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whilmsy · 1 year

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nothing bad ever happens to tcd!mumbo (lie)

Hello miners and crafters welcome back to another episode of I Cannot Stop Thinking About TCD and I now blame @stiffyck for this because of their incredible askers (@buzzybeeboi thank you but also i blame you too, thank you for starting this au i’m very normal (lie) about it /pos) for making a very beloved au where Mumbo has been thrown into TCD and gets to witness Scar’s past before joining hermitcraft (there is more to the rambles than just this, and the incredible @5ievel-w-c-q is the very person - blame them for the dialogue used as he started it <3 /lh)

It’s ironic, really, that the one that's technically already undead is the one that gets bitten. It couldn’t be any more ironic.

The scene still replays in Scar’s head: the world going slow and yet moving faster than he could ever run. Teeth sinking into skin, the thought of I’m too late ripping his hopes and dreams apart, his brother in everything but blood showing him that love still existed in this god forsaken world being the one that’s taken.

Mumbo calls his name, he tries not to think about how he told him it.

‘Scar. I forgot my name, so I just named myself after my favourite gun.’

He’s starting to hate the weapon, hands trembling as he aims it at the floor and attempts to remember how to turn the safety on after so, so long.

Mumbo’s hold on the gun doesn’t go unnoticed; he could take it from Scar’s trembling hands and shoot him with it. Scar would let him.

“No!” His voice betrays him, weak and broken and everything he told himself he wouldn’t be in the beginning. “You’ll be fine, you’re-” In the beginning you learn not to make promises, you learn to give up on the little things, because nothing good survives here; it’s why he’s still living. “We don’t know Mumbo, you could be fine. You’re not human! Maybe you’re immune!”

He hasn’t felt so childish in so long, hasn’t tried to be naive like this in a long, long time.

Mumbo hasn’t let go of the gun, he doesn’t stop staring him down like this is a contest.

Scar would live through breaking his leg over a hundred times if it meant he’d never have to live this moment.

“Please. Scar, we know what happens.” They both do, Scar taught Mumbo about it just like Mumbo taught him about vampires. “I don’t want to hurt you.” The recent scar marking his face stings.

You didn’t mean it, he thinks, clenching his jaw and trying to stop the way his chest feels tight, you were protecting me and I didn’t stay out of the way.

“You can’t just leave me.” Scar begs, foolish and young and yet never regretting letting another person into his life. It was all going so well- it’s not fair. “I’m not going to- I won’t. We said we’d get out of here. Together.” I will let you kill me if it means I do not have to, I will drop this weapon and I will finally give up. If it means I don’t have to be alone, I will give up.

He is tired of loneliness, is tired of this world and the struggle to live in it; and when he was, Mumbo offered comfort. He cannot lose it.

His hands keep shaking, Mumbo doesn’t let go of the gun.

“I’m sorry.” Mumbo says, and it says everything it needs to and nothing at all, and Scar wonders, choking on his own sobs, if this is what heartbreak feels like.

Mumbo guides the weapon back towards himself, it’s steadier with his brother’s hand holding the barrel of the gun on top of Scar’s own that’s not at the handle of it. Mumbo’s hand is warm, but it’s cold in a way; comforting. Even through the choked tears, held back with bitten lips and heaving breaths, the sound of the safety clicking off echoes like it’s in a theatre.

Normally, Scar aims at the head. This time he can’t, because he knows that wouldn’t help his brother. That would not give him peace. With a heaving breath and a barely held back whimper, he aims the gun at his brother’s heart; he is glad Mumbo is holding it with him, because the tears in his eyes blur his vision.

Mumbo takes a breath that sounds as shaky as Scar feels, and he tries not to think about final breaths. Mumbo closes his eyes, and finally, Scar lets the barely-there facade fall. Mumbo is trusting him to do this; is asking him to so they don’t have to find out if vampires can die any further the hard way.

When you love someone, sometimes you have to let them go, and Scar wonders if pretending to hate his brother will let him feel nothing again.

He can’t bring himself to look, trusting that Mumbo will help keep him steady one last time as he shuts his eyes and pulls the trigger.

#gtws tcd #gtws fanfic #gtws #goodtimeswithscar #gtwscar #tcd mumbo #mumbo jumbo #vampire mumbo #the crafting dead #cw implied death #but not really though #mumbo just shoots back through time its fine #scars not though rip #cw gun #ficification #i think i have everything i have no idea smile

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willsilvertongue · 2 years

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It was not right that you were left to guide Edwina alone. That was my failing. You were grieving Appa. But so were you. And after you had already lost your mother too. Kate...

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becomewings · 3 years

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The Most Beautiful Moment in Life <I’M FINE>

BTS Universe Story Highlights, pt. 1 / 4

» pt. 2

Introduction

BTS Universe Story, a mobile game published by Netmarble, was released on September 24, 2020. While the majority of the app is essentially a sandbox and engine for users to create their own interactive stories, it also includes official and canon BU content. The first eight segments were introduced between the release date and December 2020, gathered under the title The Most Beautiful Moment in Life <I’M FINE>.

“I’m Fine” is half of the I’m Fine/Save Me ambigram introduced in the Love Yourself era. Notably, all of the BU content available in the game so far falls between events of the webtoon Save Me (also called HYYH0 in its logo) and The Notes 1—chronologically, that is, while bearing in mind that time resets to the morning of 11 April Year 22 whenever SeokJin fails to avert a tragedy among his six friends. I want to assure anyone who is unable to play the game that you are not missing any new, major plot beats from the overall BU narrative. Instead, the stories provide more insight into the motivations and consequences of SeokJin’s decisions in the earlier time loops, as well as more depth to individual characters and their circumstances.

The goal of this guide is to summarize each of the eight stories and highlight noteworthy details, especially if they are not yet present in other BU media. Within each story (which I often refer to as an arc, due to their character-focused nature), episodes must be played successively, but the stories themselves can be played in any order. I will present them over a series of posts in the order they are listed under the <I’M FINE> heading. The Prologue and NamJoon’s arc are free to play; the rest are paid content. Please note that due to the app’s Terms & Conditions, I will not include in-game footage here. The images in this guide are sourced from the official trailers/videos and the live action MVs as appropriate.

Content warning: contains references to death, suicide, suicidal ideation, child abuse, domestic violence, blood, homicide, depression, trauma, PTSD

This guide contains major spoilers and includes references to other BU media

Do not repost, copy, or quote without permission

Game Mechanic

Before diving into the summaries, I would like to address the primary mechanic of the game: the user’s control of character choices at designated moments in the stories. It’s a primary marketing point that the player can influence the progression of the narrative, with a frequent in-app tip also declaring, “stories’ endings can vary depending on your choices.” The latter is not strictly true—and it cannot be true due to the structure of the game. Choices are presented within most (not all) episodes, but each episode is an isolated unit: episode 2 provides the same content regardless of what you choose in episode 1. Since the consequences of your decisions are not cumulative, each episode reaches the same ending, and each decision inevitably rejoins the “main” story path (effectively reducing the script size).

So what is the point of this mechanic? While the system is not nearly as complex as what major platform titles are capable of nowadays (I suspect due in large part to the story creation portion of the game), it does foster a sense of interaction with the narrative that isn’t present in static visual media like comics or film. The episodes with choices also have incentive for replay to discover the impact of changing a character’s dialogue or action. Sometimes the differences between the outcomes are inconsequential, but other times you unearth new details, interactions, or memories that are missing in the other path.

I say this partially in reaction to all of the comments and tweets I read for the game trailers and even Smeraldo Book twitter’s choose-your-own-adventure style teasers with The Notes 2 excerpts released last summer. Many users expressed excitement, through words or memes, about finally being able to give the boys the happy ending they deserved. I don’t fault anyone for wanting that happy ending—I wish for it, too. But no matter what the rather overzealous marketing has claimed, I don’t believe that the canon ending of BU is ever meant to be in the audience’s control. But I do feel that this mechanism fits the BU narrative. It echoes the “countless loops” SeokJin has experienced in an effort to save his friends, the choices he must make at every crossroad, and the butterfly effect those actions have on all of their lives. I think it is reasonable to interpret the simple branching paths in the game as alternatives SeokJin has explored across multiple loops in his struggle to find the “right” way forward. I’d love to hear if you have theories of your own!

Prologue

The prologue is a brief episode introducing SeokJin’s repeated struggle and failure to save his friends. He wakes up yet again in his bed on 11 April Year 22, the beginning of the time loop. After reflecting on the tragedies that keep befalling the others, SeokJin realizes that he has only tried to fix the problems he can see. He wonders: “Have I tried to understand the root of my friends’ misfortunes? How much do I really know about my friends? Maybe I was never brave enough to confront their real scars and the worlds they’ve been living in. But I need to do it. Because it may be the key to saving them all.”

How to Offer a Hand

In this story, SeokJin attempts to prevent NamJoon’s arrest after he gets in a fight with a rude customer at Naeri Gas Station, his place of work. The first episode opens on the night of 11 April Year 22 with NamJoon curling his fists, glaring as crumpled bills lie untouched on the pavement. (The money looks similar to the shot from the I Need U MV.) SeokJin reaches for his shoulder, but NamJoon shrugs him off and strides away to punch the customer who deliberately dropped the bills for him to pick up. The gas station owner runs over at the customer’s furious shouts and orders NamJoon to apologize. He refuses, and police officers soon arrive and charge him with assault. No one listens to SeokJin’s protests that the customer started it first. The man sneers as NamJoon enters the police car. “Do you even have money for a settlement? Hey, you’re done for.” NamJoon is sentenced to prison again, and SeokJin hears glass shattering before the loop resets.

Rising from his bed on the morning of 11 April, SeokJin reflects on his failed efforts so far. He has hit the customer’s car, called for NamJoon in the middle of the incident, and stopped the fight himself, the latter of which caused his friends to avoid him later. The fight has even escalated; the details are unspecified, but the audience is provided an ominous shot of SeokJin speaking to a police officer alone at the scene. NamJoon is not the kind of person who would normally respond to that kind of provocation with his fists. SeokJin realizes that he cannot merely stop the fight but must discover and fix the true cause of it.

With this in mind, SeokJin heads to Naeri Gas Station during the day and tries to engage NamJoon. This is their first time meeting since they both returned to Songju, although SeokJin has experienced it in many loops already. “It’s been a while,” he greets (as he does at the end of the Blood Sweat & Tears Japanese version MV). Before SeokJin can dig deeper in their conversation, NamJoon is called away by his boss. SeokJin enters the small employee break room which serves as NamJoon’s living space when he’s not at the container, hoping to find some clues about his friend’s life. SeokJin locates something bundled in newspapers. If the player chooses to open it, he sees a strange shard of glass inside that may belong to a car or motorcycle headlight. He continues on, finding the book Cosmos by Carl Sagan and a notebook. SeokJin hesitates over the invasion of privacy but decides to read it since he needs all the information that he can gather. The journal entries detail NamJoon’s daily life since returning to Songju: his work at the gas station isn’t too bad despite the occasional rude customer; he purchased a book and hopes to get more in the future; he picked up a second job at a wedding hall to help catch up on bills; his brother NamHyeon got in trouble again, leading to more expenses; and his dad’s health has worsened, with hospital bills after an emergency surgery rising to levels that the family cannot afford. SeokJin knew that NamJoon was the de facto head of household due to his father’s illness but was unaware that it was to this degree. He feels sorry for NamJoon yet is also impressed by his maturity, for NamJoon never writes how difficult his situation is.

NamJoon arrives and asks what SeokJin is doing in the room. If the player chooses to answer “reading” instead of “just sitting there,” SeokJin privately observes that the conversation flows more easily when they talk about books. NamJoon says he must leave and declines when SeokJin offers to wait for him there. SeokJin knocks over a pile of books along with money and receipts as he stands. He thinks it is unusual that NamJoon picks up the books before the money. The books seem to be more than a hobby to NamJoon, holding special meaning. Walking to his car, SeokJin wonders if it is pride or determination not to falter that keeps NamJoon from journaling his grievances. He realizes that money is a constant source of frustration and misery to NamJoon, and that’s why he can’t stomach being insulted over the customer’s dropped money. SeokJin’s new plan is to prevent NamJoon from picking up the money. He also calls Palgok County Hospital and offers to pay the patient bill for NamJoon’s father. Anticipating that NamJoon will be angry if he finds out, SeokJin says the payer is Songho Foundation.

That night, SeokJin returns to the gas station with the excuse that he forgot to fill up earlier. The luxury car arrives with a honk, and NamJoon hurries over to assist. He shakes with anger when the customer drops the money on the ground. “Why aren’t you picking it up? You don’t want it? What’s with that look? Pretty arrogant for a part-timer, aren’t you?” goads the customer. SeokJin intervenes. Whether the player chooses to have him advise NamJoon not to pick it up or to order the customer to pick it up himself, the end result is the same. SeokJin asks the customer, “Why are you harassing a pitiful part-timer?” The customer drives away, and something about NamJoon seems off. His face is expressionless, not mad or humiliated. “SeokJin, you…” He stops. “Never mind. Thank you for your help.” The words sound difficult for him to speak.

SeokJin believes that he has saved NamJoon, although this ending feels sloppy. He continues on in the loop to rescue JungKook and later YoonGi, but uneasiness plagues him. Though he meant to help NamJoon with his actions, SeokJin wonders if he hurt him instead. On 5 May Year 22, he returns to the gas station and follows NamJoon when he leaves work early. NamJoon enters a bookstore, and SeokJin sneaks in after him to watch from afar. He overhears employees talking about NamJoon, worrying that he might dirty the pages of the book he’s perusing. NamJoon is too absorbed in the book to notice one of them calling for his attention. SeokJin recalls a memory from their school days when he found NamJoon reading alone in their classroom hideout: he asked why NamJoon read so diligently, and his friend explained that he found it comforting to empty his thoughts of everything else while focused on the book. In the present, SeokJin wonders how he forgot how much books mean to NamJoon. He sacrifices some of his food and transportation budget to afford them, but they enable him “to endure the weight of the world he’s forced to bear on his shoulders.” After realizing this, SeokJin wants to apologize for carelessly sympathizing with the reality that NamJoon has weathered alone.

The next episode is from NamJoon’s perspective, revealing his excitement over being able to purchase a book for the first time in two months. He wants to buy two but can only afford one. The employee at the register sighs and asks why he leafed through a book he wasn’t going to buy. NamJoon apologizes, and she mutters, “So dirty.” He notices his reflection, clothes worn and smelling of gasoline, and realizes she’s talking about him, not the book. He tries to shake off these depressing thoughts, but he is still not accustomed to this treatment despite experiencing it regularly at work. As NamJoon begins to exit the store, the security alarm goes off. The employees demand to check his bag despite his insistence that he didn’t steal anything. Their certainty of his theft angers him. NamJoon allows them to look through his bag, and they are suspicious of the like-new book in it which he brought from home. One begins to call the police until SeokJin appears, vouching for NamJoon by saying he saw everything. The employees accept that the alarm malfunctioned and excuse their suspicions as a mistake.

Outside, SeokJin asks NamJoon if he is all right. NamJoon is thankful but wonders how SeokJin materialized right when he needed him. “How’d you find me here?” he asks aloud. SeokJin explains that he happened to notice him while walking through the neighborhood. NamJoon wonders if it’s because they said goodbye on a weird note last time. He thanks him and turns to leave. SeokJin calls after him. “I’m sorry. I wanted to apologize. I didn’t mean to upset you that day at the gas station. It was a mistake to have called you pitiful. If my rash actions hurt you, I’m really sorry.” NamJoon accepts his apology, believing it to be sincere, and says that things would have turned out a lot worse if SeokJin had not intervened. Thunder rolls overhead, and NamJoon uses the impending rain as his excuse to depart. He declines SeokJin’s offer of a ride and runs home, feeling his friend’s eyes on him.

Before he can settle down to read at home, NamJoon receives a call from his cheerful mother. She thanks him for paying off the entire hospital bill. NamJoon is perplexed and asks what’s on the receipt, since he didn’t pay it. His mother wants to leave it be, but he insists that they investigate so they don’t get in trouble or sued. She reads that the Songho Foundation is credited as the payer. NamJoon calls the hospital, introducing himself as the guardian for Kim YoungMin, but they can’t transfer him to the administrative department at this time. Disappointed, he looks up the foundation’s website, unable to recall why it sounds familiar. He wonders why a scholarship foundation in the city would get involved with him. Spotting photos of a recent launch ceremony on the site, he recognizes a few people: Songju High School’s principal, the familiar-looking face of the foundation’s chairman, and SeokJin. First, NamJoon forces a laugh, and then it’s difficult for him to breathe. He thinks that SeokJin really had pitied him at that moment. The only thing keeping NamJoon going is the idea of getting through life on his own strength. Why does he have to live like this?

The last episode opens on 5 May back in SeokJin’s perspective. He is confident now that he has saved NamJoon, although it occurs to him that a better alternative may have been to simply pick up the money himself instead of stepping forward. (This decision is enacted in a later loop and depicted in the Euphoria MV.) While reflecting on what comes next to save his other friends, he receives a text from NamJoon. “What’s your account number? I’ll pay you back for the hospital bills. I don’t need your help. I’ll handle my concerns on my own.” Heart sinking, SeokJin wonders how he found out. With a sense of foreboding, he tries calling NamJoon, but no one answers. SeokJin texts him back, pretending that he doesn’t understand, and tells NamJoon to call him. SeokJin’s second attempt connects while he’s gathering his car keys to visit the container. “That’s enough. Just send the account number over text,” NamJoon instructs. SeokJin coaxes him to talk for a moment, and NamJoon asks flatly, “Are you going to apologize again?” SeokJin attempts to salvage the situation, but his friend turns cold when he insists that NamJoon is misunderstanding and that he just wanted to help. “So, why? Why are you helping me?! Yeah, you’re always a good person. You’ve done nothing wrong and I’m the one misunderstanding.” SeokJin apologizes again. NamJoon refuses his request to meet in person. “No, I thought maybe there was a reason for everything you did… But I guess I misconstrued it. I’ll pay you back, so I’d prefer if you stopped contacting me.” Long after the call ends, SeokJin stands holding his phone, feeling that the glass is going to break at any moment. He wants to believe that it’s not over, but hope is slipping through his fingertips.

The episode finishes in NamJoon’s perspective. On 8 May and 9 May, he accepts part-time delivery work and reflects on his three jobs. Whenever he thinks he’s at his breaking point, he focuses on his new goal of returning SeokJin’s money. On 10 May, NamJoon wakes up to his buzzing phone and is called in to work. On a scooter, he passes by a bus stop and notices graffiti. (This is the same bus stop, with matching graffiti, that appears in the Highlight Reel.) Mesmerized, he wonders if it’s TaeHyung’s. As soon as NamJoon looks up, the scooter’s brake fails, and he crashes. The shattered glass on the cold pavement reminds him of the headlight shard and the kid who looked like TaeHyung. (So the piece of glass SeokJin saw in April was really a memento NamJoon retrieved from the scene of the crash in the mountain town, where the delivery boy whom he privately called TaeHyung died. This event is described in NamJoon’s 17 December Year 21 entry in The Notes 1.) NamJoon’s vision grows blurry, and the distant sound of an ambulance doesn’t come any closer.

The arc concludes there, but it obviously marks another reset for SeokJin. It is interesting to note that in this failed loop, NamJoon suffers the same fate that he narrowly avoided in the snowy mountain town before returning to Songju.

Please stay tuned for the next Highlights post featuring JungKook and YoonGi!

#armiesnet #networkbangtan #bangtanarmynet #armysource #dailybangtan #bts universe #hyyh #bangtan universe #bts universe story #bts universe story highlights #seokjin #namjoon #namjin #bts theories

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count-woe-laf · 3 years

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Love is everything, you see it, right? Why don't you understand? Love is what keeps the world spinning, what makes the sun shine in the mornings. You're supposed to wake up next to the one you love the most and wonder how you got someone so perfect as your lover.

You don't like the word lover, you never have.

You're supposed to go on dates and bring flowers and meet their family. You're supposed to be nervous around them and smile and look at them differently. You're supposed to love, yet no one can explain what it means to you.

A feeling in your chest- your stomach- a butterfly- an ache, they say.

You can't help but look at them- you care for them the most- you love them the most- you want to be with them, they say. You don't understand what being even is, nevermind what with them would entail.

A friend? Spending time together? Talking? I do that all the time, most of the time. No, they say. It's different, it's better.

How can it be better? You ask- you cry- you wish you knew. No one answers that question.

You can tell when you meet them- you will know, just wait- they'll be yours soon.

You don't want anyone to be yours and you don't want to be anyone's. You want to be yourself but each word seems to crumble who you thought you were, are.

I like you- you're my one- I'm in love with you- I want to be your partner- I want to be yours. They all say it and too many have.

You don't understand it, what could it mean? What should it? Either way, it gives you a thrill in your heart, someone cares for you, you finally have a chance. You don't ask yourself what the chance is.

You say no until you have to say yes.

You ask what it means, to be theirs. They say hand holding and love. The word love sends panic through you. It must be what they mean, that feeling you're supposed to feel.

They giddily call you their partner- girlfriend- boyfriend- theirs.

You hate it. How could it mean so much to them when you "break up"? Nothing even changed except your heart rate. They still look at you oddly but there's anger, sadness, something else in the way they look at you now. It makes your skin itch.

The tight feeling around your chest, your aching heart, the suffocating feeling of words, it's all gone now and you're more than thankful for it.

You don't understand why the person you used to be friends with hates you now, why they say they loved you and you broke their heart.

You didn't do anything, you just didn't like the way you felt around them. Especially after. Somewhere deep down you feel better now that you don't talk, you ignore their messages. They were mad before, now they just want to talk. You don't want to, you don't like them and you feel shaky and as light as a ton of feathers.

You block them.

It's pure bliss. They say. It's smiles and happiness and love, love is what it means and that's why you should want it.

You do, you scream. You do want it, you just don't understand how you even can. Walk into someone in a cafe, get their number, get married a year later? How can that be real? Or should it be your best friend? You want to fall in love so it might as well be them, but you don't know how to. You don't even have a best friend anymore.

It's their smile- laugh- company. Their love, you'll know it if they're the one.

You love their smile, you love them, but they all say it's not the right kind. You cry, you scream, you beg. You don't understand it, you don't. You feel helpless and drowning and suffocating and scared and too seen and not understood.

Maybe it's because you're not straight, they say. And you aren't, at least you don't think so. Everyone is pretty, you're just incapable of loving properly.

You'll figure it out, they say. It's ok to be gay, it's ok to have a hard time, you'll figure it out. You have to.

You don't know if you will. Your life feels inexplicably queer but not for any of the right reasons.

You never had a crush on your classmate that made you think you were different, you never watched a movie and thought about the pretty main character weeks after, you never did something so dumb because you liked someone who thought of you as a friend.

Instead, you read books, you wanted to be a writer, you cried yourself to sleep thinking about the passage of time, you hated cheesy movies, you hated the feel of things stuck under your nails, you didn't have friends, you picked someone in grade three to have a crush on and realized years later it was because he had cool hair. You were never like them. You pulled fictional worlds and strong characters around you like armour, and it was truly the only thing that could protect you. You recognize lines of dialogue years after first reading it, you quote things you don't even know, you stopped writing years ago, you stare at a word on a page and wish you could cry like you did as a child, in your dark bedroom, afraid of moving, head still replaying an artfully crafted scene from a book you forget the title of. You aren't like them. You never will be.

You never want to feel so incapable of loving ever again...ever.

You whisper words into a mirror. They're a prayer, your new amour, your new cloak. It keeps you warm even with the holes and the crooked collar. You wrap it around you with everything you have as if it could hold you together. They are your only hope, your last one.

No one else understands it. You, the words, anything. Your friend says you'll love one day. You want it to be true so badly but part of you screams.

You look for other people, trying to find your way. You find people talking about their childhood loves and the boy they've fallen for. You don't want to fall like that. They don't understand you.

No one truly gets how you feel, the amour that never guarded you, the terror when something broke through, when it never fit you right. No one feels the way you do, so different and wrong and scared all of the time.

Some say you're not oppressed, right, good, enough. They don't understand what it's like, trying so hard to be something you will never be able to be, failing at every step, feeling so wrong and impossible. Not even understanding who you are through it, never feeling safe or right enough no matter who you're around or who you pretend to be.

You guess you know who you are now. I mean, somehow it's right. It makes sense for once, but only to you. It's what makes it hard to feel right, because you are the only one who thinks so.

You cry and you feel and you still want to love but know you cannot.

Once you're married- found your special someone- committed- in love- forever- you'll understand.

You don't want it, especially after everything. But you still do.

How could you want something you don't even understand?

Why would you want something that's hurt you so much?

All their words are meaningless to you.

They are the ones who don't understand you. They don't see how you've turned the wrong and broken shards you've been since forever, into something you see as yourself. They don't see how you're learning to deal with the difference that it all is. They don't see your feelings or lack thereof, how you are the only one who could fully understand it. How you can never understand how they feel, and that's alright.

They don't understand that you are you.

You read more books and still hate cheesy movies. You ignore their words and make friends that feel like home because why not?

You write and you ache and refuse their twisted sense of love and expectations.

You are not someone else's person, you never will be.

You will shout and beg and do everything you can to stay yourself.

Because you are more than that.

And love? It really is bullshit.

#hi this is called i was being so angry about love at 6pm a few weeks ago and it turned into 1.4k of this doesnt make any sense but-#im posting it cause i can and im turning this blog into more of a mess #anyways #i am. bitter #the pasta speaks #pen has a pen #long post

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hawkbucks · 4 years

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Hi! If you don't mind, I would like to suggest angst #16! Maybe it will go well with your BBs au? Like, Tony injured himself cause there was a since related accident or he was sleep deprived and walked into something. But Bucky cannot know that and he can't ask, obviously. He just has to do his work and hide the marks under makeup, but silently he is very worried? It's not too specific, right? 😅 I never asked a prompt before. If it is, than Steve/Tony MISC 3 would be great. You rock!

I can definitely work with making that prompt work with Brooklyn Boys! Thank you for sending one in and showing an interest in that AU! :D I tweaked the dialogue a tiny bit. Hope that’s alright!

16. “Are you hurt?” “No.” “Then why are there bruises all over your face?”

“James!” Tony calls out as he walks into the room, ostentatious sunglasses covering up half of his face. One hand holds his phone, while the other holds a cup of iced coffee (or at least what Bucky assumes was iced coffee at one point, what with the way there’s no actual ice in there).

“Tony,” Bucky greets, slipping on his apron and tying the back. He puts his hair up, then gestures at his station, giving Tony a polite smile. However, that smile freezes when he sees a purplish color edge out from behind Tony’s sunglasses. He’s worked on Tony a handful of times, so he likes to think he knows how Tony’s skin looks like, and that color has most definitely not been there the last few times. “Have you... been doing alright?”

Tony nods his head. “Same as always, honestly.” He sets his phone and cup down at Bucky’s station before sitting down in the chair. With a hum, he takes off his sunglasses and sets them right next to his phone. “How about you?”

Bucky has to keep himself from gaping at Tony’s reflection in the mirror. There’s a large bruise on Tony’s cheek, around the size of 3 of Bucky’s fingers. The middle is a mottled mess of dark blues and purples. He wants to ask--god, he wants to ask, make sure that Tony isn’t being hurt at home or anything--but there are other people around, and gossip spreads quick. The last thing he wants to do is put Tony in the hot seat and have a rumor float out the door. He bites his tongue, the taste of copper filling his mouth.

“James?” Tony looks up at him.

Bucky shakes his head to clear his thoughts. “Huh? I--I’m doing fine, Tony.”

Tony frowns. “Okay. Just... make me look good?”

“When do I not?” Bucky weakly jokes. He fumbles around for his primer and some yellow color corrector and gets to work.

Bucky is a damn good makeup artist if he says so himself, but he’s no miracle worker. He tries his best, a crease in between his brows as he works, but there’s still a subtle discoloration where the bruise is. “Is that fine?” Bucky asks, clutching onto his brushes so tight that his knuckles are white. He replays the scene of Tony wincing when Bucky accidentally pressed a little too hard as he was applying the primer over and over in his head. He needs to know if Tony is okay--if he’s safe.

Tony glances to the left, then to the right. “You really are the best.”

“Thank you,” Bucky replies, ducking his head modestly. “Do you mind if we, uh, talk? Somewhere private?”

“Sure?” Tony tilts his head to the side. “What about?”

“Something that I don’t want other people to hear. Just follow me.”

Tony gets up, a confused look on his face, and follows Bucky deeper backstage. They come to a stop in a secluded area behind thick, black curtains.

“Is someone hurting you, Tony?”

“N-No?” Tony stammers, caught off guard.

“Then why was there a bruise on your cheek? You know it’s there. You know I know it’s there. I might just be your makeup artist, but that doesn’t mean I’m not worried.”

Tony’s lips part slightly. “Oh my god--”

“If someone’s hurting you, tell me, I know people that can help--”

Tony cuts him off with a laugh tinged in disbelief. He looks a bit hysteric, eyes bright with his lips curled up in a smile. “No! No one is hurting me. Oh my god, no, I got that bruise playing catch with my cousin. I was wondering why you didn’t ask about it. I figured you were too polite.”

Bucky openly gapes his mouth then. “What?”

“I was visiting her and my aunt yesterday--her name’s Sharon, by the way, you’d love her, she’s such a hellion, and we’re not really blood-related, but I digress--and she hit me in the face with a baseball. Completely by accident, I swear.”

It takes a couple of seconds for all of that information to absorb in Bucky’s brain. “Okay?” Bucky shakes his head again. “Okay. As long as, y’know... no one’s hurting you.”

“I don’t think anyone’s going to hurt me while you’re around,” Tony says. He pats Bucky’s chest before leaving for the photoset.

Bucky is rightfully stupefied.

#cw abuse mention #That's why the rest is under a cut.#Tony IS NOT getting abused but Buck assumes he is for a second.#brooklyn boys au #filled #anon

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applegelstore · 5 years

Text

My sis and I are through with the actual main plot of KH3, so I can officially go back to scheduled ToZ fangirling now. …Well, I promised Cray a bit of fix-it-fanart, so after that, I guess.

Hit the cut for a resume. It got super long and has endgame story spoilers, so you might not want to stumble upon it by accident.

Another extra big shoutout (again!) to @crazayrock for bearing my liveblogging on Discord, screaming without context and occasional spoilers. And linking me fluffy Soriku doujinshi. Here, have my favourite, spoiler-heavy excerpt of our conversation:

Okay anyway, let’s get started: GAMEPLAY

Kingdom Hearts 3 is BEAUTIFUL. The gameplay is so smooth and intuitive that you can immediately get to playing like you’d never done anything else; in fact so smooth that I doubt I will ever be able to pick up the first game ever again. It’s always been fun, but the looooooong years’ gap actually did wonders to the gameplay.

The keyblade form changes are fun and keep things fresh, you can do flashy triangle button shit every other minute, and shotlock is still insanely useful without being a game-breaker.

It seems easier than the first two main games, though?

The gummi ship is still a pain in the ass to steer, but I do enjoy the open world-like travel options (even if there’s not… much to discover except heartless lasering the shit out of you). I’m also eternally grateful that they kept the gummi ship thing from KH2 where you can just use a new gummi ship once you got the blueprint and don’t buy actual fucking legos as in the first game.

Thank you, Square. Not thanking you for the dumb cherry flan game, though.

The Caribbean being basically an open world stage was delightful! Apparently what our resident island kid needs is a big ship and tropical islands to plunder.

VISUALS AND STUFF

PRETTY LIGHTS EVERYWHERE

The long gap between the games also did wonders to the visuals.

There’s finally, FINALLY a few towns with actual NPCs you can talk to. Why it took the team so many years and the Gods know how many games is beyond me. The magic effects are beautiful, the animations smooth (honestly you can hardly tell apart cutscenes and fully rendered CGI scenes in this day and age of the PS4. I’m probably the only person still amazed by this because the only games I played on PS4 before were a few hours of Child of Light and of course Tales of Zestiria and Berseria. No, I still haven’t played FFXV but that’s a topic for another day). How far videogames have come.Even space finally looks like space, lol. Not really high-end what the PS4 can do I assume but god, it’s such an amazing and much needed upgrade from the terrible textureless colourful tubes you flew through before.

No excuse for the terrible battleship thingy before the Keyblade Graveyard, though. I got lost and beaten up so many times and crashed against more walls than I can count.

Nothing beats the World that Never Was, but the Keyblade Graveyard also has creepy cool potential, as does the beautiful but ghosted City in the Sky.

Still not getting what’s with JRPGs and very Definitely Final Dungeons (TM) that are basically space. …………or heaven. Or nothing. I’m getting the bad kind of original NGE TV series ending vibes. But. Okay.

The soundtrack is splendid

.……I miss Traverse Town and Radiant Garden, however.

Which brings us to:

THE WORLDS

I guess I can live with no more Final Fantasy characters being there (although I always loved that), and the meta jokes in Toy Story world really got me. Seeing Disney characters calling the KH villains call out on their shit was delightful. …the KH characters lampshading their own games’ sloppy dialogue writing was delightful.Still, those Disney worlds are always so much more in my head than what I actually get to play. This has been bugging me ever since the first game and it still does. I do not expect or want to replay the entire movies, but would it hurt to give the cutscenes some goddamn background music? Whenever there’s cutscenes, either the world’s usual BGM keeps playing or the music stops altogether. Together with the shortened dialogues and generally drastically shortened plots with odd cuts, that leads to scenes that are awkward at best. They never even remotely have the impact the movies had. You just sit there and think “oh wow that is so silly and awkward”.

Dancing scene in Corona? My favorite scene in Tangled. Zero impact on me without the lovely BGM (at least they made it a minigame so the moment isn’t over after 3 secs). Just for example. You can ask me like, world by world, but I can think of only exception off the top of my head and it’s not helping:

Let it Go of course. Listen guys, I actually love the song. But it’s so overused (and Frozen is an overrated movie at best that doesn’t deserve its hype in the slightest) that I can’t even really enjoy it being there. Like.

 IF THAT’S OKAY WITH YOU,WHY DIDN’T YOU INCLUDE LITERALLY ANY OTHER ORIGINAL SONG FROM THE ORIGINAL MOVIES. Instead of BGM just not being there entirely, or in odd, cringey re-renderings that nobody wants to listen to (*cough* Atlantica *cough*).

Why torture me and not give me the one good scene from At World’s End (the up is down scene) when you had the chance?Kingdom Hearts is also prone to super lazy level design and wasting chances at wonderful scenery for no apparent reason other than I suppose empty cliffsides are quick to render. All games before did that, and KH3 is, sadly, no exception. We get to see a bit of Corona and Athens and they finally have NPCs, too, but you cannot even get near Arendelle. You cannot enter Elsa’s palace. You spend the entire time there climbing around in the snowy mountains of Norway, and unfortunately it looks less interesting than one would expect from the lovely concept art that the film unfortunately never used.You cannot enter Rapunzel’s tower although Sora can apparently parkour his way up even without her help.

………In short, the places you can go are, again, very limited, and a lot of interesting places and scenes you never get to see.

And to follow the plot you still only need the stuff that does NOT happen in those Disney worlds because they’re all beach filler episodes. It’s always been like that, but I keep wondering whether I’m the only one bothered by that. I’m also still salty they didn’t introduce a single new world from a 2D animated movie.

Also, as I said, I miss Traverse Town, it felt so warm and welcoming and beautiful.

And I get behind The World that Never Was missing although I loved it there, but why not give us back Radiant Garden? Destiny Islands since they’ve been restored? Disney Castle?

As much as I love the series, it never fucking lives up to its own potential. Idk whether it’s made more difficult by copyright issues or whatever, I just know that it bugs me.The first two games also had like twice as many worlds.

PLOT

I mean it’s never been deep; however, it’s complicated. No analysis or whatever from me because plot analysis and meta writing bore me like seven hells, just my emotional reaction: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  Okay, bad news. I got into it expecting nothing, and still got disappointed. I don’t actually enjoy the prospect of writing essays about it, but here’s my tea with it; in not particular order:

1) the pacing is terrible. Nothing happens for like 30 hours and then suddenly like 20 characters’ arcs are (naturally poorly) resolved within the last few hours of cutscenes. Build up anyone? At least they actually did pick up Maleficent and the box thing again. …In the epilogue.

2) Speaking of build ups, Sora’s breakdown could have been developed nicely and steadily over the game to feel natural, and instead it’s hinted at in the beginning by everyone picking on him, but then it’s never further developed and comes out of fucking nowhere. Like. For real? It felt terribly OOC.

3) Why on earth have they shown 90% of the plot in the trailers already, and why are those scenes so massively disappointing in context

4) Kairi. Oh god, Kairi. What are we gonna do with you. I want to love her, I really do, but she’s a prime example of shittily written female leads. Mostly because she’s not leading. It’s not her fault. She’s just a fictional character. But honest to God, Nomura, why. Her screen time is almost nonexistent, and she’s entirely use- and helpless whenever she’s on screen (which isn’t often). Her ONLY point in the plot is being rescued because she is fucking useless. Why. Just why. Why waste her character like that. All we know is that she’s shoehorned into being the token love interest, but she has zero plot relevance and there is even less build up of her relationship with Sora. It’s all tell and NEVER show; and not even much telling, either. She has literally zero direct interaction with in the entire game before they share their paopu. The question remains: why are straights like this

5) On a related note: look, I don’t even ask for (or expect, or even hope) my ship to be canon. Squeenix doesn’t exactly have a rich history in queer representation. I’m totally fine with Sora and Riku being best friends. BUT. Building up Sora as the most important person in Riku’s life (and arguably, vice versa) over the course of several games, just to then hardly have them interact in the finale and then SUDDENLY bring back Kairi into the equation, who hasn’t interacted with him since the ending of KH2 (except for one unsent(?) letter) is just piss poor writing, period.I actually love Cray’s suggestion she gave me over Discord: let Sora, Kairi and Riku all share a paopu together (and let them group hug, too, you cowards). It would have been the perfect message to send (Sora as truly all-loving hero, and loving all your friends equally; romantic love isn’t more important than platonic love and doesn’t need to be singled out). Really sad that this isn’t what happens. Apparently that wouldn’t have been no homo enough.

LET THE DESTINY TRIO GROUP HUG YOU COWARDS 

Do Riku and Kairi even interact once in the whole game?

 HOW IS THIS A TRIO, IT’S JUST A SHITTILY WRITTEN LOVE TRIANGLE

6) Time travelling is a bitch, Christ. It doesn’t solve plotholes or can be played for drama, it just adds MORE plotholes. It just got WORSE. The cloning blues and people not aging doesn’t help, either.

7) Just so you know, I care absolutely zero for wild fan theories. You’re not Nomura. I want a statement from the man who wrote this shit himself why on bloody earth Sora dies when he apparently successfully found and brought back Kairi (and since nobody aged a day, apparently it didn’t even take that long lol). DUDES, THIS IS KINDA PART OF THE PLOT, AND YOU DON’T BOTHER TO EXPLAIN IT INGAME???? And how was Ienzo/Zexion able to revive Naminé while Kairi was still missing/dead/whatever…?

Okay so in short the writing is worse than ever and that’s saying something.

However, let’s try to find something good in this trainwreck; it wasn’t all bad. There’s some really nice scenes which sadly are better enjoyed without any context at all.

So, guess my favourite scenes.You had time enough, here’s the solution:

1) Purifying uhm er rescuing Aqua. Poor girl. She deserves the rest. Poor, poor Aqua. The only properly wirrten female in the whole damn franchise. Also the only person other than Riku who fucking gets shit done.

2) The Gayblade (TM)

3) Happy Axel in the reunion with his kids. Oh god, the poor chap deserves it so much. Thank you, Nomura. I don’t care that it makes pretty much no sense. Make him happy. Give him his friends back. Just give Axel all his friends and let him happily set things on fire. Hi I love Axel

4) The party at the beach cutscene before the credits roll. Axel and Xion get clothes. Half the organization is on our side now. I almost teared up at the Wayfinder trio saying goodbye to Eraqus’ forceghost. Hey come on he’s the voice of Luke Skywalker

5) Sully yeeting Vanitas

6) Woody calling out Xehanort that nobody loves him

7) Jack Sparrow bad breathing Luxord

I wish we had gotten:

1) justice for Kairi

2) a happy Zexion, the poor emo kid. Well maybe now he will be, with all the orga members who changed sides now, lol.

3) I will never trust mobile games ever again so I don’t want to play KHUX but I would have loved to learn about the Keyblade Wars :;)))) 

WHAT WAS THE KEYBLADE WAR ABOUT CAN WE SPEND MORE TIME IN THAT COOL CITY IN THE SKY WHAT’S THE DEAL WITH MIKLEO I MEAN THAT EPHEMER KIDDO

 WHAT’S WITH THE MASKED DUDES AND DUDETTES FROM THE MOVIE 

WTF WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM AFTER THE MOVIE???? WHERE THOSE KEYBLADE USER NAMES ACTUAL MOBILE GAME PLAYER NAMES??? Next game? PLEASE?

I really, REALLY hope the epilogue means we will get Xiggy/Luxu as our new big bad and we learn more about the five dudes and dudettes from the movie. Please. PLEASE. I’m so up for it. Them finally pickung up the bit with Maleficent and the mysterious box again? Hell yeah.

The secret movie was really unexciting in comparison, although I laughed very hard at the “Verum Rex” scene in Toy Story world. Maybe that’s why it was much cheaper to unlock than in KH1 and KH2.

4) give Ven a drink

DLC ideas I would actually pay for because I’m a sad human being: 1) more Disney worlds 2) Japanese audio 3) at least one of the following as permanently playable characters: Riku, Kairi, Axel, Ven, Aqua. At least as a guest member as in KH2. THIS SUCH A BIG STEP BACKWARDS I’M FUMING

FINAL THOUGHTS

Kingdom Hearts 3 is a hella lot of fun, beautiful, and also moving when it sets its mind to it. Unfortunately it doesn’t always do so. I don’t feel like it wasn’t worth the wait; it was. However, I’m very salty how rotten the writing is. I do not mind logical fallacies, I do not mind the cheesiness and cringeyness; however, I do mind how so many interesting characters do not get the screentime they deserve, and Kairi is a very bad joke.

I’ll probably find more to nitpick about (Gods. Just. Don’t come up with dub excuses why Sora is lv 1 in each game. JUST LEAVE IT BE. You don’t explain why Donald and Goofy are lv 1 again, either. JUST. LEAVE. IT. BE. The sacrifice was dumb and not even moving, I’m just still furious that Kairi’s ONLY point in the plot is being so useless that it’s literally getting herself KILLED and she needs constant rescuing to the point that Sora has to sacrifice himself for her, effectively. Kairi deserves better, Sora deserves better, I deserve better than to think about this absurdity.…I’m just… gonna cherry-pick the good bits from the lore and try to pretend the finale didn’t exist, I guess. GODS.

#long post #random rambling tag

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tweakerwolf · 6 years

Text

Doki Doki Literature Club

Played the game and my thoughts about it are below the cut because I go on a bit of a rant...

TL;DR version: I love the true aspect of the game but it isn’t really my style and over all I was disappointed by the ‘psychological horror’ and ‘gore’ parts of it. (relatively spoiler free, I don’t mention any of the major twists or story plotlines, just the general ‘extra-ness’ of what makes the game intriguing)

So... I got the game on Steam and played it because a lot of people were talking about it and how awesome of a game it was...

I hate to say it but, I was disappointed in it...

I get why people are raving about it, I do think the reveals and secrets in the games are amazing! I can honestly say that I’m blown away by what the creators were able to do with the game. Without going into spoiler territory, all the hidden/surprise aspects of the game, are really awesome! I have read all about the intricate details and hints that people were able to find- SO MUCH information... I wouldn’t have had any idea of where to start with that kind of game. I don’t know anything about game files and translating text... I love complicated storylines but I’m very simple when it comes to *gameplay*... if it isn’t blatantly obvious then odds are, I won’t know what to do... If I was left to my own devices, I wouldn’t know about a majority of DDLC’s secrets... because they have to do with things that are outside of normal gameplay... I guarantee that I would’ve missed about 90% of the point, all the underlying DDLC elements, swoosh, right over my head. But when I looked up the game and I learned about all the ‘extra’ elements, again, I am SOOOOO impressed with what they were able to achieve! But lmao, if you were expecting me to understand it and delve into that on my own???? You’ll be waiting a long time for that... I suck at that kind of meta stuff, truly. I wouldn’t’ve even /thought/ to look into the things people were finding secrets in!

That being said... I saw the tags for DDLC and I saw all the warnings that appeared in the game... and that’s where I was disappointed. Psychological horror? After playing games like BTD and TDDUP... that game wasn’t that ‘edgy’ at all imo. Now, that’s not to say that the trigger warnings aren’t needed! Indeed, pay attention to the trigger warnings and play the game with caution, I’m not saying that they lied... just that /I/ had higher expectations for what was going to happen when I got to the ‘shocking’ part of the game. I was so bored... For the average gamer and especially for someone that generally plays ‘regular’ dating sims, I’m sure the triggering scenes were very /shocking/, I can understand that... but for all the hype I was seeing, I was expecting more. There was nothing to the characters that made me invested in them (Okay, I’ll admit, I was invested in Sayori and I do think they did her storyline right), there was no history... Things go from cutesy to chaotic in just a moment but that doesn’t make it psychological horror... I wasn’t twisted around psychologically by the reveals we were given... they were just /shock value/ (hence my earlier wording...). OMG look at this surprise scene that you’d never expect to see in a ‘dating sim’ game!!! Gasp! What surprise! Even the ‘extra’ part of the game, the fun secret stuff... that isn’t what I’d categorize as psychological horror... I’d categorize it as a mind fuck but ‘mind fuck’ and ‘psychological horror’ don’t mean the same thing. They often go hand-in-hand but pft, that doesn’t make them synonymous with each other, that’s all I’m saying. Like I’ve said, the scenes themselves should be approached with caution, they aren’t ‘silly’ by any means but... when I think of games that are psychological horror, I think of the part in the Resident Evil 7 DLC, 21. How your POV is a character that’s strapped to a chair, forced to play a game of 21 with another innocent victim and each time you lose, a finger gets chopped off. At the end of the game, you’re praying that you don’t lose another finger but in order to keep your fingers, you have to pray that the other INNOCENT player has a worse hand than you... you get to hear that player scream in terror and then in pain, you hear them beg and there isn’t anything to do because it’s you or them. You want to win because you don’t want to die but winning means you’re forced to watch/listen to someone else get fucked up. That’s deeply psychological. Even with BTD and TDDUP... those games weren’t overly graphic (in terms of *video graphics/frames*, they were mostly static scenes that depended on the /dialogue/ to get the point across, not a visual ‘movie’ with sound effects)... we didn’t *see* a lot of horrible violence unlike in RE7 but it was still psychological because there were visceral reactions that we read the character going through, the descriptions did the scenes justice and there were scenarios that just... they were designed to make you go “if I was in this situation... could I really survive this??? Would this break me???” That’s the point of psychological horror to me. This game completely missed the mark and it just felt like shock value with a lack of depth. Period.

I’ll even say that the ‘dating sim’ aspect of the game was bland... (I know that wasn’t even the point but, hear me out)... I was SPOILED by BTD and even TDDUP... I was expecting choices! I was expecting things to be at least a little broader... I was expecting more than 2 (3 depending on what you count as an ending) endings... I was expecting my choices to matter in the end game. And they don’t... The story is horribly bland and I was in agony as I tried to play through and get to the interesting parts!!! And even after I did get to the interesting parts... I was still SO BORED! It wasn’t because I knew what was coming either, I can know how a game ends and still be excited and enthralled when I’m playing it if it has a great story or good gameplay. I don’t play a lot of dating sims, but I realize that the dialogue isn’t always the greatest... some of them are just blah blah blah and let me see animated boobies (not all of them, I know but the ones with ‘boring’ dialogue can be described like that I think).... but it should at least be a little engaging... Daddy Dating Simulator at least had the ‘horrible dad puns’ kind of humor to make players laugh and groan as they went out and about. I dunno... I was let down... if I had come across this game cold turkey with no background knowledge... I never would’ve made it to the ‘interesting’ part because I would’ve stopped playing... and like I said, even *knowing* that the game was going to get ‘interesting’... it was still so hard to play and it still fell flat... When we replay the first day, even with the quirks, it’s too bland to hold my attention, I just didn’t care.

I can write a guide of the general gameplay aspects if people really want me to but... there are only 3 endings so.... is that really what you want? A lot of the game is pretty random so there’s only so much I can help you with.... If you’re looking for help with the ‘extra’ aspects of the game, I cannot help you with that, I’m sorry... Check the wiki and the reddit pages because I have no clue where to even start with that stuff.

#doki doki literature club #ddlc #opinions #long post #rant

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traincat · 7 years

Note

what do you personally dislike about Slott's ASM? also do you know how he has been the main writer for so long? It feels like marvel should have switched it up

This turned out so long, sorry, anon.

I don’t know the circumstances that have led to Slott’s extremely long run on Amazing Spider-Man, but I do feel it’s long past time to switch it up for a number of reasons, and frankly, I’m surprised they didn’t chose Legacy as the perfect time to bring in a new writer. I’ve got two bones to pick with Slott’s Amazing Spider-Man, and one is a couple of personal experiences I’ve had that centered around Superior Spider-Man (importantly, they’re both scenes involving the run’s treatment of women) and then just a general note on why his Peter Parker voice doesn’t work for me, personally. I have liked other comics by Slott, for the record.

The personal experiences first:

I’ve witnessed Slott harass a friend of mine on social media over a comment on a frankly awful panel in Superior Spider-Man, saying that they shouldn’t criticize Otto’s actions because he was “on a journey.” This kind of behavior is apparently not an isolated incident where he’s involved, but I should note that my friend was at the time very young (I can’t remember if they were 18, but quite possibly they were younger). I believe it was made obvious to him at one point that he was arguing with a teenager, but I can’t recall for sure. I do know they did not tag him in their criticism. But most importantly, this is the panel they were discussing:

For those unaware, Superior Spider-Man was a storyline where Doctor Octopus bodyjacked Peter and intended to live his life as Peter and as Spider-Man. Nobody knew that Peter had been replaced.

Otto’s thought boxes are positioned over Mary Jane’s dialogue, effectively silencing her, and not only is HIS gaze clearly fixed on her breasts, but the reader is essentially forced to stare at them, too. I don’t know how the average man feels looking at this panel, but I can say, as a woman, it 100% feels like the comic is creepily staring at my boobs and I’m not cool with that. This is not a fun cheesecake page, embracing Mary Jane as a confident, sexually attractive woman – it’s treating her like a piece of meat. If this was intended to be funny, I’m sorry, but the joke is bad. Even if we were to say Otto was “on a journey” to become a better person and that his behavior in the first issue is not indicative of who he’ll become so he shouldn’t be judged on it – which, currently, he’s in a Peter clone body, being all sad because his Parker Industries coup failed and the woman he lied to and seduced using Peter’s identity doesn’t want to date him, so I guess the last stop on the train was Disgusting Man Valley – it’s still a page where a man infiltrates a woman’s private life using the body of one of the closest people to her and then ignores her voice to stare at her breasts. (Make no mistake: Otto was explicitly and aggressively trying to trick her into bed using Peter’s identity. Later, when he realized he could access Peter’s memories, he replayed Peter’s sexual encounters with Mary Jane. I don’t like any stop on this journey, guys.)

The “journey”, I suspect, was meant to refer to Ock’s growing feelings towards Anna Maria Marconi, but that just highlights another set of problems I have: Mary Jane, a beautiful model turned entrepreneur, is ultimately deemed by Otto as “unacceptable” for someone of Peter’s intellect, and cast aside in favor Anna Maria, who works in STEM, can cook like an Italian grandmother, and who is pretty but not conventionally desirable. It would be one thing for the character to do this, but Slott did once say that Otto was better at appreciating “real beauty” than Peter, and that Peter’s love for Mary Jane was “anti-Marvel”, because Mary Jane’s “superficially beautiful”, implying that she lacks inner beauty and ignoring the canon fact that Mary Jane’s moral center has always been stronger than Peter’s. This disregard for Mary Jane solely because she’s pretty continues in a scene where Mary Jane gets all dressed up and goes to meet a new guy she’s interested in, only to get pushed into the mud before he sees her. While humor via humiliation is common in Slott’s Spider-Man, I don’t really think I need to elaborate on why a scene all about taking a woman who is confident in her appearance and sexuality down a peg leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I really dislike how often Mary Jane is disregarded by fans because she’s “a shallow male fantasy” (please read comics) so to say that Peter loving her is anti-Marvel is just, like, no.

More under the cut.

(It’s also out of character for Mary Jane not to realize Peter’s not Peter, considering she outfoxed (and then bludgeoned) the Chameleon and can pick Peter out from among his clones:

but for the sake of Superior’s deceit, I can let this go. The Superior Spider-Man scene where she sits in a burning building waiting for Spider-Man to come save her, The Most Out Of Character Mary Jane Scene Of All Time, I cannot.)

So there’s just, generally, the treatment of Mary Jane in Superior Spider-Man, as well as his reaction to a criticism of it. Then there’s an encounter with a male Spider-Man fan I had which, while this isn’t a direct criticism of Slott’s work, I do think it ties into the way women are treated in it, especially within the body of Superior Spider-Man.

So I used to cosplay, and one time I went to a big outdoor shoot with a bunch of friends and friends’ friends and some photographers, etc, and afterwards we all crowded into a big diner booth together, Jersey style, and this guy I don’t know starts chatting me up. (I guess he missed the memo about superficial beauty.) And it’s a cosplay thing, so like, we’re all nerds, and somehow we start talking about Spider-Man. And this guy rushes to tell me he is loving Superior Spider-Man. Do you know what he just can’t wait to tell me he loved about Superior Spider-Man? He loves that Doc Ock punched Felicia Hardy in the face. “That was awesome,” he told me, referring to a scene where Felicia comes across Spider-Man and, not knowing it’s Ock in there, initiates some playful banter, which he responds to by punching her in the face hard enough to knock a tooth out. Because he’s the Superior Spider-Man! And obviously that’s ~superior~ to what “shallow” Peter would have done, which was most likely engage in consensual sex with Felicia, because they’re both adults who enjoy having sex with each other. Did Dan Slott hold a gun to that guy’s head and make him tell me how awesome and funny it is when men violently assault women in fiction? No, but he did write a scene that it’s possible to interpret as glorifying said assault. At the very least, it does not condemn it.

Dating tip, guys: when talking to a girl for the first time, please don’t tell her how cool and funny you think violence against women is. (Actually, if you find it cool and funny, please be upfront about that, so she can get out of there and never talk to you again.)

Ugh. You guys. I do not like how this title treats women. I don’t like how other Slott titles treat women, although they’re less egregious about it, because at least when Peter Parker is in control of his body and the title you’re forced as a writer to deal with the fact that, while Peter canonically is real enthusiastic about sex with women, the character does actually like, respect women as human beings. Slott has also fridged several important Spider-Man women, notably both Dr. Ashley Kafka and Marla Jameson – both professional women. I love Cindy Moon and I love what other writers have done with the concept of someone who spent ten years locked away in a bunker, but I’m not actually sure Cindy’s introduction needed to be about a woman who was locked in a box since she was a teenager, you feel me?

My issues with Slott’s Peter characterization are entirely a matter of personal taste. I’ve already mentioned that I don’t love humor via embarrassment or humiliation, but I really, really don’t like it. And Slott uses it a lot – his conception of Spider-Man as a funny superhero involves Peter being the butt of a lot of jokes, instead of Peter just… being funny. I also find that his Peter lacks an edge. This is also my problem with Bendis’ Peter, though I feel Bendis nails the rhythm of Peter’s banter better than Slott does, and his dialogue-heavy writing is a good fit. Also, he knows Peter’s Jewish. But like, for instance, you have an iteration of Peter who was only ever written by Bendis in Ultimate Peter! And he’s a good boy! He is! I care about him so much less than 616 Peter. This is related to my dissatisfaction with Homecoming, where he was completely toothless and the narrative went out of its way to point out how NOT scary he was. I’m sorry, but a teenage boy who can punch through concrete no big deal is actually always going to be at least a little scary – instead of rejecting that fact, I’d rather explore how Peter makes himself gentle as he grows up, and how he struggles to be as good and as moral as Spider-Man is, and when he leans into that threatening nature. I want that struggle, and that relationship with violence, throw in some Spider-Man as a predatory animal metaphors okay at this point I should note that the modern Spider-Man writer whose voice for him I like the very best is J. Michael Straczynski’s. You can see what I’m talking about in this scene, for example:

He’s completely gentle with Mary Jane – but when Tony gets in his way to keep him from going after a paparazzo (Tony wouldn’t know this, but Peter once threatened to rip a sleazy photographer’s head off after he called Mary Jane cheap, so y’know, trying to get him to calm down is reasonable), Peter’s reaction is hostile – threatening to forcibly move him, the clenched fists, etc. (One of my big Peter characterization rules is you can’t write how he interacts with other people the same as the way he interacts with his family.) He also just tossed Wolverine out a window, so.

“You were chosen for your rage” ooooh Mr. Stracyznski, tell me more. This sounds like I am joking no 10000% give me more of Peter shirtless and beating up the Kingpin. His freaking murder polo:

Basically, as a reader, I appreciate the depths of Peter’s kindness best when they aren’t necessarily first nature for him. Slott’s Peter doesn’t have that same edge to him. He’s not reining himself in. (There was a Norman vs Peter fist fight and I WAS NOT INTO IT, which should be impossible.)

#traincat talks comics #long post/#*replies

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