#this is so fucking long i wanna die
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Weeping Wisteria
-Yuu Fujisaki after his debut performance of Fuji Musume, 10 y.o
I've been slowly working on Yuu lore and how it'd affect the current twst story + his relationships and manerisms.
One of the things I've focused the most on is his childhood as an Onnagata trainee.
I think that to follow up on Yuu's literal " a genius that's god's punching bag" trope, I'd do a couple of retconning to his backstory. Most of these are minor changes, but methinks it will impact how he interacts with people— esp a couple NRC students.
(Base info pre-retcon about the Fujisaki clan can be found here)
To start off, Ataru (Yuu's father) would be laid off right before Yuu was born, meaning Yuu wouldn't have known a life before Kabuki training.
This would serve the purpose of reinforcing Yuu's belief that he himself is a bad omen or a bad luck magnet for people, as his family probably wouldn't have struggled so much if Yuu was not born.
Also, though it's common for women in JPN to be housewives after marrying, Yuu's mom, Kanna (環花), would probably also need to resume working if they're struggling. I think Kotonoha would also start tutoring underclassmen for some extra cash to help her parents out + save for college education. His family adores him and each other, of course. And would try to spend as much time together as possible, but sometimes it just can't be done.
This would change Yuu's upbringing in two major factors:
1. He would have spent a lot more time with both his grandfather and great-uncle, which would mean he'd be inducted in two very different sides of Kabuki + also very different, contrasting expectations of what he should be like.
2. He'd have to learn to be independent fairly quickly.
Hiroshi and Nagisa are complete opposites of each other. Whilst Hiroshi gives indiscriminately no matter how little he has, Nagisa is overzealous of the family's wealth─ both knowledge and resources.
Nagisa may have accepted his grandson back into the family, but he only accepted his grandson. He would pay for his education and help with Yuu's needs with a monthly allowance, but that would be it. The rest of the family would still be left to fend by themselves.
Yuu's not dumb, he would notice the difference. After all, why was he given expensive brand-name clothes and attended a prestigious academy that he had to be taken to and from with a private driver, whilst his sister shopped in thrift stores and went to their local public school by foot? Why did his dad never come pick him up from practice and was picked up by his uncle instead? Why were his parents so stressed about pinching pennies to pay next month's rent when grandpa's manor was full of empty rooms?
He would've caught on quick to his position as a very real bargaining chip to maintain his family's finantial stability.
So, I think that Yuu, even though he would grow to hate performing as an onnagata, would not quit Kabuki as soon as possible. In fact, I think he'd continue until high school, were he'd enter an indefinite hiatus just so he could have a normal teenage experience + focus on university before returning to perfom.
Also, I think with how close he is to his cousin Nagihiko, he would not want him to suffer under the stress of becoming the Fujisaki heir— at least not while their grandfather is alive and imposing such standards. He wants Nagihiko to have the carefree childhood Yuu was robbed of because of family politics.
Because of this fact, I think Yuu would be much more prone to sacrifice his happiness if it brought out a greater good. I don't think it's out of pure selflessness, though. He's very pragmatic about the pros and cons of things— and ifthe suffering of one ensures the happiness of many, he does not see any problem with it. I think he would also see his self value in what he is useful for, hence why he would eventually hone his abilities to the point of polymathy.
Then, there's uncle Hiroshi. God bless his man because he actually tried to give Yuu a normal childhood. Whenever he wasn't at his grandpa's slaving away at different subjects, he would be at his uncle's theater office or exploring the backrooms of the place. Hiroshi was a busy man, of course— he had his own business to run, but he did his best to keep him entrtained with what he could. He also was the one to notice Yuu's academic potential as the little bugger would rather read his uncles dusty finance and politic books than the fairytales and picture books he bought especially for him. Hiroshi would have been Yuu's biggest advocate, and since Ataru didn't have the money or leverage to fight back against Nagisa, I think Hiroshi would take that place instead. Hiroshi is described to be extremely generous to a fault, so, as a result, I think Yuu would've witnessed the various times his uncle was backstabbed and taken advantage of, yet still managed to rise back and continue working on his passion.
That's what Yuu's goal was before he got interloped; he wants to bide his time and keep his head down, so once he has enough strength and leverage himself, he can finally stand up for his family... or at least the side that genuinely cares about him.
Yuu loves and admires his uncle, but he does not want to be hurt as many as he was. So Yuu would end up being much more closed off and stand-offish than his own personal hero. He would be reluctant to have close friends and confidantes, effectively making most his relationships superficial except for maybe 3 or 4 close friends he holds very dear to him. None of which are from TWST. I think he's the type of friend that listens to all your problems and knows so much about you, but when you look back— Yuu's NRC friends would realize they don't know anything about him other than the very rare nuggets of trivia he allows them to have.
Yuu is also observant and patient. Let's be real for a second— Yuu is at an infinite disadvantage. He has no magic, no money, no family name, and his smarts can only get him so far in a world he knows nothing about. He knows he needs to play things safe if he wants to survive NRC and its students— at least until he finds something he can fight back with. Humans are endurance predators, after all. (He's still a piece of shit with a big mouth, though)
There's so much more I want to elaborate on, but much like Galatea, it'll take me a while organize all my word vomit. Either way, Yuu's backstory and family dynamics are something I have so much fun of thinking about, because his life was so rich before twst! He had friends, a family and responsibilities to take care of. It's both tragic and freeing that he got taken just at such a pivetal point in his life, where he would have to make the choice to continue living for others or start living for himself.
#art stuff#fanart#twisted wonderland#yuu fujisaki#twst oc#doodles#twst yuu#this is so fucking long i wanna die#if you reached the bottom you are areal trooper#thank u for putting up with my insanity!! gn <3#i swear to god if tags dont work this time i will commit a hate crime
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what is with men being mad any time a woman raises her voice where did that even come from. someone posted a video of a small electrical explosion, and the top comment was of course the woman screams. the second comment is women try not to scream challenge, level impossible. i had to go back and watch the video again. there is, somewhat fainty, a little gasp emitted off-camera, more of a yelp than a scream. it is mostly lost in the crack of the explosion. afterwards, you hear her voice, shaken, say, are you okay?
i am helping one of my friends train her voice pitch lower, because she wants to be taken seriously at work. she and i do each other's nails and talk about gender roles; and how - due to our appearance - neither of us have ever been able to be "hysterical" in public. we both appear young and sweet and feminine. she is cisgender, and cannot use her natural voice in her profession because people keep saying she appears to be "vapid". we both try to figure out if our purposeful voice lowering is technically sexist. is it promoting something when you are a victim to it?
a storm almost sends a pole through a car window. in the dashcam, you can hear the woman passenger say her partner's name twice, crying out in alarm. she sounds terrified. in the comments, she is lambasted for her lack of calm. how is that even fucking helping?
in high school, i taught myself to have a lower voice. i had been recorded when i was genuinely (and righteously) upset; and i hated how my voice sounded on the phone speakers when it was played back. i was defending my mom, and my voice cracked with emotion. it meant i was no longer winning the argument: i was just shrieking about it.
girls meet each other after a long summer and let out a little joyful scream. this usually stops around 12-14, because people will not tolerate this display of affection (as it has the effect of being passingly annoying). something about the fact that little girls can't ever even be annoying. we are trained to examine each part of our lives (even joy) for anything that could make us upsetting and disgusting. they act like teenage girls are breaking into houses and shrieking you awake at 3 in the morning. speaking as a public school educator: trust me, it's not that bad, you can just roll your eyes and move on. it does not compare to the ways boys end up being annoying: slurs in graffiti, purposefully mocking your body, following you after you said no. you know, just boy things.
there's another video of a man who is not allowed to yell in the house, so he snaps his fingers when he's excited about soccer. the comments are full of angry men, talking about how their brother is unfairly caged. let him express himself and this is terrible to do to someone. eventually the couple has to address it in a second video: they are married with a newborn baby. he was trying not to wake the infant up. there is no comment on the fact women are not allowed to yell indoors. or the fact that it could have been really alarming or triggering for his wife. sometimes i wonder if straight men even like women, if they even enjoy being in relationships with them.
for the longest time, i hated roller coasters because it always felt inappropriate and uncomfortable for me to scream. one of my friends called me on it, said it was unusual i'm so unwilling. i had to go to my therapist about it. i don't like to scream because i was not raised in a safe situation, and raising my voice would have brought unsafe attention towards me. even when i am supposed to scream, it feels shameful, guilty. i was not treated kindly, so i lack a basic form of self-protection. this is not a natural response. it is not good that in a situation of high adrenaline - i shut up about it.
something very bad is happening, i think. in between all the beauty standards and the stuff i've already discussed - this one feels new and cruel in a way i can't quite express. yes, it's scary and silencing. but there's something about how direct it is - that so many men agree with the sentiment that women should never yell, even in an emergency - it feels different.
is the word shriek gendered automatically? how about shrill or screech? in self defense class, one of the first things they tell you is to yell, as loud and as shrilly as you can. they say it will feel rude. most women will not do this. you need to practice overcoming the social pressure and just scream.
most women do not cry out, even when it's bad. we do not report it. we walk faster. we do not make a scene. what would be the point of doing anything else? no matter what we do, we don't get taken seriously. it is a joke to them. an instagram caption punchline. we have to present ourselves as silent, beautiful, captivating - "valuable."
a woman is outside watching her kids when someone throws a firecracker at them. she screams and runs towards her children. in the comments, grown men flock together in the thousands: god. women are so annoying.
#warm up#writeblr#this one has bothered me for a bit#any time a woman does something even passingly annoying we treat it like a fucking crime#hey man. women are allowed to be annoying. everyone forever is allowed to be passingly annoying#as long as they aren't hurting anyone/thing#like u wanna know something? i find it super annoying that men don't wear seatbelts#why arent there thousands of comments on driving videos thats just like : men try not to die in a car crash challenge#''this briefly annoyed me''. okay??????? AND????????????????? go get ur self a cookie and calm down about it#ur not entitled to control other ppl's experiences and emotions just so u can maintain ur own peace#if being briefly annoyed ruins ur whole day! you! need! therapy!!!!#men try not to become immediately angry about nothing challenge: level impossible#ps author is nonbinary. we didn't even get into the gender presentation thing#the fact men think it's SEXY that my voice is on the lower end....
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meow
#i feel like i should have made his ears a little bigger in th first pic. maybe ill go back and edit it later#GET WRINKLED IDIOT#i first thought of drawing him as a sphinx cat bc i looked at his third eye like hm... if he had wrinkles he could hide his eye#its also very fun imagining him wearing head coverings and hoods cause hes so fucking nakey#kinda makes me wanna draw him more... sphinxes are fun to draw. i kinda wanna make a sphinx design now <- loves designing characters#a thought i had while drawing this is that if only few had seen narinder before (like the lamb and previous vessels) then not many would#know what he looks like. since hes supposed to be death and the only time you see him is when you die and pass on i guess??#so i think it would be an interesting situation if the lamb just introduced narinder as some guy without telling anyone he is or used to be#the one who waits.. smth like a false idolatry situation so everyones like. oh wow our leader has been channeling the messages#of the one who waits for so long its almost like they have become death itself!! ^_^ and narinder is just. standing there#maybe if he gets enough power he can grow more eyes between his wrinkles like in his eldritch form. that would b cool#cult of the lamb#cotl#cotl narinder#cotl fanart#my art#myart#doodles#the one who waits
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She's turning the rain to snow
#LISTEN. uwu rukia my beloved 😭😭😭#theyre both so sad abd soft together. bleach hurt me so bad. the betrayal. but the fucking sad rain music plays in my head all the time#fucking christ its the show i have so so much nostalgia for#god. i wanna write ichiruki feels but dont wanna rewatch all of bleach#i dont remember it well enough but the soul mates thing. the rain the ice queen. the rukia wanting a family and putting other before hersel#the ichigo being trained as a protector and being the onky one willing to not let her die.#im gonna have to redraw that kiss in like 2 years or so bc i like the pose. the dress is way too long for her tiny legs tho#i did not use my time wisely today 😬#bleach#ichiruki#ichigo kurosaki#rukia kuchiki#tw blood#shout out to middle school me who couldnt draw either of these fools ✌️#fanart
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Windy at my house + power flickering = no comm work = quick laptop doodle
#my characters#i genuinely hoped the wind would die down but like ??? nah?#and the last time we lost power without an actual storm it WAS bc of wind#and so i just get so panicked over please dont fry my tablet with a power surge#if it calms down by tonight i really wanna work on art since i spent almost all day yesterday struggling with a pose and i finally#think i thought of something that could work and then (gestures to the wind) fuck me#also in regards to these two you have seen me drawing deacon a lot recently and i only drew armya once so far#she is a devoted follower to fulj which is really rare since fulj no longer has a large following nor a temple#so when fulj finds her its comforting and reassuring and she adores armya a lot#however the fact that fulj relentlessly teases deacon and calls him names is like..... ok wait would you really be mean to me if it wasnt#for her ? like would you still pick on me? :c and shes like lol yeah dude absolutely#deacon is just constantly dunked on by the lightning group and hes so sad because he wanted to be friends :c#but also the guy wouldnt really recognize the followers if it wasnt for the traces of lady fulj#so if they would wander into the city without having been possessed recently he probably wouldnt even cast a glance their way#nothing personal he just straight up doesnt decipher looks fast at all#he could think they look familiar but then not know why ESPECIALLY if they wear something he's not used to them in#like if armya showed up in something other than her loose white jacket he would not be able to go AH YES ARMYA immediately#he identifies people by hair or clothing details so it kinda messes him up if people remove whatever identifying trait they have#long hair getting a hair cut? suddenly a whole new person#and armya knows this very well since he never looked her way unless fulj was possessing her or trailing her#so she does like to tease him as just. we are both in servitude to a deity and same rank but like. bro youre too easy to mock#(fulj agrees)
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JUST FINISHED SEASON TWO OF GOOD OMENS. WHAT THE FUCK.
#what the fuck??????#you don’t even understand how badly i wanna @ neil#like sir EXPLAIN YOURSELF#W H Y#oh my god its gonna be so long before the next season i don’t think i’ll survive the wait#genuinely i might just die#what the fuck.#(WHY ARE GABRIEL AND BEELZEBUB THE ONES THAT GET TO RUN AWAY TOGETHER)#(i mean i love that for them but. WAIT YOUR GODDAMN TURN)#(literally just salt in the fucking wound. look at what could’ve been 😭)#good omens#jx.txt
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"It was always stuck on the happy color," he gave a dry chuckle. "Even at the hospital. That's how we knew it was all bullshit."
okay but like,, what is he WAS happy,, what then huh xue yang,, what if he was able to find peace and happiness knowing that his family was there with him,,, what about that??
based on the fic the thread that binds us by @wifiwuxians
#song lan#xiao xingchen#a qing#xue yang#okay this took so fucking long#and tumblr has decided to eat the quality#but thats none of my business#im stopping this before i overwork it and over think it and look at it too long#but yeah idk i just like to think that maybe xxc was at least sometimes happy#when they were there with him and they were just sitting around as if they were still at home#and he felt so so loved and cared for and all that stuff#even though he knew he was dying they were still with him and for a few moments at least he was still able to be happy#idk i just want him to die peacefully for fucking once haha#anyway great fic 10/10 loved it so so much#it was legit so good#anyways some details that i wanna shoutout; xy is an itachi kinnie; a-qings crop top was originally xxc's; two headed calf plushie#gift from sl#dis meh#my art (??)
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idk about anyone else but I would love to see any and all anaroceit content you are okay with posting <3
signed,
the roceit anon from a little while ago
:0 roceit anon, my beloved.
Anyways permission from one is permission to post!
#anaroceit#anxceit#roceit#tss janus#tss Roman#tss Virgil#every time an anon becomes reoccurring I imagine the guest star cheering happens#like woah!!!!! You come back to the show!!!!!#Holy fuck!!!!#🥳🎊🎉🎊🎉#also also also quick explanations!#actually I tried to explain and got embarrassed#BTW THE NOTES GET EMBARRASSING I FORGOT I ACTUALLY LOVE THEM WHEN I STARTED WRITING AND WROTE TOO MUCH deleted more for my dignity#I love my partners and I think they’re cute and I love them and they do these cute little things they make wanna die#Dear beloved Roman kinnie hyperfixates and he’s gone never to be seen again but he goes at it with such passion that he tricks you into#two days straight of only ninja turtles but it’s okay because he’s super into it and living for it#the way that man can love one thing so hard for so long#it’s impressive#so that’s what that last one is#the middle one is less emotional but like you know how in cartoons a character kisses another in passing and the one#who got kissed turns bright red with a dopey smile and hearts leak out of them as they just passively start to follow the other#looney tunes type shit#kinda that except I’m not very keen on PDA so it caught me off guard and this bitch really just let me melt in front of our friends#anyways I’m absolutely enamored by them but apple pie I got an image#I’d like to get used to that if possible but don’t read into that#I’m a little more hesitant to discus that one since I know they read my tags#can’t show weakness to their face they’ll know how to take me down </3#first one is just we lose custody on weekends and forget until we miss him (very quickly embarrassingly fast)
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Resident Evil really makes me wanna become an unhinged scientist creating horrors beyond our comprehension yet made of our own flesh and maybe a sprinkle of virus/parasite/mold in it to give it some extra ooomph
#txts#this is mostly about re4 bc its on my mind rn#the las plaga is like a dog to me#look if its big enough to be petable at some point then its a puppy-i dont make the rules#its just a more fucked up spider#which then growns into an even more fucked up spider hiding in a human suit i guess#the usual things y'know#i say this but the concept of parasite(anime) fucked me up#just the thought that i could sleep and SMTH could crawl into my ear-fucking disgusting oh god who thought of that no please#nothing you can do except die i guESS#good aesthetics there too tho#fleshy long bits with knives on the end are just a go-to-aesthetic for me i guess#i rly should go buy re4make tbh#like i already watched others play through it and enjoyed that#but i also saw some achievemtns which also made me wanna try my hand on this#which is a first#but expected tbh#resident evil#little me thought i could be whoever does autopsies bc A i cant smell B i am not easily grossed out at all and C if i studied just a bit#more and had the energy for it I could do smth smart but i dont wanna do smth like doctor smart so...dead ppl#this is just that but with extra steps and more corpses walking#to be fair-young me also thought i could go find a way to become immortal if i only managed to get cells to stop dying out#which seems really easy#but like...i am NOT a doctor so dear god do not quote my hubris here#'just stop dying'->younger me#so yes i would like all the funding and all the experimental fluids and.....things 👀 in the world to play god with thx <3#it's been quite a week i am sure you can tell
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:]
#AAAAAAAAAAAAA FUCKFUCKFUCK#CONDTANT UNENDING SILENT SCREAMING#NO WORDS BUT FORCED TO UNDERSTAND STILL UNESCAPABLE I CANT I CANT I CANT#ill never be anything ill never be anything ill never be anything at all to any of you#too fucking tired to go out of the house for so long no way to stop being tired its all wearing down on me like a fucking curse. too much#CANT CANT CANT take 10 more days of this waiting itll just go back to normal after#TRIED TO LIVE BUT WHAT IS THE POINT WHAT IS THERE EVEN FOR ME NO LOVE NO CARE NO IMPORTANCE NO PLACE#FADING MEMORY REMNANTS OF MY SOUL DRIPPING OUT OF MY HEAD LIKE A GUTTER. NO ONE WILL REMEMBER. EVEN I CANT.#AAAAAAAAAAA rotrotrotrotrotrotrotrotrot wish i just had a fucking dad to hold me wish i had a brother to show me the loving care noone will#please. llease. please. nothing left nothing left everyone wants me less with every single post but icant stop#cooped up inside. tumblrs knly good when you have a life outside of it. i cant fight it tho bc of this fucking EXHAUSTION#caused by the emotional pain and exclusion. eternal loop. let me.out#NOT LIKE IT MATTERS TO ANYONE BUT THE FEW WHO CANT HELP. THE FEW WHO CANT MAKE MY SITUATION BETTER. I JUST WANT A GROUP.#I KNOW COMMUNITY ISNT REAL BUT I FUCKING WANT SOMETHING. PLEASE#LET ME OUT. GIVE ME LIFE. INSTEAD OF THIS CONSTANT FUCKING VOID GROWING BLACK MOLD ON THE CREVICES OF MY SKULL#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa nothing is giving me life right now i want sometbing i cant create anything i dont wanna die but i have no choice#FIGHT THROUGH THE TIREDNESS WALK INTO THE FOREST IN THE NIGHT AND ROT.#SLIT MY WRISTS EVEN THOUGH IT WONT DO SHIT. LAY ON A BLANKET AND LET THE COLD TAKE ME#WOULDNT BE THE FIRST TIME IVE BEEN CLOSE TO IT. LEAST I CAN GO ALL THE WAY. GOD WHY DO I TRY. I WANT TO TRY. I HAVE NOTHING TO TRY FOR.#NO OTHER CHOICE.
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something so hypnotic abt this video i took to show off to my friends i'm figuring out how to play w lethal company mods (and asked for any yt song link)
peace and love in the facility
#guzma plays lethal company#video_guz.mp4#i still gotta figure out the reserved slot mods but we went to play cos so i didnt wanna bother#im tryna set up mods to make soloing easier + so i can more accessibly learn about the game#just thru playing it because plaiyng with friends is a bit limited and can take a long time#but soloing is a nightmare#I WAS HOPING SO BAD ID RUN INTO SOMETHING AND JUST DIE TO IT WHILE GROOVING BUT THIS WAS DAY 1 IN THE MORNING SO LIKE NOTHING SPAWNS#THIS FUCKING QUICKLY
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oh ok
#succession#tomgreg#OH MY GOD THE SCENE IS THIS CLOSE AFTER?!?? i thought i had some time !!! i jqqqqqqq#man. man. mn!!!!aman!!!!man!!!!!!!!!!!!!! man.#matt johnson you would love tomgreg#what the fuck is this scene though i want to die i PHYSICally want to di e Eeeeeeeeeee#he........i .........fkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkmmmmmmmmmmmm#ok. okok. ok . novel tags ok i can think through my absolute fucking grief. ok so basically.#tom giving greg advice about prison. and then greg like basically begs to have tom take the rap for him. but not directly.#he can never say things directly. but tom translates. and it doesn't take him long to say fine. load me up. you piece of shit.#but he doesn't even mean the latter statement he's too sad. and he won't fight. the fight is all gone out of him.#so much for greg being expendable though huh?#look me in the eyes and tell me tom isn't in love with greg at least a little. yall telling me you'd take the rap for someone and go to jail#for them if you didn't love them? ok bestie you do you#i kind of like as well the comparison of the conversation between them and him and shiv like. it's very similar in that him and greg are#saying sentences that are parts of different conversations like him and shiv's convo ALTHOUGH it is still related bc it's to do with jail#she wouldn't even talk about that subject at all. and then it correlates to the whole. nero and sporus thing right. and the dressing up/ring#ALSO THE FACT HE DIDNT WANNA SLEEP WITH HER AND HES OUT LATE AT A DINER WITH GREG I GET IT G IS HIS MISTRESS#but anyway.#and the WAYYYYYYY greg's voice breaks and the way he looks at tom with pleading eyes and it looks like he's about to cry#that's what does it for tom i think. that's what breaks him. he can't bear the thought of greg suffering for months.#which makes me believe that that is why he was so sad earlier when greg was asking for advice. he doesn't like greg to suffer#by other hands of course. if it's by his hands that's another matter BUT THATS ANOTHER CAN OF WORMS#LIKE I KNOW ITS KIND OF AN ASSHOLE MOVE OF GREG BUT AT THE SAME TIME HES LIKE. idk early 20s. 26ish latest???#and i would be fucking terrified i'm 30 and i still don't know what the fuck is going on i don't know how i am still alive so i get it.#and if you have someone who has been taking care of you and has in the past flexed their power and money to give you food and parties#and move you up in a company and give you opportunities you most likely would never get. you kinda. latch. and fall into a pattern.#you assume he has a way out for you#has help. i mean greg probably assumed he wouldn't say yes in the first place so he kinda Has to be an asshole for any chance at all tbh.#he even said quid pro quo. but tom didn't even want anything in return. i mean idk what greg could even give him [lol] but still.
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day 3647388377437 of only existing to be a punching bag, somehow still alive
#yeah incoming breakdown pls fuck off i just remembered how meaningless my life is#outside of being used#my famtasy lately is journeying deep into the everglades and dying there and never being found. that seems like id finally feel peace.#ill be alone forever and im ok with that#as long as thats where i am#cause i cant fucking take waking up every day of my life and my only purpose being supporting everyone elses weight#what kind of a fucking life is that youd wanna die too if that was your life. if that was all you had to look forward to.#its camp anyways lolllll and all that other stupid shit i say to dimish how badly im suffering#at least if i go die out there i can benefit the earth#the conclusion: yes i am so embarrassed dont worry i am humiliated in ways you couldn't even imagine#im embarassed every second of my life for being like this#i know yall are tired of me complaining believe me so i am i and i feel guilty for just existing 24/7#cant wait to finally be appreciated when alligators rip into my dead body
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So i binge read the entirety of dungeon meshi yesterday and the day before, and im gonna post a collection of some of my favourite panels, its not even all of them, because i took these from a server when i was live posting about it to them in the spoilers channel
Obviously spoilers under the cut
#dunmeshi#dungeon meshi spoilers#I AM OBSESSED#i would kill for marcille and falin#im stating it here#all the girls here are lesbians or bi#they are all wlw#im sorry if you disagree youre just wrong#also i would fucking die for thistle#HES BABY#yes hes 1000 years old but he is A CHILD!!! LOOK AT HIM!! HES SO LITTLE IN YAAD'S ARMS#im gonna reread the manga again because i want to expirience the story again and the anime is going to take too long#it might not happen any time soon though because ive been sick and havent been able to do much so thats why i was able to read#the enirety of the manga in 2 days#namari#i wanna kiss namari#I LOVE HER#SO MUCH#and shuro#he is in love with a lesbian#im sorry buddy that i had to be the one to tell you#ALOS#its so fucking funny that laios is so friendly#and yes hes a little unhinged#but hes autistic baby! not his fault!#and because of his social awkwardness people outside his party think theres something sinister inside him#hes literally just autistic guys leave him alone#raine thoughts
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#aaaand that's 2 doctors that think i have bipolar ii 🙃#so the conceptualize rn would b that my mood is fucked but im using ocd to keep myself contained withing sorta normal parameters#which. i mean. that does kinda fit with observationally. i would create rules around: u arent allowed to get excited abt things u arent#allowed to enjoy things bc u cant handle it. u cant b normal abt how u enjoy things. or bc when i go to enjoy a thing#my mood is caped at being lightly miserable so its like well fuck being around ppl it makes me feel nothing#bc my focus and energy swing around like the light on a lighthouse. and in between that im miserable or feel nothing#and if its true that i am bipolar the reason i never noticed would b bc i very rarely experience euphoria. mostly i have high energy and#dont feel good. just fucking out of control. so mixed episodes i guess. but like idk. i guess i just think of bipolar as being extremely#destructive. and i mean r my mood issues a problem? yes. sometimes a really big problem. but idk. im still resistant to thr idea#lots of ppl get misdiagnosed as bipolar even tho the presentation is so specific. i guess i just doesn't wanna accept it and then have to#have been wrong if i was misdiagnosed. but i mean 2 doctors independently listened to me and thought hm sounds like bipolar so maybe im#just being stubborn. also no one else in my family thst i kno of is bipolar. ive got 2 uncles with adhd but not bipolar relatives#i dunno. i guess it doesn't matter so long as i can get it under control. im good at control. destructively good at control#unrelated#i guess its more that ive never done anything life ruining bc of my moods#mostly i just dont sleep much and make myself crazy. so ill probably die an early death or whatever lack og sleep causes rio#i meant rip lol
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