#things I cried about today
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neuvillette's lore is actually insane. we all took one look at him and went "haha dragon🫵" but i significantly underestimated how big of a role he would play. he's the incarnation of the original hydro sovereign. he took back his rule right under the heavenly principles' nose. he's the one handing out hydro visions now (not even because he has to, he doesn't, he just grew so fond of humanity that he chooses to). he gave away the hydro gnosis bc he straight up doesn't need it. he's planning to DETHRONE ALL OF THE ARCHONS (in a few hundred years, when the traveler's not around to see it, so it won't be awkward for them). he's kind and soft-spoken. he's full of vengeful rage. he's a father to hundreds. he found his purpose after feeling lost for 500 years. skirk pulled him aside for a super-secret convo and when he saw us again he immediately spilled the tea. as far as i can tell, he spawned into existence fully formed. no other character can fucking compare
#neuvillette#genshin impact#4.2#genshin spoilers#aphelion.txt#SORRY BUT I FINALLY FINISHED THE AQs TODAY AND IM IN MY FUCKING FEELS#by all rights he should've hated focalors- the thief of the hydro sovereignty- the most.#he cried when she sacrificed herself in front of him.#he is so gentle. i think he does feel genuine indignance and anger over what happened to the dragons#but he mostly talks about the eventual judgment as if it's something he must do out of obligation and duty#i loved him in 4.0 but he honestly shot up the ranks now to being one of my favorite genshin characters of all time#i'm still in awe at how he and focalors completely defied the heavenly principles and WON.#barring some big plot twist in future updates they fucking WON.#any victory against the heavenly principles that we've seen in the story so far has been pyrrhic at best#this is the sort of thing i'd think would usually cause them to nuke fontaine with a heavenly needle#(lol that would be a devastating one-off fanfic for someone to write)#but anyway focalors most bamf god of teyvat fr#and neuvi her accomplice my special guy
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Drawtober 2023 day 3: Path
"Have you decided to take the path of strife?"
[1][2]
#persona 5#niijima makoto#drawtober#drawtober2023#inktober#inktober 2023#I was debating really hard whether I wanna go with this or different idea#but hey this is her iconic path of strife we are talking about#anyway I really don't know what i'm doing with the screentone#cri#but I enjoyed almost every process of this piece#the only thing I'm sad about is I didn't get to draw shumako today#but oh well
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destiel // outro - m83 // watch on youtube
aka their entire story in 5 minutes
#THIS. IS MY BABY. it wasnt originally but its such a different style from my usual one and i tried so many different things and i cried#making it and yeah i love it a lot ! also i saw a shorter video set to this song 2 years ago so it seems fitting :D#and i'm posting it now bc i've decided this is the amv i'm gonna be most annoying about today. its their entire story its them etc#destiel#supernatural#spn#destiel amv#jamvs
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First (successful) attempt at arting in CSP :”D This took ten years off my life and I questioned myself every step of the way but I learned a lot from playing around in a new program. Will I ever do something this detailed again?? My brain says no but my heart says maybe!!
#There's lots of things I LOVE about CSP and lots of things I. Do not love#Like the fact that custom brushes exist and make my life a million times easier when doing backgrounds.........LOVE that#The fact that I can't fully replicate my shading brush from SAI. Do NOT love that#Anyway I'm going to bed please don't make me look at this ever again. Lmao#Genshin Impact#Nahida#Lesser Lord Kusanali#Genshin Nahida#Digital art#Art#Btw I did the lineart/base colors in SAI and the shading/BG in CSP :')#I have my exact drawing brush from SAI in CSP but I just. I don't like the way it handles#I'll probably do shading and stuff in CSP but stick to SAI for lineart purposes#Shima arts#I was looking at a lot of my favorite artists who use CSP and tried replicating but man.#I don't think this super detailed way of shading is for me. It just doesn't fit#But that's fine I learned smth from this!!!#I only cried TWICE today are you guys proud of me. LOL#shima-draws
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When the tears start to fall, Bakugou is worried at first. His hips slow, the soft sounds emitting from between your thighs dying out, as he rests on his forearms in an attempt to uncover your eyes.
“Hey, what’s wrong? Did I hurt you? Talk to me, baby,” he pleads with you, doesn’t relent until your blotchy face and tearful eyes are exposed to his worried gaze. What he doesn’t expect, is the wobbly smile that greets him, nor the embarrassed little hiccuped laugh you splutter.
“I’m sorry,” you mumble to him, leaning into his warm palm when he swipes at your face to clear the tear marks. Bakugou doesn’t say anything as you gather yourself, still frowning all the while before you hold his cheeks gently in your hands. He looks at you then, his eyes worried, his brows creased, despite your small grin.
“I just love you so much, you know?” You whisper to him, bringing him close until his nose bumps softly against your own. Bakugou sighs then, his entire body collapsing on top of yours until his chest rubs against your naked one, until you can count every erratic beat of his heart slow.
“So you cry? Had me fuckin’ worried over here, for nothin’,” he grunts, fusses at you, despite the way he noses at the column of your throat and breathes in your scent. You chuckle, running a finger up and down his spine, the other holding his face close into your skin.
“Sorry, just get a little overwhelmed at times. With my love for you.” You mumble quietly into his ear, eyes fluttering when you feel his heart finally calm against your own, his rib cage a gentle thud, the softest rattle, on your sternum. Bakugou sighs once more, his dewy breath tickling your neck, as his lips purse slightly against the salty skin.
“Nerd,” he mutters, wrapping his entirety around and through you, as you lay there and let him. Tears spring to your eyes once more, as you glance over to the breakfast in bed he brought for you, to the handmade card with his shitty handwriting, to the crooked little crotchet stuffed bee he learned how to make for you.
When the tears start again, this time, Bakugou doesn’t panic. Only buries his face further into your skin, his hips shifting a little as he mouthes gently at your neck.
“Love you too.” His words are tender into the cool air of Valentine’s Day morning, but they’re heavy and they’re sweet and they’re so full—you burst at the seam yet again. You both lay there for what feels like forever, quiet, nothing but the dull sound of your nails scratching at his nape and humming into the thickness of his shoulder.
“I love you.”
#*cries about not being able to write anything*#*writes three different things in a matter of two hours at midnight*#AJSHDKDJDKDJD annoying as hell#anyway have this v day thing that I wrote at quarter to 3am#I wasn’t gonna do anything for today but I had to :( bc it’s bkg :(#so no Cupid bkg fic for V day is what I’m hearing myself say huh#BOOOOO this bitch SUCKS#anyway I hope u all enjoyed this sweetness#and I can’t wait to read more vday stuff!!!!#—new treat in the streets! 🍫#bakugou treats! 🍬#—queue’ve got a new treat in stock! 🍰
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Reaching for
(Sirius Black / Remus Lupin | 896 words)
CW: Sirius' trauma from Azkaban
Sirius is wearing Remus’ jumper and trousers. Remus had to lend them to him since he doesn’t own anything anymore. Not even clothes. Not after Azkaban. He is sitting on the floor his back pressed against the sofa. Remus is right next to him. Both of them are breathing heavily as the silence stretches between them. They’ve been arguing for days since Sirius showed up at Remus’ flat. The arguments were vicious. Anger and pain are powering every word, every raised voice.
When the rage subsides, Sirius is left empty. He is tired of fighting. Fighting to escape Azkaban, to live on a street for almost a year, to look for his former friend. He doesn’t want to fight anymore. He just wants to sleep. He is so tired. Everything in him screams to give up. But one look at his friend, the love of his life, keeps him going. He will fight for Remus. To have him in his life again. It’s worth it. He is worth it.
Remus looks at him and sights. He gets up silently urging Sirius to do the same. He has no idea what is happening. Usually, their fights end up with one of them storming out. But today it was different and Remus waited for him. “I’m tired Sirius. I don’t want to fight, we’ve both given up so much already, been through too much. You just got back after twelve years. And I don’t want to fight. I just want to be with you.”
They both know that this is not how it works. But it’s what they both want and maybe that’s enough. “Me too, Moons.”
Remus gives him a tired smile. “Come on, let’s go to bed.” He stretches his arm out offering his hand to Sirius to take it. It’s the first time Remus suggested they will share a bed. Until now Sirius was sleeping on the sofa alone.
He stares at the hand. Aching to take it but terrified at the same time. No one touched him in thirteen years. Not without the intention of hurting him. Not, accept the embrace with Remus in the shrieking shack a year ago. But that’s tainted by Peter being there. Everything happened so fast that Sirius doesn’t even remember the embrace. Not fully, not how it felt to be held by someone.
Since the Halloween of 1981, every touch was meant to punish him. And Remus is standing here with sincerity in his eyes waiting for Sirius to do the simple thing and take his hand. But what if Sirius is so broken that even this touch will hurt? It would destroy him.
“Pads?” Remus asks confused taking a step closer. Sirius hates he instinctively takes a step back. “What’s wrong?”
Sirius bites his lower lip keeping it from trembling. “You don’t want to sleep in the bed with me? I’m sorry, I just thought… never mind.” Remus says quietly.
“I want to,” Sirius whispers his voice on the verge of breaking.
“So, what is it?”
Sirius wraps his arms around himself, one hooking over his elbow and the other on his side. Holding himself together. Protecting the only thing he has left, his body. Destroyed and broken, but still his. He is swiping his thumb over his skin in an attempt to soothe himself. It never really worked, but it was his only option. Remus is observing him. “Sirius?”
“No one touched me in thirteen years without hurting me,” Sirius admits embarrassed. He thinks how pathetic it sounds.
“I won’t hurt you,” Remus says, and Sirius can hear the hurt in his voice. He tries to smile at Sirius, but even Remus can’t hide the sadness. He holds out his hand once again and waits. “I promise I won’t hurt you.”
It takes Sirius a long time to get his breathing under control. As he takes a step closer, his whole body is screaming at him. When he reaches for Remus, all he can hear in his mind is run. He pushes through. His fingers are hovering only inches above the palm of Remus’ hand. He can feel the heat coming from the other man. He holds his breath and lets his hand fall onto Remus’ who immediately closes his fingers around it.
Sirius was right. It hurts. It hurts so much he thinks he will die. His breath is caught in his throat turning into hot steam. It’s different from the pain he is used to. That one came from outside. This one is tearing him from the inside. It’s his broken soul crying. He forgot. He forgot how gentle touch feels.
His legs stopped working, and he is falling, his vision blurry. He feels a strong arm catch him right before he hits the floor. He knows it’s Remus. He flinches anyway.
“Sirius, Pads. I got you, okay? I won’t hurt you.” Remus keeps chanting. He holds Sirius close. His body is shaking. Every time Remus touches a new part of his body, he flinches. Remus tries to put some distance between them in worry he is making it worse for Sirius this way.
Sirius clings to him. “No, please don’t leave.”
“I won’t,” Remus reassures him, holding him close. Holding him together. For the first time in thirteen years, Sirius breaks down, and there is someone else to help put back the pieces.
#I thought about this HC today#Now I'm devastated#This is one of the saddest things I've ever wrote#We have Wolfstar for a change#i cried while writing this#wolfstar#sirius black#remus lupin#remus x sirius#sirius black x remus lupin#wolfstar microfic#post azkaban sirius#Post azkaban Wolfstar#marauders#marauders era#Kiwi2229 writes microfics
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The QSMP has me so heartbroken and deranged that I shouted at my computer screen “DAPPER GET BACK IN YOUR BOX”
#context: bbh went to pee but he put dapper in a reinforced block box to keep him safe from the code monster#except he forgot about the roof block and dapper just broke out to talk to chat 😭#thé Bobby thing today broke my fucking heart and I made the mistake of watching both BBH and Jaiden. I cried buckets 😭#QSMP#dapper qsmp
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#so my mom's wake thing was today and that was a lot. not in an emotional sense but in a im standing here talking for 3hrs#to ppl i dont kno or barely kno. ya kno? but it was good bc so many ppl showed up to talk abt her#so many people. my mom made a huge impact on the school system. so many ppl relied on her. she encouraged at least 2 ppl to get their#master. for one person to specilize in helping the dyslexic after her experience advocating for 3 dyslexic daughters. she wrote and was#awarded a 10000 dollar grant for special needs and intervention curriculum. which will affect so many lives.#everyone loved her. she's gonna get a track meet named after her and a scholarship created in her honor.#she was an amazing person and she affected a lot of lives and im glad she was my mom. and she raised at least one jem in my littlest#sister who is so sweet and is a great teacher. god but there was some weird stuff too. were pretty sure her old boss was in love with her.#and there were some weird comments abt her being a strong woman or this woman doing so much and its like hm y do i detect a note of sexism#y not say she was an amazing person? y the surprise? weird comments about how pretty i looked. which yes i looked great lol. my funeral fit#was cute. we did bright colors bc it was a celebration not a dower event. and im sure it was ment well but it was a lil weird. and then#everyone was telling my grandma what a great job she did raising my mom and like god fuck off she didn't do jack. my mom was great despite#her terrible mother. ugh. but altogether it was good that everyone was able to express their love for her. it was def a day that was for#them mostly. i mean partly for us but mostly for them. none of us even cried. ay but we have 2 more parties in her honor#bc everyone loved her so much we have to do one in her hometown too. plus a personal friends get together. ugh. im so tired#i wish i wasnt the most awkward. eye contact avoidant person in the room but like ya kno. what can ya do?#unrelated
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the ending of every season of great british baking show: all of the bakers are still best friends and they road trip together <3 here they are hanging out <3
me, every single damn time: ohmygod all of the bakers are still best friends and they road trip together and hang out 😭
#the great british baking show#the great british bake off#tgbbo#tgbbs#yes i finally had time to watch the finale today and yes i cried like a little child what about it!!!!!!#i still think tasha could've won the whole thing#but god. matty. my son. my boy. i'm so proud
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detective comics #509
[ID: Bruce Wayne sleeping in his penthouse, his eyes squeezed shut as the narration reads, ‘Gordon's strained laugh sounds hollow, but it echos in the Batman's mind... and haunts his dreams...” Bruce awakens to a hand on his shoulder and before he can think, he's twisting it and holding it down. The panel expands, revealing the hand belongs to Alfred as he's almost toppling over! He cries out, “M-master Bruce—my arm!” as Bruce groggily realizes who it is. He lets go at once as Alfred moves to the end of the bed and holds his arm while stammering an apology, “S-sorry, s-sir... Sorry if I startled you.” Bruce looks at him with aghast as he cries out, “My god, Alfred—I almost broke your arm!” Alfred reasons, “You must have been having a nightmare, sir.” as Bruce sits up and puts his face in his hands. He weepily dismisses, “A nightmare—what kind of an excuse is that? Old friend... forgive me...” Alfred reassures, “Nothing to forgive, sir. Just bad nerves, sir.” END ID]
#THIS ONE !!!!#bruce and his neverending guilt complex#just immediately regretful and so apologetic as alfred is quick to reassure and dismiss it#holding his arm because of fucking course it still hurts but when bruce lifts his head he stops ....#always thinking of how he was a caretaker for bruce since he was a small child/infant and how many little things bruce does now will remind#alfred of those days#he likes his grilled cheese q certain way. he cries if he thinks he hurt someone. he blames himself for a lot. he gets bad nightmares#like so much has stayed the same as so much continues to change but the love and care thry have for each other is always there#(<- guy who is always number one in bruce is disabled and needs a caretaker but also in how the people around him know bruce loves and cares#about them. its not about not being loved its about how heavy his love is and how bruce will subconsciously use his love to harm himself#(from blaming himself to his parents murders and jason's future death to something as simple as this and how he'll beat himself up#for hurting alfred and not able to protect him as well from himself)#(like his mental illness is forever using his stupid bleeding heart against himself as a reason for why hes awful)#this is all fully sidetracked im just fucking wired today sorry lol#but while im talking and something more related to the panel itself::#after this line bruce looks up and says ‘the batman suffering from bad nerves? lets hope not. gordon can worry about the election but i#cannot afford to. still its not just the campaign. lately so many other things are pressuring me—mostly as bruce wayne’#and like !!!!#it wasn't about batman! it wasnt about his burdens and responsibilities!! alfred was telling HIM. BRUCE. that its okay#and bruce automatically ‘its not because batman cant behave like this’ like !!!!#batman is the priority in the sense of he thinks he needs it to protect people. even his family even alfred and every single stranger#he won't ever allow himself any grace even while sleeping because batman cannot afford those ‘slips’#just GOD 70s/80s batman makes me insane for forever and ever amen#c: detective comics | i: 509#crypt's panels#bruce wayne#alfred pennyworth#alfred & bruce#‘awake or asleep—it scarcely matters anymore. the nightmare never seems to end.’#<- nightmare bruce tag <333
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the way that trust and respect for his dearest friend's life purpose didn't really play any part in fitz' decision and he only thought about trying to save the fool and pointedly didn't think about just how the fool would react to being saved by icefyre's death even assuming that he was rescued just fine
#the pale woman was right about one thing. fitz really is the fool here#poor beloved. maybe someday someone will listen to him#also i have to assume he'll be fine. i'm hoping since tintaglia (?) was able to sweep up and reassemble fitz and dutiful that they#will be able to sort out the forged ones memories and stuff that way....put it back where it's supposed to be. for whatever good that does#i'm glad there's no more plot after this book it's just 7 books of everyone chilling and having a nice time especially beloved#rote#rote spoilers#i almost cried twice today. heart of the pack...........
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Happy 25th birthday to Shoma Uno!
To all your smiles, and many more that are yet to shine. Thank you 💙
#shoma uno#figure skating#i do love him smiling#but him smiling mid-skate is truly on another level. the closest i can describe it makes me feel is heart palpitations but good ones#happy bday to my wonderful boy#can't believe he's 25 omg#i theoretically can write a wax poetic essay full of bday wishes and how great he is and what his skating means to me but i can't#and if anyone tells you i cried today when i was watching him skate and kept thinking about everything and still too overly emotional#well.. that would be heinous lie of course..#so happy birthday to an athlete with 3 olympic medals. an athlete with a career grand slam. a hardworking practice demon#happy bday to a skater with great control and patience gorgeous lines delicate musicality smooth skating sharp steps amazing spins#that skates so beautifully you can cry#happy birthday to a dog dad. a gamer who hates vegetables and whose diet consists of meat on 99.99%. a rare starfish specimen#happy birthday to a sleepy creature with an 'on/off' switch. to a student of stepffan lanbeeal that will make him go bald from stress#a short king himbo. an unintentional comedian. an english PhD#the only real person that gives me extreme cuteness aggression#and many many many other things that he is#happy birthday you sunshine with those sparkly eyes full of dreams#be happy be healthy be true to yourself#💙💙💙#p.s. bring another blue costume. soon.
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You probably get this asked a lot but do you have any particular things you keep in mind when writing in your journal? I started recently and it's been great but I find that Only recapping my day gets to be a bit tedious (esp when I don't go outside much lol) so I was curious what you do to keep motivated with it ! Ur sticker layouts are always so cutes btw I'm very inspired by them ^_^💖
Yeah! I mainly journal for Memory Keeping as i have a weird obsession with wanting to keep track of anything/everything, so i just think of what future cheye would want to know, instead of just recapping day.
Makes me really sad bc in college all i had energy to write was like "ate x went to class went to mailroom went to class 2 had x for dinner 1 am now goodnight" and its like. What about. The whole rest of it!! What did u do who did you talk to when was it that you saw a raccoon irl for the first time!!! Were you stressing over assignments?? Which and why!!! I have 0 tangible, meaningful, memories of what happened now. Just sterile clinical ones. :(
I do track things consistently like my rating for the day, the time i woke up and the time i go to bed, what i ate, if i cried, along wit other personal stats (i like the numbers!). Sometimes I also dont Do anything in a day so i just focus on other things, like taking the opportunity to write about feelings a little bit, so future cheye Knows the state of mind i was in on a given day, or maybe talk about how I bought something and am excited to wear/use it
Not much happened today so I wrote about and included how my dad described the plot of to, and showed me, some scenes of The Untouchables 1987 today because a song always reminds him of that movie...
yesterday I wrote about how my sister and I are planning on trying some pillsbury cocoa rolls on thursday, since we couldn't today, and that I am Excited.
I don't know, its small things that I feel I'd appreciate in the future even if they seem silly or pointless right now...(and also good for keeping track of personal growth, as Im hoping I at one point get to pinpoint where my complaints about Not Wanting to Drive fade away from the entries. Ykwim?)
ITS KIND OF LIKE THAT ONE POST ON HERE...like "if you see this tag one delight from your day no matter how small". You ""force"" yourself to come up with something to pad the entry with, and I think it's small things like that that will be really telling of your time here, in the future ^_^ time capsule of the old you
like. Did you see something insanely funny? Did your best friend say something weird... Did the internet platforms you browse all rally over a war criminal dying... Is it still rainy and chilly like it was yesterday? Are you excited for your birthday even if its many months away... What series did you start rewatching? Did u get scared by a shadow while walking your dog...idk! Anything, everything
#anonymous#skunk mail#long post#and none of these things have to be super detailed either!#like i have a separate journal for Feelings Theses. feelings in my main one are just like ''man i feel#like ass about everything again. cried a lot.''#i thingk its also like. idk i dont like to bother my friends so i don't have anyone to share stuff wit but myself#so i write it in there ..ykwim...like im feeling happy today i saw something cool i really want ice cream!#<- shit i wouldnt say to a friend or stuff id post to my priv account as the thought came to me that nobody wld care abt either
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#i have to let it out of my chest because today was fucking rough on here#it’s been for a few days actually because I’ve received much hate and I tried to ignore it as much as I could#between my blog being exposed by a huge other blog and getting dissed and then the controversy of my opinions on here#it was rough but I dealt with it. Today was different#i know I shouldn’t care about these things… I know it’s silly and all but#to read someone is ‘disgusted’ by my work and they wouldn’t read it because I should be ‘ashamed’ made me cry#i wont deny it lol I cried because… idk why would you be so nasty and cowardly send hate#not everyone has to like my story#damn not everyone has to read it#like i completely understand an historical AU with philosophy and slow burn is not everyone’s cup of tea#but like to be so nasty and make up lies only because you dont like what I said? idk#maybe I cant understand this behaviour because i would never in my life for the love of me#do this to any other person. not even the ones that I don’t like#but anyway i’ll be girl-reblogging any comfort content from Louis tonight#i know this won’t make any difference but it would be nice. it would be nice
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reading Kim's Disco Inferno and i absolutely needed to read this fic earlier than im reading it right now. this is so fucking interesting.
#chemi chats#AIRHGHGHHHHH THE SKILLS THE SKILLS I WILL SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST ABOUT THEM ARUGHGJHGKJFHF!!!!!#okay im normal. back to it#kissing voli on the forehead. my friend. this is how i imagine my life these days. voli sitting on my shoulder as i do things#echem's also there but he can't do shit except go ''hey you should get a treat today'' so he just keeps voli company.#EMPY HAS ARRIVED AND I LOVEEEE HER. CRIES AND CRIES AND CRIES AND#''Stop fucking around Esprit'' LMAO. LMAO. THANKS AUTH APPRECIATE IT. oh my fucking god this fic is so cool. this is so good.#SUGGESTION YOU SILLY FUCK GET OUT OF HEREEE!! oh thats FASCINATING!! 'I'm not... shit. I am.' THIS IS SO COOL. OH NO WAIT DON'T LEAVE VOLI?#oh of fucking COURSE ITS ECHEM. OF COURSEEE. oh hi halflit. little kiss on the head before you scamper off sweetheart#i miss voli i want voli back. voli come back please. oh there he is hi little guy!! oh echem. silly guy. i love you. this fic is so fun?!!!#oh hey!! composure. nods. ''Harry; Kim. We're Harry.'' YEAH! YAHHGKJGH!!! like i sure have my faves (empy; voli; echem) but#OUGH. MOTORICS AS A WHOLE. MY FAVORITES i love the team smiles :) oh they were all so sweet hahskj motorics have never done anything wrong#NO VOLI CAN'T COME WITH US?? WHAT'S THE POINT EVEN. STARTS CRYING. oh nvm hes with us in the glasses WE'RE ALL GOOD#this fic. is so cool. good morning lieutenant. OKAY!! DONE!! COMMENTING TIME!!! thanks for looking at my spontaneous liveblog lmao
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i hate that the solar eclipse just now serves as a reminder that nobody loves me.
#🍂 arian's shit#IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL AND NOTHING HAPPENED. but yeah#i will always think of the solar eclipse i witnessed and think about that#two people one of them my friend the other i thought i could consider my friend but HE PROBABLY DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT.#they both talked and did their things and laughed and they are so damn close to each other it almost made me cry and reminded me that#it was such a profound moment too when i realized what was going on#they were in another world that didn't have me and i get that. i do. they have known each other for a year and i abruptly showed up#two months ago and one of them we are getting close she likes me around#at least i think#the other one he is nice he is supposed to be like this he is nice to everyone that is who he is#so what is happening: he is completely indifferent to me. most he did was remember my name and face. but he is nice.#i like them both so so much it almosg does hurt when i stood there awkwardly almost like i was intruding#and i realized that i have never not been close to anyone#no acquaintances all the friendships i have had they sre the reason why i live and i know that they live for me too#we have known each other since kindergarten. they held my face and cried and told me that i was love when i was leaving for the last time#they love me. i am sure of it.#but now i don't have anyone near whom i do love. people don't love me. i used to be love.#it also hurts that i am Average Person In The World#i am not funny. i do not have unique quirks. i do not have a single talent.#all i am good for is saying the wrong things all time.#even in my old life i was someone. someone who isn't the same as the person who saw the solar eclipse today and felt all this#i was the idiot. I WAS THE IDIOT. i was the writer person.#i don't feel like any of these things now. they had a thing in common: their capacity to love and be loved.#i love very easily but i am not an easy person to love.#vent post#god this is such a small little thing i am the most pathetic thing in the world#feel free to scroll away don't even read this shit#arian contemplates his universe
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