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iwritenarrativesandstuff · 7 months

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Meryl, Luida, and Bridging the Gap

This is just a quick little side-note I wanted to make about the similarities between Meryl and Luida that I noticed as I was reading, and how they end up occupying similar, yet complementing roles in the story.

***Disclaimer: I was sick when I wrote this and my head is full of fog lmao. If I have completely left out a word or something... don't even worry about it it's fine.

First off, on a surface level, they both are characterized as capable, intelligent, level-headed women, who are suddenly thrust into leadership positions, with Meryl being assigned the task of tracking down and mitigating the damage caused by Vash the Stampede plus looking out for her new protégé, Milly, and Luida stepping up to take charge of Ship 3 and its residents after Doc's death.

While the demand placed on them both is immense, nonetheless, they are shown to be quite capable of shouldering this kind of responsibility - however, given their intense focus and objective-driven personalities, they actually both get scenes where they are somewhat horrified by their own temporary prioritization of objectives over morality. We see this with Meryl in Trigun Volume 1 when she doesn't react in righteous anger to Badwick threatening his parents and had shut herself off from writing to her own in pursuit of her job, and with Luida when she briefly considers the idea of another July incident to stop Knives. Both think negatively of themselves for this - of course, I'm of the mind that since they are upset with themselves on reflection, this proves the exact opposite, really. I think they both have hearts of gold, they're just under a lot of stress, especially as time goes on. The two of them are human beings who falter, but whose morals ultimately align closely with what Vash wants to see in the world. Really, what the two of them hate most here is the idea of their own inaction or taking the easy way in the face of wrongdoing - a concept that drives them into action going forward.

[ID: Two images from Trigun and Trigun Maximum. The first is from Trigun Volume 1. Over images of trees and Badwick's father, Meryl says "But I... I just stood there and took it all in without even budging. I am such a cold person. I chose this path of blood and tears without thinking about the rest of my life. All I can see is what's right in front of me." Meryl starts to cry as she continues, "Why could I not see... that when I closed myself off to him, something was wrong? I..." She then slaps her cheeks and says "No... never mind!" The second image is from Trigun Maximum Volume 8. A single tear runs down Luida's cheek. Meryl says "Miss Luida...?" Her back turned to Meryl, Luida says "I'm sorry. I... was thinking for a moment. If something like July would happen again... it could stop Knives, but... ... I'm a terrible woman. End ID.]

Both of them also have a connection to Vash's past that gives them a different perspective on him as a person, instead of just an ally - Meryl, of course, gets brain-blasted in Volume 5 with Vash's memories (poor thing), but Luida is also more familiar with him than even a lot of the people on Ship 3, it seems - enough that she calls him out for blaming himself after the attack, clearly used to hearing this from him. She also is the one to clear up at least some of Wolfwood's confusion and uncertainty.

We also get this interesting parallel of them both watching Vash walk away to face Knives, him having rejected their offers of help. It's something that clearly saddens them both, as they watch him fight alone again and again, and wish he wouldn't. Both of them have moments where they feel they can't offer much in the way of assistance, or that their best efforts aren't enough.

[ID: Two images from Trigun and Trigun Maximum. The first is from Trigun Volume 2. Vash, his back turned, runs off into the chaos, a Plant seen above him and the city ahead, as he yells back "Get as far away from here as you can! Get to safety!" Meryl watches him from the door. In the second image, from Trigun Maximum Volume 8, a grainy flashback shows Vash's turned back as he walks away from a young Luida, who is reaching out to him. End ID.]

Of course, we the readers know this isn't true at all! Meryl and Luida do so much over the course of the story.

Interestingly, they don't start off as the ones completely in charge - Meryl works for Bernadelli even if she is in charge of her assignment, and Luida is presumably part of the Council, but the one in charge is initially Doc. But once they do take over - Luida after Doc's death, and Meryl once the world is thrown into ruins and Bernadelli no longer exists - there is a striking difference in the way they act from their predecessors.

Meryl goes from simply following Vash around to taking a self-directed and active role in assisting him however she can - looking for his old belongings and anything else of potential use, asking Marlon to repair his gun, creating a distraction with Milly, and helping the Earth Federation in the final hour with no hesitation.

Luida takes a much more active role in rallying Ship 3 to assist Vash as well. While some of this may simply have been because the stakes were raised much higher after Volume 3, Ship 3, while already a base of support for Vash, was a distant safe haven, kept largely separate from the rest of the world. Up until that point, they had provided Vash with aid, but not fought alongside him, something that clearly bothers Luida on multiple occasions. She decides to change this. She's the one who sets out to help as many of the towns ravaged by the Ark as possible. She rallies the Ship 3 residents for a rescue mission to help Vash. She's the one to step forward and attempt to bring all the leaders around to standing with Vash.

Which brings me to my last comparison point. They're both staunchly supportive of Vash, quick to come to his aid, and quick to defend his character from those who doubt his intent - Luida even sharply calls out her own people for their moment of mistrust after hearing about July. These two know and care about Vash on a more personal level than most - and as we all know, due to his avoidant tendencies, this is not an easy thing to do. Vash is frequently misinterpreted, and these two are often the ones to set the record straight.

[ID: A panel from Trigun Maximum Volume 3. Luida, sternly, says "That's a foolish question. You would know the answer just by looking at the scars on his body. If he had used his true immortality, those scars would not be there. End ID.]

In this way, much like Vash is a bridge between humans and Plants, Meryl and Luida are something of a bridge between humans and Vash.

And they're able to do this because deep down, their ideals align closely with his - they're not just supporting someone they care about; they have a similar desire to see the kind of world he fights for, and they choose to fight for it too.

But while Luida is something of a spokesperson for Vash, reaching out to humanity, it is almost as if Meryl becomes the voice of humanity reaching back, responding to him, and agreeing that not everything in the world is awful; that it is worth believing in the best in others. They need to stand together.

[ID: A panel from Trigun Maximum Volume 14. Meryl, in a spacesuit, with frank determination, says, "Because we decided to stand together. We stand with Vash the Stampede." End ID.]

Meryl is the voice of proof that some people believe in the love and peace he speaks of, and are willing to say it back to him in turn.

Updated on my masterpost - my other book club stuff can be found here!

#storyrambles #i am actually really curious to see what luida's past was like and how she grew to care for vash so much #tristamp gave us a more maternal luida but that's really not how their dynamic reads in the manga to me at all #i'm so so curious.#at first i'd considered that maybe young luida was one of the ones who found him alongside doc after he lost his arm...#but that was 70 years ago roughly. she's definitely not that old and it doesn't seem like the cryosleep chambers are being used there...#hmmm #anyways meryl and luida should be post-canon friends i think they'd really get along #trigun #trimax #trigunbookclub #meryl stryfe #trigun luida #call me ace detective the way i am ace. and also a detective.#trigun meta

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oceanwithouthermoon · 5 months

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i always considered saiki aro, but you make me really rethink with kubosai. .

THATS SO LOVELY, i know you didnt ask but.. im going to take this opportunity to talk a little about my stance on kubosai and saiki's sexuality.. i mean i have talked about it multiple times but still, lots of people dont see what i see in these things sooo im gonna keep talking about it lol..

(under the cut cuz i made this WAYYY longer than i meant to, sorryyyy..)

i still see saiki as aroace personally !! just not romance repulsed aroace, rather just on the aroace spectrum.. i think hes the type of person to use 'queer' and 'aroace' as umbrella terms for himself instead of caring about specific labels, but if i had to, i would say he fits best with demi based on my interpretation.. (i usually see him as with no preference, but based on the text its easy to see him as having a preference for men too..)

i do get why people would see him as romance repulsed and its a lovely hc, but saiki is pretty much mlm coded, at least in the way i interpreted it.. i mean, he almost straight up says he has a crush on satou in the manga.. its great if people interpret it as a 'squish,' but i personally dont see that,, he kinda blatantly threw them in a romance chart together, blushes every time he sees him, etc. HOWEVER aroace people who relate in some way and project their experiences onto saiki will ALWAYS be valid, so i dont care !! i literally do that lmfao im an aroace lesbian,,

anyway, saiki has a lot of silly tsundere moments that lots of people who dont really look at the show past surface level (and usually dont read the manga) see as him literally hating his friends, family, romance, etc when its very much shown how hes being a tsundere and he LOVES his friends, family, AND romance.. (canonically loves romance not as in he definitely experiences romantic attraction, but as in he just is weirdly into love stories and such but wont admit it lmao, i talk about that chapter where he gets obsessed with those strangers love story he saw with psychometry but its just so good lol..) so i think that misinterpretation is where a lot of the discourse in this fandom comes from, like people who think he GENUINELY hates teruhashi ? they r literally best friends he cares about her so much..

kubosai is a ship i started loving, not really from seeing their canon interactions, but from analyzing the characters in the manga and seeing who i think would actually fit together and have a good dynamic..

im very weak for characters who are ashamed of their dark past, afraid of their own strength and that they might hurt the people they love, scared to tell their loved ones their secrets, etc.. and kuboyasu and saiki fit the bill perfectly, so i looked at them and immediately thought BOOM what if they were in love..

their dynamic is fun, even though we didnt get a lot of canon interactions.. theyre so similar yet SO different at the same time..

they both have pretty tragic pasts and family lives, both VERY protective of their friends and family and would do anything for them, both have bad coping mechanisms (mostly refusing to acknowledge that anything is really wrong at all), etc.. and yet, theyre almost opposites in the way they actually carry themselves..

saiki appears apathetic at all times in front of others even though his internal monologue or how he expresses himself when hes alone can be really emotional.. kuboyasu is pretty happy all the time even though he has pretty thinly veiled anger about half the time..

kuboyasu is just a human boy who was taught to take up as much space as possible for his survival, defend himself with his fists, honesty and loyalty and trust are essential, etc, while saiki is an almost-god whose upbringing taught him to try his best to take up NO space at all for his survival, dont get involved unless its from afar, dont get close with anyone, dont trust anyone, etc..

saiki prefers to protect his people from in the shadows, going as far as to literally stalk them to make sure theyre okay without their knowledge, while kuboyasu is unafraid to show how much he cares and prefers to literally come out swinging to protect his people.. put them together and you get two silly guys who will literally protect the other with their life despite knowing damn well that theyre both fully capable of protecting themselves..

kuboyasu is also like.. one of the only people in the cast other than saiki who can be like.. a voice of reason sometimes.. he would be so good for saiki and would make damn sure he knows when hes being irrational or dramatic (because cmon, its saiki.. hes such a drama queen all the damn time..) and i just think he needs that in his life..

yasu would reign saiki in when it comes to his everyday dramatics, and in turn saiki would reign yasu in when it comes to his over the top romance standards (and probably his anger issues and overreactions too..) and yet at the same time they would take comfort in each others silliness.. saiki may be like "we cant just drop out and get married, thats not how it works" but isnt it so refreshing for him to have someone that cares about him so unconditionally ?? unlike his own family ?? itd scare him at first, but hed make yasu tone it down to a healthier extent and itd become soo comfortable..

#im so sorry this is so long omg.. u do NOT care..#didnt wanna project too hard mid-post so i didnt mention how i see him as autistic but i'll say it here real quick lmfao #im an autistic aroace lesbian and i relate so hard to him lmfao.. him saying he doesnt UNDERSTAND romance felt so like me with my autism lo #tried very hard to phrase this so people wouldnt think im calling romance repulsed saiki hc a misinterpretation #people who thinks its canon are misinterpreting but the hc is valid and wonderful <33 #saiki k #tdlosk #the disastrous life of saiki k.#saiki kusuo #kuboyasu aren #kubosai #meows post #meownalysis

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definitionsfading · 1 year

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I don’t know if my fatal flaw is that I want too much out of life, if I'm expecting too much artistry in the media I consume, but I cut corners in SO many areas of my life both financially and materialistically, so I guess art is a crutch I lean pretty heavily on. that being said: everything I've watched/listened to lately has been a HUGE letdown. some of the things I’ve tried to expose myself to I have borderline hated lmao. why??? WHY does it have to be this way?

the new matchbox twenty album dropped yesterday; I have been waiting on this for months since I heard about it coming down the pipe. I listened to every single song on the record, chronologically, and felt entirely lukewarm about it. there is no magic left in their production. it’s toothless, forgettable, middle of the road pop music. the anger and the edge and the grit from the rock-riff stuff they were putting out in the 90s and very early 00s is gone. the intention and the underlying feeling is gone.

same thing with daisy jones and the six on amazon prime; disappointed. annoyed and left baffled. everything felt so cardboard and hollow, and at times, disrespectful to the MUSICIANS WHO ARE STILL ALIVE that the story line is clearly based upon (fleetwood mac).

I could bore you and list off the books and other things that have let me down and left me hungry, but I’m not going to waste our time. it’s just like...everybody else is eating this shit up, singing its praises, and I don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about?

it’s like nothing has a spirit in it anymore. everything contemporary (in the last 2-3 years) is made to be consumed and isn’t being crafted with real, genuine, time and love. they’ve drained it all to be bloodless and made it look like it’s alive on the outside, but it isn’t. it’s a false door that leads to nowhere.

the only things that have grabbed me over the past six months, and genuinely moved me creatively, were bullet train and ‘the bedlam stacks’ by natasha pulley. and the ONLY reason bullet train really took me where I needed to go was because of the chemistry aaron taylor johnson and brian tyree henry brought to the screen together. without them and what they made through their unique rapport the film wouldn’t have been the same or had the same cult-classic sort of lasting power. period.

I kinda just lurk around in a constant state of starvation. the same applies to fanfiction; 85% of what is being made isn’t something I’d want to eat, I have to pick everything apart with my fork and knife until there’s nothing but shreds left and most of it wasn’t edible. I really want to enjoy stuff, and I’ve tried to open my mind some to new things, but nobody digs as deep as I want them to. nobody goes the distance, you know? it’s so rare to find somebody who sees with me at eye level on the same things.

I really hope good omens S2 brings some inspired creatives out of the woodwork who can really claw back the surface layer and show me something raw and beautiful. I know they can do it! it’s just so rare that people seem able to evoke that kind of vulnerability anymore, at least in spaces where it’s visible to me. perhaps I haven’t figured out how to Look yet, though I desperately try.

#inspiration #creativity #wankity wank

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russilton · 2 years

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I don’t really know what people is on when they first shit talk Mercedes, Lewis, George and the team and then proceed to say “X driver to Mercedes in 2024 when Lewis leaves”! Dudes, Mercedes is incredibly selective on their drivers, You have not only to bust your ass to get a chance, but also have certain talents and qualities required. There’s a reason why they’ve had 5:6 drivers in there since their creation as a team. Now my rant is done, I’ll go lay down and drown in britcedes feels, goodbye

Yeah I have a lot of thoughts on this honestly. Some nice and some not so nice lmao but all agreeing with you.

Long ramble under the cut bc I guess I wanted to get some stuff out of my brain and I can just refer back to this later if asked again lol.

And let me say first of all that look, I get it, I would bend over backwards and lie to myself and god when it comes to my favourite drivers. Part of me deeply and truly believes George and Lewis could walk into any other car in the grid if they asked, I really do. I don’t think they’d want to, but if they did, they could. Because we are ALL delusional about our faves. Sometimes it’s what makes this site so fun, we’re all a little stupid for these dudes.

But I have a very salty view of people who people who think certain drivers could just walk into Merc without a Nico level fall out, or a Lewis level of skill in the sport*. ESPECIALLY when it comes to “problematic” drivers like Lando, Max, Carlos, etc.

* more on that one in a sec, spoiler alert: they’ve already got that, his name is George.

I think what really grinds my gears about it (and I mean the people who SERIOUSLY think their driver has a shot at Merc, not people having fun) is it comes down to three tracks of thought; people who think Lewis is genuinely about to retire, people who seem to forget George exists, and people who seem to profoundly misunderstand how Merc work as an organisation.

The first one is easy to be annoyed at and dismiss, Lewis has made it clear over and over he’s not going anywhere. I’m rankled by people who think he’s suddenly going to retire bc of his age. Alonso is still here and he’s fuelled by salt rather than skill, you think Lewis is gonna go just bc he’s 38? He’s insane, and there is nothing he is more buck wild about than F1. I also don’t like thinking about Lewis retiring. Sue me.

The second I get but hate a lot. I’m a George fan, I am biased but George is ignored by a lot of people; and the narratives about him being PR63, even by some Lewis fans, are flimsy and shitty. He’s got so much heart in his stick thin frame that it flows out his ears. You look at him, past the surface for a couple seconds, and god you can see it shine like a beacon. He doesn’t answer Lewis and himself when he’s asked for the perfect driver line up because of PR, but because he fucking adores Lewis. He adores the team. He goofs around with them, spends time with them, he’s embedded with the engineers and mechanics. He seems boring off track because he’s private, but he has been going to dinners with them and travelling with them for years, he’s boring because he’s an old soul who puts focus on his family and his mental health. He does try to be funny online and people scoff at him. He posts shirtless pictures and he’s teased for it. Like what do you want from the guy; if he’s genuine he’s cringe and if he’s reserved he’s PR boring. Fuck that, he makes Lewis smile and that’s enough for me.

But then It’s because of his less than popular off track self that people look past him on track, and you shouldn’t because this man is insane. This is what I was talking about earlier when I said Merc have got their Lewis 2.0. George is him. He drives like Lewis, he’s learning to approach the garage like Lewis, he knows how to restrain himself to the media just like Lewis. Talk less, smile more, because they want to bait you more than anyone, they’re waiting for you to slip. Don’t give it to them and then unleash a terror that leaves other drivers blinking in shock on track. Singapore this year SHOULDN’T override Austria, when George drove from the back in a garbage car to finish 4th. He copied Lewis in Spain like a text book because that’s the kind of driver George is. He knows how to manage his tires because Lewis taught him. He says over and over again how important he finds it to learn from Lewis because Lewis is his standard of greatness. Merc have trained him like this, because together he and Lewis mesh well. They both know where to put their cars to make overtakes others wouldn’t, they drive like their cars are an extension of their body. Nothing bothers me more than people who set team line ups at Merc without Lewis or George, because it often assumes Lewis would retire and Merc would just… throw George out?

George Russell is grit, spirit, positivity and determination, and I feel like the people who don’t see him as an insanely impressive generational talent like Charles or Max are choosing not to look, or were blinded by how trash Williams was. I’d you don’t judge Mick on where haas dragged him down; you can’t judge George.

(Yet another place george is like Lewis, is he let the hard times humble him and make him better. He will never, ever have to struggle the same way Lewis did and he’s been afforded privileges that Lewis won’t, he himself will tell you that. But they were both boys from families without much money who’s parents struggled to let them follow their dreams. Why do you think Lewis likes him so much? He’s said it himself, he sees the same instinct he had, in George)

And finally the third thing I’ve probably spoken on most: some people really only see Merc as a fast car and not as a team. Which I guess is fair if you aren’t a massive fan of either of the boys. You think I’m invested in how mclaren or RB or Ferrari behave as organisations outside of drama? Of course I’m not. I barely even cared about Williams outside of GR and NL. But Merc is another breed of team honestly. Not to suck corporate dick bc you know I hate it but there’s a reason they aren’t really ever involved in silly season. Why them CHOOSING to hire George was monumental. They are unlike anyone else in how they cultured George. He’s been in the Merc garage on race weekends since 2016. They watched and carefully primed him for it, they made him work so hard for every step. I’m not sure they would have ever got rid of Nico and hired Val if he hadn’t chose to leave. Do you know how resistant they were to put anyone other than George in their car? They were worrying about who would take Lewis’ seat in Sakhir if they couldn’t get him. Their reserve driver, stoff, WAS RIGHT THERE.

If George hadn’t gone above and beyond to prove himself ready for Merc, they would have stuck with Valtteri. Merc play it safe and close to the chest far more than they’ll admit, I think it’s why our number one issue with races this year has been emergency strat choices. We so often play it safe and panic when pushed. And that’s why I end up laughing at some driver move theories bc it’s like really? You think, safe playing, elitist weirdos Merc are gonna do that??

The only driver on the 22/23 grid I genuinely, truly think Merc would consider putting in their car if LH decided to split second retire, or George, idk, stabbed Toto in the leg, is Esteban Ocon or MAYBE they’d go back to VB if VaL would be willing to accept the pressure of the seat again. They like Ocon, he has history with the team, he’s got some real promise in his development, and he’s got a lil bastard in him they like their drivers to have. But that would ONLY happen if they had 0 prep time and had to pick another grid driver. Merc have their dream team right now.

#asks #anonymous #wank/rants #team Merc #mark’s driver meta #mark talks britcedes

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sixthwater · 2 years

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Thank you so much for the detailed answer 🥺

You're so skilled I wonder how did you learn?!

Of course!!

I say this all the time but I’ve been into astrology since I was little, because I like space as a whole. Astrology wasn’t as inflated and thrusted into pop culture back then, but there was still some pretty large surface level information going around. Friends/Family gifted me some astrology books (that are Terrible looking back but I use them to test myself bc I cannot throw things away lmao) and I used to read them a lot.

When I got older (like teens?) that wasn’t enough and the stereotypes were annoying me so I started searching for articles and online astrologers who were willing to share their knowledge, resources, or just write out…”observations” on their websites (they were definitely think pieces not observations). That’s when I found out about different systems, practices, etcetc. Every astrologer is going to be different, and they should be. The foundation never changes, but how they see planets interacting and what they see them expressing might slightly change, and it can help you sometimes if you’re struggling to come to your own conclusion.

Observing and letting people express themselves authentically is also very very very helpful though lmao. I cannot stand inauthenticity or lies, which is a conversation for another day, but I already just let people be—and let me tell you it is very helpful to witness combinations or placements play out in full force and not be blinded by any sort of assumption or prediction I might make up in my head, and I see people struggle with this a lot.

Right now I still tend to check back in on astrologers I’ve outgrown but were helpful while I was learning because they were super sweet, test out new ideas because they might have something to them, and am generally just a fly on the wall in communities to see what’s going on. Though I hate myself and am studying traditional astrology because why not I totally don’t hate myself

So the bottom line, from me at least is:

Don’t shit on ‘baby books’, you can always come back to them later to test your skills once you’ve grown. Plus there’s some good info in them sometimes, they’re covering the basics for a reason

Always always always scavenge the internet as far as you can. Go past the first three pages. Know when to toss information that seems weird or too far out and when to keep it.

Amazon sucks, borrow books from the library or download pdfs. If you find out it was very helpful you can always go back and buy it to support the author from their website or from a local metaphysical store once you know it’s worth it because I’ve definitely come across some books that literally did nothing for me

Talk to your community! You don’t need a degree or billions of customers/reviews to be helpful or share your wealth or knowledge. If you have a question don’t be scared to ask. (Heads up: astrologers will be Much more willing to share their books or resources than just telling you what a moon in 9th means, the friendly ones Do Not give a fuck about gatekeeping lmao)

#waterasks #acting as if it’s not going to take me five years #but I’m going to be SO happy I can’t help it #if I can find that one astrologer who gave me a traditional reading and be on their level?#can die peacefully actually

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jamboarbs · 10 months

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So it's been over a month now.

I'm pre-typing this. Going to drop this in your dms. I don't expect a response, and I'll take the hint and leave it at this if you don't respond.

I bet you still use your Tumblr, no idea if you still follow me because my list has been bugged for the better part of a decade. So If you saw some of my posts I'll be rehashing some things.

Long story short, Forced myself to be alone and completely lock away my emotions. I got so tired of it all I completely shut shop. Normally this would be the part where I'd admit how stupid and/or careless that was towards myself, my mental well-being, etc.

Except that it worked out somehow.

I still can't believe it myself, but it was like being compressed down into a new state of matter. Hitting rock bottom and realizing there was nowhere else to push the feelings, no one else to blame or use as a distraction. It made me finally come face to face with my self. My true, inner self and not the facade I've kept up for my entire life. A life of repression, anxiety and unmitigated hatred.

I spent 20 years basically trying to be anybody but myself because a handful of shitty people made me think it was a crime to exist. All of what I had been for the entire time you known me has been that pared down, sink water version. Too afraid of their own shadow judging them to be themselves.

And this isn't some "I totally re-invented myself nothing is wrong anymore lmao" level brainrot

I was still myself before, just incredibly neutered, and I chose to be that way for so much longer than I should have.

I still take responsibility for every way I acted and anything I've done

I'm finally able to say all this without it being run through a morass of epic irony or depression

I got to see myself for the first time, and show love inward so I can begin to regrow what was lost

So the past month has been crazy because of it, not hating every day you wake up sure does make time pass differently, it's felt like forever since we stopped talking, to the point I did a double take when looking at our dms

On a short list of notables, I came out to my coworkers as trans/bigender/genderfluid

Still.... Figuring that one out.

But my boss and trans friend coworker know, I have a support network for the first time.

I already naired all the hair off my arms once, and started displaying more femininity, as much as I can for now.

And I've stopped having my meltdowns and panic attacks.

I'm still as sensitive as ever, that is one of the things definitely still a part of me, it's just not being exacerbated by a roiling sea of vitriol tucked underneath the surface anymore.

So yeah, I'm not out here saying I'm some "completely new person" or something like that, but I am an incredibly different version of the Hunter you knew.

Which brings us to the topic at hand, and why despite all this positive change I haven't been able to bring myself to talk.

I'm scared

I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared.

Yes I felt the need to say it four times.

After learning to distance myself, resulting in finding myself. I realized a few days ago why I couldn't reach out to you like I had planned. At first I tricked myself into thinking I was mad. Made you out to be the problem in my head, because I didn't want to acknowledge I was being a coward. Because it hurts to look at flaws carved that deep right after coming out into the sun for the first time.

There are a lot of things that were said between us, I said some awful garbage. You said some things I want to believe we're in good faith, you trying look out for my best interests.

The fact of the matter is though, I lost it and lashed out because I was too afraid to address my real feelings and tell you how much you were hurting me unintentionally.

Doesn't excuse me trying to hurt you, but I'd I don't explain it this way I'll never be able to finish so just hang in there with me please.

So after all that, and the self discovery I was feeling great, cloud nine sublime.

But I still couldn't get over how we left off. Despite not being able to address it.

Because I learned the reason why socializing was so easy for me before was the fact that my love starved brain was primed to leap into the arms of anyone that would give it validation.

Now though, with the ability to self-actualize, love, and support my own mind... The thought of reaching out petrified me.

I'm finally learned how to not be a walking pipe bomb of human emotions after 25 years, but now the exact opposite was the issue.

I put distance between myself and everyone around me because the thought of putting myself back out into the world, and risking the little seedbed I had started was too much to handle.

So I'm telling you now, I'm scared. I'm afraid to even send this, and despite having my anxiety under control now, I'm still mortified about sending you this. Because I don't want to relapse, I don't want to go back. I'm starting over completely from scratch with my social skills almost, even the ones I can still use all have to acclimate to my new perspective.

The one where a potential friendship isn't all upsides, where I have to think about protecting myself first.

I still consider you the closest a person has ever come to really understanding me, and that means more than I could ever illustrate with words.

I've spent my whole life looking for it, and I don't want it to be a pipe dream.

I want you to be a part of my life as long as possible. I don't know if you could ever feel the same, but I'd spend an eternity with you if we could get us figured out.

That's it. Enjoy the novella. I'm going to go drown myself in chores now to try and feel better.

0 notes

troofless · 1 year

Text

update on how i wasted 5h on the new xbc3 dlc story, new grips come to light:

feels a whole lot of the story was hinging on nostalgia bait rather than solving the plot holes in the main story, which is just peachy

matthew is not an interesting protagonist and is only there to represent the family feud in n’s long bloodline of fuckery. i thought matthew and a would have more synergy since they are literally the two faces of the game but they are just surface level friends with banter. a continues holding herself at arms length like alvis does for obvious reasons but this means matthew feels so isolated

nice loredump on xbc1 and xbc2 tho, i like the throwbacks to past places like colony 9 and uraya and prison island

i almost laughed when i saw the joran-looking guy die the first 10 minutes in lmao

the sharla and pandora reincarnations/children were pretty neat ig

shulk’s design in particular looks ugly af come at me bro

was it ever stated what happened to pyra/mythra? did they just die or revert back to the core crystal form? idk i didn’t watch the community stuff. also ig there are multiple green core crystals on glimmer and the fists of the end which is not confusing at all :/

i liked the detail that malos/logos is now the sword of the end and mythra/pneuma is fists of the end which is later noah’s gauntlet thing

confirmed that ghondor is n’s son and no wonder ghondor (main game) was pissed at her name lmaooo

i also liked the throwback to the gem crafting lmao

no explanation for lucky seven because of course

no explanation for riku either

no explanation for how shulk and rex and the others are still unassimilated but some of the other people get sucked into the cycle of reincarnation (i guess z is clumsy ha ha)

some explanation for how the city people don’t get fucked over by the two world merging at the end of main story ig

i literally said ‘what the fuck’ out loud when a said n wasn’t matthew’s enemy. like what the fuck. no.

oh wow imagine trying to justify n’s biggest crime of massacring an entire city of people ha ha wouldn’t it be funny if he didn’t actually murder them, absolving him of all crimes (bruh)

the dlc tried to hard to make n look sympathetic but i ended up hating him more. same for z man. like who invited you to the dlc party gtfo you didn’t even do anything

idk man i think na’el/alpha made a lot of sense in going for the new world esp with what happened in the end of the main story

a: yo but you saw what happened to klaus’s world! they decided to split it up and destroy it like dumbasses! that’s why your plan is bad! she says, literally ignoring that a world of peace is much better than whatever the fuck was the stagnant world of xbc3

also can i question why did alvis. just not leave without matthew. he had to fuck it up by showing himself in his physical form so that everyone could beat him up ten times over. cmon alvis

i feel like nikol and discount mythra could have been taken out of the story and nothing would have changed. what did they do other than be fanservice bait for the xbc1 and xbc2 ppl and have some bullshit ‘i promise to rebuild the city and carry on your legacy, dads :(’ like lmaooo

literally the ending of the main story was them deciding the future for themselves and them not wanting to stay in a stagnant world, something that contradicts the ending of the dlc like wtf

they went all the way, fought the god, just for a conclusion that didn’t matter because the two worlds merged anyway at the end of the game :)

i went into the dlc in the hopes of being able to complain that they locked the best part and best lore of the game behind a paywall but now i’m just disappointed. torna dlc was better. it had better pacing, better protagonist duo with lora and jin, started off stronger, didn’t have stupid flashbacks every three seconds same problem with xbc3 main story, better characters and character-synergy and humour.

tldr it’s a waste of time not worth it, just play fire emblem engage instead goty fr

#xenoblade mumblings #troofless stuff #troofless plays games

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meowchela · 1 year

Note

ALPHYS!!!!

in reference to this ask meme

OOOOOOH alphys is a big fave >:3 just like me fr!! (also i havent played undertale in ages so if some of this stuff seems surface level/out of touch thats why orz)

favorite thing about them: how dare you make me choose just one thing JFDJFJ but i guess i'll say personality! she's such a good character. awkward and charming and very real, her struggles with accountability and guilt also Hit yknow

least favorite thing about them: minor minor nitpick but her sprite makes it so hard to edit outfits onto her. i dont sprite edit much anymore but whenever i wanted to give her a wardrobe change it was so HARD bc of her slumped posture and crossed arms???? like what is going on here. impossible.

favorite line: * I haven't showered, I'm barely dressed, it's all messy, and... * Ummm... * H-h-hiya!

brOTP: mettaton is a classic answer here so that but also? i'm an absolute SUCKER for people who make content of her and sans as besties. i just ADORE the idea that they used to work together even if it turns out not to be canon, their dynamic is so good, the one moment where she called him cringe in the winter alarm clock added 50 years to my lifespan,

OTP: ALPHYNE OBVIOUSLY!!!!!!! they're a total comfort ship for me omg their dynamic is peak their colors go so nicely together i love seeing how people draw them i will attend their wedding and give them the best gift i can toby should have let them kiss onscreen i pray and hope that they become canon in deltarune even tho its a seperate thing i NEED this ok i need tbe . i love them. im so normal about them

nOTP: nothing really comes to mind????? she gets crushes on everyone and only really hates herself so i honestly can't see any ship for her that i'd wanna bash (unless its some freak shit obviously but shes so unpopular nothing weird with her has gotten popular/crossed into my vision LMAO)

random headcanon: on the surface she starts learning actual japanese through duolingo so she can watch anime without the subs and get the True Intended Experience™

unpopular opinion: her status updates aren't annoying you're all just haters

song i associate with them: her theme and fishy love are both too obvious so i wont say them, but if i may cheat a bit and use something from the undertale soundtrack anyway i'm honestly gonna say Another Medium! It's been a WHILE since i last played the game/even watched a playthrough so my main association w this song is walking around morphed as Alphys in the hotland area of this one undertale rp game on roblox haha such a good track too!!! (i wouldve liked to use a non-soundtrack song but again, havent played the game in ages so my song-association brain isnt present for this one...and i havent written anything down for her in the past = =;;;)

favorite picture of them: i'm just gonna use something from canon bc i dont think reposting fanart would be good

this was the moment of all time

thank you for the ask!!!! this was fun :3

#ask a cat #NOOOOOOOO TUMBLR POSTED THIS BEFORE I COULD FINISH its ok tho ive fixed it #allphys my beloved

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sizzlingpatrolfox · 1 year

Note

The thing about Jimin is that he’s a kpop idol, not a Western celebrity.

Engaging with fans is part of his job and part of the fantasy.

The fact that BTS made so much content until now is one of the main reason they are do popular.

Jimin is of course not obligated to be active on social media, but neither am I as a fan obligated to wait for him or like the situation.

For me being into kpop(specially Jimin) is a hobby and while he is still dear to me this period of silance really made me diatance myself from him and spending my free time alocated to him doing something else.

Also, I hate the way armys like to act like it’s sooo hard for them to post something, it takes less than a minute lmao

- Gen asking!!! Are you saying you’re losing interest in jimin lately? Btw just want to say if that’s the case I’m sad but it’s literally your choice. I love how honest you were on this blog and how you weren’t scared to say your opinions

---

Thought I could put these two asks together since both answers are similar 😅

BTS would not have been as popular and they wouldn't have reached millions of people the way they did if there wasn't so much non-music content. Armys and their superiority complex will tell you that their talent was the only reason but that's the biggest lie ever. The non-music content gave their music a background story, a reason to be, it gave it cause and consequence. You know why each song was written, what they allegedly had in mind at the time they wrote them, what they were going through. And even if they never said it out loud, fans can deduct the reasons and make theories based on random facts they know about the members, for example that theory that fake love has something to do with a book Namjoon read once and stigma is taehyung's coming out of the closet because Namjoon read a book once. Note: I don't have anything against theories about their music, and I think it's great that music can cause conversations. I'm just pointing out the ways BTS extracurricular content was probably THE reason they became so huge.

I don't think music was their content of choice for several years. It was always blended with their relationships, and somewhat personal stuff. You watch festa dinner 2018 for example, and there is some music talk but the dinner was never supposed to be about MUSIC, you know? It's the same with their documentaries and behind the scenes, there are some discussions about music here and there, surface-level, but the predominant theme in all of their content, is THEM. Them as people, them as friends, as colleagues. I'd say that the only time music was the main topic and the focus of the "extra" content, it was when they put out BE. That was the time they talked first about music and consequently their dynamics and personality snaked in through those conversations.

Then of course there's other content, so much of it that doesn't have anything to do with music at all; RUN, ITS, Bon Voyage, Winter/Summer Packages.

Now that content doesn't exist in the same capacity it existed for the past nine years. Even after 2020 there was some content, tho it wasn't of quality tbh. It seemed like 2020 was a major year for BTS, emotionally, on personal levels, yet the content doesn't really reflect the severity of those changes. On top of that, they all put up the tallest walls they'd ever built around their personal lives and real feelings and issues. So there was content, but did it really mean anything? Because I honestly never felt satisified with their music after dynamite, or with their DVDs or reality shows (run, ITS), and I know I'm not the only person who felt like that. I've talked before about that, that it was almost like meaningless content made just for the sake to be made and not to actually entertain or say anything of substance about the members.

The thing you say, that he's not obligated to do this or that but you're also not obligated to wait for anything, that's exactly what I mean when I say that BTS don't owe me anything, but I also don't owe them anything. Why are BTS members allowed to change, to grow out of habits, to completely (or almost completely) lose interaction with the fandom, to modify their ways of being idol, but I'm a horrible person if I change the way I feel about them? I used to interact and respond emotionally to the type of content BTS had been providing for the past five years; that content doesn't exist anymore. Jimin from 2017 doesn't exist anymore either. I am allowed, and I think in fact that it's the most logical thing to do, for me to also change and modify, to adapt my fan experience to 2023. It's just impossible for me to feel the same way I felt about BTS/Jimin as I felt in 2019 because the cirucumstances have changed.

If Jimin wants to be a celebrity in the way western celebrities are, to just realease music and dip for two years until the next album, then I'll just be a fan for that type of artist. I think all of us will just have to get used to being fans of people we know nothing about from now on.

However, music can be a replacement for all that extra content that BTS is not giving anymore.

I'll use Taylor Swift as an example. I've been a fan of hers for the longest time, yet I know almost nothing about her personal life. I don't know what her house looks like, I don't know if she can drive, I vaguely remember her mom's face (she used to be around Taylor managing her gigs when she was younger), I know she has a brother but I don't know his name, or what he looks like. I think I found out about Joe Alwyn like 4 years after they started dating. She doesn't do run episodes, she never released Taylor Memories of 20##, or at least not that I know of, there's barely any behind the scenes content. Only thing I ever watched about her was Miss Americana. It's a short documentary but it's enough. It's enough because it's well done, it has a dialogue with the viewer, it has purpose, and most of all: it's honest. It doesn't matter if you release 100000 hours of tour footage when it's meaningless, when half of it it's BTS half asleep during breakfast; you could do a 90 minute documentary and it could be enough for all of your career as long as it's well done and it's genuine.

I know there are millions of fans of Taylor who know everything about her, and they're curious about what toilet paper she uses and they go all "oohh she's so mysterious" the way pjms go because Jimin doesn't show his apartment, but that type of fan doesn't even make up for half of Taylor's entire fandom. There are even more people like me, who know nothing about her but still love her, and know all of her songs, and are waiting for 00:01 on the day of releases. And this happens because she was able to make a connection with people through her music.

Taylor doesn't show up to interviews and talks non stop about Joe, I think she's mentioned him a couple of times but they've been dating since 2015 I think??? and it wasn't until like after the pandemic that they started showing up together publicly more often. But people know who he is, and there are photos of them together, and even in Miss Americana she talks about him even if she doesn't say his name, and they have little clips together, and most importantly... she has entire albums that are about him. And that's my point. You can listen to reputation, or lover, and you know what she feels about him and can somehow gauge what type of man/boyfriend he is to her. She talks about him in the way she knows best how to: through her music, her songs. She's an amazing songwriter and she's found that it was a great way to communicate with people, and she does exactly that.

There wasn't much to do during strict quarantine in 2020 so she wrote folklore, which was just her letting her imagination run wild and make up stories and whole relationships and it's probably her best album to date. She didn't try to sell it as more than what it was.

BTS put out BE and it's a less than mid album that says "like an arrow in the forest". What? Needles to say, I hate BE with a passion. They gassed it up as personal and sincere and painful and whatnot and it's undoubtedly their worst album ever, and they didn't say anything of substance in it.

Creating connection through music is a perfectly valid and I'd say probably even more wholesome type of content than documentaries and whatnot. So far, BTS have failed to connect with people with their recent music. For me, this is one of the reasons the recent releases are forgotten so soon, because they don't actually have an impact in people's minds.

This got longer than I thought it would be, but to sum it up, I hope that Jimin will be able to create that conversation with people with his music. That he will be able to connect and reach people honestly, be vulnerable, through his music. Otherwise, I don't see people sticking around for him (or any BTS member) long term. Right now, seeing that he obviously doesn't care to connect with people through maybe casual stuff like magazine shoots, or even social media, I think there's still the possibility that he will do so through his music, and if that's what he's planning on doing then it would be amazing. But I do strongly believe that there should be some form of "dialogue" between him and the people that are supporting him.

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unknown-writing · 3 years

Text

Let’s face it. You despise being a Celestial Dragon. You find them absolutely deplorable and want /nothing/ to do with the lot of ‘em.

You’ve seen how they treat other people and fishmen alike. It disgusts you the levels of inhuman actions they’ve done towards the innocent just because the world government /ASSUMES/ they’re the ones that came from God or whatever the fuck.

So...You ran away. You stole some cash, took some of your stuff, and then ran to the open sea. The sea where it held nothing but lowly pirates and Marine forces fighting for a twisted version of what they call “Justice.” You left a note stating that you had “died” in an “accident by falling out of your window”, using ketchup as blood stains to make sure that somebody would just believe you.

After setting all of your slaves free the night before, you knew the only sense of freedom you had left was at sea. After all, setting your slaves free like that would be taken as treason against the Celestial Dragons, and you refused to give them that kind of power over your head just because you had better morals than them.

---------------------

Warning(s): Mentions of abuse, slavery, Celestial Dragons, angst A/N: Yet another purely self indulgent fanfiction reaction of the Monster Trio, also, sorry, it got a bit angsty for Sanji’s part lmao ^^;

Luffy has had bad experience with Celestial Dragons. He absolutely despises them. And when he hates somebody that much, he never wants to see them again. Unless it’s of course, to kill them.

Hearing your past shocked him to his core. You had kept it a secret for over a year now for the sake of your own safety, but being Luffy’s boyfriend was beginning to be harder and harder, especially since he’s friends with a Fishman. You /had/ to tell him the truth, no matter how scared you were of his reaction towards it, fearing that he may dump you and toss you overboard because of his hate towards your kind.

A brief silence filled the room that you two had been in, discussing your past and why you ran from home, and why there was suddenly a news report of you “Being Dead” in the latest newspaper. He had demanded some answers from you. You sighed, rubbing the back of your neck in awkwardness and gulped, “So....I ran.”

“I ran away from that place...I couldn’t stand being part of their kind. Seeing them hurt innocent people and fishmen alike just because of their “Social Status” grossed me out so bad that I faked my own death, and ran to the sea.” Using your fingers to create quotation marks with them, your arms fell down to your lap as yet another awkward silence filled the captains room, you hated that he was quiet.

“So...You ran away because you dislike the Celestial Dragons?” He commented, holding the piece of paper that had your face on it, only to then tear it to pieces a few moments later. You saw the pieces fall on the bed, somewhat stunned by what just happened. “Then that version of you is dead!” He simply says with the biggest grin you’ve seen from him. “You’re new name is y/n, and you’re a pirate! And you’re my girlfriend too!” He says cheerfully, pulling you into a tight but gentle hug. You couldn’t help but start to cry of relief, knowing that the captain of the Straw Hats wouldn’t judge you for your past despite his hate towards your kind.

Standing in an area on some Island, you stood awkwardly staring up at the green haired man. Despite the thin air, it seemed like he didn’t give two fucks about what was happening. He just stared down at you for a while, almost like he was judging you for your past, you could sense it too.

He lets out a sigh, a hand reached to your head and he patted it gently, “You’re no longer a Celestial Dragon right?” He asks, still petting your head, “No! Absolutely not! I ran away and faked my own death for a reason!” You responded quickly, feeling your anxiety start to get worse as time goes by almost at a slow pace. “Then it doesn’t matter who you /used to be/. You’re better than them. You freed all of your slaves the night before, and then ran the day after. The fact that you did that just proves to me that you’re one to be trusted.” He says then let’s go of your head and then grins

“Besides....If I felt like you were a threat, you would’ve been dead before Luffy accepted you into the crew.” He admits while rubbing his head. He was right though, he would’ve killed you if he’d sense you where a bad person to be around...A soft smile started to form on your face, you ran up to him and hugged him tightly, burying your face into his body as you felt a weight was lifted off of your shoulders. Zoro only stood there, allowing you to hug him

Much like Luffy, Sanji is disgusted by Celestial Dragons. Even more so coming from a family of Maids and Butlers, as well as slaves to do their work for them as they sat in the lap of luxury.

So, hearing that his darling s/o was born from their kind, made his stomach churn in pure disgust. You could tell by the look on his face that he was disgusted about your heritage, finding out about how you were raised to believe that your family was somehow the ones that “created this world.” But, what he was most disgusted by, was how your parents treated you, despite the fact that you where also a Celestial Dragon...YOU where abused too! Now it all made sense to him.

It made sense why you can barely handle being touched without jumping, or why it looks like your scared at somebody slightly raising their voice towards your general direction. How you flinch whenever you hear somebody bang a wall or surface. How you bite your lip when somebody asks for your honest opinion...All of it started to click into place in his head...It had hurt him to hear the news so abruptly that he left the room to cool his head off and have a smoke or two.

Watching his back leaving the room made you start to panic. You’re heart sank to the pits of your stomach as the door slammed shut in front of you...Even though you had mentioned that you had ran away and faked your own death to become a Pirate, seeing this reaction hurt you the most.

So....You broke down. You broke down and started to softly sob, as it became a habit to hide your crying due to your past. You knew that this would happen...But seeing it happen in front of you right now, it still hurt regardless if you “mentally prepared yourself for it.” All you could do was just sit there and cry. You had cried for what probably seemed like for a few hours.

With how drained you where from crying, you had fallen asleep on your bed, falling to your pillow after the first 45 minutes of sobbing. You didn’t hear the door being knocked on, “Y/n san?...” Sanji spoke out in a more calmer tone of voice. He opened the door to see that you had fallen asleep...Guilt hit his stomach like a two ton truck, “Oh no...Don’t tell me...” he thought as he gently placed the tray of food for the both of you to enjoy together to forget about what had happened and make amends for it.

He leaned over the bed gently to see that you had cried so much that your eyes were red and puffy, he could see some kind of a shine on your cheeks that could only resemble the shine of tears. “This was my fault...” he thought to himself as he tired fixing your sleeping position so that way it wouldn’t hurt you so bad the next morning, only to get an idea to have you sleep on his chest instead to cuddle you throughout the night.

“I’m so sorry y/n...” He would repeat until he himself had fallen asleep, and the two of you had peacefully slept with each other that night, you had never felt safer asleep than you where with Sanji.

#luffy x reader #zoro x reader #sanji x reader #tw// abuse #tw// angst #one piece x reader #monster trio

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starbornvalkyrie · 3 years

Text

ACOSF USA BOOK TOUR NOTES

Hey y’all! I just attended the LiveTalks Los Angeles event with Sarah J Maas and Eva Chen!! I took lots of notes so I wanted to share them with you all! They’re a little incoherent on the page, so it might seem a crazy, they jumped topics a lot. Feel free to chat with me about what she talked about! But first.

MY RULES:

NO SHIP OR CHARACTER SLANDERING. I know that we all may have different opinions. I will not offer my opinions here, this is purely informational for those of you who did not have the opportunity to attend this event.

PLEASE NO ARGUING IN MY COMMENTS OR ASK BOX WITH ME OR ANYONE ELSE WHO COMMENTS

Acknowledge that I am not perfect and may not have written down everything perfectly. I did my best while still trying to enjoy the event.

I AM NOT SARAH J MAAS AND CANNOT INTERPRET WHAT SHE MEANS

I’m tagging this with #acosf spoilers and #acosfspoilers just in case.

If you understand and can abide by these rules, keep reading below the cut, and enjoy!

SJM said it was weird doing this event from her living room where you might be able to hear her dog in the background or her son trying to get into the room.

ACOSF started as a passion project while she was writing ACOWAR! It was never anything she thought she was going to publish. (more on this later)

About reading and writing growing up

in middle school, she read a lot of fantasy

in high school, she didn’t read as much, but wrote A LOT. it became her fixation, almost an obsession.

in college, she only really wrote on vacations (she had a very healthy social life hehehe) but her junior year is when she found her balance between schoolwork, writing, and socializing.

there was no plan B for her!! it was always to be an author. if it didn’t happen right away, she was going to find a job that would get her by until plan A could come to be.

her favorite author growing up was Garth Nix. She longed for books about badass women. She got to meet him and write a blurb to be on one of his books! She cries when she meets her favorite authors.

Talk about character names!

her character names come from everywhere and nowhere

sometimes she’ll just hear a name in her head and think “that’s it!” (Rhys, for example)

she needs to know the name to write the character

if the name doesn’t immediately come to her, she spends a lot of her time on baby name websites and makes lists until it clicks

sometimes the names just... connect. sometimes she doesn’t mean for them to.

it will always be uncommon. never “Frank” lol

Writing about Nesta!

on a “surface level” she loves writing when Nesta comes out to fight. for example, her favorite scene in this aspect to write was the bog scene. As soon as she got to it, it flowed out of her. The final product was almost identical to the first draft. She wrote it in one session, from the terror & tread to the “who am i?” to when she emerged--she went YES. MAJOR Mic Drop moment for her.

going deeper: definitely her overall journey was one of the favorites she’s ever written. From the dark place she’s in at the beginning to the very end.

Writing about Nesta meant so much to her because of her own mental health. She channeled a lot of her own feelings and went on the journey with Nesta.

it was a lot of “how do you face mental health in a fantasy world without therapy and medication”

it was easy to get into Nesta’s mind but emotionally intense.

ACOSF’S BIG MESSAGE: LEARNING TO LOVE YOURSELF AND OTHERS. YOU ARE WORTH OF LOVE.

YES there is a book planned for Elain!

As soon as Nesta and Elain came onto the page again in ACOMAF, she knew they’d get their own journey.

Nesta grabbed her by the throat in book 1

She was originally contracted for only the first three books but realized there was more she wanted to explore. Essentially the “what comes next” after ACOWAR in this new world with out the wall.

FUN FACT: while editing ACOMAF/writing ACOWAR, she drunkenly told her editor at the time, “hey guess what happens next?”, and it turned into a two hour conversation about everything she wants to happen for Nesta, Elain, Mor, Azriel, etc. TWO WEEKS LATER, she gets a call saying they want to buy the stories!! Obviously, she said yes.

This allowed her to start planting the Easter eggs for these stories in ACOWAR. She knew she did not want Nesta to be sympathetic at the beginning of the book! But she did not want people to hate her.

She always has one eye on the horizon for future books.

If she could visit one court for a day, which and why?

She LOVES the season Autumn, it’s her favorite. “BUT EVERYONE IN THE AUTUMN COURT IS AN ASSHOLE”. She would want to visit the Autumn Court when no one is there so she can enjoy the beauty of Autumn.

But also she would want to go to the Summer Court because she has a thing for Tarquin but only if it’s not gross and humid.

She would ALSO want to go to the Day Court for Helion and all his libraries.

ESSENTIALLY she would want to go everywhere but Spring because Tamlin sucks and is an asshole lmao.

BEAST FORMS

SJM’s beast form would be something totally not cool or majestic like a sea otter.

Nesta’s beast form would be something terrifying and beautiful like a snow leopard/dragon hybrid, a griffin, or a sphinx. **WANTS SOMEONE TO DRAW THIS**

FUN QUESTIONS

Nesta’s favorite smutty book would be JR Ward’s Black Dagger Brotherhood series. She reads these books for the distraction, of course, but also for the comfort they gave her that everything turns out okay for the characters.

Nesta’s Starbucks order: cappuccino- something simple, nothing with too much sugar or whipped cream. Elain’s would be a Frappe- something delicious and sweet. SJM’s is a flat white, iced or not, but never after 2PM.

SJM usually listens to classical music and movie scores while she writes, but she’s gotten used to write in silence so that she can listen for her son’s shenanigans with Josh.

“Stay Together for the Kids” by Blink 182 semi-inspired the scene when Nesta and Cassian go back to her family’s cottage. She can hardly explain why.

WRITING ADVICE

Write what you love, not what you think you should be writing.

Give yourself permission to suck. Her first drafts are shit and are usually accompanied with an email that says “I know I need to fix this, this and that” lol.

WRITE THE DAMN THING. Vomit on the page!

YOU CAN’T FIX A BLANK PAGE.

Her least favorite part about the publishing process is the first pass of copy edits, those last minute checks and balances. But once it’s off to the printer, it’s not her problem anymore.

She’s every publisher’s worst nightmare because she sends it off to the printer at the LAST possible minute.

For reference: Throne of Glass was finished almost... a year and a half? ...before it hit shelves, but ACOSF was finished this past fall.

MAIN CHARACTER TALK

All of her heroines have a piece of her.

SJM’s personality is a hybrid of Bryce and Nesta.

Feyre and Nesta got most of her in terms of learning to be empowered.

She has to have a connection to them in order to write them. It’s an out of body, method acting experience.

MISCELLANEOUS

She said “CC2 is a year from now.”

She started writing ACOTAR in 2008 before she published TOG.

She loves the story and dynamic of Elizabeth and Darcy from Pride and Prejudice. Cassian is Elizabeth. Nesta is Darcy.

And that’s all I have, folks! Thank you for reading, I hope you got something out of this!

#acosf spoilers #acosfspoilers #nessian #nesta archeron #cassian #sarah j maas #live talks

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laufire · 3 years

Text

(CW for mentions of csa)

A lot of Commonly Accepted (Often Through Uncritical Repetition) Wisdom in fandom leaves me baffled, when not straight up ticked off, but one that's been on my mind lately, that never fails to bring a scrunched up expression to my face, is the idea that Bela Talbot's backstory was some last minute add-on to her character.

You might argue that the reveal was rushed since the writers caved in and killed her off against their original plan (or at the very least, earlier than). Or that using abuse is a trite way to raise sympathy for an antagonistic character. You could even say that some of the finer details might’ve not been set in stone until they sat down to write her exist, although that one is dubious. But I’m never really going to buy that Bela’s backstory hadn’t been already planned, likely in big part.

The reason why is Season Three Episode Six, “Red Sky At Morning”, Bela’s second episode, co-written by Eric Kripke himself. As all episodes with Bela were, may I add; which means he had a hand in crafting her story from the beginning, as creator, director, and writer.

There Dean, a character that has been shown as sharp and intuitive (although his success rate ain’t that great when it comes to Bela, admittedly xD), immediately pegs her as someone with Issues TM, asking “how did she get like this”. He even taunts her by referencing her father, showing off his talent to hit where it hurts by asking if he “didn’t give her enough hugs”, ‘cause he’s classy like that. This visibly affects Bela, changing her demeanor in their conversation, from more playful to defensive. Hell, I remember during my first watch in real time this moment, especially paired with the rest of the episode, was when I first thought it was possible she came from an abusive family.

Because, c’mon. This whole episode is about parricide. The monster of the week is a ghost who haunts those that “spilled their own family’s blood”. We get two other examples: a woman whose accidental car crash killed her cousin, and two brothers who killed their father for the inheritance. Clearly, the ghost doesn’t have a narrow criteria when it comes to means or culpability -which makes sense given his particular story: he was tried for treason and his brother, the captain of the ship, issued the sentence.

And just as we find out this information... Bela sees the ghost ship that foretells her death. This, paired with the insinuations about an unsavvory past and her discomfort at the mention of her father, aren’t a wealth of information, but they start to paint a picture. We now know for a fact that Bela caused the death of at least one relative (mom and dad); that she wouldn’t have needed to do it directly (she made a crossroads deal); and that she might’ve had a sympathetic motive (her father sexually abused her and her mother turned a blind eye).

That scene offers some more tidbits of information about her past that seem too in tune with 3x15 to be coincidental, and that absolutely break my heart: Bela’s “You wouldn’t understand. No one did.“ and “I’ll just do what I’ve always done. I’ll deal with it myself”. See, I always thought Bela must’ve told people, when she was a kid. That she reached out for help not just to her mother, but to everyone around her that she thought could’ve help: teachers, maybe even law enforcement; adults that should’ve being worthy of that trust and protected her. Except no one did (and the fact that her family seemed to be not only very rich but influential paints a very bleak picture that surely contributed to her cynic view of the world). So she took matters in her own hands, and sold her soul for ten years of relative safety and freedom from her abusers.

To tie it all up, her final scene in that episode offers some more moments that again, are very in line with her backstory. We see how she treats relationships as transactionals: she pays ten grand to the Winchesters for saving her life, like she paid with her soul. Dean, again, draws attention to her likely messed up past by calling her damaged, and she replies that “takes one to know one”. Terrible childhood, ammirite. The show wasn’t been subtle here: it’s telling us Bela has a terrible past, like the Winchesters do, but of a different kind that has resulted in a different kind of person. So yeah, I think all the facts were hinted at back in 3x06.

We could go even futher back and point out 3x03, Bela’s introduction. One of the very first things she says in the show, during her first face to face with Dean (a character that just condemned his soul to Hell), is “We’re all going to Hell, Dean. Might as well enjoy the ride”. Sure, it could be an incredibly fortuitous coincidence; as a writer, I’ve had those and they’re damn great. But it seems VERY lucky, and more likely to be a case of the kind premeditated, well-placed foreshadowing that Kripke excels at.

So, okay. I’ve established why I think Bela’s backstory wasn’t a spur of the moment decision. But why is there a notable narrative in fandom that it IS?

First thing first, I want to get something out of the way: you don’t have to like it even if it was planned ahead. I understand it’s a very thorny subject, and to make matters worse, it’s inherently tied to her death. You might even be fine with the what, but not with how it was dealt with (although personally, I appreciate that neither the abuse nor her death were shown onscreen. In fact, the worse violence we see Bela on the receiving end of in her run is Dean’s threats and manhandling, which seems like a very purposeful choice ngl. Even Gordon freaking Walker was gentler lmao).

But I do disagree with some extended fandom opinions on the topic, and I guess that’s what the post is about. For one, I don’t see how the show “condemned” or morally judged Bela in this scenario. If anything, they clearly wanted to make her sympathetic, AND they showed Dean as being in the wrong by robbing him of information. Dean’s opinion on Bela couldn’t count for shit, for once, because he didn’t have the full picture; because Bela had deemed him UNWORTHY of the full picture, and thus anything he had to say on her couldn’t be taken at face value (except this is Supernatural, so I guess this was a little too much to ask of some people?). I think saying that just because Bela died and went to Hell as a consequence of her deal, IN THE SAME SEASON the same happened to our co-lead, because the writers deemed her evil and irredeemable is simplistic at best, and the audience projecting their own feelings (or being unable to see past Dean’s) onto the writing.

All that said, to go back to the initial point of all of this xD: WHY does fandom seem to insist on viewing this narrative choice as some cheap last minute addition?

There might not be one explanation that fits all, but I have a few ideas. One is that, if this wasn’t planned for and hinted at from early on, some people might feel as if this “absolves” them of their previous (and disgustingly hateful and misoginistic) reactions to Bela. Others will see this as absolving Dean, and maybe even Sam to a lesser extent, for not helping her and for being callous towards her; if her tragic backstory was this artificial, rushed choice made by Those Writers, then Dean wasn’t responsible for reprehensible attitudes towards someone who deserved his compassion (and it can’t be denied that this fandom loves absolving Dean of responsibility lmao). And a lot people are probably only repeating what they've heard from others as the accepted narrative, especially those that didn't even watch all of s3 if at all (Castiel is my fave too, but seriously, s1-3 are worth it).

It’s like they’re creating this imaginary separation between Bela pre-reveal, and Bela post-reveal, to make the situation easier to themselves. See, Bela pre-reveal was this annoying bitch who inconvenienced and embarrassed our leads (not to mention dared have chemistry with them), and thus deserved to be punished for it; or, if we’re going with more modern fandom sensibilities, she can be made to fit into the shallow #GirlBoss mold, with a side of “Secretly A Lesbian And Therefore Not A Romantic Threat” flavour -the current preferred method to make controversial female characters more palatable.

The reveal throws a wrench into this narrative. “Bitch who deserves her comeuppance” is a hard sell when you’re talking about a character who survived csa. And a shallow #GirlBoss reading doesn’t work if you have to acknowledge that Bela was one of, if not the most tragic characters in the entire run of Supernatural.

She spent over half her life at the mercy of her abuser(s), hurt by those who should’ve loved her and protected her most. The rest of her life was extremely lonely, with seemingly only a cat as company, and a surface-level freedom that hid under the sentence that loomed over her head. She died without a single friend, or a simple show of kindness and compassion, without anyone bothering to fight for her. And then she ended up tortured for who knows how long until she became one of her torturers.

All of that is extremely difficult to digest. And when things are hard to swallow, people do as people do, and they try to simplify them. So, sure. Bela’s reveal wasn’t ever hinted at, it’s completely removed from her character and the person we met, and is not even worth trying to fit into the narrative. Sounds easy.

#talking to the void #my thoughts #spn thoughts #supernatural #bela talbot #bitter lau tag #fandom nonsense #spn 3x15 #spn 3x06 #spn s3

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jean-kayak · 3 years

Text

Chapter 17

Summary: A relaxing summer at home after your second year of college sounds nice, until someone comes back and makes it anything but

Pairing: Eren Jaeger x black!fem!reader

Warnings: angst lmao that’s really all i can say without spoiling anything

Word Count: 2581

A/N: This is another FLASHBACK, and this will be the last one for the rest of the series, but after this, it goes pretty downhill lmfao

Tags: @iwascrybaby, @styxtm, @germinvasion, @prxttyguardian, @bigdaddyzawa, @kbbvbz, @tomsadversary, @kqtsukisgf, @pettyluxury, @protectpancakes

Chapter Summary: Words can hurt. Like really, really bad.

If you ever wanted a time to be good at holding back your tears, it would be right now. Final exams are coming up, so your stress levels are already through the roof, and to make it even worse, your teacher for interior design basically told you that your project was a failure and that you're going to have to start over. Today is Friday.

It's due Monday.

You're sitting on one of the benches in the main lobby of the high school, waiting for your ride, and you just can't stand being at school any longer. You're looking down, hoping no one who's still wondering through the hallways after almost everyone's left looks your way.

You freeze when you hear a familiar voice, and you feel a new fresh wave of tears roll down your face. You hear Eren laughing with his friends, and you keep your gaze down, refusing to look up as you wipe the tears from your eyes.

And you hate how your body sheds more tears at just the sound of his voice, and you blame it on the fact that you're already stressed. He "rejected" you a long time ago, so there's no reason for you to still be pining over someone you're never going to be with.

You keep sniffling due to the fact that you're looking down, and you're hoping he walks past you soon without looking your way at all. When you feel someone lightly nudge your head, you feel your heart drop. "Hey." His voice is soft, and that just seems to make you more upset. "What's wrong?"

You shake your head, keeping your gaze on your shoes. "Nothing, I'm fine."

"Bullshit." You sigh as you look away from your shoes. He definitely is the most stubborn person you've met, and you're best friends with Jean.

"It's true. There's nothing wrong," you repeat. "Now, I'm pretty sure you'd rather be with your friends than with me, so you can go." You wipe your face with your sleeve, sniffling again which doesn't help your case.

"Look at me and say that." You feel yourself clench your hands into fists at his stupid fucking persistence, looking up at him, and you refuse to believe that you see his face soften when you look at him. "What the hell happened?" he asks, and you shake your head again.

"Like I told you, it's nothing. You wouldn't care." This is what you tell yourself, you're pretty sure it's the truth anyway. There's no way he would actually care about how you're doing.

"Where'd you get that from?" he questions in disbelief, and you scoff as you look back down at your hands, flexing your fingers as you relax them.

You shrug. "I don't know. It's just something I assumed."

"Well, it's a stupid assumption," he tells you before he sighs. "Come on, let's go." You look up at him, raising your eyebrows. "Tell whoever's picking you up that I'm taking you home." You scoff again as you shake your head.

"Eren, I already told you, I'm fine. I don't need you treating me like a baby," you respond, your words coming out more aggressive than you wanted.

"Come on, Y/N, you know I don't look at you that way. Now, let's just go." You roll your eyes as you look in the opposite direction of him, cursing yourself when you feel more tears brimming your eyes.

"I'm pretty sure you'd rather hang out with your friends than me. They're more important than I am." You didn't realize how self-deprecating you got in your head when you tried to get over your stupid crush.

"Who told you that?" He sounds angry now, and you can't hold the tears in anymore, more falling down your face as you shake your head.

"No one." I did. You try to hold back the sob rising in your chest, but it slips out, and you suddenly feel a hand on your wrist pulling you up from the bench before an arm is around your shoulders, leading you out of the school.

You find yourself sitting at that same booth in the ice cream parlor, this time barely putting a dent in your ice cream. "You can start on the work now. Just get a little bit done while you sit here," Eren says, and you shake your head, giving him a small shrug.

"No, I'll probably just wait till I get home. I'm sure you've got somewhere else to be, don't wanna hold you up."

You don't look up when he leans forward, resting his arms on the table. "Who's telling you all this shit?" You can't help but feel pathetic. You can't say yourself because then you'll feel even more stupid.

"No one, it doesn't matter." You put a spoon of ice cream in your mouth to stop you from saying anything else. You glance at him, and you know that he can tell that you're not telling the truth or that there's something else underlining your words, and you hate how much of an open book you are.

"Seriously, Y/N, do the work. I have nothing else to do." He leans back in the booth, eating some of his ice cream to emphasize his point, and you sigh heavily before you slide your ice cream to the slide and start pulling out the stuff you need to start on the toughest thing you currently have to deal with.

You're actually pretty immersed in your work, your notebooks and binder spread out all over the table, pens and colored pencils littering the surface, and you just happen to look around to see a pencil in Eren's hand. He seems pretty focused, and you chew on your lip nervously before you set your pencil down, flexing your fingers that are starting to hurt.

"What are you doing?" you ask cautiously, and he looks up at you through his lashes before he lifts his head up.

"Drawing," he responds easily, and you nod, remembering how Jean said that he had started to take it up.

"Drawing what?" you push softly, and he responds with an easy shrug.

"Stuff, I guess," he responds, and you raise your eyebrows as you give him an easy smile.

"Can I see?" He easily slides the book over to you, and you pick it up, setting it on top of your stuff. Your eyes widen when they land on the different sketches spanning across the two pages you're looking at. "You're amazing," is the first thing that comes out of your mouth, and you're really at a loss for words.

You didn't know what you were expecting, but they're way better than what you thought. "I would hang these up in my room," you say, and you keep your attention on the drawings as you hear him chuckle softly.

"I don't think they're that good," he contradicts, and you scoff as you look up at him.

"Are you kidding me? You're seriously amazing," you emphasize before passing the book back to him. "What?" you ask when you notice that he's staring at you.

He hesitates for a second, not saying anything as he looks down at the table before looking back at you. "Can I draw you?"

You blink in surprise before you let out a depreciating chuckle. "You wanna draw an ugly girl with dried tear tracks on her face?"

"I want to draw a girl who is not ugly, and who is going to finish her project and get the best grade in the class," he counters quickly, and you chew on your lip softly as you try to fight the heat rising to your face.

"If you want to," you respond softly. "What do you want me to do?" you ask, fiddling with the pencil in your hand nervously.

"Just keep doing what you're doing." You respond with a small nod before turning back to your work, feeling a little bit weird now that Eren's watching you, but you're soon back to being absorbed into your work, nearly forgetting that he was drawing you in the first place.

Eren decides to leave once you have most of your project drafted, almost ready to work on the final result. "Can I see that drawing?" you ask as you pack your backpack up.

"It's really bad," he says, and you roll your eyes just as you zip up your bag.

"I know that's not true," you object, and he chuckles softly before sliding out of the booth.

"I'll show you one day. Come on, let's get you home," he says, nodding his head towards the door, and you walk out of the ice cream parlor feeling a lot lighter than when you came in.

^^^

The end of your freshman year of high school passed in a blur even though you swore you had those weeks where it felt like it took forever for them to end. You barely made it through your exams unscathed, your brain feeling like it had been fried ten times over, but now you had the summer to look forward to.

Eren had a graduation party, and the only reason why you were there was that Jean got to invite some of his friends because his mom didn't want him to feel left out. You two were the only ones there though, most of them not wanting to be surrounded by a bunch of former seniors or either having things to do.

You went to obviously hang out with Jean, but once more people started showing up, that's when you realized that this probably wasn't the best idea. You and Jean were able to take refuge in his room for the time being, and you couldn't go to your house because Jean's mom was making him stay for at least a couple of hours.

Jean wasn't happy about it, so you listened to him complain for at least an hour about that before he switched the subject onto you. He started asking you about your relationship with Eren, and he wasn't happy when you told him that sometimes he would take you to get ice cream. "What's so wrong with it?" you ask, and he just shrugs.

"I just don't like it," he replies, making your frown deeper. "Do you like him?" The sudden question makes you jump slightly, and you try to mask the nervousness in your chuckle.

"What do you mean? Like if I--"

"Y/N," he cuts you off, his voice telling you there's no point in beating around the bush, and you sigh heavily as you pick at the side of your cup.

"No? I don't..." you trail off, not really knowing how to answer. "It doesn't matter," you conclude.

Eren causes your feelings to be all over the place. One moment, you're fine, it's like you're over him, and then he'll do something like bringing you to the ice cream parlor to make you feel better, and then those feelings explode all over again.

"I'm going to get something to drink," you say, quickly standing up and walking out of his room. You maneuver through the mass of people, the house seeming to be stuffy from how many people are inside, probably due to the heat outside.

You slide past a bunch of people before you decide that you need a breather. You make your way to the back door, sliding it open just enough for you to fit through before closing it behind you. You release a sigh that slumps your shoulders when it feels cooler outside than it does inside. You walk away from the view of the door, leaning against the house so that no one can see you.

You're about to sit down when you hear voices coming from the side of the house. You make your footsteps light as you tiptoe across the deck, and you keep your back against the wall as you look around the corner, feeling an uneasy feeling settle over you when you see Eren talking with his friends.

Eren and Will are sitting next to each other in cheap lawn chairs while Porco leans against the wall, cigarette lit in his mouth. The conversation is nothing to really pay attention to, but once you rest your head against the wall, out of their sight is what catches your ears. "You ever get that whole crush thing sorted out with Y/N?" Will asks the question, and you can feel your heart starting to pound.

"Yeah, she said it wasn't true," you hear Eren respond and a scoff follows it.

"Yeah, right. Don't tell me you believed that." It's Porco that speaks this time, and you bite your lip as your hands dig into the brick against your back. "It was so obvious, it's almost sad."

"Like I said, she denied it," Eren repeats, and you want to leave, but your feet are glued to the ground.

"And then you were hanging out with her," Porco continues. "Like you had a crush on her, too," he jokes.

"Fuck off, man," Eren says. "I was only nice to her because she's Jean's best friend. Trust me, that's the only reason why I put up with her."

You think you physically feel your heart break. The tears are brimming in your eyes, and they spill as you turn in the opposite direction towards your house, your walking soon turning into running, not stopping when your parents ask you what's wrong, and you close your door, locking it before pulling the covers over yourself and crying so hard, you fall asleep.

Coming up with a lie to tell your parents wasn't easy, you roping in Jean to help you, and you both just said that you had gotten into a meaningless fight, but you're fine now. Jean was livid when you told him what happened, but you told him not to do anything. For one, Eren was way bigger than him, and two, Eren was about to leave so there was no point.

Jean only came to your house to hang out, and you never stepped foot back into Jean's house until Eren had left for college. Sometimes Eren would text you, but you never looked at it. You would swipe the notification away, and slowly the texts stopped coming in.

You obviously knew that it could never work between the two of you, but why did he have to say that about you? Was that true? You didn't want to believe it, but he seemed so serious that it makes you cry all over again. It just makes all of those moments you had together mean absolutely nothing, and it makes you want to punch the memories out of your head.

You didn't go see him when he left, you telling your parents that you weren't feeling that well, and Jean came over to tell you that he was gone. It took you a lot longer to get over him than you wanted, but you made sure to distract yourself for the whole summer, and Jean helped you.

You didn't tell anyone else what happened and neither did Jean, and even though it caused a deep wound, you were slowly but surely starting to heal, and Eren deciding that he wasn't going to come back often made it easier for you.

You didn't have to see him ever again, and you used that to aid in your healing process.

|Chapter 16|Masterlist|Chapter 18|

#nothing changed #eren jaeger #eren yeager #eren jaeger x black reader #eren yeager x black reader #aot fanfiction #snk fanfiction

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slasherscream · 4 years

Text

A/N: shout-out to that one anon on bloodybrahms’ blog forever ago where they were like ginger fitzgerald x jennifer check x jd x reader. their mind?? i haven’t known peace since seeing the concept.

coincidentally, you as well, will never know a moment of peace again.

your relationship is overflowing with chaos. you can’t let your guard down for even a second because that’s the exact moment one of your partners will choose to strike and do some absolute bullshit™. it is imperative that you never take your eyes off them or leave any of them on their own.

if you cannot stay with them at all times at least take care to make sure you never leave all three of them alone together. nothing good has ever come from you doing this.

you act as the impulse control for all three of your partners. they straight up don’t know how to act without you around.

let’s talk about the chaotic dynamics and features of this relationship, shall we-

○ ginger and jennifer ....where to start. they dislike each other so much, both on the fundamental levels of their personalities and also as supernatural entities. werewolves and demons aren’t like…. natural enemies or anything but they can be Genuine Threats™ to one another so their hackles are always a little raised around each other.

○ that aside, jennifer is the exact type of girl ginger hated in high-school. she took one glance at jennifer and said "what a fucking vapid wanna-be barbie looking slut" and she hasn't changed her mind since.

○ meanwhile, jennifer thinks ginger is just.... beneath her. she wouldn't have hated a girl like ginger back in high-school because she never would've fucking noticed her. once she is forced to acknowledge ginger as a sentient, living being due to your poly relationship she's just.... aggravated by her. if jennifer had to put into words what she doesn't like about the other girl it would be how fucking judgmental she is. absolutely rich coming from jennifer of all people but she's serious! you're gonna sit here.... and hate her.... because she's popular and sexy?? are you fucking twelve?? you mangy, pathetic, edgy, "i only listen to evanescence" ass bitch (and she means the bitch part literally.)

at best their relationship could MAYBE wind up like that exchange from jumanji: welcome to the jungle:

Professor Shelly Oberon : Seriously, I can't even open my mouth around you. You don't even know me, but you, like, decided you hate me.

Ruby Roundhouse : Look, I just think you live in, like, the "hot popular girl" bubble, you know, where everybody either treats you like a princess or like an object. Maybe it makes you a little self-absorbed or something?

Professor Shelly Oberon : That's fair. But do you think that maybe the reason why you are so judgy is because you are like afraid that people are not gonna like you, so you've decided not to like them first? I'm just saying, you're a babe, go with it.

but realistically they will never have a conversation this open and honest. they'll stick to bickering and being catty, thank you very much. occasionally they are so catty that they start literally fighting and yes, your house will get destroyed every time some shit pops off between them. please have everything insured.

○ funnily enough they both like/love jd!! off the bat they both find him incredibly attractive. jennifer saw him and said "yummy.com, much?" ginger did not say anything but watched him like a hungry....well, wolf. honestly though looks weren't enough to keep either of them interested in someone when they were plain human and un-traumatized let alone now. in fact, considering that jennifer is a succubus her finding jd hot only put him in danger adjkl.

○ lucky for him he was surprisingly resistant to her physical charm/succubus powers/allure when she first approached him, planning to make him her next meal. while she totally took his disinterest as a challenge because uhm?? are you fucking blind?? i'm a fucking buffet?? all i serve is looks?? it also made her respect him quite a bit. jennifer takes very few people seriously. her respecting someone so soon after meeting them is actually a way bigger deal than her liking them.

○ jd takes some time to warm up to jennifer but not as much as you'd think? while he might roll his eyes at her popular, mean girl shtick he's very observant and sees that there's more to jennifer than meets the eye.

○ the fact that he doesn't immediately hop into her bed just because she sticks her chest out gives him enough time to see beneath her surface and surprises her enough that she let's him. there are plenty of things he likes about her. he admires the way she can just...bend the world to her will. when she wants something she gets it, no matter what. he loves that?? she's very dynamic and bold. excitement either follows her or she chases after it. and unlike a lot of charismatic or popular people jennifer lacks the one trait jd absolutely can't stand being fake. jennifer doesn't hide the fact that she's a stone cold bitch. she always says exactly what she means or what's on her mind. overall jennifer is an addicting personality to have around and even jd falls for her charm eventually.

○ jennifer won't say it but realizing jd actually cares about her and likes her as a person is what makes her fall, you know because she's a fucking narcissist... just kidding. it catches her off guard for someone to fall for her because of who she is and not what she looks like. it makes her vulnerable for just long enough that she sees all the things that are good about jd and BOOM, she's in love. now she's got two mates and one annoying hang around whom she also has sex with because she's not hideous (her mate, ginger is also her mate, she just likes ginger less than she likes the two of you.)

○ ginger loves jd's intensity. they're pretty much ' same hat! ' relationship wise.

ginger: men are fucking worthless jd: *walks around fucking unhinged* ginger: ....one man allowed

○ she genuinely loves his personality and he genuinely loves hers right on back. they're kind of just...mirrors of each other in a lot of ways but there's just enough difference between them that they don't piss each other off. other than their tempers they get along really well because they think the same way?? have the same ideas?? want to do the same things?? kill the same people?? you know bonding shit. they're kind of perfect together? they completely understand one another. they are probably the most like-minded of the whole relationship, not the closest, but they think pretty much the exact same shit, i cannot emphasize this enough. they can make eye contact and know exactly what the other is thinking and they love that. lowkey best friends. highkey you cannot let them go on dates alone.

○ where do you fit in here? uhm you're the glue and stability of this relationship. sure they all love or begrudgingly (and secretly) like each other but you're like.... gravity. essential and holding the world together, keeping everything balanced. you were probably the start of the relationship to begin with. they all knew you and were growing to love you separately and then each realized they had competition but while they were trying to fight each other off they just sorta...got used to one another. and none of them were willing to give you up so it's lucky they decided to share or it would've been a fucking bloodbath to put it lightly. none of them have self control or boundaries. to get what they want they'd all go ridiculously far... i don't know what's farther than murder but they'd do it.

○ they all depend on you emotionally, honestly. you're their closest friend, the person they can be vulnerable with, someone they trust to take care of them in the way that matters most. they love you because you make them all feel....human (even jd who is the only actual human besides you. but you get the point.)

sometimes they get jealous of each other, which is ridiculous, because you're almost always together as a group. you do occasionally go off in pairs or to separate outings/activities/dates but generally?? you're all together. it's typically more like-

ginger: you've been hanging off y/n all fucking day, jennifer! they barely fucking smell like me anymore. jennifer: what's so bad about that? you smell fucking disgusting- jd: *grabs ginger around the waist before she can jump across the kitchen counter and beat jen's ass*

however!! there isn't as much inter-group jealously as you'd believe! they actually enjoy having a relationship involving four people.

it feels very secure to them? first off they all feel better in regards to you. they don't worry so much about anything happening to you because you have three over-protective partners who would die and kill for you. they also don't worry about you leaving them because you're so.... you. unlike other, unnamed people they so desperately clung to in the past they know you're not going anywhere. they feel secure enough in their connection with you to be as codependent as possible :)))

(also.... you couldn't leave if you tried lmao. get away from one of them? sure maybe. get away from all three?? *cue clown music* they'd use ginger as a hunting hound and track you by scent alone.)

the four person relationship feels incredible to ginger because it satisfies her need to have a pack? she'd only ever had her sister before and you know how....close, they were. having more than one, single person to be emotionally attached to/invested in really helps center ginger? it also makes it easier to be in a relationship with her? she can be very intense and focused and she puts a lot of energy into her relationship. having that focus and intensity spread out amongst multiple partners is great for her and for them.

jennifer only ever really felt connected to one person, needy. losing her was....a lot. she never thought she'd be close to anyone again let alone to three people. she can't stand the mutt sometimes but she loves you and jd!! and she loves being loved. not lusted after. not admired. not envied. loved, genuinely loved. she may be a demon, she might not have a soul anymore, but she does have a heart, and every day she's with the three of you it feels a little less broken.

since the..."untimely" death of jd's mother (and arguably, even while she was still alive) he's never had any roots. no solid connection. no one to belong to or with. before you, ginger, and jennifer he was just...drifting. when you three came into his life it was like hearing a sudden gunshot in the middle of a calm forest. it was electrifying, and maybe even a little scary. he went from having absolutely nothing to having everything, all at once. for the first time in a long time he has something to be grateful for. he would do anything for the three of you. he'd burn the world to the ground just to see you three smile.

jd goes on several motorcycle rides a week because while you guys have like two cars...he keeps his motorcycle because jennifer, ginger and you think it's hot and none of you are very practical. he must treat all of you to the delight that is the wind flowing through your hair while you're on the back of his bike. jennifer doesn't like helmet hair but she likes the sexiness factor. ginger likes that it's dangerous so jd always speeds when he's with her, you're not sure how they don't get arrested??

date nights are such a nightmare because you guys are all very opinionated?? and particular. you and jd are probably the most easy-going but that doesn't really help because jennifer and ginger are always going to be picky about what you guys wind up doing and they'll say no to whatever the other suggests just on principal. just for their own amusement.

ginger, jennifer and jd are so over-protective of you. you're such a delicate little human?? how have you been surviving without them?? you need them to take care of you.

sometimes you'll be like "why the fuck aren't you two stifling jd? he's a human too!!" and they're like "no he's different" which is such bullshit but also like....jd is fucking unhinged. he can take care of himself. you are their baby.

ginger and jennifer are forever arguing about who is going to transform you and jd. you would think they’d at least agree that one of you is gonna get turned into a demon and one will become a werewolf, at least for the sake of balance, but they literally can’t even agree on THAT let alone which supernatural creature you or jd will wind up as. you two have minimal input in this choice sorry :/ this is werewolf and succubus beef. humans be silent.

you staying human isn't a choice because humans are weak and die so quickly. unacceptable?? ginger is gonna live a long ass time and jennifer is probably immortal. they are not winding up stuck with each other just because you and jd thought you could escape them in death?? fuck you.

ginger needs all three of you to smell like her. yes, even jennifer. but mostly you and jd as you're her two humans and Preferred Mates. jennifer can smell her scent on you all but she doesn't need to smell it?? it's not instinctual?? meanwhile it straight up gives ginger anxiety when you guys don't smell like her. it's just part of werewolf mating. honestly while ginger smells different from humans she doesn't smell like dog, jennifer just likes to say that to piss her off. if she did smell like dog jennifer wouldn't touch her and would gripe any time she touched you or jd.

cuddling is such a fucking nightmare. you guys have the biggest couch in the world and it's still a fucking ordeal. every two person couple activity is fucking ordeal for local poly couple.

it's a debate every time about who's going to sit where or who's going to hold who. oh jennifer likes to sit on the armrest? cool. except she wants to cuddle with you, but you want to sit in the middle today, and jd wants his arms around you, but ginger is laying in his lap and refuses to move cause he was riding on his bike too long today and stopped smelling like her so she'll bite him if he moves.

your life is literally that "man has to get a fox, a chicken, and a sack of corn across a river." riddle i'm so fucking sorry for you.

jennifer likes to buy you and jd clothes. she stopped bothering getting stuff for ginger because the mutt is always so ungrateful of jennifer's taste in clothing. to be fair jennifer only buys a few things that are a bit out of you or jd's comfort range, she tends to buy things that will make you look hot but that you'd also get for yourself.

jd goes shopping with her because he doesn't like leaving any of his partners alone for long. like he doesn't enjoy it he's also not going to bitch about it like other "dutiful" boyfriends who are left holding a few shopping bags and purses. you can't go out with your girlfriend and hold her shit for her for a couple hours?? can't give her a few minimal responses on whether something looks good or bad??? fuck you. also stop looking at his girlfriend before he pulls out his gun.

they all encourage the worst of each others possessiveness. not only because being around each other makes it feel normal because they all agree this is a perfectly healthy amount of possessiveness but also because they all think of being possessive as something romantic. you know they love you because they'll rip apart anyone who looks at you for two long!!!

when you wake up in the morning it's chaos. someone's hair is always in someone's mouth and ginger is a very wild sleeper. especially as it gets closer to the full moon. one of you will wind up on the floor even though you have two king mattresses pushed together. jennifer is one second away from tying ginger up before the four of you go to bed.

you don't really have to worry much about ginger's transformation?? like she won't hurt you and jd during it because she knows that you two are her mates, she's pretty docile around you two (for a werewolf). she knows that jennifer is her...something so she doesn't try to hurt her but she's also not gonna roll over and show her belly.

if anything does go wrong like ginger gets out/away from you all or out of control jennifer can get her back or put her in check no problem. werewolf cuts/bites don't hurt more than any other type of gnarly injury so jennifer is fine with doing it.

that's one of the ways you can tell jennifer gives a shit about ginger actually. even when ginger will fight her viciously when she's a werewolf jennifer mostly just does things to restrain her, not to hurt her. you'd never point that out though because just to prove she's not soft jennifer might break one of ginger's ribs or some shit next time.

the big concern is making sure ginger doesn't get hurt or caught. jd and jen don't care if she hurts anyone else frankly adjkl. to try and keep ginger running off to a minimum (because it's very hard to keep a werewolf somewhere it doesn't want to be) right before a turn jennifer will bring her own.... food, back to the house and her and ginger will kill them together?? it satiates some of the blood-lust and makes the transformations easier.

all three of these bastards will try and kiss you or fuck you while you're covered in blood and it's a nightmare!! somehow one of them is always covered in blood!! even if jd wasn't directly involved in a killing he will come home covered in blood because he made out or had sex with one of the girls while they were covered in blood. he thinks they're beautiful when they're blood thirsty :)))

none of them are great at emotions but all three of them together almost make one-functional human being!! and they are all, to their credit, aware of the fact that they aren't great with feelings so they are already naturally over-compensating to make sure they're always taking care of all your needs.

you: on the phone with a friend complaining about your day, minding your own business the three of them: *manifest from nowhere because their "you having human contact that isn't them" sense was tingling ginger: *snatches your phone and hangs up on your friend* jennifer: *sits in your lap* jd: *wraps an arm around you* why don't you tell us about your day, darling?

a well-oiled machine anyone?

no friends!!! only them!! you are a pack!! you are mates!! you're a family!!! fuck anyone else.

#jd x reader #jennifer check x reader #ginger fitzgerald x reader #jennifer check imagine #heathers imagine #jennifer's body #heathers #jason dean #slasher x reader #ginger fitzgerald x jennifer check x jd x reader #this got so long adjkl #*posts this after like writing for an hour* FUCK done finally #i hope my soul can rest now that's i've written my ultra poly ship

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