#also im always here for you okay no matter our stupid fights my drama and jealousy and everything i love and appreciate you and i miss you
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happiest birthday to the love of my life @loverrgf baby hiii i am wishing praying begging god for you to get all the happiness and love and success in the world and i hope life loves you more treats you kinder in this upcoming year and you achieve everything you've dreamed and yearned of and you know ive never been good at keeping promises but i am promising you that whatever happens i am always here for you by your side cheering you on listening to you waiting for you loving you okay? so quickly be done with your exams and come back to me because i love you so much and i miss you so much and i need my daily dose of talking to you about nothing and everything for like two hours every night okay ily ❤
#sorry that this is a mess i do not have your amazing web weaving mb making skills i am your fellow disciple 🛐#i know you're scared about the future and 20 but please believe me i promise it's gonna be fine one day you'll look back and be proud of#how far you've come how you persisted even in the worst situations#also im always here for you okay no matter our stupid fights my drama and jealousy and everything i love and appreciate you and i miss you#be annoying and sending 500 asks a day and i miss you sending blurry mirror selfies and pictures of the cat and YOUR POETRY MOST OF ALL#i miss your brain and your heart ily so much you're so special okay my favoritest so shut up and be happy because#im very happy that you were born today 20 years ago today the world would be a boring and pathetic and dark and stupid place without u#okay im shutting up now ily ily ily <33#vio love
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mannnn me and my friend. teehee
we play games together all the time and we're doing minecraft rn and idk i FEEL like its too sappy to tell her "hey i like how we are" okay like i can tell itd be hard to phrase that in a way that she wouldnt be like ".. thanks?? " OKAY SHE DOESNT MEAN IT we just. IDK how to explain it. so ill just talk about it here 😁😁
we just flow really well together, she can entertain herself mostly and i can be there and we bully the shit out of eachother and god its so fun its genuinely. i told her i was planning to tunnel into her walls but secretly, so she didnt hear it from me and she went "what?im not paying attention to you" i feel like. to other people that would sound bad but i just teeheed so hard man like . QUIETLY THATS WHY IM WRITING THIS we're still in vc but man
its really hard for me to be comfortable in vc with anyone, even if i really want to, but me and her? we just fit man. ive known her for like. 8 years at this point?? maybe a little less but either way. shes the only one of my friends that i can be alone with in vc comfortably as of right now, like IDK i never expected this but im not complaining. like even my friend ive known for 11 YEARS, i love them to bits id do anything for them, but the reality is that we are just AWKWARD PEOPLE and awkward people are sillay when they talk okay its the same with my other friend like we are just very awkward by nature so our awkwardness duplicates when we're alone, to the point where its like. he thinks its awkward and it is but its so awkward that its fucking hilarious i think its so funny man
love my friends with all my heart but something about me and her? like WE'RE SO GOOOOD we werent even that close when we first met? like she was my friends friend and became my friend by proximity but now we're tight bro we get drunk together we get high together i love that for us. i couldnt have guessed it would go this way, but thats the beauty of life 🥳 chaotic and unruly, i wouldnt have it any other way.
she comes home and tells me all her work drama and then we just pick on eachother for several hours and its so funny to me every time i dont care how many times we say the same things its always funny im always gonna make myself laugh when im mean for no reason and ill always laugh when shes mean back like IDK thats just our friendship and we like it that way its great
also shes been just like? IDK we are all queers (except one of us hes our token cishet i guess) she doesnt even remember my deadname anymore despite knowing me by that for most the time we've known eachother its great. and honestly? this is kind of embarrassing to admit but sometimes when shes making fun of me for being dumb she says 'sillay boy' in a little tune and when i get really stressed out i call myself that in my head to calm me down a bit like. NOTHING ID EVER TELL HER but we know we love eachother teehee. IDK i feel like i just express a lot of gratitude towards my other friends but not much to her, probably cuz we talk so much it just feels agiven like i cannot stand her she sucks thats why shes my bestie 😁😁
like MAN idk theres so much shit i could talk about. we fight and i propose to her in lethal company with the ring and then shes mad at me and divorced cuz i sold our ring to meet quota like. STUPID SHIT LIKE THAT. this is gonna sound weird but i just like being bullied????? like ill always throw it back is the thing we work great cuz its never one sided its a mutual thing. if i go first she say 'shut up dominic' and im like NO fuck you like . to an outsider we do not like eachother but i promise we do its making me like. GIDDY RN i love thinking about it. she just made fun of me for being on tumblr instead of building my GAZEBO but im talking about you dumbass!!!! (she doesnt have a tumblr so. what does it matter SKFJS)
i dont know its so fun for me, im just surprised that like. someone i initially didnt know all that well is now my ride or die and we fit SO GOOD like i genuinely couldve never expected it back in middle school but im glad we are the way that we are. love talking to her, love making fun of her, love when she calls me stupid and WHATEVER ELSE like god its so funny. love ignoring her and harassing children in roblox with her like we have such a good time no matter what
shes one of the very few people i can like. just get in a call with for no reason, like if she has drama to tell me and we arent really doing anything else ill still join for what i think is like 10 minutes and leave 2 hours later 💀 love leaving her too shes so dramatic she knows by the tone in my voice when i say her name that im gonna leave call and shes always like no dont do this to me gurl bye!!!!!i got better shit to do!!!!!!! (lie) love to betray her also she sucks
i remember she invited me down (like an hour drive) to watch mario movie and she took me out to olive garden and i CRIEDD it was the first time i went to olive garden and it was so good and she laughed at me. that high is like. I DONT KNOW i feel like im explaining it POORLY its just so silly to me, its so fucking funny
grining right now. im not even tired weve been playing for hours and im not tired at all. love bothering her she deserves it. like would i lay down my life for her? yes absolutely. would i also insult her randomly while shes not doing anything? yes absolutely. i guess its cuz i know she can take it, thats why she does the same to me. idk its just how we're comfortable, we like it this way!!!! hhehehheehee
this is far too sappy to share with her but we love to hate eachother so i think im doin a pretty good job
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AM Conversations : chapter 26
A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA
CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25
NOTES:
-one chapter is her pov, the next is his.
-4k.
-im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it.
-there WILL be smut. but not only smut.
-this is a romance, comedy, smut story.
-for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.
- if you want to be notified when this is updated, please message me or leave a comment!
- you can send me questions and theories and comments. tbh they all make me SO SO SO SOOOO HAPPY! and make me want to write more! you can also tell me if there are things you WANT to happen. you never know, i may add it :P
- thanks for being patient btw! i work a lot these days and will work even more in the next few weeks (until halloween) so i may not update as often as i’d like. :(
- NOTE FOR THIS CHAPTER: im so sorry.
-please, message me, give me feedbacks, it would mean sooo much to me!
Chapter 26 : His chapter
NIALL
"She's just my best friend!" I let out for the hundredth time.
Maya rolled her eyes and shook her head in despair, her arms crossed over her body. I should find her extremely attractive, I knew it, but she exasperated me and although I knew she was gorgeous, I couldn't find an ounce of beauty in her at this exact moment. Perhaps I was way too annoyed by her petty behavior.
"So she's like a sister to you?" she asked a bit meanly, raising her eyebrows at me.
"What? No!" I grimaced. "No, Olivia is not like a sister to me she's like a... a best friend!"
It was so annoying to repeat the same things over and over again and it was not only with Maya, it was with pretty much everyone who would be around us for more than five fucking minutes.
"A best friend that you hold hands with? A best friend you hug all the fucking time?"
"Okay so we're affectionate with each other? So what?"
It was a bit more than that and I knew it was wrong to pretend otherwise but I was getting pissed. Okay, maybe I had imagined having sex with my best friend many times recently but it didn't mean anything at all. I was just a bit too horny, that was all. No big deal.
"Are you fucking serious Niall?" she continued. "How do you think that makes me feel to see pictures of you too acting like you're a couple?"
"You knew before we started dating, Maya. You know that my friendship with her was special. You knew it was different and you were okay with it, what changed? Liv is my best friend and she will always be my best friend. If you can't handle it right now then maybe this is not the relationship you need."
Her face changed suddenly and her traits softened but I was still just as mad, if not more. I wanted this discussion to be over with. I wanted to leave here and go back to having fun with my best friend. I was never a fan of drama, especially not in my own life, and I was not sure it was all worth it anymore.
"Are you sure you don't have romantic feelings for her?"
Her question took me by surprise and I frowned, pushing both my hands in my pockets before sighing low. I didn't want to answer this for the simple reason that I had to answer this question was too often. This is not something that I should be asked and I have no idea why the fuck the answer isn't obvious for everyone.
"Not that question again, no." I shake my head slightly.
I don't know how long I had been arguing with Maya when the phone rang and I took a few seconds to look at it, a bit surprised by Liv's text message. I didn't know who broke up with who but either way, it was shocking. I sighed low, rubbing my hand over my face a few times as anger towards Harry started rising inside me. I did tell him not to hurt my best friend didn't I? I couldn't believe that after all he had said and done to be with her, he was now leaving her or letting her go without a fight.
"Fucking Harry." I whispered, letting out a low and short groan.
"Niall! We're arguing here!" Maya said a bit too loud, taking me out of my daydream.
"Mm?"
I looked up at her and she seemed even angrier than before. I sighed and closed my eyes. I had to stop this discussion now before it went out of hand. Plus, I had somewhere to be, somewhere I felt I actually belonged, with someone I had promised myself to make a priority. I stared at my girlfriend a few seconds as she was desperately trying to keep my focus and attention on her and I rubbed my eyes a bit too hard, blurring my vision for a few seconds.
"Look, Maya, I really have to go."
---
The ride was short and the night was cool and stormy. The wind was blowing way more than usual and it was starting to rain but I didn't care. I waited patiently until Olivia opened the door for me and ran upstairs, skipping a few. I thought she'd be drunk by now but when she opened the door, she sent me a big smile and I was surprised to realize she could still stand and walk without difficulty.
"You look like crap." I half-joked, making her chuckle.
"Thanks, you too."
We stared at each other for a few seconds before she moved away to let me in. I noticed the bottle of wine, already half-consummated, sitting on the coffee table, along with an almost empty beer that probably belonged to Harry. I sat on the couch and grabbed the beer, taking a sip and grimacing at how warm it was. I put it back on the table and when I turned to Liv, she was sitting next to me and looking at me with an amused smile.
"Tastes like crap?" she asked, raising her eyebrows as I chuckled.
"Fuck yea."
"Like my life."
My smile fell down slowly and I suddenly felt really bad for her. I could see her eyes water and I quickly brought my hands up to cup her cheeks, moving closer to stare in her eyes better.
"Hey, hey." I whispered. She blinked a few times and pressed her lips together. "It's just a bump in the road okay? Just a small bump in the road. You're the strongest person I know, Olivia. You've been through a lot, you can get through this, you'll survive this."
She nodded slowly as my thumbs brushed gently on her cheeks.
"I believe in you, okay? And I'm here for you, I always will be."
Her eyes roamed on my face and I realized that mine were probably doing the same thing. I don't know how long we stared at each other before she just moved closer and leaned her head against my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her as close as I could, pressing my cheek on top of her head. It felt good to hold her that close and I realized that this hug didn't just make her feel better, it made me feel good, too.
We probably stayed like that for at least half an hour and we were both fine with it. I let my mind wander on the past few weeks and everything that had happened between us. We had never fought so much but also, we had connected in a way I couldn't explain and somehow i felt like both things were related. I had to face the facts, things really had changed between Liv and I, even if I had tried to convince myself otherwise, and I knew it really started right after tour, I just was not sure what it was and how to handle it. All I knew was that we both needed a moment of adaptation and that it would come with time. It was normal, right? People grow up, they change, and we were no exception.
"Are you gonna stay the night?"
Her voice was soft and it made me press her tighter against me.
"Yes."
I didn't even have to think about it, for me, it was obvious that I wouldn't be leaving.
"Thank you."
She was not crying but I knew she was close and I wanted to tell her to let it go. Instead, I just closed my eyes.
"Do you want me to kick his ass?"
She chuckled against my neck and it made me smile more.
"I'll do it if I have to." I added as she shook her head.
"Don't be stupid." she let out, moving slightly away from me and sniffing. "What Harry did... was the right thing to do. I guess I just didn't... expect it."
"It was a shock." I agreed with a nod. "Did you love him?"
Her face softened again and she tilted her head as I kept one of my hands on her shoulder. For some odd reason, I wanted her to say she didn't but I didn't know why. Perhaps I thought it wouldn't hurt as much if she was not in love with him.
"No, not yet."
My heart jumped but I simply nodded and send her a smile.
"Come on, it's late." I whispered. "Let's sleep, yea?"
She nodded and we both got up to walk to her room. I searched through her drawers for sweatpants and a t-shirt but when I was about to open her third one, she rushed to my side to stop me.
"Underwear?" I asked, raising my eyebrows with a smirk.
She didn't say anything but just rolled her eyes before getting clothes for me, pushing them against my chest and making me laugh. I unbuttoned my shirt and took it off before putting on the one she gave me which I was pretty sure actually belonged to me. I did the same with my pants and lied down in her bed, turning to look at her as she came back from the bathroom. She quickly turned the light off and I watched her shadow move and sit on the bed before getting under the covers with me. We remained silent again, both laying on our backs and watching the ceiling. I couldn't stop wondering what she was thinking about and I just turned my head her way.
"What are you gonna miss the most?" I just asked, not really sure why it mattered.
"The sex." she quickly replied with a chuckle. "It felt good to be wanted. And to get an orgasm from something else than my own fingers."
I nodded, my eyebrows raised, even if she couldn't see me. She was right, and I missed it more than I could admit. I missed it so much that I had sex dreams about my best friend, got hard from being close to her and even had to jerk off to the thought of her once. It was ridiculous.
I turned my body her way, holding my head with my hand, and I noticed she had closed her eyes. I brought my hand to her stomach, under the covers, and she immediately tensed under my fingers. I waited a few seconds until she relaxed again and let my hand slide down slowly. I felt her suck her stomach in and licked my lips, my hand traveling past the waistband of her sweatpants and I could feel my whole body throb at my boldness. This was not planned or even thought of. I was doing it because I felt like it and because it had been obsessing me too much recently.
"Niall..."
"Shhh." i cut her in a soft voice. "I got ya."
I slipped my hand down in her pants and the whole room seemed to move. It was the very first time I was touching my best friend this way and all I could think about was that my hand was exactly were hers was when I caught her masturbating. She whimpered, taking me out of my daydream, and spread her legs a bit to give me a better access. Two of my fingers brushed on her shaved pussy and I held my breath at the feeling, until they reached her slit, sliding between her folds and grazing her clit. She gasped, her eyes still closed, and I tried to focus on what I was doing. I could feel my dick swell against her thigh again but I decided to push the thought and need away as I pushed my fingers inside her.
"Fuck, you're so wet." I whispered without thinking. "Were you that wet when you masturbated at the lodge?"
"Y-Yes."
Her voice was shaky and whimpery and it made me grind my hips against her despite myself. My fingers moved in and out of her extremely slowly and all I could think about was licking them to taste her.
"What got you so horny that time?" I asked again with a smirk, knowing she would be more willing to answer me now that I was fingering her. "You never wanted to tell me."
"You."
My movements faltered for a second before getting back to their normal and steady speed but I couldn't stop the erratic beating of my heart due to her confession.
"Me?"
"Mmhm, you." she repeated. "I saw you almost naked, moving out of the pool, and... I just..."
I was surprised to realize she was lusting me exactly like I was lusting her. I honestly had never thought she had gotten horny because of me and I liked it. I could pretend I was simply flattered but it was more than that. It felt like some sort of victory and I couldn't understand why.
"Is that what you were thinking about when I caught you?"
I moved my head closer to whisper in her ear as one of my fingers started focusing on her clit. It was so quiet in the room that I could hear how wet she was.
"Yes."
At this thought, my fingertip pressed on her clit and her lips parted. She let out a whimper and I groaned low, my cock now painfully hard. I rubbed myself gently against her, trying to get some release as she moved one of her knees up. She looked a bit fucked, squirming slightly next to me as I fingered her, but I liked it so much I didn't want to stop.
"Fuck."
After her confession, I felt like I owed her somehow and I brushed my lips on her cheek to murmur in her ear again.
"When we got back from tour and slept in my bed together, I dreamed about us having sex." I had already shared that with her but I inhaled deeply before continuing. "I woke up with a boner, my dick pressed against your ass. I had to go jerk off in the shower. And I thought of you."
One of her hands quickly reached for my wrist and she held it hard and tight, her short nails digging slightly in my skin. I kept rubbing her clit and fingering her, a bit quicker this time though, and her back arched suddenly.
"Oh my.. god!"
She started shaking on the bed as I tried to touch her through her orgasm but the fact that she moved so much and rubbed her thigh against my cock despite herself made me groan low. I felt a rush to my brain and moaned a bit louder, feeling myself cum in my pants. She came down from her high as I reached mine and I held my breath, trying to hide the fact that I got an orgasm basically only from watching her and feeling a part of her body rub against me. I closed my eyes, slipping my whole hand over her pussy and spreading her wetness all over her. Somehow, I wished the lights would have been on and I wish there had been no blankets at all, if only to be able to see her better.
"Fuck. Oh god, fuck." she expressed again as I kept moving my hand between her legs. "I just... I came so hard."
She didn't dare to turn her head to look at me and I didn't dare to look away from her, scared but also hoping her eyes would meet mine. After a while, I gave up and licked my lips, sitting up in bed and excusing myself before locking myself in the bathroom. I had to take the sweatpants off and did the same with my soaked boxers, cursing low. I didn't know what to do with them and I ended up just washing them quickly in the sink and leaving them to dry on the side of the bath, hoping she wouldn't ask any question. I put the sweatpants back, going commando the same way she always did, and walked back in the room. She hadn't moved at all and I walked back to my side of the bed, wondering if she was already asleep.
"Liv?"
"Mm?"
I slipped back under the covers with her and waited a few seconds to talk again.
"Are you okay?"
This time, she turned my way and moved closer, cuddling my side and making my heart jump in my chest, threatening to come out of my throat. I was so happy that it didn't change anything between us and didn't make things too awkward.
"Better now." she admitted low, wrapping her arm around my chest.
I pulled her closer to me and kissed the top of her head as her breathing became steadier and heavier. She fell asleep in my arms and I listened to her breathe for a few minutes before allowing myself to reach slumber too.
What woke me up is the unceasing and insatiable sound of my cellphone. I groaned and turned around in bed, feeling Liv move and whimper low. I grabbed my phone and mumbled somewhat of a 'hello' without really thinking.
"Niall? Where are you?"
I frowned, my eyes still closed, letting out a groan as I recognized Maya's voice. I was not in the mood to fight and I had to fight the urge to just hang up and go back to sleep. Olivia moved in her sleep again, this time closer to me, and I ran my fingers up her arm before sighing again.
"I'm at Liv's." I answered, clearing my throat. "What time is it?"
I didn't want to open my eyes and go back to reality but Maya was pulling me in that direction and I was not liking it at all. The night before came rushing to my brain and I felt my whole body on fire at the thought. Did I really do that?
"You slept there? At her place? In her bed?"
That was it. I was completely back to reality and I sighed louder, bringing one of my hand to my face to rub my eyes. I wasn't really into fighting in first place but doing it first thing in the morning was even worse.
"Yes, Maya. I slept here, in Liv's bed." I repeated. "The way I always do, and you know that."
t was a lie. Obviously, something had been different this time, but I thought mentioning it was not a good idea. I should feel guilty, perhaps, but I didn't. My best friend in the whole universe felt like shit and I made her feel better. Sure, the way I used to do it was questionable but I had promised myself she'd be my priority and i was going to stick to it. I grimaced, wondering who the hell I was trying to fool, and turned around in bed to press my face in my pillow. It smelled like her shampoo and I knew that i'd never smell vanilla and honey without thinking about her anymore.
The truth was, I had enjoyed myself too and I didn't regret it, not even for a second. I've wanted to touch her since we came back from tour and although I still wanted more, what had happened between us the night before had surpassed my expectations.
Maya kept arguing a bit on the phone but I kept quiet and when she was done, I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling.
"Are we still up for tonight?" I just asked, feeling Liv sit up next to me.
When I hung up with Maya, I turned to Olivia with a big smile. I was a bit tired and annoyed to have Maya on my back all the time but I tried to take it lightly.
"Morning sunshine, how'd you sleep?"
My smile fell when I noticed she was frowning, her tiny pink lips parted. Why was I noticing her features like it was the very first time? She looked confused and I sat up too, my face not extremely close to hers.
"Are you still dating Maya?"
I was taken aback by her question and I frowned, shrugging a shoulder slowly.
"Yea, why?"
Suddenly, she got up, bringing her hands to her face and shaking her head, and I pushed the covers off of me as she turned around and scoffed, making me nervous. When she turned around, I realized she was crying as I saw some tears quickly running down her cheeks. Quickly and without thinking, I jumped out of bed and walked to her, grabbing gently both her elbows right after she pressed her palms back on her face.
"Hey, petal, what's wrong?"
She got out of my embrace a bit roughly and turned around her back facing me.
"You.."
I could hear anger in her voice, even if she barely talked, and my heart sunk in my chest.
"You.. you touched me, Niall!"
"I know." I pointed out in a low and calm tone. "I remember Olivia, I was there."
"You touched me and you still have a girlfriend!" she argued again, a little louder this time. "That's called cheating Niall! And you cheated with me! And now I feel like shit! What are you going to tell Maya, mm?"
"No, wait." i let out, moving my hand up slightly to stop her. "You felt like shit, I just wanted to make you feel better. I mean, yea I've thought about you in a sexual way for a few weeks now but, you were sad, and-"
"It's not the first time i'm sad Niall! But it's the first time you choose to finger me to make me feel better!"
I got a bit shocked by how blunt she was but there was no reason for me to be surprised. It was very much like her to be so bold and it was a part of her that I adored.
"What did you think? 'Oh i'm gonna give her an orgasm to make her happy again'? It doesn't bother you that your fucking girlfriend was waiting for you while your hand was in my pants?"
"It was... it meant nothing, I just.."
I sighed loudly and shook my head, my eyes closed. She was partially right. Perhaps I should have made things clear with her first and I definitely cheated on Maya but I couldn't get myself to regret it.
"I decided you'd be my priority now, Olivia." I confessed a bit rudely. "I'm not going to lose you, not again. I don't want to. You and I... it's forever. You know it, right? You feel it? I can't be the only one to feel it."
Her eyes watered again and this time, she closed her eyes. The tears that slid down her cheeks made my heart break and I took a step closer. I wanted to tell her how much she meant to me. I wanted to tell her how much I needed her in my life and how horrible those weeks without her were but I didn't have time. God knows if I would have even told her. Was I courageous enough to be honest with her and with myself?
"Well wrong move, Niall." she pointed out in a low and shaky voice. She seemed calm suddenly and I knew it meant nothing good. "I need to be alone."
Still wearing her sweatpants and a t-shirt, she grabbed a sweater and her phone before leaving the room. I remained standing up, motionless, until I heard the door from her apartment close. After a while, I sighed, knowing how bad I had fucked up, and sat on her bed, rubbing my eyes a bit too hard. I should feel bad for Maya, and scared to lose her. I should regret touching my best friend, I should hate myself for acting selfishly and stupidly... but all I could focus on was the fear that I had pushed my best friend away. Again. And that this time, she was gone forever.
#niall horan#niall horan story#niall horan smut#niall horan fluff#niall horan fanfic#niall horan fan fic#niall horan fanfiction#niall horan writing#my fanfics#amc#was it too plain?#was it too boring?#was not hot enough mm?#idk how to feel about thiiiiiis
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Eres Mia (M)
Messy Chapter 8
Pairing(s): OC X Johnny
Genre: College AU, Fuckboy AU, Angst, Smut, a smidge of fluff/awkwardness
Summary: Fuckboys are basically good for one thing. You hit it and quit it- except when his voice draws you in, his body keeps you there, and dumb ass feelings linger making things particularly messy.
Warnings: mentions of drugs/alcohol, talks about suicide, the teeeeniest bit of violence, possibility of emotional manipulation, jealousy/possessiveness
Features: unprotected sex, creampies, rough fingering/finger sucking, oral/throat fucking, a little hint of bondage, rough hair grabbing, squirting, overstretching/gaping, daddy/princess dynamics, choking, relentless/brutal/deep thrusting, a bit of overstimulation/multiple orgasms, also being covered in cum
Word Count: 21,103K
A/N: So explanation about this chapter: It has some cultural references that maybe not everyone will get but I can explain them if anyone wants to send me a question about it. If you haven’t figured it out (or even just made a generalization) Eri is afro-carribean (the exact island is left vague on purpose, but it would be in the latinx part of the cluster). There’s also spanish in the chapter and tbh use google translate and if you still have problems again just message me.
Messy Masterlist Buy me a Ko-Fi Other Stories
The Boys Group Chat
Taeyong: 5
Lucas: what???
Ten: 5 what?
Taeyong: my score with Eri is at 5.
Lucas: HOLY FUCK
Taeil: OHHH HOW THE TABLES HAVE TURNED.
Ten: how?? When??? What???!
Taeyong: last night. Shower. Against the wall. In the bed twice. And our usual against the door.
Lucas: how tf did u manage that??
Lucas: i thought you hated her
Taeyong: i never hated her. It was just the drama and shit
Taeyong: like at the party i just didn’t want a fight to break out. i didn’t want the cops called or anything
Taeyong: so like i kicked her out but it was just because i knew she would have thrown the first punch
Lucas: well you aren’t really wrong
Lucas: i don’t blame you for not wanting the cops to show up
Taeyong: i had under 21 friends there. I didn’t want them to get in trouble
Ten: how did you even manage to get her to fuck you???
Taeyong: she called me actually. She was drunk af but sobered up before she got here
Ten: i cannot believe
Ten: i haven’t even been able to get with her AT ALL lately
Johnny: wtf is going on
Taeil: oooooooffff this is….
Ten: the tea brews itself
Johnny: Taeyong what did you say
Taeyong: i fucked your girl. She came to me instead of coming to you
Yuta: dude this is…
Johnny: don’t go near her again
Johnny: i mean it
Taeyong: dude i’m not scared of you
Taeyong: yall arent even official
Johnny: i don’t care
Johnny: dont touch her
Yuta: johnny quit it
Yuta: you can’t hog her to yourself
Yuta: just like jae can’t hog quinn
Ten: just admit ur jealous and move on.
Johnny: im not jealous
Johnny: you just dont deserve her after the stunt you pulled at the party
Taeyong: clearly i do because shes been thinking about fucking me for a long time
Taeyong: maybe even while shes been fucking you.
(Johnny has left the chat)
Ten: fuck
Yuta: this is getting fucking ridiculous
Yuta: i mean she texted me like when she was with him i think
Yuta: like she didnt care that she was with him and was being cute with me
Lucas: she flirts with everyone
Lucas: do you think she does actually wanna be with him?
Taeyong: who cares
Taeyong: fact of the matter is shes up for grabs
Taeyong: and if I wanna go after her i will
Yuta: WHOA WHOA
Yuta: you mean try and date her?
Ten: taeyong thats not a good idea
Taeyong: i never said id date her
Taeyong: but if shit happens, shit happens
Taeyong: thats all im saying
–
It was strange waking up in bed next to Taeyong. We had never done that before especially since the last time we were together we had to leave the office quickly. He looked strangely innocent when he slept, his shaggy hair ruffled and sticking up in random places and lips slightly pouted. I watched his chest rise and fall with each soft breath for a moment while I tried to keep my head from spinning. This…might have been a bad idea. I was in my feelings for Johnny and I knew that I only hooked up with Taeyong as a sort of rebound/revenge plot. I didn’t want to tell him that but I was sure we were still platonic enough that it didn’t matter. Taeyong wouldn’t make things weird or messy. This would just be a one time thing…or a five time thing. We may have gotten a bit carried away. He was tentative in the shower, making sure that I was still sober enough to be okay. He washed me, helped me wash my hair, and let the heated water run over me to warm me up. And when he slid down to wash my legs his lips met between my thighs and I couldn’t help but give in to his tongue.
He was no Taeil but he knew enough to make me try and steady myself against the slippery tile and grip onto his hair tightly. It was relaxing to finally get off by being eaten out, to just sit back and let him do all the work. It was definitely something I missed. After the shower, we dried off and he put me into some of his pjs (which were tight as all hell on me) and we relaxed in his bed. I got some more water in me and slowly weaned off the rest of the alcohol. Somewhere in the middle of trying to sleep we got lost in each other’s lips which somehow lead to him keeping me against his bedroom wall and fucking me as deep as he could go. Mid morning came and we didn’t want to get up. So of course the next option was to 69 then fuck me into the mattress. Just when I thought I would finally be able to leave he wouldn’t stop kissing me as I got to his bedroom door and we had a proper deja vu moment of last semester.
By the time I actually got home it was late at night and I was sore as all hell. I left him covered in hickies, scratches, and bite marks- my typical calling card- and he left me wanting to sleep for days. I collapsed on my bed unmoving for hours on end and barely making it to class the next day. Johnny was there of course and I tried my best to avoid him like the plague. That was always the hardest part. When we were on our highs, being next to each other radiated chemistry and we would rather pass the time sexting than paying attention. When we were on our lows, everything was ice cold and I detested even being within his vicinity. He still wouldn’t open up to me or even let me tell him that it was okay to cry. He didn’t need to worry about that with me. Of course he wouldn’t listen and we were stuck in a frozen tundra that didn’t let us move one way or the other. I tried my best to instead focus on studying for once. My grades were alright but they could definitely be better and I didn’t want to have to waste more money repeating classes. I spent my nights hitting the books and hoping I could retain enough information to pass. I was holed up in my room as usual when I heard knocking on the front door and i wondered if maybe Quinn forgot their keys. It seemed a little early for them to come home from being with Jae. I set my textbook down onto my desk and padded towards the living room. When I opened the door I hated what I saw.
His eyes were bright red and he reeked of menthol and weed. He leaned against the door frame, a big grin on his face that happiness didn’t seem to be the cause of. “What are you doing here?” I whispered in disbelief.
“What am i doing here?” He licked his lips and chuckled. “What are you doing fucking Taeyong?”
My eyes went wide. “Did he…did he tell you?”
“He told everyone in our chat. 5 times, huh? That a record or something?”
I backed away from him hating how he was acting and being hurt that what I did was blasted over some group chat. I couldn’t believe Taeyong would do something like that. I had stated plenty of times who i had hooked up with but it was on my terms, with my permission, not like gossiping around a watering hole. “You need to leave.” I swallowed hard and didn’t look at him. My voice was too unsteady for that.
I heard the door snap shut and looked up to find him looming over me. “Not a chance. Not until I make you forget all about that stupid bastard.”
He grabbed onto my sweater and pulled me towards him, easily overpowering me to crash his lips against mine. I clawed at his coat, digging into the soft fabric as I tried forcing myself away. I slammed the side of my fist into his chest and pushed him back. “NO! You don’t get to do this! You don’t get to come back into my life whenever you decide to! I’m not something to have at your convenience and I sure as hell don’t need you to keep leading me on.”
“Leading you on? Where am I leading you too?” His hands still had a hold of my neck and shoulders which I could not shake.
I could feel the tears already trying to come forth but i grounded myself, dug deep within me to stop them. “Leading me to you. I always get led back to you.”
“You don’t want to get led back to me.” He laughed. “I’m fuckin’ useless!”
I grabbed at his hands, wanting them off me. “Stop that! I’m not your fucking therapy and my purpose is not to fix you.”
“I don’t want to be fixed! I want to be fucked!”
“And that’s another layer to your goddamn problem, Johnny! Life isn’t all about diving into sex to make yourself forget! You need to reevaluate what’s going on in your life before you put your hands on someone else’s.”
“I don’t want you to have Taeyong on you.” He kissed me, gentler this time. “Or Lucas.” Another kiss. “Or Taeil.” A small lick. “Or Yuta.” He sucked on my bottom lip for a second before kissing me again. “Or anyone else.”
“You cant have me all to yourself. That isn’t how this works. You don’t want me, you only want what you see on the surface. You don’t give a shit about what’s beneath and you definitely don’t want to see it.”
He released me from his grasp and scoffed. “The surface? I’ve let you dig inside my brain more than anyone else in my life. You’re stuck inside there now, you can’t move. You know how sick i’ve felt, how weak i am, how less of a man i am-”
“Save that bullshit, Johnny! It’s not true! I told you it was okay to cry! It doesn’t mean you’re less of a man! It just means you’re a normal human being. Men can cry. Men can show emotion and they should. I just wanted to help…to be there for you.”
“You’re wrong. I’ve always had to be the man. There wasn’t any room for me to cry!” He screamed. “You want to talk about not wanting what’s beneath the surface? You’re already there, Eri. You’ve seen everything I could possibly hate to show anyone.”
“And yet you’re coming to me just so you can be buried inside something for an hour or two. That’s what it’s actually like to feel useless and discarded. I know you don’t fucking care and you never will.”
“This is starting to get messy…it’s a clusterfuck and it keeps growing.”
“You just keep fueling the fire.” I said. “I’m not going back. I can’t. My heart can’t take it. I hate seeing you like this. I hate hearing you like this and I want to help. I really do. But i can only take so much before you start swallowing me whole.”
He grabbed me again, pressing me against the door and trapping me between it and his body. “This is how you help.” His breath was heavy against my neck, tickling the sensitive skin there. I shuddered and failed to squirm away from him. “I know you’re not going to fix me. I can do that on my own, eventually, but right here, right now this is what I want.”
“Well i don’t.” The tears fell and i slammed my fist back against the door, pissed entirely that it was happening again. I shouldn’t be crying over him anymore. “I don’t want to be what you push inside of. You don’t want to know what’s really going on with me. You’d run away from me as much as I want to run from you.”
“You think i’d be scared of what you’ve done? What you’ve been through? Its nothing, Eri.” He grabbed my chin and and jerked my head to the side so he could growl in my ear. “I want you. Raw. Dirty.”
“You want me black out drunk? You want me with a broken hand through drywall? You want me bleeding out in a tub with a knife in my hand? You want me laying on the floor unable to breathe and falling in and out of consciousness? You want me running away from the one good thing i’ve ever had in my life?” My voice trembled again. “You want me hiding who i really am from my family? You want me watching myself be the cause of people’s hurt? Because that’s what’s really raw and dirty. Or do you just want to fuck as always?”
He hoisted me onto his waist suddenly, crushing me now to the point where i could barely breathe. I wrapped my legs around his as he shoved his forehead against mine. “Give me it. Give me all of it, Eri.”
I tried not to kiss him, i really did, but my heart shoved me towards it. My tongue slid out to creep into his mouth which he warmly accepted. It was angry, heated, rushed, and broken- like the entirety of our relationship. I was clutching onto him desperately as if I was trying to shock my system back into loathing him. It didn’t matter if I made drunken mistakes or if he made drugged out ones, every time, we somehow found a way back to each other as if we were tied with a string of fate. “Why?” I whispered when I finally caught my breath. “Why don’t you talk to me? For weeks at a time…it hurts…”
“Because i hate the way I feel about you.” He panted.
I licked my lips and hovered them over his. “How do you feel about me?”
He shook his head. “I…don’t worry about it. I’m faded as fuck right now. It won’t matter what I say.”
“Clearly it fucking does.”
“It’s only gonna get more fucked up between us.”
“It already is fucked up! Were fucked up! This whole shit is fucked up! We were supposed to hook up at the summer party and that’s it!!”
“Yeah and here you are fucking Taeyong and Yuta and whoever else you’d let inside you.”
I slapped him. The first time i’d ever wanted to hit him at all. I would’ve never laid a hand on him especially after all he had been through- i never wanted to be that person. Ever. But he crossed a fucking line and that small dangerous part of my brain was a ticking time bomb. He dropped me then and I fell right on my ass. I scrambled to get up as he stood there motionless.
“Dont…dont ever do that.” He whispered harshly.
“I didn’t want to! But don’t you ever come for who I sleep with! You don’t get to do that! You don’t get to be a hypocrite because you’re fucking jealous! What are you even jealous for? I’m not your girlfriend!”
“AND YOU NEVER WILL BE!”
I felt a stab of pain through my chest that hurt worse than anything I had ever felt before. Was this…was this what Jungwoo felt? Had karma finally come to get me and pay me back for what I did to him all those years ago? It felt like I couldn’t breathe but I could definitely feel the tears flowing down my cheeks like a river. His eyes went wide and he took a step towards me. I took one back before sprinting to my room. I slammed the door shut, pressing myself against it and sliding to the floor.
He pounded his fists against it, begging me to open it. I was afraid he was going to break through the wood with how hard he was rattling the door. I pulled my knees to my chest and buried my face in my thighs, staining my pajamas pants with tears.
“I-im sorry, ok?”
No you’re not.
“I didn’t mean for it to be like this.”
Well it is now, so fuck you.
“I don’t know what I really want, Eri.”
I guess…i don’t really know either. Should you even be my boyfriend at this point? What would I do once I had you? Would my fear of love go away? Or would you make it worse?
“I like when we spend time together. You’re cool as fuck but we…we cant be like that. You know that right? I don’t get with people and stay with them. We can only fuck…”
I hate you. Go away. Leave me alone.
“I guess i’m broken or whatever you want to call it but i’m not a charity case. I don’t want you to pity me or feel like you have to take care of me. Like you said, it’s not your job. But for right now…this is how I handle stuff, just like how you handle stuff your way, you know?”
By being a drunk partied out mess, i know. Hungry for attention, starving for someone to care for them, and completely barren of love but wanting to fill that void somehow.
“I’m not fine. I haven’t been fine for a long time. My anxiety never used to be this bad. I never even used to have night terrors or panic attacks. It just got worse after…after the first time i got…you know, what I told you about before. Then college happened and it was so much pressure and I wanted to make my mom proud and happy and take care of her because my dad never did. You know even when i felt so fucking empty around Rixi, i didn’t sleep for 2 whole days because I was studying my ass off for midterms just to keep my straight A’s?” He let out a soft chuckle. “I have a 4.0, hookup with dozens of girls, work three jobs, go to the gym, and try and do my art. When i say that i run on energy drinks and coffee i’m not kidding.”
That’s adding to your anxiety, stupid. And so is the weed. And your inability to FUCKING communicate. Why do you have to be such a stupid dumb….MAN all the time?!
“I know that doesn’t matter to you-”
It does because I know you’re hardworking and care about what you do. You’re a passionate soul and i love that about you. You’re so dedicated.
“But i dont know…i guess I wanted to tell you anyway. I’m not making excuses. I know what I do is my own damn fault but i just wanted you to know.”
I shifted slightly and reached up for the door handle, scooting away to pull it open slightly. I peeked my head through the gap and he looked at me, eyes a bit puffy as if he had been crying too. He wiped his nose and made it seem like he was put together in his typical Johnny fashion. I still didn’t say anything but he crept his hand closer to me and extended his pinky. I looked at it for a few seconds before locking mine around it. He was quiet for a bit, the tension remaining thick and heavy. The quietness was only interrupted by a few sniffles from the both of us. I wiped away at my tears, wanting to remind myself that this was proof. This was what always happened. Either i ended up drunk or ended up crying when it came to him. Or both for that matter.
I truly felt like i should continue to make myself suffer with him. One look of those soft brown eyes and honey-sweet lips would draw me in and his soothing voice would whisper caring thoughts and expressions. I saw the blushes he had when he talked to me, the way he seemed embarrassed or nervous, but there were always underlying signs that proved he didn’t like me. Most blatantly when he said-no, yelled- that i would never be his girlfriend. Logic told me to run. When had i ever put a man before me or anyone for that matter? Masochism told me that I enjoyed the pain of being rejected over and over again and that it was a game. Lust told me that i loved when he got jealous and growled in my ear. I wanted him to tell me that I was his as he fucked me so deep and hard that I couldn’t move. Greed told me that I wanted him all to myself. I wanted all the attention, all the love, all of him. The good, the bad, and the ugly. And rationality? That bitch was nowhere to be found.
“What saved you…when you tried to um…kill yourself?”
My head snapped up at the question. It hadn’t been posed to me since I met Quinn three years ago. It was something that I blocked from my brain and never reopened. But this was a test, to see if he could really handle what was fucking wrong with me. I squeezed his pinky tighter and finally croaked. “Daniella. She’s uh…she’s my little sister. I traumatized a 10 year old by bleeding out in a bathtub and she called the police and my mom. She tried to stop the bleeding. She cried but she kept pushing through. She was….so mature in that moment. More than I had ever been. She wanted to be there when they admitted me. My mom didn’t believe what was going on- more so in a sense that she didn’t want to believe that her kid was sick. Just like she didn’t want to believe I was gay at first. Eventually, she saw past it. She saw how much I needed her and how much we didn’t want to lose each other. But yeah…that was…it was Dani.”
“You know, her Quinceanera is in a week and I can’t believe she’s already 15. It’s weird how time flies…how I can’t exactly remember it all.” I continued.
“Are you going? To the party i mean.” He asked.
I nodded. “I have to. I’m like in the…so it’s basically almost like a bridal party. It’s real weird. But they pair us up and we walk down an aisle and Dani will come out with her big poofy dress and everyone will look at her and sing ’Las Mañanitas’ blah blah blah. It’s a precursor wedding and weird tradition I hated. So i never had one. And now, mom gets to put all her spite of her not having one and me not having one into an over the top expensive party for Dani, but you know…don’t help me with my student loans or anything.”
“Oh…sounds like a…journey.” I let out a small laugh and he crept closer towards the gap. I opened the door a little bit more. “It was my mom for me.”
“What?” I whispered.
“I was ready to jump off my school building after I got with her. I would see her everywhere on my social media and around town. I had to hide everything about how she made me feel and I felt like I just couldn’t deal with it anymore. I sat on the ledge for a long time, thinking about it and staring at the ground. Just as I decided I was going to jump, I got a text from my mom. It said ‘hi honey, hope you have a great day at school! I love you a lot.’” He rubbed at his eyes and looked away from me. “I still have it saved on my phone- transferred over each time I got a different one. I look at it sometimes when i feel like utter shit. Then I call her.” He sighed deeply and I pulled him closer to me, the door falling open wider. “Have I ever told you thank you?”
“W-what?” I asked, stunned.
“Thank you. For being there for me. When shit hit the fan basically. You and Jae pretty much helped me through a lot. Is that like…a part of working through this? Admitting when you’ve been helped?”
I nodded. “It’s a start…”
He got even closer and kissed me, our pinkies tightening and lips slow and steady. My will was wavering and I was kicking myself again. It never failed. I pulled away and turned my head away from his. He sighed and kissed my cheek. “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry doesn’t make up for a lot of things, Johnny.”
“I know, princess. I know.”
“No, you don’t get to say that word to me anymore. That part is done. It’s only for people who know how to communicate.”
“Ok…” he said simply.
I let go of his hand and moved away from the door. He came through fully, sitting beside me now and set his arm around my waist. He kissed my temple then rested his chin on my shoulder. We stood quiet for a moment, trying to process everything. Nothing had gotten better at all. Everything was more confusing and more painful. I didn’t feel good and I didn’t want him here but at the same time I did. I looked over at his sad eyes, knowing he was truly sorry but still cementing the fact that I would never be his. Hurting was all I was good for and I accepted the karmic punishment.
I grabbed onto his shoulders and his eyes drew themselves to me. I laid nothing but whispers against his lips drawing him in to press himself against me and steal my breath away in a kiss. Gradually, our clothes began disappearing until we were naked in my bed, hands between each others thighs, stroking and thrusting until we were dirty with each other’s release. He didn’t let me go instead opting to grab my hips and keep me flush against me. “I want me on you. Not any of those assholes.”
“I’m not yours…”
“Tonight you are.” He dug his blunt nails into my hips and sunk his teeth into the base of my neck. It hurt with how hard he was biting down but I knew what he was doing; marking me so that whoever i was with next could see the deep bruise he was trying to leave behind. I clawed at his shoulders, whimpering pathetically and about to beg him to stop but he pulled away, pressing softer kisses to the deep marks instead. I shoved his head away seeing the playful smirk he had on his face.
“Ass…”
“You want a bite mark on your ass too?” he asked coyly.
I rolled my eyes and commanded him to get a towel to clean up the mess he made on my stomach. He gave me another kiss before scooting off the bed and heading towards my door. For a moment I thought I imagined it and had to blink twice but i saw him licking his fingers- the same ones that were inside me just a minute ago. He had never done that. Usually he’d wipe them on my sheets or something. I laid back and closed my eyes, tossing away any ideas of what that meant. I felt him on the bed again, gently wiping away his cum off my skin before laying himself between my thighs, his head on my chest. That also surprised me and i wished I knew what the fuck was going on in his head. Was it from all the weed? I didn’t really know how much he smoked before he got here. It could’ve been what helped set off his emotions and express his jealousy about Taeyong.
I wanted to pry at his stupid decisions and actions some more but I was slowly running out of energy to deal with arguing, anxiety, and my mood swings in such a short amount of time. I decided to lay in my self hatred with Johnny on top of me, our breaths flowing together into an easier rhythm. I closed my eyes and set my hand on his head. “Pet my hair.” He grumbled.
“You think that a half fuck is going to solve this?” I said, ignoring his request.
“No. We’re doing what we do best, hurting each other.”
“But why does it have to be like this?”
“Because it’s just who we are, Eri. It’s what we do. It’s how we function together. You want to call it off?”
“Call what off?”
“Being fuck buddies.” Yes was what I should have said. Instead, I shook my head and kept my eyes away from him. “Good…Because I don’t want to stop fucking you.”
“I don’t either…” I said softly. I ran my fingers through his hair now, pushing it back and feeling his sides that were grown out. "Remember when you asked me to feel alive?”
He nodded.
“Do that for me. Maybe me feel like I don’t fucking hate you for what you’ve done. Like i don’t want you more than I need to.”
He stilled against me and didn’t say anything. I could feel him looking at me and when I finally had the courage to meet his eyes I saw that he seemed to be hurt by my confession. Eventually, he mumbled a response. “I don’t want you to hate me.”
"Mostly i hate myself.” I hate myself for loving you.
“Dont, baby…” He turned my face towards his to continue our kiss. “You don’t need to hate yourself.”
“Just shut up, Johnny. Fuck me already.”
“Fine.” He growled and gave quick bites over my breast making me arch against him. I hissed slowly, gripping onto his shoulders and digging my nails into his skin. He morphed his bites into kisses, working to gather my nipple in his mouth to suck slowly but hungrily. Eventually, his kisses got even lower as he discarded my breasts in favor of moving down to the softness of my stomach. A little nibble beneath my rib cage jerked my body towards his mouth, edging my hips into eager swivels. I parted my lips to let out a sweet sigh and a small plead for him to keep going. His tongue dipped into my belly button, making me squirm against the wet heat. I inched my hands back to his hair to return him to my lips and stop his teasing but he had other plans. His hands suddenly came crashing down on my wrists, pinning them to the bed and practically crushing them. I winced at the pain and asked him to ease up but he only snapped at me.
“Shut up and don’t touch me, got it?”
“W-what are you doing?” I asked, nervously.
“Shut. Up.”
I squeezed my eyes shut tight, swallowing hard and full of worry more than sensuality. I tried taking deep breaths but I felt like I was getting more nervous. Johnny was quiet as ever but I could feel his breath tickling against my sensitivity. I licked the dryness from my lips and just as I was about to try and pull away from his hands I felt it. It was small and gentle, just the tip of his tongue working over my clit. My entire body tensed and I remained frozen in place. I feared scaring him, or worse, triggering him. We retreated into minutes of silence that made my heart race with worry. “J-Johnny? A-are you-?”
There were butterfly kisses to my clit before his tongue reached out once again. It covered the entirety of my lower lips, pressing a slick heat over me and gathering the cum left behind from his fingering to trail it back to my clit. He trapped the bit of nerves between his lips, suckling lightly. I knew he was being cautious due to nervousness and unease but it was also amazingly tender and sweet. I dug my teeth into my bottom lip and let out a moan hoping that he would take it as praise and a sign to continue. There was another long pause and my fingers curled in anticipation for more but there was nothing. I opened my eyes and looked down at him.
He was stationary, his eyes glancing over my center and lips trembling. The grip on my wrists got tighter, too tight for even my own liking. “Johnny…you need to let me go.” I said softly.
“No. I-i cant…”
“You can stop now, it’s ok but you’re hurting me. Come up here. Come kiss me, baby.” He looked defeated but saw the pain in my face and finally let my wrists go. I didn’t immediately shake out the numbing feeling and instead waited for him to crawl back up my torso. I held onto him as tight as I could, covering his lips, cheeks, neck in excited pecks. He did it. With me. It wasn’t complete or full or satisfying by any means but it meant so much. “You did so good, baby boy. So, so good.” I cooed.
He hid in my neck and whispered, “I’m sorry.”
I shook my head quickly. “Don’t be. It was good. A great start, ok?”
“I wanted to try…a little at least so you don’t feel like i did when we fucked in the bathroom at the party. You shouldn’t want to feel alive with me because you’re numb. I don’t want that at all.”
“I just wanna feel good is all…” I held onto him tighter. “I don’t want to feel like i’m going to be thrown away.”
“I-i wont…” He swiftly slipped out of the bed and returned with a condom on. He whispered as he pulled my legs around him, pressing himself at my entrance. “I wont…”
“But you can’t promise that.” I swallowed hard and felt him sink into me inch by inch. The rest of my thoughts were voided by the methodical pace of him stretching me open. He ignored what I had said and instead focused on kissing everywhere he could reach as he thrusted slowly. My hands traced the length of his spine, resting in the center of his back and keeping him close. Inside my head I pleaded for him to not go slow, to not be intimate and stir up more dreadful feelings inside the pit of my stomach. Please just fuck me so I can be reminded of how shitty you are. Don’t remind me of how cute and caring you can be. I’m begging you Johnny.
I knew he couldn’t hear me so of course he didn’t stop rolling his hips to have his cock hit every space within me. He was panting softly, gentle moans mixing in every once in awhile. They sounded so precious and I couldn’t help but bury myself in his lips again. His hand pulled mine away from his back just so our fingers could intertwine. Nonono, stop that. For the love of god don’t do this to me.
He squeezed my hand tight and I felt my tears resurface. This is what scared me the most. Not him leaving or him ignoring me or throwing me away. This Johnny, the human, sentimental, emotional man that could have me fall into his arms (and bed) at the snap of his fingers. I was helpless against him and I just craved more and more torture. He kissed away my tears and nudged our foreheads together. “Hey…it’s okay.” He breathed.
It is not okay. It will never be ok. But he took care of me, stilling every so often to regain his composure as i could feel him throbbing and ready for another release. Worst of all was that I wanted him too. I wanted him to feel good, another hurtful self sacrifice because I cared so much about him. I gave him a soft plea to cum for me, which he took instantly. His free hand slipped between us, his thumb pressing small acts of pleasure into my clit as his other hand never left mine. He only squeezed my fingers tighter while my walls squeezed him the same way. Just at the very end his hips made quicker snaps, hitting the back of my thighs and making my back arch from the mattress. And in one fell breath i felt my stomach heat up and the most comforting sensation flowing within me.
My cheeks flushed as I had never felt anything like it before and wondered what the hell did he do differently. Maybe it was because i was so damn love drunk that it made everything seem better when i was with him. It wasn’t until he jerked out of me so harshly that I snapped my thighs shut. “O-ow! Johnny, what the-”
“The condom broke.” He trembled.
“Excuse me?” I couldn’t believe what I had heard.
“Eri. The fucking condom broke.”
I looked down and could see his cum flowing out of me and staining the bed sheets, while the rubber had a slight tear across the tip. Our eyes met and panic slammed into me at full speed. “O-oh my fucking god. Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god.”
“You’re on birth control right?” His voice was an octave or two higher.
“Well no shit! But it doesn’t magically mean it’s 100% full proof! People still get pregnant while on birth control.”
“I’M FULLY AWARE OF THAT ERI.”
“DON’T YELL AT ME.”
“I’M SORRY I JUST…” I noticed him staring at me which made me more uncomfortable.
“What? What else is wrong?” He shrugged but continued to stare. “Johnny. What is it?!”
“Nothing! It’s just…i mean-”
“Oh, you asshole!!” I flung my pillow straight at his face. “I’m literally fucking panicking and you think cumming inside me is hot!!”
“I’M SORRY!!! I’ve never done it before and it just…looks good, ok?!”
“You are the absolute worse and I CANNOT stand you!” I covered my face that was getting heated up by the second. How could he think about that while I was panicking? How could I think it felt good and perfect when i absolutely loathed cum (and was panicking)? We truly were fucking stupid.
“Hey, we’ll be ok. I know we will.” He said softly, reaching for my hand which i pulled away.
“Easy for you to say. You have the easy way out in case that happens.” I grumbled.
He kissed my forehead and laid beside me. “No I don’t, because I wouldn’t leave.”
I turned away from him, shoving my face into the mattress as I felt his cum sticky between my thighs. “Yeah right…”
“I’m serious….i’m not gonna be like my dad.”
“Alright well, we’re gonna stop talking about this. I’m gonna shower and you can go home so I can die in peace.”
“Don’t be so dramatic. You’re not gonna die. It’s just cum.”
“I’m gay! All I am is dramatic!” I huffed as I felt all flustered now and wanted to get away from him. I stood up and cringed at the feeling of it sliding down my leg now. I awkwardly shuffled to pick up my already cum covered towel just to keep me decent enough to get to the bathroom.
“Can you stop saying that? Because i’m like…not a girl.”
I looked back at him. “Well no fucking shit, Johnny. It’s just a blanket term because you wouldn’t understand everything I identify as. Just roll with it. I don’t have time to explain.”
I grabbed my phone and went to the bathroom, locking the door tight. I tossed off my towel and turned on the water, sitting in the tub under the spray so i could suffer in silence. Eventually i ended up plugging the drain so i could sit in hot water for a bit and try and calm my nerves. I tried calling Quinn but didn’t get an answer, even texted them and still got nothing. They were still probably up Jaehyun’s ass or Taeil or someone else. I don’t know. I dialed again and waited patiently.
“Hello?”
“Doyoung, I need you please.”
“Be right there.”
He hung up as that was all he needed to know that something was wrong. I washed up, making sure to get as much of the cum out of me as possible, then rinsed and dried off. As i opened the bathroom door, Johnny was standing in the doorway, hand raised as he was going to knock. I glared at the lit blunt between his lips.
“’M leavin’.”
“Good. Bye. I have someone else coming over.”
He scoffed. “Wow. Okay. Fuck you too.” He turned away from me and headed towards my front door slamming it harshly behind him.
He made me so fucking irritated with his hot and cold bullshit. I trudged to my room and tossed my towel in the hamper, picking up my discarded pajamas and putting them back on. Around 15 or so minutes later Doyoung was in my room with an absolute cringey look on his face. “Look, i’m sorry but i needed someone to tell. You and Quinn are my closest friends and they’re not here. Please Doyoung…i know it’s gross.”
“You liked it…” he whispered.
“Please don’t remind me. I hate myself completely.”
“Why do you keep doing this, Eri? You are literally worth more than that.”
“I don’t know! I wish I knew. I wish I could just leave him but I can’t. Every time I’m mad, he shows me that side of him that I absolutely love.”
“That’s emotional manipulation.”
“It is not!” I protested. “Well…uh…maybe it is? But I don’t think he would be doing it intentionally? Why would he? He can get with anyone. He has gotten with a lot of people. I don’t think I would be any different. After all he blatantly said i’d never be his girlfriend.”
“And how did you feel about that?”
“I cried. Instantly. It hurt so fucking bad.”
“So we’ve come to the conclusion that a) he’s a fuckboy, b) he doesn’t want to be with you, c) he’s emotionally manipulative, and d) he couldn’t care less about what transpired tonight.” Doyoung gave me a shady look which made me shrink away like a scolded puppy.
“Well technically he said he would be there for me and then I kicked him out so…”
“And now you’re sticking up for him?”
“I’m not! I’m just stating facts. Doyoung, i know you’re totally and completely right. But i just…it feels weird. It feels different somehow.”
“I’m kind of sick of giving you advice and you ignoring it. It makes it seem like you don’t even care what I say.”
“No i do!” I grabbed onto his arm, sadly. “I do! i swear! I’m just a fucking idiot. I like to fuck up everything and keep myself down.”
“Why can’t you see that there are better people for you? Even ones that are right in front of you?”
I rested my head on his shoulder and set my hand in his, squeezing tight. “Doyoung, how can I…how can I stop when i love him?”
“It’s not easy to stop loving someone but…no offense- well a little offense because this is going to be hard to hear- you stopped loving Jungwoo because he loved you too much, you can stop loving Johnny because you love him too much too. You can run away and leave without giving him any explanation.”
I pulled away from Doyoung completely.
“I’m sorry for saying that and hurting you, but maybe it’s the kind of shit you need to snap out of it.” He pressed a kiss to my forehead. “And if you’re so worried about what might happen I can go to the pharmacy for you.”
“I-i just need time to think…” i said quietly.
“Well, you’ve got three days until it’s ineffective-or less effective or whatever. You can let me know ok?”
I nodded and felt him crush me to his chest. I held onto him for a long time, happy to feel a friends pure love rather than the tainted mess from my heart.
–
Johnny’s POV
“FUCKING SHIT!” I threw the beer bottle I just finished against my wall, watching it shatter into pieces. What the actual fuck just happened between Eri and I? Tonight was fucked up- no, beyond fucked up to the point where I just ended up more confused and angry then I was before. I paced back and forth across my room while thoughts zoomed in my brain. I tried to break everything down and figure out what i could so I could attempt to get my mind straight.
I was pissed off at Taeyong. He was such a smug little fuck about hooking up with Eri, blasting it all over the chat. And why were they counting how many times they hooked up with her like it was some sort of game? I didn’t want him anywhere near Eri. She was mi-. I stopped pacing for a moment. She wasn’t mine. She is not yours Johnny. She is NOT yours.
My pacing resumed. He didn’t deserve to touch her. And neither did those other assholes. I wanted her to myself. She’s mi-. As i grew close to the door i slammed my head against it, not too hard but enough to try and get it through my skull that Eri was not mine.
I had told her she would never be my girlfriend because I was angry. I knew it hurt her the second it came out of my mouth and I wished I could’ve taken it back. Our conversation was so back and forth she probably thought I was crazy. One minute I was mad, the other I wanted to be with her, comfort her, be inside her and make her feel good. I didn’t want her to feel like shit because of me but I was failing horribly.
What even possessed me to touch her like that? So slow and gentle? It felt like I was having an out of body experience and I watched who I wanted to be for her come out and take over. It was what I wanted to give her for the longest time. Something more stable to hold onto rather than whatever the fuck I was now. But that didn’t go over so well for my feelings. I was faded and more emotional than ever, a bad combination. I wanted to tell her what I felt for her but i don’t even think i’m too sure myself. Feelings were there but what kind? Did I have a crush? I liked her? Wanted to keep being fuck buddies? Did I love her? My body shuddered at the thought. I had never been in love before so how could I know?
I’ve always wanted to be in love and have someone to care about. I knew familiar love and friendship love but not romantic love. I wanted to take my girlfriend to the beach, to Korea, to visit countries across the globe. Take pictures of us for vacation scrapbooks and eat everything we could ever dream of. Go hiking with her and hold her hand so she wouldn’t trip on a branch and hurt herself. Laugh when we thought of a memory we had together or hold her as she cried. But i was also scared shitless of all of that. Could I even be that good of a person to her? I didn’t want to end up being a carbon copy of my dad. Why would I want to be the cause of my love’s suffering and leave them behind with a kid I didn’t care about?
Fuck.
The stupid condom.
I tossed myself onto my bed and groaned. I was scared of that too. I’m only 23 and work at a fucking coffee shop, what the hell was I gonna do with a kid? I’m sure we were gonna be okay but…it still made me a little queasy. Except for the fact that I thought cumming inside her was fucking hot. I was a complete jackass for thinking about it at a time like that but I couldn’t help it. Like me: worried to all hell and back about the condom breaking, also me: holy hell I want to do it again. I facepalmed myself and let out another frustrated groan. I was ready to just throw myself out a window rather than face my embarrassment and mistakes. Now Taeyong was probably going to be up her ass and I swear to god if he got with her I was personally going to go to his apartment and kick his ass.
I sat up and started taking off my clothes, figuring I could just sleep all this shit away and ignore it. I flung everything to a corner of my room and reached over to shut off my desk lamp. I noticed my little keychain that I had got at the bookstore resting on the desk. I picked it up and shut off the light before snuggling deep under the blankets. I kept the keychain close to me thinking of nothing but Eri as I went to sleep.
A week had passed since that weird half fight/half fuck between us and I was starting to get a taste of my own medicine. I hated not hearing from her and I found myself constantly checking my phone to see if by chance I missed anything. She hadn’t even posted on any of her social media that I followed her on. Whenever I would hang out with the guys at lunch none of them talked about her, not even Lucas. I had no idea what was going on. I tried to keep myself busy with school work but found myself thinking of her more than I needed too. Sometimes those thoughts implanted little sinister buds of sinfully delicious fantasies and in the midst of being hurt and confused about where we stood I was jacking off to thoughts of her more than I needed too. It was multiple times a day, whenever I was at home and it was starting to get on my nerves. I shouldn’t have been thinking about her like that when I was the cause of most of this mess but it couldn’t be helped. I was a stupid slut and would rather focus on that then the pain I caused her. I was in the middle of rutting against my hand and mattress only a few seconds away from cumming when my phone beside my pillow lit up. The brightness in the darkness of my room distracted me and I look at the screen, ready to ignore the notification until I saw who it was from. I wiped my hand on my sheets and snatched my phone up, unlocking it and going to the message.
🦇BatOuttaHell🦇: hey
I typed in my simple response quickly.
Hey
🦇BatOuttaHell🦇: come over
Fuck…did she actually want to hook up?
What for babe?
🦇BatOuttaHell🦇: we need to talk.
🦇BatOuttaHell🦇: asap
Talk about what?
🦇BatOuttaHell🦇: come over and i’ll tell u dumbass
🦇BatOuttaHell🦇: I mean it
Give me like 15 mins. Im busy
🦇BatOuttaHell🦇: fine but dont keep me waiting.
I bit my lip and set my phone aside. It made me nervous to think about what she wanted to talk with me about. A small part of me was hoping that I could still get laid and have amazing makeup sex. But first…
–
Eri’s POV
I hated that I had to do this. With every fiber in my entire being. It was definitely up there with one of the worst decisions I would have to make. I didn’t want to talk to him or even make him think that I had forgiven him. I had purposefully ignored him like he had done to me so many times before. Even when he sent me the occasional text I left him on read. It felt good to have that power but I had to cut my reign of terror short when I realized that my problem needed a solution and fast. Time was running out and I exhausted all my resources. I knew I was going to regret this but it had to be done. My stomach was in knots as I waited for him. 15 minutes was a lie, it was over a half hour before he showed up at my place. His hair was damp and he smelled of fresh cologne and soap. I stared at him quizzically when I opened the door. He smiled at me, looking like he was happy to see me while I was mortified to see him. He wasn’t wearing anything fancy either. Just a white crew neck and some skinny jeans and winter coat but he still looked so damn good. Stupid fucker.
“Sooo…” he started, chewing on his bottom lip a little bit. I yanked him into my apartment and dragged him towards my room, slamming the door behind us. “Oh shit, ok.” He grabbed at his shirt, about to take it off when I stopped him.
“No! None of that!” I swatted at his hands. “That’s not what I called you over here for.”
“Oh…” he said, dejected.
I rolled my eyes. “Look, i don’t have any other choice. You were the last person on my list, so don’t like flatter yourself.”
“What is going on? You’re making me suspicious.”
I sighed. “Will you be my boyfriend?” Oh jesus christ no, not what I meant!!
“Excuse me WHAT?!” He screamed.
“AHHH FUCK, I MEANT PRETEND. PREEEETENND. PRETEND TO BE MY BOYFRIEND!!” I tried to correct myself.
“AGAIN, WHAT, AND I CANT STRESS THIS ENOUGH, THE FUCK?!”
“Ugh! Okay okay, back peddling.” I took a deep breath trying not to fuck this up even more than I already had. “Just hear me out ok?”
“You better start talking asap, bro!”
“I need someone to come with me to my sister’s Quinceanera this weekend. I have literally asked every single one of my guy friends and they’re all "conveniently” busy. I seriously need help.“
"Why can’t you take Quinn or something?!”
I sighed. “Johnny, if I show up with a girl as my date my grandparents would disown me and it would make a huge scene at the party and I can’t take that away from Dani. My family has this thing where they obsess over asking me if I have a boyfriend or not. I’m the oldest cousin so according to them I should be married and pregnant by now. My mom tries her best to keep them at bay but if I just show up with someone they will at least be civil for this party. Please. I don’t have anyone else. I wouldn’t be asking you this if it wasn’t a huge deal for me.”
“Well that sounds like a personal problem. Sucks to suck.”
I was shocked that that was actually his response. It was a good effort I guess but I was stuck doing this alone. I hoped to all hell nothing would happen that would ruin this for my little sister. It was completely stupid that my family judged me based on who I loved or wanted to be with, that every question about my life had to revolve around me having a man. It always started with a blanket question, one that seemed innocent enough, but then veered into “when will you get a boyfriend?” territory. Not only that but I still had to be on the down low whenever I was with them. Dani knew and so did my mom who was still working to be supportive but that was it. I knew I couldn’t tell other people in my family. If I went alone I could just suck it up and be miserable the whole time which at this point looked to be my only option. “Sorry to bother you…” I said as i sat down at my desk. I lowered my head onto the top and tried to figure out a way to smooth things over with my family for one night.
“Eri…is this really that serious?”
I raised my head up and looked at him. “Yes. I just want things to go right with this, for her sake. I’m literally the black sheep of the family. I’m darker than everyone, my hair is curlier, i’m queer, i play in a heavy metal band, i’m not ultra feminine, and i’m as far away from traditional as possible.” I tried again to convince him. It was turning out to be more pathetic than I hoped for. “I will promise, like absolutely promise, to be nice and civil with you if you do this for me. Please Johnny?”
“What do I get in return?”
I sighed and rolled my eyes. “Whatever you want. I’m too desperate to fight you on this.”
“Anything I want? You’re serious?” He asked. I could almost see the deviousness going on in his head and instantly regretted it. But I swallowed my pride.
“Anything.”
“Ok. I’ll think about what I want and let you know. I gotta dress up or something?”
“So you’ll do it?” I practically jumped out of my chair.
“Yeah, i’ll do it.”
“Fuck, you stupid bastard! You’re the best!” I threw myself on him, wrapping my arms around his neck in a tight hug. “It’s tomorrow night. We have to drive two hours to get to where I live. It won’t end until late so we can get a motel if we’re too tired to drive back.”
“A motel, huh?”
“Don’t even start, please.” I went to pull away but he set his hand on the small of my back, keeping me close.
“Tell me what you want me to do.” He lowered his head towards mine, getting dangerously close to my lips. I swallowed hard.
“W-well…wear something nice and don’t be an asshole. Um…pretend like I’m the greatest thing to ever grace your life? Hold my hand or something…or hold me in general. Follow all my lies and try to remember them. Be prepared to be grilled by every woman in my family and subject to a bunch of sexist and misogynistic comments from my stupid uncles. They’ll be some kids there running around and loud ass music. Um…you may have to dance with me.”
“Oof…I’m not a great dancer.”
“It’s fine, i don’t dance much either. Oh and don’t get drunk. Oh! And don’t let me get drunk. I think that’s the gist of it. I may think of other stuff on the way there. Is that all ok?”
He cupped my face in his hand while the other held mine. He lowered himself to my lips and kissed me gently, barely teasing my tongue with his own and making my heart feel like it was about to burst. When he pulled away my lips kept following him not wanting to let go. He chuckled softly and looked directly at me. “Mi amor, siento que no puedo vivir sin ti.”
I shoved him away. “BITCH, WHAT THE FUCK?!”
He cackled loudly, clutching at his stomach. “Is that “boyfriend” enough for you?”
“Where the hell did you pull that from?!”
“You said it’s a Quinceanera right? I figured I could put my 6 years of Spanish class to good use. How’d I do?” He was still laughing up a storm while I was ready to call off the whole thing. I couldn’t believe he would be able to possibly understand my stupid family.
“How much do you know?” I asked.
“Enough. I’ll mess up every now and again but I think i could pull off a conversation if I needed to.”
“Christ. Ok…If they say something to you just pretend you don’t know anything. I know they’re gonna talk shit and then you can come back and tell me. That’s all we’re gonna do, ok? Ok. I’m gonna throw up.”
“Why? I won’t mess this up, okay? I know she’s important to you. We’ll be civil remember?”
I looked up at him and nodded. “Thank you, Johnny. Seriously.”
He shrugged and shoved his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “It’s cool. So what time is my hot date picking me up?”
“Probably around 4, i’m sure I’ll need to help set up and stuff. And help with makeup. We can get dressed at the motel because I do not want to walk in heels in the snow and i also don’t want to mess up my dress. Where I live my mom said that the snow is more melted and they have clearer sidewalks so I should be good there.”
“Alright, sounds good…so…what’s our plan for tonight?”
I raised my brow, confused. “What do you mean?”
“I came all the way here and I figured we might…We could practice for being a couple tomorrow.”
“You’re going to give me a bunch of hickies and I can’t have that.”
“That’s the pot calling the kettle black. All you do is bite and scratch like a little chihuahua.” He laughed.
I stomped my foot down and huffed. “I am not a little chihuahua!”
“How about I make them where everyone can’t see? Then we won’t have any problems, hmm?”
I crossed my arms and pursed my lips together, hating how devilishly convincing he could be. He was a natural born flirt and it made me want to punch him. I nibbled my bottom lip contemplating if I should really give him the satisfaction. He pulled his coat off and yanked his shirt over his head, showing me his perfectly toned chest and how low slung his jeans were. Asshole. I grabbed onto the waistband of his jeans and pulled him close so we could crash our lips together. He pushed me back onto the bed and crawled on top of me, shoving his tongue past my teeth and coaxing me to moan in his mouth. I grabbed onto his shoulders and shoved him down so I could roll on top of him. “What’s the real reason you were late?” I asked as I dug my nails into his stomach.
“Jacking off.” He grabbed at my tshirt and tried pulled it up but I shoved his hands away and pinned his wrists down.
“I knew it, pig.”
“You act like you don’t do it. How many times have you showed me what you like doing when you’re alone, hmm? When we facetime and I call you late at night?” He teased.
“Shut up, Johnny. You’re so fucking annoying.” I dove my head down to bite at his chest, leaving harsh kisses in my wake. He tried moving his hands but i kept him pinned, liking the fact that he was the one squirming for once. I moved just a bit lower to land a few bites before licking through the center of his chest and up his throat. His entire body practically caved in on itself with how hard he shuddered.
“Fu-fuck…” He licked his lips and tossed his head back, moaning deeply. I blushed as I watched, feeling myself become victim to how good he looked. I resisted the urge to suck on his neck and went back to his chest, taking his nipple into my mouth. I knew this would truly make him squirm but i didn’t expect how hard his hips would buck. I moved my head away from him to over hover his face.
“You’re not being a very good boy are you?”
He opened one eye to glare at me. “When am I ever?”
“I think I should stop. I’ve got a lot to do tomorrow.”
“Oh don’t you play that game with me, Eri! That’s not fair!”
I moved away from him completely and made my way over to open my bedroom door. “Out.”
He sad up with an incredulous look on his face. “You’re kidding?!”
“You’re being bad so you get nothing. C'mon now.”
“I’ll be good then! Whatever the fuck that means!”
I shook my head. “I’ll pick you up at 4, ok?”
“Fuckin’ hell!” He got up, his jeans visibly tighter and pulled his shirt back over his head. He grabbed his coat and made his way out of my room with the biggest pout on his face. Just as he had stepped out of the door frame he turned back to me. “Can I ask you something?” He propped his forearm above his head on the frame and looked down at me.
“What?”
“Besides us freaking out…did you…did you like it when I came inside you?
My entire face felt like it was on fire and took a step back as if that would somehow prevent him from seeing my embarrassment. "I-i-i-i have n-noooo idea what you’re t-talking about!” I stuttered.
“I mean, did you like the way it felt inside you? Like how hot or how deep it was?”
“Please stop talking!” My voice was now a squeaky whisper.
Johnny smirked and ran his tongue over his teeth. “I guess that answers my question, doesn’t it? See ya tomorrow, Eri. And don’t forget, you owe me one.” He winked at me and headed towards my front door, leaving me more flustered than ever.
–
I spent the whole two hour ride telling him about which one of my aunts would grill him the most and which cousin got pregnant first and who’s baby daddy was a complete failure and which of my uncles was most likely to get drunk and cause a scene. I was sure he wouldn’t remember any of it but I was trying to over prepare him for the shit show that was my family. I also needed him to make a good impression so it would look like he was actually happy to be dating me. Fake dating me of course. We checked into the motel first and I spent most of my time being frustrated with my hair and trying to curl it the way I wanted it. It just barely cooperated and i wasted about half a can of hairspray trying to keep everything in place.
My makeup was more softer and neutral than normal to go with my pastel pink floor length sweetheart neckline dress (which made me feel lowkey so pretty). Dani’s theme colors were pink and mint so I was able to at least wear something I would like. Just as i had slipped on my gown i realized there was no way I could reach the zipper in the back. I huffed and squirmed, trying my damndest until I finally gave up. I opened the bathroom door just a crack and peeked out. My heart basically exploded and I wouldn’t normally say that my basement could flood in two seconds but this was definitely one of those times.
Johnny was checking himself out in the large mirror on the other side of the room. He wore black pinstripe pants that hugged his ass like a dream. The sleeves of his dress shirt were rolled to the elbows and a fitted grey vest covered his torso. He adjusted the black tie around his neck, fussing with it until he seemed comfortable enough. He had an extremely nice watch on one wrist and a silver chain bracelet on the other. A few simple rings decorated his fingers and his black dress shoes seemed to sparkle in the fluorescent lighting. His hair was even freshly faded and his bangs trimmed and slicked back. Lord have mercy I wanted to die. I swallowed hard and took a few deep breaths before I called out to him.
His honey brown eyes shot up to look at me and I gripped the handle of the bathroom door tighter. “What?”
“Could you um…help me zip my dress?”
He sauntered over to me I tried to keep myself within the tiny gap of the open door but he pushed it open leaving me exposed to all of his handsome glory. He found the zipper and slid it up slowly, making sure the fabric didn’t get caught in it. “Do you want me to tie the sash thing too?” I nodded meekly and felt his hands smooth over the fabric under my chest and slide back to gather the ends to tie into a bow. It was such a simple thing to do but it had my body turning warmer by the second. I caught him looking at me in the reflection of the mirror above the sink once he was done. He looked shocked, licking his lips as if he was trying to say something but not being able to get anything out. I turned my head back towards him.
“Do I…do I look okay?”
He shook his head as if to clear his thoughts. “Yeah, you look alright.”
“Oh…” I said softly. Just alright.
“I mean like you look good, you know? Um…yeah, real good.”
I avoided looking at him as I slipped out the bathroom. I didn’t have that much time left before we had to head over and I still had to wiggle my feet into heels that I was sure would break my ankles as soon as I got into them. I struggled to get them strapped around my ankles, huffing when my boobs got in my way as I doubled over to reach my feet. I sat down at the small desk and tried to angle myself another way but it was still just as frustrating. “Need help with that too?” He asked.
I nodded, defeated and he came in front of me, landing on one knee. He slid my dress up to my thigh and took my foot in his hands, delicately securing the straps around my ankle. I couldn’t help but feel like Cinderella in that moment, even if my so called prince charming was a fuck boy. “Thanks.” I said softly as I stood up. He rose to his feet too and it was weird to almost be face to face with him, instead of staring at his chest.
“Oh, i don’t like this.” He joked. “I’d like you to stay mini sized.”
“Yeah well they won’t be on for long. They’re already killing me. I just need to get through the walk and first dance and then i’m tossing them.” I nibbled my lip for a moment before pressing them to his, which seemed to catch him a little off guard. “Hmm, it’s nice to not have to stand on my tiptoes to kiss you.”
“Hm, let’s hope that walk goes fast. I don’t like those heels either.” He smiled at me and offered his arm. “Ready now?”
I grabbed my clutch from atop the desk and nodded. “You have the room key right?”
“Yep.” We headed out of the room and towards the parking lot to my car. “You know, the pastel pink is really nice with your skin tone.”
I straightened up at his compliment. “You really think so?”
He opened the door to my car and lead me to sit down. “I know so.”
I laughed nervously. “A-are you practicing your boyfriend skills?” I tried to make it sound like a joke but he just shrugged and went over to the passenger side to get in. I swallowed hard and clicked my seat belt into place before revving up the engine. “Oh, remember how I said if I told you my government name I’d have to kill you?”
“Yeah?”
“Well you’re going to hear it tonight and if you so much as ever repeat it you won’t have a dick, got it?”
“Why not? It can’t be that bad!”
“Trust me, it definitely is.”
–
“ERIANNALISSE!”
I cringed. I cringed hard and wanted to shrink away into a minuscule molecule and be non existent. I didn’t even want to look at Johnny to see what he was going to say. I could practically hear him trying to cover up his snickers. I sighed and put on a fake smile as my aunt came to me with arms wide open to capture me in a death grip hug that could snap my spine in half. “Ay, mija! Look at you, you look so pretty!” She paused. “Have you gained weight?”
“Nice to see you too, Titi.” I grit my teeth and tried to ignore her shade. Her eyes went over to Johnny, looking him up and down and squinting her eyes a bit.
“Eriannalisse, quien es este?” She asked who Johnny was.
I grabbed onto his arm, digging my nails into his bicep. “This is my….boyfriend, Johnny.”
He waved and grimaced through my death grip. “Hi. Nice to meet you.”
“Hm…” Was all my aunt said. “Titi Carmen has been wanting to see you. I’m sure she’d want to meet…Johnny.”
“Yeah, i’ll go see her in a bit! I have to find mami and Dani first.”
My aunt kissed both of my cheeks and left to go join the gossiping group of women in my family who all suddenly turned their gazes from their champagne flutes to Johnny and I. I turned my back towards them and looked up at Johnny. “I will literally pay you .25 cents to kill me. Just make it quick.”
“Don’t be so dramatic, Eriannalisse. What’s the worst that could happen?” He smirked and laughed a bit which made me frown.
“Johnny, I told you don’t call me that. I’m serious. They can call me that because they don’t recognize who I am as a person. You can’t.”
“O-oh…is it a gay thing? Like one of your gay things that you won’t explain to me?”
I sighed and looked down at my feet. “Yeah, sort of. I’ll explain it to you eventually. Just not now ok?”
He took my hand in his and gave it a squeeze. “Ok, i’m sorry. I won’t say it again.” He leaned down just a bit and gave me a soft (rated PG) kiss which made me smile.
“It’s just hard being around them…I wish it would be a fun time but-” I suddenly heard vicious clacking before arms were thrown around my shoulders.
“ERIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!” I recognized the overly excited voice and looked up at my modelesque baby sister. “I missed you so much!”
I kissed her cheek and turned around to properly hug her. “Hey, happy birthday.”
“You’re like almost my height!” She said, looking down at my heels. Dani was so graciously blessed with being 5’8”, skinny, with straighter hair and caramel skin as opposed to my milk chocolate. Her eyes were the perfect shade of hazel with flecks of green that sparkled perfectly. She was only my half sister as our fathers were different but we were raised both the same, save for the fact that she was a model and I was the throw away. “You look so pretty. I’m glad you’re not in black- Yooooooooooo, who is THIS!?” Her attention turned to Johnny, her eyes wide and mouth practically watering.
“Uh…hey.” he said sheepishly.
“This is my boyfriend, Johnny.”
Dani laughed and slapped my shoulder. “No, really!? Who is he?”
I pouted. “I’m serious. He’s my boyfriend.”
Dani looked at me then stepped up to Johnny. “What’s her favorite color?”
“Pastel pink.” He answered.
“Favorite food?”
“Pizza…and pasta.”
“What instruments can she play?”
“Guitar, and she sings.”
“What’s her favorite anime?”
“Sailor Moon.”
Dani squinted her eyes. “When’s her birthday?”
Fuck, he didn’t know that. I grabbed Dani’s arm, trying to get her attention from ruining our facade. “Dani, can you not grill him please? It’s bad enough Titi Lisa and probably Titi Carmen are talking shit about us already. Also, I haven’t told mom yet.”
“You haven’t told mom yet?! How long have you been dating?”
“It’ll be four months in December.” Johnny added. “We started dating right when the semester started. We have a class together and I thought she was cute so,” He shrugged. “Here we are.”
“Yeah but you’re hot. Eri has never dated anyone this hot before.”
“Well gee, thanks Dani! And i’ve dated cute people before!”
“Yeah cute, not hot. He’s hot. If you’re not going to keep him, I’ll take him.”
“You’re fifteen!” Johnny and I said at the same time.
Dani shrugged. “I mean…”
I held my hand up. “Don’t even go there. He’s like-” How old was Johnny anyway? “Way older than you. Stop being an instagram thot for once. Where’s mami? I need to know when she wants us to line up and start this.”
“I think at 8 exactly, but she’s running around like a chicken with her head cut off. I’ve just been chilling with my friends for now. This dress weighs like 50 pounds and I’m sweating like a whore in church.” Dani fanned at herself and hiked up the bodice of her dress. I looked at her poofy dress that was a beautiful array of soft Monet colors but way too 90’s barbie cake topper. It wouldn’t have been my first choice but I was sure mami wanted it to look as traditional as possible. “Oh, by the wayyyy, I know you have a boyfriend now but mami invited Josue.”
I straightened up completely when I heard that name. Josue was my childhood crush. He was older than me and I never stood a chance with him but we always played together. Once we kissed in my backyard and told me that he wanted to play house with me and be the daddy. I had been in love with him up until I was 12 when he moved away to a different state. “Jo-Josue? He’s coming? Here? Tonight?” I squeaked.
“Who’s Josue?” Johnny interjected.
“Josue is Eri’s big ol’ crush from when she was younger. All they did was play house together and be mommy and daddy and make kissy faces at each other. Then they kissed for real and he touched her chichi’s! But they never lived happily ever after because he moved away.”
“Dani, por favor, why do you have to be like this? I’m just happy to know he’s going to be here. I haven’t even seen him in like…almost 7 years. Besides I’m with Johnny now so it doesn’t matter.” I forced his arm around my waist and he clutched onto it tightly.
“Uh-huh whatever. Have you not followed him on Insta? There’s a lot of nice gym pictures. He hit a growth spurt. He’s like 6”3’ now.”
I swallowed hard. “Really? O-oh wow…”
“Sounds like a tool.” Johnny scoffed. “Ya’ll got beer at this place?”
Dani nodded towards the bar at the back of the venue. “Just fight my uncles off before they drink them all.”
“Cool.” He dipped out completely, leaving me and my sister to be swept away by our mother who had just stepped in like she was out of breath. She hustled to get us all lined up and ready like a bridal party ready to walk down the aisle. I sighed as I stayed in place, shuffling a bit as my feet already started to hurt. My mind started wandering to my childhood crush. Memories started bubbling to the surface; he had been my first kiss, the first to get to second base, and the first person I had wanted to be my boyfriend. He was three years older than me and I didn’t stand a chance with him. But his name was written all over my notebooks until I got my first girlfriend.
I couldn’t help but peek around a bit, wondering if he was already in the venue. I didn’t have much time to investigate as our entrance music started playing and pair by pair we walked into the main dance floor. I was walking with one of my younger cousin’s who I rarely spoke with so I barely paid attention. He had to yank me back a bit when I walked too fast and it made me want to punch him. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Johnny leaning against the back wall nursing a beer and watching me intensely. I smiled in his direction, letting him know I was still trying to be civil but he just took another sip and shoved his hand into his pocket. I wondered if he was ignoring me on purpose or if he genuinely didn’t see me. I chewed on my bottom lip almost getting swept up in my thoughts, that was until I saw Dani walking into the room.
Even though I had seen her just minutes ago now that all eyes were on her she looked sparkling and glowing. I’d never seen her look so beautiful before and it brought tears to my eyes that I tried wiping away as soon as they surfaced. I was a proud sibling then. She meant so much to me that I hoped that this day always reminded her of the happiest times she had in her life. We had our ups and downs but for the most part I was always there for her as much as she was there for me. She embarrassed me and I made sure I had to keep her in place before she got too out of hand. Even though I was far away from home now, I knew we would always remain close.
The floor was hers now and we dispersed to let her have the spotlight. I retreated to one of the circular tables while her and our mom shared a dance. It was normally meant for a daughter and her father but since neither of us had them in our lives our mother was the one who deserved to have that dance. I felt a touch on my shoulder and turned to see Johnny sitting behind me at the table. “Want some?” He said, offering the beer which i denied.
“I hate that kind. I’ll leave you too it.”
“She looks nice.”
“She’s a little shit but I love her.”
“I could say the same about you.”
I whipped my head around to stare at him wide eyed. “W-what?”
“I meant like you’re chill! Like i like you. Not like like you but like we’re cool. Uh…you know.” I stammered.
“Right…yeah, um…ok.”
“You wanna dance?!” He said, changing the subject quickly. Dani and my mother had finished their sentimental dance and the dj had switched to some reggaeton/trap mix Dani most likely requested.
“Uh, you mean make a fool out of ourselves?”
He shrugged and chugged down the rest of the beer in a few gulps. I guess it wouldn’t be so bad. My cousins were already grinding with whoever they invited or dancing in groups and laughing. We could probably blend in without being too weird. I kicked off my heels and stood up, extending my hand for him to take. I should’ve had a drink before I even agreed to this. My stomach was already in knots and my anxiety was making me feel like I was going to look stupid but he took my hand and we found a spot in a little corner of the dance floor. I stood in front of him waiting for him to make a move but he just stood there with his hands in his pockets. Why the hell did he keep doing that? Was it a nervous habit?
“So…” he said.
“Are you gonna like…move?”
“I’ve never danced to this sort of music. What do I do?”
“Literally it’s the same as rap music in english. You just sorta…” I gestured towards my family. “Grind on each other and act a fool.”
“So you turn around and just like put your ass against me?”
“Oh my God, have you never done that before?”
“Listen I was a dork and went to high school with a bunch of white kids and we like listened to Ke$ha and Britney Spears. What do you want from me?” He laughed.
“That’s unfortunate.” I joked. I turned around so my back was against his chest and I set his hands on my hips. “I’m not the best but I figure I can put my ass to use.” I worked myself back against him, swaying to the music a bit in hopes of getting him to respond.
Instead he laughed nervously and held my waist tighter. “How do people not get boners doing this?”
“I mean that’s what the song 'Too Close’ is about. Don’t tell me this is turning you on already.” I teased.
He lowered himself to face level and turned my head towards his to kiss me. I held it for a bit, enjoying the way the warmth of his tongue flowed over mine until I realized if my mom caught me doing this my ass would be grass. I pushed him back gently. “Johnny! I can’t do that. Behave!”
“C'mon, I at least need to have a little bit of fun while I’m here. And then when we get back to the motel we can-”
I felt a tap on my shoulder then. Johnny and I both looked up to see a tall, absolutely golden, green eyed adonis that looked like he could pick me up and toss me around in an instant. If I could have heart eyes I definitely would. I let go of Johnny instantly, almost pushing him away as my heart started to skip beats.
“Eri!” I knew it was him instantly even if puberty hit him like a freight train and gave him a deep bass-y voice that made my hair stand on end. He opened his arms to scoop me up and crush me to his barrel chest which smelled of high priced cologne. My feet dangled just a bit when he lifted me. “I can’t believe it. I haven’t seen you in ages!”
“Oh my god, Josue…Jesus, you’re huge.” God I hoped he was huge everywhere.
He laughed and I tried not to show how much it affected me. “Oh yeah, I’m really into that health and fitness thing. You really uh…wow. Definitely not a teeny bopper anymore.” He set me back down and adjusted the sleeves of his suit jacket.
“Yep! Got bigger boobs now, haha!” Why did I say that? WHY???
He licked his lips a smiled a bit. “I can definitely see that.”
Johnny cleared his throat deeply. Josue turned his attention to the man behind me. “Oh hey, I’m Josue. Who are you?”
“I’m her boy-”
“This is just Johnny!” I interjected with a nervous laugh. “Just Johnny! Want to go get something to drink? We can catch up!”
Josue flashed his incredibly perfect teeth. “Yeah I’d love that.” He set his giant hand against the small of my back ushering me away from Johnny.
“Eri!” Johnny said sternly.
“I’ll just be quick!” I mouthed to him, letting myself get whisked away. He didn’t seem too happy about that but I could let him sulk for a bit. I was too preoccupied at the moment anyway.
–
Johnny’s POV
That was fucked up. Way more than fucked up and I was pissed off beyond belief. She was the one who begged me to come with her so she would survive her family. Now she was head over heels for some dude she had a crush on years ago who looked like the biggest douchebag to ever exist. He was taller than me and more built, had perfect teeth and no lisp. I wanted to punch him dead in the jaw.
I didn’t know what to do now. If I went after her it might cause a scene which I didn’t completely want. I still knew that this party was important to her sister and unlike her I wasn’t being an asshole for once. I could get another drink and maybe get away with being a little tipsy but her loud uncles were hogging up the space and the bartender’s attention. I grumbled as I sat back down at the table. my arms crossed as I contemplated leaving her and going back to the motel by myself.
"What are you pouting for?!” Dani said as she plopped down next to me, her poofy dress seeming to expand.
“Nothing.”
“Where’s Eri?”
“With precious Josue.” I said bitterly.
“Ah, so he finally found her. I knew he would.” She drummed her nails on the table thinking over her next statement. “You’re not dating my sister are you?”
“It’s complicated…”
“You’re fuck buddies?”
“Yes.”
“I figured as much. She can’t never lie right when it comes to me. So, you’re in love with her then?”
I snapped my head towards her. “Excuse me?”
“You’re in love with her right? I mean that’s the only reason you would be sulking over her because Eri went off with her new papi.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about. I’m not sulking.” She was definitely Eri’s sister with how she blurted out things without consequence.
“Look, if you want to win her over you need to definitely do something that will make her remember you. Not that I want to hear about my sister’s sex life or even think about her getting p or v action, but if you got something she might like, go for it. And do it before she ends up going to Josue’s hotel.” She craned her neck to see where Eri and that asshole had gone off too. “Looks like he may have already given her his number.”
I looked in the same direction, my anger only getting stronger. They were huddled over their phones, laughing, with Eri casually (but noticeably) keeping her hands on him. I didn’t want to “win her over”. I wanted to stake my claim and tell him to fuck right off. The grip on my biceps got tighter the more I stared at them. “Ay, you got a younger brother?”
I turned my attention back to Dani, a bit grateful that she was distracting me enough to not go apeshit. “What? No? I’m an only child.”
“Wack. But like if you’re not gonna date Eri then likeeee…”
“You’re fifteen! I’m not going to jail nor am I interested.”
“Ok, ok…but like do you have any younger friends? What flavor Asian are you? Chinese? Or like them ones that dance on tv? The um…the Korean ones!”
“Oh my God.” I ran a hand over my face. “Yes I’m Korean. And no I don’t have any friends your age. My only young friend in Toronto is 18, which is still illegal.”
“Dammit. You know Eri be listening to that stuff right?”
I pulled out my phone, wanting her to take a hint that she was now annoying me without being too rude. “Doesn’t surprise me when she fucks half of Asia.”
“All her hookups are with Asian guys?”
“As far as I’m aware. But who fuckin’ knows.”
“Oooohhh I gotta mess with her about that. Guess she trying to get that carribean dick now.” She cackled and slapped my back hard as she got up. “Call me, ok?!” She said as she finally left me to join the gaggle of teenage girls that were her friends.
I rubbed my temples and took a few deeps breaths. I needed a smoke, badly. I looked to see if Eri was still stuck to Josue’s side but they were nowhere to be found. I looked around the dance floor trying to see if they might have gone there. Sure enough she was grinding on him now, definitely not as awkward as she had been with me. She was practically bent over and ready to get fucked by him. Fuck it. I stood up and weaved through everyone dancing to make my way over to her. I stood in front of her, watching as she came up from shaking her ass.
“Can we help you?” Josue yelled over the music to me. I rolled my eyes at him and took Eri’s chin in my hand giving her a deep kiss. She stumbled back a bit and gripped onto my vest. When i pulled away i licked my lips, tasting the slight flavor of her lipstick.
“Johnny!” She exclaimed.
“What the hell are you doing?” He asked, in his macho voice, trying to one up me.
“Oh, you didn’t know?” I grabbed onto Eri’s waist and kept her close to me. “She’s MY girlfriend. You had your fun catching up right?”
“Eri, you didn’t tell me-”
She looked panicked as she glanced between us. “No, wait- It’s just-”
“Come with me.” I growled in her ear. “Now.”
“Johnny , I swear to g-” I kept my arm around her waist and lead her towards the front door of the venue. When we were in the clear she whipped around to face me. “What the actual fuck?!”
“I should be asking you the same thing! You’re really gonna ditch me to throw yourself on him? After you begged me to come here?!”
“I wasn’t throwing myself on him! We haven’t seen each other in 7 years! So excuse me if I wanted to talk with him.”
“Hard to talk to him with his dick practically in your mouth! What is wrong with you?!”
“Why are you being such a jerk again! You always do this!” She yelled.
“You’re the one being the jerk this time! I’m fuckin’ pissed. When are we leaving?”
“Leaving?! I have to stay here for at least a few hours! Clearly you don’t know how these go.”
“No, Eri, i fuckin’ don’t. But I do know that you going off with someone else while I’m supposed to be your boyfriend blows our entire cover. So either you fucking act right or I can leave right now. You sister already knows were lying.”
“Fuck!” She stomped her foot and sighed. “I knew she would figure it out. She better not tell anyone.”
“I’m pretty sure she won’t have to with you being stupid. Get me my cigs from your purse wallet thingy.”
“Get you-? Get it yourself! I’m freezing and I’m going back inside. And maybe i’ll still be talking with Josue!”
I grabbed her arm and held onto it. “Eri, do you want to go there? Really want to go there?” My eyes caught hers and i could see how hard she swallowed. Her chest was heaving chest a bit and trembling with the cold.
“What are you going to do?” She sniffled.
“Do you want to find out?”
“M-maybe.”
I let her go then opened the door, guiding her back inside. “Then keep it up. I dare you.”
She stayed quiet then but shuffled ahead of me quickly. I realized I had made her walk outside without her shoes on or our coats but it was whatever at this point. I needed her to know that I wasn’t playing games any more. She was mine.
–*
Eri’s POV
I could barely keep up with Johnny’s long strides from the parking lot to the door of our motel room. He continued his little tyrade of sticking by me and keeping me from Josue, never letting go of my hand, or my waist, even when he went through the ringer of meeting more members of my family. Him being pissed off had me pissed off and it didn’t help when my family told me how fat I looked, or asked when Johnny and I were getting married, or why I had spent so much time in college, or even that what I was studying wasn’t going to get me a real job. It made the entire rest of the night absolutely fucking miserable. Not to mention when I told my mother I was going to spend the night in the motel with Johnny instead of driving home at midnight she blew up on me, saying that it wasn’t right and insisting that I stay at the house. I refused to and I had no idea why she still thought I was some sort of Virgin de Guadalupe or some shit. It was another fight to end this magical night. I gave up and just wanted to take a hot shower, put on my fuzzy pajamas on and possibly smoother Johnny with a pillow as he slept.
Johnny barged into our room, not even bothering to hold the door open for me. I didn’t even want to deal with him since I was still mad at my mother for treating me like a child. I went straight to prepping for my shower, tossing my clutch and fake eyelashes on the desk and my phone on the bed so i could plug it in to charge. I unzipped the dress as best as I could without his assistance and shimmied out of it, leaving it a puddle in front of the bed. I didn’t care anymore. Not one bit. After I showered I pulled the too short towel around me and went back into the shared space. Johnny was sitting in the chair, feet propped up on the desk and tie loosened. He was glaring at me and I swallowed hard at the intensity. He dropped his legs and leaned forward in the seat, undoing the first few buttons on his dress shirt.
I tried to ignore the effect he had on me and instead went to my duffel bag to try and find my pajamas. He stopped me as I passed by him, grabbing my wrist and pulling me in front of him. “Ow! What’s your problem now?!” I asked, still trying to clutch onto my towel so it wouldn’t fall.
“This night was complete bullshit. I’m your boyfriend and all you could do was throw yourself onto that guy and embarrass me in front of everyone.”
“I wasn’t throwing myself on him!” I argued again. I hated that he was saying that. So what if I found Josue incredibly attractive and felt like a preteen again as soon as I saw him? That was my business and not Johnny’s.
“You grinded on him, got his number, and had your arms around him for minutes on end. You made me look stupid. I’m your boyfriend, Eri.”
“Fake boyfriend.” I corrected.
“That’s what I meant.”
“Why should you be embarrassed then?!”
“Because your uncles didn’t think that I was man enough to keep you with me. And your aunts talked shit about me all night.” He pressed himself up against me making the edge of the desk dig into my lower back. “You said you were going to be civil and you were far from civil.” He set his hands on either side of my hips, keeping me in place.
“A-ah, Johnny…back u-up.” I whimpered and avoided looking at him but he grabbed my face roughly.
“You wanna try that shit again, Eri? Hmm?”
I could feel his fingers digging harshly into my jaw. “I didn’t do anything wrong! You’re just a jealous prick that-”
He pulled away from me and shoved me back onto the bed, instantly hovering over me. My towel fell open just like my legs and he pinned both my wrists above my head in one of his large hands. I swallowed hard and felt my heartbeat increase. I had no idea what had gotten into him and i was partially thinking about what Doyoung had said about Johnny. Was he actually trying to manipulate me and make me feel bad for being with Josue? I bit my lip as I thought, wondering what his next move would be. “Get off me.” I tried to sound strong but it was a pathetic attempt.
“Open.” He demanded.
“W-what?” What the hell did he want? I figured it out quickly as three of his fingers dove down my throat almost making me gag. I squirmed against him, trying to edge my head away but he was adding more of his weight onto me as his fingers plowed into my mouth. His knee was pressed right into my center, the residual wetness from the shower dampening the fabric. I tried swallowing around the invasion when his knee started to rock into me.
“Suck harder, Eri.”
I didn’t dare look at him. His voice was doing something to me as always. Stirring the pot of emotions and hormones that made me fall into a space of complete submission. This wasn’t like his usual ways though throughout or hookups I could see the dominance poking through. Now he was another person that I was desperate to get to know. I tried my best to suck deeper at his fingers, sliding my tongue around them and providing them all the wetness they hopefully needed. I knew exactly where they were going and i was going to be stretched far beyond my imagination. With his thrust his rings kissed my lips, shocking me with a bit of cold and excitement. I edged my tongue around the silver as best I could given the invasion that took up most of my mouth. Slowly the metal warmed up and I pressed my thighs against his, feeling a tingling throughout my center.
He pulled his hand away sharply, making me cough as his glistening fingers dove lower. Two were rushed inside me making my knees jerk up towards my chest and toes curl. I was already crying out his name, wanting him to slow down just enough for me to catch my breath and adjust but he ignored me. Instead he was working in the third finger, forcing my walls to flex and waver around him. He was already digging my arousal out of me. I could hear it so blatantly echoing in our room. I buried my face in my arm beside my head, still being unable to free my hands though I struggled as much as I could. He seemed to like that struggle as his fingers curled deep inside me, knuckles pressing against my entrance, the rings threatening to push past and fill me up too.
“Fuck, Johnny!!!” I cried out as my thighs almost snapped shut. It was starting to be too much and I could feel myself already crawling towards an orgasm.
“Quiet.” Was all he said as he pulled his fingers out to give me some relief from the pressure. I was throbbing and gaping around the stretch he left behind, my whole lower half practically trembling. He finally let me go and sat down on the bed. He splayed his legs open, unzipping his dress pants and beckoning me over to him. “Get over here.”
I shook my head, raising myself to my knees and shrinking myself away. I wasn’t scared of him, far from it. I was definitely turned on more than anything but I wanted to push him further than he had ever been capable of. He wanted to be a jealous boyfriend that pushed my buttons well I was going to push right back. “You’re being a jerk. I’m not giving you the satisfaction, especially after you decided to barge in there with your giant ass fingers!”
He lurched forward and grabbed onto my arm before I could wiggle away. He yanked me to his chest then gripped the back of my neck hard. Our eyes met before he pulled me close to his lips. “I like it better when you don’t talk.”
I squinted at him, almost in shock that he used my own line against me. “You fucker.”
He pressed me down towards his lap though I tried to resist as much as I could. It was no use as he was stronger than me and I was face to face with his growing length trapped within his briefs. His hand was now digging into my hair keeping me firmly in place. I landed a bite to his hipbone making sure he knew I wasn’t too pleased in the way he was handling me. He hissed out my name and arched his hips, his nails digging into my scalp. I wrapped my hand around his, trying to pry his iron grip away while adding kitten licks to the outline of his cock. That seemed to soothe him a little as I heard him exhale through his nose as he relaxed back against the wall. His nails quit marking my skin and he opted to push my hair away from my face gently instead of trying to rip it out.
I slid his briefs back and guided him towards my mouth pressing kisses down the shaft before licking back up to the tip. Once I got to the tip, I took him in, swallowing his head completely. I shifted my hips to raise my ass higher for him to look at knowing it would tease him. I looked up at him and saw the full pleasure that was written across his face. His eyes had closed, his lips pressed together, and his fingers trailing down to open more buttons on his dress shirt. I popped off him and placed kisses up his stomach with each new area that became exposed. “I can tease that little spot that you like.” I smirked and added a slow stroke to his cock.
“Actually, I have a better idea.” He shoved me down onto my back and straddled my shoulders, his cock now hovering above my face. I couldn’t move with his weight on me and I was trapped between his thick thighs. He tapped my lips with his cock which I absolutely hated. I slapped at his stomach but he remained stoic. He only moved to shove himself down my throat, propping one hand against the wall while the other kept my head in place. He worked quickly to rock his hips against my face making me claw at him. I wasn’t used to this sort of thing, even with all of my experience, and it hurt like all hell. I was trying my damnedest not to gag around him but it was impossible given the fact that he was ramming into my throat. My eyes watered and tears fell against my will. My nails dug into his hips as I silently begged for him to slow down.
He was moaning my name, more than he ever had before, completely lost in the pleasure of torturing my throat. He looked fucking amazing, I had to give him that much, even if I hated what he was doing to me. I loved the way his hair was coming undone from the gel he used, the way his dress shirt lay open and his tie dangled above me like an invitation. The way his thighs stretched out his dress pants was a dream and I wanted to touch every part of him. I reached for the thinner end of his tie, pulling roughly so it zipped up to his throat. He lurched back at the sudden pressure and looked down at me. He must have seen my fucked up state because he pulled out, leaving me grossed out by the messy spit that connected us still.
"Fu-fucker. That hurt” I croaked.
He pulled off me completely before lifting me up to sit in his lap. He wiped away my tears and I buried my face in his neck, clutching onto his vest. He kissed at my cheek, pulling me away from hiding. “You ok?”
I sniffled and nodded. He worked his hands over my sides and hips trying to soothe me more. Of course he couldn’t help himself and gripped my ass tight which made me laugh just a bit. “I’ve never done that before…”
“Really?” He asked, surprised.
“Ok, I’m a hoe but like there are some things I haven’t done before. You have to remember you dick is huge, dude. I’m small.”
He gave me soft tender kisses and tucked my hair behind my ear. “I know, princess. I’m sorry. But don’t think you’re getting away with this shit either.”
I pouted and crossed my arms over my chest. “I stand by the fact that I didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Hmm.” Was all he said before he tossed me face down onto the bed. I looked back at him as he discarded the rest of his clothes, dangerously holding his tie in his hand. He mounted me, as I was completely his to take and wrapped the loop of the tie around my wrists, pulling tight. “You like this don’t you?” It was supposed to be a command but I could tell it was mostly an uneasy question and he needed permission to continue.
I nodded and smiled at him. “I like it a lot, daddy.” I gave him a quick kiss sealing my consent. I threw out my rule of not using our titles with one another since he couldn’t actually communicate but in this moment I need him to know that I was his to command and I was giving him as much power as I would allow.
He wrapped the length tie around his fist, keeping a firm hold on it. His other hand jerked my hips up while his knee nudged my legs apart as far as they could go. My ass was raised, arms outstretched, and my body was trembling with excitement. His first thrust was swift and hard. I could hear his hips snap against me and I was barely able to hold myself up in that moment. My arms shook weakly and I dug my fingers into the sheets as my mouth curved into a silent moan. He was almost too deep for me to handle and every slam into me seemed harsher than the last. I couldn’t really keep up. It was overpowering and I wanted to scream my pleasure into the tiny room though I could barely even mumble a word.
My fingers curled as I tried to send tension to my arms instead of my weakening legs. It was useless though and I could feel my stomach tightening. He landed a slap to my ass just as I tried to pull away from him and regroup. I hissed and bowed my head, breathing out his title again. Suddenly, my phone buzzed by my head, the screen lighting up and distracting me. I turned to see who it was and winced. This was the worst time for him to call.
Johnny pressed my head into the mattress and sped up his brutal thrusts. “Why don’t you answer it, Eri? Let him hear how good you’re getting fucked. Tell him who’s really your boyfriend.”
I opened my mouth to say anything but all that came out we’re soft croaks. I panicked when I saw him reach for my phone and I struggled to move to try and block him. “D-dont, please don’t.” I was finally able to say. He let go of his grip on the tie wrapped around my wrists and instead set it around my neck. The call disappeared much to my relief.
“What a shame Eri. Let’s see if he calls back or if he took the fucking hint.” I swallowed hard and nodded, biting into my lip to try and still my moans. He quickly latched his teeth into my neck, sucking deeply like he always did when he wanted to mark me. “Stay on all fours, got it?”
I propped myself back to my elbows as he forced my thighs to rest on the outside of his. I could hear his moan of satisfaction at the sight of me splayed open with his cock stuffed inside me. I wanted to shy away and hide but he wouldn’t let me of course. He resumed his grip on the tie, pulling it taught around my neck and constricting my air flow. My eyelids fluttered and i wondered if this was heaven. Jesus, it felt so amazing even if every muscle in my body felt like it was burning and my insides were a scrambled mess. While he made my back dip by pulling my neck by the tie I felt his other hand slid down from my hips to my wetness, flowing over my clit. I was grateful for the extra attention and wiggled my hips to rock back against him and dive further into his fingers.
His finger started to trail from my clit to dance around my gaping entrance and just like before he pressed the long digit in little by little until it was almost as deep as his cock. I pleaded for him to stop, it was too much, too overwhelming for my overly sensitive walls but he kept working away at my torturous pleasure. That, coupled with his thickness, made the tendons in my legs strain as bliss shot through me. My moans mixed in with my strangled pants as he dared to press a second finger into me.“J-johnny!!” I rasped. “It’s too much!!”
He pressed his body weight harder against me, keeping me pinned so I would have no way from escaping the overstretching. “You’re not going anywhere.” He whispered harshly in my ear, making me shudder. He curled his finger then, the pressure of his knuckles against his cock, and the sliding of his rings against my heated walls made me clench meekly around him. Johnny enjoyed seeing me writhe beneath him, seeing me try and focus on being a good brat when in reality I was starting to unravel into a brainless mess. Nothing had a hold on my attention like the buildup he was creating inside me. I could barely process the words he was saying to me with how fuzzy my senses were. He curled his fingers deeper getting right to the root of my pleasure. The head of his cock was edging as far as it could go within me, his fingers pressed into the perfect spot, and his thumb brought back smalls swipes and circles against my clit. It was a haphazard clusterfuck of intense sensations that all culminated into a harsh orgasm that sent my mind reeling. It felt like my cum rushed out of me, painting my thighs with a deep warmth that was astounding.
I squeezed my eyes shut as my entire frame trembled. My muscles seized, tensed, and finally gave out. I fell forwards, collapsing onto the bed in a breathless heap. My lower half practically felt numb and I tried to concentrate on not passing out. It wasn’t just the physical fatigue, the mental and emotional fatigue of the entire day weighed on me in that moment. My few seconds of recuperation was cut short when Johnny pulled his fingers out of me. I felt another gush then, making me a bit confused as to how wet I really was. It definitely felt different and I could hear Johnny make some remark though his words weren’t registering. He said something else and I nodded weakly, agreeing to whatever he had posed just for me to have the ability to relax soon.
But that was definitely wishful thinking. He yanked me almost to the edge of the bed and continued his brutal fucking. I let him grip onto the back of my thighs as he huffed out growls and moans. He was swelling inside me, making me wince yet encourage him with mumbles that I thought were words. His fingertips dug into me harder and that sweet heat spread throughout my body again. I smiled and relished in the feeling of him pumping into me, slower and slower, until he milked himself completely. I laid there, unmoving and enjoying the way he felt inside me like I always did until I i lost myself in sleep.
–*
Johnny’s POV
I felt her move beneath me and there was a stickiness and sweatiness between us. I groaned as I didn’t really want to move but I needed to break away and get some air. My hand was over hers, my body curled around her, and my cock of course still inside her. It was almost perfect save for the giant wet spot we were forced to lay in because she squirted everywhere. We had both fallen asleep almost immediately after and i just adjusted her in the bed for me to have enough room to spoon her. Now everything made me feel like I needed an hour long shower. I rolled away, letting go of her hand and putting my forearm over my eyes to block out the bright light of the room. How long were we even asleep for?
She mumbled something and groaned, blinking a few times before fully looking at me. “Hey.” She sounded like she had smoked 2 packs of cigarettes a day for the past 40 years and I cringed at my handiwork. She tried clearing her throat but opted that it was too sore and winced in pain.
“Hey…maybe you shouldn’t talk…” She glared at me and I shuffled a bit away so she wouldn’t attack me.
“I feel gross. Why is everything wet? What happened?”
“What do you mean what happened? We fucked?”
“No, no, I know that. But I was so tired at the end-” She paused to rub at her throat. “I felt like half asleep. It was good though but I was worn out.” She laughed softly.
“Well, you’re welcome for that but like…do you even remember your orgasm?”
She nodded quickly, her smile beaming. “Oh yeah.”
“You squirted everywhere and basically we’ve been laying in the soaked sheets because we’re dumb as fuck.”
“Wait…squirted? No, i can’t do that. I’ve never done that.”
“What do you mean you cant do that? You literally did. Twice. The first time when you had your big one and then when i pulled my fingers out. It was like…not how they make it out to be in porn. Like not some weird super soaker spray but like-”
She held her hand up to stop me. “Please don’t describe it any further. I just…holy shit.”
I pulled out of her slowly, never getting used to that amazing feeling. It got me every time. It also sent my cum dripping out of her which was almost as good of a sight as her squirting. “Fuck…”
She wiggled a bit, a look of discomfort on her face. “What the hell?”
“We’ll now we got my cum on the sheets…” I said, partially annoyed. We really had to get them off this bed.
“DID YOU CUM IN ME AGAIN?!”
Her yelling caught me off guard. “Yes? I asked you this time and you agreed!”
“When?!”
“What do you mean when!?”
“I’m sorry if I was too fucked out and tired to freakin’ listen to you blab during sex! But you can’t be doing that! It freaks me out!!!”
“Hey, i asked to cash in my favor and you definitely said yes so I did it. It is not my fault.” I sat up slowly and inched my way to roll off the bed. “Come on. We need to get these off and I think I’m gonna take a shower.”
“Aren’t you worried at all?” She said softly.
“Me? Not really. I told you it’ll be alright. We’ve got everything covered.” It was a lie but I was blinded by how good it felt sexually and I also didn’t want to make her panic more than she already was. I told myself I’d stop after this one last time and not risk it anymore. She didn’t move and I could tell she was overthinking again. I went over to her and scooped her into my arms, holding her bridal style. “I’ll have you get the shower started while I take care of the bed. She held onto my neck and buried her face in my chest as I walked her into the bathroom, gently setting her down in the tub. “You ok?”
“Y-yeah…” She reached up and pulled me in for a kiss that I held for a long time. It wasn’t deep or passionate but more so intimate and warm. I sighed and cupped her face.
“Go, ok? I’ll be right back.”
I pulled away from her which seemed to be getting harder and harder each time. Even if it was just back into the room it felt like a million miles away. I tore off the soaked sheets, glad that the comforter was still mostly dry, and tossed them in the corner of the room. I said a silent apology to housekeeping and hoped to all hell they wouldn’t look at it directly when they put it in the wash. I padded back to the bathroom and slipped in behind her.
“Turn around.” She said and I gave her a questioning look. She sucked her teeth. “I was just about to get the…stuff out.”
“Eri, i’ve literally seen you every which way. Do you really think I care how you look getting my cum out of you?”
“JUST DO IT.”
I sighed and turned around, picking up the little motel bar of soap and ripping off the plastic. I waited for her to finish, getting impatient about being in the cold spot. “Dude, hurry up.”
“THERE IS A LOT OK? You don’t cum like a normal human being!”
“Apparently neither do you, Splash Mountain.”
‘OH MY GOD. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP.”
I snorted and looked back at her. “Can I please get under the water now? I’m freezing.”
She switched spots with me and I finally got under the hot stream, thankful to wash away a whole nights worth of sex. My time under the stream by myself didn’t last long as Eri snuggled up next to me, her hair a soaking mess of waves that framed her face and made her look like a painting of a goddess. “Too cold. I want to be next to you.”
“You big baby.” I joked and ruffled her hair. She pouted and poked at my stomach making me squirm away. Our antics made our shower way more fun than it should’ve been, mimicking the perfect time we had in the tub before I freaked out on her. It was almost like a do over and I was appreciative of that fact. Once we were done and dried we curled up, facing one another, under the comforter. And although we were both fatigued, we stood up for hours talking about shit I never even dreamed about knowing about her. By the time the sun rose I was able to realize that one thing was for sure. I was in love with her.
–
We thought everything would be fine after that, and it was between us, but on Eri’s side things seemed to hit the fan one after the other. Their grandpa, who was back on the island they were from, fell ill. Their mother didn’t let them have a say in anything and whisked them away, making them leave school and work behind. There was a looming threat that they could be fired or even lose their financial aid which worried them just as much as their grandpa’s health. Each night they were gone we would facetime just so I could see them. I missed having them beside me whenever I wanted and it wasn’t even about the sex anymore. I genuinely found that I liked talking to them. There was never any judgement and I started to understand why certain things were important to them. Now I had to be there for them and help them stay strong even though I knew they were crumbling.
I was laying on my side, my phone propped against the wall, as I watched them cry. There wasn’t much I could do, or even say, at this point but i remained on the video. They apologized over and over for crying so much but i reassured them that I didn’t care. They let me know that it was okay when I cried and I wanted them to know the same. “I miss you..” They hiccuped.
I sniffed and cleared my throat, swallowing my own emotions. “I miss you too…you know you have to be there. It’s going to be okay.”
“He’s gonna die Johnny. I know it. I visited him today at the hospital and my mom and my aunts just keep putting this weird bandaid on it. They keep thinking he’s going to bounce back and be able to take care of the house and my grandma and he wont. He literally wont. I don’t know why they won’t just fuckin’ say it.”
“They’re scared, Eri. They’re losing one of their parents. It’s always going to be scary.”
“I know that but I hate being the only fucking rational one here. It’s driving me insane. Just look at him and say he’s going to die! He’s just going to die, Johnny. He’s going to…” They burst into another round of tears and buried their face into a pillow, muffling the heart wrenching sobs. I wish I could be there. I wish I could hold them so fucking tight and never let them go. It hurt me to see them like this.
“Baby, look at me, ok?” They moved their head up and wiped at their eyes. “When you come back here, i’ll be here for you ok? It’s going to be hard but I’ll help you get through this. And so will Quinn and stupid ass Lucas and all your other friends.”
I finally saw them crack a small smile which made me feel a little better. “I know…I-” Suddenly, someone burst into their room. I couldn’t make out who it was exactly as the video started to pixelate. They had a conversation that I couldn’t understand but seemed stressed. They grabbed their phone and finally the video came back into view. “I have to go. I-I’ll talk to you later, ok?!” Before I could even respond the video was cut off and I had my own disturbance burst into my room. I shot up in bed, looking at Jae who seemed to be distressed. Great, was everyone around me having issues at once?
“Dude, what the-” He held his cell phone out in his shaking hand and I could see a call from an unknown number going on. “What?” I asked, still confused.
“Talk. Talk now.” was all he said.
I took the phone tentatively and held it to my ear. My body went into shock as soon as I heard the voice that had haunted me for weeks on end. The voice that made my skin crawl and make me want to vomit. What she said next drenched my blood run cold.
“Johnny, I’m pregnant.”
#johnny#johnny fanfic#johnny smut#johnny suh#johnny seo#nct#nct 127 fanfic#johnny nct#nct 127 fanfiction#nct 127#nct smut#nct 127 smut
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It will be alright, alright, alright | Carrotflakes
Finn reaches out to Nemo and Tae after an argument with Ariel. The conversation sort of devolves from there. Talk of prom, goats, etc. Group chats man.
@justkeepdancing-nemo @moon-yeongtae
Finn: hi Nemo! hi Tae! I hope it's not weird to put us all together in a chat like this.
Finn: it might be weird
Nemo: course its not weird ahah we've group chatted before :heart:
Finn: :heart:
Finn: I want to ask you guys
Finn: well I want to talk
Nemo: yeah? whats up!
Finn: i got in a fight with Ariel?
Finn: i mean not physically
Finn: though she did. got in a physical fight
Finn: with ASHLEY A!
Nemo: ohhhhh yeah i heard
Nemo: at mei's party right???
Nemo: but wait why did u fight ariel then
Finn: everyone's heard.
Finn: well she just
Finn: she's just so
Finn: reckless? i mean she told me not to panic
Finn: and I know I panic a lot okay. but whenever she says that I swear my heart rate picks up ten times because I know something's happened
Finn: and that she's gonna be super casual about it and laugh about it while I have my tenth heart attack of the year
Nemo: oh i see
Nemo: she's not taking your worry seriously, thats why?
Finn: I guess? I mean she never does really. Which I get kind of.
Finn: I worry about everything. I know that.
Finn: but the ashleys are really awful and I'll cry if they do something awful to her.
Finn: I mean it's one thing if it's me, I mean I get it and I'm used to it. but she's my best friend
Nemo: :/ ok well she should take your worries seriously
Nemo: i get why you'd be upset over that
Nemo: and the ashleys arent a joke! they seriously messed with robbie for months under everyone's noses
Finn: I've never fought with her before! But this is so...
Finn: god and Robbie!
Finn: she talked about how you and Robbie were in the burn book too and were 'doing okay' and acting like none of what the Ashleys do is a big deal.
Finn: I reminded her of what they did to me and she said it was more reason to stand up and fight them!
Finn: I wouldn't ask anyone to do that!
Nemo: i mean i think it is important to stand up... i dunno about fight...
Nemo: i just mean that we cant let the ashleys rule our lives but yeah purposefully antagonizing them is bad haha why sneak into a falcon's nest you know!
Finn: they've ruled my life for years so I guess it's hard for me to even think about that.
Finn: i don't want them antagonized and doing awful things to you or to robbie or to ariel.
Nemo: :/
Nemo: i mean i get where ariel is coming from
Nemo: and you too
Nemo: is she really planning to...uh...fight more? what would that even mean? didnt she like punch ashley a or something
Finn: I don't know. I think so?
Finn: she didn't give me details which made me a little more suspicious but after I reminded her about what the ashleys did she said
Finn: ' Youre only giving me more reasons to stand up to them and not let them get away with all of that'
Finn: and
Finn: 'I cant just stand by anymore and im sorry if that makes you upset and that i didnt do something sooner'
Finn: i'd rather be homeschooled again than be the excuse to pick more fights
Nemo: aw jingles i hope she isnt gonna involve you
Nemo [deleted]: i already feel like i made you a target as it is D: sdlfkajs
Nemo: maybe give it a day?? she could calm down! maybe it wont seem so important anymore
Nemo: to her, i mean
Finn: I asked her not to but there's really no telling with her sometimes.
Finn: she really makes rash decisions!
Finn: i hope she will but I don't think so. And now we're not talking so I don't know what I'm gonna do
Finn: besides maybe idk
Finn: do you think Tae would make sure Ariel stays safe? I could make cookies
Nemo: course he would but
Nemo: ...i dunno if ariel would uh, like that
Nemo: i dont know much about her but from everything you're telling me i mean
Nemo: though maybe she could eat lunch with us if that would make you feel better!
Nemo: except ur fighting
Nemo: well after you make up!
Nemo: though maybe having three burn book victims in one place is a bad call....
Nemo: hm
Nemo: hold on let me think ahah
Finn: I just want her to be safe. But I guess you're probably right. she'd hate it
Finn: and I feel stupid for not being able to do anything to keep her safe either
Nemo: well no matter what we would ALL be there for her if she needs it
Finn: I'm so lucky to know you guys.
Nemo: im so lucky i know you finn :heart:
Nemo: im sorry there's more ashley drama ugh
Nemo: if i could go back to new years eve and do it all over again i really would
Finn: there's always drama with the ashleys.
Finn: next year they're gone though from school! and then it'll be fine! it'll be good.
Finn: but I wouldn't change New Years Eve. I did something I'd never do otherwise and I had a lot of fun with my friends before everything
Finn: Ashley A can...she can....ugh I can't insult her yet not even like this
Finn: but you know what I probably mean
Nemo: i can
Nemo: she's a wartface who can choke on tree fungus
Nemo: and ashleigh q is a literal monster who needs to be exorcised from the planet
Finn: I can't believe I giggled at that.
Finn: that's a very unique insult
Nemo: ii got plenty more where that came from!
Nemo: but i will keep them to myself and this group chat!
Finn: hahaha that's probably smart. No need to cause more fights.
Nemo: all i wanna do iis get through school without getting grounded again im really trying not to get into trouble lol
Finn: a good goal to have too.
Finn: it'll be fine. We've all got each other. It should be. Yeah.
Nemo: yeah!
Tae: I CANT BELIEVE I WAS WORKING
Tae: ARIEL FOUGHT ASHLEY A?
Nemo: omg u didnt hear yet??
Tae: no I was in Jun's all work and no play orbit
Nemo: lol did he take ur phone again
Tae: yes next time I'm gonna axe murder him
Tae: THE POINT IS THAT ARIEL KICKED ASHLEYS ASS YAAAAAAAAY
Tae: sorry I hate her
Nemo: join the club aha
Tae: I can't believe he took my phone at such a critical time I'm gonna point to this as an example that u cant just take a teens phone bc their friends might need them
Nemo: well the fight happened like a day ago
Tae: does he have to know that?
Tae: no
Nemo: i dont think this is a very convincing argument anyway tae yah
Nemo: say someone was dying
Tae: right yes also I'm really sorry finn
Tae: I'll protect ariel
Tae: if I can
Nemo: just dont get in trouble yourself
Nemo: can we all try not to get in trouble???
Nemo: we gotta go to prom in a couple of months ago we need CLEAN RECORDS
Tae: sometimes trouble just finds u neems did John mcclane ask for trouble
Nemo: (prom is real right thats not just in movies..........)
Tae: prom is a real (stupid) thing yes
Nemo: tae yah u r going to prom
Nemo: sorry not sorry
Tae: I dont have a suit and we are poor I cant go
Nemo: i dont have a suit and im even more poor and im still gonna go
Nemo: i bet you can wear jun's suit
Tae: jun is an oddly proportioned dorito
Nemo: and you're not???
Finn: pfft
Finn: I'm not going to prom
Tae: I am a beefcake with angelic proportions thank you very much
Finn: oh god
Finn: no
Finn: i mean respectfully
Finn: no
Tae: wow rude
Nemo: what!!! finnyyy you gotta
Nemo: we'll all go together
Finn: please no
Nemo: D:
Nemo: but why not?
Nemo: its not an ashley party, its school sanctioned
Nemo: there will be chaperones right?
Finn: yeah but they'll be there
Finn: they have to to get their devil horns
Finn: i mean crown
Nemo: but there will be grown ups!
Nemo: also lol
Tae: we could carrie them
Nemo: no
Finn: isn't that the scary thing with blood?
Nemo: we'll just mind our own business ok
Tae: :)))))))))
Nemo: we'll dance and eat food and look fit in our suits and be home before 10 because thats my curfew it will be so lame and fun!
Finn: alternative plan: we could not go and have an anti prom hang out
Nemo: but i wanna go to prom :/
Finn: oh. that's not fair Nemo
Finn: i can picture your sad face
Nemo: :((((((((((((((((((((((((((
Tae: you cant go with us anyway nemo u have to go with rooooooobbbbbbieeeeeee
Finn: NEMOOOOO DDDD=
Finn: that's true too
Tae: finn do u wanna be my date? I'll fight everyone for u
Nemo: i wanna go with YOU LOT TOO
Nemo: c'mon
Nemo: i wanna do the big group thing
Finn: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Nemo: we have to go to prom at least once
Finn: remember the last party we went to?
Finn: it can't be that soon to be forgotten
Nemo: if not this year then next year when the ashleys arent at school???
Tae: I cant believe I just put my WHOLE HEART ON THE LINE and finn ignored me
ya_bae_nemo [this is a snapchat]:
Finn: WAIT I'M SORRY
Finn: TAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Finn: dgpsodjpgojgspdgjdsg
Nemo: i meani really wont make you guys go if you dont want
Finn: if i were a prom person i would definitely go with you tae of course
Finn: wait
Finn: why do i have to feel GUILTY
Finn: meanies
Tae: nemo I'm asking for a date shut ur mouth
Nemo: sorry i just realized i was doing the same thing i did at new years!!
Nemo: im the worst lol
Finn: omg NO
Finn: no you're NOT
Nemo: nevermind nevermind we'll do anti prom this year that sounds fun too
Finn: stooooop it right there
Nemo: seriously you're right anti prom could be cool
Finn: Nemo
Nemo: i mean it!
Finn:
Nemo: i could go to prom prom next year!
Finn:
Finn: stop
Nemo: WHAT
Finn: ugh i don't wanna fight with more than one friend today and
Finn: who's to say prom wouldn't be fun if
Finn: and ONLY IF
Finn: Mr. Hot Date over there doesn't leave for another hot date ever
Finn: during the time of this
Nemo: we arent fighting
Finn: it feels like we could and i don't wanna make you sad
Tae: I'll stay by your side the whole time
Finn: wow
Nemo: no im not sad at all
Nemo: you arent making me sad
Finn: you sure?
Tae: only bc u called me hot ;)
Nemo: its too early to be talking about it anyway!! who knows maybe robbie will dump me and i'll be too depressed to go to prom lol
Finn: omg. you're both going to kill me
Finn: here lies Finn
Finn: rip
Finn: and if Robbie ever dumps you
Finn: he'd be the BIGGEST IDIOT ON THE PLANET
Tae: nemo u r literally so dramatic ok robbie is so far up ur ass hes like coming out ur throat
Finn: that's gross tae
Nemo: im just saying its literally three months away
Tae: WHERE IS THE LIE FINN
Finn: too vivid a mental picture
Tae: what's our color scheme picasso
Nemo: the theme hasnt even been announced
Nemo: u cant decide that yet tae yah c'mon even i know that
Finn: can i make our clothes?
Tae: oh hell yes you can
Finn: :heart:
Tae: also nemo u can always decide first if ur not a coward cmon
Nemo: i think the theme makes it fun
Tae: ok fine ur right bc I could be something cool like die hard then I could wear a tank top and no shoes
Nemo: id just go shirtless
Finn: nooooooo
Nemo: rub myself up in blood and oil
Tae: hahahaha
Finn: sounds like the most terrifying form of prom
Nemo: its HOT
Finn: blood and oil?
Finn: gross
Tae: yeah Finn it's for the aesthetic
Nemo: its so i can take out the germans
Finn: ......
Finn: what
Tae: have you never seen die hard either
Finn: no?
Nemo: omg you dont know my husband john mcclane!!!
Tae: do I have to do all the work around here
Finn: i guess so
Finn: you've never invited me for a movie night this isn't my fault DDD=
Tae: nemo we have to make him watch die hard with us
Nemo: duh!
Finn: is it a scary movie?
Nemo: yes
Nemo: but cool
Tae: no
Finn: ....
Nemo: there's guns and stuff
Nemo: and death
Finn: ahhh intense
Tae: yeah and a really ineffectual police department
Nemo: people die hard lolol
Tae: I learned that word today
Tae: ineffectual
Nemo: i dont even know what that means
Nemo: tae yah dont get smarter than me
Nemo: its not fair lol
Tae: good because I probably used it wrong LMFAO
Finn: no
Finn: you did fine!
Finn: :smile:
Nemo: see finn is already smarter than me
Tae: jun bought me a word of the day calendar bc I called myself a dumbass last week
Finn: wahhhhh
Nemo: ahhahaha
Tae: so maybe I wont sound like a dumbass while still secretly being the biggest dumbass ever
Finn: you are NOT
Tae: UNDERCOVER DUMBASS HAHAJAHA
Finn: D=
Nemo: i'll still sound like a dumbass
Finn: DD=
Nemo: hopefully i'll be cute enough to make up for it
Finn: you guys are making me sadddddddd
Nemo: :kissing_heart:
Tae: nemo ur the cutest it's ok tell him hes cute finn
Nemo: im kidding finn i mean im not super smart or anything but im a fairy so who cares
Finn: you're smart and funny and kind and cute?
Nemo: oh jingles
Nemo: i really wasnt trying
Nemo: i didnt mean i mean i really was kidding !!
Tae: yeah and I wanna be a cop and if you've seen any movies you dont have to be smart to do that either
Nemo: now im blushing
Finn: my friends are great! i just wanna hug you guys when you say stuff like that about yourself
Finn: and we can talk about pots and kettles but i won't hear it
Finn: today at least
Nemo: also thats tru tae yah all cops are terrible except for hopefully one day u
Nemo: well finny you ARE also smart and funny and kind and cute too
Nemo: and kind of a bad ass wow
Nemo: i promise i wont call myself a dumbass anymore
Finn: i'll try to believe everything but the badass part lol
Finn: but good :heart:
Finn: YOU TOO TAE
Tae: I promise I wont call myself a dumbass out loud anymore
Tae: lmfao sorry
Finn: -.-
Finn: fine i guess
Finn: sorry. i just really love you guys a lot
Nemo: i love you too :slight_smile:
Nemo: tae is just okay :slight_smile:
Tae: that's me ok tae
Nemo: what we call it
Nemo: u
Nemo: tae just ok moon
Nemo: wow saying it like that was weird
Tae: lmfao
Finn: tae a great friend moon
Finn: moon great friend yeongtae
Tae: yeah I hate it too just put moon first white people it's not hard
Nemo: omg ok is in tokki
Nemo: tOKKi
Finn: people should figure out how to say names right though
Nemo: mine isnt actually hard im lucky
Nemo: people butcher my appa's its awful
Tae: tae is easy it's like Taylor's swift
Finn: I think they'd butcher mine
Nemo: Taelor Swift.
Finn: but only my mom and aunt called me it anyway
Nemo: tae yah thanks for giving me so many great nicknames for u
Finn: taelor swift is good lol
Nemo: wait finny u never told me your birth name?
Tae: if u call me taelor swift i might kill everyone
Nemo: i didnt realize you had one
Finn: yeah I don't go by it so most people wouldn't xP
Finn: dad said it was 'too hard' to say
Finn: and they named me Finn
Nemo: yeah i get it i dont go by nammin either
Tae: i'm gonna pull a power move and use my goat's name
Nemo: omg dont
Nemo: tae yahasdfja
Finn: isn't the goat just
Finn: no wait never mind
Nemo: dont get him started
Tae: MY GOAT HAS A BEAUTIFUL NAME NEMO
Nemo: i know that tae yah
Tae: i'll just walk into class one day and pronounce myself Hanuelbyeolimgureumhaennimbodasarangseurouri
Nemo: theeeeeeeeeere it is
Finn: my eyes
Finn: what am i trying to read
Nemo: ha nuel byeol im gureum hae nnim bo dae sarang seurouri does that help
Finn: i wish it did
Tae: HAHAHA it's basically the most genius sibling win ever
Tae: i named my goat something that basically means more lovely than the sun sky and stars which are, coincidentally, my sister's names HAHAHAHA
Tae: it is my legac
Finn: oh my god. i'm a lot slower on trying to read hangul and I got some of it
Nemo: it IS pretty hilarious
Finn: but not all
Finn: wow
Nemo: and the goat IS pretty sexy
Tae: the sexiest goat
Nemo: i want her to call me oppa
Tae: HAHAHAHAHA
Nemo: >)
Finn: oh my god
Finn: so is this gonna be
Finn:
Finn: not judging
Finn: lol
Nemo: whoa is that a movie about a romance between four men and a goat
Nemo: humans are wild
Finn: i honestly don't know. I just know this movie exists
Tae: that's one i've actually never seen so i can't help
Nemo: im gonna believe its a romance between four men and a goat
Finn: should we find out? watch die hard and then
Finn: a goat movie
Nemo: i will watch anything so sure!!
Tae: that's true he is a slut for movies
Nemo: hey
Tae: um i've seen more than u so
Tae: i'm the biggest movie slut around
Nemo [deleted]: well u werent called a whore so
Nemo: lol true
Finn: we could do a movie night at my place?
Finn: or yours if you want Tae buttttt
Tae: no yours is fine
Nemo: if its yours i can play with pannieeeee
Finn: i was about to brag and show a picture again
Finn: i guess i don't have to
Finn: xP
Nemo: were u gonna show a picture of pannie!!!
Nemo: you read my mind!!1
Finn: i mean Pannie is a treasure! i will definitely cuddle him for all scary things!
Nemo: guess that means i gotta cuddle tae yah
Nemo: sorry tae yah ur stuck with me
Finn: guess so. we could both cuddle pannie too, i could share i guess
Finn: check this out
Finn:
Tae: HIS SHIRT
Nemo: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Finn: he gets to be stylish with me
Nemo: U DID NOT
Nemo: did u make that!
Finn: of course!
Tae: there is no way nemo will cuddle me now look at him
Finn: well if nemo desperately wants to cuddle pannie i gueeeeess i could cuddle you tae if you're sad
Tae: it's okay i'm a big strong man who doesn't need cuddles lmfao
Neems: I CANT BELIEVE U MADE THAT
Finn: oh. so you don't want to cuddle me? D=
Finn: so very sad
Finn: nemo cuddle me with pannie
Neems: i will cuddle anyone who needs it tae yah knows im a big rotten coward
Neems: HE LOOKS LIKE A GENTLEMAN
Neems: sorry im still not over it
Finn: =DDD
Neems: u should make him a little tie :((( id cry
Finn: ooooo that's a good idea
Finn: i'll make him a black tie so he can feel fancy
Finn: or black bow tie?
Neems: both!
Neems: one for the office one for special occasions duh
Tae: tie the tie around his head so he looks like a karate master
Finn: i think he'd just chew that off
Finn: but i like the creativity
Tae: thank u i'll be here my whole life
Neems: tae the tie master moon
Tae: omg that sound cooler than taelor swift i'll take it
Finn: a bit wordy though. TTTMM
Tae: just call me tm
Tae: traDEMARK BITCHESSSSSS
Finn: hahaha
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“to all admins (who are so beautiful it is sO UNFAIR) : it’s me!!! sofia ahaha and im sending this a lil early because i wont be home for christmas (:p) and i’d like to thank all of you because i can’t send over gifts due to the ocean. damned water.
somewhere in december, i think on the 14th??? i will have known this blog for 5 months ! which isn’t that long but im looking forward to spending many more weeks and months on this wonderful blog. all the admins are so, so friendly, nice, amazing, interesting, beautiful, etc etc. thank you for talking to me ! thank you for being here for me during the tough times! thank you for your advice, thank you for your jokes, your rants, your posts, your everything. this blog has given me as much joy as seventeen does. really! i’m so happy i stumbled upon this blessing of a blog when i was still a baby carat and needed more knowledge.
but please, you guys, get enough rest okay? i heard that someone (like joshua’s wife cough) doesnt get enough sleep and i swear im flying over. all of you are humans and you need rest. you all are in school and you need rest from school (which can be a pain lets be honest) and a break from writing. remember, we, as your readers and fans, care more about your health than how fast you answer our asks. we want you all to be happy and we wish we could give you back the happiness youve given us with this blog. i hope that in 2018, the blog will earn many,many more followers, the admins will make many more friends, and get more supporters (ok but i still dont understand why and how people send hate to the admins?? like fuck you man, these people work so hard arghhh don’t send them hate just because you’re pathetic and lonely and deprived of love and all the good things in life. Legit everytime I see a post about a hater i want to throw a pan at the shithole who hated on these amazing creatures. @jun @minghao @hoshi @scoups jom let’s go beat up the haters im bringing my frying pan and my sunat knife y’ALL BETTER WATCH OUT LATER KENA I SUNAT YOU)
drink water, not alcohol : okay sO YOU’RE TELLING ME THAT A HUMAN IS ALLOWED TO BE A TALENTED WRITER, PRETTY ENOUGH TO BE A MODEL AND BE A SINGER ????? JESS IDC WHAT YOU SAY YOU ARE G O R G E O U S YOU’RE SO QR3UBFD-BGQIF and you’re so talented and friendly and n i c e. You’RE SO HARDWORKING AS WELL YOU’RE IN YOUR LAST YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL AND STILL WRITE ON THIS BLOG AS OFTEN AS YOU CAN (it really touched me when i told you me and my best friend were fighting and you sent me tons of dino pics and tagged me in pictures of him. that really cheered me up , thank you :D) i think you’re the first admin i started to talking to hahahaha and even though im really annoying you still talked to me? like ?? i heard that you’re in your last year of high school and i wish you the best of luck !!! do only what you want to do. Don’t stress about choosing the right college/uni or the right course, just do what you want to. Please take your time with the blog, college tends to stress writers out and whenever you feel stressed rEST PLEASE. pls make many many new friends in college and have a better diet than ramen 24/7 which doesnt sound too bad but that’s a lot of sodium. i hope everything goes well for you but remember if anything goes wrong or u just wanna talk im here! love youuu bb.
10:10 : ok sERI. WE REALLY NEED TO FIND TIME TO TALK because whenever i text you you’re in class and whenever you text me im about to sleep (damn these timezones) sighh. it’s okay if i ever have kids, i’ll sell them and buy a plane ticket to meet you. okay when i first started talking to you i was really impressed because you’re really..tough? like i really people with thick skin and people who don’t give a shit about what other say and tbh i’m trying to be more like that. people like that are so cool !! and ur so pretty and cool sighh im so jealous (you have vv nice lips dONT TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY I JUST THINK THEY’RE VV PRETTY oR dO I) also you’re really smart ! like you’ve gotten full marks for a test like woah hoshi is so lucky. i hope you remain thick skinned and brush the haters away, but it’s okay to feel bad once in a while, you’re only being human. but you can talk to me any time you feel down or u just wanna talk or rant or vent. i hope you don’t stress about school, please take a break if you have to (i dont want you to go away i want you to get the rest you deserve)anyways i love you !
my name is soonyoung, call me soon : APA KHABAR MY MALAYSIAN FREN ahaha im soooo happy i met you on tumblr. *ur the aesthetic queen* . i hope that we meet in person soon or one day because we live in the same country and won’t it be cool to see each other? we should have a photoshoot together. speaking of photoshoot im very happy to have a model sensei to teach me how to pose. also ur one hell of a sweetheart. you always share fandom things with me and i tend to fangirl in the middle of tesco or class because of you. hmm if seventeen ever come back to malaysia we should meet at their concert, given both of us are going. i’d really love to know more about you lmao you’re so interesting and you’re really patient with me!!! which is reallly nice. okay bb let’s find a date when both of us are free and leggo have some fun. i hope you don’t ever have to feel sad. well actually i think sadness is vital to humans so maybe anger. i hope you’ll continue to be very peaceful and freak out w carats and kpop fans across the glose and i hope that one day you’ll see naega hosh up close and p e r so nal. ilysm bb xxx
my i geddit because wo ai ni so ur my love heh : hello my wife /name twin ish / dancer girl / jun’s / blessing to thie world. oh my god we need to talk moreeeee. ur so funny and we’re so alike (like we both swear like pigs) but we’re different because you’re so good at dancing! heck, whenever i dance i blind people from a 5 kilometre radius. all the other admins say you could dance my i with jun and i am sHOOK BECAUSE ho l ee s h i et also do you know what i would give to see you dance with jun? i’d give up all my memes. yeah, that’s right. my knowledge of all memes and vines and fre sh a vacado. apart from your dancing skills, you’re very, very pretty. i can’t believe you think you’re ugly , sweet jisoos, you’re have… the beauty of all the sunsets in the world. you’re actually really nice (stop protesting) because you’ve listened to me rant about all the damn drama in my life and you gave me advice. and you’ve never lost your patience with me. jeez i love youuuu !!! you’ve laughed with me and sent me dino pics to make my heart explode and you were there when i did something really stupid on kakaotalk. sighhh good times amirite? well we can still talk on tumblr. i hope you continue being yourself, the amazing person you are. xx love you to bits.
seventeenteenteen : i survived. you havent killed me yet. i have stuck to dino faithfully. well actually, my first bias for like, a week, was memesol but then dinosaur found his way into my heart. i know y’all are busy and it may be hard but please rest. please don’t read mean comments, please love yourselves, please eat well. please do anything that would make you happy. each and every one of you are so, so important to me and i hope all of you are healthy. the8 please rest, i hope you get better soon. scoups, i hope that fever is gone. dino, i hope you find someone that makes you really really happy and i hope you wake up with a smile on your face each day and i hope people will stop prying into your personal life because you deserve to find someone you love and you deserve to be able to love that person without hate. i hope all of you don;t feel pressured to keep away from relationships because of selfish “fans” and i hope all of you will be happy. @josh @hoshi @jun you guys, please take care of your aegis. @josh wish ur gf luck for college, @hoshi stop killing these girls w ur visuals and @jun im waiting for u and sophia’s dance duet.
i love all of you with all my heart <3333 thank you for a wonderful 5 months, i hope many more will come.
love, sofia xx
add on : i wrote this note before jonghyun killed himself and i’d just like to say this to everyone. the admins and the readers ; please ask for help. you are not alone. people are here for you. mental illness is not and will never be a light topic. suicide is never the answer. i know it’s hard but you need to stay, because we need you. i need you. it doesnt matter if we are close friends or complete strangers : you are so important. you are strong and brave and kind and smart and beautiful and you can get through this. you have people willing to listen. if somehow the whole world refuses to listen, im here. there are people around you who care deeply about you and please, stay. if any of you feel sad about the recent tragedy, take a break from tumblr, okay? i love all of you and please, stay safe.
— sofiafabulousphan”
Admin Jess: Sofia, bb T^T I honestly can’t express how much your words mean to me. I love you so so much thank you for everything. I honestly won’t deny, it’s hard. I think it will always be difficult to a certain degree to run this blog. Not that I don’t love every second of it believe me, I just (LMAO LEAVE IT TO ME TO START TEARING UP IN THE MIDDLE OF TYPING THIS) I’ve never wanted to do something I wanted to just because I can. I don’t run this blog expecting anything in return. I do it because I genuinely love, love the happiness it brings other people, because I love seventeen and I love doing it all. If I didn’t love it with all my heart I don’t think I would have held up this long. You’re right, it’s my last year of high school. My hardest year because I decided to take a multitude of difficult classes. I have cried tears over so many classes (I’m crying writing this response omfg PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER JESS), I have had plenty of mental breakdowns, a lot of crying whenever someone simply asks me if I’m ok or suggests I get more sleep. I have been an emotional wreck all year. It is my fault though, I did decide to take challenging courses this school year, but one can only run on four hours of sleep everyday for so long and not be emotional I guess. AND I WAS TERRIFIED. I was so scared that in the course of this year, through all the difficult hours of studying and finishing homework at 2/3am in the morning before having to wake up at 6am and walk to school by 7am, that I wouldn’t have the time or effort to do just the one thing I wanted to do the most in the world. I only had one real hobby I loved doing and it was running this blog (again hella emotional and dramatic sorry it’s like one am here when I’m writing this). So I forgo sleep to get everything done. It’s not healthy but in my mind, if I gave up on this blog for one day, that one day might turn into two days, which would turn into a month, and then I’d never be able to do anything ever again just because I kept pushing it off, treating it as if it didn’t mean the world to me when it so very dearly does. OK I’M RAMBLING ABOUT MYSELF NO ONE CARES JESS AHEM,,, My point is, I sacrificed sleep for school and this blog not because I was forced to, but because if I slept, this feeling of guilt when I woke up in the morning, a feeling of “ahh I could have done more, I could have been better” would permeate my mind for who knows how long. I didn’t want to disappoint anyone. I hate disappointing people. So to hear you say this blog and all the stuff we do on it makes you happy? It makes me think maybe I’m not such a big disappointment after all, and maybe if I keep working hard, I can continue making more people happier, and that’s all I really want. True, with college approaching, I can’t make any guarantees. I anticipate not being able to do anything at all, and that idea is scary too and makes me want to work even harder now while I still can. I will definitely try to get more rest though??? I mean no one likes a sleep-deprived me at 3am lmao, I may seem nice but at 3am I’m bawling my eyes out over homework and cursing at my posters and pictures of Seventeen and school and textbooks in like three different languages (it’s not pretty lol). So yes rest? Idk what that is... but I’ll try??? fjnvksjn? I think I recall when you first sent in an ask, I’m not too sure but honestly the blog is about as old as you’ve been here so thank you for being one of our first supporters (did you have a book with a flower icon hmm trying to recall)! The hate I think will always be a thing I’m sure, I just don’t know how to deal with it T-T I am very naturally a sensitive human bean, what can I say... LMAO I’M NOT GORGEOUS THOUGH it’s called filters, lighting, angles, and makeup. The only reason I look anywhere near decent is because I use a combination of those things to hide all my flaws LMAO. As for singing, I’m not super? I can sing a pitch correctly I suppose? I can sing a chromatic scale? Idk if that qualifies as good singing (I can definitely sing svt songs in broken Korean shamelessly no matter where I go though). I’m really not that good, but I’m not awful like a dying seal or smth. I don’t even think I’m a talented writer, I just try my best I guess. I do sincerely try my hardest. YOU’RE NOT ANNOYING AT ALL I 117% would listen to you rant or scream about anything and I’m just super grateful you don’t think I’m annoying lsnfdnvd. OF COURSE I THINK YOU AND CHAN ARE THE CUTEST (or you and Jongdae pick your poison;) and of course I sent all those Channie pics omfg, I’m always here if you need it^~^ Thank you for all your kind words love (AND IMMA PRETEND YOU DIDN’T CALL ME JOSHUA’S WIFE BC MY HEART CAN’T TAKE IT KDFJNVKSBBDIBI I’LL CALL YOU CHAN’S WIFE ISTG I WILL) make sure to take care of yourself and you’re always welcome to come talk to me bb :)
Admin Meagan: aaaHHHHHHH, really appreciate you Sofia ✨😩 Gosh, can't believe you wrote us sub a long essay AHAHAHAH. Also, SUNAT KAU AHAHAHAHAHAHAH (Non-Malaysians wouldn't understand lmao) But yeeeee, thank you so so much baby for taking the time to send this ask in <3 It's been amazing knowing you and gosh you are such a sweetheart! Also, Chinese New Year is soon, let's go out together ;)) Cafe hopping at SS15 maybe? Hehe. I want my postcard AHAHA and to spend time with you of course!! <3 You are such a bright individual and Chan loves you hella lots. Thank you for always sending us such encouraging messages and for being a good pal really. But for reals, you mean a lot to me and gosh I can't wait to meet you. Also I not model material lah AHAHAH, only a certain days ;) but yess!! A photoshoot would be amazing haha, I can try to teach you some tips lmao. And yes, thank you for caring about our mental health. January hasn't been the best month for me, honestly it's been horrible but stuff like this really warms up my heart yah know. So yes, really really appreciate you man. Keep being so spunky and loveable. Take care, stay safe and I hope we get to meet each other soon ❤️
Admin Seri: SERIously SERIously, you have no idea how much this warmed my heart. ahh i so wish we could find a better time to talk, i’ll work on that :’) i’m not very good at expressing my feeling through words! and for that mianhae mianhae. in fact, that’s one very VERY COOL thing about you!!! expression your feelings isn’t the easiest and hey, use those feelings to brush for those haters. as you know love, other people’s opinions don’t effect me BUT THERE’S NOTHING WRONG with being affected! just know, those people are irrelivant, and once you realize they can’t do a single fucking thing to you unless you let them, it gets a bit better <3 but GIRL i remember you from the VERY being!!! i can’t believe you stuck around this long , you’ve seen all the changes, how much we’ve grown, it’s seriously amazing. becoming an admin (sure as hell didn’t know it back then) was definitely my HIGHLIGHT of twenty seventeen. there’s not a day that goes by where i regret it, not at all, even when our inbox is loaded or when i have writers block. and you being here along that journey warms my heart so so much! i’m not kidding sometimes i find myself in the middle of the night looking through all the comments or reblogs and GOSH i just see every single sweet sweet message you leave. AND OH MY GOD I’M ALREADY FOR SURE GONNA VISIT AJVBELJNGR IM ALREADY PLANNING TO ONE DAY TO SEE MEAGAN SO LIKE DUHHHH WE COULD MEET UP!!! just augh i’m super super grateful for you message jinja jinja ily~~~ <333 !!! {p.s. i totally wrote bodyguard reader! Chan thinking of you, ngl}
Admin Soph: As much as I love you and as much as you’re my ai. DONT GIVE UP YOUR MEMES FOR ME WTAF. MAN I LOVE YA BUT MEMES ARE IMPORTANT XD. And you might only be disappointed after watching me dance with Jun. Ah I wish we could talk more too :””) We get along so well and Im fucking positive were soulmates just looking at how similar we are XD. Ah im not really good at things like this. Im really speechless because damn boi I love ya and you took the time to write all this for us :””). Youre an angel sent from the heavens. AND ME PRETTY??? NUUUUUUUU.Just like what Jess said, filters and lighting exists. Im only cute tho (char). But youre more prettier than me love. Both inside and outside. You're as beautiful as the northern lights. And like the northern lights, you light up my dark days :””). We dont talk much but we always check up on each other man. Goddamn I love ya. I hope we can make more stupid but fun memories together ^^. And I will literally hug the shit outta you when we meet. Also can we like talk about how much we appreciate ya? You’re always in our inbox sending adorable and heartwarming asks to both Svt and us. I remember telling you that your asks about the admins literally brightens our day. How you're little “I hope the admins stay safe” means so much to us. I really hope you only experience happiness for the rest of your life. You’re a person I really appreciate and love. AS MUCH AS I LOVE JUN. HELL YEAH I SAID IT. hAHHAH Dont be afraid to come to me if you have any problem. I will always be here to talk to you and help you love ^^. Please take care of yourself too. DonT FUCKING SKIP MEALS. GET A LOT OF SLEEP OR IM GETTING CHAN AND JONGDAE. Ah im sorry if I didnt say a lot. I want to say a lot but I literally dont know what to say :””). I WILL MESSAGE YOU A LONG AS MESSAGE ON YOUR BDAY OR SOMETHING. I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY TO YOU GADBSVF ASNMK. For now, I love you and take care of yourself. You are loved by a lot and I hope your life gets filled with happiness and joy. Im also always here if you ever need to talk ^^
#not ask svt related#admin answered#sorry this took a while to answer#we love you sofia~#starry-sof#re:admins#ask svt hearteu#svt#seventeen#svt asks
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☀💀♦❤👑
the salty af munday meme ( only accepting - monday )
omfg this is long so it’s going under a read more
☀ What’s your rp pet peeve?
oh my f u c k are we really going here ??there’s two thinks rp wise that i cannot stand no matter how many times i’ve tried to get over them - understand them. One is something that everyone i think has ; I HATE having my dash cluttered by anyone spam posting 50 threads at once. g o d if you wanna post them queue them or just do one at a time don’t throw them all out there ;/THE SECOND ONE IS when people don’t cut posts o r don’t continue a meme on a separate thread. no one wants to see something so long on the dash ( note the cutting post thing can be justified if one is mobile ) literally , copy paste the meme reply onto something else it doesn’t even take you ten seconds to do so.cutting posts you’ve got xkit , sorted you’re good to go , fabulous !!also big gifts or just huge ones in threads ;( please don’t
☠ What does someone have to do for an instant unfollow from you?
oh there’s many things yeah ?? so just sit down and listen to my ass- when soemone starts playing the victim card when they began drama , i hate that.- spreading h a t e , or being t o x i c. i’m as fast as a raptor when it comes to noticing when someone is problematic ( *cough* a c u n t *cough* ) and toxic or just rude. note i don’t identify or link , rude with cursing , i consider rude someone that is completely disrespectful towards other people and - or their opinions. keep your shitty attitude to yourself really - if you don’t that’s basically earning an unfollow from me:D the last thing i want is logging on tumblr to find my inbox filled with hate mail or someone else i dearly care for being hated on. it sucks ; even though getting hate just makes me laugh tbh ( that’s just me though , i will fight u if u send hate to anyone ) , i will protect all kind users with all my heart.- repeatedly breaking my rules after i’ve kindly told you not to :/- starting shit with me for no goddamn reason , and not stopping when i’ve stated i don’t want to take part in drama :/- stealing someone’s content. there’s free resources out there and you’re able to write things yourself , so stop stealing people’s stuff , thanks.BASICALLY TO SUM IT UP , BE KIND AND YOU WON’T BE UNFOLLOWED LMAO
♦ What was a mildly annoying thing that has happened to you rp wise?
okay let’s start i’ll go in depth with one lil story bc if i already got started with tea we might as well go fully in with all of this , yeah ?? leggo story time !!
story time !! i once joined a roleplay group because of an ex friend , and i played a canon muse to ship with theirs and it was terrible because i never even watched x show further than season two and all of this was when x was on season 5 and i basically didn’t have muse all the way through , but i played x for over an entire year because they claimed x was very similar to an oc i used to play ( oc that eventually turned into theirs bc i just adapted x to the ship tbh , sucks but yeah i was an insecure lil shit to say anything back then ) and i never even had fun but anyways - we get to summer 2016 i’m fed up i lost all my muse even on my old multi so i went on a hiatus , i waited for it to come back it didn’t and then they began going at me for procrastinating and just playing league ( NOTE HOW IT SEEMS THAT RP HAS TURNED INTO A JOB ?? ) anyways i got fed up and joined a scream RPG and made mason , a few weeks later i quit the RPG of before , i move mason to indie and the scream rpg dies
that’s how mason was born !! and there u go a story !!anyways that was annoying, having to write a character i never liked.
♥ What’s the WORST thing that has happened to you rp wise?
god you’re really going in for the tea aren’t you ;) personally while IC the worst one was having to morph a gentle boy into a sex god for the sake of smut back when i was 14-15 i think ?? was the worst , i h a t e d i t HATED it , but i bit through that because of x friend i though it was worth for - lol , you thought lorena. now i look back at it and i’m just disgusted by it all tbh. i’m just like pls no why did you watch smut lorena :((((((((((
anyways if we’re talking about ooc stuff the worst probably is when people start shit for no reason , but that isnt’t too bad anyway since usually in these situations they end up making a clown out of themselves whether it’s through im’s , group chat’s or just calling out posts … basically it turns into a comedy show after a while. I mean … i take the piss out of everything involving drama after 24 hours so ya know. I’m glad I’ve changed over these past five years i’ve spent online , back when i was 13-15 i used to BEG people to not leave me because i had no one else , now i just don’t give a shit and block the second you cross the line so … :/ i guess sometimes changing is good ya know. but there’s always some people that gotta be aware that it doesn’t happen over the course of a week , or instantly - it happens over a long period of time. humans are like pokemons , we evolve out of our own stupidity - we MATURE , some just need a little push to do so , or they don’t at all ☕🐸
♚ How many people don’t like you?
hmm i’m not sure , but i’d say at least 3 , - 2 which i am a 100% sure of
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i fell in love with the most unexpected guy on earth at the most unexpected time. we know each other fir quite sometime and it takes roughly about one year to know each other. we share stories, the ups and down, through dark and brighter days, and to be honest, i feel comfortable when im with him.
We cant expect people to follow our fucking flow but at the end of the day, the one who handle ourselves is our ‘fucking’ self. ( LOL ) People can change in a blink of eyes. Sometimes, is okay to be the dead fish whos follow the fucking flow. Everything has its own limit tho. Patience is the key, to be exact. Allah test us with all the trial just to make us remember that He exist. Have Faith.
We fell in love in a very unexpected way. The one who are close to me, knows exactly what happen i my life mainly ( life, love, problems, trial ) and its including you sayang. You know how hard for me to move on and leave everything behind and still, you never give up on me, despite my crankiness, my hot tempered, my down days, still, you were still there. And i trust the word “ JODOH ALLAH “. You can travel all over the world, or try to run back to your past just to find the right one for you, the perfect guy for you but trust me, if Allah doesnt approve you with someone, dream on, its never gonna happen. All this while, you are there, in front of me. Yess, never ever underestimate the power of Allah, our one true God.
And here the story started...
We started as a friend, ( well, all the couple did some goes to us ) just that, during that time, im just helping him to tell the world that im his new girlfriend just to annoyed his EX-GIRLFRIEND and from that moment, the friendship grow. We become closer and i get comfortable with him, i share almost everything with him. You become my bestest guy friend, you were there when i need someone to talk to, when i need a shoulder to cry on. You willing to listen my unfinished drama and etc.
Day by day, the friendship grew stronger. So you decide to bring me to your house and meet your parents and at the same time, you introduce me to your parents and also your close friend. A friend of yours that you would die for them. You give me so much butterflies in my stomach, i feel so much love from you, a few month later, we make everything official. You made the fucking move and poofffffffffff, we’re in a relationship. From that day, we slowly start to create our future and leave the past behind.
Every relationship in this entire world will go through the ups and down and yes we had ours too. No matter what happen between us, we, eventually find a way to fix it. theres one time, you got caught in a stupid fight, God knows what i feel that time but then, its you who calm me.
And, i finally show you to tho the world, post our photos in social media, tell everything about you to my family and brings you to my meet them, so my family approved. I promise you this syg, i will never let you go.
InSyaAllah, may Allah ease everything for us syg.
Sayang,
No matter what happen between us, bear this in my, i will always support you in everything you do and i will keep and take a good care of our relationship and i hope you did the same thing too. I love you so much, Mohammad Rizal b. Abdul Razak.
p/s : Its been 592nd day since we decided to be in a relationship. Cheers to soo many years, month, days, hours, minutes, and second.
Love,
Dayang Farah Faridza a.k.a Bedot
25th April 2017, 1243am
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