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dresshistorynerd · 4 months

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Ranking Men's Costumes in Period Dramas - Part II: The Good

Part I: The Bad

This is the second part to my ranking of men's costumes in Renaissance period dramas. I selected 10 shows and films which I think have great costuming for the female characters and ranked them according to their costumes for male characters. I have noticed that even when women's costuming is great, men's costuming might be absolutely dog shit. And that's very much what we saw in the first part, where I ranked the five worst entries. For some reason shows and movies are afraid to put men, especially the characters who are supposed to be cool, manly and hot, into historical costumes. And I'm not even asking for historical accuracy, I just don't want my male characters living in the actual 1500s in basically modern leather jackets and pants. Like I don't watch period dramas for vaguely historically inspired modern fashion, I watch it for the historical setting, which costumes help create. This time we will be looking some rare gems that actually imo have really good costuming even for the male characters. For the five best entries, we'll go from worst to best.

5. Eizabeth R (1971)

Elizabeth R is incredibly committed to historical accuracy in it's outfits, especially for queen Elizabeth herself, many of her costumes being directly recreated from her portraits. It covers the whole reign of Elizabeth, so this commitment is especially admirable as the timeline is more than 40 years, including a stark shift in fashion from less structured and more toned down Tudor fashion to the extremes of the highly structured Elizabethan fashion. It's not perfect, The hair is not always great and like many others they fail at French hoods, though they are not upward pointing or pseudo crowns detached from the hood, so could be much worse.

The men's costumes are also very good. They are faithful to history, they wear stockings, very short trunk hose, ruffs and even have some structuring in their doublets and jerkins. However, the reason this is not higher is that the men's costumes especially, but also many other costumes beside Elizabeth's are looking a little sloppy. There's some structure yes, but the men's silhouettes are just not bold enough and they end up looking a little costumy. Even the codpieces are shrunk so small I'm not even sure if they are the half the time. Cowardice. Here's two Robert Dudley's costumes and an actual portrait of him. I think the second costume is probably an attempt at recreation of that portrait, but it's just kinda halfway there.

4. Taming of the Shrew (1967)

This film is set in Renaissance Italy, the women's costumes fit well to 1520s-30s. They are honestly really great and cohesive. My only gripe is that their bodices have a very 1960s shape and the make-up is a little distractingly modern. But the costuming is not attempting to recreate historical accuracy, rather they took the historical silhouette and basic elements and crafted a very over the top but cohesive look. I honestly love these very much.

An interesting choice is made with the men's costuming, especially the main male lead, whose costume is based much more on the Renaissance German men's fashion of that period. His costumes resemble the over the top fashion of the German Landsknecht (first image below). In Italy (second image below) the doublets were also very voluminous and quite colourful but not to that extent as by the Landsknecht and literally no one, not even the other Germans, rocked that slashed style as hard.

This is not really criticism though. In fact I respect that choice a lot. His costumes are certainly not historically accurate, but they do fit the bombastic aesthetics of the overall costuming, they are loud, large and not afraid to fuck around. This man oozes sex-appeal much more than any character with some modern plain black pants and leather jacket. This is how you costume a Renaissance man who fucks.

3. Tulip Fever (2017)

I am stretching the definition or Renaissance here a bit, I admit. This movie is set during the 1630s tulip mania, by which point the remnants of Renaissance fashion had already been left to the previous decade. However, I do think most of the movies and tv set in Baroque era also struggle with the men's costumes. Though not as much, because black was fashionable for everyone, the cod piece was gone, trunk hose were replaced by more palatable Venetian hose, fashion was much more stripped down from embellishments, leather was not uncommon in jerkins and appeared even in doublets and hose and the Hollywoods beloved boots became as actual fashion items. The men's silhouette in this period is very silly in my opinion and people seem to agree because it's usually skipped in costuming, but overall the period seems to fit modern masculinity standards much more easily than Renaissance era.

But I just really wanted to include this because the costuming is absolutely stunning. I have not watched the movie and probably never will because the post production was an absolute mess and it apparently came out as just a bad movie, which is a shame, but the costumes are so good. The ruffs are perfectly crispy. The buttons are dense and look just right. The shoes, both boots and otherwise are exactly right. The fabrics are honestly perfect. The silhouettes are just as goofy as they are supposed to be. And the women too have perfect silhouettes. All the details are just simply perfect. You rarely find costuming this meticulously created with historical details and great construction.

Honestly these top three could all be the best one. This final order was decided purely on which costumes i like more. And while I love the women's fashion of this period, I think the men's fashion is kinda stupid and boring, so I don't like these costumes on aesthetic level as much as the top two.

2. Romeo and Juliet (1968)

This movie is a perfect counterpart to the movie with the worst men's costuming which I talked about in the first post, Rosaline. They are both set in Italy around very end of 15th century and retell Romeo and Juliet. Both have very good costuming for female characters but obviously I think differ greatly in the male character costuming department. Romeo and Juliet costuming takes some artistic liberties to create a heightened reality quite similar to Taming of the Shrew costuming, but follows history much more closely. The colors are bright, the hose are tight, the giorneas are voluminous, the sleeves are long and massive and the cod pieces are prominent. Even the hair is perfect, even for women, they even use hairnets. I imagine the hair was quite easy to get right as hairstyles in 60s and 70s were basically lifted directly from 1400s Italian hairstyles. The men are even wearing appropriate hats??? Amazing.

The costuming perfectly captures the era, but they still clearly had fun with the costumes too. Honestly even though I appreciate the meticulously recreated historically accurate costuming, like in Tulip Fever, I tend to like more costuming that does take some artistic liberties to create a distinct look and atmosphere for the movie or tv show. There's some small things they don't get quite right, like having standard lacing instead of ladder lacing, metal eyelets (which would become a thing as late as in 1830s) and most egregiously Juliet in one scene has this very dumb supportive undergarment without even shift under it (first picture below)?? The outer garments were supportive during this era, there was no such thing as supportive undergarment. Shift was the only undergarment. But I will forgive these errors because the costuming is overall so fun and gorgeous. And they did get some details so so right, like look at Romeo's arming doublet (second picture below)! It has Lombardian sleeves!! This was a very specific style of arming doublet for this era and place. However those errors does prevent it from taking the first place. Which leads us to...

1. Orlando (1992)

This movie has Tilda Swinton in flamboyant Elizabethan men's clothing. That's all.

Okay, I that is all that needs to be said, but I will say more. This movie spans centuries and shows excellent costumes from several different periods, but I will focus on the Elizabethan costumes only for the sake of this post. The costuming is not super historically accurate in all the detailing, and clearly not trying to be, but it is always impeccable. Even while it takes artistic liberties and the story has an immortality fantastical element it still captures the men's fashion's silhouette much better than any other movie or tv show I know of set in this period. It does that better than the "we recreated these portraits" Elizabeth R. But what really makes this the best in my humble opinion, is that the movie is not afraid of the effeminate and emasculated modern perception of Renaissance men's fashion, no, it leans into it. The thole story is very much about gender and gender fuckery. Tilda Swinton plays the titular Orlando who is a cis man in Elizabethan era, becomes inexplicably immortal and later inexplicably turns into a woman for the rest of their several centuries. He is the embodiment of "I'm not sure if they are a butch or a twink" and as a bisexual I can only be grateful. But in all seriousness I think the costuming and the casting (queen Elizabeth is also played by a male actor) are so perfectly utilized to highlight the arbitrary construction of gender without needing to say it explicitly.

Conclusion

I have some closing thoughts. I took on this task as a way to show a point, which is that for some reason in Renaissance shows and film especially men's costuming is piss-poor, even when women's costuming is great. Male characters tend to have very bad costuming in Medieval media too, though this is also an issue for female characters. I don't think I have ever seen a Medieval show or movie with truly excellent costuming for anyone. In Renaissance media the issue is clearly not lack of skill or knowledge, they choose to do so. My thesis was that the producers think that the Renaissance men's fashion is too effeminate and too unsexy for the hot male very heterosexual lead, who the mostly female audience are supposed fawn over like the female characters. I still think it's very true.

Though there's an interesting trend I only noticed while doing this ranking; every entry (except the least bad) in the worst five list are from 21th century, and every entry (except Tulip Fever which is a little bit cheating anyway) in this best five list are from 20th century. I have some theories on why it turned out this way. First is that the studios have become increasingly more concerned with growing profits so they don't take risks and they put pressure on movies and tv shows to be as broadly appealing as possible. This means they can't just make period dramas for the core audience of period dramas, aka mostly women who are history nerds, so they pander to the modern sensibilities in costuming and not to the people who love to see actual historical costuming. Secondly, I think this might also tie to the broader conservative backlash against loosening of gender roles and broader queer acceptance. Among the core audiences of period dramas there are two distinct groups, queer nerds and conservative/centrist women, who don't want politics in their media, which is why they love historical stories because obviously queerness wasn't invented yet and people of colour didn't exist yet (they were and did). (They are not always this extreme, but you get the point.) As men wearing dresses has become a culture war issue, I think the studio executives are afraid that anything not masculine enough in modern standards might cause the more conservative audiences to turn on them. Even if they knew about the queer nerds, they wouldn't care about them.

This bears repeating: cowards.

As a thank you for reading all the way to the end I will leave you with the image of Tilda Swinton in mid 1600s men's clothing. You are welcome.

Part I: The Bad

#fashion history #history #historical costuming #costuming #renaissance fashion #renaissance costuming #film costuming #historical men's fashion

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x-on-the-calendar-business · 10 months

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ryan ross iceberg (tier 4)

tier 1, tier 2, tier 3, tier 5, tier 6, tier 7, tier 8

the middle of the iceberg:

crankthatfrank interview:

crankthatfrank is a youtuber who had his peak of popularity in 2015-2017 making what was described as “bandom crack” content. a lot of yeemo, cheez wiz, frerard, etc. i personally wasn’t a fan of his content (i think i was just too old to be in his demographic (and i thought it was cringey)), but he was fairly successful within that community. i don’t really know how else to describe his content other than you had to be there.

in 2019, he interviewed ryan, which was actually a really good interview! it was very lighthearted without being too silly and off the wall, like bryan stars interviews were. it was such a pleasant surprise, especially considering the way ryan stans are starved for content. throughout the interview, ryan holds z in his arms the whole time while she cosplays as a corpse so that was interesting. also, ryan revealed his favorite song off of afycso is i constantly thank god for esteban. he said 2020 was going to be the year for the comeback.

that was a lie.

frank sadly deleted the original video, but there is a reupload, thankfully. i highly recommend watching the interview if you haven’t yet!

youtube

hair in cupcakes:

so it’s unclear if the hair was in cookies or cupcakes because sources differ, but the sentiment is the same either way. in an interview from 2013, brendon said that in the early days of the band, some fans baked them cookies, and brendon and their merch guy ate them [i]. brendon saw a hair in the first cookie, but kept eating them anyway. he says, “i kept pulling hairs out of my mouth and after no.10 i asked the merch guy if he was pulling hairs out of his mouth and he was” [i]. there turned out to be hairs in every single cookie. ryan also talked about in the paige and friends podcast, which is the next entry [ii].

paige and friends podcast:

also in 2019, ryan featured on the paige and friends podcast, run by paige elkington (ryan really had us fooled for a minute there that 2020 WOULD be his year). they talked some about the panic! and the young veins days, dekc, his sobriety, his absence from the internet, hockey, politics, amongst other things. this was another great “interview” and a fun look into some slice of life things from ryan, so i also recommend giving it a listen here [ii].

chuck palahniuk:

this is one of ryan’s favorite authors – definitely his favorite in the early days of panic! (he is also my favorite author, as is the natural course of being a ryan ross stan). some of his works include: invisible monsters, fight club, choke, and survivor. his writing is primarily satirical with a very distinct voice.

his works were referenced a lot in afysco. time to dance is about invisible monsters, and the song title “the only difference between martyrdom and suicide is press coverage” is a quote from survivor. some of ryan’s other songwriting on that album is evidently inspired by palahniuk’s style of writing.

pet salamander:

this was one of ryan’s bands before panic!. spencer and brent were also in this band, along with another member named trevor. they were often called a blink 182 cover band, but spencer stated that this actually isn't true. they just practiced a lot of blink 182 songs when learning how to play [iii].

their website is still up, and it includes some pictures of the band and each member. it also even contains ryan's old email, discussed in tier 3, at the bottom.

since the member bios aren’t on the site anymore, they are documented here [iv].

his other band isn't on the iceberg, but it was called the summer league. it was basically panic! before panic! actually existed. their sound wasn't similar to what panic!'s was, but it was essentially all the same members.

kanye west stan:

stan is a very loosely used term here, but ryan has said that he likes kanye’s music, and he owns some stuff from his clothing line.

taxidermy:

as you can see in some of ryan’s Instagram posts, he has a lot of taxidermy in his house.

hooters:

in 2010, ryan and brendon ran into each other at a hooters. if i’m not mistaken, i think this is the the last picture we have of them together.

rydan:

this refers to ryan and his friend, dan keyes. ryan posted about him a lot in the 2010s, and he was a member of dead end kids as well. i think the mashup of their names mostly refers to their friendship, but there are people who think they genuinely dated. this tweet here, as well as the replies, references that [v]. it’s also discussed in this tumblr post [vi].

club hockey:

ryan plays club hockey. he actually started playing hockey as a child, and he talks about his love for hockey in the paige and friends podcast.

alex greenwald:

i’ve already mentioned him before in this iceberg, but alex is one of ryan’s good friends and the frontman of phantom planet (you may know this band from the OC theme song). he played with the young veins sometimes, and he played with z’s former band, phases. we’ll talk about him some more in later entries as well.

helena vestergaard:

this is another one of ryan’s ex girlfriends. they dated in 2015, and he first posted about her on instagram in july. his last post of her was in december that year. i don’t really have much to say about this relationship besides she seemed like a really nice girl. these days she has 2 kids. she also used to date anthony kiedis from red hot chili peppers, which is very interesting.

coke picture:

so not too long after ryan left panic!, a picture came out of him with cocaine on a tray in front of him. this was very controversial, and he even commented on it explaining himself here [vii]. i don’t really understand why he had to explain himself though. i am no means a drug apologist (i’m literally straight edge) and i know drugs are bad, but i don’t think he did anything wrong. in the post i linked above, he says he didn’t realize the coke was in the picture, which may or not be true, but if it is, then he might not have even done it.

all he did was be surrounded by beautiful women and do cocaine. what is so wrong with that.

myrtle beach:

this is a ryden entry and basically a theory that ryan and brendon hooked up.

on june 24th, 2006 panic! played the house of blues in myrtle beach, south carolina (and i have been to this venue because i’m from sc…). after the show, panic!, the supporting acts, and crew went skinny dipping at the beach.

greta said this in an interview about it [viii]:

Q: Tell us about your craziest touring experience.

On the 2006 Panic Tour, we played the House of Blues in Myrtle Beach [JUNE 24TH]. After the show, most of the bands and crew walked a mile to the beach and, having not brought our swimsuits, decided to swim in underwear or totally nude. Bob and I opted to skinny dip and, at one point, he was trying to get back to the shore but the waves were crashing over him and he was gasping for breath. I yelled to him, 'Bob, are you going to live? As much as I want to help you, we are both naked so I can't.' (Would have been far too awkward). Thankfully, he survived in one glorious piece.

the thing that really led to rydennies thinking that something happened between ryan and brendon was what ryan posted on lj about it [viii]:

6-25-06 01:21:28 PDT - (No Subject)

The moon bred new Atlantic life tonight.the salt burned you right out of my eyes.and secrets we’re not proud of were taken with the tide. We were all newborns with blurred vision and no sense of direction.

Today I saw cancer, cigarettes and shortness of breath.

this is why I walk to the ocean.swim with jellyfish.I may never get this chance again.

this is why if you want to kiss you should kiss.

If you want to cry you should cry, and

if you want to live you should live.

You don’t have to love me. You already did. At least enough to keep me smiling from South Carolina to Virginia.it's for lovers (orjustfriends)

This is why I do it.

this also lead to the idea that summer was a very important motif for ryden; any references to the season in their lyrics or other postings meant they were talking about each other.

another part that people often cite as proof in that in this interview, the interviewer says they claim brendon is a virgin on stage every night, and ryan says “not anymore” at 01:36. so people think brendon lost his virginity to ryan.

youtube

and then the night of the show of the dancers on tour with them, dream, posted this on her lj [viii]:

June 24th, 2006

It’s our last night in Florida and let me tell you… this finally turned into a crazy rock tour… lots of shenanigans happened tonight… but I’ll save this story for the memoirs! Every night I stand on stage and tell the crowd that Brendon is a virgin… let’s just put it this way… it ain’t true!!!!

since this was posted the night of the mb show, she was talking about the florida show, which would already debunk that brendon could’ve lost it to ryan after the mb show. she also said in another post the next night that they met some spirited girls at the show and more than 20 of them went to the beach that night [viii].

honestly, there is no true supporting evidence to prove that anything sexual or romantic happened between them. both of them were probably talking about the girls they met at the show, or one of the other 20 people who were there.

seattle:

another ryden theory i fear.

so the story goes that on the night of ryan’s 21st birthday, keltie threw him a party at pete wentz’s bar. brendon couldn’t attend because he was in seattle (people theorized it was because he was too young to drink). after the party was over, ryan left keltie alone in their hotel in the middle of the night to fly out to see brendon. they went to eat at a diner together, and a fan spotted them, giving us this picture.

this was allegedly what ryan wrote northern downpour about, such as the lines, “i missed your skin when you were east. you clicked your heels and wished for me.” also, rainy seattle is in the north.

when i was a ryden truther, i always said that this was the one ryden incident there was not a no homo explanation for. however, that is not true.

panic! was playing a festival in seattle a couple of days later. in fact, there is an interview from august 31, the day after ryan’s birthday and the day before the show, in which they’re wearing the same outfits from that picture.

youtube

the northern downpour theory also doesn’t make sense because ryan was in the east, not brendon. and ryan wrote the song.

if you’re interested in a further debunking of this, prettyoddfever details it here [ix].

halsey ryden truther:

when i say that halsey and i are spiritually connected, i mean it.

in 2013, halsey tweeted that ryden is still her otp.

and then in 2015, they responded to a fan saying that she used to write ryden fic.

also in 2015, ryan tweeted at them saying that they should work together. oh what could have been…

slow dance to the killers:

yet another ryden entry.

in a kerrang! article from 2006, it says this [x]:

all i really have to say about this is that automatically assuming this must mean ryden is real plays into why men think they can’t be affectionate with one another without seeming “gay.”

cheated on keltie:

in her book, which we discussed earlier, keltie revealed that ryan cheated on her with a waitress. she found out about it the day after valentine’s day when she was looking through his phone.

she says [xi}:

I honestly can’t and don’t want to remember what I saw that day, but the dates registered with me. I saw the date of my birthday two weeks before, the day I received two huge bundles of flowers while spending time with my family in Canada. He was with her on my birthday. I scrolled back farther and realized he texted her while we were on vacation in Hawaii. He sang me love songs on the beach while also thinking about some girl.

he wrote about his infidelity in the young veins song, the other girl [xii].

this isn’t particularly relevant, but i did want to include one of my favorite tweets about this just because it lives in my head rent free.

next we move on to some of the darker entries.

tier 5

references:

[i] https://gigwise.com/news/85115/

[ii] https://podcasts.apple.com/jm/podcast/my-friend-podcast-with-ryan-ross/id1483514044?i=1000455535330

[iii] https://prettyoddfever.tumblr.com/post/685240468337000448/embed

[iv] https://prettyoddfever.tumblr.com/post/620153208809062400/the-actual-band-bios-on-pet-salamanders-original

[v] https://twitter.com/PwettyOwdd/status/1655280757693186051

[vi] https://pathetic-at-the-disco.tumblr.com/post/171502454686/hey-i-have-a-kinda-legit-question-so-i-see

[vii] http://www.mibba.com/Articles/Entertainment/2788/Ryan-Ross-Talks-About-Cocaine-Picture/

[viii] https://whisperdlullaby.livejournal.com/9051.html

[ix] https://prettyoddfever.tumblr.com/post/627362228538064896/the-seattle-ryden-story-isnt-real-google-the

[x] https://porraryanross.tumblr.com/post/69946624225

[xi] https://archive.org/details/rockettesrocksta0000coll/mode/2up

[xii] https://genius.com/The-young-veins-the-other-girl-lyrics

#ryan ross #panic! at the disco #panic at the disco #patd #ryan patd #ryan ross iceberg #jon walker #brendon urie #spencer smith #the young veins #sorry for the wait i had a busy week #i hope this entry is good and informative though #i wrote a lot of it sleep deprived while camping 16 hours for paramore so #halfway there now though

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nokomento · 1 year

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FFXIV contests noko has joined (so far)

they just announced the reaper/sage design contest winner i’m reminded that i’ve entered every. single. one. of their contests.

(i’ve never won a single one but i also never learn my lesson lmao)

here are my entries from latest to the very first ⊙ω⊙

(long post maybe)

2022/12/13 - Reaper/Sage Weapon Design Contest

the sage one is a joke i never entered it lmao

2022/04/28 - Weapon Design Contest (i think this took the longest to announce winners i forgot)

I can’t find my final draft with all the info written down for some reason….. but i rmb the WHM weapon didn’t make it in time lmao

2018/09/28 - Gear Design Contest - Melee/Physical Ranged DPS

i only entered for ranged because it’s my main lmao

2017/08/01 - FFXIV Furnishing Design Contest

i actually had fun with these hehe i think the fallen log one had another winning entry that looked like it so it sorta made it ingame lmao i had a third but once again didn’t make it (noko lol)

2017/04/06 - Gear Design Contest - Ranged Magic DPS/ Healer Edition

the Cerise Sorcerer (Ranged Magic DPS) actually got shortlisted for this one

The healer one is actually inspired by FFX lmao (sad noko)

And the thing that started it all

2016/08/27 - Gear Design Contest - Tank Edition

i think this one got shortlisted as well but i forgot all i rmb is someone made their own list on reddit lmao and placed this on their number one and then the comments came lmao

and that’s it UωU

one thing say (to myself or if they have future ones) is that you cannot upload via mobile or ipad… you need a pc even tho it fits under the file size requirement

just something i found odd

#nkmtart #ffxiv #ffxiv design contests #official ffxiv contest #nokotalks #noko doesn’t win contests ever lol

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blysse-and-blunder · 10 months

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in lieu of a bachelorette party

10pm, sunday, aug 6, 2023

we're officially in the period of the summer that has been planned out since months and months ago, in the lead up to some dear friends' wedding; time is telescoping in a very odd way! after traveling the past two weeks, my re-entry was good but hard; i came back from my trip thinking i'd be all revitalized and looking around me with new eyes, which in a way i did, but then i was also pretty wiped. i didn't really want to spend all week hibernating, but i guess it was good to recharge my batteries since i also had five different party/gathering-type things (three this weekend, including the aforementioned bachelorette).

reading can't forget to mention finishing carmen maria machado's in the dreamhouse, which was gripping and devastating and still beautiful somehow. the experience of reading it was so...i couldn't stop once i got started, you know? short fragmented chapters, some funny, some incredibly sad. every once in a while there would be a detail or an allusion to something i could relate to, punctuating the intense surreality / unreality used to talk about the abuse with a sudden concrete reality that was. striking. loved the device of the footnotes, pointing out where certain things are matching up with folklore tropes? as a form of foreshadowing and ironic, devastating commentary? inspired. that's just one detail, but it's one i can sum up.

abrupt tonal shift and getting back to fantasy / adventure, a.k. larkwood's the unspoken name has been very engaging this week too. part one was...fresh but in a comforting sort of vein, with a young protag escaping a bad fate under the protection of a new mysterious mentor, who then helps her get an education, martial arts training, before he sends her out on a mission--reminded me of half a dozen beloved fantasy novels, with the addition of some fun details! for example, neither is actually described in much detail, but our main character and her mentor are clearly not Human; she has grey skin and tusks (my mind went right to a dnd-style orc?) and he has mobile, elongated ears, which seem to telegraph his emotions much like those in the goblin emperor and was an *immediate* delight to envision. just about a third of the way through this one now; it feels like a locked tomb book with a slightly different magic system, and i'm really enjoying it.

watching plane movies while returning home:

the battle of the sexes (2017) -- entertaining more because i didn't know the history and always enjoy the depiction of historical women's sports and sports teams; emma stone is great but has virtually no chemistry with either of her romantic counterparts, painfully straight energy overall. i was too entertained by watching steve carell and sarah silverman in their respective period hair and makeup . kudos to whoever was the tennis stunt doubles, it was legitimately fun to try and follow the games.

banshees of inisherin (2022) -- people who talk about the overdone stereotyped blarney-filled hollywood depiction of ireland in this one are missing the fact that it's an intentional (ironic?) depiction; see, the imprecision when it comes to year/time passing / calendars and whatnot. sort of waiting for godot-y in its heightened reality / absurdity. my lukewarm take is that it was definitely meant to be a play, and would have worked a lot better that way. not sure i'll watch it again, not sure i *got* it, but it will certainly live in my brain rent-free.

finished strange world (2022) as a palate cleanser-- i wanted to support it, the box office and overall reception to this was pretty disappointing but it's fine! like it's a cute kids' movie! you know, disney's first gay character, thinly veiled climate analogy lesson, absolutely gorgeous animation and colors, what's not to love.

the first three episodes of season 1 of the white lotus . hypnotizing like a train wreck, but i'll wait until i've seen more of it to give a real write-up.

listening you ever watch a viral video and then realize you're captivated by both the cute videos of people dancing and the soundtrack? (and recognizing the background scenery, and it turns out i was right!!) anyway i went and found these two tracks courtesy of just this experience, so thanks to youtuber thoraya i guess?

youtube

UPDATE: saw hadestown live today!!! the original broadway recording didn't prepare me for how much i would love it, how dynamic and captivating the live band and incredible ensemble would be-- and of course i was crying almost immediately, and was clutching my chest during 'wait for me' both times. but then again, the performance i saw didn't include this one instrumental track i love and had on my semester playlist all spring, so here:

playing finally got the cut-scene celebrating my community center completion in stardew, hell yeah. had two great dnd sessions; one campaign successfully defeated a monstrously-oversized jaguar and decided which faction we're going to attempt to win over first, while the other group went shopping and spent some downtime at base and gathering info on some individual plots! napoleon did exist in this world and was a gnome, and our organization assassinated him apparently??, also this just feels like a good time to mention that their resume also includes '1841 – Controlled controversy riots when “Dinosaurs” suggested as a creature alongside and separate from “Dragons” ', which sent us into absolute hysterics when the DM shared that.

making it's summer, so i crowdsourced a ratatouille recipe and could not have been happier with the outcome. saving it here for posterity!

working on i was very diligent with RA work this week, since it feels like i always neglect it over the summer for absolutely no reason, especially since it like. pays me. but i also have been using it as productive procrastination since i'm actively dragging my heels in sending the last few students their essay feedback and grade breakdowns from the summer course. it means confronting my judgments and math and possible mistakes from earlier in july, and trying to either defend or amend them as necessary, and i just have been. napping rather than actually do it. which is silly, and also stupid since i have actual work to be doing! just get this over with, and you can be free!

#ilcb #in lieu of a commonplace book #weekly roundup

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rozieramati · 5 months

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12/31/23

wow. it's 2:30am, i can't sleep because i was crying a shit ton, reflecting on the end of the year, just feeling really alone. but then this happened.

i was looking for some old lyrics in my notes app for my (unreleased) album and stumbled upon this diary entry i wrote in May 2017:

it's super long so i can't screenshot the whole thing but here it is below copy & pasted. i can't believe how far i've come. i just want to hold her tight and tell her she did it.

Awakening

The year of 2016 is well known as the “year of realizations” and to be honest, I could not agree more. 2016 was a very transformative year for me; I experienced my first high level rowing competition (and did very well) I experienced love ( beyond what I could have ever imagined), I went to UC Berkeley for a rowing camp (eventually getting recruited), and within all of my successes I had downfalls, many downfalls. In regards to my unexpected suaray with love, it was the first time I had encountered someone that encouraged me to embrace my artistic side. He was very artistic himself, a poet but, for some reason, we connected through music. His passion for his writing inspired me to find what it was that truly gave me purpose because, going into senior year, I felt beyond lost. The fact that I did not know what made me truly happy, that I did not know who I really was or where I would like to see myself in the future, was something constantly on my mind and my anxiety around it completely overtook my life. I became very depressed because I realized I had lived my whole life to please others and their expectations, I had lived seventeen years of life not really living. Coming into this, I changed my lifestyle pretty quickly and once I did, I could never go back despite the possibility of disappointing other people in the process. I remember very specifically when everything shifted, it was as if life was forcing me to go down a different path, my own path. It was really hard and took a huge toll on my mental health but I firmly believe everything happens for a reason. The day I came back from rowing camp at UC Berkeley, I went to morning practice ready to get better and set a new PR for myself. I was erging (rowing land machine) our usual workout but I increased my intensity because I had gotten stronger from my time at Berkeley. By the time I had reached the second set of the workout I blew out my back. I figured, since I had injured my back earlier that summer, I would just need physical therapy and the pain would subside. The next day I went to practice in immense pain, but not enough to where I couldn't row so I pushed myself, as I tend to do. The next morning, I could not move. The pain had gotten to a point where getting out of bed was an almost impossible feat and simply walking around my house brought great distress to me. Even still, I believed that my back would be better within the next two months as the season started and Berkeley would still be an option for me. I did not give up, I went to practice everyday, I could not participate in a lot of exercises so I did extra physical therapy workouts. I did everything I could to get back in the boat, but when August turned into December and my back still remained in its condition, I had no other choice, financially that is, than to stop rowing. The whole time my back was injured, however, I had more time to be myself and not get caught up in other things like sports. I never really loved sports I just happened to be good at them so it was something that I naturally gravitated towards. Often I feel this is what people do, they settle for what they are good at and I, admittedly, was one of those people. I just let life happen and I was okay with it because I did not know any other way. Although a very traumatic experience, my back being injured was probably the best thing to happen to me. It was because my back was injured that I needed to do something with my spare time. I'm so used to having hectic non stop schedules that when I had this spare time, I NEEDED something to do. This is where my major life shift happened and I made my main focus something I had always loved but never imagined to make a priority in my life; I started writing music.

#diary entry

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natigail · 9 months

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August 2023 - natigail

It was time for my Posting Every Day In August (PEDIA) challenge, so I posted 31 chapters/one shots/excerpts this month!

I posted all six chapters of my skz ace/sex worker AU - oh, you kissed me just to kiss me

I posted all five chapters of the side piece to my skz wolfpack AU - What if I Told You I'm a Mastermind?

I posted the December chapter of my phan Stardew AU - Broke, Gay and New in Town

I posted four new chapters of my skz wolfpack AU - Rest in the Belly of the Wolf

I posted a one shot prologue of Seungcheol to my svt mafia AU - 돈’t Blink (at least not here)

I posted a chapter to another svt mafia AU prologue, this time about verkwan - 돈’t Resist (at least not me)

I posted both chapters of my Legend of Zelda fic focusing on optaining the Master Sword - to become an immortal dragon is to lose oneself (why did you do it?)

I posted the first chapter to my bts insomniac/baker AU - the donuts are warm for you

I posted my Good Omens one shot focusing on the season 2 finale - contains information in a tuneful way (stop, you’re losing me)

I posted three excerpts from an original novel wip of mine (x, x, x)

I posted a bts one shot focusing on Yoongi getting his 7 tattoo - Future's gonna be okay

I posted my The Untamed one shot about Lan Wangji’s grief - you can’t talk me through the fall if we don’t know if i can land

I posted my phan one shot inspired by Taylor Swift’s Timeless - In another life you still would’ve turned my head

I posted my Nimona one shot focusing on a scene from the film - Say that I'm a monster

I posted my phan one shot about not attending pride - so tell me i’m a rainbow (it makes me feel alright)

I posted my Good Omens one shot about Aziraphale doing an apology dance - it ends with a garden (and a cottage in the south downs)

Bloody hell, that’s one hell of a list. And it’s not likely the last one I’ll do, I think I’m going to do one with their summaries and stuff too but I wanted to have my usual monthly recap, even if PEDIA always messes with everything in the best way. Same can be seen on this pie chart.

I didn’t even attempt to untangle all the small entries that’s about 1-0% in the grand scheme of things. It’s the fics that were done before this month but needed to be edited before posting. I had given myself the goal of 2k a day because I knew I needed write a lot to complete PEDIA but I also needed to spend a lot of time editing, but I still went past the goal and almost hit 75k.

That definitely held true, but man, I’m still so proud of myself for managing to keep up even while feeling burned out and getting sick. Like, look! I did it. Yay. You’ll get my monthly overview of PEDIA as well, because why not?

Over 253k words posted! Not my record for a PEDIA but it’s the third most I’ve ever done during one of these challenges, which I’ve been doing since 2017 (except my thesis year). Like this month is kind of stressful and getting into a bit of grind with it all, but the sense of accomplishment when sitting back is indescribable. And I still try so very hard to keep the quality top notch, because despite how I like to get lost in my stats - it’ll always be the words that matter more than the numbers.

I’m going to take a very chill time in September. I’ll still keep up with my daily writing habit but we’re aiming for 1k a day instead, and for this coming week, I am going to maybe only keep up with the journalling to take a break.

#monthly recap #pedia

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starryflix · 2 years

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A first try at something new

Hello people! I have decided to start a little silly blog about anything and whatever that pops on into my brain. This first post is a transcription of something I wrote on paper a few days ago. I am not sure when and how I will post these but I am working on a system. This is both to practice my writing, maybe something therapeutic but also to track some of the progress I made across time. Including a fantasy novel I am working on. I am not sure why I never thought about tracking my progress on this before but here we are now :)

The 16th of November, 2022

Y’know there are quite a few funny things about my life. Being 20 and having experienced a lot more than some people ever will in their entire life is sometimes a little odd to realise. My entire life I have been called mature, grown-up; I vaguely even remember being called extremely wise at the age of 9, arguably when most of the stuff started and accelerated. Besides all of the trauma, basically two decades of it, and the entire struggle of trying to find my own spot in this universe, finding peers with similar experiences or even friends has been a hell of a ride.

My book, my autobiography, could be about navigating the world a late diagnosed neurodivergent person, it could be about being lgbtq+, it could be about grief or mental illness… I just personally think that all of my separate experiences made me into who I am today. Both the good and the bad sides off it. Because while the negative things made my life a ridiculous amount harder, I also would not be the me I am today without those scars. While jarring at points in time, and sometimes the annoying itch or phantom pain won’t leave, without those I would likely not be able to do what I do, to help people the way I do… to just be myself the way I am today. But I think this is a rant for a different day.

As I am writing this it is Wednesday the 16th of November, 2022. I am listening to a lecture Sociolinguistics about sex and gender. While it is 16.37 and nearly dark out I am sitting in between two of my newest friends from my new study. Le (I am going to use their first letters as to keep their privacy) on the right, Lu and her twin sister on the left. K is absent due to a migraine and N is absent due to conflicting plans on her schedule. Now why name all this exactly? I also don't really know the answer myself. Perhaps because I finally feel that I am in the right place, perhaps I even dare say I am happy.

This happiness however is oddly hard to navigate.

Whoo-hoo! The sentimental idiot is writing and philosophically talking about happiness while they should technically focus on the lecture. Now what? One can keep asking questions but I think the answer might be more obvious than it seems; emotional at this very moment (to quote myself from two hours ago; "I am also emotionally unstable! Look I am drawing Sherlock fanart." (it was in response to Le talking about feeling sad and crying that day and I tried to cheer them up)) and some weird way of of inspiration finding it's way into my very brain. Lodging itself in between there until the thought is out.

So I guess that is what this is. A little diary entry, which I was never able to do before, about today and some of the thoughts that have been plaguing my mind the entire week. Because somehow feeling happy at this very moment, is more confusing than just simply accepting it like I did to the feelings that arose during all the hardest moments in my life.

I assume I am going to get back to this at some point in time. So until then. Maybe, I should just start blogging about these random thoughts.

Oh and as a last note to yourself: You've been listening an awful lot to Glass Animals and Fall Out Boy, somewhere you link all of this back to 2017. Maybe reflect on that at some later point in time :))

#thoughts #growing up #life blogging #I honestly don't even know what I want this to be #Felix' Blog (a collection tag)#maybe that will be needed in the future #who knows

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simplyclary · 2 years

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A Story of Finding Comfort in Benedict Cumberbatch

(Photo credits: Charleston Festival)

[Long entry ahead, so grab yourselves a cup of tea and relax while reading this story.]

Preface

As I am writing this entry and trying to channel my inner Dr. John Watson on this afternoon of June 28th, 2022, I'm still thinking about a picture of Benedict Cumberbatch in a wetsuit and he looks like he just got off of a surfboard. He looks utterly handsome and very relaxed. While looking at the picture, I just found myself whispering "You deserve it" to the picture as if I'm really saying it to him, knowing that he has been working non-stop for the past year and he really deserved a holiday.

I am also currently writing this with my Doctor Strange plushie by my side, as well as my turquoise water bottle, a copy of Benedict's biography and a book that was the inspiration for this entry: "This is not a book about Benedict Cumberbatch" by Tabitha Carvan.

This entry is more than just me obsessing over him. It is really a story about how a man who doesn't even know me became the comfort that I never knew I needed. I mean don't get me wrong, a lot of things can comfort me but he just does it on a level that I can't explain. Everyday, I think and sometimes daydream about his eyes, his hands and fingers, his cute and cheeky smile and of course, his cheekbones.

Who would have thought that me, a 22-year old fresh college graduate who should be focusing on more serious things like looking for a job is writing this long blog entry about someone who is miles away from me. Someone who doesn't even know me. How can he comfort me when he's not even here by my side or something?

Well, he just does and I have never felt so comforted in my life.

PART ONE: CUMBERBATCHED AT FIRST SIGHT

The following chapter spans from 2017-early 2018 CHAPTER ONE: A STUDY IN STRANGE

It was in the last quarter of 2016 when I first saw the name of Benedict Cumberbatch. I could not really recall where I saw it or when I saw it, I just know I did. It was either on the poster for "Doctor Strange" in the mall or on the television because of the press tour for the same film. I didn't really know who he was or who this character was until I saw the film on February 2017 when it arrived on digital.

Instantly, I was captivated by his eyes and voice, amid the fact that he was doing an American accent as Strange, which somehow led me to believe that he was American only to find out that he was British later on. I finished the film without any reviews or whatsoever, I just thought it was great. I did not mind him for the remainder of the year, but my brain somehow took a photo of his face which kind of came back to me in 2018. I somehow think that I have a photographic memory because he is one of those people whose face my brain wasn't able to forget.

During the first week of April 2018, before the press tour of Avengers: Infinity War rolled through, me and my family went on a trip to Hong Kong and on the first day, we went to Madame Tussauds Wax Museum and guess what, the first figure that I saw the moment I walked into the door was Benedict. I couldn't believe it and I kind of said aloud while I ran towards the figure "DOCTOR STRANGE!". My mom had to shush me down for me to not make a fool of myself. I had to take photos and to this day, I still consider that my "first meeting" with him. The rest of the trip just passed like waves and before I knew it, I was back home in Manila.

Towards the end of April, I saw Avengers: Infinity War in the cinema with my family. That film was such a rollercoaster ride. It was action-packed, emotional, the visual effects are just stunning. This film, let me tell you, was the one that made me fall head over heels with Doctor Strange and of course, the man who makes him magical, Benedict Cumberbatch. I'm also not going to lie when I tell you that I mourned for him (and also Tom Holland's Spider-Man and a couple others) when they got snapped away.

It was towards my high school graduation when I fell for him and believe me when I say that a picture of him was my phone's wallpaper during the day of my high school graduation. If you're curious about what picture it was, it was a promo picture for Star Trek: Into Darkness where he was looking downward in a diagonal direction and he was wearing a greyish-blue hoodie with a leather jacket. Still, it is one of my favorite Benedict pictures to date.

To be fair, this is already a lot but it's only the beginning.

I basically entered the next and final chapter of my student life with him and being his fan in college is something that I will never regret because this is where I needed him the most.

PART TWO: OFFICIALLY SHERLOCKED

The following chapters span from mid 2018-early 2020 CHAPTER TWO: THE SHERLOCKIAN FRESHMAN

Before officially heading into college, I really delved deep into the "cumbermania" amid being years late to it. That didn't stop me at all. During the summer of 2018, I binged Sherlock online and at the first episode, I was instantly hooked and I found myself trying to solve the case and deduce stuff alongside Sherlock and John. I can no longer remember how long it took me to finish the entire series, but it could've been less than a week.

While watching Sherlock, there were times when I'm in a daze. I cannot deduce as to why but maybe it's because of the close-up shots of Sherlock's beautiful eyes. If you have not figured or looked hard enough by now, you can see that his eyes can be different colors. This is because Benedict has central and sectoral heterochromia, the former means that his eyes can change color depending on the light (it can shift from blue to green or a mix of both) while the latter means that if you really look close up on his right eye, you can see that he has a sort of a freckle at the top of his pupil.

Apparently I wasn't that late to the hype, I guess. On one spontaneous trip to the local bookstore, I found this book called Sherlock: Chronicles with his picture on the cover. Of course, I knew I had to get it but sadly, I did not bring any cash with me that day so I knew that I had to go back in a couple of days. On the day that I went back to the bookstore, I quickly purchased the book and went back home happy and excited to read it. The amount of behind-the-scenes and pictures of him and the cast was just flowing from the pages and I had a fun time just browsing through the pages. That book, along with a few other books, remains to be one of my most prized possessions.

I entered college after a couple months of vacation, which really sped through because I really didn't do anything but binge Sherlock and many of his other works like Parade's End, Fortysomething, The Hobbit, Star Trek, Imitation Game, Third Star and Patrick Melrose among others. Prior to school, I did also virtually meet some people with the same interests as I have and little did I know, I would be connecting with a couple of them in school as well.

CHAPTER THREE: CONNECTING WITH THE COLLECTIVE

Entering college and entering a new fandom in the same year was a pretty surreal experience. As an introvert myself, I didn't really talk much to people I didn't know, both in real life and online. I find connecting with people online just as hard as connecting with people offline. I don't know why but apparently, I get anxious. I do admit to have a bit of social anxiety especially with situations that are beyond my control. Anyways, let's not talk about that.

Entering a new fandom was a slow and steady paced experience for me. I first follow some pages on Twitter and Instagram and then like tweets or comment on posts and then the same routine over and over again. I wouldn't say that I'm extremely close to the members of the fandom, I do interact with some of them but that's about it. I also don't know most of their faces, I sometimes only know them by their social media name and that's that.

I have been in multiple fandoms before, so I'm aware of the fandom names that are linked to the person you support. So when I joined the fandom, I instantly googled to find out what is the name of the fandom of Benedict Cumberbatch and when I saw that the name was cumberb*****s, I was shocked. As a feminist myself, I don't agree with it and apparently, so does Benedict. I mean, I never really proposed an alternative name for the fandom, but personally, I like "cumbercookies". I am open to other options for the fandom name, as long as both the fans and Benedict himself is pleased.

While further going in the fandom, there's always that tinge of jealousy that I feel, even until now. Jealousy in a sense of saying "Why can't that person be me?" I notice that this only occurs when people meet him in red carpet events or at premieres or at awards nights and such so typical fan behavior, I guess but I just tell myself that I would also meet him one day. Who knows?

I also situate myself at a point in the fandom where I am in love with him but not to the point I want to make out with him or anything. Just to be clear. I am kinda zooming in at times on his pictures but I admit that when it comes to his films and series, I still cover my eyes at specific scenes.

I thought that it will only be virtually where I will meet people who likes Benedict the same as I do. Apparently, the universe put me in a section where there was about 2 people who love him the way as I do, more or less and they are Jam and Dulci (I'll call them by their nicknames for this). Considering that I don't have a sister and it is only to my mom who I tell about fandom things, having real people to talk to about who makes you happy is just so important to me.

Dulci was also one of the first people in college who knew that I was a member of the fandom. She was also the one gave me a framed photo of Benedict during our class Christmas party. I do admit that the glass of that frame is broken but that doesn't really matter to me because the picture contained within is the picture of the man who doesn't know me but comforts me the most. Jam is one of my best friends and she constantly sends me things Benedict related and I do the same for her (but I send Tom Hiddleston related things).

CHAPTER FOUR: BENEDICT'S CORNER

You may ask yourself "Benedict's corner? What is going on with the title? What was the author thinking about?". Well, my dears, let me tell you. Honestly, I was inspired to have this title for this chapter because of a little childhood movie you may or may not know by the title of "Piglet's Big Movie". In that film, Pooh and Piglet had a little corner that is exclusive for them with the name of "Pooh and Piglet Corner". It is that little part of the forest that is mainly for them.

Benedict's corner, in my house, is located in a wardrobe with drawers inside. It is basically my little nook or corner where I keep everything Cumberbatch related. In that corner, I've got stickers of Doctor Strange in various styles and a drawing of Sherlock that I bought or someone bought for me in a university art fair. I've also customized myself a Doctor Strange bookmark that I use among other bookmarks when I read. I also have all the Sherlock Holmes stories. Admittedly, I also have stickers of a penguin and a hedgehog (which reminds me of him and his Sherlock co-star and friend Martin Freeman). I also keep a copy of his biography, Ms. Carvan's book that is NOT about him, my Sherlock: Chronicles book and my Doctor Strange Funko Pop in that same wardrobe. I also own a Doctor Strange plush toy, which I hug every night when I go to bed. Apparently, I sleep better when he is by my side.

Honestly, this corner also expanded virtually. I am a sentimental person so I tend to keep at least something related to him close by me. I have a green emerald heart keychain that a friend gave to me that dangles off my purse which I bring everywhere I go. My phone's photo gallery as well as an entire Pinterest board are littered with his photos and I'm not regretting saving every single one of them. To be honest, I also have an entire 32GB flashdrive filled with his photos, movies and series episodes.

This little corner of the house is something I like to keep private, just like everything else fandom related. In the household, only two people know of this little corner of mine, and those are my mom and my younger brother, who apparently, allows me to have them. In terms of social media, I also keep them private. My Twitter and Instagram are hidden from my dad but my mom and brother are aware of it to a certain extent.

CHAPTER FIVE: LIMITLESS LOVE FOR YOU

The last chapter is all about the material things that remind me of him but let me tell you that I am absolutely serious when it comes to being limitless.

Due to me living in the Philippines, which is a third-world country, I am limited to foreign content. Most of the foreign content that I get here is American content, which I have little to no liking for. With British content, it's a bit trickier and so with Benedict's, I resorted to streaming services in order to watch his work. I admit to sometimes using a VPN when streaming his work, because who knows, someone might be spying. Time zones also affects my consumption of content, it's either I stay up late or wake up earlier than usual to consume content from him, whether that be a premiere or a panel on YouTube.

Most mornings when I know that he is on a press tour, I eagerly await for new interviews and pictures of him because truth be told, that is what gets me going throughout the day. I somehow feel like I'm getting a kick out of just seeing his pictures online. I also somehow swoon extra when he does something sexy, amid not on purpose (removing his scarf as Sherlock, change costume as Doctor Strange, etc.). It is also because of him that I made going to London a part of my bucket list.

I have my limits when it comes to consuming content as well. I tend to stray away from horror (because as a bookworm, I have a wild imagination) and those movies with too many sensual scenes as well as those movies that I know would just bore me. With Benedict, these limits of mine were tested. I'm not your war/crime genre type of girl, but with him, I started to appreciate the genre of war/crime. To be fair, Benedict introduced me to film genres that I never thought I would watch like biographical films and period dramas.

He introduced me not only to these genres of film but also to the world of Shakespeare and theatre. I'm not a theatre nerd but I have to say that the amount of work that goes into a production is just admirable. I have seen bits of Hamlet and Frankenstein and I have nothing but praise.

Apparently, everything was limitless when it comes to Benedict Cumberbatch. Because of my consumption of his work, my reading up on the characters he played and having him as a celebrity crush and comfort person also affected my standards for men as well as my cultural knowledge. For the former aspect, I am not a hopeless romantic by any means and I definitely look for a loyal and honest person, so when he came into my universe, I somehow patterned my ideal partner after him. Call me too much but in this world now, who can blame me? As for the cultural knowledge, he sort of kickstarted my eagerness to learn more about British culture (words, phrases, food, places, etc.).

Lastly, I am not a master of impressions or accents like he is, but I somehow picked up a slight British accent because of listening too much to him but then again, can you blame me?

CHAPTER SIX: SEEING YOU AT THE ENDGAME

I really delved into loads of his work AFTER Avengers: Infinity War and diving into his work became a sort of a channel for my grief for Doctor Strange and the thought that he snapped away haunted me for a year. This is also the reason why when Avengers: Endgame was announced, I instantly had a glimmer of hope and at the time, who knew that he would be the one to also say the title of the next ensemble film.

Avengers: Endgame was something I really looked forward to in 2019. It was a cinematic event and people constantly brought it up in conversation. I had my own hopes, but amid that, I was still surprised by the film. I livestreamed the premiere night I watched it with my friends and family in the cinema and I cried the moment I saw Doctor Strange's picture at the beginning of the film. What really had me bawling was the scene where the portals showed up and all those who got snapped during Infinity War returned, including of course, Doctor Strange himself. I shouted, cried and my heart was pounding off of my chest due to excitement and just genuine happiness.

After Endgame, I thought that was it but fast forward to around July 20 of the same year, at San Diego Comic-Con, I had something else to look forward to. It was at this very convention that the sequel that Doctor Strange fans have been waiting for and of course, Benedict was there and I was at home somehow crying at my phone of happiness to know that I had something to look forward to.

Towards the end of the year, I kind of veered to other fandoms which is fine but of course, there's that internal conflict that I'm neglecting one fandom over the other. I do consider the stuff to look forward to and I'm updated about him no matter what and that feeling of neglect never really got the better of me. In fact, that little break was kind of what catapulted me to loving and appreciating him even more now.

PART THREE: A STRANGE TYPE OF COMFORT

The following chapters span from 2020-Present

CHAPTER SEVEN: TIME AWAY FROM YOU

When the pandemic started and everything was put on hold, apparently my fandoms were also put on hold. During the height of the pandemic, I was consuming less social media because I can't handle that amount of negativity. I took a break from ALL of my fandoms, include the collective and I started to somehow unfollow some folks online. I then found other fandoms which I joined and I became (and still is) a part of them.

I also paused from watching Sherlock and his other work and I also somehow stored my Benedict related things in the corner and I basically did not come back to it for the entirety of 2020. I was handling it fine but ultimately, the universe knew he was someone I need and I eventually came back to consuming his work. At the beginning of 2021, WandaVision premiered and it was a blast and I admit that I was one of the people who were hoping for a cameo appearance from Doctor Strange (which did not happen). Amid the fact that I am not yet fully back in the fandom, things were starting to get better and he was going on press tours for The Power of the Dog, The Electrical Life of Louis Wain and join Tom Holland in promoting Spider-Man No Way Home.

This time I had away from him and the fandom was proof that no matter how much I try to suppress or shy away from the person that gives me the most comfort, the universe will always find ways on how I will get back to him, and apparently, it made no mistake. To add as well, I came back to the fandom when I was in my FINAL year in college.

CHAPTER EIGHT: VOCALLY ENCHANTED

At the first part of this story, I mentioned that his voice is one of the things that I really love about him.

Truth be told, I am a sucker for people with captivating voices and Benedict Cumberbatch is no different. He made the hair in my forearms stand when I watched The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug where he played the dragon Smaug. He made me giggle when he mispronounced "penguins" multiple times in "The Penguins of Madagascar" when he voiced the James Bond-ish wolf Agent Classified. I live for his nasally annoyed voice in "The Grinch", which is one of my favorite Christmas movies.

I love listening to his voice in whatever medium, on the television, in the cinema but apparently, the experience is even better when I've got earphones on, listening to it on a laptop. I prefer this because his baritone voice makes my ears vibrate which never happens with normal music. Is that weird? Am I crazy or is this normal? Maybe because it's Benedict Cumberbatch. His voice is an art form itself. It can be molded to sound different in every single performance. Personally, I do think he has a good falsetto, no matter how deep his voice is.

A specific movie scene that really had me dazing was the scene in the film August: Osage County (which is that ONE film that he has with another favorite actor of mine, Ewan McGregor) where he not only plays the piano but also sings a beautiful love song. The song is short, but sweet. I could listen to it over and over again but never get tired of it.

I also had a law subject in my last semester of university where we were told to read cases every week. I am a reader, but I prefer fiction over politics. What only made the cases readable for me was when I read it with Benedict's voice in my head. I basically made my brain think that he was reading that case to me as if it is an audiobook which made things a tad bit interesting and understandable.

CHAPTER NINE: INSPIRED BY YOU

I am an advocate for multiple causes myself. I advocate for press freedom, animal welfare, environmental causes, women empowerment and mental health. So it is no longer a shock to me that the person who I look up to the most is also an advocate for similar causes.

I will forever be inspired by his kind and good-natured heart. Benedict is such a humanitarian and he will do anything, as long as he can, to help people and that is just heartwarming. He is also very caring, as a father, a husband, a friend, a co-star and as a person in general. The Russia-Ukraine crisis has been a headline for the past couple months and there are a lot of refugees. I was floored when I heard that Benedict and his beautiful wife Sophie took in a family from Ukraine into their home in London. It was amazing and inspiring. When I tell you that he is a real-life superhero, it's true and I'm not kidding. I couldn't ask for a better role model than him.

Benedict Cumberbatch is just one of the most amazing and most passionate and dedicate human beings on the planet and it shows. He is dedicated to about everything. He pours work into simple things like fitness and food. The work that goes into all the characters that he has played and will continue to play is just jaw-dropping. His charity work, again, inspiring. No words could really encompass my feelings towards these acts that just showcases his care for people and the world in general.

I will forever be in awe of his talents and abilities, his love for his family and friends, his passion for his craft. He is just an inspiring human being and I can no longer say anything else but that.

CHAPTER TEN: LOVING YOU IN EVERY UNIVERSE

This line. One of my favorite lines in the Doctor Strange sequel. Trust me, I have issues about the film but I'd rather not say it because I don't want to cause controversy. Amid these issues, this film remains to be one of my comfort films in 2022. You should have seen the film by now, but if you haven't, please do watch it.

Going by the logic of the sequel, dreams are windows into the lives of our multiversal selves (this line was also said in the film by Doctor Strange himself). In Disney logic, dreams are wishes that our hearts make (Cinderella, anyone?). In my own logic, it's a vision of what could possibly happen in the future or maybe it's because I think of him 24/7.

Why am I babbling about dreams? Well, that's because I have already dreamt of him not just once but multiple times. Of course I can no longer remember the content of the dreams because I forget them the moment I wake up, but going by whatever logic, I have already met him in another universe, my heart just wishes to meet him and I just want to meet him in general. I mean, who does not want to meet Benedict Cumberbatch, right? Well, haters may not, but that's another thing.

The thing is, through dreams, it is somehow proven that in every universe, I will love him because maybe he is an amazing human being in whatever universe and that's the truth.

CHAPTER ELEVEN: THE ULTIMATE COMFORT

Benedict Cumberbatch is that one in 14 million celebrities that can truly comfort me in a certain way that I don't understand. I mean, I have had other celebrity crushes before like Ewan McGregor, Andrew Garfield and Grant Gustin to name a few, but they don't provide me the comfort I need. Sure, they make me happy but they do not comfort me the way Benedict does.

I consider comfort in a sense that I can instantly smile or feel better at one sight of something or in this case, someone that I love. There were a lot of stressful moments for me recently like the political tension in my country, my last semester in college and just about everything that's going on in the world and he became my "rock" and source of sanity. I probably already went insane if it weren't for him.

During the beginning of 2022, I found that he is always there when I need him or when my fellow fans need him. It's like the universe has a way of sensing that the fans are in need of their dose of Cumberbatch goodness so when the fans need him the most, he comes out via a singular picture that can make us go crazy for a week or two. His press tour for Multiverse of Madness was a blast and it was absolute chaos and delight. That film was my motivator throughout tough days and I always thought that every passing day is a moment closer to me seeing Doctor Strange again.

In the press tour, I have no idea if he was tired or jet-lagged or drunk or just being himself, but every single chaotic moment or interview never failed to make me laugh, which I was really thankful for especially during the days that I was close to breaking down. He was my tether to sanity and I will forever thank him for that. He was also a sort of "company" for me when I feel alone. I feel really happy that he is in my life and I am thankful that I live in the same universe as he does because I couldn't imagine what my current life would be like if Benedict Cumberbatch wasn't in it.

Some of the things he mentioned during some press tours are also very therapeutic to hear and it invoked lessons that I never heard from anyone else like finding authenticity in everything you do, do not worry about pleasing people and many more. To me, those are life lessons and I would never forget them and I am thankful that they came from Benedict Cumberbatch.

CONCLUSION OF A DEDUCTION

I haven't fully figured out why he comforts me so much, why he makes me happy. He just does and I wouldn't have it any other way. He is a part of my life. Remove him and a part of me is gone. It's just like removing Disney from my childhood and I'm not going to be the person I am today. I won't even be as sane as I am if it weren't for his presence, at least virtually.

People may say that this is just a phase, but darling, it's a good phase of life that I am sure to remember for eternity. Even if I have amnesia or I forget stuff, I would just take one look at this blog entry and remember how a man with a weird name but charming personality became one of the reasons I reached where I'm at. Call me crazy or obsessed, but hey, it's alright to obsess over someone every once in a while because if not, life will be dull and boring.

It's maybe a coincidence (or just my procrastination) that I finished this entry today, July 19th 2022, and guess what, it's Benedict Cumberbatch's 46th birthday. For my simple birthday wish for him, I just want to give him a big virtual hug and thank him for being a part of my life and I wouldn't be who I am today if it wasn't for him.

Well, this is a story of my life as a Cumberfan, and it is a life that I love living. I will continue to live this life and I will continue to love and support Benedict Cumberbatch until time tells me that it is time to stop. If only he knew how much he means to me....

#benedict cumberbatch #sherlock #doctor strange #comfort #sanity #life #happiness #gratitude #happy birthday

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steampaul · 5 months

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i've started a little series of weekly posts documenting every MoC i made (digitally) over the last few years:

Week 7: the rest of 2020

ideas contests, my new room, the return of the robot dog, some wishful thinking and some new emissive materials

LEGO Ideas had an activity where you took photos of minifigures interacting with real life objects. this was the photo i took. i like it a lot and used it for a very long time as my background for my phone because i was so proud of it.

i reorganized my room and decided to update the MoC i made of it. once again, posting this on reddit resulted in a lot of comments regarding the small size of my room. :/

is it obvious that i was obsessed with boston dynamic's spot and adam savage for a hot minute? i hope these costumes inspired by some of the casings adam savage made for his borrowed spot are the last we'll see...

LEGO Ideas also had a contest about music and music videos. my entry was the MMX by Martin Molin aka Wintergatan, a music playing machine that was supposed to be an updated version of the Marble Machine, a machine he built by himself back in 2016, that was actually engineered and not basically improvised. he didn't finish it and is currently starting a similar project from scratch.

i actually made that MoC of of the original Marble machine back in 2017 (i think), when i first saw the video, but the file is just.... gone. the only reason i even remembered this MoC is because i recently found the contest entry on my Ideas profile when i was looking something up. (the same goes for the activity entry i posted further up). I also had to take the image i uploaded to Ideas for this entry, because the render is also just.... gone.

season 2 of the mandalorian had recently released and there where some rumores floating around that we would be getting a set based on episode 1 (later revealed to be 75299 - trouble on tatooine)

some wishful thinking the lead me to making this MoC, something actually based on an interesting scene instead of just a bad built of a Ghorfa tent.

Stud.io made a new addition to their rendering allowing actual emissive materials intead of the kinda hacky thing i've been using with that orange material i had been using that far. this is just a build where i tested them (and how the eyesight renderer handled them).

also, yes, this would be out of chronological order because i've been using those new emissive materials in the hover cars from last week. but a limit of 30 images means i have to kind of choose what to put where and i mostly put them in an order that feels right.

anyway, next week is going to be 2021, my last productive year.

first week last week next week

#lego #lego moc #lego photography #boston dynamics #adam savage #wintergatan #marble machine #the mandalorian

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wanderingjournalofshadows · 8 months

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principium

This journal is a remnant of a wanderer, an adventurer of sorts.

More precisely a solo RPG journal for me, traveling through the mists, and exploring the wonderful and horrifying place that is the home setting of Ravenloft.

The Hickman couple created something in 1983 that captured the fans of gothic horror and at the time emerging Dungeons & Dragons enthusiasts - it became a cult setting for many alike.

My personal experience with the world of Ravenloft runs back to 2017 when I first started to run Curse of Strahd, the 5th edition variant of the classic module I6 - Ravenloft. I was just starting college and gathered a new group of friends to guide them into the mists of Barovia.

Since then I ran the campaign two more times, with more or less success, but I knew that it is the perfect setting for me if I ever wanted to play D&D.

So what is the premise of this blog?

I intend to delve deep into the lore of the setting and explore it through the lenses of a character who travels through the mists and gets to know the colorful (albeit desaturated) Domains of Dread.

I'll write about my adventures, as I slowly slip into the role of this character, and hopefully enjoy my time over the weekly sessions of a couple of hours, and leave behind something that is enjoyable to read as well, since I do have my aspirations of creative writing.

It is also a practice of writing and my (non-existent) English skills, since I'm not a native speaker of the language, but if I'm to write, I need to hone the skill well enough to create something that captivates the readers' curiosity.

So expect grammatical issues, or sometimes errors in semantics, as I power through descriptions and ways to express my experiences during play.

Aesthetics? Format?

I also try to leave behind sketches, and make it pleasing to read this journal. I'm already thinking about the formatting of the text so one can separate the narrative from the game mechanics, and only read the fiction emerging from my dice rolling and decisions. Solo Roleplaying is a very interesting concept in itself, that deserves a dedicated post later on.

I think my time with Play-By-Post (pbp) games gave me a certain standard when it comes to "written play" and how certain things should be presented.

Writing in first person or third person will be always one of the difficult decisions when it comes to the tone of fiction. For the setting the first person perspective offers a certain kind of intimacy, especially to convey the character's emotions, that might be a better option to convey a personal experience. Bram Stoker's Dracula (Read it if you have the time) was also an inspiration for this choice, since the plot is told through letters, written from the perspective of the characters.

And while reading I will listen to music that inspires me, I'll most likely leave a Spotify/Youtube link at the beginning of each post to have an audio ambience for the entry.

In the coming weeks I'll figure out the blog aesthetics as well, refreshing my CSS skills and/or looking for a suitable template.

So who will be the Wanderer?

I don't know at the moment, but I need to find first where I should start. There are many wonderful resources online that can help me choose the first Domain of Dread to venture to. What I also need to choose is the rules themselves. Since the first Ravenloft was written for AD&D 1E - I might opt for using an older version of the traditional formula. There are some pros for it:

It's OSR compatible. I have a truckload of OSR resources, that can be fairly easily adapted to it, thus giving me more creative and gameplay freedom.

Lots of compatible Ravenloft materials. Lots of resources exist for AD&D 2E which also has an easy conversion backwards, if I would ever need to have that, but again the difference between 1E and 2E are minor.

It's simpler. While it's obscure in nature, it is less complicated, and less restrictive with certain aspects of the game, compared to 3E/3.5.

It's crunchy enough. 5E is nice, but lacks a certain kind of crunch that I liked about the older editions. AD&D 1E might have just enough that will be still simple enough for solo play, that I don't have to spend too much time figuring out the system while playing.

In the next post I'll be exploring my options for the character and the first Domain of Dread.

But I think it's good to write down the foundation of the thought process, and I hope it gave perspective for you as a reader on what the hell I'm doing here.

Cheers,

Mythwriter

#ravenloft #solo #solo rpg #solo roleplay #dnd #dnd oc #dnd campaign #curse of strahd #strahd von zarovich #dnd strahd #barovia #journal #diary

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suspicious-pools-of-blood · 11 months

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Hi buddy! Its Athena, I'm sending this out to all my mutuals - what got you into writing, what inspires you, who inspires you and what music inspires you to write? what do you love about writing?

Hi Athena!

To be honest, I don't actually know when I first got into writing. Especially if we count the "daydreaming plotlines of stories that never actually get written down," I've been doing that since I was a kid. I guess I started writing in middle school; we'd get assignments in English class to write stories and I'd always get way too ambitious and perfectionist with it and have trouble keeping it as a short story haha. In eighth grade we had one such assignment that was open-ended enough that the story I came up with would have needed at least a full book to contain it all, so I ended up just submitting a chapter 1 with a "to be continued" at the end. I wrote bits and pieces here and there continuing that story, but for the most part it just lived in my brain for several years. High school English class was a lot more essay-based than middle school, but my tenth grade teacher was fond of fiction; we had one or two full short story assignments, but for the first few months we also would get weekly vocabulary homework that involved writing a (very) short story using that week's words, and I think that's what really got me into writing. Those were more like one-shots than full short stories, but it made me remember how fun writing fiction is (and it's also around that time that I started writing more predominantly angst/whump, which is now my bread and butter). I just checked my old google drive files and it looks like I started actually writing stuff down around 2017 and actually writing my main story -- which, although nearly unrecognizable now, is the same one I started in eighth grade -- towards the end of 2020.

Inspiration: I think I'm mostly inspired by (1) other media and (2) history, with heavy overlap between the two. Full disclosure, coming as no surprise to anyone who has talked to me for over 5 minutes, I watched Xena: Warrior Princess in 2020 and it permanently rewired by brain harder than anything else ever has. In my elementary school, everyone got their Greek mythology phase from reading Percy Jackson in class, but my English class was the only one that didn't read it, so none of us had that phase -- until I watched Xena, and the ancient Mediterranean became one of my primary hyperfixations. I was never much into history before, but I always loved the medieval vibe of fantasy (although I actually was never into high fantasy/magic worlds); my formative book series as a kid was the Ranger's Apprentice series by John Flanagan. (Side note, I think John Flanagan having written that series when he wasn't a writer previously was also influential for making me view writing as an activity with a very low bar for entry, so I didn't feel intimidated or like I shouldn't write just because I wasn't aiming for a career in writing.) So when I first started writing I defaulted to the generic run of the mill medieval-England-with-the-serial-number-filed-off setting that a lot of earth-like fantasy defaults to. By high school I think the setting had started to become more original, though still approximately equivalent to medieval Europe. But once I watched Xena, I realized that actually ancient Greece is so much cooler what the fuck. From there I watched some other stuff made by the same people who made Xena, including the STARZ Spartacus series, so I got generally into ancient history because of all that. I started reading a lot more nonfiction history books (as well as well-researched historical fiction, for the vibes) covering various civilizations of the ancient Mediterranean (not limited to Greece and Rome). I'm also half Turkish, so I was raised with the vague awareness that before the Turks there had been a number of great civilizations in Anatolia, from which we were partly descended (fun fact, my parents actually named me after one of those civilizations; it was one of my given middle names, but unfortunately no one told me it was based on that until after a decade of hating it because to me it was just a random girl's name and every time I mentioned not liking it my parents would be like "oh but it's a beautiful name" and I assumed it was just more of them being transphobic and not wanting me to change it to a boy's name lmao). I also sort of knew (though I didn't know the historical details) that our people migrated to Anatolia from central Asia a long time ago (tbc most Turks are genetically only very slightly Turkic, but a lot of cultural elements can be traced back to the nomadic lifestyle, even stuff as simple as our cuisine being a lot more dairy-based than other cultures in the area) and used to be nomadic warriors, what with the horseback archers and all that, so that inspired me for the whole other half of my setting. I also got into the history of the steppes, from the Mongols in the medieval era all the way back to the various peoples such as the Sarmatians or Scythians theorized to have been the basis for the Greek myth of the Amazons. And recently I started watching a Turkish show (okay, I started it like a year ago, it just has very long episodes that I have a really hard time sitting through) called Destan that is set in central Asia before the Turkic migration, and that's probably the biggest influence currently on my writing. [Stefon voice:] This show's got everything. Nomadic tribal politics and governmental organization, a strong female lead, so many strong female characters actually, horseback archery, a pet wolf, kurgans, fantastic fight choreography.

Whoops, wall of text. Here, have some line breaks.

I'll also add, for who inspires me, other writers on tumblr! For me this is more of a whump thing than a general writing thing; I used to feel suuuuuper self-conscious about writing fucked up shit (that was probably the biggest reason why I rarely wrote stuff down, because What If Someone Saw It) but now I open my dash and see way more fucked up shit than I could write lmao so idk if that counts as inspiration, but it definitely gets me past certain mental blocks to writing.

Music is a tough one, because I have OC playlists and whatnot, but those tend to be more "put them on and stare at an empty document for an hour" playlists than actual writing playlists. Sometimes I'll pick one specific song (or just a few) and put them on loop. If I have a song with lyrics associated with a specific scene, that might inspire me to write that scene, but for general writing inspiration I go more for either instrumentals or ~vibes~ music (a good example is Calyx Virago by Xandria, which fun fact is where my OC Calyx's name comes from).

My favorite part of writing is probably the end result. I write what I want to read (as evidenced by the fact that my story basically came about by putting all my hyperfixations into a blender and pouring out the results into a google doc), so I very much am the "Oh boy I can't wait for the next chapter! What do you mean I HAVE TO WRITE IT?!" type of writer lmao. That's also why I do a lot of story development in my head without writing things down, because I imagine scenes more like a movie, and then often have difficulty putting it into words in a way that sounds good. But if/when I do manage to do that well, it's gotta be my favorite part of the whole process.

#Thank you for the ask!

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emmastamm · 1 year

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Why Everyone Should Use Their Notes App

When I think of my relationship with writing, my mind instantly goes to the countless papers I’ve had to write during my past thirteen years of formal education. Although I have become a decent writer from learning about the basics of developing thesis statements, citing sources correctly, and structuring essays, that says very little about the person I am. If someone were to read all of the papers I wrote in school, they would have no idea about who I really am. I did not have the intention of doing anything other than meeting the rubric requirements and getting a decent grade. The piece of writing that truly captivates my personality, thought process, and growth through the years is my notes app. My notes app might seem like a jumbled mess of fragmented sentences and spelling errors, but it tells my story better than any academic paper ever could.

My earliest entry was in 2015 which includes the username and password to my first instagram account. To anyone else this might seem insignificant, but for me this entry brings memories of excitement and newly found maturity. I had been trying to convince my parents that I was old enough to have social media, and after months of begging they finally caved. I remember the excitement that came with choosing a username and creative password that nobody would guess. I felt so mature back then, and it makes me smile to think about how much I have grown since that moment. The entries of 2017 contain lists of songs that I thought would be fun to create dances to. When my friends and I would get together, we would choreograph dances and record them. This was a time in my life where I was experiencing real stability for the first time. Throughout my early childhood, we had to move around a lot for my dad’s work. I went to a total of three elementary schools, and I always felt like the new kid. I was very shy, and had a hard time making new friends because of it. My parents decided that I should take first grade twice because they noticed I was struggling socially. We finally moved to Minnesota, which was our last move. Starting middle school in a new place was difficult, but I met some great friends that gave me a sense of belonging. I started to bring down this wall that I had put up a long time ago. Middle school is usually regarded as a tough time for most people, but for me it was when I really started to feel like myself. Looking back at these early entries in my notes app gives me a happy sense of nostalgia, and serves as a reminder of my growth into the person I am today.

It is true that my notes app includes many happy memories for me, but it also includes painful things that are hard to revisit. The notes from 2021 include things from harmless short reminders and grocery lists, to emotional paragraphs that are challenging to read. In 2021, I started dating my first boyfriend. We were an emotional rollercoaster that seemed impossible to get off no matter how much we both wanted to. We went through on-again-off-again phases that were so emotionally draining and confusing, that I had to write to myself how I was feeling so I could keep my feelings straight. I felt like I was a shell of the person I once was when I was going through that stage in my life. I lost many friends because of it, and found myself taking my pent up anger out at my family. Although I could easily delete this entry from my notes app, it is still a part of what makes me who I am. The notes serve as a reminder of who I was when I was in that stage of my life, and have inspired me to never let that happen again. Some entries from 2022 are also less than savory, with the main one being a paragraph I wish I could say to one of my best friends that passed away last May. As difficult as it is to revisit this part of me, it is just as much of my story as any other entry. Although losing him has caused a huge change in me, it was not necessarily a bad one. I have become a lot more understanding of other people’s actions, because I only know a fraction of what they might be going through. It would be accurate to say that the resilience I have experienced after tremendously painful parts of my life has contributed to the person I have always strived to be. I am a deeply empathetic and compassionate person who is emotional, yet strong minded and determined to reach my goals.

While the content of what I have logged in my notes app is important, the format of my notes also embodies who I am. Instead of organizing my notes and titling them with their content so they are easy to locate, I have one big note that I have been adding to for the last seven years. My thoughts are very sporadic and random, with some notes lacking a clear purpose. This style of writing speaks to how I think as someone who has ADHD. I tend to have a hard time thinking in the long term, and instead hyper focus on the idea I have at the moment. For example, I have a clear memory of sitting down with my older cousin a few years ago and talking about how her freshman year of college was going. Immediately following this conversation, I sat down and wrote a list of places I could see myself going for college and why. I then proceeded to never look at the list again, and until looking through my notes app for this assignment I forgot that it even existed. This form of writing is probably caused by my poor planning and organization skills. When I have a thought that I need to put in my notes, I don’t think of starting a new page and titling it accordingly, because the only thing on my mind is putting the note in my phone before I forget it. The style of writing in my notes app also plays into a part of who I am. Before I was diagnosed with ADHD, I was really embarrassed and confused about how my brain worked. I remember doing MAP and MCA testing in elementary and middle school. Because those tests were not timed, I took two whole weeks to finish the test that took most kids three days to complete. I remember feeling so embarrassed when kids would say things like, “Emma your seriously not done testing yet?”. Being alone in the media center with the test proctor was so painfully awkward enough, but I also felt like I was wasting everybody’s time on taking a test I thought for sure I was going to fail. Although I ended up scoring in the 90th percentile for every subject, school did not just come easily for me. I always had to study double the amount of time to get things to stick in my brain, and it made me feel so stupid. When I finally got screened for ADHD my sophomore year of high school, things finally started making sense. I got the help and resources I needed to allow me to flourish in school. After my diagnosis, I no longer feel ashamed of my brain. I am a spontaneous person who is incredibly creative, and I have the ability to hyperfocus which is almost like a super power. My notes app serves as a reminder of my journey with ADHD and the self love that came along with it.

Although my journey with writing has been similar to my peers in the academic sense, the writing style and process I have done in my notes app carries a more personal feel. My early entries shine light on the person I was, as well as the happy memories of my childhood. My later entries reveal a darker part of my life that shows my resilience and strength of character. The overall feel of my notes app pays homage to my unique, yet beautiful brain. While academic writing is very important, creative writing allows people to look deep within themselves and tell the world who they really are, and the person they want to become. Looking through my notes app has done exactly that. I am a person who is made up by their past experiences, and recognizes the importance of accepting every part of myself. I wish to move forward with my personal writing, knowing that I must stay true to who I am and be open to the new growth and experiences that life throws at me.

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gross80byrd · 2 years

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Balenciaga Luggage Women's

Fake luggage often have bales that look like “coat hangers”. The ends of the twisted piece of the bale should taper to a smooth, flat finish. I’m praying Louis Vuitton doesn’t get any concepts and replace the form of their Neverfull tote bag – I’d consider that equally complicated and blasphemous. Giant 12 has additionally been produced in silver, gold, and rose gold. A well-liked bag amongst celebrities, this Giant 21 Midday bag by Balenciaga won't ever leave you unnoticed! It is crafted from muted beige leather and is accented with outsized signatur... Balenciaga Sneakerhead Small Mesh & Leather Hourglass Bag - 'Hourglass' tote shape - Overlaid with details from the label's 'Track' sneakers - White mesh base - Black leather overla... Another striking classic is the Balenciaga Papier bag, which is particularly adored by Cameron Diaz. Crafted from leather-based in a classy shade, the bag has a female silhouette with two high handles and bronze-tone hardware. Balenciaga Motorcycle Bags have been first spotted on the arms of celebs and models again within the early 2000s. wikipedia handbags The unique was created by none apart from purse genius Nicholas Ghesquiere, who spent 15 years as inventive director for Balenciaga. Since the very first moto B-Bag debuted, the style has been reinterpreted many occasions over. Depending on the season, sure colours and variations have been highly coveted, making Balenciaga's moto bags, particularly the City, one of the influential it-bags of our time. Yoogi’s Closet is another one of my bookmarked pre-loved websites. In 2014, the tag entrance was restyled and “FABRIQUÉ EN ITALIE” was added to the tag again, although this appears to have been eliminated for the F/W 2017 season. https://phoenet.tw/balenciaga-replica.html The RealReal is one other favourite pre-loved site I store incessantly. My Louis Vuitton Neverfull MM was a gift from my dad and mom, bought on The RealReal! TRR has an enormous stock of designer bags, which means if you can’t find a particular fashion on other sites or at retail, you’re prone to find it on The RealReal. Fashionphile is by far my favorite web site to shop when I’m on the lookout for pre-loved designer purses. The Balenciaga City Bag is certainly one of my favourite handbags in my designer bag collection. I even have an entire handful of weblog posts about why buying fast trend is unhealthy. The reality is that any and all consumption in extra isn’t wonderful for our planet. Buying your purses, jewellery, footwear, clothes, and different accessories pre-loved extends the life of every item instead of latest objects continuously being produced and then ending up within the trash. Creative director since 2015, Demna Gvasalia continues Balenciaga’s custom of extreme experimentation, bringing his uniquely subversive imaginative and prescient to the storied French house. Androgynous blazers, trench coats, and wool overcoats are minimize in oversized shapes, whereas t-shirts, hoodies, and knitwear characteristic signature logo graphics. Balenciaga artistic director Demna Gvasalia has taken what was as quickly as sacred floor and made it his own, most notably via luggage. Shop authentic Balenciaga luggage like the City, Everyday Camera bag, Ville, Triangle Duffel, and more on StockX. Every merchandise that passes through our doorways is checked by way of quite a few protocols for quality and authenticity. Not least—you needed certainly one of these because you didn’t already have something prefer it. Join our record for day by day fashion inspiration & first entry to global fashion. This is a good overview of a bag that’s definitely hung around a lengthy time, but not one of these is a Balenciaga velo bag despite that label getting used lots of occasions. Nicole’s bag is a piece for example and Amal’s is a city. The Balenciaga style house offers a range of bags, including many icons by the French brand, just like the Neo Classic City bag. With its rivets, buckles and panels, this model is irresistible and sets its style in all its formats. This GSH city tote from Balenciaga is perfect for all your outings. This rogue vermillion leather tote is exclusive in its silhouette and options an interaction of huge silver studs and... Crafted from brogue leather in a stunning pink hue, the bag has a feminine silhouette with two prime handles and a front zip pock... The original, known as the Balenciaga Le Dix Motorcycle Bag, is the inspiration behind countless shapes and silhouettes in varrying sizes and a myriad of colours and prints.

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perezrobertson8 · 2 years

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Balenciaga Baggage Ladies's

Fake luggage usually have bales that look like “coat hangers”. The ends of the twisted piece of the bale should taper to a easy, flat finish. I’m praying Louis Vuitton doesn’t get any concepts and update the form of their Neverfull tote bag – I’d consider that equally confusing and blasphemous. Giant 12 has additionally been produced in silver, gold, and rose gold. A well-liked bag amongst celebrities, this Giant 21 Midday bag by Balenciaga won't ever leave you unnoticed! balenciaga replica It is crafted from muted beige leather-based and is accented with outsized signatur... Balenciaga Sneakerhead Small Mesh & Leather Hourglass Bag - 'Hourglass' tote form - Overlaid with details from the label's 'Track' sneakers - White mesh base - Black leather-based overla... Another hanging traditional is the Balenciaga Papier bag, which is particularly adored by Cameron Diaz. Crafted from leather-based in an aesthetic shade, the bag has a female silhouette with two high handles and bronze-tone hardware. Balenciaga Motorcycle Bags were first noticed on the arms of celebs and fashions again within the early 2000s. The original was created by none aside from handbag genius Nicholas Ghesquiere, who spent 15 years as inventive director for Balenciaga. Since the very first moto B-Bag debuted, the fashion has been reinterpreted many times over. Depending on the season, certain colors and variations have been extremely coveted, making Balenciaga's moto bags, specifically the City, some of the influential it-bags of our time. Yoogi’s Closet is one other certainly one of my bookmarked pre-loved websites. In 2014, the tag entrance was restyled and “FABRIQUÉ EN ITALIE” was added to the tag again, though this seems to have been eliminated for the F/W 2017 season. The RealReal is another favorite pre-loved web site I shop incessantly. My Louis Vuitton Neverfull MM was a gift from my dad and mom, bought on The RealReal! TRR has an enormous inventory of designer luggage, that means should you can’t find a specific type on other sites or at retail, you’re more probably to find it on The RealReal. Fashionphile is by far my favorite web site to shop when I’m looking for pre-loved designer handbags. The Balenciaga City Bag is one of my favourite purses in my designer bag collection. I actually have an entire handful of blog posts about why purchasing quick style is bad. The truth is that any and all consumption in excess isn’t amazing for our planet. Buying your handbags, jewelry, footwear, clothes, and different equipment pre-loved extends the life of every item instead of recent objects continually being produced and then ending up in the trash. Creative director since 2015, Demna Gvasalia continues Balenciaga’s custom of maximum experimentation, bringing his uniquely subversive vision to the storied French home. Androgynous blazers, trench coats, and wool overcoats are minimize in oversized shapes, while t-shirts, hoodies, and knitwear function signature logo graphics. Balenciaga inventive director Demna Gvasalia has taken what was as quickly as sacred ground and made it his personal, most notably through baggage. Shop genuine Balenciaga luggage just like the City, Everyday Camera bag, Ville, Triangle Duffel, and extra on StockX. Every merchandise that passes by way of our doorways is checked by way of quite a few protocols for quality and authenticity. Not least—you needed considered one of these since you didn’t have already got something like it. Join our list for every day type inspiration & first entry to global style. This is an effective overview of a bag that’s definitely hung around a lengthy time, however not certainly one of these is a Balenciaga velo bag regardless of that label getting used plenty of times. Nicole’s bag is a piece for instance and Amal’s is a metropolis. The Balenciaga trend home presents a range of baggage, including many icons by the French model, like the Neo Classic City bag. wikipedia handbags With its rivets, buckles and panels, this mannequin is irresistible and units its fashion in all its formats. This GSH metropolis tote from Balenciaga is perfect for all of your outings. This rogue vermillion leather-based tote is unique in its silhouette and options an interaction of enormous silver studs and... Crafted from brogue leather-based in a stunning pink hue, the bag has a female silhouette with two high handles and a front zip pock... The authentic, called the Balenciaga Le Dix Motorcycle Bag, is the inspiration behind countless shapes and silhouettes in varrying sizes and a myriad of colours and prints.

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recordmale2 · 2 years

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Why I Abandoned Tony Robbins My Very Truthful Testimonial

Dan's goal is merely, to influence others to live their dreams and be the person to whom they say; "Due to you, I never ever gave up." Robbins is additionally a published author, with 5 books to his name. His most current book was launched in 2017, and is co-authored with Peter Mallouk. He has dealt with several of one of the most effective people in the world, consisting of Oprah, Costs Clinton, and Leonardo DiCaprio. His techniques have actually been called debatable, however he continues to stay one of the best in his field. If you know with any of Tony Robbins height performance techniques, you know that your capacity to preserve a peak state is an essential part of living the life you want. Your state is impacted incidentally you use your physique, your ability to route your mind's emphasis, as well as the language or definition you give to your experiences. Furthermore, four-day occasions such as Mastery University, Date With Fate, Unleash the Power Within, and Business Mastery are among Robbins' workshops. He formerly married Rebecca "Becky" Jenkins, whom he fulfilled at a workshop, in 1982. Robbins later on worked as a janitor, as well as did not go to college. One day he asked the property manager on site, who was a household good friend, about exactly how he became so effective. The property manager then told him that he began to transform his life around after mosting likely to a Jim Rohn seminar. However, he weakened his sincere intentions with cognitive prejudice, inconsistent evidence, disputes of passion, and also hype. Be A Real Estate Millionaire By Dean Graziosi Dean Graziosi is a textbook scammer that generates income by manipulating individuals. The FTC has actually taken action against him with a $400 million legal action, nevertheless, the claim hasn't been ended yet. He not just has numerous phony reviews on several websites, however he has paid off ConsumerAffairs to control rankings. No, you go take your phone, and you movie what you discovered. So I mean, that's I enjoy that we live throughout odds and ends we get to see this shift, this lower barrier to entry. The minute when I familiarized regarding Dean, first of all I saw his video. The important things in his video is he speaks extremely delicately as well as very clearly. Any individual can understand what he mean to say, and that is the best part of an instructor. I email my 17 years of age YouTube videos for self improvement for part of his homeschool job. I just recently heard you claim you text your daughter everyday. I'm mosting likely to begin doing that with my household. Thanks for the your review of your experience with Dean's Task Next course as well as the Own Your Future Challenge. Honestly, the constant authentic treatment as well as interest Dean gives the members of the family has actually made my life much better. Exactly How To Develop An On The Internet Program From Scratch There are several methods to set up the programs depending on the end goal but thanks for your feedback. All these are simply offering me concepts on exactly how to develop my web site for optimum value adding. We use case studies in a lot of our own services for social evidence to improve conversions, but additionally to assist our new users find inspiration and motivation. A lot of these solutions will let you develop live webinars, automated evergreen webinars, and feature tons of webinar interaction functions. As a program contractor, you require to ensure that you're making use of the very best devices to create premium material. Since you have your areas all planned out, it's time to choose just how you will educate each lesson. 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All candidates should be at the very least 18 years of age, competent in English, and dedicated to discovering as well as involving with fellow participants throughout the program. We offer self-paced programs on the HBS Online program platform. A lot of courses are six weeks long and also all of them are done at your benefit in the comfort of your house. time to thrive challenge tony robbins from the extremely techy world of coding, Skillshare was started with creatives in mind. Skillshare looks for to not just help participants obtain motivated and also learn new abilities but additionally allows instructors to share their experience and also generate income. Overall, if you intend to add coding to your specialist abilities, Codeacademy is the location to start. We recognize the agonizing history of Gayogo̱hó nǫ' dispossession, and recognize the recurring connection of Gayogo̱hó nǫ' people, previous and existing, to these lands as well as waters. If you have an impairment and are having problem accessing information on this internet site or require materials in an alternative format, please call Cornell University via e-mail at internet- for support. You will certainly have the capacity to communicate with your teacher, guest presenters, as well as fellow trainees using a chat function throughout webinars as well as via remarks in Teachable.

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