#to be clear im fine
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sometimes i feel so silly because im much happier and healthier now than i was in my whole life and will continue to get better over time but unfortunately its slightly cold and breezy outside so my brain is like kill myself? kill myself time? killy myselfy? kill self? pretty please go to heaven fast pass? verb of die? kill?? myself??? and its like im clearly not going to kill myself but damn me if my brain is not absolutely ready for the possibility
#like NO DOGGIE dont run into the road!!!! we are not swallowing our mouthwash!!!! that knife is NOT close enough to do it quick!!!!!#you will not drown in the shower!!!!#to be clear im fine#i cant kill myself tbosas is coming out this friday and theres more pjo books to read#tw suicide#the tree speaks
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shen qingqiu and the mystery of why people fear his cutest disciple
#dw he only turns into an eldritch monster if u get too close to sqq. steer clear and u should be fine 👍#actually id steer clear anyway..if he bites u im not legally responsible#svsss#luo binghe#人渣反派自救系统#svsss fanart#mxtx#shen qingqiu#scum villains self saving system
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they want to talk about mental illness and acceptance and how everyone is a little ocd it's cute and quirky and their "intrusive thoughts" are about cutting their hair off and you say yours are about taking a razorblade to your eye and they say ew can you not and everyone is a little adhd sometimes! except if you're late it's a personality flaw and it's because you are careless and cruel (and someone else with adhd mentions they can be on time, so why can't you?) and it's not an eating disorder if it's girl dinner! it's not mania if it's girl math! what do you mean you blew all of your savings on nonrefundable plane tickets for a plane you didn't even end up taking. what do you mean that you are afraid of eating. get over it. they roll their little lips up into a sneer. can you not, like, trauma dump?
they love it on them they like to wear pieces of your suffering like jewels so that it hangs off their tongue in rapiers. they are allowed to arm-chair diagnose and cherrypick their poisons but you can't ever miss too many showers because that's, like, "fuckken gross?" so anyone mean is a narcissist. so anyone with visual tics is clearly faking it and is so cringe. but they get to scream and hit customer service employees because well, i got overwhelmed.
you keep seeing these posts about how people pleasers are "inherently manipulative" and how it's totally unfair behavior. but you are a people pleaser, you have an ingrained fawn response. in the comments, you have typed and deleted the words just because it is technically true does not make it an empathetic or kind reading of the reaction about one million times. it is technically accurate, after all. you think of catholic guilt, how sometimes you feel bad when doing a good deed because the sense of pride you get from acting kind - that pride is a sin. the word "manipulation" is not without bias or stigma attached to it. many people with the fawn response are direct victims of someone who was malignantly manipulative. calling the victims manipulative too is an unfair and unkind reading of the situation. it would be better and more empathetic to say it is safety-seeking or connection-seeking behavior. yes, it can be toxic. no, in general it is not intended to be toxic. there is no reason to make mentally ill people feel worse for what we undergo.
you type why is everyone so quick to turn on someone showing clear signs of trauma but you already know the fucking answer, so what's the point of bothering. you kind of hate those this is what anxiety looks like! infographics because at this point you're so good at white-knuckling through a severe panic attack that people just think you're stoic. even people who know the situation sometimes comment you just don't seem depressed. and you're not a 9 year old white kid so there's no way you're on the spectrum, you're not obsessed with trains and you were never a good mathematician. okay then.
mental illness is trending. in 2012 tumblr said don't romanticize our symptoms but to be fair tiktok didn't exist yet. there's these series of videos where someone pretends to be "the most boring person on earth" and is just being a normal fucking person, which makes your skin crawl, because that probably means you are boring. your friend reads aloud a profile from tinder - no depressed bitches i fucking hate that mental illness crap. your father says that medication never actually works.
you still haven't told your grandmother that you're in therapy. despite everything (and the fact it's helping): you just don't want her to see you differently.
#writeblr#warm up#to be clear let me state again: i think you should id however you fucking want if it helps you seek peace#but there is a HUGE difference between being like '.... im undiagnosed but i think i might be X'#and a person who is like ''omg my intrusive thoughts made me buy a birkin!!!''#babe mine made me throw up bc they disgusted me so much <3#mine made me hurt myself evenly. even when i wanted to stop. i have had to put my hand on the stove MULTIPLE TIMES#and again i'd rather have 10000 people get help for something they don't need help for#than have 1 kid NOT get help#but there has GOTTTTT to be a middle ground here#bc at this point it isn't ''raising awareness''#it's . fucking misinformation. and ''what this picture says about you!!!!!''#& yes! im mostly talkin about ppl who are actually disgusted and offended by signs of mental illness#but use it to defend THEIR actions#like babe you hate when kids start yelling in the walmart? but you YOuRSELF can yell?#you are depressed so it's fine you were cruel to your spouse?#but if your spouse spends too much time in bed she's a lazy fuck?#your partner needs to do everything for you bc of your history in trauma? but when SHE has needs she's being clingy and gross?#HUGE difference here between whom i think most of my followers are btw. like#all it takes is fucking anyyyy empathy or kindness . like.#anyway it's hard to explain im hoping we all know the person im talking about lol
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i want to vent my frustration and sadness but this is tumblr so it has to be funny
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Isn't it interesting that Spock refers to his friendship with Jim as shameful when he is infected by a virus that reveals one's inner feelings/desires? That he calls Jim "my friend" while he is in the blood fever of pon farr and shouldn't be able to speak at all? That he tells Jim he has always and ever shall be his friend while dying to save everyone? And then repeats the phrase mostly word for word after he is brought back to life and slowly regaining his memories (I think?? I shouldn't be posting this because I am still only on season 2! but I can not ignore the circumstances of when he uses the term "friend")
And later, by the third season in the episode Whom Gods Destroy, they refer to each other as brothers without anything altering their inhibitions.
Like. My point is they are not declared as lovers until the t'hy'la footnote, but they are declared as friends and as brothers throughout the series. Their love can not be openly declared in the show or movies but exists literally in the margins, outside of the boundaries.
#spirk#star trek tos#i keep looking at my k/s friend web weave draft and reordering things and the connections are making me insane#im fine i am breaking down#saw whom gods destroy last night and just.... so many thoughts#also i want to be clear: i am still obly on season 2 but catching the h&i reruns to mess with my brain :) like a fool
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LU Star Wars AU: Part 5
LAST BUT NOT LEAST ITS TIME AND SKY LETS GO
PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4
Time
Time is a direct survivor of Order 66. He was a child living in one of the more remote temples when everything happened, and was able to escape alive by fleeing into the dense forests of the planet.
Time spent many years after that traveling on his own and not getting close to anyone out of fear of being found out, or worse, left behind. He holds a certain bitterness towards everything that's happened, and when he was a teenager, he was involved in a major incident on the planet Termina. Time finally decided to bury his saber on a remote planet after that, unwilling to take on the responsibility that comes with it.
Time actually ended up meeting Sheik and donning Mandalorian armor some time after that in his teenage years. He doesnt always gel with Mandalorian warrior ideaology, but he doesn’t truly fit the Jedi way of his childhood anymore either, after all the war and death he’s seen. He's determined to be strong enough to protect those he cares about, like Malon.
Time doesn't entirely get along with the Chain at first. (Especially Warriors and Twilight; Warriors reminds him of his old Jedi master, who wore a red scarf, and Twilight's saber looks suspiciously familiar.) The boys eventually grew on him anyway, and he counts them among the people he cares about.
Sky
Sky comes from a gaseous planet in the Outer Rim with settlements that float in the clouds, constructed far above its surface.
Sky's planet is a bit of a cosmic mystery, since it should be impossible for islands of solid rock to float; some theorize that it was constructed instead of naturally occurring, or that there is a unique combination of magnetic fields and orbits that make it possible, but no one knows for certain. Loftwings are part of the planet's ecosystem of impossible floating islands, and are an important part of the culture there.
Being so remote, the Empire didn't show much interest in Sky's home planet until Ghirahim showed up. The Empire hasn’t taken over his home yet, and he is determined to keep it that way, along with the rest of the Knights of Skyloft (including Sun). Ghirahim's interest in the planet involved rumors that there was an old Jedi temple hidden on its surface, and the secrets that were hidden within it.
Those rumors turned out to be true; there was an ancient abandoned temple on one of the floating islands, and Sky and Sun ended up discovering it before Ghirahim did. Sky also found a protocol droid named F1, and with Fi's help he and Sun managed to forge their own sabers with the only remaining kyber crystals there.
Sky's connection to the Force manifests mostly as visions, and he occasionally experiences strange, cryptic dreams as a result.
Linked Universe AU belongs to @ linkeduniverse!
#lu time#lu sky#lu star wars au#star wars au#linked universe#star wars#my art#mandalorian time my beloved#in case it isnt clear Saria and the forest kids were kids he grew up with at the temple#I left their fates ambiguous on purpose but point is he doesn’t really see them again after that#saria and the kokiri are FINE in my HEART#also I really like the worldbuilding for skyloft ooof#celestials and potenitally constructed systems exist in the lore and im abusing it to fit skyloft into star wars!!!!#god I wanna design sith ghirahim I think a saber battle between him and sky would be cool as hell to draw
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i do just have to say though.................... i feel like people who really really loved the movie's portrayals of the characters are adding aspects of the show characters onto them? you know what i mean? like i see people say that adrien and marinette were more likeable in the movie than the show, when movie adrien didn't perform a single act of kindness in the entire 2 hours despite kindness being a core trait of adrien in the show? marinette was normal and not particularly weird at all and just kind of a generic protagonist? were adrien and marinette actually more interesting in the movie than the show, or are you just cherrypicking the aspects of them you like the from the show and putting them on the movie characters to make your favorite amalgamation?
marinette fell for adrien not because he showed vulnerability and forgiveness and kindness and opened his heart up to her.... but because he awkwardly tried to help her up after being kind of weirded out by her? so like i guess she thought he was hot and that was basically it? chat noir fell for ladybug not because she was strong and confident and showed determination in the face of fear... but because she begrudgingly helped him up in the middle of a battle? so like i guess he thought she was hot and that was basically it? they fell for each other over just the bare minimum interactions? most of their relationship was a montage? like, did the movie do the work to convince you of lovesquare's romantic potential, or did you go into the movie already shipping them because the show had already convinced you?
thats totally a valid way to enjoy the movie ftr! i'm just saying.... idk it's weird to see people praising the movie for being "better" when i feel like a lot of the enjoyment of the movie actually hinges on watching the show as context for their characters. and i guess im just a cringe slow-burn enjoyer but i find it weird that people are using "faster" as a synonym for "better"
#ml movie spoilers#ml movie#to be clear i dont hate the movie it's fine#it was fun enough to watch#we dont talk about plagg#i guess im mostly just '?' about people dismissing all the work the show put in#i just know people are gonna use this post as an excuse to hate on the show but auauaggghhh i really dont care if you hate the show lol#in fact thats kind of the point. i find it weird people are using the movie as an excuse to dunk on the show when the movie didnt#actually do anything particularly substantial#ml fandom salt#<- i guess? i'll tag it to be safe
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[ID: a digital redraw of the scene where chuuya shoots dazai in the shoulder. on the top of the drawing is chuuya holding a guy to dazai's head in the red and grey hallways of the prison. on the bottom of the drawing is dazai's pained face. the gunshot is shown stylistically as hectic lines behind his bloody shoulder. over the image is half a quote from goncharov that reads 'if we really were in love you wouldn't have missed.' the signature says dandelion-roots. end ID]
This quote from Goncharov (1973) in relation to soukoku has been haunting me from before I even got to that scene in the anime (the full thing is: Katya- Of course we're in love, that's why I tried to shoot you/ Goncharov- If we really were in love you wouldn't have missed). Violence as a tool for communicating emotions, especially love and hatred, especially love and hatred makes me go feral- how could I not think of the iconic quote that says that katya's miss was a sign of a lack of love/a fake love when chuuya didn't miss? Just... losing it over here.
#bsd#bsd s5#bungou stray dogs#soukoku#soukoku fanart#bungou stray dogs season 5#bsd spoilers#dazai osamu#chuuya nakahara#not to tell on myself but i just realized that i. used the wrong screenshot as ref JKDSKDJKDJ i have too many saved. its fine. u get it#just saying it in case anyone was confused#goncharov#also just to be clear if someone didnt understand the caption- i used the quote to be the opposite of what was happening#not to describe what was happening in the scene or to imply that chuuya later not killing dazai was him 'missing'#i get VERY specific imagery in my mind and i disregard everything else#and i do it in the way that would be incredibly confusing to most ppl at first glance. such is the world#im not wordy rn i cant fully describe my feral state after finishing bsd earlier today or this thing. hope u enjoy it anyway!#it was rly fun to do a screenshot redraw the bsd animation crew is so freaking talented and i got to see which colours they used where#i changed them bcs they wouldnt been too desaturated but lots of blues in the bg! colour theory babyyy#and got to play around w csp! fun fun been so long since ive done digital art
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quick scribble of 14-crush's original color schemes vs how i color them now for funsies. i feel like ive gotten. a little less?? afraid??? of saturating my colors???? four and ahato... you two used to look so pale and sickly... im so sorry LOLLLL
#full disclosure im pretty sure i got ahato's original skin tone from the infamous Flesh Cloud and thats why she looks like that#moonsidedoodles#14 crush#2024#oh i guess if this isnt already clear. im just gonna keep calling crush dedf1sh 'ahato' so and canon 'acht'#i think thats a fine way to differentiate given how they are so entirely unrecognizable from each other at this point#basically the only thing they have in common anymore is the haircut and Only From The Front#oh four's skintone was originally colorpicked from one of the agent 4 official arts iirc. but. clearly i did not pick a good spot to do tha
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if you struggle with mental health, one piece of advice i would genuinely give you is learn to knit.
or crochet: something repetitive to do with your hands, assuming you're capable of it. if you're like me and learnt to knit as a kid but let it lie fallow for a long time, it may be that starting a large, simple project (for me it was a cloak, but a blanket could work too) gets you back into it. or maybe doing something smaller, idk. i personally found socks really hard for a while because they felt smaller than my cloak but weren't getting Done quick enough for me. as i've sped up i find it more interesting to knit socks.
regardless, a repetitive task is great for emotional regulation (also see: autistic stimming), and something that you can look at and go hey i've done something, unlike simply using a fidget toy, can also help to pick your mood up when the brain is being cruel.
it's also useful as a conversation starter or distracter if you don't know what to talk about. if you're wanting to talk to older people also you're more likely to reel them in with knitting (i work better with older people, and 99% of people who ask what i'm knitting are older than me). it also gives you the opportunity to not make eye contact because you're busy knitting, even if you're still carrying on a conversation. if you're absolutely stuck for conversation you can count your stitches and people might stop bothering you.
if you have trouble focusing without doing something with your hands, you can knit! i knit a lot in church, and it helps me to focus on what's being said.
i probably have more reasons you should pick up knitting, but i can't recall them right now, so yeah.
#knitting#catkin knits#i remember one specific time back in october where i was sitting in Bible class utterly unable to stop the most horrible thoughts going#through my head. i was knitting as fast as i've ever knitted. no exaggeration to say i was knitting to stop myself from attempting to die.#and afterwards i sat there in the corner knitting for all i was worth. just repeating to myself 'not now. i am not killing myself now.'#and someone saw me in the corner frantically knitting and came to ask if i was ok. and asked how my mental health was.#must've been end of oct bc it was the first wednesday after i was out of psych ward. and i was having lots of thoughts about the method#i'd used for what is still my most recent suicide attempt. which was in october. and i had the means with me.#it would have been a horrible thing to do. to kill oneself at Bible class. with children around. but i wasn't in a particularly hinged stat#of mind at the time. that's approximately the only clear memory i have of that time in fact.#anyway idk why im thinking of that rn when im fine
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thoughts, repeating.
#art#sketch#digital art#ocd#wish i could clear my brain cache sometimes!#but no instead everything that ever happens to me is a cognitohazard#anything can be my brain's favourite chew toy#there's nothing more to extract from that thought but sure let's run into it like a knife a million times#and it becomes habit that reinforces itself. i will wake up thinking thank god im not having the thought right now! oh! surprise!#i don't wish my memory was worse but i wish it knew how to let go#one beautiful day when im in a place more long term i will find a therapist that can help hopefully#also im doing fine mostly!!!!!!#ive been meaning to draw this for a while just havent had the time and im slowly smoothing it over
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the only person in fontaine who i think should have visibly shredded abs is clorinde. look. listen. i have an essay
furina has maintained a performer’s figure for a long time but she’s more of an actress and singer than a dancer. she has the muscle tone of a macaroni noodle, and also her body composition is 80% pastry. but you know what we love her for that
navia is definitely deceptively strong for her hyper femme presentation. girlie puts in the work! shes not a gym rat tho. she has better things to do, and macarons to bake
wriothesley you could definitely make a case for more than the others, but also, consider this. he’s not a mangy half starved wolf anymore. he’s comfortable, he can get whatever he wants from the kitchen staff, he puts sugar in his tea. it’s not like he’s lost any of his combat edge but he doesn’t HAVE to be a lean mean fighting machine anymore, he has other strengths, and he likes it that way!
neuvillette is the world’s most pampered dragon. furina summoned him 400 years ago and proceeded to spend those 400 years ordering him premium water and making him do paperwork and try fancy foods with her. he does not want to go outside, except if it is to swim. you may not like it but this is the ideal sea-animal-guy body type (strong swimmer muscles smoothed over by a layer of squish, like a seal)
sigewinne is literally a marshmallow have you ever seen a ripped melusine I don’t think so. but that wasn’t in question, right?
clorinde though!! clorinde. duelist and bodyguard supreme, a well known figure whose athleticism is highly publicized. she doesn’t HAVE to have abs, but she’s definitely the fontaine character I would most readily believe does
#i can’t sleep and unfortunately this is what happens 👍#apologies to Charlotte and the sibling trio who I do not have clear thoughts on#blazie speaks#genshin impact#I feel very strongly abt neuvillette ppl love to draw him with washboard abs and fhays fine but when I see him im like#who is that#abs discourse
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stickers just came in from @chrisrin :D
#added them to the water only bottle o7#i put clear tape over them so if it gets splashed it will be fine#thats worked fine with my stickers in the past so im hoping#my stuff
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"And soda; runs off into the street..."
"...and soda... is totally okay!"
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi suckening#cw blood#something something cracking open a boy w the cold ones#IF THERE ARE ANY MISTAKES I MISSED I SWWWEAR TO JEBEDIAH. IF I STARE AT THIS ANYMORE IM GONNA DIE IT NEEDS TO BE DONE#ALSO RRRAAAHAHHHGHGH CAN I JUST TAKEA SECOND TO SCREEAAMM ABT HOW MUCH I LOVE SODA AND EMIZEL.. LIKE THERYE SO CUTE....#THEY ARE HOMIES THAT KISS EACHOTHR GOODNIGHT. THEY CARE SO MUCH FOR EACHOTHER. SODA LOVES SODA AND SODA LOVES YOU#do u guys remember how willing he was to share blood w his vampire bestie. like cmon. remember when emizel memorized sodas Soda Schedule.#LIKE CMON.... they just have eachothers backs so much. ouhhh my god... ANYWAY SO THE ART HUH. I FEEL LIKE I SCRAMBLED W IT FOR A WHILE#DRAWIN IS HARD..... i think i did well in the end tho.. i like the lil heart beat effects. and i hope i made soda look Suffieciently Scared#i ALSO had fun w the teeth. i however did not have fun w the walls. if i had more drugs i mightve done every brick in more detail#but i didnt WANNA!!!! this will suffice.I HOPE IT FLOWS WELL&THAT ITS CLEAR... IVE STARED AT IT SO LONG IT IS NOW VISUAL SOUP. HELP!!!#i want my comics to have more Pauses and Space and Thought and Momence. i feel like normally they go so fast. but THIS time#i think i did good.... huuoouhhhh.... comics are HARD art is HARD but i am HARDER. or something. OH YEAH I HAVE MORE ART THINGS#soda was RLY HARD FOR ME TO DRAW FOR A MINUTE..but i like where his design is now. i wanted his hair to be curly swirly.like soda fizz#i THINK thats all my thoughts for now. if u have thoughts u should spill them in the tags i looooove reading tttaaggsss#have a goodnight i gotta go to work soon. maybe. unless the casinos power goes out AGAIN. OR SEOMTHING... UUGHHH MY SCHEDULE IS IN SHAMBLES#I THOUGHT I WAS WORKIN 3 DAYS INA ROW SO I RENTED A WHOLE DAMN HOTEL BC THE JOB PLACE IS FAR AWAY.. I HAD TO CANCEL THE WHOLE RESERVATOn#annd im MMMMAD ABOUT IT!!! like ill get over it ofc BUT IM PEEVED!!!! IM INCONVIENIENCED AND GENTLY AGGRIVATED. BUT OVERALL FINE.#hope yalls weekend goes well. sleep well. if u get the chance to.
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HI YALL i am moving house this month ....... !!
✦ running a sale this week to help with costs and lighten my load !!
✧ also discounted some old apex stuff that won't be restocking !!
╰ code MOVINGSALE for 20% off
╰ ends 22/5
╰ i hope u find something u like 💌
#my art#store stuff#shop stuff#i forgor my tag oopsie#AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#anyway . im fine and normal and good#[nervous laughter]#i am stressed as hell but also vibing !! i hope u guys r doing well!!#have been binging hades 2 this week to cope ......... enjoying it a lot and cleared it today !!#but ya would like to add some new blobs to my collections ifwhen i have free time again ....#and maybe discounted print comms on som chars id like to add!! could rly use extra funds as soon as i have time to work on stuff o(-(#WE SHALL SEE !!!!#the horrors persist but so do i
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this is probably an unpopular opinion with the amount of "everyone is married with kids" type future aus people make for sonic characters but i cannot see sonic getting married or having a kid ever. if he did somehow end up with a kid hed be the worlds first transmasc absent father or however the joke goes
#i can only see sonic with a kid if its some random kid he accidentally adopted or whatever#and if he had a partner whatever they have going on probably wouldnt fit the typical idea of how having a partner works at all#i dont think sonic is a very romantic guy to be honest. and being in a serious relationship or ''settling down'' wouldnt be for him#i guess you could argue his feelings towards that sort of stuff could change once hes an adult#but i kinda. dont like. the idea of him suddenly becoming interested in romance and wanting to settle down#as a sign hes ''finally grown up'' or whatever. because lack of interest in romance isnt an immature trait you have to grow out of#some people never want that sort of thing and thats fine#anyway i dont hate fankids to be clear i think theyre fun in concept . like from a design standpoint#taking traits from characters you like to make a new guy out of it is fun#i just cannot imagine those things ever actually happening does that make sense#actually while im at it i dont think rouge would want kids at all either . people want her to be motherly so bad but she just is not#she is the cool older sister figure who teaches you how to steal from the pin container at hot topic without getting caught. not a mom
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