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gloomysoup · 1 month

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when the world stops turning (my heart stops beating) - pt. 4

hello yes i know it's been a while. this part has been a pain in my ass for months. i needed to get it just right and rewrote this thing so many times it's not even funny. and now, after editing it five times over the last two days, i'm just posting it. what's done is done. if i came back to it again i would have rewritten and i don't wanna do that. so here it is at least. there is also going to be at least one more part. i'm shooting for two more hopefully but i make no promises. the next part could very well be the last. i hope you enjoy :)

ao3 pt 1 pt 2 pt 3

cw: hospitals, dissociation, mentions of overdose, addiction, sobriety, and relapse

Eddie couldn’t move. His body was fighting against every instinct he should have in the moment. Someone could throw something directly at his head, and he wouldn’t react. The buzzing voices around him faded in and out as he stared at a chip in the wood of the table in front of him.

One of Steve’s doctors had finally come to speak with them. They couldn’t say anything for certain at the moment, but he was alive, and that’s all Eddie heard before his head went fuzzy again. His mind was still reeling, caught on the fact that he should have seen this. He should have noticed. He should have been able to help Steve. He failed the only person who’d ever loved him like that, the only one who ever would love Eddie like that. Because Steve was it for him. He’d always known that. No one else would even come close. No one could ever compare to Steve Harrington.

Not only had he failed Steve, but he’d failed Robin too. He was supposed to keep Steve safe. Robin couldn’t lose her best friend; Eddie knew that. He’d promised to take care of him. He couldn’t even do that one thing right. God, what was he going to tell Robin?

They didn’t want Steve to have visitors yet. Eddie managed to gather that much at least. It was still touch and go. He wasn’t awake. They weren’t sure if he ever would be. They’re flushing his system, but it’s really just a game of wait and see. They might be able to see him in the morning, but the doctor wasn’t making any promises. It all depended on how the rest of the night went. If he made it through. They couldn’t say anything else for certain. There had been a lot of drugs in his system. He’d been deprived of oxygen for a long time. There was no way to be sure what would happen next. That was all up to Steve now.

Eddie sat there in that uncomfortable waiting room chair for hours. He didn’t move. He didn’t eat or drink. He didn’t even get up to go to the bathroom. He just sat there, staring at the same chip in the wooden table. His friends all tried their best to get through to him. They tried to coax him into eating or drinking something, but their efforts were unsuccessful. No one could get through to him, and he preferred it that way. He deserved to sit in his own silence, letting his brain run reckless and spiral to the depths of his fears and anxiety. He had failed.

He noticed that the more time seemed to pass, the antsier his bandmates got. Though, he couldn’t be exactly sure that’s what was happening. Time escaped him.

Time was such a funny thing, wasn’t it? It can feel like it speeds up, slows down, or stops entirely, but it never changes. It’s always the same. It’s all in the imagination. Eddie was never that good at telling time as a child. Even as he grew older, he found it difficult to keep track. As he sat in that hospital, his entire life on the brink of falling apart at the seams, time was nowhere to be found. Nothing made sense. He just sat silently, staring. People moved around him, time passed, but Eddie didn’t move. He was trapped. His body was at the hospital, but his mind kept bouncing around. From his mom, to Wayne, to Steve on the bathroom floor. An endless cycle. Eddie was hanging on by a single thread: the only thread of life left in Steve.

Eddie would never survive if Steve didn’t make it out alive.

Eddie was aware that a long time had passed only by the ache in his joints and the dryness of his mouth. He also sort of needed to pee, but that wasn’t important. At least, not important enough to warrant getting up. He couldn't move. He needed to stay right in that spot. Nothing was more important than that.

“Come on, Ed,” Wayne’s gruff voice said from somewhere behind him. Eddie stayed rooted to the spot. “It’s time to go, kid. We’ve gotta get to the reception.”

Eddie stood silently, staring straight ahead at the marble headstone. His mother’s name was engraved with curly letters. Eddie hadn’t known that was possible. There were piles of flowers that he knew wouldn’t be there next week. He didn’t speak. His feet were glued to the soft ground beneath him. His suit was itchy and his worn dress shoes were a size too small. The tie around his neck was suffocating. He couldn’t breathe.

He broke down right there, tears rolling down his cheeks and gasping sobs bursting from his chest. He sank down to the ground at the foot of his mother’s fresh grave, clawing at the stupid red tie that his mother had bought him two years prior and the collar of his white dress shirt. Wayne sighed softly and sat down beside him, gently pulling his hands away and shushing Eddie as he loosened the tie. He let him collapse against his chest, tie almost completely off and the first two buttons of his shirt undone. Wayne held him through each wracking sob and stuttering breath, murmuring comfort until he’d gotten it all out.

“I couldn’t do it, Uncle Wayne,” Eddie whispered hoarsely. “Why couldn’t I do it?”

“Do what, Ed?”

“Save her.”

Why couldn't he do it?

“Eddie, seriously, you need to eat something,” Jeff said, holding out a bag of chips from the vending machine. Eddie stared blankly at the bag, seeing but not really. He heard the words coming from Jeff’s mouth, but his body refused to respond. He couldn’t quite fully process what he was saying. It slipped out of his head before he got the chance, replaced with his mother’s voice, or Steve promising he was fine. He was fine. There was nothing wrong. It was just weed. Nothing more. He was fine.

He lied.

What else had Steve lied about? What else was he keeping from Eddie? Every time Steve came home late, claiming some generic excuse about work or traffic or whatever else it may have been, how often had those been lies? What had he been doing instead? Getting high? Shooting up in a parking garage somewhere? Was he ever with someone else? Someone who wasn’t Eddie?

Steve would never cheat. Eddie had to remind himself of that over and over again. Repeat it on a loop in his head. Anything to get it to stay there.

He would not cheat. He would not cheat. He would not cheat.

But he would lie.

Eddie has never been insecure about their relationship before. He loved Steve more than anything. He always knew Steve felt the same. Steve loved him. No questions asked. Eddie knew. He didn't need to be told that Steve loved him. It was just obvious. Now, though, Eddie was second guessing everything. Why would he lie? If Steve could lie so easily about something like this, what else had he lied about? Had their whole relationship been a lie? Has Steve ever told him the truth about anything?

His brain swirled with more thoughts, more insecurities. He stared at the chip in the table as he spiraled. His fingers and toes were tingling. This couldn’t be real. It had to be a dream, a nightmare. Any minute now, he was going to wake up. Everything would be fine. It was just one big nightmare. He would be laying in bed next to Steve, who would be snoring softly. He would roll over and tuck his arms around his boyfriend’s waist. He could hold him tight, bury his nose in the back of Steve’s neck and breathe in the scent of his shampoo. He could fall back into a peaceful sleep with Steve in his arms, safe and sound.

Except he wasn't waking up. No matter how much he tried, no matter how hard he willed his eyes to open, it didn't happen. He was trapped. There was no escape. Steve wasn't there. He may never be there again. This was all Eddie’s fault. If only he’d noticed. If only he cared enough. None of it was enough. Eddie wasn’t enough. He never should have expected to be enough for Steve. Steve deserved better.

Eddie never should have asked him to come on tour with them.

If Eddie hadn’t asked him to go, this never would have happened. Steve would be at home, in their apartment with Robin, probably sleeping in her room every night. He hated sleeping alone. He’d be sitting on the couch, wrapped up in one of Eddie’s hoodies and the threadbare blue blanket they took from the trailer when they moved, watching movies with Robin and a bowl of popcorn. He wouldn’t be dying in a hospital in New York. He’d be happy and safe. Eddie would miss him like hell, but at least he would be safe.

The sun was shining, blindingly bright, through the tall windows on the far wall of the waiting room when the doctor finally came back. Eddie’s knee had taken to bouncing anxiously a while ago, maybe an hour, maybe more. He can’t be sure. His brain had mostly come back online, but he still felt a little foggy. Untethered. His world was unbalanced. His ears were still ringing even as the doctor started talking. He barely heard a single word. Snippets of information filtered through the fog. Stable. Made it through the night. Up to Steve now. ICU. Visitors. The next thing he knows, Jeff is leading him through the halls with the doctor. It’s just the three of them. Other doctors and nurses bustled around them.

They finally crossed the double doors into the ICU. Eddie’s heart pounded as the doctor led them over to one of the sliding doors. She opened it, and Eddie couldn't move. He could hear the machines inside, see the edge of the hospital bed. If he turned his head a little, he knew he would see Steve. The doctor walked in and picked up the chart at the foot of the bed. She flipped it open and clicked her pen, writing things down and glancing at monitors.

“Eddie, why don't we go inside?” Jeff suggested softly, his hand on Eddie’s arm. “Steve needs you right now.”

Eddie's feet moved of their own accord, taking slow steps into the room. Jeff followed behind him, closing the door once they were both in the room. He carefully led Eddie over to the chair, giving him a light push on the shoulder to sit him down. As soon as he was close enough, Eddie grabbed Steve’s hand. An instinct he would probably always have. It didn't matter what was going on in his brain. If Steve’s hand was there, Eddie was holding it.

“Is he okay?” the doctor asked gently, nodding to Eddie.

Jeff sighed. “I hope so. This is all really hard on him.”

“How long have they been together?”

Jeff looked up, a little startled. It may have been New York, and queer relationships were a little more accepted than they were just a few years ago, but Steve and Eddie had always been careful. Cautious. They all had. But she was quick to respond before Jeff could even think to redirect.

“It’s okay, really. I know what love looks like. I would look at my partner the same way if something like this ever happened to her.”

“Oh.” Jeff glanced at Eddie, who had his eyes glued to Steve’s hand in his. “Um… it’s been almost eight years now. They’ve been through a lot together.”

She closed the chart and put it back at the end of the bed. She nodded a few times, watching the machines that beeped rhythmically. “I’m going to hold on to hope,” she said softly. “For them. For everyone like us. I can’t say anything for certain; this is all up to Steve. We’re doing everything we can. But I’m holding on to hope.”

“I guess that’s all any of us can do now, isn’t it?”

“I think so.” She cleared her throat and took a step back from the bed, turning to Jeff. “I have other patients to round on, but I’ll be back to check up on everything in a couple of hours. If you guys need anything, just let one of the nurses know.”

“Thank you.”

Silence fell through the room as the doctor left. Jeff took the chair in the corner, letting Eddie have whatever time he needed. He was mostly there for Eddie’s sake; someone had to make sure he would be okay until Wayne got there. Truthfully, they were all out of their depths here. No one really understood what was happening in Eddie’s brain. Not even close to the way Wayne would.

They sat there in total silence for a long time. It's unclear to Eddie just how long, but long enough that Jeff had gotten up four times. Once to get food, once for the bathroom, and twice to hit vending machines and coffee. Not that Eddie accepted anything Jeff offered him. His body still felt wildly disconnected from his brain. His limbs were heavy. He also knows it's been long enough that nurses have come in to check on Steve eight times, and his doctor has been back once. It seems the only thing Eddie’s mind can keep track of is how many times someone has entered or exited Steve’s room in the ICU.

Jeff gets up for a fifth time. Another bathroom break, from the few words Eddie managed to retain. The door slid shut behind him, and Eddie was alone again. He squeezed Steve’s hand three times, desperate for any sign that he's still there. That he's fighting for Eddie. Nothing happens. The machines beep. His chest rises and falls rhythmically with the calculated breaths of the ventilator. Steve’s eyes shift beneath his eyelids, but they don't open. They won't open. The door slid open again, and Eddie assumed Jeff was back, though it seemed like he wasn't gone very long. And then he hears it.

“Oh, God.”

Eddie’s head shot up at the sound of Robin’s shaky voice behind him. She looked wrecked. Her face was blotchy, her eyes puffy and red. There were tear tracks down her cheeks. Wayne was standing beside her, looking somber. He watched her take a rattled breath, crossing the room slowly. Her eyes don't leave Steve. Wayne followed a few moments later, coming to stand behind Eddie and put a hand on his shoulder. Eddie wanted to break. As if he hadn't been slowly breaking this whole time.

“They- they said it was an overdose?” Robin asked softly, her voice cracking at the end. Eddie merely nodded, still trying to find his voice. “What- what happened, Eddie? Was it- was he drugged? How- how did this- did he relapse?”

“Relapse?” Eddie croaked, his voice hoarse from disuse. That didn't make any sense. For Steve to relapse, he would have to be…. “He- he was clean?”

Robin frowned, and her gaze finally found Eddie. “What do you mean he was clean? He's been clean since ‘85, Eddie. I- I helped him, after Starcourt.”

All the air left Eddie’s lungs in an instant. This was all his fault. Steve was- he was clean. Sober. And Eddie ruined that. He gave Steve weed. He brought him on tour. He took him to parties full of temptation. He killed Steve.

“This is all my fault,” he whispered.

“Eddie, you have to tell me what's going on,” Robin begged. “When did he relapse? Why didn't he call me? He promised he would talk to me if he wanted to get high again.”

“I- Oh, God. I didn't know. He- he didn't tell me.” Eddie couldn't breathe. His heart squeezed in his chest, and his lungs pushed the air from his body until there was nothing left. No matter how much he tried, he couldn't get it back. He was already hyperventilating. “This is all my fault. Oh my god, it's all my fault.” He was distantly aware of the tears rolling down his cheeks again.

Wayne stepped between Eddie and Robin, crouching down to look up into his nephew's face. His hands were solid against Eddie’s skin, just like they always were. “Ed, you need to talk to me. Take a breath, kid. I'm right here, but you have to tell me what's going on.”

Eddie’s breath stuttered halfway through his chest. “I didn't know, Wayne.”

“What didn't you know, Eddie?”

“I didn't- I didn't know he was sober. I- I thought I- I was just trying to help. I- I gave him weed. I did this.”

Robin’s expression hardened. “You did this to him?”

“I'm so sorry,” Eddie choked out between sobs. “I didn't- I didn't know. I was just trying to help. And- and then he- I knew he wasn't telling me something, but- but he promised it was just weed.”

“Get out.” Robin’s voice was firm, but he could hear the trembling fear behind it.

“What? I-”

“Get out. Get out, right now. You did this, Eddie. He was doing so good until he met you! And now he's dying! So get the hell out, before I make you!"

It was at this moment that the door opened for Jeff’s return. He paused just inside the doorway. Wayne stood up, facing Robin.

“Now, Robin, I think-”

“I don't care!” Robin’s hands were shaking. “This is his fault! I want him out, right now! Or I swear to God, Wayne, I'm going to kill him.”

Wayne glanced back at Jeff, who was the perfect picture of confusion. “Jeff, take Eddie into the hall.”

“What-”

“Don't ask questions right now,” Wayne said sternly with a shake of his head. “Just take him to the hall. I'll be out in a moment.”

As soon as the door shut behind them, and Jeff had led Eddie a little ways from the room, he finally snapped. His knees gave out from underneath him, and Jeff was the only thing holding him up as he sobbed.

This was all his fault. He killed Steve.

First his mom, now the love of his life. It was all his fault.

-----

taglist: @mugloversonly @djohawke @acowardinmordor @hallucinatedjosten @geekyfifi @slowandsteddie @estrellami-1 @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @canmargesimpson @captainoliimar @ilikeititspretty

#gloomysoup #gloomysoup writes #gloomysoup ao3 #stranger things #steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #steve x eddie #steddie fic #stranger things fic #steddie angst #steve stranger things #eddie stranger things #steve harrington angst #rockstar!eddie munson #tw: drug abuse #tw: overdose

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oldworldwidgets · 2 months

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TEDDY TIME TEDDY TIME

howdy pardners this is theodore dawson, my courier from new vegas :3 he is very large and very angry yet very soft and very gay and he is so precious to me

here's his playlist!! once again it's chronological so u can listen to his story like a fun yeehaw jukebox musical. i think his is my favorite of all my character playlists

alllll the teddy stuff (appearance, stats, story before the canon events of the game, fun facts) can be found under the cut!!! if you feel so inclined to read The Long Version written like a story where my longwinded ass spends about 7k words talking about themes and character motivations (and some soft gay longing perhaps), it's up on ao3 here.

appearance

31 years old; birthday sept 25, 2250

6’6 with broad shoulders, generally built like a securitron.

patches of vitiligo splash across his face, chest, and arms

bennys bullet hit the right side of his face, carving a path from his eye to his ear, where a chunk of his ear is missing

because of this, he's blind in his right eye. the blind eye (a light, milky blue) is always a bit more closed than the seeing one (a dark grey/blue)

dark auburn chin-length hair and a short beard, both peppered with white because of his age and vitiligo. a big chunk of hair behind his ear is white as it grows from the scar.

he wears a horse or cow-skin vest with a great khans patch on the back

signature black cowboy hat, either on the top of his head or tied around his neck so it hangs down his back

gold jewelry - dangly cross earring in his left ear, upside down cross on a leather strap around his neck, big ass belt buckle

bright red shotgun shells on leather belt slung around his waist for his shotgun, dinner dell

stats

SPECIAL: 8, 1, 4, 5, 9, 2, 10

favorite perks: confirmed bachelor, animal friend, ferocious loyalty, intimidating presence

story

his dad was raised in utah and was very strictly mormon. when new jerusalem collapsed, dad moved himself, his wife, and his first son to the mojave and found work on an NCR sharecropper farm.

teddy was born fifth of six kids: four older brothers and one younger sister. he, his sister hannah, and his brother noah all have very visible vitiligo.

the kids were all also raised strictly mormon. his whole childhood, they were very poor. "at least we have each other" poor. his dad blamed it on the NCR, who owned the house and land and animals they ranched. they owned nothing, and the NCR paid them little more than that. teddy was quickly disillusioned with the NCR, then with the three of his brothers who decided to join them. one brother stayed back to inherit the ranch.

turns out, the NCR was paying; dad was just gambling it all away. he was so deeply in debt to all the families on the strip that they all decided to cut their losses and burn his farm to the ground.

that's... that's the story teddy decided to tell hannah, anyway (he wouldnt tell u this but he totally burnt that shit down on purpose). mom, dad, and one of his brothers were lost in the fire. teddy and hannah made it out, waved goodbye, parted ways.

teddy took his horse, old red, and began running jobs for whoever needed them. he never tied himself to one organization aaand his jobs weren't always above the ethical board. really, it was luck of the draw that, on any given day, he was the one defending the caravan instead of stealing from it

when he eventually went searching for his siblings, he found that two of the three brothers that had enlisted, predictably, were killed on duty. noah, though, had absconded almost immediately upon arrival due to a nasty chem habit

he found hannah "working" in front of gomorrah on the stip - her vitiligo made them instantly recognizable to each other - but she pretended not to know him because she was ashamed. he understood and gave up, but not before she hinted that he could find noah at the old mormon fort

he did, in fact, find noah there, medically detoxing under the care of some hot, blonde doctor (bweheheh....). they reconnected and it was..... really nice, even when they talked about how ashamed their dad would be if he could see them. it didnt matter. the family disappointments were the only family survivors.

teddy and arcade quickly grew very fond of each other, with arcade even being the first one to call him "teddy" after he told the doctor his name was theodore. he decided, despite its cutesy nature, to keep it.

after finishing his open jobs, teddy decided to stay with noah at the fort and run jobs for the followers when they needed it. he got reeeal comfy with arcade, and their subtle, playful flirtations eventually became noticeable to others. his brother, angry and sick from chem withdrawal and still fighting his religious upbringing, could not handle finding out that his baby brother was gay. when he did, he angrily shouted slurs and threw bottles at them until he was sedated and returned to bed.

teddy left the fort that night while everyone but the night watchman slept. he struggled to recover from what happened and drifted listlessly for a while... until he heard the news that noah had fled from his "rehab" program in the fort the day after teddy left, overdosed, and died.

the news spurred something in him, and he went looking for a real family and place to call home. after excelling in his initiation trials, he found one with the great khans. for two years, he was their resident rancher, runner, therapist, you name it.

then: 2278. the bitter springs massacre. teddy was away when it happened, and he still hasnt forgiven himself for it.

he spent the next three years drifting - again. hunting NCR. somehow racking up bounties in seemingly every single tribe in the mojave. his infamy, believe it or not, helped him survive: when he came across those who would kill him or turn him in, they seemed to prioritize who got to turn him in and collect the bounty over keeping themselves alive. whoops!

it was exhausting, though. drifting, killing, taking on the wasteland completely alone (except his beloved animals) took a heavy toll on teddy. he'd always been a killer and an outlaw, but he'd always been paid to clear other people's consciences. now, he felt he was only killing people to run from the consequences of his own actions. it was exhausting.

so, when three strangers – one in a loud, black-and-white checkered blazer – tried to knock him out and bind his hands, well… he had no reason not to let them.

*aint that a kick in the head starts blaring*

fun facts

hes not a big chem guy but hes such an alcoholic. in game he keeps at least 10 whiskeys on him at all times but would prefer to drink a sarsaparilla over using a stimpak.

he needs glasses pretty badly for his one seeing eye but he’s too stubborn to wear them

his scars always look a bit irritated because he doesnt take care of himself

he was a big pistol guy before benny shot him, but after he went blind in his aiming eye and started suffering from bouts of dizziness, he became a shotgunner. they require a far-from-perfect style of aiming

#BEHOLD: TEDDY #tw: religion #tw: overdose #not teddy but an important (non-canon) character #oc: teddy #oldworld.ocs #fallout new vegas #new vegas oc #fallout oc #fnv oc #courier six #fnv courier #arcade gannon #followers of the apocalypse

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dave2olkat · 13 days

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No alarms and no surprises (get me out of here) No alarms and no surprises, please

Thinking about Loop 15...

#gold pilot au #sollux captor #dirk strider #dirksol #soldirk #homestuck fanart #homestuck #hom3stuck #alec draws #tw: overdose #tw: drugs

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oneoftheeggs · 2 months

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*on the way back to heaven if Adam had survived the finale*

Lute: You look like a corpse that was pulled out of a river.

Adam: Wrong. I look like a Rockstar who OD'd in his own pool. Big difference.

#incorrect hazbin hotel quotes #adam hazbin hotel #lute hazbin hotel #tw: overdose

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thewayuarent · 8 months

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Ways of handling addictions in Only Friends

Tw: drug abuse, overdose

Let me tell this straight away - I was in a relationship with addicted person. By the time we started dating they didn’t use drugs for about couple of months by still used alcohol a lot. They’d come a long way to be clean and I was there all the time every time. This year they collapsed. Drug overdose, the end of it.

So I know that my personal experience doesn’t make me a profi automatically. Addiction is a very complex subject and very personal experience. But I do know a thing or two about it.

And the first rule here is: addicted person will never stop because of you. They need to want it for themselves.

By this moment we’ve been shown three different dynamics where one person is addicted and the other isn’t: Sand and Ray, Mew and Ray and Mew and Top.

Start with Mew and Ray. The thing is, Mew has no obligation to save Ray. He was there for him in the worst moment and, yes, I really want to say that he had to do more for Ray - he is his closest friend and he is definitely struggling - but. But Mew has a right to step away. Because navigating someone through healing is very hard and very long process and Mew doesn’t have to deal with it. I can’t blame him honestly for that.

For what I can critique not Mew specifically but the whole friend group (all four of them yes) is the very next scene where them all - including Ray - are drinking. Like guys, Ray right here tried to overdose, may be it would be nice to have a fucking break?

The Mew and Top situation is way different. Mew finds out Top uses drugs - that’s not the best thing to learn about someone, sure. But Mew doesn’t take time to think about “do I need that in my life” (which would be understandable), no. He makes a statement: stop using drugs and I’ll have sex with you. There is your price by the way. And this is also understandable - it is a manipulation, yes, but it’s very common way to try to handle things like that, and I would argue Mew has good intentions here. And oh, Mew, my boy, I’m sorry but that’s not how things work. You know Top can have more in a phone call, right? You understand that person saying “I’m not an addict” while having a dose in his pocket it’s at least a bit shady? I know that it doesn’t automatically implicates that Top is a hard addict but still.

But he is already lying about it. Using drugs while having fun with your friends it’s not the same thing as calling your dealer and using it alone in your room because you struggle with emotions, just saying.

Making him choose will never work out. Because he will choose, and it won’t be you.

And what’s about Sand and Ray? Sand knows for a fact that Ray has problems with alcohol. He doesn’t know about drugs, at least for now. Sand and Ray know each other for a very short period of time, and Sand is “it’s not my business” type of person, so I don’t criticize him while saying the next thing. But.

Sand is unintentionally supportive of Ray’s addictions. He drinks with him a lot - they are drinking buddies. I can’t be sure but it’s kind of looks like there will be a weed smoking next episode? For Sand drinking time to time and smoking weed can be fine - he is not addicted (by what we know). For Ray it is a call. So of course Sand, so as Mew, has a whole right to live his life without dealing with Ray’s addictions. But they are definitely falling for each other. That can develop into relationship. And then it will suddenly be a problem. But isn’t it already? How will Ray react if Sand suddenly turns from drinking/smoking with him to trying to stop him? I would say not the best way. There is also an option that for Sand it won’t be a problem so we’ll see.

The addiction is not a verdict. Both Top and Ray are young and very rich and it’s a very common thing for young rich people to have some kind of stuff - drugs, alcohol or both. It doesn’t automatically mean they are doomed. But still whoever decides to be in relationship with them (Mew and Sand, talking to you) have to think about it and think hard. Do you understand what are you dealing with? Do you honestly want to deal with it? Are you ready for all of highs and lows you’re going to face? If yes, then good luck to you - it really can work out. But don’t fool yourself into thinking that there is nothing to worry about.

#i know I may see things way darker than I should due to my personal trauma #but this is still very interesting topic to discuss #only friends #only friends the series #ofts #only friends meta #sandray #topmew #raymew #tw: drug abuse #tw: overdose

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oldnetreasures · 27 days

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#transparent #deco #png #misc #vaporwave #tw: overdose

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tryingtodotheright-thing · 2 months

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Hello Sunset - 8

AN: The opposite of last chapter, this was a really quick one to write. As always all constructive criticism is welcome. Your feedback fuels me :) We're going through a bit of a time lapse in this chapter, we'll be in 2026 when this chapter ends. We'll be mostly in the current timeline going forwards with some flashbacks.

PAIRING: Seungcheol x fem!reader

GENRE: exes to lovers, idol verse, angst

WORD COUNT: 4,240

WARNINGS: reader has anxiety and depression, swearing, mentions of alcohol, accidental overdose

Text in blue is spoken/written in Korean.

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Current - 31 August 2025 - 26 February 2026

Y/N had a headache and wished that her cup of tea would solve all her problems as everyone said it would. The last 100 minutes had been painful to put it simply. After Joshua’s opening remark, Y/N froze up and lost all confidence to be brazen in front of the executives as Sian had instructed her to be. They played the game well and they knew it. The company counted on Y/N’s affection for Joshua and hoped that his presence would guilt her into cooperating. They weren’t wrong to think that but they didn’t count on Sian’s impenetrable wall that protected Y/N. The COO of HYBE had asked for cooperation, saying it was unfortunate that the pair had broken up but there was no need for things to not be amicable. Sian had immediately jumped in asking if HYBE had always cooperated and been amicable over the past 18 months. Before anyone could respond, she’d said that W Music and Y/N won’t be open to conversations unless an apology is issued on the statement issued back in January and that they apologise to Y/N for how they treated her.

Y/N had stayed quiet through the conversation, not wanting to let the discussion get to her. If she stayed silent, she couldn’t be manipulated. Sian and the executives ended up in a heated back and forth and the translator who had joined the call was working extra hard to rephrase Sian’s words to be more diplomatic. At one point, Sian lost it and went on a rant about everything PLEDIS and HYBE had done. Sian recounted PLEDIS asking Y/N to sign a NDA when they found out she were dating S.Coups and getting angry with her when she refused to sign anything without Sian’s permission. She described how some staff did not respect Y/N and had been rude to her when members weren’t present and Y/N taking it all in stride to keep the peace. PLEDIS releasing the statement in January where they implied the two weren’t dating without telling Y/N and leaving her to deal with the backlash from the fans but not before warning her that if she puts out any statements, they would refute it. When Y/N flew in February to celebrate their one year anniversary, PLEDIS didn’t send security to receive her eventhough S.Coups had asked for this. They had instead told him she’d refused the guards, implying she was seeking the attention. Y/N was ambushed by paparazzi and fans and it was a horrible experience she wouldn’t easily forget. PLEDIS advised S.Coups to not meet her as planned and Y/N flew back two days later, disappointed and hurt after receiving another warning from PLEDIS to not meet S.Coups or the members until they say so. They’d said Seungcheol was receiving hate mail and that it’s affecting SEVENTEEN’s reputation so Y/N needed to distance herself.

As each incident was mentioned, Y/N winced at the memories and wondered if it was too early for a drink. She didn’t want to take a trip down the memory lane and wished Sian would stop. She didn’t want her wounds to be opened up in front of these strangers who would only be glad to deepen it and let it bleed if it didn’t make things worse for them. It was her fault really, though Sian and Emma would disagree. She didn’t speak up and put a stop to it. Hindsight came with regrets. Y/N had promised that she wouldn’t allow herself to be treated as the less important person in any relationship but then taken everything PLEDIS threw at her. What really hurt was that he never questioned it. He wasn’t naive like her. How did he not suspect something was wrong? The worst was when a few days after flying back to London, she’d managed to arrange a time for the pair to speak on the phone and make up. She’d used the call as fuel to keep going as she had abuse hurled at her on all media platforms by people who thought they could have a say on who she was and what she was allowed to do. She ended up in a car accident on the way home after a charity event, with a driver backending her car. She had been sat in the back passenger seat and took the brunt of the force and had to be taken to hospital. As the ambulance took her to the hospital, she’d asked Lily who had been driving, to ask for PLEDIS’ help to inform Seungcheol so he wouldn’t panic. They’d failed to tell him and he took that as Y/N acting out childishly. As she was lying on the uncomfortable bed with a concussion trying to read his words filled with so much resentment, she’d lost the will to fight.

It was a wake up call for Joshua as all the things that had happened came to light. He realised that there was a lot he had been unaware of and he suspected there was a lot S.Coups could also be in the dark about s. He was horrified to learn that Y/N’s flat address in Seoul was exposed and that she had received hate mail disguised as packages and one of them even had razor blades hidden to harm her. Fame was a double edged sword, Joshua had been well aware of that. Sometimes the price to pay was too high and he didn’t want to lose yet another friendship he treasured because of it. The call came to an end with no agreed outcome. Seeing the disgruntled executives from his company complaining as they left the meeting room, it was a harsh reminder for Joshua that he was, at the end of the day, a product who was only treasured as much as he was profitable. As soon as the room emptied, Joshua texted Y/N timmediately to ask if she was free for a call.

Y/N sighed as she read the message. She was absolutely exhausted and drained but she knew he was persistent so it was better to get it over with. After a sip of her now lukewarm tea, she braced herself for the emotional conversation and called Joshua. As soon as he answered the phone, Joshua apologised that he couldn’t be there for her and asked if she was okay. The question opened a dam and Y/N couldn’t stop the tears. Just when she thought she had cried it all out, her body proved her wrong.

“What happened, Y/N? I thought you both were so happy. Why didn’t you say anything to Coups? Why didn’t you say anything to me?”

“I don’t think I knew him and I don’t think he knew me. I thought we did but I think we rushed into it. We didn’t have that much time together before he enlisted and we just painted over the cracks everytime till it was too late and everything fell apart.”

Y/N reflected on how she now believes she was wrong to start a relationship with Seungcheol without agreeing their priorities for the relationship. They were on different pages, and the story was a tragedy. They did say never meet your heroes.

“How can I help? How do I make things better?” Joshua couldn’t believe that his two friends he believed were perfect for each other could be going through such pain because of each other.

“I don’t know. I really don’t know, Josh. I’m trying to heal myself and each day a new scar reveals itself.”

“Then tell me about them. I’ll be your friend Josh. Not Joshua from SEVENTEEN. I’ll listen and I’ll be there to halve your problems.” He negotiated, trying to keep his place in her life. He’d missed Y/N so much the past few months and he didn’t want to go on not speaking to her.

She refused.

“But that’s part of who you are. You can’t take it away, Josh. I don’t want to put you in the middle of the aftermath… I need space. Everything is still raw for me. I don’t think I can speak to you without thinking of him. That’s not fair to you or me.”

That hurt. For a moment, Joshua wished he had never introduced the pair. Maybe that was selfish of him but it really hurt to be told to stay away.

“Will you tell me? Will you tell me when you’re ready?” It was his last card, his last trick to turn the tide. She sniffled and agreed. Of course, she had said. I can’t survive without my Josh for too long.

Y/N worked on herself over the next few months. She made a concerted effort to look after her health, physical and mental. She started seeing a therapist again, working through the underlying issues that often resulted in her subservient behaviour in relationships and her need for external validation. She worked on her relationship with food, starting with admitting that she saw it as a place of comfort but used it as a crutch too much that it was becoming unhealthy. She also mended her relationships with loved ones. She apologised to Sian and Emma for not respecting the commitment she made to them and the consequences her action had by hiding away and burrowing away in her pain. It had been selfish of her. Y/N thanked her friends, Rachel particularly, for being there to pick up the pieces without complaint. She made a conscious effort to celebrate her friends’ wins and achievement. She needed to invest the time and appreciate the people she loved now that she was in a better place. It wasn’t about owing people but about being grateful for the people who chose to stay in her life.

She didn’t suddenly grow up and decide she needed to get better. Depression didn’t work like that. She’d tell herself I’ll do better the next day only to repeat and rinse the same every day, wishing she could find that burst of energy, that piece of motivation to turn around her life. It seemed Y/N needed to reach rock bottom first before things got better. She ignored the concerns from Sian, Emma and her friends. She was a grown adult, she knew what she was doing. She took her anger out on them and pushed them away. Rachel had left in tears after their last argument. Eun Ji had no time for her nonsense. She’d visited to tell her to get off her arse. She’d said Y/N was blind to the hurt she was causing her friends. They cared, they were there, weren’t they? Why was that not enough? Y/N wasn’t listening. Everything felt like an attack. She threw it back in Eun Ji’s face and said she never asked for any of it. Could she stop bothering her and leave already? Eun Ji had left in anger. She’d left Y/N’s brightly lit flat and didn’t return till it was dark, with an apology takeaway dinner and hope for a better conversation. She came home to find Y/N unresponsive. Y/N told the doctors she wasn’t suicidal. She just had a headache that wouldn’t go away and the normal dosage of paracetamol wasn’t doing anything for her. She was silent as she listened. She listened to the doctors’ concerns, to Eun Ji’s screams, to Rachel’s sobbing, to Sian’s disappointed sighs and to Emma’s shaky breaths. That was her turning point. So Y/N worked on herself over the past few months.

All of those things, she worked on whilst finalising her second full length album. This one would be a gift to her fans, those who had patiently waited over a year for new music. The creative process hadn’t been easy. It never was usually but this time she was going at it alone, taking the full reigns on the production to the visualisation of the whole concept. Her first album, Wanderlust, had been focused on the idea of falling in love for the first time, telling the story from the forming of a crush to the end of an unrequited love. Her EP had taken a deeper dive at the narrative, focusing on the emotions around a new beginning, where the last track of her first album had left off. Her second album, a personal essay to her younger self, encapsulated the self-discovery journey she’d been on the past year. It was titled Kintsugi, after the Japanese art form of repairing broken things with silver, platinum or most commonly gold. As she’d sent off the finalised product, Y/N felt as if she’d reached catharsis. However the album performed, she was proud of what she had moulded.

And performed it did. The album was was released and was an instant success. It was number one on all the charts, in the West and across the globe. It received critical acclaim and she was praised for the creative direction she’d taken. Y/N patiently attended all the press and media events Emma had organised. She owed this to them and the fans. If someone turned on the TV, you saw Y/N. If your car radio was on, you were bound to hear Y/N’s song. Taking the pulse of the public, Sian and Emma agreed they should go ahead with the world tour they’d originally planned. It had been postponed indefinitely in the summer but all of the works had been in motion so it wasn’t too hard to pick things up and confirm everything. Y/N would kick off 2026 with her first world tour, Shining.

Five months later, that’s how Y/N found herself in Kyoto again, taking a short break before her Asian leg of her world tour kicked off. She’d just wrapped up her last city in Europe, Amsterdam, and her next concert would be on 6 March in Tokyo. She’d be travelling to Tokyo in 3 days for rehearsals. She’d been organising surprise guests for at least one night where she had multiple dates in each city so it was important she had rehearsals in advance of each concert. She was slightly pleased at the warm reaction she received everytime her team sent out a request for someone to join her at a concert. However, it also meant that she had to show a polished and perfect performance at the rehearsals so people didn’t think they were making a mistake getting their reputation intertwined with hers.

Y/N could feel her nerves take over and she focused on relaxing and grounding herself as she’d been practicing through yoga. The nerves weren’t just because of the tour and the hefty expectations that rose with each city she ticked off the list. It was because of where she was and what was coming up. Kyoto was a place close to her heart. It was the first place she travelled alone to when she was still a university student and unsure of where her life was going. It was the place she came to when she needed peace and protection from the rest of the world. It was also where she gave the last piece of herself to him.

They’d planned a week’s break to anywhere in the world that gave them enough privacy to seclude themselves and enjoy some days of freedom before reality set in. He’d taken her to the very own rental she was currently in as a surprise for her 28th birthday. At the time, he had been preparing to enlist in less than 3 weeks and Y/N had been terrified of what was coming. How could she say goodbye when she’d just found him? Would he be okay going through the intense bootcamp when he was till recovering from his injury? How could she make sure he felt safe enough to come to her with his worries when she already saw his walls going up in preparation? She held so many questions inside her but had pushed them all away for that week. It had been the best week of her life. Kyoto was still a place of peace for her but it was also painted with unfulfilled dreams.

“We’ll come back in two years as soon as I’m released. We’ll stay longer than a week. Then you’ll take me home to London, we’ll see your favourite places, greet your parents, go out with your friends and then I’ll ..”

“You’ll what, love?”

“Secret!” He had said with his dimples out in full force even though he’d lost some of the flesh in his cheeks over anticipation of the near future. The smile had been slightly strained but he’d affectionately rubbed her left ringer finger just above where her couple ring rested.

So many promises that would never come to light, Y/N thought. It was bittersweet. She hadn’t been back in Seoul since that disastrous last date of theirs. They’d fought the entire time and she’d angrily taken off her couple ring when he’d questioned if she was trying to bring attention to them on purpose. She didn’t have the ring anymore. It wasn’t hers to keep and she’d shipped it to Director Shim Jae Hyun. All she had was scars she’d healed to hopefully be stronger. She’d have to be as in two weeks, she’d be on Seoul’s soil. Y/N had been surprised when Sian suggested Seoul as one of the cities for the tour. She knew she wasn’t the netizens favourite star, she was more likely on the least favourite list. Sian had insisted though. She said she needed to overcome it and that she did have fans who would love to see her perform. As long as she didn’t have rotten vegetables thrown at her, Y/N would count it as a success.

Joshua would be coming to the concert. The friends had properly reconciled and had accepted each others’ olive branch. They’d agreed they wouldn’t talk about him or their relationship. Joshua already knew too much and she didn’t want to taint or influence his relationship with her side of the story. They were grown ups and could have a tacit understanding to ignore each other’s presence for Joshua’s sake. It’s what she’d told Joshua and Y/N hoped Seungcheol would cooperate. Y/N was excited to see Joshua and Vernon and Seungkwan, who would also join him. She’d missed them a lot. It had been hard to stop all contact with them and she was happy PLEDIS had loosened their strict rules, albeit reluctantly. They’d come to agree to Sian’s demands and had called a truce. Y/N wouldn’t openly talk about Seunghceol or SEVENTEEN and they would do the same. Of course, they still didn’t like her but Y/N was over trying to please them. They could accept her as she was and suck it up. They just needed to respect her boundaries. Maybe if she’d been firm in keeping those from the beginning, things wouldn’t have ended up this way.

30 March 2024

The adrenaline rush was exhilarating and she wasn’t even the one performing. Y/N was backstage as the last round of preparations took place for the boys to go on stage. It was first night of the Follow Again Encore Tour and it would be Cheol’s first time back on stage after his hiatus. Y/N was nervous and excited for him. She knew how much it meant for him to be back on stage with everyone, especially as the clock ticked over his shoulder counting down to his next break in activities. He’d been working hard, too hard in her opinion, to catch up on what he’d missed on. He was a perfectionist and he was determined to show a performance that wasn’t lacking. No one held him to a higher standard than he did and she admired and equally worried about that. He’d been practicing choreographies, learning new ones and tweaking old ones so he wouldn’t hurt his still recovering knee. He pushed himself to the maximum and tested the limits of his resilience. Y/N knew some of that push came from his anxiety and baseless worries of not being needed, after all the members had been fine the past few months without him. Y/N hurt for him as he cried one late night in her arms. She’d kissed his tears away and reassured him but she knew that her words weren’t enough. He needed to hear it from his brothers but pride stopped him from speaking to them about his concerns. Y/N was stuck between a rock and a hard place. She didn’t want to break his confidence but the man was stubborn as they come and didn’t open up to his friends.

“Y/N-yah, you’re going to cheer for me the most tonight, right?” Jeonghan broke her out of her deep thoughts.

Joshua appeared out of thin air and jumped in, “No, I’m her best friend so she’ll cheer for me the loudest.”

“Nuh-uh. Noona loves me the most. I know she’ll cheer for me the most and the loudest.” Seungkwan butted in.

“Um, isn’t the answer Coups hyung? They are dating.” Vernon looked at the group as if he was the only one with any sense and that they were testing his patience, which they probably were.

Normally, Seungcheol would join in, get wound up and turn his pout towards her to melt her composure. He must be really nervous because it didn’t seem as if her had even noticed the ruckus around him. Y/N gestured to the others to give them a minute. She sat next to Seuncheol who was getting a last minute touch up on his make up as he stared blankly at the mirror. When she looked to the make-up artist silently asking for some privacy, she gave Y/N an annoyed look and walked away in a strop.

Y/N crouched in front of Seungcheol and clasped his hands, finding them unusually cold. She rubbed each palm between her hands to warm them, realising that he was going into a panic attack.

“Cheol? Cheol, love? Do you hear me?”

He looked at her startled and his eyes were clouded and Y/N could see the tears gathering.

“Oh, love. It’s okay. It’s okay, love.” She whispered in his ears as she gathering his in her arms and rubbed his back as he started to shake with silent sobs. The members rushed to him and started asking what’s wrong and what their brother needed but Y/N assured them he needed some space and air and she’ll let them know if he asks for them. Realising she had it in hand and that he didn’t want the attention or to be seen this way by his younger brothers, they moved away and hovered in the periphery.

“I can’t … I can’t breathe.”

“Baby, baby, look at me. Look at me, Cheol. You can breathe. I know you can. Focus on me. Take in a deep breath with me.”

She put one of his hands on her heart so he could feel her her pulse and inhale of oxygen.

“That’s it. That’s it, love. You’re doing a good job, Cheol. Okay, now I want you to -”

“What are you doing? You’ve messed up his makeup!” The make-up artist had returned with back up it seemed. She was fuming and the manager behind her wasn’t one Y/N recognised. He looked disgusted at the display in front of him and Y/N felt like scum at the bottom of his shoes. She ignored all of it and tried to help Seungcheol calm down.

“Ignore them, Cheol. Look at me. Breathe in and squeeze my hands okay. Can you do that for me?”

Seungcheol tried to follow but the sudden crowd around him disrupted his focus. Y/N did her best to block what was happening behind her as Jeonghan argued with the manager to let Y/N help his friend. It didn’t seem as if he’d managed to convince as Y/N suddenly found herself being dragged away by a guard and she felt Seuncheol’s hands slip away from hers. She tried to argue with them but no one listened to her. The last glimpse she had of Seungcheol was him staring at her in despair as tears flowed from his eyes.

Current - 28 February 2026

The haunted look in his eyes that night wasn’t one she would easily forget. She couldn’t easily forget the way she was berated by a PLEDIS executive or how he’d described her as a handicap for Seuncheol and the band. Y/N wished she’d found her voice then and that she had stood up for herself and their relationship. Maybe things would have been different. What if she’d stood firm? Could their dreams and promises then have been realised? It wasn’t the first time she’d wondered and it probably won’t be the last time. Seungcheol and her, with all their flaws, had fit together imperfectly to form a pretty picture. Y/N had made enough progress to accept that she had her part in the failure of their relationship. Sadly, she’d also grown enough to know that what ifs and maybes were just that. There was no point in living in the past anymore. So, she ignored the pang in her heavy heart and took peace in the interior garden in front of her as the kotatsu kept her warm, body and soul.

#caratsland #seventeen #seventeen fic #seventeen x reader #svt x reader #svt #s.coups #scoups #choi seungcheol #seungcheol x reader #seungcheol fluff #seungcheol imagines #seungcheol scenarios #s.coups x reader #s.coups fluff #my writing #hello sunset #tw: ed #tw: overdose

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angelic-fertility-potion-au · 4 days

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Angel, did you ever have kids when you were alive? I feel like being in the mafia, that might be something they pressed for

Angel Dust: My dad did harb on me to get married, but I knew I was gay back then and was more interested in wearing my Ma’s and Molly’s clothes. Though before he could get even more on my ass, he was killed along with my brother. So I was left along for a bit before I OD’d

#angel dust’s past #ask angel dust #angelic fertility potion au #hazbin hotel #angel dust #tw: overdose #tw: death

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strscrossed · 5 months

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Idk if this may be too much for some people people but Mikasa in the hospital after accidentally ODing ( or whatever they call it) after having a bad argument with Eren

oh boy! you know idk if you were expecting a ficlet but i ended up writing this because it fit the breaking point of this whole story perfectly. trigger warnings are in the tags.

“I’m sorry, we had to take her to the hospital—”

Eren broke at least ten different traffic laws. He ran more than a few red lights. It was a miracle there wasn’t a cop hanging around there.

It didn’t matter.

“If you want to walk out that door, fine! Don’t fucking call me ever again!”

Why the fuck did he say that? Why? Why? Why?

He couldn’t think straight at all anymore. He just needed to see her. In his own stupid pride, he’d sent Ymir and Historia to check on her because he was still too angry to do it himself. Why did he do that? Why didn’t he just run after her? Why was he such an idiot?

He could have prevented this. He was the reason it happened at all!

He ran past the hospital staff, the nurses, and some doctors. Ymir and Historia were waiting there. Historia’s eyes were bloodshot and Ymir’s arms were around her comfortingly.

“Hey, it wasn’t your fault, okay?” she soothed. “We found her in time. She’ll be okay.”

“Where is she?” Eren asked, winded.

The two girls looked up at him. Obviously they were distraught but Eren really didn’t have it in him right now to give a damn about their feelings. He just needed to see her.

“With the doctors,” Ymir answered. “They told us to wait out here.”

He couldn’t fucking wait. He had to see her now!

He was about to book it but a hand reached out and harshly pulled him back. He growled but it was Ymir and she absolutely wouldn’t back down.

“Don’t do anything stupid. That’s not going to help her, you idiot. So you can park your ass right here or get escorted out by security. I guarantee, that won’t help.”

“She needs me!” he argued.

“She’ll be fine. Sit. Down!”

Somehow, Ymir had gotten the strength to drag him down. She glared at him and honestly, Eren didn’t care. But he was close to tears.

They’d had such an amazing summer. He really thought there was progress, improvement even. Things had been happening between the two of them. The light was actually returning to her eyes.

And it all came crashing down because his idiot friends had decided to break out the booze and everything was back to square one. When they’d gotten home, they had their worst fight ever and several heated words were exchanged.

And he’d sent her over the edge. She was in the hospital now.

Why was he always hurting her?

“Eren,” Historia broke him out of his thoughts. “It’s not your fault.”

“Don’t. Just don’t, okay?” he said it so quietly that even he couldn’t hear himself.

Yes, it was his fault.

At least half of her misery was his fault. And the realization that he couldn’t make up for it, that he might actually lose her this time was just too much. He just had to see her.

He just wanted to know that she was alive and breathing…

Seeing Mikasa — strong, beautiful Mikasa — hooked to tubes broke him. He didn’t think there was anything else in the world at this point that could and it was this.

They couldn’t reach Kenny or Levi, their phones were off. Fucking perfect.

He sat by her side but she didn’t regain consciousness. They had to keep her here and monitor her overnight at the very least. Eren didn’t argue. There wasn’t anything that he could say. Ymir and Historia remained outside, calling everyone for him.

She looked so fragile that it broke his heart. He was scared to even grab her hand, fearing she might shatter into a million pieces.

Eren allowed his tears to fall.

“I’m sorry, Mika. I’m so, so sorry…”

He thought back to that day last October, when she’d finally let him in, he vowed that he would always be there for. He swore up and down that he would never leave her behind again.

Now it seemed like she might leave him behind. And this time, he wouldn’t be able to do anything about it. It terrified him. Living without her wasn’t an option for him. If she went, he’d go with her. He knew himself too well.

He knew he couldn’t fix this either and maybe that was the most heartbreaking realization of all this. She was in the hospital.

His father walked in minutes later and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“Eren…”

Eren never broke down in front of his father. He hardly broke down in front of anyone anymore. But months worth of pain, anger, desperation, and love poured out of him and he was reduced to a crying heap. It was too much.

“She’ll be fine, son.”

No, no she wouldn’t. Even if she lived through this, she wouldn’t be okay. She’d still be suffering in silence, she’d still turn to the bottle when there was nothing else.

“Dad, we need to tell Kenny,” he choked out. Another promise he’d made was that he’d never get Kenny or Levi involved in this. They weren’t the nurturing types and Mikasa knew that. It was the only thing she’d ever asked of him.

He was breaking it now. He had to.

It was just like before. He wanted to be with her more than anything but in his selfishness, he’d caused her more pain. He needed to think of her and what was good for her.

She might never talk to him again after this but that was fine. As long as she’d be okay. He wanted her. But he loved her more.

Forgive me, Mikasa. Please…

#answered #high school reincarnation au #tw: alcholism #tw: hospital #tw: overdose #eremika #ficlet

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