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lightns881 · 3 years

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DTeam Tumblr Demographics Survey Results (Part 2):

What does DTeamblr look like, what does it have to do with MCYT history, and why does it look like a rainbow?

I’ll make an educated guess here and say y'all enjoyed my last post (totally unrelated to the way I gained almost 50 followers overnight). Anyhow, thank you so much for the overwhelming support! I’m so glad a lot of you felt you could relate to my deep-dive into the leading personality type on DTeam Tumblr. It took me so many hours to write and research, and as a math major and honors student, it’s no easy feat, so I’m so grateful for the attention it got!

Today we’re discussing the general demographics of DTeam Tumblr and why they might look the way they do. Number 8 will blow your mind! So make sure to keep reading and hit that little grey heart and arrow at the bottom if you like it, so more people get to see it! Thanks for your support! Now, let’s jump straight into the post!

Your Daily Dose of Data

From the 449 responses we received, these are some pie charts displaying the gender, age, and sexuality of all respondents.

Image Description: Female (52.8%), Non-Binary (37.4%), Male (9.8%)

Image Description: 16-17 (37%), 13-15 (31.4%), 18 and over (29.4%), 12 and under (2.2%)

Image Description: Bisexual/Pansexual (54.1%), Homosexual (16%), Asexual (14.7%), Other (7.8%), Heterosexual (7.3%)

Mmhm, delicious! Y'all ready to dig into these stats? Because I don’t know about you, but they certainly don’t strike me as what the general population looks like!

Welcome to Tumblr, the Only Community Where Straight Men are the Minority

So these statistics certainly didn’t take me by surprise. Mostly because the DNF Shipper Survey I took some time ago revealed a similar trend. Not to mention, Tumblr is probably the QUEEREST internet community on the planet.

Funny enough, the survey revealed a shocking number of ZERO heterosexual males respondents. I’ll say it louder for the people in the back. ZERO straight males were recorded out of 449 respondents for this survey!

Now, this isn’t surprising for the Tumblr community by itself, but I can say I’m somewhat surprised in terms of the MCYT Tumblr community. (Obviously, the survey specified DTeam Tumblr, but there is a big overlap between both communities, so I will be using them interchengably when it seems relevant.)

Let’s break this down. The survey reveals the largest age population is 16-17, though it’s not by a great margin in comparison to 13-15 and 18 and older, which doesn’t surprise me either. Some of the major critics of the DTeam Fandom and other MCYT Fandoms love to claim the fanbase’s majority age range lies with children and pre-teens. While it’s an undeniable fact children are drawn to Minecraft, it’s also a misconception to paint it as solely a community for younger viewers.

In the MCYT Tumblr and DTeam Tumblr communities, specifically, we see this is not the case. Only 1/3 of the respondents of this survey are under the age of 16 (you could attribute part of it to the fact younger people might be less inclined to participate in this survey, but it is still a notable difference). I can’t say these age ranges are similar in other parts of the community like DTeam Twitter, Tik Tok, or Reddit, but if I had to make a guess, I’d say Tumblr lies toward the older of the bunch, with Reddit being the oldest and Tik Tok being the youngest (I do hope to perform this survey on some of the other communities, so please stay until the end if you want to help with that).

One of the likely explanations to why the ages for DTeam Tumblr look this way is the fact a big chunk of the community has likely been watching MCYT for a long time (even with breaks in between). I, myself, used to watch channels like PopularMMOs, Aphmau, and PrestonPlayz as a kid, and I presume many of you are familiar with them as well. With the resurgence of MCYT in the past year, it likely drew a lot of the older viewers in addition to the new ones.

But enough about age. What I really want to highlight on this post is the attraction of queer individuals to DTeam Tumblr and MCYT as a whole.

Why is the current MCYT Fandom so queer in comparison to the previous generations?

This is a huge open-ended question and considering I can only capture so much of the DTeam and MCYT community, the rest of this post should be taken solely as a theoretical analysis as opposed to fact.

With that out of the way, let’s start by discussing the shift MCYT has undergone over the years (I promise this will circle back to the question of queerness in the MCYT fandom, but we need some background before we can come up with a decent theory).

When Minecraft was first released, it proved to be a monumental change in the gaming industry. This simple little indie game took the world by storm. It was so vastly different from what the general population generally viewed gaming as (first-person shooters, story-driven games, action games, etc.) Not to mention, it didn’t exactly solely appeal to only a small margin of gamers, those being white cis males.

The gaming industry has notoriously been known in the past for its heteronormative community and general prejudice toward minorities. Though it has gone through a significant change over the decades, we certainly can’t say it’s fully gone.

Yet for whatever reason, the recent MCYT has taken the interest of so many queer people in comparison to other gaming YouTube communities. Why? Why are queer people so drawn to this community? And, more precisely, why does it feel so different than the old MCYT? Lastly, how does this relate to the conclusion about the leading personalities of this fandom we made in the last post?

The Niche Communities of MCYT Over the Years

MCYT has always been a huge, over-saturated genre of YouTube with content appealing to a variety of audiences. It’s dominated gaming content for years, and I think we can all safely say it’s never been bigger than it is today.

So why is it that just now it feels like the queerness of the fandom is popping off? Why now as opposed to say five years ago when MCYT was at another one of it’s strongest stages?

It seems like the community has made a tremendous shift in relation to breaking gender norms and LGBTQ+ subjects, not only in the fans but within the creators themselves. Was flirting and calling a pretty-boy streamer pet names as normal in the past as it is today? Were straight gamer guys putting on dresses and a full-face of make-up as supported back then? Were “marriages” and “pregnancies” within Minecraft boys an everyday occurrence like they are now? How is it that MCYT has dominated a Twitch dating show where flirting with the gay host and among straight contestants themselves is just another bit of entertainment? Where is this all coming from?

Recently, I watched a 2 hour documentary depicting all of the stages of Minecraft YouTube and how it has changed over the years. If you haven’t seen it and you have some time to spare, I HIGHLY recommend it! It’s very informative, and it honestly gave me such a strong sense of nostalgia that makes me choke up every time I think about it. I’ll link it below.

The documentary does a great job at exploring the different niche communities that dominated MCYT since it first took off. Some of such communities include the basic Let’s Players, the team-based Let’s Play channels like How2Minecraft, the roleplay story-centric ones like Aphmau and Samgladiator, the tutorial, building and technical side like Mumbo and Grian, the PVP-centric Bedwars or Hypixel channels, the Machinima community, the comedy side like ExplosiveTNT, the parody music videos, and so many more. All of the mentioned communities have dominated Minecraft at one point or another, many of them still having a rippling effect and/or a loyal community today. All of these communities have certain aspects that define them, some of which parallel the current overtaking content in the present.

How can we compare MyStreet to the Dream SMP?

Taking Aphmau as an example, her MyStreet series had a TREMENDOUS success a few years ago, racking in millions of views and bringing in a lot of money that eventually allowed her to hire voice actors and increase the production of mentioned episodes. The roleplay series was so successful it ran for six seasons!

Now, let’s compare that to the Dream SMP. It seems like a big comparison to be making considering they appear so different at first glance. For once, Aphmau is just one channel whose audience caters toward girls and younger people who enjoy romance. The series is set-up in an episodic-format that resembles more of a TV series than actual Minecraft videos.

Meanwhile, the Dream SMP is a collection of content creators with a mix of improvised storylines and the occasional regular video that resembles more of a Let’s Play series than a RP series.

You could say the only true comparisons to draw out of these two are the popularity they had/have and the profit they brought to their respective creators.

However, there’s two other key similarities that you’ll find not only within these two specific examples, but many other channels and communities as well. Story and characters.

MyStreet’s story aspect is fairly obvious seeing as it’s a episodic series that focuses on a fictional story. The Dream SMP’s story aspect isn’t as clear, but it’s evident there is a story playing out in the foreground and background, whether intentional or unintentional, or improvised or not.

Character is where some of you might start to question me. It’s obvious MyStreet has characters. I mean, it is a fictional story, after all. But the Dream SMP? Light, they’re obviously people!

Well, my answer to that is yes and no--sort of. The Dream SMP’s story heavily relies on roleplay, bits as you might call them. Events that aren’t necessarily planned out as a fictional plot like the typical MyStreet episode is, but they aren’t exactly real. Schlatt is obviously not a villain in real life, he just likes to impersonate as one for the narrative. Wilbur isn’t crazy, but it’s a way to spice up the heroic story surrounding Tommy and him.

It’s video-game improv. Except the actors behind the content just so happen to be real people playing off the personalities and “brands” they have obtained.

Brands. It all boils down to this. In the entertainment business, without a clear vision of your project and a clear way to brand what your consumer intakes, your project will likely not find a lot of success.

There’s a reason why Tommy plays off his loudness, using an overexaggerated laugh that although may not be completely fake, it is likely not the laugh he uses everyday. Or why BadBoyHalo is this supposed innocent muffin who doesn’t understand the crafting table meme and other references that are fairly easy to google and find the meaning of. Or why Sapnap is this chaotic being who loves starting pet wars and we love to paint as an arsonist in the Dream SMP. While all of these personality traits may be a part of their true selves, they’re played up for the camera--for the story. They act as the personas that define their characters in the narrative.

They have a clear brand and vision that appeals to the audience and makes them tune in on the daily to see how they all come together. It’s like roleplaying a more extreme version of yourself, one that brings home the money.

Story and characters run across every entertainment outlet. They define their brand. Aphmau has her characters and series. Hermitcraft has a set of memorable personalities and episodic videos that formulate its own story that is less like a narrative and more of a history of the server. ExplodingTNT has his recurring cast and comedic sketches. Most of these niche communities have a form of story and character defining them. It’s how they achieve a clear sense of branding and cater to a specific audience.

Queer Theory in MCYT

Having said all that, why does the MCYT of today draw in so many queer viewers?

Let’s think about this. In my last post, I ended by mentioning DTeam Tumblr is a sort of safe haven for INFP and INxx types who might be placed in the “other” category by society. INFPs, specially, are predisposed for escapism--one common form of it being fiction and entertainment. Not to mention, INFPs are feeling types who, as introverts, seek a personable connection. It’s why it’s so easy for them to obsess over book characters or fall in love with content creators.

Now, let’s imagine a whole community of LGBTQ+ INFP and INxx types. Actually, scratch that, we don’t even have to imagine it.

It’s what our community looks like today.

And why are so many so drawn to the DTeam and Dream SMP of all things? It’s a personable storyline that essentially forms a direct tie to the viewer. Unlike pre-recorded fictional TV series you tune into on your device, the Dream SMP is a whole load of chaos that blurs the lines between reality and fiction where fans can directly connect to creators and get to know them as people through a storyline that features sub-textual queer themes and non-conforming behaviors.

The MCYT content creator community of today is more non-conforming than ever before, and knowing this whole fact, knowing that many of them might place themselves in the “other” category or at the very least aren’t afraid to break the norms and be seen in that light, is a comfort in itself for LGBTQ+ INFP types. Once again, it’s a safe space that helps you escape from the troubles of real life, one you relate to.

Okay. So although this does answer why the fans look like they do, what about the creators themselves? Are we really supposed to believe this all came through naturally? That a bunch of straight guys suddenly decided wearing dresses was something they wanted to do?

I don’t mean to sound cynical here, and I’m in no way trying to insinuate creators have solely some sort of corrupt ulterior motive. Things are never as simple as they look. However, the truth is, a part of it lies on the attention it’s gotten.

I’ve talked a lot about DreamNotFound and the way Dream uses it as a marketing ploy. I stand by my point. However, he’s not the only one who does this in the MCYT community. Why did Finn suddenly go from wearing a dress to cross-dressing as a girl for a whole week? Why are so many creators suddenly deciding wearing dresses is fun? Why does every freaking straight MCYT actively want to flirt with George nowadays?

Let’s just let Techno’s favorite word answer this for us: clout.

It gets attention from one of the largest historically underserved minority community in the entertainment business. We might not be able to see gay flirting in every Netflix TV show or guys not minding dresses and getting fake marriages, but you are certainly going to get at least one of those in every Dream SMP stream and video you tune into. It gets attention. It brings home the money. And do I blame them? Not really.

Interestingly enough, there’s a lot of analytical posts on the MCYT Tumblr community that discuss the dangers of these tactics and why gay jokes and the way queer subtext is treated by MCYT creators is harmful. Despite this, it still attracts such a huge community of queers. So why exactly would queer people actively watch something that’s offensive or harmful to us?

I have a lot more to say about this topic and the morality behind Dream’s tactics, but I’m out of breath for today, so I’ll talk about it in my next post. What better way to start the conversation about the DNF and Karlnap questions of the survey than a good ol’ discussion on the morality of queerbaiting and the likes?

If you got this far, I’d appreciate it if you liked and reblogged this post if you enjoyed it and/or learned something new! Also, important news, I would really like to perform a similar study on the DTeam Twitter Community to measure the differences in demographics across platforms. I would REALLY appreciate it if you guys could go like, retweet and share the link I posted on my Twitter about it (tweet will be linked in the reblog below) so it reaches more of the DTeam Twitter community!

However, if you filled out the survey yourself here or you associate more with DTeam Tumblr than DTeam Twitter please DO NOT fill out the survey again! I’m trying to make sure it reaches the audience that mains on Twitter, but I need a little help with that since I don’t have as big of an influence on Twitter than on here for obvious reasons.

Anyhow, thank you so much for all your support! I really appreciate y’all and make sure to hit the follow if you want to lookout for the next demographics post! <3

(Pssst, I’m releasing a MCYT DNF superpower AU longfic next month... You should totally go check out the post on that if you’re interested in it...)

#dteam #dteamblr #dream smp #dttblr #mcyt #dreamwastaken #dnf #mcyttblr #georgenotfound #dreamnotfound #dttwt #dream team #dteamblr demographics survey

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the-prince-of-professors · 3 years

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Hello! I resently buyed a complete collection of the Raffles stories just because I heard they are very very gay. So I wondered if you see a way of reading Bunnys scribblings straight. I've read the first six stories so far and I can't find a way.

🤣🤣🤣

Oh god, I’m sorry, but I can’t tell you how funny this is. I’m not laughing at you, but simply at our beloved Bunny Manders because: no, no no no there is absolutely no way for me or anyone who is not wearing the strongest hetero goggles in the world to read his stories in a straight way. And we all love him for it.

For a more composed answer - yes, these stories are very very queer, and it is just very difficult to ignore it. Aside from the countless times Bunny goes on about how wonderful and handsome Raffles is and right out says he loves him, there is just a TON of other things (yeah) in the form of symbolism relating to queerness, parallels of crime-homosexuality, seemingly deliberate parallels to the life of Oscar Wilde, very elusive descriptions that are not explicitly queer but that also hardly can be read any other way, the very intimate relationship of Raffles and Bunny and the queerness of them as characters, the tenderness between them... In short, no, I do not see a way of reading Bunny’s narration as heterosexual, because there is simply too much subtext for it to be ignored. And it’s not just a fandom thing either - more times than not where I have read some random article or review of Raffles, it mentions the queerness almost offhandedly. Graham Greene wrote a play in 1975, The Return of A. J. Raffles, in which he made Bunny and Raffles an explicitly romantic couple. The ‘70s television adaptation makes some interesting choices that makes one think they were not ignorant to it either. Of course there is always going to be someone arguing against it, but all in all... the Raffles books pretty much have a big vintage pride stamp on them.

Personally I always want to keep an open mind to different interpretations of a text; and often I have tried and do try to see if a particular detail or paragraph can be read in a different way, but turn up blank. It’s very hard.

So well, congratulations on finding your way to the queerest lit ever; and I think you will find that these books are in addition to that amazing in so many other ways as well. Hornung was such a great, sensitive and clever writer, and the books are worth reading for the elegance of language and the humour and the grey morality and the emotional richness alone, not to mention extremely real and complex and beautifully flawed characters. Enjoy your reading - you’re in for one hell of a ride, and one hell of a love story.

#raffles canon #crime and cricket #victorian literature #queer literature #raffles and bunny #i didn't even mention bunny's ridiculously blatant jealousy #oh god there is just SO MUCH #telegram #answers from toni

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hunxi-guilai · 4 years

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I love your CQL meta! ^^ I'm wondering if you've read any of Priest's novels? I just have a feeling you would *adore* 六爻

Aha! This is where I continue to reveal how little I actually know!

I only think I’ve read like... three full books in Chinese? (I’m counting all three volumes of 《琅琊榜》as one book). I’ve read a lot of articles and short stories and essays and excerpts from longer works for classes, but actually sitting down and reading a book in Chinese from beginning to end? Yikes, not often (I’ve been carrying a copy of 《悟空传》 with me for the past year now, trying to settle down and actually read the dang thing oops).

WAIT I have read the entire 《吕氏春秋》, which I feel like should count for something, although I understood maybe 2% of it.

Uh, in terms of general English-language books I’ve enjoying recently... oh! I love love love Ninefox Gambit by Yoon Ha Lee, it’s science fantasy and space opera and silkpunk and the queerest goddamn cast known to humankind (I don’t think I could name a single straight cisgender character in that series), all set against the backdrop of some of the most subtle and surreal writing I’ve ever witnessed

I would go off about Brandon Sanderson’s Cosmere but that would take way too long. The long story short is that Branderson looked at people calling Marvel Cinematic Universe ‘the most ambitious crossover event of all time,’ laughed, and kept writing his multi-series interconnected fantasy-sci-fi-steampunk-cosmic-intrigue magnum opus called the Cosmere. Stormlight Archive alone has saved literal lives.

In terms of nonfiction, The Line Becomes a River by Francisco Cantu has been haunting me since I read it half a year ago. I also picked up a copy of Chen Chen’s poetry collection When I Grow Up I Want to Be A List of Further Possibilities on a whim at the library and was pleasantly surprised at how much I enjoyed it

Haven’t been reading much lately because, uh, limited emotional bandwidth and trying to exorcise these dumb fics and spending too much time on tumblr... rip me... but now! thanks to anon I have another tab open on the luoxia page for 《六爻》, so hopefully I can kick myself back into reading again! thank you for the rec!

#ask and ye shall receive #if folks are looking for some fun postcolonial silkpunk #I recently read Steel Crow Saga by Paul Krueger and it is a deLIGHT #I believe the pitch is 'pokemon meets atla in post-WWII fantasy knock-off East Asia' but like #ACTUALLY thoughtful engagement with postcolonial dynamics while being a Wild Ride from start to finish

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caveatauditor · 4 years

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Best albums of 2019

I am a strong believer in belated music lists. Hindsight! The past year was stressful for me even before COVID-19 broke, and my favorite music was on average noisier and more irritating than usual. I find comfort and excitement in a mischievous sensibility; if music as chaotic and unpleasant as Jpegmafia’s can hold together, maybe there’s hope yet.

1. 100 Gecs, 1000 Gecs

I’m addicted to everything that I see, yeah! Including screamo death growls, Auto-Tuned cackles, comically heavyhanded drops, pop-punk bangers in disguise, secretly tender love confessions, insanely catchy hooks, and flimsy guitar trash. This marvelous album throws every absurd pop trope of the past decade into a kaleidoscopic blender, spitting out a misshapen musical wind-up toy that never stops exploding and recoagulating, falling down a flight of stairs and revealing a new ghastly face with each bounce. Taken as some musical equivalent of shitposting by writers who think irony and sarcasm are the same, it’s a pop mindfuck that computes emotionally, as awkward kids and/or evil spirits of chaos Laura Les and Dylan Brady make their voices big and ugly and demented because that’s how they feel. Anyway, shitposting is its own species of rock & roll.

2. Taylor Swift, Lover

To be straight is for experience to confirm expectations. Taylor Swift has written about the delight of watching fantasies fulfilled (“Today Was a Fairytale”), renewed (“Begin Again”), or constructed (“Wildest Dreams”). Even when putatively rejecting conventional heteromance, she also sneakily reconstructs it by using its same vocabulary (“Speak Now”). Her best songs address not just desire but the stories we tell about desire, the moments when dreams and reality converge. But Lover is the first time she’s written about the delight of watching experience surpass expactations, the moment when fantasies are gleefully, unexpectedly discarded for something better (“I once believed love would be burning red, but it’s golden” is a lyric whose emotional force requires no familiarity with her catalogue). It radiates calm, a long exhaled breath after years of drama. She made a monogamous maturity move her queerest album, and the colorful electronic beats sound so pretty in the afterglow.

3. Lana Del Rey, Norman Fucking Rockwell

A quietly hysterical collection of observed Hollywood singer-songwriter fictions, played on the piano by a glamorous lady of the canyon who has just shooed guests out of her shag-carpeted parlor and drawn her nicotine-stained curtains after watching California tumble into the sea. In the same year hating boomers became mainstream, the year’s most critically acclaimed album was also a tribute to the most boomerific of rock critics. Greil Marcus, of course, whose taste has never before been so exquisitely pandered to, and I think that’s beautiful.

4. Blueface, Dirt Bag

Blueface doesn’t rap off beat, it’s the beat that can’t keep up. Or as Blueface himself puts it: “I’m literally talking in this bitch and it’s still knockin!” Or as Greg Tate puts it in “The Persistence of Vision: Storyboard P”: “At moments of revolution in artistic form, innovation frequently involves discarding flashy displays of technique. The reduction of ostentatious moves in favour of subtler ones is often read as laziness or limited ability (Flyboy 2: 86).”

5. Jpegmafia, All My Heroes Are Cornballs

Jammed up by jerky segues and pauses, constantly shifting to the next random thing in an endless procession of abrasive diversions, this experimental rap clusterbomb fashions a music of dynamic impatience, wrenching ugly harmonic convergence from the splattering of keyboard doodles, industrial crunches, electronic glitches, roaring guitars, death-factory sirens, repressed shrieks, goopy fusion keyboards, smears of electronic color. Jpegmafia’s rhymes compute mainly as yet more barrage, more proper nouns competing for your attention, but there’s a mischievous energy in his voice that adds a crucial smidgen of humanity. If this music seems the product of online information overload, it’s also the sound of working in the gig economy and/or the service industry, where “directed attention fatigue” has become a cautionary buzzword. My headaches feel like “Rap Grow Old & Die x No Child Left Behind”.

6. Otoboke Beaver, Itekoma Hits

Hardcore punk as hardcore comedy. Rage channeled into hyperactivity. Gnarled riffs and howled tantrums played at violent speed. Keening voices letting loose because they can’t hold the noise inside. Tension and release games crammed with sonic jokes. Tempo changes and dynamic jerks that seem tokens of the band’s impatience but in fact work as tension-building devices, with explosive kickback later--or now! Dissonance as byproduct of acceleration. In the playful intricacy of their group shout-singing I hear the Raincoats too. Angry giggles. Boom!

7. Kim Gordon, No Home Record

Lacking the guitars of her former bandmates, she threw a wall of synthesized barbed wire around some of her meanest basslines ever and made something unprecedented, for her and Sonic Youth--electroindustrial, basically, riding a bass rumble so deep it overpowers the music. The spoken pieces here (“Don’t Play It”, “Cookie Butter”) initially recall her willful avant-filler on A Thousand Leaves and NYC Ghosts & Flowers; then you notice how much more brutally these tracks bring the noise.

8. Kankyo Ongaku: Japanese Ambient, Environmental & New Age Music 1980-1990

Billed as ambient but sprightlier than the aesthetic that term suggests to an American audience, this two-hour set captures a moment in Japanese music history when the influence of Erik Satie and John Cage intersected with new ideas about architectural acoustics, inspiring a craze for minimalist electronica designed to peacefully fill a space (as in-store music for Muji, say). Lent contemporary relevance by the influx of chill lo-fi hip-hop beats to study to as well as the vaporwave-derived fascinations with banality and nostalgia, it’s considerably more beautiful than those lineages would imply, as tranquil and friendly as a book of nature poems. These pieces abound with cute tunelets, yet derive their spacious charm from nonmelodic elements--bells, pitched percussion, and the recorded outdoors: running water, chattering birds. Unlike most ambient music, they are not self-contained; when played outside, the synthesizers merge with the sounds of the city.

9. Teejayx6, The Swipe Lessons

By styling himself as an expert scammer, Teejayx6 invents a new internet-era edition of gangsta macho: he’s a master criminal, king of the deep web, fluent in cryptocurrency, relying on his wits to stay ahead of the online piracy brigade. Don’t cross him, lest he steal your grandmother’s social security number. Over darkly stylized beats, his chattering, perpetually surprised flow enters a realm of formal delight accessible to only the most playful. When he hits you with the requisite “All my fans, I really wouldn’t even scam you, I was just playing,” he acknowledges the figurative nature of the game.

10. Clairo, Immunity

A queer adolescent musical diary, tracing the highs and lows of a conflicted relationship that ends ambiguously. Rostam’s production lapses into self-parody exactly once, with the harpsichord flourishes on “Impossible”; otherwise the smoky bedroom-pop shimmer is flawless. “Sofia” exists for inclusion on romantic playlists.

#favorite albums #best of 2019 #100 gecs #taylor swift #lana del rey

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samayla · 4 years

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Blue Ribbon Chapter 5

Part 3 of the Lemon Meringue AU

AO3

This is the final chapter of Blue Ribbon. The Lemon Meringue AU will conclude with Sunshine on a Plate, which should start coming out later this week, if all goes according to plan. Enjoy!

Thorin’s pie, last to enter the fair and last to the stage, was the last to be judged, and a tense hush had fallen over the usually chatty crowd as everyone waited to see whether Maisy Brownlock could possibly have met her match at last.

Bilbo just wanted to see the look on Lobelia’s face.

She’d maneuvered herself so that she was the first of the four judges to try each pie, and it was her over-the-top reaction that always set the trend.

Behind him, Thorin was tense. Bilbo snuggled further into his embrace, and the arms around him relaxed just a fraction.

The first slice of pie came out of the tin - a proper one for this most important of pies - like a dream. The crowd sighed in admiration as the judges complimented the smoothness of the curd, the ratio of curd to meringue, and the flakiness of the crust. So far, it seemed a match for Maisy’s pie, and so it would come down to taste.

As she’d planned, Lobelia was the first to take a bite, and the look on her face was as if someone had served her a mouthful of raw lemon.

Bilbo let out a shrill little giggle, unable to help himself. Thorin gave him a squeeze and a kiss on top of his head, and he was ashamed he’d ever considered sabotaging his husband’s plot. It really wasn’t hurting anything at all, and they’d all have a good laugh over drinks later, and Bilbo began to hope that all might be forgiven in the name of a good joke.

But then the queerest thing happened.

The second judge, Posco Proudfoot, tasted the pie, and he smiled.

Salvia Cotton was next, her cheeks bright with excitement as she chewed, and finally stern old Rondo Bracegirdle, who went back for a second bite.

Aside from Lobelia, none of them appeared disgusted, horrified, traumatized, or otherwise the least bit put out by Thorin’s pie, and Bilbo could not understand it.

The judges conferred for a minute with each other, then the Gaffer, before he stepped forward once again. He waved his hands importantly, though the field was already dead silent in anticipation. “Ladies and gentlefolk,” he began, “the results are in, and I am very pleased to say that we will very shortly be adjourning for dinner, supper - and quite possibly breakfast tomorrow, if the drinks flow free.” He paused for the cheer that went up across the field. “Now,” the Gaffer continued, “all of our entrants today made a very solid showing. Let’s have a hand for all our fantastic cooks, bakers, crafters, and gardeners!”

“Get on with it already!” shouted someone from the back.

“Don’t get your toe hair in knots, Master Proudfoot,” the Gaffer called back. “I'll get there. Third prize goes to Mrs. Flora Brandybuck’s blueberry pie with cinnamon crust.” He waited for the polite applause and the hooting from the Buckland hobbits to die down. Flora, beaming, scurried forward to collect her white ribbon. She pinned it into her auburn curls and did a quick twirl, much to the audience’s amusement.

“Second prize - and my, this is unexpected, to say the least - to Miss Maisy Hardbottle for her legendary lemon meringue.” There was a great deal of murmuring at this, but Maisy accepted her red ribbon with admirable good grace and a grin in Thorin’s direction. His hold tightened around Bilbo, who began patting his husband’s hand consolingly.

“And first prize goes to first-time competitor Thorin Oakenshield-Baggins!”

“What?” Bilbo blurted as the crowd went wild.

Thorin was immediately engulfed in a crowd of well-wishers, but Bilbo was too confused to be proud. He ducked out of the throng and marched up to the stage, where Lobelia was once again looking as if she’d swallowed a lemon. He picked up a spare fork and carefully lifted off one of the leaves from Thorin’s pie. He gave it an experimental sniff, then a lick.

It wasn’t mint at all.

It was lemon balm.

He steeled himself and tried a bite of the pie.

It was perfectly sweet, perfectly tart, perfectly smooth... It was s unshine on a plate.

Thorin’s booming laugh rang out, and Bilbo turned, stunned, to see most of the crowd was now watching him in no small degree of confusion. “I thought - “

Frodo was laughing too. “You should have seen your face, Uncle!”

“But the squash, the peppers… cornmeal… I saw your setup.”

“All safely hidden in Master Gamgee’s pantry,” Thorin rumbled, stepping up onto the stage to accept his blue ribbon from the Gaffer. "I've had a great deal of practice at getting pies wrong, Ghivashel, but that is still a great deal of practice at making pies." He turned to the crowd, throwing an arm around Bilbo's shoulders. “You all may remember a certain tent full of flowers that a great many of you helped me engineer, but I believe my husband owes you the story of the pie that went with it. Come on - drinks are on Bilbo!”

"They're free," Bilbo squeaked.

Thorin kissed his forehead. "Then I'll pay."

#lemon meringue au #bagginshield #thorin oakenshield #bilbo baggins #kate writes #reshirement au

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teastainsandcookiecrumbs · 5 years

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Unmasked

Civilization ceased. Humans destroyed all other living things and destroyed themselves in the process. In the midst of the turmoil, a new creature, a mask-shaped alien, emerged and created a symbiotic relationship with man. Seventy-five years past since the friendship was formed. At the age of twelve, youths were given a half-mask to wear, and at age 18, were given the remaining half. But cracks began to form in the new regime. A group of people calling themselves the Watchers rejected the monotonous way of life caused by the masks. This is the story of two young individuals, brother and sister, who shook the world to its roots with their love for each other and just how far they would go to protect their sibling.

Hunter

I watch my sister fight a battle for her life. If only I could do something to help her. But there’s nothing I can do. I’m forced to just stay at her bedside and see if I can get Sierra to eat something. Except for the teensy ration I get for the both of us, there’s not much to eat. Not with Leader reserving most of the crop for next year. Oh sure, he claims we have more food than ever before, but it’s hard to believe that when you’re watching your little sister, the apple of your eye, your pride and joy, slowly shrivel and die. I grasp her hand and gently stroke her fiery curls. Why our parents don’t want anything to do with Sierra, I’ll never know. The girl’s a genius. Before she got sick, I used to take her to my engineering class since she was so bored in her normal classes. The gal could build a structure out of twigs and have it be as solid as the metal we usually worked with. My friends are always begging me to bring her on our outings since she is so popular. But now I wasn’t even sure whether my little Vixen would ever feel the sun on her face again.

I hear a knock on the door. It creaks open.

“Hey, Hunter. How’s Sierra?” a voice behind asks. I turn around and smile slightly at my friends filing into our clubhouse. We technically aren’t supposed to have clubhouses, but we had one anyway. And since my good-for-nothing parents don’t want anything to do with Sierra, I had to take her here. But I’m almost eighteen: I can apply for my own dwelling once I get my full-mask.

Masks. I hate them. I have seen what they do to people. My friends know it too. So we have made a pact that we’ll only wear them when we need to.

My friends and I call ourselves “the Dryads” since we all had nature names or nicknames. Besides having nature names/nicknames, we all have suffered at the hands of Leader or his cronies.

Cricket was the smallest but could create the prettiest music out of pretty much anything on hand. You could always find her whistling a melody or tapping out a beat. She would set the mood for our meetings. When she really got going, she could create the most complex harmonies I ever heard. When she was five, Cricket’s parents had died, and Leader refused to help Cricket. She, in turn, refused to talk for eight years. But with our help, Cricket found her voice again. She’s now super attached to Leon because he never pushed her to talk. The rest of us say they’re going to get together.

Then there is Willow. Her Dryad name really fit her, because she was the most flexible one in our group. She could fold herself up into the queerest shapes, but she was usually so quiet and embarrassed about her gift. I personally think it’s cool. Her parents don’t think that Willow is all that great and push her around at home. Willow’s parents are second in command to Leader so they enforce everything. And everything has to be perfect. They also fight at her house like crazy. So she bends to hide in really tight and small spots and waits for the storm to blow over. Even though I got detention for a year, I once went over to Willow’s house and punched her parents into next week.

Olive got me out of trouble. She had her name because she was the peacemaker. She always ends up being the mediator for our debates and discussions. We go even further and call her Judge Olive. She has ten younger brothers and she always has to take care of them since her parents live in another city and don’t visit much. Lucky for us, Calico usually babysits them when she’s not training.

Calico doesn't usually attend our meetings or hang out with us. When she isn’t babysitting she’s sparring. Leader had initiated a new program for people who were “warriors”, whatever that meant, and Calico had taken to it tremendously. Most of the other trainees were large and buff. Calico could beat them with both hands tied behind her back. She almost always carried a pair of knives, which were her “weapons”. Her parents had died defending our city, and Calico wanted to follow in their footsteps. She was wicked good and has a wicked sense of humor to boot.

Sorrel was the only one of us to have gone outside the city walls. Like, not to another city, but actually go outside the walls. She always went out in the evenings to collect her precious herbs. She could make the best beverages: something hot that she called ‘T’. But when push came to shove, she was better than any doctor. About five years ago, a great sickness swept through all of our cities. Sorrel’s siblings had fallen sick and, despite all her efforts, they all died. She then completely devoted herself to medicine, not the pills-medicine that Leader gave out that did more harm than good, but real medicine. Which is why I trusted her with Sierra’s life.

Forrest, Ash, Leon, and Wolfe all liked to joke around, but they protected our little group. If another kid dissed us, you could count on the disser having a chipped tooth or a black eye the next day. They especially protected Sierra. Too bad they can’t protect her from this.

“She is better, isn’t she?” Cricket asks as she moves closer to Leon. He puts a protective arm around her. Sorrel opens her ever-present satchel and quickly takes my spot by Sierra.

“Not that I can tell, Cricket,” I sigh, rubbing my face in my hands. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t have enough credits for a doctor, and my parents probably have forgotten that Sierra even exists. Out of sight, out of mind.” Willow comes around and gently takes my hand.

“She will pull out of this. I can feel it,” she says quietly. “Sierra was the only one to actually try and do what I do. She made me laugh.”

Behind me, I can hear Sorrel making her special beverage. “Thanks, Wil --I can’t help but worry about her. Sierra was never that strong.”

“You’re wrong about that,” rumbles Leon. “Whenever I’m at work rebuilding the wall, she comes behind me lugging her own pile of rocks.” He chuckles. “She’s one special gal, Hunter. Too bad your parents can’t see that. I’d like to punch their conceited masks off their conceited faces.”

“How’s Sierra, Doc?” Ash says. I turn to Sorrel and watch her carefully measure out her herbs into some sort of strainer shaped like a pot.

“She’s malnourished, but I think she’ll pull through if she gets something to eat. Something more filling than the potatoes we always have,” she remarks. “I’m making her tea with some chamomile, some oregano, a little eucalyptus, and willow bark, to help her cough. The chamomile is just to disguise the willow bark. It tastes like Leader’s face.”

We laugh at that. It’s a common theory that Leader wore all his masks to disguise his ugly face.

“Hunter?” Sierra croaks. I quickly hurry to the side of her bed. The sight of her pale face streaked with perspiration makes my heart ache.

“I’m here, Vix. What do you need?” I whisper and chaff her freezing hands to warm them.

“Can I have a cuddle?” she whispers.

“Of course, darling. We can cuddle while you drink your medicine. And look, all your friends are here,” I say and gesture to the Dryads.

“Get better soon, Sierra,” Forrest smiles. “Otherwise, I’m gonna be alone in the forge with no one to talk to.”

“I’m working on getting better. It’s much harder than swinging a hammer all day,” Sierra frowns, but I can see the mischievous glint in her dull eyes. “And it’s taxing on the intelligence, unlike forging.”

Forrest staggers backward. “I am wounded by a 5-year-old.” He flexes his muscles. “But at least I get buff.”

Sierra half-heartedly giggles. I can see everyone is trying so hard to cheer her up, but she’s barely five and fighting for her life.

The ladies circle around the bed and I am yanked from Sierra. Ash, Forrest, Leon, and Wolfe all glare at me.

“Sierra can’t keep on like this. She has to eat something nourishing like Doc said, but we don’t got nothing,” Ash hisses.

“We do got a couple friends who can get food for Vixen,” Wolfe whispers, “They call themselves the Watchers.”

I’ve heard about the Watchers. I actually admire them for their courage: Leader is constantly ranting and raving about how evil the Watchers are. But I don’t believe him.

Speak of the devil, a knock sounds on the door. As if on cue, we all slip on our masks and Sorrel hides her T-making things. I motion for Wolfe to open the door. He does so, and who should walk in but Leader. His hair is a dirty white, and he wears long black robes that hide the form of his true body. He also wears a stack of masks: all the mask-halves and full masks waiting to be given to poor schmucks like us. If I squint, I'm pretty sure I can spot my own mask half.

“Ah, hello, my dears. How is poor Sarah?” he almost croons. I grimace.

“Her name is Sierra and she’s doing badly, thanks for asking,” I almost growl. What wouldn’t I give to punch his conceited masks off his conceited face. Leader waves his hand as if to ward off a bad odor.

“That’s what I said. My dear son,”

“Don’t. Call. me. son,” I growl emphasizing every word. Leader ignored me.

“May I have a word with you outside, my dear boy?” I huff in protest, but Forrest motions that they’ll protect Sierra. I follow Leader outside and glare at his protectors. If they weren’t there, I’d probably punch him for causing my sister to sicken.

“I know Sarah-”

“It’s Sierra,” I snarl and clench my fists. I wish the guys were here to back me up.

“That’s what I said. I know she’s not doing very well, but I guarantee she will get better. You know the majority of this year's crop is being saved for replanting next year, for more prosperity in the future. And I believe the life of one little girl is a proper sacrifice for the lives of millions,” Leader says and places his cold clammy hand on my shoulder. “But I promise, if she survives, then I will know that she is worth the food she eats.” Leader pats my head like I’m three. “This was a good talk, son.”

“I’m not your son,” I hiss. And if you think the life of my sister can be fixed in your formulated phrases, then you must be out of you gosh dang mind. I think furiously.

Leader saunters away, his guards forming a box around him. I march back inside our clubhouse, rip off my mask and whisper furiously to the guys, “Where can I meet them, these Watchers?”

Wolfe and Ash both lead me through the streets. The other Dryads are back at our clubhouse, taking care of my Vixen. Ever since Leader’s visit a week ago, Sierra had progressively gone downhill despite all of Sorrel’s treatments and T. The moon lights the streets with an unearthly glow, turning every corner and shadow into a ghoulish copy of itself. They stop in front of a dark staircase leading into the ground.

“This is it,” whispers Wolfe, “The entrance to the Watchers.”

I gulp. I wasn’t ready for this. But Sierra. My Vixen. I take a deep breath to settle my nerves. “I’m ready. You guys coming?”

“Duh,” Ash grins slightly. But then he frowns. “But you’re doing the actual talking.”

I roll my eyes and smile. “Fraidy-cat.”

“Just don’t let Calico hear you. She’d hang you from the rafters by your pants,” Wolfe laughs. He made the mistake of teasing Calico and she responded by leaving him hanging from the rafters by his underwear.

“I thought it was from your underpants,” I tease him. He blushes.

“She had me, like, backed into a corner,” Wolfe protests.

“Yeah, keep ranting, Wolfe. We all know Cali whipped your butt,” Ash laughs. “Are we gonna do this or what?”

Wolfe and I nod. Our trio cautiously walks toward the stairs.

“That was really funny, Wolfe. You squealed for hours,” a voice behind us giggles. We tense. Someone steps into the small beam of light from the moon and us guys relax, if only slightly. Only Calico. But when dealing with Cali, you always stay on your toes: otherwise, you may end up missing your pants and dangling from the rafters (cough, Wolfe, cough).

She’s wearing all black with her red and ebony hair caught up in a high ponytail. Her belt is an arsenal: her two daggers hanging from their sheaths, a long coiled whip, and other things I can’t distinguish. She holds a long metal staff in her hands which she’s twirling. “So you boys thought that you could leave me stranded with Vixen coughing her little lungs out and burning with fever while you went out and stole food for her. Classic men.”

“Umm…” Wolfe stammers. She brushes him aside.

“Let’s just get this over with. I have an early training session tomorrow.”

I glance at Ash and chuckle. This is classic Cali. Act now, ask questions later. “Let’s go,” I say. Ash, Wolfe and I follow Cali. How bad could this mission go?

We creep down the stairs where an iron-bound door stoically sits. It seems both aware and unaware that it is the entryway to rebellion and freedom. I smirk to myself. Leader would kill if he found out we knew where this was. Ash whispered something and the door creaks open. We carefully step in and the door slams shut behind us. A person in a long black robe motions for us to follow him. We do so cautiously. Cali just swings her staff and checks her many gizmos and pockets on her belt. Ash and Wolfe surge forward, leaving me with Cali. I cough nervously. “So, Cali, how have you been?”

Cali rolls her eyes and continues to secure her pouches. “Not too shabby. I’ve been promoted at training.”

“Oh, congrats on your promotion.” I shiver. Our voices echo eerily off the walls. I’m suddenly not too sure whether this is actually safe. But Sierra will die without this food. But spending quality time with Cali almost always ends up with you missing your pants and a dagger at your neck. “And Cali, I’ve been meaning to ask you: why don’t you ever wear your mask?” It’s true: Calico never wore her mask, not even when Leader was around. But every so often, she wore the characteristic blank look that the masks gave adults.

“That’s classified,” Calico snaps. “Never ask me about that ever again. Not now, not ever, or you’ll be missing more than your pants.” She pulls her knife out and makes a slitting motion across her neck. I gulp. Lucky for me, before Cali can act on that conviction, we emerge into a large room at least ten times as big as our clubhouse. It is filled with people of every shape, size, and age. Branched from the main room is lots of tunnels that lead to wherever. Ash and Wolfe lead the way to a tall brunette man who has an air of authority and his back to us. I take a deep breath and tap him on the shoulder.

“Pardon me, sir, are you the Leader of the Watchers, sir?” I ask nervously. He turns around and smiles gently at me.

“Yes. What can I do to help you, young man?” he says. Suddenly something inside me breaks. I start spilling everything, how my little sister was super sick and Leader won’t help and how she needs food. I stop and glance at my companions and they look stunned. I’m not normally one to just disclose anything without cause, but my little sister is dying. I don’t know if even with the food she’ll live, and if she dies, then I have nothing else to live for. Except for Leader’s absolute destruction for causing my little sister to die. The man just smiles and hands me a scrap of cloth. I realize I’ve got tears running down my cheeks.

“My name is Chase, and I’m the head of the Watchers,” he says kindly, “And, fortunately for you, we’ve got a team heading to Leader’s dwelling in a couple hours. You can join them or you can wait for them to come back, which should be early in the morning.”

“Wait, you regularly raid Leader? What about his cronies or his counterparts in other cities?” Calico jumps in. She seems jumpy and nervous and her hands are trembling. That’s enough to put me on edge: if invincible Calico was nervous and terrified, then I should be screwed. But surprisingly, I’m only slightly nervous.

“We have other branches in the other cities. And we have word that Leader has one of our top agents, so it'll be easy to get food for your little sister,” Chase says, “and, young lady, there's a restroom in the very back if you need it.” Cali nods gratefully and dashes off, a hand over her mouth. “We’ll come find you when the team’s ready to go, alright?” I nod and quickly head the way Cali went. Ash and Wolfe head off somewhere. But Cali looked positively sick like she was going to hurl. I feel like I need to check on her, make sure she’s okay.

There are two doors in the back, one marked “Ladies” and the other “Gentlemen”. I can hear Cali in the “Ladies” one, and she doesn’t sound well at all. On an impulse, I duck into the Ladies room and bar the door shut.

There are individual stalls that hide the toilets: all of the five doors are partially open except for one. I can hear Cali hurling and muttering to herself, an argument between Cali and Cali. And neither side is gaining advantage.

I gently rap on the door. “Cali? You okay?” I say quietly. I hear a flush and Cali stumbles out. She quickly wAshes her face then turns to face me. Surprisingly, the first thing she whispers is “Can you keep a secret?” I nod and seal my lips. Cali presses herself against the wall and slides to the floor. I crouch next to her. With a trembling hand, she pulls something out of her belt, grabs my hand, and presses the item in her hand into mine. “Hunter, you can't tell anyone what I'm gonna tell you, not even Wolfe,” she breathes. I open my hand and examine the white pills in my palm.

“Cali, what are these?” I ask quietly.

“You asked me why I don't wear a mask. I'm the first of a new kind of fighting machine. I don't wear a mask because I swallow it. Leader has somehow ground my mask into a powder and now I have to take one once a day,” Cali breaths, “I forgot today’s dose. But I can't take it because the Watchers will know. But I have to because Leader will know if I don't. But I can't, but I have to, but I can't!” Cali groans in frustration and grips the edge of ponytail. “What am I supposed to do, Hunter?”

I'm still trying to process everything. Calico is an experiment? One of Leader’s projects? She is being tortured under my nose? “I don’t know Cali. Maybe you can talk to Chase? He seems helpful,” I whisper.

“I can't talk to him. I represent everything the Watchers are against. And if Leader catches wind that I’ve seen where the Watchers are based, then everything is screwed,” Cali moans. She presses her hands against her temples. I try and comfort her as best as I can, but nothing I do seems to help. Suddenly she bolts upright. "I've got it! Hydrochaastibscentane! All I need is a syringe and a needle!" She starts digging in her belt.

"Um, Cali? What's hydrocha-, hydrocha-, I can't even say it." I groan and pinch the bridge of my nose. "Whatever it is, what does it do?"

"It's an amnesia inducing drug, more commonly known as Wish. We are instructed to always keep a dose on use in case of capture. But only as a last resort," Cali explains. "I haven't used my dose, so if I get captured, I can use it and forget any and all information about the Watchers." She seems oddly happy about that possibility. She pulls a blue liquid, a syringe and a needle from her belt and gingerly preps the syringe. She stashes the syringe now full of blue liquid in her belt. She glares at me. "If you tell, I will find you. And I will make you suffer. Capeesh?" I nod and quickly get out of there. Cali needs her space or she's liable to take her stress on the nearest punching bag.

Ash, Wolfe and I hang together while waiting for the party to head out. Cali joins us a while later, and then teases/flirts with Wolfe. Ash and I just elbow each other and snicker under our breath.

After what seemed like an eternity, the party is ready to go. I strap on my borrowed gear, smear soot and grease on my face, and follow the party down a tunnel. Calico ducks in and out of the shadows almost like her namesake. I shiver. I have a very bad feeling that something was going to go very wrong tonight.

We get into the building easily enough. Because Cali knew where everything was, it was child's play to sneak into the food storage and fill our bags to the brim with food. More food than I had ever seen in one place. And the variety. I'll admit that we may have tasted some, just to see what kind of luxury Leader was living in. Fruits that taste like sunshine, leafy greens that taste like shame, nuts that taste like nothing I could describe. Cali helped us identify some of the mysterious things, like a weird yellow boomerang fruit that was called a banana. It was mild in taste, but tasted like sweet rain. But mostly we just stuff our bags and our faces. A guy dressed like us comes and and motions that we need to get out of there. We follow hesitantly. We rejoin the main group and quickly maneuver through the twisted halls.

“Isn’t this great?” Calico whispers excitedly, “It’s like we’re in a movie or something!” I glance at her confused.

“What’s a movie?” She groans and buries her face in her hands.

“You’re hopeless.”

Suddenly, an alarm blares and everything became blurred. I saw Cali rushing forward and whipping the security guards’ butts, literally and figuratively. She yelled at us to go on with our her. I will always remember her with her staff and whip and dancing in and out of the fray. She may have been one girl, but she was more than a match for the twenty guards she fought. But then something went wrong. Her staff broke, more guards came, her whip was yanked out of her hands, something. She cursed and drew her daggers. Then we ran like cowards. And left Cali like she told us to. We burst into the warehouse, panting, dripping, sobbing. Chase comes over and hands us a small cartridge.

“I’m sorry for your loss,” he whispers, “But you three need to go. It’s nearly daybreak.” I nod and motion for Ash and Wolfe to follow me. We pause for a moment outside the Watchers’ hideout, the reality of what happened hitting us for the first time. In aIl probability, Cali died for us.

I turn to Wolfe, who has tears running down his face. “I never got to tell her,” he whispers. “I never got to tell her I loved her.”

I awkwardly try and comfort him. “Don’t worry, man. If anyone can get out of there, it’s Calico.”

“She is most likely the bravest one of us,” Ash says and wipes his eyes on his shirt. “Come on. Sierra will need this.” Wolfe and I nodded and we plod back to our clubhouse, each mourning Cali in our own way.

The food did wonders for Sierra. After a couple of weeks, she’s no worse for wear. A little paler, maybe, but fine. Cali still hasn’t shown up, and Ash and Wolfe have joined the Watchers for good. I watch Sierra play with Olive and Willow and smile. This was my sister, Sierra. Sierra I promise, I will never leave you. I promise myself. I see Leader across the stretch of grass and I stand up. I glare at him and cross my arms. Leader just looks at Sierra and then moves on.

Scratch that. Sierra, I promise that I will never leave you, and I will always protect you.

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thotyssey · 4 years

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It makes sense that there’s a “Job” in her name, cuz this queen is Working! Currently a digital darling, reality TV starlet and video vixen, the Minneapolis-born burlesque clown gogo queen Glow Job can’t wait to get back to a real life stage… but until then, let’s get on point with this rising drag star.

Thotyssey: Yo, Glow! How is quarantine treating you on this beautiful day?

Glow Job: Hi! It really is a nice day out. At least we got that going for us! But, you know… Quarantine Life. Just when you think you’ve got some rhythm, things change up. I’ve somehow got a lot on my plate, all of a sudden!

Yes, I noticed! How are you liking the strange new world of digital drag?

At first I was really reluctant–mostly because I didn’t want to come across as sad or desperate, even though in the beginning I was. But after realizing there was a way to get in this space beyond just doing a number in my living room–and started thinking outside the box–I started getting into it. That’s not shade. I just saw everyone flood the market, and it was overwhelming. I definitely wasn’t “crushing quarantine” the way I saw others do, and wasn’t feeling inspired either. But the Met Gala got the juices flowing again, and then I just started to create. I did the online challenges, and had some real fun.

And now with Black Live Matter taking the forefront, I really have the time and energy to put my drag to good use and be a part of that movement, too. So, being a part of that and making my drag mean something more: from raising money in Zoom parties, to taking some leadership with online communities, to being out on the protest lines, to producing my own parties. Again, I feel like I have a place in this new world.

[Photo: SidewalkKilla]

Indeed you do! I’ve also been enjoying a lot of the pre-recorded pieces many of the queens have been putting out there, including your clip for the Grace Jones showcase you were part of, where you performed “I’ve Seen That Face Before.” It was really polished, stylized and fun. But it must have been a huge effort putting that together, and shooting with limited access to resources in quarantine.

Well, my style is basically “I have an idea, and I’m gonna wait until the very last minute to do it all.” Seems to work for me! So for that number I figured out the storyline, sort of made a quick shotlist, got into drag and filmed and edited it all in one day, all by myself. I almost forgot I have a background in video editing, and I never had really used it in my drag before. So it was fun to incorporate that skill. But yeah, tripods and ring lights are my new best friends. Also, I already happened to have an accordion from the time five years ago when I thought I’d try to learn that! I have a lot of random stuff in my apartment that sees the light of day eventually.

youtube

Werq, Prop Queen! Actually between that clip and your role in Bright Light Light Bright’s music video for “This Was My House,” you are a veritable video vixen of the modern era.

That shoot was super fun! I love Rod and Bright Light Bright Lights music! I’ve been a fan for a while, and was kind of in awe and starstruck when he started DJing my Retro Factory parties. So I was honored to be in his music video, but also because it is exactly the message I want to spread with my drag. And it’s catchy as hell! We shot that all in one day, and just every hour went to a different location. It was a little party. It’s a little surreal to see it now, ’cause it was shot right before lockdown.

It’s a great video! And I see that you appeared in the third episode of a Bravo reality show, Camp Getaway! I’m not familiar with that yet; what’s it about, and how did you get involved?

It’s a show that basically follows a group of camp counselors–or social coordinators–at this camp in Kent, Connecticut which gets turned into an adult campground each weekend. I’m friends with Glen North, who is one of the featured counselors. He is the only queer cast member, and actually was integral in getting me and another drag queen, Sol, there for their LGBTQ weekend.

That particular weekend was especially cool, and for me personally it came right on the heels of me ending my marriage. You don’t get to see much of my story (and there were so many stories shared from other people that day too, like one guest who decided to live her life as a trans woman thereafter), but it was cool to be in the show and get featured regardless. There was even a contest with Carson Kressley judging… and I won’t give any spoilers, but let’s just say he gave me a real boost of confidence in the choices I was making in life.

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I see that you’re a Minneapolis native, and and I’m guessing that growing up queer and Asian in that predominantly white, hetero-normative city was tough on you.

More than ever right now, I’m seeing how desperate I was trying to fit into a white supremacist normative that I was never going to fit into. All my friends were white. I’m actually half-white, but definitely look Asian. There was no way around that, no matter how much Abercrombie cologne I’d spray on. I think I suppressed so much of who I am, including being gay, that I didn’t truly explore those parts of myself. It wasn’t “tough” because I ignored it, and laughed off any micro-racism or homophobia I felt or saw.

So I overcompensated. I got everyone to like me; I became all the things in high school. But it wasn’t until I was in New York for college that I came out. And it was here, after college, that I started hanging with non-white people. It wasn’t until the last few years that I started exploring drag and gender expression. And it wasn’t really until this past month that I started breaking down how much I was subscribing to a system that wasn’t designed for a small, Asian, non-binary queerdo–and how I was then contributing to that culture. So fucked up. And it’s been tough hearing how silent it is now from my MN peers.

It must be very surreal and upsetting for you to see how things have unfolded in Minneapolis.

Seeing how people are reacting is making it super clear that it isn’t a surprise that that stuff is happening there. So many people just live, acting like it isn’t their problem. It’s super upsetting. I have a couple friends who have really stood up as allies though, and I know a couple are looking to me for guidance and support. So I try to offer that now, at the least.

[Photo: Fwee Carter]

[Photo: Bronson Farr]

[Photos: Fwee Carter and Bronson Farr]

You said you didn’t create Glow Job until recently… what were the exact circumstances of how she got born?

The first time I took my drag to the streets was the Women’s March in DC. It was incredibly powerful showing up in the biggest, loudest, queerest way I could imagine. Then the first time “Glow Job” was fully realized was when I did my first show put on at Bar 9 for an amateur showcase, featuring drag queens and comedians from the NYC gay dodgeball league Big Apple Dodgeball. There were, like, seven of us that wanted to do drag, and Jose Paz / Miss Ogeny just decided to create her own show from scratch. Since then that group has expanded, and I had been going back every so often to perform.

But truly, my drag came from the realization that drag can be whatever I want it to be, and it combines many of the things I am already good at! And now it incorporates my love of circus, gogo-ing, pole dance, painting, photography, video editing, costume design, set design, etc. I have a background in ceramics, so that’s gotta be incorporated next somehow too!

I’m actually just super excited about my drag right now, and where it’s going, and how it’s finding new life (especially when I thought Glow had died this March once Covid hit), so I hope it doesn’t sound like I’m bragging! I just love it so much!

[Photos: Fwee Carter]

Brag away, it’s well-deserved! How did you come up with that four-“pronged,” butterfly-shaped signature lip that you often have? It’s striking! The only other queen I’ve seen sport something like that is Sandy Devastation.

Love Sandy! Madame Viv once told me I looked like her… just less devastating, lol! I dunno, I just didn’t like how painting my regular lips looked. And I wasn’t looking pretty like I had hoped when I started, so I definitely veered into a more clown aesthetic. I was sort of doing clown work, so it came from that… and it just stuck. It was one of the first decisions I made [for Glow’s look], and the only real original signature aspect I kept. I love them, too; they go well with the name.

You’ve done Viv’s “Hot Mess” drag competition at House of Yes a bunch of times. Do you consider yourself a Brooklyn girl?

House Of Yes is a bit of a home base for me. I had been working the line entertaining people as they waited to get in, and also gave the consent speech for them in my own way. I also did set design, and ushered for them, too. My style, I suppose, is more Brooklyn Drag? Or maybe it’s Sunnyside, Queens drag!

But I’m kind of all over, and doing my own thing. I’m the resident burlesque drag queen with Siren Pack; we performed at Madame X in the Village. I hosted [the party] Ultramaroon at Blue Midtown. And I recently got in Susanne Bartsch’s crew!

[Photo: Chris Sorensen]

Your last digital show with the POC Drag Art Collective (headed by Thee Suburbia) was that Grace Jones tribute, but now when you all return to our screens for a new show on Wednesday, June 24th (on Zoom, with proceeds going towards the Black Trans Protesters Emergency Fund) it’ll be the Solange songbook that gets the star treatment! What an interesting choice! Do you have an idea what you’ll be doing for that?

I have an idea… but knowing me, it could end up being anything. It’s gonna be meaningful, though! Know that!

Then on Thursday the 25th, you’ll be livestreaming all the body-ody as a digital gogo boy for Michael Block and Haireola Grande’s Zoom party, Elation!

Yasss! Love that! It’ll be super fun, turning a look and giving some energy and moves. Being a professional hype-person is my most natural state. And it’s for a good cause. So yes, very happy to be in this show.

As far as the Bartschland crew goes, you were just part of her BLM fundraiser that earned a whopping $32,000 in donations. And now comes “Pride On Top of the World” on Sunday the 28th, once more care of Zoom! Several Drag Race faves will be in virtual attendance including Latrice Royale, Laganja Estranja, Scarlet Envy and Aquaria. And of course, the large cast of beautiful Bartschies!

I’m so excited! I’ve been going to Susanne Bartsch parties forever, and always just showed up in typical club kid fashion. She’s nightlife royalty. I can’t wait to be in this one, too! I gotta figure out my look; I feel like nothing is too big with On Top!

Anything else coming up for you?

I’ll be out protesting again on Juneteenth, but on the 20th after more protesting some of us are gonna put up an outdoor show in front of the Barclays at 7pm. And then I’ll be on the front lines again in drag the following weekend with the Bushwig crew, starting at 5:30 in Maria Hernandez Park.

Fight the good fight! So, to end on a light note: whose team are you on for All-Stars 5?

Shea Couleé is perfection! But Jujubee cracks my shit up!

Thank you, Glow!

[Photo: Kenny Rodriguez]

Check Thotyssey’s calendar for Glow Job’s upcoming appearances, and follow her on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and YouTube.

On Point Archives

On Point With: Glow Job It makes sense that there's a "Job" in her name, cuz this queen is Working! Currently a digital darling, reality TV starlet and video vixen, the Minneapolis-born burlesque clown gogo queen Glow Job can't wait to get back to a real life stage...

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physicalkidscottage · 7 years

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It’s that time again, friends, let’s talk magicians meta.

I often talk about the magicians being a queer show, and LOTS of people disagree. And I get why. There’s not much talk of typically LGBT things. There are exactly zero coming out stories. Labels are rarely spoken and even when they seem defined (Eliot being gay) regularly embody a certain kind of flexibility (he sleeps with Quentin and Margo, and has a distinctly intimate emotional and physical relationship with her even before that).

Still, The Magicians is one of the queerest shows I’ve ever watched. And while can see why it might make some folks uncomfortable, I really really love that it embodies the kind of queer community I tend to be part of. The kind of queer community I gravitate toward and prefer.

There is a certain kind of urban, mostly queer community that collects community members who are primarily defined by their “otherness” when it comes to relationships. All living and loving and existing as people somewhere outside the accepted cis straight monogamous idea of what love, relationships, and family look like. It often includes not just LGBT people, but poly and bdsm folks, aromantic and asexual folks, and many, many people who overlap a lot of those groups.

Communities of this kind are generally home to a sort of common flexible and fluid sense of sexuality and gender (one of the reasons I’ve always gravitated to them...being a trans bisexual guy in our world puts you in a weird place with that stuff). Not for everyone certainly, but for a lot of people.

It’s a messy place. Where labels are best guesses at the wholeness of who we all are. Where you might, in fact, sleep with a friend who you love and respect and just not want it to be weird later. Where “you’ll miss me so much you won’t be able to get it up” is a perfectly acceptable state of a your friendship when you get a new boyfriend. Where “I called dibs” is a thing you say to your boyfriend ogling a cute boy. Where “excellent. Three way!” is the joke you make about your best friend and girlfriend laying in a bed together talking. Where there is a lot of frank talk about sex and sexuality and the complexity of how human relationships happen. Where older, more jaded folks often rib younger, more buttoned-up folks (Quentin and Alice) about their squeamishness on those topics. Good naturedly, certainly, but still.

The Magicians is a very specific kind of queer show. It’s representative of something I’ve seen a lot of LGBT folks decry as bad representation (i.e. lack of labels, no actual LGBT focused story lines, flexibility and fluidity of sexuality and gender, etc.). And I get where people are coming from on that front, I do. I’m glad other shows are telling those more straight-forward lesbian and gay story lines, with coming out stories and really clear labels and just-like-straight-people-but-gay romances. I know that’s a thing our community needs.

But that’s not my world. It’s not that simple for me. It never can be. I’m not wired for that, and I’m not built to fit easily into the rules of gender and sexuality. I’m messy, hard to label or box up neatly. Part of what I love about this show is that it celebrates that kind of queer community. The only one I’ve ever really found a place in.

#the magicians #pkc thoughts and things

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thebestintoronto · 6 years

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Things to do this week in Toronto

What's happening in Toronto Oct. 29-Nov. 2, 2018

MONDAY, OCT. 29

The Haunted Walk Experience at Black Creek Pioneer Village: Explore the supernatural side of Toronto’s historic pioneer village after dark.

One Dumb Guy and Two Kids in the Hall: Bruce McCulloch and Scott Thompson of legendary sketch troupe The Kids in the Hall sit down for a conversation with Paul Myers, author of the new book The Kids in the Hall: One Dumb Guy.

Free Concert with the Elmer Iseler Singers: Canada's Elmer Iseler Singers perform with The Agincourt Madrigal Singers and The Agincourt Singers.

Maria Thereza Alves: Recipes for Resistance: Acclaimed international artist Maria Thereza Alves speaks at OCAD.

Tom&Sawyer Haunted House for Dogs: Dress your pet up for this terrier-fying Halloween experience.

Balfolk Toronto Weekly Dance and Jam: Dance social folk dances to live music, including fiddles, accordions and hurdy-gurdies at Drom Taberna.

The Best of The Second City: An unforgettable night of classic and original sketch comedy.

What Makes It Great? Schumann's Piano Quintet: Go behind the music as Rob Kapilow breaks down classical pieces.

Black and White Fright: An exhibition of original art celebrating classic horror of the silver screen at Liberty Arts Gallery and Shop.

TUESDAY, OCT. 30

Phantom of the Opera 1925

The Paris Opera House is haunted by a mysterious figure-never seen but whispered stories of dread and fear are all around. When will he strike next?

ALSO ON TUESDAY

Spider-Man: Legend and Legacy: Join comic book giants Chip Zdarsky and Adam Kubert as they unpack the history of Spider-Man in popular culture.

Halloween Thriller Workout: Get a workout in as darkness falls across the land. Great prep for fleeing the zombie apocalypse.

Relentless Rewind: Enjoy all the retro tracks you need to dance the night away at Boutique Bar.

Zombie Halloween SMASH: Experience virtual reality as you and your friends take on an undead horde.

Ski for The Duke Launch Party: Get in the mood for The Duke of Devon's Ski Day.

Hot Breath Karaoke: Ridiculous game show style karaoke at The Handlebar.

ICAN Ban the Bomb: A denuclearization talk with founding chair of International Campaign to Abolish Nuclear Weapons (ICAN-2017 Nobel Peace Prize), Dr. Tilman Ruff .

WEDNESDAY, OCT. 31

Legends of Horror at Casa Loma

Walk the Casa Loma grounds and come face-to-face with theatrical recreations of classic horror monsters.

ALSO ON WEDNESDAY

Check out our list of fun and scary events on Halloween night in Toronto

Asylum at Rebel: Dress up for a massive Halloween night party at Rebel night club. Cash prizes for best costumes.

True Murder Tales: Making Halloween Scary Again: Three of Canada’s most intense crime writers regale you with true tales of murder in a 19th century building.

Halloween on Church: Head down to the Church/Wellesley Village for the biggest and queerest Halloween block party in Toronto.

Frankenstein Movie Viewing: Catch the classic horror film at a free screening at the Toronto Reference Library.

Willowdale Group of Artists Annual Fall Art Show: Check out works from some of Canada's finest professional and amateur painters.

Fall Antique & Vintage Glass Lovers' Show: See beautiful vintage glass items dating back to the 1800s.

THURSDAY, NOV. 1

Etobicoke Jazz Festival

Catch some fantastic jazz acts at this festival, which runs through Nov. 4.

ALSO ON THURSDAY

Vusi Mahlasela: South African singer/songwriter Vusi Mahlasela brings his bring his unique blend of traditional African music, soul and blues to Toronto

Oklahoma!: Scarborough Village Theatre presents this popular play by Rodgers and Hammerstein.

The Purple Party: Childhood Cancer Canada's signature fundraising event features food, fun and inspirational speeches from cancer survivors.

Holocaust Education Week: Dr. Ruth Westheimer, renowned sex therapist and Holocaust survivor, will be the keynote speaker at the opening night event for Holocaust Education Week.

Best of Scarborough Food Tour: Scarborough has been called "the best ethnic food suburb in the world" by renowned food writer and economist Tyler Cowen. Find out why.

Free Action/Crime/Thriller Short Film Festival: See great short action and thriller films at the Carlton Cinema.

Uncork Untap Unwind: Enjoy great food and drinks and live music at this fundraising gala for the West Park Healthcare Centre.

LiterASIAN Toronto: A new festival celebrating Asian Canadian writing.

FRIDAY, NOV. 2

Royal Agricultural Winter Fair

Enjoy 10 days of world-class livestock and horticultural competition, dining and culinary experiences, shopping, entertainment and the country's best horse show.

ALSO ON FRIDAY

Anybody For Murder: The Village Players stage a comedy-thriller full of plotting, scheming, twists and turns.

Celine Dion Dance Party: If you've got wings to fly to know that you're alive, this dance party is for you.

A Night of String Quartets: Alice Hong, Alexis Meschter, Maxime Despax and Christopher Hwang perform an evening of songs for string quartets.

They Might Be Giants: The duo behind "Boss of Me" and "Birdhouse in Your Soul" hit the Phoenix Concert Theatre.

Urban Ravine Symposium: Explore, Restore and Celebrate: Learn the ins and outs of wildlife restoration at this event at Toronto Botanical Gardens.

Northwood: Chris Antonik and Ashley Belmer: An acoustic tour with acclaimed blues artists Chris Antonik and partner Ashley Belmer.

ONGOING

Bat Out of Hell

Bat Out of Hell brings to life the legendary anthems of Jim Steinman and Meat Loaf, in a thrilling production that combines the magic of a musical with the immense energy of rock 'n' roll. At the Ed Mirvish Theatre until Nov. 4.

Forgotten Genius: This exhibit is devoted to the story of Philo T. Farnsworth (1906-1971), the man who revolutionized television and changed the future of communications on earth. On until April 15 at MZTV Museum of Television.

Now You See Her: In an insurrectionary outburst of original music, words and movement, six characters in Now You See Her explore some of the diverse ways women fade from sight in our culture. At Buddies in Bad Times Theatre until Nov. 4.

Come From Away: Come From Away tells the true story of the week of Sept. 11, when 38 planes from around the world landed in Gander, Newfoundland, and changed the lives of the passengers and locals alike. Extended through Dec. 19.

Theory: A thrilling play in which an online discussion group leads to a high-stakes game of cat-and-mouse. Through Nov. 25.

Legends of Horror 2018: Check out this one-hour walking tour featuring an immersive theatrical interpretation of all of the classic horror figures at Casa Loma's lower gardens and castles tunnels. The event closes Oct. 31.

The Original Haunted Walk of Toronto: Ghosts, graveyards, hangings and haunts. Hear some of the most spine-tingling ghost stories from the earliest days of the city.

Premium Original Haunted Walk of Toronto: This classic city tour features many of Toronto’s best ghost stories.

The Haunted Walk Experience: Explore the supernatural side of Toronto’s historic Black Creek Pioneer Village.

Campus Secrets and Spectres: Check out the haunted spots at the University of Toronto until Nov. 3.

Ghosts and Spirits of the Distillery: With tales of gruesome accidents, the perilous world of whiskey-making & the explosive War of 1812, you’ll quickly see why this area is one of Toronto’s most haunted spots.

The Nether: A serpentine crime drama and haunting sci-fi thriller, The Nether explores the consequences of living out one’s private dreams at Coal Mine Theatre. Oct. 7-Nov. 4.

Manolo Blahnik: The Art of Shoes: An intimate exhibition that features works spanning 45 years by Manolo Blahnik, one of the most prolific fashion and footwear designers. May 16 to Jan. 6, 2019.

Fairland Funhouse: A group of imaginative musicians and visual artists have transformed a 1950s grocery store into a two-storey adventure world of art, music, and discovery. Through Nov. 2.

Stanley Cup 125th Anniversary Tribute: Get hands-on access to the Dominion Hockey Challenge Cup, aka the original Stanley Cup through Nov. 16.

Emperors and Jewels Exhibition: The Aga Khan Museum hosts the Canadian premiere of the Emperors and Jewels exhibition with a rare glimpse at princely jewelled adornments on loan from Kuwait’s al-Sabah Collection through Nov. 5.

Best of Scarborough Food Tour: Discover some of Scarborough's hidden culinary gems on a one of a kind food tour.

Through a Web Darkly: Sex and Death in the World of Spiders: The Royal Ontario Museum explores the lives and loves of some of the world’s most notorious spiders. Through to Jan. 6, 2019.

Saturday Farmers' Market at Evergreen Brick Works: Shop for fresh, seasonal food and meet your local farmers, chefs and food producers every Saturday until November.

The Best is Yet to Come Undone: The Second City brings its latest hilarious revue to the stage. Runs through the end of year.

This article “ Things to do this week in Toronto “ was originally seen on toronto.com by Whatson

Naturopath Toronto - Dr. Amauri Caversan

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neo-losangeles · 7 years

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The Oceanic Feeling

Tavia Nyong'

Nineteen-year-old Christopher Breaux fell hard for another straight-acting boy who wouldn’t love him back, confessing his love in a car parked in front of the girlfriend’s house. Like many a millennial, he took to Tumblr to share his feelings about a love he described, with portentous adolescent drama, as “malignant.” But the queerest song released so far by the artist now known at Frank Ocean hasn’t been an ode to boy-on-boy love and lust but a corrosive satire of “traditional” American marriage in the era of Kim Kardashian and Newt Gingrich. If hip-hop is the CNN of the ghetto, then “American Wedding” aims to be its TMZ as well, replete with celebrities and courtroom hijinks, muscle motors, and divorce settlements, with Ocean ruefully rubbernecking at all the car crashes en route to the good life.subscribe to TNI for $2 and get Vol. 9 today

“American Wedding” has attracted the proprietary attentions of paleo-rockers the Eagles, whose radio staple “Hotel California” the track is based on. But the real story here isn’t about the sampling wars. It’s about a scapegoat generation struggling to find a path through the crumbling infrastructure of the American dream.

It has been said that while liberals won the culture wars of recent decades, the right won the political and economic ones. The absurdly elevated status of “marriage equality” as the ne plus ultra of gay rights is a symptom of this unhappy dispensation. Who wants equality, after all, on such threadbare terms? Sensing a bait and switch, Ocean takes down love, American style, in merciless couplets like:

She said, ‘I’ve had a hell of a summer, so baby, don’t take this hard But maybe we should get an annulment, before this goes way too far.’

Like Pretty Woman in reverse, “American Wedding” descends from true love to crass commercial exchange, reminding us on the outro that “we been some hustlers since it began.”

But this deconstruction of romantic comedy is done in the name of a different, murkier ideal of love, a redemptive love that won’t quite fit into the comforting melodic or narrative resolution of pop culture. We heard strains of such a love on Ocean’s performance at the 2012 VMA awards, where he delivered an assonant, astringent version of “Thinkin Bout You,” the opening track on Channel Orange. He wonders if his beloved is willing to “think so far ahead, cuz I’ve been thinkin’ bout forever.” But such a horizon can clearly no longer find expression in the shelf-worn sentiments of “till death do us part.” The ass-backwardness of the Eagles’ litigious response to Ocean’s meditation on love and commitment is best captured by NCWYS in the SoundCloud comments to “American Wedding”:

If you older people think that the younger generation is out of control and doing everything incorrectly then you should absolutely love this song, but you don’t.

Ocean is a practiced journeyman of popsoul songcraft, as the early demos on the fan-compiled Lonny Breaux Collection prove, but his writing on Channel Orange makes his preceding material for other artists seem like throat clearing. On “Sweet Life,” a sharply observed reverie of black-picket-fence California dreaming, Ocean sardonically queries his pampered date: “So why see the world, when you got the beach?” He elongates “world” to contrast with the punched out “beach” in a way that tells us everything we need to know about his mournful acceptance of life’s cruel optimism. “Sweet Life” makes the extended parable of parental neglect on “Super Rich Kids” almost superfluous, except for the self-conscious scene setting it adds—mixing substance abuse and class snobbery into a potent cocktail of something called “upward mobility”:

We’ll both be high The help don’t stare They just walk by They must don’t care.

This is the way Ocean inherits the past: not by respecting tradition, or Don Henley, but by staring down the foreshortened horizons and complacent inequality that the frantic pursuit of wealth or happiness brings.

Not that Ocean is lecturing, mind you, although Sierra Leone, sex work, global warming, and the hijab all make appearances in his rapidly expanding oeuvre. He is singing over the soundtrack of history, blunting its force with tried and true teenage tactics of insult, grandiosity, and desperate need. At 24 he isn’t quite old enough to know that he shouldn’t care, which is why he can gloat over “expensive news” on a pricey widescreen one moment, and say “my TV ain’t HD, that’s too real” in another. His is a realism that needs to be able to blur out of focus when it’s too intense or not intense enough, and the drugs come in handy. But so does channel surfing; on Channel Orange television is his angel of history, a flickering window onlooking the mounting wreckage of the past as he is blown into the future.

Despite his Tumblr post comparing the intensity of same sex love to “being thrown from a plane,” the theme of Channel Orange is less sexual orientation than chemical disorientation. Recreational substances surface frequently, often as a metaphor for a relationship gone wrong. Or is it the other way around, and addiction is now the core, common experience a generation is struggling to give sense to, turning to romantic clichés like “unrequited love” in a search for a more familiar, respectable language for it?

Frank’s oceanic feelings on Channel Orange crash in waves that obliterate distinctions between gay, bi, or straight. Some of the ostensibly straight songs, except for their pronouns, feel suspiciously same-sex. And when heterosexuality is foregrounded, it never resolves any confusions, it only produces new ones. The artistic showpiece of the album, the ten-minute long “Pyramids,” is an afrofabulation of ancient Egypt and postmodern Las Vegas, centered on a woman dressing for her job as a stripper, while her man looks on, waiting for her to “hit the strip” and “keep my bills paid.” But the song is a far cry from big pimpin’. “Pyramids” is drenched in delusions of the good life in a “top floor motel suite,” cruising on empty confused for the upward mobility that is now as rare as water in the American desert. Ocean has a heartfelt respect for his Afrocentric queen—“we’ll run to the future shining like diamonds in a rocky world”— but the feeling tone of “Pyramids” is closer to Janelle Monáe’s “Many Moons” than Michael Jackson’s “Remember the Time.” That is, where Jackson celebrated an image of a past in which we were kings and queens, Monáe and Ocean take a fish-eye view of a society where a multihued social apex rests atop masses of brown, black, and beige bodies “working at the pyramid,” like the slaves who built the original ones.

Where CNN anchor Anderson Cooper justified his belated coming out in terms of the reporter’s obligation not to get in the way of the news, Ocean knows better. A black boy is always getting in the way of the news. At 18 he fled Hurricane Katrina for Los Angeles. But as Fred Moten put it, “I ran from it, and was still in it” pretty much sums up the black experience in America. Channel Orange starts in a similarly fucked-up atmosphere—“A tornado flew around my room”—and ends with “Forrest Gump” perhaps the most oddball musical portrait of same-sex love since “Johnny Are You Queer?” A three-legged race featuring Tom Hanks’ dimwitted but fleet-footed hero and Christopher Breaux’s beau, “Forrest Gump” boils Hollwood sap down to a lubricious bump and grind:

my fingertips and my lips they burn from the cigarettes forrest gump you run my mind boy running on my mind boy

“Forrest Gump” is rhythm and blues as dark camp, nostalgia repurposed by a generation too young to remember, a generation whose cultural thefts seem premised on the awareness that anything original they create could be stolen.

But don’t confuse Ocean’s approach for pastiche or retromania, despite his affection for old cars and the vocal stylings of Prince, Stevie Wonder, and Donnny Hathaway. Just when you think he is recycling the familiar, he gives you something incredibly raw and real. On his first appearance on broadcast television, Ocean scaled the national-media echo chamber down to a backseat taxicab confessional, sharing a universal angst at a human level rarely captured by the contemporary celebrity coming out, with its strict protocols for explaining the murkiness of desire away:

He said Allah Hu Akbar I told him don’t curse me Bo Bo you need prayer I guess it couldn’t hurt me.

“Bad Religion” leaves it unclear whether it is his taxi driver’s effusive piety or his own devotion to the cult of true love that is more stunning. Confusing spirituality with a therapy designed to sand our sharp edges into shape for this world, Ocean is awestruck in a way that has little to do, in the end, with either Islamophobia or homophobia.

Rather, “Bad Religion” finds a pivot point in the “and” of Freud’s Civilization and Its Discontents, the book where Freud psychoanalyzed the oceanic feeling of cosmic oneness felt by natural mystics and prophesied that our adjustment to society would only ever leave us frustrated and unhappy. “The price we pay for our advance in civilization,” Freud warned, “is a loss of happiness through the heightening of the sense of guilt,” and “Bad Religion” has plenty of guilt to spare. But it also never fails to convey the sense of striving and resilience Freud grudgingly acknowledges when he notes, “We are never so defenseless against suffering as when we love, never so helplessly unhappy as when we have lost our loved object or its love. But this does not dispose of the technique of living based on the value of love as a means to happiness.”subscribe to TNI for $2 and get Vol. 9 today

Blown from New Orleans by the unnatural calamity of racist and economic neglect, separated from his beloved by lack of reciprocation, Ocean never stops striving for “the technique of living based on the value of love.” Whatever, wherever that may be. Even a curse, after all, probably couldn’t hurt him.

When Ocean, on his Tumblr, greeted us as “human beings spinning on blackness,” he invited us into that cab alongside him, but also onto the edge of that oceanic feeling of cosmic oneness that Freud could only associate with regression, so convinced was he that satisfaction was something all humans left in the womb.A version of this essay first appeared at Bully Bloggers

But spinning on blackness needn’t be just an image for depression, addiction, burn out, or malignancy. It could also be Ocean sidling up in an undercommons of prayer and malediction, where the singular soul brushes up against the dark night of the universe. Maybe that’s why a conventional coming out, with its endless reiterations of the transparently obvious and anodyne, seems beside the point. Frank Ocean isn’t like you or me; he isn’t even much like Christopher Breaux any longer.

https://thenewinquiry.com/essays/the-oceanic-feeling/

#music #favorite #frank ocean

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