The "I don't have autism -> I have some autism symtoms but they're from other disorders -> I might be autistic but I won't self diagnose -> I might be autistic but the symtoms don't really go that far back in my life -> I keep finding more symtoms that link my behavior with autism -> oh my god so many things I do are autism symtoms -> jesus christ these go back as far as i remember" pipeline is real and it happened to me

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Me and my radio bam dico pics bc I’m a dico pic collection whore

Can you elaborate more abt legato and knives in ur soul eater au 🥺👉👈

idk exactly what ur asking for so sorry if this isn't touching on the points u want BUT! they meet their "freshman" year fall semester idk what school system they're using whatever they're annoying and thirteen years old

i think meisters and weapons have to be paired together by some rule or smt so vash is roomed with livio and knives is paired w/ just someone in the NOT class which happens to be legato. they do not get along at first (legato "male living space" bluesummers roomed w/ knives "absolutely fucking not" millions). they do warm up to eachother over the course of the year because of the fact that they're constantly in eachother's space in their tiny dorm apartment thing if nothing else.

by the time the second fall rolls around the two of them are civil with eachother. they both test into the EAT class that semester— that being said, finding knives a partner is an Ordeal. both because his 1st weapon form (more on that later) is insane and difficult to use (esp if u like have any formal training in anything) and because he's a little judgy and he's blunt and his track record of first impressions is abysmal . so he and legato are kind of stuck with eachother (legato could have gotten another partner but ugh moving dorms) (and he enjoys knives's company)

the two of them stagnate for a while when they're new. knives wants to push for harder missions to catch up with vash who's well on his way to making livio into a death scythe, but he can't actually let legato do what he needs to on his end (backseat driver) and they hit a wall until he can actually trust legato .

they do make a good pair, though. legato goes through with knives's overarching plans and thinks quickly when it comes to ripples in the fabric. they do well together for a few years. during this time is when vash kinda fumbles with the witch's soul and livio decides the EAT class isn't worth it, so vash is paired with wolfwood instead (yippee)

by the time they're like seventeen, they're nearly there. vash and wolfwood are at the same hurdle and their witch's soul is right before them, and where livio and knives succeed vash and wolfwood fail. knives does not take it well not so much because because they're not at the same spot but because over these years vash has been beaten and bested and he has lost and he is being torn to shreds in the name of creating a death scythe and nobody else seems all too concerned. it makes him think about the aftermath of vash's first failed witch's soul where vash literally lost his arm and about what he saw in the basement and knives can't accept the fact that he himself is a death scythe under the same organization responsible for that, that hasn't changed at all.

so he and legato disappear (yeah. he chooses to follow knives in this even now), and a number of death's marked targets for students or otherwise are neutralized by the time anyone associated with the DWMA arrives. he and vash don't see eachother for years after that (around canon times ehehehejweioww (to me canon is in 2004 to make it simpler))

actually chunk of the current timeline rq if ur curious (probably missing Something i have 2 fix the documents still)

i'll elaborate about tessla when i flesh that part out more but for rn all u need 2 know is she was like a bad day and a prayer away from becoming a kishin and the DWMA kinda abandoned her OK? ok cool bye

did you ever post your thoughts on shishido on here ??

if i did i dont think i said anything major beyond 'hes neat :)'

one day i'll write an essay on ghoul culture lore. relationship layers and pack structure & pecking order and how everyone fits together. who's courting who (because it's not just ifrit and cumulus) and why. various common types of mate bonds

MATE CEREMONIES

in relation to what we were just talking about , but . how does grace cope with all the bullshit that happens to her in the week the game takes place in ? can she sleep ? does she cry or have any sort of breakdown privately ? or does she sort of just . not let herself stop and think about the trial ( yet at the same time be motivated by it ) and all these petty and spiteful fucks getting in her way ?

for the most part, grace is just pushing through and not letting herself stop. i think she knows there's literally no time for it; she can't give herself the luxury to process everything that's happening to her because each moment wasted on that is a moment less to figure out what happened and prove her innocence.

which means she gets terribly stressed out whenever whoever is helping her tells her to just wait. not only it's time she feels she could be using to act, waiting is when everything threatens to catch up to her and she can't stop. she doesn't wanna risk not being able to pick herself up again.

she sleeps very little, and mostly only because the stress and exhaustion of everything happening in such a short time just knocks her out eventually (i know apollo wanted her to rest but consider: she can't relax). i feel for the most part grace is either acting or considering what to do next. i could say preparing but honestly people keep her in the dark about what she's supposed to do next so often that the most she can prepare is like. preparing herself to face anything jsdnfakjsnd

and so she does! going to a club and facing down a goddess in a song battle? sure. going to the reliquary to find the minotaur? okay. going to a party no one wants to tell her anything about and adapting as she learns? will do. there's no other choice. so she just faces whatever bullshit people throw at her the best she can (as she says in my favorite reply to athena after it's determined there will be a trial, and the one reply i'd keep as canon for my blog: okay, it's unfair but it is what it is. she'll do her best. it's all she can do).

i think the only breakdown she has is very visible and it happens when freddie dies. it's also the one moment i feel she'd falter because to her, her life isn't worth more than freddie's. there's this dialogue option where she says 'it should've been me' that i feel is very fitting with how she'd feel about it. and at least with apollo, his reply ends with something like 'freddie gave you a chance' — that honestly is something i feel would lead her to keep pushing through. freddie died to give her a chance. she won't squander that opportunity, no matter how much she wishes things had been different. it's the least she can do when it's what freddie would've wanted her to do.

other than that, no, she never stops to cry or despair or breakdown even in private. all her energy is dedicated to keep going, no matter what happens. people around her might forget her life is on the line, but she doesn't. they might act like there is time, but she can't, she knows there isn't. it's definitely not stopping to think about it while keeping it as a motivator; a very serious threat that keeps her going but that she won't examine too closely so she won't breakdown.

after the trial, it'd probably take days for the sense of impending danger and the adrenaline and anxiety of being Constantly dealing with something to finally fade. and when it did... well.. that's when i think she'd really start to process it. to cry and feel the weight of it full force and be happy she's alive and be angry she had to go through all that and be devastated about freddie's loss. even then, i'd consider everything that happened pretty traumatic, from calliope dying in her arms to being sentenced to death to having a week to prove her innocence and everything that happens there. it's not like she'd get over it fast. it wouldn't stop haunting her soon after it was done. she can't just forget about it.

she'd definitely be on guard and have trouble sleeping, and i think the restlessness also lingers. i think her keeping herself so busy after the trial is also a means to cope; still not letting herself stop for too long or think too hard about what happened. hoping given time it'll be distant enough she won't have trouble with it anymore.

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Ignore

y'know what's great for my mental health? whenever i say "i want to die" jokingly (bad. don't joke like that), i get the earworm that is marc rebillet's "i want to die" stuck in my head, which instantly makes me feel less like i want to die.

BEGONE

hm. actually i think that i will not be on social media for the foreseeable future.

it's bullshit that the 3 nearest adhd support groups to me are all for parents struggling to deal with their adhd kids lmao

brother's like 'i don't know how you can have sugar so early in the morning' when i go to get my sweet tea... we used to have birthday cake for breakfast..... this is alright :)

I've walked past the Barbie branded selfie booth, sat through the reel of old commercials that precede the previews, and watched Margot Robbie learn to cry, and I’m still not sure what “doing the thing and subverting the thing,” which Greta Gerwig claimed as the achievement of Barbie in a recent New York Times Magazine profile, could possibly mean. This was the second Gerwig profile the magazine has run. I wrote the first one, in 2017, which in hindsight appears like a warning shot in a publicity campaign that has cemented Gerwig’s reputation as so charming and pure of heart that any choice (we used to call them compromises) she makes is justified, a priori, by her innocence. This is a strange position for an adult to occupy, especially when the two-hour piece of branded content she is currently promoting hinges on a character who discovers that her own innocence is the false product of a fallen world. But—spoiler alert!—the point of Barbie’s “hero’s journey” is less to reconcile Barbie to death than to reconcile the viewer to culture in the age of IP.

“Doing the thing and subverting the thing”: I haven’t finished working out the details, but I think the rough translation would be Getting rich and not feeling feel bad about it. (Or, for the viewer: Having a good time and not feeling bad about it.) One must labor under a rather reduced sense of the word “subvert” to be impressed with poking loving fun at product misfires such as Midge (the pregnant Barbie), Tanner (the dog who poops), and the Ken with the earring, especially given that the value of all these collectors’ items has, presumably, not decreased since the film opened. Barbie may feature a sassy tween sternly informing Robbie’s Stereotypical Barbie that the tiny-waisted top-heavy billion-dollar business she represents has made girls “feel bad” about themselves, but if anyone uttered the word “anorexia,” I missed it. (There was a reason Todd Haynes told the story of Karen Carpenter’s life and death with Barbies, and it wasn’t because an uncanny piece of molded plastic has the magical power to resolve the contradictions of girlhood and global capitalism.) There’s a bit about Robbie going back into a box in the Mattel boardroom, but Barbies aren’t made in an executive suite; they come from factories in China. On the one hand, it’s weird for a film about a real-world commodity to unfold wholly in the realm of ideas and feelings, but then again, that’s pretty much the definition of branding. Mattel doesn’t care if we buy Barbie dolls—they’re happy to put the word “Barbie” on sunglasses and T-shirts, or license clips from the movie for an ad for Google. OK, here’s my review: When Gerwig first visited Mattel HQ in October 2019, the company’s stock was trading at less than twelve dollars a share. Today the price is $21.40. 

Christine Smallwood, Who Was Barbie?

caved and got myself a smartwatch/fitness tracker for my birthday, mostly bc i want to be able to monitor and track my heartrate bc doctors dont believe me when i say im consistently getting random palpitations and chest pain. also bc i want to exercise more

i mentioned this on here before but i have a friend who is abt to get married and like i just realized thats probably the death knell for our friendship