growing up is weird. it’s like one day you have your whole life ahead of you; literally nothing but choices and options, always something that you’re tied to, something forcing you to choose and decide. you lose that when you grow up. you get older and suddenly you’re leaving a place and people that you’ve been tethered to your entire life and the choices you have to make both expand and dwindle right before your eyes. you’re untethered now, you’re free, and yet you feel the path before you thinning rapidly. how can it be that the sea has both risen in an epic tsunami and dwindled down to a puddle all at once?

i feel lost, unmoored, overwhelmed by the expanse of my choices and crushed under the pressing weight of them. it feels contradictory, my current existence. somehow my best years are both behind me and only just starting. i’m in a weird place, a sort of purgatory between childhood and adulthood, it’s cliche, but i’m standing on the cliff face staring down at my far off new beginning and also plummeting so rapidly towards it that i can feel the tickle of the ground against the tip of my nose.

i have so many things to do, and yet i want so badly to not have to do any of them. i want to live forever in my memories, bathe in the warmth of nostalgia and live in a world with the filter of almost-forgotten over it. i reminisce constantly, and despite always telling myself to, i can never seem to live in the present.

only a few years ago i wanted so badly for freedom, for distance from my past, and for the opportunities i thought would be served to me in the future. i’m holding those opportunities now, they stay gripped in my hands, held onto so tightly by a past version of myself that they are now branded into the skin of my palms and i can’t seem to rid myself of them no matter my efforts to shake them off.

i think about my future and am so overwhelmed with a grief of all the “could be’s” and all the “has been’s” in the same moment. so so many different paths, none clearer than the other, so i walk the path of obligation. i dislike having a choice. i want to be instructed on what to do, and then to do it begrudgingly. i want the ability to complain about my existence because i didn’t choose it, i want no responsibility and no weight on my shoulders if i am unhappy or discontent. i don’t want to be the ring leader in my own circus, i want to be a dissatisfied audience member who attended only because they had bought the tickets a month earlier, watching on in horror as the lion eats the tamers face.

i could go to england. i was a child with a weird obsession with the union jack, so wouldn’t it be full circle to move to the dreary UK and live out my life there? wouldn’t that be fulfilling some prophecy? following a dream made shakily in my youth seems reasonable, if i can do something and have everyone around me look at it and agree that it makes sense or was somehow predetermined in a way, that would take away some of my guilt over my own future and however miserable it is.

i don’t want to do the things that i want to do mainly because i don’t know what those things are. i don’t feel fully formed yet, and i’m beginning to think i never will be. i feel lost in an ocean of opportunity, and would swim to shore, only i don’t know which shore to swim to, and there’s a voice in my head telling me it’s better to dive down as deep as possible and discover the secrets that lie below rather than return to safety.

i think in a way i do speak things into existence, but only in the way that once i say something to someone else, i now feel as though i have their eyes constantly on my back and i am terrified to make any unexpected movements or subvert their expectations in any way. i said i was contemplating doing something, so now to not do so would be a disappointment. i think on a logical level i can recognise the falsehood and absurdity of that notion, and yet it’s remains my unwavering truth.

i don’t think i know my own feelings. i hear and read things that resonate strongly, and the ideas that i absorb are ones i try to spew out to my friends and myself, but i don’t know if i believe them. i believe that there are endless opportunities ahead of me and that i should gobble them all up like a greedy child with a plate of lollies; i believe that there are endless opportunities ahead of me and that very idea strikes a fear so deep within me it feels almost primal. i am excited about my future and the unknown; i am horribly depressed by the idea of making new memories when i’m still holding on so desperately to the old ones. change is inevitable and wonderful; change is inevitable and unstoppable and overwhelmingly horrific. i think life is love and love is life and yet so much of me and my existence centres around feelings that feel so distant from love they shouldnt be described in the same language. i think i’m a good person; i know i’m a rotten person.

i don’t know if you can be washed up at my age, but i feel it. i think i’ve experienced everything and yet i know that in even a weeks time i will look back on my own naive self and laugh at my ridiculousness and propensity for angst and the dramatics.

a thing about growing up

Pain was supposed to be interesting. Flaws were supposed to vanish. Prosperity, satisfaction, and success - they were supposed to spring up from nothing. I don’t know who told me this. Perhaps everyone, certainly - and perhaps no one.

It was a slow torture, watching as the world turned and the prophecy met delay after delay - until my blood went cold as I remembered it had been told by a dreamy, clumsy child.

But who knew the real world could be gentle! Pain can be eased. Flaws can be loved. Prosperity, satisfaction, and success are not whimsical apparitions - they are flowers in your garden, to be grown slowly, and to be appreciated one at a time.

I only had to face it, that childish horror: to watch the world turn, and to turn myself with it.

i periodically enter my tedromeda phase where i can’t stop thinking abt these two idiots like…i love them

————

"Grandfather."

Ra's knew who the boy was the moment he'd snuck into the room. He'd allowed the child--more man than child now, but everyone was a child compared to him--moments to steel himself while Ra's refrained from acknowledging his presence. The boy's breath was barely audible but unsteady, and a drop of something fell to the floor.

His grandson was injured. "Danyal," he greeted and finally gazed upon him for the first time in seven years.

Danyal had grown into his father's height, yet stayed lean in regards to his musculature. His black hair had grown out of the League-regulation haircut, held back in a messy braid. He held himself as strong as he could, but kept an arm wrapped around his stomach. His shirt--standard American teenage garb, he dismissed--was spotted with blood and he could see bandages poking out from under the cloth.

With great care, Danyal knelt before the Demon Head and recited the Oath of Loyalty.

Ra's watched.

The boy's tongue, fat with English, spoke the League's variant of Arabic with the grace of a mace to the head, yet his words were clear. He took his time speaking the oath, carefully sounding out words, working hard to avoid mispronunciation. The Oath in question was the older version, from before Deathstroke's insurrection, but Danyal spoke it with a calm certainty that it would be accepted.

And without a doubt, it would be accepted.

Talia's eldest son had been born from her body instead of through science, a mistake that nearly cost her the child and damaged him upon birth. While the best doctors in the world saved his life, Danyal Al Ghul would always be weak in a fight, always prone to illness, always struggling to excel. When it became clear that the boy couldn't become the next Demon Head, Ra's sent Talia to create a replacement while arrangements were made for her first child to be taught business and science, for the betterment of the League. Danyal, very much his father's child, thrived in his intellectual pursuits while Damian grew and developed into a budding assassin.

But Danyal was more like his father than he'd ever knew. Ra's couldn't miss the signs of one of his family turning away from the League. Not the mission--Danyal had written several university level papers defending the environment by the time the boy was 10--but Ra's methods...

Ra's had a conundrum. Danyal was a dedicated conservationist; once the boy was an adult, Ra's was certain he'd take the world by storm and bring the League to new heights. But if he forced his methods onto Danyal, he could create an enemy of him, just as his father was.

Ra's gave Danyal an offer; Danyal would be allowed to leave the League and live a normal life if and only if he faked his own death in such a way that reinforced Damian's loyalty to the League of Assassins.

Danyal had been hesitant at first, but past his test with flying colors. Instigating one of the more unstable assassins into organizing a coup, cutting the insurgents off near immediately, but "dying" protecting both his younger brother and mother. It was a masterful performance. Even Talia hadn't known about the deceit.

And yet, here he was, on his knees, pledging loyalty. Danyal knew what that meant, knew what he was returning to, which morals he would be allowed to keep.

"And what do you bring with you, child of no one?" Why should the League accept the return of this child, who left once before?

Danyal met his eyes. "I bring with me, my team, who are loyal to me and me alone. I bring with me, research surrounding the Lazarus Pits, in origins and further uses for the waters." Ra's raised an eyebrow, and Danyal smirked. "I bring with me, my knowledge, nurtured within this very home and sharpened in the world outside. I bring with me, my weapons, built with my own hands. I bring with me... my body, finally healthy and whole." He brought his head down to the floor, trembling with pain. "I bring my whole self to the Demon's Head, for Him to accept or reject."

Ra's smiled. "By the shadows that guard our order and the blood that binds us, I accept this oath. From this day forward, you are an instrument of the League, a harbinger of justice, and a weapon in the hand of Ra's Al Ghul."

Danyal returned to his feet, swaying percariously. He needed immediate medical attention. Despite this, he continued, "Long live the League of Assassins. Long live Ra's Al Ghul."

And he collapsed onto the floor.

sunstone..? perhaps???

anon ur so real for this... they're my faves since i first played rw

havent drawn them in a loong time though so i doodled these real quick :^)

Hey adults: Why do you like being an adult? What do you like about your life?

A couple weeks ago I told the kids at my work that "Being an adult is pretty nice, actually," and they looked shocked, laughed incredulously, and told me I was the first person they'd ever heard say that

So clearly we adults need to talk about this way more often

The past few years have been hard for a lot of people, me included. Covid sucked. I lost three relatives and three pets in one year. Right after lockdown ended, I got badly injured, and ended up housebound for six months and (much more) disabled for two years, and that sucked too.

And you know what? Literally all of that was easier and better than being a teenager.

I like being an adult. I like my life. Even when it's hard, it's mine, and I am building to the best of my ability the a life that I want to live.

I talked about a lot of why being an adult is something worth looking forward to in my last post, so right now I'll simply say this:

I love actually knowing who I am now. I love that I learned and am learning what I want and need. I love that I have independence and autonomy and don't get treated like a kid. I love the fact that I'm the one who gets to decide want I want to do and what I need. I also love that I'm learning to sew. I love that I've had pet rats, and next will have a pet cat. I love that I got top surgery. I love the way I've decorated my room. I love traveling to visit and crash and even just hang out and do work with my friends, when I can. I love that I started reading good news every day, and that I actually have hope for the future, and that I started this blog and have been able to help give so many other people hope, too.

So, here's a call to action for my fellow adults: comment or reply or tag what you like about being an adult. What you love about your life.

Let's give some kids some reasons for hope.

Some of y'all are pushing traditional ideas of sex onto robots/tech and calling it eroticism of the machine. I don't think you get what that means.

Hi! Can I ask you a question about France? How common or uncommon or weird is the use of coucou as a greeting? Especially between adults. Would it be super weird if I went to France and greeted someone like that?

I don't trust the click-baity articles that show up when I google this (I'm not even sure all of them were written by humans), so I'd rather ask someone that, you know, actually lives over there.

Thanks, have a nice day

Hi! Coucou is a pretty common greeting including between adults (though it's more often used by women as it does sound a bit cutesy), but I think it implies pre-established friendly relations, unlike the neutral Bonjour or Salut. I only use it with family and friends. Friendly acquaintances too—okay now that I think about it, it's hard to say where I draw the coucou line. I use it as a greeting when I enter the library if there's no one in there but the librarian because I know her well, but if there are other people in the room I say bonjour even if they're children. And of course if I knew the librarian very well but didn't like her she wouldn't get a coucou. You kind of have to follow your heart with this greeting.

But definitely don't use it to greet people in a shop or formal context or anyone you don't know well because that would be weird (in my view!) Coucou sounds affectionate, I often use it in writing to set the tone ("Hi I am an informal unthreatening email !") (also if a French person sends you a text that starts with Cc, that's textspeak for coucou)

To me "Salut !" is "Hi!" while "Coucou" is Hi :) <3

Hey so just maybe consider that constantly asking trans women about their justifications for their various reads of character's genders over and over and over again may, in fact, get exhausting and it sucks and you should probably stop.

Like I tend to answer asks assuming good faith and because I don't mind giving an explainer every now and again. And it can even be fun now and again to go through the my analysis process.

But the fact that so often transfem reads are interrogated endlessly over and over again while trans women are expected to be ever-flowing fonts of gender knowledge who have to defend their reads from people who haven't even done a basic bit of analysis makes actually engaging in this fandom and taking it seriously a fucking ordeal.

If you don't agree with or are confused by a read, consider reading a bit more analysis on it or, barring all else, just move on! Unfollow or block! We literally cannot stop you and it will save everyone a lot of time and energy!

I started up Stardew Valley again and got the distinct feeling that I wouldn't get out of it without making fanart this time.

not to be serious or whatever but i think nov 5th went down like. That. bc of a few things: one the pandemic and the inherent derangedness of waking up and watching “unprecedented times” happen around you daily for the past nine months. two the election and the multi day pressure cooker of stress of constantly refreshing election news tabs and trying to keep your normal life (school work etc) going while the fate of american politics pretty much hangs in the balance and trump throws a fit on twitter. three the 15 year buildup of the cw’s hit show supernatural to the final season + the 11 of those years spent queerbaiting while tumblr did backflips through discourse circus rings about destiel + this show and ship being so big that everyone knew about it not just the fans. all of this leading up to the airing of 15x18 and the confession scene. castiel in love with dean. castiel goes to superhell. it just set everything off like a bomb. then the vine boom after vine boom of domino train information we kept getting. putin resigning. georgia goes blue. trump sues multiple states. supernatural trending over the election. people learning major political news via destiel screenshots. nevada. a whole bunch of other insane fandom news + rumors that started flying like dashcon 2.0 and the secret sherlock season (putin resigning also turned out to be a rumor but we thought it was real for a soild several hours). i think the internet just had no idea how to react that we collectively reached the next dimension. it was the most indescribable, hysterical outpouring of hilarity and togetherness ive ever experienced. when we say new emotions were invented that night we mean it. i miss it every single day

the candle.

a comic about rediscovering passion and recovering from burnout.

creative notes:

Fan Joy July!

Coined by the sweet @isasan347 , Fan Joy July is an art challenge I've created for myself!

I will be drawing one piece of colored fan art every single day of July that corresponds to a scene in various Linked Universe Fanfics.

This challenge is meant to push myself to draw daily, give back to writers who make this fandom so much fun, and give others a chance to read something new they may enjoy 😄

I will be choosing some fics myself that I've read and enjoy, but I would love if others recommended their favorite LU fic. This way I can pick one LU fan fiction to draw for all 31 days. Feel free to self promote as well!

To recommend me a fic, please comment or reblog this post with the link so that I can see it easier. Please avoid sending asks if you can, just because I tend to get overwhelmed when my inbox gets full 🥴🥲 hehe

I'll be taking recommendations from April 11-30. After that I'm going to start drawing so that I can be ready to post in July! ( This is gonna take me a while so I need all the prep time I can get haha).

**I'm not asking anyone else to do this challenge, but I would ADORE if anyone wanted to join me! Even if it isn't for the whole month. **(I can be your excuse if you've ever wanted to draw for a writer but were too shy hehe)

I've also seen one or two writers interested in how they could participate. I think that maybe if there is an artist you enjoy you could write something for a drawing they've done? I know there are a ton of very talented LU artists in the fandom, so that could be a good challenge for writers 😀

--- General Notes:

Please note that I will only be doing 31 drawings and a recommendation does not guarantee I will draw for it ( I love you all, but I can only do so much)

I will be tagging my challenge as "FanJoyJuly" and will try my best to note posts appropriately

I will be tagging writers (if they have a Tumblr and I can find it)

I will be linking the story for each day in the post

I will not be releasing which stories I'm drawing for until I post them (for the DRAMA😉)

As we get closer to July, I'll create a master post and update it with each post I make in case people are interested in following along ❤️

Thank you all for the initial feedback for this idea, and I'm excited to get started!

[ID: a digital illustration in the shape of a scratchy oval. Within the oval, Martin is facing away from the viewer, looking down at something he’s holding close to his chest. He is a large chubby man in a cardigan, with short hair and glasses. Surrounding him is a dark, ghostlike figure, which is probably Jon. It has no facial features except very big eyes that are staring directly at Martin’s face. It is only inches away from Martin and has several thin arms that are clutching Martin tightly on his upper arm, around his hands, and around the back of his head. The figure’s torso and head appear solid, but dissolves into the background at its waist and from where its hair extends upwards and outside of the illustration. There are words at the top that say, “Oh, hello… are you still listening?” End ID]

Here's my gift to @handstotheskye for the @mcytblrholidayexchange for 2023! Hope you like it!

(Original sketch under cut)