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ylskquevmxv · 1 year

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British insight for those military men fics

Coming from a British person

Use this for your angsty british backstory

Will include:

-insight to healthcare and low income situations

- opinions on the royal family (all negative)

- british food

- talks about home life and low income

• none of them would care for the queens death. They would not be mourning, they would not be sad, they're not tories. If anything theyd be glad and wishing death upon the rest of them. The monarchy sucks the only downside is that we have Charles and camilla now. Diana rest in peace

• to add on to this they wouldnt care for the coronation they would most likely insult it, they probably hate the entire royal family like almost all of the entire uk does. I am repeating this again but they are NOT tories 🚫nuh uh🚫 stop painting, price, gaz and ghost as people who love the royals while soap hates them 💀💀 they all hate the monarchy

• they most likely wouldnt drink fancy tea Pg, Yorkshire, tetley etc are their go to because that's what most of the uk drink especially low income houses as it's the cheapest. Taste of home I guess.

• also they're not out here eating beans on toast whenever they get the chance💀 they're probably eating an entire meal because they're giant men??? Like beans on toast is what parents give to their kids because it's cheap and fills them up, the only time they're having beans is with:

1) breakfast

2) jacket potatoes

3) sasauge and mash

4) Gregg's bean and sausage pasties

• also soap probably eats beans too?? I've seen fics where hes wholeheartedly against beans like??? Hes Scottish?? I know he ate beans as a kid, no one grows up and decides to have a mohawk otherwise

• they're all meat and potatoes type of men (like all british men) that's it. That's the facts

• fries =/= chips

• also british people are like really lazy when they speak

"would you like a cup of tea?"= "fancy a cuppa?"

"I'm just not in the mood to do that" = "cant be arsed"

"How are you?" = "ya alright?"

"Should we get some Chinese/Indian/Italian/etc food?" = "you want a chinese/Indian/italian/etc?"

• we tend to just drop words off In sentences because the person were talking to probably already understands what we mean and because like I said we're lazy

• British accents also vary so much!!! Even if you're from the same street you'll probably have a different accent and we also swear a lot, we also use a bunch of mixed slang as thete are people from everywhere over here (poland, Bulgaria, Romania, Lithuania, india named from just my class)

• Irish travellers are also really common so their would probably be a few in recruitment idk why people dont add Irish people to their fics ?? maybe they fear putting Scotts and irish people together (watch big fat gypsy wedding for more insight I used to love that show)

• Aussies understand us pretty well (shout out to my uncle Andy) a lot of our language dialects are pretty similar and our humour is both pretty dry and blunt

• also British people dont care for like anything?? Even tho we have free healthcare most of us just slap a wet paper towel on it and call it a day. The most reaction you'll get is a room temperature ice pack

• british teeth are also something that Americans dont really understand since we have free healthcare but I'll they to simplify it. our Healthcare is free and so is dental care but only if you're younger than 16 except for check ups etc and unfortunately alot of us are born into low income households whose parents are a)mentally unwell b) physically unwell c) involved with drugs or are just simply neglectful so that means a lot of us arent taken to the dentist and by the time we are old enough to take ourselves we would have to pay for it and some of us just dont have the money for things like braces

• also I really want to see someone include chavs/roadmen in their stories because i think it would be funny plus some of them are really nice and genuinely curious when asking

• there are things called council houses/ council estates and they arent the nicest places to live and are usually not in the best shape but it's a place to sleep, most of the people who live there are usually people who live on benefits and are really lovely (might be biased I used to live in one tho), you usually have to top up on gas and electric every so often via a card (gas) and a key (for electric) usually able to get these topped up from you local corner shop

• alot of the nosies we make are as if we're cave men

*throws paper ball into trash*

Anyone in a 5mile radius: WOOOOO

• we also make up chants alot?? Idk why but we're just a musical country usually has something about your mum, your nan, a nonce, or one of the many other british wonders *nonce = pedo

• our beauty standards are a lot less extreme like theres obviously beauty standards but there are a lot more regular looking people on tv over here rather than supermodels ?? I've been to America and some of the people on tv you'd swear they were made in a factory for hot people only. Let people be regular

• British tv has a commercial every 15 minutes or so and our commercials dont offer lawyers or medication, some our commercials have songs, silly gags in them or are terrifying (check out: money supermarket, the antibiotic song, the meerkat adverts just to name a few)

• our eggs are orange not yellow

•our sandwiches have butter on them (not all but most) + brits arent much of foodies we just eat to survive really especially during the cost of living

• our drinking culture is a big thing over here, a lot of us start drinking around 13

• we have stores like asda, tesco, lidl, aldi, iceland, sainsburys and big Tesco, corner shops are really common depending on if they're owned by a large company or not some of them arent in perfect shape and are run my people from other countries but they have good stuff so who cares about how they look

• you have to be 16 to buy an energy drink and 18 to buy alcohol/ cigarettes

• outside cats are a thing, they're not homeless they just come as they go

• for some reason people are really classist?? Because how dare the poor be alive, and I'm not talking about just rich people being bad to the poor if you have bad living conditions expect to be made fun of by other low income people 💀 you'll be lucky if yoire funny because otherwise you will just be getting bullied.

•our weather is pretty much grey, our grass is almost never fully green and usually patchy, our summers are so hot they cause wild fires because we have no humidity and no air con, our winters are a hit or miss either too cold or a regular day

• tv shows that most of us call soaps: eastenders, coronation street, emmadale and hollyoaks

• some uk shows, naked attraction, snog marry avoid, friday night dinner, bad education, plebs, come dine with me, him & her, some girls, the Keith lemon show, gavin and stacey, not british but Derry girls, inbetweeners, anything with philomena cunk in it, the great british bake off

• Some documentaries (ish) for those who love information: old people homes for four year old, emergency, educating greater Manchester, educating Cardiff, poor kids, anything with stacey Dooley or louis theroux in

• it's kinda hard to describe the uk to someone whose never witnessed or experienced it.

#simon ghost riley x reader #ghost x reader #captain john price x reader #john price x reader #price x reader #gaz x reader #kyle gaz garrick x reader #kyle garrick x reader #soap x reader #john soap mactavish x reader #john mactavish x reader #simon riley x reader #big beefy british military men #call of duty x reader #cod x reader

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igotanidea · 1 year

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Be careful who you bring home : Morpheus x reader

part 2 is up

request/summary by anon: you know how people get pets for emotional support? reader with anxiety or fear of loneliness finds a big black cat in a park and she is just: yeah, you are coming home with me. cat happens to be post imprisonement!morpheus. he wants to argue, but she quickly takes him to her apartment which is conveniently close to the park. reader cooing to cat: who is my little baby and Matthew seeing it from the street and laughing at his boss. with 142 for reader (maybe he said something while being a cat) and 153 for morpheus.

142 was "it's just your imagination", 153 was "put me down" I might have changed the request a little bit but I hope you'll like it. Also thete is a bit of a twist/ crossover in the story. Wonder if you'll get it :D

***

„Have you ever considered getting a pet?”

The girl in her mid-twenties, dressed in comfy, black clothes sitting in front of the therapist frowned in confusion.

“A pet” she repeated “and why would I need that?”

“You know, it is proven that they have positive effect on people who suffer from depression and anxiety, so maybe this would be a good idea for healing process”

“Do you give such advice to all of your patients, doctor Raynor? Did you give such advice to Bucky, as well?”

“We both know he is not that kind of guy.”

“Really, why not?” the girl shrugged “he had some goats in Wakanda after all.”

“Stop joking around.”

“Jeez, fine. I won’t get a pet. In my current mental state I can barely take care of myself, let alone any other living being. Any other words of wisdom coming from you?”

“Not with this attitude. You may leave for now.”

“You know if I was paying you that would be the shittiest session not worth a dime.” She grabbed her coat and without a word, hands in the pocket left the room and not-so-pleased therapist.

A pet. Good joke. A four legged animal who would wake her up in the morning and at night asking for food or caress. A being that would turn her life upside down since it would require constant care and supervision to avoid destroying her apartment. Nope. Thank you very much. She was good enough by herself. Determined to get her head and broken soul back together and get clearance to get back to SHIELD and field operations. She missed that, but apparently beating up a bunch of bad guys leaves you in emotional trauma and in need of recover. Bullshit! She was an agent, for god’s sake, not a crying mess. Her attitude was far from cheerful and optimistic but just today she had to curb her murderous thoughts since one of her nieces were supposed to visit. Jemma was five years old and was still going through her princesses, pink glitter and unicorns faze. She was a challenge to be around, but definitely worth it. Her father, agent’s sister were supposed to drop her in straight to the house, but just a minute ago she got the message about the change in plans. Since the weather was beautiful and it was not often this time of the year, he took the chance for a little walk in the park and decided to meet his sister there instead of in the four walls. As she approached the park, she noticed her family amongst other walking people. Jemma was running around, picking leaved and jumping into the pools with loud, happy squeals. She could not hold back the tiniest smile on her face.

“She’s gonna get all wet and dirty and then who will tend to that?” the girl mocked while coming closer

“Hm, don’t know. I think at this point she would be someone else’s responsibility.”

“Hello, brother.”

“Hello sister” he hugged her tightly “how you’ve been? Life still kicking you in the guts?”

“I mean, when it doesn’t? You know my line of work….” Her brother was convinces she was just some regular office worker dealing with boring documents, since that was simply safer for everyone.

“Right, so mundane and ordinary…..” he rolled his eyes

“Auntie!” Jemma turned around and run straight to her favorite relatives not caring about the mud she left on her trousers while clutching to her legs.

“Hi, cupcake. Don’t you have to much energy?”

“I have so much to tell you! About the rhyme I’ve learned and some new letters I came across and my friends and everything” little girl jumped around in excitement “And I know a new magic trick dad showed me. But I still don’t quite understand it….” she frowned

“It;s ok, cupcake, we can work on that.”

“Oh, thank god. Like I said, your responsibility now. Good luck.” Girl’s brother was quick to get himself some freedom “just don’t give her too much sweets, you know how she gets after that”

“Yeah, too well. See you in a couple of hours then. Come on, Jemma” she took her niece’s little hand sticky with some mysterious substance “ let’s go home.”

If only it was that easy. They only took a couple steps when the little one broke out from aunt’s grip.

“Look, auntie, a cat!” she run over to the bench where unusually big and beautiful animal was soaking up the sun. Before he realized what hit him, he was squeezed and carried by a little pair of still sticky hands and it was visible he did not like it.

“Jemma! Leave that animal alone. It may hurt you.”

Do not refer to me as “it”. I am a male personification. And put me down! Immediately!

She could swear she heard something in the back of her mind, but let it go. After all, cats do not talk and she was in therapy for mental trouble so it was probably just her mind playing tricks on her.

“Can we take him home, auntie, he’s so sweet, please” little girl pouted

“No. Of course not, look at… him. He is very good looking, so most probably belongs to someone. Not a chance he’s a stray cat. “

“I can’t see anyone looking for him” a couple tears showed up in Jemma;s eyes. “Please, auntie, please….” Great, now she was crying out loud getting the attention of few pedestrians.

“Ok, fine, fine, just please stop crying.”

“Thank you” Jemma stopped her actions in a second and smiled widely showing the jags in her mouth. “I will carry him so don’t worry about it, auntie” she held the cat even closer not caring about him writing in her embrace.

“Just be careful so he won’t hurt you” she warned following her niece, wondering what the hell she got herself into.

I will not hurt this little mortal.

At this point, the older girl was pretty sure she was going crazy. And to think that Raynor wanted her to have a pet to help her mental health, not deteriorate it.

***

“Auntie, look, I made him pretty”

“Mhm, great” she did not even bother to look up from some records she was currently reading “wait, you did what, Jemma?” a second later she came to realization what a five-year-old girl can mean by saying “made pretty”.

“Look, auntie” said five year old was quick to get the cat out from behind and proudly present it. Despite her rather gloomy attitude the older one could not hold back a laugh. Black fur was now embellished with colorful glitter and was wearing a crown. If it wasn’t for the lack of resources at home Jemma would probably extend her imagination even more.

“Oh” she cooed “look who’s pretty boy” her grin was now getting wider and wider. She was no expert on animal behavior but the look on its face clearly indicated it was not happy with the situation.

“I wanted to give him a braid, but the fur was too short” Jemma saddened

“Don’t worry sweetie, it looks just perfect. Like a ….”

“Princess!” Jemma squealed and turned around with the cat still in her embrace.

“Don’t you both dare. This is humiliating”. Once again there was this little voice inside girl’s head.

“Ok, honey, why don’t you let go of the cat now. I got a snack for you.”

“Chocolate cake?” Jemma asked innocently while playing with her fingers and shyly looking at the floor

“Apple and carrots”

“That is boooooring. And I don’t like carrots” Jemma whined

“Well, too bad for you. I heard veggies give you strength. And then your skin looks healthy and shines almost like the cat’s fur. Wouldn’t you like to look beautiful?”

“I’d rather be smart” Jemma retorted taking her aunt aback with maturity of this sentence “but I guess beauty can help in future. I saw on TV that pretty girls always have what they want so whatever” she shrugged and rushed towards the kitchen where the snack was already waiting for her.

“Unbelievable” her aunt shook her head “but she’ll be busy for a while, so how about we get you all cleaned up, huh?” she picked the cat from the floor and walked towards the bathroom ignoring the writhing animal, who was not happy about forced wash.

Put me down! It demanded again and the girl stopped looking him straight in the eyes trying to check out if she was really going nuts.

“Oh come on, girl, get yourself together. It’s just your imagination.”

She walked straight into the bathroom and started gently combing out the fur. Surprisingly, her action bring the animal comfort because surprisingly to both of them he started purring.

***

Two hours later, tired and sleepy Jemma was picked up by her father and her aunt could finally let the cat out into the wild. It was impossible earlier since the little girl was checking on him every five minutes, refusing to drop this action.

“Sorry about today. “ she muttered opening the door “but hey, on the bring side at least you have a nice story to tell to your fellow cats. Besides, you really are a pretty animal.” maybe it was another impression or the flicker of lights, but it seemed like the cats fur became a bit reddish and he squinted. “go, now, find your owners, get home safe, fella.”

It was just a couple of hours, but the girls was actually starting to think that maybe, hypothetically, Raynor was right about this whole “emotional support pet” stuff.

***

Morpheus bristled and crossed the street. Only on the other side of the road he changed back into the anthropomorphic personification of dreams.

“Um, boss?” his loyal yet rebellious Raven perched on the branch, tilting his head slightly. If he was still human he would probably laugh himself silly.

“Not a word, Matthew. Not a single word about it. To anyone” he reached for his sand and completely ignoring further words of the bird transported them back to the Dreaming “Do I make myself clear” he made sure before entering the palace.

“Sure thing, boss. But it was funny don’t you think?”

“Hold your tongue, Matthew!”

@somest1 @pinksirensong

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kagender · 2 months

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I wonder What is Keronian Cusine like? And would keronians as a whole like earth foods?

ohhh nonny keronian cuisine is definitely something i need to go into deep deep thoughts about! i would say its not as developed as id like it to be, id love to draw out specific dishes and stuff.

the complicated fun of the cuisine of space faring species us the fact that they almost definitely brought over, or took inspiration from the foods of other planets, if demeed edible for a keronian. like how in america several dishes from other countries got modified into more "americanized" forms, as we as humans all have different ways of preparing our food to out tastes, which can also vary from region to region... this opens up the world of dishes from other countries within keron itself as well LOL. i need to think about that too!

but im running my mouth off. in my interpretations keronian diets started off as primarily insect-based, with fruit/plants as the secondary component (i know that there arent actually any herbivorous frogs on our earth, but since these guys are aliens i do loove playing around with their biology haha :-)) and then meat being thrown in a bit later on. kerons love for insects still goes strong - you can find them candied/carmalized, fried or breaded for more of the crunch factor, spiced or sweetened, however you like, larvae toasted or boiled (you can get a glimpse of one in my girodoro pmv - its a little lightly sweet tasting guy usually eaten at campfires. gross marshmallows for us humans) limbs of particularly large insects being sold as snacks (one of keroros disappointments when coming to earth was finding out just how small the average insect is there. i have a doodle somewhere. pekopon has fallen...) and insides being grinded up to a nice cream and such. thats a tadpole food mainly, but i dont see why grown keronians cant eat it!

you can imagine that being combined with fruit (well. vegetables too. the two blend together in my head due to the nature of being a Thing From Plant That You Eat) a plenty, i think plenty of bugs are fed with them before being prepared (iirc thats a thing that we do, people give their feeder insects vegetables for a more nutritous meal for their pet later on... its called gut loading!), which reminds me that i imagine zeroro being fed the healthiest, top-quality and absolutely fully sanitized and parasite-free bugs as a kid. hes got a rich as fuck family they couldve hired a private farm for all i know. its funny to think about. but coming back to plant stuff, i imagine juices and teas would be a hit as well, there is a doodle i posted a while (...about a year) ago that shows a tea made from glowing leaves from another glowing plant post that i made. the ziv stuff goes deep im sorry. ya think it stains tongues like those ice pops they sold back in the day? makes you think....

fruit alone just opens up so much for the world of baking. i dont like fruit in my pastries, but i definitely respect the grind. we put that stuff in everything in so many forms its kinda wild. just imagine all the cutesy designs that could be made for them...

in the anime, they are very much shown to like and eat earth foods, in fact i dont think a lot of alien food shows up other than like, these weird food monsters, burei cola aka kid friendly alcohol, the keron figs from kero zero (love them...) and the yumyum bars from a chibi kero episode that are like, just chocolate bars i believe? i could throw in some funny quirk to them myself i think....

i do recall them eating foods that are oretty much 1:1 to earths in chibikero? the lame side us that no one on the staff really thought about designing any cool space stuff for them to eat, but the cool side is that it can imply some importing from earth. ya think thete are some sellers who just casually work with aliens or is it a weird process of an alien disguising as human -> getting the foods -> getting them to their planet? i like to lean more towards the former since the earth in keroro gunso just really seems to have a bunch of weird connections to aliens outside of the main cast. most of them are from the past (the pyramids where sababa rests, all the kiruru ruins, the unknown human and keronian from the saburo and kururu episode where they fight the sound guy, and i think the kappa the ghost girl knew is implied to be a keronian... but i havent really watched those episodes) but i definitely dont doubt that they still have connections in the modern times. its a lot of fun to think about when it comes to interplanetary trade.

i always had just a biiit of beef with how keronians just settle in with earth foods and other things so casually, i really wish they were a bit more like irkens where plenty things that are ordinary to use pose harm to them. but also kg doesnt have the same gross aspect as iz does so i can understand why they didnt do that. no keroro getting horrid burns from baloney for me....

but oh my god i ran my mouth off. tdlr; i need to draw more frog food, which is mostly bugs, also yes they eat earth stuff and earth import sounds cool

#keroroposting #the keron and earth connections make me go craaaazy #im still ironing it out but i dedinitely think keron had more control over earth in the past #and the current invasion is them trying to regain it back #keron time

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shimmeringtidepools · 6 months

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Dagon @ gira and Palkia) Hello are you the pair my little sister said was searching for me? Was thete something you needed?

Palkia, sighing in relief, answered the dialga promptly. “Yes! We were hoping you could advise us on paradoxes if you have had any in your world? Our brother forsaw one coming to ours and has been working himself sick to prevent it. Any information you could give us would be wholeheartedly appreciated.”

Giratina nodded in agreement. How ironic that the Dialga he snapped at earlier for being wholly unhelpful was the one who they needed to aid their own brother. It was almost funny, if not for the information Parisa had told him earlier. It didn’t take long for him to notice a smaller legend next to him, one who had a sense of familiarity about her, despite both of them never meeting.

Red eyes scanned her for but a moment, before realizing what she was. This reshiram, somehow, found her way here from their own universe. There was no mistaking the aura of his father, his world, resting on her. A soft glow emanated from her being, unmistakable to ignore. He wasn’t sure whether to snicker or to stay stunned.

Palkia, listening to the dialga, found herself rudly being elbowed by her brother. When she finally turned to look at him, she followed his point only to see what he saw. Her eyes went wide as she looked dumbfounded, causing her brother to laugh.

“I’ll take care of this.” he whispered. “You just get what we need.” She nodded.

“Excuse me, Miss? Mind if we take a stroll together?”

“Ah! I’m sorry, but I was talking to my friend here I-“

“Now I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure of meeting a Reshiram before, can you tell me more about it?” Leading the albino deity away, the last quip she was able to get out was a farewell to the dialga.

“Apologies for that, we want to make sure she gets back to our universe safely.” Palkia stated, turning her attention back to the fellow god before her. “Please, do go on. From what your sister said, you’ve been working hard to ensure a paradox doesn’t occur again… How have you done so?”

#pokemon #rp #sinsibgala #gir giratina #giratina #palkia #kia palkia #reshi reshiram #reshiram #haha time to go home reshi #giratina says so uwu #dagon #dialga

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feelisia · 2 years

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By chance can we see more outertale frans? It just looks great in your style!

Thete you go and thanks >w<

#my ask #feelisia ask #outertale frans

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dangopango00 · 3 months

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Difference (ANOTHER RANDOM SELF INDULGENT DANGER NOTES FIC)

Legato x gn!reader sillyfic

Context: College Band AU (ty ari); Ur his fave artist and he doesn’t even know it. Also prompt is “Difference”

A/N: i wrote this a long ass time ago but i wasnt go nna post it buttt legato needs more content so here i am. Ik dropping random au out of nowhere is wicked but sorry lol

They were different, no doubt about that. They could never be the same. The way they smiled and excitedly greeted him, the way they would pull their hair at the difficult work given to them, the way that they quickly drew their hand back after nearly ruffling his own hair—

“We could never be similar.”

This is what Legato thought whenever they sat across from him munching away at the cheese and crackers he received yet didn’t want. This is what he thought whenever they whined and complained about any minor inconvenience. This is what he thought…but. Even if they could never be the same was it really so wrong that he still wanted them around? Opposites attract after all. Was it really so wrong to be just a bit selfish with their time? He couldn’t care less either way— whether it was wrong or right. Though he still couldn’t rid himself of the annoying persistent thought.

“What are ya thinking about? You look so serious. Did you want some cheese and crackers after all?” They spoke peering over at him.

All he could do in response is scoff, “As if.”

They chuckled a bit at his hasty response and moved to be by his side, looking over his shoulder and just barely resisting the urge to lean on him as he sat on his bed, “What are u listening to?” They peered curiously at his phone which he was covering with his frame.

“You, unfortunately.” He said.

They only laughed at his rude response, “OK that was a little funny but forreal what are you listening to?”

He only moved his phone slightly to reveal the song currently playing at an evidently low volume through his headphones.

They grimaced at the mere sight of the art they clearly recognized, “LUV? No way I didn’t think you’d be the type to…” they trailed off.

Because of their reaction he got defensive, “The type to what?” He asked, already annoyed.

“Nothing nothingggg don’t worry about itttt. I just meant I didn’t think we’d have the same taste I love this artist they’re soooo good” They stroked their own ego.

He only huffed in response not really knowing if he should believe them or not. “Name a song.”

“What”

“Name a song from this artist”

They let out a cocky laugh. How dare he ask THEM to name one of THEIR own songs??? The AUDACITY. “Euphemistic. You name one now”

To their utter shock, he started to. Name off every song in their discography. They would be flattered if he wasn’t doing this to one up them????

Then he goes, “How many of those do you know?” THE SHEER FUCKING AUDACITY. Suddenly they didn’t want to lean on him any longer, “Im going to bed. Bye” they said as if they were going home but the two were roommates. They walked to the other side of the room and turned over in the small creaky bed to avoid having to look at the man a second longer. He smiled a bit. They really wouldn’t ever be the same.

SORRY IF THETES ANY LINGERING REMNANTS OF GENDER I LOOKED THROUGH IT TWICE OK

#legato x reader #legato bluesummers #legato bluesummers x reader #legato x you #legato trigun #trigun #trigun stampede #ridiculous men x reader lol #trigun band au #trigun college au #trigun modern au #they were roommates #sillyposting #silly fic

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kebriones · 10 months

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The Samos hopscotch nonsense featuring Alcibiades:

-he sends message to athens that he'll bring Persian help if they take down the democracy.

-a portion of the Athenians at Samos (an island where part of the Athenian fleet was stationed) were oligarchs so they went over to Alcibiades to say hey we also wanna help. Alcibiades was like great!

-these guys from samos went back to Samos and caused a coup, using mostly the rich and frustrated citizens.

-the poorer people didn't like this but hopef they would at least get paid

-thete was one guy called Phrynichus, an Athenian general, who didn't like any of the stuff that was happening because he believed (as was the truth, Thucydides says) that Alcibiades couldn't care less about what political system anyone had and only cared about returning to athens.

-phrynichus said that they should just ignore Alcibiades and focus on not having internal issues and keeping their democracy.

-nobody listened to him and he could see that as soon as Alcibiades was recalled, he would try and harm him for having spoken against him.

-so he made a plan. He sent a message to the spartan general warning him that Alcibiades was trying to harm them and return to the Athenians, and told him everything that was going on.

-the spartan general, for whatever reason, went to Tissaphernes and Alcibiades and told them "hey this Athenian general told me so and so, but I think that what Alcibiades is doing will benefit the persians so whatever"

-alcibiades immediately wrote a letter to the rest of the Athenians in samos, telling them the Phrynichus was being all secret-message-y with the spartans and asking them to kill him.

-phrynichus got really scared now because he was in very real danger and sent a letter complaining to astyochus, the spartan general he had been communicating with, that he hadn't keot their little secret. But, he said, he is ready to help the spartans destroy the entire Athenian fleet at samos in order to avoid getting killed.

-astyochus (who probably by that point was sleeping with Alcibiades on the regular and was whipped otherwise i cannot understand what he was thinking-thats my commentary) WENT AND TOLD EVERYTHING TO ALCIBIADES AGAIN.

-phrynichus kinda realized that he would get betrayed again, thought of another plan. He told everyone that the spartans were about to attack samos and that they should fortify it. So they did. Soon after, another message from Alcibiades saying that Phrynichus was betraying the Athenians arrived, but since Phrynichus had already done all that with the fortification, nobody believed Alcibiades.

-alcibiades then continued putting all his energy into being on Tissaphernes' good side.

-meanwhile in Athens, the people were tired and hopeless do after some persuasion they were like "okay ten dudes can go talk to Alcibiades and Tissaphernes and decide what's best." Other guys met up to discuss taking down the democracy.

-so the guys from athens come to Tissaphernes and Alcibiades to have a talk and come to an agreement.

-alcibiades sabotages the negotiations telling the Athenians that he could manipulate Tissaphernes, if only the Athenians would try a little harder to meet the completely crazy demands he was putting on the table in the name of the persian empire. I really do not understand what's happening in these negotiations and what is Alcibiades trying to achieve, but the Athenians get angry at some point and leave.

-Tissaphernes was starting to grow really uncertain and scared.

-Some time later, the oligarchs at samos decide, fuck Alcibiades, we'll do this ourselves

-then,in athens, some androkles and some other who didn't like Alcibiades are murdered because people thought this would please Alcibiades and help his return. Athens was a mess. Phrynichus was there being very zealous about oligarchy because he was still afraid of Alcibiades and for some reason believed that as long as there was oligarchy in athens, Alcibiades wouldn't actually get recalled, so he'll be saved. (Poor Phrynichus waa having Alcibiades nightmares I'm sure)

-after many stuff happening, oligarchy is put in place in athens. Alcibiades is not recalled. The olivarchs start trying to make piece with Sparta but it's all a mess.

-ambassadors are sent to samos to reassure the army there that the oligarchy in athens is for everyone's good. They lied that the oligarchs in power aren't 400, but five thousand.

-about 300 people in Samos were all for the oligarchy and tried staging a coup against the democrats.

-the killed a guy called hyperbolus (guy who had been exiled from athens not because he was dangerous but because he was "bad and brought shame to the city" whatever that means.

-the non-oligarchs in Samos got together and managed to beat the oligarchs, gave everyone amnesty and everything was nice and democratic in samos again

- after a whole lot of things that happened, the people un samos decide to recall Alcibiades. Thrasybulus, an Athenian general (i think he was a general at this point? Idk I'm confused) goes to Tissaphernes and picks up Alcibiades and brings him to samos.

- they have a meeting at samos at which Alcibiades COMPLAINED for the way he has been treated by the athenians and then started CRYING while describing how hard all these exile things were for him.

- after that he spoke in great length about politics and gave everyone "great hopes for the future" (this guy i swear to god)

- he also overstated greatly his influence over Tissaphernes with "unimaginable boastfulness" and that only Alcibiades could make Tissaphernes help the Athenians and bring them the Phoenician fleet and a bunch of other made up nonsense like "Tissaphernes would sell even his own bed to help the Athenians" 💀

- he is immediately elected general.

- everyone has complete trust in him and is very excited and hopeful.

- they were SO excited in fact, that they were ready to get in the ships and go beat the oligarchs at athens right that moment.

- Alcibiades stopped them and said he should first go talk to Tissaphernes.

- he was now in a position where he could use Tissaphernes to threaten the Athenians, and the fact that the Athenians had made him general to threaten Tissaphernes.

- if you care, astyochus the spartan general got sick and died at some point. Rest in piece.

- some new ambassadors of the oligarchs arrive to samos to talk to the army.

- here we get a rare praise from Thucydides towards Alcibiades, that he "benefitted athens more than anyone else"

- he managed to hold back the enraged masses who were ready to sail from samos back to athens. Thucydides says that nobody else would have had the power to manage that. I am cheering and clapping and tearing up.

- he managed to calm everyone down by saying completely sensible and nice things for once in this whole book.

- he was like, if we kill each other there won't be anyone left of athens to save.

- there were some Argives there too who if you remember from back in the Sicilian expedition they were there because they were Alcibiades fanboys. Alcibiades gave them a pat on the head and told them they have been good and that they may go now.

- now we cut back to Tissaphernes who after all this was having a lot of trouble with the spartans so he was like alright I'm going to go bring you guys the Phoenician fleet.

- Alcibiades caught wind of that and immediately sailed after him to go stop him.

- news of Alcibiades' behavior in samos reached athens. The non-oligarchs were rather pleased that Alcibiades was being influential in samos and hoped they would get rid of the oligarchy soon.

- theramenes is also somewhere in the mess in Athens being against the oligarchs! He does some stuff like talk about walls and stuff.

- Phrynichus died i think. Some guy "hit him" idk

- there was "unimaginable confusion" in athens. There's unimaginable confusion in my head trying to understand what's happening and who's on what side.

- everyone in Athens was gathering weapons and they barely managed to avoid completely slaughtering each other

- there was that wall theramenes didn't like so he went with some soldiers and started demolished it. I have completely missed the point where they built yet another wall in athens. Idk how many walls there are at this point.

- after a ton of confusing things, the 400 tyrants are replaced by 5 thousand and the decision to recall Alcibiades to athens is made, so they could get the samos army back.

- we cut back to Alcibiades, who finally returns to samos saying that he has prevented the Phoenician army from joining the spartans and that "Tissaphernes is now more than ever their friend" whatever that means.

And this is where Thucydides stops. He died before finishing the history of the Peloponnesian war.

To continue the story of how Athenians were extremely stupid and Alcibiades extremely annoying but also inexplicably good at several stuff, we must move on to xenophon's "hellenica". Stay tuned.

#i am re reading thucydides #ITS DONE #we're done #Alcibiades #now you don't have to read Thucydides i summarized it all for you you're welcome #I'm joking you have no idea how many stuff i didn't include here #anyway i have to work now maybe tomorrow I'll start on the hellenica #you can see all of my Thucydides nonsense from today on the i am re reading Thucydides tag #i hope you enjoyed

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