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chappedlipjournal · 7 months

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I've been feeling a lot of emotions the last few days, most of which are the result of pms.

We've had:

Rage

Fatigue

Anxiety

Despair

More anxiety

Small bouts of numbness

And today's primary feeling which isn't actually a feeling, vertigo!

And I am over it. Over it!!!! I am ready for my hormones to level the fuck back out and to get my bad nights of sleep behind me.

And i'm trying v v hard to honor my feelings and doubts without letting them completely sabotage me. Because a lot of it is perfectly normal and fine to be anxious and worried about (the rage was like 90% unwarrented).

I'm moving house and i like this house and im sad about it.

I'm moving out of the country (like hello???? Massive life shift massive massive change)

Ive spent copious amounts of money this week on a new (future proof) phone and new (future proof ish) laptop. Neither of which will have to be updated for 5-7 years. And my friend who did move out of the counry confirmed that it was a good decision and didnt regret updating their stuff at all.

I think a lot of the not insidious but a lot of the doubt and fear has really reared its head this week and i was not prepared for it. Like what am i doing??? Leaving everyone ive ever known and loved all the places im familiar with leaving the security of my own country.

For a place where i have no legal standing. No house. No job. No visa. Nothing. Like what the fuck. Who does that???

And yet. And yet. I canNOT picture myself staying here. Staying at this job another foir and half years. Staying in this house.

I realized that prior to my trip to England, I was having massive bouts of self harm urges. I was struggling mentally. I was struggling a lot trying to stay clean. It was taking up soooo much of my brain space and i didnt know what to do.

But after making this decision thats not really been an issue. I think like i needed some direction or a goal or something to work toward. Ive never done well with being aimless. And i hate hate feeling stuck or trapped.

I hate feeling trapped. I mean clawing at the walls, heavy weight on your chest cant breathe, fighting the urge to run trapped. I dont really know where this feeling comes from in me or why i have it. I dont know why its so visceral. But the job the house the thought of the future. It incited that feeling in me. And i need out. I need to breathe.

Prague every time ive been there its felt like coming home. This knot in my chest, it just loosens. I dont feel so on edge? I dont feel so i dont know to describe it. I just feel more content there. Less like a frightened horse i guess.

And im confident i can make it work. Im good at job interviews. Im good at cover letters. I miss working with kids.

I think if covid had not happened when i graduated i would have ended up abroad teaching english in 2020.

#p #now i just gotta focus on packing #tomorrows goal the books #sunday and mondays goal is the bathroom #then we move into thanksgiving break and will tackle the spare bedroom #my bedroom and my office #i can do it #i have to do it #i have no choice now

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nordic-language-love · 9 months

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My original Goodreads goal for 2023 was 15 books and I finished number 14 today. Can I finish another book by the end of August? 👀👀

#i have a staff meeting tomorrow and bc i'm walking i won't be able to read anything en route #but tue/wed/thur i have a 30 min train commute each way #and bc train times are awkward i'll have a lot of downtime before/after my lessons #plus the next book on my list is YA and relatively short...#so... maybe??#i've already upped my goal to 20 books anyway but still it'd be cool to reach my initial goal after only 2/3s of the year #fun fact i've read more than 1/3 of the books i've read this year in august alone #bookblr #not languages

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starlightcleric · 4 months

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I think I'm finally loosening myself from the all encompassing grip of ffxiv for a bit so I'm trying to decide if:

I go and finish Cal's Deadfire game, because she's almost, almost finished.

Pick up Layla's game of WotR (Demon run), because I'm starting to have thoughts about her again.

Keep grinding away achievement hunting in Sun Haven, because I've been playing it with my brother again and it's fun.

#computer games #not mentioned are rogue trader and tyranny and coffee talk episode 2 and coral island #among others #but my main goal tomorrow is making cupcakes for friends' birthdays #and at some point I really need to refill my queue #oh and I have three library books out still

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britishchick09 · 3 months

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i've been itching to write the second rewrite book (an erik mystery!) but i'm still working on his pov story... that one will take a while to get done and i'm excited to move the story forward! (at least partially!) :D

(and unlike the last poll, i'll actually do the result!) ;)

#my fate is in your hands for real this time!#seeing the next chapter is more important than seeing it over again #and this book could help in writing the pov story! ;)#i might do (gasp!) writing goals to get it done faster! :o #i've never done that before but it could help!#but we won't know what'll happen until tomorrow... ;)#poto rewritten

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aowyn · 5 months

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very excited about the fact that i dont need to read 400 pages tomorrow

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peachyteabuck · 15 days

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I never understood the sharing bank accounts when you get married 😭😭 especially if it goes shit and ur kind of fucked. Like no thanks. I like my own control of what I earn.

I get why some people do it from a financial perspective (esp if you're not co-habitating) but also! why the fuck are you letting someone else touch your fucking money!!

i moreso understand a savings account (esp a high-yield one) but this idea of creating a money pit..........for what, so you don't have to answer a venmo request?? how do you people BUDGET. i just cannot!!

#the book said that data (kind of) said married couples who shared a bank acct were happier but #tbh we've been cohabitating for nearly 4 years!!#i also understand it more for couples who have different work demands #e.g. one works full and one works part #or one doesn't work #but sorry if i won the lottery tomorrow i'd show up to work on monday.#i like my job #i like to work #it is my goal to always be financially independent #all communique has been redacted for your safety;

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hyuuukais · 6 months

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only 5 chapters + the epilogue and then i'm done the wicked king hmmmmmmmmm

#lakes thoughts #read my goal for today + tomorrow lol #on and off for the past 2.5 hrs #so hypothetically #i could totally finish the book by like seven #and start the queen of nothing tomorrow maybe on my break bc i'm working longer now and will have a 45 instead of 15 #hmmmmmmmmm

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huevo-rojo · 1 month

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mi plan de estudio de español

encontré una página web con algún consejos para estudiar unos idiomas y ahora tengo un plan para estudiar español, jaja. es debajo del corte:

mi primer gol:

escribir mucho sobre mis días en vez de solo escribiendo en pocos tiempos gramaticales o con pocos oraciones estudiaré para 30 minutos (probablemente de 9-9:30 en la noche porque la universidad es difícil ;-;)

mis materiales:

el libro "complete spanish all-in-one" de gilda nissenberg - para vocabulario, gramatica, etc.

el libro "short stories in spanish for beginners" de olly richards - para leer cuentos en español

el podcast "coffee break spanish" - para practicar oída al idioma

duolingo - para más vocabulario, práctica, etc.

para practicar lo que estoy aprendiendo con las materiales y para usar las materials:

leeré un capítulo del libro de texto a la semana

escribiré sobre mi día en tumblr todos los días

leeré dos cuentas a la semana

escucharé un episodio de podcast al día

my spanish study plan:

i found a web page with some advice for learning languages and now i have a plan for studying spanish, lmao.

my first goal:

to write at length about my days instead of writing in a few grammatical tenses or in a few sentences i will study for 30 minutes a day (probably 9-9:30pm because university is hard ;-;)

my materials:

the book "complete spanish all-in-one" by gilda nissenberg - for vocab, grammar, etc.

the book "short stories in spanish for beginners" by olly richards - to read stories in spanish

the podcast "coffee break spanish" - to practice listening to the language

duolingo - for more vocab, practice, etc.

to practice what i learn and to use the materials:

i will read one chapter of the textbook per week

i will write about my day on tumblr daily

i will read one story a week

i will listen to one podcast episode a day

#¡correcciones bienvenidas!#corrections welcome!#español #spanish langblr #spanish #spanish language #i found the books online for free btw #happy to say where if people want an epub/pdf #anyway this was so much harder to do in spanish than i thought #and tbh i'll prob end up changing the goal after the semester ends anyway #it is also 2am for me so this plan is starting tomorrow lmaooooooooooo #zip habla

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tintedglasses · 11 months

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after a little bit of a reading slump lately/having a hard time finishing books, i started and finished two books this weekend (one of which i finished in a day)! and i rated them both five stars (although my average rating is 4.72 stars)! man, sometimes you really just need some contemporary romance to get you through the slog.

#plus now I’m five books ahead of my reading goal #the books were by the same author and I have another one that I rented from the library that I can start tomorrow

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crossbackpoke-check · 5 months

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15 questions + 15 friends (tagged by my beloveds @whitenikes & @acheronist 🥰💕 thank you thank you!!)

1. Are you named after anyone?

technically yes… i’m named after a character in a book but my mom has never been able to remember what book 🫡

2. When was the last time you cried?

i don’t usually log frequent crier miles but i definitely cried in december (??) watching the music video for “amelia” for a variety of reasons

3. Do you have kids?

nope! i do refer to my students as my kids sometimes on accident and have freaked out more than one person by saying “my kids” lmao

4. What sports do you play/have played?

currently i play rugby, although i grew up playing a lot of sports—i did volleyball, basketball, track, and danced competitively (which is probably the sport i miss the most)

5. Do you use sarcasm?

me? using sarcasm? never :) here i usually don’t because it doesn’t come across the same over text and irl it’s usually just with people i’m comfortable with and know will get it

6. What is the first thing you notice about someone?

oooo outfit maybe? voice? context dependent for sure

7. What’s your eye color?

legally, hazel. illegally, whatever color the nearest person to me says that they are at the time

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

happy endings :)

9. Any talents?

(insert the quinn hughes 😬 on the bench reaction meme please i’m trying ok!!)

i can bake pretty decently! athletic if that’s a talent? i would love to learn how to do more artsy things (got a crochet kit & paint with watercolor sometimes)

10. Where were you born?

michigan 🧤<- not a mitten but i’d show you where i’m from on it if i could

11. What are your hobbies?

reading, although i never have as much time to read as i want to (send me book recs please)… i count sports as a hobby and i just got a really pretty new puzzle! also, obviously, hockey.

12. Do you have any pets?

yes!!! i have a canary and a society finch (orville and duncan), a hypo corn snake (apollo! he has hearts on his head!), and two cats (john watson and effie). in the future i’d love to have a dog again, since i just lost him this past summer

13. How tall are you?

moritz seider (5’3”)

14. Favorite subject in school?

real hot girls speak german 💅 it’s either that or biology but i feel like that’s little bit of a cop out

15. Dream job?

re: the cop out above, dream job is working as a veterinarian for a zoo! so it makes sense i love biology lol

tagging @songsandswords @kj-op @hiding-from-reality-56 @catboy-mahura and anyone else who’d like to and hasn’t done it already!!

#liv in the replies #i don’t always do tag games because i am Shy but i am going to Make An Effort y’all i promise #assorted random comments:#the amount of googling i have done to try and figure out what book i was named after so i could read it… it’s a curse #you can have it in the tags because i didn’t want to put it in text but i am a SAP i will cry about/to medias a lot easier than my life #and generally i really only cry when i’m hormonal l m a o wish it weren’t so #i am a great lakes girlie now & forever midwest kids are doing alright. can’t imagine living somewhere w/o lakes although the ocean’d be ok #i did however make it a goal to read a book every day that i was on break and we did that!!! my other goal did not get accomplished #(finish a fic) because i was like oh i’ll have so much time!!! and then bam i worked like. 40h weeks lmao. every time :))))#hopefully today i’ll write though if i get everything figured out for [redacted] and i keep forgetting i still have tomorrow too #the most important part about my pets is that orville & duncan (birds) are questionably gay for each other :) &are EXACTLY like their names #me vs my anxiety that i am Bothering People when i tag them: FIGHT #please know if i didn’t tag you but you would’ve done this i love you with my entire heart i just got scared i would be bothering you 💕#but also like. tell me so i can tag you next time without fear because i love learning about my mutuals 🥺 y’all are the coolest #tag game

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gradling · 5 months

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10 Books for 2024

Stealing from @dauen and @goldengirlschildhood because (1) I like this idea and (2) one of my friends wants me to join her in reading one unread book from my shelf/month this year, and this seems like a nice way to pick what to read

Ground rules: they have to be on my shelf right now, they're not for research, at least half have to be women (°), and half have to be non-US writers (•). Audiobooks count (*).

The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot °

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon •

Interior Chinatown by Charles Yu

Passing by Nella Larsen °

American Born Chinese by Gene Luen Yang

The Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley °

Kullervo by JRR Tolkien •

The Mill on the Floss by George Eliot °•

Earwig and the Witch by Diana Wynne Jones °•*

Sense & Sensibility by Jane Austen °•

Bonus: Jesus and John Wayne by Kristin Kobes Du Mez and The Once and Future King by TH White (currently in progress)

#jam posts #10 books for 2024 #gonna do resolutions/goals for this year tomorrow

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gothwizardmagic · 1 year

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lots of homeschooling lore in your tags these days LMAO would you mind sharing a bit about how that works? genuinely curious

lmao sure tho it isnt the most exciting story

my mum always wanted to homeschool bc she wasnt a fan of how restrictive school curriculums are (shes v much an advocate for montessori style child-directed learning) but i wanted to go to school Like The Kids On TV so she let me. i spent about 3 years at primary school where i was the classroom punching bag THE ENTIRE TIME. highlights include being pushed down a flight of stairs IN FRONT OF A TEACHER WHO DID NOTHING, another teacher punishing me for being better at maths than my classmates bc i kept tearing through her worksheets too fast (i cant do maths for shit anymore she scared it out of me) and a "friend" of mine's brother getting his hands on the axe they had for firewood and chasing me around while i was over on a "playdate" (these quotes are bc this girl was in fact horrendous to me)

i was actively suicidal by the time i was 8 and my mum just stopped even trying to take me to school at that point (around the time i started throwing up with fear every morning) and after a lot of VERY angry meetings the best the school would do was an anti bullying assembly, which meant everyone knew i had tattled. my mum was fucking furious about all of this & went ahead with the homeschooling application she had halted when i decided i wanted to go to school. the guidelines at the time (im not sure what they are these days) were just that a child had to be educated "as regularly and as well" as they would be in school, with check-ins from the MoE every few years.

i dont remember how long it took the application to go through but yea after that i was homeschooled. my mum bought up a shitload of textbooks and workbooks and drew up lesson plans but her focus was still on student-directed learning so as my interests developed in various areas that was where the focus went. we did have designated sit-down time every day, but for the most part she would give me resources and assignments/goals and let me go hog wild at whatever my current fascinations were with some guidance and oversight along the way. it did mean losing access to anything that required specific facilities - i dont know shit about chemistry bc we didnt have like. a lab lmao. but yea by the time i was 11 i was on to university textbooks for some subjects (this is not a big flex these were early 00s computer science textbooks the first lesson in cs101 was literally "this is called an on button. this is called a mouse.") and by the time i was 16 we were doing uni-level work in pretty much every subject i was interested in, at the expense of subjects i didnt give a shit about. (i do not know fuck shit about like. geography or maths to this day)

the assessments were pretty chill, govt people would basically just take a few random samples of my work to look over and do a lil interview with me to make sure i was learning shit. for socialisation my parents made sure i did plenty of after school activities (dance, swimming, scouting, drama, conservation club, etc) and my dad took us on trips to like. the museum or nature reserves or whatever every weekend for Enrichment.

once i was 15/16 we started looking into uni entry, but the rules had changed since i started homeschooling. when i started there was a single uni entry exam you had to sit at sixth form and that was that. they replaced it when i was. 12-ish i think with the current system, which involves a complicated nightmare of three years of both internal (classwork) and external (exam) credits and the requirements are nebulous and seem to change year to year and basically it sucks shit and every single assignment from fifth form onwards counts towards your uni entry so its massively high stress. this also means you CANT get uni entry as a homeschooler, because theres no way to get those internal credits. we tried a few different routes to get UE but the best option we were given was one high school offered to let me sit fifth, sixth, and seventh form all at the same time in one year to get my credits. this was Unideal because the whole point was to Not go to high school, it was work i had already done and didnt wanna do again, and it was three years worht of work crammed into one. so i never got uni entry and have basically been bumming around since.

UE problems aside, homeschooling worked really well for my family. my mum is disabled so she was home all the time anyway. both of my parents are highly educated so they had the backgrounds to provide a cohesive and varied curriculum, and my sister and i are both neurodivergent so the one on one attention and flexibility in format was ENORMOUSLY helpful for us. my sister has never been to any kind of mainstream schooling and it would have been absolute hell if she had tried. (shes very severely dyslexic and schools in the early 00s were. not set up to help with that)

so yea thats the homeschooling lore - i missed out on a lot of stuff for sure (met one of my exes entirely beecuase i wanted to go to formal SO FUCKING BAD and my only option was to go to someone else's so a mutual friend set us up so i could go with her lmao) but it took me out of an extremely bad situation and gave me an education that was much better suited to my own learning needs. i know homeschooling has a Certain Reputation, especially in the us, but my experience was wholly unrelated to that side of the homeschooling community, and it was unbelievably beneficial to me. looking back i dont regret the time i spent in mainstream school (i met my best friend there and i literally dont know where i would be without them weve been through the fucking fire and back) but homeschooling was the healthiest thing possible for me and my family and im so so so grateful my parents were able to do that for me

#Anonymous #sorry this is so long and rambly lmao #its weird to talk about because it was just normal day to day stuff for me so like #idk whats even relevant to discuss haha #''what should our learning goals this week be?''#''uhhhhh i wanna study lizards''#''fuck yeah lizard week lets gooooooooooo''#''ok by friday i want an essay on lizard facts and finish five pages of your japanese workbook''#''tomorrow we'll work through the english textbook together and get some lizard books from the library for your essay''#like it was more in depth than that obviously but that was the vibe

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permanentreverie · 8 months

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a moment of joy in days of tired darkness!!!

#i complain way too much here so sharing my triumphs <3 #(taking a page from songbird because i want to be more like her)#getting home from work today i was able to get ALL of my chores done!!!#i loooved having my friend stay with me for a week i truly needed the break and she’s such a blessing <3 #(we bought ‘soul sisters’ matching bracelets - hers gold and mine silver - and the statement couldn’t be more true 🥹)#but in that i let my room get VERY messy #and i was busing working yesterday and didn’t have time (literally cried on my way home because of how tired i was)#so i made it a goal to do everything tonight so tomorrow (my one day off) i may relax!#so i was able to clean my room; do two loads of laundry; wash my bedding; vacuum; water my plants; and tidy my bathroom!!#it may not sound like much but it was a MESS #also i did my nails cause they broke :(#so now they are VERY short (had to cut them) and i painted a few coats of clear nail polish so hopefully they won’t break #i have to get gas and get my oil changed and exchange some icecream tomorrow morning #but then i’m just gonna relax!!!#would like to change my themes but we shall see. i want to watch tv and read mostly #also i’m gonna stop in and book a hair appointment for next week!!#that’s right i’m gonna chop off my hair #it’s been years and i didn’t get it trimmed as it was growing out so i have lots of split and dead ends #and if i have to get it cut i may as well just go all the way yknow #i love having short hair and i’m lowkey excited #and i work 6 days after that but thankfully i booked myself for opening shifts which leaves my evenings free to myself which i really love

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strangerays · 1 year

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i think that’s enough gaslight gatekeep girlbossing for today

#I have to wake up at five tomorrow #oh joy #you what tho I did kick ass at writing and reading goals today #I was really nostalgic and a bit sad tbh becauseeee I just did not feel connected to my old self at all #not gonna open that whole can of worms but it had a lot to do with feeling disconnected to my creativity/wrapping up my first year of colleg #and also writing my book has really made me miss who I was in high school #idk yanno?#I felt a bit sad today but it was still a good one(:#goodnight

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dobranocka · 1 year

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In the celebration of me actually catching up with Marron and finishing the fifty books a year challenge, here are my bragging rights:

https://www.goodreads.com/user/year_in_books/2022/95321115

#personal #reading goals #congrats to me #technically i am cheating #since i added 'galatea'#a twenty pages story #but it is to replace a secret book i don't want people to see yet so shhh #i will add it tomorrow

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livvyofthelake · 11 months

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ok. begrudgingly. forgiveness for charles fairchild. man’s being blackmailed apparently. clary i guess your ancestor doesn’t suck AS bad as previously thought.

#i will read WAY more tomorrow. i want to get to grace getting out of the silent city #tonight my goal is just to either finish this chapter or get to james and cordelia making out sloppy with tongue or whatever #kissing like real people do etc. i’ve been waiting for this so long it’s almost unbearable fr #tlh lb #all i’ve been doing is skimming the upcoming pages. things are Happening here in thr middle of this book.

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