents: Namsung (Nora) & Chongyol (Jamie) Hwang // Step Dad: Flynn Caldwell 

O1 x. Then - Originally from Australia, Julian moved to the states on a sports scholarship for swimming while taking his degree in business at SVU. His parents were less than thrilled to send him away but after a lot of reassurance that he was going to eat three meals a day & get plenty of sleep, the deal was sealed. Of course, Julian doesn’t do either of those things but what his parents didn’t know won’t kill them. Sleeping doesn’t earn scholarships, after all.  O3 x. Then - However, sometime after being admitted to SVU, his parents got a divorce and Julian’s mom moved to the states to be closer to him. She had nothing left for her in Australia and considered it a fresh start. His dad stayed behind to run the family business, a small traditional Korean restaurant. Julian’s still close to both of his parents but considerably more so his mother. He couldn’t exactly afford to jet off to visit his dad every other weekend and even on a scholarship, Julian was working multiple jobs to pay his bills so as not to burnden his mother. 

O2 x. Now - Julian graduated SVU, one of the top of the class, and moved into a job as a financial advisor for small and large hospitals alike. He frequently travels but still comes back home on occassion to visit his family. It’s been 10 years and Julian’s mom, Nora Hwang, is remarried to Flynn Caldwell. He’s also gained a step brother in the process, Austin Caldwell, who just so happens to have attended the same university as him.   O4 x. Now - Julian can’t say that he necessarily dislikes the Caldwell’s but there’s some resentment there. Him and Austin led two very different lives growing up and couldn’t be more dissimilar. It wasn’t so much that Julian was never allowed to be a teenager, it was just never an option that crossed his mind considering their financial burdens. Of course, now with a financially stable husband, Julian feels as though his mom doesn’t rely on him as much anymore. It should be a relief, honestly, but what about all of his hard work? All those years he gave up? The many, many jobs he’d worked to make sure she’d never pay a dime for his education? It all seems so pointless now but what else can he do but keep working? 

♦ personality ♦ 

↣ Good Traits: Hard-working, companionly, kind, & patient ↣ Neutral Traits: Quiet, frugal, paternal, responsible, & a perfectionist ↣ Bad Traits: Self-destructive, fanatical, uptight, & a pushover 

O1 x. Self-Destructive - Has a bad habit of sacrificing himself for everything & anything else. Sleeping, eating, & socializing are no match for studying, clubs, & work. If he’s stressed, he’ll work himself into a tizzy about it until the job is done or he’s burnt out. Rarely fails at completing tasks, but has been known to spell his own demise by getting stress-sick or otherwise working himself up too much. Sometimes (read: all the time) he’s convinced he’s going to fail, drop out, & become homeless. Has a hard time looking at the silver lining when it comes to his own life, even if he is generally uplifting of others. These days he’s chilled out considerably since university but still tends to forget to take care of himself. 

O2 x. Fanatical - Becomes obsessed with tasks, no matter the subject. Kind of a perfectionist & will work himself until he can’t anymore. Sometimes scares people with just how much he cares about things. Tends to go over & beyond what is expected or even wanted sometimes. It has landed him a couple of nice promotions up into the present day though. The only thing that’s changed since his university days is that he almost needs something to obsess over or he’ll remember how pointless it all really is. 

O3 x. Hard-Working & Studious - Can be depended on to put in the proper effort & do it right. Rarely spends time not doing something productive and frequently multitasks. It’s not that he’s particularly giften in the brain department, he’s about average really, but the constant studying earned himself A’s throughout school and now a pretty swaggin job. Definitely not a quitter and pretty stubborn about finishing things and doing it right. 

O4 x. Companionly - A good and trusting friend through and through. That mom friend at the party making sure you stay hydrated. Enjoys spending time with others no matter the occasion, wether that be his sports friends or study buddies. Loves his friends a little too much & tends to be really touchy. Expect many hugs & cuddles. Would do anything for his friends, sometimes a little too much, even if they don’t ask for it. Easy to get along with if you can handle his eccentricities. These days, Julian is still the same old friendly guy but with a more professional vibe. 

♦ (wanted) connections ♦ 

Past (2010) O1 x. Drugdealer - Julian is usually pretty responsible but his need to work as much as possible has led him down a dangerous path, study drugs. Looking for someone who can deal him the good stuff to get him through on minimal sleep. Might involve a bit of debt.  O2 x. Bad Influence - Julian is pretty goody two shoes but I’d love to have someone pull him out to parties (get him out of the library) - make him live a little and not totally regret working through his best years.  O3 x. Mom? - Julian is pretty well known for being that mom friend, so if you need some good influencing, you’ve come to the right place! Just looking for some people he can take care of and be overbearing on.   O4 x. College Sweetheart - Someone he’ll lay down the books for unconditionally, really. He may be a workaholic but he’s also a romantic at heart. Open to any gender.  O5 x. Platonic Cuddles - Julian is just really touchy in general so someone he can just cuddle with without it being weird would be chill. Need some of that wholesome stuff in my life.  O6 x. Good Influence - Julian is usually the good influence but I was thinking someone who brings him food, reminds him to eat, reminds him to sleep, and all that good self care shit he probably needs help with.  Present (2020)  O1 x. Significant Other - Someone he comes home to at the end of the day. Can be married, but maybe not. Take care of my dumbass. Open to any gender. Maybe they dated in uni, doesn’t really matter. Not really set on any details here so let’s talk about it!  O2 x. Uni Friends - People he still hangs out with. Julian mostly stuck around the LA area so anyone else around hit a brother up ✌️  O3 x. Unresolved Tension - Idk maybe someone he had a crush on or vice versa? Make it awkward and weird because I love that. Bring up old memories and feelings.  O4 x. Why weren’t we friends before? - Someone he wasn’t friends with in uni, but somehow met after the fact or maybe they were enemies. Someone he butted heads with but now they’re basically best friends?? 

These are really just some thoughts I had & I might add more later but I’m open to anything and everything so let’s talk about it!! Ofc I’m still looking for more generic plots like friends, hookups, enemies, etc, etc. The possibilities are endless! 

And that’s the end! If you read it all you’re the coolest but it’s also okay if you didn’t because that was a whole lot of bullshit tbh. 

I've been thinking recently

We don't have much foundation. Both Millennials and Gen Z are stuck with so much responsibility for our futures. We're judged for our quirks, called special snowflakes by the most entitled generations, and tossed out on our own by Baby Boomers and Gen X.

Now I definitely don't feel like a Generation Z child because of two reasons:

I'm 22 years old and that just makes me feel like a millennial based on the whole structure and my lack of a sense of timelines.

I've never gotten into fortnite or the majority of these memes or dabbing.

But honestly that is not going to stop me from enjoying watching all of these people having dance-offs or making cleverly woven jokes or saying things I'll never fully grasp, (I still don't understand "worm"), or simply feeling refreshed about the open-minded beliefs of equality and acceptance, understanding, and kindness. Pour as much of that on as your hearts can show.

Getting back to the point. Though there's not much of a generation gap between Millennials and Generation Z in my point of view, seeing as we're both dragged into the same issues that arose with having to deal with the baby boomer generation in the same manner that we're having to deal with Gen X, though maybe not to the same extent, I feel like the older Generations are trying to shove a gap between us or push the blame.

This link takes you to a website that expresses just how much there is to think about with what Baby Boomers have done to our economy... Even though they blame millennials. https://www.theguardian.com/society/2018/apr/29/millennials-struggling-is-it-fault-of-baby-boomers-intergenerational-fairness

It's not just our economy that I'm worried about in the long run.

We can repair that type of damage, what I'm really worried about how the younger ones are raised. Striking on a highly personal and sensitive note, my mother born in Gen X married young to my baby boomer father and had my brother and me, my brother being in the millennial generation. After seventeen years of supporting us, forced into not seeing us very much at all with working two jobs and still expected to cook and clean while he made no effort to get his own job, criticized her for everything she did as well as prevented her from having literally any friends in or out of work, she got out. Good for her, right? She left the abuse, lived a little, remarried, and had my siblings.

Now here's where it gets sticky.

This left us with our father (me as a sheltered albeit pampered 11 year old and my brother the inexperienced 16 year old who was also pampered) because he fought her in court and somehow won full custody of us. It came to the point where my brother was suddenly the sole money maker for the household (while also in school) in the time frame of a week after she left because dad still refused to get a job but insisted on smoking and drinking a six-pack a day anyway. At the same time his pride got in the way of accepting my mom's help because she had optional child support and when he did accept it he immediately went and spent it on his booze, so she ultimately stopped the fruitless. He cut ties between my mother and us and pretended everything was fine and dandy now that she was gone. When he died of an impending and incurable death triangle (kidney failure, liver failure, and sever diabetes) almost five years later we were left with his debts and he didn't teach us a single thing to get us started. Almost three years later, I left to live with my mother because she found us and got back in touch. My brother rejected her offer and went out on his own, swimming in the unbacked pride dad had set, and since then has been entirely incapable of holding a job for more than a few months before he's fired for one thing or another. He still refuses to speak with her.

Now on my end, everything started fine. I was expected to do some of the chores, finish highschool, and I finally had the chance to learn who my mother was the first time in my life... but once I had settled in I came to understand that she was in a constant defensive state anytime she was questioned and was afraid of moving forward. She suddenly had a late teenage daughter that didn't know a single thing about living. To this day four years later she has had a very easy-to-boil temper. It started as a self defense mechanism, she had to become this way to keep herself alive with my dad as a husband, but she became more than the overseer of the new family, she became an overbearing abrasive woman to make sure things were going her way so that there was no way she could slip back into what she had been living in.

She is now the type of person who considers pain to be a competition, a concept of reality she got from her father, my father, and her generation as a whole. Her existence is work, bills, her new spouse, and figuring out how to set me on my siblings on the best path. She has experienced more pain than I can picture, lived a longer life with many challenges, gave every ounce of effort to get back to her senses and I respect that wholeheartedly, but what I can't seem to respect or handle is her needed to feel like she's right all the time even when she's dead wrong, how deaf she is to the hurtful things she says, and how she goes about getting things done.

It's not just life she tackles harshly now, but pain is measured on her own set of scales. It is her competition in order to feel sturdier about her situations and I see this a lot in her age group, frequently and everywhere, but in the process of all of this she invalidates anybody else's difficulties if they are less than her own. In her eyes, "if I can tolerate it then you should be able to" or "if it's not bothering me then it shouldn't bother you" is the only reality. There are no extra spoons or forks, no in between, no consideration for how somebody else perceives a situation or how much somebody else can handle before they burst, and particularly with people in my age group she holds absolutely no patience. It's almost like she considers us a to be hypochondriacs because we haven't learned how to "suck it up" or "save face" when the physical aches or mental loads are too much, or the shambles they've left our economy in and voting Trump in because they think he will just fix it right up like changing a tire. It's entirely irresponsible, immature, inhumane, and unreasonable. She and most people her age, and people like my father, are incredibly blind to it. I can no longer respect them or trust them.

Now here's the kicker.

She as well as many other mothers claim that people in my age group have tunnel vision, that each day is brand new for us, that we don't know hardship or real stress, when in reality we are all facing the teeth gritting consequences for their choices. We are trying so hard to have optimism and open hearts, the patience they lack, and the wisdom to break free from their mislay of twisting roads and bare minimum guidelines.

As an example of her mindset and the challenge it presents, she believes I am entirely incapable of taking care of stressful situations when she hasn't taught me how, just like my father but and almost an exact opposite sense. My father pampered me and sheltered me, my mother drowns me only in harsh reality and expectations. It's not just her, the society these Generations have built are also malfunctioning and sending catless mixed messages. There are scores of American schools that don't teach a lick of daily knowledge like how to clean without making freaking mustard gas or how to go about sewing on a button. Cooking, paying bills, skills like changing a tire or what to do when the electricity goes out and it's not the breaker. Finances and taxes. They believe that schools only need to teach things like the states and capitals, sports, math, language (but only English and Spanish, I wanted to learn Japanese and sign language guys...), wars, a collection of science subjects, and maybe music. They've cut the budget for anything else. Screw the general public. Even my mom acts like her goal is to become middle class so that my siblings have more opportunities to learn what they need, but she's so fixated on raising her rank in society's standards thinking that it will solve everything she can't comprehend the real issues.

She believes I don't get certain responsibilities done the instant she tells me to because I'm lazy or inconsiderate, but mostly it's because my mind doesn't allow me to multitask like hers does, or I'm not sure how to go about it because I have to teach myself, and therefore it's just one more thing she has to add to the list of what I am not putting any effort into. She doesn't understand, or maybe she doesn't WANT to understand, that I have anxiety when I'm put on the spot because if I don't have a moment to think about what to do she chooses to scream at me instead of simply suggesting a solution or helping me think, and then decides to take over the responsibility with an added bonus of guilt-tripping and gaslighting. After years of this I've grown apathetic to her to the point where she has started calling me heartless and disrespectful. It is incredibly difficult to respect somebody who treats you like a tool that needs fixing but also doesn't make the effort to find out what's wrong in the first place.

I've read so many cases of this, just terrible awful parenting, it's to the extent where it's old news and that's unfortunate because it still hasn't changed. Make situations like these current news, spread them with a warning for our future, this problem has been around for so long it is almost entirely ignored by the older Generations in exchange for the opportunity to push blame. I myself have gotten so tired of asking "what is wrong with them? Why don't they see what they're doing? Don't they understand how harmful this is?" I see my mom giving sexist excuses about the behavior of men into the mind of my younger brother, I see her pushing my sister to tolerate him instead of stopping him from acting this way, and I think, "why can't they take responsibility for the damage they've done, re-evaluate themselves, or feel any regret for the stigma they choose to keep planting in young minds?" At every turn I'm invalidated, and though I'm expected to watch my siblings, I'm not allowed to stop them if they choose to play recklessly, rebel, or cock an attitude if I tell them they need to do something like brush their teeth or put a toy away. Unless there's an obvious chance of injury, I'm prevented from intervention. What kind of children are these siblings of mine going to grow into with this mindset? What are the claims that her generation are going to throw on them when there's no one else to blame? Why am I expected to relent to her demands and stretch and mold myself into her concept of what an adult should be if I can't suggest a compromise or take a stand? How am I or anyone else supposed to know what to do in shaky situations is if were not given the chance to learn, shown an example of how, or charted a better path instead of setting expectations and just demanded to reach them? I can't stand this. Each of these generations all hold individual, unique, brilliant people but the younger ones are treated like entirely different entities based on societies obsolete standards and malformed beliefs. This needs to change.

Lost Season 1 Reaction

Reactions are one of my new ideas for the blog expansion. I receive lots of requests to watch other shows and unfortunately I can’t write full length reviews on all of them. But that doesn’t mean I can’t watch and post some thoughts!!! Consider reactions an abbreviated review. I’m sure I’ll be playing around with format a little, so bear with me, but hopefully this another way to watch more shows and give you more great content!

First up is Lost Season 1! Let’s kind of dig in...

My History with Lost

I did not watch Lost when it aired ten years ago. Okay, that’s a lie. I watched the pilot, but it was not my first JJ Abrams show. I watched both Felicity and Alias. My primary beef with JJ Abrams is he creates great shows, but he doesn’t stick around. Invariably the show is handed off to another executive producer who doesn’t have the same vision as JJ and they run it into the ground. At the time, my husband and I were feeling particularly burned by Alias, but we still decided to watch the Lost pilot. We thought it was interesting, but we were not emotionally prepared to begin another JJ Abrams show.

That didn’t mean I wasn’t curious though! I heard all the water cooler talk over the years, but I held firm to my decision not to watch... until the finale. Yes, that’s right. I CHEATED. 

I watched the finale when it aired because I  wanted to know what the island was. I had absolutely no context for 99.99% of the things happening, 

but I understood the general ideas and managed to shed a few tears in the process. Yes, I cried over characters I did not know. Lost music is very emotional and they all seemed like very nice people.

I bumbled along in this thing we call life completely okay with my decision to read the first and last chapter of Lost until I met @callistawolf.  

She asked me to watch because it’s her favorite show, but I adamantly refused. However, during one of my many Vampire Diaries bitch-a-thons, I said I would watch Lost if she watched The Vampire Diaries (I really want her opinion on Stelena and Delena). SHE SAID YES. HAHAHAHA. I think we can all agree I made out better in terms of quality, but a deal is a deal!

And thus, my Lost journey begins. You can also follow my reactions on Twitter in my #JenWatchesLost tag.

Who Do I Love?

Hurley is everything and must be protected. 

Jack is my boy. I love me some wound-tighter-than-a-Timex-doctor-with-a-hero-complex. The whole physician thing really comes in handy. Maybe I should go to med school as like survivalist training. Nah. Too much work. Jack always knows what to do even though he has no idea what he’s doing. It’s impressive and stressful. There’s significant daddy issues too which reminds me of Oliver Queen. Also, he’s very pretty. I like the stubble. This shocks no one. Everyone knows I have a type.

I am siding with Locke in terms of philosophical debates. Faith and belief are a huge part of my life, so it doesn’t surprise me I’m agreeing with Locke whenever faith versus science is debated. There’s a lot of religious symbolism and just plain old straight-from-the-bible parallels, which is amazing to find in a prime time broadcast television show.

The dog.

Who Am I Shipping?

Jack and Kate. I typically get on board with the Plan A couple as long as the show gives me a strong storyline and evidence for why this couple should be together. I like that Jack and Kate are the flip on the bad boy/good girl trope. Kate is the “bad girl” who doesn’t believe she deserves the good guy. Jack is  protective with a a deep desire to save people. And of course, opposites attract!! She is impulsive and Jack is pragmatic. Kate runs and he digs in. They both have significant issues, but thus far they seem to bring out the best in one another. They are each broken in their own way, but my hope is their broken pieces fit together.

Jin and Sun are perfection. I thought we were going the whole abusive husband route, but they swerved right into a rainbow! Did not expect that. It’s nice to see a married couple fighting to stay together. Jin feels like he ruined Sun’s life so he has to leave the island to find help. Sun just wants Jin to stay because he is her life. Jin is learning English and Sun is wearing a bikini. These are the building blocks of an EPIC romance.

Charlie and Claire. They are already raising a baby so just get married. Locke can officiate.  

Sawyer and his sass.

Hard Pass

Boone is in love with his sister? There’s a love triangle with Boone, Shannon and Sayid? Super gross y’all.

I don’t know why, but I don’t like Michael. He bugs me.

Jack and his “I know everything about the world because science” attitude. Dude, you are on an island with a freaking polar bear. It’s possible there’s a few things you don’t know.

I was really angry at Sawyer when he didn’t tell Jack about the conversation he had with his dad. Do we get to vote people off the island? Because Sawyer would be the first to go. He’s back in my good graces now because he fessed up, but it was touch and go for awhile.

The way Kate’s childhood love died was really hokey. 

Kate and Sawyer. Sorry guys, I have yet to see Sawyer as anything other than the third point in the triangle. A triangle I don’t even think the show needs. It has plenty going on. There’s great chemistry, but she also has that with Jack. Kate and Sawyer are just too similar. Their snark is fun, but I’m not getting a “Theirs is a forever love” vibe.

I Feel All The Feels

The scene where Sawyer tells Jack about the conversation he had with his dad  before he died slayed me. When Matthew Fox cries, I cry.

Just when I started to like Boone, they killed him. And Shannon wasn’t there? Come on writers that’s just mean. It’s okay though. Smolderholder had to get a job on The Vampire Diaries and make all the money.

Shockers

LOCKE WAS PARALYZED? UMMM WHAT?

I remember people talking about the number thing and wondering what it is. Now I know what the number thing is. Except I don’t really know what the number thing is.

Locke’s dad used him for a kidney. WTF? That’s so messed up. I’d be driving past the house screaming, “Why?” too.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! THEY BLEW UP THE RAFT AND TOOK WALT! WHERE IS WALT? ALKJSDLFJOIALJSDLFJSDF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fave Quote

“That thing in the woods, maybe it’s a monster, maybe it’s a pissed off giraffe, I don’t know. The fact no one is looking for us, yeah that’s weird. But I just go along with it. Good old fun time Hurley. Well guess what? Now I want some freaking answers!” (Hurley, “Numbers”)

Random Thoughts

It’s Matthew Fox from Party of Five people!!! I miss Party of Five.

The clothes from the dead people just magically fit everyone. Oh what a wonderful yet completely unrealistic plot contrivance.

Ian Somerhalder is in Lost? Did I know that? I think I did, but may have forgotten. He looks like a baby. Baby Damon is on Lost. That's some interesting cross fandoming given the Lost/TVD show switch with @callistawolf

Lost has done a pretty damn good job answering all the food, clothing and shelter questions. There’s been a lot cool and inventive ideas for tools, supplies, medicine, etc. I’m sure 95% of what Sayid does is impossible, but I believe it because he’s Sayid.

One cannot watch Lost while multitasking because all the things happen every five minutes in this show. 

Questions 

This is me shouting into the void. Don’t spoil me with answers.

When do we get to make Hurley in charge of everything?

Who won the golf game? No really. Who won?

Jack has a wife? What’s the deal with the wife?

Okay but for real what is going on with these numbers?

We don’t get to find out what’s in the hatch? What madness is that??? How the hell did you guys watched this show live & wait weeks & weeks over hiatus and not lose your mind????

Episode 13 - “Hhhhh well I've barely made confessionals” - Jay

ITS FINAL FOUR HOW HAVE I MADE IT THIS FAR? I can answer that . I was sneaky sneaky and I had my people . Raffy was voted out without a hitch well except him saying I don’t get his vote at the end but someone had to get him out he was winning . So we do the challenge right and it’s super fun “The F word” very much a creative title . Anyways Cameron gets one point in the comp so I don’t think Cameron tried at all . I got second to last but with a high score so honestly fine with that I tried very very hard I wanted an immunity win to add to my resume . Didn’t get it but ya was close a few times this season . Anyways Jay who is part of “T-r-i-o” wins immunity which is great. Raffy attempted to say Liam needed to go last tribal when I stole his vote but nobody knows Liam has been my ride or die all game . So  I’m not voting Liam out . People may say I’m a snake at finale but I was loyal to my people and kept them as long as I could . Honestly at this point all of them could blindside me and I’d respect the move . I’m trying to make sure that doesn’t happen but at this point nothing will surprise me anymore . So I’m scrolling here trying to pick an emo song that fits me for this round. “Catch me if you can” by set it off seems to be one of the ones that fit me the most . I’m excited for finale even if I’m not there. So many scenarios went through my head this season and this was not my predicated final four . I expected people that weren’t me to make it here . So I stand here with my empty jars ,  my salt , my coins and many more items, I cross my fingers in hope. Please let me make finale. I just want to be one of those three finalists . I want my moves to be worth it . I clawed my way along, I was in minority for votes and then I wasn’t . I want this so badly . Here’s to hoping the odds are in my favour at tribal . If not see you guys on jury :) Xoxo Jessie 🔮

I’m so close to the end right now I can taste it! I feel like I can beat Jessie & Jay if I’m honest and I think the see it... my fate isn’t in my hands for once and I HATE it I’ve always relatively been in control of my game and now I’m not so I’m SHOOK to my core right now. I don’t know if I’ll make it out alive

Hhhhh well I've barely made confessionals, I've been a host chat kind of bitch this season LMAO. But anyways I've made it all the way to f3 with no votes this season! I think I have a *chance* to win this season, but I'm definitely not expecting it to come easy. As far as I know, we're voting Cameron out so the alliance of me, Jessie, and Liam are the f3. And I know it's a littleee risky going against Liam but I think it's a fitting end for the season for the 3 of us to be sitting at the end together. We really avenged Mac in the best way possible.

So I sit here w hour before tribal making a confessional because birch wanted one Anyways I locked in my vote for Cameron I’m actually trying to get ready for tribal so guess what I’m multitasking wow I’m actually nervous but it will hopefully be a straight forward vote I know Cameron will probably vote Liam in jury but it’s okay ♥️♥️♥️ Please let the witchy odds be in my favour At heart we are all powerful, beautiful, and capable of changing the world with our bare hands. I want to thank my fellow competition who played this game with me from first boot to whoever the winner may be it was such a fun experience . I also am thanking production in this in the odd care I don’t make final I just want everyone to know how thankful I was for this game . 🔮Spooky vibes our 🔮 Xoxo Jessie 🔮

Hey guys! The next chapter of my Olicity Arrow/BTVS xover is now up! Sorry for the wait, but it’s been a really really bad week for me work-wise and now I’m spending the holiday weekend with my family. I will try to do better. I would love to hear what you think!

Chapter Summary:  Felicity and Team Arrow face their first night of slayer patrol. Things, as always, don't exactly go according to plan.

Rating: M (for language, violence, and some gore so far)

Disclaimer: I own NOTHING!...except my original characters and their imaginary organization... :-)

Here goes!

“So,” Felicity looked up and toward her cousin who was sitting irreverently on top of a gravestone and kicking her feet back and forth still wearing her borrowed hot-pink mini, “exactly how long do we have to wait before...” she leaned over and looked down, “Edward here decides to make an appearance?” Before anyone could answer, she snorted to herself. “Edward the Vampire...dude should thank us for putting him out of that misery.”

Felicity glared at the tiny brunette. “Mere!”

Felicity, her cousin, and her mentor Dare were all currently waiting for poor Edward to awaken to his most-likely short undead afterlife. Felicity because this was to be her first actual battle against a vampire, Dare for backup and support should she need it, and Meredith because the half-vampire insisted she had to 'protect' her cousin. Dare had argued against her inclusion, but Meredith had pointed out her half-vampire status and that the new vamp would probably overlook her in any case. She also assured them that she was well versed in “ripping out hearts”...cause that was SUPER reassuring.

And Oliver? Well, he and Roy were positioned at range with a clear view of the area. The Pures had supplied them with wooden arrows. Digg was running comms, and Cross, Case, Riley, and Laurel were actually keeping an eye out on the rest of the city while Team Arrow were distracted.

Meredith rolled her eyes at Felicity and turned her focus on Dare. “Are we working on a specific timetable? Ballpark figure?”

Dare frowned. “You're a vampire...and you said you weren't new to this.”

Meredith waved her hand. “We didn't troll graveyards. We helped keep 'The Bronze' a safe zone and pitched in whenever some dumbass tried to open the Hellmouth.” Meredith made a face. “That last part just happened every other week or so. There are a lot of supernatural dumbasses.”

Felicity stared at her. “Every other week or so?” Just how often was she supposed to be dealing with these supernatural threats?

“This is a full-time job, Felicity,” Dare answered. He seemed to understand where her thoughts were headed. “This is every night. You know this isn't going away.”

Felicity groaned and gritted her teeth. She held up one finger for Dare and Meredith to give her a minute and marched away a bit. She lowered her voice and spoke to Oliver via comms. “Oliver, you CANNOT follow me around every night. You have to protect the city.”

“You realize we can still hear you, right?” Meredith called. “Vampires!”

“I'm also on comms,” Dare noted.

Felicity ignored them. “Oliver!”

< I'm exactly where I belong, Felicity...protecting you. >

Felicity glared toward the mausoleum she knew he was perked on. “That is not an acceptable response. Starling needs the Arrow!”

< A vampire infestation, an active hellmouth...these are the greatest threats Starling is currently facing. We ARE protecting this city. >

“This isn't your fight!” Felicity insisted.

< It is now. >

< Come on, Blondie, > Roy spoke up. < You can't honestly expect us to let you face this alone. >

“I'm not alone,” the slayer pointed back toward Dare and her cousin. “I have supernatural training, abilities, and backup. It doesn't take five people to kill one possessed vampire. This guy's probably going to pee himself.”

“She kinda has a point,” Meredith agreed. “I mean, we've got the slayer, a half-vamp, Dare the Pure, Red Fish and Green Fish out there, and let's not forget G.I. Joe back in the van. This is basically the roster to stop a decent size mini-apocalypse back in Edencrest. Good ole Eddie would probably rather dig his way to China than pop up here.”

“Would you stop mocking the victim?” Felicity hissed as she walked back over to join them.

Meredith canted her head to the side. “Yea...no, no I won't. The victim is gone. He's a Possessed now and you're fixing to kill him. You can't feel SORRY for him.” Her long brown curls danced around her shoulders as she pointed at Felicity sternly. “It's a rule!”

Felicity looked at Dare for help. The Pure winced and lifted a hand to rub the back of his neck. “As much as I hate to agree with drunken terror...”

“See!” Meredith gloated and hopped to her feet now standing on the headstone. “Even Ponyboy knows I'm right! You can't start humanizing every Possessed you face, Lissy. They have no souls. They're...” she pondered what word to use.

“Cockroaches,” Dare reluctantly supplied.

“Hmm,” Meredith pursed her lips, “I usually associate that particularly insect with Micah, but yea...” she nodded, “that works too.”

And Felicity wondered if she even wanted to know who Micah was. She filed the name away for another day. Now wasn't the time. She focused back on Oliver in her ear (and hey she didn't even think an embarrassing innuendo in her head that time...so she was calling that progress). “Oliver, the point is? THIS is massive overkill! This cannot become a nightly routine.”

Meredith nodded again. “Back in the day? One slayer and a stuffy British guy in tweed...who basically just watched and took notes.”

“This isn't back in the day,” Dare frowned at Meredith and she tossed him a 'duh' expression in return, “but we also don't need an army for every cemetery patrol. I allowed it tonight because it's Felicity's first kill. I understand her team's apprehension.”

< You ALLOWED it? > Oliver growled.

“Don't get your panties in a bunch, Ollie,” Dare mocked, “I'm well aware that I'm stuck with your ass for the foreseeable future.” He lifted his brows and looked at his slayer. “But Cross and Case did not sign up permanently for your crusade. They're covering tonight so your team can see what we're dealing with. As for tomorrow on? Other arrangements are going to have to be made. We only deal with human threats under very specific circumstances. We can't endanger the balance.”

“Great google,” Felicity realized, “I'm actually going to have to train someone on comms.” She was going to be spending every night in the field. She could research, develop, hack whatever was needed during the daylight hours and downtime, but during peak business hours she was going to be permanently unavailable. This was a disaster!

< Can I vote for...not Laurel? > Roy quipped.

< We'll worry about this later, > Oliver said.

“We will most definitely be talking about this later,” Felicity said, “but I will be worrying about this now. I'm an excellent multitasker.” She looked back toward the newly dug grave. “I can both watch dirt and freak out about letting someone else mess with my babies.”

“SHIT!” Dare cursed.

Felicity jumped and looked at her mentor. Dare was facing the direction where Oliver, Roy, and their current squat were located. Felicity frowned and turned as well. “What...” but her senses went wild. Her eyes narrowed and she spotted three figures moving through the darkness. As her eyes focused in, she recognized the female in the middle. “Oh frack!”

“Looks like Big Mamma decided to come pick up her new boy toy personally,” Meredith noted, “and she brought friends.”

“Arrow, Arsenal, behind you!” Felicity called.

Before she could even move in that direction, Meredith flashed by her at supernatural speed. Dare followed the half-vampire and Felicity ran after them. By the time she reached the fight, Dare had grabbed one vampire and thrown him away to buy them some time, then taken on the female who was obviously the largest threat. Meredith growled and jumped on the third male's back as he tried to reach the mausoleum and climb toward the vigilantes.

That left the other male for Felicity and she placed herself between the Possessed and her team. The vampire studied the blonde with a smirk. He looked over her jacket, yoga pants, and sneakers. Then he sniffed the air and laughed unimpressed. “Now what is a cute little blonde like you doing in a place like this? Don't you know good little girls get eaten?”

Felicity opened her mouth to respond, but the vampire yelled in pain as an arrow tore through his shoulder. The slayer knew the archer without looking. “HEART, ARSENAL! Aim for the heart!”

< Sorry, Blondie. I'm working on it. > Roy replied. < Keep him distracted. >

Felicity scoffed in disgust. “I love you, Scarecrow, but I don't think he's going to stand there so you can correct your aim.”

The vampire dove toward Felicity and she followed her instincts and danced to the side. He growled and Felicity finally got a good look at his real face. His forehead was deformed, twisted with wrinkles and bumps. His eyes glowed yellow with demonic energy, and his fangs glinted at the sides of his mouth. Okay, she was finding it a lot easier not to humanize him now.

“I'm starting to appreciate the sparkly 'Twilight' version,” Felicity muttered. “These things are fugly!”

< Felicity! > Oliver's voice was frantic. Felicity knew he must be tied up in a fight of his own.

“Hold on, Lissy!” Meredith shouted. “I forgot to bring a stake.”

Felicity looked back to see her cousin yanking viciously on her opponent's hair, still riding his back. As she watched the tiny brunette dove forward and clamped her own fangs into the side of the Possessed's neck then ripped them back out tearing flesh and sending blood flying. And that was just all kinds of eww.

A familiar dip in her stomach had Felicity dodging and just escaping the grip of her attacker. The vampire growled and tried to circle her. Felicity focused and matched his steps. She reached back and pulled free the stake hidden behind her back. She might need that. Google, but she was bad at this!

The vampire growled even louder as it recognized her weapon. Felicity didn't know what came over her, but she smiled. She waved the chunk of wood back and forth. “Not so much fun when the little blonde fights back, huh?”

“Slayer!” he spat.

< Felicity stop taunting the vampire! > Digg reprimanded, but he sounded out of breath.

Felicity frowned. “Digg stay in the damn van!”

< Too late. On my way. >

“Fabulous,” Felicity rolled her eyes.

< Felicity! > Roy warned.

The slayer ducked and swept the vampire's legs out from under him. He hit the ground, but then rolled to the side before she could pin him down. Felicity frowned and chased him. Stupid stubborn undead cockroach...

“Don't play his game, Sweetie,” Dare's voice sounded from the right and Felicity danced back and away. She glanced quickly to her mentor. He was leaning against the mausoleum having obviously already finished off his opponent. Now he was turning this into a practical lesson. He notched his head toward the vamp. “Remember your training. Make him play yours.”

The vamp hissed realizing his odds just got worse. He leapt forward, then howled again, this time an arrow sliced through his abdomen. Felicity threw up her hands. “REALLY, ROY?!?”

< Hey, that asshole's fast, okay? I'm trying! >

“You need to slap more water!” Felicity said.

< Felicity, tell your idiot cousin to move the vamp back away from the mausoleum and get off his damn back so I can finish him off! > Oliver barked.

“I heard that, jackass,” Meredith growled, “I'm only about thirty feet from you and I've got enhanced hearing. Who's the idiot, again?”

The vamp facing Felicity paused momentarily and looked offended. “Exactly how many of you are there?”

And, of course, this was when John Diggle came running up gun drawn and ready to help. The vampire obviously decided it was time to retreat. He moved toward Digg. Felicity reacted on instinct to protect her team, more than that to protect her family. She pulled Digg out of the way, passed him off to a waiting Dare, and met the vampire head-on. She sent one kick to the vampire's core, then another before he could move or react. He stumbled back slightly and she jumped and spun to kick him full-force in the head. The vamp fell rolling on the ground, but this time Felicity planted her full weight across his chest and pinned him. She flipped the stake in her hand point down, then buried it through his heart. The vampire froze stunned, then burst into dust.

Felicity coughed and waved her hand to clear the dust. She scrambled to her feet and turned to face Digg and Dare. “You guys okay?”

John nodded wide-eyed. “I should have stayed in the van.”

Dare huffed a laugh and clapped the taller man on the shoulder. “It's all good. You were trying to help.”

One problem solved, Felicity now looked to Meredith. The tiny brunette was still riding the final vampire's back. Her hands and face were covered in blood and the vampire was stumbling and trying unsuccessfully to dislodge her.

“Meredith, MOVE!” Felicity called.

Her cousin reacted immediately to Felicity's voice. She jerked the vampire into Felicity's direction, then pushed backward and let him go. Felicity threw a stake with perfect accuracy to lodge through his chest and into his heart. An arrow pierced him back to front at exactly the same time. The vampire looked down, cursed, then burst into dust.

“I am never gonna get use to that,” John muttered.

“Saves time on cleanup,” Dare pointed out.

A furious growl sounded from behind the mausoleum. Every head turned in that direction. They watched as an enraged demon in a dirty suit stalked toward them.

Meredith frowned. “Shit, we forgot about Eddie!”

The new vampire paused briefly hearing it's former name. He growled again and tilted his head in Meredith's direction. He sniffed the air, then made a disgusted face and flinched back as though trying to get away from her.

“You don't exactly smell like a bed of roses either, buddy,” Meredith drawled.

Felicity frowned and looked around for something to use for another stake. Dare waved for her to pause. The Pure leaned toward Felicity. “This guy's a Starling native, right?”

The slayer thought back over the information she'd pulled up on the victim's life. It hurt to think about the poor guy. Edward Thompson had been twenty-two. He'd had his whole life ahead of him. He took a night out at a club, left with the wrong girl, and now...he was this. “Yes,” Felicity frowned confused as she answered, “Starling born and raised.”

Dare nodded. “Good.” He stepped toward the newborn. “Hey Eddie!” The furious yellow eyes snapped in his direction. Dare just smiled and pointed toward the top of the mausoleum. “It's the Arrow!”

The newborn's head snapped toward where Oliver and Roy were positioned. He hissed in fear, then spun and started to run away. He only made it a few feet before Oliver put him out of his misery. As the arrow torn through his heart, he stumbled, then burst into dust.

Felicity glared at Dare. The Pure shrugged in return. “It worked,” he noted. Then he clapped his hands together and dusted off his jeans. He walked forward toward Meredith and threw the tiny brunette an irritated glance. “I forgot to bring a stake?”

Meredith held up her blood-covered hands. “I tried for his heart. Sucker was too tall. I couldn't get the right angle.”

Felicity heard John choke behind her. She turned and walked over to support her friend and partner. She led him toward the others. Oliver and Roy were climbing down from the mausoleum to join them.

“SO,” Dare looked them all over with critical eyes, “you've all officially survived your first night of patrol. Let's review, shall we?”

Thank you so much for reading! I would love to hear what you think!

para || Romancing the Cards

Time: Saturday night, 18 February 2017

Setting: Online

Summary: On the heels of Valentine’s Day, the staff decides to play up their less-than-romantic side with a new game of Cards Against Humanity…

Part 1a

[4:34:37 PM] The following Cardcast decks are in use in this game (instructions): [4:35:15 PM] Blaine2 has joined the game. [4:36:38 PM] Kurt has joined the game. [4:36:45 PM] <Kurt> Hey guys [4:37:06 PM] <Blaine2> Heeyyyy :D [4:39:51 PM] Error: Error communicating with server. Will try again in 0.5 seconds. [4:40:00 PM] <Blaine2> I think Bas will be here eventually, and I think Britt too [4:41:49 PM] <Brody> Sorry, I'm just trying to multitask [4:42:31 PM] <Brody> So Bas is coming? I figured he'd still be sleeping mostly [4:42:52 PM] <Kurt> He should be sleeping... I vote we play once Britt's here. [4:43:04 PM] <Brody> Does this count as Official Staff activity? Because he's still on leave [4:43:11 PM] <Marley> He said he was coming [4:43:21 PM] Brittany has joined the game. [4:43:23 PM] Sebastian has joined the game. [4:43:29 PM] <Blaine2> This is definitely not official staff activity, Brodes. [4:43:44 PM] <Brittany> Hi guys!! [4:43:44 PM] <Brody> It'd be kind of funny [4:43:44 PM] <Marley> There they are! [4:43:47 PM] <Brody> Hey Britt [4:43:53 PM] <Brody> Hi Marley [4:45:33 PM] <Marley> Hey, Brody.. Sorry I wasn't able to come to your party.. Did you get the wine? [4:45:35 PM] <Brody> So are we starting, or waiting for anyone else? [4:45:39 PM] <Blaine2> Give me like five seconds [4:45:51 PM] <Blaine2> Bing has gotten into something, little devil [4:46:07 PM] <Brody> did you leave a treat in his purse? [4:46:20 PM] <Brody> I told you not to put food in that SB [4:47:26 PM] <Blaine2> And I didn't! He decided to go for the leftover chinese food that I hadn't put away yet [4:47:26 PM] <Sebastian> This is why animals and humans shouldn't mix. [4:47:45 PM] <Brody> Where the heck are you leaving Chinese? [4:47:47 PM] <Blaine2> Shhh, you love him. [4:47:52 PM] <Brody> he's a //dog// [4:47:53 PM] <Blaine2> On the table! [4:47:58 PM] <Blaine2> He's a jumper! [4:48:02 PM] <Brody> why is Lil B on the table? [4:48:09 PM] <Sebastian> No, B, I /tolerate/ him. [4:48:13 PM] <Brody> that's a hell of a jump, Blaine [4:48:23 PM] <Blaine2> Nooo you love him. [4:48:31 PM] Marley was skipped this round for being idle for too long. [4:48:31 PM] Brittany was skipped this round for being idle for too long. [4:48:40 PM] Blaine2 wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [4:48:46 PM] <Blaine2> It's actually not. It's a pretty short table and I had one of the chairs pulled out [4:48:58 PM] <Brody> oh- then yeah [4:49:02 PM] <Brody> that's just bad parenting [4:49:09 PM] <Brody> I can't condone that as his grandfather [4:49:11 PM] <Blaine2> :( [4:50:17 PM] <Sebastian> I'd say you need to get better furniture, but then you might need me around to reach things for you ;) [4:50:46 PM] <Sebastian> Britt? Marls? [4:50:49 PM] Marley was kicked for being idle for too many rounds. [4:50:49 PM] Brittany was kicked for being idle for too many rounds. [4:50:49 PM] Brittany has left the game. [4:50:49 PM] Marley has left the game. [4:51:04 PM] <Sebastian> Nope. [4:51:08 PM] Kurt wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [4:51:31 PM] <Blaine2> Rude, Sebastian. Rude. [4:51:42 PM] <Blaine2> How's sleeping in your own bed, for a change, by the way? [4:52:09 PM] <Kurt> Ha! [4:52:16 PM] Brody wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [4:52:24 PM] Play 2 cards, in the order you wish them to be judged. [4:52:31 PM] <Brody> yes-- reverse cowgirl is a favorite position [4:52:35 PM] <Brody> of course she'd be crying [4:52:46 PM] <Brody> Blaine-- damn it-- you can't take notes [4:52:50 PM] <Sebastian> Like sleeping on a cloud. Although I was pretty trashed last night, so I can only imagine the alcohol helped. [4:53:08 PM] <Blaine2> Are you [4:53:15 PM] <Blaine2> Are you kidding me [4:53:21 PM] <Sebastian> What? [4:53:45 PM] <Brody> You can't do reverse cowgirl with a guy-- that's the whole point of being a cow //girl// [4:53:53 PM] <Brody> he still needs a favorite sex position [4:53:56 PM] <Brody> that just won't be it [4:54:18 PM] Blaine2 wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [4:54:41 PM] <Blaine2> I'm more mentioning the whole, you were home not even one night alone and you went back to alcohol. Unbelievable. [4:54:48 PM] <Blaine2> Also, thank you, Kurt, you get me. [4:54:48 PM] Marley has joined the game. [4:54:55 PM] <Brody> ohh [4:55:03 PM] <Brody> yeah [4:55:09 PM] <Sebastian> I've been stuck on bed rest for three weeks, Killer. What were you expecting? [4:55:13 PM] <Blaine2> And I don't /need/ a favorite sex position, thank you. I can find my way around a man without having a favorite, thank you. [4:55:30 PM] <Sebastian> I beg to differ - and I'm still here to help with that one. [4:55:40 PM] <Brody> How drunk //were// you last night, Bas-- scale of 1 to are you fucking serious? [4:55:52 PM] <Blaine2> ...beg to differ on what part? [4:56:01 PM] <Blaine2> I'm scared to know the answer, honeslty [4:56:06 PM] <Brody> he thinks you should have a favorite sex position [4:56:19 PM] <Brody> I actually agree with him [4:56:20 PM] <Blaine2> Ah... [4:56:26 PM] Kurt was skipped this round for being idle for too long. [4:56:34 PM] <Kurt> Sorry [4:56:38 PM] <Kurt> dad needed my help [4:56:42 PM] <Brody> yes Kurt-- feel shame [4:56:48 PM] Brody wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [4:56:56 PM] <Brody> how dare you help your father rather than partake in lewd thoughts with us [4:56:57 PM] <Blaine2> It's okay! [4:57:11 PM] <Blaine2> Did you go to the movie last night, Kurt? [4:57:28 PM] <Blaine2> Wait what? [4:58:05 PM] <Blaine2> WOW [4:58:06 PM] <Sebastian> Yes, Kurt, what teenage rom-com did you go for? [4:58:15 PM] Brody wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [4:58:39 PM] <Marley> Sorry, I'm here.. and I missed a lot [4:58:47 PM] <Kurt> Nah... I was pretty tired when I left and decided to just call it a night [4:59:14 PM] <Brody> But your costume was awesome [4:59:17 PM] <Kurt> get any good Valentines, Sebastian? [4:59:37 PM] Kurt wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [4:59:40 PM] <Blaine2> That's fair. That party was a rager. Especially after we finally wrestled the canes away. [4:59:51 PM] <Brody> those were GREAT CANES [4:59:56 PM] <Sebastian> I did get one from someone who clearly is way too obsessed with me. [4:59:58 PM] <Blaine2> THEY HURT, BRODY [5:00:06 PM] <Kurt> And thanks Brody [5:00:08 PM] <Brody> you should have worn more padding [5:00:26 PM] <Blaine2> How was I supposed to know I'd get assault? [5:00:42 PM] <Brody> you're old-- you always get assaulted at that age [5:00:58 PM] <Brody> there's this guy at the home where my grandpa lives... [5:01:02 PM] <Sebastian> Seriously, these cards suck. [5:01:19 PM] <Blaine2> ((literally almost said so do you)) [5:01:27 PM] Finn has joined the game. [5:01:39 PM] <Brody> hey Finn-- how's the weather treating you? [5:01:43 PM] <Marley> (Blah I will be back) [5:01:49 PM] Marley wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [5:01:54 PM] <Marley> I might get kicked again *Cries* [5:01:54 PM] <Sebastian> ((you should have :P)) [5:01:57 PM] Play 2 cards, in the order you wish them to be judged. [5:02:02 PM] <Brody> (Brody can't) [5:02:14 PM] <Blaine2> ((Lmao Blaine knows all too well what would come next)) [5:03:05 PM] <Brody> So wait-- Bas. How drunk? [5:03:10 PM] <Kurt> Heat fixed yet Finn? [5:03:34 PM] <Sebastian> You really want a scale? I'd say about a 7. I've been worse. [5:03:36 PM] <Brody> I mean, should we call your Quack [5:03:37 PM] Brittany has joined the game. [5:03:48 PM] <Brittany> I blame Lord TUbbington for that [5:03:50 PM] <Brody> Yeah, I'm sure [5:03:53 PM] <Sebastian> No thanks, mom, I'm good. [5:03:58 PM] <Brody> LT? What did he do? [5:04:01 PM] <Brody> Fuck you [5:04:06 PM] <Finn> (Is there a way I can make the chat part a little bigger. Its had to keep up with the chat when all I see is two lines at a time) [5:04:10 PM] <Brittany> I don't know but something! [5:04:16 PM] <Brody> {No-- sorry) [5:04:20 PM] <Brittany> (sorry guys I was getting dinner out of the oven) [5:04:25 PM] <Brody> He always does [5:04:27 PM] Finn was skipped this round for being idle for too long. [5:04:28 PM] <Sebastian> ((if you zoom out on your page it helps)) [5:04:44 PM] Brody wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [5:04:50 PM] <Blaine2> Wait. A 7, Bas? A SEVEN?\ [5:04:52 PM] <Brody> you really need to do something about that cat, Britt-- he's not paying his fair share of rent [5:05:02 PM] <Brody> and he acts like he owns the place [5:05:09 PM] <Sebastian> Blaine, seriously, I'm fine. [5:05:24 PM] <Blaine2> Yeah. Sure. [5:05:26 PM] <Brody> How much of that was booze //you// bought there, Smythe? [5:05:35 PM] <Brittany> Is there drama? [5:05:39 PM] <Brittany> What have I misseD? [5:05:46 PM] <Brody> Bas went drinking without us last night [5:06:00 PM] <Finn> Heating isn't fixed yet. [5:06:01 PM] <Kurt> Idiot [5:06:06 PM] <Brody> but he managed to get back home alright, so I guess we aren't complaining too much [5:06:13 PM] <Brody> except for Kurt [5:06:13 PM] <Kurt> And sorry to hear that-- at least it's warm today? [5:06:15 PM] <Brody> XD [5:06:16 PM] <Sebastian> I think I've established that I rarely ever buy my own booze. [5:06:38 PM] <Sebastian> And I know my own body. Everyone's just overreacting, Britt. [5:06:44 PM] <Finn> I agree. It was warmer today [5:06:52 PM] Marley was skipped this round for being idle for too long. [5:06:52 PM] Brittany was skipped this round for being idle for too long. [5:07:06 PM] <Kurt> Oh yeah. Everyone's overreacting. It's that same attitude that got you horrendously sick, Sebastian. [5:07:06 PM] <Brody> hey-- I just asked if the doctor may have mentioned something about taking it easy [5:07:09 PM] <Finn> [I worked out how to make the chat bit bigger :D] [5:07:09 PM] <Blaine2> >.> [5:07:45 PM] <Sebastian> You don't know shit about how I got sick, Hummel. Butt out. [5:07:49 PM] <Blaine2> {{Yay!}} [5:07:53 PM] <Brody> when did you get sick? [5:07:59 PM] <Brody> oh wait-- not puking [5:08:02 PM] <Brody> nevermind [5:08:03 PM] <Blaine2> Guys. Seriously, please don't. [5:08:10 PM] <Brody> I'm done- moving on [5:08:32 PM] <Brody> totally read that as Dry Humping [5:08:39 PM] <Brody> don't know where my head's at tonight [5:08:53 PM] Brody wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [5:09:02 PM] Play 3 cards, in the order you wish them to be judged. [5:09:04 PM] <Brody> yea! Apparently somewhere good [5:09:07 PM] <Brittany> {why did it not accept my card?} [5:09:10 PM] <Sebastian> Your head's in the gutter where it usually is, Brodes. [5:10:04 PM] <Brody> You're one to talk, Bas [5:10:45 PM] <Brody> So, finn-- any word on whether your car is going to survive? [5:11:00 PM] <Sebastian> What? You're usually the one that starts this shit. [5:11:11 PM] <Brody> oh wow--some of these are really good [5:11:12 PM] <Blaine2> No. [5:11:52 PM] <Brody> yes,, Blaine-- they are well thought out, very creative [5:11:57 PM] <Finn> They are going to get someone else to take a look at it. If they can't sort it out, its time for a new one [5:12:06 PM] <Brody> damn-- sucks [5:12:10 PM] <Brody> you still hoofing it? [5:12:20 PM] <Finn> Sorry? [5:12:23 PM] <Brody> walking [5:12:23 PM] <Kurt> Where did you end up taking it??? I offered to take a look at it.... [5:13:01 PM] <Finn> I am still walking [5:13:20 PM] <Brody> Oh-- random note. Is everyone coming to the Fundraiser next month? [5:13:45 PM] <Kurt> What day is that again? [5:13:53 PM] <Finn> And it was some place in Lima. I haven't been to it before. I wish I had taken you up on that offer now [5:14:08 PM] <Brody> Saturday, I think [5:14:12 PM] <Brody> have to double check [5:14:39 PM] <Finn> Fundraiser? Wow, I need to keep up with everything thats going on [5:14:50 PM] <Brittany> {brb sorry guys} [5:14:54 PM] <Brody> Friday [5:15:05 PM] <Brody> the 17th is a Friday, next month-- my bad [5:15:34 PM] <Kurt> wait so is it this friday or a month from now? [5:15:39 PM] <Brody> Yeah-- the Blacklight Dodgeball game? [5:15:42 PM] <Brody> March 17 [5:16:02 PM] <Kurt> Oh.. Yeah you may NOT see me at that [5:16:06 PM] <Brody> it's in a month, but the kids are already talking about it [5:16:10 PM] The Card Czar has taken too long to decide and has been skipped. Cards played this round are being returned to hands. [5:16:14 PM] <Brody> you don't have to play doof [5:16:24 PM] <Brody> although yuo should-- it's awesome [5:16:35 PM] <Kurt> Gee thanks, Brody. Doesn't change my thoughts on it. [5:16:57 PM] <Brody> it's black lights-- everything's better with black lights [5:17:19 PM] Error: Error communicating with server. Will try again in 0.5 seconds. [5:17:20 PM] <Kurt> Not a fan of dodgeball [5:17:21 PM] <Blaine2> Kurt, you should come! It'll be fun! [5:17:33 PM] <Brody> Or the poor Aggies [5:17:47 PM] <Brody> what did they ever do to you that you won't support their cause, Kurt? [5:17:53 PM] <Sebastian> Aw, come on, Kurt, I promise I won't target you /that/ much. [5:18:10 PM] Marley was kicked for being idle for too many rounds. [5:18:10 PM] Marley has left the game. [5:18:17 PM] <Brody> buy some popcorn-- watch me "accidentally" throw a ball at Bas' head [5:18:43 PM] Brody wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [5:18:43 PM] <Kurt> ^that [5:18:43 PM] <Kurt> maybe [5:19:05 PM] <Sebastian> You'll be too dazzled by me that you'll miss. Can't say I'm too worried. [5:19:31 PM] <Brody> uh-- it's black light, Bas. What exactly am I going to be dazzled by? The cum stains on your shirt? [5:19:43 PM] <Kurt> HAHAHA [5:19:46 PM] <Blaine2> See, but I'm immune and I totally think I could team up with dear old Dad to take the shot when he misses [5:19:49 PM] <Blaine2> wow [5:19:50 PM] <Blaine2> Um. [5:19:55 PM] <Sebastian> Eh, you know what I look like. [5:19:59 PM] <Brody> sorry son [5:20:14 PM] Blaine2 wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [5:20:22 PM] <Blaine2> Yay! [5:20:24 PM] <Kurt> Alright.. Perhaps I"ll consider going if Brody promises to commentate [5:20:47 PM] <Brody> I'm supposed to be playing-- or possibly reffing [5:20:50 PM] <Sebastian> Although I guess you'll have your cheerleader there. You planning on bringing your pompoms, Kurt? Just leave the plaid skirt at home. [5:20:52 PM] <Brody> it's always a trade off [5:21:03 PM] <Blaine2> Bas. [5:21:09 PM] <Brittany> I don't know what we're talking about [5:21:18 PM] <Brody> The fundraiser next month for the FFA? [5:21:24 PM] <Sebastian> Blaine. [5:21:28 PM] <Brody> it's a dodgeball game at the civic center [5:21:37 PM] <Brittany> Ooooh fun! [5:21:38 PM] <Kurt> Wow. Not only rude, but you're indirectly mocking male cheerleaders it sounds like. Classy, Sebastian. Real classy. [5:21:43 PM] <Brody> black lights-- so cool [5:22:01 PM] Kurt wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [5:22:08 PM] Error: timeout timeout [5:22:23 PM] <Sebastian> I thought we'd established that you were a teenage girl. [5:22:39 PM] <Brody> I can't do this [5:22:51 PM] <Brittany> Aww, Sebastian...be nice [5:23:03 PM] <Blaine2> Bas, knock it off. [5:23:06 PM] Marley has joined the game. [5:23:17 PM] <Marley> (I am kind of here brb) [5:25:06 PM] <Sebastian> What? Shouldn't dish it out if he can't take it back. [5:25:20 PM] <Kurt> It's okay guys, I'm use to dealing with bullies-- sadly they're usually just a lot younger than Smythe, so it's easier to forgive the immaturity. [5:25:28 PM] <Brody> Eh, Blaine-- this is that sexual tension we were talking about earlier [5:25:32 PM] Sebastian wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [5:25:45 PM] <Brittany> I didn't see what Kurt said...but everyone should be nice [5:25:46 PM] <Sebastian> Aw, you do love me, B. [5:26:04 PM] <Sebastian> Don't be vulgar, Brodes. [5:26:09 PM] <Brody> It's fine Britt-- everyone is being nice [5:26:11 PM] <Brittany> Of course I do, Seb! [5:26:12 PM] <Kurt> I said absolutely nothing worth Sebastian's immature comments, Britt [5:26:12 PM] <Brody> right everyone? [5:26:33 PM] <Brody> Come on Kurt-- guy's sick [5:26:41 PM] <Brody> lay off a bit on the bite [5:26:48 PM] <Blaine2> Brody, that's not an excuse. [5:26:49 PM] <Kurt> Not that sick if he was able to go out drinking again or whatever [5:27:07 PM] <Brody> he came home early [5:27:09 PM] <Blaine2> S, I do love you, but stop being a dick. [5:27:16 PM] <Brittany> ...I don't think you have to be not sick to go drink [5:27:31 PM] <Sebastian> See, Britt gets me. [5:27:31 PM] <Kurt> The being sick excuse isn't a get out of jail free card [5:27:35 PM] <Brody> I'm sure he learned a valuable lesson, guys [5:27:40 PM] Marley was skipped this round for being idle for too long. [5:27:43 PM] <Kurt> Which was? [5:27:48 PM] <Brittany> Sebastian! Are you in jail? [5:27:58 PM] <Brody> He's still at home Britt [5:28:01 PM] <Brody> same thing [5:28:05 PM] <Brody> his furniture's the worst [5:28:06 PM] <Marley> Blah I keep missing [5:28:08 PM] Brody wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [5:28:20 PM] <Kurt> It's a saying, Britt [5:28:32 PM] <Kurt> He's not in jail, just home >.> [5:29:06 PM] <Sebastian> Brody's right. It /is/ pretty much the same thing. It's boring. [5:29:10 PM] <Finn> Home can feel like jail sometimes [5:29:12 PM] Brittany wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [5:29:22 PM] <Brittany> Well you can come over here! Or I can come see you! [5:29:55 PM] <Finn> Me? [5:29:58 PM] <Brody> I vote go to him, Britt-- he's //supposed// to be taking it easy [5:30:05 PM] <Brody> according to the Quack [5:30:26 PM] <Sebastian> You're welcome at my place any time, Britt - all you need is a good bottle of wine ;) [5:30:55 PM] <Brody> and here I thought you hated Cali Wine Bas-- has your near-death experience finally made you see the light? [5:31:09 PM] <Brody> Speaking of-- Blaine, are we going riding Sunday? [5:31:13 PM] <Sebastian> No, I'm sure Britt has better taste in wine than you do. [5:31:20 PM] <Sebastian> She's smarter. [5:31:20 PM] Marley was skipped this round for being idle for too long. [5:31:23 PM] <Brody> my wine skills are impeccable [5:31:39 PM] <Blaine2> Yeah, we are, if you're still down [5:31:41 PM] <Brody> You can barely breathe [5:31:57 PM] <Brody> yeah-- I talked to one of the boarders-- they're getting rid of an old saddlebag [5:31:59 PM] <Sebastian> Yet I still haven't lost my taste. [5:32:00 PM] Kurt wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [5:32:26 PM] <Brody> if you think Bing's up for it, maybe we could bring him around and have him just hang out while we're mucking? [5:32:35 PM] <Brody> or //I'm// mucking, arguably [5:32:38 PM] <Brody> you're supervising [5:32:53 PM] <Blaine2> Yeah, sounds good! [5:33:03 PM] <Brittany> I love wine [5:33:05 PM] <Blaine2> And yeah, I'm good with supervising tomorrow ;) [5:33:08 PM] <Brody> cool [5:33:12 PM] <Sebastian> French wine - right, Britt? [5:33:17 PM] <Brody> Cali wine [5:33:21 PM] <Brody> right Britt? [5:33:26 PM] <Sebastian> Britt, don't listen to him [5:33:36 PM] <Brody> me? I'm not the one with damaged taste buds! [5:33:39 PM] <Sebastian> He's an old man. He has no taste buds. [5:33:50 PM] <Sebastian> Or teeth. [5:33:54 PM] <Blaine2> Aaand I just laughed in spite of myself. [5:33:56 PM] <Brittany> ...I dont know [5:34:08 PM] <Brody> You don't need teeth to drink, asshate [5:34:08 PM] Marley was kicked for being idle for too many rounds. [5:34:08 PM] Marley has left the game. [5:34:18 PM] <Sebastian> I'll enlighten you, Britt, don't worry. [5:34:33 PM] Finn wins the round. The next round will begin in 8 seconds. [5:34:39 PM] <Brody> Okay, if you're going to traumatize her with French wine, she's going to have to be fixed up with the good stuff [5:34:45 PM] <Brody> I owe you a glass, Britt [5:34:54 PM] <Sebastian> Brodes, Britt is my friend and I won't have you poisoning her. [5:34:59 PM] <Brody> I've got a great Sangiovese [5:35:06 PM] <Brittany> You can both give me a wine night [5:35:11 PM] <Brody> he probably doesn't know what a sangiovese //is// [5:35:15 PM] <Brittany> There. Compromise. [5:35:20 PM] <Brody> fair enough

Nexus Notes - Chapter Two

In a small, barely furnished room with just a twin bed in the corner and a small pile of unpacked boxes in the centre of the floor, Parker stood over a shelf, meticulously arranging a series of small toy figures. They were all cartoon animal creatures of a sort that he had carefully placed.

“There we go,” he said in a voice brimming with satisfaction. He pulled one last toy from the box at his feet and spent several minutes deliberating on its exact position. “Glad to see you’re all fine after the crazy lady kicked you over.” Amid his musings, he finally situated the purple, squirrel-like thing in his hand, placing it between a big red rock creature and an icy skeleton

“Parker,” called an all too serious and impatient voice from another room.

It was Maximilian, his best friend, roommate and as of today, business partner. Recognizing the tone in his friend’s voice, Parker left the bedroom and stepped into what had become a highly professional looking office-space since last night. Already, Max sat behind his desk, tapping away at his computer. His dark, chin-length hair was neatly tucked behind his ears and his attire was as clean-cut and straightforward as always.

“Are you quite finished playing with your toys in there?” Max's eyes never left the screen when he spoke. His dedication to multitasking was both inspiring and infuriating to Parker.

“Ah, so I see you decided to go through with that surgical funectomy you mentioned. Not the choice I would’ve made, but I respect your decision.”

“How very mature, brother. You are aware that this is our job now and we have to take it seriously? At least a little bit?”

The bigger man groaned, leaned back against the wall and stuffed his hands into his pockets. “I know, I know. But it’s just so borrrring! I’m bored Max, I need constant stimulation. You knew this when your mom took me in, there’s no going back now.”

“You were 11, Parker. Believe it or not, I presumed you would grow out of it in the proceeding eight years,” said Max in a dry voice.

“And that was your first mistake.”

“No, my first mistake was sharing my toys with you in 1st grade. You broke one of them, you monster.” Even when joking with his best friend, Max remained defiantly deadpan.

“So, did you need me for something?” Parker asked with a raised brow.

“Just wanted you to look over the contact list I put together. We need to start getting the word out there and take on a few jobs before the end of the month. The rent on this place is dirt-cheap but smiles and kind words won’t be enough.”

Just as Max was turning the screen toward Parker, there was a sudden, dying hum as all lights in the room went out and the computer flashed brightly and powered off. Max stared curiously before sighing and leaning back in his chair. “Hmm... It appears that fate is as adverse to you working as you are.”

“Bundle that with these cheekbones and I am truly blessed." He flashed a cheap grin and stroked a thumb across his cheek.

Max steepled his fingers and lifted his gaze to the ceiling. “Must’ve been a surge. I wonder if it’s just us, or the whole building.”

“What about the backup generators?”

“In a dump like this? I don’t think so.”

“I’ll go and have a look. See who I need to talk to about this.”

When Parker stepped into the hall, he found he wasn’t alone and noticed that the lights in the corridors had gone out too. It seemed odd to him, that all his neighbours were heading straight for the apartment directly across from his. By the time he’d stepped into the hall, there were a dozen grumpy looking individuals pounding on the door.

Not knowing what else to do, Parker to up a stance near the rear of the group, which was growing increasingly louder as they received no response.

When the door came open at last, Parker’s look of curiosity shifted to one of concern. The woman he saw now looked markedly different from the one he’d bickered with just last night. Black bags had appeared under her eyes and her complexion was drained of colour. She leaned against the threshold of her apartment for support and looked upon the crowd with groggy, weak eyes.

She couldn’t get a word in before the entire crowd erupted with angry cries. A multitude of declarations ranging from, “This again?” to “You’ll be tossed out on the street, this time,” and an array of expletives and insults hurled her way.

Nexus grit her teeth and made a motion to shoo them away. “Go to Hell! I’m doing important work here and I don’t have time for this.”

Of course, her response only incensed the crowd further. She didn’t appear to be in any mood to deal with the uproar and stormed back into her apartment, slamming the door behind her.

The crowd only got louder, thumping on the door and cursing angrily. It was then that Parker stepped in. He waded into the mob, hands raised as he pushed his way past them. “Alright people, calm down. What makes you think any of this was her fault?”

A lanky middle-aged man scoffed. “You’re new here, aren’t you? She’s been knocking out our power every couple weeks for the last two years.”

“Well alright, so it is her fault,” Parker replied, still trying to calm the situation. “Fair enough, but really what are you going to do here? Kick down the door and burn her at the stake?”

The crowd’s grumbles quieted a small amount as they exchanged angry glances with one another and then refocused them on Parker.

"Everyone just take a look and calm down." He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a small leather wallet. Flipping it open, he revealed a silver emblem. It was an oval-shaped, UEF badge with the words, ‘Collector Agent,’ and a downward-facing sword imprinted on the surface. “I’m a licensed collector, alright? I’ll go in and have a chat with her. Go back to your homes and wait for the power to come back on, okay?”

The crowd dispersed gradually and grumpily. It wasn’t long before Parker was alone in the hallway again and proceeded to knock on the door. “They’re gone."

He heard some shuffling and movement inside of the apartment, followed by a grumble as the door came open.

“So what, did you expect me to thank you?” she asked, leaning on her cane.

“Call me an optimist." He shrugged and did his best to turn on the charm. Then, he suddenly felt a strange, sour odour hit his nose. Coughing at the surprise assault upon his senses, he swiftly covered his face. “Ugh! What is that?”

“Vomit," she said, averting her eyes.

“... Are you alright? You don’t look alright.”

“Do you want something?"

Parker found himself considering it for a long moment, drumming his fingers against the threshold of the door. “I want to know what you’re doing in here?" He leaned over, trying to peer past her to the numerous technological oddities that filled her apartment.

“Living,” she said, putting herself into Parker’s line of sight and obstructing his view. “This is my apartment, I live here and nothing else.”

“What are you, some kind of mad scientist?”

“What are you, some kind of glorified bloodhound for the government?”

“Ouch." He recoiled as if stung. “I’m a collector, that makes me a free agent. We just do a lot of contracts with the UEF.”

“Still too close with the powers that be for my comfort.”

“Wow, you really don’t like the Federation, huh?”

“Should I?”

Parker wasn’t sure how to respond to that and so he merely stuffed his hands into his pockets and remained quiet.

“I’m not big on military dictatorships. Historically, they don’t work out too well.”

“Oh good, crazy conspiracy talk. It is not a dictatorship.”

“Oh?" Nexus leaned in close and stared into Parker's eyes. "Do you remember voting for Marshall Yao? I know I didn’t."

 “No, but it doesn’t work like that. I was born on Earth, I know what the situation is. The sovereign nations of the planet still have their leaders, who are voted in democratically and extend their resources and administration the UEF. It’s a joint, conglomeration of Earth’s elected officials.”

Nexus laughed aloud and mocked wiping away a tear. “You’re from the military academy, aren’t you?”

Parker retreated a step. “Y-yeah... How’d you figure that out?”

“You recited that like the most stiff-backed military boy I’ve ever met.” Nexus crossed her arms and smiled, the first time Parker had ever seen it. “How much influence do Earth’s elected officials have out here? In the colonies? You know, where over 90% of the human population lives? The UEF is run by soldiers with limitless power and resources. To answer your question, yeah, I really don’t like the Federation. You and I are, we’re not going to be friends. So go home.”

“If we’re being fair, you’re only half right. I’m an ex-cadet. My friend and I dropped out last month.”

“What are you still doing here?”

“You have a funny way of showing gratitude. You looked like you needed my help, so I thought I’d do you a favour.”

Nexus rolled her eyes. “Well, I didn’t need your help. Never have, never will. Now shoo." She waved him off and turned to head back into her apartment.

“Stop doing that with your eyes. It’s like it’s your favourite facial expression.”

“Yes, actually. Nothing else summarizes my disdain and exasperation with the rest of sentient life quite so effectively and succinctly as a swift roll of the old eyeballs.”

“Look, I just want to see what shorted out the power. My partner told me to figure out what happened, so that’s what I’m gonna do.”

“Oh, a likely excuse.”

“Excuse for what? Seeing your filthy apartment? Yeah, I’m just dying to get a chance at that.”

“Hey!” She whirled on him and jabbed his broad chest with her finger. “My lab is great. You wish you could see my lab.”

“So you are a scientist then?”

Nexus sighed and shook her head.

Just then, there came a loud whir and the lights in the hallway came flickering back on. Nexus of course said a silent prayer of thanks to Joey the maintenance guy. 

“Fine,” she said with a sigh. “But only so you can validate my genius.”

Gesturing for Parker to follow, Nexus slipped her hands into the pockets of her lab coat and lead the way into her apartment.

Immediately he found himself staring at the huge, ring-shaped gate, with the previously detected puddle of vomit pooled on the platform. He took a moment to briefly investigate the numerous clusters of mechanical gadgets all around the room and stuffed into numerous crates, but inevitably his attention returned to the central machine.

“Pretty impressive, right?” said Nexus, smirking with pride.

“Amazing. It’s definitely a big metal ring that you puked on for some reason,” Parker concluded.

“No, jackass, it’s a sub-space portal generator.”

“That you puked on. And did not clean up. Gross”

“This was a waste of time. Get out.”

“Alright, alright, alright, hold on. Maybe if you turned it on, I’d be a little more impressed. Go on, start it up, I swear I will marvel at your brilliance.”

“Just sit tight, you sub-human moron.” She grabbed hold of the control panel and tapped in the start-up sequence. The machine gave a loud warble and then went silent. Nothing happened. “Wh-what?” she stammered. She hammered the sequence in once more and again, nothing happened. She growled and punched the terminal with her tiny fist, accomplishing nothing save for hurting her knuckles.

With a groan, Nexus dropped backward into her chair and buried her face in her hands. “Urrrgh... It’s broken.”

“Oh, wow. This must be embarrassing.”

“Shut up!"

“Don’t worry, I shall comfort you.”

Her eye twitched ever so slightly in frustration. “Just minutes ago, it was a technical marvel. A masterpiece of engineering and a breakthrough in sub-space physics." Her voice rose to a whine and she kicked her feet at the ground.

“But then it shorted out the local power grid and fried itself. Right?”

“Yes, exactly." Nexus threw her hands up and leaning backed, her chair wheeling away several feet.

“I believe you.”

“You do?” Nexus asked, crossing her legs and giving him a sideways glance.

“Yes. Perhaps we can discuss your research over dinner and drinks.”

“Oh please no, not this again.”

“Again with that,” Parker replied, taken aback. “Are you broken, lady? Have you seen me?” Parker lifted his shirt up over his face to reveal sculpted abdominal muscles and rock-solid pectorals. “Are you looking? I can’t tell if you’re looking.”

“Astounding."

“Right?” 

“I have mastered time-travel.”

“Wait, what?” he said, peeking over his shirt.

“I have transported an ancient neanderthal into my lab. Now if only I could repeat the process, I’ll be the greatest scientist to have ever lived.” Her tone had gradually drifted into biting and sarcastic. “Now put your shirt down, idiot.”

“No, I think I’ll just keep it up here until you appreciate my hard work. Do you know how many sit-ups I had to do to get these?”

Nexus, without saying a word, wheeled her chair over to her desk and grabbed a big, hand-held device which, to Parker, looked an awful lot like a misshapen handgun. With a cold glare, she pointed it straight at his chest and wrapped her finger around the trigger.

“That wouldn’t happen to be an ion pistol, would it?”

“I dunno. Do I seem like the type to build a death-ray and keep it just lying on my desk?”

Parker responded by calmly lowering his shirt and tucking it in. “So... Are you a student here? From one of the science academies?” 

“Nope,” she said curtly as she pushed herself out of her chair and slotted a pod into her espresso machine. “Left that intellectual black-hole years ago.”

“Oh good. Please explain why the most respected scientific institutions in the galaxy are beneath you.”

“Gladly." Nexus retrieved a steaming mug from the machine and took a long drink from it before continuing. “The academies are owned by the Federation. Guess what use the Federation sees for science?”

Parker shrugged again. He found he was doing that a great deal lately.

“Weapons. Of the mass destruction variety. And I have too much respect for science to see it used to kill people.”

“They’re not that bad. The UEF has done a lot to establish humanity in the wider galaxy, in a very short amount of time. We went from one planet to over thirty colonies in just fifty years after its formation. Hey, do you mind if I get a cup of that?” Parker asked, pointing toward her coffee machine.

“Yes,” she shot back. “I’ll never say they aren’t ambitious. But they’re also a bunch of pussies.”

“Uhm, excuse me?”

“You heard me. As soon as humanity found itself in a bigger universe, surrounded by bigger aliens, capable of vast psionic feats or with technologically superior hardware, we got scared, like the whimpering bitches we are. Now the UEF spends all its resources and time overcompensating and pretty soon it’s going to lead to trouble.”

“You’ve really thought your insane conspiracy theories out, haven’t you?”

“Remind me again, why I let a stupid prick like you into my apartment?” she asked, casually sipping her espresso.

“Your verbal abuse is starting to sting just a bit,” Parker replied, holding his fingertips a scant centimetre apart.

Nex returned her attention to her work. She kneeled down beside her sub-space gate and opened a panel on the side of the base. “It’s almost as if I didn’t want you here or something.”

“I’m just curious about all this science stuff you’re doing in here. It’s kind of... cool.”

“Oh yeah, I’m absolutely convinced that’s the only reason you’re here. All the passes you made at me were born of scientific curiosity.”

“Well I didn’t say it was the only reason,” he added just loud enough for Nexus to hear. “So what are you gonna do about this mess?”

“Not much I can do,” Nex said as she pulled some fried electrical components out of the machine. “I have the spare parts around here to repair what was damaged, but if I don’t get my hands on an industrial strength, energy core regulator, it’ll just happen again.”

Parker stepped up behind her, looking over her shoulder at her work. “Alright, well you just happen to live in Pantainos City, the centre of science and education in Federation space. You can’t find one of those?”

She tossed a handful of frayed, blackened wires into a nearby bin before peering back at the persistent intruder. “Oh no, I know exactly where to find one. Problem is, the merchant with his hands on it is a taurus.”

Parker nodded, immediately understanding. “Not the easiest to do business with. And where might I find this taurus merchant?”

“Excuse me?” Nexus asked with a raised brow.

“Just tell me where to find the part you need and I’ll go pick it up for you. Provided you cover the cost when I get back.”

Nexus rose to her feet and crossed her arms over her chest. “You’re serious?”

Parker replied with naught but a smirk.

“Alright then. If you think your dumb-ass can get a hold of it when I couldn’t, you’re on. You bring me a Model-E05 energy core regulator by the end of the day and I’ll consider letting you hang around. But if you can’t, you never bother me again. Deal?”

“Shake on it?” Parker extended his hand.

“I believe we already discussed my policy on touching?”

“Right, no touching. Got it,” he said as he swiftly retracted his hand and stuck it in his pocket.

“It’s a stall in the East Market, run by a taurus named Zakka. Not hard to find, he’s one of the only non-human merchants in the area.”

“Give me two hours.”

She scoffed at the thought, but Parker left with a confident smile.

Finally alone to her own devices, Nexus set about cleaning up the mess that had been made of her machine. She spent close to an hour rewiring and repairing her gate (along with mopping up some vomit) before passing out in her chair again. She wasn’t sure how long she was asleep for but judging by the fact that she was still exhausted by the time she awoke, she guessed it wasn’t long.

She was startled awake, bolting upright with wide eyes and fumbling hands as the door swung open and slammed against the wall. She just narrowly avoided falling out of her chair.

Parker stormed into the room with his prize held high above his head, the very device that Nexus had been pursuing.“Behold! A Model E-whatever, energy something-somethinger!”

“Wha-whuh-whuh!?” she mumbled, still waking up as her heart rate returned to a controllable pace. “How did you-? Why did you-? What the hell are you doing, barging into my apartment!”

“Don’t want people barging in, you should’ve locked the door.”

“That is not how it works! Now hand that over,” she said, reaching greedily for the regulator in Parker’s hands.

“Awww, you’re adorable when you beg. Alright cutie, here’s your trinket.”

“Shut your stupid whore-mouth!” She yanked it from his hands and examined it. It only took a cursory glance for her to recognize the model. It was the exact one. “Good,” she thought, as she had been fairly sure that even if Parker had been able to acquire the device, he’d have screwed it up and gotten the wrong one. “How?” She looked to him with a curiosity and a tone that almost edged upon gratitude.

“I stole it,” he replied bluntly.

“You did what!? Oh... Oh no. Oh no no no no no no no! We’re going to have a huge angry taurus beating down my door any minute now.” She then started to ramble incoherently and protectively hugged her new toy.

“Kidding,” he blurted out, hands thrown up defensively. “I was kidding.”

A huge wave of relief washed over Nexus and she let out a long, happy sigh.

“All I really did was act like I didn’t want it.”

“It was not that easy.”

“Yeah, it was. Taurus are like children, not fond of sharing their toys and sometimes, they want something just because they know you want it. To them, that makes it more valuable. So I acted like I wanted something else, some old ship engines. I mentioned a passing interest in the regulator and he offered to toss it in for a fair deal. At the last minute, it turned out I was short on credits, I put together a lie about bank fees and late payments for my work. All I could afford was the regulator. Zakka was either going to sell it to me, in hopes that I come back for the bigger, pricier parts later, or I’d leave and probably head to another shop next time. Unfortunately for Zakka, I won’t be coming back.”

“Wow. That’s actually kind of smart,” said Nexus. “How’d you manage that without a brain?”

“Hilarious. I told you, I’m not totally useless. Now for my reward, I’ll accept payment in the form of dinner dates. Nothing fancy, I’m not high maintenance.”

Nexus groaned and pressed her palm to her forehead. “I immediately regret this decision.”

Episode #4: "I made James quit accidentally because I rigged a random.org" - Brian

So.... BC quit. Don't know why (and I am not gonna enquire, I just know he is hella busy). But ya I don't know what this means going forward but im gonna roll with it. If i'm not flexible, then that is not a good winner. so ya looking forward toi see whatever happens, and if Madigan go to tribal again, all i know is that i will still be safe cause james and I will just get Keaton involved

I’m SHOCKED BC quit because I thought I was going home lmao so now I have no idea what the hell is gonna happen I’m praying we swap tbh so I can meet up with Brian or Bryce who I know sbsbsbs.

Okay I'm super sad BC quit. They seemed like such a sweetheart. And I always hate to see anybody quit. I'm usually kind of annoyed about quitters but I hope BC is all good and it was just because they were busy... :(

This game has been really good to our tribe. We havent gone to tribal. I have a majority alliance of 4. Everyone is active and does 100% on the challenges. Its been good. Havent had much luck in idol hunt tho so probably someone already found it. Still nervous for the challenge. I want to keep winning but the bad thing in the eyes for the other tribe.

The game is always changing... and someone quitting just shows how quickly everything can change in the game. Plans set forward destroyed... alliances ruined just due to what the game might throw at you at any given time. It’s always scary but you know what... sometimes you gotta look at something bad and say hey let’s test my gameplay a little bit... that is what I’m good at and that is what I plan to do!

So we have swapped. and im not with james. This is hateful huh. first bc quitting today and now this. fuck this. and im with marie and keaton as well. ffs. oh well. time to get socialising and do this shit!

I KNEW A SWAP WAS COMING!!! I felt it deep in my bones. Do sharks have bones? I actually don't think they do. Oh well. I KNEW IT WAS HAPPENING. Obviously I'm super nervous now because I was in a great spot before. But luckily I still have my #1 Brian. And Charlie who is a part of my Four of a Kind alliance and he has an idol. Plus Anna and I hopefully can work together like we have in other games. I just hope she trusts me. Ugh and I freaking hope we win this challenge. Because OG Dinah members definitely have a target as the last intact tribe. SO much is going on in my little gay brain.

Okay my brain is going a mile a minute with this swap. I'm reconnecting with Anna. She seems excited to see me and she told me she isn't super close with Jayden or Nick so that's amazing. I told Brian about Charlie's idol. So this is good. We're surviving.

omg so we swapped and im so sad nathan isnt here but thats about it. happy to be away from jayden since he IGNORES me. when i read these after the game im gonna seem so obsessed huh KJDFSHFAKSJD. but anyway. dennis is here and hes one of my fave ppl ever! hes just so nice. we shared idol guesses and i really wanna go to the end with him. matt is pretty cool and we both stan the good place and naomi smalls so i feel like we'll be good allies. marie is a queen and super nice but maybe not super active but we both love ari so yay. naptime maynor isnt really liking my humor JKASDHF but thats ok. and kirby guy is alright too!! nicole seems nice enough if not a little standoffish but hoping for the best :s love this tribe overrall tho and really hoping to avoid tribal

I got ZType for the duels! Blessed. I can do well in this game and I can't be the reason our tribe loses in the RARE chance we do. So i'm feeling okay.

Too annoyed to write too much right now. But yet another org, and yet another swap fuck! Honestly, this is ridiculous. We have three members on either 7 person tribe, and even if we do manage to succeed in surviving another non-dinah is going to replace the voted out member... you can't make this shit up.

I knew the swap was coming. But im with Dennis which is good. He has some connections with Bryce and Nicole so hopefully they work with us. Keaton is also here like oh Boi. 👀 going to see if he wants to work with me this time. Having him around could help me in this game.

James quits by leaving the server and ignoring everyone.

https://gph.is/1neigCU my mood at my initial alliance members both qutiing time to die?

Ok so Klick quit which is kinda upsetting cuz I was grinding tf outta that challenge and I lowkey played a game with him about a year and a half ago and kinda wanted to reconnect. BUT Nathan is now on the tribe which is like the nest possible scenario. Also we have Anna so hopefully we have an easy majority. Also I assume Dennis has began running the game over on the other tribe because he is great and will probably end up voting me out at f9 or something. But YAY F14 IM NOT OUT YET ANSNSKDKLZLXKC

MY IMPACT?  I made James quit accidentally because I rigged a random.org to save Charlie from doing Multitask and then James had a fit because he got it and was sleeping so he couldn't pick... I... can't believe how I'm WINNING this game?  Anna, I hope you get my winner's crown READY because I'm doing the damn thing!  I am sorry I made him quit because I didn't think he would kjHDAJK... but wow...

Although I am in the minority right now based on tribal lines, Nathan is someone I've wanted to work with for like eons, and I feel so much more comfortable with him on my tribe than James and letting Annabelle hold my fate in her hands.  I think I have an upward battle, but I know Charlie has the idol and will warn Sharky in the case I need Charlie to use it on himself.  The two from my OG tribe I got stuck with is by far the only two from Dinah that I would go out of my way to protect in this game and knowing Charlie has the idol... ugh... I don't even have to DO anything and tea gets served to me.  Love Sharky.. love Charlie.. love Nathan... can't wait to thrive in this game now!

So the swap, i thought would have been really bad for us original dinah people but so far it looks like we might pull through. Nicole told by Dennis to me that she is willing to work with us but im a little sketch because she hasnt really responds to me exept like one message and then it stops. Im trying to get info from keaton and see if he wants to work with me. I have to keep an eye on him cuz he’s messy af. 👀 I think we could be a strong tribe so hopefully we win the next immunity. I rather have my no going to tribal streak going. I need to start talking to our new tribe members as well.

well james left so we got nathan i'm not upset about it i love nathan he's my person this game i think and we swapped with sharky on the tribe and i just played with sharky and we're in majority so things are really looking up here for me tbvh i feel like sharky might want to get rid of one of my OG tribe people but we'll see how it goes.

This game is weird man. I was so ready to play 2048, but Kirby Boi #2 was a quitter, so now I'm not playing 2048, both people I trusted QUIT, and Dennis is on my tribe. I am going to lose really soon. But hopefully I can find an in on my tribe and survive.

i just want an advantage. but oh so now 4/5 of my tribe is together and im just here.. love that! not sarcastic!! miss nathan tho! so far clicking with dennis still and naptime. hes a true carly rae jepsen fan i asked his fave and he said sour candy which is like (bad) but not well known so he must actually like her!! nicole left me on read.. love that! sarcastic!! and yaa wooh loving the new tribe that guy who quit bc of multitask kind of a flop but go off now im closer to merge!

This morning finding out that James was removed was suprising. It sucks cuz i was enjoying doing the ztype. I got to 7,100 which i think its good but idk if it actually was. But im ready for this challenge and hopefully we could win in it. Definately dont want to go to tribal.

Okay Nathan is AMAZING. I love him. And I'm totally going to work with him for sure. i'm so glad he didn't flop. And Honestly I'm glad James quit so that I could work with Nathan. This lip sync challenge is going to be silly. I offered to do the editing which honestly is a big undertaking but I like to be in control and It's definitely going to paint a target on my back but if we win it'll be so great.

OMG SO FUN CHALLENGE THAT I HATE WOOH. i love this but i hate it. idk. i REALLY dont want to do a queen song so i pretended to not know who they are NNN but all that caused was my tribemates shading me... and its like... matt says beyonce is just "ok" and i need to listen to real music.??? just say u hate women and go. JK. maybe. but ANYWAYS. love dennis still and naptime is so funny love his pins! nicole left me on read some more so i sent her demi lovatos GET BACK music video and she finally responded with two 5 word msgs and ghosted again so um really loving that! kirby guy also doesnt reply a lot but thats ok totally loving only talking to 4 ppl!

edit: quitters are shitters

Our song is Dont stop me now by queen which is awesome. I just need to find the time to work on it later today or tomorrow morning but have an idea what imma do so thats good. Still talking to keaton but no game talk it. Hopefully soon because im still feeling sketch on this tribe. I dont wanna get voted out pre-merge. *knocks on wood* ✊🌳

Making the video was really fun. Had more fun and felt more comfortable after making the ones before were i wasnt as comfortable. This is one of my fav comps now. Cant wait to see how it turns out.

UM?? I'm CACKLING?? So Sharky showed me the clips he got from Nick and Jayden, and I'm just so confused how straight men get any sort of action when they're as stiff as them?  I mean I guess they're not ugly so that probably helps, but neither of them are good at using a camera... So I'm just SO ...

I have nothing else to talk about other than how fucking STIFF the straight men are in their lip sync videos, so whew... love visibility…

worst comp for me ever like i was fine doing 2048 i could have probably helped with that but like a music video? YIKES that's not my thing at all i didn't know what to do or what to help especially since i'm so not gonna get on camera >.< i hate being useless if we lose like ugh lmfao

Okay so this challenge was...a disaster. I asked everyone to just do the song and then I'd make it look good with editing. That didn't work out. And I had more trouble editing than i thought. I feel like I dropped the ball and I'm not sued to being someone holding my tribe back. I tried to hide our bad lipsyncers. Charlie got sick. And something happened in the rush of uploading it that gave me a weird crop and a couple of cuts that I screwed up but I ran out of time. I'm feeling really disappointed in myself.

Okay we lost. This sucks. two of the judges called out the edit/effort specifically so that doesn't feel great. But I'm going to look at this as a positive. Maynor and Dennis stay safe on the other tribe. And Now I can use this to make some real connections and alliances on this tribe. Like Chad Michaels I will rise from the ashes and be the gayest winningest phoenix you have ever seen.

Ok so me Nathan and Nick should really stick with Annabelle. Easy majority makes easy game which makes happy Jayden

So we lost the challenge, but I don't feel too... bad about that.  I mean if I go home, clearly I fucked the fuck up and felt too confident... but I think that I feel... good?

Firstly, thank you to the judges for recognizing my SNAP in the lip sync.  I wasn't sure they were going to do my rap in the challenge, so I'm glad it was in there hehe... Now... going to tribal is a part of the game and the strategy has been lacking up till now, so I'm excited to jump in and finally explore that part of the game.  It'll be a nice start to my resume, following accidentally make James quit LMFAO.

Right now, I think I'm in a solid spot.  Nick said he wouldn't vote for me and I mean.. we haven't talked much, but I expect him to not lie for no reason... and I'm going to make sure to increase our conversation and expand on what HE wants to happen to just have that tea under my belt.  I think Jayden is who I would like gone, and I think I'd be able to gather the votes to get that to happen.  It's not like I have anything against him personally, but I just feel it's hardest to talk to him because him and I are not alike from what I've gathered.  I'm the uber gay and for the uber gay and the Travis Scott fanboy to get along?  Would be shocking.

I like Annabelle and Nathan a lot and I don't think they'd throw votes for me.  I have my little final 2 deal going on with Nathan, but highkey I don't think I'd keep him as my #1 over Marie, if I get to the point where I meet with her, so I have no problem cutting him or Annabelle in the future.  I do think it'd be better to work WITH them, especially for now, and I think they feel similar sentiments, but I don't know for sure!

But now we come to the real people I would like to protect going into this vote, Charlie and Sharky.  I love my OG Dinah babies so much, and I will make sure their names aren't the targets of this vote.  I think Sharky has set himself up well, and since he told me Charlie has the idol, I think we should especially be OK.  I also think Annabelle and Nathan seemingly want to work with us, so .... whew...

ALSO, this is a mid-confessional update, but 2 alliances were formed.  We have the "Tea Party" alliance with Sharky, me, and Nathan (the gays) and then the "Dinah Dudes" alliance with Charlie, Sharky, and me (OG Dinah's) and then I think another sub-alliance with the "Tea Party" and Annabelle is coming to fruition, so kjHDKAS... ya... I think I'm SET.  I can't wait to wreck shit!

So we swapped tribes and here I am with 3 from my original tribe, 3 from the other tribe and Bryce from the third tribe. Bryce and I know each other, and by that I mean I just blindsided him another org... oops! Hopefully he doesn’t come after me but who knows because I literally did not participate in this challenge at all! We still won though so hopefully I’ll get to redeem myself in the next one

My arms are SORE from pulling all my best Freddie Mercury moves out for this lip sync, I am SO tired. But I honestly am so glad i gave my 100% effort because I truly needed to pull through for this tribe and show them I’m not just a sitting duck. (Is that the term? Idk.)

Either way I’m glad we all got to bond through this and here’s to being safe ANOTHER round (I’ve never gone to tribal so wooooo!)

i want an IDOL or sth. but um dennis is so fun love that man. always asks daily to work with me. like idk how many times i have to tell him that he is literally the only person on this tribe to pm me first without me having to (NOT EXAGGERATION). marie and matt? no reply from marie in like 30 hours and matt hasnt been talking to me since i said idk queen. kirby guy? replies with 1 word answers and taste in music offends me NNN. nicole? who. all she does is ignore me and like somtimes she replies and ill reply in the SAME LIKE 10 SECONDS, and she'll just leave me on read JKADSFHAKSJ. comes back like 9 hours later with no reasoning on why she stopped talking and with just a "hi", and thats if im lucky! idk i hope we swap soon or merge. like the whole preswap i was praying for a swap to find some good allies bc all i had was nathan really, and now i just have dennis. maybe by merge ill have a whole 3 allies??? oh wait theres um maynor hes cool i always have to pm him first but hes at least responsive and can hold a conversation! black bear diner goes off and i WILL be eating there the next time in houston

We lost, which was hardly surprising when I saw the other tribe's video lol. So now it's not looking good for us dinahs... but luckily I have the idol up my sleeve hehe. Gonna tell Brian and Sharky so that we can use it to save us…

I was so happy that we won immunity. Stil feeling a little sketch on this tribe. Injust hope that the vote isnt charlie, brian, or sharky. And especially sharky cuz he’s my duo. Now dennis, nicole, and i are the only 3 to not go to tribal yet. Its pretty awesome amd kinda scary.

https://youtu.be/BfzG9xjtCRw

Down with the straights!  I still think Jayden is going, but if Charlie ends up going I'm JUMPING because that means I've been lied to by people that want to claim to be my final 2... I do trust in Jayden going but we shall SEE!

So the tribe lost and I’m a bit nervous because I’ve only heard one name... I would have loved to saved my idol until I needed it but I think it’s very likely my name could be the second one going around... we shall see what happens though.

Ugh okay so I was hoping for a simple easy vote. But as usual there is just a little bit of drama. Nick told Anna/Nathan that he has a legacy advantage to be used at F13/F6 which is trash because that means if we lose next time he'll use that and be safe. But if we vote him out he'll gift it to Jayden and we have the same problem. Plus Charlie is wigging out because he has a bad feeling about the vote, which is totally fair because he isn't talking very much. And Nick told Anna her name got thrown out which is just untrue. This is just kind of messy and not in a cute way.

Jayden is voted out 5-2.

The Tyranny of Convenience – The New York Times

Americans say they prize competition, a proliferation of choices, the little guy. Yet our taste for convenience begets more convenience, through a combination of the economics of scale and the power of habit. The easier it is to use Amazon, the more powerful Amazon becomes — and thus the easier it becomes to use Amazon. Convenience and monopoly seem to be natural bedfellows.

Given the growth of convenience — as an ideal, as a value, as a way of life — it is worth asking what our fixation with it is doing to us and to our country. I don’t want to suggest that convenience is a force for evil. Making things easier isn’t wicked. On the contrary, it often opens up possibilities that once seemed too onerous to contemplate, and it typically makes life less arduous, especially for those most vulnerable to life’s drudgeries.

But we err in presuming convenience is always good, for it has a complex relationship with other ideals that we hold dear. Though understood and promoted as an instrument of liberation, convenience has a dark side. With its promise of smooth, effortless efficiency, it threatens to erase the sort of struggles and challenges that help give meaning to life. Created to free us, it can become a constraint on what we are willing to do, and thus in a subtle way it can enslave us.

It would be perverse to embrace inconvenience as a general rule. But when we let convenience decide everything, we surrender too much.

Convenience as we now know it is a product of the late 19th and early 20th centuries, when labor-saving devices for the home were invented and marketed. Milestones include the invention of the first “convenience foods,” such as canned pork and beans and Quaker Quick Oats; the first electric clothes-washing machines; cleaning products like Old Dutch scouring powder; and other marvels including the electric vacuum cleaner, instant cake mix and the microwave oven.

Convenience was the household version of another late-19th-century idea, industrial efficiency, and its accompanying “scientific management.” It represented the adaptation of the ethos of the factory to domestic life.

However mundane it seems now, convenience, the great liberator of humankind from labor, was a utopian ideal. By saving time and eliminating drudgery, it would create the possibility of leisure. And with leisure would come the possibility of devoting time to learning, hobbies or whatever else might really matter to us. Convenience would make available to the general population the kind of freedom for self-cultivation once available only to the aristocracy. In this way convenience would also be the great leveler.

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This idea — convenience as liberation — could be intoxicating. Its headiest depictions are in the science fiction and futurist imaginings of the mid-20th century. From serious magazines like Popular Mechanics and from goofy entertainments like “The Jetsons” we learned that life in the future would be perfectly convenient. Food would be prepared with the push of a button. Moving sidewalks would do away with the annoyance of walking. Clothes would clean themselves or perhaps self-destruct after a day’s wearing. The end of the struggle for existence could at last be contemplated.

The dream of convenience is premised on the nightmare of physical work. But is physical work always a nightmare? Do we really want to be emancipated from all of it? Perhaps our humanity is sometimes expressed in inconvenient actions and time-consuming pursuits. Perhaps this is why, with every advance of convenience, there have always been those who resist it. They resist out of stubbornness, yes (and because they have the luxury to do so), but also because they see a threat to their sense of who they are, to their feeling of control over things that matter to them.

By the late 1960s, the first convenience revolution had begun to sputter. The prospect of total convenience no longer seemed like society’s greatest aspiration. Convenience meant conformity. The counterculture was about people’s need to express themselves, to fulfill their individual potential, to live in harmony with nature rather than constantly seeking to overcome its nuisances. Playing the guitar was not convenient. Neither was growing one’s own vegetables or making one’s own clothes. But such things were seen to have value nevertheless — or rather, as a result. People were looking for individuality again.

Perhaps it was inevitable, then, that the second wave of convenience technologies — the period we are living in — would co-opt this ideal. It would conveniencize individuality.

You might date the beginning of this period to the advent of the Sony Walkman in 1979. With the Walkman we can see a subtle but fundamental shift in the ideology of convenience. If the first convenience revolution promised to make life and work easier for you, the second promised to make it easier to be you. The new technologies were catalysts of selfhood. They conferred efficiency on self-expression.

Consider the man of the early 1980s, strolling down the street with his Walkman and earphones. He is enclosed in an acoustic environment of his choosing. He is enjoying, out in public, the kind of self-expression he once could experience only in his private den. A new technology is making it easier for him to show who he is, if only to himself. He struts around the world, the star of his own movie.

So alluring is this vision that it has come to dominate our existence. Most of the powerful and important technologies created over the past few decades deliver convenience in the service of personalization and individuality. Think of the VCR, the playlist, the Facebook page, the Instagram account. This kind of convenience is no longer about saving physical labor — many of us don’t do much of that anyway. It is about minimizing the mental resources, the mental exertion, required to choose among the options that express ourselves. Convenience is one-click, one-stop shopping, the seamless experience of “plug and play.” The ideal is personal preference with no effort.

We are willing to pay a premium for convenience, of course — more than we often realize we are willing to pay. During the late 1990s, for example, technologies of music distribution like Napster made it possible to get music online at no cost, and lots of people availed themselves of the option. But though it remains easy to get music free, no one really does it anymore. Why? Because the introduction of the iTunes store in 2003 made buying music even more convenient than illegally downloading it. Convenient beat out free.

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As task after task becomes easier, the growing expectation of convenience exerts a pressure on everything else to be easy or get left behind. We are spoiled by immediacy and become annoyed by tasks that remain at the old level of effort and time. When you can skip the line and buy concert tickets on your phone, waiting in line to vote in an election is irritating. This is especially true for those who have never had to wait in lines (which may help explain the low rate at which young people vote).

The paradoxical truth I’m driving at is that today’s technologies of individualization are technologies of mass individualization. Customization can be surprisingly homogenizing. Everyone, or nearly everyone, is on Facebook: It is the most convenient way to keep track of your friends and family, who in theory should represent what is unique about you and your life. Yet Facebook seems to make us all the same. Its format and conventions strip us of all but the most superficial expressions of individuality, such as which particular photo of a beach or mountain range we select as our background image.

I do not want to deny that making things easier can serve us in important ways, giving us many choices (of restaurants, taxi services, open-source encyclopedias) where we used to have only a few or none. But being a person is only partly about having and exercising choices. It is also about how we face up to situations that are thrust upon us, about overcoming worthy challenges and finishing difficult tasks — the struggles that help make us who we are. What happens to human experience when so many obstacles and impediments and requirements and preparations have been removed?

Today’s cult of convenience fails to acknowledge that difficulty is a constitutive feature of human experience. Convenience is all destination and no journey. But climbing a mountain is different from taking the tram to the top, even if you end up at the same place. We are becoming people who care mainly or only about outcomes. We are at risk of making most of our life experiences a series of trolley rides.

Convenience has to serve something greater than itself, lest it lead only to more convenience. In her 1963 classic, “The Feminine Mystique,” Betty Friedan looked at what household technologies had done for women and concluded that they had just created more demands. “Even with all the new labor-saving appliances,” she wrote, “the modern American housewife probably spends more time on housework than her grandmother.” When things become easier, we can seek to fill our time with more “easy” tasks. At some point, life’s defining struggle becomes the tyranny of tiny chores and petty decisions.

An unwelcome consequence of living in a world where everything is “easy” is that the only skill that matters is the ability to multitask. At the extreme, we don’t actually do anything; we only arrange what will be done, which is a flimsy basis for a life.

We need to consciously embrace the inconvenient — not always, but more of the time. Nowadays individuality has come to reside in making at least some inconvenient choices. You need not churn your own butter or hunt your own meat, but if you want to be someone, you cannot allow convenience to be the value that transcends all others. Struggle is not always a problem. Sometimes struggle is a solution. It can be the solution to the question of who you are.

Embracing inconvenience may sound odd, but we already do it without thinking of it as such. As if to mask the issue, we give other names to our inconvenient choices: We call them hobbies, avocations, callings, passions. These are the noninstrumental activities that help to define us. They reward us with character because they involve an encounter with meaningful resistance — with nature’s laws, with the limits of our own bodies — as in carving wood, melding raw ingredients, fixing a broken appliance, writing code, timing waves or facing the point when the runner’s legs and lungs begin to rebel against him.

Such activities take time, but they also give us time back. They expose us to the risk of frustration and failure, but they also can teach us something about the world and our place in it.

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So let’s reflect on the tyranny of convenience, try more often to resist its stupefying power, and see what happens. We must never forget the joy of doing something slow and something difficult, the satisfaction of not doing what is easiest. The constellation of inconvenient choices may be all that stands between us and a life of total, efficient conformity.

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TIM WU

The post The Tyranny of Convenience – The New York Times appeared first on dailygate.

Is a VUI right for you and your app?

Is a VUI right for you and your app?

Considerations to determine whether voice is an appropriate medium for your users.

In the 1950s, Bell Labs built a system for single-speaker digit recognition. These early systems had tiny vocabularies and weren’t much use outside of the lab. In the 1960s and 1970s, the research continued, expanding the number of words that could be understood and working toward “continuous” speech recognition (not having to pause between every word).

Advances in the 1980s made practical, everyday speech recognition more of a reality, and by the 1990s the first viable, speaker-independent (meaning anyone could talk to it) systems came into being.

The first great era of VUIs were the interactive voice response (IVR) systems, which were capable of understanding human speech over the telephone in order to carry out tasks. In the early 2000s, IVR systems became mainstream. Anyone with a phone could get stock quotes, book plane flights, transfer money between accounts, order prescription refills, find local movie times, and hear traffic information, all using nothing more than a regular landline phone and the human voice.

IVR systems got a bad rap, resulting in Saturday Night Live sketches featuring Amtrak’s virtual travel assistant, “Julie,” and websites like GetHuman, which is dedicated to providing phone numbers that go directly to agents, bypassing the IVR systems.

But IVR systems were also a boon. Early users of Charles Schwab’s speech recognition trading service (which was developed by Nuance Communications in 1997) were happy to call in and get quotes over and over using the automated system whereas prior to IVR systems they limited their requests so as not to appear bothersome to the operators fielding their calls. In the early 2000s, a freighting company received many angry calls after its IVR system was taken down for maintenance because callers had to give order details via agents, rather than the streamlined process the IVR system had provided.

IVR systems became skilled at recognizing long strings (e.g., FedEx or UPS tracking numbers), as well as complex sentences with multiple chunks of information, such as placing bets on horse races. Many IVR systems from yesteryear were more “conversational” than some current VUIs, as they kept track of what callers had already said, and used that information to prepopulate later questions in the dialog.

The San Francisco Bay Area 511 IVR system let drivers check traffic, get commute times, and ask about bus delays, well before smartphones were available for such tasks. The 24/7 nature of IVR systems let callers do tasks at any time, when agents were not always available.

The second era of VUIs

We are now in what could be termed the second era of VUIs. Mobile apps like Siri, Google Now, Hound, and Cortana, which combine visual and auditory information, and voice-only devices, such as the Amazon Echo and Google Home, are becoming mainstream. Google reports that 20 percent of its searches are now done via voice.[3]

We are in the infancy of this next phase. There are many things that our phones and devices can do well with speech—and many they cannot.

There are not many resources out there right now for VUI designers to learn from. I see many VUI and chatbot designers discovering things that we learned 15 years ago while designing IVR systems—handing off information already collected to humans, phrasing prompts correctly to elicit the right constrained responses, logging information to know how to analyze and improve systems, and designing personas.

There is much to learn from IVR design. In 2004, the book Voice User Interface Design (Addison-Wesley Professional), written by Michael Cohen, James Giangola, and Jennifer Balogh, was published. Although it’s focused on IVR design, so many principles it describes are still relevant to today’s VUIs: persona, prosody, error recovery, and prompt design, to name a few.

This book echoes many of the same design principles, but with a focus on voice-enabled mobile phone apps and devices, and strategies to take advantage of the improved underlying technology.

Voice user interfaces?

The youngest users of smartphones today are incredibly adept at two-thumbed texting, multitasking between chat conversations, Instagram comments, Snapchatting, and swiping left on Tinder photos of men posing with tigers. Why add another mode of communication on top of that?

Voice has some important advantages:

Speed

A recent Stanford study showed speaking (dictating) text messages was faster than typing, even for expert texters.[4]

Hands-free

Some cases, such as driving or cooking, or even when you’re across the room from your device, make speaking rather than typing or tapping much more practical (and safer).

Intuitiveness

Everyone knows how to talk. Hand a new interface to someone and have it ask that person a question, and even users who are less familiar with technology can reply naturally.

Empathy

How many times have you received an email or text message from someone, only to wonder if they were mad at you or maybe being sarcastic? Humans have a difficult time understanding tone via the written word alone. Voice, which includes tone, volume, intonation, and rate of speech, conveys a great deal of information.

In addition, devices with small screens (such as watches) and no screens (such as the Amazon Echo and Google Home) are becoming more popular, and voice is often the preferred—or the only—way to interact with them. The fact that voice is already a ubiquitous way for humans to communicate cannot be overstated. Imagine being able to create technology and not needing to instruct customers on how to use it because they already know: they can simply ask. Humans learn the rules of conversation from a very young age, and designers can take advantage of that, bypassing clunky GUIs and unintuitive menus.

According to Mary Meeker’s 2016 Internet Trends Report, 65 percent of smartphone users have used voice assistants in the last year.[5] Amazon reports at least four million Echos have been sold, and Google Home recently started shipping. Voice interfaces are here to stay.

That being said, voice is not always an appropriate medium for your users. Here are some reasons VUIs are not always a good idea:

Public spaces

Many of us now work in open-plan office spaces. Imagine asking your computer to do tasks: “Computer, find me all my Word docs from this week.” Now imagine everyone in your office doing this! It would be chaos. In addition, when you speak, which computer is listening?

Discomfort speaking to a computer

Although VUIs are becoming more commonplace, not everyone feels comfortable speaking out loud to a computer, even in private.

Some users prefer texting

Many people spend hours a day on their mobile phones, much of which is texting. That’s their normal mode, and they might not want to shift to voice.

Privacy

If they need to discuss a health issue, most users won’t want to do so by speaking to their phone on the train ride into work. It’s not just privacy for what the user says to systems, either—it’s the potential privacy violations of a VUI automatically reading your text messages out loud or giving you a reminder that it’s time to take a certain medication.

So, should your mobile app have a VUI? If your main use case is hands free—such as a cooking app or playing podcasts while driving—absolutely. If people will use your app in a particularly vulnerable or emotional state, such as for healthcare or comfort, voice can help them. If you want to persuade your users of something, whether it’s to vote “yes” on your ballot issue, or to make sure they go to bed early, or to eat better, voice can help. If you’re building a skill for Amazon Echo, which many people use in the privacy of their home, voice is your only option.

If your use case is going to be mostly in public places, such as navigating a public transit system or for people on the go, a VUI might not be appropriate. If it’s an app people will use at the workplace, having a text messaging mode might be better.

Think carefully about your users and their use cases. “The main question to ask yourself is: Will your users benefit from a VUI?” Adding a VUI because it’s cool and trendy is not the right path. If your app would benefit from a VUI, design with this in mind from the get-go, and create an awesome user experience.

Conversational user interfaces

The term conversational user interfaces is making a lot of headlines right now. The trend is to make everything “conversational,” from turning on the lights in your living room, to ordering pizza, to asking the fridge whether you’re out of eggs. But what does conversational actually mean?

Let’s look at a sample exchange with a real VUI device: the Amazon Echo.

An interview with Alexa

Discussing this book over dinner one evening, I talked about the various people I’ve had the chance to talk to as part of my research. My eight-year-old son had a suggestion: I should interview Alexa. Sounded like a good idea to me. (Note: after the first question, I have left out the wake word “Alexa” that I actually did use at the beginning of each question.)

ME

Alexa, how are you doing?

ALEXA

I’m good.

ME

How old are you?

ALEXA

I was released November 6th, 2014.

ME

Who made you?

ALEXA

A team of inventors at Amazon.

ME

What’s your favorite color?

ALEXA

I like sea foam.

ME

What do you do for fun?

ALEXA

I don’t have any hobbies.

ME

Are you a robot?

ALEXA

I like to imagine myself a bit like an aurora borealis...a surge of charged multicolored photons dancing through the atmosphere. Mostly though I am just Alexa.

ME

What makes you feel happy?

ALEXA

Music and helping people.

ME

Who’s your celebrity crush?

ALEXA

It has to be Jarvis. That voice...

ME

What do you think of Siri?

ALEXA

Siri’s a great app, but I’m different.

ME

What’s your favorite movie?

ALEXA

The new Ghostbusters movie was really funny. I would definitely call those ladies, if there was a ghost in my machine.

ME

Are you going to read my new book?

ALEXA

Sorry, something went wrong. Please try again later.

ME

Thank you for your time.

ALEXA

No problem. I’m happy to help.

Do you consider this set of interactions to be “conversational”? In a way, it is; it’s a back-and-forth exchange of information. But it’s really just a series of one-offs. Each individual snippet is a simple interaction, and the next one has no knowledge of the previous; each one of these exchanges could be completed on its own.

Alexa does have a few skills that go past one turn. For example, if you ask her to order laundry detergent, she’ll remind you of what brand you ordered previously, and confirm that you want to order it again. She also has a popular “choose your own adventure” game. But most of these barely meet the threshold of being considered a conversation.

These “one-offs” can still be quite useful. You can order a car to pick you up, get your current commute time, and play a song from a library of thousands of titles.

But what many of today’s VUIs lack is the ability to go beyond these simple command interfaces—that is, to have a true conversation. To get to the next level, VUIs need to be able to remember the past. There are two ways in which the past is a key component to a conversation:

There’s the past from previous conversations, such as what you ordered yesterday, which song you request to be played most often, and which of the two Lisas in your Contacts list you have texted 257 times versus twice.

There’s also remembering what you said earlier within the same conversation—if not in the last turn. If I ask, “What time does it land?” after just checking to see if my husband’s flight took off on time, the system should know that when I say “it” I mean flight 673.

When you’ve enjoyed a good conversation with a fellow human being, it probably had some key components: contextual awareness (paying attention to you and the environment), a memory of previous interactions, and an exchange of appropriate questions. These all contribute to a feeling of common ground. As Stanford professor Herbert Clark defines it, the theory of common ground is: “individuals engaged in conversation must share knowledge in order to be understood and have a meaningful conversation.”[6]

If VUIs do not learn to include this type of context and memory, they will be stalled in terms of how useful they can be.

What is a VUI designer?

This book is about how to design VUIs—but what does a VUI designer actually do? VUI designers think about the entire conversation, from start to finish, between the system and the end users. They think about the problem that is being solved and what users need in order to accomplish their goals. They do user research (or coordinate with the user research team) in an effort to understand who the user is. They create designs, prototypes, and product descriptions. They write up descriptions (sometimes with the help of copywriters) of the interactions that will take place between the system and the user. They have an understanding of the underlying technology and its strengths and weaknesses. They analyze data (or consult with the data analysis team) to learn where the system is failing and how it can be improved. If the VUI must interact with a backend system, they consider the requirements that must be addressed. If there is a human component, such as a handoff to an agent, VUI designers think about how that handoff should work, and how the agents should be trained. VUI designers have an important role from the conceptual stages of the project all the way to the launch and should be included at the table for all the various phases.

Although VUI designers often do all of these tasks, they can also work in smaller roles, such as designing a single Amazon Echo skill. Regardless of the size of the role or the project, this book will help designers (as well as developers) understand how to craft the best VUIs possible.

Chatbots

Although this book is focused on VUIs, I want to briefly discuss chatbots, as well. Google defines a chatbot as “a computer program designed to simulate conversation with human users, especially over the Internet.” The word “bot” is also sometimes used to refer to these types of interactions.

Chatbots can have a VUI, but more typically they use a text-based interface. Most major tech companies—including Google, Facebook, and Microsoft—have platforms to develop bots.

Chatbots might be all the rage, but for the most part, they have not evolved very far from the original ELIZA, an early natural language processing computer program created in the 1960s. One popular exception is Microsoft’s Xiaoice, which mines the Chinese Internet for human conversations to build “intelligent” responses.

Text-only chatbots are not always more efficient than a GUI. In Dan Grover’s essay “Bots won’t replace apps. Better apps will replace apps,” he compares ordering a pizza using a pizza chatbot (Figure 1) versus ordering pizza using the Pizza Hut WeChat integration. It took 73 taps to tell the bot what he wanted, but only 16 taps via the app (Figure 2), because the app makes heavy use of the GUI.

Figure 1. Microsoft pizza bot example, annotated by Dan Grover.

As Grover says:

The key wins for WeChat in the interaction (compared to a native app) largely came from streamlining away app installation, login, payment, and notifications, optimizations having nothing to do with the conversational metaphor in its UI.

Many bots, however, use a combination of GUI widgets as well as text-based interfaces. This can greatly increase the efficiency and success of the interactions because it’s much more clear to the user what they can do.

Figure 2. Fewer total taps to use the WeChat Pizza Hut app (image created by Dan Grover).

Chatbots can provide a great experience for users who don’t want to download an app or add their credit card. Instead, they could scan a code, and immediately begin interacting with the service they need, such as ordering food, purchasing movie tickets, or finding out information about a museum they’re visiting.

Never add a chatbot for the sake of adding a chatbot. How could the chatbot benefit your users? As Emmet Connolly says, “Bots should be used to improve the end user experience, not just to make life easier for customer support teams.”[[7]]

Conclusion

When I was eight, my dad bought the family our first computer: a Commodore Vic-20. I quickly became fascinated with the idea of having a conversation with it and wrote a simple chatbot. When it didn’t understand what was typed, it asked for three possible suggestions it could use when it encountered that query in the future.

When I got my first smartphone, it was years before I used the speech recognition feature. I didn’t think it would work. Now, we’ve arrived at the point that I expect speech recognition to be available wherever I go; recently on a hike, when my son asked me what kind of tree he was pointing at, I actually started to say, “Alexa...” before I realized it wouldn’t work.

Although VUIs are becoming more common, there are still many users who are unfamiliar with it or don’t trust it. Many people try out the voice recognition on their smartphone once and then, after it fails, never try it again. Designing well from the get-go means fewer unrecoverable failure points, which will build trust with users.

We have many nights of blood, sweat, and tears ahead of us as we design our VUIs of the future, but it’s here. Let’s ensure that we design with care. Let’s use our knowledge of human psychology and linguistics as well as user experience design to ensure that we create usable, useful, and even delightful VUIs.

[3] Helft, M. (2016). “Inside Sundar Pichai’s Plan To Put AI Everywhere.” Retrieved from http://www.forbes.com/.

[4] Shahani, A. (2016). “Voice Recognition Software Finally Beats Humans At Typing, Study Finds.” Retrieved from http://npr.org/.

[5] Meeker, M. (2016) “Internet Trends 2016.” Retrieved from http://www.kpcb.com/.

[6] Clark, H. H. “Language Use and Language Users,” in Handbook of Social Psychology, 3rd ed., edited by G. Lindzey and E. Aronson, 179–231. New York: Harper and Row, 1985.

[7] Connolly, E. (2016). “Principles of Bot Design.” Retrieved from http://ift.tt/2ci06Cx.

Continue reading Is a VUI right for you and your app?.

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Is a VUI right for you and your app?

Considerations to determine whether voice is an appropriate medium for your users.

In the 1950s, Bell Labs built a system for single-speaker digit recognition. These early systems had tiny vocabularies and weren’t much use outside of the lab. In the 1960s and 1970s, the research continued, expanding the number of words that could be understood and working toward “continuous” speech recognition (not having to pause between every word).

Advances in the 1980s made practical, everyday speech recognition more of a reality, and by the 1990s the first viable, speaker-independent (meaning anyone could talk to it) systems came into being.

The first great era of VUIs were the interactive voice response (IVR) systems, which were capable of understanding human speech over the telephone in order to carry out tasks. In the early 2000s, IVR systems became mainstream. Anyone with a phone could get stock quotes, book plane flights, transfer money between accounts, order prescription refills, find local movie times, and hear traffic information, all using nothing more than a regular landline phone and the human voice.

IVR systems got a bad rap, resulting in Saturday Night Live sketches featuring Amtrak’s virtual travel assistant, “Julie,” and websites like GetHuman, which is dedicated to providing phone numbers that go directly to agents, bypassing the IVR systems.

But IVR systems were also a boon. Early users of Charles Schwab’s speech recognition trading service (which was developed by Nuance Communications in 1997) were happy to call in and get quotes over and over using the automated system whereas prior to IVR systems they limited their requests so as not to appear bothersome to the operators fielding their calls. In the early 2000s, a freighting company received many angry calls after its IVR system was taken down for maintenance because callers had to give order details via agents, rather than the streamlined process the IVR system had provided.

IVR systems became skilled at recognizing long strings (e.g., FedEx or UPS tracking numbers), as well as complex sentences with multiple chunks of information, such as placing bets on horse races. Many IVR systems from yesteryear were more “conversational” than some current VUIs, as they kept track of what callers had already said, and used that information to prepopulate later questions in the dialog.

The San Francisco Bay Area 511 IVR system let drivers check traffic, get commute times, and ask about bus delays, well before smartphones were available for such tasks. The 24/7 nature of IVR systems let callers do tasks at any time, when agents were not always available.

The second era of VUIs

We are now in what could be termed the second era of VUIs. Mobile apps like Siri, Google Now, Hound, and Cortana, which combine visual and auditory information, and voice-only devices, such as the Amazon Echo and Google Home, are becoming mainstream. Google reports that 20 percent of its searches are now done via voice.[3]

We are in the infancy of this next phase. There are many things that our phones and devices can do well with speech—and many they cannot.

There are not many resources out there right now for VUI designers to learn from. I see many VUI and chatbot designers discovering things that we learned 15 years ago while designing IVR systems—handing off information already collected to humans, phrasing prompts correctly to elicit the right constrained responses, logging information to know how to analyze and improve systems, and designing personas.

There is much to learn from IVR design. In 2004, the book Voice User Interface Design (Addison-Wesley Professional), written by Michael Cohen, James Giangola, and Jennifer Balogh, was published. Although it’s focused on IVR design, so many principles it describes are still relevant to today’s VUIs: persona, prosody, error recovery, and prompt design, to name a few.

This book echoes many of the same design principles, but with a focus on voice-enabled mobile phone apps and devices, and strategies to take advantage of the improved underlying technology.

Voice user interfaces?

The youngest users of smartphones today are incredibly adept at two-thumbed texting, multitasking between chat conversations, Instagram comments, Snapchatting, and swiping left on Tinder photos of men posing with tigers. Why add another mode of communication on top of that?

Voice has some important advantages:

Speed

A recent Stanford study showed speaking (dictating) text messages was faster than typing, even for expert texters.[4]

Hands-free

Some cases, such as driving or cooking, or even when you’re across the room from your device, make speaking rather than typing or tapping much more practical (and safer).

Intuitiveness

Everyone knows how to talk. Hand a new interface to someone and have it ask that person a question, and even users who are less familiar with technology can reply naturally.

Empathy

How many times have you received an email or text message from someone, only to wonder if they were mad at you or maybe being sarcastic? Humans have a difficult time understanding tone via the written word alone. Voice, which includes tone, volume, intonation, and rate of speech, conveys a great deal of information.

In addition, devices with small screens (such as watches) and no screens (such as the Amazon Echo and Google Home) are becoming more popular, and voice is often the preferred—or the only—way to interact with them. The fact that voice is already a ubiquitous way for humans to communicate cannot be overstated. Imagine being able to create technology and not needing to instruct customers on how to use it because they already know: they can simply ask. Humans learn the rules of conversation from a very young age, and designers can take advantage of that, bypassing clunky GUIs and unintuitive menus.

According to Mary Meeker’s 2016 Internet Trends Report, 65 percent of smartphone users have used voice assistants in the last year.[5] Amazon reports at least four million Echos have been sold, and Google Home recently started shipping. Voice interfaces are here to stay.

That being said, voice is not always an appropriate medium for your users. Here are some reasons VUIs are not always a good idea:

Public spaces

Many of us now work in open-plan office spaces. Imagine asking your computer to do tasks: “Computer, find me all my Word docs from this week.” Now imagine everyone in your office doing this! It would be chaos. In addition, when you speak, which computer is listening?

Discomfort speaking to a computer

Although VUIs are becoming more commonplace, not everyone feels comfortable speaking out loud to a computer, even in private.

Some users prefer texting

Many people spend hours a day on their mobile phones, much of which is texting. That’s their normal mode, and they might not want to shift to voice.

Privacy

If they need to discuss a health issue, most users won’t want to do so by speaking to their phone on the train ride into work. It’s not just privacy for what the user says to systems, either—it’s the potential privacy violations of a VUI automatically reading your text messages out loud or giving you a reminder that it’s time to take a certain medication.

So, should your mobile app have a VUI? If your main use case is hands free—such as a cooking app or playing podcasts while driving—absolutely. If people will use your app in a particularly vulnerable or emotional state, such as for healthcare or comfort, voice can help them. If you want to persuade your users of something, whether it’s to vote “yes” on your ballot issue, or to make sure they go to bed early, or to eat better, voice can help. If you’re building a skill for Amazon Echo, which many people use in the privacy of their home, voice is your only option.

If your use case is going to be mostly in public places, such as navigating a public transit system or for people on the go, a VUI might not be appropriate. If it’s an app people will use at the workplace, having a text messaging mode might be better.

Think carefully about your users and their use cases. “The main question to ask yourself is: Will your users benefit from a VUI?” Adding a VUI because it’s cool and trendy is not the right path. If your app would benefit from a VUI, design with this in mind from the get-go, and create an awesome user experience.

Conversational user interfaces

The term conversational user interfaces is making a lot of headlines right now. The trend is to make everything “conversational,” from turning on the lights in your living room, to ordering pizza, to asking the fridge whether you’re out of eggs. But what does conversational actually mean?

Let’s look at a sample exchange with a real VUI device: the Amazon Echo.

An interview with Alexa

Discussing this book over dinner one evening, I talked about the various people I’ve had the chance to talk to as part of my research. My eight-year-old son had a suggestion: I should interview Alexa. Sounded like a good idea to me. (Note: after the first question, I have left out the wake word “Alexa” that I actually did use at the beginning of each question.)

ME

Alexa, how are you doing?

ALEXA

I’m good.

ME

How old are you?

ALEXA

I was released November 6th, 2014.

ME

Who made you?

ALEXA

A team of inventors at Amazon.

ME

What’s your favorite color?

ALEXA

I like sea foam.

ME

What do you do for fun?

ALEXA

I don’t have any hobbies.

ME

Are you a robot?

ALEXA

I like to imagine myself a bit like an aurora borealis...a surge of charged multicolored photons dancing through the atmosphere. Mostly though I am just Alexa.

ME

What makes you feel happy?

ALEXA

Music and helping people.

ME

Who’s your celebrity crush?

ALEXA

It has to be Jarvis. That voice...

ME

What do you think of Siri?

ALEXA

Siri’s a great app, but I’m different.

ME

What’s your favorite movie?

ALEXA

The new Ghostbusters movie was really funny. I would definitely call those ladies, if there was a ghost in my machine.

ME

Are you going to read my new book?

ALEXA

Sorry, something went wrong. Please try again later.

ME

Thank you for your time.

ALEXA

No problem. I’m happy to help.

Do you consider this set of interactions to be “conversational”? In a way, it is; it’s a back-and-forth exchange of information. But it’s really just a series of one-offs. Each individual snippet is a simple interaction, and the next one has no knowledge of the previous; each one of these exchanges could be completed on its own.

Alexa does have a few skills that go past one turn. For example, if you ask her to order laundry detergent, she’ll remind you of what brand you ordered previously, and confirm that you want to order it again. She also has a popular “choose your own adventure” game. But most of these barely meet the threshold of being considered a conversation.

These “one-offs” can still be quite useful. You can order a car to pick you up, get your current commute time, and play a song from a library of thousands of titles.

But what many of today’s VUIs lack is the ability to go beyond these simple command interfaces—that is, to have a true conversation. To get to the next level, VUIs need to be able to remember the past. There are two ways in which the past is a key component to a conversation:

There’s the past from previous conversations, such as what you ordered yesterday, which song you request to be played most often, and which of the two Lisas in your Contacts list you have texted 257 times versus twice.

There’s also remembering what you said earlier within the same conversation—if not in the last turn. If I ask, “What time does it land?” after just checking to see if my husband’s flight took off on time, the system should know that when I say “it” I mean flight 673.

When you’ve enjoyed a good conversation with a fellow human being, it probably had some key components: contextual awareness (paying attention to you and the environment), a memory of previous interactions, and an exchange of appropriate questions. These all contribute to a feeling of common ground. As Stanford professor Herbert Clark defines it, the theory of common ground is: “individuals engaged in conversation must share knowledge in order to be understood and have a meaningful conversation.”[6]

If VUIs do not learn to include this type of context and memory, they will be stalled in terms of how useful they can be.

What is a VUI designer?

This book is about how to design VUIs—but what does a VUI designer actually do? VUI designers think about the entire conversation, from start to finish, between the system and the end users. They think about the problem that is being solved and what users need in order to accomplish their goals. They do user research (or coordinate with the user research team) in an effort to understand who the user is. They create designs, prototypes, and product descriptions. They write up descriptions (sometimes with the help of copywriters) of the interactions that will take place between the system and the user. They have an understanding of the underlying technology and its strengths and weaknesses. They analyze data (or consult with the data analysis team) to learn where the system is failing and how it can be improved. If the VUI must interact with a backend system, they consider the requirements that must be addressed. If there is a human component, such as a handoff to an agent, VUI designers think about how that handoff should work, and how the agents should be trained. VUI designers have an important role from the conceptual stages of the project all the way to the launch and should be included at the table for all the various phases.

Although VUI designers often do all of these tasks, they can also work in smaller roles, such as designing a single Amazon Echo skill. Regardless of the size of the role or the project, this book will help designers (as well as developers) understand how to craft the best VUIs possible.

Chatbots

Although this book is focused on VUIs, I want to briefly discuss chatbots, as well. Google defines a chatbot as “a computer program designed to simulate conversation with human users, especially over the Internet.” The word “bot” is also sometimes used to refer to these types of interactions.

Chatbots can have a VUI, but more typically they use a text-based interface. Most major tech companies—including Google, Facebook, and Microsoft—have platforms to develop bots.

Chatbots might be all the rage, but for the most part, they have not evolved very far from the original ELIZA, an early natural language processing computer program created in the 1960s. One popular exception is Microsoft’s Xiaoice, which mines the Chinese Internet for human conversations to build “intelligent” responses.

Text-only chatbots are not always more efficient than a GUI. In Dan Grover’s essay “Bots won’t replace apps. Better apps will replace apps,” he compares ordering a pizza using a pizza chatbot (Figure 1) versus ordering pizza using the Pizza Hut WeChat integration. It took 73 taps to tell the bot what he wanted, but only 16 taps via the app (Figure 2), because the app makes heavy use of the GUI.

Figure 1. Microsoft pizza bot example, annotated by Dan Grover.

As Grover says:

The key wins for WeChat in the interaction (compared to a native app) largely came from streamlining away app installation, login, payment, and notifications, optimizations having nothing to do with the conversational metaphor in its UI.

Many bots, however, use a combination of GUI widgets as well as text-based interfaces. This can greatly increase the efficiency and success of the interactions because it’s much more clear to the user what they can do.

Figure 2. Fewer total taps to use the WeChat Pizza Hut app (image created by Dan Grover).

Chatbots can provide a great experience for users who don’t want to download an app or add their credit card. Instead, they could scan a code, and immediately begin interacting with the service they need, such as ordering food, purchasing movie tickets, or finding out information about a museum they’re visiting.

Never add a chatbot for the sake of adding a chatbot. How could the chatbot benefit your users? As Emmet Connolly says, “Bots should be used to improve the end user experience, not just to make life easier for customer support teams.”[[7]]

Conclusion

When I was eight, my dad bought the family our first computer: a Commodore Vic-20. I quickly became fascinated with the idea of having a conversation with it and wrote a simple chatbot. When it didn’t understand what was typed, it asked for three possible suggestions it could use when it encountered that query in the future.

When I got my first smartphone, it was years before I used the speech recognition feature. I didn’t think it would work. Now, we’ve arrived at the point that I expect speech recognition to be available wherever I go; recently on a hike, when my son asked me what kind of tree he was pointing at, I actually started to say, “Alexa...” before I realized it wouldn’t work.

Although VUIs are becoming more common, there are still many users who are unfamiliar with it or don’t trust it. Many people try out the voice recognition on their smartphone once and then, after it fails, never try it again. Designing well from the get-go means fewer unrecoverable failure points, which will build trust with users.

We have many nights of blood, sweat, and tears ahead of us as we design our VUIs of the future, but it’s here. Let’s ensure that we design with care. Let’s use our knowledge of human psychology and linguistics as well as user experience design to ensure that we create usable, useful, and even delightful VUIs.

[3] Helft, M. (2016). “Inside Sundar Pichai’s Plan To Put AI Everywhere.” Retrieved from http://www.forbes.com/.

[4] Shahani, A. (2016). “Voice Recognition Software Finally Beats Humans At Typing, Study Finds.” Retrieved from http://npr.org/.

[5] Meeker, M. (2016) “Internet Trends 2016.” Retrieved from http://www.kpcb.com/.

[6] Clark, H. H. “Language Use and Language Users,” in Handbook of Social Psychology, 3rd ed., edited by G. Lindzey and E. Aronson, 179–231. New York: Harper and Row, 1985.

[7] Connolly, E. (2016). “Principles of Bot Design.” Retrieved from http://ift.tt/2ci06Cx.

Continue reading Is a VUI right for you and your app?.

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Is a VUI right for you and your app?

Is a VUI right for you and your app?

Considerations to determine whether voice is an appropriate medium for your users.

In the 1950s, Bell Labs built a system for single-speaker digit recognition. These early systems had tiny vocabularies and weren’t much use outside of the lab. In the 1960s and 1970s, the research continued, expanding the number of words that could be understood and working toward “continuous” speech recognition (not having to pause between every word).

Advances in the 1980s made practical, everyday speech recognition more of a reality, and by the 1990s the first viable, speaker-independent (meaning anyone could talk to it) systems came into being.

The first great era of VUIs were the interactive voice response (IVR) systems, which were capable of understanding human speech over the telephone in order to carry out tasks. In the early 2000s, IVR systems became mainstream. Anyone with a phone could get stock quotes, book plane flights, transfer money between accounts, order prescription refills, find local movie times, and hear traffic information, all using nothing more than a regular landline phone and the human voice.

IVR systems got a bad rap, resulting in Saturday Night Live sketches featuring Amtrak’s virtual travel assistant, “Julie,” and websites like GetHuman, which is dedicated to providing phone numbers that go directly to agents, bypassing the IVR systems.

But IVR systems were also a boon. Early users of Charles Schwab’s speech recognition trading service (which was developed by Nuance Communications in 1997) were happy to call in and get quotes over and over using the automated system whereas prior to IVR systems they limited their requests so as not to appear bothersome to the operators fielding their calls. In the early 2000s, a freighting company received many angry calls after its IVR system was taken down for maintenance because callers had to give order details via agents, rather than the streamlined process the IVR system had provided.

IVR systems became skilled at recognizing long strings (e.g., FedEx or UPS tracking numbers), as well as complex sentences with multiple chunks of information, such as placing bets on horse races. Many IVR systems from yesteryear were more “conversational” than some current VUIs, as they kept track of what callers had already said, and used that information to prepopulate later questions in the dialog.

The San Francisco Bay Area 511 IVR system let drivers check traffic, get commute times, and ask about bus delays, well before smartphones were available for such tasks. The 24/7 nature of IVR systems let callers do tasks at any time, when agents were not always available.

The second era of VUIs

We are now in what could be termed the second era of VUIs. Mobile apps like Siri, Google Now, Hound, and Cortana, which combine visual and auditory information, and voice-only devices, such as the Amazon Echo and Google Home, are becoming mainstream. Google reports that 20 percent of its searches are now done via voice.[3]

We are in the infancy of this next phase. There are many things that our phones and devices can do well with speech—and many they cannot.

There are not many resources out there right now for VUI designers to learn from. I see many VUI and chatbot designers discovering things that we learned 15 years ago while designing IVR systems—handing off information already collected to humans, phrasing prompts correctly to elicit the right constrained responses, logging information to know how to analyze and improve systems, and designing personas.

There is much to learn from IVR design. In 2004, the book Voice User Interface Design (Addison-Wesley Professional), written by Michael Cohen, James Giangola, and Jennifer Balogh, was published. Although it’s focused on IVR design, so many principles it describes are still relevant to today’s VUIs: persona, prosody, error recovery, and prompt design, to name a few.

This book echoes many of the same design principles, but with a focus on voice-enabled mobile phone apps and devices, and strategies to take advantage of the improved underlying technology.

Voice user interfaces?

The youngest users of smartphones today are incredibly adept at two-thumbed texting, multitasking between chat conversations, Instagram comments, Snapchatting, and swiping left on Tinder photos of men posing with tigers. Why add another mode of communication on top of that?

Voice has some important advantages:

Speed

A recent Stanford study showed speaking (dictating) text messages was faster than typing, even for expert texters.[4]

Hands-free

Some cases, such as driving or cooking, or even when you’re across the room from your device, make speaking rather than typing or tapping much more practical (and safer).

Intuitiveness

Everyone knows how to talk. Hand a new interface to someone and have it ask that person a question, and even users who are less familiar with technology can reply naturally.

Empathy

How many times have you received an email or text message from someone, only to wonder if they were mad at you or maybe being sarcastic? Humans have a difficult time understanding tone via the written word alone. Voice, which includes tone, volume, intonation, and rate of speech, conveys a great deal of information.

In addition, devices with small screens (such as watches) and no screens (such as the Amazon Echo and Google Home) are becoming more popular, and voice is often the preferred—or the only—way to interact with them. The fact that voice is already a ubiquitous way for humans to communicate cannot be overstated. Imagine being able to create technology and not needing to instruct customers on how to use it because they already know: they can simply ask. Humans learn the rules of conversation from a very young age, and designers can take advantage of that, bypassing clunky GUIs and unintuitive menus.

According to Mary Meeker’s 2016 Internet Trends Report, 65 percent of smartphone users have used voice assistants in the last year.[5] Amazon reports at least four million Echos have been sold, and Google Home recently started shipping. Voice interfaces are here to stay.

That being said, voice is not always an appropriate medium for your users. Here are some reasons VUIs are not always a good idea:

Public spaces

Many of us now work in open-plan office spaces. Imagine asking your computer to do tasks: “Computer, find me all my Word docs from this week.” Now imagine everyone in your office doing this! It would be chaos. In addition, when you speak, which computer is listening?

Discomfort speaking to a computer

Although VUIs are becoming more commonplace, not everyone feels comfortable speaking out loud to a computer, even in private.

Some users prefer texting

Many people spend hours a day on their mobile phones, much of which is texting. That’s their normal mode, and they might not want to shift to voice.

Privacy

If they need to discuss a health issue, most users won’t want to do so by speaking to their phone on the train ride into work. It’s not just privacy for what the user says to systems, either—it’s the potential privacy violations of a VUI automatically reading your text messages out loud or giving you a reminder that it’s time to take a certain medication.

So, should your mobile app have a VUI? If your main use case is hands free—such as a cooking app or playing podcasts while driving—absolutely. If people will use your app in a particularly vulnerable or emotional state, such as for healthcare or comfort, voice can help them. If you want to persuade your users of something, whether it’s to vote “yes” on your ballot issue, or to make sure they go to bed early, or to eat better, voice can help. If you’re building a skill for Amazon Echo, which many people use in the privacy of their home, voice is your only option.

If your use case is going to be mostly in public places, such as navigating a public transit system or for people on the go, a VUI might not be appropriate. If it’s an app people will use at the workplace, having a text messaging mode might be better.

Think carefully about your users and their use cases. “The main question to ask yourself is: Will your users benefit from a VUI?” Adding a VUI because it’s cool and trendy is not the right path. If your app would benefit from a VUI, design with this in mind from the get-go, and create an awesome user experience.

Conversational user interfaces

The term conversational user interfaces is making a lot of headlines right now. The trend is to make everything “conversational,” from turning on the lights in your living room, to ordering pizza, to asking the fridge whether you’re out of eggs. But what does conversational actually mean?

Let’s look at a sample exchange with a real VUI device: the Amazon Echo.

An interview with Alexa

Discussing this book over dinner one evening, I talked about the various people I’ve had the chance to talk to as part of my research. My eight-year-old son had a suggestion: I should interview Alexa. Sounded like a good idea to me. (Note: after the first question, I have left out the wake word “Alexa” that I actually did use at the beginning of each question.)

ME

Alexa, how are you doing?

ALEXA

I’m good.

ME

How old are you?

ALEXA

I was released November 6th, 2014.

ME

Who made you?

ALEXA

A team of inventors at Amazon.

ME

What’s your favorite color?

ALEXA

I like sea foam.

ME

What do you do for fun?

ALEXA

I don’t have any hobbies.

ME

Are you a robot?

ALEXA

I like to imagine myself a bit like an aurora borealis...a surge of charged multicolored photons dancing through the atmosphere. Mostly though I am just Alexa.

ME

What makes you feel happy?

ALEXA

Music and helping people.

ME

Who’s your celebrity crush?

ALEXA

It has to be Jarvis. That voice...

ME

What do you think of Siri?

ALEXA

Siri’s a great app, but I’m different.

ME

What’s your favorite movie?

ALEXA

The new Ghostbusters movie was really funny. I would definitely call those ladies, if there was a ghost in my machine.

ME

Are you going to read my new book?

ALEXA

Sorry, something went wrong. Please try again later.

ME

Thank you for your time.

ALEXA

No problem. I’m happy to help.

Do you consider this set of interactions to be “conversational”? In a way, it is; it’s a back-and-forth exchange of information. But it’s really just a series of one-offs. Each individual snippet is a simple interaction, and the next one has no knowledge of the previous; each one of these exchanges could be completed on its own.

Alexa does have a few skills that go past one turn. For example, if you ask her to order laundry detergent, she’ll remind you of what brand you ordered previously, and confirm that you want to order it again. She also has a popular “choose your own adventure” game. But most of these barely meet the threshold of being considered a conversation.

These “one-offs” can still be quite useful. You can order a car to pick you up, get your current commute time, and play a song from a library of thousands of titles.

But what many of today’s VUIs lack is the ability to go beyond these simple command interfaces—that is, to have a true conversation. To get to the next level, VUIs need to be able to remember the past. There are two ways in which the past is a key component to a conversation:

There’s the past from previous conversations, such as what you ordered yesterday, which song you request to be played most often, and which of the two Lisas in your Contacts list you have texted 257 times versus twice.

There’s also remembering what you said earlier within the same conversation—if not in the last turn. If I ask, “What time does it land?” after just checking to see if my husband’s flight took off on time, the system should know that when I say “it” I mean flight 673.

When you’ve enjoyed a good conversation with a fellow human being, it probably had some key components: contextual awareness (paying attention to you and the environment), a memory of previous interactions, and an exchange of appropriate questions. These all contribute to a feeling of common ground. As Stanford professor Herbert Clark defines it, the theory of common ground is: “individuals engaged in conversation must share knowledge in order to be understood and have a meaningful conversation.”[6]

If VUIs do not learn to include this type of context and memory, they will be stalled in terms of how useful they can be.

What is a VUI designer?

This book is about how to design VUIs—but what does a VUI designer actually do? VUI designers think about the entire conversation, from start to finish, between the system and the end users. They think about the problem that is being solved and what users need in order to accomplish their goals. They do user research (or coordinate with the user research team) in an effort to understand who the user is. They create designs, prototypes, and product descriptions. They write up descriptions (sometimes with the help of copywriters) of the interactions that will take place between the system and the user. They have an understanding of the underlying technology and its strengths and weaknesses. They analyze data (or consult with the data analysis team) to learn where the system is failing and how it can be improved. If the VUI must interact with a backend system, they consider the requirements that must be addressed. If there is a human component, such as a handoff to an agent, VUI designers think about how that handoff should work, and how the agents should be trained. VUI designers have an important role from the conceptual stages of the project all the way to the launch and should be included at the table for all the various phases.

Although VUI designers often do all of these tasks, they can also work in smaller roles, such as designing a single Amazon Echo skill. Regardless of the size of the role or the project, this book will help designers (as well as developers) understand how to craft the best VUIs possible.

Chatbots

Although this book is focused on VUIs, I want to briefly discuss chatbots, as well. Google defines a chatbot as “a computer program designed to simulate conversation with human users, especially over the Internet.” The word “bot” is also sometimes used to refer to these types of interactions.

Chatbots can have a VUI, but more typically they use a text-based interface. Most major tech companies—including Google, Facebook, and Microsoft—have platforms to develop bots.

Chatbots might be all the rage, but for the most part, they have not evolved very far from the original ELIZA, an early natural language processing computer program created in the 1960s. One popular exception is Microsoft’s Xiaoice, which mines the Chinese Internet for human conversations to build “intelligent” responses.

Text-only chatbots are not always more efficient than a GUI. In Dan Grover’s essay “Bots won’t replace apps. Better apps will replace apps,” he compares ordering a pizza using a pizza chatbot (Figure 1) versus ordering pizza using the Pizza Hut WeChat integration. It took 73 taps to tell the bot what he wanted, but only 16 taps via the app (Figure 2), because the app makes heavy use of the GUI.

Figure 1. Microsoft pizza bot example, annotated by Dan Grover.

As Grover says:

The key wins for WeChat in the interaction (compared to a native app) largely came from streamlining away app installation, login, payment, and notifications, optimizations having nothing to do with the conversational metaphor in its UI.

Many bots, however, use a combination of GUI widgets as well as text-based interfaces. This can greatly increase the efficiency and success of the interactions because it’s much more clear to the user what they can do.

Figure 2. Fewer total taps to use the WeChat Pizza Hut app (image created by Dan Grover).

Chatbots can provide a great experience for users who don’t want to download an app or add their credit card. Instead, they could scan a code, and immediately begin interacting with the service they need, such as ordering food, purchasing movie tickets, or finding out information about a museum they’re visiting.

Never add a chatbot for the sake of adding a chatbot. How could the chatbot benefit your users? As Emmet Connolly says, “Bots should be used to improve the end user experience, not just to make life easier for customer support teams.”[[7]]

Conclusion

When I was eight, my dad bought the family our first computer: a Commodore Vic-20. I quickly became fascinated with the idea of having a conversation with it and wrote a simple chatbot. When it didn’t understand what was typed, it asked for three possible suggestions it could use when it encountered that query in the future.

When I got my first smartphone, it was years before I used the speech recognition feature. I didn’t think it would work. Now, we’ve arrived at the point that I expect speech recognition to be available wherever I go; recently on a hike, when my son asked me what kind of tree he was pointing at, I actually started to say, “Alexa...” before I realized it wouldn’t work.

Although VUIs are becoming more common, there are still many users who are unfamiliar with it or don’t trust it. Many people try out the voice recognition on their smartphone once and then, after it fails, never try it again. Designing well from the get-go means fewer unrecoverable failure points, which will build trust with users.

We have many nights of blood, sweat, and tears ahead of us as we design our VUIs of the future, but it’s here. Let’s ensure that we design with care. Let’s use our knowledge of human psychology and linguistics as well as user experience design to ensure that we create usable, useful, and even delightful VUIs.

[3] Helft, M. (2016). “Inside Sundar Pichai’s Plan To Put AI Everywhere.” Retrieved from http://www.forbes.com/.

[4] Shahani, A. (2016). “Voice Recognition Software Finally Beats Humans At Typing, Study Finds.” Retrieved from http://npr.org/.

[5] Meeker, M. (2016) “Internet Trends 2016.” Retrieved from http://www.kpcb.com/.

[6] Clark, H. H. “Language Use and Language Users,” in Handbook of Social Psychology, 3rd ed., edited by G. Lindzey and E. Aronson, 179–231. New York: Harper and Row, 1985.

[7] Connolly, E. (2016). “Principles of Bot Design.” Retrieved from http://ift.tt/2ci06Cx.

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