#this line of dialogue has altered my brain chemistry
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Favourite Underrated Ship? Simple answer:
Every single Pete rarepair!
-> PorschePete? Iconic! Brilliant! Phenomenal! Most people love "best friends who kiss", I love "secret third thing". However one enjoys them, though, they're delicious to consume😌
(You might think it's not an underrated ship, but I'd like to inform you that it has, in fact, less than 100 fics on Ao3, so it very much is in my book. I'm happy to have contributed to it by posting two of them, but I'd love it if there were more. Hopefully, I'll get inspired anew one day.)
-> KinnPete? Oh please, the power dynamics make me giggle like a 10 year old girl playing with Barbie dolls. Such glorious toxicity, such perfect ways Kinn could use and abuse Pete to his benefit, either with or without knowing he's doing it. You can do so much with them, either pre, during or post canon and I get so excited thinking about it.
(This one has less than 50(!) fics posted, so I'm super thankful to the few authors who have gifted me some amazing works. Sharing my personal favourite because it deserves to be cherished 🥹)
-> ArmPete? Do I even need to sell this one? It can do fluff, it can do angst, it can do smut, it can do it all. My personal favourite flavour of it is Arm having unrequited feelings for Pete because it's just so deliciously angsty 😇 I love me some pain, I can't help it.
(This one doesn't have any fics to its name, besides one in Chinese. I'm devastated. I did personally have an idea for a multi-chaptered fic with 3k words already written, but if I manage to focus on it properly one day, it'll end up being a simple one-shot.)
-> KimPete? Oh, you mean the ship I got so obsessed over I wrote 25k words of them platonically bonding, while having Kim think to himself more than once how pretty Pete is? You mean the ship that shares so many similarities with VegasPete, while still having its own identity based on the differences between Kim and Vegas? You mean the love of my life?
(Again, fics for this one are almost non-existent, which is a shame, but understandable. One day, I'll manage to enrich the tag. One day.)
-> TankhunPete? Take KinnPete's fucked up power imbalance and twist it in a more peculiar direction. What you get is this ship, which makes me so uncomfortable but so, so intrigued.
(Incredibly underrated with how few fics it has, but a special thanks to this one for altering my brain chemistry when I first read it.)
-> BigPete? Rivals who might engage in hate sex from time to time? Pals who share the same fate and understand it and bond over it? Pick your poison and roll with it, because it's delicious either way. I'm personally team "They hate each other" because it's more fun that way 😉
(Almost nothing here again, which is a shame, but again understandable. I had forgotten they shared 2 lines of dialogue together in the show, I deadass thought they never talked to each other, which was great for me lol. Here's one fic written by the same person who wrote the KinnPete one, in case you'd like something cool to read.)
-> TayPete? This one's for pure aesthetic reasons because have you seen Tay, have you seen Tay at the auction, have you imagined Pete and Tay fucking at the auction, because I surely have 🙂 It's such a gorgeous image, I lose focus for a hot minute when it comes to me.
(This one's tricky, because most people write Vegas/Pete/Tay, which is a glorious choice and I support it, and my talented friend is writing a very good VPT fic, but I'd love it if there were more fics that focus on these two only. They're too powerful, I can't get enough.)
I think those are all the ones I'm personally obsessed with. All I have to say is, Pete deserves all the beautiful men and what they'd like to do with him ❤️
#kpanniversary2024#underrated ships#I have *opinions* about this#this is just a summary#give Pete all the gorgeous men pls#he deserves it#*I* deserve it#do let me know if I've forgotten any ship#it's important to remember them all#for science#pete saengtham#kinnporsche the series
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“The vibrations of my fists on contact?”
“The taste of blood in my mouth?”
“The sound of my heart in my ears?”
“I hate it. I always have.”
#tfs didn’t have to go as hard as they did#this line of dialogue has altered my brain chemistry#DBZ#dragon ball z#cell saga#Perfect Cell#Son Gohan#SS2#TFS#Team Four Star#DBZA#dragon ball z abridged#DBZ art#DBZA art#cosmic.seer#cosmicseerart
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Nick I am SO glad you liked lotr so much, I watched these movies when they first came out as a child and I’m not exaggerating that it altered my brain chemistries forever. Something I always loved about them is the dialogue—I think they really figured out the balance between more flowery, “fantasy-speak” and more laymen dialogue, with both ends of the spectrum being really well-written and utilized to max impact when appropriate. A lot of that is ofc due to Tolkien paying so much attention to language craft, but also a brilliant job of adaptation by the writers (so much so that some of the most iconic lines from the films are film-original!) and speaking to the vast cultural impact of the films, I think many post-LOTR fantasy films have all sought to replicate that high-fantasy speak (most recently Rings of Power….) but I’ve always felt too many of them go for style over substance without realizing that LOTR dialogue was stylIzed without ever losing substance. Idk if this makes sense but to sum it up it’s a movie series where people will quote all of Theoden’s speeches from heart AND also instantly lose their shit over simple lines like “I can carry you” and I think that’s indicative of good dialogue writing lol
Also unrelated but one of my fave shots in the whole trilogy is the visual parallel of Frodo pulling Sam out the water in fellowship and Sam pulling Frodo out the lava pit in Mt Doom in return of the king like 😭😭😭
ITS SO GOOD!!!! I’m almost mad how much I’m enjoying them lol. I also knew that lotr was foundational to the fantasy genre but was unaware that it was like responsible for THAT much of the fantasy genre. As we were watching the films I kept turning to my brother and going WAIT THATS WHERE THIS FANTASY SHIT COMES FROM??
The movies have definitely renewed my enjoyment of fantasy as a whole. For the most part I’ve disliked fantasy and most of my experiences with it have left a bad taste in my mouth. and like lotr obviously has problems worth bringing up, but I enjoyed the films much more than I thought I would.
Also!!! In addition to the good dialogue. It’s been so long since I watched something that wasn’t extremely mean and cynical. I don’t seek out mean and cynical media on purpose, but it feels inescapable sometimes. Very self ironic, averse to vulnerability, always winking at the camera - shit that is so deeply unfun to watch. So like watching lotr and seeing dudes hugging each other and crying and being like love is going to save the world!!!! and being completely sincere about all of it is really refreshing and wonderful
#asks#lotr liveblog#I think dragon age is the source of my rage for fantasy#I don’t know how fair of an assessment that is of those games as a whole#but whatever the circumstances were DA made me foaming at the mouth enraged and put me off the entire genre#the only dedicated fantasy property I’ve consistently enjoyed is witcher#and idk if that’s ‘high’ fantasy or not. but anyway#anyway lotr is good <3
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Why do you think the Euphoria fandom's most popular characters/ship is Lexi Howard & Fezco (Fexi)? They're not one of the main ships featured on the show, like Rue and Jules. And while many fans clearly identify with Lexi, who is intelligent, dedicated, caring and passionate, I wonder why (especially amongst fellow fanfic writers) Kat Hernandez, who writes fanfiction and has a secret double life on the internet, isn't more popular in the Euphoria fandom, or featured more prominently in fanfic.
Oh, this is an interesting ask! I’ve actually thought a lot about why I’m still so enamored by these two, and I think there’s a combination of things that made so many of us fall so hard for them.
One thing is that they were a lot of people’s favorite’s characters individually. Fez is the drug dealer with a difficult past and a heart of gold. Lexi is the relatable writer with a vivid imagination who’s overlooked by her friends and family. They’re two of the most sensible, down to earth, genuinely kind characters on a pretty dark, chaotic show and that makes them easy and fun to root for.
Another thing, and probably the most important one, is that all of their interactions were absolutely flawless. Every single line of dialogue gave me butterflies, their body language made me swoon, their chemistry is simply unmatched and I think they altered our collective brain chemistry forever. The connection they found in each other felt so unexpected, but so genuine and sweet—which was a delightful breath of fresh air. They were just two shy, kind of awkward teenagers falling in love and it was a beautiful thing to watch.
There’s also the fact that they fit so many tropes people love (good girl/bad boy, opposites attract etc.) while subverting them in really satisfying ways at the same time. Sure Fez is ‘bad’ 'cause he sells drugs and beats people up, but he’s also one of the sweetest, most caring people on the show, and Lexi is ‘good’, but she is a lot more than that, so much more complex. They both have many of those famous layers to peel back, and they compliment and contrast each other in ways that I personally find endlessly fascinating to explore.
As for them not having a lot of screen time, I actually think that’s contributed to us being blessed with so many amazing and creative fics, not hindered it. Having so little to go on, means we have so much to fill in, so much to imagine, so many scenarios to explore in our writing. How did the phone calls start? What happened after the store scene? How often did they hang out? How does Lexi find out about the raid? Where do they go from there? There’s nothing like unanswered question to fuel your desire to write something that answers them, I think. Personally, I’d never been in a fandom, written or even read fic before. But after 5 minutes of Fexi I was all over tumblr, signing up for AO3 and typing furiously in three different google docs. I’m still not entirely sure why, but Fexi were a rush unlike anything and I can’t wait to have them back, I miss them!
As for Kat, I really don't know. She was one of my favorite characters in s1, more so than Lexi or Fezco, but I think a lot of writers prefer to write about ships, and even though her and Ethan were sweet (I mean that scene at winter formal? Heart eyes!) I always found Ethan a little bland (sorry). Add what they did with her character in s2 and knowing she won't be back, I'm not that surprised people don't have a lot of motivation to write Kat-centric fics at the moment.
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Seth lowered his sword to his side. “Are you going to kill all of us, Knox?”
Knox looked uncertainly at Newel. “I didn’t want to hurt anyone.”
[...]
“You don’t want to do this, Seth,” Doren said.
“The crown is getting hold of him,” Seth said. “It has some kind of power that makes him overconfident and greedy.”
“I’m out of here,” Knox said, stepping through the doorway.
“I have wings, idiot,” Seth replied. “You can’t run from me. Either finish this here or I’ll hunt you down.”
Knox came back into the room. “Help Newel,” he yelled. “I didn’t mean to hurt him.”
[...]
Seth stopped with the tip of Vasilis inches from Knox’s chest. The crimson glare lit their faces with devilish hues.
“Are you going to kill me?” Knox asked, voice quavering.
[dialogue for plot-related reasons here, but still the same scene as previous lines]
“You’ll have to stab me first,” Knox said.
“I want to,” Seth said. “But it might be more fun to change you into one of the undead.”
Knox blanched. “You can’t do that.”
Seth cocked his head. “Can’t I?”
“You’re a maniac,” Knox said.
“I could cut you to pieces right now,” Seth said. “I could rip that ridiculous crown off your stupid head, but I’m worried stealing it from you might fry your brain. What’s so hard about taking it off? Ask yourself that.”
oh these scenes are altering my brain chemistry. oh they ARE. how knox even with his brain muddled from the crown still maintained that he didn’t want to and mean to hurt anyone but how seth instantly goes for the throat. oh i have so many thoughts about this and no way to articulate them all because it’s driving me CRAZYYYYY
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Ishqbaaz Liveblog, E1: Yeh Lo, Intro Waala Episode Aa Gaya
Nahi nahi, don't be afraid. I'll never leave IPK. I was just craving desi trash with our favorite tropes and classic scenes and @tellywoodtrash has convinced me that IB fits the bill rather spectacularly.
And since it's me - toh iska and things that could have been in IPK ka lamba segment toh hoga. And things that IPK did better.
In short it's this one clip of Omkara and Gauri that's been floating in my head, that's everything Khushi should've said to Arnav convinced me to watch this.
Beware, I'm very bhadda at liveblogging but please enjoy the ride.
Also - this is all for Gauri and TTji.
Love,
S
Episode 1 - Yeh Lo, Intro Waala Episode Aa Gaya
- Yo Ganpati, namaste.
- Full on K3G vibes with all the bros doing aarti.
- Aaah, Omkara ke baal. Totes need his shampoo.
- WTF, who's making himself a candle and doing live aarti to Ganpati - #ganpatinotimpressed.
- I already wanna kill the editor.
- Dadi/Nani (not sure) is cool. Okay she's Dadi.
- Dadi already giving romantic tips, I stan with Dadi. I love old people recounting prem kahanis. I don't get it, with Nani of IPK and Dadi of IB being so romantic, what happened with their grandsons?
- Aye haye, OG Ishqbaaz is Dadaji. DUDEEEE I'd legit watch a spinoff of badass Dadi and badass Dada in their 60s/70s! (Hate the echo effect, whyyyyy, Dadi is anyways doing mast acting, why do the effect).
- OK I LOVE DADI, SHE IS PRECIOUS AND I WANT A SPINOFF. SHE LOVES HER DEAD HUBBY SO MUCH. I'LL BE LIKE HER WHEN I'M OLD.
- Okay, despite having a great lovestory their oldest - Tej - seems off.
- YAY, he had bodyguards. But based on IPK experience the guards disappear post episode 1.
- Random chashma waala here, will he get slapped like Mool Rajani?
- Ok Tej dude is a film dialogue writer in his heart.
- Wait does Dadi have all crappy children.
- Shakti is weirddddd! Smart, but deceitful - I like his vibes, his dialogues and double standard. I like Shakti. OOOH BHAI BHAI RIVALRY. It's nice to see older characters have solid roles.
- KIS BAAT KO? KAUNSA BAAT BHOOL CHUKE? Aye haye, mystery vibes - yes. Back when everything was not released in promos and we had something to look forward to in the show.
- Arrey Dadi, none of your sons turned out happy?
- Ok, here's the comedy of the show - the bahus. THIS WOMAN IS MANORAMA'S COUSIN FOR SURE. I'm not happy they chose a dark skinned woman as a stereotype for comedy.
- Woah, we have an alcoholic here.
- How did these people end up with Om and Rudy? How did these two ka kids turn out ok?
- Double shut up and shut up? Lol.
- Wait so Dadi had great marriage but shit kids, yet her shit kids ended up having great kids? #sowhatdoesthatmean
- Hi Shivaay, ooh I like the music here.
- OOOH HI ANIKA! WITH LAAL DUPATTA! I like the softness in the music here. Surbhi is soooo young here! Wait they're already meeting?!
- SHIVAAY LOOKS NICE, HOPE HE DOESN'T OPEN HIS MOUTH AND SAY SOMETHING STUPID.
- OFC THEY ARE FATED.
- OFC THE sunglass nikaalna. Would he be a 4 lions hero if he didn't do that?
- Ugh, corruption in bhagvaangiri, FOLLOW THE LINE SHIVAAY!
- Anika, chill. Ah, VALID POINT! VALID POINT!
- Pandit ji, you totes not nice. You should prachaar equality and shit, not teach people about khandaan and stuff.
- Hah Anika, get that pandit ji! Yes woman you have your own identity.
- Hi Nakuul's blye eyes.
- AND THE GHOORING STARTS.
- I don't like the cgi mandir tho.
- SHIVAAY I WILL FREAKING SLAP YOU. HE BROKE ALL RECORDS. HE DIDN'T OPEN HIS MOUTH AND I WANT TO SLAP HIM? WTF? HE'S IN A MANDIR!
- GANESH JI, THROW A FLYING COCONUT AND-
- Le, meri jooti ke keemat bhi lele! Shivji, the dude you’re named after hates you too.
- Aah, Tej and all are behind making their kid the heir.
- Wait, comedy aunty ka beta is Shivaay? Yeh kaise hua?
- ANIKA CLASS LE ISKA! 4Lions has a different level of addiction to sunglass scenes.
- Oh I like the bg here!
- ARREY WHAT A SHOT! I TOLD YOU TO BREAK HIS HEAD AND YOU BROKE HIS CAR! ANIKA WE’RE TELEPATHICALLY CONNECTING RIGHT NOW!
*me and anika*
- I have to find this editor and ask why... why? Why this Matrix shot all of a sudden?
- Not a fan of the editing but what bg and what car breaking! Wah, I love this. DUDE TOTES DESERVES THIS!
- I’m anti violence but THIS IS PAYOFF!
- Why the wind tho? It’s not a Rabba Ve - I mean Jaana. So why the wind? Please for the love of God don’t play Oh Jaana, it was sweet as intro but they need time-- ok they started playing Oh Jaana.
- Don’t guys.... I loved this face off and the other music. Kyun?
- I will ship them, the show doesn’t need to make it obvious.
- EWW THE CGI OF PHONE BREAKING. I don’t like his aggression - bitwa needs help.
- OM IS HERE!!!! GUYS OM IS HEREEEEEEEEEEEE. CRORES? FOR BEING AN ARTIST? SIGN ME UP!
- OM IS CHASHMISH? Woah dude, you’re my weird alter ego with better hair. Also, I think you’d put the red lines later? But cool location. I already shipping you with Gauri <3
- Damn he’s handsome *cough cough* Long hair? Intellectual type? Focused? That’s my kryptonite.
- Dude is melancholic, with Kal Ho Na Ho in the bg. All ok boo? WOAH he’s TEJ’S SON???? No wonder dude’s got issues.
- Oh Dad Issues. Can’t call his dad dad... if my dad was Tej I’d... probs do the same.
- I can’t believe Shivaay is these two jokers ka beta.
- But I completely believe that Omkara is these two f-ck up’s son. Good job on casting and chemistry.
- OOOH, family rivalry. I like this. There’s shit lot to unpack.
- Poor Dadi.
- LOOOOL, RUDYYYY GONNA GET AN INTRO NOW!!!
- Aunty, question your own beta before other women.
- Hi Cutie! In our sweet line of NK, Joey <3 I feel older protective sis vibes towards this baby.
- Lol, Nani from IPK would get a heart attack seeing his dance on ‘Character Dheela!’
- Bhai bhakt, that’s good.
- Ah the middle generation of Oberois still having rivalry over heir shit.
- BROS PLEASE MAKE AN ENTRY TOGETHER. PROVE YOUR RUDE PARENTS WRONG.
- I PREDICTED THE FUTURE!
- I am Dadi right now.
- I’m preemptively getting mad at how they’re gonna ruin a show with a really good premise!
- The boys doing a total advertisement for themselves. Yeh lo, Tinder bios.
“I know you were trouble when you walked in,” Omkara Oberoi. Daddy Issues. Extremely intellectual. Hot. Has Brains. Even tempered. If Akash was expanded as a character with issues.
“I JUST MET YOU, THIS IS CRAZY, HERE’S MY NUMBER, CALL ME BABY” Rudy. Bhaiyas took all the brains so here are the brawns. This is NK in another universe.
“Who the fuck made my Tinder?” *crashes phone* Arnav who prays, with more issues, I didn’t think this was possible.
- The End -
Phew I enjoyed this - see me tomorrow with Episode 2!
#ib#ishqbaaz#jalebi watches something else#ishqbaaz liveblog#liveblog#tellywoodtrash made me do this#tere liye ttji
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Robert Knox is trying to rule the world with evil fashion and he is also probably giving his own daughter an extremely dangerous and potentially lethal illness without her knowledge just to win the Global Innovation Race
Yes, hello, it's me again, back with some more details about Miami that really are not important in the slightest... But, I love wandering around Hitman levels and listening in on dialogue and picking up on little details peppered throughout the World of Assassination, so I thought I'd share some more of my findings from not actually playing the game.
As many of you already know, there is a laboratory on the top floor of the Kronstadt building where whitecoats are working on some sort of biochemical suit. The suit Sierra is wearing monitors bodily functions including stress levels, brain chemistry, and her vitals. I also get the impression that maybe there's an audio or video feed as well, because one of the scientists comments that the suit lets them know everything that's going on in and around the person who is wearing it.
It should also be noted that Robert Knox bought Sanguine fashion after the deaths of Novikov and Margolis, and Sanguine is a luxury clothing company that makes dresses and suits for the ultra elite. It's not hard to imagine that by combining the suit tech with Sanguine's fashion, Robert Knox could have access to the locations, actions, and health data of the world's most powerful people.
Well, that sounds terrifying! I thought to myself. Good thing we're murdering this guy, I guess.
Anyway, I doubt I'm the first person to notice that little subplot, but amazingly it's not the only suit-related scandal to be found in Miami. Because not only does IOI have some really deviously brilliant ideas about what their targets get up to in order to gain power, but they also have some deviously brilliant ideas about the interpersonal lives of their targets.
When Robert Knox cycles through the laboratory on the top floor, he will tinker with the suit and check out its readings while mumbling to himself. Dialogue from him and from the scientists reveals that the suit not only monitors biochemistry, but can also make chemical injections to alter behavior and performance on the person wearing the suit. In this case, Robert Knox was injecting Sierra with dopamine reuptake inhibitors and increasing adrenaline production during the race in order to "give her an edge" and hopefully increase her performance in the race. On top of that, Robert Knox mentions that the suit has a significant radiation leak and that the effects on Sierra's health are unknown but prooobably won't be that bad, right?
Oh, also Sierra Knox has no idea that the suit is even capable of making injections 🙃
Again, I think it's probably a good thing we're going to kill this guy and I carry on with my day.
Now cut to a few weeks later. I'm on the train and spacing out, thinking about this one war movie we had to watch way back in middle school that was about a bunch of soldiers on a submarine facing a nuclear meltdown or something. One of the soldiers in the movie had vomited shortly after having been exposed to radiation in the submarine.
Wait a minute, I said to myself, immediately recalling some other dialogue from the Miami level. Why? Because I have spent so much at that stupid virtual racetrack that the entire thing has been ingrained in my memory like a Sherlock-style mind palace. I am instantly teleported from the real life train to the virtual club. Over the sound of Draufganger blaring across the dance floor, I recall a reporter stating that it was rumored Sierra was having stomach issues just before the race.
Now, a movie I barely remember from seven or eight years ago was hardly a reliable source for information on the symptoms of radiation poisoning, so I whipped out my phone and found that the first symptom of acute radiation sickness is in fact nausea and vomiting. AND that after that initial stage, the illness becomes latent and patients will feel better for a few hours to a few weeks before the more severe symptoms begin. Sierra was racing the day before, presumably in the radiation-riddled suit, and felt sick shortly afterward. Then she felt better during the race. Because I am now way too invested in the lives of fictional (and dead) Hitman side characters, I can't help but notice that this could easily line up with symptoms of acute radiation sickness. Which is of course beyond dangerous and often lethal.
Anyway, I'm not saying that Robert Knox is trying to rule the world with evil fashion and that he is also giving his own daughter an extremely dangerous and potentially lethal illness without her knowledge just to win the race, but I definitely think Robert Knox is trying to rule the world with evil fashion and that he is also giving his own daughter an extremely dangerous and potentially lethal illness without her knowledge just to win the race.
Also there should totally be a way to kill Sierra with radiation poisoning.
#hitman#hitman 2#hitman 3#sierra knox#robert knox#originally posted to my reddit but cross posting here bc ive got some hitman mutuals#anyway i love being normal and doing and caring about normal things
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B & F for the ask! I may not be American, but it's great to see fellow servicepeople on this site!
YAY FELLOW SERVICE MEMBER! Might I ask which branch or country? Of course...if you answer, I may or may not hit you up from time to time for random trivia facts...just saying. Though now I don’t know if that encourages you, or discourages you....
Anyway.
B: Any of your stories inspired by personal experience?
Yes, and no. I have clearly never been a POW in the clutches of the Taliban for 18 seconds, never mind 18 months. But I have been injured because I am a klutz and also in the line of duty, so a fair amount that inspires random whump fic. The dog thing in Once Bitten - I have had to retrain a fair amount of animals from horses to dogs to cats and random barnyard animals and one monkey after people have trained them to do stupid things and then realize too late the implications of said thing. So the idea that they would write Higgins smart enough to be a MI6 operative, but dumb enough to use someone’s shirt that she didn’t specifically want them to attack irked me enough to write the one shot about the possible ramifications. Jinx is entirely a 2 second head canon I came up with after talking to @blazeofobscurity who wanted a meeting between the guys where they didn’t immediately like one another, and the set up was entirely drawn from a first meeting with my partner in security when I was in the Navy. And there’s a potential one shot/scene in Wrong Side that has the guys interacting with horses and is 100% based one experience.
Also, a pet peeve of mine in fic and in media is that people have a tendency to write a very romanticized view of PTSD and often work in a magical fix all by the end of the story where everyone is better, or they have someone be like a band aid (generally a ship pairing) or that everyone back home is understanding and can tell what’s going to be a trigger. PTSD is ugly. It’s brain chemistry altering. It sucks. But it’s also unpredictable. Not everyone does the whole panicking/cowering thing. Some of us have rage induced disassociative states that end with 20 minutes of missing time, everyone covered in blood, and wondering why our hands hurt. So the guys are gonna have the whoooole rainbow of PTSD issues that I can come up with and have witnessed first hand in Wrong Side. soapbox rant>
F: Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.
The one I love the most is actually an original story, but I’ll find one in the Magnum fandom (since I again, assume that’s what brought you here, rather than any of the other ones I write in):
Rick ducked his head, biting down hard on his lower lip. “No, you weren’t. You weren’t, and you knowit. Not the whole time. Not the wholetime, TC.” He slowly raised his head, eyes blood shot and hollow from lack ofsleep and the pull of nightmares. “You don’tknow, and you know what? I’m glad. I’m so fucking happy that you have no goddamnclue what happened, that you can’tunderstand this. But you don’t get to tell me what I should feel. How I should feel.”
“Rick, it’ll eat awayat you,” TC said, wildly aware that he sounded like he was begging because he was. “The black hole you got, gnawingaway at you like it’s some sort of living thinginside of you, it’ll eat you whole until itbecomes what survived – not you.”
It’s not really a snippet, or a scene, but more like a blip from Wrong Side. But anyway. Personally, I love this scene that this is attached to, because I get to hit every one of my favorite tropes. But, it also this is the first scene where Rick is openly honest about how he feels after they’ve gotten out of Afghanistan and are at the hospital in Germany. I think the reason why I like it so much is that it’s the first time I get to write about someone with PTSD symptoms that aren’t typically shown, and the fallout of trauma that no one else can really relate to no matter how much they try. The scene goes on, and Rick definitely has some serious rage problems from here on out, but this also leads into why people will latch onto destructive tendencies and emotions despite knowing they’re bad ideas. Like a down ward slide that you can’t really stop, and all you can do is try to keep from falling faster, and that people can point out “This is bad” all they want...doesn’t mean the person is gonna listen or obey.
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A Midsummer Night’s Dream
Hello my friends! Because this is my last blog, I wanted to tackle a more difficult adaptation. Yes, this means I will be reviewing a Shakespearean adaptation! Today, I will be reviewing “A Midsummer Night’s dream”, the 2017 version. So, without further ado, let’s spill the Reel Tea.
Admirable Changes
In this play, Puck and Oberon interfere with the two couples not only for amusement, but for balance. This balance is restored when Lysander’s love for Helena is diminished, and Demetrius remains in love with Helena. Thus, there are two couples, one with natural feelings, and the other with help from a love potion. In the film, there is a short scene that explains why Demetrius abandoned Helena for Hermia, which was the tip of Cupid’s arrow that he touched. Evidently, the first person he saw after being in contact with the arrow, thus his love for Hermia. I liked this change because it explained in an easy to follow story why Demetrius abandoned Helena, and doesn’t paint him as shallow as he is in the play. Plus, this scene was aesthetically pleasing.
Another small alteration that I noticed in the film was the little animation that they included while explaining the love potion flowers. I do admire that they used visuals for the explanation, because you don’t want this type of important information to fly over the heads of the audience, which was a problem that I will get into later. It was a cute little animation that I couldn’t help but admire.
Not so Admirable Changes
Although this movie’s dialogue took directly from the play, this movie was set in modern times. Just like Baz Luhrmann’s “Romeo + Juliet”, the dialogue with the modern setting just screwed me up. When reading Shakespeare, your brain eventually gets used to the type of english you are reading. However, because this movie has Shakespeare dialogue but modern visuals, it makes it hard to understand what is being said in scenes. Specifically, the static scenes where you can’t use context clues in the actions. To me, this movie reminded me of the “Sims” game. You feel like you should be understanding what they are saying, but it’s just gibberish, and the only way you know what they are talking about is when they have little visuals surrounding the conversation!
The following was probably the most unsettling change of them all. In the play, Bottom’s head gets turned into one of a donkey by Puck. In the movie however, Bottom’s head gets turned into an actual butt. Not only is this visual disturbing, but is used as an easy joke. Butt jokes are way over done, so when I saw this change, it made me uncomfortable looking at it, and to hear the snoring be farts was nothing but elementary humor.
Character Correlation
Puck, played by Avan Jogia, was by far the best character. Just like his play counterpart, he was mischievous, humorous, and likable. Jogia’s most popular role, Beck from the Nickelodeon show, “Victorious”, was sarcastic and real, similar to his character Puck. Jogia did such a great job playing this character, I can’t even think of better person to play the role.
Overall Thoughts
The movie was enjoyable, especially considering the amazing cinematography and editing, the chemistry between the actors, and the passion that I could feel emitting from this film and its cast and crew. May I just honorably mention the soundtrack of this film! However, I think this movie would have gotten a lot better of a score on Imdb if they had simply made the dialogue modern english. They could have even included some lines from the play, but having the whole script in this modern context just looked plain ridiculous.
And that’s Reel Tea.
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INDRA IS THE BEST OMG lol I love her so much. If she had a morning alarm app it would be "Rise and face the day. You will die, but proudly, and that is good." *beep*
Gaia was an fun surprise this episode and I loved pretty much every scene she had with Indra. The fight was great.
I loved the assassination attempt and I loved Octavia's reaction to it? That was the one really unpredictable moment in the episode for me and I thought the suspense > to > diffusion of tension by throwing back the spear was just... wonderful. In an episode with some great dialogue and some painfully creaky dialogue, that little screenwriting moment was a delight. It was the most #powermove thing that Bloodreina could do in that moment and that speaks in interesting ways to how she's become so sensitive to politics and drama while becoming so desensitized to the people around her.
The Blake stuff was all the drama I could ever want and I think Bob and Marie showed off their wonderful screen chemistry. But I admit I'm a little unsure what this means for Bellamy's character? This feels like it should have been a turning point for him. His insistence not to fight felt genuine up to the moment, and then he did fight, like I was expecting. I guess I wanted more out of that moment? Like, that should feel like a huge thing--his choice to survive over waiting for Octavia to save him--but somehow, it didn't? Nor did it feel like a switch that really indicates him in person conflict over his near- pacifism stuff. I think it was the fact that Monty arrived and saved the day, there preventing Bellamy from actually having to hurt someone he considers an ally in order to survive. So he skates by on being Soft Bellamy still, in the episode where I was hoping he'd be a little bit more of Rough Bellamy. I've been thinking that he has a building up of internal conflict this season wrt "can I be the new me or the old me?" and I was hoping we'd see that reach a major point this episode. Now I'm not quite sure if that's what they're doing with him. I'll have to wait to see. If Bellamy's major conflict really is just about his sibling and his childhood this season, that would feel like a missed opportunity. I want some meaty self-examination!
The other sibling got a solid WHOLE EPISODE of self-examination, lol. Marie was splendid. It veered between powerful and heavily melodramatic. The whole mirror thing was WAY over the top cliche. Come on, t100. Come on, HIC. You can be a little better than that! And "You can't save someone who's already dead." Really? Okay then. I guess it's not t100 if there aren't at least two lines per episode that make me roll my eyes. Even the good episodes! Which this was, to be fair. For about 90% of it I was quite entertained, although I think it's too dark to have a fun rewatch factor. Snarkiness aside though, I did enjoy seeing the dark workings of the soul of a female character being given such deliberation on screen. Octavia Blake genuinely is a unique character in television, and is allowed to go places female characters rarely are. I feel like my read on Octavia this season has been dead on correct: to her, Bloodreina = Wonkru and Wonkru = Bloodreina. Octavia doesn't see herself as a person anymore, just as the figurehead of this system. She is also terrified of everything and Bloodreina is her only way of facing world she created so that her people could survive. She can't give up being Bloodreina, therefore she can't give Wonkru to someone else because if Wonkru and Bloodreina can exist separately, that flies in the face of "all of me for all of us", which is the only thing that kept her and everyone else sane (mostly) in the bunker. If that's structure falls apart or if Octavia loses it, then all she has is the memories of the terrible things she did. And even if she did it to save them all, to lead them to the next day and the next, without Wonkru she would have to bear those memories alone, and she cannot.
Hmm what else?
The flashbacks to their childhood on the Ark was very moving. I liked getting more details of their life. I liked the balance between the weight & pain Bellamy endured to protect Octavia and the weight & terror Octavia endured being raised as the source of fear for her family. It was clear that the trauma of the Ark was terrible for them both, infecting even happy the memories.
Monty telling Octavia no was a classic Monty moment. I liked his scene a lot, but tbh I was hoping for something a little more creative or complex in how they used him? One of the drawbacks of this episode's slower, more character-based tone is that it seemed fairly predictable what was going to happen from scene to scene. That's why I like the moment when she threw back the spear, because I genuinely didn't know how that scene was going to go. Monty saving the day with flowers though was not exactly shocking when it came around. I feel like a reaction video to this episode will just be a consecutive sequence of "hmmm" and "HMMMM" and "ooh nice" and "okay then if you must", none of it rising above conversational tone.
I liked the bunker departure scene because we got to see everyone in the open sunlight. That was nice. Octavia's blood makeup was so ~artistic walking out of that bunker, you know she had to apply it and wash it and re-apply it 2 times at least. I've been there, girl.
The farm burning means the bunker society idea is torched and I'm sighing a little over that. Do we REALLY need to write out EVERY possible solution with salt-the-earth finality? Where is this series gonna end, with 11 people on a life raft floating out to sea? If there is a sea, still. This show is so bonkers.
The stuff with the chip is still firmly in my zone of "but really DO WE HAVE TO BE DOING THIS?" but it could have been worse. I was confused at one moment when Madi said "I just put it back in." Maybe I need to re-watch it, but I honestly don't understand that line. Was that the A.I. talking through Madi, claiming her as a host? Or was that Madi saying she'd taken it out and in again?
The Lexa stuff was just.. can we not. Give the child. Memories of her mom's dead lover. That's so skeevy on so many levels, and that's skeevy BEFORE even getting into the 'lover' part of Clarke's past with Lexa.
So... Becca was burned alive as a witch by Cadogan? Or whoever. That seems really weird to me. Like, super out of place for the show. I don't understand how that fits into t100 at all, since the people burning her were like, people from future-modern New England and shit. Even if I started living in a Mad Max Society tomorrow, I don't think 4 years of apocalypse would be enough to convert me to the idea that "Yeah, you know what humanity's real problem is? SPACE WITCHERY. Let's just BURN HER." How does that even come up? I totally get it if they blamed her for killing the world, and if the mob executed her for it. I also get it if they distrust the A.I. she brought down. But come on, they'd just shoot her! That's what you do with rich people when the end comes and everybody's backs are against the wall. They wouldn't waste firewood for a witch burning; that's ridiculous.
I have a feeling like they're gonna leave the chip in Madi. I hope not. My best case scenario for this unnecessary plot they forced us into is that by experiencing the memories, Madi retrieves some vital piece of new information that will help save everyone. Maybe she finds out what is going on with the other Elegius mission, since Becca worked on that stuff. Hopefully then Madi can take it out? But honestly, the fact that it seems like the show is going to decide "well we'll leave it in if she says she wants it" is really uncomfortable for me. If she couldn't consent to getting it last episode, she can't consent to keeping it this episode. The same problems with the situation exist regardless of whether Madi thinks she's getting something valuable out of it, or if it makes her feel powerful in a world where she is otherwise powerless. Letting a child use dangerous mind altering substances to help them feel more powerful and safe is NOT the same thing as actually keeping that child safe or empowered. It's the opposite of that. Of course, Clarke can't really do much about that right now without re-traumatizing Madi on top for the trauma she's already experiencing. But the longer they leave it in, the harder it will be to remove without psychological damage if Madi's developing brain becomes dependant on it. Because, you know, SHE'S ELEVEN. Maybe twelve? But her brain is literally growing, as children's brains do, and right this second it's growing with a cyber-parasite shaping it. That seems profoundly wrong and gross to me. ...Ideally they give it to Gaia or Indra. Just let them have it.
Oh that's a bit of a down note to end on? I am not sure where this takes us, but I think the episode was good. I'm not sure it was actually the episode they needed it to be though. It seemed to accomplish several things, but I'm not sure the particular things that it accomplished were the best choices. Vinson finally eating people was lulzy. I just wish the stuff that Abby was doing in that scene wasn't filmed and directed in such an amateur looking way. But finally, SOME CANNIBALISM! Now we wait til next week to see what else comes out.
#bellamy blake#octavia blake#clarke griffin#madi griffin#indra kom trikru#wonkru#bloodreina#the 100 liveblog#the 100 5x10#the 100
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Out-Dated Review: Iron Man
A decade ago life was a bit more simple. I was turning 15 and besides finding time to play GTA IV and high school I didn't have a care in the world. My birthday was never a big deal but earlier that year I got my first PS3 and was desperate to start a Blu Ray collection. I told my mother the one thing I wanted for a gift that year was Iron Man. She delivered. That night after reading the case over a dozen times me and my best friend would sit down and watch the movie that jump started the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
At the time I knew as little as you could about Ironman. I spent most of my time reading Spider-Man, X-men and Batman comics so the only things I really knew about Tony Stark was that he was a rich alcoholic and was really prevalent in 2006s Civil War which was in my backlog of comics. Going into this movie I really had nothing to go on besides the great reviews it was getting and that I was always excited to see a comic book character get their chance on the big screen. After credits rolled like many people my expectations were blown away. I watched it again and again enjoying every minute of it. I then dove into my comic backlog and read Civil War and any other Ironman story I could find. It’s safe to say that the first Ironman reinvigorated my and many others love for comics, all while starting a universe that would have as deep of lore as the comics they adapted from.
So ten years later, does Ironman hold up?
(SPOILERS)
Lets start things off with the story.
We’re introduced to Playboy Billionaire Weapons Designer/Manufacturer Tony Stark and he’s just as much as cocky jerk as you would think he’d be. Skipping out on an award presented to him so he could gamble, sleeping with a reporter who’s writing a hit piece on his company and giving little care to the crew of his private plane as he arrives late for its departure. Couple this with how he almost gloats at the amount of death and destruction his weapons bring you would be safe to assume that Tony is unremarkable cliche villain, except he’s not.
I don’t know if it’s his charm alone, his acting chops or how relatable he is to the character but Robert Downy Jr. makes Tony Stark probably one of the most believable and entertaining personality in the MCU. He brings so much life and fun to Tony even before his good guy turn in this movie. Easily stealing every scene he’s in, RDJ was undoubtedly destined to play Tony Stark.
Speaking of good guy turns.
Things go astray for Tony after a weapon presentation in Afghanistan as he’s fatally injured and kidnapped by a terrorist group known as The Ten Rings (more on them later). He awakes in a cave with a car battery attached to his chest, powering an electromagnet that’s keeping the shrapnel away from his heart and other vital organs. Parties amirite? He’s made aware that The Ten Rings are his “loyal customers” and have been using all his weaponry and is then forced to build them his latest weapon. Tony reluctantly agrees and uses the supplies and resources to build something a bit more powerful, a miniaturized Arch Reactor. An invention of his fathers that’s used to power a factory, Tony designed his to be a little more compact. It has enough power to keep the magnet [in his chest] charged for a thousand lifetimes or something big for ten minutes.
Thus Ironman is born.
Even for ten years old at this point, the CGI still holds up. The suits in this movie, whether it’s the Mk I, II or III all look fantastic and just completely seamless. I never once even questioned if they built an actual prop suit or not, it looked so good i assumed they did. Coincidentally the first Ironman is the only movie they actually built the full suit, every subsequent movie they used mo-cap primarily.
After 3 months using only weapon parts and presumably some scrap metal Tony builds the Mk I and kicks some serious ass in his escape. He’s quickly reunited with his friends and coworkers back in the States and damn does he want a burger. Also he announces very publicly he’s done with making and selling weapons. This is Tony’s big turn, he realizes the real cost of him profitting off war with his weapons and decides he is alone responsible for making things right. His business partner and his deceased fathers long time friend Obadiah Stane advises him to lay low for awhile after crashing his companies stock with his big announcement.
The Stark Employee Roster.
RDJ may steal the whole show but Ironman boasts a pretty big and talented cast. Gwenneth Paltrow as the remarkable and composed assistant to Stark Pepper Potts, she’s a joy to have on screen and perfectly bounces dialogue off RDJ. Terrence Howard plays Stark's best friend and military liaison Colonel James “Rhodey” Rhodes, Howard plays this character really cool and I have a hard time seeing Rhodey as much as I see Terrence Howard. His chemistry with RDJ is phenomenal off the bat though, something that takes Cheadle & RDJ about another movie or so to get right. Paul Bettany lends his soothing voice to articulate Siri knock-off known as JARVIS. While his role obviously becomes more expanded upon in later films, Bettany brings a simple yet appealing approached to the A.I. here that pairs well with Tony’s persona. Rounding it out you have the rugged Jeff Bridges playing Tony’s mentor and eventual madman Obadiah Stane. Bridges brings something to this role that I can’t quite put my finger on, he just fully leans into this character and I can feel his presence on screen. He does however have a very sudden change of character entering the third act, he goes from conniving business man to super villain so abruptly I may have whiplash (wink) now.
Bored and nothing to do.
Stark finds himself in isolation and does the only thing his obsessive brain lets him do, work. He begins designing and testing an updated version of the suit he escaped imprisonment with. The Mk II is a thinner, shinier and more airborne suit than its predecessor. It just isn't up to snuff for Tony though, so after a quick flight test with some icing issues, he completely redesigns the suit. After seeing on TV that someone is throwing a party without him, Tony decides laying low just isn’t for him and crashes the party. Thankfully the party is hosted by Stark Industries so Tony can just walk in with no real problem. It’s here that Tony learns that his mentor and friend Obadiah Stane filed an injunction against him and is trying to force him out of the company and may be dealing weapons under the table.
Tony decides take the moral high ground and hops in his new suit the MkIII which must be the coolest getting dressed montage I’ve ever seen, then flies for 6 hours back to Afghanistan. He proceeds to just ruin the Ten Rings day by destroying their weapon caches, which include plenty of Tony's own weapons. After surely making the locals think he’s some sort of alien or metal angel he flies back home, only to be intercepted by two fighter jets. What ensues is an entertaining little game of cat and mouse for a minute until Rhodey, whose job is seemingly just to be convenient to Tony shows up and Tony informs him he is in the suit that the fighters are chasing. Rhodes clears everything up as a trainig exorcise and Tony makes it home.
It’s here our big reveal happens, Obadiah is a bad guy and he hired the Ten Rings to kill Tony but they didn’t like the deal, so they altered it like Vader. Now they want to alter it even further and have Obadiah build them Metal Soldiers like the one Tony escaped with. Obidiah smiles and politely kills this faction of the Ten Rings and figures he might as well build his own suit with his own arch reactor.
Back at the factory while speaking to his team of scientists about their inability to replicate Tony’s miniaturized Arch Reactor, Jeff Bridges delivers the best line in the movie.
“TONY STARK WAS ABLE TO BUILD THIS IN A CAAAVE, WITH A BOX OF SCRAPS”
After this everything starts to happen real fast. Pepper finds a video that directly incriminates Obadiah, he panics and politely tries to kill tony, Rhodes shows up to try and save a dying Tony but he already saved him self. Once he catches his breath Tony hops in his suit to go find Obadiah. Terrence Howard takes a look at the MkII and decides it’s better that Don Cheadle gets to use it. Pepper while accompanied by some agents finds Obadiah's lab only then to be ambushed by Obadiah in a what can only be described as the offspring on the hulk-buster armour and war machine, Iron Monger.
Tony flies in with no time to spare and saves Pepper. A street fight ensues between Iron Man and Iron Monger with them chucking cars at one another. This fight seems oddly small scale now, having been spoiled by the massive fights we’ve seen in recent MCU movies. The smaller scale and one on one fight does feel more personal though and given that this is Iron Mans first outing it makes sense.
The fight goes airborne after Tony realizes he’s no match for the strength of the Iron Monger suit. Much to Tony’s surprise Obadiah has upgraded his suit as well and its now able sustain flight but as a call back to earlier in the film, the Iron Monger suit has an icing problem in higher atmosphere. Tony's suit begins to lose power as they fall back to the roof of the Stark factory. Tony sabotages Obadiah's suit so he cant shoot straight and Obadiah squishes Tony's helmet. Rude. The two men begin to fight with there wits and the bare minimum of their suits. Tony tells pepper to overload the Arch Reactor beneath him and Obadiah and after Tony begs she pushes the bug red button. Boom. Obadiah's suit short circuits and he falls to his death into the Arch Reactor causing it to explode.
I am Iron Man
I gotta give credit to this movies ending. Setting itself up like Tony is going to become your average secret identity super hero but in perfect Tony Stark fashion it subverts that by Tony declaring to the world he is Iron Man. It’s easily one the most memorable moments in all of the MCU. We also get our first name drop of SHIELD here, which at the time blew my mind because up until then super hero movies were so self contained. Credits roll and a Marvel tradition is born as the credits finish and we’re given another scene as Tony walks into his house to see a someone standing in his living room. NICK MF FURY.
“Think you’re the only super hero in the world? Mr.Stark you’ve become part of a bigger universe, you just don’t know it yet.”
One of the single most important lines in all of the MCU. When I saw this my 15 year old brain melted and while at the time I was ignorant to who owned what in regards to film rights my mouth foamed over the idea of all marvel characters existing together in a shared movie universe. It only took ten years and a couple billion dollars but all the marvel are finally gonna share a universe together.
Does it work?
With full retrospective Iron Man is your cut and paste Phase 1 MCU origin movie where the bad guy is basically just a different color pallet than the good guy, which is totally fine. There’s a reason they use that formula, it establishes characters perspective and personality along with their skill set to the audience. It could be because it was the first or just the combination of Favreau and RDJ and all the other cogs in the machine but no movie uses that formula better than Iron Man. I’m in awe of how much fun I had with this movie, I highly recommend going back and watching it again if you haven't recently. It holds up as it’s own movie but with the added benefit that you can clearly see how the whole MCU evolved from the style of Iron Man.
VERDICT
You should already own this, go make some pop corn and watch this./10
#marvel mcu#marvel#iron man#infinty war#mcu#review#movie review#tony stark#robert downy jr#shield#nick fury
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Okay, in the last three weeks, I have 1. caught up on Steven Universe, 2. rewatched a random scattering of Important Episodes, 3. obsessed more than is perhaps necessary, and 4. rewatched all the episodes in the proper order (including Political Power, that scamp. But not including Say Uncle, because non-canon.) I made a half-hearted attempt at examining the written Gem language (I require a genuine rosetta stone), I have read many theories, and I have some vague notions of possible theories and observations of my own floating around in my head. I’m not sure whether to try to keep this going because it’s so much fun, or if I should let it go and find another fandom to obsess over during the hiatus. In the meantime:
First things first, Lars. I love him to pieces. I mean, I already enjoyed him in all his teenagery glory, but then they went and gave him character development, let him be awesome, and killed him and brought him back from the dead! That’s a surefire way to get me to love a character. I am super on board for seeing episodes of Lars and the Off-Colors on Homeworld, episodes with Steven on Earth telling people Lars was awesome and collecting things to bring him, and eventually presumably an arc involving rescuing Lars. (and, while we’re at it, bringing the Off-Colors back to live on the Crystal Gem Farm Commune, because yesss) I also want to see him develop every single one of Lion’s powers, and when he gets back to Earth I want everything.
Secondly, Steven. Oh my god Steven. Talk about character development. Talk about Break The Cutie. When I started watching this show, I concluded he was the literal definition of a cinnamon roll, but there is a lot of heartbreaking nuance if you pay close attention and watch too many times. Basically he is just the best kid and I hate it whenever people make him feel bad or when he goes through terrible things he wants to bury or when he has feelings about his mom or when certain millenia-old space rock moms who should really know better rely on him to be their emotional center. I mean, I love it, because character development and feelings, but it also breaks my heart.
I also really enjoy when some of Steven’s powers are low-key and not really spelled out for the audience. Like his strength--that really snuck up on the show, and he doesn’t even seem to notice that anything is unusual with it. And, having just watched it a little bit ago, I noticed that even the Off-Colors were impressed with his strength, so he’s probably stronger than the average gem. I’m guessing it’s just the normal strength of a Quartz--or at least the strength Rose Quartz possessed--just compressed into a small boy. And--this one I gathered from a theory I read somewhere--his empathy. Magical, psychic empathy. Once you label that as a power, you can suddenly connect the dots between several random apparently different powers he’s shown. Connecting with people who are having particularly strong emotions in dreams? Knowing how the lighthouse gem felt without understanding why? Getting sucked into the collective consciousness of a billion shards who are all freaking out? It can probably even explain how he took over Lars’ body. And he’s clearly using it in conjunction with his normal, natural sympathy and compassion and capacity for understanding and patience, so it’s not easy to tell where the magic begins, but it’s very noticable once you start looking for it, and I love that.
Some observations regarding theories:
-I don’t think it makes any sense for Pearl to have belonged to Pink Diamond, at least not by the time of the shattering--at the trial, it’s mentioned that Pink’s court all said they saw Rose, in between the statements about her Pearl. If our Pearl ever belonged to Pink Diamond, it was hundreds of years before the shattering, and Pink Diamond would have to have gotten a new one since then. Therefore, it seems incredibly unlikely that our Pearl would have been able to get close, or that the statements about “where was her Pearl?” are actually referring to our Pearl. Possible, yes; likely no. I like the ideas about our Pearl formerly belonging to White Diamond, but so far we have little to no evidence that White Diamond was particularly involved with Earth, so why would Pearl even be there? I’m also not sure that Pearl’s appearance is any good as evidence, since we don’t really know how Pearls are created or how they are customized. Is there a standard Pearl model that can be altered by her owner later, or are they all custom-designed to match? Or both? We desperately need a Pearl flashback.
-I am 100% sure that Pearl was involved with the shattering, and was probably present. She doesn’t like to talk about it to the point of denial, Garnet said it was upsetting her, and when she was expressing her skepticism that the zoo still existed, she said “since we”. It’s not unreasonable to conclude that she meant something along the lines of “the zoo was probably destroyed, since we shattered Pink Diamond and it was hers.” Building off this notion, I suspect that Rose shattered Pink Diamond in order to save Pearl, or something along those lines, but without even knowing who Pearl was enslaved to when she rebelled, it’s hard to tell whether this is just crazy speculation.
-All we can say for certain about Rose’s involvement in the shattering is that she was there, and her sword could not have been the murder weapon, but whether she did it or not she accepted the blame for it. I think that even if she was not physically responsible, she at least considered herself responsible for it in some way.
(By the way, I like to think that Steven is more or less a reincarnation of his mom, and that therefore you can extrapolate her behavior from his. Accounting for differences in brain chemistry and life experience, of course. I’m not entirely sure the show agrees with me, but I think what we’ve seen of Rose so far supports it pretty well. So I think there is literally no way that Rose would have ambushed Pink Diamond and murdered her, even if the circumstances allowed it, even if it was the best way to end the war. I think Rose would have done it to protect someone else, or as a last resort and then only after attempting diplomacy and never as a surprise assassination attack, or someone else did it but she accepted the responsibility.)
(I also find it deeply amusing to imagine Rose doing all the Steven things, but that’s beside the point)
-I also don’t think Yellow Diamond is responsible for the shattering, although that’s mostly just a gut feeling that I can’t really back up. And I don’t know why anybody would leap to the conclusion that Pink killed herself or faked her death in order to somehow protect Earth; that just seems silly to me. Just because Pink wanted to preserve some humans in a zoo doesn’t mean she wasn’t on board with turning Earth into a hollowed-out colony. Those plans Peridot found were on her base, if I recall correctly. I could see her being sentimental in comparison with the other Diamonds, but she was still in charge of a colony that would wipe out the native population. Does Homeworld have a term with the same implications as Manifest Destiny?
WILD SPECULATION: Pink Diamond was killed by her Pearl. Our Pearl, who did not ever belong to Pink Diamond (but may have belonged to White, I haven’t decided), was once gung-ho about freeing her sister Pearls and was able to win Pink Pearl to the cause, but did not expect a Bismuth-like vehemence. It was covered up because it could not be well-known that a Pearl turned on her owner, and Rose and Pearl both felt responsible. ...I don’t think that fits entirely, but I like it, and it’s a different avenue of theory to explore.
-Finally, the timeline. I though before this rewatch that it was confusing and possibly contradictory, but it’s not that bad. You can’t exactly pinpoint when each thing happened, but you can get the gist of it and it makes sense. I mean, I thought Jasper had emerged before the shattering of Pink Diamond, but her dialogue in Earthlings implies that she emerged immediately after, which would make sense, the shattering would be a good reason to rush the Beta Kindergarten. I am actually more curious about the ages of all the townies, to be honest. How old exactly are Lars and Sadie and Ronaldo and the Cool Kids? Is Peedee older or younger than Steven? (...I like to think that he’s a little younger. Because it amuses me to think that he looks and acts like he’s a little older than Steven, but is actually a year or two younger than him.)
Whew. I am positive I’ve had more Steven Universe thoughts than this, but maybe I will recall them in the future.
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‘Cause I Fell on Black Days.
I want to discuss a very serious subject matter today, one that I feel is still very poorly understood in the public discourse, at least in the United States. This is a subject matter that is very intensely personal for me. Admittedly, I am nervous as I type these words. I wonder how you, the reader, will react. Will you judge me unfairly? Will you be sympathetic? If you've never been where I have, or felt what I've felt, part of me wonders if it's even possible for you to grasp what it's really like. But then, I realize, I have to try. Even if it's ultimately a futile pursuit, it's my responsibility, as an artist, to try to make you understand.
Today, I want to talk about depression.
I feel the dialogue on this subject has slowly been improving over the past few decades. There was a time, I know, when the subject of mental illness really wasn't discussed at all, and I'm glad that we can at least now conceptualize an in-depth conversation about it. But it's still not enough. I know depression can be difficult to talk about in concrete terms, partly because it's a very emotionally charged and unpleasant topic, but also partly because, to so many people, it still seems invisible, in a way that other disorders or maladies are not. But I am here to argue that it is not nearly as inconspicuous as it seems, and that it needs to be taken seriously.
On Wednesday, of course, the world lost a true legend of music when Chris Cornell, the lead singer for Soundgarden and Audioslave, died in his hotel room after a show in Detroit. He was 52 years old. The news hit me like an atomic blast. I was absolutely devastated. For me, it was every bit as much of a loss as Freddie Mercury or David Bowie. I mean, Soundgarden was a big part of my adolescence. I got my copy of Superunknown around the time I was 15 or 16, and to this day, it remains one of my all-time favorite albums. I was lucky enough to see Cornell in concert at Lollapalooza '03 in Atlanta, when Audioslave was one of that year's two big headliners (the other being Jane's Addiction). I got badly sunburned, and then, by the end of the concert, completely soaked by a sudden storm that had appeared while Jane's Addiction was setting up. But even despite all of that, it was one of the greatest concerts I've ever attended, and a large part of that is due to me getting to see Cornell performing live. His voice was unearthly, in a way that can never, ever be replaced.
So imagine how I felt when I learned that his death had been ruled a suicide. It was like Robin Williams, all over again.
And I know, it's not really a unique perspective, by any means-- but I do feel like my personal proximity to this phenomenon obliges me to speak. Since Cornell's death, I have heard the question posed-- the same question that crops up whenever something like this happens: "Why?" Why would he kill himself? He was famous, he was successful, he had a family and friends and bandmates and legions of adoring fans, among which I count myself. By all metrics, or at least by all of the ones we value in the West, he should have had a strong will to live. And then, of course, there's the inevitable accusations of selfishness, because how could he abandon everybody who cared about him, and throw everything away like that?
But it's not that simple. Believe me, I know what I'm talking about.
For anyone who might not be aware, I have myself suffered from depression for much of my life. It first surfaced in a clinical capacity when I was 18, around the time I began my first year of college. Even though it took that long to manifest as this thing we call 'depression', I contend that its roots extend all the way back to my childhood. I didn't have a happy childhood. My parents were always quite supportive of me, but where I grew up, there really weren't too many others who were. I spent my childhood in an extremely socially conservative region (northern Georgia, in smalltown suburbs a few hours from Atlanta). I was smart in an area where athleticism was the most important thing. I was agnostic in an area where everybody was strongly Christian. I was a northern transplant in an area where people still felt raw about losing the Civil War. So, I didn't have many friends.
To my dismay, that didn't change very much when I went to college in Florida. I thought that going to an art school would result in me having more in common with others, and being able to form better social circles. Instead, I still felt like an outsider. That first year, living with two roommates who both came from the same place and already knew each other, I very frequently felt like a third wheel, and ended up confined to my bedroom most of the time while my roommates had friends over, just because I really didn't feel like they wanted me around. It was in that climate-- having had an actively hostile childhood, and not receiving the relief and social support I so desperately needed at college-- that my depression was properly formed.
The type that I experience is called dysthymia, or neurotic depression. It's a bit milder than standard clinical depression, but lingers much longer, too. In my case, it's a life sentence. I've come to terms with that. I know how it goes-- I'll be fine for a few months, and then BAM! Something will trigger me, and I'll sink into it for a few hours or days, before rebounding. A trigger doesn't have to be a big thing; it could be something as small as somebody saying the wrong thing to me, or something insignificant not working out the way I had hoped. I don't take antidepressants, because I have decided that I am not comfortable with altering my brain chemistry and potentially experiencing unwanted side effects. The reason I mention all of this is because one reason depression is such an elusive subject is that it is a different experience for everyone who has it. I can only really speak from my own experience.
When it first occurred, it came in waves of intense despair which lasted hours, days, even weeks. All my energy, all my vitality, was drained. All the joy, all the color, was sucked out of life. I became trapped in a seemingly endless spiral downward, to a place in my head where daylight and reason could not permeate-- to a lonely place where I became convinced that there must be something wrong with me, because nobody seemed to appreciate my company. Maybe... maybe this was a sign, that I didn't deserve to exist.
I hesitate to talk about this here, because I fear that others could interpret this incorrectly, and think I desperately need help. But I ask you to bear with me, and understand that I have grown much more accustomed to my depression, and I have a much better feeling for when I legitimately need help and when it would actually be detrimental to me. I don't want authorities called on me, or anybody to worry needlessly over what I have to say next. That said, here goes:
I have had thoughts about suicide myself, many, many times, and if I'm going to be honest, I probably will again, eventually.
It's difficult to explain to people what goes on in my head. I don’t make such an admission as a cry for help, because I can honestly say my own depression is lessening as I age. I don’t experience bouts as severely or frequently as I used to, and they are much more manageable for me now. I have grown and matured, and stabilized much more than when I was 18 or 20, or even 25. I don't truly consider myself in mortal danger anymore, because when I experience an onset of depression, it's now like a rote routine that I know how to navigate. For me, there is a line between thought and action that I will not cross. The thought crosses my mind, but I can hold myself in check. First of all, I'm squeamish about the thought of actually going through with it, even in my deepest lows. Secondly, I have loved ones who do care, and I have weathered my depression long enough that I have gradually gained the ability to force myself to consider them. Thinking of suicide is nothing but a kneejerk reaction for me now, a temporary coping mechanism when I don't have the mental resources to cope in any other way.
Doesn't mean it's pleasant, of course. Depression isn't just a mood-- it's a period of vulnerability. It's a delusion of futility. It's a catastrophic cascading system failure in the person's operating system. It's a cycle of negative emotion running roughshod over everything else-- logic, reason, and in many cases, positive emotional attachments to others. All those things Cornell had going for him-- fame, success, loved ones, a promising future-- they become reduced to background whispers, while the darkness is shouting through a megaphone. I always bristle when I see someone who hasn't experienced suicidal ideation firsthand claiming that it's selfish, because that's not really the right word for it. You don't know what it's like. Ego has nothing to do with it (save for, perhaps, not being present enough). In general, it's more like being involuntarily intoxicated-- your perception becomes skewed and impaired, to the point where you have difficulty making accurate judgments. For me, it's a subconscious monologue, making me feel worthless, like I'll always be alone and unloved, even though I know it's completely untrue. Some people experience anhedonia-- a clinical inability to feel happy. Some experience an unshakable all-encompassing grey fog of numbness. I have experienced both of those in the past, too.
But the key, I think, is that depression eats hope. I would even go as far as to call depression a "hope disease", in the same sense that cirrhosis is a liver disease or nephritis is a kidney disease. When you are depressed, hope disappears; you feel like the future is written in stone, and it's going to be bad. Or you feel like there's no hope that your present condition will change, so why bother anymore? That's the reason depression is so dangerous. Hope is important for people to survive; it's a fundamental component of the will to live. But when hope is broken, that will becomes compromised. It isn't that it's impossible to hold onto it-- but it becomes much more of a heavy burden to do so.
And much the same as you wouldn't tell someone with cirrhosis or nephritis to just "get over it", you can't tell somebody with depression to "shake it off" either. It doesn't work like that. Remember, this isn't a mood, it's a system failure. If I had any control over when and how intensely I feel depression, do you really think I would consciously choose to feel so bad that the only thing I can do is crawl into bed in a fetal position and sleep until it's over?
Again, I can't speak for everyone who experiences depression or suicidal thoughts. In some cases, I do think medication is a vitally important component for treatment. Suicide hotlines do important work, as well. Personally, I have found that counseling is the most effective thing for me. But if we're going to tackle this issue, the thing that I feel is of paramount importance first is that we do so from a position which is both educated and compassionate. Our media tends to be sensationalist about... well, everything, really, but mental illness has been particularly caricatured-- as being less of a problem than it is, or being the motivation behind tragic criminal actions such as shootings, or being a sign of serious character flaws like moral bankruptcy. We have to stop putting the stigma of depression on the person experiencing it. Who I am when I am depressed is a separate entity from who I am normally. It's like somebody else is in the cockpit, somebody that I only vaguely recognize. Take it from someone who knows, because he's felt it-- when depression is trivialized, or stigmatized, or treated as an inconvenience, or misinterpreted as just someone being self-absorbed, not only are we completely ignoring the building on fire, we're actually dumping gasoline on it. Be observant. Reach out to others who seem isolated or sullen, but respect their wishes if they want to be alone. If you've got loved ones who experience depression, take an interest in it, and ask them about it sometime when they aren't mired in it. Give them a nonjudgmental space to speak freely about it. If you suspect somebody you care about is in the grips of depression, the best thing you can do is to ask what he or she needs. If the person needs support, try to be supportive, or help find someone who can be. If the person needs space, give them space. And in any case, please, I urge you, BE PATIENT. Keep in mind, no one chooses depression-- it chooses us.
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