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floppydiskettess · 1 year

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VALORANT AGENTS REACTING TO THEIR S/O GETTING INJURED ON A MISSION

featuring - sage, killjoy, cypher, yoru, sova, gekko, viper

a/n : cyphers part contains a lot of angst and alcohol talk. i couldnt let it ALL be fluff 😋

✮~ Sage ~✮

literally the sweetest ever, but this doesn't need to be said

if its a minor injury, she will definitely be giving you a talk about being safer and how to prevent that from happening

"but what if it was something more serious? something even I couldn't heal? you must be more careful angel."

if her s/o was harmed badly, she would do two things.

one, she would immedietely drop everything and rush towards healing you, this woman will stay up all night trying to heal you and make sure that there is not so much as a scratch left on your body. she would definitely overwork herself but making sure you are alright is all that matters.

two, the second you are stable and resting, she is going to find out whichever enemy agent hurt you and fuck. them. up.

im talking full battle sage, she will have no mercy if the injury they caused was threatening enough.

she may excude sweet and kind energy but she is one scary lady when the people she loves are harmed

she knows exactly how damaged a body must be for it to be unfixable.

"I'm so sorry I couldn't be there my dear, but they won't be hurting you again."

she will be watching you carefully, even asking brimstone to take you off of missions for a short time or asking him to keep an eye on you.

she doesn't know what she would do if she lost you..

☻︎~ Killjoy ~︎︎☹︎

she blames herself, how could she not? she designed most of the stuff...it must be a error in her inventions.

she will work night and day trying to figure out what happened. was it a weapon error? did the gun she designed for you malfunction? oh no was she to blame for anyone elses injuries?!

it would take a lot of reassurance for her to calm down. after all, this wouldn't have happened if she had been more careful...right?

"Mein gott...you scared me. I thought I lost you schatzi..."

she is going to be by your side after sage discharges you from her infirmary. expect lots of physical affection (if your comfortable with it.) and care.

she will treat you as if you were glass about to break. you will not be doing any chores while you recover.

oh you need to work on a mission report? its already finished and submitted. you are hungry? she would cook a lovely meal her parents would make her when she was sick. (with the help of some other agents...shes probaly not a great cook lets be honest..)

"KJ...Sage gave me the all clear! I can do it!"

" Nein nein! You are going to rest mein Häschen! I don't want you straining yourself!"

♖~ Cypher ~♖

if you get injured, be it minor or major. this man will WORRY.

he already lost everything, he cannot lose you either. if he did...he would have nothing.

when sage showed up at his door covered in blood and bruises. he knew something went wrong.

you told him you were going on a small mission. just an in and out radianite extraction at an abandoned lab. he had no reason to worry...right?

when he heard what had happened, he was devastated. what was supposed to be a quick mission turned out to be a setup. what makes it worse? you were alone at your site.

he will be thinking the worst. what if you...? if he had only done a more detailed check on the lab...maybe he could have protected you. but he didn't. he feels like he failed.

you spend weeks in the recovery bay, lying unconcious.

he spends those weeks without you in his lab drinking the memories away and trying to figure out what happened.

he just cannot function with the thought of losing you at the back of his mind at all times.

he knows he was caught when viper appears at his doorway with a concerned glare and a solemn looking sage in tow. he can't remember most of it, but viper was worried? about him?

soon he was also transported to sages infirmary. getting put on nutrients and oxygen. it was obvious he was not taking care of himself without your presence

when you wake up, he would be right there cradling your cheek with his hand. his mask nowhere in sight. all that matters was that you were safe now

"يا حياتي..i was so scared i lost you"

he will never forget his past, but he looks forward to his future with you.

can you tell i like cypher guys :)

☁︎~ Yoru ~☁︎

do not even get me started on this man

he would be extremely angry.

but is it at you, the others, or maybe himself?"

upon hearing the news, he would immediately check on you. seeing your unconcious body just makes something in him snap. the thought that someone had done this to you...he plants a soft kiss to your temple, before storming out of the infirmary.

for the next few days, he would lash out at everyone around him. sage came around to bring him some food as he had not left his room and he just...lost it.

he wasn't even sure who he was yelling at, who he was blaming for what happened. poor sage looked petrified and the others seemed to gather the idea yoru didn't want to be talked too right now.

with no word from anybody about your condition, he lay down on his bed and cried numbly. every night he would teleport into where sage had kept you to heal. he would sit in silence staring at your asleep face before always kissing your forehead goodbye. in hopes that somehow, you would wake up.

he went to your room and grabbed some sweaters of yours, every night he slept with them for comfort, clinging onto them as if they were going to leave him too.

when you wake up, he won't care about keeping his mysterious "badass" persona up. he will be at your side holding your hand and crying.

"please be more careful 私の日光...i don't know what i would do if i lost you."

when sage discharges you, he will be glued to you. he will simple little things for you (such as opening doors for you.)

his love language is definitely acts of service

if you teased him about this though, he will never admit to it.

he will be doing simple things such as cooking meals, cleaning up, and helping you finish any work you have

he is so domestic

he may not be super outwardly affectionate, but with each small favour he does for you he is putting all of his love into it.

𖦹~ Sova ~𖦹

sova is literally the most caring boyfriend...like ever..

if its a minor injury, he will treat it (if sage and skye are off on a mission).

he will definitely lightly scold you, not to be mean! just because he hates seeing you hurt and in pain.

"ангел. please be more careful next time..you know i hate seeing you upset."

if it was a major injury though, he is relatively the same.

he isn't scared to cry infront of the others, when he gets the news that your mission went south he was crying into sages shoulder.

he would stay with you the entire recovery. sage had to keep kicking him out at nighttime but eventually she realized she couldn't stop him. she simply would bring meals for him whenever he would forget to eat.

he would sit and tell you about his day, how the missions were going, even the silly schenanigans that the younger agents were pulling

"yoru tried to get revenge on phoenix for his prank but it went so bad ангел. he entered his rift and jumped out to scare him, but reyna happened to have just been passing by! she was absolutely livid родная. i have never seen our dear riftwalker so terrified!" he chuckled

when you woke up, he was still there lightly snoring against the chair sage had brought him.

when he woke up, he was thrilled, his eyes immediately lighting up like a childs

"have you been sitting here the whole time?"

"of course my dear. as if i would leave you."

߷~ Gekko ~߷

as the newest agent, he hasn't known you for very long. your relationship was coming up to a few months old but he hadn't told you how much he loved you yet.

so naturally, when he heard you were injured he was terrified

he knew this job was dangerous! he just never thought it would be you getting injured...he also never really thought of anyone getting badly injured

he was training with harbour when he overheard a mission going wrong...a mission you were on.

he would rush to the infirmary overloading sage with questions about you

"Sage!! Finally...que pasó?? Neon told me something happened on the mission?!"

Appariently, you had gotten caught in a fight with the enemy Breach and he hit you with his aftershock.

He didn't know much about Breach, but he knew that man had quite a bit of strength in his abilities (being like...bionic you know?"

After some skillful and strategic convincing (pathetic and annoying begging) Sage agreed to take him to see you.

When he caught sight of you lying in the bed staring up at the ceiling, he let out a big sigh he didn't even know he was holding.

"Mi sol! Oh mierda I was so worried! What happened?"

He would be sitting patiently listening to you explain what happened. All while staring at you softly.

"Shooottt...sounds like you had a busy mission! I am just happy you made it back cariño."

☠︎︎~ Viper ~ ☠︎︎

if you were minorly injured, it was probably from tinkering with her poison vials and one leaked onto your fingers

after hearing your grunt in pain, she turns around and her eyes widen, rushing towards you.

"Idiot, I said not to touch anything!"

she swears under her breath before wiping it away and rubbing some sort of cream onto your hand

"Honestly..who would touch something containing poison WITHOUT protection?"

her biggest fear? her poison causing you harm.

so what if a mission were to go wrong and you happened to step into a bubble of her poison?

it was a genuine wrong place wrong time situation. she had a poison bubble deployed and sitting on the ground, as she activated it she looked up to see your frame walking overtop of it.

she shouts to get you to move, but you don't hear her in time. next thing she knows, you are on the ground out cold with green and purple lines all over your face.

she quickly would call for backup, holding you tight but trying to avoid the chemical burns.

when she is back to safety, she rushes to sage's infirmary with your barely warm body in her arms

unfortunately, the poison had seeped into some open wounds you had. causing it to spread throught your body. viper leaves sage alone to do her job, pacing back and forth outside.

she knew how strong her poison could be, but she also knew how strong your body was. you would survive. you had too.

after a few hours, a tired sage walks out and nods, signaling it went well.

viper rushed into the room and immediately looked at your sleeping face, wincing at the fading bloodshot lines on your face.

"i'm so sorry love..please wake up soon"

she would wait by your side holding your hand and occasionally planting soft kisses to the back of your hand.

she knew you would be ok, but she couldn't help but feel bad that her miscommunication and carelessness caused this to happen to you.

when you wake up, she would be whispering soft apologies into your ear

"i promise...you will never feel this pain again my dear."

a/n : holy shit guys!!!! this took a while!! i spent a good 4 hours writing all this JDJSBSJSKSKSN its probably cringe im sorry

but yeah! i tried my best to write this with a gender neutral reader in mind but in some of these its definitely a bit more fem reader leaning! also i do not speak any of the languages spoken in this so if i made a mistake or used something wrong PLEASE let me know so I can fix it!!!

#valorant headcanons #valorant x reader #yoru x reader #viper x reader #sage x reader #sova x reader #cypher x reader #gekko x reader #killjoy x reader #valorant #valorant x y/n #valorant x you #y/n not used #but its implied #headcanons #ooc post #valorant fanfiction

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drunkjaked · 1 year

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Omg I'm kinda embarrassed I know you said it's not bad to reply late but this is getting out of hand... how did your presentation go? I ended up not going to the other concert because my brothers got sick and he's was my ride 😔 but I was supposed to see barns courtney he's super good live it would've been so much fun 😔 I got the necklace!! I think it's called the ballina necklace? But it's basically just the logo with a pearl in the middle it's so pretty I love it like it's my own child <3 your Spotify wrapped... miss ma'am... like that's so valid of you but damn top .005% like I can't even imagine that I just. Wow. But again so valid I love that for you <3 I don't use Spotify so I don't get all the fancy graphics and data and all that but I do get my top songs of the year and my top artist of the month which is cool but I do kinda wish I could participate 🥲 it's fine though I like the app I use! I hope you're doing well, and I hope that school isn't too bad cause lord knows it can be -_- do you have any plans for the holidays? And yeah honestly matching boba and mcdonalds I think we were meant to meet <3 I hope you have a wonder amazing day/night and that every day gets better and better <3 -💕

hey 💕💕💕don't worry about it really !!! just glad to hear from you at all <333

wow.. the presentation.. i absolutely fucked up my 7 seconds of speaking time .. humiliating, but the rest of the group did so well and im really proud of them for staying calm and getting shit done <3 im also in love with one of the boys that was in the group and we all went out for drinks after doing the presentation and i drunkenly told him that i hoped the two of us would still keep talking after finishing the pres even though we don't have to and he like .. reciprocated my hopes and told me that he thinks im cute so .. that is .. just lovely.. anyway sorry for dumping all that out in here, my bad..

sorry that you couldn't go, i hope your brother is feeling better though !!! and omds that necklace is so SO pretty.. please keep an eye on it because people (me) can just be .. downright evil these days and like.. take your things from you 🤷🤷🤷.. especially the ones that they think are really beautiful and also want to possess.. haha,,, happy for you. 🙁.

my spotify wrapped.. i was like asking other people about theirs and like .. my friend's top song was a song she listened to 64 times THE WHOLE YEAR??? like i just .. was so impressed because like every song until my top 6 has 1k plays MINIMUM like .. im so jealous of people who can consume media in appropriate quantities.. it was down from last year though, my total minutes last year were 169k .. yikes .. who was your top artist and what was you top song? if you don't mind answering, also the thing about wrapped is like it's so colourful and full of patterns that it feels a little overwhelming.. like im grateful for the stats but the package it comes in is .. too much AND ITS SO LONGWINDED LIKE IT TOOK 150K MINUTES JUST TO SEE EVERYTHING OH MY GOODNESS 👎👎👎.

i'm doing pretty good honestly.. now that my presentation is over almost all of my school related stress has gone with it, i just have two more things to hand in and i'll be able to just relax and do nothing until january when classes start up again !!!

my holiday plans are pretty tame, my siblings (2 brothers and a sister) are going to come home and we'll spend time together for like a week or something before they all leave but EXCITINGLY.. my birthday is coming up (dec 17) and i'm so excited.. my birthday is literally my favourite day of the year so im reaaaaally looking forward to it even though my plans aren't particularly special 🥳 !

how are you doing? how are your classes treating you? especially around this time of the year oh man.. any holiday plans of your own?

im happy that we did get around to meeting and i hope we can be friends for a long time !!! thank u for the well wishes, as always im hoping the same for you and that you look after yourself and have lots and lots of fun ! all my love 💕, great catching up w u as always <3

#💕 anon #saxophonist 💌🫀

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raincamp · 6 months

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11 07 2023

sh mention trigger warning

my depression has been really bad recently. at least i think its depression? i mean im diagnosed with PDD but its hard to tell most of the time. since its persistent. i dont know what its like to not be depressed. and when it gets worse i never know if im just sick or dehydrated or if its a bad episode, or if its caused by any of my other mental issues.

last night sucked. i dont know how else to describe it except that i felt like the world was ending. not in an anxious panic-attack-y way though, i just like, felt so much emotion that my body physically couldn't handle it. like i felt intense dread, and i felt like i was going to throw up. actually maybe it was a panic attack. weirdest panic attack ive ever had if it was.

anyway during the episode i sat on the bathroom floor and turned on music. and cut myself. thats usually how i know I'm having an episode. its hard to tell otherwise because i invalidate my emotions so much, and with my emotional permanence, its like every emotion i feel is the only thing i ever felt, so i dont really have comparison, except when it comes to physical tangible things.

physical tangible things like laying on the cold tile listening to wild world by cat stevens and feeling tears run down my face and my throat hoarse and blood dripping down my arm to stain my floor.

youtube

after patching myself up i didnt really know what to do, i told myself i would get up and do something but the minute i layed down on my bed exhaustion overtook me.

so i texted my roommate asking for help. she was still at work but i asked her to "give me emotional support in whatever way she could handle offering it" and i also said "its completely valid if you dont have the emotional capacity for me"

i have a lot of fear of burdening other people, which is why i used to not ask for help, but in therapy i learned that its ok to ask for other people to meet our needs, and so on the rare occasion that i do i usually leave ample space for the other person to say no. i dont want to force them into anything.

when she got home from work she made me tea and let me talk to her for a whole hour. immediately i felt better and went to bed with no problems. i was even able to abstain from drinking and smoking before bed :) i dont fucking deserve her

anyway, i woke up today feeling the same as i did yesterday. exhausted, lethargic, apathetic. i want nothing more than to lose myself in hobbies i enjoy, or accomplish something, but I can't. i tried yesterday, i would get out of bed, get dressed, and prepare myself to be productive, but the moment i started a task exhaustion would come over me again and i would find myself back in bed.

i wish i could sleep, because it feels like thats what my body needs, but no matter how much i try, i cant. ive been making it a point to eat and stay hydrated, but thats not helping, so the only thing i can suppose it is, is depression.

i hate that i cant even distract myself. scrolling mindlessly on my phone is boring, watching tv or youtube is boring, listening to music is boring, reading fic is boring, i even tried hanging out with my other roommate for an hour and i couldn't do anything but lay there.

i tried setting up an appointment with a psychiatrist so i can go back on antidepressants but the website wont let me make an account or appointment with anyone because it keeps starting over/refreshing the account making process every ten minutes. and i dont have the patience to sit through that.

i hate feeling like this, but i really cant do anything but try to keep myself alive. right now.

- andrew

#tumblr diary #tw sh mentioned #tw sh related #tw sh

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petri808 · 3 years

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OHMYGODDD JUST SAW YOUR LATEST POST I LOVE IT ANGST WITH A HAPPY ENDING IS JUST CHEF'S KISS. I WOULD LOVE TO SEE 42, 49 and 13 FOR NALU PLEASEEE CAN'T WAIT TO READ ITT

😳 Ya’ll really love angst huh? Lol okay, sure let’s see what I can come up with. 😊 “You can’t keep pretending it didn’t happen, cause guess what? It did!” + “I’m pregnant” + “Im too sober for this”

Lucy’s knees weakened and sent her crumbling to the bathroom floor. Why was this happening to her?! She’d just finished college and was about to start her paid internship with a local newspaper. ‘What am I gonna do?’ Lucy gripped to the stick in her hand as the tears trickled down her face. This could derail her future before it even started— all because of one slip-up. How was she going to tell Natsu… Not knowing who else to talk to, Lucy turned to her best friend Levy McGarden. She texted the woman and drove over to her friends apartment in dread.

“Oh, Lu…” Levy hugged her friend tightly before pulling her into the small apartment. She sat Lucy down on the couch, then made them both some tea. “How you feeling?” Levy asked as she handed the cup over.

“How do you think I’m feeling?!” Lucy groaned. “I feel like I’m in a nightmare.”

“Are you sure the results are correct? You know those home pregnancy tests can be wrong.”

“I don’t know, I mean I followed the instructions and it didn’t give an error sign.” Lucy pulled the stick from her pocket. “See?” She showed it to her friend. “Two lines.”

“Oh— yeah, looks like it,” Levy agreed.

Lucy pocketed the test once again and hung her head. Both hands cradled the warm cup, just holding it without a desire to drink from it. “Just thinking about this is making me sick. Maybe I can just pretend it’s not true.”

“Lu, that’s ridiculous. I’m pretty sure the growing bump on your stomach will make that difficult.”

“Ugh! I know!” Lucy shrieked. “Lie to me or something… Levy, I-I don’t think I can deal with this!”

“Well, you have to. And how am I supposed to lie about this?!”

“I don’t know, tell me this is a dream. Just a bad dream that I’m gonna wake up from. The test was wrong, something! Maybe it’s just a fiction story I’m working on cause I just don’t wanna think about it right now.”

“I’m sorry, but you can’t keep pretending it didn’t happen, cause guess what? It did! Lucy you have to face reality.”

“What am I gonna do Levy? I can’t be having a baby!”

“Well first things first, you need to tell Natsu— I’m assuming it’s Natsu.”

“Of course, it’s Natsu! I haven’t slept with anyone else.”

“Well you need to tell him. He deserves to know.”

“I know…”

“Natsu’s a stand up guy, I know he’s going to do the right thing.”

Lucy sighed, “that’s not what I worry about. I mean having kids is something that’s crossed my mind… just not anytime soon. We’re not even married yet. Ugh! I’m such an idiot.”

“Sometimes these things happen.” Levy placed her hand on her friend’s shoulder. “Can’t go back to the past, so now all you can do is figure out the now. Do you have any idea when it happened?”

“My guess is my graduation party, cause that was the last time we had sex. I barely even remember it cause I was so drunk,” Lucy whimpered, then started to sob. “We’re usually careful but… yeah, it had to be that.”

“Come here,” Levy pulled her friend into a hug. “You’re gonna be okay. Whatever happens, you’re gonna be okay.”

The women spent a couple more hours chatting, flipping between random topics, but often coming back to this one. Lucy struggled to even wrap her mind around the reality that this is real. That she was going to have a child, when she was barely an adult herself and all the factors involved only compounded her dilemma. Her new job isn’t going to afford a child. Natsu had a decent job, but even combined it would be a struggle. They’d have to find a place together, a two bedroom house or apartment. What about the medical expenses, and the baby supplies— babies are expensive! Where was the money going to come from?

When Lucy noticed the time and realized Natsu would be coming home from work within the hour, she thanked her friend for the support and bid her goodbye. Even though she had calmed down a little, she wasn’t ready, didn’t know what or how she was going to break the news to him. So, after arriving home, Lucy tried to distract herself by cooking dinner. It didn’t really work, but at least a meal was made. Her life until now had been going well in that she had a boyfriend who treated her right, supported her while she finished her degree, even pushed her to follow her dreams of writing. And now that her degree was finished, Lucy was on her way after landing the paid internship. If she passed the internship, they would offer her a permanent position at the newspaper.

But now all of that felt like it was slipping through her fingers. All her hard work for nothing because juggling a small child and going to work… Maternity leave is not paid, so they’ll have to rely on just one income for a time, then daycare is quite expensive. Sure, there are programs that she could apply for to help or family, but that’s not the point— the point is, they are sorely not ready to become parents.

“I’m home!” Natsu called out as he entered the apartment. “Something smells good!”

“Welcome home, Natsu.” Lucy called out from the kitchen. “It’s almost done.”

Natsu detected a change in his girlfriend’s tone. Usually when he gets home, she’s in a happier mood— but not today. He threw his keys onto the kitchen island and walked up, giving her a kiss on the cheek. “Everything okay?”

Whatever words she’d planned to say were thrown out the window as tears pooled instantly in Lucy’s eyes. “Natsu, it’s…”the words stumbled out, “um… I-I’m pregnant.”

“P-Preg…nant?!” Natsu took a step back in shock, his trembling hand moving to cover his mouth. “Oh, wow— I’m too sober for this,” he mumbled.

“Pregnant,” she repeated as the sobs broke free. “And alcohol is what got us into this mess!” Lucy snapped and sobbed louder.

“Oh, h-hey now, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that,” Natsu pulled her into his arms. “Don’t cry baby, please don’t cry, I hate seeing you cry.”

“Natsu, I’m pregnant, did you hear me?! Pregnant! I can’t be pregnant!”

“Shh… I hear you,” he gently coaxed Lucy to the couch and had her sit down, then sat beside her, cradling her close. “True, it’s not the best time… but we can make it work.”

“You don’t understand, I’m not ready, Natsu. I don’t think I could handle it…” all the reasons refreshing in her mind. “I have no experience with with kids. What if we screw up? It’s just…” Lucy sighed. “I think… I’m too overwhelmed right now.”

“Okay, well— they make those things now, the, um, end pregnancy stuff.”

“I don’t know…”

“Lucy, I’ll support whatever decision you make.”

“You say that now, but later you’ll probably resent me for… kil— doing that,” she mumbled.

“I don’t know that so neither can you. All I do know is that yes it might hurt— but you’re the important thing right now, and if you say you’re not ready, then I have to accept it. Kids are never easy, I doubt all the preparation in the world can really make a difference. But Lucy,” he took her hand and held it to his chest. “As long as I’ve known you, whatever you choose to do you’re great at it.”

“Really?” She looked up with hope filling her eyes for the first time all day.

Natsu smiled. “And who better to start a family with?” He cupped her cheeks and kissed her. “Then a smart, sassy, beautiful woman like you.”

Lucy’s eyes flooded with tears. “You really think we can make it work?”

He nodded. “As long as it’s something we really want, then yeah.”

After a momentary pause, Lucy let out a long stabilizing exhale. “Okay. I’ll call my doctor and make an appointment tomorrow to check.”

“Really? Y-You sure? Because I don’t want you to feel like I’m trying to coax you into this.”

“No, I-I’m pretty— sure. Things sometimes happen for a reason, right? Maybe it’s meant to be.”

Natsu pulled her in for another longer kiss. “Guess I better hurry up and marry you then,” he chuckled.

She snorted a laugh. “I guess so mister!”

He pulled her close again, hugging her to his chest. “I love you so much baby.”

“Mmm, I love you too.”

“My own baby momma,” he teased.

Lucy slapped his chest with a giggling shriek. “Don’t you dare call me that!”

“Oh,” he grinned, “I’m totally getting t-shirts made.”

#fairy tail #nalu #natsu dragneel #lucy heartfilia #nalu drabble #nalu fan fic #nalu fan fiction #nalu au #pregnancy

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between-two-fandoms · 3 years

Text

Who We Used To Be (Ray/Rose/Trevor)

As told by myself and @thesevenumbrellas tag teaming the whump in the 18+ JatP discord. Sev I swear we operate on the same braincell levels, we do be clowning. @bobbywilsonsupremacy let us know what you think of this! I know you and I both hardcore ship Raybse.

Cover was created by @thesevenumbrellas. Please don’t steal it.

This post got long so fair warning.

We wrote this in a discord server over the time span of hours so there’s some mistakes but i’m too lazy to go back and fix it all. Basically we tag teamed on a Raybse Trevor Wilson-centric whump story and can destroy a fandom with a single touch.

You’ll understand once you click the cut.

Don’t Steal Our Writing (but please reblog this to spread it around).

Trauma Time.

major whump warning

(Ren) Okay so if we're gonna be starting at 90's ot3 my children ray/bobby/Rose know that Ray is a panic bi and loves both of these humans very much with his whole ass heart.

(Ren) He takes pictures of his girlfriend and boyfriend while they’re on dates because he wants to capture the moments he was happy the most. Bobby always shed away from the camera burying his face in Rose's shoulder or leaning in for a kiss. Anyways as time goes by Ray notices Bobby's change in behavior. From being his go-happy-trauma boyf to being caught up in the music scene, often out at all hours to parties and label meetings only to come to to sleep on the couch, not even sharing the bed like he used to. It reminds Ray of the time when Bobby was grieving his boys. Ray hates it, but he loves bobby so he pushes his feelings aside to try and arrange more dates for the three of them to go on together.

(Sev) Ray waking up to only Rose in the bed and not Bobby, and it feels too cold in bed without him. So he'll try to call him, because it's 3am and he's supposed to be home and he's not. And Ray remembers what happened to Bobby's bandmates, and he can't admit it out loud but he's worried. Because what if that happens to Bobby? He knows it was a freak accident! What are the odds of it happening again?? But he can't shake that feeling when Bobby doesn't come home at night and Ray stays up all night worrying. Anyway he tries to call Bobby and Bobby doesn't answer. He'll leave loads of voicemails, trying not to be pushy because he knows Bobby doesn't respond well to that. But he's worried. He'll say "hey please call me when you get this." and then ten minutes later try again "hey just text me that you're safe okay?" He can't sleep because Bobby still isn't home. It's 5am. He has to go to work in two hours. Rose keeps telling him to go to bed but he can't.[2:58 PM]Bobby finally texts back. "I'm okay! Was playing with some friends, the gig went over time and then we went to party." Ray wants to be angry because seriously? No phone calls because he was at a party? But he knows that'll just push Bobby away more!

(Ren) And so Ray has all of these festering emotions that boil down to worry and concern at the core but he's just so scared hes losing Bobby cause he never really had his own family to begin with and then one day when Ray comes home early from a photoshoot he can hear Bobby and Rose fighting over Bobby signing the contract that says he wrote Luke's songs but Ray just hears yelling before he even opens the door with his name thrown into the mix and then he gets even more scared because what if he loses Rose and Bobby? if he lost both of them he'd be destroyed. So he doesnt knock. He doesnt go home. Instead he walks around the city until he was supposed to go home originally and he opens the door and there's a sort of eerie silence in the air.

(Sev) Trevor’s unable to shake the feeling that something terrible will happen to Rose and Ray because he's with them. His entire family were killed in 1 night because he wasn't there with them. So at first he's clingy as fuck to Rose and Ray because what if something bad happens when he's not there? What if what if what if... But as time goes on the thinking flips. Maybe it's the music industry that's the problem. It's these weird connections in his head of if he's too successful, bad things might happen. But he can't quit music like that, he can't give up on Luke's dream. He owes his boys to become successful. So instead he distances himself from Rose and Ray. That way they won't be caught up in whatever bad thing is going to happen to him. He distances himself and he waits for it all to drop. He waits for the universe to punish him again.

(Ren) And the universe punishes Bobby when the tension between him and Rose tightens so much he knows there's no going back from it but he's not admitting to stealing the songs because he didn't. He helped Luke write all of the songs more than Alex and Reggie ever did, staying up late with Luke after fights with his mom and Bobby didn’t want Luke to be alone so yeah, he wrote the songs. Maybe not as much as he claimed but he sure as hell made sure his brother wasn’t alone so that counted for something right? And it did. Until Rose kicks him out of bed because she's pissed he'd even consider stealing music and he cant tell Ray because of the NDA the label got him to sign at a party when he was drunk and the only reason Rose knows about it is because she was there when he signed the damn thing and so Bobby pulls away from Ray because isnt it going to be easier in the long run? If he doesn’t attach himself to Ray who'll just get angry at him like Rose did?

(Sev) It's the guilt that grows inside of him every passing day. They're my songs too he tells himself over and over again. But during the dark nights, three glasses of whisky in when the world is getting hazy... even he can't believe the lies he tells himself. He fucked up Sunset Curve. He fucked up his friends' memories. And now he fucked up the only good thing he'd ever had. Ray texts him nonstop. He doesn't understand why Rose kicked Bobby out and he doesn't understand why Bobby listened. Bobby can't take Ray away from Rose. He's fucked up and a terrible person, but even he can't do that. He doesn't give Ray his new address. He refuses to meet up even for Ray to give him his stuff back. All Bobby can do is hold onto Ray's sweatshirt he stole away and a bottle of perfume the same brand Rose always wears. He cradles these things in his arms and cries.

(Ren) And that's the last he sees of Ray for all of 5 years, 20yr old puppy-dog eyed loving precious ray who Bobby would run to the second Rose says its okay. But rose never does. And then Bobby meets a cute blonde and six months later the barista shows up on his doorstep shoving Carrie into his arms calling her a bastard child. Carrie is not a bastard child Carrie is his and he loves her the second he sets eyes on her and so Bobby turns into Trevor when the new year rolls around and he starts his own album. It doesn’t do as well as Luke's his first album did but it was his. And then one day Trevor signs Carrie up for dance because Trisha from first grade made fun of her for not being able to do the splits and on the way out of the dance studio Trevor bumps into Ray, a terrified looking girl clutched to his leg. Carrie doesn't miss a beat. "Hi! I'm Carrie let's be friends!" and Carrie drags Ray's daughter off and Trevor shifts awkwardly and is suddenly 17 again but Ray's eyes still twinkle like the did when they were kids and he's still wearing eyeliner so Trevor almost missed it when a flicker of recognition crosses Ray’s face and a smile quirks at the corners of his lips and he says, "hi im Ray, thats my daughter Julie. Wanna go out for a drink?" With that same mischievous glint in his eye that made Bobby fall in love with him in the first place.

(Sev) Trevor almost stops breathing. He should say no. He knows he should say no. He's an awful person. He doesn't deserve someone like Ray. He never deserved either of them. He knows that. But can't force himself to say no. Maybe it's the twinkle in Ray's eyes. Maybe it's the soul crushing loneliness he's felt ever since he left them. Or maybe it's the way Carrie and Julie are giggling in the corner like they've known each other all their lives. He says yes. The drink ends up at a family friendly restaurant with both the girls in tow.

(Ren) Rose shows up because Ray the asshole apparently texted her while he was in the car saying he met one of Julie's friend's parents and wanted to go out on a date (keeping things pg ofc) aklsdf. And when Rose does show up Trevor sees how... sick she looks. How much paler she looked than she did all those years ago how - he still knew he loved her even if she still decided she hated him.

(Sev) The mood drops quickly. Trevor wants to ask about Rose, but not in front of the kids. Ray wants to ask about their past, but not in front of the kids. Rose... Rose who holds all the answers... doesn't know where to start first. She had never regretted not telling Ray the truth. She never wanted to change Ray's perception of Bobby like that. Ray who looked at their boyfriend as if he'd hung the moon. Ray who stayed up worrying all night until Bobby came home. Ray who held Bobby through countless nightmares... But that makes the truth staring them in the face so much harder. Because she never gave Ray the choice. She realized that a few years too late after she catches Ray staring at old pictures of Bobby in their photo albums. She'd made the choice for him. And then there's Trevor... still beautiful, staring at her with so much concern her heart breaks all over again.

(Ren) The tension doesn't fly over Carrie's head like he hoped it would, she talks to Julie about My Little Pony and Pokemon and High School Musical and their mutual hatred for Trisha from school but Carrie's hand never lets go of his and he finally plucks up the courage and stretches his arm out and says "we're vegetarian for the most part, hope that's okay." And a smile quirks at the corner of her lips and she asks "for the most part?" and Trevor nods and Carrie pipes up from her seat saying "daddy hates hot dogs,” in that blatant fact kind of way kids say things without realizing how problematic it could be. It wasn’t her fault though, Trevor has yet to tell her about her uncles, about how he was in a band, about how they were going to be legends.

(Sev) Rose and Ray both freeze at Carrie's voice. He doesn't know if the girls notice, because he's too busy trying to fight back the panic in his throat. It's been a long time since anyone had brought up ... what happened. It's easy to pretend it didn't happen when his name is Trevor and no one knows him. But these two people know him. They know him more than anyone else ever has. Even the boys. The truth hits him hard at that moment. A truth he'd been avoiding for almost two decades. Ray and Rose know him better than even he knew himself. Maybe that was why Rose had been so furious with him, or why Ray continued to chase after him even months after he moved out. Trevor hides the building panic and sudden realization with a smile. "What an I say," he said as causally as he can. "I'm a picky eater." A few hours later they end up back at the Molina's house. Bobby has no idea how it happened. -No, Trevor has no idea how it happened, he scolds himself. He's Trevor. He has to be Trevor. Trevor got him this far, Trevor made the difficult choices. Bobby was the one who got his friends kill and destroyed the best relationship he ever had. Still, it becomes harder and harder to remind himself of that. To stop himself from slipping into the comfortable shoes of Bobby, boyfriend of Ray and Rose as if the past 17 years had never happened. He finds himself on their sofa, a sofa that brings back memories both good and bad... he finds himself in a familiar home, his old studio just a short walk away, his ex's giggling in the kitchen as they make his coffee the way he's always liked it without asking for a reminder.

(Ren) Trevor can remember the day he stopped drinking the coffee Ray made for him, the morning after his first fight with Rose, when he wakes up cold because Rose basically cocooned herself around Ray's body, keeping her back turned to him and as much as he wanted to reach out to Ray, to hug him and comfort him and tell him it was all going to be okay... everything was too stuffy and too tense and deciding he just had to leave because he was going to suffocate otherwise.

(Sev) He should leave, just like last time. What was he even doing here? He should take Carrie and- Then Ray's in front of him, pushing a hot cup into is hands. "The girls are playing upstairs," he says. His voice is so calm, so understanding. "We don't have to talk if you don't want to." Trevor almost laughs. Because that's so like Ray. Almost a decade without answers and he's giving Trevor the option to ignore it all. To pretend like nothing ever happened. But he can't be that selfish again. So he shakes his head. "I'd... like to talk to you... to both of you."

(Ren) And then suddenly rose is eyeing him sus but he's been putting this off for to long and honestly fuck his label because they screwed him over one too many times for him to still even consider their relationship anything other than employee-client1[4:06 PM]and so Trevor takes a sip of Ray's coffee holy shit how did go so long without it?! and he explains it. he explains everything.

(Sev) Ray doesn't speak as Trevor explains. He never interrupts or even look surprised. His face is completely unreadable. He doesn't move until Trevor's done. And then once he is, he only stands up to start pacing the room. Trevor's oddly reminded of Alex as he does so, and the memory is enough to make him flinch. "This... this is what you two have been hiding from me for so long?" he asked, voice brittle. "This is... this is what cost us... I mean..." But he can't finish. Ray just shakes his head, back to both Rose and Trevor.

(Ren) Suddenly he's seventeen again. Seventeen and a mess in Ray's arms burying his face into the man's chest finally feeling the weight of the world lift off of his shoulders and suddenly Rose is hugging him from behind, her too-skiny bone arms snaking around his chest and hugging him tightly threatening to never let him go saying "amour," and pressing a kiss to the back of his head, "amour we never stopped loving you."

(Sev)It's like no time has passed by the time he's done crying his eyes out. They're all huddled on a sofa that was always too small for three. Trevor's in the middle, clutching at them both as if they're going to disappear on him. Ray sits with his legs underneath them, his arms pulling the both of them into his chest. And then there's Rose, suddenly so much more delicate than Trevor remembers. She sits half on his lap, curled into them, her fingers knotted in his hair. "I can't believe you two kept this from me," Ray whispers. There's no anger. He doesn't think Ray's ever been capable of being angry. "I'm sorry," Trevor whispers, throat raw from tears. Ray answers with a firm kiss to his temple. "We wasted so much time..."

(Ren) Trevor just lays between them in their bed, nothing sexual and nothing tense it’s just them being together and Rose playing with his now-long hair, braiding it right down the middle despite it being too long for others to braid. Her fingers feel nice as they tug at his roots, familiar and a sense of calm washes over him. He lets ray fop on top of him like they used to, burying his head in his chest just listening to his heart beat, his steady constant breathing because Ray used to be afraid one day he'd wake up and Bobby would be dead too. Rose humming lightly, soft lullabies that chased away dark thoughts and Trevor just finds it so comforting, a feeling of home he hasn't had since the day he left and so he wraps his arms around Rose and Ray tight, promising himself he won't screw up his second time around.

(Sev) It's a few hours later when he speaks again. The girls are asleep in Julie's room (delighted at their surprise sleepover.) Ray's almost nodded off, head resting against Trevor's chest. But Rose is wide awake. She's laid out, tangled between them, eyes focused on something far away. He can see it more clearly now. The tremble in her hands, the way she's so still, the circles around her eyes. He takes her hand in his. "What is it?"

(Ren) And Trevor wants it to be a prank, he wants the sinking feeling in his gut twisting around his heart, the same feeling he had the morning of Sunset Curve's Orpheum performance coiling up his spine to go away. He wants everything to be okay, that he told the truth, that he was forgiven, that the universe was finally on his side for once but of course it's not because when has it ever been. Rose's fingers run lightly over his knuckles and Ray wraps his arm around him from behind, his hands resting against Trevor's chest, something solid for him to focus on and as a tear starts to roll down Rose's cheek he reaches up to brush it away, running his hand through her hair only to pull out a clump as he pulled away but he couldn't run when his instincts to run kick in like they always used to do when situations turned emotional, bury it in his mind and lock up his worries like he always did but this wasn't going to be something he could run from.

(Sev) Life is not the fantasy or a fairy tale. There are no happy endings, only happy moments. He'd like to say they picked up right where they left off, Rose lived until a ripe old age, and they never fought again. But he'd be lying. It was hard to fold their lives back into place again, especially with Carrie and Julie. To just pick up after their seventeen year old selves was an impossible dream. But they could do breakfast. And breakfast became dinner. Dinner became one date which became two which became many. It took trouble and care, but they slotted themselves back into each other's lives again. There were lunch dates, and movie nights. There were late night wine dates and early morning coffee dates. They found their happy moments. A decade of separation had smoothed out the rough edges. If Trevor stormed out after a harsh argument, he'd return the next day with flowers and apologies. If Rose snapped and lost her temper, she'd take herself off for a walk to cool down. If Ray was bothered by something, he'd speak up instead of pushing it all down. They found their happy moments. And when 1 month became 1 year, they celebrated with moving boxes and a new, bigger couch. When 1 year became 2, they celebrated with promise rings and whispers of a better future between light kisses. 3 years became 4, became 5, and so on... They found their happy moments. But life is not a fantasy or a fairy tale. Their story ends in a hospital. Rose dies with both her husbands at her side, with both her daughters and son clutching on her hands. She dies with a smile on her face, knowing she is not leaving them to suffer alone. Ray and Trevor grieve together.

(Ren) And this time the girls are the ones who get into the fight but Trevor and Ray are there for Julie and Carrie no matter what they're fighting over carrie told julie she liked flynn but julie said flynn was hers first and doesnt understand how she can feel squishy love for two people. And this time the girls are the ones who get into the fight but Trevor and Ray are there for Julie and Carrie no matter what they're fighting over carrie told julie she liked flynn but julie said flynn was hers first and doesnt understand how she can feel squishy love for two people. They stick to their daughters through the worst of it but they don’t let the girl’s fighting rip into them too. It’s not what Rose would’ve wanted for them, it’s not what she would’ve wanted for Julie or Carrie either.

(Sev) And when Julie plays with her ghost band, it's much earlier that Trevor recognizes who she's playing with.

(Ren) Luke’s mad at first, ofc he is but after everything is explained and out in the open Trevor finds himself at home in a building that never felt like home despite the fact he grew up in it.

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james-bucky-barnes-imagines · 5 years

Text

Saving Bucky barnes chapter 5

Strange reached and turn ur head and see the blood in your ear he says you either have as busted eardrum or a pretty bad concussion. Come in let's get you 2 taken care of. Strange shows you 2 what looks like a sick bay. you lay bucky on the examination table and wince at the pain your side. strange says u get on the other table. you stumble and fall on your butt you look up 2 strange he then picks you up and carries you through the gold ring to the hospital. you say strange put me down im hurt and bleeding ill get blood on your cape he says you been shot this is how im keeping pressure on it and carry you at the same time. I got my hand firmly on the wound so you wont bleed on me. You say what about bucky I don't want to leave him for 2 long in case he wakes up. im worried he won't remember and will try 2 leave i dont know if he will be the winter Soldier or bucky. Strange says Wong is watching him and no one but us can come into any of the rooms just the foyer so he will be safe. Right about that time he sits you down and hands you a heavy rag he says hold this on it. I dont know why you like to worry more about the Sargent then your own well being your not immortal just cursed . You take your jacket off the pull up your shirt. You fold the rag double and place it on the wound. strange turns around with shears and says oh well that's easier. Your irises turn a deep red as you say very seriously no one cuts my jacket ever. Strange chuckles and sets the shears down. he says im just going to put some gauze and tape on it cause I know you will heal he pulls out the bullet applies the bandage and then wraps your waist tightly and tapes it. He takes the eye check thingy to check your eyes for signs of a concussion but u remind him it dosen't work on you. You try to get up but strange says no your staying put. You need to take care of your Self the sargent is fine. you say I think im gonna be sick he quickly grabs a trash can. which you promptly empty your Stomach contents into .

Strange says. I may have underestimated how bad of a concussion you have. He quickly scoops you up but not without protests from you about he needs to focus on bucky and not you. You finally convince strange to set you in a dark room so you can rest. He says not 2 sleep that you need your brain to heal. Strange goes 2 checks on bucky. You suddenly hear a group of people walking down the hallway. Shit you curse and hide as you hear the people talking 2 a nurse you recognize them as hydra agents they look like the same agents from the tower. one checks in the room your in instead of killing him you just sneak out in your glamour . Strange catches u in the hallway (becase he can see through the glamour). you say we have 2 get 2 him now! I don't know how they knew i was here but if they know im here they know he isant being watched. Strange takes you back 2 bucky he is still out you can hear him his heart slowly beat. You whisper come back 2 me James I can't lose you, I'll snap and no one will be safe if I lose my heart.... You drift off laying on buckys shoulder listening to his heartbeat slowly continue on. Strange wakes you up later saying ur not supposed 2 falls asleep you rub your eyes and say strange I'm nocturnal I sleep during the day im sure im fine is there anything u can do 2 get bucky 2 wake up? It's then you notice the room is silent except for strange's heartbeat your eyes grow wide and you look at bucky . his chest isant rising as it's supposed when he breathes any more. you shake him bucky! Bucky please wake up! You scream strange do something!!! His heart isant beating! He isant breathing! You begin to panic what happened strange! Just about the time your about 2 threaten the Dr who is trying 2 use the time stone. you are jarred back into reality by a very cold bucket of water on you and strange and bucky calling your name. You look up bucky through water dripping into your eyes you jump up and hold him tight as you can without hurting him you say I thought I lost you. Thank heaven it was just a bad dream. You hold him tight listening 2 his heartbeat. You ask strange if it's safe 2 go back 2 the tower he. Replied yes but you not going anywhere. Bucky chimes in

y/n your heart stopped I don't know if it was a bad dream. I thought i was going loose you. strange thinks you need 2 heal so u need to stay here. strange walks in with an entire bag of A+ he says down this and your free 2 go or u can get it in an iv, either way, u need it because u lost a good amount. You reply My meds are for that they have all the minerals and stuff in a tablet so i don't have 2 do that. you push the bag away not wanting it . Bull shit! Bucky yells y/n drink it or u will have it in an iv. Strange says ill get bucky 2 hold u down. Buck answers in Russian да. you say fine! You grab the bags and walk into another room and come back a few seconds later then say now can i go home? Strange says yes so you teleport back. As you arrive cap says good ur suited up mission time you look 2 bucky and giggle and says well lets get back on the plane then. The look on buckys face is priceless you get on your tipe toes and say softly this time i promise not 2 have a fit and down the plane. He says will u get my ear plugs from my room please and i will get your meds from bruce? You say ok and poof off bruce is in the lab when bucky walks in he says im here 2 get y/ns meds ? Bruce chuckles and hands him a white foam cup and says do not drink it. he also hands him a bottle of pills and says incase your gone for a few days which bucky puts in his cargo pocket and snaps close. Bruce hands him a small medicne cup with several different pills. You show up right as buck walks into the kitchen he says great i i found u here he hands u the cup and pill cup. You hand him his ear plugs and say put them in now so i know their in he puts them in and kisses you on the top of your head and says softly спасибо, ангел (thank you angel ) now take your pills so i know you got your meds. You take the pills and teleport the two of you to the roof and wait. You say before you load the plane "bucky i want you to hear this new song ! " he says we gota get loaded jarvis can play it on the plane ok ? You say slightly deflated sure ... he starts getting all the gear ready for what ever yall are going 2 need steve usually told you what exact details you were going u thought about the charger 2 buckys ear buds was left on the counter you telelported back and grabbed it and teleported back you also grabbed some other equitment so incase you needed it. You helped get every ones gear in place. Thor and loki were always second 2 load the plane after about 5 mins the plane was taking off and you asked jarvis 2 play the song you had found earlier it was called perfect by Ed sheeran. Bucky chuckled and said i heard this the other day and thought of you and how you love slow dancing. Heard cap stand up he told you 2 it was just another mission to retive intel on a project hydra was trying to recreate the super soldier program. Cap thought it might have bucky's file in it and that if they could get the file they could figure out how to deactivate buckys trigger words . The base was in the english countryside it was not going 2 be easy getting in but you were going in alone . Bucky chimed in about u going in alone but you reminded him what happened last time he stood watch and you werent having that happen again. Cap said try not to kill every one this is supposed 2 be a stealth operation. You chuckled and said i make no promises cap...

#@jpat82

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myvelouri · 5 years

Text

I need to be really open

Right now I'm about to post totally openly and it's going to beong because my night was long

So I was at the bar and the girl buddy I wrote about who didn't remember me, who used to remember me when she ran into me back then... Yeah she didn't remember me and it hurt my feelings really badly. Look, it just did, okay? I don't forget people I've had coffee with under funny circumstances and people uve bonded with. She used to support my depression and all that and was totally into me back then as she's the one who told me I have awesome hair and always wanted to tell me

Yeah that was her back then, just fucking only 3 years ago, it's not even that long, let alone I texted her just a few months ago

My heart breaks a bit. And she was there with a buddy of mine. I didn't know he'd be there. I felt so hurt by that? Because I thought me and her were hella cool... We used to text jokes about this guy in a class. I just can't believe you'd forget me

I can't

Especially since she thought I was attractive AND THEN we had a bonding moment over coffee one day

I'm so hurt, I can't explain it, I don't know if it's okay for me to feel this way, I don't know if it's wrong to feel this way. .. I'm just very HURT and it makes me want to cry, I'm not crying, but it feels like it and I just... I don't understand and I can't shake the awkwardness. I met her and she still didn't remember me. I had to explain to her who I was and it felt so unnatural

I still feel woozy about that! I hated that! I did! My buddy told me she said to him "I think I know that guy" REALLY?! Bro it's not like me and her were acquaintances. Omfg. We were seen together plenty times

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO FEEL? It's not like I was trying to fuck her or anything, I just felt like it was a special connection when I met her. Not that we were close but she was one of those rare open people and thought we'd never forget each other

It makes me a little sick to my stomach, as in, just feeling, I don't know why, and to know she didn't want to hang with me but hung out with Eric... I'm just so confused!! I can't do this right now! Not right now! Too much, it's too much right now!

Okay so I was outside at the bar very sad and slum. I got to the bar and ordered another drink. The waitress there, the one that hates me, she was here so I tried to be nice and asked "how are you doing?" And she ignored me, and I said her name, kaeton, I was like, "kaeton??" And she still ignored me. Suffice it to say my heart felt even more hurt. The more and more I try to give myself, the more and more I'm being shut down..

I just wanted to die at that point

So I went outside to write to myself with my new beer

Suddenly a fight is happening. I interject cause they came my way, two dudes and the small one is toast. So I help the big one out and say yo, here come here, chill, and I tried to sit them down. And then the big one pushed me as if I'm an enemy and said "NAH GET OUT OF MY WAY, HES MY NEPHEW" and I said BRO CHILL, IM HERE TO HELP, ON YOUR SIDE. And later he apologized to me saying he's sorry he was like that and that it indeed was his nephew who was causing the scene. I said I know they man, I wanted to stop you guys from tumbling over people. He was cool man. We talked afterwards. No problem at all. Chill dude. Infact the waitress that hates me? I am pretty sure she gave him her number. Doesn't matter

So guess what? Another fight breaks out from that. Again came my way. I saw the two bartender guys that work there. Casey and Calvin. I know them somewhat. I'm a regular at this bar bro. And I see this dude pushing Calvin around and I got so upset that I went up and stopped him, grabbed him by the neck (the drunk douche) and said nah, chill, you're out bro and he started calling me "what? YOU FAG, YOU FUCKING GAY FAGGOT" because of the way I look. And I was quick to remark about his dumbass appearance about his glasses and cap combo. And he kept going but my skinny ass was able to push him out the door. And I bumped into Sam, my other favorite waitress there who I've slowly gotten close to. I'll tell you more about that. She was a bit frazzled by it all. And I accidentally made her drop drinks on herself as she was trying to serve someone else but that's cause I was getting angry and talking mad shit back to this douche bag I was pushing out by the neck. And Casey, not Calvin, but Casey, pushed me out of that grip and I understood, to let go and let the people working here take care of it. I didn't mean to be bad. I was just upset seeing one of the workers here that I like being pushed around so rough. It wasn't okay. And like. Yeah

So when I came back to the outside, lots of people came up to me. Some said wow, wtf happenened, we saw, you were involved and we were like WTF

Others, like Eric saw it and then he left cause he said he didn't want to see drunkards brawling. In my heart I thought, wow, Eric, I wasn't, I was pushing him out because the drunkard was ALREADY hitting the wait staff.

Anyway, other people came up to me and told me "wow bro when he called you a fag? Dude nah I almost ran in there and knocked him out, I'm surprised you didn't, he called you a fag so many times" and I said "yeah I was getting to that point but Casey stopped me"

Um, girls started looking at me and smiling at me. I don't know why but girls thought it was attractive that I pushed out a douche bag out of the bar, whilst being called a fag and horrible names. Idk man.

A lot of people came up to me. I didn't even realize everyone was watching. To me it lasted a second. To everyone else telling me about it, they said it lasted a good 6 minutes straight

Jesus

Okay so I went to Steve's house with Ronnie and Hector. Love these dudes. Steve is hella old but he's awesome. We smoked and drank. We got hungry so me, Ronnie and Hector went to whataburger. We ate and suddenly Sam, the waitress from the bar came over and scared me..I was HOLY SHIT WTF HOW

she said she was driving and saw us so she came in to eat with us. Ugh sam is so cute. She's been so hot this entire time. She's the one who I accidentally spilled a bit of beer on as she was trying to serve it, remember? And so after that happened, I went up to her and said "hey, I'm sorry I spilled that on you, Sam" and she was so surprised I was like this (it's just me) and she was like "omg you're so sweet" and was like "no it's fine" so fast forward to whataburger. Ya man. Hector left and Ronnie left. It was just me and Sam. And the guy working at Whataburger was trying to fuck sam. Poor guy, bless his heart, he has a crush on Sam, and, you know, she just doesn't like him. So she told me to help her sneak out when he isn't looking. And I did lol. So me and her started talking a lot outside. And the dude comes out and says to her "hey Sam, I'm about to smoke a cigarette, wanna join me?" Literally has balls trying to cock block ME. I MEAN, I wasn't trying to fuck Sam, I'm just saying to HIM it looked like I was kinda with her and had been with her a while alone, so for him to come up, was ballsy. Like bro, you for real?

She brushed him off. And she looked at me and said "come on" and I asked her "Bro why are you acting like he has a chance?!" And she said she has to because she comes here to eat often at nights hahaha. I said okay, totally understandable hahahaha

And then she told me, I grew on her. She's seen me many nights and has seen who I am. And she finally sees the real me. She said she appreciates me and wants to hang out and stuff. I was surprised. I felt appreciated greatly. Especially after such an awful night. Which is still affecting me. I don't know how Jenny forgot me. I can't believe I was trying to call her Emily at first. Awful. It was an accident, not that she heard me. But, wow, she didn't remember me at all.

It hurts still... Because that means I've gotten so so ugly to the point where girls who used to think I was hot as fuck don't even recognize me anymore (that's how ugly and different I've gotten physically) oh no I'm gonna cry. I can't take it

The end of tonight was good! Why can't I accept that!

I'm actually tearing up

This is so awful

What is wrong with me

#personal

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cactusmadre · 5 years

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Nexplanon, The birth control from hell.

I'm so serious, please make sure that you review both positive and negative effects. I only read the positive effects when I got it inserted in Jan. 7th 2017. I was scared that Trump was going to destroy plan parenthood so I went for the implant because I would much rather be baby free during his ruling than go to the clinic one day for the pill and find the clinic shut down because of him. 🙄

Insertion was pain free & I was so happy when I got it.

It took only a few mins and I walked out to go get some breakfast. I was told it should get rid of my heavy and painful periods and that it wasn't going to have a lot of symptoms.

THE HELL BEGINS!!!!!

A month later I noticed I gained 2 pounds

My flawless skin is no longer flawless like baby girl is looking rough I go from exhibit 1 to exhibit 2 over night basically.

To this

My depression sky rockets, my mood swings are bad and I can't help it. It makes me feel so bad because I can't control it

I go to the gym 5 days out of the week, eat fast food 1 to 2 times a week. I meal prep for school and eat a lot of healthy foods. I only drink water and hot teas with occasional 4 shot lattes with NO ADDED SUGAR. JUST ALMOND MILK. I was 129lbs when I got it inserted (I'm about to cry typing this) I AM CURRENTLY 179LBS!

No matter how hard I try I can not lose the weight. It's like I keep gaining. My husband and friends are shook because they know I don't over eat or drink my sugars etc. Im always going to the gym after school even though I get out at 9pm and have to be up at 5AM, 7 days a week.

MY SEX LIFE IS DEAD. I dead ass could not figure out what was going on with me. My sex drive was low....like I couldn't even think about sex without cringing or kiss my husband without feeling weird. I thought it was me and I was so confused even questioning if maybe I didnt find my husband no longer attractive..HONEY. I find out it's not just me and that it is a symptom A LOT OF PEOPLE EXPERIENCE WHEN ON IT.

Also I have experienced major stomach issues like...puking and a LOT OF RUNNY POOPS! I've never been this sick. I'm LITERALLY ALWAYS SICK. AND I KNOW MY CO WORKERS ARE TIRED OF ME CALLING OUT. BUT HONEEEEYYYY I BE SHOOTING OUT BOTH ENDS IM ALWAGS DYING I DONT KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO NOT BE SICK.

I get so irritated fast. Like I get super petty with small things like my husband didnt buy me a baked potato like I asked him to. He was supposed to bring it to me for lunch and instead wanted to take me out for lunch....I was so irritated my mood swings were everywhere. Like anything triggers mood swings fast.

My head always hurts

My body always hurts it's like I'm an old dinosaur. Everything feels broken. I've had ovarian pain and belly button pain. Got sent home from school went to urgent care and sent STRAIGHT TO THE ER. THEY DONT KNOW WHATS WRONG WITH ME. LOL THANKS NEXPLANON AND THANKS GOVERNMENT I HAVE NO HEALTH INSURANCE AND GET SENT A HUGE BILL WITH NO SOULTION TO MY PROBLEM OR DIAGNOSIS. IM IN DEBT NOW. And I'm not the only one covered in ER Bill's because of unbarely death like pain. I could barely move.

I'm always so tired....like I can sleep whenever I never want to go out cause I'm mentally, physically and emotionally tired. I'll make plans then never show up cause I rather be asleep. I can go to sleep for 10 hours and still wake up exhausted.

My arm has had mild pain in it since I got it inserted. I cant do arms at the gym because my. Left arm feels weak and I'm A COSMETOLOGY STUDENT....THE IMPLANT CAUSES MUSCLE SPASMS WHEN IM CUTTING HAIR. OR WHEN IM MAKING LATTES AT WORK. It has gotten so much worse.

Last week, my implant started twerking? Under my skin and my classmates could see it twerking hard. Then came the sharp pain.....SHARP MURDER LIKE PAIN. AND I SAT IN MY CAR AND CRIED AFTER I LEFT WORK. I called the clinic it was closed for MLK day. I called Novant and they told me they were gonna look it. Then I called a few hours later after getting off work and another lady picked up who was super rude and was like cant do it. I just cried all afternoon.

I started getting NAUSEOUS last night and my arm was just numb with pain and when I moved it in my sleep it went straight to a stabbing pain. I got up for work and in insertion spot is swollen and slight bruising and I can barely move my arm. So I had to tell work peace out today and I'm on my way to the health clinic to get it out asap. I'm done and so over nexplanon.

#nexplanon #do not armour up #2 years of hell #birth control #negative effects of birth control #contraception #iud #hormonal iud #arm insertion #hormonal effect #stop nexplanon #bye nexplanon #birth control from hell

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