Excerpt from CHAPTER THREE

SHEEV, stained with pink sauce: I had a lot of fun today, Obi-Wan. (goofy smile.)

OBI-WAN, also smiling dopily, but forced: So did I.

[EXTENDED MUFFLED SOUNDS OF AHSOKA RETCHING BEHIND THE CORNER AND REGRETTING EVERY LIFE DECISION SHE HAS EVER MADE.]

Snips and SkyBabies!

Click for better quality.

Me, now that the Clones have finished their story arcs completely:

I DID NOT JUST HEAR HAYDEN!ANAKIN'S VOICE IN THIS! NO FUCKING WAY!

Anakin legitimately does not respect or care about any of the people who love him as much as they respected and cared about him. Anakin is so ready to kill, betray, disrespect, and abandon literally any and all of them at the drop of a hat. They would all give up A LOT for him, they all believe in him despite all evidence saying they shouldn't, despite everything we as the audience know proves that they shouldn't, they believe in him. Some of them are willing to believe in him POST GENOCIDE for literally no fathomable reason. He has given these people exactly zero reason to have a single ounce of faith in his goodness because he legitimately seems not to give a shit about any of them in return.

The more we learn about his relationships with people, the more frustrating it gets that anybody even LIKES him, let alone LOVES him, there's so little to even like about him how did it even happen? No one who has written Anakin has managed to write him in a way that makes it in any way understandable that fundamentally good kind people like Obi-Wan, Ahsoka, Luminara, and Yoda would like someone as fundamentally cruel and unkind as Anakin is.

Everyone talks about how unbelievable it is that Padme would've fallen for Anakin and so she MUST'VE been brainwashed through the Force by Anakin, but I feel like we should add the entire Jedi Order and the 501st to that, too, because there's just no reason any of them like him and believe in him as much as they do without it.

HERA AND LEIA ARE PALS. AHSOKA AND EZRA AND SABINE REUNITED. AHSOKA IS HOPEFUL AND THRIVING. THREEPIO IS HERE ON BEHALF OF SENATOR AND DEFENSE COORDINATOR LEIA ORGANA. ZEB IS TRAINING RECRUITS. MY HEART IS FULL.

Kay babes, I already posted a salty kinda tongue-in-cheek thing about Kalluzeb, in context of *MANDO SPOILERS* Zeb appearing sans Kallus in the Mandalorian. Because in honesty, he should be on Lira San with Kallus enjoying retirement, but I have no beef with him doing whatever it is he’s doing other than the part where he’s doing it without Kallus, because that is a huge red flag for me.

I thought I would have to worry about the following issues when it came to Ahsoka, but I guess they’re either setting him up for an appearance in that or they’ve decided to explore his post-Empire story in Mando, which is fine. If ye be free of indignation about Kalluzeb/Zeb just being gay, read on! If you’re an apple riddled with the worms of homophobia or if you’re very strongly anti-Kalluzeb, then this is not the post for you, and I would rather you just left now than got mad at me in the comments.

I’m going to specifically discuss this in terms of Ahsoka first, because I’ve had this in my drafts for months, so I wrote it before Zeb getting no-homo’d was a present and immediate danger. This may not be the best-written I’ve ever produced, but it is fairly logical, so please take it in context of the first section being written months ago, and the last section as being written today, and then you’ll be sitting pretty.

So it’s basically common knowledge at this point that Hera and Sabine will appear in some capacity in Ahsoka, and probably going to be in contact with our queen herself. I have doubts that Zeb will be a significant part of the show; maybe a cameo here or there, or they mention him but he stays off-screen. If Hera/Sabine gets off a comm in the back of their spaceship and Ahsoka’s like “hey, who was that?” and Hera/Sabine says, “just checking in with Zeb,” there is a choice. And because I have no faith in anyone to canonize Kalluzeb, this is what feels much more likely to happen: The writers will either throw in a single line after that (such as Ahsoka replying with “oh, cool, how’s his wife?”) or there will be no mention of a spouse. And believe you me, there is literally no reason that Zeb, who would be off-screen at that moment, and whose Rebels ending involved no female Lasat, should have a wife for that throwaway moment. It adds nothing to his story and it would be completely out of nowhere, probably never to be explored again. Mentioning a wife would literally just be the galaxy’s biggest, flashing-neon “no homo” (or, in Star Wars terms, you might say that he got Zorii Bliss-ed). There’s no reason to do it. Not saying he has a wife technically doesn’t even disprove the concept that he might have a wife *sarcastic snort*. So if something like that does end up in Ahsoka, we all know why. There is legitimately no other reason to add in a throwaway line like that other than to disprove the concept of Kalluzeb. Or maybe just to disprove the concept that Zeb is gay. I would honestly rather they never mentioned Zeb at all, even in passing, than throwing that kinda thing in our faces. There is no reason to disprove it. Leaving Zeb with a slightly ambiguous relationship poses no problem. No plot hole. No loose end in desperate need of tying up. There is no reason to officially, explicitly de-canonize Kalluzeb or gay Zeb, because there is no significant woman in his life he might possibly have a solid, built-up, understandable relationship with, and because his most significant person (I would argue) is a man. I can’t say it enough. This is the test. Either we get Zorii Bliss-ed again, or Zeb gets to continue enjoying the grey space. (Because I don’t have enough faith in Filoni, the man who still has not made Ahsoka a splesbian [lesbian in space] to canonize arguably one of the most dramatic potential romances in Star Wars history. Even though Kalluzeb makes sense. Even though Kallus’s entire reformation arc is started by Zeb. Even though in his little screen time as a Rebel, it is still obviously Zeb who means the most to him out of all the Specters. Even though Zeb, who is often portrayed as being kind of rough, is much kinder and more honorable towards Kallus than he deserves, before they’re on the same side.)

In context of Mando, the same rules apply. There is no need to mention him having a wife. There isn’t any urgent need to even explicitly canonize Kalluzeb, other than the fact that Star Wars needs to improve its queer representation by leaps and bounds to get up to standards, and also that Kalluzeb makes a whole lot of sense. I am terrified of him existing in post-Rebels media because thus far, he is without Kallus, and with the way their Rebels storyline ended, there’s really no reason he should be. Kallus should be by his side.

UNLESS Kallus is A) currently enjoying retirement on Lira San, and Zeb is off-world for short periods of time every now and then but goes home to Lira San and Kallus or B) they’re saving Kallus for a moment when Kallus shows up late to whatever business he and Zeb have and we get a quiet, “hey, husband of mine” and there’s no fanfare, no Zorii Bliss situation, just two gay dudes being married and living their lives together.

This is it. This is where I find out if it’s even crossed Filoni’s mind (or the minds of other miscellaneous writers, but he really sticks to his characters) to leave our plausible couple be. This is where I find out if his viewpoint of *paraphrased* “it wasn’t my intention, but I won’t de-canonize it” (https://gizmodo.com/star-wars-rebels-producer-dave-filoni-is-totally-fine-w-1823593680) holds up if he’s going to explore characters close to Zeb (which includes Kallus) post-Rebels.

pffff wow, i love these disasters

Bonus:

I do like Ahsoka in the TCW Movie a lot and I think Dave Filoni himself should rewatch that movie to get a feel of Ahoka again and submit an essay explaining how she got to where she is now from there by next week. might just be me tho

"the council should've granted anakin the rank of a master–" i have a gun.

you guys dont understand how hard it is to stay up on new star wars content when you have a pact with your sibling to only watch new star wars Together, but that sibling moved out and depsite living nearby he's the Busiest Man On The Planet . im just gonna start reading the high republic at this point

hm i know the jedi order wasn’t perfect and i know that it was all politics but. ugh thinking about the wrong jedi arc again and yes i know the council was so sorry about how things happened to ahsoka but the way there will always be a tiny, tiny part of me that’s. like. scream. you’ve known this kid for years you know who she is. how can you believe that she’d really do something like this why didn’t you fight harder for her of course she’s not gonna come back how do you think she’s gonna come back when she thinks that her entire family betrayed her over the course of two seconds and it’s like. like all things, the situation is so much more nuanced and layered than that but thinking about the full brunt of that and also. hm yes maybe unpopular opinion ahsoka deserved to be a little bit bitchy at the council when she saw them again! i think she should have been a little bitchier

I just saw a fanfic that had the Ahsoka/Anakin sibling trope but they kept on calling each other ‘bro’ and ‘sis’ and I'm so angry now

E X C U S E M E ? ? ? ?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OKAY FIRST OF ALL KANANNNN :'DDD that entire conversation killed me <3

Second of all I WAS SCARED IT WAS GOING TO END THAT WAY

AUOOUAGH Y'ALL W H Y DID YOU DO THIS TO ME 😭😭😭😭💔💔

LIKE IT WAS VERY POETIC AND POWERFUL AND ALL AND ALSO AHSOKA'S THEME 😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔❤️❤️❤️ BUT STILL

Be honest did y'all just say "We need a way to get them out of the way for the sequel trilogy. . ." XD

ALSO WHERE IS MY EZRA AND HERA HUG

AND SPEAKING OF AAAAAHHHHHHHH CHOPPER AND EZRA :'DDD I'M NOT OKAY Y'ALL

Okay but like there's no way they're just gonna leave them there

Like it would be super poetic and an oddly calm and melancholy end to their constantly on the move and undergoing trauma lives but like. . . no way xD

WHEN I HEARD THE BIRD CALLS!!!! I WAS LIKE. YES!!! PLEASE!!! PLEASE BE IT/HER!!

AND IT W A S S S !!!

WHOOO YEAHH XDD THANK YOUU!!!

We deserved that so much frankly <3

Also you can't have an Ahsoka series and not have Morai (I believe that's its name) appear at least one xD

Anyway I love her/them <3 (her being either of them lol)

And lastly. My brother legitimately said "Maybe it's Anakin like Mufasa in the sky" and we joked about it for a minute

AND I'D SEEN A GIF OF HIM IN THE POST PREVIEW SECTION OF TRENDING

SO I WAS SUS

AND IT W A S!!!!

SLFKGHDKJGS XDDD

THAT WAS AMAZING

Anakin: come on Ahsoka do you know how long it's gonna take me to get back to the Afterlife where everyone else hangs out?? FOREVER GIRL. Getting yourself stuck in other galaxies and such smh

xDD

I saw a post talking about how she finally forgave and accepted herself for still loving him and like. yeah. He helped her set herself free from a lot of her guilt, and he can tell that :')

I like to believe she could kind of see him <3

Not quite, but almost :')

Anyway, THAT WAS SO AMAZING HOLY CRAP!!! SABINE USING THE FORCE WHOOOO, EZRA MAKING A NEE LIGHTSABER AND TALKING WITH HUYANG :'DDD, WHERE WERE ZEB AND KALLUS- HERA AND EZRA REUNITING :'DDD 10/10 HOW DARE YOU <333

I LOVED IT SO MUCH <333