#tumblr somehow outlasted them all
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oh dear god twitter has somehow already gotten worse
#literally already saw rampant transphobia#old people saying woke in the derogatory way#the news about the horrible new working conditions coming to twitter workers#old people blabbing about how we fell for communism ig???#and the comedy is now legal tweet#which is literally just a way of saying that bigotry is now going to be tolerated even more#tumblr somehow outlasted them all#twitter#elon musk#nobody says stuff
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Can I ask your top 10 fav fics ever (from any fandom, if you don't mind)?
Also, just curious, is there a story behind your name "ladypfenix "?
I don't mind at all! Thank you for waiting quite a long while though, life has been.... hectic recently, to say the least.
I'll answer the story question here, then list the fics below since there's a lot.
It's a pretty simple story, when my sister and I were 14 and 16, we had a dream of starting a youtube channel as siblings, and we were going to use noble titles. I picked LadyPfenix for mine and opened my tumblr account with that in mind, but the idea never materialized beyond usernames and it has long since outlasted that dream. At this point I've had it too long to bother changing it, even though I'm using Admiranda most other places I go. Some things just stick.
I don't know that I have a top ten fave fics ever, it's hard for me to quantify on that level, but I'll definitely lay out the ones I keep going back to years on down the line even long after I've left the fandom. There's definitely something special about them that I will always enjoy.
The Professor's Wife by foolish_mortal (archive locked)
The students all said that Professor Doumeki had a wife who made him lunches and impeccably pressed his shirts. Watanuki found this hilarious. For the wtfholic fest prompt: "The only people who can see Watanuki are customers with wishes."
Eir's Tomorrow by jukeboxhound
Cloud is the Planet's greatest weapon, and if he can't fix old wrongs and battles then he may end up being the means by which it all ends (again).
A Little Bit To The Left by miixz
[A System error during execution bound you to Shi Yuan’s account instead of the intended Shen Qingqiu. We sincerely apologize.
You will be given the chance to climb from your current position of canon fodder as the story progresses and plot points become available to you. As Shi Yuan does not have an established character the OOC function is automatically unlocked, please accept this bonus as your compensation for the mistaken role.
Please ensure that no score falls below zero, or the System will automatically administer punishment.]
Intended role of Shen Qingqiu?! The fuck, were you trying to kill me? Why would anyone think transmigrating into that scum of all people would be helpful?
Alright, alright. Shi Yuan takes a deep breath. He can deal with this. So he’d transmigrated into the shitty novel he’d just finished, but at least he’d somehow avoided becoming the villain.
Or: Shen Yuan transmigrates into Proud Immortal Demon Way as a Bai Zhan Peak disciple.
The Way Home by Traincat
“This is an inane discussion,” Soren said. “I’m coming with you, and that’s final.”
He took a step forward and swayed.
If Ike reached out and shoved with one finger, he was sure he could topple Soren right over. He kept his arms folded so he wouldn’t be tempted to try and make a point.
“I’m still your commander, aren’t I?” Ike asked, raising his eyebrows. “You still trust me to make decisions?”
“Yes, but, Ike –” he said.
“Then you’ll do as I say, for the good of the company,” Ike said. “I won’t risk you. You’re too important.”
He stepped close, adjusting the hood of Soren’s cloak. He lowered his voice so he wouldn’t be heard by Shinon and Gatrie, waiting up by the gate.
“Go back to bed,” he said, his voice gentler. “I’ll be home soon.”
--
Post-Path of Radiance, Ike and Soren share a promise, a first kiss, and a bed. Not in that order.
A Pretty Good Year by arboretum
Giving up, moving in, living life.
Ikesoren Academia AU by leonidskies
Falling to the Rhythm by Selenay
"So it's a bet?" Jiang Cheng said. "Dance the showcase if you get him, fancy coffee machine if you don't?"
Wei Wuxian considered the machine. "Fine. You're on. I want it in red."
"Don't start planning your caffeine overdose yet."
"It's in the bag," Wei Wuxian said cheerfully. "There's no way they'll match me with someone like Lan Wangji."
Teaching Lan Wangji to dance in front of the nation for twelve weeks, how hard can that be? Wei Wuxian is about to find out.
Series
this world (what I make of it) by glitteringmoonlight
The war had consequences. Once, a fully realized Avatar referred to one who had mastered all the elements and could go into the Avatar State. Now, that has changed. No one could master fire when there was no one to teach it, and people feared the abilities of a firebender too much to allow anyone, even the Avatar, to learn too much of it. Now, an Avatar was simply said to be fully realized when their instructors decided they had learnt enough.
In which Lan Sizhui is the Avatar, but he cannot firebend, nor can he waterbend very well. That changes when his travels take him to Yiling.
Preparing the Soil by Rynne
When Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian return to spend the first winter after their marriage in the Cloud Recesses, Wangji is forced to grapple with his uncle's resistance to accepting his new husband fully into the clan. At the heart of this conflict is Lan Qiren's rule forbidding talking to Wei Wuxian. How can Wangji make the Cloud Recesses a more welcoming place for his husband when what he fights now is his uncle's stubbornness?
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1, 10, aaand 4 :3
Thanks for the ask!!! I uh. Go on a big ramble so I'm throwing everything under the cut!
Do you relate to your favorite character(s)?
Yes and no.
My fondness for China and Norway isn't one based on their characters because I haven't fleshed them out (yet) in my head. I have no idea how to write for either of them! I genuinely would love to spend a day cooking, painting, or just talking with Yao. I yearn for platonic companionship and Yao isn't chaotic and we share similar interests. Our aesthetic interests are very different, but oh well!
I don't know what Lukas has to offer tbh, he's entirely eye candy to me (sobbing).
My fondness for France and Ukraine has to do with self imposed headcanons.
My Francis is honestly probably ooc -- but I don't care. I have taken these guys and run away with them. A lot of my Hetalia writing is Human AU because I have a hard time connecting with immortal creatures as someone who cannot see what even the next year of their own life looks like. I guess what Francis and I share is a fondness for food and art (like with Yao), but those aren't activities I would want to do with Francis. We can both be dramatic, I will over-dress just to go out with a friend, and we're both a bit pathetic. While my Francis isn't like early canon France (you know what I mean...), he's still a romantic. I am not.
I don't think it's a necessarily rare headcanon, but I see Miss Ukraine as fat. She's plus size to me and that's something we share. I've been wanting to write a Kateryna centric oneshot about the difficulties and mental struggles that come with shopping as a fat person, but I haven't been in a reading/writing mindset recently and this topic would be a bit taxing on me. One day, though!! I'm still formulating my characterization of her... CanUkr oneshot is STILL in development hell.
TLDR: Yes because I impose bits of myself onto Francis and Kateryna for RP and writing purposes and also for comfort. No because a good handful of my favorites (including some not named) are just little guys I'd like to put in a shoebox and shake around.
10. How long have you been in the fandom? What's your lore?
In 7th grade a friend told me I might like Hetalia because I liked geography and history was my strongest subject in school. I cannot remember when exactly I checked it out, but I definitely was into by Spring 2014. I literally have emails from back then of memes we exchanged...
My best friend and I met online at the end of that school year and we actually started talking because he played this video over skype screen share. Fast forward to the summer and I'm drawing, writing fic, and we made our Hetalia Instagram account. There were three of us. It was essentially just a repost account because we were all in middle school. I never really interacted with others from the fandom other than the two friends I ran the account with, both of whom I still talk to <3
Our instagram account died off sometime around 2018. We deleted it around 2020-2021.
I came back to Hetalia by a freak accident. I was going through my old google drive and rediscovered the three-way-POV fic my friends and I wrote and immediately ran into our group chat. It was a bad fic. Basically Hetalia in the setting of Outlast meets FNAF vibes. Yes, it was a Wattpad fic... (now deleted). We made the joke of rewriting it, but that thought only lasted for one night. Then out of curiosity I got back into listening to the official character songs, and that's what did it for me... (shoutout to "Aiyah, 4,000 Years," "Mein Gott," "Overflowing Passion," "Maji Kandou ☆ Hong Kong Night," and the Hetaloid song "Brother Complex").
Got back into reading fic. Somehow I went through my original stint in the fandom without reading "Gutters" and that's what pulled me back into fanfic. Made an A03. Eventually figured, why the hell not, and made a Hetalia Tumblr so I could stop using my personal account.
I did have that hiatus, but I guess I could say I've been into Hetalia for 10 years now, which is nuts. I definitely had a period of regret and revulsion from 2019-2022, but still kept up with "oh, they made a new season" or revisiting some old art.
4. What's a headcanon you need to work out?
A lot of my headcanons have to do with Human AU FACE fam because I use them to cope with things, but I guess something that's been on my mind lately is the Tudor dynasty. My senior thesis, far before I got back into Hetalia, was actually supposed to be about the Tudors, but I abandoned it for something else. I recently got a book about the entire dynasty for my birthday and have yet to take a peek at it. I would love to write a fic where France or Marianne visits England over several Christmases to explore the relationship of Arthur/Francis or Alice/Marianne as England & France's relationship changes through the changing of the monarchs and especially as Henry VIII cycles through wives like calendars. I have to do research about it, though. I need to see how realistic it would be considering the on-again-off-again relationship between England and France (1520 The Field Of The Cloth Of Gold meeting vs Henry wanting to prove his military strength and trying to invade France). Funnily enough, I know almost nothing about France in the 15th and 16th centuries outside of :
1. Mary Tudor's [Henry VIII's sister, not his daughter, Mary I] brief stint as Queen Consort of France & Anne Boleyn's subsequent time at the French court as a lady in waiting to Mary
2. how Henry VIII repeatedly used war against France as an attempt to prove his strength [eyeroll]
To be honest, that fic is entirely an excuse to explore the different influence each of Henry's queens has over the court through various means. I don't think anyone else would really be interested though, so it may be something I keep to myself.
Hetalia Ask Game
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Chapters: 1/2
Fandom: Batman - All Media Types
Relationships: Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne
On a quick mission with Jason to deal with pirates in the Caribbean, Bruce finds himself ejected overboard and accidentally lost at sea. Being a castaway gives Bruce ample time to indulge in self-discovery and survivorman-ing, as Jason boats across Pit-green waters in search of this dumb, fine man.
Or, things go incredibly wrong for Bruce and Jason while out at sea, but with help from a dedicated boat captain, The Fellowship Of The Rings, and banana-leaf-pants, they're actually unstoppable.
Written for the @batfam-big-bang, beta’d by @kuraness, @sultcnah, and hassan, with art by @pikachica, @succulents-and-fairy-lights, and @mandolinplayer (thanks everyone)! Special shout-out to @setsailslash for being the wind beneath my wings.
And! Thanks to the mods for organising this massive, chaotic event c:
Please enjoy the first part of a story about a damp and determined Bat and the struggles a a dapper young man’s gotta face to save his dank ass dad 🙏
On tumblr below the cut c:
Pulling a disappearing act is something Bruce should be good at; he’s had years and years of practice by now sinking into the night. Keeping secrets is pretty important in being invisible too, which is why the files outlining the increasingly severe piracy problems in the Caribbean are so heavily encrypted they may as well not exist. After all, at any moment any of his children could be using the Batcomputer to do anything from figuring out how to topple a corrupt government remotely to buying an unreasonable number of chew toys for Ace, and given that they’re all so ridiculously nosy, a security breach is more a question of when rather than if .
Nosiness is a good trait for vigilante detectives, but it makes it hard to work covertly without tipping anyone off. International travel isn’t a good idea for anyone this deep into a pandemic, and while Bruce Wayne being an ass and swanning around the Bahamas in a yacht is pretty believable as far as cover stories go, he’s not keen to subject anyone else to the sort of vitriol that behaviour will garner.
So the plan is simple, with as few moving parts as possible. Three, maybe four days tops being loud and visible on his biggest, ugliest yacht in the hopes that pirates will decide to come after him, and then maybe a couple of days after that to dismantle the bulk of the operation after he’s tracked them back to their base. There’s less of a chance of failure than his usual work, but it still leaves him feeling uneasy.
It’s a long way away from Gotham, and he’s not exactly excited to leave, but his comfort’s not more important than a greater good. The League really does need to sort out a presence for Central America though, and that goes on his notes for the mission too.
So he had planned in secrecy so complete not even Alfred was informed, because Alfred can be notoriously casual in his flagrant betrayal if he disagrees with Bruce’s plans. He’s skulking around the cave at 11 AM on a Tuesday when most of the family is either at work or asleep, and half an hour later he’s climbing into a Beemer, ready to roll out. He has a moment of smug certainty that he’s gotten away with this before the door to the passenger’s side is ripped open, and Jason climbs in with a little battered suitcase, a pair of aviators that reflect metallic blue, a genuinely heinous red wig, and what can only be described as a noxious Hawaiian shirt.
Bruce doesn’t think he’s ever seen a shade of yellow so bright, but it’s now imprinted on the back of his eyeballs, so that’s that.
“Jason, what are you doing?”
Bruce doesn’t even know if he’s referring to Jason’s presence, his outfit, or his hair (oh god, his hair ).
“Tim was supposed to be the one to tail your ass on this mission, but he’s still way too concussed after last week’s fight with Clayface so he got pulled out.” Jason chucks his suitcase to the backseat and pulls his seatbelt on, still fastidious about traffic safety despite it all. “Then Dick wanted to sub in but Blüdhaven needs him more than you do right now. So they called in the big guns to look out for you, and when I get back everyone’s gonna owe me favours. Sounds like a damn good deal for a week of work.”
Favours are a currency way more important than cash within this family, but Bruce struggles to see how a few favours is worth a few days in the company of a man you loathe.
(All right, loathe may be a bit dramatic, but it’s how Bruce feels about himself in reference to Jason, and it’s mind-boggling that a boy can wake up in a coffin and be driven to lunacy by the Pit and still, somehow, end up in this car with him in an ugly shirt and an offer of support).
He decides against asking if Jason’s really going to be all right floating in a sea of green in bad company, and doesn’t make Jason leave. It’s the rule of things; if he fails to out-sneak his children, he must deal with their demands, because it’s the only way he could get them to agree to his more paranoid measures in return.
So Bruce makes an effort not to think about it, in spite of himself, and gets the car in gear.
It really is looking like a damn good deal for a week of work; with good company, how badly can things go wrong?
-
Karma really wants to make him eat his words.
Years and years on the job, near-death experiences well past a hundred by now, active involvement in everything from petty theft to intergalactic peace missions, and it’s a little incredible that this is somehow the first time he’s been held at gunpoint while wearing the skimpiest pair of Speedos he could force up his thighs.
A billion dollars for a dressing gown, Bruce thinks but very carefully doesn’t say to the pirates who have commandeered the yacht. It’s all part of the plan, minus his questionable outfit.
Whoever’s manning the screens at the Cave is likely having a grand old laugh right now, but if it’s Stephanie he hopes she realises that he is using her trick with waterproof concealer and translucent powder to hide his scars, and it’s working like a charm. The Speedo was meant to feed the paparazzis that are currently stalking him in their little fishing boats that are weighed down with telephoto lenses, and L’Oreal 24 Hour Max Hold Extra Dewy Outlast! Long-Wearing Concealer makes him look happily whole from 40 yards.
He hadn’t expected the pirates to come on the one day he had planned to parade in front of the paps, but luck is a lady and it looks like Bruce just will not be getting lucky tonight.
The leader of the gang is yelling at the captain, clearly assuming Bruce cannot speak Spanish and isn’t worth speaking to regardless, which is fair. The leader is also standing far, far too close for a man without a facemask in these sickly times, and Bruce makes a show of tripping over nothing and landing in between Pirate Captain and Captain Luis, building space in between them. Half a dozen vaccine trials down, he’s as close to confidently immune as he can be, so he just strikes an entirely embarrassing pose and grins up at Mr. Pirate. “Sorry, sorry, not every day you get hijacked. Listen, you,” he waves at the assembled gang of ne’er-do-wells, “take my stuff,” he waves to indicate every gaudy expensive thing not nailed down in this frankly ghastly ship, “and leave us alone, okay?”
It’s tempting fate to be extra loud and extra slow like he’s talking to somebody extra dumb, but eyes on him are eyes off civilians, so that’s what he does.
It’s the point of information-gathering with the entire force of his Bruce Wayne Billionaire Playboy personality after all, even if Jason hasn’t stopped mocking him relentlessly for his outfits and table manners and affect (and so on and so forth) every time he breaks into the Master Cabin to help cover up Bruce’s many, many back scars.
The Pirate Captain appears to not appreciate being spoken to like a concussed toddler, and backhands Bruce right across the cheek. Bruce dutifully sets his tooth in so that he gets a dramatically split lip, and tries to look suitably cowed as he wonders about the man’s hand hygiene. Where is Jason, anyways? The standard response in this situation would be to evacuate civilians to safety, and even if the captain is currently stuck with Bruce, hopefully the stewards and the cooks are being shown to the panic room. It’s only in doubt because it’s a Thursday, and Thursdays are Jimmy-the-steward-boy’s day off. What that means is that Jason is likely in his bunk listening to audiobooks while half-asleep, and if it’s the Lord of the Rings and Jason’s hit a particularly engaging part, they could be firing cannons on deck and he wouldn’t hear.
It’s still fine, probably. Jason’s good at showing up when you least expect him.
There’s enough pride and bull-headedness in Bruce’s veins that he still officially objects to having back-up whenever he follows a case abroad, but times like these it’s really hard to feel anything but grateful that his children don’t trust him not to get himself killed in suitably dramatic ways as soon as he leaves Gotham. It’s even easier to feel glad that he and Jason have gotten good enough with each other that laid up on the ground of his yacht with blood in his mouth, Bruce knows that everything’s going to be alright.
“Please,” he says, and his voice trills like a well-trained bird, “please don’t hurt me. I have so much money, if that’s what you want. Somebody just needs to call my PA, we can do a transfer right now.” Oh, good, the captain is slowly backing away while all eyes are on Bruce and his tiny swimwear.
Thank you, Stephanie, for recommending a concealer that doesn’t even smudge as he dramatically cowers on the ground. The captain’s taken shelter behind the big outdoor dining table, a sturdy, immovable beast made of aluminium, and Bruce has a semi-circle of reasonably menacing men he could potentially incapacitate without definitely dying. Things are looking up already.
Pirate Captain (Pirate King? Pirate Lord? Pirate Admiral? Who knows how a hierarchy works for the lawless, after all) is barking orders for one of his men to handcuff Bruce and move him over to their boat, because this is now a kidnapping-for-ransom situation. In casual dress, Bruce wouldn’t have minded it much; there’s enough untraceable kit in his average pair of slacks to get him out of most situations.
Again, the cursed Speedos are hugely, disproportionately problematic despite their actual size. At least there’s the tracker and the lockpicks in his watch, because thankfully no one questions why a rich man who is mostly nude would be decked out in a fantastically expensive watch.
A gangly boy who can’t possibly be much older than 20 hauls him to his feet and starts to tie his hands behind his back, which is fine. The boy also deftly unbuckles Bruce’s watch and sleight-of-hands it away, presumably into the pocket of his beaten up jeans, and that is decidedly less fine. Still, as long as the tracker remains in his vicinity, it won’t take much effort for him to be found.
Things are still on track, even if they’ve gone off the rails an alarming number of times since he woke up this morning and nicked his face while shaving for the first time in, oh, a decade? More? Hopefully there’ll be a sack or something he can fashion into a tunic on the pirate boat; he doesn’t imagine this entire ordeal will outlast his long-lasting concealer, and given that the yacht’s currently bobbing in the ocean somewhere between Nassau and Port-au-Prince, help’s not far away (so long as Jason has also called the Coast Guard and is not still in his bunk, listening to Gandalf telling an overlong story).
It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine, until it’s not.
Honestly, Bruce takes worker well-being very seriously, whether it’s the COO of the Hong Kong branch of WE or the tired cab driver who inadvertently helped the Bat on an undercover case at 3:30 AM one morning. Fair pay, fair working conditions, every benefit that’s the industry standard and a few that he secretly encouraged the unions to demand. It’s a point of pride that people who work for him enjoy it, and it’s a way Bruce Wayne can help people in a way that Batman can’t even dream of.
It’s important that people who work for him are treated well; them becoming a little protective over him when some journo gets particularly nasty on Twitter is frankly rather sweet.
It’s significantly Less Okay that when they meet him in real life, ‘a little protective’ becomes ‘Captain Luis, seeing his bumbling dim-witted but ultimately not a bad guy boss getting carted away by pirates, finds strength from deep within himself to pick up a chair, start screaming, and try to bumrush half a dozen heavily armed men’.
Time slows down in times of crisis, thank god. Jason’s still nowhere to be seen, and reality narrows to Bruce running through every possible thing he could conceivably do to keep Luis safe. In the first fraction of a second, a trademark Bruce Wayne clumsy stumble is discarded as an option; two of the pirates already have their guns up. He doesn’t have smoke bombs or stun grenades or any of his million gadgets, and his hands are tied (literally and metaphorically), but playing dumb and letting Luis get shot to preserve his identity doesn’t even feature as an option.
And so, half a second after Luis starts his war cry, cracked voice and all, Bruce is actively working to dislocate his thumb to get out of his bindings, weight tipped forward in the hope that he can body slam half the men to the ground before they can get to their guns.
It doesn’t work; he gets shot in place of Luis, what feels like a clean through-and-through by the hip that hopefully missed anything particularly important. He does manage to bring a couple of the men nearest to him down with a heavy whumph , and little victories are still worth savouring even while lightly bleeding out on the ground.
He hears a lot of shouting, both from the direction of the pirate boat (reinforcements?) and from the grand double doors that lead to the inside dining room (reinforcements!) but he just keeps moving. Best case scenario, Luis knocked somebody out with one of the absolutely hideous chrome-and-leather chairs before beating a hasty retreat, and now Jason’s tag-teaming in for clean up.
Worst case scenario, he and Luis are about to be killed, and the news might be broken to his family by unflattering pap shots gone viral on Facebook. It’s an unbearable thought, so he doesn’t think, and just keeps moving around like an angry bull intent on sharing his displeasure.
There are a lot of gunshots, and something clips his ear as he knocks another man to the floor. While the pirate groans, Bruce headbutts him unconscious with a helping hand from the metal plates that help hold his skull in one piece. He thinks he hears Jason’s voice, but he knows Jay’s there for sure because no other weapon on Earth seems to crack the air quite like his Jerichos, and it’s like light at the end of a tunnel.
He hopes that Jason’s wearing some manner of face-covering; Bruce Wayne smashing a bunch of skinny pirates to the ground in a feat of great clumsiness and luck is entertaining enough to be acceptable, but a master marksman taking out a horde of sea-faring villains isn’t as likely to come off as normal.
Bruce doesn’t have the breathing room to turn around and check because more pirates are scrambling aboard with their own weight in weaponry, even if in his mind’s eye he imagines that Jason is wearing a pillowcase on his head with holes shot out for the eyes.
What an absurd quantity of guns. The number of ways Bruce hates the damned things is uncountable, and if Jason is actually on deck yelling blue murder in pyjamas, things can tip over from ‘scuffle’ into ‘bloodbath’ real damn quick.
Only one thing for it, then. He rolls away from a well-aimed kick and staggers to his feet, keeping his hands behind his back even though he’s worked his way free already. Pirate Captain man is angrily waving his rifle like he’s never known a day of joy in his life, but shooting Bruce might break the streak.
“Stop, stop!” Bruce shouts, aiming to look as non-threatening as a man who has mowed down a series of pirates can. “You can take me, just don’t hurt my staff.” Stand down, Jason , is implicit, while stand down, Luis , is implored.
It’s enough to get the man to bark for his men to stop shooting, as he tries to grab Bruce by the throat in a presumably threatening manner. This is what you get for modern-day piracy where there’s a lot less rigging and ropes and a lot more outboard engines; his grip strength is laughable, but Bruce gamely pretends to struggle to breathe anyway.
Pirate Captain hauls Bruce towards the cluster of his men, looking smug before he turns Bruce to let him see the wreckage of the outdoor lounge of the yacht. It’s bullet-riddled and messed up, but this far from the engine and the bridge, the damage is almost exclusively cosmetic. Thankfully Luis seems relatively whole even if he’s got the remains of a chair leg in his hands and a snarl twisting his face, and so does Jason. No pillowcase head-covering, unfortunately, but his steward-boy curly ginger wig is on and his oversized sleeping t-shirt is bulked out in a suspiciously bulletproof-vest shaped mass (thank God).
There are headphones hanging around Jay’s neck, so Bruce assumes he’d gotten it right about the morning lie-in and audiobook listening. Even mid-emergency, it’s still a rare, nice feeling to see that he knows Jason well enough to guess at least this correctly. Bruce tries to communicate with his eyes that everyone just needs to calm down and let him be taken. Pirates don’t tend to shoot billionaires dead, what with the invisible hand of the free market ensuring trigger discipline and all that, so it’s fine. They can rescue him afterwards, and there’s always help to be had. Superman might be off-world at present and Aquaman might take his own sweet time because he’s a sea king moonlighting as a massive asshole, but as long as no one gets hurt badly, a delay doesn’t matter to Bruce.
Jason’s scowling, but he does point his guns down. There’s hope yet that this is going to end relatively bloodlessly, but then the Pirate Captain lets his little victory get to his head. He’s got Bruce in an ineffective chokehold, and now he’s chuckling and waving his gun around and telling Jason that you’re not so confident now that we’ve got your boss, huh?
Even at a distance, Bruce can see that Jason is just barely holding on to his temper, jaw tight and teeth clenched. Having close to a foot over his captor and a hell of a lot of muscle mass on top, the ‘chokehold’ registers more like a messy cuddle, so it’s fine.
It’s all fine.
Until, of course, it isn’t.
Because Pirate Captain isn’t completely done flexing, because he takes it into his head to further press his advantage and slam the point home, he holds the muzzle of his rifle to Bruce’s temple, and shouts bang!
And of course Bruce has been held hostage before, of course he’s had weapons brandished in front of his face, of course there’s nothing exceptionally terrible about this situation when compared to the dozens of exceptionally terrible situations he’s been stuck in.
It’s just that he’s always, always hated guns, and he particularly hates guns held to people’s heads (a goddamn mystery why), and it’s just a little beyond what he considers tolerable, to find himself on the other side of a situation where a parent is about to be shot in the head in front of their child.
It’s something he’ll be ashamed about for the rest of forever, but hindsight’s 20/20 and not even an iron will could stop the tiniest of flinches when the thought of Jason’s going to have to see me die and he isn’t even the one pulling the trigger goes through his head at great speed.
It’s a blink-and-you’d-miss-it moment, but Jason hadn’t blinked, and it’s just that inch too far.
Lord, if Luis had been fearsome before, then Jason picking up a steak knife from the dining table and throwing it so viciously, so hatefully that it goes right through the back of a pirate man’s hand is an absolute vision of terror. While Bruce gets the side of his face coated in blood (he’s pessimistically hoping it isn’t from an arterial flow), Jason is scooping up Luis and chucking him overboard. It feels like barely a second has passed from when the first splatter of blood had hit his cheek before Jason appears right in front of him, one hand holding both guns (cool-looking but hilariously ill-advised) while the other is wrapped around the bulky plastic case of the emergency life raft.
Someone tries to drag Bruce back, and the man is met with two gun butts to the nose with a resounding crack! . A moment after that and Jason has Bruce pulled behind him, wig askew and kicking a different man right in the family jewels. The Pirate Captain is screaming and waving at them even as Jason hustles Bruce towards one side of the ship, shoving a life jacket down over his head and tightening the straps before Bruce can get his hands through the armholes.
It is, clearly, on purpose. “Jason,” Bruce warns him, growling even as he keeps the name as quiet as he can. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Jason kicks a stack of sun loungers over to act as a barricade against the approaching pirates, but he’s completely unharried as he turns to look at Bruce. “B, you’re banged up to fuck and back, and these guys are just massive assholes who’ve been pillaging ships carrying aid during a goddamn pandemic. Your plan’s not working out, so I’m going to handle it my way. Just go hang out in the water for a while, okay,” Jason pauses and shoots over the top of the mass of wood, before ducking down to reload. “On God, I’ll swab the decks clean-ish before I pull you back up. That’s my plan.”
An errant chair arm by Jason’s side explodes into splinters from the return fire, and it’s getting really hard to avoid kill shots in order to have a civil conversation. They’re running out of time, and Bruce knows , knows without a shadow of a single doubt that this is restraint and thoughtfulness and care from Jason, to hold back on what he thinks is right just because he knows Bruce doesn’t like to see a case devolve into death. There’s also a chance that the gun to his head shook both of them up more than they want to admit. This could well be a really touching moment for everyone involved.
But a dozen pirates are advancing, and more than wanting to stop Jason from murdering a bunch of people, Bruce simply refuses to let him face this alone, so he just shakes his head and starts trying to work his way out of the vest.
Unfortunately, it’s at about the same time the pirates decide to go on an all-out siege, running towards them and knocking the stack of chairs over in their haste. Bruce doesn’t have time to think, just steps forward so that he can body block Jason and hope that polyethylene foam can take a shot or 12.
Jason disagrees with this course of action, and he makes it exceedingly clear. One moment Bruce is standing firm between his son and almost-certain death, and the next he finds himself being flung over the side of the yacht, Jason executing a frankly gorgeous Judo throw. A blob of bright orange follows him down, the instant raft deploying in midair.
“Fly, you fucking fool!” Jason screams at him, and Bruce’s last thought before he hits the water and the hard outer shell of the raft hits him in the head, is that he was right.
Jason had been listening to the Lord of the Rings.
(And Bruce is really regretting leaving the Shire).
-
It’s going to be a hell of a story to tell the gang; hijinx on the high seas, and if Jason can convince Bruce to take a picture of him looking suitably pensive while the sea breeze flutters his hair and open shirt, they’ll have a cover for the book deal that inevitably follows Jimmy the Red-Haired Steward’s dramatic rescue of literal billionaire Bruce Wayne.
It’s almost anti-climactic in the end; he sends Bruce overboard and is polite enough to chuck a raft down with him so that the man won’t have to find out that not even Steph’s go-to brand of makeup can stand up to the open ocean, and minus an overbearing parent idiotically trying to take bullets for him, Jason’s free to just go right the hell off.
By his count, there must be close to 20 pirates now, and just one of him.
Damn, what fun odds. He knocks out 4 guys the moment they pass his barricade, and they definitely won’t be dying from those wounds. There’s a slightly messier kerfuffle when he kicks a tabletop off its legs and flings it at the guy who thought setting off a rocket-launcher in a luxury yacht is a good idea, and casualties from that are self-inflicted, so there’s no sweating it.
A half hour of screaming and shooting later, and at this point he’s just showing off when he leaps off the upper deck and gets a trick shot out into the knee of the man with the biggest rifle. At the end of it there’s a lot of moaning and groaning on the ground, there’s blood everywhere, and barring rocket-man, the Pirate Captain’s still the worst off because a serrated steak knife thrown at high speed will do a number on anyone. It’s exactly what he deserves.
Jason putters about securing the pirates with fishing line, and shoves handkerchiefs into the deeper wounds as he does a headcount and takes deep pride in having not killed anyone even though his temper’s the most frayed it’s been in a while (his history with bodies of water is bad and his track record with parental figures is even worse).
He leaves the captain tied up on the sun deck, because a sunburn’s the least the man deserves after holding a gun to Bruce’s head and being so proud of it. If Jason had trod on his hand a little heavily on his way off the deck, well. Some lessons just need to be worked in with some elbow grease.
Cleaning takes a while because B can be so damn picky about appearances , and it’s easier to do without the man himself anyways, so he doesn’t think twice about leaving Bruce to sulk in his floating inflatable tent while Jason works. When he hears noises from the pirate ship while he’s going around disarming all the weapons, he ends up finding a gaggle of kidnapped fishermen stuffed in the hold, and he wants to go step on the Pirate Captain’s hand all over again.
He frees the fishermen and moves them onto the yacht, where the staff who have crept out of the panic room with knives in their hands and murder in their hearts welcome the poor fucks and make them something hot to eat. Really, being a crusader’s a lot easier without Bruce’s presence, and it’s like a victory lap at this point. No one’s dead, even more people have been rescued than when they started, and the Coast Guard should be rolling in any minute.
Jason cannot wait to show off to B just how damn good he is at his job.
Everything wrapped up and a dozen shoulder-slaps from the crewmembers later, Jason makes his way down to the back of the yacht, where a platform can be lowered and the canoes and jet skis can be set out in the water. He’s fully expecting to see Luis hanging on to the ladder near there, with Bruce tethered like an errant puppy. Jason’s already grinning as the platform swings open with a quiet splash, but the sight that greets him isn’t one for smug eyes.
Luis is there, looking a little cold but ultimately quite calm and relaxed, and smiles when he sees him. “Jimmy!” Luis calls out, hauling himself up onto the platform and taking his shirt off to wring it dry. “You crazy bastard. I’m glad you’re okay! Is Mister Bruce also all right? The pirates are gone?” He eyes the bobbing pirate ship with great distrust, and overall gives the impression of a man ready to pick up a kayak oar and go to war.
Jason’s leaning as far off the platform as he can, craning his neck to try and see the bright orange floating raft. “Pirates are taken care of,” he tells Luis, and doesn’t let his unease show. “Everyone’s fine, but I threw Mister Bruce off the boat too, with the little tent raft. Did you not see him, captain?”
Luis shakes his head. “You must have thrown him overboard on the other side, Jimmy.” He turns a frightful shade of pale, and leans back out the yacht to help look. “Can Mister Bruce swim?”
Everyone in the family is an accomplished swimmer; for reasons that probably only make sense when you’re a paranoid patriarch, all of them had to prove that they could swim a mile in full gear before they were okayed to patrol close to the waterfront. It’s also common knowledge in a family with a collective competitive streak a mile wide that Bruce once rescued 3 full-grown adults in the open ocean while fully kitted out, so yeah.
“Yeah, he can swim.”
So why in the hell is he not right here?
Jason takes a deep breath, and reminds himself Bruce always has a tracker on him somewhere, so even if he was carried away by the waves, actually locating him shouldn’t be an issue. What’s more likely to be a pain in the ass is the Coast Guard boats plowing through the sea towards them. Jason’s cover as a steward is enough to fool local police, but if he’s pulled in for questioning re: owning and using his guns, it’s going to become A Problem.
A problem that would take a lot of time to handle, and that’s not something Jason’s got in spades if Bruce is missing.
Ah, shit. He’s going to have to call this in, and that’s not going to be possible in an itchy wig on a ship crawling with officers. It’s time for Jimmy to disappear, looks like.
He considers his options, and decides to just go with his gut. Luis seems like a good guy; civilians who step up in a life-or-death situation despite common sense telling them not to usually are. And compared to B, Jason’s always been quicker to trust, anyways.
“Listen, Luis,” he tells the man, face serious. “I’m actually Mister Bruce’s bodyguard. If he’s missing or drowning, I have to go find him. He’s…. like family.” Thank God that no one else is here to hear this. “But if the Coast Guard comes and takes us all in for questioning, I can’t start looking for him. Can you tell them I jumped in the sea after Mister Bruce, and to send people out to find us? I need to grab the tender and sneak off first; he’s been in the water for a while already now, so I just don’t have time to wait.”
Everything is probably completely fine, but you don’t live and then die and then be reborn and then continue to live as a successful vigilante by hanging your hat on ‘probably’. Jason’s itching to get on the little tender and check in with Alfred, but Luis covering for him would be really fucking helpful.
It feels real good when his instincts pay off. Luis doesn’t even bother saying ‘Yes’ and ‘Of course’; he’s already striding to the little box by the light switch that has the keys for all the gear, and after a quick rummage around he throws the boat’s keys to Jason.
“I’m going to believe you, Jimmy. Go find Mister Bruce, and I will tell the police how you saved us and why you left. Do you need anything more?”
Luis is just hitting homerun after homerun today, wow. Jason grins, and shakes his head. “I’m going to get my stuff from my bunk and climb out the porthole in the kitchen right onto the boat. See you when I see you, captain.”
And Jason’s gone.
-
Bruce comes to a couple of hours after his inauspicious disembarkation, if he’s judging the sun right. His face is an achy sunburned mess, but he supposes it’s preferable to being unconscious while facedown in water. He regains consciousness quietly and calmly, an extremely important skill when you are regularly abducted and knocked out, but when he cracks his eye open all he sees is the sea, all all of it.
He takes stock of the situation, and notes with some resignation that his yacht (the Pretty Penny, and worth every cent for the look on Alfred’s face) is nowhere in goddamn sight. He’s still cocooned in a life jacket, but luckily a loose buckle had wrapped around the ropes lining the life raft. It takes a bit of finessing, to work his way free and then haul himself up into the raft when he’s disorientated from being sunburned and injured and groggy, but he manages eventually.
The raft had managed to inflate all the way up, and the little tent provided blessed, blessed shade. If he was marooned on a liferaft with his children, or with a civilian, Bruce would be all action by now, cataloguing injuries and rummaging around to find what equipment they have. That’s just the exact right thing to do, in a survival situation.
But he isn’t marooned on a liferaft with anybody else. He’s by himself, his face feels like it’s on fire, he’s a little concussed, and he doesn’t know if everyone’s safe on the yacht. Instead of doing something meaningful, Bruce just groans and lays out as flat as he can get on the small raft, with his legs hanging off over the side.
Might as well get sunburnt knees, make a set of it.
It’s starting to feel like he’s just not meant to have a casual fun time out here in the Caribbean, and this far away from shore, nobody can hear him swear.
His legs are starting to sizzle a little by the time Bruce re-finds his will to survive, and he eventually drags himself upright, looks down to once again despair that he’s literally in swimwear and nothing else, and tugs out the dry bag filled with survival equipment tucked into a pocket near the back of the tent. He’s sure it’ll have much more kit than the average equipment bag, but because he can’t remember the last time he took it into his head to pack survival kits for non-Bat vehicles, everything is likely several years out of date.
As he digs around, any hope of finding a tracker that can ping! loud enough to alert the Batcave disappears. There’s a brick of a satellite phone, but failure to keep it well-maintained means the battery is completely flat, and trying to fix it in a bobbing liferaft that’s constantly letting water in…. ill-advised.
At least being in the Caribbean in the summer means that the current is more likely to have him drifting across the archipelago instead of sweeping him out to the Atlantic. Deserted islands are a dime a dozen here, and Bruce shudders at the thought that he might meet his end here, where it’s warm and sunny and beautiful, instead of bleeding out into a puddle of what might be rainwater or piss or both in a dark alley in Gotham, which is what he thematically deserves.
If only Alfred were here to hear him loudly think about his death after maybe 3 hours of being at sea with his own grim thoughts.
At least the kit bag reflects his personal preferences. Enough energy bars to keep a man physically functioning for at least 2 weeks, and half of them are white-chocolate-and-cranberry flavoured. There’s a rain poncho made of the same material his cape was about 5 years ago, which means it’s light and breathable and incredibly strong. He puts it on, because where Jason presumably gets power from wearing either leather or garish beachwear, Bruce unfortunately counts himself closer to goth than not, and a black raincoat is enough to make him feel at least marginally better.
He digs around some more and finds the usual suspects: a multi-tool with a blade sharp enough to gut a camel (tried! And tested!), 3 flare guns, a little floating solar still, a first aid kit that could keep you alive through increasingly alarming injuries, wax matches and some solid fuel, and a little tin mug that had some fishing line and a bunch of hooks. God, there’s even sun cream in here, and that’s as Classic Alfred as the tiny glass bottle of exquisite whiskey. The reach of one elderly butler’s tender loving care extends really alarmingly far, and Bruce salutes the sky in his honour before taking a carefully-rationed glug of Stranahan for moral support.
It burns smoothly down his throat, and it’s as close to a second wind as Bruce is likely to get out here. Bruce sets up the solar still and has it floating on a tether right by the raft, even if he’s got at best a couple of hours of daylight left. Dinner for the night is either a protein bar or fresh-caught fish if he can swing it, and the bottle of good whiskey needs to stretch for 2 weeks for the worst case survival scenario, because that’s around when Superman comes back from his off-world mission and can come play fetch.
Best case scenario, Jason’s going to pull up in the BatWing any moment now, and Bruce will gaze upon a hideous ginger wig and once again get to marvel at the miracle of Jason alive and coming at him.
The Batman hasn’t survived so long off the backs of best case scenarios though. Fantasy revelled in, Bruce starts divvying up his resources and makes his peace with potentially having his body be found in a poncho 3 months from now by deeply unlucky fishermen.
Hell of a legacy to leave for his children, but it’s better than pearls and a dark alleyway (he sure would have appreciated a larger bottle of whiskey).
-
Escape was the name of the game, so Jason doesn’t burn time on thinking, just grabs his supplies and steals the tender, gunning the engine and gone out of sight before the Coast Guard could board the Penny. It’s pretty hair-raising, literally; throttle opened to full he almost loses his wig to the whipping winds.
Fifteen minutes after separating from Captain Luis, Jason’s dropping anchor in a tiny lagoon and pulling out his Bat-issued laptop. First things first, he runs through all the trackers Bruce is most likely to have on him. No point in alerting HQ if Bruce just got washed ashore on a little beach a couple of miles away. He could do without the rest of the family calling him out for simultaneously being both Bruce’s back-up as well as the main reason Bruce is currently missing, thanks. There’s already plenty of self-recrimination going ‘round.
The internet’s pretty slow considering the private BatSatellite beaming it right down at him, but it only takes a few minutes before he’s run through the checklist of the dozen or so standard trackers Bruce could have chosen from. Almost everything is deactivated, probably because a mother-of-pearl button and a tie clip aren’t options that mesh with swimwear too often, but one of his watches is active and blinking a cheerful green from the other side of the island, moving swiftly towards land.
Jason thinks hell yeah! at the start but then logic comes a-calling; neither the current nor a very determined man could move that quickly, and the blip is moving in a straight line away from the yacht. He takes another look at the list, and groans when he realises that what likely happened was that Bruce’s shiny golden Rolex was liberated from him pre-getting-thrown-overboard, and is now likely enjoying a pleasant ride to Nassau in the pocket of some pirate on the Coast Guard’s ship.
“This is why I told him to get a goddamn belly button ring,” Jason shouts down at an errant starfish, who fundamentally does not care. Garish intimate jewelry work because they can stay on regardless of the state of undress, and because not even the most determined thugs tend to be super interested about groping around a man’s navel to get half an ounce of cheap tin and silver. An ugly piercing is by far the best option for discreet trackers.
Just classic goddamn Bruce; too good for gun violence, too good for tacky piercings, too good to just stay the hell still. Jason half-heartedly goes through the rest of the list, on the extremely off chance that Bruce slapped on the temporary tramp stamp with its special magnetic ink, or decided to opt for the cute anklet with dangling shells that’s a Cass design, but no go.
There’s not a blip anywhere, and if Bruce is really really lost at sea, time’s not something either of them have a whole lot of. Jason starts up the boat and decides to head right to the outermost chain of tiny islands, because the vital thing here is making sure that Bruce doesn’t get swept right out into the open ocean. One hand on the wheel, with the other he pops an earphone back in and presses a complicated code using the volume up/down buttons. It’s another few seconds of the Fellowship coming through before the comm connects, and it’s Alfred.
“How can I help, Master Jason?”
“How much of what went down did you catch, Agent A?”
“I must confess to a little chuckle when I saw Master Bruce being thrown overboard. The onboard cameras caught the rest of your fight, and may I just say, splendid aim with the steak knife. I doubt I could have done better myself.”
That’s a blatant lie if Jason’s ever heard one, but he’ll take it. “Thanks, Alfie. Thing is, uh. Thing is, I might have misplaced B.”
There’s a short pause, and Alfred’s voice comes back on with polite inquiry. “What do you mean by ‘misplaced’, Master Jason?”
“You saw me chuck B over and leave him a life raft, right? Yeah, well, when I went ‘round to do a pick-up, he was gone. And he doesn’t have any kit on him, so.” Urgh, this is going to live on in infamy. “So I might have lost Batman somewhere in the sea.”
There’s another pause, a little longer this time, filled with enough character that Jason can just imagine Alfred with his head tipped back, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose to chase off a headache that has given him no peace presumably since B was born. “I see. Do you know if he is injured? Or if Master Bruce is missing as per some sort of plan?”
“Think he might have been grazed by a couple of bullets, but nothing life-threatening. And this could be a dick move that’s part of a bigger plan, Alfred, but he knows you’d be real passive-aggressive if he runs off without telling anyone. He pulls that kind of bullshit when things are apocalyptic, but it’s just a bunch of pirates not social-distancing.” Jason worries at his lower lip, and tries to feel more confident about the absence of serious injuries. “I don’t know, maybe he hit the water wrong and passed out and got swept out, or something. I just know I’m not leaving this as is.”
God literally save B if this does turn out to be some dumbfuck ploy to go off and Rambo a mission solo, that’s a Jason Todd guarantee right there.
“I believe not trusting Master Bruce to be all right is generally the right way of thinking, unfortunately.” Alfred sighs, and it comes off as static in the earpiece. “I will make some inquiries, and see what resources we have for a search and rescue mission. In the meantime, Master Jason, do what you think is best. Master Bruce may not have any of his usual equipment, but so long as he has the raft, he should survive for a good long while.”
Knowing how extremely over-prepared Bruce is in almost every aspect of his life, Jason wouldn’t be too surprised to know that all WE rafts came prepared with spear guns and a bar of solid gold. Best case scenario, he’ll find Bruce in time for dinner, and they can have an(other) awkward meal where Bruce does his damnedest to be inoffensive and haltingly the best father he can be, while Jason tries not to get ticked off by every third word out of the man’s mouth.
Jason tells Alfred that he’s going to whip out some maps and do a lap around all the tiny little cays that dot the sea to try and find Bruce, and half his head’s thinking about a memorial service where Clark will presumably burst into tears while stood in front of a casket that’s got a symbolic Speedo in it, and that’s how Bruce is going to go down in history, which is what he deserves.
The other half decides that now is a good time to remember how Bruce had once gone all-out on a search-and-rescue mission for Jason too, many many years ago, and oh, look how that turned out.
What a fucking feast or famine man.
-
Fishing is an accursed activity for accursed men. Bruce is somebody whose hobby slash raison d’etre involves getting dressed up in armour and perching on a gargoyle somewhere high up in an unmoving manner for hours at a time, and he still finds himself bored almost to tears by the lows and lowers of idly holding a fishing line in his hand, being convinced something has gotten hooked, and pulling up absolutely nothing (again and again and again).
It’s blissfully sundown by now and there’s no fresh fish on the menu, but he has a mouthful of fresh water thanks to the solar still, and he’s got half a protein bar in him for dinner. The moon’s nowhere near full and the stars are obscured; he’s completely enveloped in the kind of darkness that’s so, so foreign to a city like Gotham.
It’s all blackness as far as the eye can see, which is not very far, and all he has for company are his thoughts and the quiet splish splish splish of little waves pattering against the side of his raft.
It’s deeply unnerving even for Bruce, a man who has on occasion described himself as The Night. He has a fire starter and nothing to start a fire; he has a phone and no way to connect to anyone. He has a lot and very little all at once, and despite his best efforts, no amount of focus can get anything done .
So Bruce sits with his back to the opening of the little tent, and over the next couple of hours finds himself slumping and sliding lower, til his head is thrown back across the edge and all he sees is nothing.
Stoicism in the face of terrible odds is an important part of being the Batman, but Bruce has no cowl and no cape; he’s just him right now. As he stares at what may or may not be the North Star, he finds himself thinking about how dinner was supposed to be scallops and baked fish with a side of exquisite wine, and gently mourns just a little. If his luck held, Jason would have swung by later to help himself to the dessert tray that Bruce has delivered straight to his room, and he could have sat there and basked in the unending pleasure of Jay's healthy and hearty and whole company.
Instead, he’s stuck out at sea trying to guess how close or far away he is from 10:47 PM, which is the default time to throw up a signal in cases where a team’s been broken up. In Gotham, even if he didn’t have a watch or a phone or a comm unit or a car, he could usually guess the time down to 15 minutes, just based on which shops were open and which shops were closed, what buses were running and what colour the WE building was lit up to, by the presence or absence of the tinkly elevator music that accompanies the fountain light show in the main plaza.
Here, there’s nothing. The position of the planets would be a bit of a hint on a good day, but on a bad day with heavy clouds and a concussion he’s not confident Venus is real. The outdoors are a mistake, and laid out in a raft miles and miles away from the nearest cityscape Bruce feels homesickness so keenly he has to turn over and throw up a little bit.
At least the concussion is keeping him company.
The first hour after nightfall he had taken the initiative to just sit there and count time out, but there’s something spectacularly soul-sucking about counting down seconds. Bruce was somewhere in the 3000s when he came to the conclusion that he would rather not reinforce his concept of mortality by literally calling out each moment he comes closer to death, thanks. It’s been a while since he stopped counting, but time’s a mess in the absence of manmade context.
He’s also, shamefully, a mess in the absence of manmade context.
Bruce has 3 flares and a son out there somewhere looking for him. Having a predetermined time to launch a signal is not a fundamentally bad idea, but it’s not practical when out in the field, and right now he’s even willing to go so far so as to admit that using the time of his parents’ passing is both extremely grim and extremely unkind to all parties involved.
All factors considered, it’s as good a time as any to get the flare gun. If he’s lucky, Jason will be ‘round to pick him up in under an hour. If he’s less lucky, it might be a different band of roving pirates that come for him, though by this point the company of sun-dried criminals is greatly preferable to just his own.
If he’s really, really unlucky, the flare’ll explode big and bright up in the sky to the attention of absolutely no one, and when that happens Bruce can begin to doubt his reality as much as he doubts Venus’.
“Please let it not be 10:47,” he says in the vain hope that karma’s looking out for him as he sticks his upper body out the tent flaps and shoots at the sky.
The flare goes up straight and true and explodes into bright bright light, and all of this would be a thing to be happy about if the presence of light didn’t highlight the clear, helpless absence of everything else.
For the first time in a very long time, the fearsome big bad Bat of Gotham turns in early for the night, but nobody is even around to appreciate it.
(He will find out that it was, in fact, just around 9 when he shot off the flare, or just about 3000 seconds after the 3000 seconds he’d already counted.)
(The invention of time was a Mistake.)
[1/2]
#batfam big bang 2020#batman#bruce wayne#jason todd#whale writing#the vibe is v much that specific kind of humid depressed u get in summer#when ur not feeling great but#the overwhelming presence of the sun tells your body to#keep on keeping on#anyways i love the sea thanks for coming to my community tedtalk
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A day back in school
Or so the title says but nothing in particular happened surrounding school, just a bunch of schoolwork handed to us and expect us to perfect. This morning was a real nice one despite having classes (I skipped because there wasn’t an announcement then forgot that my math teacher doesn’t do that and just straight away starts lessons) because my friends were with me in discord. It was just a fun dandy little time that I had with them.
They first joined in one by one, and two of them were duo queuing in league while I was testing out the error on my valorant- to see if it was still there despite my best efforts to re-installing it more than twice. To my surprise my best friend joined the call not too long after me and the bois were done with our depressing league game where we had to ff at 17. I then played outlast.
Outlast is... a fun game..? Really, it’s fin and adrenaline-rushing but the frustration of not knowing where to go and what the objectives are rise to the top rather than getting mauled by these mutant things chasing you down. The mauling thing is part of the reason, yet just running around like a headless chicken isn’t going to work much either. I either get scared and hide then run out of batteries, or I gather enough courage just from a few minutes of crouching down in a corner and sorting my thoughts. The latter one is rarer in my case.
I’d like to personalize a story type thing blog on tumblr, but I never really gather enough streng to do so. Something about fully comitting to writing makes me rethink about being a chef and I’m not all up for my indecisiveness to take over. It’s not like there’s nothing wrong with being a writer, but when my hobby starts to turn into my job, the fun that I had with it gets taken away somehow and everything is bleak and dull. Lifeless and I then realize that nothing is what I hope for. N that’s sad.
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GIFTENING Bonus Rounds
For each category, I included a “bonus round” question. YOU GUYS KILLED IT. I loved all the answers, but listed below are some of my particular favourites.
Haruka Tenoh is trapped in the wrong anime! Which would you have her visit next?
I want her to earth shake Kyubey out of existence, please and thank you
My bride is a mermaid. She can relate. :P
i think she would THRIVE in bodacious space pirates. gay teenage space pirates whose job is to dress up, be Dramatic, and rob the wealthy??? that shit is RIGHT up her alley
Hamtaro
Princess Tutu - where the world is finally as dramatic as her
PGSM (and Michiru is trapped with her, for REASONS)
Pokemon because everyone deserves to be happy
Any moe-style series so hijinks can ensue at her being baffled by everyone's ages
1960's Speed Racer
is is this a captcha or something i missed oh god
Free! so she can be indifferent to all the hot men and slightly uncomfortable because she still can't swim.
Stick Haruka in a Gundam!
Dump her in Pretear or one of the Precures! It would be hilarious! She's never in the genre she wants to be!
Revolutionary Girl Utena, so she can be offended by misuse of roses.
Initial D, she will out-drive and out-drift all those guys and steal all their girls.
Evangelion. I would feel bad to watch her suffer, but it would be so, so funny for her to be the comparatively most normal person around.
Yakitake Japan! SO SHE CAN HAVE A SNACK OF DELICIOUS RIDICULOUS BREAD BEFORE THE NEXT INTERDIMENSIONAL ANIME STORM WHISKS HER AWAY.
The Holograms or the Misfits? DISCUSS
Holograms
both? both. BOTH IS GOOD
misfits bc Evil Ladies Hot
Steven and the stevens
Misfits. How dare you make us try to think about anything in our lives.
Both, you mad fool. Those combined songs were the best.
The Misfits, their songs are better
The Misgrams: A group of girls who form a singing telegram start up company, but constantly deliver the telegrams to the wrong people.
kimber & stormer
Neither. Limp Lizards all the way. BROKEN GLASS.
I do not know what these things are
Misfits because guitar motorcycle
The Isle of Misfit Holograms
Holograms is just arguably better
I mean, I’m told the Misfits’ songs are better, but my true answer is the band Kimber and Stormer made in that big gay episode you liveblogged (checks) almost four years ago.
I've no idea what these words mean and I hope this does not make me TOO uncool.
this is about jem, right? right?? im hip i swear
Misfits, because Jasper is a member apparently
I don't know from Jem, but I mean...I certainly prefer holographic material to Glenn Danzig? So I guess there's your answer ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
The Stingers
LIMP LIZARDS FOREVER
Senshi Band
You can make me liveblog a full series of any show you want! You also hate me. What do you have me watch?
Pick a GoT rip-off, any GoT rip-off
The Bachelor?
The Bachelor :(
depends on how much i hate you, but....probably the bachelor. quantity AND lack of quality
Critical role, it would take forever
If I were a horrible person who sought only malice? Big Bang Theory. Entire series.
Toddlers and Tiaras
The Mandalorian - Disney would come after you and kill keyofjetwolf just as dead as keyofnik. We would all be very sad, you would have to go through a second round of restoring things to a new tumblr account, and your organizational heart would weep over adding yet another hosting site out of chronological order.
You are liveblogging Eva, and must discuss in full detail Shinji's emotional state at all times.
Hannity & Colmes
The Kardashians. And all of their spin offs. *kisses*
The price is right
the bachelor
Probably something with lots of romance and no friendships. Soap operas are like that, right? My college roommate used to watch General Young Light Restless Hospital of Our Lives (which one had Like and Laura?) And it was torture.
One Piece, because it's over 900 episodes so you could maybe do 10% before you die, also you will hate how the women are treated most of the time.
Fushigi Yuugi. Not only do you hate it but it also comes with you squirming when you admit to watching the whole thing. ;)
Plus belle la vie. It's an ongoing French soap opera that has been airing five days a week since 2004, they're nearing their 4000th episode and there's no end in sight. Imagine all those hours upon hours submerged in French drama, mwahahaha!!
The Bachelor. Or the Bachelorette, maybe - more straight dudes in that.
The Young and the Restless - IT IS THE LIVEBLOG THAT NEVER ENDS. IT WOULD OUTLAST THE INTERNET.
The entirety of the Bachelor franchise.
You can only play one game for the rest of your life. Which game would it be and why?
Kingdom Hearts Complete Collection. A) I love them. B) I beat the system and get like 10 games instead of one.
Gemcraft. This game actually takes a lifetime to finish.
Hatoful Boyfriend. It is the best game ever created. Feel it in your heart.
that's a mean question and you can't make me answer it
Pathfinder, which you could play for the rest of your life and still never finish.
Civ VI , so I can rule the world without leaving my house.
I am legitimately perturbed by this question and refuse to answer it.
Pokemon Go. I would have nothing else, but I would catch them all.
The Elder Scrolls Skyrim: I'll never run out of side-quests.
Mass Effect--it's the only way I'll get full completion.
The dinosaur game on Chrome when the internet doesn't connect because my life is monotonous and it's a welcome relief.
Stardew Valley. Peaceful farmer life and turning my children into doves when I'm bored with them.
Crabs Adjust Humidity
Oh my! A number of things come to mind, not one of them fit for print. Just, you know...*gestures vaguely* sex shit.
I can't even stick to the ones I play now.
This is the worst of all possible things and I refuse to answer.
Monopoly, I hate myself :(
Probably Minecraft! I haven't gotten into it because I know if I start I will NEVER STOP. Who would do things like build a hundred foot tall statue of Mako-chan? A-THAT'D BE ME.
the game. Of LIFE! *shrug emoji*
I don't believe I'll tell you, because I AM a salty little fish and it was HARD to cut that 11th choice off my vote.
Holligay and I are going to be the leads in a new buddy film. What's the premise? How does it end?
Be gay do crimes. Thelma and Louise. Duh. :P
I have no idea but only just surviving disaster is how it ends.
You break down in a small town during a roadtrip- your stay is full of hijinks and ends with you teaching the townsfolk the true meaning of friendship.
Doctor Holligay, Esquire, PhD, renowned Jewish femme of many talents, is assigned one Operative Jet Wolf as her bodyguard on a foreign diplomatic mission/vacation/culinary tour of the world ("same difference, shut up, narrator"). One problem: Operative Wolf needs a bodyguard herself, as the good doctor discovers when in one night her toilet is destroyed ("IT WAS A SECURITY THREAT") and Operative Wolf nearly breaks a leg falling down a small set of stairs ("THEY PUT A CLIFF OUTSIDE THE DOOR"). Worldwide shenanigans ensue as Holligay and Operative Wolf learn the true meaning of friendship, and also how to take care of themselves... by taking care of each other.
I’m not sure about the premise, but DEFINITELY it ends in murder.
Someone posted a major spoiler during one of your liveblogs. The two of you track them down seeking revenge. It turns out it was the original creator of the series trying to stop you. For some reason Holligay is a CGI badger.
It's clearly a buddy cop movie, and like all good buddy cop movies, it ends with Doc almost dying, and you saving her, and slapping her wound in the hospital as the credits roll.
It ends as it began: with Holligay roasting you.
A straight detective and her lesbian partner have to solve the case of the missing cinnamon buns. It ends with nobody getting the guy OR the girl and you drive off into the sunset together, perps behind bars sans cinnamon buns.
I don't know what it's about but I know it will be the only movie that ever existed.
Holligay is the lesbian chief of staff to you somehow being elected President and she's basically running the country while you're the charming face of the administration
Nerd and cowgirl meet at a bar, justifyingly murder some gross dude, go on the run from the law and have a life-changing road trip, on the way Nazis are punched
carrying a delicate object through a forest after your helicopter goes down
Thelma and Louise, but instead of dying, your deaths are clearly faked and you live on a ranch in Montana with your respective spouses and animals. One time a cop comes by the restaurant/bar you joint own with Doc and says, "You look familiar." Doc, in perfect lesbian, answers, "Jet's just got that criminal look, on account of how much she'd love to steal my cheesecake recipe. More pie?"
Queer Eye with a Straight Goy. The two of you do the show but in your own special ways.
Doc Holligay is the wild-west no-nonsense sheriff. Jet Wolf is the all-fun cyberpunk cop from the future. They punch nazis and argue about food. It ends as a tv series ala B99.
Your lives are already a buddy film, don’t get greedy.
Hands and socks. You know how it ends.
See Grumpy Old Men for details. How does it end? Badly.
I can't imagine the premise, but I'm pretty sure the planet explodes.
A Coen Bros film. It ends poorly.
Wait? You're not already living this now?
REI HINO
REI HINO
Sure. Why not?
HINO REI
<3<3<3<3
REI HINO!
Rei who? ;)
REI HINOOOOOOOOO
Plush Is being hugged by Zoisite in your banner.
MINAKO AINO
MAKOTO KINO
The best
SOCKS
MICHIRU KAIOH
It's time tooo.... REI! THAT! HINO!
sponsored by Here! curry
LOVES USAGI LOVES REI LOVES USAGI LOVES REI LOVES USAGI LOVES REI LOVES USAGI LOVES REI LOVES USAGI LOVES REI LOVES USAGI LOVES REI LOVES USAGI LOVES REI LOVES USAGI LOVES REI LOVES USAGI LOVES REI LOVES USAGI LOVES REI [THIS REPEATS A LOT A LOT AND IS GLORIOUS] [...] LOVES USAGI LOVES REI LOVES JETWOLF
(THE REAL ONE)
Isn't how you spell Makoto Kino!
THE REAL ONE™
obviously
IS NOT A RHINO
In conclusion: Rei Hino
Rei Hino is giving this Giftening finger guns
BEAUTIFUL, STUNNING, SHOW-STOPPING, TALENTED, AMAZING, WONDERFUL
Hot stuff, lights my fire, blazes it regularly. I am out of fire jokes.
PASSION FLAME, SAILOR MARS
These hot feelings are C'EEEEEST LAAAAA VIIIIIIE c'mon rei-chan why aren't you singing along
IS THE BEST (I know who I'm talking to)
Ara!
DID DOCTOR HOLLIGAY PHD NOMINATE THE OPTION OF TALKING ABOUT MICHIRU KAIOH FOR 6 HOURS!!
If Hot Pocket were to plan One Last Heist, what do you think would be his objective? What would be Mina's role in his master plan?
Master Hot Pocket seeks BREAD. His friend and loyal companion, Mina-pup, acts as a distraction, as he has learned the humans are easily distracted by cute. While she does her sworn duty as Best Friend and Cutest Goodest Girl, probably with lolling tongue and glee at all the pets she receives, he picks the locks on the newly childproofed pantry, and Master Howard H. Pocket FEASTS AS NO CAT HAS BEFORE.
Every bag of flour in Montana; Mina runs distraction with her adorable puppy eyes
Open every container, leave none unmarked. Mina is the lookout who greets whoever comes and is completely ineffective at her job.
TAKE ALL THE FLOUR. Do it straight from the source: FlourCo Inc. What does a 10-pound cat do with eighty thousand tons of flour? If you can't figure that out, there's a reason he's the brains of this outfit. Mina would obviously be the bumbling lovable distraction to security or other people.
Bread. Mina is The Face who provides distraction to the Keepers of the Bread by walking up to them and being herself. Mina has absolutely no idea that Hot Pocket is using her in this manner because Hot Pocket is that Machiavellian, but Mina is a pocket full of sunshine in canine form and probably would just be happy to help out.
Hot Pocket knows that no mammal of the floor believes in flour anymore. It went away a long time ago. It doesn't exist. But what he also knows is that they're wrong. A lack of opposable thumbs won't hide the truth from him. He'll find the stash, and when he does, he'll stick his paw in it. Mina, with her limited climbing skills, will lick its remains from his claw and prove his discovery. As well as provide a warm place to curl up on for the aftermath of their adventure.
His goal is to sample every edible thing he can get his teeth on. Mina pulls triple duty as step stool, distraction, and scape goat
The Silver Crystal. Mina would play the role of Sailor V.
He is getting ALL THE FLOUR. Mina is a lovable distraction.
Looting all the carbs in the pantry. mina is distraction.
mina's role would be the "dopey" but talented best friend who it looks like HP is going to betray for the sake of the plan but then it all comes together when HP mounts a dramatic rescue. i dunno i'm still in film mode from that last one.
The Holy Bread Locked Within the Cupboard. Mina would be the distraction, but she'd forget what she was supposed to be distracting from and end up leading you to him.
I am the Void. I am the Night. I am the Darkness with no hope of dawn. The Flour trembles before me in it's bleached fluffiness. It shall not escape my chaos, which will descend upon it like the Terrors of the Deep, claws and teeth and gnashing. It will howl at my claws. It will scream for my teeth, sharp and white, stars in the night of my fur. I shall tend and tear and -- Dammit, Dog-thing! How am I supposed to be terrible and terrifying with you wagging your tail and panting at me!? Oh, you found a good warm sunbeam? I guess I can stalk stuff later. I am the Void. I shall absorb the Sun's light and warmth and bring it into my Darkness where it cannot escape...
I'm new here and don't know all the complex lore of Jetwolf(fairly sure Mina is dog), so I'm going to assume that Hot Pocket is an actual hot pocket and his heist is robbing Fort Knox using Mina as his loyal stead/get away car. Then he explodes a microwave or something.
i lik the bred
Mina as the distraction while he takes one last tastes of EVERYTHING
objective--stealing more chips; Mina--surprise betrayal
The scene: Mama Jet's pantry
The Objective: the bag of cake flour Aunt Doc made Mama Jet buy but she's never used
Mina: confused but excited escape vehicle and/or scapegoat
RAIDING THE KING ARTHUR FLOUR FACTORY. Mina is of course adorable and keeps everyone's attention while Hot Pocket swan dives into the flour like Uncle Scrooge
Hot Pocket would definitely try to steal a monument, Carmen SanDiego style. Mina, of course, is the multi-talented and super cute face of the operation.
I have no idea who Hot Pocket is
HP would try to scale the tallest building in the world. Not to steal anything, just to be up there. Mina would be the adorable diversion.
It would be to get whatever food you've left on the counter. Preferably bread. He would tell Mina that he'll give her some of she acts as a distraction. She's a good dog so she does. He's a cat so she gets no food.
Truly, truly, THE GIFTENING winner is us all.
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Fifty Questions Tag
I was tagged by @murobrown (Thank you very much Alica for tagging me)
I’m a bit stumped for time at the moment so I won’t currently tag anyone just yet but if I remember to, I will edit this later and add a few people to it
1: What are you wearing? Pulp fiction t-shirt and I don’t know the name for them but there like “sporty” pants if you know what I mean?
2: Ever been in love? Not really. I thought I was at one point but now looking back I have my doubts
3: Ever had a terrible breakup? Nup
4: How tall are you? I am about average height. I know people smaller/taller than me. Don’t know specifics
5: How much do you weigh? I know it’s 16 stone something
6: Any tattoos do you want? I am not certain but I’ve always wanted a tattoo related to NIN. Maybe the Year Zero gun cross logo?
7: Any piercings that you want? Not a piercing person
8: OTP? We still using shipping talk in 2020?
9: Favorite show? Tales From The Crypy
10: Favorite band? Nine Inch Nails
11: Something you miss? School years, I wish I took more photos/videos
12: Favorite song? In This Twilight - Nine Inch Nails
13: How old are you? 21 going on 22 in a few more weeks
14: Zodiac sign? Libra
15: Hair color? Brown
16: Favorite quote? “It can’t rain all the time” - The Crow
17: Favorite singer? Lana Del Rey by far. Something about her voice just sends chills
18: Favorite color? Yellow
19: Loud music or soft? I like energetic stuff but I don’t mind the odd softy now and then
20: Where do you go when you’re sad? I wouldn’t know to be honest. Maybe the cinema. That helped a lot with a bunch of the shit I put up with last year
21: How long does it take you to shower? No shower. Baths for me. Depends if I have free time, I can stay in the bath fairly longer if I have no prior engagements or anything or if I’m listening to a podcast/album. But i’d say averagely maybe 15/20 mins?
22: How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? Again depends on if I have any prior engagements (work.etc) usually about 5/10 minutes or I can just laze about
23: Ever been in a physical fight? Not that I remember but I did feel threatened by a kid in nursery for some reason so I pre-emptive hit him with a copy of this:
Not my proudest moment but a vivid memory for some reason.
24: Turn on? Just genuine down to earth attitude, easy to get along with and like similar things. But if we’re talking looks, blue eyes, pale skin and red hair (natural/dyed/whatever) is heavenly.
25: Turn off? Just being a prick really or causing trouble for no reason
26: The reason I joined Tumblr? Get close with friends at my school, ended up outlasting a lot of them on here nearly 10 years later. Funny how that works
27: Fears? The future really freaks me out. Also the dread of drifting apart from close friends too.
28: Last thing that made you cry? I’m not really a crier besides from laughing too hard so I don’t really know
29: Last time you cried? God knows?
30: Meaning behind your url? It’s a NIN song and less cringy than my previous ones
31: Last book you read? I’d like to say it was The Last Book on The Left by The Last Podcast on the Left. But truthfully I’m re-reading my old childhood favourites, the Captain Underpants books.
32: Last song you listened to? That new Miley Cyrus song was on the car radio when I was coming home earlier so I guess that counts?
33: Last show you watched? The Boys
34: Last person you talked to? My dad
35: The relationship between you and the person you last texted? My best friend for over 15 years. I went to his little sisters’ leaving celebration as she is going to university. Things sorta gotta a bit weird as his sister’s friend kept coming on to him and lo and behold, they ended up together somehow.
36: Favorite food? I really like Tacos
37: Place you want to visit? America. Id love to do a proper road trip one day with friends
38: Last place you were? I visited my auntie and uncle who live nearby
39: Do you have a crush? Not really
40: Last time you kissed someone?
41: Last time you were insulted and what was it? I don’t really know or I’ve at least blocked it out?
42: What color underwear are you wearing? Orange
43: What color shirt are you wearing? Black, red, yellow, flesh coloured (Uma Thurman’s on the front so I guess flesh coloured is the right word)
44: What color bottoms are you wearing? Black
45: Wearing any bracelets? I was gifted a fit bit so I’m wearing that but I ain’t no fitness person
46: Last sport you played? What is sport?
47: Last song you sang? Semi Charmed Life - Third Eye Blind
48: Last prank call you remember doing? Don’t think I ever have?
49: Last time you hung out with anyone? As mentioned previously, my best friend's family
50: Favorite movie? Natural Born Killers
#Tag#Tag Thing#Tagged#Tag Thingy#Me#Personal#Rob Rambles#Tagging#Tag Game#50 Questions Tag#Fifty Questions#50 Questions#Fifty Questions Tag
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Intro to “Smarter Homes”
*I probably shouldn't cut and paste this, but I’m leaving it here just in case Tumblr somehow outlasts Medium, which seems at least plausible.
https://medium.com/@iotwatch/smarter-homes-how-technology-has-changed-your-home-life-an-introduction-5e8306a59a31
by Alexandra Deschamps-Sonsino, “#iot since 2006 with @GNLamp @iotlondon @knowcards @iot__mark”
Smarter Homes: how technology has changed your home life (an introduction)
I’ve spent the last year writing a book on smart homes for Apress. It’s obviously not to get rich, but to explore some personal obsessions and share my findings in public. I’ve had the best time writing too, but I know that not everyone will want to commit to this read. So here’s a short introduction.
Who is it for?
I wrote the book for my mum who is only starting to understand what I’ve built my career on (the internet of things). I wanted her to understand that my attraction to electronics and computing concepts was really historically connected to the early home economics classes she would have experienced as a young woman. I also wrote the book for women everywhere who are the core audience of technology companies looking to sell into the home. I wanted them to make the connection between their husband’s (sterotyping massively here, bear with me) shed full of electronics prototypes and their own history of home purchases. I wanted my peers in the technology sector to realise how much of their livelihood is connected to purchases those women will make. Many technology companies will struggle to understand *how* they’ll make that case and return to some 100 year old expressions women have grown tired of. Finally, I know industrial designers don’t do that much reading but I think there’s something in it for them. History of design books always focus on the best looking products in history as opposed to what is actually at the root of that product and the reasons why it needed to be redesigned (it needed to sell!) and why that redesign sometimes isn’t a guarantee of commercial success.
My book therefore connects broader social changes, technical innovation and the fluid image of ‘good home living’ that fuels the economy at large. All of this makes up the ‘smart home’ many of you will have been reading about for over a decade.
The smart home is not new
At it’s heart, the book makes the case that the smart home isn’t new. It’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing and a repetition of old ideas, some of which were failures, that are revisited and sold as new, as part of a digital and internet-enabled landscape that has added in effect very little to home habits. We still sleep in beds, we still do dishes, we still hang our clothes to dry. Who does them and how they do them differs, but a living room from the 1970s and ours now is comparable (go visit the fantastic Geffrye Museum when they reopen in 2020).
Alone or together?
If anything, we interact less with our homes than we once did. We don’t host as much as we used to, and since the 1970s and the introduction of central heating and air conditioning, we live in boxes isolated from our natural environmnet. The internet changed our access to information, our relationships to one another, our relationships to the city and its services, but not our homes per se. Many new technologies in fact have productised and individualised a communal experience which would have brought with it many social and psychological benefits. I discuss some of the attempts to re-communalise individual home experiences and their failures. We’re in the middle of a second attempt at this with co-living.
I discuss how privacy as we consider it now was a long, slow process of shutting out the world from our own lived experience. Sitting alone at home with the television on, browsing on a phone, like so many elderly people (or teenagers) do, is experiencing the world as we wish to see it, without changing ourselves, nor having to adapt or learn. Not only this but I discuss how we offer a well-curated window into our home lives with social media without actually inviting people in.
The home dictates what works and what doesn’t.
But history is also littered with product ideas that are unable to fit into the physical fabric of the home. Edison, as one of the examples I mention, was convinced that people would listen to music with cylinders, refusing to admit that stacking vinyls in a bookshelf was much easier.
The computerised home
I address the role of computers of course, arguing that the idea of a computerised home (or what eventually became a smart home) was dictated by the technical capabilities of home computers and not inspired by home life. Home living was not the starting point of computer development but became its biggest audience. The history around the arguments used to convince the general public that this was a worthy purchase are almost identical to the ones used to sell radios 60 years before. I also had the great pleasure of interviewing Jim Sutherland, creator of the first computer for the home (it took up the whole basement) and find out about his motivations.
Smart House
One of the most enjoyable bits to write about was the history of the term ‘smart home’. I was able to talk to David Jerry MacFadyen who organised the first event in the world to coin the term ‘smart house’ and and Ralph Lee Smith who wrote a fantastic book documenting their vision in the 1980s. I also dive into the history of domotics briefly, a cousin of the smart home. As a form of marketing it almost succeeded even if it failed as a project.
The future of the home
I finish the book by discussing some possible home futures with references to the pioneering thoughts of artists like Mark Leckey, Wesley Goatley, MAIO architects, Superflux and others. One of the last chapters even breaks down the whole home and what connected product you could now buy (but may not be around long). The present and the future merge into one as images of future home living from the 1950s and 60s weigh heavy in our consciousness. We must strip ourselves of their power to examine exactly what it is we want to experience at home (alone or with our loved ones) in the future and in my closing chapter I point us to some directions based on what’s happened in the past.
What’s next?
I’ll be talking more about the book in the coming months and will be organising a launch party in East London where I’ll be selling books (sign up to the newsletter to get the latest details). I’m also organising 2 guided tours across Europe where I’ll invite participants to explore some of the themes of the book through museum visits. It’s in September and October, so join me and share with your colleagues and friends! If you’re out of ideas, it would make an excellent Christmas gift too.
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Ep. 14: “Make it make sense.” - Aimee
Olivia A
Nobody from my original alliance is left which is really shitty. Maddison was my #1. It’s basically 3-3 now, though. Hoping to win immunity + find an idol lol we can only hope.
Olivia A
Aimee and Pedro are talking a lot about how Sarah, Cody, and Najwah have wronged them and stuff/have been stringing them along. I never actually worked with any of them lol so it doesn’t really matter to me I’m just focusing on my game. Glad that they’re fired up though. My final alliance being with Aimee and Pedro is not what I expected but it’s where I am! Can’t dwell. I’m here! I outlasted everyone who has been voted out to this point. That is significant!
Cody A
https://youtu.be/S_xpQryciN0
Aimee
https://64.media.tumblr.com/dcc04d41bea68cf7257486f42c20d296/fe59555738f2307b-42/s540x810/b4cd40c96bedfe612feed8b8337001dc12fbff8b.gifv
Thank you Olivia for making the lol chat with her, Pedro, me and obviously the lovely host Jay. It was a perfect place to come together and just bitch fest. There is no coins between any of us so no buying advantages. Just loving Olivia with all her positive vibes. 🌈💜💙💚💛🧡❤️We really all are on equal footing.
Speaking of game tea. Cody must of had one of the pieces of the super idol and gave it to one of the Hanuha left after he won immunity. Wanna know how I know? Sarah is his final two. Najwah is his final two as well. They wouldn’t split it between the two girls, they’d both split it with Cody. But since he is immune he gave part to the girls to share this vote. Then one of them voted Olivia incase Maddison player an idol and Olivia would’ve went home with one. That’s also why they slipped up in the call beforehand saying put one vote on Olivia but couldn’t explain why. Hahah yeah oopsie. Why am I not allowed to be upset that they never told me about it and am an obvious top 4/5 and not 3. Lol it could of been me going home since old Hanuha had no idea who Olivia or Maddison were voting and it could’ve been me. And they would’ve just went oh well we have Pedro we don’t need her next vote. This just further proved there is no wiggle room with old Hanuha and I’m at the bottom of a final 4. This further proves I am not final 2 with any of them, or even 3. They also don’t have to constantly adapt like me or the others had to they can just sit and play all the way to final 3. Every time I lose my closest ally I had to go make another one. And I did, and it was with relationships that I already had established and was personable with. I like all of these people so me playing relationships vs strategy can work at the same time. What would they do if they lost one of their 3? They don’t try to connect with others so how would they adapt? It’s a question I’d really want the jury to ask.
Cody apparently told Pedro his only path to the final 3 is with Sarah. So...well....there’s that...and I’m also not in that. Everyone’s talking about oh this is for fun and relationship making and that they don’t care about winning but everything they have done has been calculated and strategic. If we all are truly just playing for fun and making relationships why aren’t they talking to others outside of their group and trying to make friends? Why did they not make much effort to bond with me except days and days after the merge??? All I see is red flags and still even now more little lies here and there that are strategic and calculated. I shouldn’t have been feeling this way or even think about flipping if they were truly handling this right with me. Why did they never just replace me with Zack in the final four chat they had after he left? We all bonded over it and it was the perfect time for us four to come together even strategically. It wasn’t a true reset like I thought, they just sat in their group still and ran with it. They’re truly lucky with their advantages and the super idol or it would’ve cost them. We all know about their group...they could have done that instead of listening to Zacks paranoia about me.
I chose Maddison over Sarah at this vote. I have a great connection with both of them and we will both be friends after this. I actually want to play this game like it is Survivor and a Sarah blindside would of made a great resume builder for the end.
Especially after the Ben blindside and all this stuff I was hearing from Pedro she was saying in order to ensure his vote like a final 3 and that Najwah is a threat and she was coming for her. Like I wanted to protect Najwah too if that was true. Also Sarah lied to Maddison and told her I was on board with the Ben vote and that I was going to vote that way too. And then they all just collectively dropped the girls after the Ben vote and stopped even trying to talk to them. Sarah is a great player and even won touchy subjects for who’s gonna win it in the end.
I’m glad Sarah and I got to talk about this after the vote. She understands, got a good laugh out of it and we talked about the things her and Pedro have been talking about.
Pedro was hearing from Cody that Old Hanuha was voting Maddison. Isn’t it SUSPICIOUS that Pedro hears the vote plan before I do!? And then they act like it’s up in the air for me and that it could be Olivia or Maddison. No it was always Maddison they just gave me a false choice but would’ve never let me sway it off her. Lol Pedro straight up told me no they’re doing Maddison.
I’m so happy Pedro and I have put our differences aside after the Grae vote. It really is kill or be killed out here. I have been talking to Pedro since we were first able to. We call ourselves Team Tumblr! So far him and I are the only tumblr survivor people on here at final 6. He has a great sense of humor and just an all around cool guy 💅🏻💜💫☀️And of course anyone that loves Michele as much as I do is top person in my book. We made a pact to never vote for each other before this vote even happened. Everyone else had their little duos and trios and here we were in the middle. Without him these last few days I would’ve went crazy. It’s funny how people try to put morals and this and that on him and think he’s a villain but he’s misunderstood just like anyone here could be. You don’t know who the villain is until you watch back at the end.
ALSO WHERE THE NUT IS MY CONDOLENCES ON MADDISON GETTING VOTED OUT?! Why am I always the one crying and apologizing and having to defend myself but I’m the one always blindsided. Why did no one console me after blindsided but expect immediate answers when the shoe is on the other foot? How is this any different? I finally did what they do to me but somehow it gets treated differently.
Lol I’m not a bitter potential juror I promise. LMAO. But I also have really good fucking points I need these people to answer if I’m there.
https://64.media.tumblr.com/cc160b6ed9bbfd511cfece4b2c96417b/be492fc5cefd11de-88/s540x810/df9747035a2fcb610c818518e41938730ab59a98.gifv
Najwah
I'm always so delayed when it comes to confessions. So last night was a bit crazy. Aimee flipped bc Pedro told her that Sarah wanted me out. Either she's talking BS or she's gullible. I know a smart move would have been to keep my superidol and play it when I really needed it at the top 6 or top 5, but I really wanted Maddison out of the game. So bad. Also, if this was a real game of survivor I would have probably flipped on Sarah too because she's a damn good player. I'd have flipped on her days ago. However, this isn't a real game of survivor and I'd rather just have a friend in the game longer. I had a conversation with Pedro last night in which he accused me of talking shit when I said I didn't really care about winning lol. He's like "you're in the top 6, of course you care" which is very funny to me. I realised that it's so much deeper for him. He really wants the title of sole survivor. I mean, at this point he deserves it lol but to disregard what I'm feeling when I say I care about the connections I've made more than winning? That makes me laugh and just shows what kind of person he is/that he's never really connected with anyone in this game. That's pretty sad. Look, even if Sarah or Cody blindside me, I'm still okay with that. I don't care. My great aunt is busy dying of covid as I type this, I am going through a bit of a depressive episode after being faced with a life altering decision with regards to my own health. I haven't seen my people in a while. Today was supposed to be our half year anniversary weekend away.i also got another job for extra cash and honestly, this game has been my solace and my fun place. I'm so thankful for the past 4 weeks. I genuinely don't care about winning. I'm just happy I get to do this and experience this and bond with people I never would have known or come across in a million years. Honestly, rather Sarah still in the game than someone who has never even spoken to me ever, Maddison. Why would I work with her at all? Anyway, it's okay. People can think I am a goat lmao. The most sad thing are people trying to create cracks and rifts between Cody, Sarah and I.
Aimee
Zack’s negative aura really is here to fuck my game left of sideways
Najwah told him about the super idol that turned into Cody knowing. Okay. Pause.
Yes, you read that right, Najwah told people who just got finished blindsiding her about her super idol. But not me. Then Sarah got an idol and told Najwah hence enabling the super idol. But isn’t that funny that Sarah so freely told Najwah she has an idol for that? Oh yeah because they were all aligned before Najwah was even included in that group. And Zack and Cody told Najwah not to tell anyone. This really put a wedge between Najwah and I on the final count numbers to the end. Najwah and I have never gunned for each other and we will continue to not gun for each other. 💞💗💖
I’m so happy she is still here and we can laugh about the Gen Z / Millennial cultural differences. We are the only Millennials left.
I got to video chat with her over my lunch today and really clear the air on survivor.
It sucks that she felt like out with Maddison. That tribe swap really painted a target on Maddison’s back.
To me it seems that everyone’s nosiness about what Najwah got at the auction is deadass the only reason she is aligned with any of them. ALL THREE OF THEM just blindsided her on the previous Leanne vote (the one Najwah literally voted for Sarah on) and Zack even wanted Najwah out. But my relationship with Najwah is somehow chopped liver and I don’t get included in on an alliance with her?!? Because I respected people’s purchases at the auction and didn’t pry for info??? Because I didn’t blindside her???
Make it make sense.
So the super idol just bonded Najwah with Zack Cody and Sarah. That’s it. That’s literally the rest of the game folks. And I guess they never had to worry about bonding with others cause they can just sit on their super idol the whole game. Must be nice.
I’m confused as to why Zacks paranoia about me flipping at swap did not apply to Sarah who also swapped with me. Other than the fact that Zack and Sarah were already aligned. Oh yeah okay, right. There it is.
So anyways they all just listened to Zacks paranoia not only about me but also about all of Maola and decided to take his word on everyone that he never actually interacted with instead of reaching out and talking to any of those people to get to know them. Or you know, talking to me. It’s the same paranoia Ben got fed to him from Zack about Maola and how much they could be playing me. And I was like where is this coming from and why are you so sure they are all liars and cutthroat savages?! NOBODY knows what went on in new-Maola except for me, Sarah, Grae, Maddison, and Olivia. (And Jay) And if I hear one more person that wasn’t in that tribe try to tell me otherwise, I am going to scream.
For the record, I never told Zack anything for any indication I’d flip. I said old Maola was nice. And I didn’t shit talk them like everyone else probably did. I literally had about a two minute interaction with him right after merge before he was kicked out. That’s it. And it was because he couldn’t resist asking me how I was feeling, as always.
Thing is, Zack is old news and somehow people did not change anything about those perceptions still. I mean, we are all still playing within the confines of the alliances Zack set up. ......Because?!?!!!?!!!
This is one giant self-fulfilling prophecy. They treated me differently, they treated me like I’d flip, so guess what, the flip finally ended up happening. There was plenty of time for all of these perceptions about me and them and Maola to change and they didn’t. No one made any effort. And then touchy subjects came out and confirmed everything I needed to know about where I stood with them. That was FOREVER after Zack left. And yet I still continued voting with them, I even VOTED for Maddison and apparently that wasn’t enough to gain my trust? Or earn my spot in a damn final four chat with them at LEAST. Not even a fake one???? And then the lies day in and day out day after day with those three and just how completely obvious they are about being in a group chat of just them three. As if I’m stupid. And it’s so blatant I sometimes wonder if they want me to know about it. Even now as I write this and since the last few votes I am still being told lies here and there. Lies for no reason and stuff that doesn’t need to be lied about. So what is it?????!! We can’t keep blaming swap and merge stuff if this is still happening to this very minute. FIX IT if you want me to work with you. Otherwise, rocks it is. 🙈🙉🙊
Aimee
Najwah! I love you!!!! Thank you so much for supporting me when I felt left out and just explaining so much game stuff to me. I appreciate you!! ❤️ Hugs to you and I’m always here for you. I cant wait for our friendship outside of this game.
Pedro Awe are fucked...honestly cody will lose to najwah, and sarah..and thats the only good thing i see coming out of them being in the final 3
Sarahhttps://youtu.be/2Ls9dB1fNgU
Aimee
https://64.media.tumblr.com/1da555dc795dd40f56a35ddf87a0ab47/a53f344a539857da-3a/s540x810/8139924235547546dd732d4531331e43c68dc1db.gifv
YAY!! Way to go Pedro on your immunity win!!! Dang! Some of those answers you put were LEGENDARY!! 😎😎😎Haha he kept saying over and over again how he’s a dead man and “see ya later guys I’m going to jury.” It’s the theme of this season.
Haha Olivia and I kept encouraging him. It’s not over until it is over. And this challenge just proves that point.
Great job Pedro!
jerry ropero feat. jacqueline - Coração
https://youtu.be/a54Wap-5cvw
The song Pedro, Olivia and I would be jamming to after his immunity win!
Cody A
https://youtu.be/5t2H-oAv6r8
Aimee
Haha loving this late night “camp” time with Cody and Sarah 🔥 ❤️
Najwah
I spoke to Sarah yesterday and she accidentally let it slip that she wants Cody or her to win immunity. I was like WTF?? Also they keep calling MY idol, OUR idol. Like she just assumes I'm going to play my idol for her again? Lol I wanted Maddison out for once and for all because she was brilliant. When I say I care about humans more than winning, I sure hope other humans feel the same but I'm sure not. I bonded with Aimee yesterday. We spoke to each other about life. I sent her what really happened with Maddison and The Ben vote because Maddison played with Aimee's emotions and said "oh I didn't know. I wouldn't have voted Ben if you were left out" etc. But the receipts state a completely different story. I'm not even going to bother trying to stop Pedro. I'm not interested in his BS. He's probably going to make it to F3 and win. I don't like how he's starting to get personal? But I guess big ups to him.
Olivia A
I was pretty sure this vote was gonna go to rocks. We haven’t found an idol and I’m pretty sure they don’t have any. Buuut, Aimee just told me she’s pretty sure Najwah is willing to flip tonight which would be amazing. Hoping for that. Rocks are scary!!
Olivia A
Pedro is always SUPER paranoid about everything so Aimme and I are nervous about him trusting the idea of Najwah flipping. What we decided to do is have Aimee tell the group chat that she wants to flip. If we can’t convince him to trust that she’s not lying I will present the idea of telling her the wrong name (we tell her to vote Cody but we all vote Sarah) to test if she actually flips while still guaranteeing that we don’t go to rocks. It’s perfect!
Pedro A
I thank the lord ..for this immunity...cause this rocks things...its scaryyyyyyy....but at the end of the day both sides know..that neither of them can make it into the end,..if they flip...........SOOOOOOO lets pray aimme doesnt flip cause im scared
Pedro A
we are kinda voting cody..so hes safe...cause of the DA....lets hope this works
Aimee
https://tenor.com/view/pokemon-bulbasaur-highfive-gif-5169485
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MY GIRL NAJWAH💜❤️🧡💛💚💙💜💓💗💝💖🏳️🌈Really coming through right now! We are saving each other! I’m just so happy she has finally woken up in the game.
Our bond and friendship can be seen from space. I love her so much! I’m so glad my truthfulness, positivity and all around good vibes have proven trustworthy to her.
Sarah
I don’t want to vote Aimee out but I feel like it’s all we can do to keep Cody, Naj, and I safe. I hope this plan works.
Cody A
https://youtu.be/MunX3QJvOOA
Cody A
https://youtu.be/dinc3bJrmvk
Najwah
So my decision to do this vote is basically because yesterday I realised that Sarah has a plan for Cody and her and I'm not in it. Of course it was hurtful. I wasn't going to vote Cody. In fact, I would have rather voted Sarah because after yesterday I don't think they would have saved me when it came down to rocks. Perhaps the paranoia is getting to me. And perhaps I'm believing lies but Sarah made that Freudian slip in a voice message and I don't think having me with them right to the final is part of their plan. I just hope no one changes their minds or decisions now since we have like an extra 45 minutes to think and review everyone's answers to their questions. 🤞🏽🤞🏽
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Fine... I’m terrified of letting people down. I know this blog is a disorganized mess... but it’s hard to keep motivated at times. Other times I somehow offend someone over some small thing and it gets blown out of proportion.
I have no idea what is going on around here lately and I don’t want to be too much of a bother either. People I’ve known for years suddenly stop talking with no explanation. Some stupid Tumblr related bug somehow becomes my fault.
I’m still shocked that I am still stubbornly holding on like this. Maybe because I know someone out there needs me to keep going. Like me just being there is important to their own sanity for some reason. I don’t know why though... I don’t trust myself.
It gets lonely at times, constantly waiting for something good to happen or the knife to drop. I’ve made many enemies... although it’s less of an actual enemy and more like I am the one they chose to punish for all of their problems. Part of me wonders if it’s better for everyone if all the hate is aimed at me. After all... if they are so determined to kick someone like me who refuses to go down even if I am unable to defend myself... Wouldn’t it mean that everyone else would be spared?
I’ve gotten used to being treated as the villain of many accounts on here over the years... even if the truth is not what is told in the tale. Details are always lost or distorted, biases and predetermined outcomes dictating events before they began. They already decided that I am the one behind all of their troubles and even if I could prove otherwise, my proof becomes the proof of my crimes... and the rest is quickly destroyed or buried.
If this were some other time, some other place... I’d likely would have been hung or burned at the stake. Funny thing is that some people have actually tried doing that in the real world for some reason or another... However, it’s best if I don’t go over those parts of my life.
I will say though... being alone and being hunted for nasty things people want to believe that you did is not a pleasant feeling. Sure, there’s adrenaline and all, but... it’s very isolating.
I’m so used to being treated like that... I don’t know how to feel when someone is happy that I am there. I don’t know if I can take anything they offered for granted... It might be taken away the moment I do something they did not like or they are using me for something else they wanted.
I am very sorry for being such a poor writing partner. Go ahead and get angry at me if you want, but I can’t stop thinking of all the apologies I was never able to give, words I could never share, tales to weave, and other such things... I’m out in the rain watching everyone else have fun because I know I was never invited.
Why would I though? My presence alone seems to ruin so many days. I do not wish to be where I am not wanted. My existence seems to test so many people’s sanity. I don’t hate or hold grudges, but I do feel sadness and disappointment knowing what could have been. I feel frustrated that even the smallest of things can make such a ravine... especially for things I have little to no control.
Of course my voice will upset someone here and they like so many other times are going to rant on about things that I might have done. I meant them no ill will, but by doing so they are the ones dealing harm to themselves. I gave no names, spoke of many times. Never once was I talking about anyone specific... for there are many fools here that punish for perceived slights. Is asking for logic and reason in such a place as this such a terrible thing? I offered forgiveness time and time again, mercy when I could, but in the end they reveal themselves to the masses under a guise of “bravery” and expose themselves as bullies and jesters.
Sure, I tried to protect them from their own actions by not naming names... but I am terrible at remembering names and history loves to repeat itself many times over. I have a terrible time approaching others as a result... They might know one of the people who decided that I was “evil” for explaining to them that the links on their blog were broken or some other such things. Blog wars are silly things that are less of a “war” and more like being chased by an angry mob upset because someone didn’t like the way you sneezed.
I know that I offer little in the way of fancy art or anything like that, but I have been here for a long time and outlasted many of the people that meant me and others ill. It feels like there is little I have to offer in return for what you might offer and I feel terrible for it. I always feel greedy and selfish to ask anything of anyone... I don’t want to waste your time with my problems either.
I don’t feel like I can be trusted as a person and not so much a writer. I’m scared, I don’t want to hurt anyone, and I just keep getting the feeling that just speaking right now is going to upset quite a few people.
I am really sorry about this.
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Who are rooting for to win nationals and who do you think will? If nekoma went against seijoh in an official match capacity which team do you think would win? Which would you want to win? Same for nekoma vs shiratorizawa?
honestly, i have no idea who’s going to win, and i love that i don’t know. i think one of my most vivid memories of falling in love with haikyuu!! was while i was marathoning the first season for the first time, and when i got to the point where karasuno lost i was so shocked. like i was texting my best people about it at the time, and that string of texts was just “what the fuck? what the fuck. what the fuck!” because it was so unexpected, but was also a great narrative choice and made the stakes of the story so real to me. and when karasuno did win, and now that they are at nationals, it all feels very earned. i am constantly in awe of furudate’s storytelling choices.
that all being said, i have a few pet theories. like, i really like the theory that’s floated around tumblr a lot about a fukurodani win– i think it’d make a lot of sense. i think nekoma v karasuno is going to be the real culminating point of the series, and while i think either of those teams could beat the other my instinct right now is that karasuno will win. so if nekoma v karasuno was a semifinal and fukurodani v karasuno was the finals, and fukurodani won, i’d be pretty okay with that. i’d also be ok with karasuno winning, but i somehow think that may not happen (at least not this year). like, there’s been a lot of build up to how much karasuno has the potential to develop in the future, so they might not win to give them something to keep aiming for. i’d like to think that the seeded schools are all also in contention, like itachiyama and miya’s school, but i also think they’ve been built up to the point where karasuno (or one of the other teams we’re more familiar with) has to play and beat them in order for those stories to weigh properly. although i think it’d be cute if karasuno beat itachiyama and then fukurodani beat karasuno, because then bokuto could use his transitive property of wins to say that he’d beaten sakusa.
honestly though i’m down for pretty much anything? i’ve not yet been upset by the way a match has come out. but niiyama for the girls win, and please show us one of their matches at least!!
nekoma v seijoh would be a really interesting match, but probably one that would drag out for hours because of the way nekoma plays. they both have a strong focus on cohesion, with nekoma being more defensive and seijoh more offensive, so i could see it coming down to stamina in the end. if nekoma could adjust quickly enough to seijoh to outlast them, they’d win, and if seijoh could find the weak spots in nekoma’s defenses quickly enough to wrack up points, they’d win. also there’s a lot of potential for cool faceoffs– kuroo and oikawa, obviously, but also iwaizumi and yaku, kenma and oikawa, kenma and kunimi, kuroo and matsukawa… etc, etc.
as for who i’d want to win… it’s tough but nekoma is my ultimate bias, and i’d probably root for them above all others.
as for nekoma v shiratorizawa… i’d like to think that yaku could pick up on ushijima’s spikes eventually, the way that noya did, but maybe not as quickly? i think noya is probably the closest thing to a genius libero, in that regard. kuroo and tendou would be a hilarious and potentially frightening matchup, as would kenma and shirabu… i think shiratorizawa might realistically take this one, because even though nekoma is good at containing karasuno’s playing style, they did lose against fukurodani and i think that’s probably the closest equivalent to them playing shiratorizawa. but again, my bias would have me rooting for nekoma regardless.
sleepover saturday!
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I’m close to giving up and going away...
...at least from Tumblr. I wish there was a button to say, "I am an adult, and I am in private," and then Tumblr would let me see all the good posts! Yeah, it’s all the rage to rage against Tumblr’s new policies, And I agree that turning on the people who built the platform up to what it has become is a really dick move, but on the other side of the coin, with the current state of politics in the US, I can’t really blame them for being afraid. I know I am.
I am a non-christian priest and a practicing polyamorist (I just made that up, exactly what do we call ourselves?) I am a Leatherman, a Covered Master, and I live an alternative lifestyle as a Master in a 24/7 authority exchange relationships. I like to spank pretty girls and boys (all over 18 and desiring to be spanked, of course) and make them cry, and look at pictures and read stories about other people who like it too! I am VERY out in my community, I run our local MAsT Chapter, I am an officer in my Leather and Levi club, and I am the Director for a national level scholarship organization that helps people attend M/s training and events. I’m just wondering what color my triangle is going to be.
The truth is, I’m really not as afraid for myself as I am for my family. They are for the most part, good, hard working, god fearing Christians who will be fine, but I don’t want them harmed because I choose to be an exception. See, everyone has a button, and it’s no secret what my button is, its my children and grandchildren.
I am dealing with this today in hope that they will not have to tomorrow, at least not on this scale. We are seeing the pendulum swing, and the truth is, I’m not a fan of what happens at either end of that swing, but its my duty to do what I can to make things better. So I guess I’m not quitting, at least not today. In fact I’m going to be more, not less active, both online and in person. I’ll be an activist for the things I believe in, and as a Jeffersonian Constitutionalist that is hat seems a strange melange.
I really need a viable third party to rise up, preferably four or five, The two party system promotes a skewed world view, a one extreme or the other way of thinking that is tearing us apart. We have to do better. We have to be tolerant, and we have to allow everyone to have a voice, and a place to use it.
Tumblr, you are taking away one of those venues, and it is just one more step onto a slippery slope that will be hard to climb back up. I hope we are able to outlast this sing, and then somehow make is slow down and hang out in the center for a while.
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Bad, Broken, and a Seed of Hope: How Dark Speculative Fiction Works
After I'd spoken to a client yesterday, I found myself binge-watching (and listening) to a number of short video essays about Greek and Roman history, and a bit of Egyptian history, on Youtube. The purpose was to help research and enhance our Dungeons and Dragons campaign's storyline and setting - which I should probably write about at some point - but it yielded a most unexpected fruit.
Last night, I found myself lost in a very enjoyable dream with a cohesive and interesting plot; as soon as I woke up, I did as I sometimes do after such a dream, and took notes as best I could, in hopes of capturing the story. But the story's setting was decidedly post-apocalyptic - not Greco-Roman in the least, at least not on the surface.
How did the one result from another? Well, I do have a developmental and line-edit of a post-apocalyptic book on the queue right now - a third installment in the superb and bold (and inclusive!) Eupocalypse series by Peri Worrell. (Other platforms to snag books can be found on a drop-down menu on the book's GoodReads page, so I'm including those henceforth.) Dealing with a potential future in which all plastics and petroleum products suddenly break down, the series is an enjoyable, elegantly written, and ultimately hopeful story about a tremendous, world-shattering catastrophe - as well as a cautionary tale about our reliance on plastics and petroleum products.
In my free time, I have been working through The Odyssey at a pace slightly slower than continental drift, but I recently read Emily St. Mandel's Station Eleven, and I'm currently reading Koko Takes a Holiday by Kieran Shea, a trashy but incisive work of dystopian cyberpunk (which may, admittedly, be a redundant phrase, as cyberpunk is seldom cheerful).
Now - how does all this fit together?
Well, here's the key - civilizations on Earth have gone through phases of development, growth and expansion, internal struggle, and ultimately, either collapse or transition. It happened for the august and remarkable Egyptians; it happened for the Greeks, and it happened to the Romans. Yet all of those peoples persist to this day, and while their populations have changed or interacted with invading or arriving forces, their cultures, ultimately, are not dead.
We have the benefit of thousands of years of history as a mirror, and perhaps it is unsurprising that we cannot but ask if we are participating in the same patterns. The answer is "probably yes, somehow" - but the conclusion is decidedly hopeful nonetheless.
The way we run through potential scenarios and hypothetical risks (not unlike the brain while we sleep at night, busily creating its illustrative dreams from scraps of our experiences) is through storytelling and fiction.
Surprise! I'm a writer, not just an editor
As long-time readers may know, and as newer readers may not be aware, I myself write primarily in two genres - dystopian fiction and post-apocalyptic fiction, both of which fall into the broader categories of science fiction and speculative fiction in general.
Where speculative fiction broadly encompasses all fiction a) including at least one element changing the setting or reality from our own and b) subsequently asking, "What if?", its subset science fiction accomplishes these aims primarily by taking inspiration from biology, climatology and the earth sciences, technology, astronomy, psychology, and medicine. Magical, non-Earthly, or transhuman elements may also sneak in there. Fantasy does so by pulling both from history and (arguably) from non-scientific or trans-scientific ideas, usually based on magic (which is about going beyond the boundaries and limits of science).
But how do dystopias and post-apocalyptic fiction actually work? How do we define them exactly? A fair bit of digital ink has been expended on this topic, but I think it comes down to two very specific iterations of the question.
The question is, "What if everything changed?" In the case of a dystopian book, the question is, "What if everything got worse?" In the case of apocalyptic fiction, it's "What if everything broke?", and in the case of post-apocalyptic fiction, it's, "What do we do after everything breaks down?"
How these questions are answered, and how they change in specific instances - for the much maligned YA romances set in post-apoc or dystopian worlds, the question is, "How do we love after everything breaks/when the worst possible thing happens?"
But the more I thought about dystopian and post-apoc stories in broad strokes, the more I came to a conclusion that surprised me: dystopian books, even the famously grim 1984 by George Orwell, always posit that change is possible. So in a sense, what the two genres have in common - apart from literally meaning "bad world" and being about "a broken world" respectively - is that they both aim to answer, "and now, what do we do next?"
youtube
"It's not for you to know, but for you to weep and wonder, when the death of your civilization precedes you."
To cope with the loss of one's civilization is an almost unimaginable task, but that is what these types of fiction set out to do - and in the process, to ask, "How will we rebuild, and what will we create?"
And from that, as grim as it may seem, we can look to history and feel a sense of hope. As much as Percy Shelly wrote about Ramses in "Ozymandias" as a king's statue broken and abandoned in the desert, we still know and speak his name to this day. We know he was an exceptional and fecund king who brought peace to the Nile kingdoms and built great and beautiful monuments that have outlasted even Time itself. And we are learning more each year about our ancestors. So as much as the Egyptian civilization - which lasted five thousand years and was so old that Cleopatra lived closer to the discovery of flight and space flight than to the building of the pyramids - has fallen to ruin and dust and the sands of time, it's also fine.
We remember. We speak the names of the fallen. And as Terry Pratchett, author of the magnificent Discworld series put it,
“Do you not know that a man is not dead while his name is still spoken?”
Even if the worst possible things happen, these dark and dire settings are about what we remember, and ultimately, what we rebuild. Post-apocalyptic and dystopian books aren't about the end of the world - they're about a disruption in civilizations and our worlds, and how we carry on and return to greatness.
***
Michelle Browne is a sci fi/fantasy writer. She lives in Lethbridge, AB with her partners-in-crime and their cat. Her days revolve around freelance editing, knitting, jewelry, and nightmares, as well as social justice issues. She is currently working on the next books in her series, other people's manuscripts, and drinking as much tea as humanly possible.
Find her all over the internet: The mailing list * Amazon * Medium * Twitter * Instagram * Facebook * Tumblr * OG Blog
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Brandan’s Opening Statement
Hello esteemed members of the jury of probably the longest ass season anyone of us is ever going to play in our lifetimes! First off, thank you Dustin for truly putting together a crazy season. I apologize for all the swearing, middle fingers, and curses I have sweared upon your name, you truly deserve more credit than you get. I’m sorry beforehand if this seems wordy, but for a long season, this deserves a long write-up
Usually when I play Survivor games like these, I tend to be more strategic in my thinking of the game. I get enveloped in this philosophy that only those who play amazing strategic games and exemplify all the characteristics of a winner. However, time and time again I have failed to reach this point with my strategic focus alone. I get close, but I never make it to the finish line. I feel like my biggest mistake in these game was trying to overreach, and become such a big player too quickly. This game, I feel like I took my strategy in a different route. I might not have been the most outward strategic person. However, I improved on my game because of it, leading me to where I am today.
So coming into this season, I was determined not to let those same mistakes plague me. So instead of focusing on a primarily strategic game, I decided to adopt a social one, which I would follow the rest of the game. It worked out well for me in my original tribe. However, with Shea’s removal from the game and my discovery that literally every single person under the sun had an idol, it complicated things a bit. I tried my hardest to make sure that our tribe won the challenges, and excluding the Survivor Auto immunity we actually performed well in challenges. This trend continued until I was picked to become the Regateo tribe leader after I kicked Austin’s butt in a pokemon battle.
I was then given the power to create NuRegateo. My ultimate control in my creation of this tribe was to make a tribe that would dominate in challenges, allowing myself to save a lot of stamina for what proved to be an extremely long game. Fortunately for my sanity, we only lost once, where the entire tribe banded together in order to take out Steven, even though I had to talk Austin out of some of his insane plans during that tribal. I used this time to create bonds with people like Matt, Eva, Jay, and James. It started as small talk, but these conversations eventually enveloped into friendships, and in Eva’s case, a final 2 that I created. It was called the Peron’s, named after the power couple that ruled Argentina. Plus the wife’s name was Evita, which is the same as Eva, so that was a bit of being a suck up on my part. No shame in it though.
Once the second tribe swap hit, I lost all of my Regateo allies, and was placed on Abatimiento. This scenario could have been the end of my game. However, with my bonds created from the NuRegateo tribe, it put me in a position of control. This eventually was broken however when Tyler out of nowhere played an idol. I played my idol as a conditional play, so I can counteract if Tyler somehow got his hands on an idol. It worked in my favor, as I was his target. However, due to both of our idol plays and Matt’s consecutive one, it resulted in Eva’s blindside right before the merge.
My original hope looking into the Regateo tribe before the merge was that Jevvon would be taken out followed by Billy and that I can just pick up the old Regateo votes. However, the rivalry that picked up between Austin and Jordan, two of my closest allies premerge, destroyed any chances of that happening. This rivalry, combined with the removals of Tyler and Jacob from the main game, hindered my ability to keep them together. I constantly tried floating out another idea in order to keep both of them in the game. Unfortunately, they both ended up targeting each other, with Jordan taking the fall and losing at the lagoon.
After that, Connor and I developed this little rivalry. I saw him as someone who would stop at nothing to tear me down and prevent me from accomplishing anything. So after I won immunity and Austin got sent to exile, I campaigned to get his ass out. Hard. Unfortunately, people voted James because of his treasure hoard of idols that allowed him an easy pass in the game. However, this worked out in my favor, as I was able to blindside Connor after warning James about his impending blindside. I thought this would have been smooth sailing and I could finally relax. However due to the crazy plans and impulsive decisions of others, I ended up getting sent to the lagoon.
I know that getting sent to the lagoon might seem like a black wart on my game. However, it was probably one of the best things to happen to me. I not only allowed myself to recover any stamina I lost early on in the chaos of the merge, but I reconnected with Eva, and I developed a bond with Andrei. After voting off Lil AJ and returning to the game, I discovered a newfound power in getting into people’s ears. By bringing up Matt’s name to Andrei and Eva, it started a spinning wheel in order to initiate his blindside at the Final 10, and by voting in the minority it allocated trust with those who may not have believed me otherwise. As much as I hate to say it as well, this played a factor into the Final 9 as well, where I was able to get Billy to turn against Austin/James by spinning Austin’s own words against him, ultimately allowing the split vote that sent Austin out the door.
After Billy’s vote out, the one person who actually caught onto my game was Andrei, and after his failed attempt to blindside me, he fell as well due to my relationships with Bodhi, AJ, and James. What I find funny is that two of those three actually responsible for my exile to the lagoon, and who I had voted against beforehand. The fact that they would even consider keeping someone who voted against both of them was hysterical if you think about it. After that, I took out Renee, and secured myself a spot in the square middle of the tribe, where I blindsided Bodhi and then took out AJ, placing me where I am today.
I think my biggest strength about my gave overall was definitely the social aspect. While I could have easily gone a more strategic route in the game, being able to move into more of a social aspect in the game worked wonders for me. Not only did I learn more about all of you, I think it also gave me a leg up in the game. I don’t think many of you guys saw this, but I was the one who kept passing around information to one another, establishing trust with my allies while creating distrust among everyone but me. Even though I was voted annoying, I remained close with you all, and I consider a lot of you my friends. Hell, I had a preconceived relationship with AJ that I kept hidden from you all throughout the entire merge portion of the game, and multiple conflicting deals that remained intact up until the very end. During the final rounds, I was so close to all of the remaining contestants that no one would have dared vote me out of this game, even though they all had every single opportunity to do so.
Ultimately, I fought my ass off in order to reach this point in the game. With the alliances I created crumbling around me due to the actions of others, I constantly remained connected to both sides. For example, with Bodhi and Austin’s argument ruining their friendship, I stayed in the middle of them, throwing one another under the bus while gaining both of their trust. Whenever dots were starting to connect, I just had to explain it away in a simple lie, and most of the time it worked. No offense to both Eva or James, but I think I participated more in this game, as Eva had a free ride in the lagoon with both Jordan and Monty giving up and James was able to get multiple free passes with the idols that he obtained in that premerge challenge. I don’t believe that idols or a legacy advantage make you a great player. I believe that hard work, determination, and the ability to connect to others can help spark the seeds of a truly great survivor player. I admit, my game was not perfect. I regret having burned some of you the way I did. I regret the way I handled the pressure sometimes. I regret the way I handled some vote outs. However, I think I deserve to be the Sole Survivor due to my determination and my ability to play the middle of the tribe while keeping my name off the ballot.
This game has been one hell of a ride. I have had an absolute blast in my second season of Tumblr Survivor, and it is all thanks to the 27 people I played alongside with who have fallen before me, and Dustin who helped construct a two and a half month long game that has proved very memorable. Think about who you want to represent your season with a winner. I think I outplayed, outwitted and outlasted, which is essentially what survivor is about at the end of the day. I wish James and Eva the best of luck, and I’m very excited for us to all relish the events of this game later, with hopefully me as your winner :)
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Me Gusta
K8 – As the side-clutchingly hilarious lingo of this hip-with-the-kids pizza joint implies, this is far from a fine dining experience. We’re talking about a fast food place that is known for dishing out relatively edible pizzas, so Morg and I decided to check it out, even if doing so is coming quite close to infringing upon the turf of less professional pizza review journalism. But these are the risks we take when we live our lives on Tumblr. We’ll suffer through the lack of actual dining utensils if it means providing more content for all four of our readers! You’re welcome, uh... you know who you are.
Some backstory before we enter this realm of grease and youthful energy. About 2 years ago, whilst smoking the Devil’s lettuce at a friend’s place, we decided to ring up this exact joint and order up a pizza lest we fall victim to the munchies. Now, I seem to have a bit of memory loss as to the exact details of the order (wonder why) so I cannot comment on delivery speed or provide an exact description of the explosion flavor of the food item, but my drugged-up past-self reckoned it was very good indeed. The only complaint that I had was that my mouth was too dry to actually swallow the pizza (the struggle is real), but in terms of flavor it didn’t disappoint. If I recall correctly, Morg was too busy staring off into the distance to say anything about the dish in that particular timespan.
Back to the present, then! We sat outside, naively believing we would be served by a waiter as one normally would in a food place. But lo and behold, the strapping lad loitering around the place yelled something to the effect of “I ain’t serving nobody y’all gotta come up ta order”. Clearly he had no idea he was dealing with powerful and respectable journalists, so we let the remark slide and ordered up a (remarkably expensive) margherita. We couldn’t get our trademark pitcher of water, since I somehow doubt they even possessed one so we’d probably get laughed at, and I’m not paying 10 kuna for bottled water. Even journalistic integrity has its limits!
The pizza came on a slab of wood, with two pieces of carton for picking-up purposes and a thing of napkins to match. Now, I’m not too sure what I did, but I seem to have somehow offended this pizza’s great ancestors, since it gave me the worst case of burned roof of mouth I’ve ever had. Even while writing this review I can feel the throbbing pain, as the spirit of the pizza laughs menacingly from beyond the pale. It was also greasier than a meth-abusing Tommy Wiseau’s hair, which I’m pretty sure contributed to the scorching heat because of science and shit. This thing was hotter than my entire last week, with a similar amount of pain spiked throughout, only not the fun kind this time. Taste-wise it was actually pretty good, though. The cheese was a-plenty, the sauce was exactly what you’d expect. The olive seemed to have been baked together with the pizza as opposed to putting it on top after the pizza is finished, though. This treatment kinda did it in, so it immediately collapsed into a sloppy mess, much like me after last week. It boggles the mind, but I’m not a chef, so what do I know!
Overall, I’m giving this piece of work a hearty 7/10. It wasn’t great, but it was quite good once you get past the excruciating pain. It definitely left a mark, in my mouth rather than my heart, which happens to be exactly the way I like it.
Morg - Our recent massive influx in reviews (as you surely noticed) has left us with a small problem. K8 and I realized, upon meeting in town and being sick of eating Chinese food for the eight time that week, that we've run out of pizzerias to eat at. The signs should have been obvious when we ate at a self-proclaimed BBQ place last time. Alas, we were forced to walk outside the main city centre where we stumbled on a familiar sight; Me Gusta.
I remember Me Gusta most from being "that one pizza place" that was close to where my friend used to live at. The only time I ate their pizza before the review was when I was very high, so it's hardly fair to judge it. I was too busy making out with like, at least a 9/10, my dude, and spooking my best friend to derive nigh sadistic laughs out of myself, mostly because of his slow reaction times. I remember the pizza barely, everything tasted great because of my state, but even then a tiny lucid part of my brain screamed out blandness.
A small hole in a wall that doesn't leave much of an impression. Coming out when the "me gusta" meme was already starting to die (and for a while actually using the "me gusta" """meme""" face as a cringeworthy logo), it's surprising they outlasted it, it's not like the town has any shortage of fast food. And that's exactly what they are. It feels weird reviewing it almost. They have a few chairs placed outside, next to a busy street, but when we sat down we were informed that we had to go approach the counter to order. Some weird legal technicality I bet. And it cemented the fact this was no pizzeria. The inside was very small, just a big counter with slices of pizza cuts placed inside and a few freezers out of reach with bottled drinks inside, the kind you'd see at a supermarket. Between having to come inside and seeing that, I didn't even bother asking for a jug of water. The pizza was so bland it was like someone managed to make the nutritional version of pop music. I feel like I could end the review right here, it didn't bother hiding what it is, it's barely serviceable. It's not winning any prizes but at least it felt like a pizza (unlike some establishments, I’m looking at you, Index). That's as close to a compliment I bet they got in years.
Oh yeah, there was a small parade of people dressed like carnival time that randomly passed by the street we were in. This doesn't really affect the score but I found it bizarre enough to mention. My guess was they were from a puppet theater nearby. One person was dressed as an Ace of Spades and I called them Jack Noir. Felt good about that one.
5/10 I ate it
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