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en-whims · 1 year

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𝄞 NEW YEAR'S KISS | PARK SUNGHOON

[scan creds to ado2re]

the third instalment from the "Narratives from the Walkman: a 90's love collective" series

genres: bff au; fluff; slight pining | wc: almost 2k | warnings: swearing; mentions of words synonymous to 'fubu'

tagging: @yenqa @yjjungwon

[ 👤 ] SIDE A ; BOY 3 ㅡ PARK SUNGHOON

°❝ time it takes to break my heart

just tell me how we could make it out

and look this way we've come so far

i wish i could've seen the stars align

oh it was never gonna happen any other time

and everything was easy when I didn't know you

you don't know what you got until it's gone into the blue ❞ °

[ 🎧 ] SIDE B ; TRACK 3 ㅡ time by colouring

“Why don’t you chew your food instead of inhaling it?” a familiar voice suddenly appeared from behind you. Despite the jumbled noises from the huge speakers at every corner, his low-pitched voice is something you could never let go unnoticed.

“What are you doing here?” You asked him in surprise while putting down the blueberry muffin back on the plate. You were busy fumbling with the food on the table trying to figure out what you wanted to eat.

It was New Year’s Eve after all, and the list of food choices was pretty long considering your friend hosted a party in her apartment to welcome another year.

“I’m friends with your friends too in case you forgot.” He said as a matter of factly as he took a gulp from his red plastic cup.

“I thought you moved away to Korea?”

“It’s the holidays, Y/n. I couldn’t just not visit the place I have so many memories with.” You muttered an ‘oh’ and excused yourself to be back with your friends in the living room. As awkward as it was, you shrugged it off thinking you weren’t even supposed to talk to him in the first place.

Sunghoon is one of your best friends, or at least he was. You met him after Ni-ki left you for another state, that was in the summer right before college started, and a year before you broke the heart of your university’s librarian. It wasn’t all that bad with Sunghoon. In fact, your friendship was so great, you both even managed to dodge the romantic feelings that sprung about during the summer.

He’s a man of his word and when he said he wouldn’t cross the line, he proved it. But the tension can’t be denied. An instance or two, you would send electric shivers down his spine just by the mere touch of his skin.

That was how smitten he was with you.

But just like the others, he moved oceans away. He was an aspiring figure skater for nine years now and he decided to represent his hometown for last year’s Olympics. But just because you’re so used to your friends leaving doesn’t mean Sunghoon’s departure didn’t hurt at all. It tortured you.

And now that he’s back in town, you couldn’t help but feel a little bit pissed by his uncalled appearance. He didn’t even bother to call you after he left.

No calls or even messages since then.

Sunghoon noticed the wall you built between him and you. It had always been like that ever since you two had a heated argument two nights before he left for Korea.

But tonight, he took note of the fact that you answered his sarcasm and even asked him simple questions. Although the exchange was pretty brief and dull, he took it as an opportunity to rekindle the once-lost connection.

When the clock showed a 2-minute gap ‘til midnight, the crowd started to cramp up in the living room; you wanted to dissolve yourself from the frame right away. Despite the tight space and the faces of the people you couldn’t make up, the familiar face of an old friend and current foe twinkled five steps away from you.

With a red plastic cup in his hand and the other in his pocket, he flashed you his signature warm and dimpled smile. His cheeks rose and his eyes narrowed.

You thought to yourself, maybe you just hated the fact that he was away and didn’t even bother to slide in a simple hey in your inbox. And that you just missed him so much that it made you furious and frustrated at the only person who could take those feelings away at the moment.

“Would it bother you if I close this small distance?” You gave him a light shrug and he immediately walked towards you making it only a hand span away from each other.

He took out his hand from his pocket and held your pinky as he slowly leaned down to whisper in your ear. “I miss you... and I’m sorry.”

That’s what it all took for your strong walls to crumble down entirely. You wanted to say something but the grandfather’s clock signaled the stroke of midnight and yells of greetings engulfed the entire room.

The crowd started to give each other hugs but most of them were kissing, leaving you and Sunghoon baffled by the tension in the midst of it all.

When he saw you looking at him with a what-to-do face, he impulsively threw back his red cup, smirked, and smashed his lips against yours. Yolo, he thought.

A quick and fleeting moment, you thought to yourself. But Sunghoon wasn’t the type to give you that. Much to your surprise, his hand climbed up to your back while the other was at your nape as he tilted his head to the side to feel you even more.

Your thoughts swirled as your body felt hot with the sudden writhing. He was quick to let go when he heard some of the crowd moving out to proceed to the pool area.

“Damn, didn’t know you two could make out.” Jay, one of your classmates, muttered under his cup while leaning against the arched frame that resulted in him earning an icy glare from you. Sunghoon rubbed the back of his head as the consequence of his bravery started to fill him up. You could only look at the floor in utter embarrassment.

Jay shrugged his hands and winked at you before joining the others outside. “Have fun lovebirds!”

You two only stared at each other for mere seconds before bursting out in a fit of laughter with the sudden realization of what happened. After a while of it, you smiled at him and closed the distance with a tight hug. He felt the weight of how much you missed him as he hugged you back.

But deep down in both of your thoughts, a tingling feeling that was once buried started to spring up again.

With the inevitable that happened a few moments ago, you think to yourselves, maybe the kiss wasn’t just a new year’s gesture after all. Or maybe, it was just the kick from the alcohol that filled both of your systems. Either way, Sunghoon promised to never cross the faint line, and he planned to stick to it for as long as your friendship goes.

“Why didn’t you call, silly?”

“Would you have answered? With the fight that broke between us that night, would you have picked up your phone and slid your finger across the screen? I doubt.”

“You could’ve tried. There’s no harm in doing so.”

“You know damn well I’m not a risk-taker, Y/n. I promised not to answer my feelings for you for a reason. Besides, it’s not like our friendship ended. We just gave each other some needed space.” You brought your head to the floor and Sunghoon wondered why you couldn’t spare him a long glance.

“Is there something you’re not telling me, Y/n?”

“Yes. Tons to be exact. I just don’t know where to start.” He engulfed you in a tight hug as you stained his cardigan with your tears. From screwing with Sunoo to another classmate of yours, you feared Sunghoon’s judgment would cause hurdles in your friendship.

That other classmate in question has always been there since day one in college. Spilling it to Sunghoon might end the night in a brawl as he was present at the party, and knowing Sunghoon, he wouldn’t stop until he lifted a finger and gave that boy a taste of his own medicine.

But then again, it wasn’t entirely their fault since you chose to be in that situation. Sunghoon might just give you the lecture of your life.

“Well, I’m here now. Tell me everything.” Sunghoon looked at you with concern clearly glistening in his eyes. Your shaking gradually came to a halt as he rubbed circles on your back, his light touches making you want to crash against his chest once more.

“I fucked up. I- I don’t know, Sunghoon. I just… I just didn’t know what to do. I’m sorry.” You burst into tears again as your voice became shakier with every utterance.

“Hey, hey. Instead of apologizing for whatever reasons I don’t know, why don’t you tell me what it is, yeah? Don’t be too hard on yourself, we all suck.”

“Gee, thanks, Hoon.”

“What did you do this time?”

“I’m in a very stupid situation because I inflicted emotional damage to someone whose only intention was to love me genuinely. I’m stupid, fuck, I’m so stupid!”

“Hey, easy! What do you mean by inflicted emotional damage to someone? Can you put that in the most basic, kindergarten language that your friend can decipher easily? Help me out here, babe.”

“I toyed around with the university’s librarian and now I’m buck fuddies with someone! Shit-”

“What the?! Y/n… no- please don’t tell me it’s…” You reluctantly nod your head with the most pitiful face you could ever make, and you swore you almost saw Sunghoon’s urge to aggressively punch the wall.

“You decided to cope by being what- nap buddies, pillow pals, or whatever you call it with the school’s fucking casanova because you gave Kim Sunoo the blues? Y/n, you may have lost me and Ni-ki in the middle of time but I can’t believe you’d lose your wits along with it!”

“I didn’t know what to do, okay?”

“Prick just winked at you when we were having a moment! Dammit, I could’ve punched that smile off his face right there and then.”

“It’s not his fault, Hoon. I’m stupid, okay? But we’re here now and it’s already happening so…”

“So what? How long has this been going on? When do you plan to end this?”

“Hoon, Jay has been there for me… I mean he’s consistently there for me, and I’m not just talking about screwing with each other. I’m talking about him being a good friend at the same time.”

“Well, I’m sorry that Ni-ki and I are your absentee buddies. God, Y/n you’re unbelievableㅡ”

“Oh, I’m sorry too, but hey, I wasn’t even blaming your absences! You just got back and now you’re acting like this all of a sudden, who’s a prick now? Need I remind you, your ass never hit me up when you were gone for a solid two years!”

Sunghoon ran his hand through his hair while exhaling an exasperated sigh. “I’m just concerned, okay? Jay is not the guy to fool around with.”

“But he’s exactly a guy for fooling around with, Hoon. He’s not a playboy for no reason.”

You slowly walked towards your things on the couch and started putting them in your bag. “Where are you going?” he asked, trailing behind you.

“Home. Thanks for the new year’s kiss. Although it was good, you kinda ruined the whole moment when I was actually starting to feel comfier with you again. Have fun with your stay. I’m sure someone out here can fill you in on some other hot gossip in town.”

Sunghoon watched your figure slowly fading from the scene. He wanted to chase you and spend more time; after all, you were one of the reasons he visited the town in the first place. But it would only do no good to you both after he hurt you with his words.

It took him a long while to process what happened in his absence. Rage was something he expected to come out from him, and you did too.

But things happened so fast and unexpectedly, his presence was too. You were overwhelmed, and spending the remaining hours in the comfort of your room sounded better than sticking around with his obnoxious ego.

You could only look forward to another year in college without him.ㅡ

leave an ask or a message by the front desk if you want to be added to the taglist!

#enhypen fluff #enhypen sunghoon #park sunghoon #enhypen drabbles #enhypen imagines #enhypen angst #enhypen scenarios #enhypen blurbs #enhypen timestamps #enhypen fanfic #enhypen fanfiction #enhypen smut #enhypen sunghoon fluff #enhypen sunghoon angst #enhypen sunghoon imagines #sunghoon fluff #sunghoon angst #sunghoon #sunghoon imagines

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icepenance · 7 months

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LAW

PERSONAL BLOGS: do not reblog ic posts, headcanons, or answers to asks. i will tag posts with ‘ok to rb’ if anyone can reblog them. please respect this.

Muse Specific.

This Jill is heavily headcanon based. Until more lore for the north is released, all lore is made up by me. Jill does not really recall her time in the north aside from a few memories of her mother.

Jill is a very capable fighter/assassin. She will not give in easily in a fight. Picking a fight with Jill is not a smart choice to make. Even after she gives away Shiva, she can still use ice magic.

Jill has scars. The game literally says she was tortured and in battle from when she was young and her skin is flawless lmao.

Jill is a victim of just about every kind of abuse you can imagine. I have very detailed headcanons involving her time with the Iron Kingdom.

FOLLOWING/UNFOLLOWING:

If I follow you, it's because I want to roleplay with you. If we are mutuals, I want to interact! Do not hesitate to reach out.

If you break a rule, I'll unfollow you. I am open to talking about this if it does happen and I typically am a little lenient the first time.

I will unfollow you if you post certain untagged content. Not tagged smut or nsfw, cutting/self harm images, and animal abuse will get you unfollowed.

If I disagree heavily enough with something you say, I will unfollow you to prevent myself from saying anything.

If you vagueblog a lot, post a ton of callouts, or are overly negative (as in a constant stream of negativity with little to no actual rp), I will probably unfollow you.

I DO NOT ALWAYS FOLLOW BACK RIGHT AWAY. i like to look over someone’s page before i follow them. so if you follow me and a week out, i have not followed you back and you have a rules page and about page and i have been remotely active. i may not have time to look over your page yet. sorry.

INTERACTIONS:

If we're mutuals, feel free to engage with any of my open posts, prompts, or starter calls!

If we aren't mutuals you can send memes so long as they aren’t interaction based (drabble prompts, headcanon asks, ect…), but do not like my calls or anything. thank you. this isn’t personal. it usually means i don’t think our styles will work together, i don’t know your fandom, you’re a personal blog, you have broken one of my rules, or i will possibly break one of your rules with the content i post.

If you're from a different fandom, so long as we’re mutuals i want to write with you. i don’t typically follow fandoms i’m not knowledgeable about a least a little. unless i know you from another blog or the character seems really interesting.

For OCs: if we’re mutuals feel free to interact with me in every way you can think of lol. if not, it may be because i couldn’t read your about page or something, your character won’t fit with mine, or you’re part of a fandom i don’t know. I really love OCs thought.

Reblog karma: if i reblog them it means i want them in my inbox. i don’t care if you reblog from me every so often without sending any in. but i greatly appreciate when you do. even if it hardly works and i never answer it, it means a lot to me that you thought to send me something. asks are how i get 90% of my threads.

For multi-muses: please tell me which muse you want a starter for or answer for. i probably won't respond if you don't. i may ask you in ims but sometimes i won't.

If you are a sideblog to a personal/other fandom, please let me know so I can follow the right blog.

SOFTBLOCKING

IF I FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE NO INTEREST IN WRITING WITH ME, i will probably softblock. if i send asks or like starter calls and never get anything for weeks/months despite us being mutuals, i'll probably soft block.

I'll softblock if I see you engaging with certain blogs as mentioned above.

BLOCKING

IF YOU SEND ANON HATE and i find out, blocked. IF YOU SPREAD LIES about people, blocked. IF YOU TRY TO FORCE ME TO SMUT, blocked. IF YOU MESSAGING ME OOC EVERY SINGLE TIME I COME ONLINE and get really passive-aggressive when i don’t answer, blocked. IF YOU GUILT TRIP ME, blocked. IF YOU POST SEXISM, RACISM, TRANSPHOPBIA, HOMOPHOBIA, OR BIPHOBIA… you will be blocked. i don’t care how mild it is or if you don’t see it that way. IF YOU REBLOG CONTENT that i have written, headcanons, answers, replies, ect… and you are a personal blog. you will be softblock, if not just outright blocked. UNLIKE WITH UNFOLLOWING, AND EVEN SOFTBLOCKING, DO NOT TRY TO ASK ME WHY. BLOCKING YOU MEANS I DO NOT WANT TO SEE YOU. IT MEANS YOU MAKE ME UNCOMFORTABLE. IT MEANS, PLEASE DO NOT CONTACT ME AGAIN. THANKS.

#rules

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blackwoolncrown · 3 years

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The defining feature of conversation is the expectation of a response. It would just be a monologue without one. In person, or on the phone, those responses come astoundingly quickly: After one person has spoken, the other replies in an average of just 200 milliseconds.

In recent decades, written communication has caught up—or at least come as close as it’s likely to get to mimicking the speed of regular conversation (until they implant thought-to-text microchips in our brains). It takes more than 200 milliseconds to compose a text, but it’s not called “instant” messaging for nothing: There is an understanding that any message you send can be replied to more or less immediately.

But there is also an understanding that you don’t have to reply to any message you receive immediately. As much as these communication tools are designed to be instant, they are also easily ignored. And ignore them we do. Texts go unanswered for hours or days, emails sit in inboxes for so long that “Sorry for the delayed response” has gone from earnest apology to punchline.

People don’t need fancy technology to ignore each other, of course: It takes just as little effort to avoid responding to a letter, or a voicemail, or not to answer the door when the Girl Scouts come knocking. As Naomi Baron, a linguist at American University who studies language and technology, puts it, “We’ve dissed people in lots of formats before.” But what’s different now, she says, is that “media that are in principle asynchronous increasingly function as if they are synchronous.”

The result is the sense that everyone could get back to you immediately, if they wanted to—and the anxiety that follows when they don’t. But the paradox of this age of communication is that this anxiety is the price of convenience. People are happy to make the trade to gain the ability to respond whenever they feel like it.

While you may know, rationally, that there are plenty of good reasons for someone not to respond to a text or an email—they’re busy, they haven’t seen the message yet, they’re thinking about what they want to say—it doesn’t always feel that way in a society where everyone seems to be on their smartphone all the time. A Pew survey found that 90 percent of cellphone owners “frequently” carry their phone with them, and 76 percent say they turn their phone off “rarely” or “never.” In one small 2015 study, young adults checked their phones an average of 85 times a day. Combine that with the increasing social acceptability of using your smartphone when you’re with other people, and it’s reasonable to expect that it probably doesn’t take that long for a recipient to see any given message.

“You create for people an environment where they feel as though they could be responded to instantaneously, and then people don’t do that. And that just has anxiety all over it,” says Sherry Turkle, the director of the Initiative on Technology and Self at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology.

It’s anxiety-inducing because written communication is now designed to mimic conversation—but only when it comes to timing. It allows for a fast back-and-forth dialogue, but without any of the additional context of body language, facial expression, and intonation. It’s harder, for example, to tell that someone found your word choice off-putting, and thus to correct it in real-time, or try to explain yourself better. When someone’s in front of you, “you do get to see the shadow of your words across someone else’s face,” Turkle says.

In last month’s viral New Yorker short story “Cat Person,” a young woman embarks on a failed romantic relationship with a man she meets at the movie theater where she works. They only go on one date in the story; they get to know each other primarily over text. When the affair ends messily, it reveals not only how the bubble of romantic expectations can be popped by reality’s needle, but also how weak digital communication is as a scaffolding on which to build an understanding of another person.

In an interview, the story’s author, Kristen Roupenian, said the piece was inspired by “the strange and flimsy evidence we use to judge the contextless people we meet outside our existing social networks, whether online or off.” Indeed, even for the people we already know, we increasingly rely on contextless forms of communication. This puts an unusually large burden on the words themselves (and maybe some emojis) to convey what is meant. And each message, and each pause in between messages, takes on outsize importance.

“Text messages become marks on rocks to be analyzed and sweated over,” Turkle says.

It’s not always easy to figure out what someone meant to convey by using a certain emoji, or by waiting three days to text you back. Different people have different ideas about how long it’s appropriate to wait to respond. As Deborah Tannen, a linguist at Georgetown University, wrote in The Atlantic, the signals that are sent by how people communicate online—the “metamessages” that accompany the literal messages—can easily be misinterpreted:

Human beings are always in the business of making meaning and interpreting meaning. Because there are options to choose from when sending a message, like which platform to use and how to use it, we see meaning in the choice that was made. But because the technologies, and the conventions for using them, are so new and are changing so fast, even close friends and relatives have differing ideas about how they should be used. And because metamessages are implied rather than stated, they can be misinterpreted or missed entirely.

This metamessage opacity spawns thousands of other text messages a year, as people enlist their friends to help interpret exactly what their romantic interest meant by a certain turn of phrase, or whether a week-long radio silence means they’re being ghosted. (The New Yorker parodied this collaborative textual analysis in a video in which a group of women gather, war-room style, to answer the question “Was It a Date?”)

Features intended to add clarity—like read receipts or the little bubble with the ellipses in iMessage that tells you when someone is typing (which is apparently called the “typing awareness indicator”)—often just cause more anxiety, by offering definitive evidence for when someone is ignoring you or started to reply only to put it off longer.

* * *

But just because people know how stressful it can be to wait for a reply to what they thought would be an instant message doesn’t mean they won’t ignore others’ messages in turn.

Sometimes people don’t respond as a way of deliberately signaling they’re annoyed, or that they don’t want to continue a relationship. Turkle says sometimes taking a long time to write back is a way of establishing dominance in a relationship, by making yourself look simply too busy and important to reply.

But oftentimes, people are just trying to manage the quantity of messages and notifications they receive. In 2015, the average American was receiving 88 business emails per day, according to the market research firm Radicati, but only sending 34 business emails per day. Because—who has the time to respond to 88 emails a day? Maybe someone isn’t responding because they’ve realized the interruption of a notification negatively affects their productivity, so they’re ignoring their phone to get some work done.

I find myself ignoring or procrastinating even important messages, and ones I want and intend to respond to. I had to create a bright red “Needs Response” email label to battle my own “delayed response” problem. I regularly read texts, think “I’ll respond to that later,” and then completely forget about it. Working memory—the brain’s mental to-do list—can only hold so much at once, and when notifications get crammed in with shopping lists and work tasks, sometimes it springs a leak.

“A lot of the time what’s happening is people have five conversations going on, and they just can’t really be intimate and present with five different people,” Turkle says. “So they kind of do a triage, they prioritize, they forget. Your brain is not a perfect instrument for processing texts. But it will be interpreted as though it really was a conversation, and so you can hurt people.”

* * *

Still, even though instant written communication can be overwhelming and anxiety-inducing, people prefer it. Americans spend more time texting than talking on the phone, and texting is the most frequent form of communication for Americans under 50.

While texting is popular worldwide, Baron, of American University, thinks that a strong preference for communication that can be easily ignored is a particularly American attitude. “Americans have far fewer manners in general in their communication than a lot of other societies,” she says. “The second issue is a real feeling of empowerment. I think we have become a version of power freaks, not just control freaks.”

In a survey Baron conducted in 2007 and 2008 of students in several countries including the United States, the things that people said they liked most about their phones were often related to control. One American woman said her favorite thing was “Constant communication when I want it (can also shut it off when I don’t).”

“What I have seen in this country, and I don’t know if it’s a national trait, is people wait until they think they have the perfect thing to say, as though relationships can be managed by writing the perfect thing,” Turkle says. “And I think that is something we pay a very high cost for.”

In Baron’s survey, people also mentioned feeling controlled by their phones—bemoaning how dependent they were on the devices, and how the constant connectivity made them feel obligated to respond.

But texts and emails don’t create as big of an obligation as phone calls, or a face-to-face conversation. When young adults are interviewed about why they don’t like making phone calls, they cite a distaste for how “invasive” they are, and a reluctance to place that burden on someone else. Written instant messages create a smokescreen of plausible deniability if someone doesn’t feel like responding, which can be relieving for the hider, and frustrating for the seeker.

More than anything, what the age of instant communication has enabled is the ability to deal with conversation on our own terms. We can respond right away, we can put it off for two days, or never get around to it at all. We can manage several different conversations at once. “Sorry, I was out with friends,” we might say, as an excuse for not texting someone back. Or, “Sorry, I just need to text this person back real quick,” we might say while out with friends.

As these things become normal, it creates an environment where we are only comfortable asking for slivers of people’s distracted time, lest they ever obligate us to give them our full and undivided attention.

#technology #tech #text #relationships #articles #digital media #social media

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forestwater87 · 4 years

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Ok this is super embarrassing but you’re one of my favorite writers in this uh.. whatever this blogosphere is so!! I wanna try and take a crack at writing my own fanfic but.. I got no idea where to even start. Any advice?

Oh man, I feel awful about this! I didn’t know my inbox had any new messages, so some of these asks have been sitting here for . . . some time.

Anyway, first off thank you very much! Secondly, the most obvious advice is just, you know, “do it.” But that’s infinitely easier said than done. I started writing fanfic when I was around 10 years old, so overthinking it wasn’t an issue, since I thought I was the world’s greatest writer. Assuming you’re not 10 years old and as blind to the concept of literary criticism as I was . . . well, the first step is obviously getting an idea. EDIT: Holy shit, this is long. I’m gonna have to break this bad boy up with headers, like it’s a real blog post or something.

Getting Ideas/Inspiration

I don’t know if you already have something you’d like to write about or if you’re still at the “gee that looks like fun” level of fanfic ruminating, but if you’re having trouble coming up with ideas, turning to the existing fandom is a great place to start!

1: Filling in fandom gaps: I’ve found a lot of my best fic ideas by looking through what already existed and seeing where there was something missing; when I first started writing for Camp Camp, literally only @raenbowsofficial created anything for Gwenvid -- it didn’t even have a ship name yet, and I’m pretty sure the 3 people into it were still throwing “daven” and “gavid” around as well -- so there being zero other fics for it meant that if I wanted it to exist, I’d have to be the one to write it. (That’s also nice if you’re kind of insecure, because when no one else has tried the idea you’re interested in, you have no pressure to compare it to anything else.)

Also, you could take a popular/already existing concept and write it the way you’d like to see it, if the existing fanfics do something with the story or characters that you’re not thrilled with. That’s handy because it gives you a general blueprint to work off of in terms of tropes and broad story beats, while letting you explore something new. Obviously, don’t rip off someone else’s fic note-for-note, but being inspired by someone else is a great way to kickstart your creativity! If you do have a specific author or story that you’re using as a jumping-off point for your own writing, I would strongly recommend linking them in your author’s notes at the beginning or end of the fic, and maybe gifting the story to them! You don’t have to, since the creation is entirely your own, but it’s still always nice to acknowledge the people who inspire you the most.

2: Fandom inception. If you want to be a little more direct and literal, there’s always the option of writing fanfic of a fanfic or fanart that you really love, if there’s a universe or story idea that you like, and you want more of it. As long as you give credit and notify the original creator, I think you’d have no issues in terms of fanfic etiquette, and I imagine they’d be honored to have inspired your own writing. Fandom is a very collaborative experience, after all, and we’re all in this together! :)

3. For more general “I have a vague idea of what I want to do (the ship, or maybe a tiny plot bunny) but I’m not sure where to go with it,” my biggest recommendation is music. Especially folk indie-rock music, which is 90% angst and 100% haunting. And again, looking at fanfic/art is a great way to get inspired -- I have a tendency to put up a particularly good or emblematic piece of fanart/fic in another window when I’m working on something tricky to write, just for something to stare at when my ideas start running dry (shoutout to @doritofalls, @ellohcee, and the aforementioned RA for being my go-tos when I need to stare at something pretty to feel inspired; there are absolutely others, because this fandom is filled with absurdly talented people, but those 3 are my heroes of inspiration and if you SOMEHOW don’t already know them, fix that immediately).

Wow, that’s a lot and it’s literally just all about getting an idea . . . which you might already have. Yikes. For the sake of people who have to scroll past this, let’s put the rest under a cut:

Fleshing Out the Idea: An Ode to Outlines

Some people are able to just sit down and write something incredible from a vague idea, and the story just builds on itself without any sort of planning or organization to guide them along the way. These people are named Cipher/Campernetics, and we hate her for being unfairly talented.

For the rest of us, outlines are essential.

My outlines tend to be insanely specific, because I’m very afraid of letting a single idea slip through the cracks, and I build on them over time as I get increasingly sure of where the story’s going. The early outlines tend to be extremely vague, with lots of “and then something happens” connecting major plot points. An example for a current WIP I’m doing right now:

(Seriously, “Julia and everything”? Future Forest is going to be so pissed at current Forest when she reaches that point and realizes she has no idea what she’s doing)

And as the story starts to take shape and a plot eventually forms -- they tend to take at least 10 chapters to materialize, but they do generally show up! One of the great things about fanfiction is that plot is largely optional, though, so no worries if you’re starting without a full story idea -- I find myself writing more and more details down, if for no other reason than that I want to make sure I remember what I was thinking when I finally get to that scene (because I have absolutely gotten to a point in a story and forgotten what I’d had planned. It sucks). Here’s an example from another fic with pretty significant spoilers if you can figure out which one it is oops:

I’d recommend keeping your outlines pretty simple, at least to start with: words and phrases, rather than whole-ass sentences like the above. The complexity will develop as your ideas do, so no need to wrack your brain trying to write out the entire story in bullet form.

I use the bolded ideas as stepping stones, more or less; I’ll write out the piece of the story that each line represents, which can be as little as a sentence or as much as 4 or more chapters (RIP my most recent long-running fic), then delete that line and move on to the next.

Bolding them isn’t necessary, but it does make it easier to differentiate at a glance what needs to be written. If you keep everything in the same hundred-page Google Doc like I do, this is very important.

Your outline doesn’t have to be well-written, and you can 100% use fillers like “and then something happens here.” I do that all the time -- again, another completely different story:

Now, the vaguer things are, the more annoyed Future You will be when it comes time to write whatever it’s bulleting -- there’s a reason I haven’t updated this fic, and it’s because I have zero idea what the everliving fuck “Pinky-and-the-Brain-ing all over the place” means -- but it’s really good for when you’re first getting started sketching out the vague outline of your fic. The more you panic trying to figure out all the twists and details at the very start, the less likely you’re ever just going to sit down and write the damn thing.

(This might be why I don’t write plot-heavy stories, to be fair. Mystery writers very well might have to have it all planned out from the get-go, and I’d recommend chatting with someone who’s a bit less “coffeeshop AU” and a bit more Agatha Christie for that kind of advice.)

Knowing When to Post

There are people that exist, who have amazing self-control, who can wait until their entire story is written and then release it in sections, at regular intervals, until the story is completed.

I am not one of these people, though I try to be with literally every single fic I’ve ever written.

Personally, I do this until I reach a point where I get stuck and need validation, and then post what I have in a giant chunk and then don’t update it for several months. This is almost universally known as the worst way to write fanfics, both in terms of getting interaction from fans and keeping readers from wanting to kill you, and if you have the ability to write the entire thing and sit on it until it’s ready to be shared, you are a hero.

Alternatively, if you can actually stick to a set schedule of writing it as you go and still update with a new chapter every X days, you are not human and I’m terrified of you, because if you find a way to weaponize this power you will rule the world.

Honestly, a good rule of thumb? Post it when you’re ready for people to read it, whether it’s done or not. Not all works will get done, and it seems mean to deny people the delicious little stub you’ve written even if you’re not going to finish it. When you’re happy with what you have -- or are so tired of looking at it that you need to post it or you’ll throw your computer out the window -- just do it and let out a sigh of relief, then either take a few days before going back to writing or just jump in immediately like a goddamn masochist.

(I have tried to get far enough ahead that I can start posting the already-written stuff on a schedule, figuring by the time I’m caught up I’ll have completed the entire story and won’t have any awkward gaps. Ahahahahahahahahaha that has never once worked.)

If you’re not certain about your writing, get a beta! The fandom is full of talented people who’d be happy to read over your work, and if the person you ask doesn’t have the time or spoons, they probably have a few ideas of other people you could reach out to. You don’t need a beta, but it always makes me feel better to have another set of eyes look over my writing before posting, and my beta always catches things I completely missed. Plus, you get a nice taste of that sweet, sweet validation we all crave.

This . . . is a bad guide. Just in general. The advice is . . . not good, and I think it’s largely useless. But I keep trying to think of useful things to add to it and coming up empty, so I hope something in here helped, and if you’d like to bounce your ideas off of someone, feel free to shoot me a message! Talking ideas over with friends is a great way to flesh them out as well, and I am happy to be anyone’s fandom friend.

#ask forest #forestwriting #legit no one is going to read this and i'm not saying that to judge anyone #in fact i'll lowkey judge you if you DO read all of this because why #Anonymous

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irwinkitten · 5 years

Text

home | m.c

pairing: none summary: michael found three brothers within his best friends as they toured the world and made names for themselves, but he never knew about being an brother until he was one. or michael discovers he has a sister notes: so lowkey inspired by the fact i found out that my great aunt’s older sister ran away when she was 20 and disappeared. so we could potentially have more family out there and i kinda got inspired to write this and yeah. warnings: mentions of death, smidgen of angst and fluff word count: 8k!

---

Most parents were able to talk to their children about their families, about their history. But Cassidy never knew about her dad, apart from the fact that she had been born from a summer fling.

Whenever she’d asked, her mum would only smile wistfully before changing the subject and Cassidy realised that she would likely never learn of the other side to her family.

But then when her mum had been diagnosed with a terminal illness, the world seemed to be pulled under from her feet as she tried to prepare herself, to plan ahead for her life. And for the most part, she could enjoy the time with her mum, the two of them going on outings. But then she deteriorated to the point that she needed to be in a hospital and Cassidy never left her side as the days slipped on by and the breathing became more shallower and rattling.

Weeks after a new year rolled in, the day that her breathing stopped, Cassidy felt her heart break. She felt the ache in her chest as she was picked up at two in the morning by a family friend, bringing her back to their home as she sat in the kitchen and sobbed, being held by the people who had helped her mum raise her.

When she was contacted by the solicitor regarding her mum’s will, Lyn stayed by her side, holding her hand as he read through what had been left to her.

She’d gained all of her mother's trinkets, as well as a substantial amount of money and a house that she could do as she pleased. And finally, she was given a letter.

Going back to Lyn’s, a cup of tea in hand, she sat in the kitchen by herself, reading through the letter and felt her heart drop. She was finally learning about her father.

Cassidy,

My sweet, sweet girl. As I write this, my health is getting worse. We both knew this moment was coming. I know you’ve been talking to the carers about getting me to the hospital. I just hope that you are not left to go through this alone. But I know Lyn, she won’t leave you.

In my last letter to you, I want to tell you about your father, a man who I loved only for a summer. His name was Daryl. We knew it would amount to nothing more, he was visiting from Australia and it was the 90’s. Technology was still moving along and letters were so much effort for us. We agreed that our summer fling would be just that. But then, my sweet girl, you surprised me. You were always the best reminder of that summer. You were the greatest gift I was given.

I know you asked for him, but I could never be honest and tell you that he was just a summer romance. I didn’t want to lie to you and say we were madly in love but he left me or didn’t want you. Truth be told, I don’t know if he knows you exist. We exchanged a handful of letters and when I discovered I was pregnant with you, I forgot about him.

I know that maybe I should have helped you reach out to him as you got older, or even told him of your existence. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it. It will be my greatest shame to bear, even after I pass to the next life. You deserved better than that, and I can only apologise.

With this letter, I’ve included the letters we exchanged before I discovered my pregnancy. I know the address and name is not much to go on, but it’s all that I can do now. The rest is up to the universe. I hope that she will be kind and give you the opportunity to meet him, because the man that I met, the charming and witty young gentleman, would have loved you to pieces.

I am sorry, my sweet girl that we part like this. But I hope you can rest your soul that even though my bones are growing tired and my soul is lifting to meet my maker, I am so so proud of who you are and the woman you’ve become.

All my love,

Mum

Lyn found her in the kitchen, tea long gone cold and body slumped over the table, dry tear tracks indicating she’d cried herself to exhaustion. So after calling for her husband Joe, he easily shifted her body into his arms, carrying her up to the guest bedroom and tucked her under the covers.

Lyn folded the letter back up without looking and placed it on the bedside table before letting her sleep peacefully.

The next morning when Cassidy stumbled into the kitchen, greeted with Joe’s coughed giggle, she rolled her eyes and made herself a tea, leaning against the counter as he continued to make breakfast.

“Mum left me a letter. She told me about my dad.” Joe paused for a moment before he finished up their breakfast. She didn’t argue as he marched her into the dining room and sat her down, his eyes filled with concern.

“And what do you want to do Cassie?” She hesitated at his question. What did she want?

“I want him to know me. But I’m scared. I’m twenty five years old and I’m fucking terrified.” She finally got out and he reached a hand out, resting it on hers.

“You know that Lyn and I will be here with you regardless of your decision.” She nodded her head at that and the discussion was shelved for when Lyn returned home from work.

The day was filled with appointments, getting the death certificate and making phone calls to either get things transferred or cut off. It was a tiring day of Cassidy and when Lyn returned home later that evening, she was already nursing a glass of wine, her eyes rimmed red and a tissue in her lap. Joe could only offer so much comfort, but he was more about practicality, Lyn dealt better with the emotions.

Grabbing her dinner that had been left on a warming plate in the oven, Lyn joined the two in the living room, choosing the spot next to Cassidy. The younger girl seemed to shift in response, her body curling into Lyn’s side and she didn’t protest, knowing that comfort was needed.

They discussed the day, Joe going over what had been done before her usual sharp green eyes snapped up at the mention of the funeral.

“It’s got to be colourful. She loved life and bright colours.” Joe nodded in understanding and Joe finally brought up the conversation she was still unsure about.

“Cassie has found out some information about her dad from her mum.” With Lyn’s plate long since cleared and set on the floor, she’d allowed the younger woman to curl into her side completely, accepting the offered comfort. Her arm squeezed around Cassidy’s shoulders.

“Do you want to find him?”

“Yes.” The answer had left her lips, the uncertainty tinging in her tone, but she knew that it was something she needed to do. There wasn’t much left of her family any more. Cousins scattered across the country with aunts and uncles, but even then they were slowly passing away.

“We’ll start with a letter to the address that we have. That way we can open a communication and see where to go from there.” Relief flooded through her bones. Someone was helping her and taking charge.

---

After the funeral, they’d written the letter and sent it off. Cassidy hadn’t thought much of it as she slowly began to pack up her mum’s belongings, the small trinkets staying in the house whilst the clothes went to charity shops or she sold on. It was easy to fall back into the routine of going back to work.

Her boss had been kind to her, giving her the time she needed, getting cover for the shifts and telling Cassidy not to worry about the coffee shop. And so she didn’t. When she returned to work, her regular customers who lived locally and knew what had happened, passed their condolences and things slowly began to return to normal.

It was two months after the letter had been sent off did an email ping into her inbox, the only thing stopping from deleting it was the subject of the message ‘greetings from Daryl’ and her stomach dropped as she stared at the words before taking a deep breath and closing the laptop lid.

“I’ve got time.” She murmured, heading upstairs to shower and get changed, scrubbing herself clean until her skin was slightly pink and she didn’t feel like her chest was caving in.

Cassidy eventually returned to the laptop, hands shaking as she clicked open the email. Her eyes scanned over the contents, a short explanation saying how that he didn’t live at the at address any more, but he’d always kept in touch with the previous owners. He sent his condolences about her mother and the slight disbelief that she hadn’t told him about her.

Along with it was the agreement to the paternity test, for his own reassurance and then maybe they could talk about it more. And she understood that, she understood that he was worried for whatever reason that it wasn’t true.

So with trembling hands, she typed her reply out and realised that everything in her life was about to change.

---

Cassidy had done her swabs and sent the test off weeks ago.

Lyn had helped her, and when the results arrived, she didn’t bother to open them, heading over to Lyn and Joe’s instead. Every emotion seemed to be crashing through her body as she tried to figure out how she felt about this. Was she excited, was she nervous? When she pulled up to their driveway and headed on in, she realised that a lot of the feeling was fear. Fear of the unknown.

“The test results arrived.” She held up the envelope once she greeted Lyn. Without being prompted, she handed the envelope over.

“Are you sure you want me to open them?”

“I can’t.” And one look at her trembling hands helped Lyn understand as they sat down on the couch together. The house was quiet, Joe having gone into work for the day.

The opening of the envelope sounded louder than it should’ve done, but also Cassidy could hear her heart thundering in her chest. Everything felt louder as she could feel herself holding onto her breath, waiting for Lyn to read the letter.

“Congratulations, kiddo. He’s a match.” The breath escaped her and she could feel herself lost for words. Her mum hadn’t lied and he really was her dad.

“I don’t know what to do now.” She finally whispered and Lyn patted her arm comfortingly.

“You talk to him. Work it out from here.”

So she went home and opened her emails. She typed and retyped her email until the words didn’t look right to her. And eventually she clicked send, praying he could make sense of her garbled nonsense, terrified of the biggest change in her life.

He replied within the hour, having read his own results and it felt like a weight was settling on her again. She didn’t know how to reply to his curious questions, wondering if she should just be flat out or try to open the conversation.

That was when Cassidy realised that she wanted this relationship with her dad, and she wanted to be able to talk to him about the mundane stuff without it being a chore.

So she kept herself open, talking about what she did, but asking him if he was working at all. She told him snippets of her life and in return he told her that he had a wife and a son.

The second she read that, she could feel shock ripple through her as she stared at the word until she pushed the laptop away and took in a sharp breath.

“Holy shit I’ve got a brother.”

That was when a startled laugh escaped her and she could feel every emotion fighting to push first, overwhelming her until she just cried for everything, the tears coming as a relief and helping her sort through the various emotions.

She was absolutely elated that she had a brother, and that was when she found herself craving for more information.

And so he told her everything that happened after he’d left her mother. He told her about his marriage, his son who was a musician, his friends, his family, her family.

And over the following weeks and months as they exchanged emails and soon texts, she found herself wanting to meet him.

‘I’ve got holiday time coming up. Do you think it would be possible to meet up?’

‘Of course! What dates do you have off, I’m sure we can work something out.’

---

Daryl knew that the subject needed to be approached carefully with Michael. Both he and Karen had decided whilst he was on tour, they wouldn’t worry him about this.

He knew his wife had been so understanding with the subject of Cassidy, especially when the results had confirmed she was indeed his daughter.

“I may understand that you two had been together long before I was in the picture, but Michael necessarily won’t. Not till we sit down with him properly.” Her voice had been reason and he agreed that whilst he was on a world tour, they didn’t need to add to his stress load.

So they agreed to have her fly out to Australia, to spend time away from everything but give her a chance to meet the rest of his family too. His parents were still alive and deserved to know they had not only a grandson but a granddaughter as well.

Daryl’s arms wrapped around Karen, pulling her tight as he placed a kiss to her head.

“Thank you for being so understanding.”

“She’s your little, well, not so little but my point still stands, but she’s your little girl. I’ll hold my judgement till I meet her but I won’t turn her away. She’s family now.” And at his wife’s words, he could feel the stress slip from his shoulders.

“We’ll need to tell Michael eventually.”

“Before or after the tour? This is a big thing and we can’t drop it on him unexpectedly.”

“We’re going to their LA show, right?” Karen flicked through the calendar that sat on the fridge.

“You want to tell him then?”

“I’m certain they have a few weeks off before the European run of the tour. It’ll give him enough time to get his head around the fact he has a sister. He’ll have Crystal with him as well.” Daryl countered and she hummed in agreement.

“That’s only a few months away now.” She moved back to table as they finished up lunch.

“He’ll understand.”

When Cassidy arrived in Sydney, she was a lot more nervous than she was letting on. Thankfully, Daryl had offered to pay for a hotel for her, so she had her own space to decompress. He understood that staying with complete strangers wasn’t really ideal.

He’d offered to pick her up from the airport, but she’d declined, wanting to meet somewhere that wasn’t rushed or overwhelming. So they agreed to meet for dinner on her second night, giving Cassidy a day to adjust to the time change but also to explore the city by herself.

She loved every second of her first day, visiting the more local spots for food and letting her feet enjoy the feeling of the sand between her toes.

By the time it came around for the dinner, she was the most relaxed she’d been since long before her mum had gotten ill.

When she arrived at the restaurant, she was greeted by a server and she found herself smoothing down her dress nervously.

“Uh, a table under the name of Clifford?” The server smiled.

“Two of the party have already arrived, if you’d like to follow me please?” And she did, her eyes darting around the, for the most part, empty restaurant.

Eventually they headed in the direction of a couple who were conversing between themselves and it was the woman who looked up first, her lips curving into a reassuring smile. The man turned his head and Cassidy found her breathing hitch.

She could see her features in his face so easily. She knew that she took after her dad, her mum had always told her so. But to see his face, she could pinpoint the similarities and her found her words frozen as the server brought her up to the table and Daryl stood.

“All grown up and beautiful. Definitely from my side.” And she laughed, her nerves easing a she leaned forward into a hug and the way he held her tightly, like he was holding pieces of her together. And she closed her eyes, holding on for that second longer, before they pulled away and his hands cupped her face, thumbs wiping the tears that had fallen.

“Let me introduce you to my wife, Karen. Karen, this is my daughter Cassidy.” Karen stunned her, pulling her in for a warm hug that she practically melted into. Her nerves were for nothing apparently.

As they talked through the evening, Karen and Cassidy swapped places, the father and daughter duo talking about what she did growing up, what she studied and her current job.

“Let me take a photo of the both of you.” Karen finally piped up during a lull in the conversation. Cassidy gave her a curious glance.

“Sure.” She leaned closer, a bright grin on her lips as the photo was taken and their food arrived.

The conversations continued as both Karen and Daryl told her about their own lives and about her younger half-brother.

By the time that the dinner was over, Cassidy felt a lot more comfortable but Daryl understood that she was still adjusting to this massive change in her life.

“I know it must feel surreal for you, it’s still surreal for me to think about that I have a grown up daughter. But I want to make this work for all of us.” His words were quiet as they exited the restaurant, Karen just behind them. Cassidy had her arm looped through his.

“It feels strange, to know that I have a dad after so long of it being just mum and I.” Cassidy admitted. They split off, Karen indicating she was heading to the car to wait whilst the two of them moved to the park just across the street, the streetlamps beginning to light up the place. It was peaceful as they walked through.

“Did she not find anyone?” Cassidy shook her head.

“She had a couple of boyfriends when I was growing up, but none of them liked the fact she had me and prioritised me over them. That was when she figured that she was better off raising me by herself.”

“She did a stellar job with it.” A smile cracked across Cassidy’s lips.

As they walked through the park, the question that had always been something she’d wanted to ask, ever since she was a child, fell from her lips before she could stop herself.

“Did you ever love mum?” He glanced at her, the way her cheeks flushed before her eyes turned from him down to the floor in embarrassment. He chuckled softly.

“Don’t fret about asking such questions. I’ve been married to Karen long enough at this point, it’s not an unreasonable question. I did love your mum, but we both knew that it was only going to be a summertime romance. She was always a delight to be around and when I first came back home, I missed her. But I moved past it, choosing to remember it as a sweet summer romance, and by the time I met Karen, she was but a memory for me.”

And Cassidy couldn’t fault him. He moved on with his life. He got married, had another child.

“I there somewhere we could go tomorrow? I’ve been looking at the tourist stuff and not all of it is appealing to me.” She finally spoke after moments of silence and he laughed.

“If you’re anything like what your mother was, I know a few museums that would interest you. How about we make a day of it tomorrow and you come around for dinner?” She nodded her head at his proposed plan.

“Sounds ideal.”

---

Michael felt like he was on top of the world. Playing the LA Forum as the final night of their North American tour and all of their parents had flown out to see it. He knew that his parents had opted to stay in a hotel and he knew they were going to be staying in LA for the next few weeks for his birthday before flying back home, where he’d be joining them for the awards show.

After the show, the post-show euphoria setting in after the four had showered and changed. It felt surreal. Tour was nearly over and he could focus on the future, the next record.

“Son, we need to talk to you.” His dad’s voice was uncharacteristically quiet, devoid of the normal jovial tone that he was used to.

“Is-”

“Your mum’s waiting for us, we figured to talk away from everyone.” His eyes strayed to his brothers in all but blood and Michael felt a frown form on his features.

“Is Crystal included in the statement about everyone?” His dad gave him a sharp look and Michael had to stop himself from apologising immediately.

“For this time, yes. You can tell her and the others, but we want to talk to you first.” He tried not to flinch at the harsh tone from his dad, but he watched as his face softened, a smile crossing his lips. “We wanted to tell you this news first is all, it’s nothing against her or your brothers.” Michael grinned before holding his hand up as a signal to wait a moment, turning towards the group.

“Mike, we’re heading out, you gonna join?” Luke posed the question and Michael shook his head.

“Sorry, but not at the moment. The folks want to talk to me about something, but we’ll catch up with you later if you text me where you guys are gonna be at?” Luke nodded as he placed a soft kiss to Crystal’s cheek, arms wrapping around her waist.

“I’ll let you know what they’re telling me later. I’ll text you if it’s serious. Love you.” He murmured under his breath and she chuckled.

“Love you too. And well done baby, I’m proud.” She hummed, turning her head so that her lips met his.

A variety of gagging noises erupted from the other three and Michael stuck his middle finger up in their general direction before pulling away and following after his dad.

Once he was in the back of his parents hired car, the chatter was idle and he realised that they were heading back to his.

“I could’ve brought my stuff back with me.” He groaned and his mum laughed.

“Like that would’ve helped you do your washing any quicker.” She teased and he gave her an impish grin in return as they climbed out. Once inside, his parents sat on the couches and suddenly Michael felt like a guest in his own home as he took a seat on the opposite one.

“So we wanted to tell you this news when we first found out, but you were in the middle of a world tour and I realise this is going to make no sense to you, but I didn’t want to distract you from your job.” His dad started off and Michael could only give his parents a confused stare in return.

“Found out what?”

“You have an older sister.” The words from his dad made his gut drop.

“Surely mum would’ve remembered giving birth to another child.” His tone was cold and he could feel his heart race. “This has got to be some kind of bad joke.”

His mum shook her head.

“She’s your half-sister. Before your dad and I met, he had a summer romance back in England. It was never something we considered happening because we met long after he’d returned from England.” This wasn’t making Michael feel any better, his emotions warring.

“How did she get in touch?”

“Letter first. Then we texted and emailed and eventually she came out to Sydney-”

“Wait, how long ago was this?”

“She visited mid-year.” Michael couldn’t stop the feeling of betrayal and anger flooding him, not realising he was on his feet until he was pacing.

“So you kept this from me for almost half a year?” His tone was venomous and his mum flinched, but he was too incensed to care.

“She sent the letter months before-”

“So nearly an entire fucking year?” He fired back, struggling to keep his voice from rising. Part of him was screaming that he was being irrational, but the other was beginning to bubble with an anger that he’d not felt in a very long time.

“We didn’t want to distract you from the tour! You’ve been so excited about it and I felt it wasn’t something you needed to worry about too much.”

“She says she’s my fucking sister, but it’s not something I need to worry about? Are you even hearing yourselves right now?” His incredulous tone was met with raised eyebrows and he scoffed.

“We had a DNA test done to be sure. The results are accurate.” His dad said quiet and Michael felt a sarcastic laugh escape him, no humour in his tone.

“Real fucking reassuring for me. Just drop it on me that I have a sister, telling me that yeah you’ve met her and had the DNA results-”

His father handed a photo to him, cutting off his words. The photo was taken at a restaurant. A girl, who he would’ve placed at his age sat next to his dad. He couldn’t ignore the screaming similarities. She shared his natural blonde hair colour, eyes the same as his and he felt his breathing catch.

“Get out.”

“I know this is a lot, but please understand I felt it was what was best for you. I’m sorry if my decisions hurt you, son.” His dad hummed. Michael didn’t acknowledge the words, looking away as his mum placed a hand on his cheek.

“We’ll see you soon.” Was all she said before the door slammed shut and Michael could feel his breathing get shorter.

Tears blurred his vision as he fumbled for his phone, trying to pull himself together, unsure of his emotions. Part of him felt elated, overjoyed. But the stronger, more angrier side felt panicked and hurt.

Abandoning the search for his phone, he felt the burning in his chest as he tried to calm himself down before he gave up on that notion.

He knew he was drowning in the panic, but he repeatedly told himself that he was okay, that he was alive and he wasn’t really burning. It didn’t take much longer before he could feel the steel bands that were wrapped around his chest begin to loosen up and breathing became easier for him.

He finally picked up the photo, his eyes taking in the features of the girl-his sister.

“Where the fuck were you so many years ago?” He finally muttered before tossing the photo onto the coffee table, heading upstairs to get changed. He needed to drink and he knew the others were still going to be out

When he woke up the next morning, the taste of cotton in his mouth and the headache increasing, he buried his face into the pillow, trying to remember what he drank last night to get such a hangover.

Then he remembered why he’d drunk so much.

Pulling himself from his bed, he had a shower, washing the smell of alcohol and sweat off of him before he finally got dressed and made his way downstairs. Crystal was sat on the sofa, the photo in her hands as she studied it.

Nothing was spoken as he went to make himself a black coffee, draining the first mug before making another one and finally venturing into the living room, sitting next to his girlfriend. The silence was easy, but he could hear her unspoken question.

“She’s my half-sister according to my parents. My dad had a summer romance with someone from England, way before he met my mum. Apparently, she was the result of that fling.”

Crystal remained quiet, her hand rubbing soothing circles on his thigh.

“Why now? Why not years sooner? Why has this got to happen now, just as we’re about to fly out to the fucking country for tour?” Getting it off his chest felt therapeutic and he knew he couldn’t let this fester. “I mean, mum and dad met her in the summer. He’d been in contact with her for longer. Nearly an entire fucking year and not one word passed to me about her.”

They lapsed into silence and he tried to push the bitterness to one side, his head falling to rest against Crystal’s shoulder. She shifted her arms to wrap around him and pressed a kiss to the top of his head.

“Give her a chance, but don’t bury your feelings. Talk to your parents and we’ll work something out.” She murmured softly and he sighed before nodding.

---

He was nervous.

For the last part of the tour, the guys knew that something was up, but didn’t pester him about it. He hadn’t told them of his sisters existence. He was still trying to understand it himself. But a month hadn’t been long enough for him.

When he arrived to his parents empty home, he felt confused for a second. He knew they’d travelled back a few days before him.

“They’re out shopping.” A voice interrupted his thoughts and he turned to see the girl he’d only seen in the photo his dad had left with him.

“I didn’t ask.”

“You didn’t have to. The question was practically scrawled across your forehead.” She replied calmly. For some reason, the calm reply only irritated him further and he tried not to scowl.

“I guess you’ll know why they didn’t text me to let me know?” The sarcastic response was rhetorical as she shrugged in return.

“Your mum said something about taking a while clearing customs and collecting bags. Dad didn’t disagree with her observations.” The casual way she spoke ‘dad’ seemed to set something off and he scowled.

“Why don’t you just go back to your own parent and leave mine alone?” He snapped, eyes finally meeting hers.

Cassidy recoiled back from his words as if she’d been slapped, eyes filling with tears.

“That’s what you’re doing right? Trying to weasel in and maybe get your-”

“My mother is dead.” She barely breathed out before storming past and fleeing from the house, a loud slam echoing around the empty home.

Guilt immediately ate him up and he suddenly found himself feeling very small as he realised that every selfish assumption he’d had was entirely wrong.

He wasn’t too sure how long he’d been stood there, but upon hearing the door shut once more, he jolted back and was greeted by his parents carrying through the grocery bags.

“So you cleared customs quick then?” His mum enquired as she carried on through to the kitchen.

“Yeah, not too much luggage or equipment.” He replied dully.

“Have you met Cassie yet?” Guilt flooded him once more as he nodded his head.

“She, uh, went out. I’m not feeling particularly hungry right now. So I’m just gonna head up to my old room and crash out for a bit.” Michael jammed his thumb towards the stairs and hoped that his parents wouldn’t interrogate him.

He did not need that argument to increase his guilt. He needed to find his sister and apologise at least, for his words.

“Sure thing sweetheart. If you’re not down for dinner later, I’ll plate you up some and you can eat it when you’re ready.”

Michael didn’t respond as he picked up his luggage and disappeared upstairs, falling face first into his pillow as the unease settled in his stomach.

For the first couple of days, it was awkward. He couldn’t figure out how to apologise to her and then he had the awards show. From what he gathered from his parents, she was staying behind. They hadn’t announced to any of their friends about Cassidy yet and wanted the two of them comfortable.

This only made the guilt in his stomach grow.

He tried to push it from his mind as they went up for the awards, plastering a smile on his lips for the cameras and fans. It took more effort than he thought, but by the time the night was over, he was ready to just collapse.

It was another two days of awkwardness before Michael had had enough.

“C’mon, we’re going out.” He startled Cassidy from her spot on the couch, a book tucked against her legs.

His parents were at their jobs so there was still a few hours left and he did not want it to be spent so awkwardly and uncomfortable. And the guilt was really beginning to eat at him.

“Going out where?” Her tone was cautious, understandably so.

“The beach.” Came the prompt reply and she hesitated before shrugging and ditching her book, grabbing her bag and flip-flops before heading out to his rented car.

He didn’t know how to fill the awkward silence in the car with idle chatter, he was never good at that. So he let the radio music fill in the background silence as he drove away from the tourist spots and moved more towards where the locals congregated, avoiding the overcrowded beaches.

When they reached the beach, part of him wondered what the fuck he was doing, but then one glance to his left was a solid reminder of why he was out there with Cassidy.

The silence was deafening as they began their walk along the sand. Both of them had ditched their shoes once they hit the sand, Michael pulling a face whereas Cassidy simply grinned.

Ten minutes into their walk, he finally found his words.

“I’m an asshole of a brother.”

“Yeah, you kind of are.” Came back the response and he found a small smile creep up on his lips.

“I know it’s no excuse, but it felt like they were trying to replace me. Their only son, off in LA and around the world, living the rockstar life with his girlfriend. Part of me wondered if they didn’t like being so far away.”

“But you know I’m only-”

“I know you’re dads. But mum, she’s taken a real shining to you. And I got scared thinking that you were there to, I don’t know, break them up so he could be with your mum.” He could feel his cheeks growing warm as she snorted at his words, but she didn’t argue them.

“I get the anger, the frustration. But you've gotta work it for you.” She hummed softly, fingers running through her hair. “You need to talk to dad about this, or at least your mum so one of them understands why you’ve been so distant this trip.”

“I’m sorry.” He finally admitted and they finally stopped, sitting down on the beach, facing the sea. “I’m sorry I hurt you like that. I went too far and it wasn’t fair.”

Cassidy let the silence sit between them, her eyes watching a few of the locals on the waves. The breeze seemed to play with both of their hair, pushing it from their faces as she finally turned her head towards him.

“Apology accepted.”

“But I’m not forgiven yet, am I?”

“Yet being the keyword.” Her lips were curved into a small smile, and Michael reciprocated.

“Can we start again? We got off on a really bad foot and you don’t deserve that.” Both of their smiles grew into matching grins.

“Hi Michael, I’m Cassidy, your older half-sister.”

“Nice to meet you Cassidy,” his arm wrapped across her shoulders, “I hope you like sushi and video games. That’s all I’m useful for as a brother.” The two shared a laugh, continuing to watch the surfers and asking questions about each other.

---

After Cassidy had flown back to the UK, their relationship seemed to flourish, despite the time differences.

As she worked, she got updates from him, exchanging jokes and talking about his engagement announcement that was coming up.

She’d met Crystal and seeing how the two were, seeing him so happy and in love, she was more than happy to welcome her to the family, despite having only been apart of it for such a short time.

The two of them had hit it off quite well, and it seemed to cement the sibling’s relationship further.

They’d agreed to keep her appearance quiet, even though there were photos floating around of her hugging Michael goodbye at LAX when she headed back home. She was just grateful that they hadn’t managed to get a shot of her face and thanks to a quick change, she was able to blend in with the crowds.

Despite feeling more relaxed about the start of the year, as her mum’s anniversary came up, she knew that she was struggling and told Michael and their dad as such. What didn’t help was when she tried to take time off to visit them, if only to get through the awful day with her new family, her boss had given her a written warning.

She’d exploded about it to Michael, ranting about how she had holiday to take but he wasn’t letting her.

It left her very drunk and very alone on the anniversary of her mum’s death and when Michael finally called her once he’d finished up in the studio, she’d burst into tears at the simple ‘how are you doing?’

He realised then that he was prepared to drop everything and fly out to her just to be a shoulder for her to cry on, but he knew he couldn’t. So he got in touch with Lyn, asking her to check in on Cassidy.

He’d quietly asked the others, because he felt so new to these different emotions. He felt overwhelmingly protective of his sister, even though she was older. That’d made Calum laugh when he’d admitted it.

“With siblings, time together doesn’t matter. When one’s hurting, it’s shit to watch them in pain and you want to do whatever you can to help. Don’t beat yourself up because you can’t, you listened to her and I can bet she appreciated it.”

And he was right. She called him a few days later and thanked him for not only being on the phone with her, but also for calling Lyn.

“You’re my sister. I wasn’t about to hang up and leave you by yourself, drunk.” He’d scoffed in return, but they both understood. He was relieved she was okay.

When the new single dropped and they began doing promo, that was when Michael felt the pressure of the questions from interviewers about the photo of him hugging Cassidy. But it was one where they were being recorded for a video that he finally snapped.

“So whilst you guys have significant others on the tour, apparently there’s a new girl on the scene.” The others could feel the temperature drop drastically, despite it still being warm in the room. Michael’s look was wary and defensive.

“And what about it?” Ashton asked hesitantly and the interviewer smirked.

“Well we were wondering if there’s a reason for this new girl? Especially when she seems to be around the member who’s engaged.” Michael’s jaw twitched as he stopped himself from spouting off, waiting for the actual question the interviewer seemed to be digging for.

“Is there an actual question?” His tone was icy, and either the interviewer didn’t realise or ignored it.

“Well, who is she? Is she a side piece or is she dating one of the last two free members of the band.” Both Ashton and Calum stiffened and Michael’s temper snapped.

“Considering it’s none of your business who she is, I’ll tell you regardless because I really don’t need any rumours flying about her or my bandmates or myself. She’s my sister who could probably kick your ass and is definitely going to kick mine for this, but I really don’t appreciate how you were talking about her.” The interviewers eyes seemed to light up, no shame in his features.

The interview continued, but it felt a lot more difficult to relax. Once the cameras were off and the interviewer was shaking their hands, he handed Michael a slip of paper.

“Pass that onto your sister for me, mate. I’d love to have a one-to-one with her.” The smirk on his face told Michael exactly what he was going for. Michael stared him down.

“I know my sister well enough that she wouldn’t go near you with a fucking barge pole. Next time you decide to do interviews of anyone, do your fucking research. And maybe don’t degrade women, you might get a date, asshole.” He dropped the paper on the floor and headed out, a low whistle escaping from Ashton.

“That interview is going to blow up, you realise this, right?”

“Fans have speculated that she’s just a friend, so we’re going to have to post something before that interview goes live.” Michael groaned before they piled into the car that took them to the next location.

“At least we’re not doing any kind of interview on Fallon. I don’t think I could take another grilling like that.” He groaned and the other three laughed.

When they reached the rehearsal studio, Cassidy had already arrived and was tapping away at her laptop, looking up and greeted the group with a grin.

“You could maybe be a little bit more excited to see me.” It took Michael a full second before his brain registered and she’d already ditched her laptop by the time he’d pulled her from her seat, pulling her into the tightest hug.

“Holy shit I didn’t think you were able to make it?” She laughed as he finally let go and she greeted the other three easily.

“My boss got fired. Something about a complaint being made to HR about his treatment of his staff.” She eyed him carefully and he shrugged.

“You had the time off and he wouldn’t give it to you. It’s bad treatment.” She grinned.

“Well, I spoke to my new boss the other week and explained the whole situation to her. She sat with me as we went through my projects. Anything that needed to be done as a practical side was pulled forward and completed, the others are mostly research. I’ve gotten the bulk of the list done whilst on the twelve hour flight over which means that I can work whilst you guys are rehearsing and then hopefully it means I get more time with you knuckleheads.”

Once Alex and Drew turned up for rehearsal, they all seemed to knuckle down whilst she tapped away on her laptop, smiling at the jokes and rolling her eyes at the childishness. She didn’t move from her spot, seemingly ignoring the group whilst the occasional click of the camera could be heard in the lull of the sound.

At one point, whilst Ashton was on the drums, him and Matt going over the song, she felt someone sit next to her and turned her head to see it was Michael.

“So, how’s work coming along?” He asked quietly, his eyes flickering to the laptop. She smiled, scrolling through the few pages.

“Just a few conclusions to write up. I’ve cited most of the documents, so I don’t have to do that ballache later tonight either.”

The two shared grins.

“So, you know that we wanted to keep your connection to me, quiet...” Michael knew it was better to tell her now rather than her finding out later on.

“You told?” Her tone wasn’t accusing, simply questioning.

“The interviewer was an asshole about you. Making you out like you’re some sort of side chick for me,” both of them cringed, “or dating Calum or Ashton, since they’re the only two available members of the band.”

“So you put him in his place?” He nodded and she let her head rest on his shoulder. “I’m not upset. It was bound to happen sooner or later.”

“We’ll need to post something officially, before the interview goes out.” He murmured after a moment and she just hummed in response as they watched the others for a while.

“Who knew that being a Clifford would cause so much drama?” She finally mused, making him laugh.

“Well us Clifford’s have got to stick together in these trying times.” The tease was clear, but she understood his words and nudged his side playfully.

“Too damn right. And hey, if it means having to look beautiful for the both of us, I’ll gladly do so.” It took Michael a solid second to register her words and she was off the chair like a shot, laughing as he followed.

“That was mean!” He whined as he chased after her, catching her into a headlock, the others pausing to watch the duo.

“You left it wide open Mike. I simply took the invite. Don’t ruin my hair!” Cassidy tried to pull away as his hand ruffled her hair, yelping as she elbowed his side and released her.

“Try not to kill him Cassie, we need our guitarist alive.” Ashton called over to her and she gave him a thumbs up before wrapping her arms around Michael.

“If I got the beauty, you got the talent, that’s for sure.” She muttered, making him laugh as he hugged her back before she pulled away and headed back to her spot, feeling contentment settle over her as she watch the group rehearse and goof around.

She was home, finally.

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livingwithherpes · 6 years

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I Have Herpes And It’s Not The End Of The World

I was at work when I learned that I’d contracted herpes. “I’m afraid that your blood work came back positive,” the doctor told me over the phone. I’d waited two weeks for the news (normally it takes one week to process blood work, but my doctor was on vacation). “Is it HSV-1, or 2?” I asked. I knew the differences now — I’d spent weeks trolling online message boards for answers (aka, reassurances that what was happening to me was anything but herpes). “It’s two,” he said, which disappointed me because I’d learned it was possible that I’d contracted HSV-1 — that’s the oral kind — on my genitals. That would’ve been preferable because it would’ve meant that maybe my boyfriend unknowingly went down on me with a cold sore, and HSV-1 typically doesn’t like to live anywhere but on the mouth. While I’d still have herpes forever, the outbreak that prompted me to go to the doctor in the first place would have been less likely to reoccur — if it’d been HSV-1. But it was HSV-2.

Interestingly enough, I was in a monogamous relationship for about six months when I got the news, and I don’t know what that means in terms of how I contracted it (I have my suspicions but ultimately, once you have it, it doesn’t matter much how it was acquired). I’d had my first blood test for herpes about six months before this relationship began and it’d come back negative. You know about that, right? You have to get a blood test to find out if you have the virus — herpes is not included in the standard “testing package” that you get when you’re tested for STDs, and it’s not visible unless you’re having an outbreak (some people never do, and some outbreaks are not visible). You MUST ask for the blood test or you will NOT get it and then you will NOT find out that you are positive until you have an outbreak. And if you don’t have an outbreak ever, then you just have it, and there is a chance you could pass it to other people.

[The “accepted” reason that herpes is not part of a standard screening is that unless you have an outbreak, herpes is generally harmless and it doesn’t affect your quality of life. It’s the same as having any kind of uncomfortable skin disorder, truly a minor inconvenience that you sometimes have to deal with. But if you’ve never suffered from an outbreak before, and you find out that you have herpes, well… it can get emotional. It might cause some serious psychological trauma, for a time. I mean, it’s scary — not because of what will physically happen to you, but because you will be seriously judged by un/undereducated people. The cure for this is educating yourself and then educating the people you meet and trust as you go along — people who still judge you after that are not worth your time. Anyway, doctors avoid psychologically traumatizing you by forgoing this test — but when it comes to your health, you have every right to have all the information. Don’t let a doctor talk you out of getting this blood test.]

A routine STD screening is not proof that you’re good to go. Please know that the next time you get tested. Other misconceptions about herpes: despite those chain letters you received in your 1999 AOL inbox, an outbreak does not look like a forest fire of flesh. In the two years I’ve lived with it, I’ve had about three outbreaks and all of them have been virtually invisible. I can’t speak for everyone, but believing is not seeing… or something. Also, about 25% of the adult population has genital herpes, and only 20% of those people know about it. Like, 80-90% of people don’t know they have it. This is interesting because what it means is that, if someone is interested in sleeping with you and they disclose that they have herpes (and know how to have responsible sex with you), you’re less likely to contract it from them than you are from someone who is ostensibly “clean.” (By the way, what about contracting something sexually makes one “dirty”? Mono and even cold sores — that other form of herpes that 90% of us will have by the time we turn 50 — are passed through the mouth, and the stigma there is virtually nonexistent. Just something to question about the puritan attitudes we have toward sex.)

I mean, I’m not here to say that contracting herpes is totally awesome and progressive. It caused me a lot of emotional pain for what now seems to be no reason. I felt insecure and embarrassed. Telling people who you want to sleep with can be freaking horrifying. Once, just to get practice, I told someone I’d just met (this, immediately after I asked him the question, “What would prevent you from sleeping with someone?” and he related the tale of a girl he’d been courting online who — on their first date — told him rather sheepishly that she had herpes. “Oh, the horror!” was his sentiment. And I was like, oh, you mean she was honest and upfront about her sexual health before feelings got involved? What an asshole! By the way, I have herpes too.) He didn’t run away screaming, actually we had a pretty interesting and uninhibited conversation afterward, but suffice it to say I never heard from him again.

That will happen. And it’ll sting a little. But you will also meet people who surprise you. You’ll meet people who won’t even flinch when you tell them. You’ll meet people who have questions and are actually interested in hearing the answers. Probably best of all, you’ll meet people who actually like you for who you are, enough so that something that you can’t help or change will not deter them from being with you.

Herpes isn’t a carnival. But it’s not the end of the world, either. When you start to feel like it is, remember the following:

You can (and you will) have a sex life, and it will possibly be a less-depressing and mature one in which you and your partner(s) communicate clearly about health issues, risks, and fears.

There is nothing wrong with you. You have a skin condition in an unfortunate place. Now that you’re aware of it, you can take steps to control it. No one escapes life unscathed. You’re fine. You’re going to be fine.

If your doctor is unhelpful or dismissive, find a new doctor. There are plenty of them who know how to keep it professional. And if you’re uninsured, get thee to Planned Parenthood and ask for a prescription for antivirals. Then enroll in a pharmacy savings program (Walgreens has a great one) that will help you afford the medication you need.

You can very easily protect the people you have sex with. Suppressive therapy (daily dosages of Valtrex or Acyclovir) drastically decreases the chance that you’ll have an outbreak and the chance that you’ll pass the virus to someone through asymptomatic shedding — a process that occurs when there is no outbreak but there is risk of being contagious. Suppressive therapy is about as convenient and effective as birth control. It’s also totally worth protecting your partner and maintaining an awesome sex life.

If you’re not crazy about the idea of medication, Lysine is an amino acid you can take in vitamin form that helps prevent outbreaks. Dairy is also chock full of it, good news for ice cream and cheese lovers the world over.

You are not going to be exactly who you were before — and that’s probably a good thing. I was making some really tasteless herpes jokes just weeks before my first outbreak; when I was much younger I slept with people I barely knew or respected; I walked around calling myself “open-minded” when I was anything but. You will not be the same person you were before, but you’ll probably be a better one (or at least, hopefully, a more educated one).

You are not alone. Just because your friends and family members aren’t marching down the streets waving “I HAVE HERPES” flags doesn’t mean they don’t. I knew of three people who had it before my being diagnosed, I know countless people now.

It’s okay to feel upset or scared occasionally. You’re dealing with a situation that constantly needs to be explained, or “justified,” or kept secret and it’s stressful. Stigma is not fun, and you don’t have to be excited about it 24-7. Just remember that it’ll be harder for people to accept you if you can’t accept yourself.

Do not sleep with people without disclosing. It’s not fair to take the choice away from them. Let them make their own decisions. Some people will need educating and time to think, some will not bat a lash, and some people will already have herpes. Also? Some people will say, “Thanks, but no thanks.” That’s okay. And so are you.

Original source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/michelle-schaffer/2012/09/i-have-herpes-and-its-not-the-end-of-the-world/

#herpes #livingwithherpes #peoplewithherpes #singlewithherpes #datingwithherpes

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bewaretheundead91 · 7 years

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Beach Weather: She’s Back in Town

A/N: It’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything. I hope you guys enjoy this small update. I won't lie there is another girl on my mind besides Scream characters and Bex Taylor-Klaus so I have definitely been distracted away from Scream content. I recommend reading Sweater Weather Parts 1-3 first before reading this fic and other parts associated with this fic. I’m making a collage for this update too, but haven't finished and wanted to post this now! Feel free to message me or send things to my inbox! Have a great day!

Read Sweater Weather Part 1-3: here

The inside of the car was getting hot, producing sweat on every part of Y/N’s body. She sat there chewing on one of her fingernails, nervous to depart from the small space. It was summer and the high for the day in Lakewood was going to be 90 and she would need to get out soon. Glancing up at the rearview mirror she catches the reflection of her short hair, she knew everyone was going to be a critic about it, with it’s dramatic change. Especially someone she didn’t want to mention or see. While visiting her friends out west she had decided to cut of all of it off, keeping it short on the sides, but longer up top. It was a stylish haircut and something completely different from her long hair. Y/N’s phone vibrates notifying a text message had been sent, Brooke. She slides open her phone and reads the texts, Where are you, you said you’d be here by now, the food is getting cold and the sun is getting hotter. Y/N slides her phone into her backpack and run a sweaty hand through her styled hair. The humidity was already breaking down the products keeping it in place and making the strands curl. With courage she exits her car.

Everyone was at the dock and the beach part of the lake near Brooke’s house. Brooke was hosting a cookout during the day and bonfire at night. Y/N walks around the house until she could see towels spread out around the lake and smoke from a grill. All of her friends along with extra people she didn’t really recognize were dancing and swimming. Did they even miss her? She hadn’t been posting to social media and texting much since the service around some of the national parks out west was terrible. Her phone vibrates. “I think I see you up at the house,” Brooke’s message read. “Come down!” “Audrey.” Y/N text back with an “…” “She’s here.” Brooke responds. Y/N takes in a deep breath and sighs it out shaking her head. This was going to be interesting. The phone vibrates again. “Not alone.” Brooke sends. “Okay.” Y/N sends back. Y/N looks back at her car wanting to head back to the west coast with her Californian friends. It was like everyone had forgotten about her. No one really texted her while she was out there, but could she blame them, she left without saying anything or really letting anyone know she was leaving. She left wanting to get away from Lakewood. Away from the strange situation between Emma and Audrey. And Audrey. Away from her. At the lake side, Audrey was watching Brooke sitting on her beach towel texting away. Curious about who she was texting and when Y/N would be back in town she walks over and sit down on her towel beside Brooke’s. Stretching out she allows the sun to meet her bare stomach and parts of her chest. She looks out at the lake and clear sky. It was a nice day. “Have enough sun screen on?” Audrey asks the texting girl. “You’ve been sitting in this spot for a while. I’m sure you’re going to get burnt.” “Oh yeah I have plenty on.” Brooke drops her phone on her legs and Audrey gets a glimpse of the person she was texting. Y/N. “So when were you going to tell me Y/N was back in town?” Audrey asks trying to not sound angry. “I haven’t spoken to her in a while. It seems like you have been.” “She just got back in to town yesterday,” Brooke says looking to the side. “And you were busy on your own. You could have texted her.” “I couldn’t have, not with Gina around.” Audrey says looking over at Gina standing near Noah sipping on a red solo cup looking bored. “Nothing happened between you two,” Brooke says bluntly. “No one knew, but me and Noah…Zoe is dead. Therefor nothing happened.” “Ouch.” Audrey says feeling her chest getting heavy. “Nothing that was to the point where you guys told anyone is what I’m trying to say.” “She got distant.” Audrey says looking out at the water again, she places a hand over her eyes covering the sunlight reflecting off of the body of water. “Of course she did, you confessed to having a crush on one of her best friends at one point…it’s going to get awkward.” “I told her it was nothing…there was nothing between Emma and me,” Audrey says dropping her gaze to the phone again. “She’s here isn’t she?” “Yep, already here,” Brooke said with a smile. “So be nice.” “Hey Y/N!” Noah shouts causing Audrey to turn her focus to the commotion behind her. Her mouth drops open at the site of Y/N giving Noah a big hug. “How have you been, summers has been a bummer without you!” “I’ve been awesome!” Y/N says laughing. “It was a great trip! I learned to surf and long board! We even went hiking in a few spots!” “You might actually be cooler than Audrey now.” Noah says lowering his voice and playfully jabbing her in the ribs. “Keep that on the down low.” “Um…I even camped out on a beach and went sailing.” Y/N says blocking out the comment about Audrey. “And this hair!” Emma comes running toward Y/N’s directions. “It’s so short!” Audrey watches from the beach of the lake with her mouth open, giving Y/N the look up and down. Her hair was gone, almost buzzed on the sides with longer section up top, styled in a very trendy way. She wore a cut off muscle tank with a bikini poking out on the sides and running shorts. She looked liked herself, but there was something so different. She looked confident. “Wow, you look so…” Emma says. “Are you trying to tell us something?” “You might want to close your mouth before Gina sees it gaping open,” Brooke suggests. “You’re even drooling. I know she looks hot, but come on.” “Wait what?” Audrey blinks her eyes and quickly wipes her mouth. She turns her line of sight back toward the lake. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” “Smooth Audrey,” Brooke whispers crinkling up her nose. “I see there is a flame still burning deep down in that brooding heart of yours.” “Don’t,” Audrey says bringing her knees to her chest. “Don’t say that.” “Relax,” Brooke says. “And go say hey so you can finally shut up about her. Maybe you wont make things so awkward for me and Noah.” Brooke gets up off her beach towel and runs over toward the girl. She wraps her around around Y/N’s shoulders and brings her in for a tight squeeze. “You look hot.” Brooke says with a smirk. “You knew about the short hair Brooke.” Y/N says. “I know, but photos don’t do it justice. It took you long enough to get back to Lakewood.” “It’s because I didn’t want to come back. Ever,” Y/N laughs. “But there is this thing called school and a handful of people here that I love dearly…what are they called again…oh yeah friends.” “Yeah we’ve missed you,” Stavo says approaching nodding his head. “The short hair looks rad. It suits you really well, giving Jensen over there a run for her money.” “I just needed a change, the long hair was sort of not me anymore.” Y/N noticed someone she had never seen before lurking around a table, watching from a far. Once the red head caught her eye contact she started walking toward the group. A perplex smile extends across her face. She takes a large swig of her drink and swallows hard. Y/N starts to frown. “So you must be Y/N,” The red head says. The smile forms again. “Audrey has told me so much about you.” “Okay,” Y/N says confused. “And you are?” “I’m Gina,” The redhead smiles sweetly. “Audrey your friend is here! Audrey and I are dating.” Y/N finally saw Audrey, she was sitting on the a towel on the beach near the lake. Her back was completely toward everyone and Y/N understood why. Nothing was left properly at all. The argument popped into Y/N head, the day she was leaving for most of the summer and she dozed off for a second. “You can’t just leave now,” Audrey says her eye were getting red from tears building up in the corners. She was angry and emotionally exhausted. She never got like this. “Not after everything.” “Everything?” Y/N asked, her eyes were beginning to sting too. “Everything? Audrey I shouldn’t trust you at this point. And your confession, I heard it all.” “It’s not like that anymore, I don’t like Emma like that. I like you.” “Well you have a great way of showing it, no one knows and you wont tell anyone.” “Because we haven’t even talked about telling anyone yet. We haven’t even discussed what we are. Two people know for now.” “Because one of them is dead.” Y/N says walking up a step toward the front door of her house. “Please don’t leave me for the summer Y/N,” Audrey grabbed Y/N hand in desperation. “I need you here.” “And I need to be there, all the way in California where I can learn to breath again.” Y/N had never seen Audrey like this. “You can learn to breath again here,” Audrey says, almost begging. “With me.” “No I can’t. I need a break. My things are already packed.” “What about Brooke?” Audrey snaps dropping Y/N’s hand. “What about Emma, they actually suffered loss, you…” “Go home Audrey,” Y/N gives the girl a gentle shove. “You weren’t even their friends until last semester. You weren’t even my friend until last semester.” “Y/N,” Audrey fumbles back a few steps. “I’m just saying you shouldn’t go.” “I’ve got to my own sake, remember when we had that conversation around the bonfire the night we confessed our feelings for each other?” “Yeah I remember that night.” “Well I’ve got to do something for myself, I thought you of all people would understand that,” Y/N approaches the front door of her house. “I need time away for a break and the opportunity came.” “That was until I needed you.” Y/N opens the door and starts to walk in. “I’m coming back, why don’t you go somewhere that will give you a break, meet new people.” Y/N walks into her house and that was the last time she saw Audrey. Until now. “Y/N,” Someone shouts in the distance waking her from her daze. “Are you alright?” Y/N looks up to see Emma looking concerned, she forces a smile and nods. Audrey’s turns her head to the side and makes eye contact with her. Y/N sloppily runs a hand through her hair and takes a step forward toward the table where there was food avoiding the other eye contact from her estranged friend. “I’m hungry.” Y/N says. Noah walks over and wraps an arm around Y/N’s shoulder and pulls her toward the table where there was corn and hotdogs, salad and bags of different kinds of chips. A plate is shoved into her hand and she begins to fill it with food. Once the plate was full she sits at the table. The redhead walks over toward the table and sits down joining her. Y/N was already getting a strange vibe from the girl, she wasn’t sure who she really was or how old she was. “So California was it?” Gina asks starting a conversation. “Yeah, the west coast,” Y/N was catching on to what the girl was doing. “I went out there to visit old friends.” “And to abandon your friends here.” The redhead grabs a chips and stuffs it in here mouth. “It’s called a vacation,” Y/N clarifies. She was getting a vibe from the girl that was telling her to leave. “You know those trips that people take during the summer and there is sometimes a beach involved.” “You were gone for two months.” “Well Gina, that is your name Gina?” Y/N says. “Vacations can last a whole summer and it’s actually none of your business what I do with my life since you're a total stranger.” “I’m no stranger to Audrey.” Gina smiles. “Congratulations?” Y/N asks. She could feel her body start to shake. Audrey over hears a Gina’s voice in a conversation with Y/N and stands up from her blanket. There was butterflies flipping in her stomach and her hands were sweating. The thought of having made a mistake was bouncing around in her brain. Had she? She was doing what Y/N told her to do, but was this what she had really meant? Dating? “Okay,” Y/N grabs her plate and stands up. “I’m not here to argue or start drama. I’ve dealt with it enough. I’ve been gone for two months and this stranger is trying to start an argument with me. I’m walking away.” Audrey wanted to slap a palm to her face. She had told Gina about the argument that happened between Y/N and herself. She didn’t expect Gina to start attacking the girl once she arrived back in town. “I’m only doing this because you hurt my girlfriend.” Gina’s words were slaps across Y/N’s face. “Gina,” Audrey finally speaks. “Don’t.” “Great I’m the enemy because I wanted to disappear for a bit,” Y/N asks. Y/N looks around the area at everyone. Emma shakes her head and Stavo crosses his arms. “What else did you tell everyone Audrey? That we’ve kiss, that we…” “I didn’t tell them anything.” Audrey says face sympathetic. Y/N throws her plate into a trash bin and grabs her backpack. She starts to walk away from the crowd. Eyes were on her. “I want you here,” Brooke jogs over. “Everyone wants you here, we don’t really know Gina that well and Audrey wants you here.” “It really looked like Audrey wanted me here.” Y/N says. She run a hand through her short hair. “Gina is just being like this because she knows Audrey’s not over you, not even close,” Brooke wraps an arm around Y/N’s shoulder. “She on defense mode especially because you’re hot and Audrey has noticed.” “I didn’t even know we were over to be honest with you,” Y/N says with a sigh. “Audrey didn’t text the whole time I was out west and I didn’t want to disturb her. So I never text her. I’m awful.” “Yeah that looks back.” Brooke raises her brows and presses her lips together tightly. “She looks bad too,” Y/N says with a big hand gesture. “She gave up. I gave up?” “I don’t think you guys are done,” Brooke says. She nods toward Audrey and Gina talking in the distance. “I don’t think Audrey really thought this would go anywhere.” “Well it did and I’ve got to move on.” Y/N shrugs and starts to walk away from Brooke. “I’m back in town and both of them are going to have to get used to it.” Y/N grabs the ends of the tank top and pulls over her head. She walks down toward the beach and then pulls off her shorts fully exposing the bikini she was wearing underneath. Audrey’s conversation with Gina stops out in the distance as the short hair girl’s line of sight follows Y/N toward the beach . Brooke smiles widely. “It’s going to be an interesting night and an interesting fall semester.” Brooke says aloud.

#MTV Scream #audrey jensen #audrey jensen x reader #audrey jensen fanfic

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champhangman · 7 years

Text

Together

Characters: AJ Styles x Unnamed OFC

Summary: He thought he loved her as much as he could. He was wrong.

Inspiration: All the back and forth talk recently over on @llowkeys about AJ that ran the gamut from breeding kink to being super stoked about becoming a father. Seriously, it's all her fault.

Warnings: Light cursing? Childbirth, but not explicitly described. Otherwise none.

Angst/Fluff/Smut: Total fluff! (From an account dedicated to smut. This is an accomplishment for me, by the way.)

Tagging: @llowkeys, @the-geekgoddes, @castielscamander, @blondekel77, @horcruxhunter5972, @zombiexbody, @vebner37 - (Please let me know if you want to be added to my tag list! Drop me a line or send me a message. My inbox is always open.)

She was about to explode. It hurt to breathe whenever she laid down. She couldn't see her feet. Her hair was greasy. Her face was breaking out. Her back was killing her. Oh, and there was a demon spawn inside her determined to simultaneously break her ribs and obliterate her bladder.

AJ hid a smile as he put the final touches on her lunch. Her pregnancy complaints had quadrupled over the past week. There had been a flood of excitement as the due date approached, but now the baby was a week late and everything was getting on her last nerve. It had been cute and awesome when, just two weeks ago, she had found the definite outline of an elbow pushing out. Now it was torture. The frequent trips to the toilet had been a source of amusement but were now accompanied by groans and grumbles.

Everything that had been amazing and documented with photos and videos and copious notes in the baby book was now a reminder that the baby would only come out when he – or she – was good and ready.

Her obstetrician wasn't concerned. Every two days they trooped down to her office. Every time they were sent back home with the gentle reminder that it would happen soon. The previous weekend had been the worst, though. Fake labor pains had sent them to the hospital three times. Sunday afternoon she had been certain her water had broken. Only to find out that she must have wet herself. AJ had a feeling the hospital staff and the obstetrician were starting to think of her as the woman who cried childbirth.

He knew better than to chuckle about her complaints. When he'd done so the day before she had given him a look that would have made Medusa proud. Not that he could tell her that. She wouldn't think it was funny. Just like she hadn't thought Karl mimicking the beeping of a dump truck in reverse was funny. Of course the only difference was that she had struck out at Karl and split his bottom lip. She wouldn't do that to him.

At least, he didn't think so. And he damned sure wasn't about to find out.

So he listened to her complaints while she talked to her mother on the phone, keeping his face as impassive as possible when she made her way into the kitchen.

"Honestly, mom, my hair has never been so bad! AJ helped me wash it this morning and it's already oily and gross."

He didn't see it as oily and gross. It was thicker than it had been before her pregnancy. He loved it as it was just now: loose and spilling down her back. His fingers itched to run through the wavy locks. He didn't though, instead moving to fix her a drink.

"I know… I know… No, I guess I'm okay. L'il man is using my ribs as a springboard is all."

AJ glanced over his shoulder to see her rubbing the top of her belly. God, he loved that belly. He was enamored with it, really. He had loved watching it grow. As soon as she'd started to show, even when it was barely noticeable to the naked eye, his hands had started holding onto it. Whether they were cuddled together on the couch watching TV or taking a shower together or falling asleep, at least one of his hands was on it. Even in public he kept a hand on it, probably as some subconscious need to keep their baby protected.

He hadn't even noticed he was so touchy-feely until she'd joined him on the road for a long weekend. Owens and Zayn had both pointedly said he could let go of her long enough for them to get their usual hug. He'd grumbled at the time, enjoying her laugh, and later had tried to explain why he couldn't keep his hands off her belly.

"You've always been mine. I know that. But this… This bump that makes you look like you swallowed a cantaloupe… It's like you're announcin' to the whole world that you love me so much you're willin' to have my baby grow in you."

Judging by the intense, ravenous lovemaking she'd given him after those words, he was pretty sure he'd said just the right thing.

"Here you go, baby," he said softly, placing her glass of tea in front of her once she was sitting down. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "Tell your mom I said hi."

"He says hi." She caught his arm when he began to step away. "Mom says hi back and that you better remember to call her when it's definitely time."

"I know better than to not to," he promised with a grin.

"It's so hot today," she announced after ending the call and picking up her fork. "I'd give anything for a cold beer, my bikini, and an hour in the pool."

"You can have the bikini and the pool," AJ reminded her, watching her take miniscule bites of the chicken salad he'd made. Chicken salad that she had requested. From her favorite café on the other side of town. He nudged her tea a bit closer to her plate.

"I tried putting it on earlier but my tits are so huge now I look like some obscene 90s porn star." She took a larger bite, brow furrowed. "I mean, they're ridiculous! Why do they have to – Would you stop staring at them?!"

AJ grinned. "Baby, you just talked about 'em. Of course I'm gonna stare."

"You're disgusting."

"Nah," he disagreed with a quick shake of his head. He must have done something right. She was actually eating now. "You're just mad that our daughter is taking her sweet time."

"Son," she corrected.

"Daughter," he insisted. They had opted to not find out the sex. He was pretty sure they were having a girl. She was absolutely certain it would be a boy.

"As much as this baby you planted has flown around inside me for the past nine months, it's definitely a boy. Your boy."

He couldn't help the silly grin that pulled at his lips. "Boy or girl, it's ours. That's all that matters."

Her face softened. Her fork landed with a soft clatter on the plate and she was leaning to kiss his cheek. "I've been such a bitch, haven't I? I didn't mean to. And I know there's no excuse for it, but—"

"But you're pregnant and miserable. Your body is exhausted because it's been busy gettin' her ready for her debut." He pressed his lips to her forehead, allowing his fingers to lightly smooth over her hair before lowering his hand to her belly. Just as he began to rub, he felt their child start to wriggle. "Can you blame her for takin' her time? You've got paradise goin' on in there. She'd be stupid to want to leave."

"Well I'm sorry, but he's been served his eviction notice. Either he leaves on his own by the end of this week, or… Or…" She leaned back, frowning. "Or I'll do nothing but continue to bitch and complain."

AJ chuckled and brought her back for a quick kiss. "Just relax, baby. She'll be here before you know it. Demandin' and keepin' us up all night and hoggin' all your attention…"

"So you're saying he'll be just like you?"

***

"AJ? Honey?"

Even though he had just closed his eyes to go to sleep, he snapped them open immediately at the sound of her voice. He could sense worry and, starting to worry himself, sat straight up, surprised to see her standing next to the bed. "What? What's wrong?"

"It… I mean I think…" She shifted, lips twisting anxiously. "I'm pretty sure it's time. For real."

He blinked rapidly, thoughts of sleep disappearing as her words sunk in. "Yeah?" he asked, already getting out of bed. "How you feel?"

"It hurts. Worse than the Braxton-Hicks." Her eyes were wide. "I've been timing them all night and they're starting to come faster—"

"Sit down," he blurted, grasping her shoulders and guiding her to sit on the edge of the bed. He made sure she would stay put before crossing to get his clothes. "Let me get dressed, okay? And we'll go."

"But what if I'm wrong?"

"Then we'll come home and go back to bed." He went over the list he had memorized. The bag she had packed – and unpacked and repacked at least a dozen times – was waiting by the front door. All he had to do was get his clothes on, help her into one of the dresses she'd taken to wearing lately, grab their phones, get her downstairs, get the bag, get her into the car, and leave.

"But what if I think it's real tomorrow night too?"

"We'll go to the hospital again."

"But what if—"

"What if you just sit there and stay calm?" he suggested softly, stepping into his shoes. He muttered a curse and kicked them off so he could pull on his shorts. "Why didn't you tell me you were havin' pains?"

"I just figured they were false labor again." She was rubbing her belly with both hands.

Struck by the sight of her, he froze for a moment to take it all in. Her, perched on the edge of the bed wearing one of his t-shirts. Her hair a mess, her legs and feet bare. Her head bowed, and her hands working over her belly gently. As though aware of him watching, she raised her head and he saw the worry in her eyes.

"AJ," she whispered.

He was in front of her in an instant, dropping to his knees and taking her hands into his. "It's gonna be okay, baby," he promised. "How long has it been since the last contraction?"

"About eight minutes." She clutched his hands. "AJ, I'm scared."

"There's nothin' to be scared of," he attempted to soothe. "We've got the best doctor and we're going to the top hospital—"

"Not about giving birth."

"Then what?"

"Being a mom. I can't do this."

"It's a little late to decide that," he whispered, hoping to make her smile.

Instead, he saw her eyes fill with tears. "I don't know how much to feed a baby or how often to change a diaper. I don't know if it's better to let them cry it out or pick them up every time they cry. I haven't been able to settle on a name. And remember that rosebush your parents gave us last year? I couldn't even keep that alive, how in the world am I going to be this baby's mommy?"

"By followin' your gut." AJ leaned to catch her lips in a quick kiss. "Nobody knows all that stuff at first. I don't know any of that. But we'll learn. We'll figure it all out as we go along."

"Are you scared?" she asked in a whisper.

"Terrified," he admitted for the first time. Feeling her grip on his hands tighten, he widened his eyes when her entire body tensed up. Her face twisted with pain and he tried to soothe her as best he could, with gentle, encouraging murmurs. Her attempt at the breathing technique she'd learned in childbirth class was stellar, and he pulled one hand free to place over her belly. When her grip loosened, he brought both her hands to his lips. "Okay?"

"That was the worst one so far," she gasped.

His heart twisted. He knew she was in for a lot more pain before the ordeal was over. He hated seeing her in pain, especially when there was nothing he could do to ease it. Not all the ice packs and massages in the world could help her. Terrified? He was scared to death that he wouldn't be able to comfort her at all. "C'mon," he murmured. "Let's go."

***

He hadn't called her mother. He hadn't called his parents, either. In fact, he hadn't called any of the people they had promised to call when it was finally, definitely, time. He'd been too focused on her. Her pains were his pains, though he would never know what they truly felt like. Her cries and whimpers were blazing knives into his heart. But there was nothing he could do to take the pain away. He was strictly on the sideline, holding her hand and rubbing her back and feeding her crushed ice. For the past three hours, though, he had merely sat beside her on the bed, doing his best to coach her through the breathing that he was starting to think was a load of crap.

"I can't do it!" she whimpered, slumping back after a particularly arduous push.

"Yes you can," AJ insisted. Hand holding hers, he ignored the doctor and nurses speaking all at once. Eyes on her face, he reached to brush the lock of hair away from her face. Her body was bathed in sweat. Her lips were dry. Her cheeks were flushed. Her eyes were clenched shut.

She was, he realized with what felt like a punch to the gut, the most beautiful woman that had ever existed.

"You can do this," he whispered, pressing his forehead to hers. Her other hand came up to rest at his cheek. She began to shake her head, but he shushed her. "Yes, you can. I know it hurts, baby, but you're the strongest person I've ever known in my life. Nobody but you can do this."

Her eyes opened and she sniffled. "Women give birth every day."

"Not to my child, they don't." He tilted his head to kiss her palm. "Only you would be brave enough for that."

"We just need one more good push," the nurse on the other side of the bed encouraged. "One more push and your baby will be here."

"Hear that?" he whispered, closing his eyes briefly. His baby was about to come into the world. "I don't know about you, but I really, really want to hold our girl."

"Boy," she sniffled.

"Prove it."

She actually laughed. "You asshole," she muttered. "I really hate you right now."

"For puttin' you through this?"

"For thinking I'm wrong." She drew in a deep breath. "Because it's definitely a boy."

"Show me?" he requested, stealing a quick kiss.

She nodded, tears welling in her eyes. "Okay." AJ began to pull away but she grasped his shirt. "Stay? I need to see your eyes."

He complied, the hum of activity in the delivery room fading as she clutched him. Awed, he watched her face while she began to push, her ragged moan of pain piercing his heart. Her eyes closed briefly and opened as she released a monumental gasp, arms trembling. Tears spilled from her eyes and when her lips parted, he heard a new sound.

The first hearty cry of their baby.

He was torn. He wanted to continue staring into her eyes, to keep feeling the surge of love and adoration he had for her. But he wanted to pull away so he could see their child. Their very, very loud child. He felt too weak to move so he stayed where he was, lips meeting hers in a grateful kiss. He tasted the salt of her tears, and of his own. "I love you," he whispered between kisses. The words seemed paltry compared to what he truly felt, but he couldn't come up with enough words to describe the emotions. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," she promised.

He pulled away, reluctantly, when the nurse touched his shoulder. Not bothering to brush away his tears, he stared in awe as a wet, squirming baby was brought up to rest on her chest. The skin was a healthy pink. Miniature feet and hands kicked and waved, and a shockingly loud cry came from a very tiny mouth. He carefully brushed his hand over one cheek, then over the fine black hair that dusted the baby's scalp.

"It's a boy," the doctor announced.

"Hey," she whispered, sobbing and laughing at the same time. She had already cradled the baby in her arm, and was touching him all over. Counting his toes and his fingers. Holding him close to her breast. She raised her head, tears flowing freely. "He's beautiful."

"Just like his mama," AJ replied hoarsely.

"Hi l'il man," she said, pressing a tender kiss to the baby's forehead. Within seconds, the cries subsided, and their son nuzzled his cheek against her breast. "I've been waiting forever to meet you."

Eyes that had been closed blinked open. A tiny hand waved in the air and caught her hair.

Heart swelling, AJ dipped his head to kiss their son's head then lifted to kiss her lips. "Thank you," he murmured, shifting so he could tuck his arm around both her and the baby. The small head moved, and he was caught by a pair of dark blue eyes. "And thank you for finally getting' here…"

The small mouth opened and AJ braced himself for another cry. Instead, their son yawned.

"Bein' born is rough work, huh, son?" he asked. Another blanket was handed over and he worked to tuck it over the baby, whose eyes had drifted shut again. "Son," he repeated, heart swelling again. He marveled over the tiny hand that clutched his finger. "We have a son…"

"Told you so," she whispered.

***

#aj styles #aj styles imagine #aj styles fanfiction #wwe #wwe imagine #wwe fanfiction #aj styles fanfic #wwe fanfic #the fluff the whole fluff and nothing but the fluff #fave

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