#today was fine but my brain is a mess | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

greencreeker · 2 months

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Had a conversation with some coworkers today about our complicated parental relationships and I've been feeling nauseous ever since. I'm so surprised I didn't puke tbh. Which is a new reaction to talking about my mother that has me kinda wanting to schedule an extra appointment with my therapist cause I'm obviously hitting the next level of processing.

Also I tripped over my words today when referring to myself as a woman. It's like gender specific imposter syndrome hit me right upside the head with a sledge hammer and I really wish being never perceived at all was an option.

#today was fine but my brain is a mess #im just a simple goblin

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the-kipsabian · 7 months

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sometimes i think that maybe i should just invest in popular ships and characters for the stuff i make so i wouldnt feel so fucking out of place constantly but i also know it would come with the cost of my motivation and happiness so its like

which one is a lesser evil for my mental health, doing something that would make me feel important but not happy or vice versa

#struggling. my brain is pudding #idk i just. sometimes i dont know why i write. i mean its obviously for myself and like one other person that it makes happy #but also then the disappointment of lack of interest and interaction makes me sad and upset #so like. i dont know. i know 'write for yourself first and foremost!' but thats also an issue #ugh. whatever. i know im not gonna change with this so idek why im complaining we'll just do this dance again in like a week #im just gonna dive back into stardew its fine whatever #maybe one day i'll write something thats actually worth of something. doubtful but whatever #im just sad today its fffffine #night is an absolute mess on main

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iloveyouitisruiningmylife · 10 months

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happiest birthday to the love of my life @loverrgf baby hiii i am wishing praying begging god for you to get all the happiness and love and success in the world and i hope life loves you more treats you kinder in this upcoming year and you achieve everything you've dreamed and yearned of and you know ive never been good at keeping promises but i am promising you that whatever happens i am always here for you by your side cheering you on listening to you waiting for you loving you okay? so quickly be done with your exams and come back to me because i love you so much and i miss you so much and i need my daily dose of talking to you about nothing and everything for like two hours every night okay ily ❤

#sorry that this is a mess i do not have your amazing web weaving mb making skills i am your fellow disciple 🛐#i know you're scared about the future and 20 but please believe me i promise it's gonna be fine one day you'll look back and be proud of #how far you've come how you persisted even in the worst situations #also im always here for you okay no matter our stupid fights my drama and jealousy and everything i love and appreciate you and i miss you #be annoying and sending 500 asks a day and i miss you sending blurry mirror selfies and pictures of the cat and YOUR POETRY MOST OF ALL #i miss your brain and your heart ily so much you're so special okay my favoritest so shut up and be happy because #im very happy that you were born today 20 years ago today the world would be a boring and pathetic and dark and stupid place without u #okay im shutting up now ily ily ily <33 #vio love

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labratboygirl · 10 months

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todays rly been the definition of “its so over” “WERE SO BACK !!”

#get grinkled boy #casually spills guts #putting this in both the rambletag and the venttag again #ABSOLUTE FUCKING EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER .#i wake up feeling fine #i feel like shit completely out of the blue #i am immediately made better after watching ashurs new thing #i get yelled at by my dad and i end up breaking the glass on a picture #reassurance and mess cleanup from my mom magically makes me feel ok again #my brain is doing backflips in my skull or some shit . i am EVERYWHERE today

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catkin-morgs-kookaburralover · 1 year

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#hm actually that first tag may be triggering or smth so let's get this under the cut #how many tags does it take to do that i wonder #shall we try three and hope they will be enough or #i am very. thoroughly. sick. of wanting to die #it's just so EXHAUSTING guys #usually im more distractable than this but noooo it's been most of today #just there. existing. as a appealing possibility.#doesn't help that i have an imagination neither #so many possibilities! ha. (<- bitter)#tw suicide #tw sh #and i literally lost count of the number of times i harmed today. that hadn't happened yet #i did have two meals today! which probably didn't help the harming situation. but a net win imo #im just. sick of not being normal.#and i should care more than i do about harming. logically i know i should. but i don't care largely and i barely feel the pain.#there was one i thought briefly might send me to hospital but the bleeding did stop with pressure so it was fine #unfortunately one of my regular coping mechanisms/stims (playing the piano a particular song/way/whatever) is apparently becoming a trigger #for harm? i dont know why but this is very inconvenient probably if i care #my brain is a very messed up place to be in at the moment. i wish to check out of it permanently if you please #i did think for a while i might have to call lifeline again but the worst passed #and ha! when my parents ask how im going i am vague adn they think im fine #in reality? i am psychologically drowning and getting stressed over the fact that they rae returning home soon #realistically i will probably be safer as a result but also more stresses on all sorts of different points #woot woot #.....tomorrow's sunday oh no #if im feeling then like i am now i will not be able to go to church because i will not be safe to drive.#joy comes in the morning? i hope?#if i cannot go to church my brother will probably come and stay with me. don't know if i want that or if i don't. would probably entail #telling him about the fact that ive attempted and also been harming. which i keep chickening out of telling him. yay.#if you get this far anyway yes you can probably tell i need prayers.

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connectionterminated13 · 7 months

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How old was mike when he died? What happens to evan in this au? (Death swap au)

Is henry death too? I was searching through the tags but you know how much tblr loves to hide posts

Michael was 16 when he died in 1986

Evan still got his head chomped on. He then spent most of his childhood in and out of hospital and intensive care. The bite and long hours alone only worsened all of his inherited mental illnesses Which William exploited. In the present day at 20 William and Evan work together on the whole we're gonna find immortality through killing children thing.

Evan always feels incredibly bad after they do a murder but rationalizes it as progressing science and generally making things better for people.

Nope Henry is alive and well! He still had his depression after Sammy died but Charlie was able to pull him out of it easier and stayed with him once her mother left. In the present day he's doing fine and doesn't know what his business partner is up to at all

#Sorry if I mess anything up my dyslexia brain isn't good with numbers #Evan probably would've turned out fine if he had gotten proper mental health help but he didn't #fnaf death swap #I really needed this today...

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hyah-lian · 7 months

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I crave structure and the ability to focus and do the things again!!!!

#mess and stress before and then getting 2 sicknesses back to back destroyed me #now im an unregulated ball of hyperactivity and decision paralysis and big feelings and missing people #and i want to draw and sing (but my voice is still rekt) and crochet and sew and paint and climb and clean and write all at once #i am TRYING to use my tools to get back on track it is HARD #i DID get to drink tea and eat healthy ish and make my own food and enjoy reading today. like all day! and watched a movie with friends #so today was very good #minus the still testing positive to the 'VID (i feel fine besides unregulated/The ADHD/the horrors and the tail end of a cough)#so still not going anywhere really....#tldr good fics. i did enjoy today even if it was mostly physically stationary the fics were good enrichment #my brain went to like 15 different versions of hyrule and the world and a few other worlds #and had lots of fun following adventures so that was good

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katierosefun · 1 year

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me, watching the first few episodes of the boys: yeah so this’ll just be a fun show i can consume it normally while tending to my real life obligations

me, now realizing i’ve finished the first season in roughly 24 hours: