And lately, I'm a nervous wreck
'Cause I love people I don't like
And I hate every song I write
And I'm not cool and I'm not smart
And I can't even parallel park
All I did was try my best...
This the kind of thanks I get?
Unrelentlessly upset (ah, ah, ah)!
They say these are the golden years...
But I wish I could disappear!
Ego crush is so severe!
GOD...
It's brutal out here!
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Black–
The black “me” dreams of all the traces of reality;
Whose shadow am “I”? And who is “my” shadow?
Common, ordinary speech exposed to the air.
In a world where “I” was, colors made transparent melted together into brilliance;
In the future that “I” saw, “I” pray for creation without end.
Sing–of the bounds of my strength;
Sing–of stamping my feet into the earth;
Sing–of setting my wings aflutter;
Sing–of believing in myself.
Indeed, if I just listen carefully to my own voice,
I should hear it at once:
A vividly brilliant song and rhythm.
Scarlet–
Scarlet time carves its path, but
If “I” am always still “me”,
If unseen true colors are still asleep,
Then this is just one masterpiece–
That no one knows of.
——— 懐中道標 (The Guidepost in My Pocket)
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Okay but, the lyrics of Take Me To Church by Hozier are so Sirius x James coded, like:
"I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies"
"My Lover's the sunlight"
"Offer me that deathless death, oh good god, let me give you my life"
"There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin"
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took one last picture of my desk on monday. I'll get a new desk in the new flat, but worry not the media markt box will stay sdfhjhds
look how pretty all my plants look when in the same spot! thoughts and prayers they survive the trip tomorrow
things I did tuesday-today:
packed up my kitchen
packed up my clothes
packed up every thing else that needed to go into a box
took care of donations & trash & recycling
almost tripped over a box or piece of furniture multiple times
stubbed my toes against a box or piece of furniture multiple times
a shift at the café
things for the soul:
wrote lots of lists to make the chaos feel organised
went for evening walks at the river (I'll miss that so much)
nectarines
baked 2 loafs of bread for moving helpers
got falafel from my favourite place & sat in my favourite spot near uni
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Went to nonbinary support group earlier this evening. A fun and silly question was asked, “What’s your non-traditional gender?”. The person asking described their gender as some cigarette butts floating in a gross puddle, another person describing themself as a cigarette butt with lipstick stains on it, my love described themself as a bunny rabbit, and when it came around for me to answer I said I’m a dirty hippy. The person asking then spent ten minutes going off on me about how #problematic hippy culture is, ignoring multiple bids from me to say yeah there are things wrong with it I know full well but they did not relent, eventually remarking that punks look mean but are actually nice and hippies look nice but are actually mean and telling me my gender is pretty much folk punk anyway?? My love stopped the convo by asking the others in the group who didn’t get a chance to answer to do so but the vibe was not great after. This is such a strange and petty encounter but something about it still rubbed me the wrong way in such a way that continues to linger in my mind. What the fuck?
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