#this took so long i went down so many rabbitholes
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The Updated Tedependent Masterpost
Disclaimer: Same as last time! I have no problem with people who ship other things, don't ship anything, or ship Tedependent but don't want/expect it to be canon! This is just a theory... (a TED LASSO theory 😎)
Quick notes:
original post here!
Some of this stuff is new, some of it is old, some of it is my observations, and some of it is from other people... I was just getting annoyed at the old post missing stuff and wanted to have all the Tedependent evidence in one place
I’ll be updating this post if new evidence comes along 😊
PART 1 - The Evidence
Car park/similarities with Michelle
In 1x05 when Ted tells Michelle he’s ready to get divorced, he talks about how their relationship began —at school, in a parking lot. Not only did Ted and Trent visit a school on the day they began to get to know each other, but their last scene of season 2 takes place in the Richmond parking lot, which draws even more parallels between their relationship and that of Ted and Michelle. This post also illustrates some connections between the scene between Michelle and Ted and the one between Ted and Trent at the end of 3x02.
Ted’s focus on Trent
From the very first time he calls on Trent in the press room, we see Ted act differently towards Trent than the other reporters. He makes jokes with him, and Trent responds in turn. Ted also makes Trent’s daughter biscuits, which we never see him do for any other reporter and which also implies that not only has he interacted with Trent outside of work but he’s also met his daughter too, something that he doesn’t appear to do with other journalists.
Parallels between Roy/Keely and Ted/Trent
This is a list within a list! The parallels are:
- Roy and Keeley have their first big romantic moment in the Richmond parking lot, which is also where Ted and Trent's last scene of season 2 is set (and connects to the Michelle parking lot speech too).
- When Roy first invites Keeley on a date, they do a sort of press room roleplay thing. Not only are they just generally mirroring Ted and Trent, but Keeley literally introduces herself as "Keeley Jones, The Independent Woman", announcing herself in the exact same way that Trent usually does, even down to her joking newspaper name, which is literally.... The Independent Woman... It couldn't really be any more on the nose.
- The first scene where we see Roy and Keeley begin to fall for each other is at the end of 1x03, after Roy headbutts Colin in the club and threatens everyone to stop bullying Nate, and we get Keeley and Roy nodding at each other in acknowledgement. As this is happening, Trent is reading out his article about Ted, which could be considered the first time we see Trent beginning to fall for Ted.
- Roy and Keeley also have Phoebe, who's almost their pseudo-daughter in some scenes, similar to how Trent has a daughter.
Twelfth Night
In 2x07, at around 31 mins in, we get a scene with Trent going up to Ted in the pub to ask for a quote. At the beginning of this scene, right before Trent shows up, Mae says to Ted "If music be the food of love, play on, give me excess of it", which is the opening line to Shakespeare's romantic comedy Twelfth Night. In Twelfth Night, this line is said by Orsino, who is lamenting about a woman named Olivia, whom he loves but who doesn't love him back (I take this to be Ted and Michelle). Orsino then moves on and falls in love with Caesario, a man who is actually a woman called Viola disguised as a man. To cut a long story short, the relationship between Orsino and Viola/Caesario is considered to be a homosexual love story. Bear in mind that lines in this show are rarely said for no reason, and that this line serves no other purpose (and frankly seems a little out of place) than to hint at a romance between Ted and Trent.
Casablanca
At the beginning of the same scene, when Trent sees Ted, he says "Of all the pub joints!". This is a reference to the line "Of all the gin joints in the world, she walks into mine" from Casablanca. As well as this, episode 8 of season 3 is titled “We’ll Never Have Paris”, another reference to Casablanca (although so far some of the suspected titles have been slightly different from the actual title). Casablanca is, of course, an incredibly famous (perhaps the most famous?) romance movie, and it’s interesting to me that not only does it get referenced in a scene between Ted and Trent but it comes up again in season 3.
Also to note: Raja Casablanca is the name of the football club Edwin Akufo invites Sam to join in season 2. Because of this, some people have speculated that the episode title’s reference to Casablanca is actually meant to link back to Sam. I find this unlikely though, as the episode preceding it is titled “Ola’s”, which is the name of Sam’s restaurant, so it would be unlikely to have two Sam-centric episodes in a row.
Trent’s Date
On the same scene of season 2 (we got a LOT from that scene...), we see Trent leaving someone at the door. Many people have speculated that this is his partner or someone he’s dating, which is very likely when you consider Trent’s not-very-platonic tone and way of touching the man. An interesting detail about the man Trent was dating is that he has a moustache, much like someone else we know… 🤨🤨
Higgins
In 2x05 Higgins describes to Rebecca how the first time he met his wife, he embarrassed himself by spilling beer all over himself, and the first time Ted and Trent interact, Ted also embarrasses himself by spitting water everywhere.
Similarities between Trent and Rebecca
There are quite a few similarities between Trent and Rebecca- they’re both very icy to Ted in the beginning, are won over through food (Rebecca through the biscuits, Trent over spicy Indian food), are almost the exact same age according to the pilot script, have strangely similar hair, and the only people Ted makes biscuits for on the show are Rebecca and Trent’s daughter. As well as this, in 1x03 Ted says to Trent “Watch your back, Gay Talese there’s a new iconic profile about to be typed up by one Trent Crimm” then in 1x09 Ted says to Rebecca “Watch your back, Kate Moss there’s a new bad girl on the British modelling scene”. I believe this is a way of twisting the expectation that Rebecca and Ted are going to end up together to have Ted end up with someone similar, but not who people expect.
Final scene of season 2
Ted’s final scene in the whole of season 2 is him with Trent, which is especially interesting as this scene is sandwiched between scenes about the other major romances on the show (the scenes go Rebecca and Sam, then Ted and Trent, then Roy and Keeley). The significance of Ted’s last scene of the whole of season 2 being with Trent can’t really be overstated. Ted Lasso is a show that loves its parallels, and it would’ve been satisfying to have both season 1 and 2 end with Ted and Rebecca having a debrief about the season in her office, but season 2 instead breaks this expectation by having the scene between Ted and Trent after this.
Trailer/last episode release dates
The trailer for season 3 was released on Valentine’s Day, which was likely a deliberate choice hinting that this season will include more romance. As well as this, the last episode airs the day before pride month, which, although less likely to be deliberate, is also an… interesting coincidence.
The Trent trailer
In the run-up to season 3, Apple TV released a sort of trailer/teaser thing on their website featuring Trent narrating the events of early season 1. This is a very strange video- it was released shortly before season 3 but doesn’t contain any new footage apart from Trent’s voiceover and a couple of shots of Trent’s desk, so it’s not really a trailer. It’s also not a summary- it doesn’t contain any information about season 2, or even the events of season 1. It’s also not spoiler-free though- it includes many shots from late season 2 that give away the plot and even has Trent sign off as “Trent Crimm, independent”. So what on earth was this video made for? And why is it displayed on the website with this photo, of all things, as the icon?
I don’t have the answers to those questions. But what I can say is that this video gives off very rom-com journalist falls for main character vibes. And seems to exist for no other reason than to have Trent wax lyrical about Ted for 3 minutes.
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
In their last scene of season 2, Trent tells Ted that he doesn't know how to ride a bike, which seems to me to be a very deliberate hint that at some point in the series we’ll get him learning to ride. We know episode 6 is set in Amsterdam, aka the bike capital of the world, and during this episode the song Raindrops Keep Fallin’ on My Head plays, which also plays during a bicycle riding scene in the movie Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. As well as this, Paul Newman and Robert Redford, who play the titular characters of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, are referenced in 3x03 and 3x04, respectively, so it would make a lot of sense for episode 6 to have a romantic bike riding scene referencing the film, definitely with Trent in and most likely with Ted there too. On top of this, the film has a lot of queer subtext, which makes it all the more interesting that it’s referenced in season 3 and most likely referenced in a scene between Ted and Trent. Thanks to @crimmcast for bringing this connection to my attention!
11:11 wishes
At the beginning of 3x02, Ted states that 11:11 is his wishing time, and then at exactly 11:11 in the episode, Ted says "Trent Crimm is writing a book about us". While I don't think Ted wished for Trent to write a book about the club since he already knew that was happening, I think that between this and Trent being in the scene where Ted first talks about his 11:11 wishing tradition, Ted’s wishes and Trent are somehow connected. Thanks to this post for pointing this out!
"Goodnight Sport"
Ted says this to Trent at the end of 3x02, and it's significant for a few reasons. Firstly, Ted gives other members of the Diamond Dogs nicknames such as "sweetheart", so this cements Trent's place as part of the group. Secondly, in the scene preceding this, they talk about how sport is an excellent metaphor, after Roy uses it as a metaphor for his relationship with Keeley. This means that, having just used sport as a metaphor for relationships and love, Ted then chooses to apply this word to Trent. Thirdly is the connection to The Great Gatsby, in which Gatsby frequently refers to Nick as “old sport”, with the relationship between Gatsby and Nick often considered to be queer coded.
La Cage aux Folles
Shortly after the first episode of season 3 aired, Apple Music released the playlist, which included all the songs in order in season 3. The final song on the playlist was I am what I am, which is the last song of Act 1 of La Cage aux Folles. La Cage is a musical about a gay couple who run a nightclub, and this song is about Albin refusing to hide his sexuality and go back into the closet. It’s the final song of the show, so if this season follows the precedent set by the previous two and closes with the same character it started with, this song will play over a scene with Ted in it. Apple has recently removed all the songs from the Ted Lasso Season 3 playlist from episodes we have yet to see, which indicates that the playlist probably includes spoilers, which this song, if it’s used as expected, definitely counts as. I’ve seen some people express worries that I am what I am will be misused and that the writers/showrunners may not understand the significance of the song to the queer community and end up using it to express Ted’s acceptance of his mental health or something similar. I severely doubt this- I don’t think a show like Ted Lasso, which so carefully puts in lines that hint at things that happen several seasons later (think the way Roy’s anger at Trent was laid out from the start of season 1), would be so blind as to overlook the cultural significance of the final song used in probably the entire show.
The songs get more romantic after Amsterdam
The songs get considerably more romantic after the Amsterdam episode, and although this could technically be for other couples on the show, it’s a CONSIDERABLE increase—over half the songs post-Amsterdam are romantic, which leads me to believe that Ted either gets into a relationship or things ramp up romantically during/after Amsterdam. Technically, this piece of evidence isn't specifically for Tedependent, but more for Ted having some sort of relationship in S3.
The infamous James Lance interview
These are some quotes from an interview James Lance did after season 2 had just finished airing. I try not to read too much into what actors say in interviews as it can easily be misinterpreted, but his insistence that there’s “something there” in the way Trent looks at Ted as well as that there is something about Trent, to do with Ted, that is yet to be revealed in season 3 is certainly intriguing. He also refuses to answer whether Trent is gay or not. I feel like this is most likely because if viewers knew about Trent’s sexuality, the Colin outing storyline would not be as compelling, as knowing for sure that Trent is gay would essentially rule out him outing Colin.
Season 3 is far more queer than the previous seasons
Season 3 is considerably more queer than the seasons before it, and not just because of the Colin storyline. Concepts like changing your name being integrated into episodes (although I hate Zava and have a lot of opinions about the Zoreaux/Van Damme storyline), Zava’s line about gender being a construct, and even Ted correcting Rebecca about West Ham in the first episode (which, although Ted is technically correcting her on using they/them as a plural pronoun and not singular, is still very queer coded) all make this season have a lot more queer undertones. As well as this, Ted has had multiple… suspicious lines this season. His comment in episode one about the “muscular thighs” of rugby players, telling Beard/Roy to “just KISS”- Ted this season so far has been far more overtly queer coded than in previous seasons.
Height as a metaphor for masculinity
This point isn’t entirely about Ted and Trent themselves, but rather an interesting thought I had about the season’s portrayal of height so far. We’ve had both Ted and Trent comment on other men’s heights—"He’s tall" and "You’re tall" respectively—as well as Nate, whose masculinity was constantly undermined throughout his time at Richmond seen struggling to reach the believe poster. Both Beard and Roy laugh at Nate’s struggles, two men who are confident in their own masculinity, but Ted and Trent do not, as men who, in Ted’s words, have had “guys underestimating me my entire life”. Neither Ted nor Trent are particularly short, and their comments about other men’s heights seem a little out of place, but they are both unconventionally masculine, and the men they direct these comments to are the opposite—Zava in particular, as a successful football player, is masculine in the most typical sense. Taking these lines as nods to Ted and Trent’s unconventional masculinity also makes them queer coded, with non-typical presentations of masculinity often synonymous with queer men.
Unconventional families
A big theme in the whole show is family, particularly found family, but this season doubles down on that with the idea of unconventional families coming up a few times in the first few episodes. Ted tells Michelle that "I love our family, no matter what it looks like", and there's also Higgins' joke about the boy and his father, which elicits a few responses about different unconventional families (gay, sperm donor). As well as this, in this interview, Jason talks about Ted finding “another way to go about living this life” and the idea of moving away from the nuclear family structure, which is all very interesting. 🤔🤔
The House in the Cerulean Sea
As I said earlier, I try not to reference things the actors/creators of the show say or do on social media too much because there’s often a big scope for misinterpreting or reading too much into things. That being said, when Jason Sudeikis likes a tweet comparing Ted Lasso to my favourite book ever, I can’t not say something about it! Because wow was that a moment. Embarrassingly, I somehow never noticed the connections between two of my favourite pieces of media until I thought more about it after seeing this tweet, but WOW, are there connections. I’ll try to give as spoiler-free a synopsis as I can… Linus Baker, the main character, is trapped in a morally dubious job that he tells himself is important and something he enjoys, until he gets sent to observe and report on an orphanage run by Arthur Parnassus, who’s very Ted-coded and shows Linus kindness that he’s never encountered before, making him think more about who he is and what he’s doing with his life. If the Trent connections aren’t already blaringly obvious, consider the way Linus starts the story as an observer and over time slowly becomes a part of the narrative. I’ll stop there because I don’t want to get carried away and give spoilers, but the whole book is SO Ted Lasso coded! (Not just in the relationship between Linus and Arthur, but literally the whole book) I really encourage everyone to read it. Also, um… did I mention? It’s basically a slow-burn queer love story between Linus and Arthur.
The Kinks
In 3x02, we get Trent entering the clubhouse to the tune of A Well Respected Man by The Kinks. Later in the show, around episode 11, Strangers plays, which is another Kinks song. This is a romantic song, and considering the Kinks are already connected to Trent through his entrance in episode 2, this song could be used for a moment between Ted and Trent.
Robert Redford
After Trent shows the coaches the security footage of Nate ripping the believe sign, Ted says to him “May a young Robert Redford portray you in a film someday”, and Trent responds, “Probably Dustin Hoffman”. This is in reference to All the President’s Men, a film about journalists uncovering the Watergate scandal, where Robert Redford and Dustin Hoffman play the main two journalists of the film. The strange thing about this line is that Ted decides to compare Trent to Robert Redford, pictured here on the right, despite him clearly looking much more like Dustin Hoffman, especially with the hair. By comparing Trent to Robert Redford, Ted is essentially saying “Hey, I think this incredibly attractive man should play you in a movie!”. And if that isn’t a gay thing to say, I don’t know what is.
PART 2 - Conclusion
I’ve talked almost exclusively so far in this post about connections between specific lines and other character’s arcs/pop culture references and mostly avoided analysing the chemistry and compatibility between Ted and Trent themselves. This is because I wanted to present as solid evidence as I could, and things like romantic glances are far more subjective and up for interpretation. Something that can seem romantic to one person can be seen as completely platonic by someone else. That being said, I do think the two of them have a lot of chemistry, and their arcs fit together so well: Ted as someone who often hides his feelings and puts on a mask of positivity, and Trent as someone who can see through people’s masks and get to what they really mean. They have had a few romantic moments as well: their last scene of season 2, as well as at the end of 3x02, which both contain lingering looks, and the latter is literally overlaid with a romantic song. As well as this, they just get each other; Trent understands and responds accordingly to every single reference Ted throws at him, and he even enjoys his puns (in contrast to Sassy’s denial of Ted in which she cites his “dreadful puns”). The two of them work so well together, and it would be so beautiful to see a queer middle-aged love story, especially if it tells the story of discovering your sexuality later in life.
The idea of Nate’s downfall was hinted at in season 1 with a few lines and subtle moments, not enough for a casual viewer to notice the first time around but just enough to see it clearly laid out on a retrospective rewatch. We have a lot of season 3 left to go, and a lot of reveals are still yet to be… revealed, likely ones that will be just as surprising as Nate’s downfall was but will, like Nate’s arc, have had just as much subtle set up. Set up like referencing Shakespearian romantic comedies, or building up the idea of wishes at 11:11, or references to unconventional families, or drawing parallels between one relationship and another, or slowly introducing more queer concepts into the show, or referencing one of the most famous romantic drama movies of all time, or—you get the gist. No one can say for sure whether Tedependent will become canon, but it’s undoubtable that the setup is there. Whether the show will actually have the balls to go for it... only time will tell.
Thank you for reading :)
Before I go... In no particular order a huge thank you to @thedanceronthestreets, @crenttrimm, @garaksrod, @firefam, @mandiffe, @wrong-energy, @ishouldbedoingalright and @strawberryswords (as well as others I've probably missed!!) tysm for listening to my delusions and sharing all of your own <3
#ooooooohhhh my god its finally done#this took so long i went down so many rabbitholes#at one point i lost like half my work because i didnt save it properly#but its done!! its here!!!#and i will be keeping it updated#time to replace my pinned post i guess#ted lasso#trent crimm#tedependent#tedtrent#cant believe i used to use “tred” as their shipname unironically#those were difficult times....
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hi!! i just came across android update required and i am SO into the writing style and ur characters. i saw the sneak peek n im intrigued... do you have any thoughts about them, or any ideas abt other ocs or works
aaaa THANK YOU sorry it took me so long to respond to this!!! i'm really glad you like my silly little guys!!! :-) (also link for anyone who is unfamiliar)
i DO I have SO many thoughts that i haven't had time to write about because i have been
DYING
trying to write my master's thesis (uauauaugh) BUT!!!!!! YOU HAVE GIVEN ME A CHANCE TO SHARE MORE OF MY THOUGHTS THANK YOU
ok the work that the sneak peek is from is. still In Progress. it has been at a standstill for the past uhh little while (through gritted teeth. graduate school...) and its currently the longest of my wips for them in terms of like, completed and edited wordcount. however i have several other wips for them including but not limited to:
mace has to take a group of middle schoolers to a robotics competition (he hates this)
Ajax becomes a bit of a secondhand parts dealer for a small subset of the local android community
Ajax gets fucked UP by an off-label software update
Work shenanigans >:3
I also have just. so many thoughts about them all the time so if you or anyone else is curious i am HAPPY TO ELABORATE FURTHER
As for other ocs or works, i really wanna write more about mav/hana/indy from employee onboarding!!!! They were originally just supposed to be throwaway characters but. i got attached ajsdfkajsdf
I also have a ton of background lore for that story as well cus i got way too into dreaming up stuff about hypothetical research stations for inhospitable environments and went down a rabbithole collecting floorplans of antarctic research stations (Amundsen-Scott south pole station my beloved)
anyway THANK YOU FOR THE ASK
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𝐓𝐀𝐆 (𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐄) 𝐏𝐄𝐎𝐏𝐋𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐁𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑
Got tagged by @hedgewyse whom I was very happy to get to know better via this tag game, thanks a lot! Sorry it took so long to respond, I needed to get on tumblr on the laptop where I can actually type up text and I had a lot of things going on this past week that kept me LOL.
Favourite colour: Blue.
No explanation, not particular reason why, it’s just always been blue. All shades from deep purple to almost white. But I have a special place in my heart for the word ‘turquoise’, which I feel is just so the most.
Currently reading: Oh good gosh, my open doc reading list is so long, I will constrain myself to the most recent things...
“(Love is)The second oldest profession” The 9-1-1 Buck/Eddie pornstar!AU I knew I needed but kept for a special occasion
I’m also reading “Achtsam Morden” a national German bestseller and the first actual like physical book I’ve picked up in probably four years. It’s hilarious and murdery and perfect
I’m listening to “Blood & Paper” by Kevin Hearne (whom I recently got to meet at a book signing event when he was visiting here and a friend asked me to spontaneously tag along - best decision in ages) Love the audiobook version read by Luke Daniels, he’s a whizz with the accents.
“Hide the drums (there’s fire in the sky)” latest installment of the Magical Marriage Ribbons-Verse, the Untamed Mega Saga, for which the author starandrea has been posting a chapter every day since May 31st 2020, so 805 consecutive days as of now without missing ONE. It boggles the mind. (I’ve started reading when the verse was ... oh I think about three parts in, I haven’t missed one too since then)
Last song: “The Greatest Show on Earth” - Nightwish, it’s my soundtrack for my daily yoga practice (no I am in fact not joking), so it doesn’t really count last leisure listening was the soundtrack of ‘Robin Hood - Das Musical’
Last series: Ooofff... ok, so many balls in the air at the same time. I’m watching “The Sandman” of course, as you do and loving it. Also “Extraordinary Attorney Woo” which is THE MOST(tm). Recently finished my rewatch and catch-up of “Manifest” and rewatched a couple of episodes of The Devil Judge with a friend who just started and that I got into it, remembering why I can’t be normal about those boys (and how delightful it is to rewatch with someone experiencing sth for the first time). Of course went down the magnificent and batshit crazy rabbithole that is Kinnporsche. Also, “Tomorrow” which is definitely my fav K-Drama of 2022.
Last movie: Day Shift - Fun and a nice remix of vampire tropes that you don’t really see on top of each other a lot. But it felt more like a set up to a movie trilogy I don’t know if it’s made enough impact into getting, so the premise might have been served better as a mini series? ...The Gray Man, which was solid and enjoyable and absolutely bonkers with how hilarious it was to watch Chris Evans have a ton of fun playing straight up, no holds barred, unredeemable villian. Ryan Gosling can stay... Ana de Armas is queen bee.
Currently working on: My last day of vacation :sob: and of course my WIP/plot bunnie enclosure excel spreadsheet (yes, I do not do things by half until I halfass writing them). Anyway, actual words or plotty thinky thoughts were put into:
- The Devil Judge a/b/o PWP (that has, so far, about 5k of set up and no porn) with a Jung Sunah made them do it scenario and non-traditional dynamics (yeah, idek...)
- Vincenzo Inception fusion - Jang Han Seo wakes up from getting shot to a curious set up of sleeping people around him (really really wanna write this one but the premise is so vast I’m afraid of flaming out again)
- three separate 9-1-1 Buddie fics of varying size and scope that reaches from one’s in love the other isn’t and confessions make things complicated (or do they), the fall out from the truck bombing goes the other way for Buck & the “Eddie deals with his 5B-issues by discovering shibari”!AU (do NOT try this at home-therapy)
- The Untamed - Blades of Glory!AU
pheeeeew. hooookay, wow, that was interesting, hope your learned something about me. I’mma tag some people, but please, feel free to participate at your own leisure. @hattalove, @the-marathon-continues-nip , @iskarieot, @themostglorioushour, @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels , @fondofeveryprickle, @ahhhnorealnamesallowed, @sam-t-a, @b612sunsets
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Today was almost like a free day for them. Jiri was taking care of the kids for the most part with a few hiccups that the two of them had to take care of when a couple of the little rascals escaped her watchful eye, but otherwise it was quiet and gave them time to do more or less nothing today. With the kids occupied with assorted tasks or playtime and the teens off doing busywork for the town, it left the room empty save just them.
Somehow that resulted in Flynn idly messing with Yuri's hair, but the latter took it as a good indicator that the blond was content. No looks of brooding showed on his face that he'd noticed (not he was... staring enough to notice or anything. Probably) and he had gently removed the hair tie keeping the ponytail together. From what Yuri could tell, he was in a good mood so he let it go without asking about it.
Now they were just sitting there, only them with all the noise off elsewhere; Flynn doing odd things with his hair that he usually couldn't pinpoint. For a while he just sat there letting him do it, eventually leaning into him a bit more to do something with himself besides letting his mind go blank (not that he minded just feeling his hair being played with, but his mind often went down unnecessary rabbitholes when given too much time with itself to think about things in silence).
Considering how he kept his hair up every day now, it felt a bit odd for it to be completely down right now as he leaned back. He tilted his head back to look at Flynn who was still facing him (well, duh), blinked a few times, and pushed himself back up forward so Flynn could resume his important mission of doing whatever he was doing with Yuri's hair. Last time Yuri was pretty sure it was half turned into a few loose braids that had been taken apart, after, he didn't know, Flynn deciding to do something else, since he'd picked up the comb that time?
"I love everyone and don't mind how busy it usually is, but I wish we had more days like this." They had mostly been quiet, but it really was on his mind now and was better than other odd thoughts that may have intruded. Those thoughts were buried for now anyway. One look at Flynn's peaceful face left those tainted thoughts cowering off in a corner of his mind somewhere. "I know we get more freedom since we're older and it's not usually work until we collapse, but if it's not the orphans, there's always something in town that needs someone."
That was just how the Lower Quarter was, sometimes unfortunately and sometimes fortunately. Sometimes they had to help each other because nobody else would. It made being a teenager too similar to being an adult in a lot of ways, even if the adults fully recognized they weren't quite there yet. That they still had so many lessons to learn before they got there.
Days like this weren't entirely too rare, but sometimes Yuri preferred it being just the two of them. They didn't do silly or dumb things the way they used to as kids. They were more careful now and had better ways to make use of their energy and idleness. The air around them was more tranquil too. Maybe it was the way Flynn was just lightly running his hands through Yuri's hair, but this felt very normal. Like it was supposed to be like this.
"But I think someone needs my hair right now more than anything needs us to get it done." It was spoken with a chuckle and within a few seconds he had tilted his head back again, hair still in Flynn's hands, and all he could do was smile reposefully - happily and serenely before throwing his head back forward to let Flynn continue. "You've been at it for like twenty minutes. I'm gonna fall asleep. ...Not an invitation to stop by the way." Sometimes he just couldn't look at Flynn for too long, lest he started having to ask himself about the weird, bubbly backflips he kept feeling in his stomach, and much more often as of late. Something about that expression on his face left a mess out of Yuri.
Flynn wasn’t sure when the silly little habit of his started or when it became such a calming activity for him in general. He remembered the first time he had run his hands through Yuri’s hair. They had been babysitting together again and some of the little girls begged and begged to let them braid Yuri’s hair and… Yuri was never one to deny the kids of the Lower Quarter anything unless it would actively harm them.
About ten minutes in, the girls had invited Flynn to join them in playing in Yuri’s hair. He hesitated, of course, but then Yuri let out that soft and gleeful chuckle of his that usually sent Flynn’s heart into a fit and that was the end of that. Flynn had settled down behind Yuri and began to run his fingers through the teen’s hair and he was absolutely entranced by how soft and pretty Yuri’s hair was. Even after the girls had gotten bored and ran off, Flynn continued to play with it that day, insisting that he had to finish the braid that the girls had started.
Yuri, at least, had not complained.
This habit further established itself one night when both Flynn and Yuri collapsed in their rooms, exhausted from their busy day. Yuri hadn’t had the energy to tug his hair down from its usual ponytail, mumbling about being too tired to care but Flynn simply couldn’t allow that. So, he had gotten up and quietly moved to sit by Yuri on his bed, letting his fingers gently tug at the tie that held up his friend’s hair. From there, he couldn’t help himself as he let his fingers gently brush through the dark strands that fell over Yuri’s shoulders. It was only after he heard the soft snoring from Yuri’s end that Flynn eventually forced himself to stop.
And now, here Flynn sat, comfortably behind his childhood friend, fingers running through his hair gently while the other just… allowed it with no questions asked. Playing with Yuri’s hair was starting to become a stress relief for Flynn, with any worry that he may have had melting away with every brush of his fingers. Mindlessly, he would tie the boy’s hair into braids or small twists though he made sure not to make the braids tight enough to be uncomfortable. After all, he wanted Yuri to be just at ease as Flynn was.
He does pause, breath nearly catching, when Yuri leans back to stare up at him and… something about the curious look in his friend’s eyes made his heart skip a bit and all he could do was offer a smile back. He was all too aware of Yuri pressing closer into his space but he made no move to pull away and instead just stared down at the other, taking in Yuri’s presence as they watched each other. Then, all too soon, Yuri moves forward, allowing Flynn to continue with his hairplaying. Flynn didn’t mind it but he kind of wished that Yuri would scoot in closer to him again.
But he shouldn’t linger on those thoughts, should he?
“I do enjoy these quiet moments though. It’s nice being able to rest and not have the kids arguing with each other.” Flynn chuckled quietly, pausing when he finished a loose braid and he can’t help but lean back a bit to admire his handiwork. If only he had something to add to it. Maybe next time he could find some little flowers or something to stick into Yuri’s hair.
After further thought, he decided against doing that. For his heart’s sake.
Pulling the braid loose in order to start over, Flynn begins his task once again, this time pulling his hair back into a loose french braid. He hears Yuri point out how Flynn apparently needed this and he felt his cheeks flush in embarrassment but he keeps smiling regardless. He can handle most of Yuri’s teasing. Sometimes he can even seem entirely unphased by it. But his enjoyment of playing with Yuri’s hair… finding calmness in it? It seemed far more… intimate that Flynn was used to.
“I just… Your hair is nice.” Flynn starts, eyes darting to look back to Yuri before he continues. “And I was just wondering why you don’t wear it down more often. It’s–” Flynn has to bite his tongue to stop himself from continuing because the words ‘It’s beautiful this way’ was probably something that Yuri did not want to hear.
“Seems like leaving it down would be easier…” Flynn decided to go for a more practical reason, holding in the entirely out of nowhere compliment that wanted to escape.
The gap between them was small but to Flynn, it felt enormous. It takes some inner convincing but eventually, he quietly adjusts his position so he could be just a bit closer to the man in front of him. He does lower his arms, for just a moment as he struggles against the urge to let his arms slip around Yuri’s waist to pull him closer, to hold him for just a little bit. Ultimately, his brain winds the war and the urge is pushed down as it’s left lingering in his chest.
No, he definitely should not do something like that. He wasn’t even sure where the urge was coming from but he had to stop himself before things got weird. Before Yuri got weirded out. So, instead, he just quietly got back to work on the braid. “I-If you wanna go to sleep, you can. I won’t mind. If anyone deserves a nap, it’s you.”
#[pre-canon verse]#bravewolfvesperia#// and if you look to your left everyone#// you'll see the YEARNING of flynn scifo
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holy sheep, I went down such a rabbithole for the password to this account. So like I had to log into like 3 other emails, and had to do algebra for the numbered bit of my password, and had to shift my cipher which took all day. I don't mess around with my passwords
Still don't know what long complex password I have for one of my main password storage email. I keep parts of my passwords in docs broken apart across many emails. One email in this web acts as a recovery email for the other but I forgot to add a recovery to one so many accounts are not able to be gotten to.
Now I need to rise a computer from the dead to get the password for that and then fill in the web. Gonna start doing drills every month to keep my web and ciphers in check
Lucky the email only had the cipher key which I mostly rememberd
#password#Forgot my password#password manager#The ungodly web of emails had one hole and messed up a lot#cybersecurity
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hi! i wanted to say i love reading your reflections on teaching, and in general i really look up to/am inspired by your thoughts regarding education and academia. if it's not too much to ask (completely understandable if it is, in that case please disregard!) i would love to get your advice on college related things?
i had pretty significant academic struggles throughout grade school, and ended up dropping out of college after a year. i would've graduated this may, so lately i've been considering going back and finishing my bachelor's. but i've been waffling on this decision because of 1) anxiety about having to drop out again, and 2) some confusion about what i actually want to study. i guess i'm wondering, is it worth it to start from scratch? my struggles were mostly about mental health stuff & difficulty keeping up with coursework—i loved being in the classroom, working with professors, learning from other students. i like being challenged intellectually, but if i have issues with followthrough, is there a way to work on that??? i know these are Big Questions, lol--whether they are answerable or not, cheers and thank you and i hope you are doing well these days. <3
hey! happy to give my thoughts, for what they're worth. you know your situation better than i do so the specifics may or may not be relevant, but i can give some advice just based on seeing lots of students pass through four-year programs!
i've worked with a number of students who took time away from college and came back to finish later. i took a year off myself in the middle of college for mental health reasons, though my school allowed you to take a two-semester leave of absence for any reason (so i always had the safety net of knowing i could come back without having to reapply or start over). in my experience, time away is almost always a good thing. sometimes people just really need that break from the stressors of the college environment! but more importantly, i think people benefit from having a few years' experience living and working in the world.
even though it can be intimidating to come back to college as an older student, i think older students or nontraditional students who took time off and came back tend to underestimate how much more confident and assured in themselves they'll be once they're back in the classroom. working out in the world for a while, even if it's not a job that you especially love or feel is relevant to your long-term goals, tends to help you build more trust in your own ability to get stuff done, manage responsibilities, and be an adult person in the world. in your time away, you've probably grown more than you think, and you may find that some of the things you struggled with at 18 just don't feel as daunting anymore. or they might feel daunting, but you also have more experience talking and working with other people, and you may feel more confident in seeking out & using your college's various academic success resources.
have you considered a two-year college as a possible next step? one of my advisees this year was an adult student who went to college for a year, dropped out, served in the military for four years, came back to do an associate's degree, and decided he liked school enough that he wanted to transfer to our university and finish his degree. (now he's going on to do a phd next fall!!!!) he's one of the most passionate advocates for community colleges i've ever met, and he's stayed actively involved in our local CC community & now mentors recent transfer students at our university. he's talked at length about how CCs are this amazing way for students to explore their interests without having to take on the huge price tag of a four-year degree, within a learning community that's much warmer, more responsive to student needs, and more accepting of the diverse paths that lead people to & through higher education. i wonder if you might consider taking a semester or a year of courses at your local CC, to dip your toes back in and see if you're still feeling energized by the experience.
you might find that some of the courses aren't intellectually challenging enough, but this might also be a wonderful opportunity to create the kind of learning experience you want to have. i was a full-time community college student for a year during my year away from yale, and while i'm sure i was just INSUFFERABLE in many ways, i had a prof in my Western Civ course who was really generous with his time/energy and met with me outside of class to help me figure out how to make the papers into something that i found really exciting and challenging to write. so the class kind of became what i made of it, and i got to read some stuff (dostoevsky!!!) that sent me down all kinds of interesting unexpected rabbitholes. the former CC grad i mentioned above was an extraordinarily bright student who would always go to office hours and ask his profs for more recommended readings, and he ended up becoming a TA for one of his courses and helped them redesign basically their entire intro humanities curriculum as a student advisor. so your CC experience can absolutely be what you make of it. and even if your profs can't give you that kind of support, you could practice doing it for yourself, setting little challenges for yourself either focused on the intellectual aspects ('I'm going to read and cite two scholarly sources in this paper, even though it's not required') or on developing strategies for effectively managing the workload ('I'm going to schedule a writing center appointment on Thurs, so I have to finish this paper two days before the deadline—and then I can devote my weekend study time to practicing for my Spanish test').
CC would be a slightly lower stakes environment for you to try out college again— lower-stakes both in the sense that it's cheaper (so if you decide you don't want to continue, you're not out as much money / don't feel compelled to go on to justify the debt you've taken on) and in the sense that the workload might be more manageable for you as you readjust to academic life and build systems & structures that work for you. as you probably have gathered from this blog, i am a HUGE believer in doing lower-stakes things many times over to build your own confidence and your trust in yourself, and then gradually scaling up the difficulty. by the time you reach the hard thing, you've already built up this strong image of yourself as a person who can handle challenges (and you've also had the chance to identify areas where you struggle & experiment with developing workable solutions).
if a two-year college isn't something you're especially interested in, i think it's definitely possible to start a four-year degree again. if that's the path you choose, i would strongly recommend reaching out to students in some of the degree programs you're tentatively interested in. people are almost always happy to share their ~wisdom~ (see: this ask response, lol) and most people love being asked for their thoughts on the pros and cons of something they know well. so you could get an honest sense from students of what the program is like, what the workload is like, and how useful or engaging people find the required courses for the degree. but also know that it's pretty normal to take courses all over in your first year or two (you have the advantage of having done a freshman year before, so you probably know this!), so you might just want to plan to try out a bunch of different things, with the goal of narrowing your focus by the end of your first year, or midway through your second.
i would also HIGHLY recommend spending lots of time familiarizing yourself with the resources your university has to offer. learn everything you can about the kind of mental health counseling and support they offer to students, and see if there are things you can set up in advance for yourself before you even step foot on campus. for instance, our university offers individual counseling, but they also have free groups that meet every week or two around different topics (coping with stress, students in recovery, etc) that are led by a counselor. check out your university's writing center or peer tutoring centers, too, and set up a standing appointment once a month or once a week or whatever, to bring in something you're working on—so that you know that every week, you're going to talk with someone about what's going well and what you're struggling with in your assignments.
you might also want to look into your university's services for students with disabilities office, as they can help you figure out if you are eligible for various kinds of accommodations or additional support (extra time on exams, notetaking services, recorded lectures, etc). i know you mentioned that you've dealt with academic struggles in grade school, too. if you think it's possible that there may be underlying learning differences that are affecting your academic work, it might be worth seeing if they can help you find lower-cost testing, so you can get a diagnosis that qualifies you for additional accommodations and university support.
many schools, esp large public universities, also have resource centers and mentoring programs for students from specific demographics who may benefit from additional structure and support in their early years of college. my university has a variety of resource centers and programs for students from low-income backgrounds, first-gen students, students who transferred from community college, etc. you don't have to take advantage of ALL of these resources, but proactively establishing a support network long before you need it is a really good way to set yourself up for success. and even just doing the research will probably help you feel more confident in your capacity to 'follow through', since you'll know that you're going into this with your eyes wide open AND with a detailed plan for what to do if you run into some of the same obstacles you encountered the first time around.
speaking of detailed plans: i find it helpful sometimes to do IF-THEN exercises with students when they're stressed about something on the horizon or unsure about whether they can handle some new challenge. IF-THEN is just what it sounds like: 'IF this thing I'm nervous about happens, THEN I'm going to do X, Y, or Z.' what i like about this exercise (i use it with myself too aha) is that it acknowledges that sometimes the thing you're dreading DOES happen. sometimes the professor you emailed for an extension says no. sometimes the TA doesn't understand why you're confused about the assignment. sometimes you don't have time to finish the reading before class. sometimes you overschedule yourself and you have to pull an all-nighter to finish two papers on the same night. scary things, confidence-shaking things, happen all the time, but they are rarely fatal! and there can be something really powerful about acknowledging and naming the thing you're concerned about, and then generating a few next steps you could take, should the thing you're dreading come to pass. i could see you doing something like this as you start thinking about the things that tripped you up last time, or made it difficult for you to balance the workload. if X happens, then what could you try next? giving yourself a few options means that you already have backup plans, too, which can make the whole situation less terrifying. if this happens, i might have to try this, or this, or this, and those things might not be the most fun or the easiest to do or the 'best' thing academically, but they'll get me through this difficult moment mostly in one piece, and once i'm through it i can look back on it and learn from it, or adjust the structures i've built for myself moving forward, to reduce the chance that X happens again.
PHEW!!! sorry this got so long but that is just the RISK YOU TAKE when sending me anons 😅 i hope that some of this is helpful to you, or at least sparks some useful thinking for you, even if it's not all directly applicable to your situation. i would say that if you love learning and find being in the classroom exhilarating, then you should absolutely go back to college! but that doesn't mean you have to go back right away, or that you have to go back and do it exactly the same way you did the first time. there are lots of possible paths to higher ed, and there's no particular rush—college will always be there, if it's something you decide you want now or at some future point in your life. i would also just reiterate again one of the core Themes of This Blog, which is that the brain is NEUROPLASTIC, and that humans have a truly astounding amazing capacity to change, grow, and learn new things (including new ways of getting around old obstacles or working through old challenges). just because you struggled the first time doesn't mean you are doomed to repeat that pattern. if you can spend some time thoughtfully reflecting on what you found most difficult to manage the first time through, you are better equipped to make plans, design new structures for yourself, and build the support networks that will help you thrive in college.
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A Bloom In Time Ch6 A Tale Of A Prince,Queen,And Princess Of Flowers
(Warning: Death scene in this chapter. I do not know Snatcher's or The Florist's real names so Im making my own headcannon names for the two. Also mentioning of Death near the end of the chapter.)
You may have heard this story but not in the correct version you might've thought. Gather around children and I'll tell you the story of a Prince of Shadows, A Queen of Golden Hair, and an honorary Princess of Flowers. And it all took place one thousand years ago. Way before you or I was born.
Once upon a time there was a planet called Subconia and there are many different cultures and people who live on this world, but the two kingdoms we shall explore was two kingdoms that don't exist anymore. A thousand years ago there lived two kingdoms who lived side by side. The MUCH larger Kingdom Of Subcon, and the tinier Kingdom of Subconette. Though these two kingdoms shared similar names and people, they were worlds apart. A lone Queen ruled over Subconette while a kind King and Queen ruled over Subcon. Years passed as the kingdoms continued to stand, until one fateful day three children were born. A beautiful little princess with hair of the sun was born to the lone queen and a handsome baby boy of equal beauty was born to the Subcon kingdom. Their names? Princess Vanessa and Prince Philip of the Subcon Kingdoms.
Did you all remember me mentioning a third child born? Ah! Good. You're paying attention to my old tale.
Yes. A third child was born, but not of royal blood. A young girl, with hair of rose red and eyes of ocean blue was born to a small farming family just on the outskirts of the kingdom of Subcon, but it was fate that decided her role in the future. Her name? Poppy Rose Bloomington...But I'm getting a little ahead of myself aren't I? Let us proceed with the two lives of the royals before the three intertwined.
As months went by, the Prince and Princess's parents deemed it so that the two would be betrothed in holy matrimony, a union to bring the two kingdoms together at last and bring peace to them all. As the amount of years grew, so did the beauty of the princess. Her skin, was very fair and her hair a beautiful yellow rivalling any gold treasure, with a voice as tender and soft as velvet. Not a woman in the kingdoms could rival her own beauty....Or so she thought. Ever since she was small her mother always made sure Vanessa could have anything a young lady wanted. Servants, good food, exotic jewelry, expensive dresses, anything was hers at a moment's demand and she relished in the fact of being a perfect princess like in those fairytales her mother always read her, always fantasizing about her perfect fairytale like with her Prince Charming and having that perfect white wedding. And that spoiled thinking would ultimately lead this girl to doom. Her mother building her up so and giving in to every request only made her want what was truly a fantasy. An actual fairytale perfect life, whether anybody liked it or not. She fell hard for the handsome young prince of brown hair and handsome features. From the time she could understand to speak, her mother always told her Prince Philip was her betrothed, and were to her married when they grew. Her betrothed.....Her Prince. ALL HERS AND NO ONE ELSE'S!!! She would always be the kind Princess her Prince deserved and he WOULD be the Prince she knew he could be.
Prince Philip was more clear minded than given credit for. The young prince was a kind hearted young boy who cared for his people greatly and wanted to better himself and his country. Therefore it would only make sense for him to want to study the laws governing his kingdom so he may better them. And so his studies began. From a young age the boy studied laws enough to make his parents proud he was taking his studies seriously and at the same time was often taken on visits to meet his future beloved. It was love at first sight....at least at first it was. She was so beautiful and kind and wanted to spend time with him all the time. It was a kinda god send for someone who had no siblings or other children to play with. Having someone your age around you could play and talk to with was exciting. And her beauty only grew over time as well as his love for her, how couldn't he love someone as beautiful and kind as Vanessa? She was perfect.....Too perfect. Things couldn't last forever unfortunately. Vanessa's poor mother had started coming down with an illness that slowly started to make her waste away as her daughter grew and so he tried to be there of course and help console his future beloved, which is where fate intertwined these fated lovers. You see, if there was one thing that Vanessa loved more than anything was attention. Whether it be from her servants telling her how beautiful she was, or compliments....She LOVED attention from her Prince and ...'lightly suggested' it would be nice to receive things. And things she received, flowers mostly.
Did you notice how I pointed out flowers? Good eye.
You see, Poppy was always born with a green thumb, being from a long line of farmers of course helped. She could grow anything from potatoes to peach trees, but ever since she was small, she had always had one love. Flowers! Didn't matter what kind, she always loved growing them just as much as Vanessa loved receiving beautiful flowers from her prince. Which lead us to the fated meeting of the Florist. Poppy worked her whole life to build up her own flower stand and by the age of fifteen she had achieved it. A small flower stand within the Subcon Village, filled with lots of Merry children and near the famous vacation home of the famous Princess Vanessa. Sometimes she'd be lucky enough to see the beautiful princess walking around the village talking to the children but one fateful day to Poppy's surprise a young handsome man with brown hair and a golden crown on his head came to visit the small stand of flowers. Buying the most beautiful roses Poppy had before leaving. And this young ones is how a friendship began. Almost everyday of the week the prince would stop by the Florist's stands and pick out a new bundle of pretty flowers for his mourning and beautiful princess and everyday she would smile and talk to the prince. Business sales went up and she was giddy a well known man had taken interest in her flowers. Then he started asking what she'd recommend he'd get a lady since she was one, she proudly pointed to daises, and tulips, and tigerlillies. So many to choose from, so many to give. Gradually their conversations turned more business like and an unlikely bond began to weave with them. A friendship he had never had beyond any personal life or otherwise. He learnt her name too. Poppy. Named after those cute red poppy flowers she loved so much, with a spark and feisty temper to match. Made him laugh a couple times when she pointed out something snarky he liked. Slowly melting his heart with her passion and tales of hard work she had to do to get where she was know. And he admired her for that.
Unfortunately fairytales don't last beyond pages, and the Prince learnt that the hard way when Vanessa convinced her still ill mother to make a new law. Telling him he's become fat and shouldn't eat bacon anymore to watch his health. Poppy was confused at such a ridiculous law and her friend was obviously upset about it, but he passed it off as Vanessa wanting to make sure he was healthy as her mother was still dying slowly. Then slowly by surely things only began to get worse. Vanessa wanting attention was fine and he vowed to give her all the attention she deserved, but now she demanded ALL his attention ever and always began scrutinizing him for not being Princely enough now that he began his advanced studies and would go back home within a few months time to finish his more difficult studies under one of the kingdom's best tutors. His only escape was when Vanessa was discussing her future duties with her mother and also taking her Princess classes with her tutors. He was then free to walk around and do as he pleased if only for a few hours a day, those were spent reading or walking around the village, but he learnt pretty quickly to bring some kind of gift or trinket back for her as an excuse for why he'd been out. Vanessa's jealousy could rival that of a child. He never intended for it to happen of course but the strain of the relationship getting to him and the way he looked so tired all the time. Barely smiling when he came in to get Vanessa more flowers. Against her better judgement, Poppy asked why he wasn't smiling anymore and let him rant about his day. Which was a daily thing for them after that. Him coming in, Poppy letting him rant, then he'd buy flowers and leave. Rinse and repeat for the next two years to a few weeks before their twentieth birthdays with Poppy cracking jokes and trying to be helpful and the prince slowly growing more and more fond over her unlady-like snorts and giggles, to her bold statements, to her bright smile always trying to cheer up her friend. All the while Vanessa continued to go down this rabbithole of perfection. He still made excuses for her. Her mother was dying, she was going to be Queen soon, she wasn't ready-.....Well for being Queen that is. Vanessa had already planned out their lives together and even built a BLOODY nursery for their future child that wasn't even born yet. One in her castle and one in the mansion he was staying at, but Vanessa would visit very often. Even stay a few days.
But what really concerned his friend was the hair incident. When he came in with his usual shoulder length brown hair was chopped up and a bad bleached blonde color, with brown patches here and there. He claimed he was alright. Vanessa just wanted to surprise him by doing his hair while he slept. He could tell his friend was concerned and told him as much. He smiled knowing at least someone cared about his well being. Then came the last month he stayed and then off he went back home he went. To spend his final year of tutoring under the wonderful Lady Winchester. She was a kind old lady who taught his father before him and knew the laws better than anyone. He bid his last day there to his beloved Vanessa who cried and begged him not too, and once he fled her clutches......uh Hugged her good bye, he couldn't help but feel very releived he'd get to spend a whole year away from her as hash as it may be. But he did make sure to bid his friend good bye as well. Having one last conversation and sharing a couple jokes before he finally left.
That year would be the hardest for our ill fated lovers and the florist friend. While the Prince was able to breath and see his loved ones again, he couldn't help but miss her. Not Vanessa surprisingly but with all the serious laws and classes he missed their little visits when she always cheered him up and her beautiful smile and that passion she always had for anything she set her mind too.....It wasn't very long before he came to the sudden realization. The prince had slowly but surely fallen in love with the young red headed gal. So many emotions hit him at once. Happiness and guilt being the biggest two. For one, he was engaged to Vanessa, betrothed to be married a few months after all his studies are over. He couldn't go against his parents or break Vanessa's heart after so many years of being together, and she needed him. They had been exchanging letters and learnt her mother had sadly passed during an accident. While he couldn't attend her coronation or her mother's funeral, he still sent her many letters. There was still a piece of him that loved and cared about the young kind girl he grew up with, but not the lady she had become....But his heart was tugging towards the Princess of Flowers as he nicknamed her. The sweet scent always following her around. He often found himself happily thinking about his friend....But that's all they could ever be....Just friends. Vanessa was still his priority as glum as that made him and he had a duty to be there for his future wife. Besides. He was only delaying the inevitable by studying, soon they'd be wed and he would be together with her always.......Though that thought did NOT put him at ease at all. Vanessa in the mean time only drove further into her perfect fairytale madness. WIth her mother passing and her Prince not being able to call her his princess anymore, she was determined to then make her prince her King Instead and keep him all to herself. Jealousy spiking whenever he mentioned this Lady Winchester teaching him, he spoke so fondly and highly of his teacher. What did SHE have Vanessa didn't?! Vanessa was perfect. She made sure every INCH of her was, he just didn't put in enough effort on his part. All he needed was her back so he could know where his true place lied.
When the prince ultimately returned to spend just a holiday week at the summer house before their wedding within a few months time.....It was worse than ever. Vanessa demanded more attention of him. Accused him of liking the lady in the letters he had sent her. Said she would be staying in the summer house with him until their wedding to make sure he wasn't getting cold feet. Still despite all this and him trying to calm her down, he still made poor excuses for her and justified his betrothes's behavior towards him. Falling deeper and deeper into his now rare visits to his friend and falling more and more in love with her as the drew on. Knowing he could never really tell her how he really felt about her. Until one fateful day, the end of that week was the royals anniversary, the prince wanted to appease his beloved by getting her a beautiful bracelet and flowers for their anniversary as a gift to her. She deserved something special for the occasion before he went back, and soon his lonely self went on to that same little stand to but some flowers for his beautiful bride to be. Unfortunately he had used all his remaining pons to pay the jeweler for the bracelet .....but it-....He-......He gave the florist the bracelet as payment. One last gift from him he'd ever get to give her sadly.
For you see, the princess's jealousy had reached a boiling point. Delusionly thinking that her prince was courting another woman. In her range when he returned to the castle, a grim fate awaited him in the form of a curse and becoming locked within the cellar death did they part. Their kingdoms both in ruins from the curse. Anyone who didn't fall ill to the curse, fled the country never to return again. Vanessa now trapped within her own home, and the prince becoming a spirit of malice no one dares to challenge.
But what of the Florist you ask? Was she frozen by the Jealous Queen, or escaped with many other people? Well, we're about to find out.
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Cold. Darkness. All of it came rushed over so suddenly. Just like the two heavily armored guards carrying her kicking and screaming self towards the dreaded summer house that housed the royals deep in the snowed up world. That winter suddenly came that year unexpectedly with the freezing winds suddenly whipping around her when she just closed up her stand for the day, pocketing the expensive bracelet she was given as payment and what coins she received as payment, ready to go home. She didn't make much from her flower stand she always wanted, but that was always fine and dandy. She loved the smiles on the children's faces when they'd buy single flowers for their parents, or if she'd sell them flowers in exchange for small things like food. It was one way to get to eat around here. But the chills filling the air that after noon followed by the loud thumping sounds coming towards her were new. Especially when all of a sudden two giant armored men stood over her and seized her without warning. So naturally she resisted and fought against her captors as they took her away.
"LET THE PECK GO OF ME!! I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG!! YOU CAN'T DO THIS!!"
The farther down the path they went the more horrified she became. There was ...snow. IN THE MIDDLE OF SUMMER!! Harsh white and cold wind glared all around her as she gawked around wildly....and then shrieked at the sight of a frozen person as they passed. Their feared expression forever frozen on their face. The poor girl went silent from the numb cold as those blue eyes widened in horror at all the suurounding frozen people as they walked past, never easing up on her grip, or giving any emotion to anything around them as the horrified woman went limp in their arms from shock as they approached the black gates and beyond that was the manor. Her blue eyes flicked up to it. It looked more menacing than it usually did as the entire house loomed over them the closer they got and a sudden feeling of dread filled her up to the very core of her soul as they were swallowed by the shadows and even more coldness bearing down on her. The guards didn't stop until they were going up the stairs and into the home. It was as dark and cold as the outside. Even more so if that was possible. She was still frozen and scared in the grip of the guards when the doors opened and they forced her inside. The inside of the manor was colder than the outside is that was even possible, and if she wasn't already in shock, she would've shrieked at what was awaiting them just a few feet away from the door.
In the darkness of cold and shadows, a hunched over monster made it's way over to them but dared not come further than five feet giving a hiss. Like she was a skunk and this red eyed thing was afraid of her. How strange, but that didn't stop her stop pointing a hand at her, and in possibly the most scariest, raspy voice Poppy had ever heard. Said:
"Take her to the room and lock her away. ...I can't to look at her for as my prince had done. Perhaps locking away her forever will teach her a lesson about gazing into another man's eyes who belong TO ME!!"
"...WAIT!! WHAT?!" She attempted to struggle again but their strength was too much.
Sadly be the fate of the innocent florist wasn't a pleasant one. As she was marched up the stairs to the very third floor of the manor, the coldness and shadows started to become too much to the point of her screaming and struggling body starting to be overcome by them all. the long hallway they were taking her down ended in a single pair of double doors, the doors suurounded by locks that haven't been locked yet. As her weakly numbing body was pushed into the empty room, she looked up just in time to see the two heavily armored guards slam the doors behind her. She struggled to stand with the cold seeping through all her body but wobbled to the door, vision blurring with nothing but darkness. Even as all the clicks and locks of the locks were put into place and the floor jostling with the heavy footsteps of the guards stopping away, she fell to her knees against the door and banged her fist against it. Screaming to be let out as the coldness and blackness seeped more into the room and still overtook her form.
Until it completely consumed her and upon the floor she laid. Beautiful red hair and blue eyes preserved by frost. Until a thousand years later. .....when a miracle happened...
And she once again got to take a breath.
#flowercrown#A Hat In Time#a hat in time snatcher#a hat in time florist#The Florist#Florist#snatcher x florist#Snatcher
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Self-Insert January: Let’s Go Steal A Protégé
Yes I did write a self-insert fanfic of my own fanfic. Most of this was written in December and then um, January happened. This takes place December, probably before Christmas (and is obviously not canon).
Happy Self Insert month!
Being with Leverage, Jamie had seen a lot of weird stuff. Done a lot of weird stuff, too. But all the breaking into highly classified places and museums and pretending to be a circus performer and jumping off the Eiffel Tower did not prepare them for the magic portal that opened up in the ceiling of the Leverage Offices, or the lady that fell through it.
Luckily, their startled yell had summoned an Eliot, which meant that if this was the beginning of an intergalactic space war or some kind of mutant criminal rival of Parker’s, Team Leverage was going to come out on top.
Except Eliot actually put away his knife and greeted the lady, who struggled out of the squashy purple beanbag chair she landed on. “Hardison, Parker, Inny’s here!” he called.
“What the hell is an Inny?” Jamie asked. Was it a species of alien? Was Hardison’s Doctor Who obsession because they literally knew The Doctor? Honestly, it wouldn’t really surprise Jamie.
“I the hell am an Inny,” Ceiling-Lady said, before gasping and pointing at them. Which was concerning, to say the least.
“That’s Inny,” Hardison said, coming into the office and handing the lady one of Jamie’s Mountain Dews. Rude. “She’s from a darker timeline and drops out of the ceiling once or twice a year to catch up. And get inspiration for her fanfiction. Apparently we’re like, a TV show over there. What’s up, girl?”
“Is that why nobody is allowed to move the beanbag chair?” Jamie asked. They had thought it was some weird Parker thing. Or perhaps that it was on top of some kind of secret trap door to Hardison’s BatCave or something. They ignored the part about the fanfiction and the TV show. That was too Truman Show to think about. Though their brain was already going over actors they’d cast as the team. Eliot would totally be played by Chris Evans, right?
Inny stopped chugging the Mountain Dew long enough to shrug. “They used to live somewhere with way lower ceilings. Nearly broke something falling from this one.”
“Yeah, me,” Eliot grumbled. He nearly broke something again when Parker dropped down from the ceiling onto his back. “Dammit, Parker!”
“Inny!” Parker proclaimed. “How is Deeks?”
“Good!” the lady fished a beaten up phone out of her pocket. “He met some alpacas, wanna see?” Parker snatched up the phone and made delighted noises. Jamie peered over her shoulder. They had to admit the dog was pretty cute, and the alpacas looked very intrigued by their small, same-coloured, short-necked friend.
“How’s life in the darkest timeline?” Hardison asked.
“What date is it here?” the lady asked, looking around. “I mean, if you still know.”
“Why wouldn’t we know?” Parker asked, still swiping through dog pictures.
“Well, I mean, 2020, am I right?” Inny said, waiting for a reaction. She looked incredulous at their blank faces. “It is 2020, here, right?”
“Um, yeah?” Hardison ventured carefully.
“How dark is this timeline of yours?” Jamie asked carefully. Sure, it was a tumblr joke, usually reserved for stuff like the however-many-renewed-season of Supernatural when great shows were cancelled or whatever creepy feature FriendCzar had tried to impose that month.
The woman paused, frowned, then took a deep breath. “In response to the global pandemic of a deadly respiratory virus, President Donald Trump suggested on television during a briefing that people should inject or ingest bleach to kill the virus.” She took another big breath. “And that’s not mentioning the fact that he downplayed the seriousness of the virus while knowing how deadly and contagious it was, called it a hoax, made taking safety precautions a political thing instead of a public safety thing, and held massive super-spreader events.”
“Donald Trump?” Jamie asked. “The ‘you’re fired’ dude?”
“Oh my sweet summer child,” Inny responded, before taking another swig of her Mountain Dew. “Yeah, I mean, I thought the fact that Australia was on fire at the start of the year was going to be the only terrible thing I was going to tell you.” She laughed and shook her head ruefully, like that was some kind of funny joke.
“Australia was on fire?”
“Yeah. Parts of the US too, for a while. Orange skies. But since the country was basically on lockdown anyway, it wasn’t like it was very different to stay inside for that…” Jamie stared at the lady, then back at the adults. Parker didn’t look overly concerned, but then, she never really did. Eliot and Hardison were both frowning, though. There was no sign that this was some kind of elaborate prank Hardison was pulling on them with the help of one of Sophie’s acting friends. Besides, he was good, but not ‘fake opening a magic portal in the ceiling’ good. At least not within the five minutes Jamie had been in the other room.
After a litany of horrible things, which were apparently not even all of them, the woman stopped. “On the upside,” she said. “I perfected my banana bread recipe, Deeks met some alpacas, Leverage is getting a reboot, and I figured out why I probably keep dropping in here.”
“To remind us that things aren’t so bad like some messed up version of ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’?” Hardison guessed.
“Because Jamie is my OC,” she said, dropping a fucking bombshell like she just dropped out of the fucking ceiling. Jamie felt their brain fill with static, because no, they were a real person, and that either meant that this lady was full of bullshit, or, well, basically god. The Truman Show feeling returned ten times over. “This is my fanfic.”
Hardison recoiled a little. “No,” he whispered, fully understanding the implications of that. Hell, it was probably even weirder for him. Sure, knowing they were a TV show was probably cool, even more so with the reboot. But Fanfic Land didn’t fade to black and Jamie was pretty damn sure some kinky shit went on behind the soundproofed doors of their bedroom.
“Now, there’s two prevailing theories about this, as far as my internet rabbithole searches can tell,” Basically God Maybe continued. “Either I wrote this world into existence, because the multiverse is ever expanding and that is one of the ways it expands, or I just got some vibes from whatever crack between worlds keeps bringing me here and wrote down your shenanigans.”
At Parker and Eliot’s blank looks, Jamie clarified: “Basically, she’s either God or…”
“Some kind of shitty false prophet,” the lady on the beanbag chair beamed. “Probably the second one, honestly. My subconscious turns everything into a zombie apocalypse sooner or later, and you guys seem to be fine.”
Jamie whipped around to look at Hardison and Eliot, hopeful. “We’re fine, right?” they asked quickly. If anyone knew about a starting zombie apocalypse, it would be those two. Between Hardison poking around in basically every intelligence agency’s server ever and Eliot’s contacts, they’d know. God, Jamie hoped not. They were so not ready for a zombie apocalypse. Eliot hadn’t even taught them how to murder someone with an axe yet.
“We are definitely fine,” Hardison assured them.
“Yeah, I figured,” Not-God agreed. “If I had my say, Eliot would have stopped pining long before he did and kissed you guys.” Eliot grumbled and glared, probably because she was right. Parker patted him condescendingly on the head, which wasn’t helping matters.
The ceiling started crackling and glowing ominously. The lady put her can down as she slowly drifted off the beanbag, alien-abduction style. “Well, it’s been real. Be good, guys. Have some fun adventures. Ruin some rich douchebag’s day for me.”
“Will do,” Parker promised. “Say hi to your dog for me.” She got a thumbs up.
“Let us know how the reboot turns out,” Hardison said. Jamie figured it would probably fuck with the space-time continuum if she downloaded the show and brought it to them, but who knew. Maybe there was some kind of loophole for that, too. They were kind of curious to see what a Leverage show would look like. It probably had kickass fight-scenes.
“Stay safe,” Eliot said seriously. He’d been the most concerned about the talk of the pandemic, probably because you couldn’t punch it.
“Will do,” Inny shrugged. “I mean, 2021 can’t possibly be any worse, right?”
The portal crackled louder, which Jamie hoped wasn’t a sign. The lady was almost at the ceiling. She looked concerned, like she realised she just totally jinxed herself and the new year.
“Hey, just in case you are god,” Jamie called up. “Can you give me superpowers?”
The portal closed to the sound of laughter, and then there was silence. All that remained was a dent in the beanbag and an empty can of Mountain Dew.
“What the fuck,” they told the room at large.
“Yeah, you get used to it,” Parker said, before wandering off back to the blueprints she had been studying.
“I’m just gonna… check some things,” Hardison muttered, making a detour to the kitchen to grab a ginormous bottle of orange soda before getting behind his computer. “And buy a bunch of disinfectant and toilet paper, just in case.”
Eliot rolled his eyes, before bumping his shoulder against Jamie’s. “Come on,” he said.
“Come on where?” Jamie asked. “I’m having a bit of an existential crisis here.” If they were someone’s OC, did that mean that they didn’t have free will? Did it mean that all the cool things they had done the past year had only been because of some weird lady that fell out of the ceiling? Or did it mean-
“I’m gonna teach you to throw a knife so you can take out a zombie,” Eliot said.
Fuck that, the existential crisis could wait until 2am. They had more important things to do. Knife throwing would be fun and useful no matter if there was a zombie apocalypse or a pandemic, or they got superpowers.
#fanfic#self insert month#I wrote a thing#leverage#lets go steal a protege#HardisonxParkerxEliot#I almost didn't post this because of you know the civil war thing in the US#but then I thought wouldn't it be funny if this was pre-january and self insert Inny was just like: well fuck#dear americans I'm sorry#yes Deeks did meet some alpacas it was adorable
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Down The Rabbithole Ch9
(Disclaimer: The songs sung by the Twiddle Sisters are Wonderland by Natalia Kills, Mad Hatter by Melanie Martinez, and Wonderland by Caravan Palace. I DID switch around and replace a few words, especially the Mad Hatter song, to match the storyland theme more, but I in no way own any of the songs or anything about them.)
Birds chirped along and the sky was a lovely blue as the lady in a red dress walked along the dirt road, even though this world had no visible sun that she could see it was still warm as if it was always summer here. And everything was always so bright, beautiful, and vibrant. The sweet smell of flowers was still in the air and lots of forest animals were about. Mostly birds and bunnies, but she saw some deer, a fox, and a turtle too. She wondered if they were regular animals or cursed princes or maybe they could talk like Cheshire or Marsh. They looked and acted like regular forest animals of her old home, and ran away from her as soon as she passed. Making her chuckle as she walked along. At least her feet weren't hurting anymore. Allison had shortly left the strange polka dot cottege after eating the food the kind Hatter and Hare provided her, once again reminding her of the way she needed to go in order to find these Twiddle Sisters. She certainly hoped whoever they were they would be as friendly as her previous guests were. She could only hope. Allison had followed the two crazy fellos' instructions and was already walking down her way towards the second fork in the road. So far she hadn't seen anything except for the lovely woods and creatures around her, that was until the path turned a corner to the left and as instructed she followed it. As Allison turned the corner she paused, and a big smile slowly spread across her face.
"Oh thank god! Finally!"
The second fork in the road! Finally! The second shiny GIANT silver fork stood tall and in the middle of the dirt path as she hurried towards it. Like the one before it, there was paths behind it but this time instead of two paths and two signs, there was three wooden paths and three wodden arrow signs. As soon as she got close enough she stopped and peered up at the signs that were somehow nailed to the giant metal thing. By now she stopped questioning things. I mean she just fell into a fairytale world of talking animals and storybook characters. How logical was that? As she approached, she blinked her eyes up to the three signs that pointed one each to the paths. One left, one right, and one pointing up probably symbolizing the path directly behind the giant fork. The left path apparently went somewhere called The Valley Of FarFar Away. The middle one lead somewhere called Godmother's Retirement Village. And the right which her old companions told her to go, said Enchated Vil. She smiled, before obviously turning and going down the right pathway. Everything looked the same as before as she walked along. Minute after minute passing as she continued to walk along for who know how long. The only difference was that the path began to slowly get bigger and bigger as Allison slowly walked along until it was as big and wide as a regular highway if the highway was made of dirt and smack dab in the middle of a dense and magic forest. The sweet flower scent in the air was nice as the gently breeze flowed throughout the air combined with...The smell of apple pies? She paused a little bit and sniffed the air a little more smelling the scents of foods in the air. And her stomach growled. Mini sandwhiches and cookies and tea didn't really fill one up so much. So naturally she sped up umbrella in hand as she folloed the smell down the road through the woods and-...And oh my goodness. She was now looking at the entrance of a small town the tree blocked off any buildings to the left and right, but from where she was standing she could make out the entrance to what looked like a mini town square of cobblestone and a fountain. Blinking she hurried forward. As she came closer the road slowly turned from dirt to cobblestone and she could hear her footsteps on it, and people walking around!.....WAIT! NO!! NOT JUST PEOPLE!! Walking talking animals and things! THAT THERE WAS A DEAR IN A FANCY DRESS CARRYING A BASKET!! AND THAT THERE WAS AN ELF!!....AND THAT THING WAS A TREE WITH ARMS, LEGS, AND WEARING AN OLD TIMEY SUIT!! She stopped where the forest met the town and her jaw dropped in absolute WONDER.
IT. WAS. A. VILLAGE. RIGHT. OUT. OF. A. FAIRYTALE!! Cobblestone everywhere, things out of stories walking around, and the buildings even looked like those old wooden cabins in storybooks, or cotteges with straw roofs. Either way it was fantastic. Umbrella still in hand and red eyes blinking around in wonder, she slowly stepped her way in looking at the brightly colored houses of different colors and designs and all the different people walking around. ...It really was real and so different and EXCITING AND AMAZING!! No one was the same from her first glance and she almost tripped from bumping into a giant walking spoon man holding hands with a giant plate wearing a dress and hat.
"S-Sorry," She called back before looking around again.
Her stomach growled smelling the good food again and she looked over and noticed there was a bakery opened not to far from her. Above the bakery's door it read "Muffin's and Gingerbread's Breads and Goodies." She guessed that must've been the Muffin Man's and Gingerbread man's family business. ...Too bad she didn't have any money or what was used for money down here. All this walking really worked up an appitite....What was she looking for again? OH YEAH!! Granny Cottege. She looked around and began to walk around aimlessly glancing at the many, many buildings around the place and peeking into alleyways. 'Mother Goose Library'. 'Town Hall.' 'GodMother's School House'....An actual one room school building with a bed like in ye olden days. 'Ye Olde Brave Tailor.' 'Merry Lane Doctor.' ...LOTS of fairytale puns. But no 'Granny's Cottage.' She must've been looking for what must've been an hour by now and still no signs of it. 'Can't miss it' huh? Against her better judgement she decided to stop someone and ask for directions. It looked like a wizard. The old man in a long robe and witch like hat stopped patiently and didn't seem too bothered by her question. In return to her question, he pointed down at an alleyway between two buildings and said it was just down that alleyway. She thanked him and hurried away towards where he had pointed. Darting between the mysterious people until she got there. The alleyway was dark but there was a light at the back of the tunnel, her desperation to find a way home somewhere overpowered any sketchy feeling she might've had and compelled her to walk down it. Allison was in complete shade for a few moments, but it disappeared as soon as she reached the end. The alleyway was nothing but a dead end with garbage cans and some litter laying about. But before her was a large black door and a sign above it read Granny's Cottage. FINALLY she found it! A smile came over her face as she approached the door and didn't hesitate to open it. Inside was NOT what she was expecting.
The loud sound of laughter filled the air and she catiously poked her head in and blinked at what was before her. LOTS of buff looking pirates and thieves she thought, witches and wizards wearing dark clothes, and other ruffians. ....Wow. She guessed there must've been ...'bad' people like classic story book villains and thieves but she didn't expect to stumble across a whole bunch of them. She took a few steps in and stopped wondering if maybe she shook turn around- She yelped and took a few steps aside as two buff looking men charged towards the open door with another third man in their grip she watched as they tossed him out laughing before one slammed the door shut and laughed even more and they turned and stomped back to a table of pirate looking men who held up mugs of she guessed beer towards them....She wondered if this is what Chesire meant by dangers of his world? She didn't have much chance to find out though as she sucked in a deep breath and began to walk towards the bar? This place looked like a tavern, an old version of a bar, only this one had a stage and giant old worn curtain near the far back. No one paid her any mind as she stepped around and under arms holding out mugs, dodging a few spills from the foul smelling beer. A man with an eye patch was wiping out a wooden mug at the counter and had that classic apron and small mustache like old bartenders had and looked up at her as she approached- Before yelping and ducking her head from a flying mug that landed on the floor behind the bar. The bartender didn't even flinch as it spilt at his feet and only gave Allison a bored look.
"Watcha want here girly? You seem kinda outta place in a crowd of rowdy ruffians like us." He sneered at her as she slowly looked around to make sure nothing would come back flying at her. Before blinking back up to the man.
"N-No! I d-don't want anything to drink. I-I'm just here looking for something."
"Uh huh. And just might who that be little lady? We don't usually see you're kind around here."
She looked at him and with a quiver in her voice said, "I-I'm looking f-f-for The Twiddle Sisters? I-I was told they perform here."
He huffed before going back to his cup. "Well, you're lucky then. They're about to perform now."
She didn't have time to even ask before the loud cheers of drunken laughter turned to cheers and whistles of joy and the bar tender looked past her, she looked over where he was looking and noticed everyone looking towards the stage near the very back of the whole place and she blinked.
"Ladies and gentlemen!" A lady's voice sung out from somewhere as the cheers and whistles grew. "It is with great pleasure that I present to you the Twiddle Sisters!"
The old raggedy curtain rose much to the cheers and she blinked again. WHAT THE WHAT?! What was revealed was not one but TWO women sharing one body....L-LIKE CONJOINED TWINS!! The strange ladies were dressed in a dark pink burlesque outfit and a long feather boa.Like one of those old 1920's flapper girls. One lady had dark pink hair which she had in a ponytail. Her sister she guessed had MUCH longer very pale pink hair, almost light also in a ponytail. As they were presented they really hammed up themselves by fluttering their eyes, one head waved white the other blew a kiss towards the cheering crowd. Behind them was three witches. Backup singers?? Everyone quieted down as music suddenly began playing from somewhere and she-..Uh..They got into a pose as she watched.
"I'm not Snow white but I'm lost inside this forest.~ I'm not red Riding Hood but I think the wolves have got me.~" The twin with the short dark pink ponytail sang as she walked along the stage and put one hand to her forehead while the one on her sister's side remained on their hip. " Don't want your glass slippers.~ I'm not, not Cinderella.~ I don't need a knight, so baby take off all your armor.~" She stepped along the stage again and men cheered and whistled as they walked past. "Your be the beast-" They leaned down to poke a guy's nose as they past and his comrade pulled him back from the stage. "-and I'll be the beauty, beauty.~ Who needs true love, as long as you love me truly, truly.~ I want it all but I want you more.~ Will you wake me up boy if I bite your poison apple?~"
"I don't believe in fairytales~," both girls sung out this time as they stopped center stage. The three back up witch singers sang 'Oh, no, no, no.' as they said that. "I don't believe in fairytales.~ I don't believe in fairytales.~ But I believe in you and me.~ Take me to Wonderland!!" All five girls sung as one for the next few verses now as the sisters danced and swung their hips expertly in place. "Take me to, Take me to.~ Take me to Wonderland.~ Take me to, take me to.~ Take me to Wonderland.~ Take me to, take me to.~ Take me to Wonderland.~ Wonderland, Wonderland.~"
"When I lay down to go to sleep at night.~," the dark pinked haired twin sang again as her twin and the back ground dancers stayed silent now, but the backup singers bouncing to the beat. "My dreams consist of things that'd make you wanna hide.~ Don't let me in your tower.~ Show me your magic powers.~ I'm not afraid to face a little bit of danger, danger.~ " At the last 'danger' they reached one of their legs out to kicked back a burly one eyed man back from the stage with the sweetest smiles. "I want the love, the money, and the perfect ending.~ You want the same as I, I.~ So stop pretending.~ I wanna show you how good we could be together.~ I wanna love you through the night.~ We'll be a sweet disaster.~"
"I don't believe in fairytales.~" Again both heads sung as another 'Oh, no, no, no.' came from the witches. "I don't believe in fairytales.~ I don't believe in fairytales.~ But I believe in you and me.~" Again as they repeated the next verses they all sung as one and Allison had to admit that they all had good voices, especially the one sister who was singing. "Take me to Wonderland.~ Take me to, take me to.~ Take me to Wonderland.~ Take me to, Take me to.~ Take me to Wonderland.~" That same expert swing dance in one place. Allison briefly wondered how long it took two sisters to agree and practice it? "Take me to, Take me to.~ Take me to Wonderland.~ Wonderland, Wonderland.~"
"Wonderlaaaaaand!!~ Oh!! Woah oh, oh!!" The dark pink haired twin sang loud and echoed throughtout the place. "Woah oh, oh!!~ Woah oh, oh!~ I believe in you and me!~ "
"I don't believe in fairytales!!~" Both heads sung together again only a little louder. "I don't believe in fairytales.~ I don't believe in fairytales.~ "
"But I believe in you and me!!~," The original sung out by herself.
"Take me to Wonderland.~," All five ladies on stage sung as one again, "Take me to, take me to.~ Take me to Wonderland.~ Take me to, take me to.~ Take me to Wonderland.~ Take me to, take me to.~ Take me to Wonderland.~" "I BELEIVE IN YOU IN ME!!~" The original singer sung out as the other four ladies continued to finish up the song. "Wonderland!!~ Take me to, take me to!~ Take me to Wonderland!!~ Take me to, take me to!~ Take me to Wonderland.~ Take me to, take me to.~ Take me to Wonderland.~ Take me to WOnderland!!~ TAKE ME TO WONDERLAND!!~"
The cheers and roars of the rowdy crowed was inevitable as all five ladies on stage took a bow, but that wasn't the end of the performance as Allison discovered when a different song began to play again from somewhere. The twins stood back up and took a stance as if to start another part of their performance. Allison blinked and found herself walking towards the front of the stage as the crowd began to die down from the first performance. This time a much deeper beat and music box sounding piano played from somewhere she couldn't see. Not that she was paying attention to anyone else but the two on stage.
"My friends don't walk they run.~ Skinny dip in rabbit holes for fun.~," this time the other sister with the longer very light pink haired ponytail sang out by herself as they slowly sashayed across the stage. "Poppin, poppin ballons with pins.~ Getting wild with barbarians.~ We paint white roses red.~ Each shade a different version of red.~ This dream, dream is a thriller.~ Getting wild with a small caterpillar.~" The paler haired twin suddenly reached up to run her gloved hand down her face. "Now I'm feeling the rush to my face.~ Cause I hate being so plaaa-a-ain.~ What's normal?~ They make me addled.~ The wilds.~ They make me feel safe.~" She suddenly sang in a louder tone when the next few versus came. "I'm nuts, baby.~ I'm mad.~ The craziest friend you've ever had.~ You think I'm Psycho, you think I'm gone.~ Tell our friends to follow along.~ Over the bend.~ Entirely bonkers.~ You like me best when I'm leading along.~ Tell you a secret.~" She made a motion as if to beckon the audience closer. " Im not alarmed.~ So what if I'm mad?~ The best people are.~ All the best people are mad, yeah.~ All the best people are.~''
Her voice like her sister's was very pretty, and sounded very different from her sisters. The light haired pink twin's voice was higher pitched but not enough to sound annoying. It sounded quite lovely and smooth.
"Where is my shrink potion?~" Allison was pulled back out of her thoughts as she began singing again. She now noticed the witch back up singers were gone and the dark haired twin who sung before was being very quiet smiling as her sister sang. "Witches, witches please listen.~ My forgetfulness is rattled.~ You can Alice, I'll be the Mad Hatter.~" She pointed out at the audience when she said Alice before pointing back to herself. "Now I'm feeling the rush to my face.~ Cause I hate feeling so Plaaa-a-ain.~ What's normal?~ They make me addled.~ The wilds.~ The make me feel safe.~" She once again spoke in a louder tone as she repeated the last verses from before. "I'm nuts.~ Baby, I'm mad.~ The craziest friend you've ever had.~ You think I'm psycho, you think I'm gone.~ Tell our friends to follow along.~ Over the bend.~ Entirely bonkers.~ You like me best when I'm leading along.~ Tell you a secret.~" Again the motion to beckon the audience but they stepped back when another man with a giant mustache was yanked back by his pal. "I'm not alarmed.~ So what if I'm mad?~ The best people are.~ You think I'm really?~" They slowly started to step around stage as they sang. "You think I'm mad.~ So what if I'm really?~ All the best people are.~ And I think your funny too.~ I know you're mad.~ That's probably the reason that we get along.~" They turned around and started walking back towards the center of the stage. "I'm nuts, baby.~ I'm mad.~ The craziest friend you've ever had.~ You think I'm psycho, you think I'm gone.~ Tell our friends to follow along.~ Over the bend.~ Entirely bonkers.~ You like me best when I'm leading along.~ Tell you a secret.~" They stopped back at middle stage and the twin currently singing held her hand up. "I'm not alarmed.~ So what if I'm really?~ The best people are.~" They stayed in one place and bounced to the beat as she sang. "All the best people are really.~ All the best people are.~ All the best people are mad, yeah.~ All the best people are.~"
The music cut out just as they finished singing and another loud roar of laughter louder than before came from the crowd as the girls bowed and blew kisses at their adoring fans and Allison reached up her own hands to cover her ears from the loud clapping and cheers. YOWCH!! THAT HURT!! Gripping the umbrella in one hand and stepping back, not noticing she stepped on one touch looking wizard's long robe. The music started up for a third time and Allison watched as they put their hands on their hips and just simply bounced along to the music this time, as the pale pink haired twin spoke.
"Just imagine a trip to a wonderous land.~ Of candy, and Jam.~ And ice cream.~"
"I gotta hit the road, you better watch it.~ With a little bag full of big tricks.~", The pink haired twin took over singing as her sister once again fell silent to her lead. "I got the voice, got the pitch, got to keep it undercover.~ All in the air, just to sing it out.~ See the stone cold face, try to knock it.~ I can't be stopped.~ Never walked.~ Gotta run it.~ I gotta be wit it, I gotta be with it.~ I gotta beda-"
A loud yell made everyone stop and look down into middle stage, Allison tripped and fell back on her bum just as the bartender was walking by with drinks. The wizard's cloak that Allison had accidentally been standing on had snagged on the wizard's neck when he tried to stand and choked him, he turned around furious not looking at Allison on the ground. Only seeing the baretender standing in her place. Angered he pushed the bartender without another word sending him flying back and spilling the beer all over the men behind him. The pirates yelled in anger as beer was poured all over them and in retaliation one threw his mug at the wizard who quickly ducked. The cup flew across the bar and hit another VERY large man sitting at a table of seven other beefy men and they immediately stood after their leader was hit in the head by a mug and covered in beer. Which lead to more beer and cups anf chairs being thrown, to people becoming more angry, to starting to throw punches, and TURNING INTO AN ALL OUT BAR FIGHT!! The women on stage covered their heads with their arms, before darting to the left of the stage as the curtains closed.
"HEY!! Wait!" Allison quickly scrambled to her feet and quickly made a beeline for the stage as the curtains closed. Lifting up her dress a little allowing her to jump over fallen men or chairs easier or move when ducking under something flying over her head. THIS IS WHY SHE HATED DRESSES!! Her heart beats picked up as she moved and once she got to the stage, she jumped onto the thing and pulled herself up onto it. Crawling umbrella in one hand fast to the curtain as it just touched the bottom of the stage. She took one last look behind her, winced at a glass breaking sound, and quickly pushed up the bottom of the old curtain to crawl underneath it. But she didn't stop there, quickly standing she looked left to where the twins ran and saw a brown door. She bolted towards it, ignoring the curtain moving or the noises of the stage as something hit them. The door burst opened and slammed when Allison pressed her back to it breathing heavily....before sighing and closing those red eyes, leaning her head onto the door. "Well, that went well." She looked back around and noticed she was in what looked like a hallway, blinking she pushed away from the door. The faint sounds of the bar fight still going on but fading as she walked along. It was barely lit and hard to see. But there was a few doors to the right, she looked at them pondering which ones the twins took.
"Well tonight was a disaster." She stopped and blinked at the sudden voice as it came threw the walls. "At least we won't get blamed for it. It's not our fault the guy made another person mad." "Ha! Yeah right. Did you see him tonight?" What sounded like two women laughing together was enough to encourage Allison to walk faster and followed the muffled sounds of talking and laughing until she found the source coming from the back of one of the very last few doors. She stopped in front of it. Should she knock? Taking in a deep breath, Allison shakily reached a hand over. And knocked on the door. The sounds of happy chatter on the other side disappeared immediately and Allison froze. .....A long silence passed until a voice spoke. "Who is it?"
She opened her throat to speak but her answer came out a nervous stutter, "I-I-I...I-I c-came to talk to you two...I n-n-need to ask you something."
Another long pause-.....
"You may enter." Allison's hand shakily grasped the doorknob as she took a big inhale. Pausing for a moment before letting it out and slowly....SLOWLY pushing the door open and letting it open by itself fully revealing the three women to each other. The room was filled with classic 'star' items such as a well furnished bed, a giant wardrobe, and a fancy vanity which the two were sitting in front of right now. The three of the held a small staring contest, before the sisters looked at each other then back at Allison. "Who are you?," The light pink haired one asked.
"A-A-Allison. ..*ahem* My name's Allison. I need your help...please."
...They blinked and looked suspicious. "And how can exactly can WE help YOU?"
"I-I need to know where to find the Fortune Teller." Both blinked in surprise as she frowned and looked at them. "PLEASE!! He's my only chance of getting home and...A-And I heard you two would know where to find him."
They must've heard the desperation in their voice because the dark haired one reached her hand out to come in. "Close the door." Allison quickly did so and the two relaxed back. Well the dark pink haired one was looking at her with a studying gaze as her sister still looked confused. "....Come in and sit down. I'm Deedee." The twin with the short ponytail pointed to herself as Allison slowly shuffled over to the bed to sit down. And then she gestured to her sister, the one with longer hair. "And this is my sister, Dumea. ...Why do you want to know where the Fortune Teller is?"
Allison swallowed under their hard gazes. "I-I...I'm really lost. I-I need a por-....Rabbit-thole to get back to there." Both looked surprised again before looking at each other. "PLEASE!! Please. I have a friend who might be hurt waiting for me and I was told you two might know where to find him!"
....."So the rumors were true." They looked back to her. "A human really did fall down here." They leaned forward and gave her a concerned look. "It's not safe for you here." "If the Queen or her guards find you," Dumea cut in tone worried, "You'll be forced to perform in one of her fights. And she never loses. Her magic's too powerful." Allison's eyes shrank and her eyes dropped.
"....W-W-What?"
"The Hearts are jealous and fearful tyrant family that's ruled for generations. They're a very old family with strong magic that gets stronger with each generation," They continued, "The worst was Queen Velvet Hearts' parents. They wiped out nearly all the Chesires and destroyed most of the rabbitholes almost fourteen years ago."
Allison's mind wretched back to Chesire...remember how he proclaimed himself last of the Chesires-....And leaned back with a disgusted look on her face. "...That's why he was against me coming here...That's aweful!" She looked back to them. "Why would they do that?!"
Deedee shook her head. "The family was always crazy. They blamed outsiders of treason for the history the Brothers Grim shared with your world. Since then all outsiders are viewed as enemies and if any of them were to come into the Hearts kingdom they would spend the rest of their lives in the dungeon...or worse." "Queen Velvet is MUCH better than her parents or other ancestors were, but she'll still see you as a threat and lock you away. But not before making you fight to earn your freedom back before she locks you up like she does with anyone else who upsets her."...."Like us."
Allison blinked and an even more annoyed look appeared on her face. "Make you fight her? What did you guys do to hurt her and What kind of punishment is that?!"
"A much fairer one than her anscestors would've given us." "The Queen...still has traits of jealousy and vanity in her heart as all Hearts do. We used to perform for the royal court, but the Queen proclaimed we were trying to ruin her performances. So she challenged us and...." "W-We lost and she banned us from ever stepping foot in the castle again. Now we have to sing and live her to get by." "It's not a bad punishment. I'd rather get banned than thrown in the dungeon-" "But that's why you must leave." Deedee gave her a frightened look. "She's too powerful for you to take on and already there's rumor's of the queen sending guards to capture you. If you look you'll be trapped here forever."
Allison face became wide in fear and she looked at them in desperation. "T-That's why I gotta find him! He's the only one who could know how to get me back! PLEASE!! PLEASE TELL ME ANYTHING!!"
...The two sighed. "It's true we heard rumors about where he lives, but we've never seen him. Only heard of where he might live and even we aren't sure."
"PLEASE!! I'll take anything! If it means I can go home!"
....."We do not wish you to end up in our situation." "So we will tell you what we know."
Allison thanked whatever deities were listening to her prayers and gave a shuddering exhale hanging her head and looking at them. "Thank you. Thank you, thank you so much!"
"No need to thank us. You might not even find the results you want." "We heard from whispers from the courtroom's nobles that he may live in the Giant mushroom Field east of the castle, but that's all we heard and it's not gaurenteed because no one's ever seen him and told the location of his hide away."
"H-How do I get there?"
"The mushrooms. Follow the glowing pink mushrooms, they always lead right to it.".....Another pause before one Twiddle sister pointed in the direction behind them. "There's a trail that just starts on the south edge of town. The farmers use them to go collect mushrooms on the edge of the misty field before coming home to not get lost." "You should leave now. While you still have time." They stood up as they ushered her off the bed. "We'll sneak you out the back way, but you MUST leave right away. Rumors travel faster than you think and if you can't find the Fortune Teller then you'll need the head start to escape the Queen."
Allison's heart picked up pace slightly as the sisters quickly ushered her towards the door and what would eventually be her back exit. ...Getting back home just got a whole lot harder.
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Good grief, Charlie Brown.
I’ve never owned an electric toothbrush. I’ve never had a dishwasher. I am the dishwasher. I like washing dishes. I never bought an iron. I don’t have a hairdryer. I find it strange that I get advertised these reusable alternatives for things that I never use anyway. Alternatives to cling film. I put another plate over the dish. Alternatives to cotton buds. I use my finger. (Ew, you may say, but surely a finger’s that size to fit in ears and nostrils? Or whatever orifice you please. Wash your hawnds.) Alternatives to cotton wool circles. What? I dont know why these thoughts have come into my head, when I want to write about my youngest child. Really, I’m meant to be working, but an annoying email from my dead daughter’s school sent me down a suicide rabbithole. Perhaps those other thoughts come about as my classic brain avoidance schemes. Like when you hoover instead of doing an essay. Positive procrastination, I used to call it. I wanted to visit some friends last night- a fun thing! but I was feeling all solitary and awkward. I cleaned the bathroom ceiling at first, instead! I had to really talk myself into going to see them. I was looking at my bed and it was saying, “Get into me! and read your book!”
Then I went, and I had a lovely time, of course. I still finished the book I was reading, when I got home at midnight, until three am, making myself ever so tired. I’ve stopped taking the tablets- beta blockers and mirtazapine (more by accident rather than design. They’re still up in the chemist waiting for me. I’m rather disorganised) and so sleep doesn’t come as readily. I have to take deep breaths for ages sometimes, to get over. And I awake in the night hearing things that aren’t there. I heard The Woodcarver calling me, one night, plain and loud as day. Another time, I heard my son knocking my door three times, sharply (or was it a burglar? I said that to someone and they laughed. Burglars don’t knock! Oh, hello there, wake up, I’m robbing you blind!) Bounced out of bed. Heart hammering. Called him. He was fast asleep. Was it her ghost? I don’t believe in ghosts, really. Kind of wish I did. She’d be a mischievous one, no doubt. Is it always 5:57am, when I awake? The same time. Time to find your dead child.
I’m often in the house alone, now. They didn’t want to leave me alone, and there were so many people in the house, for ages. Then all of a sudden, it stopped. And I changed lovers... I changed to the one I’d been in love with for over a year, the one who seemed too young, the one who wasn’t interested. Suddenly he was interested. Well. It wasn’t sudden. It took a few weeks. Seven weeks? The seven week itch? It coincided with when the Scottish lover asked me to stop letting other people come to the house. He wanted me to himself. Which is kind of fair enough, though I knew it wouldn’t last anyway. (People coming to my house, I mean, not the relationship. I really enjoyed having a relationship with him. He is very sweet, funny, intelligent, and kind. The sex was great. He can cook wonderful food and play guitar well. I liked to sing with him. I am ashamed to say I was bothered by his being smaller than me, though. His face tended to itch me, too- he never quite grew a beard long enough to stop that. As he kept shaving it off, not because he couldn’t. That was the first time he kind of annoyed me, though.)
Lockdown doesn’t help, of course. We were all breaking rules in our grief. Covid is cancelled, my mother said. Masks off. Hugs all round. A friend told me you need extra oxytocin when you’re grieving. I was getting plenty of it. Good grief...
Now I am frequently alone, and as my new lover is very busy studying (or perhaps less interested in me again now that he has my attention back? Though his reticence in getting with me stemmed from his concerns about the uneven nature of our interest in each other...) I haven’t seen him all week. I feel myself becoming depressed, and withdrawn, and paranoid, yet I still don't feel particularly sad about my daughter’s death. Which is strange. Isn’t it? Here is the email I received from her school this morning (it had her name and class at the top of the email):
“Good morning
I hope this email finds you all well.
A number of years ago I signed the college up to the campaign against period poverty. I receive and distribute sanitary products to girls, primarily on free school meals, but any who are in need of the products and either can’t afford them or it is difficult to get them. The products are normally distributed by myself, during P.E and games, unfortunately this can’t happen at present.
These products are still available during the school closure. If you wish to avail of them, please contact our school info account (which is only read by one member of office staff) your request will be directed to me and I will contact you directly regarding collection.
These are difficult times for many at present and to quote my favourite supermarket, ‘every little helps’.
Kind regards...”
I was really with her until she quoted Tesco. And said they were her favourite!! Ugh! I mean, it really is a great idea. Though they really should check if the people they are writing about are still capable of bleeding. My heart bleeds....
I replied thus:
“Hello there.
Great idea, but as (my youngest daughter) has died, she won't be needing them any more. I hate Tesco- they ruin many little businesses.
Maybe take me off this mailing list?”
Then I attached one of her seven suicide notes: the one for school. Which I had previously not shown them. I only found it on Christmas Eve. Can I attach it, here? It has no names...
There we are. Is it wrong of me to find her notes amusing? She is so angry, people say. I wonder how much of it is literal, and how much of it is using the school as a big nameless scapegoat. She was funny in the rest of them, too, and very loving. I found them comforting, like a fucked up Christmas present.
Then I started reading articles about suicide, and they were about how we shouldn’t call the people who do it selfish, about how depressed they are, how they need pity, not anger. I’m tired of the pity (though I’m not the suicidal one). I’m not producing enough sadness from myself when people pity me, either. Where is my sadness? Am I too acceptant of it all? We are all going to die. Is suicide like a C-section? Is it cheating death, like I thought my Caesareans cheated birth? Is suicide self euthanasia? Why do I not miss my daughter more? Is it because she had already left? Was she released, happy, free as a bird, swooping away on an Awfully Big Adventure? Trapezing her way into the æther? I googled to see if I could find any positive reactions to suicide. Is this my nature, to try and find the good in everything? To try and make light of the horrific? Is everything a joke to me?
I found this blog post, from Andreas Moser.
I love it. Am I trying to take the blame away from myself? The NHS? The school? Should I be reeling and railing against the systems that let my daughter get into that state? Why am I instead trying to find ways to applaud her behaviour, accept it, even enjoy it?! When I read his words, “I admire their courage (because logical as it may be, it’s not easy) and the determination to make the ultimate decision in life oneself.” I felt a strange sensation of relief, that someone else could think those things. I had been thinking them, but trying not to, because it seemed like such an awful thing to think. But then I think, why does anyone else have to be to blame? It was her decision.
The book I was rereading is called Life After Life, by Kate Atkinson. It’s my favourite book, I have decided, for now. Do favourites stay favourites? I was looking at my old Couchsurfing Profile today (because of Andreas’ blog- he, as a hippy hermit, is, of course, on Couchsurfing). One needs to update these every so often. Explain that you have watched another film in the last twenty years, that there is one less sofa in your living room, one less child on your earth. Even though no-one is allowed to move around, really. No visiting. No exploring. Perhaps she killed herself to escape the boredom.
In Life After Life, the main character, Ursula, lives again and again. (I forgot that to live again and again, she had to die again and again. It's a very sad and graphic book, spanning two wars- read it. It is, ultimately, uplifting.) I wanted to read it again to make my daughter live again, and again. We need to write her alive. Show her drawings and paintings. Listen to her songs (they're hilarious). Read her poems. Admire her photographs. Tell the stories of her antics.
I know that really she was actually depressed and withdrawn. I know it isn’t a glorious escape. That her wee head was broken, and that sometimes it’s just easier to say, it was unfixable, she was determined, this is what she wanted, than to contemplate it as my (or anyone else’s) failure to help her. I know that she used to be confident and gregarious. She would have danced in front of people, inspiring others. She was always upside-down, tumbling, twirling, cartwheeling. She had a dry, cheeky wit, and rather an amusing obsession with poo and wee. She was kind, and wise. She liked to bake vegan treats. She could draw, and paint, and sing so beautifully. She played the ukelele, but by then she was hiding away. She had started to write poems- songs? She wouldn’t show us them. We had to beg her to perform on the trapeze for her Granny’s eightieth, in July. She did so, beautifully, but you could tell she hated the attention. Four months later, she hanged herself on it.
Had we all withdrawn into ourselves, this 2020? Was there really nothing else to do? Yet I remember the start of Lockdown seeming idyllic. All that free time, all that sunshine. Was I just trying to convince myself, as usual? The only people we saw were the Woodcarver and the neighbours. She taught the wee boy next door to ride his unicycle. When she died, he brought in a picture he had drawn, of them on their unicycles, she as an angel above herself, a rainbow arcing over the three figures. His sadness affected me. I felt like I could only be sad through other people. Where is my sadness? Where is my grief? Good grief, bad grief, no grief? Alternatives to grief.
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Juno’s last role before the accident: FATHER BURROWS in the psychological horror film THE DESECRATED HOST. The film follows an exorcist who is tormented by a demon; the crescendo of the second act comes when he hallucinates a ghostly mass, only to discover that in his delusion he has killed and eaten two young boys, allowing a demon entry into his soul.
❝ He’d been in the same position for too long: kneeling on cold stone, every light in the abandoned church turned out except the darkroom spotlights that bathed the place in red. Blood red, enough to dull the starkness of the fake blood that dribbled down Juno’s chin; it tasted vaguely sweet, and he wondered how many more takes Jess wanted before he could eat. Before he could drink, and drop out of the hoarseness he’d adopted for the character.
“Alright, from the top, with feeling.” Inwardly, Juno was sick of hearing those words. Outwardly, he nodded numbly, barely even shifting to ease his numb legs. “I know you’ve got something spectacular in you, I’ve seen you do it. Now put yourself back into his mind. You’re a priest who’s been tricked into accidentally cannibalising these two boys. Feel his pain. Express it.”
The sound of the clapper board rang in Juno’s ears like the tolling of a church bell, aggravating the dull headache that had been building for most of the morning. One more take. One more take, then he’d be done.
“Pater, ignosce.” Father, forgive me. Juno cradled the lifeless dummy, letting more fake blood spill down his lips. “Pater, ignosce, pater ignosce,” over and over until the words became merely another heartbeat, mingling with the one that thundered in his ears. “Please.” As low and broken as he could make it, the word of a man who believed he was damned. “Please, I didn’t mean it. I didn’t know what I was doing.”
Glancing back down at the dummy, he was filled with fresh, unforced horror. So young, so desperately mutilated -- what had he done? There was no atonement for this, only the sickening knowledge that whatever this was, it had laid his soul bare for the taking.
As if on a spiritual cue, Juno snapped his head up, peering into the darkness. Maybe Jess was fucking with him, maybe he was so far down the rabbithole that he was hallucinating, but he could’ve sworn he heard a sound. A scraping, as if something was emerging from under the altar.
“Exorcizamus te,” His blood-soaked hand went to the rosary around his neck, almost instinctually now. There was definitely something rising from the altar, a dark shape that made his hand tremble as he counted the beads. “Exorcizamus te, omnis imundus spiritus.”
The words died in his throat as that shadowed figure began to move forward. Please let it be a joke, please let it-- “Almighty Father, deliver me from the devil, pater ignosce, please.” Mixing Latin and English as real panic began to grip him; the thing shuffled ever closer and he wanted to run, but the cameras were still rolling. Straining in the almost-darkness, Juno tried to make out something -- anything -- that would tell him it was all a prank, but no salvation came.
He barely felt the tears begin trickling down his cheeks, half-acting, half desperate fear as the cameras were still rolling, the black shape moving closer, closer until even the words wouldn’t fall from his lips. This was the time when the demon was supposed to enter; true to the script, even with that thing hovering over him, Juno bucked and jerked as if invisible hands were forcing themselves down his throat. Fuck this, fuck this, why had he signed up for this? Even as he thought it, he knew the answer: tortured souls drew him like candles in the dark.
Even if he was too terrified to speak, he could scream, as the shadow-thing took one last step towards him. Juno shut his eyes, every story of cursed sets coursing through his mind at once, and let the scream build, his own fear layered over the character’s agony. Go away, please make it go away --
Thud.
Juno knelt there with his eyes screwed shut, tears tracking down his cheeks. God, his knees ached from the position; his throat was impossibly dry, and yet that shape hadn’t entered his soul. Instead, he could hear laughter. Tentatively, he allowed one eye to open.
There was Jess, illuminated bu the harsh light of a phone torch, struggling to both contain his laughter and extricate himself from one of the mock-up demon costumes.
“You--” Juno found that the words wouldn’t come, his mind still lost between courage and relief. Hands shaking even as he tried to scrub away the tears.
“Boo!” Jess collapsed into giggling again, wriggling out of the costume. “God, your face.” He leant over and booped Juno’s nose; perhaps it was supposed to be endearing, but it just made him feel like a stupid child, always the butt of everyone’s jokes. “You know, that was your best take yet. Let’s wrap for the morning, go get yourself some lunch.”
Just like that, the crew started packing up gratefully. Juno just knelt there and stared numbly at his bloodstained hands. ❞
#cancelled.task#task3#points??? | i have no idea what i'm doing#points 1#because i've only just worked out what those tags are for#also yes#this is shameless ripped from the magnus archives
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⌜ DEMIGIRL, SHE / HER / THEY / THEM | home by x ambassadors & machine gun kelly & bebe rexha, ravenclaw, intp ⌟ ⏤ meet RHEA LYNN WINDSOR ; a TWENTY year old who kind of resembles CHLOE BENNET, don’t you think? they originally hailed from LONDON where they lived with their parent, PRINCE JOHN ( ROBIN HOOD ), but word is that they’ve been continuing their pursuit of their veterinary surgery degree at WDA for the past year. they’ve always been pretty ENTHUSIASTIC & ALTRUISTIC, but have gotten way more HEADSTRONG & LOQUACIOUS since they woke up. maybe their power of SOUND MANIPULATION can help in taking down the dome. you can check out her stat page HERE & her pinterest board HERE.
q. does your body ever ache with all the PEOPLE you will never be?
a. always, always.
part one of two : the backstory. ( trigger warnings for death during childbirth, abuse / mental & physical, death... in general. )
born imelda innes on the 28th of august, 1998, in a liverpudlian maternity ward. her birth mother, esme, had always planned on placing her into the system ; and at just a few months old, prince john and his wife, duchess elizabeth, chose her for their family.
she was the third of three, at that point in time, with two older siblings - jackson, and meghan.
john = a terrible father.
elizabeth = a wonderful mother.
neither had thought it possible for them to have biological children after being told as much by the castle doctors, so adoption had seemed the natural route to secure an heir. rhea was two when this changed, and her mother fell pregnant.
complications led to the worst. baby stephanie, the fourth and youngest, was happy and healthy ; but as she had entered the world, elizabeth had exited. their young lives were forever shaped by this event.
john resented them all, and by god, did they know it. jackson, by grace of being the eldest and HEIR APPARENT, only had it mildly better than the rest. and rhea suffered.
for much of her young years, it stopped at words. john had a way with them. rhea was nothing but a nuisance ; a reminder of the goodness of his late wife’s heart. he reminded her, almost daily. she would have been nothing without him, just a poor little orphan girl, forgotten to the system - and he could take it all away, if he wanted.
whoever said that words would never harm them was wrong. rhea’s whole being was formed upon them, and who could wonder why she ended up the way she did - when your worth is called into question every single day, it would have been amazing if she had come out the other side fine.
she had only some reprieve. her siblings were everything to her - her only peers, her only friends. she looked up to jackson and meghan, and she cared for stephanie ; sharing a room with the youngest from the time she was born until such a time as john decided that it wasn’t suitable, anymore. and then there was her uncle ; her darling, dearest uncle. king richard had only grown more humble in his old age, and KIND - and rhea took a particular shine to the man who was more a father to her than john ever was. when john lost his head and ordered rhea away, it was richard who overturned it. when he took her favorite things as misguided punishment, it was richard who replaced or found them.
and then she got older. and things complicated, when john began raising his hand to her. there was just one thing that richard couldn’t step in and save her from - and john soon learned what that was.
each of the windsors being sent to walt disney academy was a richard idea, and it was one proposed many a time that john would promptly shut down. he liked to be in control of their lives, you see, and had no guarantee of the same if they were gone. it took years to break him down - and one very solemn reminder that richard outranked him at every turn, so long as he lived beneath his roof - for john to relent.
wda was the first taste of freedom that rhea had ever had. catholic all girls schools had made way for homeschooling after a certain point, so she had to adjust to the way things worked in america before all else. but she took to it - more than she had anything, and it helped that she was out from beneath her fathers thumb.
with her freedom, she set her sights on her dream - becoming a veterinary surgeon. and she adopted pets. too many of them, really - but each one of them dear to her heart. she’d tried to have them before, only for john to do what he did ; taking them away.
things were going WELL. of course, she almost died in the earthquake - but she took it, much as she could, within her stride. things only took a true turn for the worst when rhea’s uncle died. it happened while jack was visiting home ; and not one of the windsor siblings believes it was natural causes. the kings death placed his brother on the throne, and john wasted little time in exerting his power over his family - the only ways he knew how.
part two of two : what u missed on glee.
a whole lot more happened but frankly . i don’t care. ANYWAY !
after what happened with calder - them being together, him leaving - rhea went through an obligatory sad girl patch. he was the first, and honestly, only person to make her feel like she was worth something, or pretty. she really liked him, and it hurt a great deal when he left. but she powered through. it was the first real heartbreak of her life, and it’ll always be the one that hurts the most, really - but at least she wasn’t dead, right? small victories.
fueled by everything that was happening at home, and now, what had happened at school, rhea began the long search for her birth family - convinced that with them she would find something she had been missing for her entire life. a dna kit led her to the realization that a chunk of her own dna isn’t even human ; leading her down another rabbithole that paused, momentarily, as the rest of her life took precedence.
almost immediately after, however, rhea caused a scene at a dinner that john was throwing for her siblings and the families of each of their betrothed. it had been boiling up for a long time - ever since she had found out about cain’s existence, really, but mostly since they’d hung out some on their supervised walks in the gardens and whatnot and he’d started to annoy her. one thing led to another during the course of the evening, and after one wrong word from john, she had snapped. she said some things she didn’t mean - and mostly things she DID, and the next day, word came back to john that cian’s family were unhappy with the betrothal and were calling it off. he was furious, but rhea was already on her way back to school ; she hasn’t seen him NOR her ex-betrothed since.
she made out with felicia schreck at a party, which in turn led to her becoming comfortable in labelling herself as pansexual - something she’d never entirely been sure on, and hadn’t been given the space to think about. this self discovery has led to a lot more, and rhea is really becoming... a lot more comfortable within her own skin, as late. miles to go and all that, but progress isn’t measured the same as anything else.
dated kaven murdock for a while, and what a MISTAKE that was. she kind of... fell into that relationship, really, on the tailend of all her troubles. in a lot of ways we could say that the stoic hero type reminded her of a certain someone - not the best way to begin a relationship, for sure. they worked together at the shelter, and both of them wanted it to work. the trouble was, kaven has, perhaps always will, be more focused on saving the world than he is his partner at home ; and after dozens of arguments related to him forgetting their dates and her not being able to understand why ( they never reached the ‘i love you’ stage - probably good for both of them - and he never told her about being a vigilante ) they broke up. it wasn’t meant to be, but it certainly helped her on her journey of discovering self love.
she had been distracted by most everything ; a rebound relationship, etc - and she had let herself think of other things than her search, but since she called it quits, she’s been back on that road. she wants to know who she is - and what, but that’s neither here nor there - and we’re picking up at a point where that is really something that takes up ... a lot of her free time and thoughts.
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The history and mystery of America’s long-lost pickle sandwich
In this Depression-era stalwart, soft, chewy white bread (homemade or store-bought) is an ideal canvas for butter and pickles. (Jennifer May/)
Have you ever stopped to ask yourself why bread-and-butter pickles are called bread-and-butter pickles? “I thought they were called that because they’re sweeter and less vinegary,” a friend tells me. “You know, smooth as butter.”
I had never questioned their name either, but rather quietly, to myself, word-associated bread-and-butter with “reliable”—just like the idiom. What reliable pickles! Always perfect for snacking, on a burger, or chopped up in an egg salad. But no, that’s not quite right either.
After decades in the dark, a lightbulb went off when I read this passage in Amy Thielen’s The New Midwestern Table (Clarkson Potter, 2013), this month’s pick for the Saveur Cookbook Club:
I realized the answer may be in the name itself: bread-and-butter pickles. Sliced pickled cucumbers layered between two slices of buttered bread was, allegedly, a Depression-era staple, due to the low cost and high availability of those ingredients. I say allegedly because there aren’t many contemporary sources that can confirm this, and those that do mention the sandwich (the blog Cottage at the Crossroads, Chef John Mitzewich of Food Wishes, and Marisa McClellan in an old Serious Eats post) report it through hearsay: “Supposedly…”; “I’ve been told…”
Why is it so difficult to find a hard, veritable source for this theory that bread-and-butter pickles were named after a sandwich? Seems simple enough, if not glaringly obvious.
The Joy of Cooking does include a recipe for bread-and-butter pickles, but no bread-and-butter pickle sandwich. Tomato lovers can, however, find a peanut butter and tomato sandwich in Irma S. Rombauer’s tome of American cooking, as well as a peanut butter and bacon sandwich, which leads to another sandwich rabbithole one could go down: the peanut butter and pickle sandwich.
There are plenty of accounts of the PB&P. The Times wrote about it in 2012, and even provided a recipe. Later, a peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwich also circulated the Internet. When I asked Jed Portman, editor of Midwesterner, he said, “I wish I had something of value to share. I’ve heard of peanut butter and pickle sandwiches, but I’ve never had one—much less the butter variant, which is intriguing.”
When a quick Google search for “bread-and-butter pickle sandwich” led me to a recipe on Smitten Kitchen, my ears perked up. But alas, the matching keywords were in a comment by a user, not by Deb Perelman herself. “I LOVE B&Bs!” the reader writes. “I make sandwiches of them on buttered white bread.”
Perhaps this is the point: The story of the bread-and-butter pickle sandwich lives not on the page, but, as many of the best foods do, in orature (oral literature). Word of mouth. Comments sections. Message boards. Facebook groups. The only way to find its elusive history, then, is to ask around.
It seems so obvious, yet when I asked my friends and even threw out a call to Twitter and Instagram (“Do you know this sandwich?”—like a wanted ad), I got multiple responses from experienced food editors and writers who said, “No, and I feel robbed.” Many others exclaimed, “Yes! But peanut butter, not butter”; “Yes! But mayo, not butter”; “Yes! But cream cheese, not butter.” Not butter, not butter, not butter.
And then ... one of my readers, Jessica Wharton, showed up in my inbox like a unicorn: Yes, bread, butter, and pickles.
Though Wharton was raised on these sandwiches, even she doesn’t know where they come from. “It’s a recipe from my great-grandmother and her family,” she tells me in an email. “I grew up in a rural farm town in Connecticut, but Connecticut honestly doesn’t seem correct to me as an origin, especially since besides my family I don’t know anyone who eats these either. It’s a thing we’ve always had every July or August when the cucumbers in the garden are ready and there are tons, and you’re not really sure what to do with all of them.”
I imagine my search for the story behind bread-and-butter pickle sandwiches will continue after the publication of this piece, and in its comments section.
For now, eager to try one myself, I made a batch of Thielen’s refrigerator bread-and-butter pickles with curry powder. I cut up some mini cucumbers (often called pickling cucumbers) and salted them to draw out moisture and to preserve their crunch. To make the pickling brine, I combined white vinegar, sugar, ginger, garlic, chile, mustard seeds, and curry powder, and brought them to a boil in a saucepan. The spicy steam filled the kitchen, like aromatherapy. After rinsing the cucumbers and draining them thoroughly, I sliced up a red onion and added it to the bowl, followed by the hot, golden brine. I let my pickles cool slightly, then packed them in old kimchi jars that were lying around and put them in the fridge.
I could only wait a few hours before making myself The Sandwich. I popped a couple slices of brioche into the toaster for a few seconds, only to soften them up. Next, I spread unsalted, room-temperature butter on one side, then laid a single layer of pickles—“overlapping slices” as Thielen suggests—on the other slice, and joined them together. I took a bite...and promptly texted three of my closest friends.
“You have to try this.”
It’s such a rare pleasure, as an adult, to experience a new taste, especially one that changes your mind about food. Who knew that pickles, for instance, could taste so much fresher, crunchier, more nuanced—leagues above the neon-green store-bought ones? Even more so when you’ve added a hint of curry powder for savory warmth? Who knew that soft buttered bread, which is already sweet and comforting on its own, could partner so seamlessly with its exact opposite: sharp, crunchy pickles? Who knew that this was the food pairing I’ve been waiting for all along?
The two together—butter and pickles—remind me of a cucumber and mayo sandwich, sure, like the kind you’d eat at English tea. In fact, Wharton wrote me back days later, after confirming with her dad, that their family tradition did indeed come from a very old recipe for English tea sandwiches. It is an entirely different experience, though, when you pickle the cucumbers yourself and swap out the mayo for butter. Its taste is surprisingly multi-dimensional, yet balanced. Whether you’re having it for afternoon tea or for a grab-and-go farmhouse lunch, the bread-and-butter pickle sandwich is, truly, the food of royals.
Update: One of the first recorded uses of the phrase “bread-and-butter pickles” can be traced back to 1923, when Omar and Cora Fanning of Illinois registered for a trademark (since expired) on the logo for their family pickles. According to a 1996 issue of the Feingold News, “Mrs. Fanning worked out an agreement with a local grocer, who gave her groceries—including bread ‘n butter—in exchange for the pickles.” Other related trademarks with the United States Patent and Trademark Office include “Betty Rae’s Bread & Butter Pickles” and “The Original Bread 'n Butter Pickles,” but no one owns just “bread and butter pickles.” Thank you to reader Nicolas Emerson for the tip.
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The history and mystery of America’s long-lost pickle sandwich
In this Depression-era stalwart, soft, chewy white bread (homemade or store-bought) is an ideal canvas for butter and pickles. (Jennifer May/)
Have you ever stopped to ask yourself why bread-and-butter pickles are called bread-and-butter pickles? “I thought they were called that because they’re sweeter and less vinegary,” a friend tells me. “You know, smooth as butter.”
I had never questioned their name either, but rather quietly, to myself, word-associated bread-and-butter with “reliable”—just like the idiom. What reliable pickles! Always perfect for snacking, on a burger, or chopped up in an egg salad. But no, that’s not quite right either.
After decades in the dark, a lightbulb went off when I read this passage in Amy Thielen’s The New Midwestern Table (Clarkson Potter, 2013), this month’s pick for the Saveur Cookbook Club:
I realized the answer may be in the name itself: bread-and-butter pickles. Sliced pickled cucumbers layered between two slices of buttered bread was, allegedly, a Depression-era staple, due to the low cost and high availability of those ingredients. I say allegedly because there aren’t many contemporary sources that can confirm this, and those that do mention the sandwich (the blog Cottage at the Crossroads, Chef John Mitzewich of Food Wishes, and Marisa McClellan in an old Serious Eats post) report it through hearsay: “Supposedly…”; “I’ve been told…”
Why is it so difficult to find a hard, veritable source for this theory that bread-and-butter pickles were named after a sandwich? Seems simple enough, if not glaringly obvious.
The Joy of Cooking does include a recipe for bread-and-butter pickles, but no bread-and-butter pickle sandwich. Tomato lovers can, however, find a peanut butter and tomato sandwich in Irma S. Rombauer’s tome of American cooking, as well as a peanut butter and bacon sandwich, which leads to another sandwich rabbithole one could go down: the peanut butter and pickle sandwich.
There are plenty of accounts of the PB&P. The Times wrote about it in 2012, and even provided a recipe. Later, a peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwich also circulated the Internet. When I asked Jed Portman, editor of Midwesterner, he said, “I wish I had something of value to share. I’ve heard of peanut butter and pickle sandwiches, but I’ve never had one—much less the butter variant, which is intriguing.”
When a quick Google search for “bread-and-butter pickle sandwich” led me to a recipe on Smitten Kitchen, my ears perked up. But alas, the matching keywords were in a comment by a user, not by Deb Perelman herself. “I LOVE B&Bs!” the reader writes. “I make sandwiches of them on buttered white bread.”
Perhaps this is the point: The story of the bread-and-butter pickle sandwich lives not on the page, but, as many of the best foods do, in orature (oral literature). Word of mouth. Comments sections. Message boards. Facebook groups. The only way to find its elusive history, then, is to ask around.
It seems so obvious, yet when I asked my friends and even threw out a call to Twitter and Instagram (“Do you know this sandwich?”—like a wanted ad), I got multiple responses from experienced food editors and writers who said, “No, and I feel robbed.” Many others exclaimed, “Yes! But peanut butter, not butter”; “Yes! But mayo, not butter”; “Yes! But cream cheese, not butter.” Not butter, not butter, not butter.
And then ... one of my readers, Jessica Wharton, showed up in my inbox like a unicorn: Yes, bread, butter, and pickles.
Though Wharton was raised on these sandwiches, even she doesn’t know where they come from. “It’s a recipe from my great-grandmother and her family,” she tells me in an email. “I grew up in a rural farm town in Connecticut, but Connecticut honestly doesn’t seem correct to me as an origin, especially since besides my family I don’t know anyone who eats these either. It’s a thing we’ve always had every July or August when the cucumbers in the garden are ready and there are tons, and you’re not really sure what to do with all of them.”
I imagine my search for the story behind bread-and-butter pickle sandwiches will continue after the publication of this piece, and in its comments section.
For now, eager to try one myself, I made a batch of Thielen’s refrigerator bread-and-butter pickles with curry powder. I cut up some mini cucumbers (often called pickling cucumbers) and salted them to draw out moisture and to preserve their crunch. To make the pickling brine, I combined white vinegar, sugar, ginger, garlic, chile, mustard seeds, and curry powder, and brought them to a boil in a saucepan. The spicy steam filled the kitchen, like aromatherapy. After rinsing the cucumbers and draining them thoroughly, I sliced up a red onion and added it to the bowl, followed by the hot, golden brine. I let my pickles cool slightly, then packed them in old kimchi jars that were lying around and put them in the fridge.
I could only wait a few hours before making myself The Sandwich. I popped a couple slices of brioche into the toaster for a few seconds, only to soften them up. Next, I spread unsalted, room-temperature butter on one side, then laid a single layer of pickles—“overlapping slices” as Thielen suggests—on the other slice, and joined them together. I took a bite...and promptly texted three of my closest friends.
“You have to try this.”
It’s such a rare pleasure, as an adult, to experience a new taste, especially one that changes your mind about food. Who knew that pickles, for instance, could taste so much fresher, crunchier, more nuanced—leagues above the neon-green store-bought ones? Even more so when you’ve added a hint of curry powder for savory warmth? Who knew that soft buttered bread, which is already sweet and comforting on its own, could partner so seamlessly with its exact opposite: sharp, crunchy pickles? Who knew that this was the food pairing I’ve been waiting for all along?
The two together—butter and pickles—remind me of a cucumber and mayo sandwich, sure, like the kind you’d eat at English tea. In fact, Wharton wrote me back days later, after confirming with her dad, that their family tradition did indeed come from a very old recipe for English tea sandwiches. It is an entirely different experience, though, when you pickle the cucumbers yourself and swap out the mayo for butter. Its taste is surprisingly multi-dimensional, yet balanced. Whether you’re having it for afternoon tea or for a grab-and-go farmhouse lunch, the bread-and-butter pickle sandwich is, truly, the food of royals.
Update: One of the first recorded uses of the phrase “bread-and-butter pickles” can be traced back to 1923, when Omar and Cora Fanning of Illinois registered for a trademark (since expired) on the logo for their family pickles. According to a 1996 issue of the Feingold News, “Mrs. Fanning worked out an agreement with a local grocer, who gave her groceries—including bread ‘n butter—in exchange for the pickles.” Other related trademarks with the United States Patent and Trademark Office include “Betty Rae’s Bread & Butter Pickles” and “The Original Bread 'n Butter Pickles,” but no one owns just “bread and butter pickles.” Thank you to reader Nicolas Emerson for the tip.
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Success Story About Rising, Falling and Rising Again
Student Success Story
To properly understand my decline, one must first see how I first rose. It was 2010, when I moved to Austin from Dallas with barely any money. Just a kid who liked to party and needed a change, I worked in various jobs to support my drinking habit and try to get some schooling in on the side. I went from telephone sales at Golfsmith to landscaping. Although it wasn’t my longest job, landscaping is where I learned the true meaning of hard work, and it paved the way for my work ethic to today.
Eventually, after about a year or so and through the connections with my cousin, I landed a job at Onnit Labs, a local, Austin start-up - just 6 or 7 of us working in a cramped loft on East Cesar Chavez. My first duty was primarily a order fulfiller. The orders came in, I would organize them, and ship them out accordingly. As we only had 1 product, this was a fairly simple task. Just after my start date, we gained a powerful endorsement from a celebrity with whom our CEO was friends. Joe Rogan was one of the reasons our company took off as quickly as it did. He endorsed, people bought, and we grew. Soon, we added two more products to our arsenal, as well as some third-party products. Orders were still ringing in, and I was asked to come on full-time.
At this request, I stopped attending school and was working for Onnit 40+ hours a week. The company grew, and I found my home in operations. At 15 employees, I found myself as the manager of the small warehouse. The company grew; at 30 employees, I was managing the entire operations team. Around 45 employees, the CEO brought me on as Director of Product Development. As such, I worked directly with the CEO and other executives in marketing as well as our legal team to build products and platforms. As an executive-level employee for a laid-back family company, I was living the dream. I thought I would be with this team forever. What had I learned in my 4 years of employment so far: I was untouchable. Our parties were insane, and as such my drinking escalated to a point of “excessive”. I made a regrettable statement to one of my superior execs, who was a new hire.
And then, the fall. Onnit moved me out to California on contract to work on business development with a few of our celebrities and athlete endorsors, as well as continuing with some of the product development aspects. Ashamed and dejected, my drinking continued in Cali. All money went to booze until I found prescription pills from a guy I met out there. It wasn’t long before I was more out of hand. I wasn’t doing my work, I wasn’t socializing, and I had no connect to home. My contract was terminated soon thereafter. No income, no friends, I was forced to move back to Dallas. But I hadn’t quite hit rock-bottom yet. I found an old friend again that let me stay with her for a while. My actions hadn’t gotten better, in fact they got worse. I slipped quickly down the rabbithole of addiction. Amphetimines and cocaine filled my senses for the ensuing few months. I had to sell some of my stuff to support my habit. It wasn’t until I was quite literally laying in a ditch, looking up at the starless Dallas sky that I had my “come to Jesus” moment. I knew that something had to give. I had to remove myself from the toxic environment that was bringing me and holding me down.
Within three days, I found a job in Austin. I set myself up as a youth baseball coach to try to inspire some hope within the millenials. I took out a small loan to move myself back home to Austin. Over the next 2 years, I worked with the boys both in life and on the field; I grew close with many of them as well as their entire families. One such family actually got me a job working with her and helped set me on a new career path. She also one of the ones that told me it wasn’t too late to go back to school. So here I am, in a world that is foreign to me, creating the future for myself. Although I’ll have a beer or two every now and again, I have not touched any drugs since. I am continuing to claw myself back to the top. I have yet to reach where I was at my previous company, both financially and status-wise, however I have set myself on a path to surpass it. I didn’t want to write just a single success story. This is my life; this is my success story
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A Bloom In Time Ch 6
(Warning: Death scene in this chapter. I do not know Snatcher's or The Florist's real names so Im making my own headcannon names for the two. Also mentioning of Death near the end of the chapter.)
You may have heard this story but not in the correct version you might've thought. Gather around children and I'll tell you the story of a Prince of Shadows, A Queen of Golden Hair, and an honorary Princess of Flowers. And it all took place one thousand years ago. Way before you or I was born.
Once upon a time there was a planet called Subconia and there are many different cultures and people who live on this world, but the two kingdoms we shall explore was two kingdoms that don't exist anymore. A thousand years ago there lived two kingdoms who lived side by side. The MUCH larger Kingdom Of Subcon, and the tinier Kingdom of Subconette. Though these two kingdoms shared similar names and people, they were worlds apart. A lone Queen ruled over Subconette while a kind King and Queen ruled over Subcon. Years passed as the kingdoms continued to stand, until one fateful day three children were born. A beautiful little princess with hair of the sun was born to the lone queen and a handsome baby boy of equal beauty was born to the Subcon kingdom. Their names? Princess Vanessa and Prince Philip of the Subcon Kingdoms.
Did you all remember me mentioning a third child born? Ah! Good. You're paying attention to my old tale.
Yes. A third child was born, but not of royal blood. A young girl, with hair of rose red and eyes of ocean blue was born to a small farming family just on the outskirts of the kingdom of Subcon, but it was fate that decided her role in the future. Her name? Poppy Rose Bloomington...But I'm getting a little ahead of myself aren't I? Let us proceed with the two lives of the royals before the three intertwined.
As months went by, the Prince and Princess's parents deemed it so that the two would be betrothed in holy matrimony, a union to bring the two kingdoms together at last and bring peace to them all. As the amount of years grew, so did the beauty of the princess. Her skin, was very fair and her hair a beautiful yellow rivalling any gold treasure, with a voice as tender and soft as velvet. Not a woman in the kingdoms could rival her own beauty....Or so she thought. Ever since she was small her mother always made sure Vanessa could have anything a young lady wanted. Servants, good food, exotic jewelry, expensive dresses, anything was hers at a moment's demand and she relished in the fact of being a perfect princess like in those fairytales her mother always read her, always fantasizing about her perfect fairytale like with her Prince Charming and having that perfect white wedding. And that spoiled thinking would ultimately lead this girl to doom. Her mother building her up so and giving in to every request only made her want what was truly a fantasy. An actual fairytale perfect life, whether anybody liked it or not. She fell hard for the handsome young prince of brown hair and handsome features. From the time she could understand to speak, her mother always told her Prince Philip was her betrothed, and were to her married when they grew. Her betrothed.....Her Prince. ALL HERS AND NO ONE ELSE'S!!! She would always be the kind Princess her Prince deserved and he WOULD be the Prince she knew he could be.
Prince Philip was more clear minded than given credit for. The young prince was a kind hearted young boy who cared for his people greatly and wanted to better himself and his country. Therefore it would only make sense for him to want to study the laws governing his kingdom so he may better them. And so his studies began. From a young age the boy studied laws enough to make his parents proud he was taking his studies seriously and at the same time was often taken on visits to meet his future beloved. It was love at first sight....at least at first it was. She was so beautiful and kind and wanted to spend time with him all the time. It was a kinda god send for someone who had no siblings or other children to play with. Having someone your age around you could play and talk to with was exciting. And her beauty only grew over time as well as his love for her, how couldn't he love someone as beautiful and kind as Vanessa? She was perfect.....Too perfect. Things couldn't last forever unfortunately. Vanessa's poor mother had started coming down with an illness that slowly started to make her waste away as her daughter grew and so he tried to be there of course and help console his future beloved, which is where fate intertwined these fated lovers. You see, if there was one thing that Vanessa loved more than anything was attention. Whether it be from her servants telling her how beautiful she was, or compliments....She LOVED attention from her Prince and ...'lightly suggested' it would be nice to receive things. And things she received, flowers mostly.
Did you notice how I pointed out flowers? Good eye.
You see, Poppy was always born with a green thumb, being from a long line of farmers of course helped. She could grow anything from potatoes to peach trees, but ever since she was small, she had always had one love. Flowers! Didn't matter what kind, she always loved growing them just as much as Vanessa loved receiving beautiful flowers from her prince. Which lead us to the fated meeting of the Florist. Poppy worked her whole life to build up her own flower stand and by the age of fifteen she had achieved it. A small flower stand within the Subcon Village, filled with lots of Merry children and near the famous vacation home of the famous Princess Vanessa. Sometimes she'd be lucky enough to see the beautiful princess walking around the village talking to the children but one fateful day to Poppy's surprise a young handsome man with brown hair and a golden crown on his head came to visit the small stand of flowers. Buying the most beautiful roses Poppy had before leaving. And this young ones is how a friendship began. Almost everyday of the week the prince would stop by the Florist's stands and pick out a new bundle of pretty flowers for his mourning and beautiful princess and everyday she would smile and talk to the prince. Business sales went up and she was giddy a well known man had taken interest in her flowers. Then he started asking what she'd recommend he'd get a lady since she was one, she proudly pointed to daises, and tulips, and tigerlillies. So many to choose from, so many to give. Gradually their conversations turned more business like and an unlikely bond began to weave with them. A friendship he had never had beyond any personal life or otherwise. He learnt her name too. Poppy. Named after those cute red poppy flowers she loved so much, with a spark and feisty temper to match. Made him laugh a couple times when she pointed out something snarky he liked. Slowly melting his heart with her passion and tales of hard work she had to do to get where she was know. And he admired her for that.
Unfortunately fairytales don't last beyond pages, and the Prince learnt that the hard way when Vanessa convinced her still ill mother to make a new law. Telling him he's become fat and shouldn't eat bacon anymore to watch his health. Poppy was confused at such a ridiculous law and her friend was obviously upset about it, but he passed it off as Vanessa wanting to make sure he was healthy as her mother was still dying slowly. Then slowly by surely things only began to get worse. Vanessa wanting attention was fine and he vowed to give her all the attention she deserved, but now she demanded ALL his attention ever and always began scrutinizing him for not being Princely enough now that he began his advanced studies and would go back home within a few months time to finish his more difficult studies under one of the kingdom's best tutors. His only escape was when Vanessa was discussing her future duties with her mother and also taking her Princess classes with her tutors. He was then free to walk around and do as he pleased if only for a few hours a day, those were spent reading or walking around the village, but he learnt pretty quickly to bring some kind of gift or trinket back for her as an excuse for why he'd been out. Vanessa's jealousy could rival that of a child. He never intended for it to happen of course but the strain of the relationship getting to him and the way he looked so tired all the time. Barely smiling when he came in to get Vanessa more flowers. Against her better judgement, Poppy asked why he wasn't smiling anymore and let him rant about his day. Which was a daily thing for them after that. Him coming in, Poppy letting him rant, then he'd buy flowers and leave. Rinse and repeat for the next two years to a few weeks before their twentieth birthdays with Poppy cracking jokes and trying to be helpful and the prince slowly growing more and more fond over her unlady-like snorts and giggles, to her bold statements, to her bright smile always trying to cheer up her friend. All the while Vanessa continued to go down this rabbithole of perfection. He still made excuses for her. Her mother was dying, she was going to be Queen soon, she wasn't ready-.....Well for being Queen that is. Vanessa had already planned out their lives together and even built a BLOODY nursery for their future child that wasn't even born yet. One in her castle and one in the mansion he was staying at, but Vanessa would visit very often. Even stay a few days.
But what really concerned his friend was the hair incident. When he came in with his usual shoulder length brown hair was chopped up and a bad bleached blonde color, with brown patches here and there. He claimed he was alright. Vanessa just wanted to surprise him by doing his hair while he slept. He could tell his friend was concerned and told him as much. He smiled knowing at least someone cared about his well being. Then came the last month he stayed and then off he went back home he went. To spend his final year of tutoring under the wonderful Lady Winchester. She was a kind old lady who taught his father before him and knew the laws better than anyone. He bid his last day there to his beloved Vanessa who cried and begged him not too, and once he fled her clutches......uh Hugged her good bye, he couldn't help but feel very releived he'd get to spend a whole year away from her as hash as it may be. But he did make sure to bid his friend good bye as well. Having one last conversation and sharing a couple jokes before he finally left.
That year would be the hardest for our ill fated lovers and the florist friend. While the Prince was able to breath and see his loved ones again, he couldn't help but miss her. Not Vanessa surprisingly but with all the serious laws and classes he missed their little visits when she always cheered him up and her beautiful smile and that passion she always had for anything she set her mind too.....It wasn't very long before he came to the sudden realization. The prince had slowly but surely fallen in love with the young red headed gal. So many emotions hit him at once. Happiness and guilt being the biggest two. For one, he was engaged to Vanessa, betrothed to be married a few months after all his studies are over. He couldn't go against his parents or break Vanessa's heart after so many years of being together, and she needed him. They had been exchanging letters and learnt her mother had sadly passed during an accident. While he couldn't attend her coronation or her mother's funeral, he still sent her many letters. There was still a piece of him that loved and cared about the young kind girl he grew up with, but not the lady she had become....But his heart was tugging towards the Princess of Flowers as he nicknamed her. The sweet scent always following her around. He often found himself happily thinking about his friend....But that's all they could ever be....Just friends. Vanessa was still his priority as glum as that made him and he had a duty to be there for his future wife. Besides. He was only delaying the inevitable by studying, soon they'd be wed and he would be together with her always.......Though that thought did NOT put him at ease at all. Vanessa in the mean time only drove further into her perfect fairytale madness. WIth her mother passing and her Prince not being able to call her his princess anymore, she was determined to then make her prince her King Instead and keep him all to herself. Jealousy spiking whenever he mentioned this Lady Winchester teaching him, he spoke so fondly and highly of his teacher. What did SHE have Vanessa didn't?! Vanessa was perfect. She made sure every INCH of her was, he just didn't put in enough effort on his part. All he needed was her back so he could know where his true place lied.
When the prince ultimately returned to spend just a holiday week at the summer house before their wedding within a few months time.....It was worse than ever. Vanessa demanded more attention of him. Accused him of liking the lady in the letters he had sent her. Said she would be staying in the summer house with him until their wedding to make sure he wasn't getting cold feet. Still despite all this and him trying to calm her down, he still made poor excuses for her and justified his betrothes's behavior towards him. Falling deeper and deeper into his now rare visits to his friend and falling more and more in love with her as the drew on. Knowing he could never really tell her how he really felt about her. Until one fateful day, the end of that week was the royals anniversary, the prince wanted to appease his beloved by getting her a beautiful bracelet and flowers for their anniversary as a gift to her. She deserved something special for the occasion before he went back, and soon his lonely self went on to that same little stand to but some flowers for his beautiful bride to be. Unfortunately he had used all his remaining pons to pay the jeweler for the bracelet .....but it-....He-......He gave the florist the bracelet as payment. One last gift from him he'd ever get to give her sadly.
For you see, the princess's jealousy had reached a boiling point. Delusionly thinking that her prince was courting another woman. In her range when he returned to the castle, a grim fate awaited him in the form of a curse and becoming locked within the cellar death did they part. Their kingdoms both in ruins from the curse. Anyone who didn't fall ill to the curse, fled the country never to return again. Vanessa now trapped within her own home, and the prince becoming a spirit of malice no one dares to challenge.
But what of the Florist you ask? Was she frozen by the Jealous Queen, or escaped with many other people? Well, we're about to find out.
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Cold. Darkness. All of it came rushed over so suddenly. Just like the two heavily armored guards carrying her kicking and screaming self towards the dreaded summer house that housed the royals deep in the snowed up world. That winter suddenly came that year unexpectedly with the freezing winds suddenly whipping around her when she just closed up her stand for the day, pocketing the expensive bracelet she was given as payment and what coins she received as payment, ready to go home. She didn't make much from her flower stand she always wanted, but that was always fine and dandy. She loved the smiles on the children's faces when they'd buy single flowers for their parents, or if she'd sell them flowers in exchange for small things like food. It was one way to get to eat around here. But the chills filling the air that after noon followed by the loud thumping sounds coming towards her were new. Especially when all of a sudden two giant armored men stood over her and seized her without warning. So naturally she resisted and fought against her captors as they took her away.
"LET THE PECK GO OF ME!! I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG!! YOU CAN'T DO THIS!!"
The farther down the path they went the more horrified she became. There was ...snow. IN THE MIDDLE OF SUMMER!! Harsh white and cold wind glared all around her as she gawked around wildly....and then shrieked at the sight of a frozen person as they passed. Their feared expression forever frozen on their face. The poor girl went silent from the numb cold as those blue eyes widened in horror at all the suurounding frozen people as they walked past, never easing up on her grip, or giving any emotion to anything around them as the horrified woman went limp in their arms from shock as they approached the black gates and beyond that was the manor. Her blue eyes flicked up to it. It looked more menacing than it usually did as the entire house loomed over them the closer they got and a sudden feeling of dread filled her up to the very core of her soul as they were swallowed by the shadows and even more coldness bearing down on her. The guards didn't stop until they were going up the stairs and into the home. It was as dark and cold as the outside. Even more so if that was possible. She was still frozen and scared in the grip of the guards when the doors opened and they forced her inside. The inside of the manor was colder than the outside is that was even possible, and if she wasn't already in shock, she would've shrieked at what was awaiting them just a few feet away from the door.
In the darkness of cold and shadows, a hunched over monster made it's way over to them but dared not come further than five feet giving a hiss. Like she was a skunk and this red eyed thing was afraid of her. How strange, but that didn't stop her stop pointing a hand at her, and in possibly the most scariest, raspy voice Poppy had ever heard. Said:
"Take her to the room and lock her away. ...I can't to look at her for as my prince had done. Perhaps locking away her forever will teach her a lesson about gazing into another man's eyes who belong TO ME!!"
"...WAIT!! WHAT?!" She attempted to struggle again but their strength was too much.
Sadly be the fate of the innocent florist wasn't a pleasant one. As she was marched up the stairs to the very third floor of the manor, the coldness and shadows started to become too much to the point of her screaming and struggling body starting to be overcome by them all. the long hallway they were taking her down ended in a single pair of double doors, the doors suurounded by locks that haven't been locked yet. As her weakly numbing body was pushed into the empty room, she looked up just in time to see the two heavily armored guards slam the doors behind her. She struggled to stand with the cold seeping through all her body but wobbled to the door, vision blurring with nothing but darkness. Even as all the clicks and locks of the locks were put into place and the floor jostling with the heavy footsteps of the guards stopping away, she fell to her knees against the door and banged her fist against it. Screaming to be let out as the coldness and blackness seeped more into the room and still overtook her form.
Until it completely consumed her and upon the floor she laid. Beautiful red hair and blue eyes preserved by frost. Until a thousand years later. .....when a miracle happened...
And she once again got to take a breath.
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