#theres a LOT more but i only have 10 options to work with here so i picked the one's ive had at least a category 5 autism event over
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#theres a LOT more but i only have 10 options to work with here so i picked the one's ive had at least a category 5 autism event over#off spoilers
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"...and it just did."
| W.M ( -> N.R)
Undeserving of a Love Like Yours, Chapter 5
Chapter Warnings: A very emotionally packed chapter, relationship problems, cheating, arguing, anxiety, overthinking, andd...just be prepared.
Summary: The truth unfolds itself easily on a special day.
Series Summary: When you're stuck in a complete hole of confusion and hurt with the one you thought you loved most, a certain redhead finds her way into your life.
Word Count: 8.7k (...oops)
Category: Angst.
A/N: this chapter has been eeeeverywhere with me. I wrote it in the car, at work, in my bedroom, and even at a hotel room. but, I hope you all enjoy<3 it's a whole lot, so it was quite difficult to finish, but february's over and I have more free time again!
also theres a playlist for this series out now :] in case you need something to listen to while reading. be careful while scrolling the songs to avoid just bits of teensy spoilers<3
Series Playlist
| Started on 10/01/2024, 12:16 PM |
| Finished on 05/03/2024, 3:45 PM |
Masterlist | Series Masterlist | N.R Masterlist
<- Chapter 4 Chapter 6 ->
"What is there to say?"
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You drag your feet across the wooden floorboards, making your way towards the kitchen. Here it is again, the same routine. But yet this time, you see a sticky note left on the marble counter, illuminated by a dim overhead lighting.
You furrow your eyebrows, but go over to read it anyway, the bright color a big difference to the white counter. 'might not be home until tomorrow,' was written on the piece of paper. Your heart didn't drop as much anymore. Your shoulders only droop a little, as if just a teensy bit more weight had been added.
A quiet breath leaves your mouth. Your hand picks up the sticky note and scraps it up within your palms, throwing it off to a nearby trashcan in the kitchen. Who else needed to read it anyway? It was only for you. Only for you.
You shook your head of the remaining thoughts you had of her, but she couldn't quite leave your mind at least once. Always there. Always lingering. As if you had been cursed. But in honest truth, the only curse you had upon you was the spell of love.
Today was a special day. Key word on the was. Some type of hope swirling in your heart maybe had you looking forward to this day, but all of it had just gone down along with the piece of paper in the trash. Your eyes also flicker to it once more, seeing the many other colored paper sitting scrunched up with the one from just now. At least she had the decency to still leave notes.
But, today was, of course...your birthday. And out of all the people, your favorite person was certainly not present. Maybe she had forgotten, you thought. Maybe she just didn't care enough this year...no, how could she?
You snap yourself out, having stared off at the sunlight shining in through the windows. You go to the fridge to see what was still in there. A bitten sandwich from last night, and some leftover chickens, but your lip forms a line and you close it, your hand dropping off to your pocket to retrieve your phone.
It was currently 9:45 AM, the digits frozen still on the same numbers until the full sixty seconds passes by. Your mind was in a haze, but your stomach was empty and it urged you to find some food. Were you just going to go out by yourself? Your body seemed to stop you from even going to the living room. Take-out was an option, but instead you simply laid your phone down on the counter, it making a small noise, the textures clashing.
You put your head in your hands, covering up your face and sliding your fingers across your skin, your palm cupping your own cheeks as a way to get a grip of yourself.
Your phone came up with a notification of your calendar, getting out with a reminder of your birthday. What great timing. You clear it off your screen and unlock your phone, roaming the apps.
Just as you were about to push yourself off the counter and grab the last of the food in the fridge, your screen changes without you touching anything. The contact name came up with...Carol?
Your face relaxes a bit and your thumb hesitantly goes to pick it up rather than tap on the red button, the ringing going away. The phone goes along with your hand when you put it against your ear.
"Hey Carol." You say casually, trying your best not to sound too questionable, as it wasn't usual that she'd call you. You hear some distinct voices whispering in the background of her side, one sounding like a young kid.
"Hey, just wanted to call and um...check in on you?" Her voice ended up sounding questionable instead, and your face goes into a confused reaction, although a smile growing on your lips. You let out a small chuckle, your eyes roaming the space of the room as you thought of your words.
"'Check in on me?' Come on, you rarely do that." Your hand goes to grab a nearby notebook that's been left on the counter, saved for recipes. "What's up?"
"I just wanted to say happy birthday to you. Maria reminded me and she and Monica got me to...call you." You assume she had a small pause in her sentence because she was looking over at the other two people in the room with her, which was who you had heard earlier.
"That's nice of her. And thank you." The pages of the book was soft against your hands, your fingers tracing and fiddling with some as you smiled softly at the thought of Maria scolding Carol for having forgotten.
"Well that, or, I would probably not have any pancakes for myself right about now." She says, her mouth nearly sounding like it was full. You'd guessed it was.
"Even though you were threatened to wish me, thank you." You add on, laughing gently as you did. There was a page you landed on in the notebook with a cookie recipe. One, specifically where you and Wanda had made together, having shared a wonderful memory that day.
You could feel your heart beat within your chest, the pace going quicker as your eyes looked over the words written on the paper that was accompanied with smiley faces and hearts here and there.
The smile on your face had definitely faltered. You take in a deep breath, letting it out once you let yourself close the book. Carol's voice snaps you back to reality, having remembered you were talking with her.
"I'm kidding, I would've called you up either way. Really though, how are you?" Your teeth sank down on your bottom lip, probably enough to puncture the skin or leave a small mark, but you let it go once you talked.
"I'm...fine. Other than sitting in my house alone not knowing what to do than sulk in bed or contemplating my life choices." With that answer, the blonde definitely knew something wasn't entirely right. She stays quiet for a while, perhaps thinking.
"Do you wanna go out and hang at the bar? We can do some karaoke if you want that as a birthday present." She offers, and the attempt makes you smile weakly. She never really knew what to do for your birthday, not being the type to do birthdays more than just a simple wish to them. But for you, she'd offer to hang out, which is what you love to do most of the time.
"Sorry, but I don't really feel like partying or anything right about now. Well, tempting, but, I just wanna relax." You say quietly, sliding the recipe book back to its original place.
"Okay, then..." Carol trails off as her mind tries to come up with some more ideas. You were about to think she was going to just hang up sooner or later, but then you hear her voice continue with a more interesting take.
"There's the mall." You raise your eyebrows. She couldn't see you with you being over the phone, but she just knew you were probably surprised. And you were.
"And what would we do there?" You ask, your mind unable to conjure up the slightest of an imagination of going to the mall with her in a casual situation.
"Well, we could grab some ice cream, buy some things, go to the arcade, go...I don't know." She suggests, just nearly giving up. She wasn't good at this type of stuff really, she's simply basing it off of the times she and Monica hangs out together. You could at least picture the straight line her mouth forms when she finished her sentence, and you had to resist a laugh.
"Ice cream does sound really good." Your mind opened a little with the simple thought of ice cream. Even though the comfort of your bed and the couch seemed nicer, it's not a lot of times she ends up inviting you to hang out like this anyway.
"The mall it is." The blonde says, and you can hear some clatter over the phone. She had finished her pancakes, you supposed.
"Am I driving or...?" You trail off, fiddling around with your fingers and sliding them against the marble counter, the coldness a difference to the sunlight coming from the window.
"I'll pick you up." You then hear the sound of keys, and you couldn't back out anymore. She was driving to your house to grab you, and it'd be impolite to cancel.
"Okay." You say under a breath, feeling heavier with every second that goes by. The guilt and anxiety was eating you up, but the date on the calendar just next to the recipe book had your mind getting out of the thoughts.
"I'll be there in 10. Please don't be glued to your bed when I arrive," She said, to which you let out a quiet chuckle. You couldn't really tell if it was in a stern way or a soft way, but it definitely pushed you a little more to get up and change your clothes.
"I won't. See you here." You say gently and the end tone sounds out, making you pull your phone away from your ear.
With that decided, you push yourself off the counter, slowly going off to the bedroom. The closet opens easily, revealing the same clothes you see every day. You shuffle through some of the hanged shirts, looking at what to wear.
Soon enough, you pull one out. It easily slides off, brushing against the many other shirts within the closet. Your eyes don't linger on the other ones that weren't yours, and you close the door after grabbing everything else.
Later on, you get finished up with changing your clothes, and now you were only waiting for Carol to arrive. There was something that prickled within your heart, like a roses stem with thorns, a worry that maybe she changed her mind and she actually didn't want to hang out with you. Maybe she was only doing it out of sympathy? But that can't be true. What about all the times she's driven you back home when you got a little too many drinks?
...You take a deep breath and turn away from the wall you were staring off into like it was the abyss. Instead your hands checked that you had everything on you, like your phone, keys, and your watch.
Then, the sound of a car pulling up at the front of the house made you look up, your eyes carefully watching the windows. You see a Nissan outside, and it was obvious it was Carol arriving.
Quickly, you got off the couch while your phone made sound, definitely a text message from her that she's arrived. You open the front door, going outside. Her blonde hair could be seen clearly through the car windows, confirming the person in your head.
You make your way to the car, opening the front passenger door. "Hey," you say gently, going in and and closing the door along with you.
"Hey." your greetings were simple, a usual thing to happen. Carol glanced at you while you buckled in, giving you a small smile before starting to slowly position the car back to the roads.
The car had some old soft rock playing, filling up the quietness. It also had you already moving just a little to the beats, staring out the window as she drove you both to the mall. She's always had good playlists. Sometimes you'd even have an urge to ask her to give you some of her cds.
"So, what are you aiming to steal my money for today?" She jokes after a song, her eyes focused on the roads. You let out a small chuckle, looking over to her.
"I'm not letting you spend your money on me for something that isn't a drink." You shake your head, fiddling around with your fingers in your lap. The blonde notices it when her eyes flicker over to you for a second before returning to the roads.
"It's your birthday, Y/N. You have to have a little fun. Let loose," she says, and you raise an eyebrow, turning your head to her. The last two words were new, at least when it comes out of her mouth.
"Maria's words, not mine." she quickly stated, making a smile grow on your face. You stop fiddling with your fingers and instead intertwine them with each other, your gaze going back to the window.
"Come on, any ideas?" The car stops at a red light, and she looks over to you. You stayed quiet in thought, although nothing much came up. She sees only the side of your head until you made your decision.
"We'll do yours," you say, having unable to think of anything. Your mind was clouded over. Honestly, a part of your body just wanted to lie in bed hopelessly the whole day, but something else pulled you.
"Then it's settled," she nods, the steering wheel turning with her hand as she made a right. You think over her words on the phone call earlier, 'Ice cream, buy some things, arcade', and you start to get just a bit more excited.
"Ice cream first?" You ask, looking to her with hope. She furrows her eyebrows and makes a face to you, and your lip forms a tight line, like a child asking for something and getting scared of the answer.
"Of course ice cream goes first." The car goes forwards once more, the light having turned green. You cheer quietly, and she gently shakes her head at your antics. At least she got you to release the emotional tension you had in your body. Even if just a little.
The rest of the car ride consisted of singing and dancing, the conversations being light. The weight on your shoulders got lifted up just a little bit more. When you were about to arrive and she was going to park, 'Please Mr. Postman' started playing and your face brightened at the intro.
She raised her eyebrows at your quick happiness at the simple song, but smiled and laughed at how fast you got into singing it. Really, it's always been a main song for whenever you hanged out, but it's been so long since she saw you sing it, she got surprised. Soon enough though, she sang with you, the two of you moving in your seats to the words.
When the song ends, she turns off the engine and both of you get out the car. The parking lot wasn't all that filled up, so it was a chance there weren't many people in the mall.
She puts on her cap and walks to the entrance with you behind her, the noise of crows and other birds made sound, echoing from somewhere afar as you made your way to the sliding doors.
The cold air of the mall quickly greeted you like a slap of reality in the face, like waking yourself up with a cold shower after laying in bed for too, too long. A way to make you feel more alive.
The ice cream shop wasn't far, and with how little amount of people were here, the two of you got to go to the counter right when you arrive to order your preferred flavour.
Your eyes watch the ice cream get put on the cone, and you do a little dance when your hand got ahold of it, while Carol was giving her money to the cashier of the total cost.
The cashier smiles at the two of you and says their 'thank you', making you smile back before turning around, Carol easily catching up with you from your slow walking.
The two of you walk and enjoy your ice cream, the coldness definitely making you more free feeling. There were clothing stores, shoe stores, little snack shops, and every other thing you could ever imagine. You passed by each one though, but you did point out some cool looking things here and there to Carol.
Soon enough, you come upon a pet shop and your eyes widen, your lips matching with a smile. You walk towards it, wanting to look at all the animals. Carol had to walk faster so she didn't lose you.
There were parrots, cats, dogs, hamsters, fishes, bunnies, and even some lizards. Your mouth was agape as you stared at some of them, but you walk over to the cats.
"Aw, look!" You point at an orange cat, who's sitting patiently with it's tail smoothly flicking back and forth as it watched people pass by.
Carol was looking at the dogs until you called, making her go over to you to see what you were melted at. As if you hadn't already from the other little animals.
"This one is so cute." You lean forward and capture the attention of the cat, making it stand up and walk closer to you.
Carol's head tilted slightly and her eyes squinted as she inspected the info of the cat. The name, the breed, the date and place of birth... "...Goose. Huh."
"I want to take it home." You blurt out as you let the cat follow your hand around, and its head moves here and there instead of its body. It was a playful cat, a paw going up here and there to reach out to you.
"You should get it if you love it that much." Carol says, with her usual deadpan voice that you honestly find amusing. Although, for this, your face turns deadpanned instead and you stare at her, making her raise your eyebrows at you. It was nearly a staredown.
"Danvers, I cannot take care of a cat...let alone myself." You gesture to the cat, and it looked at you questionably. Your shoulders slump a little at the last words of your sentence, and Carol frowns a little.
"I'm sure it'll be able to help you cope or something." Really, she was thinking in her head of surprising it to you as a birthday present for later tonight when she sends you home.
"Why don't you get it? I think Monica would go crazy." You glance back at her, and she purses her lips, staring at the cat. It was the most vibrant color of all the other cats.
"And Maria would go crazier." She said, turning to you for a second but then going back to the entrance of the shop instead, perhaps making her escape from you flipping the table to her.
"You can convince her." You say, the volume of your voice going up a little considering she's farther away. You take a quick glance back at the cat, hesitating to leave, but going away to catch up to the blonde.
"No, now, we are going to the arcade." You laugh when you hear her stern voice, although something in you knew she had a thought about getting it.
You looked around as you walked, seeing the arcade not far away now, the place lit up by machines and screens. But something caught your eye and made you look twice.
Were you dreaming? Well...having a nightmare? You felt like so. Your body definitely didn't react in a good way. Honestly, your heart felt like you were about to have a heart attack with how fast it was beating.
Carol's hat made shade for her face from the sun coming through the mall's glass roof as she walked. She stops along with you when she noticed, confusion filling her face at the sudden stop.
When she follows your eyes to where you were looking though, immediately her eyes widen and her face was in complete shock just as yours were.
A brunette, green eyes...green jacket...
It couldn't have been.
You look closer on the face, and it was. And her hand was not swinging by itself as she walked.
It wasn't with your hand either, because you were plenty of feet away from her.
It was with someone else. Something in the back of your mind felt like they were familiar, although you couldn't even dare focus on that.
Your whole day-- well, your whole world fell apart right then and there. Just like that.
You can feel your heart beating up to your ears, and it felt like time stopped. And not in the good way. Oh, you wish. You wish it was the time you saw her green eyes staring back at you and the whole world only felt like it held the two of you. But not anymore.
Maybe it was the numbing adrenaline rush of the shock coming through, but you take in a deep breath, ripping your gaze away. You couldn't bare to look at the sight anymore.
You clench your jaw, your hand gripping itself in a fist. Your eyes pooled with tears and Carol looked at you, her own misery at finding out the truth obvious on her face, although she was mostly worried about you.
"You know what? Maybe we can...do this another day." You say, trying your best to not let your voice shake entirely, but it did falter.
"You don't wanna--" She was about to suggest trying to distract yourself with the arcade, but at the same time, nothing could make you feel better after seeing such a thing.
"Just take me home." Your mouth moved quickly and you spoke quietly, your eyes flicking back to the spot where she was walking, but she was out of sights already.
You turn around and walk fast, not wanting to linger anymore. Carol walks with you. There was nothing said as you made your way out and to the car. The lovely sounds of the birds chirping now fell on deaf ears as your legs kept you moving.
The car door opens easily with the pull of your hand, and you get in, but you were careful to not slam the door. Carol gets in after you, and turns on the engine.
Her eyes go over to you. You already had your seatbelt on and had settled in your seat, staring out the window. She was about to say something, but she held her tongue, not wanting to make matters worse.
And what would anyone have to say in this anyway? Your lover left you, replaced you with someone else, and broke your heart. 'It will get better'? The only path to take was to go through the pain and that was it. Until you somehow get back up again.
The music starts up once more, and it didn't make you happy as much anymore. You couldn't even focus on it if you tried. You were trying to blink away the tears and ignore the way your throat was swelling up on the inside.
Carol drives you back home safely, keeping her eyes on you here and there. The ride was quiet other than the music, but it was obvious the tension was high.
There were questions unsaid, many going around in your head, but you didn't wanna trouble her with all of them, and she probably wouldn't know what to answer them with anyway.
Soon enough, you arrive back to your house, and you gently unbuckle your seatbelt. At the corner of your eyes, your tears were starting to seep out, just a little.
Carol makes sure she says something before she regrets just being silent, "Hey," she said quietly, and you look at her, your eyes shining with unshed tears. It was the softest you've heard her voice yet.
"I'm always here, if you need me," she says. She knows it won't be much, but it needed to get out of her head. You nod, and sniffle, trying your best to not cry just yet.
You don't say anything back. If you did, you would've broken right there. Instead, you pull on the car handle and open the door, getting out.
Carol watches you as you leave, and she makes sure you get into your house safely before getting out the driveway.
You close the front door of the house, locking it, and freezing in your tracks, taking in a sharp breath before letting it out as a sigh. You nearly hoped it didn't happen, that you would only do that and just wake up from sleeping right now.
But then you let out a sob and lean back on the closed door. You hide your face in your hands, closing your eyes as you started crying, and your chest wracks with broken sobs.
How could she do such a thing? Did she not love you? Were you simply not enough? Too much? You couldn't stop yourself with the questions roaming your head, overthinking everything as you go. The kindest soul with the warmest heart, now broken into a tiny million pieces just because someone couldn't talk about their feelings. Yet you seem to always find a way to blame yourself for every situation.
Sure, maybe even if she did talk to you, your heart would still break, but would it have felt like this? Would it have felt like your lungs were going to collapse from your cries?
You sniffle, and try your best to steady your breathing, but you couldn't, so you just let it do whatever it wants. You wipe your eyes with your sleeve, but the tears keep flowing, so it barely did much.
Fatiguely, with a heavy body, you made your way to the kitchen. You wanted to go to the bedroom, but it was so far, and everything in there would only make your head spin even more. The couch was a choice, but your eyes linger on that recipe book you had looked through this morning.
Your hand twitches to grab it, but you bite your tongue and instead grip the counter, letting yourself slide down on the kitchen floor. You clutch your legs and curl up. The grip your hands held with the fabric of your jeans were enough to probably rip them.
You still had hiccups leaving your mouth, tears leaving your eyes, and you were definitely about to sob once more. The kitchen tiles blurred from your vision getting clouded with tears.
Your hands clumsily reaches in your pocket to grab your phone, and you somehow made it to your homescreen.
The phone was set down on the floor, your hands shaking as your tears rolled down to your chin and dropped down to stain your shirt.
You look up, trying to gather yourself up, but of course you couldn't. Your body needed to let the emotions out, especially after such a situation.
For a few more long minutes, you sat helplessly on the kitchen floor, your breaths going with their own minds instead of your own. You take a few deep breaths, your legs splayed out in front of you before you sniffle and take one last deep breath.
You sat up a little more properly with the little energy you have, and slide your phone just a bit closer to yourself, your fingers gliding across the screen as you opened your calls app, and hovered your finger over the contact name.
You tap on it, trying your best to recollect yourself before she picks up. Your teeth bites down on your bottom lip, every tone of the calling sound making your heart beat faster.
It ends, and her voice comes through.
"Hello?" There's the soft voice. The gentle, soothing voice that lured you into falling in love.
"Wanda." Your voice nearly faltered, but it kept a little of it's stern tone. Your hand slid down to the kitchen floor, the texture keeping your emotions steady, at least enough for a couple minutes.
"Hey, what's up? Did you see my note?" She asks. She's been lying to your face all this time and you didn't even know it. How blind were you?
"Do you know what day it is today?" You ask, ignoring her own question. You sounded so calm in your own anger you honestly nearly even scared yourself.
"No...what?" She was confused, and you could imagine the innocent act of a face she made.
"It's my birthday." You put simply.
"Oh..." that was all that sounded on the phone, and you knew the call didn't get cut off. She just didn't know what to say.
"I'm sorry I didn't stay Y/N, I...forgot." She says slowly, and it was obvious she was trying to tread her tracks carefully.
"I can come back tonight, I promise." You almost didn't want her to, but you needed to talk it out. You didn't say anything else, not wanting to talk about everything else over the phone.
"Goodbye, Wanda." You whisper, your voice breaking at the end. You were sure she noticed it, but you'd want her to anyway.
You ended the call, tapping on the red button. That wasn't the end of it yet, of course, but for now, your hand only rests on the floor, your body falling limp against the cabinet.
She calls, but you don't hear it. The phone rings, on, and on.
You clench your jaw, tears filling up in your eyes once more. Your hand weakly silences your phone, and for the next couple more minutes, you lay crying, until your throat was dry and your muscles ached from sitting on the floor.
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The sun had gone down by now, and the moon came out of hiding.
You were no longer on the kitchen floor, but you were on the couch, curled up like a cat. You haven't done anything but cry ever since you got home. Only right now, your tears had dried, staining your cheeks
You hear the front door unlock, and you feel it coming, the moment you've been dreading.
The brunette appears from behind the door, closing it as she went in the house. Her eyes roamed the place, and eventually, it lands on you.
She lets out a sigh of relief when she realized you were still here. You let out a heavy sigh as you sat up properly.
She heard it. Even with the distance, the quietness of the room captured it. Her heart beated harder in her chest.
"Y/N, please, I'm sorry." She pleads as she makes her way to the couch, having carelessly kicked her shoes off, leaving one tilted on its side. You haven't even said anything yet, and you almost feel sorry yourself.
"Hey,"-- You were sitting right beside the armrest, so, she leans over and gently puts her hand on your cheek. --"I love you. I'm sorry."
You gently push away her hand, turning to look at her with your jaw clenching. She can see the anger in your eyes and it had her giving you a little space.
"Do you?" You say, your head moving slightly, and she notices the way the corner of your eyes seemed a little red. You weren't even looking at her. That was only the second part of the situation.
"Yes!" She says her eyebrows furrowed. She raises her hands in exaggeration before moving one up to her hair, sliding it back as she let out a breath. "...Why is that difficult to understand?"
"Well, maybe because you didn't even say anything when I said it to you just a few days ago!" Her mouth opens, and you assumed she was about to argue that she was drunk during that time, but she lets out a scoff, and that's even worse.
"You're pissed off about that too?" She seemed mad, and you nearly regret even blurting out the sentence.
You close your eyes with your hands, just wanting this to end even though it's just started and just barely scratched surface of what you need to talk about...or argue. You hoped it was the first one.
"Of course I am, Wanda! Where have you been?" You try your best to keep calm, but your voice was laced with anger. Hers though, was higher volume than yours.
"At work!" She walks around to the front of the couch, and you slide your hand down your face. Her face looked so believable, but you knew it wasn't the truth. You saw it with your own eyes.
"Bullshit." You whispered, looking at her with tired eyes. She gets confused and sits down on the couch, her eyes focused on you. You shift your position.
"What? I'm not ly--..." Her voice was a little high of a volume, and she doesn't finish her sentence when she hears you take in a shaky breath.
"...I...saw you." You said quietly, and Wanda, having been caught up in trying to make you believe her had to go quiet in thought of what exactly you mean.
She swallows down a lump in her throat, her eyes catching yours.
"Saw me?" She asked, her voice reducing down to almost the same volume as yours.
"You...were with someone else." You were shaking and your breath was trembling. You willed everything in your body not to sob while trying to get the rest of the sentences out. Her eyes widened at your words, and that was it.
"And I know it's not another person, because I saw your face." You point your finger to her, gently pushing on her chest with it to enunciate your words. Gently. You were never the type to lash out or be rough even when you were angry.
She goes quiet. Both pairs of your eyes were welling up with tears, that much was obvious. Any other words she's had before had died in her throat.
You see a tear rolling down her cheek from the side, and you held your hands back from wiping it off.
She looks at you, guilt swimming in her eyes, and she takes a shaky breath in before letting it go.
"...There's really..." She looks away from you, unable to even stare back at you. Your heart felt heavier than you knew it could.
"...nothing I could say or do to make you feel better." She said tearfully, her lips going down as she thought of her next words. She swallows her collected saliva again. That hit you like a million little glass pieces piercing through every part of your living, loving soul.
There really was not much she could reason with other than the fact that it had been true. She's fallen out of love with you, but even she didn't want to admit it.
"I've been with someone else. I...wanted to tell you. I just didn't know how." She admitted with her shoulders going up at her last words. There it was. The truth coming straight out of her mouth. Your lips nearly trembled, but your teeth sank down on it.
"How...long?" You ask, and you almost didn't want to know, but for the sake of closure, you urged on. She stays quiet, her own hands gripping the couch.
"How long, Wanda?" You pressed. Was it a month ago? It couldn't have been longer than that.
"Only after eight months of us moving here." It was before you even had your break. You made the math quickly in your head. You moved in a little more than a year ago, so it's been...six months?
You had been in this devouring hole for six months, and you hadn't even realized it. And she didn't tell you or break up with you. Instead she requested a break. No wonder your hope had died to sparks and to nothingness.
"What?" You whispered under your quivering breath, your head tilting in disbelief as your eyes spilled out in silent tears.
"Wanda." You say her name softly. She looked down in her lap as you let out another breath that nearly sounded like a sob. She sniffles, and you know the both of your hearts are breaking.
"Why?" You ask, although it was more of a thought from your head that spewed out unintentionally rather than a logical question. She couldn't answer. She didn't have an answer herself. It just happened. That's how it always is.
"...I thought you loved me." Your voice was small, as if speaking any louder would make the entire universe disappear in fear, just like your love had.
"I did! Or, I do!! I don't know!!!" She blurts out, not being able to decide which one. Her body had deflated at the high chance of losing you tonight.
"So you fell out of love with me completely?" Your eyes watch her carefully, and just for a vivid moment, she hesitantly, just barely nods.
"And you didn't think to just...break it off." You whisper, although it was more of a sentence to yourself. But she heard it anyway. It was obvious what you were pointing towards in your sentence. She sighs. She knows she's taken a step she couldn't take back.
Really, how can someone bring theirselves to having a full conversation about falling out of love? It's a difficult thing to do. Sure, you'd be heartbroken either way, or somehow you would have been able to work it out, but you supposed something else in you just wished you hadn't suffered all those months hoping for absolutely...nothing.
The two of you sit in the silence of what you'd think is death, not knowing what exactly to do with it all. The love you once had was gone. Or at least...hers.
Something spins around in your head. It's been spinning for ages since she had called to take a break, and you had hoped you never had to say it, but what else was there? You could start over, but this love had already started over before. Or had tried to. Technically it was both. This was the end of the road.
"...It's over." You whisper out into the room, and Wanda finally glanced up at you, her face full of heartbreak. Even though she probably saw it coming. You've seen that look before, and your stomach was about to collapse at even a second of it. You kept the eye contact though, needing to fully close this.
In a way, you searched her eyes, for some reason, still searching for anything that once was. But there wasn't anything but hopeless desperation.
"No...no please, I need you." She says, taking breaths in between as she cried. You hated seeing her like this. But you hated going in circles just as much.
"If you really did, then you wouldn't have done such a thing." She had nothing else to say to that. It had been your breaking point. You averted your gaze and stood up, hesitating for a moment, but eventually going off to the bedroom as she sat there in the consequences of her actions.
You walk into the room and close the door, locking it right after. You gently lean your head against the door, while silent tears freely move down your skin. The supply of water in your body was definitely infinite for today. A part of you wanted to laugh at the mere thought, and just to cope, but you were too tired to even do so.
You take in a breath, looking up to the ceiling as you felt your throat swell up, but you try your best to be quiet. You'd hate for her to hear you sob in the other room. She might be doing the same thing herself. You squeeze your eyes shut for a short time, wishing for it all to just stop.
And technically it's about to.
Gently, you push off the bedroom door and your legs take you to the front of your closet. The next move was obvious.
Your hands clenched theirselves as your eyes stare at the closet doors. You take a look around the room, taking in the space with your eyes lingering on some parts. The book Wanda hasn't finished reading. She stopped reading it ever since she started to disappear. You should have seen the signs.
The little teddy bear she got, the daisies you got her in the corner of the room, the DVDs she has in the TV stand, the music collection you have next to it.
You rip your gaze away and let your hands open the closet doors. A travel bag and a luggage bag was just under the hanged clothes, sitting within a compartment.
With trembling hands, you slide both out, putting them on the bed and unzipping them. It was the same bags you used to move into the house.
You grab some of the clothes you once shuffled through just earlier this morning, making sure to remember which ones are Wanda's, and not yours.
They were placed into the bags, and you stared at the folded shirts. They looked wrong. You throw your head back with a sigh, frustrated. The bed dips when you sat on it, the bags moving along just a little with it.
What are you thinking? The promise to stay, to fight through it all, it had all fallen apart. The one person you didn't leave after just a few months, and yet here you are. Packing. You let your body fall down completely on the mattress, legs dangling while you stared at the ceiling.
How many times have you stared up there? You don't even want to know. Before you lost all motivation and your emotions ran slow, you slowly prop yourself up to your arms and got back up. If you stopped now, you won't be gone in the morning.
Toothbrush, toothpaste, everything else you need and all the essentials. The last of it gets stored in the empty parts, and with the quiet sound of the zipper zipping, it was done.
With a relieved sigh that you could now simply lay on the pillows, your arms splayed out, your body giving up the last of its energy. You definitely couldn't get up anymore to do anything else.
This was the last night you were sleeping in this bed.
The crickets couldn't be any more louder with filling up the silence. You hated it. It felt too short, but all at the same time, it feels like it's gone on for too long.
Your vision faded into black as your mind stayed loud, up until it crept into your dreams. She slept on the couch that night.
In the morning, you woke up heavy and go through everything as if you didn't even sleep. Not even a cold shower helped you. Honestly, it might have just helped numbing the pain in your chest instead. You gather your items, gripping your bags tightly.
What if you just drop them and simply isolate yourself in the room? No. You shook your head, walking over to the door.
Your hand remains on the cold door knob for a short while, and you almost stay long enough to have it warmed up from your skin. It gets twisted though, and you open it.
If not for the sleeping figure on the couch, it would have been an empty room. You walk out to the front door with your eyes lingering on her.
Maybe her love was too good for you anyway. You just couldn't give her enough. Or too much. It didn't even make sense anymore. There was no in between your heart and mind could agree on. Even you didn't know what you were thinking.
Just as you click open the lock and went to open the front door, she slowly awakes. The shuffling makes you turn to look at her. You catch the realization and sadness in her eyes when you locked sights. Damn the loud clicks and creaking sounds of the doors.
"Where are you going?" She asks, but it was more of a question, than her wanting to stop you.
"Somewhere that isn't here." You say quietly, like a secret thats not meant to be said. She stares off into a space in the room, lost in thought.
"I really am sorry." You hold your breath a little longer, waiting for her to say something else. But she didn't.
There wasn't anything possible to heal the broken love you held. Maybe if she gave in, but her hands had been touched by someone else and her lips...perhaps had met another's.
"I love you." You whispered impulsively, although quiet and quick, it made sound to reach her ears nonetheless.
But yet, she was silent.
You stare at her for a second more, and few seconds too long to say you're determined in leaving. She wasn't looking at you.
You take a step to turn, and the door slides open with the pull of your hand.
You take another, then when you're outside and the door closes gently, the quietness of it all consumed you.
You check your belongings, you had your bags, your watch, your phone. You have everything except for her.
You check your last pocket, and in it were the keys to the house. You slide it off and it clinks, a familiar sound that you hated made your heart skip a beat every time you heard it.
You leave it off somewhere at the front of the house, and you hope you don't remember where you put it.
It all blurred together as you went to your car, turned on the engine and drove off. Of course you had a plan in mind. You've thought about it a hundred times, but you never thought you'd go with it.
The car arrives to a stop, near the place of your favorite cafe. But you aren't going out. You just needed to drive away from the house.
"Fuck." You cursed under your breath and slammed your fist on the steering wheel, and somehow your hand had slid down to the horn, making you bump into it and the car beeped loudly. You jumped, and looked around alertedly, but no one was there. The sidewalks were empty.
You relievedly let out the breath you were holding once you made sure you were in the clear. Thankfully, it wasn't lunchtime or the weekend.
"God," the word comes out under your breath as you shook your head. The thoughts in your head were harsh, and your shoulders slumped at it.
"How could I have ever possibly thought I was actually the one?" You whisper to yourself, staring at the logo of the car, still somehow shiny, just sitting there in between the controls even from how much you've driven the car.
You grip the steering wheel, but then you notice your arms being covered in a certain cloth. One all too familiar, one you chose in instinct in the morning. You look down on the sweatshirt you're wearing, and it was obvious. It was Wanda's.
You clench your jaw and your hands move to peel it off yourself, the sweatshirt turning into a jumbled up piece of clothing that was inside-out. You didn't even want to look at it, so you threw it to the backseats. You'll deal with it later.
Soon, you went to grab your phone, your hand shaking as you turned on your phone, trying your best to find a certain contact. You hold the device tighter, trying to stop the shaking. But you couldn't.
When you found it, you were hesitant to tap on it, your mind loud of everything bad that could happen. But it was Kate. You take in a shaky breath and tapped on the call button, exhaling your breath as you put your phone to your ear.
"Hello?" Her voice comes out gently. The kinder tone almost makes you let out a breath of relief. Your shoulders relax only a little though.
"Kate?" You ask in a whisper, fiddling a little with your steering wheel and tracing the round shape, the texture brushing the skin of your fingers.
"Hey, what's up?" It was still gentle, but there was a hint of concern in it. She can already tell something was wrong even though you barely said anything.
"Um...I..." Your breath was shaky, and she could hear it. On the other side of the phone, Kate was frowning, but she stayed quiet as she gave you time to get your words out.
You were nibbling your bottom lip as you thought about how to talk about your situation, and in the midst of the moment-- "...Wanda and I broke up," you spew out the words, your mouth not even caring to follow your mind anymore.
"What? What happened?" She was certainly shocked, and you look out the window, trying to distract yourself while at the same time speaking to Kate.
"She was with someone else," you say. The florist you once saw a few months ago came out of his store, greeting a customer outside. It was like you were watching a scene you were once in, in another person's view.
"Oh, shit." She swore out unintentionally, the surprise taking over her mouth. "Sorry," she apologized quickly, and you can imagine her blinking to get ahold of herself. It almost made you let out a soft chuckle.
"...I'm sorry, Y/N. God, I could never imagine Wanda would have done that." Kate said quietly. She adored your relationship together, that much was true, but she also saw the parts of Wanda that you wish weren't true. Yet this, this was an unexpected turn.
"...And since I left the house, I can't even sulk in bed or anything." You let out a gentle breath of a laugh, but it was more of a nervous one.
"I mean, I should've had a plan but-- we'd just keep seeing each other and it just...hurts." The florist had said goodbye to the customer who bought the flowers. He seemed happy as he rewrote some things on his little chalkboard. That man was definitely living his best life.
"Where are you gonna go?" She asks, and you go silent. You couldn't go to Carol's. You wouldn't. She's living with Maria and Monica and you probably wouldn't have a room to sleep other than in the living room on the couch. You wouldn't want to intrude on her living conditions anyway.
"I don't...really have anywhere to go to, so anywhere, I guess." You sink into your seat, looking down in your lap to stop staring at people. Kate was silent for a moment, and you're guessing she either didn't know what to say, or is thinking about something.
"My place is available to you if you want to come. You're always welcome here," she offers, and your eyes relax while your fingers fiddle with theirselves, thinking it over.
"...If that's okay with you. I mean, I don't want to intrude on anything--" You add on after quickly, but you get cut off by Kate.
"It's fine. Don't worry about it, I've missed having you hanging around. And I promise you, I have two forks and spoons now so we don't have to share one or get a plastic one from Mcdonald's that'll break after a few minutes." She jokes, and that actually made you laugh.
"Okay. Okay, thank you, Kate. I'll be there tomorrow." You sit up more properly, getting ready to drive to the airport. You hadn't visited her in a while, so you already had money ready.
"I will be there to pick you up. Okay? Do not get a cab," she says sternly, and you take in a big breath only to let it out as a small sigh.
"Kate," You say sternly back, wanting to protest and not burden her more. But she hums in disagreement. You know she cared about getting you safe and being the best friend she is, but your head was killing you.
"No. No, Y/N. I am not letting you cry in a cab awkwardly first thing you get out the airport." She argues softly, and you let your shoulders down in defeat. At your silence, she waits.
"I'll let you know when I land." You give in, your voice small.
"Okay, good." You can hear the relief in her voice, and your lip tugs up into the smallest smile
"See you, Kate." You were about to end the call, but she speaks up again.
"Hey."
"Take care of yourself."
"I'll try."
"See you."
The call ends, and you start driving.
end of chapter 5.
Series Masterlist <- Chapter 4 Chapter 6 ->
---------------
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#🥀 dawn’s collection#wanda maximoff#wanda maximoff x reader#wanda maximoff imagines#wanda maximoff imagine#wanda maximoff angst#wanda maximoff fanfiction#wanda maximoff fic#undeserving of a love like yours#uoally
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Pls tell me more about ur news experience while protesting the Ford gov and their shitty choices?
I was going to UofT at the time when the ford government gutted OSAP, the ontario student aid program for those out of the know. They converted all grants into loans and no longer gave money to cover living expenses, and they struck down the 6 month grace period ontario students had after graduation to find well-paying jobs before their repayment started.
For the americans here, i should contextualize that student loans in canada do not at all work like they do in the US. We take out loans from a combination of the federal government (known as NSLSC loans) and our provinces of residence specifically. When we apply, we fill out our financial info including our income and if we are considered an "independent" student or not, the legal definition of which differs depending on your province of residence. The main difference being that independent students dont include their parents' incomes when they first apply, theyre considered their sole and only breadwinner. Depending on that income and a few other personal points, you get a combination of loans and grants that cover both tuition and partial living expenses, and when you graduate, the federal government takes all your loan and income info and doles you out a personalized regular payment plan so you have it completely paid off after 10 years if you follow it. And you have 6 months after you graduate uni to find a job and get settled where you don't pay anything. Theres also other options if you still cant pay like the repayment assistance program that freezes your payments entirely if you prove youre below a certain wealth bracket, but thats the gist of it.
Now that everyone knows the context i can tell the story. The ford government of ontario circa 2019 decided that ontario university students dont need living expense coverage, that it would universally be loans regardless of any low income status, and that the post-grad grace period wasnt necessary. And being in one of the most expensive cities in the country, that was not going to fly with my peers.
I personally took out my provincial loans from alberta student aid that has all those benefits, so the OSAP gut didnt actually affect me at all, but injustice is still injustice even if it doesnt affect me, so i joined the student protests against the ford government that people were bussing in from the other side of the province to attend. At some point along the line, other folks noticed that i was comfortable around the news cameras and my main strengths were in public speaking, so when cameras were around asking for interviews i was pushed in front of them a lot to be trusted to explain our grievances and goals without getting noticeably hotheaded, so i did a lot of live interviews for CTV and citynews toronto during those few months.
And they were kinda right to do that. Im really good at interviews and public speaking and arguing points in general, and not the best at more hands-on things when it comes to activism. And like, you do need PR people to get support for a cause, contrary to what a lot of tumblr users seem to think. Like you need people whose jobs are to present your grievances and reasons for marching in a way that presents you as respectful and worth listening to and considering the points of. So that was mainly my role in those protests. I dont know if you can still easily find those interviews buried in their broadcast archives but if you want to look for me be my guest
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Hello !
I saw the ask you got about drama and copyright issues and maybe me feeling dismissive about drama stems from me just having being involved in theatre for years ??? I think casting is bound to cause some drama in the short term but i dont think anything long term will stem from it
Maybe its me being hopeful and having faith that the fandom based around a musical will be understanding of and respectful towards whatever casting decisions are made seeing as thats kinda just what happens in theatre????? Sometimes you dont get the part you want (if you even get cast at all) and it kinda sucks! But there will always be another opportunity. Shows will be put on again, and you never only have just one chance. Sure not getting the part you want is never and its okay to be sad about it, but sometimes someone else just fits the role better and theres not much that can really be done there. Id like to hope that everyone auditioning goes into it w an open mindset and will take whatever part they get w grace and treat casting like they would casting in a more traditional production (<- is a person who hasnt been active in online musical spaces in a few years. Take my words w a grain of salt i might not know what im talking about here)
If it does genuinely end up being a big issue though, maybe we could do smth w a cast a and a cast b ??? So that way more people get a chance to play a major character. It would be a lot more work as far as audio editing goes, but if theres enough of a want for it a second cast isnt impossible or anything. Itd honestly just take a bit more time to get out
As far as copyright goes thats! Iffier. Its weird and its wonky and itd be a bit of a pain but there are ways to deal w it
The easiest and simplest option is to only have the final version available to those who worked on it directly. No promotion, no making it public, just a fun thing for everyone who worked on it (and maybe their friends), and thats it. Itd be unfortunate to make a project like this so limited, but its the legal option that requires the least amount of effort 😔✌️
The other option would be to obtain the rights to put on the musical. I was curious about how much it would cost and after finding the copyright holders and filling out their mock form, it would come out to about 275 USD ????? Which is a lot! Thats a lot of money to pay out of pocket for a project that likely wont be monetized at all!
But, having said that, 275 starts to feel a lot smaller when you take into consideration how many people are interested in taking part. I think you mentioned about 30 or so people filling out the form??? If those 30 people individually contributed 10 USD (which is smth ive actually seen mandatory for a lot of non profit theatre companies and school shows) we would have some money left over even
275 is really only a lot if its just one person paying for it. I do 100% realize that having a cost would probably change this project a bit just by nature of real life money being involved, but i do still want to point out that its an option if youre willing to take it. Also i want to mention that the mock form said real prices might not be reflected. They didnt have an option for digital shows for where itd be put on, so if location impacts it at all 275 probably wont be the final cost 💔💔 (id like to hope the final cost would be lower though since it does assume the show in question is a more traditional in person show :') )
Also actually now that im thinking about it theres a secret third option which would be to combine the two???? Start out w it being just for everyone who worked on it but then put out a little interest check and fundraiser to see how many people would be interested in buying it. Kinda like what some physical print zines do but just w a musical instead! It would require putting a paywall on the final show which would also be kinda super unfortunate and a massive shame, but if enough people are interested its another way to deal w the licensing fees. Also if the project gets more money than the licensing costs maybe the leftovers could be donated or smth. Idk
Copyright is to me a much bigger issue than casting drama could ever be just bc of the legal issues it could bring up, but there are still definitely definitely ways to get around and deal w them ( ^^)b
(Btw @ the anon who kinda got me thinking about this and led me to send an ask in response, this is nothing against you !! I genuinely think bringing up copyright and potential dramas is a good thing to do especially so early on into a project like this. And running into copyright issues specifically could kill this project faster than anything else could tysm for bring that up genuinely :')
Also op sorry for such a long ask orz )
yeah casting will definitely raise some issues but there are after all only 8 major roles, you said it better than i ever will sjdjgkl also this is literally my first online musical space i got into bmc in like MARCH what am i doing
i actually have been thinking about doing an act 1 cast and an act 2 cast, but thats gonna raise the issue of finding two people with similar voices for one character so its not too jarring. we could totally do it but thats just more work for the casting people i feel. i mean if theyre up for it we could, again we'll just wait and see. there probably would be understudies too, and ive been thinking about having multiple voices for small sections of people who were squipped, like rich in the squip song, or jenna and christine in pitiful children/the play, even the creepy stock guy. there will be one "main" actor but maybe understudies will do underlying voices. will be a little more work for the editors so again we'll see
COPYRIGHT here we go. i really dont want to limit this project so the only option would be to pay. i did a tiny bit of googling and "Section 107 of the Copyright Act provides the statutory framework for determining whether something is a fair use and identifies certain types of uses—such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research—as examples of activities that may qualify as fair use." now if we were doing like one song then that would be fine, but we're attempting to remake the WHOLE THING, so i really think we might have to buy the rights which hm. wow.
i dont know if people are willing to pay 275 dollars for something that might not even succeed, so i think if we go through with this then we work on it first and see our progress. if it looks like we might succeed in actually doing the whole thing then we'll set up a thing for people to donate. to my understanding as long as we buy the rights we can release it to the public?? so as long as we get the 275 dollars we can release it, so it wont be only limited to the people who paid. but if we dont get enough then idk what to do with the money. maybe donate it or just wait until we hit 275. or we set a price and give it to the people who paid, sorta like a vip subscription or something
i actually have SIXTY RESPONSES as of now and its been at 60 for a while so if everyone gives 5 usd then we would have more than enough. ofc not everyone would be willing to pay tho so its really a gamble. i checked out the mock form too and are we even able to buy them if we're producing it digitally?? all that about ticket fees and average attendance if we cant even get the rights then theres no way we can release it to the public
im ngl i dont think i can do the actual licensing so we might need someone to handle finances specifically. also im not even a legal adult i really dont know if i should 💀💀 we gotta find someone responsible
YES everybody say thank you to anon for bringing problems up it would be bad if everyone got hyped only to realize we cant even do it
#bmcblr remake#and we REALLY need to prepare ourselves for not being able to do it at all#cause im like genuinely concerned we cant get the rights#if thats the mock form then the official form would most likely be the same right#we dont even have a location are we even allowed to buy them#unless we use danis connections and message joe iconis himself#idk how involved he would be but i think hes probably be pretty involved in licensing right#we're talking about LEGAL stuff and MONEY now this all started from a shower thought how did we get here#dont apologize for long asks!! they force me to think about problems i need to deal with earlier lmao#bmc#be more chill#be more chill musical#bmc musical
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If someone were interested in wanting to get into the touhou series, what would you recommend they start with? :0
surprisingly this is a very difficult question to answer, since touhou is such an expansive franchise and a lot of people enjoy it for very different reasons. its also a series thats counterintuitive to follow if youre not there while each part of it is releasing, since theres a lot of plot overlap between the game series and the spinoffs on a chapter-by-chapter basis (though its not difficult to make sense of if you know that's the case in advance). there is really no easy way to get into touhou, but the flip side of this is that there isnt an incorrect way to get into it either! it just depends what you want out of it.
if youre looking to experience the story without too much hassle, start with the games in numerical order, then tackle the spinoff books and the concept records later if you feel like it. you can choose to start at the first game, or you can skip right to 6 since its the first windows title and the oldest game that's actively relevant to the plot overall (more detail on why thats the case here). dont forget to read omake.txt before beginning each game, since they contain the story prologues and character backstories that contextualize the plot before the games begin!
if youre looking for a polished gameplay experience and dont really care about following the story, then i would recommend 7, 8, or 10 as good standard shmup experiences; or 12.5, 12.8, or 18 if you want to see the franchise at its most esoteric in game design. if youre an experienced shmup player and want something that will kick your teeth in, 12, 14.3, or 15 will give you that.
if you dont care as much about the plot or the gameplay, but want to see the characters explored, the official manga are fine introductions. theyre not perfect, since they rely on you knowing the plot and cast of the games releasing concurrently with them somewhat, but you'll probably manage fine. out of these, the manga with the best balance of being self-contained while featuring a compelling plot would be touhou suzunaan ~ forbidden scrollery.
the concept albums are probably the most beginner-friendly example in this list, and theyre my favourite part of the franchise! since theyre just music cds without any skill at shmups required to get into them, plus they follow a self-contained plot from the rest of the series, you can get into them without any prior knowledge and get a complete experience!
lastly, a lot of people just start getting into touhou by browsing fanmade works, and thats valid too! some people often read a bunch of fan doujins or listen to arrange albums, notice a character in them, and go "she looks cool! which one is she from?" and branch into the official content from there. this is the option id recommend least out of these, because the tone and quality of fanworks can vary drastically and give you false impressions of the official content. however, its still perfectly okay to start this way, caveats aside!
what im trying to get at is that none of these are ideal solutions, but theyre all possible ways to start out. like i said, theres no easy way to get into touhou, but theres no wrong way either.
the only official content id advise against starting with would be any spinoff books other than the manga. despite most of these containing a lot of the best writing in the series, the more story-focused ones are often heavily tied to the plots of the games, so their highs hit highest if you have some level of experience with the series prior to reading them.
let me know if you have more questions on starting out, and i can answer whatever!
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I’ve realized I haven’t posted a story in like a month 💀
School and work have been literally draining me so much and I’ve been sleeping a lot 😭 anyways here is a sortish part 1 of this literally just to get it out. Ima make a part 2 soon.
Anyways here the info and story:
Platonic yandere pro hero Red riot(Ejiro Kirishima) with orphan teen reader:
Reader: 15, lost there parents and siblings in a pro hero accident so they don’t like those hero’s that where involved with it(Izuku Bakugo and Shoto), best friend Sofi. Sofi is female 15 Bakugous pro hero name mentioned.
f/d=fav drink
To the story!!:
Y/n and Sofi where going to a pro hero meet up. Or more like Sofi is dragging Y/n too it so they can hold a place in line for her in pro hero Deku’s line so she could get a signature from Pro hero Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight who has a shorter line at the moment. Then going to get Pro hero Shotos signature. Sofi said that they would buy them a f/d after if they just hold a spot for her. What Sofi forgot to mention is that Pro hero Ret Riot was going to be there. He had a short line. Once reader saw this, they quickly called Sofi.
“SOFI HURRY THE FUCK UP!! PRO HERO RED RIOT DOESNT HAVE A FUCKING LINE REALLY!! THERES ONLY LIKE 20 PEOPLE!”
“Whoa whoa hold up. If you can wait in Deku’s line for like 20 more minutes then I’ll come take your spot and you can go see him.”
“Ok fine. If he isn’t there by the time you get over here you owe me 2 f/d”
“Fine”
10 minutes came, then 20, Pro hero Red riot was starting to pack up a leave. Sofi was one person away from getting a autograph by Pro hero Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight. Then 5 minutes later Sofi got her autograph, then came to us in line.
“How dare you” Y/n says in a somewhat sad/serious/joking voice.
“Yeah yeah Ik. I owe you 2 f/ds” Sofi responded.
They waited until another 5 minutes passed and reader see Pro hero red riot exiting the room he went into 5 minutes ago.
“Sofi!! I see him!”
“See who?”
“Red riot you idiot! I’m going to him. After I get his autograph I’ll come back.”
“Ok good luck.”
As y/n runs to catch up to Kirishima, Kiri hears running foot steps coming up behind him. He doesn’t pay any attention to them because he thinks the person is just running late or something.
“Um Red Riot..?” Y/n says as they stoped running, out of breath, and kiri here the running stop as this person says it.
“Uh yeah?” Kirishima says as he stops walking and turns around. As he turns to see who called his name, he’s surprised to see a teenager, probably around 14-16, a bit out of breath. He sees his past self him them. He’s memorized by them and a sense of protection surfaces. He wants to protect them, make sure they never get hurt.
“Uh hi! Sorry to stop you. I um was just wondering if I could get a autograph?” Y/n says.
“Yeah! Of course!” He says, happy that he gets to sign something of yours and hopefully get to know your name so he can come looking for you.
“Yes! Thanks. Uh one second. Do you think you could sign my book? It’s my favorite one and I reread it a lot.” Y/n says as they hold out a version of Scythe By Neal Shusterman.
“Wouldn’t you want it to get signed by the author though? But I’ll still sign it if you want!” Ejiro laughed while taking the book. As he did y/n face got really read in embarrassment, and started to fiddle with there fingers and pick at there skin.
“I would normally but I have all 3 of the books that are like the deluxe version signed by him and I don’t have anything else for you to sign so this was the best option.” Y/n nervously explained while stumbling over her words. “Also do you think we could take a picture together? If you don’t mind of course!”
“I would love too! And here is your book back!”
“Thank you do much!” Y/n says as they put there book into there bag.
“Y/NNNNNNN” Sofi screams as she comes running out of the pro hero meet and towards Y/n and Ejiro. “Hiiii let’s go I got Pro hero Deku, Shotos and Lord Explosion Dinamight autograph. I’m ready to go.”
“Ok and I got Red riots autograph! I’m ready to go!” Y/n says to Sofi forgetting for a moment that Red Riot was still standing there. “Oh! Bye Red Riot!! Thanks!”
“You’re welcome! You girls go have fun! Bye” Ejiro says, full well knowing that he’s going to follow them from the roof tops to make Y/n gets home safely, and that this Sofi person is a good person.
#yandere Kirishima#platonic yandere#yandere#yandere Ejiro#platonic yandere Ejiro#platonic yandere Ejiro Kirishima#yandere platonic Ejiro Kirishima#platonic yandere kirishima#yandere platonic kirishima#yandere platonic Ejiro
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Also I feel like seeing them fuck would have been 10 time less explicit then what you did there. The insect visual make it so much more crude and visceral.
yeah i know right? ive been thinking about this a lot this week because, like a couple other fanarts ive made (like the thoschei cannibalism fic and to a lesser degree maybe the thasmin smut) this video works entirely on the subtextual level? theres nothing to this except for the subtext. when vimeo asked me to rate it and then check the things that were in the video there were like four options like nudity, sex maybe, something else, and violence, and i couldnt really check any of them? i was like oh right theres actually nothing in here. same with youtube, i read the content policy guidelines and like, no there is probably no sexual content in this video according to them. but thats just because they specify explicit. and everything here is inherently implicit. we dont have doctor who sex scenes. it cant be explicit. but it feels explicit?
it's like when we talked about whether the intention makes something art but now im like, does the intention make something smut, or is it the interpretation, or is it some specific images?
if you follow guidelines of sites like youtube and vimeo you'd think it's a couple of specific images and words that make something sexual, but theyre not describing sex are they? theyre describing marketability. it'd be a mistake to take their descriptions of sexual content as saying anything at all about what sex is.
people say "tag your stuff" like thats not a maddeningly subjective endeavour. even just looking at my eternal feud with / or & when tagging thoschei. things like Major Character Death might be pretty descriptive and seemingly clear cut (though im sure theres fics where authors have struggled with that check mark too) but ratings are mostly vibes-based.
do we need to tag subtext? is that not the domain of the reader? is tagging stuff that youre leaving to interpretation not kinda ruining part of the experience of reading/viewing the thing? or do you need to tag that when it could be HarmfulTM? (i'll admit my brain is definitely infected with online discourse about HarmTM and theres parts of my thinking about this thats definitely irrational, like im not gonna psychologically scar someone with a spicy bug volcano video. but im trying to work around those thought pretzels bear with me) do we need to tag subtext if thats the entire work? saying this video contains frogs and spiders is helpful for the frog- and spiderphobic but it's also an incomplete truth. the frogs and spiders describe other things, theyre just the words im using. do i need to tag orgasm denial or dom 13 or sub master if people maybe dont even see that part until i just said it?
anyway this video would probably be allowed on youtube because youtubes policy guidelines specify only explicit sexual content and depiction of things and also doesnt seem to differentiate between fictional and nonfictional content which is weird to me. like i feel like those two things definitely need to be treated as different things? and it's maybe not great to blur those lines.
anyway im not asking you specifically all these questions, i dont even think theyre questions with one answer, im just thinking out loud
tldr what makes porn porn i guess. can porn be bugs crawling into holes if i try really hard
#sorry for writing a tedtalk you just unlocked the things ive been thinking about all week fgkjghjgh#thanks for watching the video <3#theres also an entire branch of thoughts i have related to this about consent and fanworks#which i wont get into here bc this is already too long but that naturally i also thought about all week while making this#maybe i'll try uploading it to youtube and see what happens#nothing probably#i mostly just wanted to put it on ao3 so people dont go into it without being warned about bugs and surgery#and harm to animals idk#hearts. it's kind of intense#anyway feel free not to respond to all this if you dont have the energy tbh#im just thinking out loud and probably being very autistic about all this tbh
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Very tired of seeing people praise veganism as the only solution for sustainable alternatives for food or other things. Especially when they dont bother to acknowledge the veganism movements flaws.
Yes, eating less meat helps, going vegan can help. But theres a lot of vegan alternatives that are not sustainable and inherently flawed. Pleather and artificial fibers in clothing for example. Its all plastic; real leather will last longer and wear better than a pair of pleather boots that will degrade in 10 years and get tossed in the garbage and not biodegrade. We are working on other leather alternatives though, i have seen leathers made of fruits that can be hopeful, especially if we can tie it in with our food waste issue. Or things like wool and honey, which we need to harvest for the animals benefit. Honey has a lot of beneficial properties too, and so does beeswax. Wool is another incredible natural material, super versatile and will age beautifully and give so much use.
If we're talking meat products, then yea, the meat industry is very flawed. It takes up a lot of resources, water and land, to raise livestock. But i sincerely dont think veganism is the only alternative to that, and to praise it as the only and best solution is naive. The nutrional density of meat is pretty hard to compare with, and i wouldnt be surprised if there were a lot of plant based protein alternatives that can cause allergies or be inaccessible for people. Off the top of my head, tree nuts and eggs for example. Food allergies are on the rise, and i dont think its unlikely that more allergies will crop up.
Reducing meat consumption is definitely a great option. Finding ways to incorporate more plant based protein has to go alongside that. Or, what i always prefer, buying your meats from local small farms if its an option. If you have the ability to do so, raising your own chickens is a great alternative too. Ive seen people talk about eating insect protein, which, def not for me but it is an option thats growing in popularity.
If youre gonna rant about the meat industry however, and not be willing to discuss how the agricultural industry is also deeply flawed, then i dont want to hear it. Monoculture farming is harmful to the soil and degrades the land over time. A lot of vegan alternative products like palm oil are grown using unsustainable agricultural and labor practices. Not to mention the footprint of transporting produce around the world.
And all of this still intersects with availability of alternatives. Because a lot of products that are more sustainable are more expensive to produce and therefore more expensive to sell. Capitalism relys on planned obsolescence and things break very easily and quickly. How many people in poverty can afford reliable eco friendly products? Plastic free products? Sustainably grown products? How many disabled people can travel around to multiple local markets for their groceries? Rely tools and devices that arent plastic free to survive? Need regular prescription meds that arent in refillable packaging?
For those that want to be more sustainable but have no idea where to start, are overwhelmed with eco anxiety, and feel hopeless about their situation. Here are some ways that have worked for me, hopefully they can help you too.
Examine your consumer habits. The best way to cut back on your waste and your personal footprint is to simply consume less. Look at the things you buy, the products you use on a daily basis. Are there other options that would produce less waste? Things like buying unpackaged produce instead of prepackaged. Are there things that you buy that arent necessary? Clothing hauls is the first thing that comes to mind. Or, if you do need them, can you borrow from a friend or buy second hand? There are a lot of things that we do that produce waste that we just cant swap unfortunately, like prescription medications. Dont beat yourself up over the places where you cant change, instead, find the places where you can and make a commitment to alternatives.
Take care of the items you do have and make them last longer. Take care of dishes, pots and pans, appliances, furniture, clothes, etc. If you have clothes that are getting holey or worn down, consider repairing them or picking up sewing. You can learn how to repair wooden furniture, or find ways to restore upholstery if possible. These are things that you have brought into your home, dont let them gather dust or go into disrepair if theres a way to prevent that.
See what you have that can be reused for another purpose. Jars are a big one. I slip all the time on taking home take-out containers only to throw them away. Storing leftovers in old reused jam or pickle jars works just as well as to-go boxes or tupperware. Reuse plastic water bottles or plastic straws, and you wont have to buy a fancy new bottle or reusable straw. Cut up old shirts that you couldnt fix and were gonna toss into cleaning rags or un-paper towels. There are things all around you that would work just as affectively as something you would buy at a store.
Read up on your local buinesses or community activities. I see a lot more community gardens than i did in years before. And local libraries have a lot of resources, and maybe even events to help out around your community. Growing closer to your community is always a good practice, and the friends you make may be able to help you with items or skills that you may not have, like needing a crockpot without buying one, or fixing a table or chair. Local farmers markets and festivals are great ways to buy locally and give back to your community too.
If you have to buy something, see if you can get it second hand, or buy a more sustainable option. I always shoot for ebay if i need something i can buy used, or my local thrift stores. Or if i need to buy something i can only get new (shampoo, toothbrush, etc) i see if i can buy from local places with sustainable options, or even online shops in my region. Your money is your power as a consumer, so put your money toward whats important to you. Find going organic more important than curbing plastic? Then buy the organic produce, even if its wrapped in plastic. Because of organic certification requirements, they're likely to be wrapped over conventional produce. I focus more on my waste trail, so i try to buy plastic and package free as often as i can, and sometimes this leads to me buying things from places further away in bulk. Oh also, buy in bulk if you can, it can help reduce your shipment footprint.
Grow a deeper appreciation for nature. Get involved with local clean ups, or volunteer for outside events. Even spending some time in the grass and sun listening to the birds can deepen your bond with the Earth. And when youre fighting consumer habits against a consumer society, sometimes some time to ground with the focus of your efforts can be incredible for your mental health. Learn about local plants or wildlife, take pictures of the sunset, the more you understand and love the world around you, the easier it gets to want to save it.
Be gentle with yourself. Often times, there is no one perfect solution. Don't let eco anxiety bog you down and paralyze you. I've heard someone say once "you cannot do all the good the world needs, but the world needs all the good you can do." Every little effort helps.
#this turned into a rant whoops#sustainability#ecofriendly#zero waste#organic#sustainable living#my posts
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i'm struggling a lot with being able to afford basic necessities like food and heating throughout the colder months so if u could paypal or ko-fi me anything or rb this it'd mean the world! <3
#for context its bc i'm receiving far below minimum wage and am unable to work like genuinely incapable no matter what i do due to#my mix of symptoms making it impossible in multiple ways but the government has been cheating me out of a normal income by saying my#iq is too high thus i technically cannot prove that in the future i won't be capable of working 1 hour a month basically#so i dont qualify for the income im supposed to receive based on everything but that rule they added that isnt a real part of what makes u#qualify or not and i don't qualify for other incomes bc its been a thing before i was 18 and im a drop out and have never been able to#actually hold a legal job in my teens either so theyve decided my family is responsible who is severely abusive and does not give two shits#so they feel theyre regardless in their rights to give me way less than minimum wage like not even 20% and my family is supposed to make up#for the rest which they dont and i cant in any way force them even legally so thats awesome#its a long story and v hard to explain and im trying to reapply but they dont want me coming back another 10 years or so for reassessment#theres a lot to it all but basically due to that i receive too little to cover both food and heating in the colder months as im already#struggling to afford food alone essentially and ive already been ruling out any purchase that isnt instant life or death like#clothing to suit the weather is a necessity that will be detrimental to my health long term but its less likely to kill me instantly at the#moment so its not a necessity necessity etc#i just could rly use some help bc the malnutrition is starting to affect my chronic illnesses more snd more and not going to lie idk#how much longer im going to survive these circumstances like not to ask for pity im just really at a loss here irt what to do bc all thats#left is falling back into a hole of legal issues bc well. when you cant make money legally you know. haha. anyway#like girl help genuinely <3#kio.txt#im scared of making a post like this thats rebloggable bc of paranoia etc but i figure its my only option since not rly anyone is donating#regardless of my larger audience here like only two mutuals were able to donate a little and it helped with my meds bill but i still dont#have enough to actually get groceries for more than a few days at best#and im just scared rn truthfully bc idk how im going to do this like i dont get paid till the end of the month and i rly need food and im#already rationing everything even heating and i still dont know how im going to even make it through this month alone#and the rationing is taking a toll on my health too and i dont have adequate meds bc i cant afford more healthcare etc like its all a lot#and im just kind of at my wits' end rn#im extremely lucky im not homeless again by living somewhere not so legally but thats not exactly stable either bc of the nature of it and i#have no back up if thst gets fucked so basically its all.. a lot and we really could use anything we can get#i really hate to ask for help like this but i really don't know what else to do anymore#for anyone wondering no im not in the us i'm in northwestern europe#also food banks and shelters require an application process here and i dont qualify for the same reason i dont qualify for a living wage :/
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you should talk abt the thing w gyro and boyd and lugnut on main some more i am saying this completely objectively i prommy
well long as you prommy youre asking this in a normal way where youre not emotionally compromised i dont see why not
so boyd confuses lugnut a great deal. not that hes met any other robots or even knew there were others besides himself out there really before encountering boyd and ig giz but he doesnt get boyd at all. like why would somebody go and build a little boy when little children already exist ??? it just doesnt seem logical to him. he is hopeless lost with the whole thing and honestly it seems very strange and unsual to him
gyro ""going along with it"" and treating boyd like his son also weirdly fills lugnut with a confusing sense of dread (that he doesnt actually feel because he is an emotionless machine💖 hope this helps), partially because lugnut is wary of Scientist Types (he still thinks giz is also a robot here) to begin with, and gyro has especially earned his suspicion bc i mean. fenton having to deal with a clearly sentient robot with some kind of programming issue giving him trouble ?? probably didnt take much for gyro to get involved and considering lugnut is still out there, doing villain things, it did NOT go well
so in his mind he figures boyd must be broken or something bc its the only way he can conceptualize all this ( <- problems problems problems p) and also this is going under the cut bc it got Long
anyhoo everyone is just IGNORING this and keeping boyd from whatever his original function is supposed to be !!!! the worst thing he can imagine also he is not projecting again hes an emotionless machine we've been over this this is clearly all from an objective understanding of things. and its not his business to speculate on these things or interfere but seeing as he is also an automaton theres probably some kind of obligation on his end to fix this himself. obviously. no sense getting around it
so his plan is to reset boyd + wipe his memory and hopefully that should get him back to his "default" and make everything right, and that should also be easy enough to do because hes a robot he understands how being a robot works except one not really he does not and two lugnut and boyd operate on two VERY different systems bc lugnut's is all archaic. and insane. so it fails (which is yknow overall good for boyd he didnt get mindwiped basically) but it does make boyd all wonky bc its a failed reset obviously and lugnut's immediately full of regret like ohhhhhhh this unit has fucked up. diagnosis of situation: Bad. bad bad bad bad bad . so he tries to plop boyd back down on gyro's doorstep and also try to say sorry for you know breaking his kid hes like 90% sure none of his directives involve doing that (also the fact that boyd behaving all wacked out is reminding him a little too much of his own condition OOPS that does not feel good .)
understandably as you can imagine gyro freaks the hell out like one thats his son also boyd's had enough messing with his programming to last for Forever also thats his SON !! so lugnut escapes his lethal combination nerd + parent rage and gyro does get boyd fixed up eventually but still a scary scenario for boyd to go through ! my g0d ! probably especially bc like since this is boyd we're talking about here i imagine he'd have a lot of sympathy for lugnut and relate to him a lot and also kind of want to help him ? like hey you can choose not to be a killer robot. i promise there are options.. and then you know it doesnt pan out well :v[ to say in the least
anyways the whole thing has lugnut doubling down even harder on his self destructive and like 9/10 times Regular Destructive quest to find his original directives and super give up on having any hope that he can learn how to be a person bc he just made a choice all on his own with his own extrapolated logic no orders no nothing and it went. so bad. clearly he should just never make a decision ever again bc he can only make Bad Ones. he should let other people make his decisions for him forever and ever so he never has to undergo anything like that ever again. this is normal. he is definitely not spiraling (sarcastic) (but things get worse before they get better so its okay)
#ducktales#ducktales 2017#boyd gearloose#dt oc#ducktales oc#gizmorogues#lugnut#should i tag gyro ?? hes not in the little doodle hes like... kind of here in spirit. eh
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sorry to ask a big question like this unprompted and of course please don't feel a need to answer this, but i'm having difficulties right now as a college student who managed to never really practice composing formal writing in high school and my first 2 years of college now having to take writing intensive courses.
i feel like theres a lot of shifting between different modes in a bit of an intuitive way needed to write effectively, and i'm sure with practice i could get a better sense for that, but in general ive never been good at organizing my thoughts and have a lot of trouble with executive function issues/adhd stuff that make it so that when people try to break things down like ‘just write an outline before you write to structure your thoughts!’ as a simple first step it feels like theres so many unnamed steps i’m supposed to figure out before i can even get to that point.
i get the feeling there might just not be easy answers applicable across different people beyond the normal steps people recommend for essay writing and i just have to continue trying to figure it out even if it feels pretty fruitless right now, but i just wanted to ask since i know you’ve talked about both being an english teacher and having adhd (while ofc that doesnt mean youve had that issue, i at least feel it might be easier than how ive tried to articulate my issues with people knowledgeable about writing in my life who dont have adhd or anything) i was wondering if you maybe had any advice about how i could approach this or break things down further or anything? thank you so much even if you just read this and don't respond, my apologies for sending all this!
i'm actually going to approach answering this from more of an english teacher perspective than from an adhd-er perspective, bc i find that a lot of my students without adhd also struggle with organizing their thoughts and putting them into words to a degree that necessitates further direction beyond just "go write an outline"
i can't really give you any specifics without knowing the style of writing or the goal of the piece, but 9 times out of 10 you'll be pretty well served by either:
1. compiling evidence until a pattern emerges, which will help you figure out your overall angle, thesis, claim—whatever you call it, it's the central idea that your writing piece is pointing to. then you can figure out the best way to present your evidence in support of your central idea
or,
2. if you already know what point you want to make, then it's just a matter of figuring out the best way to do it. is there specific evidence that you can use to support it? is there a particular train of logic that you could delineate to help your reader reach the conclusion you're trying to present? sometimes trial and error is best here, or even setting a timer for 5 minutes and typing stream-of-consciousness-style nonstop about the topic to see if any repeated ideas emerge. again, looking for patterns helps here, and adhd-ers are often particularly adept at pattern recognition! once you've found the patterns that will help you make your point, it's honestly not the worst idea to just rearrange them in your head until it feels like it makes sense. most poorly organized writing i read is only poorly organized because the writer put down the ideas in the order they came up with them and didn't try to rearrange them into something more effective. if you try putting things in different spots, you'll start to get a feel for what makes sense, which ideas logically lead into one another, etc.
for writing fiction, honestly the same options can work for brainstorming or outlining, but instead of a thesis, it's a theme, and instead of evidence and a path of logic, it's characters and a plot.
ik this is super vague but i hope it was helpful! if you want more specific advice, feel free to reach out over chat! thank you for being patient i meant to answer this yesterday kdsjflksjd <3
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okay i know you're already overwhelmed with asks but today is my first day of senior year (yes i'm 18 and still in hs, i'm v old for my class lmao) and i have no actual friends to freak out to and ask for advice so i'm coming here for that lmao. HELP
TBH idk if im the best person to ask but i DID go to high school, senior year wasnt that different from the other years for me but here is my wisdom i guess if u can call it that, this is also generally budding coming of age advice
i didnt have a lot of friends in school and it honestly didnt matter that much because i had a lot of friends from other places and was busy talking to them . i spent lunch in the bathroom for 3 years bc i didnt have anyone to sit with and then figured out you could just hang out in the library and its much cleaner and less awkward
you should prob figure out next steps, if you arent ready you can always take a gap year and work but if you want to go to a four year college be aware that many academic scholarships are only available to incoming freshmen directly from high school. there are many options like trade school, going to community college, going to community college part-time while working, private 4 year college, public 4 year college, cosmetology school, etc. the best path for you depends a lot on your personal skills, desires, talents and financial situation but you should evaluate all options. its very complicated and varies from school to school so meet with a guidance counselor and your parents
who youre friends with in high school doesnt matter in the long term. theres sort of a myth that once you graduate you never see those people again, but if you go to college in your home state there will probably be lots of people you know at your college or at your city. however, its still a fresh start and theres way more people and everyone is too busy to care like they did in HS. also, if you move out of your home region you will prob never see those people again and you dont have to keep interacting with them.
i know it feels like a lot of pressure that youre deciding the rest of your life, and you are making decisions, but its more open than it feels like. you have the first few years of college to settle on a major, if you choose to go to college.
you should start thinking about where you see yourself in 5 or 10 years though. you dont have to decide for sure, but you should just think about it a little. do you want a family and a house, or do you want to live in a big city? what region? what sort of job do you see yourself working?
you might find it helpful to think about what you wanted to be as a kid and take classes you like. i eventually decided to major in english because i liked it best and was good at it, and i liked the comm classes i had to take for gen eds and was good at them and liked the department, so i added a comm major and its really expanded my career options too.
also once youre out of high school your life is really your own. i felt like my life was really structured and i couldnt go anywhere without permission so i didnt once i was out of the house.
in retrospect i behaved in ways that were really silly, like i was too anxious to leave my dorm room so i ate ramen for all of orientation and if i ran out of things that the school store didnt carry i would just suffer for days instead of walking or ubering or taking a bus to the store because i felt like i couldnt leave without permission. this was really silly
i also feel like a lot of being a kid is being told not to trust your feelings because youre stupid, and then as an adult you re-learn how. nothing is perfect and its normal to feel things like anxiety or nervousness about change, but if you feel GENUINELY BAD about a roommate situation or a job offer or study abroad, DO SOMETHING ELSE. even if other people are telling you its a good opportunity or itll be fun you know yourself best.
just follow your instincts and do what you like and explore what college has to offer you. i founded a music magazine at college because i didnt have any extracurriculars i was interested in and it gave me a lot of opportunities to meet band people, but i didnt realize that i could interview bands on-air as a college radio DJ until my senior year-- i wish i had realized that much earlier.
also your life is your own and you can do whatever you want. in high school/college i worked a horrible job for five years because my parents wanted me to, and i felt like i wasnt "allowed" to do anything without permission. in retrospect, i realize i should have just applied other places and then quit when i got a different gig and it wasnt a big deal, but i didnt really trust my instincts
in short just do whatever you want. obviously you have responsibilities and stuff and you do need to consider practical dimensions and be realistic, but just hang out with people you think are cool and eat where you want and follow the path that makes you happiest and you will probably be better off
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Since requests were open I was wondering if I could request father headcanons for iwai + ushi + atsumu 🥺 btw your writing is vv tasty n I can’t wait to see you write more !! Keep up the good work n stay safe !!
haikyuu daddee headcanons
✧ hc’s ✧ for iwaizumi, ushijima, and atsumu
❧ gn reader
✎ 1.4k words
a/n: omg u called my writing taSTY Dx i cri tySM 💞 that is a high compliment for me AHAHAHAH ILY and ty for the request!
also my lovelies i m back i m sry i was gone so long feojfe i miss yall <3 here u go enjoi, this was fun to write lmk if yall want more characetrs AHAHA
current listen: accidentally in love by sHREK AAHAH jkjk i mean counting crows, they cant take that away from me by ella fitzgerald and louis armstrong, love the way you lie by eminem and rihanna
requests: open!
iwaizumi
✧ prePARED daddy
✧ picked up on this parenting thing p fast, also does a lot of research so he’s ready to face any situation
✧ teaches his kids how to behave n respect others
✧ also makes sure they know not to talk to strangers and teaches them some self defense
✧ be warned these kids are packing a surprise can of whOOP ASS,, dont fuck w them,, plus u wouldnt want buff daddee iwa on ur tail
✧ honestly his kids would be ANGELS ,,, n thats cuz he treats them all so w e l l
✧ mans is ATTENTIVE. he asks his kids about their days, their interests, and encourages discussion about their fEELINGS 🥺
✧ always offers them really valuable and light-hearted advice
✧ and gives them the love and transparency we all wanted but never had--
✧ however his kids are easily (n negatively) influenced esp when uncle oikawa comes to visit--
✧ but mostly bc iwa gets annoyed and slips out a lot of curse words and a “shittykawa” and then his kids started calling oikawa that and now it’s ingrained in them forever fjoefefgfvi (*distant phlattykawa crying noises*)
✧ gives them LOTS of head pats and ruffles as signs of affection
✧ PACKS THEIR SCHOOL LUNCHES and ensures they eat a balanced meal
✧ attends all their games/events,, will get a bit rowdy hype them up
✧ def lets his kids sleep with him when they’re having a bad night or woke up scared from a nightmare (and waits for them to fall asleep before going to sleep himself fojref)
✧ when they were babies he usually succeeded to get them to stop crying by pulling funny faces, showing them their favorite cartoons, or humming a lullaby
✧ when they get older,,, u bet iwa would be suPER protective esp when their kids start being iNtErEsTeD in other people
✧ you: “iwaizumi, they seem like a really nice kid, though”
✧ iwa: *sitting with you in the car, across the street from the ice cream parlor your child said they were at, and spying from the window* “you can’t trust everyone, of course they seem ‘nice,’ they just want our approval”
✧ definitely did not interrupt his child’s potential first kiss at their house’s doorstep by slamMINg the door open “sUDDENLY” cuz he “hEard TheIR vOicEs and THougHt TO lET them In”
✧ effectively traumatized both kids
✧ tho he felt bad after n u made him go apologize so he did (and he was forgiven, only if he agreed to never spy on them again--)
✧ doesn’t stop him from scrutinizing every person yalls kid introduces to you tho
✧ overall a super supportive dad, 11/10
ushijima
✧ ok dEF does not know much about parenting ,, at first
✧ stared at his child like ???nani when you both changed their first diaper
✧ also had plenty of staring contests with his babies ,,, called it bonding
✧ was curious and tasted baby food once,,, immediately regretted it
✧ once put a volleyball next to his child, who attempted to bite it, and took it as a sign that they liked it
✧ after sum time n practice, his mind becomes split between “how to volleyball” and “how to dad”
✧ catch him in the kitchen wearing an apron and whipping up his kids’ favorite smiley face pancakes 😤😤
✧ has an amazing ability to get his kids to stop crying, does really simple things like give them their favorite toy or place a gentle hand on their hand or attend to their needs (mans can tell if they want food or needa poop) and they calm down immediately
✧ carried them on his shoulders once and now they never stop asking him for shoulder rides (not that he minds anyway)
✧ if theres two kids he can probs carry one on each shoulder cuz cmon ,,, have u seen this man
✧ always goes to every performance/game/event his child takes part in
✧ man smiles so soft™ when he goes to the 1st grade play and sees his kid’s name in the program next to their role as “townsperson b” (next year, they upgraded to “singing carrot” in a play about the food pyramid)
✧ if his kid ends up enjoying volleyball, he will teach them e v e r y t h i n g they need to know
✧ but is overall super supportive of anything else his child pursues and doesn’t push anything onto them, would rather let them choose what they want to do
✧ had n o idea what to do when his kid asked him about the birds n the bees asfghkl
✧ couldnt sleep one night thinking about it and just randomly asks you while yall laying in bed in the dARk like “so our child asked me how babies are made and I told them they came from watermelon seeds” (you: 👁️👄👁️ “come again”)
✧ you: *at the grocery store with your child*
✧ child: *hands you watermelon* “I want a little brother!”
✧ you: “haha of course honey” 👁️👄👁️ what do i do (*later to ushijima* “duhfojhguf we needa get another baby i promised our child a younger brother fohurof” ; ushi: “wat” ; you: “itS YOUR FAULT”)
✧ yall eventually tell them not every watermelon can produce babies only really special ones that are really hard to get fhuoefkfotfi theyre not ready for the truth
✧ another great daddee, we stan
atsumu
✧ knew parenting was stressful esp with bABieS but was like eh it cant be that bad right
✧ think again
✧ g o o d b y e s l e e p
✧ develops phat bags under his eyes, responds with a weak “aha im fine just that parenting life and the kids ykNOW” whenever his teammates ask if he’s oKAY
✧ tried to tempt his kids to eat their mush baby food by trying it himself, nearly gagged but was able to say “eughh yuMM”
✧ loves to lift them high up in the air, even throws them up a little and nearly drops them (yall almost died from feAR but babie was having so much fun,,, yall agreed to be just a bit more careful)
✧ rlly bad at getting them to stop crying, gets very stressed when he’s exhausted every option he can think of then calls you over for some help/advice (you: *immediately calms them down* ; ratsumu: “how--”)
✧ calls up osamu a lot to ask him how to make food ,, then simps whenever his twin brother comes over and the kids are in love with this man and his cooking (”dad why cant you make stuff as yummy as this”)
✧ very affectionate with his kids, gives them lots of hugs and kisses on the forehead
✧ plays with them a lot! whether it’s sports, just dance, animal crossing, or UNO, yOU NAME IT WE PLAY IT
✧ also has no mercy when playing competitive video or board games,, has made them cry more than once LOL
✧ so sometimes he toned it down n let them win,, until his kids actually got better and DEMOLISH him every time
✧ is cool with his kids cursing, just as long as they don’t do it in front of their teachers LMAO
✧ plays innocent when he gets a call from school saying his kid was using ‘inappropriate language’ and is like “whaaat? my child? im not even sure where they learned that, maybe check if the other kids in class are saying those things, too--”
✧ reminisces how much nicer his kids were to him when they were younger and all the time they spent together,,, bc now that they reached their tEeNS they want alone time
✧ wants to be B) cool dad so he tries kinda hard, esp in front of their friends but his kid’s just like dad pls dofjrgjigtgro
✧ also very supportive of whatever his kids want to pursue and dedicates time to help them in whatever ways he can (whether that be to help them practice, make sure he can provide transportation, get them supplies, etc)
✧ always playfully competing with you to see who’s the “better” parent (you win by default)
✧ PROTECTIVE dad and will easily intimidate ANYONE who crosses his kids
✧ takes sum adjustment and mental resilience but daddee atsumu perseveres 😤 absolutely loves his kids and would do anything for them
#haikyuu x reader#iwaizumi x reader#ushijima x reader#atsumu x reader#haikyuu headcanons#haikyuu x you#haikyuu daddies#LOL#iwaizumi hajime#iwaizumi haijime x reader#ushijima wakatoshi x reader#ushijima wakatoshi#atsumu miya#ratsumu#atsumu miya x reader#haikyuu reader insert#requests
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Never-Ending Roadtrip (Autumn in New York, pt 1)
Summary: (ch 1) (ch 10) Reader joins Douxie in the quest for Nari’s safety. He’ll need company won’t he? - chapter 9) new york tourism and some relaxation for a stressed-out emo wizard
Warnings: Swearing, alcohol mention, implied nudity (just a bath)
Word Count: 3542
A/n: Go listen to ‘autumn in new york’ by ella fitzgerald and louis armstrong to set the mood for this chapter and the next lol. i do like lovecore i promise. also this was going to be it but ive split it up. enjoy
Douxie was very careful to take inventory. One head, two head, dragon head, his own head. All accounted for. Four heads, no more no less. Not even a pesky stowaway gnome. His family was together. Up in the air, on the ship, winding blowing through their hair. Douxie could see sky scrapers on the horizon.
The trolls had been cordial in their goodbyes, but made no effort in giving the impression that they wanted the wizard family to stay any longer than they had. In fact, it was discouraged if not outright. The trolls almost gave off an aura of relief when they faded from view of the settlement. But that was understandable. Douxie’s family had caused a bit of trouble during their stay.
Bagdwella was certain that Archie was a bad omen for her shop and would freak out whenever he tried to enter. Y/n had been a bit confused and tried to explain to her that black cats were in fact supposed to bring wealth, not financial ruin, but apparently Bagdwella had been thinking of an old trollish superstition about dragons instead. Y/n had no counter to that.
Nari had no real knowledge of how money worked, and was determined to make that Douxie’s problem. And the problem of all the trolls in the shops of the town. There was a bit of a problem with her “dining and dashing” in the pub, the one troll eatery in the still developing town. Poor thing had no idea food costs money. Someone had always been around to feed her. Douxie and Y/n almost couldn’t keep up with the demand of sweaty socks they had to produce in order to pay the annoyed barman. Turns out it was somewhat hard to make sweaty socks when you’re actually trying to. It was like their feet realized what was happening and couldn’t pass up an attempt to make their owner’s lives harder.
As much as dear Y/n prided herself on being tolerant, she and Dictatious were going round and round. It was easier to ignore the guy when she didn’t have to live in close quarters with him but that luxury was lost on this stay in Trollmarket. Y/n and Dic argued every time they were in close proximity. She couldn’t help it. The old troll had opinions, and those opinions were wrong. And don’t even get Y/n started on how sad and then angry he made Blinky feel with the whole dead, wait not dead just an evil traitor, wait now he’s okay somewhat, thing. And his personality was shit. Peace was never an option.
Needless to say the trolls were in fact happy to send off the wizards. Douxie was happy to no longer suddenly hear a clatter and then instantly get a headache knowing it was probably one of his problems. They had only been in Trollmarket a few days. Okay so a week, they had stayed there a week. It was only seven days. Eight actually. So to say, they hadn’t been there long enough to cause any real problems. And now they were headed to New York. New York New York.
Douxie was ready to get some quality romance in with his wife. Autumn in New York was perfect for that. The city streets glowed with life. A nice stroll down the sidewalks painted in golden light, arm in arm, carrying the warmth in their hearts and bodies with them, was just what they needed. There were lots of sights to see, and Y/n loved to see them. And it was heavily populated, which would make it safer. Safe was something greatly needed.
For some reason, ever since that one night in the forest, Doux had felt like watching his back. It was tiresome, always being on edge. Of course, he had been this whole trip. But recently it had been amplified. Douxie didn’t know if he was sensing the Order’s presence or if being wed had turned up his protective instincts up to an eleven, but it really would be fantastic to be in a safer environment. He was crossing his fingers New York was one.
Just outside of city limits, the boat was shrunken into a little toy and placed back inside of it’s bottle. The little bottle fit neatly in the backpack that Y/n was wearing. Everything fit neatly into the backpack that Y/n was wearing. It was charmed. Doux would rather it be in hers than his, just as a peace of mind. A quick getaway for her lest they ever be separated. He wasn’t too worried about himself. Nari clung to her side, so it would also be best to keep it with her in order to protect Nari. Yeah, that was totally the reason.
They hailed a cabbie and took it into the bustling city. Douxie had pulled a couple strings with his old buddies, and managed to get them an apartment to stay in. The owner wouldn’t be back for a few weeks, and was happy to have someone to house sit for her. Douxie was happy to have a roof over his family’s head he didn’t have to pay for. It was a win-win.
Y/n never stopped looking out the window the entire cab ride. Douxie thought her excitement was adorable. She had her arm stretched over Nari in the middle to be able to hold his hand. The veggie lady didn’t mind. She was also focused on the view out the windows, fascinated by the sheer number of cars and the heights of the tall buildings. Douxie could feel Y/n’s wedding ring as she squeezed his hand. It helped calm him.
This apartment was owned by a starlet. It was huge, for New York standards. It was really high up, which made Douxie a wee bit nervous. Eleventh floor. It was eccentrically decorated, with bright colors. There was a wall in the living space that was a floor-to-ceiling window, covered by pale pink curtains and strings of heart-shaped beads. The other walls had a wallpaper that was white with red rose motifs. The couch was bright cherry red, furry, and oddly shaped. The kitchen cabinets were painted hot pink, with frosted glass doors that bore a rose pattern. The refrigerator was also cherry red, with white and pink heart-shaped stickers stuck onto it. Everything was fucking red, white, or pink. It looked like Saint Valentine himself threw up. Douxie was afraid to see what the bedroom looked like.
Douxie checked the fridge. Yeah, it was empty, apart from the box of takeaway from who knows when and the three bottles of wine. To be expected, of a single young up-and-comer, one supposes. They would have to go get groceries. Archie was making biscuits on the fluffy surface of the couch. It was probably very soft, Douxie had yet to touch it himself. He was kind of afraid of it, to be honest. Nari seemed to also like it, and was spread out on the top, limbs hanging over the back of the couch. Y/n opened the curtains a bit and was staring out the window. Doux headed for the bedroom, to go see what they were working with.
The bedroom was not in any way tamer than the open living space, but at least it wasn’t as bad as Douxie was expecting with the ah, love theme this place had going. It could have been worse. It was fluffy, pink, and glittery, but at least it was rated PG. Apart from the heart-shaped bed, it looked like it could have been a dressing room. There was a vanity with lights ringing the mirror and one of those dressing screens in the corner with several feather boas hanging over it like some kind of cliché movie set. Douxie was setting his backpack down, as he sat on the side of the bed turned away from the door, when he heard someone go into the en suite. And then he heard various noises of,, happy surprise? Sounded like Y/n.
“DEWDROP! THERES A HEART-SHAPED TUB. A FUCKING HEART-SHAPED TUB. COME LOOK.”
Bleeding balroths. Douxie rolled his eyes as he stood up from the comfy feather mattress to go see what she was shouting at him about. The tiles that covered the bathroom were annoyingly pink. The air smelled like something he could only describe as pink. Sure enough, there was a heart-shaped tub like someone’s cheesy honeymoon suite, and his wife was already in it, despite it not having any water. She wore an all too familiar cheshire cat grin on her face. He had one word for this.
“No.”
“Whatever.” Y/n stuck her tongue out childishly. “You’ll change your mind tonight. You will join me in the incredibly fragrant heart-shaped bubble bath, Dewdrop. Mark my words.”
~ ~ ~
As a first stop on the itinerary, they decided on Central park. Some greenery for Nari. And for Y/n too. Trees were good for the soul and one should never spend too much time on concrete. Gave Archie something to scratch that was not the couch that they did not own. It was fine when he did it in Arcadia, their sofa was old and tattered anyways, but not here in the apartment they were housesitting.
Y/n claimed the walk through nature was necessary to restore the energy lost on the trip into the city. The walkways were paved, and Douxie had to really keep an eye on both Nari and Y/n, who should know better, from wandering off the path. Maybe he should get two baby leashes when they were to shop later. Occasionally they would pass by a café. Douxie was glad he was not working in one of those. This trip was a much-needed vacation, as stressful as it was.
A little ways in and they came across a pond, with a cute little bridge that the walkway went under. Douxie rubbed his hand over the stones as they walked through. It was worn, as many hands had also done so over the decades. This bridge, as old as the park itself, was still younger than him. And it had met so many more people than he could even fathom. Doux himself had met so many people over the years. He had been touched by many too, like this little bridge. And just like the people who touched this bridge, none of them quite knew the impact they would be leaving. What they were wearing down. He heard a happy squeal as Y/n and Nari made a sudden sprint ahead of him. Apparently, there were ducks in this pond.
The Met was just a few minutes’ walk from where they exited the park. Douxie was happy with the idea of a quiet art museum trip, that sounded peaceful and relaxing. He needed all the peaceful and relaxing he could get right now. Y/n was actually really excited about this one despite it being not that exciting of an activity. She was trying to psych up Nari. “It’ll be fun, we can pretend we’re a gang of art thieves and we’re doing recon for a heist.” The veggie lady had no idea what any of those words meant.
There were lots of paintings in the Met gallery. It contained multitudes. One painting, they passed as they walked down the corridors, Y/n stopped, transfixed, stared at the painting for a few minutes, and then carried on like nothing happened. She didn’t look particularly sad, or happy, just confused, like she was processing something. Douxie made a mental note to ask her about it later.
Next stop was a walk down Fifth Avenue. It’s not like they could afford to shop, but it was a must-do in NYC so they must-did. They walked holding hands with Nari in the middle like their child. She liked looking in all the window displays. Every so often she would stop to stare and they would tug her along. The trees lining the sidewalks presented their autumn colors. The oranges and golds gave the streets a cheery vibe.
They passed a few food trucks. The trucks were filling the air with various delicious aromas. Douxie’s stomach growled loudly. Y/n giggled and suggested they pick a truck for lunch. Douxie had his eye on a fish and chips truck. It didn’t make ‘em quite like you could get in London but it was trying. A for effort. Y/n thought it was fantastic. Douxie was just spoiled.
They made their way over to the Rockefeller Center, just around the corner. A short walk and Y/n had spotted a coffee shop. So now they were going to a coffee shop. Douxie couldn’t help it, she looked at him with such big eyes. What was he supposed to do, say no?
The coffee shop was warm, and much appreciated relief from the autumn chill that had taken over. And a nice warm drink was sorely needed. Y/n found a nice couch in the back of the shop. Douxie sunk in, deeper than he expected to be able to sink in, but it was an old couch sunk into by many people. It was cozy. The love of thousands made it the sofa the way that it was. Love had made it squishy, love had made it comfy. Speaking of love and squishy and comfy, Doux pulled his dear wife Y/n to his side in an embrace. Low-key cuddling on the coffee shop couch was the best part of Douxie’s day. Nice, relaxing, he needed this. He pressed a kiss to the top of Y/n’s hair.
The Top of the Rock is an observatory deck in Rockefeller Center. Very high up in the air, one can see a great view of the city skyline and get a peek at that famous empire state building. Archie didn’t really care about it, he could get aerial sights any time he wanted, so he took this time to take a nap. Y/n leaned close to the glass, amazed and getting slightly wooed by the city. Douxie slung his arm around her, and, under the guise of affection, pulled her a few steps back. She really was hell-bent on stopping his fragile heart. And then Nari just straight up put her hands, paws, on the glass and put her body weight on the window. Nope. Douxie made sure to ask her to step away from the glass nicely, lest he frighten her, but still tried to convey that what she was doing was something he saw as dangerous and it worried him. Doux was very happy when they were back on the ground.
Douxie liked people watching. So did Y/n. It was one of the things the used to do on weekends in Arcadia, strangely enough. It wasn’t weird. All those people, they all had lives of their own. They all had stories they were living, and it was interesting to glimpse just a small insignificant piece of it. Or sometimes even significant. It was always hard to tell as an outsider, whether or not an ordinary moment was really the turning point of someone’s life. NYC’s famous Times Square was perfect for people watching.
There was something odd about it. The square itself felt wrong. A hundred neon advertisements all at one time. Not an inch of surface didn’t bare the name of a brand. There was something profoundly sad about it. One might even go as far as say disgusting. And there were many, many signs and people. Douxie tried not to attempt to take it all in at once, lest he risk sensory overload. The sun had already set, the brightly lit signs were brighter than ever. There were so many people around them. There were some buskers, some even playing at the same time, so the music clashed. Perhaps there was too much life here. It was loud, and Doux liked loud, but he liked harmonious loud, like music and excitement, not the chaotic loud that surrounded him. He made sure he could see Nari, that she was close to them. Douxie squeezed Y/n’s hand. He thought maybe he should just pay attention to her, tune out everything else. The lights made a brilliant halo around her gorgeous face as she turned to him. The beautiful goddess he called his wife’s eyes searched his, and she noticed he was not so comfy.
“C’mon, let’s go get some dinner.”
They walked away from the square for a few minutes, putting some distance between them and it’s light, before coming across a pizza place for dinner. It was good. The classic, New York slice. And it was pizza. Y/n would admit, it wasn’t special. She actually liked the pizza from the local pizza place in Arcadia Oaks way better. Douxie and Archie agreed with her. But don’t tell any New Yorker’s that. The main thing is that they got a nice dinner, and it helped Douxie calm down. There were only a few other people in the restaurant. The booth they were in was off to the side, away from everything. Y/n stroked Douxie’s palm with her thumb. Archie sat in his lap and purred. He appreciated them.
They’d had a long day. It was best to get home. Once opening up the cherry red door the valentine’s day décor assaulted their eyes once again. This would be okay for the time being but Douxie had no idea how someone could dwell here full time. As he plopped down on the furry couch, he noticed for the first time the numerous little cherub figurines that littered every available surface. It might be interesting to meet this starlet one day. She seemed to have a cupid schtick going. She probably looked the part too.
As soon as they crossed the threshold, Y/n had made a sneaky beeline for the bathroom and that honeymoon suite style tub. Douxie rolled his eyes fondly and scoffed from his place on the sofa when he heard the water turn on. Of course. He supposed he could use some extra relaxing. But she’d feel like she won. Y/n was gonna make a big deal out of this, he could feel it.
Miss starlet had an unhealthy amount of soap bottles filling the storage space in the bathroom. A dragon hoard of fancy scented soaps. As fun as pouring some various vividly colored, strong and flowery goops into the tub and pretending it was a potion would be, and it would be, Y/n opted to find some more calming aromas for poor Doux. Lavender, lemongrass, and jasmine, were what she was on the hunt for. She managed to find both lavender and jasmine soaps, and a lavender candle. No lemongrass. But Y/n wouldn’t have held her breath on that one. It wasn’t exactly glamorous or glittery.
With the water hot, bubbles high, candles lit, Y/n had crafted a very romantic and relaxing evening. She stood back to admire her work for a moment before going to go get Douxie. He was laying across the couch, using his crossed arms as a pillow, with Archie snoozing on his chest, when she found him.
“Sorry Arch. Find a different pillow for the night?” The dragon-cat understood. That didn’t stop him from throwing a look at the two as he settled back down into the couch’s fluff.
Ignoring Archie, Y/n took Douxie by the hand as she led him back into the room she had set up. The air smelled very strongly of lavender. The pink of the tiles was muted in the dim light, which Douxie was thankful for. Then he noticed the giant fucking mountain of bubbles Y/n had turned the bath into. He supposed she wanted him to get in that. Somehow. They’d have to be careful not to accidentally choke on any bubbles.
Douxie let out a little groan as he slid into the bath. The hot water felt great on his tense muscles, he had to admit. He was feeling better, and more relaxed. He certainly wasn’t anywhere near as stressed as he was in time square anymore, but the tension of this strange combination vacation/flee-for-their-lives-trip was taking its toll on the master wizard. He wouldn’t put it past his hair to start greying soon. A wizard was only ever as old as they felt, after all. And boy, did Douxie’s bones feel old. He laid his head back and closed his eyes. No worries right now. He was safe, Nari was safe, Archie was safe, Y/n was safe. Y/n was right beside him, so extra safe too.
“So, how’s it going.” Y/n laughed at Douxie getting a little lost in the hot water sauce.
“Nuclear.” Douxie opened his eyes to take in his wife’s pretty face he just knew was smiling, he could hear it in her voice. Doux pulled Y/n into his embrace and against his chest. She rested her head on his shoulder. “Thanks. I- I guess I sort of maybe needed this.”
Y/n snickered. “Of course you did. Remember, I’ll always be here to take care of you.” She brought his hand up and kissed his knuckles. “Always, Mr. Casperan.”
“And that goes the same for you, I’ll always take care of you, Mrs. Casperan.”
#douxie x reader#hisirdoux casperan x reader#douxie casperan x reader#douxie imagine#hisirdoux casperan imagine#hisirdoux x reader#hisirdoux casperan#douxie#tales of arcadia x reader#tales of arcadia imagine#my writing#nert
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I've become way too smart for the good of my penis.
I used to be like a blood hound on a tampon with toxic women. I could track her for miles if I could just get a quick whiff of that Ed Hardy perfume.
I miss feeling invincible. But no matter hard I tried to deny it I was not gonna be superman with a doomsday level sex drive forever. Reality is a bitch, okay? When she gets her canines in, She bites hard.
Most of the time, we don't like it.
I was gonna catch something from someone. Theres good ol' 'rona. Or herpes. Or the twig and berries could swell up like fucked up balloon animals and explode for all I know.... im no expert on health risks. That's the CDC's job. There's scarier shit than herpes waiting to take down a fine distinguished penis that's kept its head held high.
the pleasure scales are getting dumped in the risk assessment.
Have you seen post-30 dating Options these days? It's as high risk as shopping for healthcare. You're either over-reaching for privatized care that will fuck you out of your life savings. Or you're scraping the bottom of the barrel for the most common resources that mostly involve webcam appointments
Believe me. My member hates me for my intuition. I'm shocked he hasn't rallied my testicles by now. Any day, I expect to wake up to a sign sticking out of my boxer briefs saying "Ball Lives Matter."
my dog goes crazy when he sees a squirrel. This equipment here (gestures downward) is exactly the same way. It understands the concept of "GO!"(points) green light! That's it. No red light. It works exactly the way God intended it.
He hasn't liked it much since I canceled his Twitter account. He cries in the middle of the night sometimes. There's only so much cottling i can do before it feels like im playing with him though. It never helps. The attempts to choke out his sorrow just make him cry more.
The truth is, it was too easy for me. It was! I know that sounds totally douchey of me to say. But I figure at this point, in for Penny, in for the pound, right?
Ironic. Pounding Penny was what got me in trouble to begin with.
A toxic Electra complex wants two things: an attention source to validate like her dad never did. And someone to show that attention in a creative unique way.
In other words, by becoming her source of attention and owning a guitar, I have just opened the floodgates to her uterus.
It's that easy.
If you can succesfully Bust out a banging rendition of Wonderwall at the perfect time of night, you will get laid.
Thats because almost every woman alive has some version of a Rockstar fantasy. If you don't believe me, think about this: Why is Luke Bryan so popular when he looks like he should have a sidekick named Beavis trailing him everywhere?
Exactly.
Have you ever been hatefucked by a perfect 10 trying to get Oasis out of her head?
She "hates that you played it so well." And now every time she hears it, she won't be able to get YOU out of her head. Either way you win this round.
But it's only half the battle...
You gotta be a lot more interesting than a 90s acoustic cover to keep her hanging on. Oh she'll be great for a while. But get comfortable with Mr. Bryan, Taylor Swift and The Spice Girls joining you on your roadtrips. If you don't wannabe sticking a drill bit thru each ear drum after 15 minutes of Swift whining, you're a stronger man than me.
More importantly, if you can remember her ACTUAL NAME isn't "Girl" after listening to Luke Bryan (huh huh), you're a sharper tool than me
Word to the wise: any perfect 10 that YOU can get out of their panties with a guitar will drop 'em just as easily for the next semi-talented guy that shows up with a wink and a smile. She's got YOUR wink on lockdown and your smile in holding.... You think she can't get them from a hotter guy easier than she got it from you?
Girls with options have no problem reminding you that they have options. And they're looking. Constantly. That "old friend" she told you about that shes excited about on Facebook who was "like my brother in high school!!!"
If she's not sniffing his goods yet, she's making meticulous mental notes of his every move in her feed. It's only a matter of time before she's assessing income disparities between you. If you're not enough to keep her attention when he slides into her DMs, Then her "high school bro" becomes the squirrel she's gonna leave your dumbass for.
We all cringe at the thought, right? But here's the hardest fact about a shallow trophy relationship:
you don't give a fuck as long as she... fucks.... you.
Even if all you do is fight and fuck... or talk about weather.. and fuck....or go out to eat... and fuck.... or go to church...... and fuck ( yeah ... God saw you!) .... or get drunk... and fuck....or watch Netflix... and fuck... there is no chill.
It's still just a big ball of FUCK.
Most guys have done this with at least one woman in their lives.
the feel good chemicals that come from using your dick have blinded you from day one. Every flaw in this papier mache masterpiece you've spunked out is staring you in the eye. Cognitive dissonance has you walking around with the same blank expression as a eunuch Ken doll
(Stares blankly waving)
And here's the most insidious part about your miniature commander in chief (gestures downward) He has successfully fooled you into thinking your brain is in control.
But it's not.
The south has already been in contact with the capitol (taps temple). Every endorphin is a Facebook message from your member that has completely erased all logic and good sense from your brain.
The insurrection has begun. your brain is neutered from any right way of thinking. It's pure pandemonium when a dick takes over. We have already seen it for 4 years on a national scale...
At this point, just lop this off, gift wrap it in ice and surrender it over. You've lost your freedom along with your mind. There's only one reason you're staying. To grab her by the pussy. Duh.
once the dick gets in your head, you will justify any sin she commits like a southern Baptist defending a reality TV star.
It fucks you up. And you'll go back to grab that pussy after it leaves Because you really ARE that brainwashed and neutered.
I know hard it is to let go...
Look, I know my rhetoric is giving away my feelings about a certain former president. Thank my ex, okay? She showed me what he was because they had so much in common. Narcissistics tell on themselves pretty quickly when you know the patterns.
1. they were both crazy blonde lunatics with a wild propensity for Tan In a can and a jersey Shore mentality.
2. they both insist on living under comical levels of delusion in regards to their own intelligence.
3. they each had to have a makeup crew on standby 24-7. God forbid, one hair extension was out of place.
4. they are both unnaturally obsessive and inappropriately creepy in regards to their children of the opposite sex. I'm not lying when I say I won't be shocked if her son becomes Norman Osborne.
5. they're both characterized by an unhealthy obsession with social media that could start a worldwide nuclear meltdown at any point.
6. They both share disdain for ideas that they didn't come up with themselves and the same propensity for stealing ideas that didn't belong to them.
7. An inability to distinguish reality from fantasy due to a background steeped in affluence and unchecked mental instability.
Their biggest similarity was every day with her as my commander in queef was just another day spent with a lyin, cheatin blowhard with no sense of goodness or boundaries.
A key difference was her blowing method. I preferred hers to his.
I did things I never thought were possible With her.
This woman would spend 4.5 hours a day.
That's 31.5 hours a week.
Over the entire 16 week course of our relationship.
I spent 504 goddamn hours .....
watching her do her makeup. So we could do whatever shit we had planned for the day.
That's where she dumped all her time and money. Into looking good. Oh and believe me... she DID... she would always say, "I JUST wanna look good for you! Nope! Just for you! Don't care about nobody else. I just wanna look good for you!"
Baby, the thousand likes on the four dozen selfies you posted to Instagram while doing your "make-up tutorial" give a better perspective on who's gaining the benefits from you looking like a Stollywood harlot.
Remember the Facebook "high school bro...? She was in his feed too....
then unbeknownst to me, he was on my couch....
once it became "knownst" to me, he was on my kill list....
until I realized he helped remove a whore shaped tumor from my manhood.
Now he gets to put his empty pop-tart into the toaster every morning hoping it's only his mouth that's touched it in the last 24 hours.
I spent 504 hours watching Ronald McDreamy fuck half the cast on Grey's Anatomy while waiting for my boss, The Antichrist, to paint her face on in order to be "public-ready" every day. I never right that would be possible in a million fuckin years.
She amazed me.
I used to tell her all the time, "baby you amaze me. No really! You do! You're amazing!"
You know why she amazed me?
Every day, I could feel her sucking me dry so I knew exactly what she was .....
And 504 hours proved that vampires can see their reflections BEFORE their makeup dries and hardens
Now why did I stay?
SHE WAS FUCKING HOT!!!!!!
Congress left the building (tapping my head) and headed south for the winter (pointing at crotch). They pushed legislation to block the central nervous system. There was no analysis of the data about how shallow and self serving this woman was. Instead the narrative matched only what the penis wanted.
Being with her was like being cock to a hen that clucks for hours but says nothing. She turned every joy into a weapon slowly draining me of my will to live....
But goddamn you shoulda seen her ass in a miniskirt!
#worthit
Lately I've been more "casually" ... dating... and by that I mean swiping. It seems like that's all "dating" is anymore. It took me a while to get back out there. Dating Aps had me dropping my standards lower than Bernie Sanders fans on inauguration day.
Even Little Man was like, "really dude? Okay... well, low hanging fruits are still good enough for a creampie... let's dive in!"
You know that these girls were adorable as kids; as adults they look like they should have been thrown out with yesterday's produce. They're still appearing on the shelf under the misters to make the fresher fruits look more plentiful.
Regardless they got me back on the horse. Truthfully, the horse was probably riding me more...
Either way, I wouldn't call it my finest 15 minutes.
When you get your heart broken, you need a few dead horse faces in your bed just to make the pretty ones worth your time and self respect again.
Face the horse but don't look her in the mouth, know what I'm saying? That mouth was doin some dirty things to you.
You'll be wakin up the next morning agape in horror at the mass of flesh laying in bed next to you that looked so great through your lonely horny beer goggles. When you're sober, the features start to take on some more equestrian embellishments with a somber trumpet playing in your head.
I'm pretty sure that's where Coppola got the inspiration for the Godfather scene. He just literalized the metaphor.
DATING Aps!!!! These fickle algorithmic technological terrors are designed with two purposes, neither of which is ACTUALLY related to ending loneliness.
1. to simultaneously destroy our self esteem
2. suck our time away with the Black hole of hope!
I feel like the modern dating pool has as much urine as it does bullshit. There's too many immature babies pissing in the pool, ruining it for the rest of us.
There's the HEAT-ACTIVATED ELECTRIC high lighter hair that practically gives away the Freudian manhaters who just want a dick between their legs for the sensation, Not the relationship.
When BRIGHT NEON colors appear naturally on animals in nature, it is as a WARNING to STAY THE FUCK AWAY!!!!!
Message received.
Have you ever had the Kool-aid woman bust open your DMs with "YOU LOOK REAAAAL GOOOD BOY DONTCHA BOY???....... OH YEAAAAHHHH!!!!!!" ? I'm like, "look ... you already got five kids from three dads ( you can tell when they're all different skin shades ). It's time to hang out the bathers and free Willy out the fuckin pool! You had your shot, Kool-aid woman! Use your beverage skills to make drinks for your five kids.. you still got that Goin for you, right?! Oh yeeeeeaaahhh!"
There's the completely self-obsessed girls that are only looking for social network follows and text buddies more than a relationship. You know, the girls who wanna "vet" you on Facebook. Then she, she assumes she knows everything about you from your "about me."
Then you got the trannys... which ....let me be clear. I have no hate in my heart for the alphabet mafia, even if they reserve the right to hate everyone equally. EVERYONE has the explicit RIGHT to be loved. Yes, even Kool-aid Aid mama with her five mongrels...... I'm just .... NOT ...gonna be THE GUY THAT'S GONNA DO IT, okay? I already have one. I don't need another. I also have no need to date a girl that knows more about my tool than I do, cause she had one of her own the first 20 years of her life.
And Then there's the weird ones ... that you just gotta see to believe. I mean, This is what I'm talking about:
I wouldn't be caught dead in her orbit with a fried navigation relay.
The next girl was cute. Less X-files-alien, more girl next door. I Clicked on her profile and scrolled down. She's an artist. That's pretty cool. Now I didn't catch her face cause it's not important in this context. What interested me was her profile.
I watched the Hannibal TV show. It was fantastic. In one episode (spoiler alert) the FBI is tracking a killer who uses mycology ....mushrooms ... as a weapon. This was totally fascinating. The killer would go find victims who were diabetic. Then he'd send them into a diabetic coma by ODing them on insulin. After that he'd bury them in shallow Graves where, as they decomposed, the high sugar content in their blood mixed with the soil ... the result would sprout mushrooms all over.
Aint no way in hell I wanna end up as some chick's mushrooms garden. That would be a terrible end to a really dynamic life I've tried to live so far.
Okay, okay ... she's probably not a serial killer. She wants to present herself as smart and intellectual. And I really love that she's TRYING to be honest with her interests but doesn't wanna come across like she still spends a little TOO MUCH TIME under mycologys direct influences.
I also really love that she references an inherent belief that we're all doomed no matter what and that life sucks and its all meaningless... in her fucking headline🤣. I get it.. I mean we are humans. We suck. We have fucked up our planet. Weve fucked up each other and in our tenacity hubris, and desperation to get away from the shit we've Done as a species, we're trying to go to fucking MARS AND do it all over again!
Planets are like Pringles, after all. You can't have just one. Once it pops, the fun don't stop. Til OURS does 😏
This girls gonna have me cutting my wrists and bleeding out my woes over leather-bound volumes of Nietzsche isn't she?
Holy shit I discovered someone more depressed than I am. In and of itself that seems like a miracle.
Ahhh hell , maybe she's just a raging naturalist that's gonna have me fucking trees while we listen to Flintstones and Jetsons and she uses my asshole as a vase. It's better than a space probe.
She got a "like." you know, JUST for the Elle of it. 😏
#mythoughts
#mylovelife
#datingsites
#comedy
#memoirs
#balllivesmatter
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Just curious..
What do you like and don't like about each of the Subnautica games? (If there's anything to hate about these games, they're amazing)
tbh i dont have many complaints about either game, although i have felt that playing both quickly after the other does,,, make the differences super noticeable. things in sub1 i never had a problem w or didnt bother me much have become more bothersome now that ive played bz
like the battery meter on tools and the option to choose where each go in the slot? having to mess w all my tools to get them the EXACT order i wanted (for maximum efficiency of course) was always sort of annoying to me but nbd. now i can barely STAND how the tool menu works/looks in sub1 bc the bz version is.... so much better
I ALSO have a few gripes w bz that have slowly started to bother me more and more as i play. and by a few i mean one thing specifically. the CRASHING. obvs both games have a bit of a crashing and framerate and pop-in issue, but bz is just,,,, so much worse when it comes to crashes.
ive had sub1 on pc and ps4 for like, 3 years now?? and ive dealt w maybe around 5-10 crashes total in those three years, very sporadically? since ive bought bz less than a month ago ive dealt w at least 30 crashes. if i play for an hour it crashes at LEAST 1 time, usually 2 or 3 on average. i quit playing due to crashing more often than i quit after a save and exit. and although ive played sub1 considerably less on the switch, its still not crashed a single time, which makes me think it might be a bz problem and not a switch problem, but idk. i save often enough that i never lose more than 10 minutes at worse, but still,,,,,the crashing is constant. if the loading times were as bad as sub1's (which thankfully they are not), i would probably only play every once in a while bc i just cannot get more than 30 minutes in w/o a crash.
speaking of loading screens holy SHIT sub1 takes like 3 minutes at best to load in a NEW save. i could literally get up and make myself lunch and be back before it loads up on a save with more than 1 small tube of a habitat built in. bz has sped that up a lot which makes the loading screen feel even worse (once again, fixing a problem and then going back to that problem in sub1 just accidentally makes the game a bit more frustrating)
other than those few technical problems, most of which could very well be due to my own old ps4, laptop that doesn't quite meet the spec requirements, and attempt to play subnautica on a SWITCH of all things; the only genuine complaints i have about both is the ending in sub1 being 'make the rocket' after the lost river/lava zone segments is the worst part of the game and i almost never fully finish playthroughs bc that much resource collecting and grinding at the v end is hell! aaand the ice spires can compete with the dunes for "large open area full of death and bullshit that nobody ever wants to go to" bc i spent an hour and a half in the arctic spires the first time i went there in survival! and despite exploring it extensively in creative and having a base right outside in survival i STILL get lost constantly. for the record im usually good at navigating back to somewhere in these games w/o signals, esp if ive been there multiple times. i just get lost in the arctic spires constantly. the ice worms dont help!!!
I JUST REALIZED IVE TYPE. A LOT OF COMPLAINTS. SORRY ABOUT THAT AKRBKABRJRBS ILL GET TO THE THINGS I LIKE NOW I PROMISE
the soundtrack in both games is AMAZING and i geniuenly just listen to them both for fun and get the songs stuck in my head sometimes. theres one from bz in my head right now it plays in the lilypad islands and i cannot remember what its called rn.
the sound design is both games is also really good?? i sit on the bz start menu and listen to the pengwengs, and sub1 in particular is like my favorite sound design in anything ever. i go in creative and just chill next to the creatures SO OFTEN. crabsquids, warpers, and sea dragons specifically sound so nice i could fall asleep to crabsquid noises they're so nice??
the ways the pdas are used for story telling is super nice, and ive always loved the little insights into the characters lives it gives u!! figuring out what happened to sam in bz and listening to all the final pda's in sub1 is always one of if not the favorite part of the games, i listen to every single pda every single time i play, i always feel just as sad for ozzy and keen and fred and the mercury crew and AAAAAA im very attached to these characters <33
also marguerit maida. need i say more.
SO if i talked about everything i liked in these two games i would b here for 3 hours so know that there is much much MUCH more i adore about them and my complaints about the arctic spires and crashing and loading times very much pale in comparison to all the good from the two!! bz is still very recently released so i believe the crashing issues will be dealt w in the future!!
i have many strong feelings for both games AND ive heard that apparently they've already confirmed a 3rd in the making? 👀 didn't look that up admittedly but if it IS true ill 100% b backing it up bc i ADORE this universe and its silly little fish and the silly little people i wanna hug. im full of love and subnautica takes up at least 67% of that love its my whole entire world i cannot imagine shutting up about them and ryley and robin anytime soon <3333
#my brain yanked my disdane for the spires out and threw it into the world huh#i had to explore in creative bc i read trivalve eggs could b found there and i was NOT doing that in survival#LABDKABKRBAKF#ice worms + cold + snow stalkers + not being able to see at ALL during night or storms??#the spires are SO PRETTY and i love snowstalkers and ice worms so much but hooooo boy. no thanks!!!!#even w the whole cold suit u freeze so fast!! but u cant GO fast bc the worms!! aaaaaaaa!!!!!!#i dont usually have too much trouble there but the last time i went i got stuck and got attacked like. 4 times by 2 worms??#somehow me and my bike survived#but MAN that was not fun. whats the point of the hoverbike if it cant outspeed the worms and u get pushed off it when they attack??#might as well just walk and run everywhere u get me??#other than the arctic spires and the crash timer that starts to tick down after 20 minutes bz is a fantastic game#LABRKABRKBS#fr tho i like them both a lot and bz is a lot of fun!!! the trivalves made me cry in joy when i first hatched them KABDKABRK#and the seatruck is my fav vehicle. friendship ended w cyclops now seatruck is my new best friend#below zero#subnautica spoilers#below zero spoilers#ask
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