Man, Julie and the Phantoms has everything. Rock for the gays, Showtunes for the gays, and K-pop for the gays

My problem with the BL industry -part 1-

Where do we draw the line?

I want to start this by saying I myself have been a BL fan for many years, I just want to share my thoughts on the issues cultivated by this industry in the eyes of a queer man. I want to focus on the sexualization of “toxic” more so abusive relationships that are portrayed. Because the manwha Jinx is one of the most popular BLs at the moment and it fits as an example of my point, I’ll be speaking a little bit about it.

What was the purpose of the BL genre? Well for women it was a media that served as escapism since most mature media was very much male oriented. Women could not feel connected to the characters portrayed only to please men’s disturbing fantasies. Between the impossible body standards and the clear lack of regard for the woman autonomy it isn’t a surprise that women felt quite disconnected from 18+ media. That’s when an adult genre came to fruition, 18+ media for women by women but no woman was portrayed in these stories in fact the main focus was relationships between 2 men. The disconnect from societal pressures helped woman enjoy 18+ content without feeling guilt or disgust. But how a genre created to disconnect toxic attributes in media became just that but for another demographic? Now the people on the other end of this discomfort are queer people, not only gay men. Romanticizing dangerous power dynamics, dubious consent, sexualizing toxic stereotypes,infantilization ect. The list goes on of all real life issues that the queer community deal with but are nothing but entertainment within this genre.

Not all BLs are bad! Im very aware since again I am quite the fan of some but this is more me criticizing the industry per se. The problem is that toxicity sells, what companies want is to sell and that opens the doors for people to make more toxicity for whatever their reasons. All that moves us to where we are today were we have one the most popular current themes being Stockholm syndrome and how it is hot. I’ve been seeing myself how I have been dropping more series than I have finished, I kept getting hit with more and more of this toxic clichés. It was like I was playing bingo and hoping I didn’t win, I would get so excited for stories that did the bare minimum and yet those were hard to find which has made my current experience quite exhausting. Of course I’m no longer the teen who would let anything pass because “hot characters” and even more hot scenes but now as an adult that just doesn’t cut it anymore. Showing toxic situations in media on its own is not the problem but it is the context in which they are shown, these are not cautionary tales but “love stories” the intent is for you to root for those characters. Not only is the relationships an issue but the way they portray queer people overall, the disrespect for bisexual people, trans people and lesbians in some of these stories is quite appalling since these are suppose to be queer stories. I think this says a lot about the industry and some of the artists involved, before it could maybe be used as an excuse the lack of knowledge but to me that no longer holds in the age of the internet.

Now I’ll like to mention one of the stories I’ve personally been a little tired of seeing, Jinx. I was quite interested in the manwha when it was announced, as I’ve mentioned before I’m all about the visuals and seeing the improvement of the artist was endearing. I’m aware the BL is still ongoing but I have read BJ Alex which can add a little context on how the artist manages their stories. This is not a personal diss on the artist or those who are reading the story, I just think with all these kinds of popular stories we gotta ask ourselves, Where do we draw the line? Jinx is your typical story of the protagonist being someone that went thru trauma and has to spent their whole life trying to pay some insane debt, then comes the romantic interest being a famous rich person with an unchecked personality disorder that takes advantage of the power dynamic and uses the protagonist to his convenience. It is quite an overdone premise and in this story we see it as a black listed physical therapist and a famous athlete, the protagonist Dan appears to act like an Angel while Jaekyung keeps bullying him and using him for other acts. The story so far has been quite literally only this, and you see in the comments people hoping for a redemption arc for Jaekyung, at some point in this story readers have to realize that a good ending would be Dan leaving this situation but unfortunately I don’t have much hope for that. Jinx is not the only story doing this but it is one of the most popular at the moment, we also have stories like Painter Of The Night which is literally the love story between a kidnapper and his victim.

BL is a genre that can be enjoyed by anyone yet it seems like lately it can become queer stories but not for queer people but more so toxic fantasies put onto another group of people that also have to fight for their own respect. It’s perfectly fine to enjoy good ol 18+ media that is morally grey or maybe somewhat toxic but when an industry gains so much money on portraying real issues as unserious fantasies so continuously, I think it’s time we ask ourselves as the readers; When is it too much? When does it get disrespectful to the people it’s portraying? Where do we draw the line?

Suburban music videos: What's the deal?

Some of you may know that a couple of days ago I started a playlist of music videos from the 1990s and 2000s which all seem to be featured in or prominently feature American suburban areas. I forget what the actual post was that pointed this out, but I think I kind of had that idea before I saw it.

One of the first music videos I thought of was 'Rockin' the Suburbs' by Ben Folds from 2001, because not only does it explicitly mention a suburb, but the video is done in such a way that I think it was meant to poke fun at the angry white boy music that plagued the late 90's (Limp Bizkit, Korn, etc).

The other video I thought of was 'Pretty Fly (for a White Guy)' by the Offspring from 1998. Like RTS, it's meant to poke fun at middle-class white dudes who think they're hot shit because they listen to rap, when in reality they come off as cheesy wannabes. So it would make sense for the MV to have that setting.

The main trope these MVs have in common is that they both have the "haha 90s ironic edge" on them. Like it's very obvious that the songs are about how tough some dudes think they are, when really they live in a relatively safe and secure area. "Black Hole Sun" by Soundgarden did something similar in 1994, but I think that it has a completely different vibe to the others. More surrealism, less irony.

But I think the true golden era of the "suburban neighbourhood music video" was during the early to mid-2000's. With a rise in pop-punk and emo, comes a rise in angsty teens going "blehh!!! screw this place!!!! screw the establishment!!!!!! its not a phase mom!!!!!!", which then resulted in music videos featuring an environment they were probably most familiar with (and probably stuck in).

Here's '1985' by Bowling for Soup, released in 2004. The colour palette for this video is a lot more muted, which is (I find) a common link between most MVs in the 00's. Which gives a more "this is the way things actually are" vibe, compared to the much brighter palettes of the 90s.

'The Anthem' by Good Charlotte (2003) is quite possibly the most early-00's MV ever, and I consider it to be the definitive suburban neighbourhood music video. The song is about "not living the way you're meant to live" according to Joel Madden, and the video reflects that sentiment! Just a bunch of punk and emo kids going out and causing a ruckus, having a gay ol' time.

It also has this weird blue/greenish filter on it, which is very indicative of its period. That's a whole other story.

The suburban neighbourhood continued to thrive in music videos throughout the 00's, mainly in pop-punk and emo. I believe this was an attempt to target its demographic; adolescents aged 14-19 who had yet to find their place in the world. Some notable MVs include 'You're Going Down' by Sick Puppies (2009), 'Only One' by Yellowcard (2003), and 'Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground' by the White Stripes (2002).

(side-note: michel gondry, director of the white stripes vid, never misses when it comes to his music videos. this is one of my favourite music videos ever, but it definitely isn't one of my favourite suburban music videos ever.)

SNMVs began to go out of style around the early 2010s, presumably along with pop punk and emo. The closest to it would be 'I Sold My Bed, But Not My Stereo' by Capital Cities, which came out in 2014. It's very much of a more nostalgic style compared to the others, but it's most likely one of the last of the SNMVs.

So: Does this specific sub-genre of MV mean anything?

I think individually the videos definitely represent and reflect certain zeitgeists of their eras, but the SNMV is very much rooted in adolescent angst. That feeling that while you are living comfortably, there's definitely something more. Boredom is present in every teenager, and these videos are like a fantasy for them: getting to live out your days without responsibility with your friends, but are suppressed of having any fun because of the 'system' at large.

"Let me tell y'all what it's like

Being male, middle class and white"

(also i think all star is partially responsible for the rise of interest because of course it is. it's all star by smash mouth. mentioning its very existence feels redundant.)

I'm going to muse aloud for a moment here, if I may.

I consume a lot of content here on Tumblr: the stunning artworks, beautifully crafted fanfiction, hilarious memes, and thought-provoking articles.

But I'd like to focus on the fandom-related content for a moment.

I first discovered fanfiction in the final years of the 20th century, when I was a teenage boy coming to terms with the fact that I was almost certainly gay.

We didn't have Internet p0rn back then (or, if we did, I was convinced it would infect my parents' computer with a very telling virus, and the cat would be out of the bag), so reading slash or m/m fics, gave me my, well, fix.

The thing is, I'm now nearly forty, and, despite having access to p0rnhub in the comfort of my own home, I STILL find myself drawn to OTPs.

The fandoms have changed over the years: Wolverine/Gambit was replaced by Aragorn/Legolas, which in turn was replaced by Snape/Lupin, John/Sherlock, Dean/Castiel, and many more in between, until now when I'm following all tags related to Geralt/Jaskier and Jayce/Viktor.

I contribute occasionally, although my muse's visits are becoming increasingly rare, and fleeting.

So I consider myself something of a "lurker". I'll hit 'like' on a post, but have an odd sense of discomfort interacting with content any further.

I've realised why.

I am deep in a domain primarily occupied by young females. And whilst my sexual/romantic interests couldn't really be any further removed from that demographic, I am uncomfortable and afraid of interacting, lest I be seen as predatory.

(Boo hoo, poor old middle class white guy is uncomfortable, I know.)

The fact that the content is created almost exclusively by women is obviously not the issue I'm having. The feeling that I'm the only man in a space that feels that it was created by women (for women?), is. Is it wrong for me to be here?!

The thing is, every time I've felt that I am the only individual on the planet dealing with a particular problem (gay teen in a Catholic school, dyspraxia, ASD, ADHD, being a single dad, etc) it has turned out - SHOCKINGLY - that I am far from alone in my experiences.

This, so far, does seem to be the trickiest conundrum to navigate, though.

What tags will be fruitful in my endeavour to locate other middle-aged, male, slash shippers?

If you've read this far; thank you. I'm sure you had better things to do.

If you, too, are a guy in his 30s/40s who also has a thing for fictional characters, give me some kind of sign that I'm not alone.

alright fate: the winx saga thoughts, in no particular order. i think this is so long that i have to hide my shame under a “read more” thing. 

so many of the storylines and dynamics were super predictable, i feel like they just did a storyline roulette with a few basic ass tropes 

i am absolutely convinced that sky was played by at least 3 different blonde main actors because he looked completely different in every single scene

i hate what they did with stella. i get that they wanted to have some basic friendship drama but the generic mean blonde with a tragic past is one of my least favourites archetypes, even if they do redeem her. 

similarly, the way they butchered flora/terra. can we have a fat character whose main personality trait isn’t just being insecure, nice and shy? also the whitewashing? disgusting.

you can have character growth and good arcs without going for the most basic personality and plotline, please god just use something new.

speaking of, fat girl falls in love with the secretly gay best friend? tired. please give fat girls relationships in 2021

do i even need to talk about the outfits? even if netflix was so set on keeping it a dark adaptations you could have still had crop tops! and glitter! and fun colourful things! the winx outfits are even super trendy rn so what was the reason?

extra tragic wardrobe points for only dressing terra in tragic unflattering tents.

they tried to include this weird feminist angle? in such a glued on, on-the-nose way? like please yes winx needs to be feminist but the characters just had these weird generic one-liners and then nothing else.

if you had closed captions on: constant magical swooshing/twinkling

the villains were so underwhelming. the monsters had no actual interesting motive and the reason the bad guys were the bad guys was this weird twice-over miscommunication thing that really did not logically lead up to what it lead to in the last episode

most of the dynamics outside of the core friend group were.... somehow very confusing and shakily built? 

this might be an unpopular opinion but i think it would have been way more fun if they’d made bloom go evil, since they already basically threw all the source material into the trash and it would make sense with netflix’s general storylines. 

WHERE ARE MY MAGIC TRANSFORMATIONS

beatrix was also one of my favourite characters and they just! take her out! for most of the last two episodes! the wasted potential

i actually screamed at the cgi fire wings. how were they so bad and so underwhelming? the wings were one of the only things i was looking forward to and they did not deliver

it was super entertaining, though, even if it was Not Good. as a known lover of hate-watching things, this truly was the perfect show.

i’m just sad that netflix things the only thing that teens/whoever the demographic for this show was will enjoy a show is to make it a dark adaptation of the source material. i would have been so much happier with colourful and fun things. there are other ways to age up source materials than just making them super grim and wannabe sexy!

New 52 TEEN TITANS #3 Read Along - The fact this got made is still shocking.

It’s been a while since I done one of these. It’s probably been since last year or so. This isn’t so much of a formal review where I try my best to explain why something doesn’t work, with tons of back references, or interviews, and contexts, and such. I might do some of that, but I’m mostly just writing this along the same time I continue to read it.

I’ve already done the first two issues, and if I can I’ll link them in the post somewhere.

Basically, this series gets about everything wrong about the returning Core Four for this reboot. They made Cassie the tomboy a “girly” thief, Conner the punky flirt a creepy emotionally numb stalker, Tim the insecure dork a super genius that blew up part of a freaking skyscraper, and Bart the teen with an attention span problem into an arrogant jerkwad loudmouth.

With the origins later given in the series, the boys are revealed to not reaally be the characters we knew at all in a more literal sense. This Conner is a clone of an alternate version of Jon, not Clark and Lex. This Tim Drake, is literally only Tim Drake in name only, as that’s the name this teen got in witness protection. And this Bart Allen, isn’t even related to Barry.

So these are versions of the characters that are them in literally name only, bar Cassie (sadly). Although, they’d later retconned Tim’s origin back (which doesn’t make sense). But what else can I compare them to but the originals?

--

A really common criticism of this series, and one that’s pretty dang valid in my opinion. Is just how unlikable everyone is-- or at least the Core Four, because I feel like we can all be honest and say that most people just read this for the Core Four, and sometimes Bunker. (Like Bart’s condescending here. Like “I’m Kid Flash, girl.” Maybe I’m just reading it too 1940s, but it comes off as really dickish.)

I mean seriously, how many people do you know talk abut Skitter? The original characters that Lobdell came up with are really hit and miss for me, mostly miss. Because I find Skitter so forgettable, that even though I’ve read the first few issues of this series just for entertainment value, I still forget she exists. She could’ve been so much more interesting, but he just doesn’t give her much.

To me, a good character has a personality that you can notice, grab onto, and have lots of unique stories with, that simply work, not even because it causes a great drama, but just because the perspective the character will have in any situation depending on the circumstance will be interesting.

Which is one of the reasons why I find Tim an interesting character, because his perspective is one that’s very interactive with any given circumstances but will still work for me. An insecure, super hero fanboy, that’s doing his best to be brave, but is secretly scared, with the cleverness to do things, but the anxiety that he can’t. Which the circumstances they give him, like having to make sure he proves he should be Robin, having parents at home, not feeling like he’s good enough, constantly seeing others better them him. It’ll just make him an interesting perspective to read from that won’t get too repetitive in any way that interferes with the enjoyment, because there’s a lot of levels you can take his harsh feelings, or things to interact with, that it won’t always be predictable what’s going to happen with him, and you want to read to see more.

With this series and quite a bunch of other original characters made, they have soap opera writing. Which works with fleshed out characters like the iconic 80s incarnation of the Teen Titans, but when the new characters don’t have a well-formed personality that you can really grab onto and gain constant interest and intrigue from, you just have a lame duck.

When your main character’s traits are “I’m angsty and sad”. No one is going to be able to invest themselves with that. They need to be more third dimensional and genuine to make them a character you want to pick up each issue for.

This series even with the old characters fails at that, by making them into absolute butchered heaps of rotted rump rather than their full personalities.

At least the art is pretty creative early on in it’s second page, I will give it that.

--

Then there’s Bunker--

--who I really want to like, but just can’t find myself enjoying.

A lot of these characters I’m unfamiliar with I want to like. They’re minority characters with very interesting concepts, but writing so flat that it ruins any chance of paying attention to them. A common curse when it comes to POC and a bad writer like Lobdell.

But Bunker actually has a personality, but the reason why I can’t find myself attaching myself to him is because he feels like an uncomfortable stereotype character. An outdated one that you’d see in the 80s or 90s to either seem inclusive or use as a joke rather than a true deal character.

Bunker is a flamboyant, religious, fashion involved, gay, Latino. Something that feels like you’d really bet he wouldn’t be if he wasn’t gay or Latino, because it’s just all based in stereotypes. Like if the pages weren’t colored, and you didn’t have the context he was gay, you’d probably still guess what he’s supposed to be just because of how much they involve stereotypes with him.

However, despite the stereotypes, he is the one most people can remember from this series beyond the core four, because he at least has a personality, and they actually try to build up a unique mystery to him, that would make you want to continue to know them.

And there is something about his confidence and religious beliefs, and determination that does feel very genuine, and makes you actually like him despite the stereotypes.

You want to know what makes you able to tell he’s a better made character than the other relatively new, to straight up new characters? You can actually talk about him, and have a lot more to say about them then his backstory, two personality traits, and angst. Even if his personality seems limited at first, they still write it in a way that’s genuine enough that you can get more out of it, a lot like what I was describing with Tim earlier. 

He still feels like a character that you could write a solo about, and with a good enough writer and personal life, would actually make for a very rereadable series, because you just enjoy seeing him on his journey, because it won’t always be the same exact things. He has loyal personality traits about him, but depending on his circumstances, it won’t be the same side of him you’re seeing, and it won’t feel contrived. He has potential to become a true third dimensional character, and not one that just feels like he looks like one, but isn’t really.

But that depends on where the writing goes with him-- and I can’t remember where it goes. But take away the dated stereotypes and there’s actual good potential with Bunker. Making your character feel like another decade’s minority caricature is kind of a turn off when it comes to feeling comfortable reading them.

Which is why some don’t tend to like him.

--

There’s not a lot to say about this quick page of Cassie, besides the fact they make her come across as apathetic and nuts. She’s also mildly sexualized given it looks like she’s posing for a fashion shoot and not just closing a door, which feels pretty typical of the team that made this book.

--

And because of Lobdell’s bizarre writing and tone changes, I don’t know if this is supposed to be taken as serious or comedy, because of how abrupt it is, and how a fight broke out right after and we find out the old guy is Tim somehow convincing someone he isn’t like-- 15? I think he’d be either 14 or 15, not because that’s how Lobdell intended him to be, because I believe in a now lost interview he said Tim was “probably” 16 or 17. However, they didn’t settle on Tim’s age till Damian was near thirteen, meaning Tim would’ve been either fourteen or fifteen here, depending if Damian was eleven as I remember, or ten at the start of the New 52.

And here’s some more out of character Tim, because New 52 is what you get when you skim through Red Robin without any context, and being edgy is still really popular with the teenage demographic at the time.

This is a Tim that blew up a building, is an incel towards Cassie, and is overall an arrogant prick.

How Lobdell thought anyone thought any of a good idea is beyond me, but I figure he’s just not self-aware enough to realize that he just made one of the most unlikable protagonists I’ve ever seen, and absolutely bastardized who was once a mega-fan-favorite.

Although, this is pretty cute and in-character. It’s something that definitely fits in with a classic Tim comic, but down let this make you think Lobdell knows how to write Tim, because he makes it really obvious all the time that he doesn’t really.

--

And that’s basically everything relevant that happens in this issue-- not a lot when you actually read it, and not just me spouting off the proverbial mouth as I try my best to mentally process this freaking comic.

Conner doesn’t even show up, most likely because he was the only one with a solo, that Lobdell was also writing (you can probably guess accurately what the quality of that was too).

A lot of it is just more of the same, and it’s tedious, although it’s tedious nature is not so much on Lobdell, as he’s said in interviews before that it was editorial or a publisher (I can’t remember to be honest) that made him not have them previously know each other. So he had to work from that.

Which goes to show just how much DC knows how their characters and teams work, given the reason why Young Justice worked so well was because Tim, Conner, and Bart, already had stories where they duo’d up, and teamed up before they were even official. Which allowed them to have a preconceived friendship, they could build dynamics that were naturally built off of their unique personalities, which made everything feel natural and good to go when they did have an official team comic.

Here you have a Tim, that’s supposed to be very much a rookie of only one year, acting like he’s the greatest protégé talent ever, searching out for metahumans and coincidentally running into them, just to make some kind of story that would explain them being together for a team.

I’m not saying they have to redo the duo stuff again, because I’m pretty sure most readers already know their dynamics, and as for new readers, it doesn’t take a lot of time to say “We’re just good friends that like hanging out” does it? They have issue zeroes for each comic for a reason, they could’ve easily had a nice summary there if they wanted.

New 52′s obsession with trying to fit everything they can in, but have everyone still be relatively new, made everything a mess.

Like isn’t it weird that Superman only started being a super hero FOUR YEARS before Tim was? Doesn’t that sound entirely too squeezed in?

Then because they messed with the characters so much it works less for old readers as well. Like they have Tim, only a year in, acting like all the out of character elements of Red Robin, with an origin that’s a Bizarro styled mirror of his original one, with nothing that made him the popular character he used to be.

Same for the others.

New 52 is partially scary, because it shows just how little they know about what made them work.

I’m not against reboots in comics as a concept, they do need some modernization, and clean-ups every now and again, but you have to keep what works in there, or else the reboot will be a total failure. And paint-jobs and fan service like Rebirth aren’t gonna work either, when the heart of it all is still just so bad.

All this is a lot easier to say in hindsight, but DC Comics really has to work towards remembering their mistakes if they actually want to get better again. They’re doing a bit better at it, as forced and contrived as it can be sometimes. So they are getting somewhere.

But this is only the start of a Didio-less era. Looking like good things are coming, and little presents that truly make it seem true, is something that’s only going to last for a little bit. They have to still do the work, and learn what worked for their characters in the first place, and reremember who they all are.

Otherwise sales will just get worse again.

But I’m genuinely hoping they’ll at least begin to learn from mistakes. No one gets a win otherwise.

--

Oh, and he’s the entirety of the fight advertised on the cover. “Red Robin vs. Bunker”.

They stop fighting right after this.

It’s the comic book equivalent of clickbait if I’ve ever seen it in my entire life.

In fact, a scientific understanding of suicide is useful not only for vulnerable gay teens, but for anyone ever finding themselves in conditions favoring suicide. I say “favoring suicide” because there is convincing work—all tracing back to McMaster University’s Denys deCatanzaro’s largely forgotten ideas from the early 1980s—indicating that human suicide is an adaptive behavioral strategy that becomes increasingly likely to occur whenever there is a perfect storm of social, ecological, developmental and biological variables factoring into the evolutionary equation. In short, deCatanzaro has posited that human brains are designed by natural selection in such a way as to encourage us to end our own lives when facing certain conditions, because this was best for our suicidal ancestors’ overall genetic interests.

…

Saying that suicide is adaptive may also sound odd to you from an evolutionary perspective, because on the surface it seems to fly in the face of evolution’s first rule of thumb, which is to survive and reproduce. However, as William Hamilton’s famous principle of inclusive fitness elucidated so clearly, it is the proportion of one’s genetic material surviving in subsequent generations that matters; and so if the self’s survival comes at the expense of one’s genetic kin being able to pass on their genes, then sacrificing one’s life for a net genetic gain may have been adaptive ancestrally.

…

What is critical to take away from these examples is that the suicidal organism is not consciously weighing the costs of its own survival against inclusive fitness gains. Redback spiders and bumblebees aren’t mindfully crunching the numbers, engaging in self-sacrificial acts of heroic altruism, or waxing philosophically on their own mortality. Instead, they are just puppets on the invisible string of evolved behavioral algorithms, with neural systems responding to specific triggers. And, says evolutionary neurobiologist Denys deCatanzaro, so are suicidal human beings whose emotions sometimes get the better of them.

…

For the mathematically disinclined, this can all be translated rather straightforwardly as follows: People are most likely to commit suicide when their direct reproductive prospects are discouraging and, simultaneously, their continued existence is perceived, whether correctly or incorrectly, as reducing inclusive fitness by interfering with their genetic kin’s reproduction. Importantly, deCatanzaro, as well as other independent researchers, have presented data that support this adaptive model.

In a 1995 study in Ethology and Sociobiology, for example, deCatanzaro administered a 65-item survey including questions about demographics (such as age, sex and education), number and degree of dependency of children, grandchildren, siblings and siblings’ children, “perceived burdensomeness” to family, perceived significance of contributions to family and society, frequency of sexual activity, stability/intimacy/success of relations to the opposite sex, homosexuality, number of friends, loneliness, treatment by others, financial welfare and physical health, feelings of contentment, depression, and looking forward to the future. Respondents were also asked about their suicidal thoughts and behaviors—for example, whether they had ever considered suicide, whether they had ever attempted it in the past, or ever intended to do so in the future. The survey was administered to a random sample of the general Ontario public, but also to theoretically targeted groups, including elderly people from senior citizen housing centers, psychiatric inpatients from a mental hospital, male inmates incarcerated indefinitely for antisocial crimes and, finally, exclusively gay men and women.

…

One noteworthy thing to point out in such data is the meaningful developmental shift that occurs in the motivational algorithm. Whereas heterosexual activity is the best inverse predictor of suicidal thoughts among younger samples, this is largely replaced among the elderly by concerns about finances, health and especially the sense of “perceived burdensomeness” to family. A few years after this Ethology and Sociobiology report, a follow-up study in Suicide and Life-Threatening Behavior, conducted by an independent group of investigators seeking to further test deCatanzaro’s model, replicated the same predicted trends.

…

Now consider the suicide methods that would have been available to our ancient relatives in a technologically sparse environment—perhaps a leap from a great height where, if one weren’t successful, might have at least led to wounds sufficient enough for the person to eventually die from infection. Starvation. Exposure. Drowning. Hanging. Offering oneself to a hungry predator. Okay, so maybe there were more methods available to our ancient forebears than I realized. You see what I mean, though. Today, moving your fingertip but by a hairsbreadth is a surer route to oblivion than anything our species has ever known before; gun-owners might as well have an “off” button, it’s so simple now. (This is one of the many reasons that I don’t own a gun—deCatanzaro’s suicide algorithm is stochastic, which means that the figure it generates for a given individual is in a constant state of flux.) But deCatanzaro doesn’t see technological advances as particularly problematic for his adaptationist model. Fossils of suicidal australopithecines or early Homo sapiens aren’t easy to come by, of course. But, as he told me in his email response to my questions:

Evidence indicates appreciable rates of suicide throughout recorded history and in almost every culture that has been carefully studied. Suicide was apparently quite common in Greek and Roman civilizations. Anthropological studies indicate many cases in technologically primitive cultures as diverse as Amerindians, Inuit, Africans, Polynesians, Indonesians, and less developed tribes of India. One interesting old review was written by [S. R.] Steinmetz in 1894 (American Anthropologist 7:53-60). Self-hanging was one of the most prevalent methods of suicide in such cultures. There are also data from developed countries comparing suicide rates from the late 19th century through the 20th century. These data show remarkable consistency in national suicide rates over time, despite many technological changes. So, the data actually do not show a major increase in suicide in modern times, although this inference must be qualified in that there may have been shifts in biases in recording of cases.

Interestingly, the methods of suicide have changed much more than the rates. For example in Japan, hanging prevailed until 1950, after which pills and poisons became the primary method. In England and Wales, hanging and drowning were common in the late 19th century, but were progressively replaced by drugs and gassing. Motives may have been more constant than means (italics added).

My Issues With TFioS (and Other Elements of John Green)

Alright I’m just going to preface this with two things.

It’s been about six years since I’ve read the entire thing through, so my points are probably not going to be as detailed or precise as they were when I first read it.

If you enjoyed the book, identify with the fanbase, or like John Green in any capacity... Great! You might want to skip this one. This is definitely not the post for you. I’m going to put all of my more controversial thoughts under the cut so if you don’t want to see them you can just move on.

I brought up the book in that other post because I felt it had relevance to the discussion of “authors using characters as a mouthpiece”, but that’s only a small part of my issue with the book itself. I suppose I could have used a fanfiction example, since there’s more than enough fodder there, but I brought up The Fault in our Stars specifically because I feel comfortable criticizing a book in a way that I don’t feel comfortable criticizing fan works. John Green is a public figure that produced a paid product, made money, and does this professionally, while most fanfic authors are amateurs that provide free entertainment and just do it for fun.

Now with that said, we move on to the meat of the post.

Some Background

Perhaps this is not a little known fact, but I absolutely adore love stories. I don’t have incredibly high standards for them by any means, and in fact I actively enjoy them even when they aren’t the deepest, most thought provoking pieces. Someone got me a copy of Red, White, and Royal Blue for my birthday this year and I read the entire thing cover to cover in a day (and I seriously recommend if you’re looking for a pretty easy read with a lot of gay).

The only thing I love more than love stories? Tragic love stories, of course. If anyone has followed my fanfiction or main blog for any amount of time then you know that I love a little bit of tragedy. Usually with a happy ending, but not always. So when one of my friends shoved (and I mean literally shoved) The Fault in Our Stars  into my hands and billed it as a “tragic but heartwarming love story” I thought it would be perfect for me.

I was sixteen at the time, the target age demographic, and I was always looking for books with smart, well written teen characters. At this point in my life I’d never heard of John Green or his fanbase before. I tell you this because I disliked the book as I read it, but I think John Green and his fanbase are a major factor in why I disliked it so much I’m willing to sit down and write a blog post about it six years later. Granted, that’s not all on the book, but it is a factor.

Needless to say, I was not all that impressed by it. At some points I was downright infuriated, really.

My Issues With the Book

In summary, it feels very meh and overly pretentious. After about two chapters I just wanted to put it down, and the only reason I pushed through is because my friend insisted that it got better. She said it was funny, relatable, and intelligent, but I found it to be none of these things.

The impression I got was that the author, whoever he was, fancied himself terribly clever and he wanted everyone to know it. You know the type, the kinds of people that go around and assure everyone of how smart they are? It feels like it was made for haughty teens to brag about how intelligent they were because they read a “deep” book.  The book itself, despite being a surface level of “witty”, didn’t really have anything to say. In the end it reads like a thirty-something year old man bragging about how smart he is and waxing philosophical about the nature of life (and... Breakfast food..?) and using a fictional teenage girl to do it.

That’s why I brought up the “mouthpiece” thing. I didn’t want to read a book about a thirty-something dressing up his thoughts as a teenage girl. I wanted to read a book about a teenage girl.

Speaking of Hazel Grace… I don’t know if this is a common experience, but can anyone else tell when a man writes a female character? I find that I usually can. Men have a particular voice when they write, and especially when they write women. Every single page hammered me over the head with the fact that this was a man who was trying (and, in my opinion, failing miserably) to write a relatable teenage girl. And, in my opinion, he parroted a lot of very upsetting, dangerous mentalities for young women.

There were quite a few “I’m not like other girls, and not just because of the cancer!” moments (a mentality that I find wholly problematic coming from other women, let alone a man writing for a woman) that just had me rolling my eyes straight out of their sockets. She doesn’t care about shoes, see! She reads books! Isn’t that awesome and unique? Because, apparently, women are not allowed to do both.

These problematic mentalities extend into the book’s romance plot, too. Augustus is, frankly, one of the creepiest motherfuckers I’ve ever had the displeasure to read about. Not only is his aggressive creepiness portrayed as romantic, but Hazel reacts exactly how men wish women would react to their advances. Unfortunately I don’t have a copy of the book in front of me so you won’t get much in the way of direct quotes, but some examples include:

He stares at her, completely unblinking, for the duration of their cancer kids support group meeting… before they’ve even so much as spoken a word to each other. Which also features this gem of a quote: "A nonhot boy stares at you relentlessly and it is, at best, awkward and, at worst, a form of assault. But a hot boy . . . well." which just perpetuates the disgusting misconception that women are okay with being creeped on as long as a guy is attractive. Spoiler alert: We fucking aren’t.

He repeatedly refers to Hazel as “Hazel Grace”, despite her introducing herself as “Hazel” and asking him to just call her “Hazel”. And not only does he ask for her full name, he demands she give it to him. This rings all kinds of alarm bells for me, because you know who else does that kind of shit? Christian Grey. And it’s manipulative, disrespectful, and downright rude. It is essentially saying “I hear your desires, but I would prefer to address you how I want to address you, not how you would like to be addressed, because my ego is more important than your comfort”.

Hazel is perfectly fine with getting into a complete stranger’s car and spending time at his house mere minutes after meeting with him and after all of the questionable shit he just pulled.

Continuing this book’s litany of problems with women, let’s talk about Isaac’s (ex)girlfriend. The book treats their breakup as this massive betrayal, then even goes on to justify vandalizing her property because of it.

I’m sorry, but no.

You, as an autonomous human being, have the right to end a relationship with someone else whenever, wherever, and for whatever reasons you designate, regardless of previously expressed emotions or promises. How and when she did it was not the most ideal, but she’s an emotionally immature teenager, and there’s never going to be a good time to do something like this. What was she supposed to do, keep pity dating him because she felt sorry for him? Wait until someone invented technology to cure blindness? Assuming she did actually break up with him because of his disability… Are her reasons shitty? Sure. But she’s allowed to have them.

And you know what? He’s allowed to be mad about it. His anger might be completely understandable, if not totally justified. But you know what else? That does not give him the right to take revenge on her by vandalizing her property.

I would have no problem with this scene if it were honest about what it was: a bunch of teenagers with under-developed frontal lobes that are angry and feeling vindictive. But it’s not that. It’s depicted as not only completely justified, but heroic. I’m sorry, no. You are never heroic for harassing another human being.

And Augustus’s dumb little speech to her mom is such garbage. You really expect me to believe that a grown woman was so pwned by some jerk teenager’s super witty justification for destroying her property that she just went inside and, idk, watched TV? Didn’t call the police to report the crime that he and his friends were actively committing against her? Bullshit.

Speaking of bullshit, that scene is pretty egregious, but that doesn’t even begin to cover my issues with this book’s pretentious dialogue. If you told me that they ran every word in this book through Thesaurus.com then I would believe you without hesitation. The one hook, the draw, the thing that kept me reading was supposed to be the relatable characters, but they just aren’t relatable. They’re not realistic in the slightest. Seriously, go read any line of this book out loud and tell me how ridiculous you feel. I kept expecting Augustus to pull off his skinsuit and reveal that he was secretly a robot trying to imitate human speech the entire time.

I’m not sure how far I can go into this point without giving you direct quotes, but half the stuff that comes out of these characters mouths is pseudo-intellectual nonsense. “Put the killing thing between your teeth so it can’t kill you”?

It’s not a metaphor.

Putting an unlit cigarette in your mouth is still stupid. I guess it won’t give you lung cancer, but really? It’s still not a great idea.

Augustus has to go buy these cigarettes, which means he’s actively going out and giving money to an industry that has been funding pseudoscience and suppressing health initiatives that would prevent people from suffering what he did (i.e. fucking cancer).

Here’s a clue: Tobacco companies don’t actually care about what you do with the cigarettes. Their transaction stops as soon as you put the money in their hands. I could purchase a hundred packs and throw them in the garbage, and the only thing they know is that they got about $600 from me. Way to “stick it to the man”, asshole. You’re not clever.

With the exception of the Isaac’s-girlfriend thing, all of that is in chapters 1-4, by the way. This book turned me off so thoroughly that early.

So by the time the Amsterdam trip rolled around I was already not enjoying this book, but then this thing happened and it was just the final nail in the coffin for me. You probably know what I’m talking about already, but if you don’t… The Anne Frank Museum kiss.

I honestly cannot even articulate how incredibly tasteless and disrespectful I find the entire thing, and not only does that happen, but it’s followed by an r/ThatHappened “and then everybody stood up and clapped!” Seriously?

There are smarter, more well-versed people than me that have covered this topic, so I’ll leave the analysis for why that’s all kinds of wrong to them.

Those are really my big gripes, though there’s a few smaller ones (like Augustus throwing a pre-funeral like are you a psychopath? Why would you put the people you love through that???) that I’m not going to touch on because they weren’t all that instrumental in putting me off. Instead I’ll move on to the external factors.

The Fanbase

So I finished the book, a little miffed at having just wasted my time, and immediately told my friend that I didn’t like it much, and that I would be returning her copy the next day. Feeling pretty meh-to-slightly-negative about it, but whatever, it happens.

I was essentially met with “wow I can’t believe you didn’t get it.” and “Oh well maybe you’ll finally understand how deep it is when you’re older” from my friend. Which is really just one step away from the wow can’t you read?! BS that I’ve been seeing more and more frequently these days. So immediately I was pissed. All that aside, I was sixteen, the target age demographic? If I didn’t ‘get it’ then John Green was doing a pretty piss poor job of conveying what it is.

So I went online seeking something. Either validation that I wasn’t wrong and that I didn’t miss the point, the book just wasn’t great, or an explanation of what this it was that I’d missed. And let me tell you... Spotting a negative opinion of this book was like looking for a unicorn. There were a few, and many of them were met with the same kind of thing I had experienced. Vitriol, insistence that they were stupid or that they didn’t get it (again, with no explanation of what it was), and, apparently, a lot of harassment and threats.

I discovered that John Green’s target audience had a tendency to be… A bit obsessive. Lots of young, impressionable teenagers that were willing to jump on an opposing opinion with zealous outrage. If I had any interest in pursuing any of John Green’s other works or John Green as an internet personality any further, then it died in that moment. Absolutely nothing turns me off like a rabid, spiteful fanbase.

Now by this point I was already in the rabbit hole, and I began encountering a lot of criticisms of John Green and the things he’s said and done in the past. I did not like what I found.

John Green Himself

To be extremely blunt, the guy put such a bad taste in my mouth that it retroactively soured my opinion of The Fault in Our Stars even more. Since this is a post about my opinions on the book, I’m only going to be discussing things that affected my view at the time I read it. These are all things that happened six years ago, and I have no idea what this man has been up to or what he’s said about any of these topics since.

Let’s just get this out of the way… John Green writes the same book over and over. There’s always a quirky, nerdy white boy that is invariably cisgendered, and almost always straight. He is always an outcast with only a few friends, though apparently never directly bullied. He always meets an edgy girl that he falls in love with the idea of. Usually there is a road trip somewhere in there too.

The Fault in our Stars admittedly doesn’t follow the exact same framework, but it’s close enough in a lot of ways. Instead of the Quirky, Too-Smart-For-His-Own-Good cisboi being the PoV character, it’s the love interest (Hazel also fits this description, albeit a female version). Hazel and Augustus are both still outcasts. Hazel is attracted to Augustus because he’s Deep and Edgy and A Little Larger Than Life. The road trip is a flight to Amsterdam.

Looking at the man... Yeah the entire premise starts to come off as some weird self-insert fanfiction. I can feel the “I was a quirky, bullied teen and I wish this is how my high school life had been!” energy coming through absolutely every pore and every molecule of ink. Every character reads like John Green. John Green has written book after book and the main character always appears to be John Green in a slightly different teenage skinsuit.

And that’s fine, I guess. A little lazy, but I guess it’s working for him since he’s making hella bank? It’s certainly not enough to put me off the guy, just not something I’m interested in reading, and not something I find compelling.

What put me off for good were some of his comments. Dude skeeves me the fuck out. I’ll just go over some of the highlights I found at the time, and why they upset me so much when I heard them.

“Nerd girls are the world's most underutilized romantic resource.”

As a nerdy girl that has been stalked and harassed by men because I’m “good girlfriend material” (aka I like video games and traditionally masculine stuff and I’m pretty! I must be a unicorn!), this statement is disgusting.

I don’t care if it was a joke. I don’t care if he wasn’t being serious. This is the kind of shit that men think is a compliment because they think it makes “quirky” girls feel “unique” and “special”, but that “complement” is also an insult. You know why? Because it makes female interests all about how men perceive their sexual or romantic viability.

John Green’s penchant for writing “special” and “unique” girls (while simultaneously shaming “typical” girls, but I’ll get to that in the next point) and depicting them as the ideal woman just reaffirms my feelings about this quote. I think, on some level, John Green has no idea why this is such a bad take. And that’s not even getting into the fact that he called human beings resources. Women are not objects that exist to be a plot device or for your gratification. Fuck right off with that shit.

“She was incredibly hot, in that popular-girl-with-bleached-teeth-and-anorexia kind of way, which was Colin’s least favourite way of being hot”

This is just one quote of many that shames people with eating disorders and weight problems (on both ends of the spectrum, “too fat” and “too skinny”. Another fun one being: “there’s the weird culturally-constructed definition of hot, which means ‘that individual is malnourished, and has probably had plastic bags inserted into her breasts.’")

Know what this line is? It’s called “negging”, and it’s a popular tactic of incels because it works. You make someone seek your approval by intentionally giving them backhanded compliments to undermine their self esteem. The idea is that the more you insult them, the harder they’ll work to try and impress you. It doesn’t work on everyone, but you know who it does tend to work on? Insecure younger people (usually girls). You know who John Green’s target audience is? Insecure teenage girls.

As for the actual substance of the quote… I hate it. He’s shaming a woman for the choices she makes over her appearance. Which are, fun fact, none of his damn business. Also the idea that “skinny” and “anorexic” somehow need to go hand in hand is just wrong, insulting women for a mental health disorder they have no control over is offensive, and using a serious mental health disorder (did you know that anorexia is the most deadly mental health condition?) as an insult is disgusting.

Coming back to my earlier point about shaming “normal” girls, this quote is just the tip of the iceberg. He repeatedly shames women in his books for looking or behaving “typically”, while quirky girls are lauded as the ideal. Quirky girls are “weird and interesting” and normal girls are “boring”. If this was intended as a compliment, it’s a shitty one. If you have to shame one group to make another feel better, it is not a compliment. You are lowering all women when you pull that shit. You teach them that in order to feel good about themselves another group has to be made to feel worse.

And hey, maybe the pretty girl likes her teeth bleached because it makes her feel confident? Why can’t bleached teeth girl and anime t-shirt girl both be beautiful and unique and confident in their own right? Why is it “powerful” for anime t-shirt girl to wear her nerdy clothes, but scorn-worthy for bleached teeth girl to like bleaching her teeth?

What John Green is doing is simply replacing one ideal (skinny pretty girl) with another (quirky cute girl), and then he pretends like his version is somehow “woke” because it’s not based on physical appearance (though all of the women in his books are also physically attractive. Hmmm. Guess “nerd girls” are only “viable resources” when they aren’t hard to look at?).

And trust me, I’ve been down this path. I’ve been taken in by guys who try to make me feel ~special~ by putting down other women, and it leads to absolutely nothing good. It doesn’t make you feel better. It just makes you feel angry and resentful, and that’s not a place you want to be in. In fact, this was a mentality I had recently escaped from around the time I picked up this book. Seeing someone with as much influence as John Green parroting this specific brand of toxic shit to exactly the audience that would be most likely to feed into it? I was never going to be able to like the guy, sorry.

I know some people are able to “separate the art from the artist”, and I might have been willing to do that had the book actually been good… but it wasn’t. So in the end the book just looked worse for all of the author’s shortcomings.

So yeah, in summary: The book was mediocre at best, the author pushed all of my angry feminist buttons, and elements of the fanbase were annoying, condescending, and spiteful. I didn’t like the book in the first place due to the myriad of problems plaguing it, but everything else just made it look so much worse in hindsight.

Anyways, this probably got kind of ranty, but it was cathartic and I did make this blog to vent about dumb stuff. I think this qualifies.

I had the thought recently about how the idea of “canonical character interaction is antagonistic which leads to them being shipped” is DEFINITELY representative of heteronormative attitudes - We have, for good and for ill, been brought up to believe that “pulling pigtails” is a sure sign of attraction between little boys and little girls, and this is then transferred over into a same-sex pairing. As a trope, this goes back AT LEAST to Shakespeare and The Taming of the Shrew.

Problem is, that’s NOT the same-sex attraction experience. The same-sex attraction experience is that someone of the same-sex shows us the smallest ounce of decency and kindness, we will spend years following in their shadow and building an image in our head of them being our perfect example of love. 

*ahem* What, why are you looking at me like that?

Anyway, there are two particular examples in my mind that kinda emphasize just how this plays out when it comes to media and the fans reactions of same-sex pairings, at least on the M/M end. And they make a case for certain problems within fan communities, with the respective media they’re for reacting in different ways, and, in my personal opinion, show how the people running the shows and the fan responses don’t get the differences.

(Even though, yes, I realize, both of my examples are helmed by gay men - it’s not like their staffs were gay and the studios were not, so that is less of a thing for the purposes of what I’m trying to say here.)

So, example one: Glee. Glee is, rightfully, a dark period of time we are truly better off pretending never existed, but it’s useful for my point, so please bear with me. IN CANON, Kurt spent much of the first season hopelessly head over heels for Finn. This was an actual, ongoing subplot through the first season, up to the point it culminated in the mess it that it did we’re not here to go into that god I really could rant on Glee if I were going to...

Right. My point. Sorry. Glee does that to me.

Anyway, Kurt’s canonical attraction in season one was towards Finn, and, while we all knew it would never happen, that the intent was always going to be towards the heterosexual breeding pair of Finn and Rachel... At this point in time, when I was in the Glee fandom, the main pairing was Kurt and Puck. 

Puck, the guy whose INTRODUCTION was leading a pack of bullies in tossing Kurt in a dumpster. THAT was where the majority of the fanfics I came across at the time were looking towards. 

Fandom saw “bully and victim” and took it to “Puck is expressing his repressed feelings for Kurt by bullying him.” 

And stick a pin in the concept of “fandom” in general, I’m going to come back to it after the second example.

Now, and brace yourself, because I’m about to say something positive in regards to Glee, the response on the show was to turn around and, the following season, not only introduce a new bully for Kurt who WAS doing what fanon!Puck had been doing, which lead to Kurt actively refusing a relationship with him, while also getting a canonical boyfriend. Yes, I call that a positive.

Because while I was closeted throughout my time in public school, I was still bullied and mistreated by other students, if not due directly to my sexuality. It did not lead to crushes on those guys. Hell, there were a couple of guys who spent a good amount of time pretending to be my friends, and if it had been a few years later, that might have become a crush. Instead, though, they revealed themselves before that happened and I completely cut them out of my life when they revealed themselves. And I’ve never felt bad about that.

The gay experience is not crushing on your bullies. It’s crushing on your friends, on the people who you know will be there for you. You don’t see the bully as “disguising their feelings.” No, that you’re gonna take at face value, because the alternative may well be dangerous to you. At least if someone’s been kind to you, they’re more likely to keep up that behavior. But why would you EVER put your heart - and your LIFE - on the line by telling someone who has shown you nothing but disdain “I’m attracted to you”?

Now, for the second example. If Glee was the good one (because the law of averages say it had to happen), then Teen Wolf is the bad one.

See, we all know that Stiles and Derek (no I am NOT going to refer to it by the ship name, I do NOT need that drama showing up in my feed) were considered the fandom darling. 

BUT... They were the above “bully/victim” ship. Their interactions in season one were very distinctly antagonistic. Meanwhile, in terms of positive pairings that could be teased, there were a few - Scott/Stiles (bromantic best friends), Scott/Danny (Scott canonically cuts in between Danny and his Prom date so that he can hide the fact that he’s not supposed to be there by making Coach look homophobic), Scott/Derek (Derek talking about how they had a bond as pack), Stiles/Danny (”Am I attractive to gay guys?”). 

But no. It was Stiles and Derek that became the runaway darling in the fandom. To the point that, eventually, the show engaged actively in queerbaiting, throwing them together more and more often, but ultimately never doing more than teasing before throwing female characters at the both of them. 

(Granted, I also don’t think that any discussion of that particular ship is valid unless you also acknowledge the racism involved, considering that the ship itself features two white guys, while the other two characters I mentioned are, respectively, Latino and Hawaiian, very clearly not white - you will note that Scott and Jackson had a similar antagonistic relationship, and THAT pairing didn’t get much attention at all, despite not having any competition with the “main” ship. In particular, I think that it was entirely valid for Tyler Posey to have seen this reaction and condemned the ship, because it was basically people diminishing him and his character to focus on white guys, especially when you consider how often Scott’s traits ended up being transposed onto Stiles... Okay, this is starting to move beyond the scope I wanted for this.)

Now. back to the issue of “fandom.” Because you know... I don’t think the “fandom” of either of these pairings, Kurt and Puck and Stiles and Derek consisted heavily of actually gay fans - not that they weren’t out there, but I don’t think they were the bulk of the initial fans of the first season, only really coming on board after season two and the active queerbaiting. I think they were, at the time of the first season, heavily made up of teenage girls.

And I’m not saying this as part of the general habit that there is in media critique to just dismiss teenage girls as a demographic as cringey don’t-pay-attention-to-THAT-crowd. It’s just my observation that, for teenage girls, all the things we say about women in fandom exploring their sexualities are magnified - what’s the common observation, that women in fandom use M/M pairings to explore a “safe” dynamic that they can observe and play out harmlessly for themselves, something to that effect?

So that’s the awareness I’m coming into this with - those teenage girls (and I’m emphasizing teenage girls because we have high school dramas, where I’m fairly sure these are the primary audience) use the awareness that they had of “how relationships work” when it comes to heterosexual relationships and were simply applying it to their perceptions of the gay pairings they were looking at. That “pulling pigtails” is the trope this audience associated with attraction, and so it’s how they applied.

THIS IS NOT CONDEMNATION. I really feel I have to hammer this point - I am observing a trend, in the name of awareness and understanding, I am not trying to say that anyone who was doing this or is still doing this has done ANYTHING wrong here. I want that to be very clear. This is me having spotting this trend and wanting to give it some attention, because look at the age of the examples I’m offering - both these shows lasted for six seasons and have concluded their runs, I’m only looking at their first seasons here as is, we are not talking about recent stuff, just history of fandom. I could have looked at more and seen if there was a universal trend or just a trend of the times or what. While this certainly could be grounds for one, this is not me having done some massive research project consisting of multi-media examinations of fandom and queerness, I’m just connecting dots and trends that I have seen to look at this thing that, going forward, I would like to see us pay attention to and be aware of.

Because my point is (for the TL;DR summary) that same-sex attraction manifests DIFFERENTLY. To express attraction to the person who is mistreating you is to invite harm being inflicted. The gay experience is to pine from afar because they were nice to you. And, obviously, a straight person is not going to know this inherently - this is part of an experience that they don’t have. 

I’d just like to see this recognized in the future when it comes to how people respond to and react to the popular same-sex ships in fandom - are they being shipped by actual queer people, or is it prominently the straight fandom using their view of things and latching on to a ship, rather than being actual queer fans expressing themselves.

Like, that’s one of my big things - I often don’t feel very... I’m going to hedge this as “noticed,” rather than any other term, within fandom a lot of them time, as a queer man and queer creator. The big names in fandom, writing for the popular ships, still tend to be female creators, which... I’m not discounting the queer women who are writing and making art and all that featuring M/M pairings, but I do feel like they get elevated to a point where the queer men doing the same creation do not, which can seem like a problem, even if I recognize that it’s as much an issue of who even picks up the pen or opens the word processor or whatever as it is a matter of promotion - I do recognize that it may be as much that queer men aren’t creating as much as it is anything else, there is a complex ball of interconnected issues pushing and pulling on one another.. 

It’s just a frustrating feeling of not seeing your experiences being given your voice - it means you have to depend on others to speak your story. Which, surprise, surprise, is not exactly encouraging to gay people, who’dve thunk?

The thing with "experimenting is bad" is a general set of takes that were pretty wild for me given my dating history (I dated a LOT, made out a lot, and had a couple of sexual relationships between ages 17-21, then got bored with it all and way way way slowed my roll/just focused on my career).

But also, given my specific demographics.

1. Child of a progressive sex-positive family

2. Raised with sex education material that tended to *promote* experimenting (which in hetero culture, was stuff like playing make-out games, but in general also included a broad range of teen dating activities)

3. Really solidly Gen X and brought up in a broader progressive social space that stressed "yes means yes and no means no."

4. In a really specific social space. I don't know that other girls outside of that space were or weren't having sex, because I wasn't in any female-dominated space at any point between leaving Girl Scouts at 14, and trying to be in wlw culture.

The thing is that in the context of liberal 1970s/80s hetero sex education material, "experimenting" either didn't necessarily equate to using another person to figure out your feelings about their gender... or there was a zeitgeist in my spaces that probably *nobody* was going to marry the first person they dated, anyway. It didn't mean anyone was using anyone, it's just how teen dating was assumed to work in the 80s and 90s.

The zeitgeist around sex changed radically within just a few years.

(I also moved - from Los Angeles to the Bay Area, and then into both LGBTQ space and into a world of adult professionals - and dating became much, much more fraught.)

Granted, it doesn't mean that teenage relationships were necessarily satisfying or even always fun while I was having them, and at about 20 I slowed my roll. And I started to have specific things I wanted over time. But I just assumed this was most people and didn't realize that I was being an incel trope about women. I'm not sure that knowing I had been, would've mattered, because the kinds of guys who had an issue with it, weren't really a mainstream voice. I feel like the culture got way *less* liberal about sexual mores in my own lifetime.

That said, there is a reason that I thought for two decades, "I must really be gay," especially when my main experiences with young cis het men had been awkward teenage fumbles. I was looking for something in all of these fumbles that never quite showed up, was already "damaged goods" by the time I started to really struggle with my bisexuality, and later, thought that maybe the "something missing" would show up with women. There was some "gold star" adjacent stuff going around, but given how few Gen X LGBTQ people were able to be out as teenagers, it was a small minority. And at the time, there was still a strong narrative in lesbian culture of the woman who comes out after marriage or something. As the dominant voice of LGBTQ culture got younger and younger and came to embrace the internet and youth groups, it was assumed that everyone in it had *always* had access to those.

Also, the thing is, when you're LGBTQ your awkward teenage fumbles get labeled experiments by everyone (LGBTQ and het alike) and when they're with cis het people, they're labeled awkward teenage fumbles.

Even more though, there's a context for practically everyone having sexual experience with men... that it somehow marks the other party forever. And that if you have sexual experiences with a woman who isn't the love of your life, you've utterly irreparably damaged her.

12 Things We Learned from The Survey.

I had nearly 500 responses! A few things to note: I plan on doing this survey again at some point in the future. There were some problems along the way and I feel like I could do this better at some point in the future. However, for right now, I’ll share this data with you but keep in mind that I’ll be doing this much better in the future. Thanks to everyone who participated!

1.   The community is overwhelmingly women in their late teens and early twenties. Men in the community often identify as gay.

So there are some surprising things here. Let’s start with the basic demographics: most users are female and the majority of male users are gay men. Women in their late teens and twenties make up the largest part of the community. However, this might just be more of Tumblr’s demographics rather than an accurate cross-section of The Sims’ community’s general age range across the board. However, in my personal experience, the demographics line up with what I’ve come to expect from the community in terms of gender and age.

2. Simmers are often Gay, Lesbian, or Bisexual atheists.

There really interesting stuff is about religious and sexual orientation demographics. In terms of religion, the fandom skews towards Atheism heavily. More than half of all people are unaffiliated. However, the most surprising thing is that the largest group represented here is hardline Atheist. Second and third place respectively are agnostic and undecided. The largest group represented is Christianity by only 12% of all people at the time of writing. Moving on to orientation, there’s another major surprise, the fandom also happens to skew more towards LGBT. Now, this might be because a lot of the votes came from Tumblr which is known for its sizable LGBT user base. While the largest single category is “Straight” categories that fall under the LGBT umbrella had more combined votes.

3. Apparently “D.A.R.E.” isn’t a thing in The Sims Universe.

First, I’d like to start off with you guys and your obsession with crack cocaine among other drugs. If The Sims was a real place, according to this survey, it would be New York in the Mid-’80s. Reasons as to why that seems to differ. Several people answered the question in depth and reasons for drug use ranged from “more interesting gameplay” to “realism”. In fact, when asked what “mature” content you guys had in the game, the most common answer was drugs, drinking, or cigarettes.

(Sorry, I don’t have a graph for this one. I never knew how popular drugs would be and every one of the MANY write-in questions I had are sometimes followed by something explicit)

While other “mature” mods had some pushback, everyone seems to agree that being consistently higher than a kite is fine. Some of you proclaimed your love for digital heroin in questions where I didn’t even ask. In the Wicked Woohoo question, one person responded that they’d often have sims perform sexual acts for drugs.

Speaking of that, let’s move to sex.

4. Thanks for sending me your explicit sexual fantasies, guys. :I

According to Kotaku, the creator of Wicked Whims makes $2000 dollars less for Mods than the creator of Basemental drugs. As it turns out, sex is less popular than drugs. Who knew?

The number of people who use Wicked Whims is larger than I actually thought that it would be. Now, keep in mind that I didn’t ask about any sexual content but only WickedWhims. I say that because in the next segment, a survey question I can’t show because of explicit content, I asked if you used WickedWhims how did you do so and why. The answers ranged from highly detailed explanations of your sexual fantasies to vague answers like “realism”. Even though I think some of you might be lying since I had a few written in answers that started with “I have Wicked Whims… But I don’t use it!”

Which begs the question: why do you have it then? The creator is still making thousands of dollars a month creating sex mods and all that money is coming from somewhere.

However, those of you who do use sexual mods for fantasies or story purposes, never fear: There was an almost unanimous agreement among players that they don’t judge other players for any mods they have (Unless it’s related to pedophilia, bestiality, or cannibalism… or your sims are ugly).

I only counted two people that said they thought that WickedWhims was gross. Their reasoning was based on factors such as “ew” and “no thanks”.

And while I’ll keep the more specific details of all of your sexual fetishes a secret I will say that a surprising amount of you share a liking for multiple partners which explains something else I find interesting about the data... and brings me to my next point.

5. The Sims: Suburban Harem Simulator for the whole family.

You know, I never thought I’d have to ask this question but at what point did you all decided that you wanted to use The Sims to test out the idea of multiple partners? The reason I ask is because literally more than half of you think the game should allow for poly relationships out of the box.

For some, it’s sexual (based on the stories I heard from the WickedWhims question) but for many, it isn’t. Some of you are just genuinely interested in simulating the day to day lives of poly people. Considering what a taboo concept that seems to be outside of the fandom, I find the numbers really shocking.

Thirty percent might sound small but relatively speaking that’s pretty big. That’s over a quarter of all people who answered. But that isn’t even the best part because that question was only asking about current households. This statistic is much more telling:

That’s almost half!

6. Pregnancy isn’t an issue for most.

Everyone’s answer to questions regarding abortion and teen pregnancy is The Sims is either “Yeah, I have the mod” or “Meh”.

7. 36.5% percent of people are sure they don’t let politics influence their games… 36.5% of people are liars.

I hate to be the one to tell you this… But here it comes, ready? If you took this survey and answered “no” you are wrong. You literally just got done answering questions about how you play The Sims based on politics. I can hear you already though “But I said that I didn’t care in most of those!” It doesn’t matter since that’s still a political opinion

You’ve all learned something here today, some survey questions are asked so the person doing the survey can lecture you. Your politics and culture influence EVERYTHING you do. Everything. Even how you play The Sims.

8. Aliens, the absence of gay marriage, and other things that are equally offensive.

As it turns out, no one is happy about the implications of what the Aliens do to male sims. Some have, rightfully, pointed out that it seems like the team let male sims get pregnant and not female sims due to the implication of rape.

One particularly astute observation that someone made, which I had never thought of, is that the more troubling implication is that you could make the case that is wasn’t implied rape if they wouldn’t have had the foresight not to include women. Since Maxis obviously understood the implication, we can come to the conclusion that discluding women from that gameplay element was a conscious choice to avoid controversy. However, that also means that letting men get pregnant was also a conscious choice due to the fact that they probably thought that the idea of male rape was too comedic and would be whimsical because of male pregnancy.

Really, I have more trouble with the idea that they sat down and decided that the implication of rape against a woman was bad but for a man it was okay. I’d rather that they just didn’t include it at all. But, it was 2004, so...

9. We want religion… sort of.

I think it’s interesting how, despite being largely unaffiliated, most simmers want religion. However, they only seem to want a fictional religion. So, it seems like we’re interested in playing with religious themes but not an actual religion. As you can see, the chart above shows that nearly three-quarters of people are uninterested in real life religions being depicted, however, the concept of religion seems tempting.

10. The Sims isn’t often used as the murder simulator you thought it was.

You know, when you ask most people about The Sims, they generally don’t say much about how they play the game. Most casual players immediate reaction is “I kill my Sims!”, in fact, that’s been the joke that seems to follow the game around the most. While I’m not saying that doesn’t happen, I am saying that I’ve always suspected that that’s something that people say because they don’t want people to know what they’re actually doing with their sims.

11. Homophobia and transphobia are upsettingly prevalent among The Sims community.

This one is unexpected. I actually only asked this question so that I could get some feedback on how players felt about the inclusion of trans sims in The Sims 4. Instead what I got focused more on gay sims. If we can talk about the “What did you find questionable” chart again if you’ll recall there was a second part to that question that asked what exactly people found offensive.When asked what offended players, many said “a lack of gay marriage”, “the term G***y”, or “Alien probing”.

When asked what offended them only a few comments were explicitly homophobic. However, there were others that I’ll give the benefit of the doubt. Some of the entries I have are listed below:

Interestingly, people who shared this sentiment only seemed to go after Brent and Brant rather than the lesbian couple from The Sims 3. Sadly, this isn’t the first time we’ve seen The Sims community’s prejudice rear its ugly head or even the first time we’ve seen The Sims be called out for gay relationships. If you’ll remember, The Sims 4 was given a higher rating in Russia and called “gay propaganda”. In some middle eastern countries, the mobile ports of the game were taken out of the apps stores for their gay content.  Now, while neither of those examples are the community’s fault, there are examples of the community targeting LGBT simmers. Gay male simmers specifically, often accusing them of pedophilia.

12. People want to see more of their culture and other cultures in the game.

This speaks for itself, really.

Buster & Rio

Buster: [Comes to find her like we said and sees what he sees but they don't see him because not hanging around to watch boy I'm not letting you] Buster: You need to be in Rio: Oh Rio: okay Rio: why though Buster: 🎂 Rio: Didn't have you down as an emoji kinda guy, McKenna Rio: be right there Buster: Full of surprises, you'd know that if you knew me Buster: Stop fantasizing about how I type & come the fuck on Rio: You wanna have a catch-up? Rio: Cute Rio: It ain't your birthday or cake, calm down Buster: I reckon you've got your hands full but I can't blame you for wanting it Buster: Much better offer, like Rio: Ha Rio: Sure Rio: just that talented, babe Buster: One of you has to be, I guess Buster: Christ knows he ain't it Rio: You two met before? Rio: Really are full of surprises, fair play Buster: Met his type about as often as you have Buster: & I saw what I saw, Cavante Buster: Miss me with your behind the bike shed bullshit next time, school's out for summer Buster: You could at least have the decency to keep things hot Rio: Weren't expecting an audience Rio: What the fuck 😂 Buster: Clearly Rio: And oddly enough, even if we was, you ain't the 🎯 demographic Buster: Like I said, you've got your hands too full to handle me Buster: I don't do triangles Rio: So traditional, love that for you Buster: I got the looks for a teen drama, but this ain't one Buster: Save your drama for your boring boyfriend Rio: You so obviously love drama though Rio: so pressed, babe but I put him down, you can go hit him up now 💋 Rio: [showing up for this cake 'cos otherwise rude] Buster: You obviously know me so well Buster: Not like you got the wrong twin there Buster: Understandable, the coming out party was pretty lowkey Rio: Nah, he's definitely not her type Rio: I'm up to date, see Buster: He definitely ain't mine either, so nah, you ain't Buster: Do you not get pretty boys around here unless they're decked in rainbow flags? Explains the choice you made there with that one Rio: It's a bummer no one thought to invite these pretty boys for you Rio: but you know, is granddad's bday so don't think they were high on the guestlist Rio: what you gonna do, eh Buster: It's alright, you can watch me survive it & tell yourself that's why you keep looking at me Rio: Oh my God Rio: your ego 😂 Buster: It's big, yeah Buster: But if you wanna measure it, probably gonna have to wait until after the cake's been cut Buster: Like you said, it's Granddad's moment Rio: [Audibly laughs] Rio: You're funny, McKenna Buster: [A look like 😏] Rio: Is she actually out then Buster: Ask her yourself Buster: She'll proudly tell you Rio: How'd that go Rio: like at School Buster: Do you want my answer or hers? Buster: 'Cause the lads fucking loved it but her 🎯 demographic, less so Rio: Typical Rio: I'll talk to her later Rio: pry her away from my brother/the corner they're hiding in Buster: She'll say it's fine if she says fuck all Buster: You know that Rio: Probably Rio: but I'm easy to talk to Buster: You're funny Rio: You know I am Rio: can but try, McKenna Buster: Easy to make people laugh when you're a kid Buster: Gotta try harder these days Buster: But you know that, yeah? Rio: I was referring to the easy to talk to bit but thanks Rio: You were never this nice Rio: the effort's appreciated Buster: Easy, for sure Buster: I was trying not to make that cheap of a shot seeing as it's a celebration & all but Buster: Since you're so appreciative of my efforts, don't need to hold back, like Rio: Keep dreaming, boy Buster: It should be your nightmare Buster: But I'm only passing through so none of my business if that's a rep you wanna maintain Rio: No one's talking about what I'm thinking Rio: you're the one betraying yourself but go off Buster: That I want you to have your transformative hot girl summer, yeah sure Buster: That's what a supportive family is for Rio: You're such a bullshitter Rio: Who you fooling, no one here Buster: Of course I am Buster: Haven't signed myself up for Truth or Dare yet, unlucky for you Rio: Gross Rio: Supportive family, remember Rio: don't get your roles confused Buster: That was bullshit, remember? Buster: You want me to be real with you, babe Buster: We don't know each other like that, sorry Rio: Heartbreaking Rio: or just boring Buster: You love to be bored though, so you're welcome Rio: Where'd you hear that Buster: I saw it Buster: There's no way to convince me that boyfriend of yours is anything but Rio: We don't know each other like that Rio: let alone knowing anything about him or what I love Buster: Well done for fooling him but you'd have to try harder to attempt it with me Buster: Got that first rate education working in my favour for one thing Buster: Don't just see what I wanna, for another Rio: Let's hope that's true Rio: for both our sakes Rio: begs the question why you are still looking but you can write an essay on it if you get homesick Buster: Amateurish to rely on hope, but you clearly are so I can't expect better Buster: Why do you care where I look or don't, is the real question Rio: When it's at me, it's my business Buster: You've changed your tune, I was all heart eyes for him when it suited you to play that way before Rio: Can you blame me for wanting it to be that Rio: should've run with it Buster: If you need me to be gay to make this easier that's your problem Buster: You should learn self control Buster: Your boyfriend clearly has some, or it's worse than I feared and he's not holding back at all, that's just all there is Rio: Yeah, that's what I meant Rio: Sorry you want an encore but that ain't happening for you, babe Buster: Yeah, I desperately wanna see that again Buster: I already know what not to do, but cheers Rio: I know Rio: This party is a bit of a let-down but did we expect anything better Rio: super glad to hear you've learnt something worth learning from your first rate education, btw Buster: You wish, but show me something better & I'll consider turning my head, like Buster: Until then it's just cake & candles Buster: Pass it on to my parents if you see them, they'll appreciate the validation of the single good choice they've made recently, I'm sure Rio: No one's trying to turn your head, McKenna Rio: Would but then I'd have to regale them of how I know you didn't always know what not to do and no one needs to relive that, least of all me Buster: Like you said, it's a shit party Buster: Oh so reliving it every night's too much for you? Shame. I'd have reckoned on you having more stamina Rio: Yeah, you wanna pay for my therapy? Rio: The night terrors are really draining Buster: As long as you make sure to tell 'em how you used to follow me around everywhere Buster: You know, the real facts Rio: Excuse you Rio: No I never 😂 Rio: this is my town, you were following me Buster: Is your memory always this selective or just when you wanna save face? Buster: You're the one who is and was desperate for a repeat performance Rio: If only Rio: then I could forget you ever said that Rio: have to go get a drink and try my best instead, eurgh Buster: I don't need to be told how unforgettable I am, babe Buster: I hear it all the time Rio: And I'm the one who's bored Rio: sounds like a riot Buster: I never said I wasn't Buster: I'm here, of course I am Rio: Yeah who wouldn't wanna rush on back to that Buster: I know you'll miss me but like I said, only a quick visit Rio: Been doing just fine with the schedule we had, you know Rio: let's not see each other again for another however many years if we can, tah Buster: If you were you wouldn't feel the need to tell me Buster: This convo can end any time if you're really that fine about it Rio: You're so up yourself Rio: I'm being polite, how families do, at least some of the time Buster: What would you say if you weren't being polite, how much of a cunt I am? Buster: Sounds like more fun if I can be honest at least once Rio: You've already had your turn Rio: remember Rio: ain't my fault you went with the lowest hanging fruit Buster: All I remember is lying through my teeth since I got here Buster: How families do Rio: You can try again if you reckon you can do better Buster: I can always do better Rio: Go on then Buster: I don't reckon kissing you would go down too well with the rest of the fam Buster: But if you wanna meet me outside, say when Rio: Umm we were talking about being honest Buster: What do you want me to be honest about? Rio: Well you said you could do better than 'easy' but did you actually think I wanted you to kiss me, what the fuck Buster: Bold of you to assume I've spent any time thinking about what you want Buster: There's no need when you make it so obvious Rio: You're cracked Rio: there's easy then there's that Buster: Protest some more & it might actually reach your eyes next time you look at me, like Rio: So you're actually delusional, cool Rio: Bet your shrink is soooo much an hour, yeah? Buster: If I had one he would be Buster: Or better yet, she would be Buster: But I'm the well-adjusted twin Buster: Evil but able to own it, you know Rio: Of course Rio: your own self-assessment doesn't reek of narcissism at all, babe 😂 Buster: It ain't my fault the world was set up to revolve around me Buster: A hot as fuck white lad with money & education ain't gonna hate himself, sorry about it Rio: Yeah, put it in Latin and that's the Tory tagline Rio: ain't thick, McKenna Buster: A calidum album et irrumabo iniecit puero pecuniam & educationem est non amet odio ipsum, contristari super eo Rio: [Lols again] Buster: [is again 😏 but there's more a genuine grin vibe to it] Rio: [goes off with her mans for ages] Buster: [change that to 😒 but more subtly] Buster: [When you're lowkey drinking too much even though you are but a child] Rio: [coming back and getting some drinks] Buster: [A look because he's his father's son] Rio: [just like 'hey!' 'cos you tryna be nonchalant but the look threw you a bit like okay] Buster: [when you walk off cos you're that rude] Rio: Charm 101 next year, is it Buster: My mum's written me a note to get me out of it Buster: [When you're trying to get your parents attention like can we leave but its a no go] Rio: The list of perks truly is neverending Buster: Yeah Buster: Maybe they'll adopt you if you keep asking nicely Buster: 3 kids was the dream Rio: Your least favourite number, so Rio: stick with being number one of my family, #2 Buster: If you ever wanna have a meeting of the golden children, you know where I live Rio: Slainte Rio: [raises her glass from across the room] Buster: [Doesn't raise his because dickhead but does down his drink obvs] Rio: Wow don't wish death on me with such abandon, people start to reckon you don't like me or something Buster: This family's worst kept secret, like Rio: Nah, reckon you've got plenty of competition for that one Rio: not even juicy, like Buster: Sarcasm's really lost on you, isn't it? Buster: That an Irish thing or a you thing Rio: You're a letter short Buster: Hilarious Rio: Not really Rio: Ha Buster: I know you've got a shit lad on your arm but don't scrap the barrel even lower Buster: There'll be fuck all left of it Rio: Why do you reckon he's so shit Buster: I have an awareness of my surroundings Buster: Not to mention senses that work Rio: No one's gonna ask you to fuck him, it's alright Buster: He might, but as we established, not a fucking gay Rio: Trust me, neither is he Buster: I'm thrilled for you Buster: Compatibility wise you've got that one thing locked down Rio: 💘 Rio: should cuff him now, is what you're saying Rio: thanks Buster: Yeah, that's my resounding advice Buster: It's worked out so well for so many members of this fam Rio: Ikr Rio: just want an invite to my child wedding Rio: any excuse to be back in the homeland Buster: Only if there's a free bar or money behind it Rio: fucking tightarse Rio: you put money behind it and you don't have to get me too many gifts Buster: I'm not paying to drown my sorrows 'cause I'm at a family function where you're the centre of attention Buster: Fuck that Rio: Please Rio: you love it Rio: sit you at the table with all the other broken-hearted boys Buster: You wish Buster: You don't need a table for a couple of lads, bar stools will do Rio: Easy, remember Rio: real loss for the entire community Rio: have to get out the plastic garden chairs and everything Buster: Why they ain't broken hearted, they got what they wanted without needing to marry you Buster: Keep up Rio: You wanna keep up with how good I am Rio: alas, dear cousin Buster: You wanna be in the same league as me more like Buster: It was cute when we were little but you need to get over it now Rio: Nah, the whole public schoolboy thing is not my scene but I'm happy for you that it's not giving you mad trauma Rio: nice to have fond school memories Buster: You wanna try that again? Make it more believable Rio: What can I say? Rio: Too nice, me Rio: as discussed Buster: What can I say? Buster: More fool you Rio: Hardly sat here taking it personal, babe Buster: Good to know Rio: Like you care Buster: I don't Buster: I thought that was obvious by now Rio: If you didn't you wouldn't feel the need to tell me Rio: Bless Buster: If you could pick up on anything, I wouldn't have to Buster: But here we are, still chatting away Rio: Shit party, like I said Buster: Shit lad, like I said Rio: So? Rio: The wedding isn't actually in the Spring, you know Buster: So don't you want someone who can hold your attention Rio: Don't we all, McKenna Rio: what's your point Buster: What's the matter, not as irresistible as you front? Buster: If you can get any lad, get a better one Rio: That's about holding their attention, not mine Rio: that's easy Buster: You could have it all Buster: That should be easy if you ain't full of shit Rio: All lads are boring Rio: 'til you grow up, which something doesn't happen 'til you're like 50, if ever Buster: Become a gay along with my sister then Rio: You're alright, thanks Buster: You come at me with a problem, I offer you a solution Buster: What families do Rio: Aside from the blindingly obvious fact that girls hold my attention even less Rio: but pat yourself on the back, have at it Buster: You're alright Rio: Mhmm Buster: Are you really not gonna offer to return the favour? Buster: Bullshit are you polite Rio: What's your problem then? Rio: Aside from the obvious, which is what the shrink is for, you're welcome Buster: The obvious being what, according to you? Rio: Oh honey Rio: he's not that boring Rio: we'll be here 'til the next birthday/anniversary/bullshit holiday Buster: [laughs himself] Rio: [when you get to be a lil 😏] Buster: [when you getting drunk on the low, sorry everyone] Rio: Hope you learnt how to handle your drink better than that time we stole that bottle of Rio: what even was it, from the pub and you spewed everywhere Rio: that was grim Buster: I was a kid & it was brandy Buster: The odds were against me Rio: 😂 Rio: we were all kids and you really gave us away Rio: still can't with that smell Buster: Fuck you Buster: You said you'd look after me Buster: Don't take up nursing, yeah? Rio: Don't hold it against me like I knew you'd be redecorating the walls before we were even halfway through Rio: I'm so caring Rio: but the uniform ain't as cute as they let on so I won't Buster: It only looked that bad to you 'cause you were seeing it in triple Rio: Never felt so sick since Rio: should've put me off for life by rights Buster: It put me off for a summer Buster: Felt like fucking ages Rio: Alright, you tiny alcoholic Buster: What can I say? I'm obviously a glutton for punishment Buster: Why I'm talking to you still Rio: Ew Rio: People you can see for that too, McKenna Rio: just don't get your appointments confused Buster: It ain't something I wanna change, but cheers Rio: They don't change it, silly Buster: Or chat bullshit about then, whatever Buster: You know what I meant Rio: Don't act like you don't know what I mean Rio: not that sweet and innocent Rio: your search history is no doubt littered with what I mean Buster: Not at all sweet or innocent, but you've made it clear you don't wanna know Rio: Have I Buster: A lesser man would've taken offense at being called cracked Rio: You actually talk like you're from the 1800s Rio: it's ace Buster: That's basically the first thing that school teaches Buster: You should go if you're that into it Rio: No hiding the accent Rio: you don't sound like scum Rio: or the colour Rio: bet you have like Saudi princes and that's your diversity checked Buster: They don't all sound as hot as me though & they ain't all allowed to be white or male, that'd be a lawsuit Buster: No princes but me, alas Rio: 😂 Rio: What's the point then Rio: not leaving Dublin for less Buster: I can't say I'm gutted Rio: You've said plenty weirder Rio: cracked, remember, I know I said that for a reason but I forgot Buster: I can't say it 'cause I would be gutted to have to go to school with you Buster: It'd be well distracting Rio: I have that affect, yeah Buster: You & me both but I'd rather keep on this side of it & keep my A*s Rio: Humblebrag Rio: keep it for the Oxbridge application Buster: Nah, a not even little known fact actually Buster: I can't be the Golden Boy with any less Rio: Sad Rio: everyone loves me just 'cos Buster: 🍀 Buster: Not sure my parents are capable of real emotion & they're the ones we're talking about so Rio: Sure they are Rio: Anger is an emotion Buster: Everyone knows they used all the positive ones on their grand love affair though Rio: Not trying to turn that into a triangle, don't you worry Rio: though that'd shit on all other worst kept secrets so it's a shame Buster: They are just less hot versions of me, be more blatant Rio: That's a bold claim Rio: and I said I'm not trying so not really Buster: It's a true story is what it is Rio: Hit them with it Rio: see what they reckon Buster: Been there, done that Rio: 😏 'Course Rio: you're such a delight Buster: Not really, but I'm not trying to be Rio: Trying out that sarcasm bullshit Buster: Stating a fact Buster: Right now all I'm trying to be is drunk Rio: I was talking about me Rio: not the only one capable of self-absorption, babe Buster: Oh Buster: Try harder then Rio: You can keep it, I reckon Rio: just another way of chatting shit but acting smug like you've said what you meant Buster: Try it on your boyfriend before you decide to fully uncommit, I reckon Buster: You look hot when you look smug Rio: How drunk are you Rio: aside from the obligatory 'not drunk enough' Buster: I'm not asking you to take care of me this time Buster: Don't worry about it Rio: Good job too Buster: Yeah, if you're still that shit at it Rio: Oh my God Rio: what other grudges are you holding, like Buster: It's what families do, babe Rio: Nah Rio: live and let live this lot Buster: Tell it to Nance, she's gutted I'm not wearing a 🌈 pin in support months later Rio: You two are dramatic Rio: I told you Buster: It's been passed down from both parents, I've told you before Buster: No fucking chance to be otherwise on that Rio: Gutted Buster: I'm rich enough it's expected of me regardless Buster: So I ain't crying Rio: if you are, hankies got the thread count to handle it, got it Buster: I'll just straight up wipe my eyes on the 💸 Rio: Truly a nightmare, boy Rio: give you that Buster: You're still dreaming about me Buster: I'll take it Rio: You're not funny Buster: You've proved otherwise however many times tonight already Buster: Stop laughing & maybe I'll buy it Rio: You have your moments Rio: don't push it Buster: Where's the fun in that? Rio: Shit party will be over soon and you can go back to having whatever passes for in your neck of the woods Buster: & until then we're both bored Buster: Tell me you don't want a little push Rio: What do you have in mind then Rio: or is this all just more chat Buster: You mean to also tell me you can't read my mind? Buster: Way to disappoint me Rio: 💔 Rio: Nothing worse than crossed wires is there Buster: I was thinking a little drinking game from your neck of the woods Buster: What have you got for me? Rio: Alright Rio: Come on then Buster: Go for your life Rio: [like are you two just playing, where is her mans, so many questions] Buster: [it has to be just them though unless he can take her man down and impress her on the low, that's the only way he can be involved] Rio: [the best one I've found is bullshit, basically you have to lie about your card hand and when you get caught in a lie you drink] Buster: [in this land of fiction pretend she knows a badass one/has made up a badass one because would have] Rio: [bin off the boy too] Buster: [what a mood] Rio: [gotta cockblock though] Buster: [better than we did with baze anyway, you got years yet lads] Rio: [get whisked away beech he's gonna be bored af] Buster: [& Buster gonna be drunk af oh lord] Rio: [partayyy] Buster: [your parents can't say shit at least boy cos they were doing it] Rio: [but will, parents are hypocrites for life] Buster: [and baze are the biggest byeeeeee that's the tea] Rio: [trubigfacts] Buster: [this drinking game should involve forfeits and it should be brandy cos the mems] Rio: [lord they're gonna vom] Buster: [he definitely will cos throwback] Rio: is that your pile of vom I just walked past or is someone else flagging too Buster: What kind of lawyer would I make if I answered that honestly Rio: 😂 Rio: Plead the fifth or whatever the fuck Buster: Exactly Buster: Couldn't have put it better myself Rio: let's hope you can or you'll never pass the bar, babe Buster: Never seen a bar I wanted to walk past, babe Rio: Omg Rio: granddad, that you Buster: [lols] Buster: Where is he though? Buster: Fucking done one from his own party Rio: Would if you could Rio: can't blame him Buster: He could've took me with him Buster: I can blame him for that Rio: Awh Rio: cute Buster: Shut up Buster: I wanna go home, that's not a secret Rio: You also wanna be favourite, less of a secret Buster: If you don't, you're stupider than you act Rio: Rude Buster: True Rio: Nope Buster: Yeah Rio: Think what you like Buster: Not gonna think what I don't like Buster: Not that much of a glutton for punishment, like Rio: Neither am I, so I don't care what you think Buster: Cute Rio: 🙄 Buster: If you actually did that instead of 😍 at me, maybe I'd believe you Rio: If I needed any more proof you were wasted Rio: Good thing you can't drive or we'd be taking your keys right now Buster: If I could drive, I'd have left ages ago Rio: Can't say I'd be gutted Buster: Not out loud nah Buster: Say it with your eyes as standard Rio: What are you looking at my eyes so much for then Buster: Safest place Rio: Jesus, McKenna Buster: Well, it is Buster: I didn't dress you in that Rio: I'm a big girl, can dress myself now Buster: Good to know Rio: You're such a dick Buster: & what? Buster: Is your problem that you don't like it or you do? Buster: 'Cause either way, not mine Rio: Oh fuck off Buster: Like you said, I would if I could Rio: you don't have to be annoying me Buster: You don't have to reply to me Rio: Yeah, that's probably how this usually goes for you Rio: like I'm gonna sit here and let you chat shit on me Buster: Mute me, I thought you already had anyway Rio: Why should I Buster: You're the one who's so fine with the way things are between us Buster: Why wouldn't you? Rio: I can be civil Buster: Why bother? Rio: Because I'm not some kid who gets his kicks out of being a dick? Rio: You're fucking immature Buster: You get your kicks out of being around me Buster: Obviously Rio: Why do you keep saying shit like this Buster: 'Cause you won't Rio: Because it's not true Buster: Bullshit Buster: I was there Buster: I'm here now Rio: We were kids Buster: Irrelevant Rio: How could that possibly be irrelevant Rio: kids do stupid shit constantly Buster: I do stupid shit now Buster: According to you, I'll do stupid shit til I'm 50 if not forever Rio: So Rio: what are you saying, we repeat that as well as the brandy? Buster: I did throw up so probably not but Rio: Yeah, that's the only reason why not Buster: It's my only reason Rio: You're gonna regret at this when you sober up, so I'll do you a favour and ignore it Buster: Don't do me any favours Buster: You don't know me like that any more Rio: It's just what families do Buster: Yeah Rio: Don't worry about it Buster: I wasn't Buster: I won't Rio: Glad to hear it then Buster: I bet Rio: Why wouldn't I be Buster: Of course you would, it makes shit really easy for you, that's literally what I'm saying Buster: Nobody's worried about it, we're so unfazed it can be like it never happened Rio: What, because you're twatted I should go for it Rio: that's not horrible at all, is it Buster: 'Cause you want to Buster: That's the reason Rio: Buster just don't Rio: alright Buster: Yeah 'cause me shutting up about it is gonna make a world of difference Buster: Been there, tried that Rio: I don't know what you want right now Rio: I don't think you do either Buster: That's the best lie of the night Buster: 🏆🎉 Rio: Thanks Rio: fanfare not necessary but I'll take my prize in cash or booze Buster: Have a drink on me then Rio: Cheers Buster: [finally raises his glass in a cheers which is probably empty anyway] Rio: [imagine bazes faces rn lol] Buster: [does one at them too because shout out mum & dad] Rio: Probably a decent plan if your parents were normal Rio: get so embarrassing they have to take you home Rio: but reckon they'll let you ride it out and suffer tomorrow so Buster: Still, I'll pass out eventually so one way or another, I'm leaving Rio: Don't say things like that Rio: that's really depressing Buster: I'm not here to make you feel good babe, you passed on that Rio: Yeah 'cos I'm worried about me Buster: Bullshit do you care about me Buster: Get over yourself Rio: What kind of bitch do you actually think I am Buster: One who doesn't care, did I slur too much then or what? Rio: Loud and clear Buster: Good Rio: Yeah Rio: have fun with this hangover Buster: Cheers Buster: I won't wait for you to show up in the nurse gear Rio: I wouldn't Rio: Bitch or not, not happening Buster: Talk to my fucking sister if you're any kind of caring bitch Rio: I already have Rio: you're obsessed with yourself but I actually ain't Buster: If that's meant to impress me you've taken a wrong turn Rio: No, it's meant to be a fuck you Rio: keep up Buster: That actually would be impressive if you could come close to pulling it off Rio: Shut up Rio: for fuck's sake Buster: If you don't like it, do something about it Buster: Don't just fucking take it Buster: Who are you now? Rio: You're being that pathetic right now, I'm not going to fight you Buster: There's loads of different ways to fight Buster: But if you wanna take a cop out, go for it Rio: and what's the point in that? Rio: you like being like this, apparently, so enjoy it Rio: like you've said, we don't know each other like that, why would anything you say about me matter Buster: You tell me, babe Buster: Why does it? Rio: This is ridiculous Rio: You're ridiculous Buster: How far under your skin, am I? Buster: That's what's ridiculous Rio: You wish Buster: I haven't touched you for years Buster: I don't need to Buster: What do I need wishes for? Rio: You're disgusting Buster: Like you said, my search history is Rio: At least you can admit that Buster: I told you earlier, I can own it Buster: All of it Buster: Why can't you? Rio: 'Cos you want me to say something stupid just so you can take the piss later Rio: but I ain't gone enough for that shit Buster: No I don't Rio: Yeah you do Buster: I don't Buster: I probably won't remember this later, fuck's sake Rio: You definitely won't Buster: So cut the bullshit Buster: What does it matter? Rio: Alright Rio: when you do Buster: 😂 Buster: Alright Buster: This is why I fucking missed you Buster: Well played, like Rio: 🙄😏 Rio: Win again, do I? Buster: Is that what you need from me? Okay then Rio: Obviously Rio: I'm the competitive one here Buster: It ain't never been all me Buster: Don't lie that hard Rio: Okay Rio: a bit Rio: you bring out the worst in me, how about that for a compromise Buster: I'll take it Rio: Good Buster: That kiss proved you bring out the worst in me too so Rio: 😂 Rio: Don't even try to blame me for that Buster: Nobody else has complained Buster: It's obviously your fault Rio: SINCE Rio: if you're having any success now it's thanks to me Buster: Well there weren't no before Buster: That don't mean you taught me anything Rio: Yeah it does Buster: How would you, you barely kissed me back Rio: We couldn't both be on attack Rio: defensive was my only hope Buster: What can I say? I go after what I want Rio: Hmm Buster: Don't even try & act like that ain't true Rio: Just curious why you were after my tonsils so bad Buster: It wasn't the aim Buster: Only the consequence Rio: You're funny Buster: & yeah my aim was a little bit the problem Buster: But fuck off Rio: 😂 Rio: you were in the general vicinity Buster: Cheers that's well comforting Rio: Hit you with a 'it happens to all lads' if you like, really cheer you up Buster: Don't fucking dare Buster: Trying to jinx me or some shit now Rio: I know you're still a virgin Rio: you'd probably have liveblogged it or some shit if you weren't Buster: Yeah I might Rio: I'll definitely mute you before then Rio: s'all good Buster: Unless your boyfriend needs the tips Buster: Fingers crossed they ain't all gonna be as shit as this one Rio: He isn't my first boyfriend Rio: but I haven't slept with any of them Rio: contrary to what you reckon Buster: What do you want me to say? Rio: Erm try sorry, wanker Buster: Alright Buster: I am then Rio: You're what Buster: I'm not gonna fucking get on my knees for it Buster: You know what I'm saying Rio: Say it then Rio: one word Rio: not asking the rest, am I Buster: Jesus Buster: That's a fucking word Rio: Why you bringing him into this Rio: he would never Buster: He would 100% get on his knees Buster: Guaranteed Rio: You like punishment, I heard Rio: crucifying you is a bit much Buster: He's basically never upright unless you nail him, the soft cunt Buster: That's all I'm saying Rio: Why are you slating him right now Rio: just 'cos he's the bigger man and would apologize Buster: Distraction Buster: Obviously Rio: Well try harder Buster: Don't tempt me Rio: Ha Rio: come on Rio: or do you wanna owe me Buster: Fuck that Buster: Look, I'm sorry, yeah? Rio: There Rio: that was actually easy, wasn't it Rio: apology accepted Buster: Cheers then Buster: Just one more thing Rio: What Buster: Don't bother fucking this one Buster: Trust me Buster: That's me doing you a favour, however we know each other Rio: Looking unlikely Rio: but I'll keep it in mind Buster: Good Buster: I don't need the mental images on top of the boring display I already saw Rio: Well that's your own fault Buster: Technically it's yours for not being inside Rio: Well I'm not sorry Rio: it weren't that bad Buster: You weren't Buster: His case has been made Rio: just keep your opinions to yourself Rio: or at least between us Rio: don't need a scrap right now Buster: I'm not dumping him for you, calm down Rio: Isn't that what brothers are meant to do Rio: don't think Junior is gonna be very useful to me Rio: sorry, like Buster: You can have my sister Buster: She's a proper manhater Buster: It'd be quality Rio: 😂 Rio: Bad enough I dragged him to a family function Rio: can't just let everyone start attacking him Buster: Why did you? Buster: Too much of a rookie error even for you Rio: 'cos I knew it'd probably be boring Buster: Yeah but so's he Buster: You can't fight boring with more boring, babe Rio: I obviously didn't think so, did I Buster: You're only lying to yourself at this point Buster: I could fucking see that you were bored senseless Buster: Come on Rio: I don't know then Rio: beats being alone Buster: Alone with a family this size Buster: Chance would be a fine thing Rio: Easy Rio: like you said, no one's looking, no one gives a fuck Buster: Everyone's looking & pretending they ain't Buster: They don't give enough of a fuck though, that's true Rio: Changed your tune now you're not trying to get me to kiss you Rio: but agreed Buster: I weren't gonna do it in the middle of them all Buster: Hold up everyone, get in a fucking circle really quick Rio: said like you weren't acting like an insane person Buster: When have I ever acted like a sane person? Buster: What kid necks brandy in the middle of the morning Buster: You used to like it Rio: Never said I didn't Buster: So you do still like me then Rio: You sound surprised Buster: That'll be 'cause I am Rio: I'm a nice fucking person Rio: 😂 Idk why you reckon I ain't Buster: You were nice to me 'cause you had a massive crush on me, it don't make you a saint Buster: If anything, it makes you the opposite Rio: Charming Rio: any ulterior motives I might've had, as a literal child, flew right out the window with that kiss didn't they so that's invalid Buster: You were still running round after me for a fair while before though Buster: It took you long enough to take the hint Buster: *after Rio: No I was not Rio: your selective memory Buster: You were & I had to be the opposite of charming Buster: You ain't talked to me since so that fucks your sainthood Rio: That was obviously what you wanted Rio: wouldn't be very saintly to keep 'running 'round after you' Buster: There's your excuse, you can have it Rio: I don't need no excuse Rio: I was here Rio: it was you that was avoiding, making it weird Buster: Don't act like you never avoided me Buster: Just 'cause I started it Rio: Well, it don't matter now, does it Buster: You're doing it now Buster: You can't look at me Rio: [does like yeah I can] Buster: [a moment because of course he's looking at her too] Rio: How many fingers am I holding up? Rio: [flips him off but grins with it] Buster: Not enough for a fun night Rio: 😂 Buster: Unless your grip is like Buster: Really something Rio: Were you always this Rio: I don't even know Buster: Puberty made me even more of a thorn in your side in every way, babe Buster: Take it up with your fave lad, Jesus Buster: Or his dad Rio: One in the same, lad Buster: He's his own dad? How does that work Rio: I know, mental Rio: hear he made the whole universe too? Rio: wild stuff Buster: I could say I did that, It don't make it a real thing Buster: Even wilder stuff Rio: your proclivity for bullshit is known Rio: could tell me anything, don't mean I'll believe it Buster: Shame I won't remember that Rio: Is it? Buster: Isn't it? Rio: What are we talking about now? Buster: The fucked upness that will be my tomorrow Rio: Don't envy you that Buster: At least I won't have to talk to you & vice versa Buster: Small mercy there Rio: Drama queen Buster: 👑 Rio: Should get some water though for real Buster: Me or you? Rio: You Buster: Nah, I don't need that shit Buster: I'm not going to bed Rio: What are you gonna do Buster: Stay here Buster: Like old times Rio: Okay Rio: but don't forget, when you do Buster: You sound more like a mum than the one I've got Rio: Just doing my bit Buster: By rights you should've been a good nurse Buster: What a fucking curve Rio: I would be Rio: it's so rude holding that against me Rio: it was pretty scary actually Rio: thought you was gonna start vomming blood or something Buster: That would've been such a cool story Buster: Let's tell people I did that Rio: Can tell your mates Rio: all posh boys are psychopaths Buster: Yeah Buster: Why they love me at this school Buster: Gonna be Headboy in no time Rio: Probably Rio: but you ain't Buster: Yeah I will, I just had to get a rep first Rio: I mean, you ain't a psycho Rio: unlucky Buster: How do you know? Buster: Easily could be Rio: Nah Buster: Then, I'll just fake it til I make it, I guess Rio: Should work Rio: easy to convince people of what they wanna see Buster: Exactly Rio: What would you wanna be head boy for though actually Buster: Get such a hard on for a badge obviously Buster: What kind of question is that? Rio: [A lol] Rio: Fucking nerd Buster: If I ain't Headboy someone else is Buster: That makes them better than me Buster: Nobody's better than me so Rio: Better in the eyes of teachers Rio: at fucking...being a good example and peer mentor or whatever the fuck it actually means Buster: Don't be stupid Buster: It's a popularity contest Buster: They might as well give you a fucking 👑 Rio: 🙄 Rio: you're so weird Buster: Fuck off Rio: Honestly Rio: be wanting to be prom king next Buster: Obviously I do Buster: What the fuck Rio: 😂 Rio: Stop Buster: You stop Buster: Taking the piss out of me Rio: I'm sorry but you're being funny Buster: You ain't sorry at all Buster: But yeah, I'm hilarious, like Rio: If that's what you care about that's fine, I guess Rio: don't get it but you know Buster: I don't need you to get me Buster: Calm down Rio: I'm not trying, am I Rio: taking the piss Buster: Stop though Rio: I have Rio: I will Buster: Good 'cause I'm gonna be sick Buster: [is but hopefully not everywhere please boy] Rio: Oh God Rio: run Buster: You worry so much Buster: I thought we weren't doing that shit Rio: so I'll just let you chunder everywhere Rio: it's not like above and beyond is it Rio: get you a sodding glass of water if you let me Buster: You're so cute Rio: And you are very very drunk Buster: And I really wanna go home Buster: Why does nobody listen to me? Christ Rio: Let me find a sober adult for you Rio: I think both your parents are drinking Buster: Good fucking luck with this lot Rio: Seriously Rio: [my thoughts are probably Caleb 'cos not a big drinker even as a teen so as an adult, with some small kids still?] Buster: [A logical conclusion I feel like, also less awkward to talk to your dad than like whoever else it could be like Ro god forbid cos we know how that future is panning out] Rio: [also she'd be #horrified at the state of him so avoid that lmao] Rio: My da can take you, if you like Rio: don't like choke on your own sick though Rio: shall I find Nance to come? Buster: Or you could just come so I don't have to talk to your dad Rio: Of course I'm coming in the car Rio: like I trust you and your mouth rn Rio: but someone should stay with you Buster: Stay with me then Rio: Yeah? Rio: Alright Rio: give me 5 to sort shit then Buster: I'll start the countdown now, like Rio: You ain't allowed to say anything about the quality of my nursing ever again, you know that right Rio: [tell your mans its time to go] Buster: I know that I won't remember fuck all about it, either way Buster: Lucky escape for you there Rio: Ha, funny Rio: be less so when I poison you Buster: You don't reckon I've beat you to that already? Buster: Hilarious Rio: There's time and opportunity to finish you off now Rio: fool Buster: Maybe that's how I wanna go Buster: Could all be a carefully planned and orchestrated situation, babe Rio: Nah Rio: got head boy and prom king to win yet Buster: Lying in my grave kinda takes that pressure off Buster: I can just leave them with all these fond memories Buster: Such as now Buster: Be Golden Boy forever Rio: Shh Rio: so morbid Rio: maybe you are 🍀 after-all Buster: Dead babies will do it to you Buster: & yeah, same family, remember Rio: Come on Buster: Shh we're not allowed to talk about it Buster: Actual worst kept secret Rio: You ain't letting that stop you Rio: talk about whatever you like, not listening anyway am I Buster: Of course you are Buster: Never been able to ignore me Rio: You are pretty loud Buster: [laughs loudly so point proven there] Rio: [smiles, when her mans is probably giving him such a dirty look 'cos ruined his plans lmao, get in the car lads] Buster: [Let's hope he didn't see it because we don't need you to smack him boy you're already looking jealous enough when you ain't her mans] Rio: Good thing is if you're sick in here, one of the kids probably did it yesterday so who cares Buster: I don't reckon I can Buster: But if you really want me to, for old times sake, I'll give it my best shot Rio: Sweet but let's keep our bodily fluids to ourselves Buster: All of them? Buster: Shame Rio: [nudges him like 😏] Rio: Behave Buster: Why would I wanna do a thing like that? Buster: Not my dad driving Rio: You don't think you're in enough trouble as is? Buster: I think I could get in more Buster: Easily Rio: Why would you wanna do a thing like that? Buster: 'Cause I'm not your boring boyfriend Rio: No, you ain't Buster: & I got rid of him for you Buster: You're welcome, like Rio: Thought you said you weren't gonna do that Buster: Yeah but Rio: You're alright, I got rid of him Rio: you were just a useful excuse Buster: I aim to please Rio: I'm sure Buster: & my aim's improved since Buster: In case you were worried Rio: 😂 Rio: Pleased for you Buster: You could be pleased for yourself Buster: If you just stop playing Rio: You might not remember any of this tomorrow but I probably will Buster: Promise or a threat? Rio: Take it how you want Rio: just a fact, I ain't as gone Buster: Here's another fact, I don't care Rio: Will when I can rip the piss out of you Buster: If you need this for ammunition you already can't keep up Rio: We've established Rio: I'm nice, you're a dick Buster: Nah, you're passive aggressive, I'm just aggressive Rio: Alright, alpha male 🙄 Buster: That's really not much of an insult, babe Buster: You might as well stop fighting me Rio: I'm not fighting you Rio: wouldn't really be fair would it Buster: That's the difference between me and you Buster: I don't care if the fight's fair Rio: One of Buster: I'll all but knocked myself out for you & you still won't throw any punches Buster: Hilarious Buster: Even Nance would rise to this much bait, like Buster: & she's barely a McKenna Rio: Exactly Rio: wore yourself out, rookie Rio: and don't be rude Rio: she's as much of one as you Buster: [Laughs] Buster: I take it back, that's the best lie of the night actually Buster: You wish, then you could handle it, but nah, stamina for days Buster: & nah she ain't Rio: You're the only one wishing and concerning yourself with what I can handle, boy Buster: Keep telling yourself that, babe Rio: Well, obviously you ain't the ONLY one but in this car Buster: Bold of you to assume your dad don't love me Rio: [lols] Rio: shut up Rio: outweirding yourself Buster: If you weren't too scared you could make me Rio: Who's scared Buster: Me when we were kids & you now Rio: Nah Rio: I know what I'm doing Buster: It doesn't mean you ain't shitting yourself at the prospect of doing it Rio: With my cousin, in a car with my dad? Rio: that's just common sense, McKenna Buster: That's just another bullshit excuse, Cavante Buster: You know where I am & where I've been Rio: You said, you started it Buster: You know why Rio: Yeah? Buster: Yeah Rio: Maybe Buster: Can your dad not drive any faster than this? Buster: Jesus Christ Buster: It would have been quicker to walk, like Rio: How you're stumbling? I think not Rio: What's your hurry, do you need to stop Buster: Need, want, there's not a load of difference Rio: I mean, I'd prefer it if you got out to be sick, thank you Rio: we ain't that far Buster: I'm not gonna puke on you, calm down Rio: You better not Rio: definitely don't know each other like that Buster: The outfit's too good Buster: I won't Rio: Considerate 😏 Rio: [let's get 'em there can't be that far away thanks and bye Caleb] Buster: [have fun getting him in girl] Rio: [get you situated on the sofa 'cos we ain't going to his room rn and be getting water and ting] Buster: [I bet their sofas ain't comfy cos expensive stylish ones never look like they are] Rio: [poor boy] Rio: go get your duvet Buster: You're trusting me to climb these stairs? Buster: Like I said, shit nurse Rio: For goodness sake Rio: where's your room then Rio: it better not be gross or I'm charging Buster: [Tells her cos I can't remember the layout] Rio: 👍 Rio: don't wander Buster: [Lies stretched out on the sofa like a little Crim] Rio: [first throws it at him but then has to tuck 'cos mum] Buster: [Gives her an accidental soft look but when was the last time anyone did that for him lbr] Rio: [puts the TV on 'cos gotta have some pretense of doing something and distraction] Buster: [sipping his water like a good boy] Rio: [is like yasss hydrate lmao] Buster: [when you're like come & lie here with me bitch but in gestures] Rio: [when you do but over the covers] Rio: ['Better?'] Buster: [Just nods because looking at her & having a moment] Rio: ['Good'] Buster: ['Don't go'] Rio: 'I won't, not 'til they get back, don't worry'] Buster: [When you happy about this not only cos you don't wanna be alone but because it's her specifically] Rio: [When you like, don't fall asleep, don't fall asleep 'cos cosy] Buster: [& he's getting closer to her all the time, we see you trying to snuggle boy] Rio: ['when are you going back home then?'] Buster: [Shrugs cos I feel like he genuinely wouldn't know cos can't just do what he wants yet he has to do what baze wants] Rio: ['your friends are probably all at their holiday homes anyway, yeah?'] Buster: ['Course & as far as they're concerned this is mine, don't need to tell 'em it's not on an island somewhere or some shit'] Rio: [laughs quietly 'secret's safe with me'] Buster: ['You sure you can handle keeping another one?'] Rio: ['duh, you know how many brothers and sisters I got, I'm the best at keeping secrets'] Buster: ['Good to know. I'll try & remember'] Rio: [puts up fingers like '10'] Buster: [laughs] Rio: ['don't get ideas though' 'cos throwback] Buster: ['You won't know either way, can't read my mind'] Rio: ['wouldn't want to, filth' but smiling] Buster: ['You'd love it'] Rio: [😏 'go to sleep'] Buster: ['You gonna come with me then?' When you wanna sleep & dream & snuggle together aw] Rio: ['gotta look after you, ain't I' when you stroke his hair but then pretend you just messing it up] Buster: [When you lowkey snuggle into her more than you already were] Rio: ['Don't remember this in the morning, yeah'] Buster: ['Shh, I'm asleep'] Rio: ['Good boy'] Buster: [A smile because always gonna be into that we know] Rio: [when baze and nancy are gonna be so confused like hello?] Buster: [You shoulda known what's up lads, it's always been obvious af] Rio: [she's deffo falling asleep too ain't like she's sober] Buster: [and she's definitely being snuggled rn so who could resist] Rio: when you 'rents probably hitting you up 'cos baze in no fit state to be taking you home like are you staying or what] Buster: [Caleb 100% would, he's that dad who will spam you with texts and missed calls] Rio: [soz babe your kids suck at replying lmao] Buster: [At least he knows where she is] Rio: [true, she'll get woken up when baze get back assumedly then it'll be all sos] Buster: [Dad's taxi come through]

How Not to Write Gay Stories

I’m very torn between writing two different posts and there’s a chance these may combine, so we’ll see how this goes. There are two topics that are in my mind a fair amount: gay fetishism by women authors (both in fanfic & professional writing), and how to translate fanfic writing skills to professional writing (and how it can fail). Miraculously, perhaps, the book I just read, How (Not) To Ask a Boy to Prom by SJ Goslee is a fairly good example of both of these. 

The problem with addressing gay fetishism among women authors is that when is it fetishistic versus well-meaning? It’s hard for me to say why the originators of gay slash fic wrote the way they did, but its hard to miss that when fanfic especially grew prominent, over 80% of writers were women. In Star Trek fandom, the first gay slash fic was published by a woman in 1974: A Fragment Out of Time. By 1973, 90% of ST fan writers were women. 

To clear the air a little: women writers can write good gay stories. One of series I am currently read, The Realm of the Elderlings by Robin Hobb, includes many gay men, some of which are centered POVs. I will not say she is a perfect author, but I deeply enjoy how she writes men. For a good portion of the series, she shows a man growing up: he starts as a young boy, and we see how the men around him teach him to be a man. A very good portion of the lessons stray away from toxic masculinity. He is still taught to be a man, and there are certain “this is a manly trait” aspects (although when she features women as forefront POV, she often includes very similar lessons: ultimately nothing is exclusive to one’s sex, but society is what it is and they may learn lessons differently or overcome different hurdles).

She addresses writing gay men in this interview: Here’s the thing - when I meet a person, their gender identity is most often not the most important thing about them. If we become friends, it’s not because my first impulse is, “I will be friends with you because you’re female.” I mean, there’s a lot of women I can’t stand. There’s a lot of men that I absolutely can spend hours talking to. There are a lot of people on the whole gender spectrum and whether I become friends with them or not has nothing to do with that, so when I am writing these characters, although in some ways gender can influence a plot - for instance, if you want the prince and the princess to get married and live happily ever after in a medieval setting, gender is going to influence that - but for the most part, gender is not much more important than who has blue eyes. What’s more important is who is a skilled navigator, who is tough enough to survive a bad situation, who can think on their feet and find the creative solution to a problem they haven’t encountered before, and that’s got nothing to do with gender. So it was not that I said, “Gee, I will write a book with gay characters.” It was, I’m writing a book, this character has stepped out onto the stage, he’s told me about him- or herself, and this is who they are. As I said: I’m not here to say that women cannot write gay stories. But there is also gay fetishism. I am both a gay man and a trans man; I get a lot of “OMG, you’ll love this!” and cis or straight people presenting me with things that appear inclusive or caring. I personally don’t find memes like “Steve Rogers is a transwoman!”** or whatever amusing. Am I, say, happy to see that Loki is canonically not straight nor cisgender? Yes. I love that. (Does that potentially make Victor von Doom not straight, uh, I like to think so.) I like reading LGBT+ stories, but a good portion of them may not interest me, especially if the writer isn’t part of that demographic and has a tendency to post a lot of art, writing, or discuss a lot of how hot, cute, or general appealing it is that a character or couple are LGBT. That creeps me out. I’m not alone. Very not alone. Absolutely not alone. Here’s another post, this time by a woman that I appreciate:

The worst thing,” one gay friend said, “is that [women in the slash community] aren’t listening to me. You’re not listening when I tell you that you’re being hurtful.”

What I find especially difficult to convey is the nuances to when women write gay men versus when men do. I’ve been trying to collect “gay stories written by gay men” although due to publishing bias, this can be very difficult: As a queer, trans reader, I looked forward to seeing myself in their pages. But I was surprised to find that some LGBTQ-focused stories were reflecting not me, but a straight person’s imagination of me. [Link 1]

The current transman story I like is seen in Early Riser by Jasper Fforde. The character utterly blindsided me in a great way: he never appeared “omg trans” until it was forced to come to light. I appreciate him as well, as a character, because in a harsh survival world, he is a man who survives well. I especially see a lot of “transmen are soft uwu such boi” and I despise this. I did not survive everything in my life to be diminished to pastels and cute/sweet and childish-boyish characteristics.  Similarly, as a gay man, I am not there to be pretty, to serve as a fashion guru for straight people, to be soft and pretty and welcoming. And that’s not how gay men write themselves. This isn’t how transmen write themselves. As a writer, I struggled a lot on how to depict trans characters, and my largest lesson (and I certainly hope to published one day, but who knows) is that I never saw good examples of myself because most typically they are written by straight, cis women.  So what is so wrong with Goslee’s How (Not) To Ask A Boy to Prom? (There will absolutely be spoilers.) The main character is a teen boy who has long hair, loves succulents aggressively, loves narwhals, and has no male friends. His school is supportive of gay men: a very popular football player is gay and has supportive friends, another gay teen (who becomes his boyfriend) has very supportive friends. For some reason, this gay teen is incapable to do anything for himself. He loves art, doesn’t do sports, doesn’t really connect with his foster parents, and seems overly attached to his sister. He is effectively a very flat and “soft” person. Some guys are, of course. Some gay guys are more art, less sports. But the other men? Si & Bern? They’re equally soft. Si is described as soft, beautiful, kind, sweet. He has zero personality. He is described the same way, every time, and is overly described as soft, all men are soft, it’s like they bathe in fabric softener. Bern, the “bad boy” is barely... That. He is supposed to be gruff to the main character, but for the good portion, he is like the main character (Nolan), and Si. They are all the same person, ultimately. 

Bloom might be a good comparison to How (Not) To Ask a Boy to Prom. This is written by a man (Kevin Pancetta) and illustrated by a woman (Savanna Ganucheau). I don’t like the character design. Most of the gay men I showed it to asked if at one of the guys (or both) are women. But it is a story about a frustrated kid who wants to move out of his small town to Baltimore (okay: as a Marylander who grew up in a very small town and eventually moved to Baltimore, I kinda.... Get this), but meets another man who is older, but not creepily too old for him, and its a romance & vague coming of age story. If you grew up in a small city as LGBT+, it’s hard to find your sense of self. You miss out a lot on life; I think Ari reflects that: he wants to be himself.  A lot of this enters into my point 2: The problem of being a fanfic writer, or the pitfalls of translating fanfic writing skills to professional writing. Nolan is not a person; he has no strong characteristics. We’re told he likes narwhals and succulents, he is a foster child, he’s gay, and I have trouble quantifying him the way I do Ari because he’s so devoid of personality. Si is probably the least developed character at all, as the “perfect, Apollo-esque gay football player.” Bern is maybe the most developed, going from gruff-mean guy to gay softy--a motorcycling math nerd.  The problems with fanfic writing is that it is based on knowing characters. As fanfic writers, we don’t have to nail down reality, because there’s a whole piece devoted to who they are. We’re just filling in those blanks. The author seems to primarily be a Teen Wolf fanfic writer (her bio lists “werewolves,” but her tumblr blog is very devoted to Teen Wolf, so well). This brings up another creepy pitfall, which is beyond slash fic writing, there is the aspect of word usage. If you’ve been following my vague live-reading, I’ve been posting about the massive references to “puppy” and other trends. It is creepy to read out of context. 

It seems, according to reviews, that Goslee has trouble with this in her other book, Whatever: or how junior high became totally f$@ked. She has a stream of consciousness that doesn’t explain the main character’s thoughts or the world very well. In fanfic writing, this would end up being a slow burn. “Oh, but are they really going to date?” etc. In How Not, Nolan fake-dates Bern, and googles this concept, finding fanfic works. This gets weird for me, because it’s supposed to be an inside joke, I guess? “Hey teeny nerds: fanfics” but most gay men I know have a difficult relationship with fanfic and with fan community due to fetishism. We get pressed out of spaces a fair amount because of it. (One link above, the Mary Sue one, discusses how women do this.) Of course, this is meant to be a cute, happy book, right? Alright, it’s a cute, upbeat story. Except we don’t get a very good baseline for the world. Bern & Si’s friends are supportive. We get a form of negativity from Bern’s mother, who wishes he’d date his ex-gf, I think? (Bern is bisexual.) Or maybe just date women. So is there homophobia in this world or not? We aren’t given a good sense how Nolan’s parents feel that he is gay? It seems to wholly not discuss his foster parents barring “they are aggressively competitive, Tom makes crazy food concoctions and Marla talks to him about dating Bern.” As a whole, the parents are extremely unimportant other than they provide a home and food. Are they unusual for the area? (And knowing PA, that state can have some major issues.) Or is it common in this world? Is there a reason to not hand-hold? Do they every worry about homophobia when outside school? Do the teachers say shit? There is a lot to consider. The world-building is deeply lacking. Beyond the lack of world, we get a lot of fanfic trope writing. A lot of this I’ve seen from people on my dash who are Teen Wolf fans. I used to like the show & follow TW blogs; I’m not a massive fanfic reader (*ahem* a lot of gay fetishism), but I have read it. For series like TW, you may see what I consider “animalistic tropes;” such as tackling, growling, etc. There is a lot of this. A lot of people are tackling each other to the ground, growling, and there’s this weird moment when Bern grabs the nape of Nolan’s neck that while some men do this, it felt very strange in the moment, particularly aggressively? Because the author openly admits to writing werewolf fanfic, it feels like that is what it is. For authors who write both fanfic and seek to write professionally, this is a consideration. For a gay reader, it’s really weird for a guy to grab another guy’s “nape of the neck” affectionately. (As someone who has worked around large predators, albeit primarily felids, grabbing the neck is a sexual behavior, but that just makes this weirder.) Anyways, it really struck out as weird; just very very weird. Bern is mentioned to not be into PDA (which later in the book, they do it a fair amount it seems, that is also very weird? this happens a fair amount). 

Another part is that there is a lot of use of the word puppy. It is frequents so often that I’d have to stop reading because it was grossing me out. It sounds like that author is into puppy play. This isn’t to kink shame, but this is a YA novel and she writes werewolf fanfic. It starts seemingly, albeit weirdly innocuous with moments like “Bern was smooth and graceful while I was still growing out of my puppy paws” and “She tilted her head like a puppy” and “I followed him up the stairs like a puppy.” But it keeps happening. Then people start growling at each other and it just... Gets a very specific note. Mixed in with how smooth and hairless and Adonis-like the teens are written, especially by an adult woman fan, it feels... Well... It makes my skin crawl. I’m not saying that the author means to. I’m really not trying to be like ‘Hey, guys, sexual predator?” I really, really want to address that that is not my intention. My intention is that this compounds on itself. In the links about how the slash side of fandom can make gay men uncomfortable: this is the perfect example.  I’ve been to events with fans and found myself, barring maybe my fiance, to be the only gay man there. If I’m shipping two characters, such as when I went to a TAZ photoshoot, and my fiance and I are the only gay cosplayers, and almost the only men period, whereas a lot of women are screaming about how cute Taako is, that gets uncomfortable. It’s not about this one fandom. It’s all fandoms. Every single one has had this fetishization problem. It’s why I never entered the Lord of the Rings fandom. I was in middle school and found “my first” fandom, only to see all of the fanfic about Sam/Frodo ships and it grossed me out. As a teen boy, it creeped me out, that all these men had to be sexual to each other, and as I only came across women shipping men, it made it more and more ostracizing.  Maybe I should have addressed this earlier, but: Not all fetishization is sexual. It can be romantic, too. How (Not) to Ask a Boy to Prom’s relationships are about a teen boy who doesn’t want to date or go to prom. His sister makes him ask out Si, the big popular gay guy. Nolan/the author mocks the GSA (gay-straight alliance) club. While there are problems with some GSAs*, the author, a seemingly straight woman, is mocking an LGBT+ space. There is a chance she is bisexual; I haven’t managed to find otherwise, and that’s how this will appear to many people, as she has a husband. I will also note: a bisexual woman’s experience will differ from a gay man’s experience, and sometimes LGBT+ folks need to not speak for/over each other.  Nolan ends up fake-dating Bern due to a mistake, and there’s a bit of problem I have, with how for a good portion of the book, these gay teens “need to FAKE date”. Worse to me, is that Nolan, upon realizing he likes Bern, breaks up with him and ends up sleeping (non-sexually) in a bed with his sister, deciding to go to prom together. For a straight/cis-presenting women to write this, it’s... Got a lot of different baggage to it. Especially with how idealistic (but not for gay men) she writes the characters, it gets worse and worse. It makes the gay character seem just a little less gay. His relationship with his sister is odd. It’s not “cool” to really hang out with your sister at school; I know, I had a step sister & brother. We were all roughly the same age. If these two went to prom together in the real world? They would be mocked. Also, it really makes Nolan appear not actually gay. As a gay writer, I would have him, if not go at all, go stag. The message here is: it’s better to be straight than gay and without a boyfriend. Hence how it becomes fetishistic: Nolan’s sister, both of which are older teens (around 17-18 or so) sleep together in a bed. It may not be “coded as sexual” but it is ignorant of the history that “maybe gay men can be fixed.” They even dance at prom. This is one step below asking your mother to prom. She is still his sister. It creates a narrative that he, out of the blue, dumps his boyfriend to then sleep/cuddle with his sister and they go to prom. Again, this is seen more in fanfic: we often, especially with adopted siblings, see closeness that can become romantic or sexual. I have a fair amount of friends who are adopted and this trope style is infinitely horrifying to them. It makes them feel like that society doesn’t view them as actually family. It is also a real problem: adopted family members (especially kids) have been abused by their adopted family, as if “it’s okay, they’re not actually biologically family.”

While he does eventually get back together with Bern, it’s after prom that he does this. I don’t even know why Bern accepts him. Nolan has been truly awful to this guy. Goslee doesn’t seem to understand how tenuous gay men’s statuses are. This can be held against Nolan, if not for the simple creepy fact that he sleeps and goes to prom with his sister, that he goes to prom with a woman, he may get a lot of “But are you really gay?” comments. Especially because Nolan dates only one man before going to prom with his sister (and is the one to dump his boyfriend, who he was fake-dating).

Is there more on this I could write? Yes. I probably could, but I also have to get ready to go to a movie with my fiance. So uh... Maybe there will be a part 2? We’ll see. _______ *I personally was forced out of my college’s GSA because the group was actually gay/bisexual people having orgies. So, yea, there’s some problems with certain LGBT+ spaces and being actually open to LGBT+ folks. It was also extremely transphobic and ace-phobic.  **My point with this for clarification is that: I don’t want to be bribed with “lol this person is LGBT+ cuuuute!?” headcanon or otherwise. I am fine with that form of headcanoning, or AUs, but the idea of playing with gender identity and pulling it off as cute, especially by cis or straight people is skeevy and at best, ignorant, at worst, fetishistic.  Link List: LGBT Exploitation in Fandom: we are not here for your entertainment

Fetishizing Homosexuality

gbpt boys’ ask about women readers of mlm stories

The Mary Sue’s On The Fetishization of Gay Men by Women in the Slash Community

Why Are So Many Gay Romances Written By Straight Women?

The Lack of Published Gay YA by Gay Authors? Let’s Talk About It

Harry Styles, Seattle

My Experience and Perceptions 

My daughter and I got in line for security at about 7:15.  Ever mindful of demographics I took note of the crowd.  Mostly (75% maybe?) women somewhere from late teens to twenty something.  I was encouraged to see quite a few dads in line as well as women closer to my age.  Many of the dads were with their wives, but did not appear to have daughters near them.  (Either they were hanging back, giving their daughters some space, or they were actual Harry fans.)  There appeared to be a good number of young men, certainly more than in my demographic.  Many were obviously with girlfriends many alone, or maybe with female “just friends.”  (Just my gut from what I saw.)  I saw a group of 4 young guys in line ahead of us - nothing about them clued me as to their sexual orientation.  I only saw a few guys who were very obviously gay™ (I don’t claim to have great “gaydar.”)

Once inside, we decided to get our merch, even though it meant probably missing the first song or two from Musgraves.  My daughter and I were chatting about the shirts on display and the young man in front of us turned and answered a question we were asking ourselves.  He was very nice and seemed very gay, or camp, in the way he spoke.  Everyone we came in contact with seemed to be taking “treat people with kindness” to heart.  The whole atmosphere felt warm, inviting, safe and friendly.  I had planned to get the Treat People With Kindness shirt, but they were out of XXL. 

I ended up buying a black shirt with this picture on the front and a list of all his tour stops on the back.  (Disregard special guest Warpaint and everything below that.)  I can’t find a pic of the actual shirt, but I quite like it.  Those hollow body Gibsons are almost as pretty as he is!

We got some Harry Styles guitar picks from the Seattle Children’s hospital table.  I think the people staffing the table were from the hospital foundation - they were very happy and effusive about Harry’s generosity.  (We’ll give a few picks to my son.  He likes Harry’s music and plays guitar.)  They were also surprised at how many fans knew all about his support of a local charity in each tour city.  My daughter and I had our picture taken by the charity table, in front of a big yellow banner and holding a “Treat People With Kindness” sign.  We were giddy, excited and soaking the whole experience in.

I have seen some very credible, pro Harry blogs lament that he has monetized TPWK, by selling merch with the slogan.  I understand their concerns, but I think the only way Harry can cheapen TPWK is by failing to live it.  From everything I see, he lives it as well as any mere human could be expected to.  I think it’s lovely we have a chance to literally buy into TPWK.

Kacey Musgraves has a pretty voice and was very pleasant to listen to.  (I do not care for much country twang, her’s is subtle.)  Follow Your Arrow is a very nice, positive song, but it is a bit of a sermon.  I feel the real power of art is in evoking emotion, empathy, or telling a compelling story, not sermonizing.  I shouldn’t complain.  I just feel her message would be stronger if the song told a story.  I quite liked the song she did featuring a trumpet.  My daughter thinks that may have been a cover??  

For fellow oldsters, or people who value their hearing, I highly recommend:

This is the brand I got (black case for me and red for my daughter) but there are many similar to chose from.  I tried pulling one out a few times and the volume was punishing.  These cut the decibels without the muffled sound from normal hearing protection.  Harry sounded BETTER and I could hear HIM better with the plugs in!  We used the “High” protection filters.

The few empty seats we observed earlier were filling in.  From what I saw, very few spots went unused.  We were amped when the screen dropped and the Rubik’s Cube animation started.  When the screen finally lifted, revealing iconic, wide leg, white trousers, everyone was cheering on their feet.  (Seats were only for the opener, I saw no one sitting after Harry appeared.)  He was absolutely magnetic.  The staging and lights were beautifully done.  Nothing felt cheesy, or gimmicky.  I can’t imagine Harry doing a show with dancers, or any of the normal pop/rock/etc. gimmicks and distractions.  Everything felt just right.  Everything felt, looked and sounded real and authentic.  (I always loved 1D’s rejection of the gimmicks too.  I love Liam, but he’s wrong on that one!  Who cares about the noise, narratives and PR?  This was Harry - a real and genuine side of Harry.) 

Harry’s voice was incredible live.  My daughter, who was only a casual fan, wished he had done a few more of his big, high notes.  I’m fine with him preserving those vocal cords - I would kill to protect them.  I tried to observe more about the band, but mostly I didn’t want to take my eyes off Harry.  The screen was nice for capturing his facial expressions, but I was finally seeing him with my own eyes.  I’ve been watching him on screen for years!  The interaction between Harry and Mitch was cute.  I think Harry is slowly turning Mitch into more of a performer, rather than only a highly skilled guitarist.  The blue-green lights during JaLBoYH were lovely.  I wish I had known about them ahead of time.  The quality of sound for the band and Harry’s vocals were positively exceptional.  There are precious few performers in this world who can equal it.

We were looking directly down at Harry’s profile when he moved to the B stage.  It felt a lot closer than I would have thought from the seating map.  Harry looked our way and we all (in my general area) excitedly waved, but there was no eye contact, or acknowledgment, despite my very bright Hawaiian shirt!  (It’s okay, I knew it was a long shot given the distance and relative darkness of the crowd.)  He was in fine form for IICF, pausing before Louis’ part and a long, dramatic shushing!  I had a bandanna in my pocket, in case I got emotional, but the whole atmosphere was so happy and warm, even during his heavy songs.  

A straight couple was sitting directly in front of my daughter and I.  The boyfriend was FULLY invested in the concert and videoed many songs on his phone.  As I said earlier, I didn’t notice anyone disengaged, from where I was sitting.  

When Harry moved back to the main stage, his audience interaction game kicked in.  I’m sure you’ve seen the gifs and clips already.  He was charming, delightful and sassy.  He was really sweet to a young girl (14) at her fist concert.  The half birthdays aren’t a thing bit was gold.  The one who found their soulmate.  Charlie’s gay birthday.  It was all delightfully sweet and entertaining. 

There were a lot of tiny rainbow flags in the pit and a few throughout the stadium.  I saw several women wearing LBGT+ shirts, of various types, in my area.  The whole atmosphere felt very safe and welcoming to all.  Harry ENTHUSIASTICALLY waved several flags during WMYB (I’m sure you’ve seen the videos.)  Harry’s message of kindness and love was palpable, but the show didn’t feel political, or heavy handed, to me.  (I think that strengthens his message and appeal.)

My daughter loved What Makes You Beautiful and Kiwi most of all.  She’s never been a hard core 1D fan, but always loved WMYB.  Kiwi is her favorite from his album.  Seeing him go so hard for Kiwi live really was a treat.  I loved the whole experience very much.  Standouts for me were:  The dramatic open with Only Angel (screen coming up - the whole experience.)  MMitH isn’t my favorite on the album, but hearing it live was beautiful - Mitch played the 12 string acoustic which had the most beautiful sound (other than Harry’s voice.)  Sweet Creature and If I Could Fly on the B stage went directly to my heart.  The audience interaction was pure gold.  The heartfelt gratitude he expressed several times.  Kiwi live really was a sight.

This was supposed to be a brief recap - guess I got carried away!  :)

Do we need "Love, Simon?" TIME says, "nah, bro."

I was reading the TIME article that attracted all this controversy over Love, Simon and I'm not gonna lie, some solid points were made. I agree in that there look to be some tropes and cliches, and that the trailer feels it will be a more juvenile film compared to, say, the pedophilic wonder Call Me By Your Name (I joke...sorta) -- but I don't think we can really compare the receptions from both films (CMBYN winning an Oscar and LS getting this [insert adjective that sounds nicer than "shitty" here bc I'm trying to be civil...] Time article) because, as Time itself points out, the two movies were made for different audiences in mind. And isn't that the whole point? 

This was the headline^ I'm not saying YA movies/shows, etc., have to be unintelligently written. Many are intriguing, layered and that's why so many rent-paying adults are still toting Harry Potter scarves and arguing about which House is better (Ravenclaw btw, fight me) -- because YA material can engage all ages. But yes, a lot of YA can also be straightforward (hah there's a pun lurking there somewhere) and one-dimensional, it happens. But if Time's point was that the movie didn't do its subject matter justice due to the fact it was a "flat rom-com," that's kind of very much bullshit since it never pretended to be some sort of genius plot to begin with. Like if the movie sucks (which imo it doesn't look horrible but I can see where the tropey tropes might come in) then that's too bad, but how does that have anything to do with whether or not it tried to carry a message that people can still take something away from? I mean when did bringing the LGBTQ+ genre to the big screens suddenly mean one had to produce amazing work in order to justify a gay character being the lead? If the plot was bad bc it did not try to send this message, then yes something would be wrong here but clearly that's not what's happening. The message is clear. Everyone deserves love. Two seconds into the trailer and bam. I already know. You don't gotta be a Ravenclaw to see the message (still best House tho, not backing down). It might not be done cleverly, idk, but the movie's not muddling that message in general no matter how trope-tastic it is. People who thought Twilight was dumb didn't conclude that oh, hey, since this ex-Cedric-Diggory fellow was one-dimensional and the romance was unconvincing, that must mean the efforts to portray straight people finding love on screen for all to see is "unneeded."

In fact, I'd actually be sort of glad if Love, Simon ended up being a "flat rom-com." Hooray! The LGBTQ+ community should be able to have the luxury of making both generic entertainment AND more, idk, Oscary Oscar entertainment (the voting process for that makes it a debateable standard anyway). That would be a hallmark moment: Gay characters can star in shitty movies too, folks. Just like straight leads. How does that put down the LGBTQ+ movement in any way? Why do all works that have homosexuality as a topic HAVE to be "good" in order to be something that exists? Can't the producer/director/cast just try their best to be passionate about what they make and hopefully entertain some people along the way?

But what IRKED me the most was this quote from the article:

"But those kids who were met with support when they came out are probably too sophisticated for Love, Simon–so much so that its vision of how good it feels for a masculine, traditionally attractive bro to receive encouragement might not resonate at all."

Firstly, 'bro'? Art thy not Time? What's with this colloquial language? Did I accidentally stumble upon a Tumblr rant such as my own? For fuck's sake?

Secondly, I get the criticism of Simon potentially being like a stereotypical white dude, but idk if I'd agree that it's this huge horrible thing. I'm not white but I don't feel offended? It doesn't seem like a racist move, in my opinion anyway, I mean whatever someone's ethnicity is they would have a story to tell in this situation and that's what the movie is about. Everyone equal and deserving love.

Thirdly, how does a KID being met with support when coming out mean they are suddenly too mature to handle a movie that represents something that happened to them? Oh shit maybe THAT is why I like Harry Potter! Because I haven't been told "yer a wizard!" It makes so much sense now, only things that I haven't had to handle should grace my TV screens -- so fuck off, all movies starring straight people! If I've seen one man kiss a woman, I've seen em all! Can't learn anything new I guess!

So basically what TIME is saying is that because Simon wasn't oppressed but instead had a healthy, positive coming out experience, the movie was unnecessary. Uh, what? BY THE WAY, Time also argues that the movie isn't relateable because in the parts of Simon's life that ARE indeed making it hard for him to come out, it seems like he's facing an outdated problem. So make up your mind please, Time. Is the movie a waste because it is too kind on Simon or too harsh? Oh, what's that you say? Matters are actually complicated and struggles are not able to be easily dismissed as "over now"? There we go...

Anyway -- not all coming out experiences are the same or laced with tragedy, so why does Simon have to be SAD and DOWN in a movie like this? You sadistic Time writer you? I get it, okay, Time wants to be MOVED, they paid good money on their box of tissues but again, Time already agreed that this is a YA movie. If it wants to be simple, why is that bad? And isn't it good, to not only let others who had a similar coming out experience know that they are just as legitimately a part of the LGBTQ+ community even if they had a calm coming out experience, but also to show audience members an example of how to positively and encouragingly converse with someone who is trying to tell you they are gay and/or any other kinds of things they would want to share with loved ones? Would Time rather ask the YA demographic to watch something gruesome and dark like a beating or some shit? Are the people at Time also those people who are so uptight about violent video games influencing their children yet somehow believe portraying how NOT to handle someone coming out is a good idea, and the only way to give meaning to a story about a gay male lead?

I just don't understand why the article had to make Love, Simon seem like it was this waste of an idea/hard work/money/excitement simply because it happened to be exactly what it said it would be, a YA movie. I don't understand why Time made it sound like the only way hype about a gay male lead would be allowed is if Interstellar happened again but like instead of Matthew McConnaughey trying to find his way back home to save his daughter, spewing copious amounts of philosophy and space jargon as he did so, he was now trying to reunite with his gay lover or some shit. (Actually, now that I say it aloud, I really need to watch that. Please someone make it happen. We can start a petition or something. Matt is a generous guy, I feel it in my soul.) And yeah I'd probably enjoy that movie more than Love, Simon because looking at the trailer, if I may take a moment to pre-judge the movie, it does so far seem to have the setup of a cheesy rom com for young teens. So? That doesn't mean it's some kind of setback for the LGBTQ+ movement. That doesn't mean it's a waste.

Also this has nothing to do with the rant but I thought it was pretty cool:

(found on instagram)

‘The Fosters’ Boss Peter Paige on Callie’s Season 5 Shift and the ‘Edgier’ Freeform

During the first four seasons of “The Fosters”, the ABC Family-turned-Freeform drama garnered much praise from organizations like GLAAD and the Television Critics Association for its inclusive take on the modern American family.

When “The Fosters” debuted, matriarchs (Sherri Saum and Teri Polo) were already raising three teenagers when a troubled juvenile in the foster care system crossed their path. They quickly embraced her and her younger brother, blending their family further. Building the show on this ensemble backdrop allowed executive producers Peter Paige and Bradley Bredeweg to explore what was affecting today’s gay couples raising kids — as well as those kids individually. Early on in the show’s run, the focus was on love triangles, friendship falling outs, and the loss of virginity, as well as the adoption process and a legal battle over a he said/she said rape case.

Just a year later, however, the network entered a re-branding phase, looking for edgier content to solidify the attention of the younger demographic. “The Fosters” helped the newly named Freeform make noise, as the show shined a light on deeper topics that included marriage rights, transitioning, and the justice system.

Variety spoke with Paige about the evolution of “The Fosters,” striking the balance of serious issue storytelling, and what’s to come with the new age of Freeform.

Variety: First, let’s look back over the history of “The Fosters.” Were there any stories you wanted to do early in the run that you couldn’t crack, either because you didn’t feel ready just yet or because the network’s messaging at the time didn’t allow for it?

Peter Paige: Back in the day we had the Jude [Hayden Byerly] and Connor [Gavin MacIntosh] kiss coming in season one. [It was going to be at] the end of season one, but we said, “Let’s earn this a little bit more. Let’s let them get a little bit older”– those kinds of things. And there are always those considerations, but now there are really no stories that the network isn’t up for. With the regime change at the network and with the kids getting older and having more independence, it certainly opened up new avenues into additional story. [But] what’s been really fun in the new regime is that we’ve been able to be edgier and talk a little more frankly about the reality of the teen experience. We were always doing that to some degree, but it opened it up enough to [allow] us to get into the nitty gritty of what it is to be a teenager at this moment in time.

V: Prostitution is an example of what it’s like to be a very specific kind of teenager. How did you come to the decision to bring the show into that dark world?

PP: We’re trying to look really frankly at stuff that’s really happening in the world, and [executive producer] Joanna Johnson went to a seminar from the police department on human trafficking, and she came back and was devastated, and we all started talking about what she had learned. We ended up bringing a couple of women who work in the human trafficking department in Los Angeles into the room, and as soon as we started hearing those stories we knew it was something we wanted to explore. So, we came at it from several different ways and constructed this long game where both Callie [Maia Mitchell] and Stef [Polo] were connected to that world in different ways.

V: The fifth season premiere picks up in the moments after the fourth season ends, with Callie thinking she’s about to go to jail and posing as another girl from the group home Girls United to meet with a pimp — basically sacrificing herself for that girl. It follows in her usual pattern of doing good for others despite the consequences to herself, but how far can you take that, and what do you think it will take for something within her to shift and start valuing herself?

PP: It is a challenge. We can’t just constantly find Callie in worse and worse and worse situations, but it is in her nature that when there is someone in need, other than her, she will come to their aid or defense– even to her own detriment. And the question of this season for Callie is “What if you stopped that? What if you applied that kind of thinking to yourself instead? Who would you be?”

 Stef and Lena [Saum] have been telling her that since the pilot. [She’s] not disposable. But it’s a combination of undervaluing her own life [and] her own well-being and a very strong, very powerful sense of justice. That’s a dangerous remedy. So to some degree it’s a shift that Callie has to make in herself.

V: Is there another character who can help her with that, or is that something she has to figure out on her own?

PP: Stef and Lena [Saum] have been telling her that since the pilot. [She’s] not disposable. But it’s a combination of undervaluing her own life [and] her own well-being and a very strong, very powerful sense of justice. That’s a dangerous remedy. So to some degree it’s a shift that Callie has to make in herself.

V: Speaking of Stef and Lena, where will this season find them?

PP: Stef, as we know from the end of the finale, is in crisis mode trying to save Callie [when we pick back up with her in the season premiere], and Lena is in a fight at the school [to keep the school from turning Charter] that’s as much affecting her life as it is the kids. But they’re [also] engaged in their continuing struggle, which is to nurture their relationship, to parent these five very different kids, and to find their own fulfillment in life. They have challenges coming on every front, and this season we slap another challenge on the moms when Lena’s family comes back to town. Life is big and messy and hard, and getting older is hard, and having parents who are getting older is hard, and it’s all in there.

V: Having kids who are fighting is hard, too, which brings up Brandon [David Lambert] and Jesus [Noah Centineo]. Last seen, Jesus thought his brother was the father of his girlfriend’s baby. How soon will that come to a head, and what are the ramifications going forward?

PP: They reach a pressure point in the premiere, and it’s going to be a great big problem. The tricky thing is, they kind of engage everyone in the family, to some degree, and nobody’s really right or wrong. Jesus is justifiably upset on not being clued into something huge that does impact his life, and Brandon was really trying to do the right thing, but Jesus has a TBI [traumatic brain injury], so his coping skills are diminished. As you’ll see in the premiere, that creates a very challenging circumstance for the brothers and for the family.

V: How do you strike the balance between those heavier stories and more everyday teenage — or even family — issues to tackle, and what is your plan for the tone this season?

PP: The amazing thing about television is it’s never perfect and you’re always learning. It’s like, “OK, next week we’ve got to remember X!” And then you remember X but you forgot Y. But of course that’s the thing about this mess called life, especially in a family like this — this giant, constructed, messy, full of love family — all of the colors of the rainbow are there. There are people having good days [and] there people having bad days. When one kid is winning the spelling bee, another is getting in a van with a pimp. There’s always a way for us to layer in some other lighter, kinder, gentler stuff. And the foundation of the show is the unconditional love, so there’s always hope somewhere in our stories, no matter how bleak they get. The end of the premiere posits a very pointed question about Callie in particular but a little bit sets the stage for a return to family and the more pedestrian questions about what it is to be a teenager and to grow up, as well.

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