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yorshie · 9 months

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Hello, fellow raccoon here 🦝 If it’s not too much trouble, could you write about sharing a bed for the first time with the Bay!verse turtles?

Ah! Another raccoon! Thank you for the request, I had a lot of fun writing this one! I went with head canon style.

Bayverse x reader, SFW other than bedshare, set in 2023 so turtles are 24-25

Tags: @jackalope-in-a-storm @tmnt-tychou

MICHELANGELO

This sweet turtle got his nest all ready when he heard you were finally spending the night. Brought in your favorite snacks, hunted down all his extra pillows from around the Lair, and restocked his mini fridge in case you got thirsty.

So when the time finally came and you go drop your bag off in his room, there is not a free spot to be found. His bed is a mountain of pillows and blankets, the small coffee table shoved in front of his tv has everything from pizza, microwavable food, and what looks like three different flavors of cookies piled on top of it.

Not gonna lie, its a bit intimidating. You might even have faltered, if sunshine boi wasn't right behind you with your toiletry bags, happy go lucky energy rubbing off until it felt like the spotlight wasn't directly on you.

the rest of the night is spent in typical Mikey fashion, a.k.a. a game and movie marathon. His brothers occasionally wander past his open door to say hello and to see what the two of you are up to. They might have a bet running on how much Mikey smothers you and how long you'll allow it. Even Splinter is in on it, thought the old rat refrains from making an appearance so his youngest doesn't feel like he's doing something wrong. He wants to marry his sons off eventually, after all.

When you eventually get tired and it's time to delve into the towering abyss of pillows that have taken over his bed, Mikey's territorial side makes an appearance. The door gets shut and locked to avoid anyone that might think it's a good idea to pull a prank (none of his brothers would but Mikey is paranoid because he is the prankster), and he wastes no time diving in after you for some cuddles.

oh. ok, maybe there's too many pillows, because now he can't find you! He's lost his significant other! Cue a mini chase where most of his bounty ends up in the floor in his search. You are not getting out of cuddles. No amount of wiggling or hiding will save you.

the actual cuddling is quite nice. Mikey's warm and his bicep makes for an excellent pillow. He likes to lay face to face, with your head tucked under his chin, limbs entangled and churring up a storm that you knew would have his brothers wincing in second hand embarrassment if they ever heard all the turtley noises he made when it was just the two of you.

He definitely snores, though. And farts in his sleep. Fact of life, don't get mad, because we all do it sometimes, most of us just aren't a mutated turtle man with a noxious gut fueled by pizza and sour patch kids. Dutch oven him with his own farts as payback.

in the morning you'll definitely wake up first, though as soon as you start to move Mikey will be alert. Call it sixth sense, but all the turtles are hyper aware of their own personal spaces and who's in them. I hope you weren't planning on getting an early start that morning, because now that Mikey's awake he's ready to continue the movie that you getting sleepy paused the night before. While getting more cuddles and eating breakfast in bed, of course.

LEONARDO

he internally started creating lists as soon as you accepted his sleepover proposal. Panics a little and moved the date once to make sure his sheets are washed the day before. Everything in his space has to be perfectly so. If someone interupts his cleaning and prepping, they better expect to have their head bitten off. Will have a literal panic attack if you arrived early.

You, of course, notice nothing out of place when he presents his room for your inspection. Yes, you read that right. This turtle will practically sweat as he waits for your verdict on whether the nest is good enough. No, he doesn't realize what he's doing. If you pick up on it don't tell him or else he might start panicking again.

The two of you will actually not spend too much time besides sleeping in his room, most of your time will be hanging out in the main living area. This serves two purposes: as the eldest Leo wants you to get along with all his brothers, and two, the thought of his bothers coming by his room to say hi to you absolutely drives is reptile brain crazy. So you'll eat and hangout with everyone else, and try not to laugh at the subtle teasing you know your turtle is going through with the whispered jokes and laughter that seem to stop every time you turn around.

When it gets late enough and everyone starts peeling off to do their own thing, you'll have to let Leo know you are ready to go lay down. Hilarious if you think He's going to suggest it's time to head to bed to you, he's trying his hardest not to think of the words "you" and "nest - BED! he meant bed!" in the same sentence.

when you finish your nighttime routine and make your way back to Leo's room, don't be surprised to find him on a makeshift pallet on the floor. There is no way you couldn't have seen this coming, but don't worry, there's an easy fix. Simply get in his bed, close to the wall, and start shivering. Loudly. Ham it up. In no time flat you'll have a turtle sneaking up next to you to keep you warm, though at first he will be hesitant. Cuddling you in the privacy of his own room with the expectation of sleep is very different from just chilling with you.

despite Leo trying to be a gentleman during the beginning, leaving you a bit of space and trying his hardest not to crowd you, by an hour in he will be wrapped around you. As he slowly gets tipped closer and closer to the edge of sleep, the more loose he will become. And once he gives in and gets used to the cuddles, he will never want to stop.

He clicks and chirps in his sleep sometimes. You woke up thinking there was a baby bird or something in the room, only to discover the high pitched noises were coming from him, before he transitions into deeper churrs from his chest right in front of your eyes. If you keep very still and quiet he might not wake up, but he will be traumatized if he does and discovers he makes these noises

There is very little chance of you waking in the morning before Leo. This turtle gets up early, but maybe just for today he can slip back next to you, after morning training, just to feel close to you for a bit longer. When you wake up you could just spend the morning talking, he won't mind being lazy as long as it's with you

You'll most likely be the one making breakfast if the other brothers aren't up yet, as Leo is banned from making anything other than tea or using the strict guidelines Mikey placed next to the microwave. But, he is an excellent sous chef, and after you're both fed he will be quick to suggest an activity so the two of you can hang out longer. Just know he's already weighing his chances of getting you to spend the next night as well.

DONATELLO

Dee had about 50 reminders set in the days leading up to your first sleepover, and a mental list he was practically grappling with in between projects. Anytime he'd focus on what was coming up too much, the butterflies would start going haywire in his stomach and he was likely to drop whatever it is he's holding at the time

Needless to say, he was in a bit of a panic by the time you showed up. Technically speaking, logically speaking, he knew his bed and room where both clean. And he knew you liked spending time with him, so why the anxiety? Why the nerves? He's so nervous, he doesn't even realize you've arrived, moved around his habitual pacing to set your bag on his bed, and now you're simply watching him with fond curiosity.

He shrieks when he finally notices you. Practically has a heart attack and knocks over at least four stacks of meticulously arranged cds and various technological components. Eventually joins in your laughter after he's calmed down enough to see the humor in the situation.

Just this once, Donnie has cleared his timetable of various projects to focus soley on you. That isn't to say that before he's blown you off or ignored you, but by now you are well aware how hard he has to work to contain his wandering mind, al lthe little tips and tricks he uses to keep his focus on the here and now and not bouncing from idea to idea.

The two of you will not be spending too much time out in the main area. The time it takes the two of you to procure dinner is more than enough brotherly interaction for the tall turtle. Not to mention, it turns almost awkward as the other's try desperately to not make prolonged eye contact with anyone else. They learned a long time ago not to tease the brother that controls all their devices and the access to the wifi.

Once Donnie and you are comfortable back in his room, the true hang out will begin. You'll play rock-paper-scissors to pick a movie, Donnie always lets you win, but he gets to pick the music that plays in the background. If you want, he'll access his computer and set up the program to make the lights in his room dance to the beat. Curled up in his arms, it is the easiest place to fall asleep, surrounded by fluttering lights that mimic being underwater.

Donnie may not actually sleep, but he stays with you the entire night. If you wake at all it might be to the idle scratching of pen on paper as he writes, his hand moving in your hair or along your back, or to his soft breaths caught in a light doze, a soft churr rumbling in his chest. If you're also the type to burn the midnight oil, you both might stay up talking long enough that the morning slowly creeps up on you before you both pass out.

Splinter often stops by the Lab in the morning on his way to meditate, if only to wrap a blanket over his son's shoulders and move his glasses to a safe spot. It's an ingrained habit, so much so that it doesn't even register that you spent the night until he quietly opens the door. He takes on look at the two of you holding each other close, and turns away with a smile.

Dee can cook, but most likely he'll order from the diner one block above their preferred manhole cover, and the two of you will sneak out for eggs, bacon and pancakes before secreting it away in his room so you don't have to share.

RAPHAEL

If the two of you are close enough for a sleepover, Raph is going to be the calmest of his brothers about you being in his personal space. Sure, he'll clean up, make sure all his dirty clothes are in his hamper and all the drawers actually shut on his dresser, but don't expect much in the way of fanfare.

He doesn't care where you wanna hang out in the evening, as long as you're comfortable. If you're out in the Lair proper however, get ready for some brotherly jockeying. Mikey almost can't help teasing Raph about having a guest over for the night, but the bigger brother will take it in stride as long as its only Mikey. Donnie tends to stay out of the limelight when it comes to teasing, but you better hope Leo doesn't so much as raise an eye ridge in Raph's direction. To be fair, the blue turtle is likely only drawing attention to how soft for you Raph is, but the two of them earning a trip to the Ha'shi might put a bit of a damper on the sleepover.

Leo's right though, Raph is completely soft for you. You want something to eat? He'll go get it for you without even a huff. You want popcorn for the movie? He'll bring back soda as well. You ask how much he can bench? He'll toe the line between showing off and making sure he can actually handle the weight. You neck hurts from having to crane around him to watch the movie? He'll lay on the ground and let you splay across his shell. You blink at him and sleepily ask to be carried? You're already up in his arms before you can even finish the sentence.

When it comes time to sleep, Raph will insist you take the inside of the bed, close to the wall, but he's thought ahead and gotten you your own pillow so you don't have to share with him. Yes, technically its from Mikey's room, but don't worry he disinfected it with a shit-ton of Lysol and Frebreze and washed the cover. This doesn't mean he doesn't want to cuddle, but of all the things Raph understands in his life, the very first few are the difference in size between the two of you, just how much he weighs, and how strong he is. So he'll tuck you against the wall and lay out on his stomach in one of the few positions that makes it hard for him to tip over. There's just enough room between the lip of his shell and the mattress for you to slot yourself against him, and he'll take the opportunity to slide his arm around your waist and bury his snout in your hair.

He'll hold you there throughout the night, breath slow and even. If you wake, be prepared that any movement will rouse him. He can't exactly help it, and he tries not to make you feel guilty over it, but you can always make out the green shine of his eyes peering down to make sure you are ok before he drifts back off again.

This turtle churrs sometimes in his sleep, but it's not the cute or soothing churr of contentment. No, someone parked a diesel engine in his man and is revving it like he's driving up an inclined gravel mountain road. The only way to get him to stop is to poke the thin strip of skin along his side, repeatedly, until he snorts and shifts. 50/50 chance the shifting will stop the churring. If not, you'll have to repeat the process.

In the morning, he'll dip before you wake, and come back to the room with warm pastries and whatever he's seen you drink in the morning. If you want your breakfast right away however, you might have to bribe him with turtle smooches as he tries to steal back his spot and catch up on the cuddles he's missed being a good boyfriend. Yes, he's holding you hostage, unless you want to try climbing over him. You might succeed if you make him laugh.

At some point in the day, after breakfast and whatever morning routine you keep, Raph will ask you what you want to do. If you want to go home, decompress, he'll take you home, but if you want to stay again and hang out some more you'll get to see the sweetest, softest smile break across his face.

#bayverse tmnt fanfic #tmnt bayverse #bayverse tmnt x reader #TMNT leonardo #TMNT raphael #tmnt michelangelo #tmnt donatello #bayverse donatello #bayverse leonardo #bayverse raphael #bayverse michelangelo #bayverse mikey x reader #bayverse leo x reader #bayverse raph x reader #bayverse donnie x reader #my writing requests

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downforthegas · 4 months

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🍎 and 🐶 WH eprocto headcannons/scenarios (cause I'm gross lol)

-Ba//ar//aby probably does little gags with his farts. Like he does the whole "pull my finger" and "do you hear that" jokes. He thinks its so funny but every time he farts, he just turns whatever space/house he's in toxic. Bc of that, no one really falls for the "pull my finger" gag... except for Wa//lly. He's so gullible, falling for the gag each time -The little fart gags aren't the only thing Ba//rn//aby does. Sometimes when he's holding Wa//lly close, he holds him between his crisscross legs and farts. At first, Wa//lly doesn't know what that low, bassy noise was, but then the smell hits him. He tries to get up and leave, but Ba//rn just holds him tight, letting another fart out in the process as he forces Wa//lly to endure his stink -speaking of holding him tight, imagine Ba//rn picks up his little friend from behind, surprising Wa//lly which causes him to accidently let a small squeak out from his butt (Ba//rn almost mistakes it as a mouse). Ba//rn laughs, even calling his little toot cute. Wa//lly does his little monotone laugh, but blushes from embarrassment. But knowing that Ba//rn found joy in his little toot, he makes an effort to do it again -Sometimes Wa//lly really catches Ba//rn off guard. Sometimes he'll rip a minute long silent fart and makes Ba//rn's eyes water. Or, in very rare cases, he'll rip a loud, long bassy fart that'll get mistaken for Ba//rn's. He'll congratulate his little buddy for ripping something so huge, but also ask if he's ok (it's a big fart, it must've given Wa//lly quite the stomach ache) -They give each other tummy rubs when they get bellyaches. Sometimes when Ba//rn overeats, he'll go to Wa//lly for help (or How//dy cause he has all those arms, imagine getting two belly rubs at once). Wa//lly will crawl on top of Ba//rn's big belly to sooth the huge thing with his little hands, causing long gutteral belches and deep, bassy farts to leave him, farts that shake the ground and cause Wa//lly to say "oh you poor thing. feel better, big guy?" -alternatively, when Wa//lly get's a stomach ache, he can barely walk, especially if he's really bloated. Ba//rn just lies next to his poor friend and rubs gentle circles into his gut with one or two fingers. he'll mention that Wa//lly's flat stomach looks like a big yellow balloon that's about to pop, and Wa//lly will look away and blush, as little toots and light, airy burps puff out of him -Ba//rn has definitely ripped ass into a microphone, there's no doubting it (and probably blew out the speakers in the process)

-Ba//rn and Wa//lly have little fart contests with each other sometimes. Wa//lly always participates even though his farts don't hold a candle to Ba//rn's (bc that would just cause an explosion lol) -but sometimes, just sometimes, Wa//lly's blows Ba//rn out of the water and wins the contest instead... (only to realize there's now a wet spot in his pants) -Really I feel like they're so comfortable around each other, they don't mind farting around each other cause they're such good friends

-one last thing: Ba//rm has definitely dutch-ovened Wa//lly before. He so small and is willing to curl up with Ba//rn in bed so it's just too easy. Poor Wa//lly gets trapped in a thick blanked of stink. But Wa//lly picks up on these things quickly and gives Ba//rn a taste of his own medicine. which tastes like rotten apples lol

#fart kink #gas kink #playfellowxxx #gassyfellowxxx #eprocto

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flautistsandpeonies · 1 year

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End Racism in the OTW: AITA For Always Buying My Wife Cooking Themed Presents?

Read the Previous Part [Here]

Word Length: 2,060

Time to Read: 12 Minutes

You can also read this on my Wordpress.

Chapter Summary: Jin Zixuan posts on the AITA Reddit.

Curious about the title of this fanwork? I’m joining an effort to call on AO3 to fulfill commitments they have already made to address harassment and racist abuse on the archive. Read more, boost, and get involved here!

So, I’ve [23M] recently come under hot water with my wife [25F] after I gave her another anniversary gift. It was a 20-piece cobalt blue dutch cooking set with matching cooking mats, oven mitts, cutting board, and utensils. I was planning to have that one shipped to our summer house in the Mediterranean since we were going there for a vacation soon, but it looks like I might be returning it. I thought that she would really like it as cooking has been her favorite hobby ever since she was a child. I usually get her a new cooking set for each house we buy; like I got her a bronze cooking set after we bought a flat in France, but this time it actually made her really upset! She burst into tears and started talking about how we never truly talked about the things we liked to do when we were courting and how we’ve fixed ourselves into a relationship where we give each other meaningless gifts. She also likened us to our parents’ marriages, only that we didn’t fight as much as they do.

I got upset at first and shot back that she never tried to talk to me about any other things that she liked; that she only ever showed me the side of her that liked to cook. In the heat of the moment, I also made the quip that “unlike our fathers, I’m not afraid to divorce you if this marriage turns sour”. However, I really regret what I said and I want to make it up to her. I’m not really sure how to do that, however. Usually I buy her a gift if she gets a bit miffed with me, but I think that would only make this situation worse. I’m not the best with words either, and I’m afraid I may make her cry again.

As things are, we haven’t spoken in a couple days. We still sleep in the same bed and whenever I wake up breakfast is done, and lunch and dinner is cooked while I’m working, so things have only really changed on the social side of things.

Everyone, I really love my wife. I will admit that I used to not like her because when we were younger our mothers made a deal that if we were two separate genders then we would have to marry when we were older. I hated the idea of marrying someone I didn’t love, and I took the arranged marriage out on her by pretty much either pretending she didn’t exist or I was kind of rude to her.

I got lucky when I was 16, I went to a prestigious school program offered by one of the other families in our social circles. My wife’s little brother and foster brother were allowed to attend, and about three months in I said something kinda bad and her foster brother knocked my lights out, so our fathers ended up breaking the engagement. You may be thinking “how is that lucky?”, but by breaking the engagement I wasn’t forced to be with her, and a couple years later I decided to actually try to get to know her a bit and ended up falling in love. So, I guess I should probably thank her foster brother for punching me too huh?

But anyway, how should I fix this? Can I fix this? Or was I too much of an asshole and ruined my marriage to the best thing that’s ever happened me ever since my dad got sick and had to step down as family head?

...

Comments:

Marshmallow-Strap-On: YTA she’s probably sick and tired of you buying the same old things. You should really just try and sit down and talk things out. Maybe try to write down what you want to say to her since you have trouble voicing things out? -Original Poster: That’s an idea. I’ll definitely try it. --Marshmallow-Strap-On: Do you have any idea as to what her other hobbies may be? ---Original Poster: Honestly? No. You see, my wife was reared to be the “perfect madam” like all other heiresses in our social network, meaning she’s supposed to be able to handle the financials of the household, play an instrument, know a bit of strategy, that sort of thing. Other things such as hobbies, while she may have some, is not supposed have any interaction with the husband’s life and duties, as ugly as it is to say. ----Marshmallow-Strap-On: ....Oh my word..... (Click Here to Continue Thread)

Blade: YTA -Original Poster: Thanks...

10000-Karot-Blade: NTA, she should be grateful you even remembered to buy her anything. I own a few houses myself and my wife never complains about what I give her. Your wife sounds pretty selfish tbh, maybe you should think about that divorce. -Bach-Chow: Yeah right, I think I met your wife. Her name’s Brazzer’s Inflatable Princess, am I right? --10000-Karot-Blade: Oh fuck off, you dirty sewer rat. I’ll have you know I am a member of the elite Golden Phoenix Order, and I will not have you say such slander to me, over the internet or not. ---Original Poster: ...Zixun, is this you? ----10000-Karot-Blade: It is me, cousin. I can’t believe that you are looking to the lower class to solve your marital problems. Your father would be disappointed in you, the head of the family seeking help from the internet. ----Bach-Chow: This asshole is your fucking cousin? -----Original Poster: Small world, isn’t it? And no, he doesn’t have a wife, most woman are afraid of him. ------Bach-Chow: That brings me dread rather than pleasure. (Click Here to Continue Thread)

Russian-Doll: YTA, but since it seems like you want to do better, here’s some advice from a woman who’s been married for thirty-seven years. You two need to sit down and have a long talk about each other. Make sure to listen more than you speak, apologize if you interrupt her and do your damnest not to do it again. This conversation isn’t about who was “right” in the previous argument, it’s about gaining a better understanding of who you both are as people. -Original Poster: Oh my heaven, thank you, thank you, thank you so much. --Russian-Doll: It’s alright dear. How long have you been married? ---Original Poster: Two years, but we dated for four years, and we’ve known each other since we were children. ----Russian-Doll: Mhmm, and you said your mothers arranged your marriage, but then your fathers broke it up? -----Original Poster: Yeah. Our fathers know arranged marriages very intimately as they didn’t want to marry our mothers. Especially in my wife’s father’s case, he was forced to by his and his wife’s parents. ------Russian-Doll: He was forced to marry her!? (Click Here to Continue Thread)

Spy-Kids: Wait, so your moms wouldn’t have allowed ya’ll to get married if ya’ll were the same gender? -Original Poster: Nope. They would have had us been sworn siblings instead. --Spy-Kids: What planet do you people come from? ---Original Poster: I don’t follow your line of questioning.” ----Spy-Kids: Your mothers are homophobic? -----Original Poster: My mother has not mentioned her opinion on LGBT people, but yes my wife’s mother is homophobic. Unless we have the urge to become deaf we try not to bring it up in front of her. -------Spy-Kids: Jesus (Click Here to Continue Thread)

Small-Chungus: YTA. Odd, this is the second time I’ve heard about rich families and arranged marriages in a span of like a couple months. Quick question, your wife’s mother wouldn’t be happening to try to take her foster brother to court would she? -Original Poster: Umm, actually yeah she is... How would you know about this? --Small-Chungus: Here https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jc1ch1/aita_for_sticking_up_for_my_mother_against_my_father_and_foster_sibling/ ---Original Poster: ......Oh my heaven. Oh my fuck, a-Li has to read this. ----Small-Chungus: a-Li? -----Original Poster: My wife’s nickname. Oh my fuck she is gonna be so mad about this. ------Who-Killed-Roger-Rabbit: Wait, what happened? ------- Who-Killed-Roger-Rabbit: Ok, nvm. Holy shit, that guy’s your brother-in-law? What am asshole! --------Original Poster: This is so fucking crazy, he’s lost his fucking mind. Oh shit, I hope Lan Wangji hasn’t heard about this, he’s dead if he has. ---------Small-Chungus: Who’s Lan Wangji? (Click Here to Continue Thread)

Cooking-Companions: YTA for owning so many houses, nepotism baby. -Original Poster: Buying a house is cheaper than renting a space for a few months or getting a hotel. --Cooking-Companions: How many houses do you own? ---Original Poster: I will not tell you as I can tell your reply will not be respectful. ----Cooking-Companions: You do not need more than one house. There are thousands of people in the world who could use that space daily than you on your little vacations. -----Original Poster: I am a philanthropist, I can assure you I’m not like the other members of my family who flaunt their wealth and lord themselves over others. ------Cooking-Companions: I cannot relay to you how much I do not fucking care. (Click Here to Continue Thread)

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...

Edit:

I’ve decided to update everyone on how things went with my wife.

So...it went really well!

I sucked it up and sat her down in the living room and we talked it out for hours. We went over our relationship from the beginning to now, we talked about our childhoods, our parents, our hobbies, pretty much everything.

I’ve learned that my wife loves wood carving, pyrography, map making, embroidery, and jet skiing! And she also likes the idea of entomology but her mother wouldn’t allow her to get into it cause it’s not “lady like”. I’m gonna get her some books on entomology as a surprise gift when we head to the Mediterranean.

We’ve also decided to talk to a marriage counselor. While we were still in the no talking phase my wife apparently spoke to her foster brother and he suggested counseling. I agreed cause it can’t hurt can it?

I’d like to thank everyone who gave me a push in the right direction. Our marriage is saved because of you all!

...

Comments:

Im-Mister-Heat-Mister: Looks like your NTA now, good job my guy.

Small-Chungus: Congrats man. Here’s to you becoming a better husband. NTA

Marshmallow-Strap-On: NTA anymore. Those entomology books sound like wonderful gift; hope she likes them!

Russian-Doll: Wonderful job young man. NTA

10000-Karot-Blade: I’m disappointed in you cousin. -Bach-Chow: Oh shut the fuck up, asshole

Cooking-Companions: So when are you going to give your extra homes to the homeless?

Breath-of-the-Wild: Looks like you owe your brother-in-law once again. -Original Poster: Oh heaven, yeah I know, guess I should probably do something nice for him. Uhh. Guess I could send him a pre-wedding gift? --Breath-of-the-Wild: He’s getting married? ---Original Poster: Yeah, he’s marrying the second son of another influential family. They hit it off in secondary school. ----Breath-of-the-Wild: Awesome, yeah dude, send them a gift! -----Original Poster: Now I only got to think what. Hmm, maybe some Emperor’s Smile. He likes that wine, but his fiancee doesn’t drink. (Click Here to Continue Thread)

WAP: I never considered you the asshole, and I believe that you should rethink this decision with your wife. If you are as rich as I believe then she could be a hindrance to your future goals. Certainly there are better woman out there? -Original Poster: I’m not divorcing the love of my life. --WAP: Love and business cannot mix my boy. If your love for her overcomes your work, then your work will fail. There are people who probably rely on you more than your wife; you should think of them too. ---Original Poster: I don’t think you understand. I love my wife. I don’t want “better”. I want her. ----WAP: Are you sure? -----Original Poster: Of course I’m sure. ------WAP: Are you sure you’re sure? -------Original Poster: Why the hell are you so invested in my life? --------WAP: I had a son in an arranged marriage just like you, in which the arrangement was dissolved just like yours. He ended up marrying her and parts of his business started to fail rapidly, but he was too in love with her meekness to do anything about it. ---------Original Poster: Listen, I don’t know if your lying or telling the truth, but what happened to your son is not happening to me. My work is doing well. ----------WAP: If your cousin above is a member of the Golden Phoenix Order like he claims then you are likely a high ranking member of the Jin family. Their profits have sunk since the clan head axed some of the business’s partners. ----------Original Poster: You mean he axed the people who were laundering money from less fortunate people. Of course they were axed. I’d rather have less money than hurt innocent people! -----------WAP: Your business is sure to crumble. How can you stand by such childish thoughts? ------------Original Poster: Get the fuck off my post asshole.

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Author’s Notes:

Another one done! Believe it or not, Jin Zixuan was a bit harder to write than Jiang Cheng, not because he’s hard to understand, but because there’s so little of him in the canon story I had to find a way to actually give this chapter substance.

Hmm, gimme ideas on who I should do next. Su She? Jin Zixun? Wen Chao or Wen Xu? The possibilities are endless, and I’m excited to try and come up with something new.

Read my Prompts and Other WIPs [Here]

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sebsxphia · 9 months

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Sebbie m'dear, I'm really glad to hear you're doing well and I am sorry for your loss. If you need to talk I'm always around but there's no pressure to do so at all.

I really, really enjoyed that soft Preacher!Rhett drabble you wrote out (hit a little bit harder than usual but I absolutely love that side of him and can't resist it, lol). Might I offer you another in return??

I was thinking about it being fall and the weather growing colder. It's getting to be spooky season which means the church's annual Halloween party is right around the corner (like I said, man of God or not, Rhett loves Halloween and all the fun that comes with it) and that means the church craft market, the farmers' market and the Halloween fundraisers for the childrens' and veterans hospitals etc.

Rhett doesn't really have to shoulder too much duty in the fall seeing as he has you and the babies to look after. It's one of those crisp, autumn Sundays where you've just shooed the babies outside to go and play in the leaf piles that Rhett's raked up or blown with the leaf blower and they're all in their little flannel jackets and sweaters.

You're inside the house where it's nice and warm and cozy, the woodstove in the living room is going as is Tim Burton's "Corpse Bride". Baby Dallas, your youngest that you and Rhett adopted, is snoozing away in his little wicker bassinet in the living room, all snuggled under his crocheted blankets, sucking away on his little blue paci while the family cat is nested in beside him, purring away. You're slow cooking a chuck roast in the little red dutch oven full of carrots, celery, pearl onions, garlic, herbs, spices and a rather liberal helping of red wine (lol) and the house smells soooooooo good.

Rhett and the older children all come traipsing in from the chilly afternoon to the smell of dinner slow cooking in the oven. The babies all head down to the playroom that you and Rhett had made for them, waiting for the rest of your friends and family to come over for Sunday dinner including an elderly neighbor of Rhett's who's never missed a Sunday service since she was little. You and Rhett both share a little bit of a slow dance in the kitchen until Dallas starts waking up from his nap and wants his daddy.

You and Rhett both hang around in the kitchen for a little while, you to get the dinner prepped and him to have the baby close by in case he needs to feed (he definitely wasn't against you using a home remedy or something from the doc to stimulate the milk flow when you adopted Amy and she needed to feed and also knew you needed to do the same for Dallas when he came out of his incubator). Even still, you both look at the little stone claddagh ring wall plaque that says "Bless This House", you and Rhett know full well that you are and always will be.

ohhhhhhhhh my love my love my loveeeee! if this isn’t the dream! i’ve mentioned it before, but that season is my absolute faveeee and i felt so warm, cosy and comforted reading this, it was so lovely and really what i needed rn 🥺

to live a content and cosy life like that with rhett would just be the dream! i loved all the little descriptions of yours 🥹

thank you so much for this sweet and comforting thought, and for your well wishes. it means so much to me and you know i’m always here if you need me too 🥺 ilysm, mwah mwah mwah! 💗🫶🏼

#💌you’ve got mail #auroralightsthesky <33 #💐 these are for you!!#rhett abbott #preacher!rhett abbott

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quahogchowda-blog · 4 months

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Experiment number 550,000 million is completed... 🤣🤣🤣 With most of the rise/proof "wait time" being while I was sleeping... 💤😴 What am I trying to prove? That baking sourdough bread is NOT an EXACT science. It is not that difficult and should not require all these "rules" that people want to make about baking SOURDOUGH... I have pretty much broken every single rule there is... And done exactly what works for me... in the time frame that works for me... I don't use a scale to measure my ingredients for my bread dough... I don't use a scale to weigh the measurements of ingredients that are going to go into my starter... I don't use heating pads or other contraptions or keep my house at a higher temperature so my sourdough starter or dough can stay warm or cold... I do not use filtered water. I use water straight from the tap despite the caution that it might kill the wild yeast. I don't worry about all this exactness with bulk ferment time... cold ferment time yadda yadda yadda...

Newest experiment... Can I make a decent sourdough loaf with minimal Hands-On time... With most of the wait time being while I'm sleeping... And how will it turn out if I use the "cold baked" method... Avoiding the excessive preheat times which to me is an absolute waste of our natural resources....

Came home from work yesterday and at 3:00 p.m. fed my cold straight from the fridge starter. I didn't think I was going to have enough starter for the two loaves I plan on baking today... so I added one full cup of flour and a half a cup of warm water.... (Normally I only do a half a cup of flour and a quarter cup of water but I gave it extra because I need extra starter today...)

By 8:00 p.m. the starter had at least doubled...

To a large Rubbermaid container I added:

1 full cup starter

3.5 cups white flour

1.5 cups wheat flour

1.5 cups water

Mix quickly just to get all the flour mostly incorporated... And Let shaggy dough sit with lid on for 30 minutes. After the 30 minute wait... I added another 1/4 cup water and 2 teaspoons salt... And immediately began stretch and folds every 30 minutes at 8:30 p.m. At 10:30 p.m. I moved the dough to a glass pyrex bowl with a lid. I was going to stop my stretch and folds there but thought better of it and 30 minutes later I did one more stretch and fold.

I left the bowl on the dining room table from 11 P.M. until I woke up at 5:00 a.m.

At 5 A.M. I gently plopped the dough onto the floured counter... And gently floured and formed my dough round to get a little more tension but also trying not to deflate the dough very much...

Placed that onto a piece of parchment paper... Scored the top with one slice down the center and plopped the whole thing into my cold cast iron Dutch oven. I did not have high hopes of this rising as well as it did that's why I only did one score down the center. I wish I had taken a picture but it was definitely much smaller than any of my other ready to bake forms.

As suggested I baked using the "cold bake" method for the first time.

Put oven on 450°. And placed the cold Dutch oven into the cold... But now preheating oven... immediately.

Baked at 450° for 50 minutes.

Removed the lid... And I was surprised to see that it definitely got a good oven spring... Continued baking with lid off for another 10 minutes.

Took temperature of the loaf it was 195°.

Took the loaf out of the Dutch oven and placed directly onto my pizza stone that was already in the oven.

Baked for another 10 minutes until bread reached a temperature of 205 and was more golden brown in color.

I don't know what the inside looks like but I'm not really concerned about that. It looks and smells terrific.

And it was EASY PEASY! Barely any hands on time at all... No fuss... No stress...

Experiment was a success! Total time... From starter initial feed at 3 p.m. to completed bake @ 6:40 a.m. = 16 hours... Hands on time equals approx a measly 20 minutes... 🤣

Note: Image of the starter is actually AFTER a 2nd feeding at 8 P.M. (I forgot to move the time band)... I added another full cup of flour to my remaining starter and another half a cup of water... It more than doubled by the time I got up this morning.

#Bread #sourdough #sourdoughbread #sourdough starter #experiments

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kyannnite · 1 year

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What activites would each of the uncles run? And to what varying degrees of success

okay so i am putting way too much thought into this but here's a complete list of activities i think jin ling's uncles would run:

jiang cheng runs the pets merit badge. a boy loves his dogs. he is surprisingly successful. however his attempt to lead an orienteering activity during a weekend camping trip does lead to at least one scout getting pricked with cactus needles

wwx is a counselor for the archery and wilderness survival merit badges and while the adults HATE him the kids love him bc not only is he fun but he also is super lax on how he signs off blue cards. hes the guy that sets up a wilderness survival camping trip and lets the kids bring peanut mnms with them. if there's any type of troop activity he's there and while it'll be chaotic they're always the kids' favorites

mo xuanyu is the counselor for the theatre merit badge. excuse for him to be campy and wear stage makeup ofc... he doesn't run anything too often though he's not super involved in scouts

jin guangyao is INCREDIBLY involved in scouting on the council side which means he's probably registered to be a merit badge counselor for at least 10 badges and is Too Good at running every merit badge day and troop activity. its frightening. he's also part of a current campaign to take over council presidency from JGS once his term is up but god knows if that'll happen

the lans are absolutely all counselors for the citizenship merit badge trifecta (community, nation, world), scholarship, and music merit badges.

lan wangji is the designated counselor for the basketry merit badge. it's calm. it's fun. wwx likes to come over and poke fun while asking if the scouts want to try underwater basketweaving. he also runs the horsemanship badge because I SAY SO

lan xichen is the counselor for the textile merit badge. don't knock it until you've tried it. the scouts get to have a lot of fun with looms and dyes... which is either a disaster or super fun.

nie mingjue runs the welding, metalwork, and shotgun shooting merit bagdes... whenever there's a shooting sports weekend you already know he's taking a brigade of scouts. he's also the definitive dutch oven expert and will win every camp cookoff.

nie huaisang runs the art merit badge, but mostly just runs around helping where needed (aka sitting around and watching disasters take place) and we love him for this. he always carries an extra supply of fans and spray bottles for hot days and events

totin' chip (allows scouts to use knives) and firem'n chit (allows scouts to build campfires and use lighting devices) are run on rotation by wwx, nmj, and jiang cheng. they have learned from previous mistakes and scouts are no longer allowed to start by using swiss army knives since too many couldn't tell the sharp from the blunt side (yes. real problem i have encountered)

lan wangji and wwx are sent to summer camp along with nmj and jiang cheng as adult volunteers to supervise the troop... but that is a post for another day (wink) (wink)

#sorry this is entirely too long but i did avoid an essay to write this #infodump central this was my life for 8 years #mdzs boyscout au #scout au #mdzs au #mdzs #asks #anon asks

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moplayspoke · 1 year

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Alright I am going to sound bougie as hell with this post but here we go…

For the longest time I had the world’s shittiest cookware because I had just started living on my own and I had to buy everything or acquire used stuff. For cooking, no one gives away their nice pots/pans. No one. The only time you ever find nice used kitchen supplies is if someone dies.

So I had a set I had bought for cheap from a discount store… (like 70$ for an entire set of saucepans and frying pans). They did ok for the first year. The nonstick coating held up for a bit but not for long.

A few years later when I had more adult money, I found out there was a le creuset outlet store near me and me being a cooking nerd, had to check it out. I walked out with a $200 cast iron enamled frying pan. It has been amaaaaaaaazing.

So a few more years pass and my shitty cookware got so bad the nonstick coating started to chip off and get into food. The handles began to rust. The paint and metal coating began to fade.

The bottoms of the pans would make weird noises while cooking as if stuff got stuck at the bottom or was about to crack open often accompanied by a nasty burning smell.

I have an electric glasstop stove which is easy to scratch and mess up so while my shitty cookware was falling apart it also started making paint streaks on my oven and permanently burning mysterious crap on it.

Now you may be thinking, why didn’t you replace them the minute they started falling apart? I am actually a cheapass. Replacing an entire set is pointless and costly if you’re just going to replace it with yet another set of shitty cookware.

This past week while my fiancé is trying to make eggs, I put a shitty frying pan on the stove and the handle pops off. I freaked out and told my fiancé we had to stop using the shitty cookware as of right now and toss everything.

So we toss it. And are left with some pots I inherited from my dead grandmother and our single cast iron pan from le creuset.

I started to look at better options to replace what we lost but I kept hearing my fiancé praise our little le creuset pan with how well it cooks and how easy it is to clean.

So I was like… fuck it, there’s an outlet store near me let’s go get a few more. Can we afford it? No, not now. But will it outlast our last set? Definitely. I don’t want to keep buying shit we have to replace every 5 years and risk cancer from all the shit that gets into the food. Let’s fucking do it.

So we did. Bye-bye money. 🥰 Hello best cookware ever. We got a dutch oven, another frying pan, and a griddle.

Ironically we need to go back to the outlet store sometime this week to do an exchange because we were given the wrong style of pan but we aren’t complaining. We are both excited just to go BACK lol.

My fiancé gave me sooo much shit about window shopping in le creuset last year but he didn’t understand… NOW HE DOES. AND HE IS OBSESSED. Best cookware ever? Best cookware ever. I’m never going baaaack.

Photo featuring the pan that started it all:

This is our 6 year old enamled cast iron frying pan. It’s our baby. It still looks brand new and yet we use it daily. THIS SHIT IS WORTH EVERY PENNY.

#le creuset #i am in love #cookware #worth every penny

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forabeatofadrum · 2 years

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aap noot mies (12/14)

AO3 | S&C

–

WISHED - 13 points

Both Wes and Blaine have their heads in the cloud when they get back home. They almost took the train, since Wes was so flushed he wondered if he could transport them back safely, but they did it.

“We will definitely talk about this tomorrow,” Blaine says. Wes hums in agreement. Right now they’re both too whimsical.

Once Blaine’s in bed, he smiles when he sees that Kurt’s sent him a message.

Weltrusten, it reads.

Blaine can’t help it. He kicks his feet like a happy child, but even the small things like wishing each other good night makes him giddy. He has wished for something like this and he’s so glad he and Kurt finally got their heads out of their asses.

Blaine and Wes don’t talk about it, because most of the time they’re outside their shared flat. Blaine spends a lot of time with Kurt, Wes spends a lot of time with Rachel.

There’s a lot of kissing involved.

Blaine doesn’t complain.

Being with Kurt is just nice, even though it’s only been a few days. It’s also fun to throw all the pretence of studying out of the window when necessary. Sure, Blaine still tutors Kurt, since Kurt is still very dedicated, but both admit that they loved planning extra lessons in order to see the other.

So yes, they study hard, but if the study sessions ends with the two of them in Blaine’s bed, Blaine can’t complain.

Although he told Kurt to stop flirting in Dutch. Blaine isn’t even Dutch, but it felt really weird, especially since Kurt’s still learning the language to speak to his relatives. It’s more useful to learn to explain what Kurt’s studying (“Ik studeer aan NYADA! Wait. Studeer aan or studeer op?” “Aan.”) than whatever weird flirts he’s found online (“Hebben ze jou net uit de oven gehaald? Want jij bent heet!”) .

All good things do come to an end. That’s what Blaine realises when he comes home from another study-session-turned-make-out-session and he finds Wes sitting at the dining table with a grim look on his face.

“What is it?” Blaine immediately asks. If Wes’s look wasn’t alarming enough… Blaine also knows that Wes’s supposed to be on a date with Rachel.

Wes holds up an electronic device and Blaine immediately recognises it.

“Home’s called us,” Wes says flatly. He pushes a button and a static voice speaking an alien language, Blaine’s language, comes out of it.

Blaine listens and he knew this was coming. Wes knew too. Wes was the one who reminded him.

They are asked to come home.

The recording ends and it’s silent for a while until Wes tells Blaine that he’s already been in contact with the other aliens in New York. They’ve all gotten the same request.

“I wished we had longer,” Blaine says. His mind is reeling. Does this mean he has to wrap up his affairs as soon as possible? Does he want that? What about Kurt?

“Well… we can have that,” Wes says silently. He frowns at the device.

“Are you suggesting…” Blaine trails off.

Wes can’t be talking about staying now, can he? After all, Blaine is the one who has considered it briefly. He then put it away for later, but later has caught up with them.

“Wes.”

Wes looks up and their eyes meet.

“Blaine.”

“Wes,” Blaine says again, “Do you… I mean… are you thinking about it?”

Wes lets out a big sigh but then he pulls out a chair.

“Sit down, Blaine. I think it’s finally time we talk about staying here.”

#klaine word scramble #klaine #multichaptered #holy fuck I wrote #2022 #glee

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serafim · 2 years

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𝐃𝐀𝐒𝐇 𝐆𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐒

——— BASICS !

(PEN)NAME: fair, shortened from my usual discord handle

PRONOUNS: she / they

ZODIAC SIGN: aquarius

TAKEN OR SINGLE: taken

——— THREE FACTS !

i’m a product manager. what does that mean? everyone seems to have a different definition. lmaoo.

i love road cycling. hell, i don’t even own a car right now. ask me about bikes sometime. i love ‘em all.

i love collecting kitchen gadgets. soaking stones and dutch ovens!! give!

——— EXPERIENCE !

PLATFORMS USED: tumblr. google docs. email.

i’ve been rping since...middle school, maybe? i’m a fucking geezer now basically.

——— MUSE PREFERENCE !

GENDER: male

LEAST FAVOURITE FACE(S): this is a weird one. i don’t really care in most cases, but the ones that weird me out are people i know in real life (there’s a story to that how that’s even possible, but another time, another day)...

MULTI OR SINGLE: i like my muses having their own space, so i don’t really have a multi account. recently made one exception, only because it’s a minor muse.

——— FLUFF / ANGST / SMUT ! ♡

FLUFF: It’s nice here and there.

ANGST: Always.

SMUT: Not so much nowadays. Everyone says chemistry but honestly, it’s true.

PLOT / MEMES: Everything and all of the above, depending on how I’m feeling. Getting and maintaining a long-running plot thread can be challenging at times, but in most cases that seems more like a communication/incompatibility problem.

TAGGED BY: @petalina :) TAGGING: @heavensfists @sanctiichor @dreamingsoldier and anyone else interested!

#m: memes

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dankusner · 1 month

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Way over the top

Varla Jean Merman drags theatergoers up to her level with the circus-inspired, 'Under a Big Top’

By DANIEL KUSNER | March 4, 2005

The 1964 marriage of Ethel Merman and Ernest Borgnine is one of the weirdest in Hollywood history.

It only lasted 38 days. Merman reportedly said the knot began to unravel because Borgnine subjected her to "Dutch ovens” — that's when Borgnine would fart in bed while trapping her under the sheets.

In Merman's autobiography, she devoted a chapter to the Borgnine marriage: It consisted of one blank page.

That bitter coupling produced Varla Jean Merman (aka Jeffrey Roberson) — at least that's what Varla Jean tells people.

"But Varla doesn't like to talk about her parents. In fact, she can't — according to Mr. Borgnine's lawyers," Roberson jokes. "She's actually run into Earnest Borgnine a number of times — strangely, in his home. Now, she's not allowed to go within 100 yards.”

For a drag artist, Roberson doesn't perform much at in nightclubs.

Like Dame Edna and Lypsinka, he'd rather capture the audience's imagination for more than just a few minutes.

Varla Jean keeps Roberson busy.

Every year, since 1999, he's crafted stage shows around the voluptuous red-haired star.

Although he just bought a house in New Orleans, the New York-based entertainer mostly works in cabaret, Off-Broadway and tours theaters around the globe.

In February, he was booked at the Sydney Opera Flouse.

And this weekend, Roberson headlines WaterTower Theatre's annual Out of the Loop festival with a the circus-themed, "Under a Big Top.”

Why a circus theme?

"Well, Varla is traveling around the whole world no matter where she goes, she hears the same thing: Men are always wanting, but they can never find a big top," Roberson explains.

Known for his precisely timed double-entendres, Roberson says "Big Top" is especially gay.

When the show drifts into a song about falling in love with a circus bear, the hetero theatergoers seem lost.

In Pittsburgh, Roberson dropped that bit.

"Because straight people have absolutely no idea what the bear culture is," he says. "I hope to do it in Dallas — if the audience is particularly gay.”

Varla also works in jokes about obscenely big hotdogs, a trapeze number and her strange phobia of clowns.

Whatever them Roberson turns on its ear, it's always the music that steals the show.

The man can sing — the mezzo-soprano was once trained in opera.

"Big Top" has been described as a hyperactive song-cycle where Varla mashes the likes of Puccini, Beyonce, Joni Mitchell and throws in "Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves" along with Bizet's "Flabanera.”

And it wouldn't be a Varla Jean Merman show without belting out a solo while squirting a continuous string of Cheeze Whiz into her mouth.

If you saw the 2003 drag comedy "Girls Will Be Girls," you're already familiar with that show-stopper.

Roberson may look familiar for another reason, too.

In 2003, he graced national television for about six months on "All My Children.”

Roberson played the drag role of Rosemary Chicken, an incarcerated prostitute who crossed paths with various citizens of Pine Valley when they were thrown into the clink.

"I only did like 10 to 12 episodes. The lines were pretty cheesy, so I got to ad lib," he says.

Did Roberson cross paths with Erica Kane or her lesbian daughter?

humor — to play long-lost twins. "

"Did you hear about Nicolette Sheridan? Someone recently said she looks like a transvestite.

She said, 'That's the meanest thing you could ever say to anybody.’ Well, the tranny community is all in a rage with her because of what she said," Roberson continues. "I think it's the highest of compliments.”

"You weren't allowed to have eye contact with Susan Lucci," he says. "Well, I guess I could have looked at her. But all the interns actually had to sign a contract that said so. I'm not even joking.”

During our phone interview, I bring up an eerie observation.

Did Varla Jean (who definitely burst onto the scene first) know that she's the spitting image — lisp and all! — of zaftig, flame-haired actress Sara Rue, star of the ABC sitcom "Less than Perfect”?

"I've actually thought that I look just like her too, but when you're a big redhead, they say you always look like the more masculine, overweight girls," Roberson says.

"For years people used to say I look like Wynona Judd. But I think I look exactly like Dame Joan Sutherland." Roberson laughs when told that she should buddy up with Rue — who seems to have a great sense of

CLOWING AROUND: Ring mistress Varla Jean Merman (Jeffrey Roberson) headlines three shows at WaterTower Theatre's "Out of the Loop" test.

SEPARATED AT BIRTH? Varla Jean, right, and sitcom star Sara Rue could play long-lost twins.

WaterTower Theatre 15650 Addison Rd. March 4 at 8 p.m. March 5 at 7:30 p.m. and 9:30p.m. $15. General admission. Early tick- et-purchase recommended. 972-450-6220

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kinneycarey50 · 2 months

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three. Roll the dough backwards and forwards to even it out. Ensure the finishes on the dough are evenly rounded.

Chances are you'll comprehend it as an in depth cousin to my beloved Dutch Oven Sourdough, but using a pleasant twist that is impossible to resist. Should you tell somebody I created a batard bread now, it’s an Definitely significant prospect that they’ll just stare at you and they’ll draw the summary you ate some type of bread. There’s no picture that concerns brain. Also, when you’re working with possibly of these 3 bakeware tools that I’ve outlined, set a tray with one inch of drinking water on the bottom of your oven. You would like the steam. Crackling with character, the crust of the batard French bread offers that pleasant, audible crunch, heralding the magic that awaits in just. As you slice by way of its golden shell, you may expose a treasure trove of pillowy softness along with a wonderfully made crumb that dances with tangy flavor. You must start off this bread the day prior to you should consume it so it’s useful to read through all the instructions before you start. Then, roll the dough concerning your cupped arms to build tension and provides ideal length and condition to the batard. Soaked your hands a little bit, and get the dough by Placing your both of those hands underneath and elevate it upwards. Swing and fold the dough finishes in excess of one another and put it back again from the container. This may create folds of dough. Charming, but You cannot tackle a really hydrated, total grain rye and wheat sourdough loaf like that. Stage eleven: Get pleasure from! Have a moment to experience the joy of the freshly baked Batard Bread. It's time to slice, savor, and share the fruits of your bread-building labor! The only and laziest strategy is to add it with flour only. But it hampers gluten development and may deteriorate the overall texture of the bread. So The best way is to attend until finally the gluten structure with the dough is strengthened after which add the flavorings. While the chances might look challenging, you'll find equipment and strategies to choose from created to boost your likelihood of success. 1 these kinds of tool which has been getting notice during the lottery Neighborhood is BATA4D . Eliminate the dutch oven in the oven and carefully take away the sourdough from in just - I normally use a little spatula to coax one side on the bread from the bottom from the dutch oven, allowing me to get rid of the new sourdough loaf and position it on the cooling rack. If doing it with arms, use precisely the same strategy which you useful for combining the levain. First, poke the dough and after that utilize the pincer process or stretching and folding.

#BATA4D

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concobhar13thevegan · 1 year

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For this one, I wanted to proof the starter with sugar, but I forgot, so it got bread flour and sugar, proofed somewhere 12-24 hours. It also has a weird solidification on top, kinda like the parts I pick off the sides from time to time, but seems like it worked out ok regardless.

3/4c starter, 6/4c water (wasn’t coming together with 5/4, so I added another). 2c bread flour, 1/2c each quinoa flour, gluten flour, corn grits. Proofed 7 hours I think, then hand kneaded a couple times and rose in the Dutch oven like 40-44 hours. Baked covered 20 min @450 (forgot to turn it down) then 25 min uncovered @400. Looks good, not burnt, feels solid. Definitely expanded while rising, but didn’t rise up much, which is pretty typical for anytime I don’t have a lot of gluten in the extra flour. Not sure if the sugar made much of a difference; as always, it seems like the key change is time.

#baking #vegan baking #bread #sourdough bread

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theboysfromaustin · 1 year

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August 4, 2004

Ian stretched out next to Kazuo in bed, eyes shut, a smile on his face. Kazuo watched him. He looked peaceful. Content. Happy with life.

Well, some things can't last.

Kazuo's stomach rumbled, the natural consequence of being lactose intolerant and drinking a ton of strawberry milk, which Ian did not know about. Or the half brick of cheddar. He flopped next to him, close as possible under the blankets, gently stroking his cheek, waiting for the inevitable. He knew Ian would be irritated, but probably not that mad, and he'd definitely be fighting back laughter, proof that, no matter how old you are or how dignified your profession, men will always find farts hilarious.

He pulled Ian closer, lips to his ear to whisper sweet nothings, hands now gripping the blankets, "Hey. Ian." He snorted softly, mumbling. "Wake up. I have a surprise for you." "Mm?" Ian opened one eye, rolling slightly, "What are you…?" He squinted, taking in the grin, the total glee on Kazuo's face, "Oh, you mother-"

The gates of hell opened as Kazuo bolted out from under the covers and yanked the blankets over Ian's head. There was a lot of muffled yelling, but Kazuo was able to pick out a few choice words. He was laughing too hard to care, struggling to keep the blanket pinned down. Ian gagged, fighting for air, annoyed at how well Kazuo was keeping the blankets down.

Kazuo yelped as Ian burst out from under the blankets with a battlecry, pinning the shorter man to the bed. Ian leaned down, nose to nose with him. "Hi." "What, and I emphasize this, the absolute hell is broken in that peanut rattling around in your skull?" "That is a fine question. I love you." "I love you, too, god knows why, you are evil. Your mother wasn't evil. This must have all come from your father."

"Probably," he quickly licked Ian's nose, Ian jerking his head back, "Ah, don't!" But there it was, the twitching of the mouth corners, the lack of eye contact as he struggled not to laugh. Ian composed himself and plopped down on his chest, studying his boyfriend. Then, he took Kazuo's right arm by the wrist. "What are you…?" And then he deftly inserted one of Kazuo's fingers firmly and deeply up his nose, "There we go. Just like your Illinois driver's license." Kazuo exhaled sharply, unable to dislodge his own finger, "Oh. Very mature."

"Says the guy who just Dutch ovened me without mercy."

Kazuo grinned, "And I'll do it again." "Oh, I don't doubt that, because I keep letting you eat dairy, god help me. I think this is punishment for not going into the priesthood. Now I have my own personal demon." "Oooh, sexy priest and his demon boyfriend." "Down, boy," Ian immediately guided Kazuo's other hand up, another finger into his other nostril, "Double-barrelled." Kazuo rolled his eye good-naturedly, voice now nasal, "Do the other lawyers know you're like this?" "You haven't been to one of the attorney-court staff days."

"So you're saying Maureen knows you're a total dork?" "She and Shirley helped me hone my dorkiness." "Oh God, you're perfect." "That almost makes up for being suffocated." "What about the fact that it's after midnight?" "Less so. If you do this in Port Aransas, they may well kick us out of the hotel." "Fine, I'll refrain from dairy. In copious amounts."

"Good man," Ian rolled off him, punching him good-naturedly in the shoulder as Kazuo popped his fingers from his nose. Ian sighed, eyes shut, "I hate admitting that you're hilarious, because it just spurs you to be more evil." "That's sweet." "Man, we're weird." "I know." "At least we're interesting."

"Well…one way to put it."

#oc #original character

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binsofchaos · 1 year

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One Pot Rice | Julia Turshen

Heat a little oil in a pot. Just enough to cover the bottom of the pot. The heavier your pot, the better (a Dutch oven is great). This oil can be whatever type you like.

If you want to use meat, add it to the pot — to make roughly four generous servings, you’re going to need about a pound of meat or less (like 1/4 - 1/2 pound) of something more intense like pancetta or bacon. For the meat, this could be a few diced, boneless/skinless chicken thighs, any type of sausage freed from its casing and crumbled into pieces, a pound of ground meat (any type), or a few slices of bacon cut into small pieces…whatever. Cook the meat until it’s mostly browned, or at least cooked through. You can also skip the meat and make this all vegetables or vegetables + beans or vegetables + shrimp or fish (more on those variations in a moment).

Then add a bunch of chopped vegetables — just a big diced onion will do, or a mix of things like carrots, celery, fennel, peppers, peeled squash, whatever. You can also use fermented vegetables like a bunch of sauerkraut or kimchi! Or frozen vegetables like a bag of spinach or kale. Let the vegetables get a bit soft. No need to remove the meat from the pot when you do this.

Season the vegetables. This could just be salt. But it could also be all sorts of ground spices like cumin, coriander, smoked paprika, adobo, gochugaru (or any hot pepper for that matter)…whatever!

Add rice! I usually do 1 cup of long grain white rice for one pot. You can also do brown rice or any grain — just adjust the cooking time as needed. For example, brown rice will need closer to an hour of cooking time. Quinoa would just need about 10 - 15 minutes of cooking time.

Add liquid. This could be water. This could any type of stock. This could be a little coconut milk and water. This could be crushed tomatoes and stock. You get the idea. I usually do two parts liquid to one part rice. So for 1 cup of long grain rice, I do 2 cups of liquid. This ratio for white rice leaves you with a pot of food that isn’t dried out. You can do a little less (more like 1.5 parts liquid to 1 part rice) if you want your rice to be fluffier. If you do another grain, keep the liquid ration in mind — brown rice, for example, will definitely need two parts liquid to one part rice. You can also add drained canned beans at this point or beans or lentils you cooked yourself.

Stir everything well, bring the mixture to a boil, and once it boils, turn it to low, cover it, and let it simmer until the rice is cooked, which will be about 20 to 25 minutes for white rice (again, less or more for other grains).

Let the pot of food sit off of the heat, covered, for at least 10 minutes before serving. If you want to add peeled shrimp or small pieces of skinless/boneless fish, just open the pot quickly, put the seafood on top, cover it and let it sit with the cover on until the seafood gets completely cooked through with the residual heat, about 10 - 15 minutes.

Serve as is or feel free to top your portion with fun toppings…cheese, sour cream, fresh herbs, sliced scallions, crunchy fried onions, hot sauce, tahini dressing…whatever you want!

Here are a few ideas in a chart if that helps get your wheels spinning:

And everything in one place:

A few more notes…

This is a great thing to make a couple hours ahead and just let it sit covered on the stove (heat off) or make further ahead and just reheat in the microwave or in a pot over low heat.

If you have enough stuff in the pot, you won’t need anything else, but you can always round out the meal with a simple salad or some warm garlic bread.

The possibilities with this one pot rice formula are truly endless.

#one pot rice #julia turshen #rice #dinner #simple

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joshisakov · 1 year

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FYW Project 2

When I used to think of the word literacy, things like reading and writing come into my head. As this course goes on, I’ve gotten a much more developed understanding of what this term means. I realized that it is much deeper than what it sounds like, and it has a lot of meaning behind it. The literal definition of literacy is “knowledge in a specified area”. Well, what does this really mean? In this project my aim is to let you know about my view of literacy, and the different types of literacies I experience in my life.

As mentioned before, I am first generation American. Therefore, my family has many different customs and traditions that we value. We have traditions in many different areas such as food, music, holidays, etc. Since my parents came to the United States when they were only fifteen years old, they have different views comparing to a person that was born in this country. Therefore, in my household, we are old school and have interesting values.

Food is a huge part of my culture. Without good food, nothing takes place. Most of the dishes I eat are from the former Soviet Union. We make food that mostly consists of rice and meat. We are also big on soups and anything of that sort. The names of all of these dishes are pronounced in Russian and Bukharian.

Prep the Meat and Veggies: Cut the meat into cubes, slice carrots, and dice onions.

Brown the Meat: In a preheated Dutch oven, use tongs to brown the sides of the meat.

Cook the Veggies: Add onions and carrots to the Dutch oven, sautéing until the onions turn translucent.

Add Rice and Seasoning: Add long grain rice and bay leaves to the Dutch oven, stirring until ingredients are evenly distributed, and toasting the rice slightly. Slice off the top of a head of garlic and place the entire head inside the Dutch oven. Add water and season generously with salt and pepper.

Cook and Cover: Allow the plov to come to a simmer. Turn the heat down low, pop the lid on, and cook for an additional 40-50 minutes.

Serve: Serve warm alongside pickled veggies or salad.

This dish is called “Plov”. Plov is one of the most well-known dishes that we Bukharians eat. It can be made in many ways, since so many cultures make this dish. It is made on every special occasion. Everyone love this dish since it is so tasty and has so many ingredients to it. This dish has been around for centuries, and our ancestors made sure to keep it in our culture and tradition.

As you could tell, the word “Plov” is not an English word. This dish has been created in the Asian countries where my ancestors originated from. Since all our dishes are named in many different languages, this forces us as kids to learn these languages. Since our parents speak in Russian and cook Russian food, us kids are constantly in this type of environment, and this is another example of why being multilingual is so important in our culture.

Food is a lot more to just eating and getting enjoyment out of it. Food also gives us the time to spend time with our families. Dinner is always eaten when every member of the immediate family is present. Kids don’t eat at different times than their parents, and that gives us quality time to talk to our parents and siblings. Before the kids can sit down at the dinner table, both parents must be present and seated. This our way of showing them respect.

My ancestors first came from Spain, and then moved throughout Asia. This is where they settled down for many decades until they had to move to the U.S. due to war. Nonetheless, they kept the bulk of the traditions and values that we practice here in America. The culture is only growing, and I am happy I am a part of it. All in all, food is a big part of the Bukharian culture and tradition.

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