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dwellordream · 3 years

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“Contemporary readers might find themselves almost suspicious of how little there is in Victorian lifewriting to shock or surprise; can their lives really have been this dull? Deficient in arresting details and blandly uniform, Victorian lifewriting does not foster any illusions that it accurately records the historical past. But lifewriting was not pure fiction, and its very adherence to rules and commitment to typical daily life makes it a far more valuable source than conduct literature, medical writings, or police records for understanding how conventions shaped lived behavior. Consider the example of transvestism. Cross-dressing could lead to scandal and arrests, but lifewriting attests that many youths who adopted the clothes of the other sex were treated as amusing pranksters.

In her 1857 autobiography Elizabeth Davis recalled “enjoying” herself “extremely” when she dressed as a man to accompany a fellow housemaid to a party and noted that her employers simply “laughed” when they caught her. In the 1840s a young woman living in London wrote to a cousin in the country about putting on a play with other girls for their fathers and mothers: “I have two parts, the good Fairy and the Lord Chamberlain because he sings a song, and he wears a turban and baggy trousers and I wear a beard and moustache.” Other accounts described boys dressing as girls and sallying forth in public to the amusement of all in the know.

Victorian lifewriting exposes other gaps between myth and reality. Conduct books confined women to the private sphere, but in fact, many informally participated in politics. Amanda Vickery has pointed out the dearth of research on women’s consumption of newspapers, an increasingly political medium after 1750; lifewriting shows that many ordinary middle-class women who complied with gender norms actively read newspapers and discussed political events with their fathers and husbands. Katharine Harris’s journal documents how a middle-class teenage girl tracked the revolutions and cholera epidemics of 1848 as carefully as she followed changes in fashion and the dramas of her social circle.

Women’s diaries and correspondence also modify our image of Victorian feminism as a powerful but marginal movement; though suffrage was a divisive issue, an otherwise silent majority supported female higher education, with many writers asserting that “women have brains, and given equal opportunities, can do as good work as men.” Mary, Lady Monkswell (1849–1930) never formally participated in politics except as the wife of a man who held several government positions, but in 1890 she recorded her pride that a woman had attained the highest score on the Cambridge Mathematical Tripos: “Every woman feels 2 inches taller for this success of Miss Fawcett.”

Female friendship emerges in Victorian lifewriting as a fundamental component of middle-class femininity and women’s life stories. Because the letters women exchanged with male suitors were often deemed too private or compromising for publication, and because wives had few occasions to write to husbands whom they lived with, letters between female friends and kin were the most common and copious source for documenting women’s lives. Anna Bower’s correspondence with three women who had been her friends since school days made up the bulk of a 1903 edition of her diaries and letters.

The Memoir of Mrs. Mary Lundie Duncan (1842) drew heavily on the communication between Mary Duncan and a lifelong friend. The many letters included in the published version of Mary Gladstone Drew’s diaries and correspondence were addressed to her cousin and friend Lavinia. The editor of Lady Louise Knightley’s journals identified the central figure of the early volumes as Louise’s cousin and “inseparable companion” Edith, with whom Louise exchanged daily letters when they were separated between 1856 and 1864 (12). The emphasis on female friendship in Victorian women’s lifewriting mirrored the ways in which didactic literature defined it as an expression of women’s essential femininity.

In The Women of England and The Daughters of England, Sarah Ellis articulated the tenets of a domestic ideology based on strict divisions between men and women. She counseled women to accept their inferiority to men and to cultivate moral virtues such as selflessness and empathy as counterweights to the male virtues of competitiveness and self-determination. Ellis praised female friendship for several reasons. It trained women not to compete with men by requiring them not to compete with one another; it fostered feminine vulnerability by developing bonds based on a shared “capability of receiving pain”; and it reinforced married love by cultivating the sexual differences that fostered men’s desire for women (Women, 75, 224).

In The Daughters of England, Ellis explicitly argued that friendship trained women to be good wives by teaching them particularly feminine ways of loving: “In the circle of her private friends . . . [woman] learns to comprehend the deep mystery of that electric chain of feeling which ever vibrates through the heart of woman, and which man, with all his philosophy, can never understand” (337). Ellis argued that female friendship produced marriageable women by intensifying the opposition between the sexes, but she then undid gender differences by positing similarities between friendship and marriage. The emotions fostered by friendship were also those required for marriage, leading Ellis to call marriage a species of friendship, and friendship “the basis of all true love” (Daughters, 388).

Far from compromising friendship, family and marriage provided models for sustaining it; female friends exchanged the same tokens as spouses and emulated female elders who also prized their friendships with women. Marriage rarely ended friendships and many women organized part of their lives around their friends. Louise Creighton (1850–1936), married to an Anglican vicar and eventually the mother of six children, wrote letters to her mother in the 1870s that often mentioned extended visits from her childhood friend Bunnie and other married and unmarried female friends.

Just before she acceded to the throne, Princess Victoria wrote of her governess Lehzen as “my ‘best and truest friend’ I have had for nearly 17 years and I trust I shall have for 30 or 40 and many more.” On the day Victoria married Albert, Lehzen gave the queen a ring, and their pledges of an enduring bond held true, with Lehzen ensconced at court long after the queen’s wedding. Like any monarch, Queen Victoria practiced a politics of display, but what she performed most vigorously was her adherence to domestic middle-class ideals.

It is therefore not surprising to find her commitment to lifelong friendship echoed in the aspirations of Annie Hill, a middle-class girl who in 1877 wrote to her friend Anna Richmond, “I do not see why we should not keep up writing to one another all our lives like Aunt Maria and her great friend have done.” The friendships that created bonds between individual women also forged a sense of connection between generations. Friendship and marriage could be overlapping and mutually reinforcing. While engaged to her husband-to-be, Mary Duncan sent him poems and the gift of a hair brooch, and at the same time wrote a poem for her best friend, whom she addressed as “loved one” and “dear one” (163, 179–80, 147).

Just as Duncan experienced no conflict in loving her fiancé and her friend, other women expressed affection for friends by hoping they would happily marry. Writing in 1865 of the friend who came “to bless my life,” twenty-three-year-old Louisa Knightley fantasized about her eventual wedding with a sense of pleasure rather than incipient loss: “I have grown to love Edie very dearly—the Sleeping Beauty, whom life and the world are slowly awakening. May the enchanted Prince soon come and touch the chord that will rouse her from the dreams of childhood and make of her the perfect woman!” (105–6).

….Lifewriting confirms the links conduct literature made between female friendship and conventional femininity, for only women invested in portraying themselves as atypical failed to write of their friendships. Women who succeeded in masculine arenas and advertised their exceptional achievements in published autobiographies often accentuated their distance from standard femininity by downplaying the role that female friends played in their lives. Battle painter Elizabeth Butler (1846–1933), pedagogue and professional author Elizabeth Sewell (1815–1906), and radical activist Annie Besant (1847–1933) all omitted the rhapsodic descriptions of friendship that characterized lifewriting by women eager to demonstrate how well they had fulfilled the dictates of their gender.

Outright disdain for female friendship was rare. One of the few extant examples of a woman mocking female friendship is an exception that proves the rule. A sophisticated transplant raised in Paris by parents from the Anglo-Irish gentry who returned to England in 1868, Alice Miles was eager to distinguish herself from her earnest English relatives. In a diary that remained unpublished until the late twentieth century, she wrote that women were obligated to marry for money, not love. Her contempt for British domestic sentiment led her to dismiss the earnest devotion between female friends she encountered in England as hypocrisy or stupidity. She believed instead in “the natural aversion women always seem to entertain towards each other and the still more decided preference they habitually evince towards mankind!”

Nevertheless, Miles enjoyed forming a friendships with a young woman “perfectly acquainted” with every “naughty story . . . making the tour of London,” whom she praised as “a regular little rose bud . . . looking perfectly bewitching.” Even the cynical Miles, who believed that affection between woman was merely a “sign . . . that a man is at the bottom of the emotion,” could not resist the pleasure she took in a woman pretty and wicked enough to be a potential rival. Successful women who represented themselves as proper ladies defined their lives in terms of their friendships with women as well as their devotion to family and church.”

- Sharon Marcus, “Friendship and Play of the System.” in Between Women: Friendship, Desire, and Marriage in Victorian England

#victorian #marriage #sexuality #sharon marcus #history

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callistolivia · 4 years

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Lilith in the Birthchart

“Within Black Moon Lilith, we find a woman’s turmoils and fears, the balance between how people see women and how we wish to see women, the internal and external rejection of womanhood, absurd reactions and compensations to actively change perception (transformation), the snake. Lilith isn’t of lust, isn’t a creature, demon, seductress, witch, nor Adam ex-wife... She is purely a metaphor of young womanhood and coming to terms with woman’s fears and desires; the uniqueness of the female experience.” Look at this post here for my full interpretation of Black Moon Lilith.

I realize this post, as well as my other post on Lilith, plus other posts I’ve done on feminine asteroids, will be controversial to a lot of people as it heavily focuses on women/feminine experience. To me, I think the astrological placement of Lilith (among other certain placements) hold particular importance to the female experience. So I pardon my blatant exclusion of male experience and I can imagine that a lot of the themes I am describing can work in a male’s birth chart. The psychological history behind Lilith has strong connections to female representation which is why I interpret it this way. With that all said, everyone has both masculine and feminine energies working within their chart which is to be remembered.

Black Moon Lilith in the Birthchart

Interpret by house first, as the house Lilith is in uncovers more of the whereabouts to its themes in your life. Though, by sign will also uncover themes, especially in a strong sign such as Scorpio. Aspects to Lilith can also indicate the condition of the affected house.

I House/Aries Lilith here is on the forefront and becomes an integral part of the individual’s identity. Its as if Inanna herself is personified in the individual (especially true if Lilith conjuncts the ascendant!) and she is on a quest to carve her throne in the Huluppu tree. The fears enveloped here revolve around being true to oneself and having an authentic feminine experience in their lifetime. There are also fears of being perceived in an unfavoured way and others making poor assumptions about the individual. These individuals will go through many trials of what is means to be a woman, especially in very pivotal moments of their life. They’re going to go through many moments of questioning their identity and will likely struggle at times to accept that they are perfect just the way they are. These individuals may go out of their way to seek validation for who they are and these outlets aren’t always good (especially if Lilith is ill-aspected). Natural attractiveness is common for individuals with this goddess placement, but they should be wary of this power to draw energies force (Some already are and may even fear attraction of others, especially when its for superficial reasons). It’s important for the individual to stay with the right crowd and not worry so much about their authenticity as it comes more naturally than they think.

II House/Taurus Lilith in the house regarding value explores themes of self-value. Lilith at its worst here can manifest in issues dealing with body image; the individual may have trouble loving their body and neglect to care for it. The individual’s relationship with food and nutrition can be particularly troublesome, especially if Lilith is ill-aspected here. Compensation is another theme to follow as a consequence to issues dealing with self-value. The individual may compensate in areas where they feel inadequate with themselves by material means. Spoiling oneself, food, money, beauty, extreme alteration, or anything to mask one’s true self are all second house compensations Lilith looks for to feel better, worthy, or secure in this world. Remarkably, the individual’s capacity for transformation is great. If they can heal their wounds and fears around the value of themselves, they can redirect that perception of unreachable perfection into their work. Artists in particular can benefit from this redirection of energy. It’s really important for these individuals to navigate away from material things giving them importance to this world; every material thing they think they need is really just a compensation for something they failed to see within themselves that has always been there.

III House/Gemini Lilith here resembles a tale of trickery, when the goddess Inanna intoxicates “lord of wisdom,” Enki into giving her all of his knowledge and wisdom. Symbolically, Lilith holds all of truth, wisdom, and knowledge here. Particularly the theme of women holding knowledge and the empowerment in that is strong here as well. Individuals with this placement tend to be cunning; this placement is comparable to Mercury-Pluto or Mercury-Moon aspects. Lilith speaks through the individual, some of what the individual has to say evokes fear, though there is just as much power to negate and heal fear as well. Lilith here at its worst can make individuals liars and manipulators, at its best unravellers of mysteries and forecomings of truth. Since the third house has rulership over siblings and early education, this placement can have a “coming-of-age” theme to it. Often the fears and anxieties the individual has is stems from observing their siblings and peers go through their struggles at a young age and they reflect on what that means for them (especially for young girls). Some of these fears and insecurities from their youth stick with them and they continue to ponder their adolescence as an adult. These individuals tend to have a fixed perception (especially true if the third house is occupied by a fixed sign) of womanhood and aren’t afraid to speak their mind about it. They are easily disgusted and troubled by observing others with opposing perspectives. With that said, some of these individuals tend to be hypocritical and aren’t aware of it. The individual may need to learn to be more of a safe-haven for open discussion to work through their insecurities.

IV House/Cancer Lilith presenting itself in the first of the three soul houses demonstrates ancestral fear, turmoils, and mysteries. Often these individuals fears start out very subconsciously and are developed from witnessing other family members (maternal figures especially) go through something traumatic. Witnessing their mother struggle through their own perceptions of what it means to be a woman in this world has a tremendous effect on the individual, especially at a young age; it often shapes how the individual will view themselves and their place in the world. It can also make the individual have many preconceived ideas on motherhood, domestic life, and relationships between parents based on being their mother’s observer in their youth. If the relationship between the individual and their maternal figure(s) isn’t good, it can be difficult to address and heal these traumas. Sometimes these individuals can be total estranged from their maternal figures and have an unclear idea of what their stories are; many secrets can be kept from the individual and there can be a bit of loss in identity (e.g. no feminine guidance in youth/how to be feminine/rejection of femininity). The individual’s household can sometimes be a reflection of their inner turmoils, they may neglect making it their safe space or they see it as a cause to a lot of their issues. Lilith here can also express itself in a form of past life karma or a karmic cycle the individual may be in. The individual needs to work through what their fears, turmoils, and angers are tied to in order to break this cycle.

V House/Leo Lilith here is a trial of what a woman is allowed to do. Since the fifth house rules over creations and pleasures, there is a lot of experimentation in just that. The individuals feel as though push their limits and test the waters in everything because the world is antagonistic towards their identity. Their fear is being casted into an archetype; at an early age they would be introduced to concepts of how the world perceives the role of femininity. A lot of their behaviour can be excessive or reckless, especially in their youth. There is a tendency towards promiscuousness especially; they’re putting the two feminine archetypes on trial and attempting to destroy the notion that you can only be of the two based on what you do; the virgin Mary or the prostitute. Though a noble intention, these individuals can often be misguided with their excessive behaviours. They spend too much energy on trying to prove something to the world about their being when they don’t need to. Lilith here has the capacity to transform and redirect this noble energy into creative efforts. Artists can benefit with this placement as their creations are often thought provoking and, in essence, demonstrate trials of femininity. The creative expression of Lilith here is much more healing, gratifying, and gains more positive recognition. Lilith here can also indicate either the choice of not having children or that the individual’s child will be very Lilithian in nature.

VI House/Virgo Lilith here presents itself irrationally, particularly, and sporadically. Though the individual doesn’t feel Lilith’s influence on a constant, it can be experienced on a day to day basis temporarily while doing minute or seemingly regular things. The fears brought upon here correlate to injury or illness (diseases, losing limbs, loss of function, etc.). These individuals find themselves irrationally thinking of the “what ifs” of rather normal situations. It should be stressed though, that often these individual’s fears are often not debilitating, just invasive and vivid. However, a strong 6th house/Virgo influence coincide with Lilith being there can indicate some obsessive compulsive behaviours and just in general lots of situations where the individual feels the need to do something a certain way to negate harm. The other prominent theme of Lilith here is a women’s experience in the working world. The transition between a young, inexperienced woman to an experienced one is a pivotal moment in Lilith’s expression here. There may be many difficulties, assumptions, and fears correlated to getting work, job experience, and moving up in their field. The individual’s fears often are related to feeling inadequate based on their identity, presumptions about themselves, and inhibitions because of their heightened awareness that their identity (especially for women, as a woman) places them in a particular way in the world. Their own perceptions of themselves are often the most inhibiting; the best way to transform and feel empowered with Lilith here is to be unapologetically yourself and take the world by surprise.

VII House/Libra In the seventh house, Lilith expresses fears of counterparts, peers, and juxtapositions. Lilith here usually hints to a tainted perception of relationships developed at a young age (e.g. abusive relationships firsthand or observed). The individual can be very suspicious and distrusting of close relationships and partnerships, they are very skeptical of others motives, especially of the opposite sex. This may be troublesome for the individual in relationships as they can be suspicious of their partner even with constant reassurance and stability. These issues can only be healed over time with positive, healthy relationships. Lilith in the seventh house is also troubled by their perception of themselves in comparison to others and vice versa. In particular, the conscious awareness of differences (and similarities) between genders and gendered experiences. Alternatively, Lilith here manifests as the individual’s reflection in others. The individual encounters people whose stories inspire things within their identity they’ve failed to see before. The mirror Lilith presents to the individual can be empowering and beautiful or destructive and ugly. When the individual chooses to surround themselves with empowering and inspiring individuals, it will bring out the good Lilith has to offer, especially for female experiences.

VIII House/Scorpio Lilith presenting itself in the second of three soul houses demonstrates yet again, a level of ancestral fear, turmoils, and mysteries. Fears experienced on a more conscious level, but run as deep as their soul. Often their fears revolve around sexuality and severe distrust of other people’s motives. It’s very difficult for these individuals to ignore harsh realities and they may even go out of their way to witness gruesome things which awakens outrage within. These individuals can view sex and intimacy as something traumatic and have a difficult time opening up to their partners; intimacy requires a tremendous amount of trust. Even when that trust is gained, there can be a deeply rooted discomfort in being viewed in a lustful manner. They can be very hateful towards the opposite sex and protective of their own. These individuals hate (or fear) to appear small or vulnerable and may even act dominant or controlling in relationships. These individuals need to work towards trusting others in order to let go of the grip Lilith has here. Another theme Lilith expresses is a fear of death, fear of knowing, and fear of the occult. This can be especially difficult for a person who is psychically sensitive. The individual may go out of their way to inhibit or block their own gifts due to the fear of it showing something they were not prepared for. Again, trust is a big aspect of overcoming these fears, but also knowledge and perceptiveness to know how to keep oneself from harm.

IX House/Sagittarius Lilith in the ninth house carries some of the same themes as Lilith in the third, however the difference is that instead of fixed perceptions on womanhood, their perceptions are more like beliefs and morals. They think their beliefs are imperative and the highest of truths which ultimately can be dogmatic and misguided. Their fixed beliefs are usually rooted from fear and superstition. They can be just as hypocritical as Lilith in the third too, especially when their consciousness isn’t clear (drugs or alcohol or any sort of substance abuse involved). Inner insecurities need to be addressed and healed to have a more rational perspective on life. There is a hyperfixation on the higher learnings of womanhood, some of these individuals can become reclusive; some women with this placement even opt to not marry. These individuals find empowerment in independence. Lilith at its best here can become a teacher to others, particularly beneficial for people interested in women’s studies and women’s health; however these individuals should be wary of their biases and their perceptions that are deeply rooted in their personal experiences thus far. Themes of feminine ritual take place here as well, which is in part of their tendency to superstition. Individual’s ritualism is developed at a young age and becomes a prominent part of their truth and reality as an adult.

X House/Capricorn Lilith here can be rather difficult for the female experience. The themes brought upon here are a lot to do with the public’s speculation of the individual. These individuals tend to have a seemingly easy-breezy path towards the top of their field, in fact, one might say the top of their ambition drew them in as much as they drew it. However, Lilith here has a magnifying glass over it; the watchful eyes of the public seeing, judging, and speculating the individual’s every move. The individual may find themselves dealing with a lot of rumours about them, prosecution by association, misconceptions, unwanted drama, and assumptions. A lot of the troubles are correlated to society’s perception of how a woman should behave. The public sees the individual as the dark and mischievous version of Lilith, the public desires and feeds on that perception of the individual. As a result, the individual may purposefully act out or feel complete shame and go into hiding. Issues dealing with feeling vulnerable all the time because of their identity are very present within the individual. Lilith at its best here can make a notable feminine figurehead, the individual just needs to work on transforming the public’s perception of femininity as something empowering. The other theme with Lilith in the tenth house is potential issues with the paternal figure in the individual’s life. There’s potential that the paternal figure had a great impact on the core of individual’s feminine experience and perceptions in life.

XI House/Aquarius Lilith in the eleventh house deals with themes of the individual’s collective consciousness being at the core of their feminine experience. Collective consciousness usually meaning their friends; prominent, reality shaping experiences with their friends and peers at a young age are at the core of their insecurities, fears, and perceptions of feminine energy. This placement does demonstrate not so great relations with friends, especially female friends. In fact, that is Lilith in the eleventh house at its worst; bullying from female friends and the psychological damage from that. It’s very easy for individuals with this placement to alienate themselves from others based on negative experiences. At its best, collective consciousness can be beneficial for exploring and understanding femininity and female experience as a whole, but the individual with this placement will have to navigate through to find the right people, or their people. Individuals with this placement may be interested in helping others struggling with feminine identity and some of the struggles of womanhood as they are quite empathetic to that experience. Another theme with Lilith here is the value of platonic relations. Individuals with this placement struggle with the stage between a platonic relationship and blooming attraction. There’s a deep discomfort with it, especially if they value the relationship as just a friendship and nothing more. They can also be suspicious of the motives of new friendships, perhaps from deeply rooted insecurity or simply that they don’t want a romantic/sexual relationship.

XII House/Pisces Lilith presenting itself in the third and final soul house is completely unconscious; Lilith is asleep and almost absent here. Loss of feminine identity takes place here. Individuals with this placement will experience Lilith’s themes within their dreams and times of total darkness. Individuals with this placement aren’t always aware of their trauma, fears, or turmoils. There’s a chance something traumatic happened to them at a time they cannot remember or it’s something they blocked out entirely, but tends to haunts them within their dreams. These individuals tend to be very angry at themselves for things they cannot control and for things that are often not their fault. These individuals are also escapists; they are very susceptible to addiction or obsessive compulsive behaviours. Though, Most 12th house Lilith individuals escape through sleeping. Excessive sleeping, however, leads to guilt. These individuals fear death and don’t want to watch life pass them by. There’s a big theme here of push and pull; doing everything you can in life to not regret missing out and the absence of living life. Lilith here needs to seek balance and acceptance instead of pondering too much about what fate lies within them. The unconscious traumas within them need to be carefully addressed and healed as well to feel comfortable with their identity and place in this world (especially as a woman).

#astrology #lilith #Black Moon Lilith #lilith in the houses #lilith in the signs

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gamesception · 3 years

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The Promised Neverland is kind of really good, actually? I mean, yeah, I’m late to the party as usual, but I just binged the first season of the anime, and then the manga from that point on (the site I was on didn’t have any of the second season, but apparently it diverges from the comic and gets bad anyway, so maybe just read the comic to begin with). And, I mean, spoilers, obviously, but I’m going to get into some extremely major spoilers here so if you haven’t read it or if you’ve only seen the first season of the anime maybe skip this post and read the manga, but...

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I’ve tried and failed to write a big long post about all the ways it’s so good, how the main three characters are each so compelling, how its pitch dark but not cynical or misanthropic, with mortal stakes but not gore-porny, positive and optimistic without being trite or naïve, how choosing Emma out of the main three to be the primary protagonist and viewpoint character keeps the story from becoming a masculine militaristic power fantasy, how the antagonists are treated as characters and not just monsters - even the ones that are literal monsters, about how the story never supports or glorifies the idea of sacrificing the weak so that the strong can survive, about how empathy and understanding and a chance for peace are extended to every single villain without putting a burden to forgive on victims and without ignoring the need to fight those who refuse the offer of peace and uphold the status quo, how the story opposes oppressive hierarchies at every turn - not just those the monsters use to control the human children at the farms, but also how the monster elites use access to human meat to controller the lower social classes of monster society, and even to an extent within the human resistance.

But there’s just way too much to talk about to get it all into one big giant post, and I don’t have the stamina for a big extended ongoing project right now - or else I’d return to one of the like 12 I have on hold.

But, like, to pick just one thing....

ok, so eventually we learn what the monsters are and why they eat people. They’re a weird sort of organism that can temporarily take on the characteristics of things they eat. Eat a bird and grow wings, eat a bug and grow an exoskeleton, eat a human and gain a humanoid body and the intelligence to become self aware, learn language, form societies - for a while. But if they go too long without eating people, then they lose their minds and revert to a bestial form. In order to save the humans, the resistance leader Minerva plans to wipe out the monster society altogether. After all, they literally have to eat humans to continue being people, there is no possibility of peace.

Protagonist Emma, though, has seen not just the horrific human farms and their cruel and corrupt rulers, but also their towns and settlements, their families and children. She was even saved at one point shortly after her escape by friendly monsters who opposed the farm system, and even though it seems impossible, she wants to save both the humans and the monsters.

A more typical show, at least among those with premises as dark as The Promised Neverland, wouldn’t take Emma’s side in this. She would be forced to ‘grow up’ and face the fact that she can’t save everyone. Her naivety would get someone killed to break her heart and teach her to be hard and cruel as if those things are virtues. Or, more likely, she wouldn’t be the viewpoint character to begin with, she’d be a side character whose ideals would get herself killed in order to elevate the male characters’ angst and justify their violence. Either way, the message would be “Emma’s ideals were unrealistic and could never survive contact with the harsh reality of the world.”

TPN instead takes Emma’s Side. She finds monsters who maintain a humanoid body and intelligence without eating humans, and they’re able to spread that trait to the rest of monster society while the humans all escape to the human world. Now, as much as I don’t like the grimdark ‘there is no peaceful option’ hypothetical version of the story, this development could have been handled pretty badly. Like, just reading it like that, it sounds like the story raised a big moral dilemma and then chickened out of it. But that’s really not how it comes off while you’re reading it, for a couple reasons.

First of all, Emma meets the non-human-eating monsters early in the story, long before we get the explanation of how monsters in general work. So by the time we learn that the monsters must eat humans to maintain their self identity, the audience already knows that there are exceptions and that an alternative exists. The story never sets this up to be a moral dilemma in the first place, so when the issue is bypassed it doesn’t feel like it’s undercut itself.

More importantly, though, is the thematic & metaphorical content. Because the monster society is a pretty explicit metaphor for unjust human societies, and monsters represent the people who make up such societies. Not just the aristocrats who benefit from the unjust society, or those who directly enforce and uphold it, but also regular people. People insulated just enough from the suffering and death that their lives are built on that they can turn a blind eye to it, but aware enough of their complicity in that suffering that they construct excuses to justify their part in it, and by proxy excuse those at the top who actually benefit from and shaped the society as it is. People living lives simultaneously just comfortable enough to keep them docile, but precarious enough that they’re too caught up with struggling to maintain the tenuous grasp on the lives they have to feel like they can work towards anything better. Monster society in TPN is a cage built out of the corpses of humans cattle, but built to imprison and enslave the monster civilians who eat them.

Hanging the story on the fantastical element of monster biology would divorce it from that essential metaphor while also endorsing an outright genocidal worldview, and TPN explicitly calls out the plan to wipe out the monsters altogether as just that - genocidal. It never even pretends to entertain the notion that the audience should accept that plan as the right choice, even while it doesn’t condemn Minerva for pursuing it. When Emma is proposing her plan to Minerva, the deal she strikes with him is ‘I will try to make my peaceful solution happen, and if I succeed then you cancel your plan to wipe out the monsters’. Minerva is eventually shown to be lying when he makes that agreement, but Emma isn’t, and note the if there. If Emma’s plan fails, then she - and thus the narrative - accepts that Minerva’s plan to save the children is still better than leaving things as they are, even if it means wiping out all the monsters. After all, the society IS monstrously unjust, and even the lower classes within that society ARE complicit in that injustice.

Minerva’s problem isn’t even presented as a matter of him hating the monsters too much to see a route to peace with them. The story doesn’t frame the conflict between Minerva’s and Emma’s plans as hate vs. love or revenge vs. forgiveness. It’s instead more of ‘hierarchy and division bad, mutualism/openness/relying on each other good’. The point is to show how Minerva’s role as a figurehead who believes he has to project strength to uphold the hope that the other humans have placed in him has worn away his ability to rely on others or to be open to alternatives they offer, leaving him with rigid and inflexible thinking.

So when Minerva learns about the monsters who don’t need to eat humans, he doesn’t see an opportunity for a better outcome - potentially even an easier outcome since he doesn’t have to make enemies of the entirety of monster society - rather he sees a threat to his plan to starve the monsters back into an animalistic state.

And if that whole subplot isn’t explicit enough, Minerva’s internalized need to project strength also results in his physical body wasting away in secret from a condition he believes to be untreatable, but the moment he finally breaks down and admits he needs help Emma is able to point to a solution, one that again doesn’t come across as a cop out because again it takes the form of another character the audience was already introduced to a long time ago.

In a story arc that the second season of the anime adaptation apparently cut entirely, wow the more I hear about anime season 2 the worse it sounds. And after the first season was so good....

...

Anyway, I tried to pick just one thing and this post still turned into a colossal gushing word cascade, and there are so many other elements to talk about. Like how The ‘Mothers’ and ‘Sisters’ are menacing villains with seemingly no empathy for the children, but when Sister Krona realizes she’s lost the power struggle with Isabella she leaves the kids tools to help them, and then when Mother Isabella realizes the children have escaped, she covers up the route they used in order to buy them a little extra time to get away. It’s these little touches - just as much as the short backstories that follow them - that show us how, while they might uphold the system out of fear for their own lives, and might have rationalize their part in it in order to live with the horrible things they’re doing, the mothers and sisters don’t actually hate the children. Knowing that makes it believable when in the end Isabella does turn on the system, and every single one of the other mothers and sisters join her.

The bit when the fighting is mostly over and she tells the Mother at the house “it’s over, now we can just love them” and the other woman breaks down crying is so sad and human, it makes me tear up thinking about it..

Like I said, all the villains are characters, not just monsters. They all have motivations for the horrific things they do - sometimes irrational, often selfish, but not even the most unforgivable of the monsters are just evil for evil’s sake.

Again, I’m rambling. It’s just... I’m used to these sorts of pitch dark dystopias being, for lack of a better term, kinda fashy in their messaging? Or at the very least deeply cynical and misanthropic and just kind of mean spirited. And TPN is so completely the opposite of that, in so many ways.

#tpn spoilers #tpn #the promised neverland #anyway yeah it's pretty good #though again apparently the second season of the anime falls of the rails #like from reading reactions today #it seems season 2 drops or completely flubs literally everything I go into in this post #don't watch it #i haven't #and feel better off for it #edited because I misremembered a couple things #like the 'we can just love them' line comes after the fighting not before #the point remains though

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canis-lunaris · 3 years

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Introducing: The Wandering Witch AU

(With transgirl!Remus, questioning!Sirius and endless conversations about the metaphysics of wandless magic)

This is the latest installment of our various Wolfstar AU's with August, one we came up with while we were on a mini-holiday, celebrating our third anniversary.

In this universe, pureblood-supremacy is rampant, keeping the Wizarding World in the permanent dark ages. Muggle-born wizards are only allowed a wand upon being accepted at a magic school, and most institutions favour pureblood children over half-blood, or muggle-born students. Wands are registered and heavily regulated, including tracking-spells and random spot-checks for counterfeit, or unregistered wands by Ministry officials.

After a werewolf-attack at age 4, Remus Lupin’s father tries to teach her magic using his own wand, knowing she would never be allowed into Hogwarts. However, performing magic with someone else's wand is not only dangerous and illegal, but also extremely difficult. Remus — a savant, who can sense magical currents in a way none of her peers can — realises that she doesn't need a wand to focus her power, and instead develops her own way of casting — or spell-weaving, more accurately —, tying an intricate web of knots between intent and the ambient magical currents to shape reality to her will. While admittedly crude and volatile, her technique turns out surprisingly potent, which makes her more than capable of protecting herself against the many dangers of a transphobic, werewolf-hating world.

Because her condition places both her and her family in a vulnerable position (the "werewolf-issue is an ages-old favourite talking point of mainstream wizarding politics, including a fearmongering campaign designed to marginalise intelligent magical creatures and eradicate non-human magic users), the Lupins decide to avoid registering their child after the attack, relying on the help of muggle medicine and corrupt healers to nurse her back to health after the transformations. They move frequently, bouncing Remus from school to school, but once Remus has gotten a basic education, they settle down in an isolated cottage on the Scottish highlands, and her mum takes on the duty of homeschooling her.

Having been brought up in a mixed family and lived the majority of her life as a muggle, Remus is well-versed in the matters of 21st century life. Once they settle into their new home, she starts transitioning, takes up Luna as her middle name, but keeps Remus as her first name, refusing to abide by arbitrary societal rules about names being connected to certain genders, rather than the people wearing them. After both her parents meet a tragically early death in a car accident, Remus finds herself alone in the world, with both a house and a large sum of money to her name; she sells the cottage and spends her parents' life insurance settlement on getting bottom surgery, then sets out to travel the world, looking for someone, or something to find a meaningful connection with.

----------

On a glance, Cassandra Black is everything her most ancient and noble house could want for an heir. She is brilliant, powerful and a downright genious when it comes to magic; the only problem is, she's a bit too smart for her own good, and no amount of discipline can keep her from asking too many questions. The only thing her bewildered parents achieve with their constant, increasingly violent punishment is that young Cassandra stops asking them, and starts looking for answers of her own.

By the time she's 11, she's thoroughly disillusioned, worlds away from the conservative, blood-supremacist doctrines she was brought up with. Upon entering Hogwarts, she spends the first free breath of her life on convincing the Sorting Hat not to place her in Slytherin, a decision she pays for with the world as she knew it. In return, she gains a new, brighter one, full of friendship, adventure and budding romance — although dark secrets, stomach-turning injustice and bitter heartbreak too. When it comes to her parents' attention that she is sleeping with a witch, their treatment turns from toxic hostility to open abuse, severing all emotional ties between Cassandra and the House of Black. She spends five years as a proud Gryffindor, but by the time her 16th birthday rolls around, she feels like she'd learnt everything Hogwarts had to offer — the good and the bad alike. She decides not to return to the castle for the sixth year: instead, she uses the start of the school year to orchestrate an elaborate escape plan, that would make it impossible for her family to find her. She breaks her wand and vanishes into the night, never to be seen again.

British Wizarding society erupts in chaos, because even one as scandalous as the Black heiress, the mysterious disappearance of a 16-year-old, pureblood-aristocrat (and a witch, for that) brings the Ministry's messaging about public safety into question, and the story keeps the tabloids busy for the better part of a year. The family puts out an enticing bounty on their firstborn's head, but regardless of the spectacular reward, no one can locate Cassandra, and without a wand to track, she proves to be impossible to trace. Eventually, the tabloids move on and the story slowly fades into the background, although, en lieu of a body, they never officially assume her dead, and the family never gives up the secret search for their wayward, blood-traitor daughter.

----------

Three years later:

Somewhere, hidden in the mountains of Scotland, there is a halfway-house, for magical folks who need to get off the grid, for one reason or another. Remus is a regular visitor, using the shelter's reinforced cellar for the full moon, and taking her time to recover at the quaint little house for a while thereafter. Nobody bothers her there, and while people do use the retreat — it's always clean, stocked with food, healing items and clean bedding, among other obvious signs of habitation —, she'd never encountered any other guests during her visits. This time, however, an unpleasant surprise welcomes her, in form of a backpack and a half-drunk bottle of wine on the porch, and soon, she finds the owner of the items as well, lounging on her favorite sunning spot.

The stranger looks ragged; unkempt and malnourished, and when they speak, their voice sounds hoarse, like they haven't used it for a long time. Remus is immediately weary, even though the stranger looks very young and rather unimpressive, expect for the very posh accent and the fact that despite their extremely strong magical aura, they did look startled, almost terrified when Remus walked up behind them — and yet, their hand never even twitched to draw a concealed wand.

"I’m armed!" the stranger warns — maybe they expected a muggle? —, but still doesn't move to reveal any weapon. Remus is quite certain she could take them on in one-on-one combat regardless, should it come to that, but she finds it alarming that this runaway teen would survive alone in the wilderness for what seems like a considerable period; a feat that requires a number of skills and the kind of training that does not come with the elocution training the stranger's speech suggests. Not just the accent, the face too... Under the layers of dirt, severe sunburn and a fading black eye, there is just something eerily familiar about them.

She introduces herself as Remus — it's one of her favourite ways to quickly size up a person, based on their reaction to her obviously masculine name. She does the whole cheeky, "whatchagonnado" act she perfected throughout the years, expecting anything from a spiteful comment to a confused eyebrow-raise in response, but the stranger just nods and gives her a polite "hello, Remus", like this was the most normal interaction between two people who just met at a shelter for magical misfits, in the middle of fucking nowhere.

The stranger, however, is less forthcoming about their identity, and Remus has to openly ask for their name after 10 minutes of tense, but idle chitchat. The stranger blushes a deep red, and once again, there is that flash of panic in their eyes, before they blurt out "Sirius... Black."

"Oh."

Of course, Remus thinks, wondering how she missed it before. She knows exactly who Sirius is, or who they used to be — she'd seen this face a million times before; a younger, smoother version with fewer sharp angles and without the haunted look in their bloodshot eyes, but the very same face was once plastered all over Britain — on missing flyers, in front page news, later on wanted posters... 10.000 galleons are a fine bit of money for a head like this. She gives the stranger a sideways glance, and they glare right back at her, with a defiant expression that might have betrayed their famous origins, even without the esteemed family name. The Blacks, they do all look the same...

"Well, that answers the question whether you're a muggle" Sirius remarks with a bitter chuckle. "Look, I know what you're thinking. And yes, they do have the funds, but just so we are clear on this, if you move to draw, I'll attack you, and it's gonna be over before you ever reach your wand. You will lose, most likely die, and then I'll have to spend this lovely evening digging a hole for you in the woods instead of sharing a bottle of crappy wine. So, just don't, okay?"

Remus can't help but admire the kid's bravado — they aren't stupid, she can tell that much, if from nothing else, the fact that they somehow successfully evaded one of the most powerful magical families, and their countless footmen, for over three years without ever leaving a trace; and yet, they seem to know when they're outmatched.

"Who says I'd need to draw?" she smirks, hoping to provoke a quick duel out of the youth. She likes to get the power-struggle out of the way early on, just so nobody gets ideas while she's sleeping or in recovery. The young Black might turn out to be a reluctant ally, but they could mean real trouble after the full moon, if they were to follow family tradition in wanting to rid the world of a monster like herself. Three days left until the next transformation, which means she's at the height of her power, so taking Sirius out here and now would be the wisest, and she thinks she could do it without harming them too badly. Nothing she couldn't fix in a blink afterwards.

Sirius measures her with a curious squint, slowly raising their left hand into the air. All five fingers are adorned with a variety of silver rings, from plain, thin bands to heavy signets with rune-engraved stones. A web of glowing lines flare up on the back of their hand, spreading out from an intricate magic sigil on their wrist. They emit a faint, blueish white light, running along each finger to the tip, as Sirius charges up for a wandless spell. Flashy, but creative, Remus thinks, truly impressed for the first time. She's used to wizards relying on their wands to do the work for them, and she knows seven different ways to dismantle the connection before they ever get to fire off. The stranger's magic is different — it's raw and unpolished, but brutally powerful, and very complex, in a geometric sort of way. This would be more difficult than she initially thought, and she's unsure if she could immediately disarm Sirius without having to literally dis-arm them.

To avoid confrontation, she raises a hand in front of her too, conjuring a harmless little will-o-whisp in her palm — a trick she developed as a child, tied up on the bare cement floor of her parents' basement, waiting for the curse to take hold. There was no light in the basement; she was lonely, cold and terrified, so she made herself a friend, a cold flame to keep her company while she was waiting for the moon.

Sirius' eyebrows disappear somewhere under their tangled fringe, but their face lights up with a huge, mischievous grin:

"Remus, the girl raised by the wolves... You're not boring at all, are you?"

#the rest is history #remus lupin #sirius black #wolfstar #fanfiction #wandering witch meets wondering bitch #trans!remus #trans!sirius #fanart #long post #julien draws

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theveryworstthing · 5 years

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More Spooky.

Mixing the spooky prompts of 'gay vampires' and 'all dressed up for a spooky soriee' again.

This is Salt. She's pretty good a putting people back together, is full of leeches, has a dark sense of humor, and is very short. She's also as gay as a hermaphroditic leech person who mostly uses she/her for convenience but has no strong feelings about gender can be.

She grew up around pit fighters and eventually became a medic when her own career didn't work out (her eyes were always wonky but then she had to grow a few back after That Fight and yeesh). When the pits got shut down one of the older medics decided to put an actual practice together and hit the road, taking Salt and a few other favorites with. Eventually they got pretty successful and opened a lot of non-human friendly hospitals. She's currently attending a 'children of the night' themed benefit sponsored by Cashmere's company as a representative since her boss couldn't make it.

Here's a bunch of lore about the kind of vampire she is because of course I wrote some:

Hirudo Vampires

What are they: A race of Mermaids. Mermaids that are essentially a sack full of leeches, but yeah. Mermaids.

How they’re made: They’re born like any other mermaid. Weird humanoid monotreme lays an egg and after a bit you get a Child. Infants look like regular baby mermaids with kind of sluggy tails and can be confused with nudibranch juveniles if they’re gifted with brighter colors. They’re initially fed milk and invertebrates like worms and slugs by their parents but quickly move on to blood once their cravings start and they begin releasing leeches.

Turning: They can’t turn people. They can turn leeches but they rarely do because usually more than enough leeches naturally sprout from their innards and outside leeches that aren’t from another hirudo are a quick fix that will eventually be rejected by their bodies and need to be replaced.

Feeding: Their favorite method is anchoring their tails to something in a body of water, releasing their leeches, and just floating there until they return. When the leeches come back they swim into the hirudo’s body and plug themselves back into the digestive tract where they empty themselves over time. When the last leech runs out it’s time to go hunting again.

When not feeding they fill the inner cavity of their body with water for the leeches. Chemicals in this inner cavity thicken the water into a loose slime and when feeding all that Leech Slime gets released so that they take on more of a flesh suit aesthetic. A view of this feeding form is rare however, as hirudo hide while feeding and only have to feed this way once every few months if most of their leeches are successful hunters. If they’re not so successful or they can’t send them out for whatever reason they supplement their diet with invertebrates, soft organ meats, and ingesting small quantities of iron whenever they can. Mostly by nibbling on rusted objects or sucking on found bits of metal like jawbreakers.

Besides blind hunting they’ll also enthusiastically feed on willing subjects. Hirudo are renowned healers and their bites can ease certain ailments just like regular leeches. They can can greatly increase their healing powers through training and even imbue their leeches with specific healing spells by lightly carving said spells into their flesh. If you come across an aquatic apothecary or river-side hospital outside of human territories, they’re likely to be owned or staffed by hirudo. When healing others, singular leeches are selected and expelled for each patient. Dedicated healers tend to be larger than regular hirudo since their constant food source helps them produce more leeches.

Powers: Calming aura (to be fair the leeches have this power, not the hirudo), two or three times the strength of an average human (that’s normal for any mermaid though, they’re pretty much all pure muscle), durability (very hard to kill if they can get water and a blood source), and accelerated healing. They can direct their leeches to specific targets and use them as kind of detachable limbs, even speaking through them if they need to. Mostly they just point them in a general direction and see what they can get. The leeches have their own simple brains and can figure it out.

Fun Facts:

Bites don’t hurt and rarely become infected unless you’re just rolling around in garbage all day. You don’t bleed more or less than you would after a regular leech bite and if the creature doesn’t see the leech they probably won’t know they’ve been fed on until after it’s gone.

They can hang out on land just fine due to being their own personal swimming pools but they still dry out after a day or so and need to return to the water. While on land they develop a thin layer of mucus on their skin that isn’t sticky or wet but you can feel it creepily shift under your hands if you grab them too roughly and it gives them a shimmery glow. This layer flakes off if they become dehydrated and some harvest it as well as any spare Leech Slime for use in beauty products and skin ointments.

They can ‘walk’ on land but it’s draining after a bit and they all use canes and/or wheelchairs to get around.

Just like regular leeches, hirudo are hermaphrodites. What we think of as feminine or masculine appearances are just the product of different family genetics interacting with environmental stimuli and are the same as tribe markings to them. Come from a southern river system where your egg was kept in warm water? Guess you’ll grow up to look more femme and you get cool orange stripes. This situation isn’t unheard of in mermaids but land creatures can be taken aback. It’s whatever. Biology does what it wants.

Many name their leeches and get real mad if one is killed. Partially because anyone would be mad if you murdered one of their organs, but also because they like those little buddies. Luckily, they’re pretty hard to kill if they’re in water and they can get back to the main body.

Most physical fighting is done with leeches. All hirudo have at least one leech that’s bigger, tougher, and honestly creepier than the others just for combat situations. They vary a little from person to person but a consistent trait is that they have just. Too many teeth. Too many teeth that are sometimes not in the right places and sometimes look too human. Just a lot of Wrong Teeth on a big fat blood slug. If this ‘attack leech’ dies or doesn’t return to the body in a certain period of time then they start growing a new one immediately and oh boy is the new one always worse that the last one. There are hirudo out there housing some real abominations.

Combat Leech is their secondary defense mechanism. The first is expelling slime at predators and slipping out of their grip by furiously stretching and wriggling.

The leeches aren’t like wild leeches. They don’t digest the blood they take or make more leeches. They’re also strangely warm, like little hot water bottles. It’s hard to even call them leeches since they’re really detachable organs that act like leeches but like. What else can they be called? Idk, but there’s strong evidence that wild leeches find them creepy and will avoid them.

They’re very amused at the human perception of boobs because to them bigger titty is like a sign that says “I have fat to spare because I eat very well and that means I could probably rip you to shreds”.

They can produce children with other humanoids in theory but it’s a toss of the coin for the egg’s viability and it’s suspected that this is how vampire genes get thrown into non-mer family lines so like. Not a great idea if you don’t want to chance giving birth to some draculas!!!

They can fit through any space their head can fit into. They kind of navigate the world with octopus/cat vibes. Their arms are even more tentacle-y that classically arm shaped.

Eight to ten eyes with position and number differing by tribe.

On average they’re about 5-5.5ft long but powerful hirudo with lots of leeches can get 8ft+.

They’re actually known as some of the prettiest mermaids by humans.

Humans are some of their favorite prey.

Most biologist feel like this isn’t an evolutionary accident.

Immortality?: Hirudo can live for around three hundred years in perfect conditions but they’re not immortal, they grow old and die like anything else. Immortality in not out of reach for those able to push a few morals aside however, and can be accomplished two ways:

1. Feed exclusively on other hirudo. This is an asshole move for obvious reasons and can be done by consuming their leeches or going old school vampire and drinking right from the source. Can be killed if they’re dehydrated through aggressive salting or imprisoning on land for months.

2. Necromancy is just very advanced healing magic really. Carve enough arcane magic into your tummy buddies and you got yourself a real Leech Lich situation brewing. These hirudo can only be killed by thoroughly destroying all of their leeches.

#vampire #hirudo #salt #mermaid #body horror #small guide #that outfit went though a lot of alterations but i love the final so much

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crazyclownthanos · 3 years

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Karra Marron

“I already know my worth and I don’t needed to be told by anyone”

“Passing on the will of Noelle Silva? Sounds fun I’m raring to go!!”

Character Information

Meet Karra Marron! Magna’s and Sol’s second child a commoner of the clover kingdom

Karra is the leading female protagonists in White Clover and is a member of the generations fearsome three

Latin, Irish, Gaelic origin meaning “beloved”

Alias

Delinquents Daughter (the villagers)

Will carrier of Noelle Silva

Little Rascal (By Sol & Magna)

General Infromation

Status: alive

Species: Human

Gender: Female

Affinity: Compound of Earth and Flame

Age: 11 (at the start of White Clover)

Birthday: April 17th

Constellation: Aries

Height: 149cm

Weight: 40kg (88.18p)

Blood type: A

Eyes: purple

Hair: light brown

Apperance

Karra is taller than the average 11 year old usually being 144cm while standing at 149cm.

Karra has neck length light brown hair, brown skin and purple eyes.

Karra’s regular clothing style would be a sleeveless top with white borders on each side with a few tares, navy blue shoulder length glove on her left arm that shows all her fingers except for the thumb connected to the sleeve and tied around her waist is a blue jacket with cotton on the borders she normally wears in winter. For the bottom Karra wears navy blue baggy pants and brown boots

Personality

Karra is the total oppsoite to Noelle. Because of her home environment of masculinity and femininity Karra just dosen’t care about gender and even mentioned once that dating both men & women are fine to her though growing up in a family where her parents argue about cereal every morning (usually) Karra has grown dense to love assuming marriage is all about arguing. Unlike Noelle Karra tends to be more open and isn’t afraid to be herself around anyone and not to mention her rowdy with her older brother. Any time a challenges occurs Karra is always the first to raise her hand and the last to runaway. When it comes down to business Karra knows when to be silly and when not to be in dire situations often relying on her strength to solve it.

Traits

Dense

Feminist

Dumb

Strong

Brave

Faithful

Extremely dumb

Relationships

Family

Magna Marron

Karra has always been a “daddy’s girl” from their love of spicy food to their wild and predacious personalities and because of Magna’s soft side he grew to have a connection for Karra from the moment he held her. Aside from all the cute shenanigans Magna and Karra are always the first ones to start a fist on fist rally

Sol Marron

Karra and Sol share the same traits of being both feminists. Sol cares deeply for Karra and has always been worried of her well being being afraid of her going through the same thing she went through as child. Karra is honestly the proudest daughter alive to have Sol as a mother being a member of the blue rose knights Karra would go on for ages on how amazing her mother is and her magic attribute though she never understood why she use to be attached to Charlotte for many years

Karra’s older brother

Karra and her older brother always had a close sibling connection both having an age gap of 4 years (Him being 15 at the start of White Clover and Karra being 11) aside from that Karra and him grew up both ruffians though he started growing a habit of being more tired and sleeping more and the duties as a magic knight leaving no room in his sechuldue to spend to time with Karra. Standing from the bigger picture these will always love each other

Fearsome 3 or New Light Triad

Ace Silva

Ace and Karra have known each other since diaper days and because of their dads close friendship they would always have play dates. Karra views Ace as her closest friend and wouldn’t hestitate to give up her life for him though at some stages Ace can get a little awkard and can seem nervous around her which only makes Karra confused but she pushes that thought away and overall appreciates him and everything he’s done for her

Mirage Aldai

As well as Ace, Mirage and Karra have known each other since diaper days. These two had always have that relaxed persona, sometimes Mirage has to play “mother’ in Karra’s reckless and mindless states. Primarily Karra shows a deep interest in Mirage’s magic affinity of Forcefield and sees unlimited potential in him and tells him every time whenever he used his magic yet Mirage does get nervous when’s he’s openly compimented leading Mirage in being a hot red mess however Karra tries to control this and not openly compliment him.

Others

Noelle Silva

Noelle is Karra’s mentor and the will carrier of Noelle’s legacy of the light triad. Despite their difference in magic affinities Noelle always wanted a student like how Mereoleona was to her mother Acier then Karra came along and made her life a little more brighter. Karra had always loved Noelle and always admired her strength and courage and would never get tired of her stories of her fighting on the battlefield and wanted to aim to be like her, Karra even asked her mother she wanted to live with Noelle when she got older.

Genji

Karra thinks of Genji as an emotionless robot who suffers to show emotion but when she does she’s always pointing it out, always cussing him headaches and trouble. Karra’s opnion on Genji is currently the person out of everyone they had less interactions with but always like starting a teasing partying for him.

Battle powers

Magic

Compound Magic/dual affinity: Karra possess the ability to use Flame and Earth magic but unfortunately the two however Karra can manipulate the crust of the earth and create as well manipulate hell fire and create fire

Creation Magic: Karra uses this form of magic to shape objects and entities from Fire & Earth

Abilities

Immense magic power: Its nearly impossible for commoners to wield such large magic power people assume that’s because she has two magic attributes she gets the upperhand but there might be another reason why she posses such high magic power, Karra has proven this from being able to use her hands underground to generate large mana to the point where she could move one of the teutonic plates without the need of a grimoire

High Durablity: Karra maintains a high durability through the toughest situations in a sparring match against Yami Karra was able to stand on her own and even able to him with 2 attacks

Enhanced Strength: Karra is nowhere near as strong as Asta but for her age group she is mightier even being able to carry both her parents if she eats the right nutrients in the daily

Creative Mana: Both of Sol’s children inherited her creative mana, able to create weapons & beings out of Earth and Fire if in the right environment

Neglected by Mana: The disturbance of mana waves in ones own body can cause affects of complication one having immense magic power and low mana read. Vice versa.

Mana moves: Being neglected by mana Karra cannot do simple hand signal spells she has to do body movement spells

Weapons

War Hammer: Karra can create a war hammer out of flame obstructed by earth this one of the only ways Karra can use both Earth & Fire magic

Physical Strength 4/5

Magic Amount 5/5

Magic Control 3/5

Magic Sensing 1/5

Cleverness 4/5

Toughness 5/5

Trivia

Karra was inspired by Korra from legend of Korra

Karra’s favorite food is Spicy Grilled Salmon Kabobs

Karra likes are mud baths and vine swinging

Karra has a strange fear of squirrels

Favorite color is blue

It’s estimated that if Karra wanted to become a Wizard king she’ll achieve it at the ages of 18-20

She easily forgets named

#White Clover #Karra Marron #Character Information #Joe Biden

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recentanimenews · 4 years

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FEATURE: Here are 9 Trans Anime Characters to Celebrate Transgender Awareness Month

As we come to the end of Transgender Awareness Month, there’s a lot to account for within the community. During this time, we take a moment to mourn trans lives past and present who were lost to violence and oppression, but we also celebrate the amazing strides that we continue to make around the world. All in all, we bring a spotlight to trans culture in all shapes and forms throughout the month of November.

In the spirit of Transgender Awareness Month, we’re taking a look at some of the positive representation of trans people in our favorite anime. Trans anime characters are more prominent than people might realize, between recurring characters in popular anime who have their own compelling arcs and shows that portray thoughtful and insightful explorations of gender. They’ve been superheroes, pop idols, magical familiars, and often flaunt their identities with grace and strength.

Let’s close off Transgender Awareness Month with a bang by celebrating some wonderful and inspiring anime characters who have carved their place in positive trans representation.

Fire Emblem (Tiger and Bunny)

Image via BN Pictures

Among the league of sponsored superheroes protecting Sternbild City in this 2011 sci-fi romp, Fire Emblem is easily the most eccentric of them all. While their depiction in the initial series left a lot to be desired, the pyrokinetic hero received a rather compelling arc in the 2014 movie.

In their childhood, Nathan Seymour was the target of hate and ridicule for wanting to present more feminine. That harassment followed them well into their adult years as they tried to come even further out of the closet with the way they dressed. Having overcome all of that, Fire Emblem went on to become one of the most successful heroes in the city in a Cinderella story that’s both emotional and inspiring.

Lily Hoshikawa (Zombie Land Saga)

A recent and very prominent example of transgender anime representation, Lily Hoshikawa displays all of the trademarks of the transgender experience. She has a deadname, dysphoria over her changing body that actively led to her death, and relief in the fact that she no longer has to worry about male puberty in her undead state. As a zombie, Lily projects tons of confidence and affirmation in her gender identity and uses that energy to help propel her idol unit to stardom.

Desmond (Carole and Tuesday)

Image via Netflix

Though a relatively minor character in Shinichiro Watanabe’s 2019 musical anime, Desmond was portrayed as a popular and influential artist in the Martian music industry. Due to some sort of influence from the planet itself, they began to display male and female characteristics in their body. It placed a strain on their body, but they were also able to use the experience to revitalize music on Mars as a whole. There’s nothing better than seeing a trans person rise to success.

Sailor Starlights (Sailor Moon)

Image via Hulu

Among the many groundbreaking examples of feminism and LGBTQ+ representation shown in one of the most iconic magical girl anime of all time, the Sailor Starlights stand out as remarkable trans heroes. Introduced in the fifth and final season of the original series (which got its first official US release as recently as 2019), the Starlights are a team of Sailor Soldiers who disguise themselves as a popular boy band among civilians. Having heroes who consistently switch genders to save the day and kick butt doing it is nothing short of awe-inspiring among transgender fictional characters.

Ruby Moon (Card Captor Sakura)

One of Eriol Hiiragizawa’s magical familiars came in the form of Ruby Moon, who disguises herself as Nakuru Akizuki when interacting with humans. Though she uses female pronouns on a regular basis, she actively and proudly wields her agender identity among others. It’s not often that a character in a children’s anime can be that open with their gender identity, so it’s immeasurably special when someone like Ruby Moon can.

Everyone in Wandering Son

The beauty of this unsung 2011 gem is its focus on gender exploration among adolescents as a major subject matter. Wandering Son offers its characters a chance to discover and cultivate their sexuality in safe and welcoming environments; a feat that’s rare enough in pop culture to begin with, let alone in anime. Aside from some regular human drama, the young students are able to present as feminine or as masculine as they like as they discover what it truly means to be their truest and most genuine versions of themselves.

Alluka (Hunter x Hunter)

Among the enormous and eclectic cast of characters in this long-running series, Alluka stands out as a transgirl who plays a major role in the final arc of the 2011 anime. Alluka Zoldyck is the youngest sibling of Killua and was assigned male at birth. She also carries within her a spirit who she wants people to acknowledge and accept as part of her identity. Though she is consistently misgendered and mistreated by the rest of her family, Killua always makes it a point to defend and enforce her gender identity and welcomes every aspect of her personality with open arms. Otherwise, she has a significant arc throughout the series in which she is the only person who can save Gon during a major crisis.

Alluka is also regarded as the culmination of the original manga creator's experience in portraying trans characters in his work. Previously known for far more problematic depictions of trans characters in popular works like Yu Yu Hakusho, Yoshihiro Togashi has made it a point to consistently explore gender and further his knowledge on it throughout his career. After decades of trial and error, Alluka is easily the most nuanced and thoughtful depiction of a trans girl whose exploration is as insightful as it is cathartic.

Kikunojo (One Piece)

In this writer's opinion, One Piece's track record for transgender representation is questionable at best, if its overt reliance on gay and trans caricatures for comedy and spectacle is any indication. Enter the Wano arc, where the anime’s apparent 180 on trans characters has resulted in the most sensitive and refined depictions of trans characters in the iconic pirate anime’s long-running history.

As one of the strongest samurai in the nation of Wano, Kikunojo has a strong sense of justice and a will to protect her country. Despite her renown as a male warrior, she describes herself as “a woman at heart” and presents progressively more feminine as she teams up with the Straw Hats against the tyrants residing over Wano. In a rare occurrence for One Piece, her gender identity is never brought up for ridicule. Instead, she is revered for her beauty and is able to fight on equal footing with some of the most powerful samurai and pirates in the world. As far as One Piece's previous failed attempts at trans representation go, Kikunojo is easily a breath of fresh air in terms of her strength and characterization.

Hana (Tokyo Godfathers)

Image via GKIDS Films

In Satoshi Kon’s award-winning tragicomedy, Hana is a compelling character marked by tragedy and determination. As a former drag queen, the culture she found herself in helped to inform the identity she displays even as she becomes homeless. Despite some ignorant statements from her cohorts, she still has her own community that loves her and welcomes her in her entirety.

In the 2019 English dub, she was even voiced by Shakina Nayfack, a rising Jewish transgender actor.

Anime has made many leaps and bounds in transgender representation. Like any form of media, there are always improvements to be made in equal and fair portrayals of trans characters. But from the most popular show to unsung but lovely little gems, trans representation can be found everywhere if you know where to look. Transgender Awareness Month is a time to honor heroes who live in and around and all over the gender spectrum, and our favorite anime characters are no different!

What are some of your favorite moments of representation in anime? What do you think shows could be doing better in the future? Comment below with your thoughts!

Carlos (aka Callie) is a freelance features writer for Crunchyroll. Their favorite genres range from magical girls to over-the-top robot action, yet their favorite characters are always the obscure ones. Check out some of their pop culture editorials on Popdust as well as their satirical work on The Hard Times.

Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features!

By: Carlos Cadorniga

#Anime #News #Latest in Anime News by Crunchyroll!

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seiin-translations · 3 years

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2.43 S1 Chapter 2.3 - Dracula and Princess Briar Rose

3. GIRL’S MIND

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Seiin High School was located on a slope at the foot of a mountain, and it took twenty minutes to walk there from the shopping district in front of Nanafu Station. That was why the height difference between the school building and other facilities was so severe. The mountain behind the school building was flattened, and the first sports ground and the slightly narrower second sports ground were arranged like terraced fields, and the outdoors court was on the slope that ran beside those two grounds. That slope was about a hundred meters long, and it was the perfect course for hill running.

The dirt road, which had absorbed the sweat and curses and vomit from thousands of athletes since founding and was trampled down firmly by them, was bone dry from being exposed to the scorching September sun. The regulars were holding game-centered finishing practice for the Spring Inter-High volleyball qualifiers coming up later this month, so during that time, we first-years were assigned to do basic strength training. Our second-year senpais who weren’t on the bench were in charge of it, but these second-years were far stricter than the third-year captains.

“Ayano! Who said you can rest!? Get up and run!”

Our senpais’ angry voice flew at Ayano, who was sitting down halfway up the slope. Somehow, she managed to get up and unsteadily meandering up to where we were, before covering her mouth with an “Urp” and sinking down again. Without giving Ayano time to rest, they scolded, “If everyone’s here, then go down now!” We didn’t even have the energy to complain and came down the slope with our faces hanging down like exhausted slaves. Ayano, standing up while wheezing, was on the verge of tears. Ah, she might throw up… When I saw that, I felt like I was about to puke too, so I decided to not to look back at her.

I didn’t have it in me to reach out my hand today. In terms of physical strength, I was just as exhausted as Ayano, but it was just that I refused to sit down out of pride. I felt gross. My hips felt heavy. Sometimes my vision would suddenly go red and black. I think…that is coming. It was supposed to be still around four days away, so I got careless. Once I became possessed by that thought, I couldn’t stop worrying about the inside of my underwear. How many more times did I have to go up? Do I wait until club activities were finished? What would I do if I run to the washrooms right after and it really comes?

…It was no good. I had to tell them.

“Senpai…”

I called out to my senpais in a fidgety whisper, which was startling for me. Though it shouldn’t be something embarrassing because I saw other girls coming forward about it from time to time, I had to muster up all my mental strength to broach that topic.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

When I told them, I was unexpectedly readily allowed to leave for a short period. Apparently I looked sicker than I felt. Because I, who never whined like Ayano did, told them about it with a ghastly pale face, and it actually made my senpais panic instead.

I was strangely embarrassed about that certain time of the month that every girl had, and even in places where there were only girls, I was afraid to talk about it. Being afflicted with heavy menstrual pains didn’t suit a masculine girl like me if I do say so myself, and I felt like if people knew, they would judge me or be put off.

“Long hair doesn’t suit Ibara-chan.” —I felt like I was letting that kid down, the one who determined my character with an innocent smile. They would probably be picturesque when they fell asleep with menstrual cramps because they were so small, dainty, and fragile.

My motto was to stand up straight and walk with big steps, but I was currently slouching slightly and my stride naturally narrowed. While praying that I didn’t run into anyone, I hurried to the club room building. I was able to get out of club activities, but my crisis hadn’t actually gone away. I recalled not bringing my pouch with me because I didn’t think it was coming yet.

It would be bad if I just rummaged through Ayano’s backpack without asking her…I don’t want to go back now and ask her either…What should I do, what should I do…

There were several boys taking a break in front of the drinking fountain of the club room building. Crap, this was bad timing… I straightened my spine that was bending forward and casually walked past their backs. As I began to walk up the stairs, feeling gravity pulling at my hips ten times more than usual, I ended up slouching again, and right then,

“Suemori Ibara-saaaan. Please show us your panties again today!”

Hearing jeering voices from below, my hands immediately went to my butt. Four or five boys with stupid grins on their faces were looking up at me on the stairs, forming a weird cluster like giving each other neck locks. Were these the same idiots who told Ayano to show her panties last week?

Should I try to run upstairs and escape to the club room? But turning one’s back to the enemy is out of the question! Or should I run down and try to bring down divine punishment to these middle school-looking stupid boys—my head didn’t know what to do, so my body was at a loss, and my left and right feet twisted in a weird way and I ended up missing a step. My legs opened wide and one leg plunged through the gap between the steps, hitting the inside of my thigh hard. This impossible dullness from Suemori Ibara of all people!

“Woah ho, Suemori’s so lame!”

The boys laughed, but they too were indeed a bit flustered. The shame was more unbearable than the pain, and tears welled up in my eyes. The pain of a bruise was nothing compared to the shameful sight of spreading your legs above boys’ heads on the day your period arrived.

And then, someone from behind grabbed me by my arms and pulled me up.

“…Are you alright, Ibara-chan?”

A somewhat gloomy voice came down. The first thing I saw as I craned my neck, half suspended in midair, was red lips and a thin chin, so close that I panicked and pulled my face away.

Kanno, with a sports towel covering his head, was looking down at me worriedly.

“Don’t, don’t touch me!”

I pushed Kanno away without thinking and clung to the railing of the stairs. Kanno awkwardly withdrew his hands, which had lost their place, and apologized as usual. “I’m sorry…” It seemed like I had refused to let him help me up, but I simply didn’t want my body to be touched by Kanno right now… The stupid boys were still looking up at me from below the railing, so I squeezed my throbbing thighs together.

“Oh, okay…Ibara-chan.”

Right after Kanno looked like realized something, he pushed me to the back and stepped forward. My body, which had been hidden in the shade of the eaves, was now exposed to the sun, and I almost shouted, “Ah!” Right at that moment…

Bang!!

A metallic roar pierced my eardrums. My heart shrank, and the sounds that were about to come out of my mouth and the tears that had welled up in my eyes receded.

Kanno had kicked the railing. The towel had fallen, exposing his pale face.

As the shaking of the metal lasted faintly…

“Sorry, but please don’t tease people too much.”

That was said by a voice so meek and subdued that it made you wonder what was that outburst right before. It was directed at the boys who had stiffened in a mass below the stairs and were openmouthed, probably having braced themselves for an angry voice.

“Ibara-chan, come here.”

As though nothing happened, he dejectedly went into the shadows of the eaves again, called out to me and climbed up the stairs. I was rooted on the spot from amazement, but Kanno beckoned to me with his hands behind his back with a “Hey” and I crab-walked up the stairs, mindful of my bottom. Kanno went straight past the girls’ volleyball room that was second from the front and nimbly passed through the outside passageway that was already narrow but crowded by the junk overflowing from each room.

Relegated to the very end of the second floor, in a spot where it was a hassle to get in and out of, was the boys’ volleyball club room. This was just my own impression, but aura of losers was leaking out from the door gap.

“No one’s here right now, so feel free to come in. I just came here to get my stopwatch because I forgot it.”

Kanno said, opening the door and going in. There was no way I could just walk into the boys’ club room and say “Pardon the intrusion” if I was told “Feel free to come in.” As soon as I cautiously peeked in from the door, an indescribable smell of sweat hit me. It was completely different from the scent of the girls’ room I was used to smelling. It wasn’t mixed in with artificial smells like antiperspirant spray, just the smell of bare sweat. It couldn’t be called neat and tidy by any standard, with equipment, personal belongings and trash lying around, but I wondered if it was because we had three times the number of members that it looked emptier than the girls’ volleyball club room. Or, maybe it was simply because girls had more stuff.

Kanno opened the door of one of the lockers, rummaged around, found something and handed it over to me. It was a rectangular object with a short edge of about ten centimeters and long edge of about twenty centimeters, with a colored plastic bag wrapped around it. Its shape, size, and tight packaging, as well as the drugstore logo printed on the bag. A girl would recognize what it was right away, but—why was it coming out of Kanno’s locker!?

“C’mon, take it.”

Kanno said in a muffled voice, sticking his head halfway into his locker. Vividly reminded of a vampire who felt safe being in his own coffin, the picture was strangely familiar.

“And please close that door when you’re done. People will think I’m a pervert if they see this, so…”

“No, you’re enough of a pervert already…?”

Kanno awkwardly tossed it at me, like he was unable to bear its weight, and I had no choice but to yelp and catch the thing that flew. Hmm, there was no mistake about it, this feeling and lightness. There were probably about twenty-four inside to use for many days.

“I didn’t have it because I wanted to have it. I was sent to buy it before…They were probably betting on something, but when I came back, the guys who ordered me to do it were getting yelled at by a third-year and it ended there, then I wondered what I should do with these… I couldn’t have anyone see me have them, I couldn’t throw them away, and if I brought them home, my mom would probably faint.”

“They even made you do that…? When was that? Why didn’t you tell me? I did warn them to stop it.”

“I guess June…? I know you aren’t very good at talking about things like this, Ibara-chan, so I thought it would embarrass you if I talked about it…” June meant that Kanno had this in his locker for three months.

“So, please, use this.”

Kanno said, poking a third of his face out from the other side of his locker. Oh, I’m saved. For a moment, I was simply grateful, but——

I belatedly realized what this offer meant, and my face instantly turned hot.

“Wait, h-how did you kn…you, you really are a pervert…”

“I am not a pervert. It’s unfortunate. It’s rather obvious when you see it, you know? I’ve been practicing with girls since middle school… Don’t girls feel tired and look sick?”

“Yeah, but even other girls don’t know.”

“Huh? Really? But even when I’m there, they say things like, ‘Do you have that today?’… You always look like you’re in pain from the twentieth to the twenty-third…Wait, today’s still the sixteenth.”

“Just wait a minute and be quiet. How did you grasp my…you know…”

The important words wouldn’t pass through my throat, and I turned bright red, my chin wobbling. For me, it was a disgusting, taboo word to even say, something that would force me to transform into an unclean creature I didn’t want to be.

“That’s because I’m always watching you, Ibara-chan…”

“So you’re a stalker, creep!”

“No, you have it all wrong! Don’t call me a creep.”

When I cursed at him unthinkingly, Kanno hurriedly added to what he said with a hurt look on his face.

“I’ve always been your fan, that’s what I meant by always watching you…ah, it does sound kinda stalkerish, but I’m not…um…Ibara-chan, you always saved me, and that’s why I’m here in the girls’ club. If you weren’t here, I would have quit a long time ago, and I might have even quit school…My parents are just overjoyed that I’m going to high school, but they’re shocked that I’m joining the volleyball team again, and that’s all thanks to you. Volleyball is fun. You were also the one who taught me the fun of volleyball…You were the best at volleyball, you were always cool, confident, someone who I could never be on par with. But, lately, I’ve been wanting something more, and, um…”

He retreated into the shadows of the locker once again while restlessly shaking his gaze left and right, and he was coughing so much that I was wondering if he had trouble breathing. No, how should I put it…if someone who didn’t know him saw his behavior, he really would seem like a pervert, but…Kanno, who didn’t talk a lot normally, was earnestly talking like he was scraping up the fragments of words scattered all about his body. Unconsciously overawed, I was unable to interrupt. When he calmed his breathing and faced forward like he had resolved himself, his wandering eyeballs had settled, and his gaze was fixed on my face. He straightened his body that seemed like it was going to snuggly fit into the locker at any moment, and ah, that was when I was reminded that he had overtaken me in height a long time ago.

“Um, I like you, Ibara-chan.”

Right after he said that while looking me in the eye, fire erupted from his face with a thud and he covered his face his hands, exclaiming stuff like “Uwah.”

While Kanno found himself in a fix all by himself, I…

I was so calm that it was uncanny. It was not the time for going into raptures over being confessed to by a boy for the first time in my life.

So it’s like that…

While I was listening, something got stuck in my mind. It was in past tense, all of it. In other words, in Kanno’s head, I was no longer an existence that was cool, confident and the best at volleyball. It meant that the current me was “something I could be on par with.” Even I was very well aware of that, but the fact that I was told that from Kanno’s mouth when I was supposed to take a little more time to come to terms with it within myself was a shock that was like having my head chopped off by a guillotine, and with that shock…

The feeling of something somewhat warm sliding down my inner thigh finally overwhelmed me.

“Ibara-chan…?”

Kanno cautiously raised his face.

The me who was a supreme existence for Kanno had nowadays fallen to the point where I could be obtained if someone wanted me. No matter how much I aimed for the top, I would never be able to jump higher than I did now, but Kanno was undoubtedly continuing to nimbly soar higher and higher at this very moment. Instead of attaching extra fat to his chest and buttocks, he would be covered in more and more supple and strong muscles.

I guess you don’t remember anymore…

“Long hair doesn’t suit Ibara-chan. You’ll look more handsome if it’s shorter.”

That was something said to me. From the smallest and most delicate kid in class. Putting a spell on me to shun being a girl and be cool and handsome, he became independent from my protection before I knew, and on top of that, confessed to me, like I was a clown.

It was now clear that the scratchiness that I felt within me every time I saw Kanno was jealousy and hatred.

“…Sorry, but no.”

Kanno’s eyes widened for a second, and then his shoulders slumped in disappointment.

“The only thing I feel for you is jealousy. You were lucky enough to be born a boy, and without using much effort, you were able to snatch what I want so bad but could never get. You grew a lot, I see… Did you know? I haven’t grown a centimeter since a year ago. My jump power is dropping. I’m gonna be less and less able to jump, just like Ayano. I don’t want that… I don’t want to be Ayano. Being so heavy and shameful-looking, just lumbering around close to the ground…”

“Ibara-cha…don’t…”

When I said Ayano’s name, Kanno suddenly interrupted me with an accusatory voice. I was irritated, wondering if he was finally going to talk to me like he was condescendingly admonishing me. I was very on edge.

I noticed that Kanno’s gaze was directed over my shoulder towards the outside hallway. When I looked back, sure enough, Ayano was standing there. She was holding a sports drink and towel, and her eyes were wide.

What did I say just now—? I was horrified at the words my own tongue wove together.

“Oh, um, Ibara-chan didn’t come back, so I came to check on her, but well, I half did it because I wanted to skip,” Ayano was speaking quickly with a shocked look on her face, and then forced an “…Aha!” like she just remembered to do it. “Ah, haha…that’s right, that’s why I’m useless. I get fat too quickly and it’s no wonder that Ibara-chan hates me, so, so don’t worry about it…”

She suddenly cast down her face with the whitish smile and spoke in a small voice.

“They, they’ll get angry if we don’t back now…I’ll go on ahead...”

She said and turned on her heel. Without looking anywhere but forward, she ran past the girls’ volleyball room, swinging the big butt I had shamed just now and disappearing down the stairs. The sound of squeaky footsteps stamping down the steps became distant.

“Ibara-chan, you have to go after her.”

Kanno grabbed my arm. I, who was frozen, jumped, but my legs didn’t move. If I took even a step forward from here, my blood will…

“It-it’s fine, it’s fine, we’ll meet in practice soon anyways, and she’ll understand once I talk to her… It wasn’t like I was talking about Ayano, just girls in general…”

Of course I was lying. It wasn’t about girls in general or anything like that. While I was blathering to Kanno about stuff that was just me taking out my anger from the ends of my prejudiced mind, it was definitely Ayano who I had been picturing in my mind with contempt.

***

When I returned to practice, Ayano, who was supposed to have gotten back before me, was nowhere to be seen. When my senpais asked me with concern, “Ibara, are you alright?”, I subconsciously put on a tough front and said, “Everything was completely fine. Sorry for all the trouble,” and despite worrying about Ayano, I did the rest of the regimen with the same enthusiasm as everyone else.

When practice time ended and the outside court, which had been roasted by the late summer sun, was finally in the shade with a somewhat comfortable wind blowing, Ayano returned.

She was with Kanno. No way, did he go searching for her…? She whispered something to Kanno, and then came to inside of the fence while awkwardly shrugging her shoulders. Kanno was seeing Ayano out and he himself didn’t go inside, just watching from outside the fence. The sports towel was once again snugly tied around his head.

Ayano first ran over to the captain, received a scolding, and then joined us as we were putting away the net.

“Wh-where did you go? Ayano…”

I made my face up like nothing had happened and called out to her, but she didn’t meet my eyes. I wondered where had she been until now—the tip of her nose was red from being sunburnt. “Ayano, Ayano, what happened?” “Why did you come with Dracky?” Immensely curious whispers immediately surrounded Ayano, and I was shut out of the circle.

Apologize, apologize, apologize, apologize… Just chanting that in my mind like a prayer to Buddha didn’t lead to action. Was I such a dawdling coward? In the end, I wasn’t cool or confident when it really mattered.

Clang, the fence shook violently.

On the inside of the fence, all of the girls’ team ducked their heads as they turned around, and then there was a sudden stir. Kanno gripped the fence with one hand and crouched down like he was hanging from it.

“Kanno!?”

I immediately ran over to the fence. I changed my mind on the way there and turned ninety degrees, rushing out the gate and went outside the fence. I rushed up to him and got on my knees, and when I touched his shoulder, it was hot—!? Kanno’s five fingers, which were still caught on the fence, slipped off and hit the ground. “Kan…” When I pressed his shoulders and tried to look into his face, the towel he covered his head with came loose and exposed his face.

The other members who belatedly gathered at the inside of the fence cried out.

From the bridge of his nose to his cheeks, a dense, closely-packed rash had emerged, and his skin was flaming bright red like he had blisters. Ayano’s slight sunburn couldn’t compare to it. The members in the front row were being pressed against the fence by the pressure from behind and blatantly trying to move back. “Hey, stop pushing!”

“Don’t…Please don’t look…”

A feeble voice leaked from Kanno’s mouth. He fumbled for the towel and pressed it against his face, curling his back and cowering. The rash also appeared on the back of his hand, peeking out from his long sleeves. Ibara-chan, his small voice entered my ears, and I unconsciously brought my drawn back face close to his.

“…I’m sorry for getting carried away…I know, I’m a total disgrace, and I’m nowhere near equal with you, Ibara-chan…So please, don’t…don’t go saying silly stuff like that…don’t say things that will make you lose your friends because of me…”

There was no one to make fun of, but without knowing what to do, and me and the rest of the team could do nothing but stay frozen in place from confusion. While we had been told that he had a health condition, it didn’t mean we could truly imagine the reality of it, so we thought it probably wasn’t as serious as everyone said, so that was probably why we could mess with Kanno so lightheartedly.

The only one who moved was Ayano. She went around the fence and ran over to our side, thrusting me away and switched places with me, putting the unfolded bath towel on top of Kanno’s head.

“I’m sorry, Dracky, you were with me the whole time, I’m sorry, and thank you… What should I do? Should we go inside the school? Can you walk? Senpai, please call the teacher!”

Ayano at that moment was not slow and sluggish in the slightest. She was quicker and braver than anyone. As though her voice released them from their paralysis, everyone regained their movements. The third-years ran to get their phones to call the advisor. Some came over to help Ayano while others carried over a cooler box.

Amidst all of that, I was the only one who was unable to take any effective action, just sitting on my butt in a daze.

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#2.43: Seiin Koukou Danshi Volley-bu #2.43: seiin high school boys volleyball club #2.43 book 1 #2.43 translation

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davidlynchschreibner · 4 years

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*Today I found this silly little story slice buried in my computer files. It was written before it was apparent Lukas was growing a beard so was fed primarily by my own feelings about the joy some trans men experience if/when we can grow facial hair. Very self-indulgent and poorly written but as our fandom has quieted recently I thought perhaps it would be a nice contribution? I don’t know. Might as well share it.

Whiskers on things other than kittens

or, David grows a beard

As the summer of his first year of film school approaches, David is immensely enjoying the dark recent addition to his jawline. He's waited so long for it to fill in fully from scattered whiskers to patches of hair to an uninterrupted band. After spending what seems an eon impatiently noting how much more he was shaving away as the months advanced now at last he can savor the fruit of his body's labor. A beard makes him feel handsome, mature, and more settled in his body than before. In comparison to other major notes in the rising chord of his transition it is a low and quiet one, yet he feels the resonance in his bones. Like all else he has worked for this with every psychologist appointment and prick of the syringe. He can allow himself to wear it proudly. Every time he catches his reflection in a mirror or window he experiences a little flare of confidence that pushes his shoulders back and lifts the corners of his mouth. Facial hair does not a man make by any means but this feels like his inner self is growing outside the skin it's been trapped in for so long. He can see the tangible evidence of his journey with all its strife and victories--- and so can the rest of the world.

He's not the only one who is pleased. Half the students in his film classes eye him appreciatively, charmed by the combination of sharpening features and warm energy. As he comes into himself his appeal increases accordingly. People have liked him in the past--- even flirted with him at times--- but he has never felt so positively noticed. After years spent compressed by his desire to not be seen he finds air fills his lungs more fully when his posture relaxes. The chitinous shell of the frightened boy he once was is fragmenting, peeling, and falling away to reveal a more fully realized young adult. Some of the girls turn a little giddy when he speaks to them and it is strange with newness but makes a flicker of pleasure spark inside him every time. Small validations fortify the foundations he is building to house him, making a place to live that he doesn’t have to run away from. He’s happy here. Matteo finds his developing reputation of resident 'hot guy' very entertaining and will tease him about his supposed powers of seduction (with occasional exaggerated displays of being effected) until David crowds into his boyfriend’s space and silences the annoying ribbing with kisses.

It's rather hypocritical of Matteo to tease considering no one is as attracted to David as he. It's of course not just the beard, as he was equally infatuated when David had gone through a period of being entirely clean shaven. But the increase in self-assurance this new look inspires does seem to drive Matteo to distraction on a regular basis. Sometimes David catches him staring openly with a hooded, enraptured expression and restless fingers. If they're alone David will tilt his head and smirk until Matteo is so flustered he has to get his hands on his boyfriend. In public, Matteo restricts himself to draping his body over David like a heavy blanket and sneaking a kiss to the newly roughened point where a pulse thrums steadily. It is not new to be so tactile in their appreciation of each other, but there is a fever in Matteo’s cheeks that rises when he observes how his boyfriend begins to show himself more openly. They never did spiral into the slow disinterest of some established relationships and it seems that will not be happening anytime soon. Matteo thinks David is the hottest guy in the world and reminds him every day in myriad ways.

The first time David finds himself unconsciously stroking his chin while he edits footage he jerks to a stop and laughs incredulously at himself. It’s a ridiculously cliche thing to do and he feels acutely embarrassed afterward. But sometimes in a moment of absent-minded contemplation his hand makes its way up. He expects Matteo to mock him for looking pretentious the first time he’s caught, but surprisingly the other boy does not. His bemused expression softens into the familiar tender smile that says ‘I love you’ without parting lips. Then he returns to his game and never mentions it after. Indeed, he seems to find the beard just as enjoyable to touch. In the mornings, when Matteo is sleep-soft and resisting attempts to wake him, he strokes the scratchy strands framing David's jaw with his fingertips. Sometimes he'll rub his cheek against the texture, affectionate and possessive as a cat. David huffs in exasperation at first but soon it becomes just another weird but endearing thing Matteo does. He never can find it in himself to reject any form of affection the other boy gives him be it a hug or a kick. Eventually he likes it so much that he wonders if he will ever decide to be bare-faced again.

One night they are lying tangled together beneath the quiet observation of the moon and David breaks the long silence to ask if Matteo likes him better with the beard. The words are drawled nonchalantly but the brittleness that dysphoria makes of his ego creaks in the undertone. He doesn’t need this sort of reassurance often, less and less as time goes on, but may always find occasions for it. The conflict between wanting to be seen this way and the worry that he lacks without makes a sharp cramp of overexertion seize in his chest. Matteo lifts his head from where it has been resting beside David’s and gazes with all the patient understanding people often don’t expect he possesses. The two of them know every dip and swell of each other’s voices now and nothing is hidden when something is not spoken. Matteo responds with quiet certainty, ‘You like you better.’ David waits, knowing instinctively that Matteo is taking time to find his words. ‘I like you most being happy however you want to be.’ Then he smiles and burrows into David’s shoulder, making stupid little grunting sounds like he’s trying to wrestle a pillow into shape. David swallows against the knot of emotion in his throat.

‘Being a man’ is a bewilderingly intricate definition unique to each person. It is not a list or a diagnosis or a quiz with an answer key. David has tried many times to articulate its broad strokes and nuances to professionals and peers alike, yet found it cannot be confined to succinct sentences. He can collect as many indicators as there are days in a year but all told it is simply that he knows he is. It only increases in complexity because he is still discovering what it means to him. No part of his body will ever make him more or less who and what he is. But there are things he grasps and holds close as affirmations. He likes expressions commonly understood as masculine and needs without negotiation to alter the shape beneath his shirts. His facial hair doesn’t make him more a man, nor a person of more worth or quality. But he feels the power of reclaiming what his first puberty tried to take away from him whenever he grooms the borders of his beard. The person reflected back at him in the mirror looks more like he feels inside. And he’s starting to really like that guy.

#druck #druck og #david schreibner #a fic #sort of #I don't know I just project my trans feelings onto David sometimes #my content

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beneaththetangles · 3 years

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Newman’s Nook: Biblical vs. Cultural Angels

Angels are prominent figures in our culture and others, and have been for thousands of years. They are biblical beings that are commonly used culturally to connect a story to the Christian God. In classic European and American art, angels were generally portrayed in two main ways, as fat babies or normal humans with flowing robes, wings, and halos over their heads.

But what about today? What about in anime and manga?

Eniale & Dewiela

The manga series Eniale & Dewiela introduces readers to a number of angels and demons. The basic premise of the series is that angel Eniale and demon Dewiela are friends. Kind of. As the series progresses, their friendship is fairly antagonistic, with each trying to reap souls respectively for Heaven or Hell. Their goal is to convince humans to follow their leader (i.e. God or Satan). Instead of dwelling on how that is theologically preposterous from a Christian perspective, let’s talk more about the way angels are visually presented in series.

Most angels in Eniale & Dewiela look like humans. Not just regular humans, but beautiful humans. They are glamorous with personalities that would also qualify as being very human. They get caught into whims about fashion. They become annoyed and argue. They have pretty standard conversations about their jobs and how they plan to perform them. Basic human stuff.

In volume two of the manga, the concept of transitioning into becoming an angel or demon is introduced. In this manga universe, humans who make certain life decisions can transform into angels or demons upon their demise. By being more holy or more evil, they can be aligned into one of these categories and fully transition upon death of their physical bodies. It is an interesting and fun concept.

Heaven’s Design Team

Heaven’s Design Team is an edutainment anime and manga series that is set at the beginning of time. Each anime episode starts by giving the premise that “In the beginning…” God was going to create all the animals of the world, but decided to outsource it to a group of angels instead of doing all the work Himself. As the series progresses and the angels create animals per God’s requests, a core group of angels is introduced, as well as one demon. In the English translation of the series, the majority of the angels on the “Design Team” are named for deities from the classic Roman pantheon.

These angels, once again, look human. Unlike Eniale & Dewiela, though, there’s more variety to their appearance. There are characters who look old or young; tall or short; masculine or feminine; realistic or with full-on anime hair. The variety in character design reflects on the actual variety in all of God’s creation. It is a great way to present these different characters while teaching the reader about different animals and why they function the way they do. Like Eniale & Dewiela, these angels all have varied personalities and very human reactions. One of the angels, Saturn (Tsuchiya), also has a grandchild. So, these versions of angels are either capable of reproduction or are able to create their family members; this concept is not exactly elaborated upon as the core of the series is to be educational with fun facts about animals.

Another fascinating take on angels!

The Evangelion Franchise

I would be remiss if I did not include quite possibly the most well known angels in all of anime and manga—the angels of the Evangelion franchise.

In both Neon Genesis Evangelion and the Rebuild of Evangelion films, angels are generally referencing the “Seeds of Adam” and are these wildly varied living beings that appear to be set on world destruction. Well, mostly. The goals of the angels in this series appears to be reunification with their originator, Adam. In so doing they would initiate Third Impact and potentially destroy the world. So while their goal is reunification, the result is world destruction. Some angels appear to fully understand this goal, while others have less sentience.

The appearances of the angels vary wildly from angel to angel. Ramiel, pictured above, appears purely as an octahedron with a drill that comes out of their lower half. What other kind of angels exist? Let’s run through a few:

Sachiel is a roughly humanoid shaped giant with a head embedded in its chest along with a giant red core.

Shamshel is a giant tube with laser whips instead of arms and a sharp top that appears to be shaped like the top of a squid.

Armisael is a giant floating white ring that can penetrate the minds of humans.

Tabris (aka Kaworu) appears in the body of a teenage boy.

There are numerous other angels, but I think you get the general idea. They are not united in appearance in the Evangelion franchise. In fact, there is not a single angel that matches up with what is generally seen in western popular culture. Also, apart from Tabris, none of them really look like humans.

The Bible

But how are angels presented in the Bible? First, let’s make clear that angels and humans are clearly referred to as separate created things in scripture. People do not become angels and angels cannot become people. Blue Letter Bible has a handful of quick links that show examples from scripture that angels and humans are distinct creatures. Here are two big highlights:

Humans were made in God’s image, while angels were made separately before humans.

Angels are not inherently engendered and do not marry/procreate.

Meaning? The idea that Saturn would have grandchildren or any children for that matter is out of the question from a biblical perspective. Also, the concept in Eniale & Dewiela of humans becoming angels or demons is also thrown to the side. If you’re interested in learning more, so many Christian writers have tackled this particular topic better than I.

Turning toward appearances, what do angels look like? That is an interesting question and, frankly, depends on what angels we are talking about in the Bible.

Inhuman Angels

In Ezekiel, the prophet presents the image of divine living creatures in Ezekiel 1:4-21 that can be inferred to be angels. The first is a being with multiple animal faces and multiple sets of wings that can teleport in the blink of an eye. These creatures are later referred to in Ezekiel 10:15 as cherubim. The other creatures, referred to later as “the wheelwork,” are two sets of interconnected rings with eyes circling in opposite directions. These divine creatures are, according to Ezekiel, messengers from the Lord. So. in theory, these divine, living beings are a form of angel.

Much later, in the Book of Revelation, John of Patmos refers to a different set of living creatures that surround the throne of God. These beings have humanoid bodies and animal faces (Revelation 4:6-8). While much of John’s visions in Revelation are intentionally symbolic, from the context it has been inferred that these are images granted to John of divine beings or angels.

Returning to the Old Testament, the prophet Isaiah refers to a different set of angelic beings known as seraphim. In Isaiah 6:2-7, it is inferred that these beings have some vaguely humanoid body; however, the body is mostly covered with huge sets of wings that block Isaiah from seeing their primary form. The seraph have a set of wings covering their feet and a set of wings that covers their faces. The rest are used to fly.

Other angels have forms that are not described. In Numbers 22:22-35, Balaam’s donkey is stopped by an unknown angel. All we know of this angel is that it was frightening and had a flaming sword. Earlier, in Genesis 3:24, a cherubim is mentioned (who is later described by Ezekiel) as well as a being that has a flaming sword. Is it the same as the angel seen by Balaam and his donkey? Or is it that only the flaming sword could be seen by the people and its form is unknowable? I don’t know, and scholars have debated (and continue to debate) this question.

Humanoid Angels

If the angels presented above are those found in the Bible, then why do we often find the cultural assumption that angels look like humans? Well, there are many other examples throughout scripture that present angels as looking that way.

The famed angel Gabriel is first introduced in Daniel, and according to him, looks like a human. Gabriel later appears in the New Testament as a herald to Mary in the Gospel of Luke and to Joseph in a dream in the Gospel of Matthew. While Gabriel’s appearance is not described in the Gospels, as it explicitly the same named angel, it can be inferred that their appearance would be similar.

Later in the Gospel of Luke, angels are present at Christ’s tomb who have the appearance of people as well (Luke 24:1-5). They are not described as some fantastical beasts, but simply as looking like people. The author of Hebrews at one point adds that certain ones can look so much like humans that you may not even know if a person you helped was human or an angel (Hebrews 13:2).

There are various other angels in the Bible that look human too. Abraham is approached by the Angel of the Lord as well as two angels who all look like humans. These same two angels later go to Sodom to meet Lot and his family, again appearing in human form. In the Apocryphal or deuterocanical book of Tobit, an angel named Raphael who is solely described as having a human form is presented. Jacob later wrestles with the Angel of the Lord who appears in human form. The various Judges and their families occasionally saw angels that appeared as humans.

Thus there are a multitude of Biblical and extra-biblical examples of angels who appear human. However, one thing is common among all these—none are not described as having wings. In that way, these angels have more in common with the appearance of the ones Heaven’s Design Squad, who similarly lack wings.

Final Note

Pop culture likes to present angels because they are a mystical and seemingly magical connection to God. In some instances, they are used because they can act and look like humans, providing an easy means of connecting the reader or viewer with the divine. In other cases, such as with Evangelion, angels are used to monstrous effect to present divine power that is beyond human comprehension. Both presentations can line up with Biblical representations of angels.

Personality-wise, not much is known biblically about angels. They appear to generally provide information and then leave. We don’t know if they are fashion-obsessed like Eniale or really excited about birds like Venus (Kanamori). Biblically we do know they desire to be with the Lord and separation from Him is a huge punishment; however, examples aren’t given of that desire being used as a means to destroy humanity. What we do know is that they lack sex or gender, cannot procreate, are not humans, and can come in a wide variety of shapes or forms.

Maybe what we really need is to continue to increase the variety of angels we see in our anime or manga! Let have some new stories where the angels Ezekiel sees or the ones presented in Evangelion are trying to convince some humanoid angels to join them for a skeeball tournament. Or a group of wheelwork angels on a heavenly baseball team trying to compete with a team of mostly humanoid angels and maybe some deceased baseball players?

…

Or then again, maybe not.

What kind of angels do you think of when you think of anime or manga angels? Do you have any more examples you can think of that are far from the Bible or maybe some that are super close?

=====

Eniale & Dewiela is published by Yen Press. Heaven’s Design Team is published by Kodansha and the anime is streaming at Crunchyroll. Neon Genesis Evangelion can be streamed at Netflix.

#Anime #Christianity #Eniale & Dewiela #Neon Genesis Evangelion #Heaven's Design Team #Holy Bible #Tenchi Souzou Design bu #Angels #Newman's Nook #Articles #Author: MDMRN

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semperintrepida · 4 years

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The Sellout

one: the meet cruel

Kyra had just started pulling a double shot when trouble swaggered through the door in the shape of a woman: tall, dark-haired trouble, broad-shouldered trouble, trouble wearing a business suit so perfectly tailored that Kyra could smell the money on her all the way from the other end of the bar.

The woman ambled up to the counter without so much as a glance at the menu board, instead letting her gaze sweep over the shop, from the regulars camped at the couches by the windows, to the empty tables in the center of the space, until her eyes finally came to rest upon Kyra herself.

Kyra put on a smile that was at least eighty percent fake and said, "I'll be right with you."

That made the woman nod, a measured movement not at all like the distracted nods most customers gave when told they'd have to wait, and something about it made prickles race across the back of Kyra's neck.

The shot was finished brewing, and Kyra cut the pull and returned her attention to the pitcher of steamed milk resting on the counter. She picked it up and gave it a gentle swirl, then took the cup with the shot from the drip tray and started pouring the milk into it. When the cup was nearly full, she began layering the foam so the ripples of white formed the body and upswept wings of a swan, finishing with a flourish that left a curving neck and the suggestion of a head and beak. There. A Leda in memory of love won and lost.

Kyra brought the cup to the register end of the bar, where she placed it on the pick-up counter and said in a loud voice, "Barney. Get your damn drink." It was three in the afternoon on a Tuesday, and the shop was empty except for the usual suspects — and the woman standing on the other side of the counter, who didn't seem the type to wilt before a curse word or two. A raised eyebrow and a quirk at the corner of her lips proved Kyra right.

Barney popped up from the couch with a grin. He liked it when Kyra played grumpy, and he practically danced up to the counter to claim his prize while the woman stepped aside to make room for him.

His eyes took in Kyra's creation, swan and all, and he placed his hand over his heart and said, "Kyra, you honor me," as he always did during his three o'clock moment of happiness. Their little ritual.

The woman watched their exchange with interest. Her stance was wide-legged and relaxed as she waited for Barney to shuffle away with his drink cradled in his hands. Then Kyra turned to her, and when their eyes finally met, another prickle swept across Kyra's neck and down her spine.

Hot. The woman was hot — and not just that but gorgeous, as trouble for Kyra always was. Her hair was tied up in a braid, and the muscled lines of her neck emerged from the crisp collar of her shirt to meet a strong jawline. Full lips. High cheekbones. And light brown eyes flecked with gold, piercing as a raptor's, studying Kyra in a very deliberate display of attention.

She was the kind of gorgeous that made Kyra do stupid things, and an irritated heat rose from Kyra's belly up through her chest, some of it slipping out her voice as she said, "What can I get started for you?"

"I'd love a latte as beautiful as that one," the woman said, her eyes flicking over to the couches, "but unfortunately I need mine to go."

A safe and timid choice, incongruent for someone who radiated confidence and power, but if Kyra had a dollar for every time she'd seen people make odd choices while standing under the hot, track-lit glare of her coffee shop's menu, she'd have enough money to stop worrying about making the rent. "What size?"

"Grande," the woman answered automatically, but then she seemed to catch herself and said, "No, wait. Make it a twelve ounce, please."

Kyra could have unpacked a lot from that collection of answers, but she didn't want trouble to linger in her thoughts any longer than necessary. At least the woman had said please. "That'll be three fifty."

The woman reached inside her jacket and pulled out her wallet, but it was less a wallet than a thin stack of credit cards sandwiched between two similarly-sized plates of metal, with a wad of cash clipped to it. She peeled off a bill and pushed it across the counter. Her nails were short and well-shaped. No wedding ring, but the crown of a watch, large and masculine, peeked out from the cuff of her suit jacket.

Kyra punched the order into the register and made change for the twenty, sliding the coins and bills back across the counter. "I'll have it ready shortly," she said, and she walked back up the bar, picking up a paper cup from the stacks along the way.

Kyra's beloved La Marzocco awaited, its polished stainless steel shining in the light, a marvel of coffee engineering. Three group heads, two steam wands, and enough room that she and Pete could work the morning rush without bumping elbows. The machine had cost her as much as a nice car. It also fed her and put a roof over her head. It was her baby, and working with it brought her joy with every pull.

She felt herself smiling as she twisted the portafilter from the head and knocked the spent coffee grounds into a bin. Then she measured out the beans and started the grinder, wiping the basket in the filter with the cloth that hung from her belt while the grinder whirred.

The woman was watching her, and the weight of that gaze bore down on her and made her shiver despite the warmth thrown off by the machine. She focused on the dose. On the tamp. Not too much force, not too light, the grounds smooth and even, waiting for the heat and moisture and pressure that would combine separate parts into one, delicious moment.

While the espresso shot was pulling, she poured milk into a clean pitcher, then purged the wand and dunked it inside the milk to steam, the pitcher's cold steel warming against her skin as the liquid swirled and foamed. And when it was too hot to touch, she set it on the counter so the foam could rest while she wiped down the wand and lost herself in the familiar motions of crafting a latte.

A minute later, Kyra set the cup in front of the woman, next to the pile of change that sat untouched where Kyra had left it. "Enjoy," she said.

The woman took a sip, and her eyes widened. Then she sipped again, and a slow smile spread across her lips. But instead of taking her drink and leaving, she looked at Kyra and asked, "How long has this place been here?"

"Ten years."

It was interesting, the way the woman's face told Kyra two different stories: her features were open and friendly, but her eyes held calculated intent. "And how's business these days?"

Wariness uncoiled itself from its slumber around Kyra's belly and lifted its head. "Better than it looks at the moment."

"You're a bit far from MLK."

"MLK" was Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard, and like every MLK in a big city in the US, the name had been bestowed on a street in what had once been an industrial wasteland fifty years ago but was now a busy thoroughfare today. When Kyra first signed the lease for this shop, there was only one brewpub in the neighborhood, and her neighbors were a vacuum wholesaler and a logging equipment distributor. Ten years later, there were seven brewpubs within walking distance and nearly as many distilleries. "This isn't a Starbucks drive-through. Distillery Row brings in a lot of folks on tasting tours. So do all the brewpubs, and there's a streetcar line just up the way. But what would a barista know about foot traffic metrics or exposure value, right? Your eyebrows are already sky-high."

The woman smiled and matched her gaze. "All right. Let's talk about exposure value. What's the premium in cost per square foot for a high visibility retail space in this neighborhood?"

Kyra lifted her chin. "Does that work on everyone?"

"What?"

"The eye contact. The smile."

The smile in question widened a fraction. "And just what do you think I'm trying to do?"

"You're bullshitting me. And I don't know why."

"I'm new in town and I'm curious about this area. And who better to ask than the person who delivers the daily caffeine fix to everyone in the neighborhood. I didn't expect to get my head bitten off." Oh, she was good, how her voice had slipped into a hurt pout at the end. But her eyes gave her away, the hard glint within them almost predatory.

"Are you going to ask to see my manager?"

"Should I?"

"It won't get you very far."

Realization dawned. "You are the manager."

"Think bigger, lamb. I know I don't look like much." With her flannel shirt and black skinny jeans cuffed above a pair of Docs, Kyra knew she looked like every barista in Portland.

The woman took a breath as if she were tasting it, then she grinned and said, "You own this shop."

"Now you're catching on."

"Is this how you treat all your customers?"

"No, just the ones who come in under false pretenses." The words hung in the air between them, and Kyra crossed her arms. "Is there anything else I can help you with?"

"You haven't helped me at all, but the drink was delicious."

"If you're still sore about it after you get back to your Mercedes, you can put that down as your one star review on Yelp."

The woman laughed and raised her cup in a mock toast. "Well, this has certainly been exciting," she said, heading for the door. "I can't wait to see what happens the next time I come in."

"Next time? I'll be surprised if I see you again," Kyra said, but as she eyed the pile of change sitting untouched on the counter, her gut told her she'd better start preparing for trouble to return.

"Is that wishful thinking I hear?" The woman looked back with a smirk as she reached for the door. "Oh, you'll be seeing a lot more of me, I promise," she said. Then she winked at Kyra and left the shop.

Kyra rolled her eyes and tossed the money into the tip jar.

A whistle pierced the air, then Ellen's voice piped up from the couches. "Who the fuck was that?"

"Someone who just paid twenty bucks for a latte."

"Ooh, Kyra's lucky day. And even after you were such a bitch to her."

"That woman is bad news."

"You say that about every beautiful woman who walks in here."

"This time I'm worried about business, not pleasure." She'd never be able to explain the wariness she'd felt the moment the woman had started asking questions. Kyra had learned long ago to listen to that feeling whenever it stirred.

"That wasn't just a business transaction. She was into you."

"No she wasn't. She came in here looking for something, and that something wasn't me or a drink."

"You're so fucking paranoid sometimes."

One person's paranoia was another person's survival skill. Kyra had spent a childhood predicting the liquor-fueled winds of her father's rage, and that had made a home for wariness to live within her gut, along with host of other tools she used to discern a person's intent, to read the signals they gave off before they acted.

Her father was long dead, but his legacy lived on. These days, she used it to give customers what they wanted when they had no idea what that was. But it also helped her read certain situations, like whenever someone tried to pitch her a new business opportunity, or whenever a man entered the shop in the empty minutes just before closing.

"Ellen, leave her be," Harold said gently. He was the third of Kyra's trio of regulars, a retired history professor who fancied himself a sage. "Kyra has much to do, and I doubt she wants to spend it worrying about the unknowns on the horizon."

He was right, though. Kyra didn't want to think about trouble or her questions, or the fact that her hand-tailored suit probably cost more than the shop's rent each month.

Kyra reached down for the rag she used to clean the countertops, and shivered.

Continued in chapter two...

#kyssandra #kassandra #ac odyssey #modern day au #coffee shop au #enemies to lovers #this is just an excuse for me to write smut with these two in a modern day setting #100% pure grade A indulgence #sorry i'm all out of original thoughts #this will be my love letter to portland - coffee - motorcycles - bourbon - and beautiful women #the sellout

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ajedisith · 5 years

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An Equal Relationship

The topic of romance in Little Women has been one of much contention since the novel’s conception. Ironically, decades later I venture on a journey to write about Jo March’s love life when Louisa May Alcott would probably have preferred literally any other topic about the character. But I’ve never viewed the novel or Jo’s story as a “romance,” but more so a story about four sisters with romantic subplots.

Little Women takes place in the mid-19th century amidst the backdrop of a divided America recovering from the harsh realities of the Civil War. Most women’s lives during this period are tied to the home “with little opportunity for outside contact” or most other kinds of experiences. The promise of women’s suffrage and higher education is still on the very distant horizon. Even when they are admitted to colleges, educators fear “their health [is] threatened” if they follow the “intellectual rigors of the male curriculum.” The “Cult of Domesticity” plays a significant role in shaping the lives of women as homemakers and child bearers (Hartman).

Louisa May Alcott’s deeply rooted connection with the Transcendentalist movement and its most prominent thinkers influences Jo March’s relationship with Friedrich Bhaer and how she describes him in the novel. Alcott’s progressive father was consumed by an unorthodox passion to educate his daughters at a time when a woman’s educational opportunities were limited. Her family lived near brilliant Transcendentalist reformers of the day, such as Nathaniel Hawthorne. She received lessons from Ralph Waldo Emerson and frequented Henry David Thoreau’s library to read great works of literature that sparked her interest in writing creative stories to support her family. Her early exposure to progressive ideas about the value of individualism had a significant effect on her writings, including the themes about family and ambition presented in Little Women.

Some speculate that Alcott may have based Friedrich Bhaer off of the Transcendentalist thinkers whose ideas so intimately spoke to her feminist perspective. For example, in the novel Friedrich is described as personable with an ability to attract people with his unique charm. Similarly, although Thoreau’s historical image is that of a hermit, he actually entertained guests, visited friends, and frequented the nearby town. In her journals, Alcott describes her admiration for Thoreau’s philosophies, calling him the “the man who has helped [her] most by his life, his books, his society” (Rogers). Furthermore, Emerson’s kind presence, musical voice, and commanding style of speech during his philosophical lectures captivated audiences. His 1838 speech at the divinity school in Cambridge was a passionate speech about self-reliance and religion (Brewton). Comparatively, Jo’s fascination with Friedrich’s impassioned speech about religion at the symposium is due to his “honest indignation” and “eloquence of truth,” which makes “his broken English musical and his plain face beautiful.” Additionally in the novel, Friedrich is described as having “a sympathetic face” and kind eyes. Alcott derives many of Friedrich’s tenderly masculine traits -- introversion, compassion, soft-spoken charm -- from the very men who were close family friends and who shaped her own philosophical views. Friedrich Bhaer is an unconventional romantic interest just as the men who shaped Alcott’s life were unconventional intellectuals.

Louisa May Alcott believed that most women were marrying for economic reasons. She loved luxury, but “freedom and independence more” (“Alcott”). In Little Women, Mrs. March believes that “[m]oney is a needful and precious thing,” but it isn’t “the first or only prize to strive for.” She would rather see her daughters as “poor men's wives,” if they are happy and content than “queens on thrones, without self-respect and peace.” Alcott herself never married -- perhaps because she could never find anyone who sympathized with her strong feminist ideals -- and the passage emphasizes the notion that marriage for the purpose of economic stability is a restriction and that marriage is not the end all and be all of a woman’s existence. Alcott uses the theme as a backdrop to Jo’s dynamic with wealthy socialite Laurie and penniless intellectual Friedrich. She emphasizes both characters’ social statuses throughout the novel to highlight more important distinctions about their personalities and their distinctive interactions with Jo. Where Jo and Laurie’s friendship represents a connection of two like-minded yet strong-willed young people trying to seek belonging in one another, Jo and Friedrich’s dynamic is one of equals in which Jo is challenged to push her limits and grow intellectually and spiritually.

Jo March is an ambitious, independent, strong-willed tomboy who wants to be a famous writer and seeks a life of deeper meaning than simply conforming to societal traditions of marriage and domesticity. Jo’s most passionate hobby is reading and in many ways it influences her intellectual curiosity about 1860s society. One day, Meg finds her sister “eating apples and crying over the Heir of Redclyffe;” it is Jo’s “favorite refuge.” Additionally, she somehow puts up with her job as Aunt March’s companion because the moment Aunt March is asleep or distracted, she devours “poetry, history, romance, [and] travels like a regular bookworm,” but she has to “leave her paradise” when she is called to do her duties.

Jo’s tomboyish nature and views against love depict her desire for non-conformity because to her conformity is synonymous with a broken family, loneliness, and the denial of her intellectual pursuits. She hates to think that she has to “grow [to] be Miss March, and wear long gowns” because it’s “bad enough to be a girl [...] when [she likes] boy’s games and work and manners.” Her insecurities about womanhood are emphasized when she tells Meg she wishes she could be a child for a long time. She observes that “Margaret [is] fast getting to be a woman and Laurie’s secret [that Meg and John Brooke are in love makes] her dread the separation that surely must come.” Nonetheless, she responds erratically when it becomes evident that John will take Meg away from her family -- she’s incredibly rude to John when he visits Meg, but she’s extremely ecstatic to see the regular ole’ postman. Jo wishes that they would hurry and get married because she’s uncomfortable with the idea that “Meg is not like [her] old self, and [seems] ever so far away from her.” Jo knows how things will eventually turn out, so she wants to make it a brief, sentimental separation for herself, instead of a drawn out, painful one.

Given Jo’s strong views on womanhood and her curiosity about upending social norms, she dreams of intellectual pursuits far removed from what is expected of mid-19th century women. Her ambition is to “do something very splendid,” but her “sharp tongue and restless spirit” are constantly “getting her into scrapes” when she ventures out into the world, removed from the comfort of her homely upbringing. She even admits that “her greatest fault is her temper” and “her greatest ambition is to be a genius.” It is precisely her restlessness that makes her happy and content when she is “doing something to support herself.” Furthermore, although long locks are the tradition for 19th-century women, Jo cuts hers to financially support her family. This illustrates the depth to which she is willing to go for her family in a desperate financial situation, but more importantly it emphasizes her continued disregard of social norms about physicality in favor of what she believes is right.

Jo and Laurie’s dynamic is characterized by childhood and innocence; he illustrates a brotherly figure who compliments her views about non-conformity while she represents the feminine presence he craves in his own life. Interestingly, Laurie admits to Jo quite early in the novel that he feels envious about the sisters’ bond with their mother. The motherless boy’s “solitary, hungry” look in his eyes affects her and she is glad to share her richness of “home and happiness” with him. This forms the foundation of Jo’s strong feminine presence in his life – he looks to her for affection and she responds with compassion. An important distinction between Jo and Laurie’s intellectual values is their contrasting views about education. Jo wishes she can go to college and notes that Laurie doesn’t look like he’ll like it. He agrees that he hates it because it is nothing but “grinding and skylarking” and he would rather enjoy himself in his “own way.” Jo desires a life of meaning to pursue her passions; she is intellectually curious and admires scholarly pursuits, whereas Laurie takes his intellectual opportunities for granted.

Although Jo and Laurie share some similar characteristics, such as their strong wills and quick tempers, they also have strong conflicting personalities. For example, Laurie complains that he feels like he’s living in the shadows of his grandfather's wishes and therefore has little motivation and is too lazy to try anything else. In response, Jo suggests he ‘“sail away on one of [his] own ships, and never [come back] until [he has] tried his own way.” While Laurie does eventually sail away for a time with his grandfather, he also goes to college beforehand to fulfill his grandfather’s dreams, not his own. On the other hand, Jo is rebellious and self-motivated from the beginning. She refuses to simply marry out of convenience and leaves her hometown the moment she realizes there isn’t much left for her there.

Jo wants to keep Laurie close to the family because she sees in him a kindred connection of masculine identity. This is one of the reasons she is constantly trying to match him with her sisters. When it becomes clear that Meg and John will be betrothed, Jo is frustrated because she “hates seeing things get all crisscross [...] when a pull here and snip there would straighten [things] out.” Jo’s reaction highlights her fears about a broken family and loneliness. Her plan to marry Meg to Laurie emphasizes the desire to keep her family together by marrying her sister to a friend, someone nearby who she deems trustworthy and complementary to her association with masculine identity. But, once Jo realizes that Laurie is getting too fond of her, she decides to pack up her things and travel to New York because she doesn’t believe they are suited for one another. Mrs. March is relieved and agrees that they “are too much alike and too fond of freedom,” not to mention their “hot tempers and strong wills,” which would thwart a relationship that needs “infinite patience and forbearance.”

Jo and Laurie’s clashing stubborn personalities are illuminated during the confession scene in which Jo insists she can’t be with Laurie while Laurie continues to badger her. After Jo admits that the main reason she went to New York was to get away from Laurie’s growing sense of attachment, he admits that it only made him love her more. He gave up “everything [she] didn’t like, never complained,” and hoped she would come to love him. Laurie’s confession is similar to that of a guy friend who has a crush on a friend and hopes that he will get her simply by being nice and hopeful. Furthermore, he tells her that if she says she loves the Professor, he will “do something desperate,” as if threatening her will convince her to love him. He then promises Jo that if she loves him, he would be a “perfect saint”; however, Jo rejects him because of fundamental differences in compatibility more so than his lack of saintly characteristics. Laurie continues to implore her to reconsider because “[e]veryone expects it. Grandpa has set his heart [on] you, your people like it, and I can’t get on without you.” It’s selfish that he insists she settle for what others wish for her than what she wishes for herself. If she followed his suggestion, it would negate her character as someone deeply rooted in individualism and upending societal expectations. Jo actually says as much in her response, “It’s selfish of you to keep teasing for what I can’t give you.” Laurie eventually travels to Europe, but not before sulking in his home while playing the piano tempestuously, avoiding Jo, and staring at her from the window with “a tragic face that haunt[s] her dreams.” Laurie’s attraction to Jo is natural, but his behavior after the rejection is self-destructive. He continues to make Jo the sole reason for his happiness. It’s the kind of response that hinders productivity and enjoyment of life, but also makes the other person feel guilty about their decision.

Unlike most of the other men in Jo’s life (of which there are very few as she hasn’t had much experience with men in general), she describes Friedrich’s physicality in greater detail and relays much of it in letters to her family back home. For example, early in their acquaintance, Jo hears him singing in German and notes that has the “kindest eyes [she] ever saw” and a “splendid voice that does one’s ears good,” but there is not a “handsome feature on his face.” Nonetheless she states that she likes him because “he [has] a fine head” and “[looks] like a gentleman,” alluding to her attraction to him being more cerebral than corporeal. When Friedrich advises Jo to study people’s characters to get a better sense about writing fiction, she studies his physicality and how it relates to his character -- she notes that he seems to “turn only his sunny side to the world,” that “time seems to have touched him gently” because of the kindness he bestows upon others, the “pleasant curves” around his mouth are due to his many friendly encounters and laughs with others, and “his eyes [are] never cold.” She thoroughly enjoys checking him out. Jo values character as a “better possession than money, rank, intellect, or beauty.” She ponders that if the qualities of “truth, reverence, and good will” are ‘great’ qualities, then her friend is “not only good, but great.” Her resolve on this matter strengthens every day and she values “his esteem, she [covets] his respect, and [she wants to be] worthy of his friendship.” When Friedrich later visits the March family, Jo notices that “he is dressed nicely and wonders if he is courting someone.” But realization soon follows her curiosity and she “[blushes] so dreadfully” that she “[drops] her ball” and goes after it to “hide her face.” Jo has progressed as a character by this time because the idea of Friedrich courting her does not disgust her as it once would have; instead, it makes her naturally self-conscious and fidgety.

Furthermore, it’s important to note how much of Friedrich’s tender masculinity aligns with Jo’s values about character. When Jo first notices Friedrich in the boarding house, he carries a “heavy hod of coal” all the way up the stairs for the servant girl and leaves with “a kind nod.” Jo likes such things and agrees with her father that such “trifles show character.” He leaves a good first impression on Jo; it also shows sincerity of character because he doesn’t know that she is observing him. At first she is perplexed why people admire Friedrich because he is “neither young nor handsome,” neither “fascinating [nor] brilliant,” and yet he is as attractive as “a genial fire” and people seem to “gather around him as naturally as about a warm hearth.” She concludes that it is his charisma, positivity, and good nature, not the superficiality of his looks or wealth.

Jo is reflective about society’s restrictions on her individualism and Friedrich is a natural companion because he represents the mentor figure who encourages her to think more deeply about her views. Friedrich’s philosophical background compliments Jo’s unique sense of feminist individuality. She greatly admires intellect and is proud to know that he was an “honored Professor in Berlin.” She observes that his “homely, hard-working life” beautifies the “poor language [master’s]” character much more in her eyes because he never speaks of his former esteemed life. Additionally, their shared sense of intellectual curiosity is illustrated during a moment on New Year’s Eve, when he gifts her Shakespeare’s works to study characters. She admits that “she never knew how much there was in Shakespeare before, but then again she never had [someone] to explain it to her.” One interpretation of this small moment is that it illustrates how much Jo has yet to discover about storytelling.

Moreover, she is entranced by Friedrich’s speech at the philosophical symposium as he defends religion and blazes with “honest indignation” and an eloquence that makes his “broken English musical and his plain face beautiful.” As he finishes his speech, she feels as if she has “solid ground under her feet again.” Jo not only agrees with Friedrich’s philosophical views, but is captivated by his delivery as well. It is a moment that coincides with her strong belief in individualism; she too wants to speak at this debate, but instead Friedrich gets the courage to do so and he speaks to her soul. Moreover, Friedrich reveals his strong distaste for sensationalist literature because he believes it sets a poor precedent for young people. Although he has a suspicion that Jo writes in her free time, he doesn’t know that Jo writes sensationalist literature or that she herself is uncomfortable about it. She doesn’t tell anyone about it for a long time. In order to publish her work, she is required to cut her sensationalist writing to one-third its original length. It receives mixed reviews after publication and she is generally jaded by the experience; she regrets not publishing the novel in its entirety. Jo is persuaded by Friedrich’s opinion on sensationalist literature and decides to stop writing pieces for the newspaper in pursuit of more principled stories. Soon after, she discovers that her passions lie with writing literature rooted in realism. There are some who would argue that Friedrich is patronizing here, but Jo also feels the same way and she discovers that she has more to offer the world than outlandish tales with no moral themes precisely through her interaction with him. Her efforts writing such stories are soulless and provide little personal meaning in her life and Friedrich’s strong opinions help her overcome her thankless endeavors.

Friedrich’s version of courting Jo is characterized by level-headed steadiness because he is unaware of her emotional and physical availability. Initially, he is suspicious that Jo and Laurie are more than friends when she wishes to introduce them. That night, he searches about the room “as if in search of something he [can] not find,” but he is still there to see her off at the train station the next morning. Although he likes Jo at this point, he does not act impulsively on his feelings because he is not sure about her feelings or her relationship with Laurie. Moreover, when he visits the March family after he realizes that something is amiss through Jo’s writing, he has a misconception that Jo and Laurie are a couple and “a shadow [passes] across his face” as he looks towards them. Friedrich’s realization is painful but he somehow manages to hide it and behaves amicably towards Jo and her family, which illustrates maturity and self-control. Additionally, he is confused by Jo’s “contradictions of voice, face, and manner” and her “half a dozen different moods” when he tells her that he is moving west. He doesn’t understand if she likes him or not and it’s only when she reveals her feelings that he also confesses he “waited to be sure if [she] was something more than a friend.” Jo confronts him about why he didn’t propose sooner, so he tells her that he thought she was betrothed to her friend, but he also wanted to have enough money to offer her a comfortable living. Friedrich’s courtship of Jo March is slow, steady, cautious, and level-headed. Due to his observant and compassionate nature, he is able to extrapolate Jo’s aversion to romantic pursuits and thus he approaches her mindfully with his own reservations.

Jo’s friendship and eventual romantic dynamic with Friedrich illustrates a relationship of equals in which she is able to fulfill her intellectual ambitions and overcome her fears about love and companionship. Their dynamic is set from their first interaction in which she unconventionally travels to New York alone as an unmarried woman. He then has a suspicion that she writes in her spare time and inspires her growth as a writer of passion instead of profit. Jo is captivated by the intellectual charm of such a man who delivers impassioned philosophical speeches at symposiums, who lives with integrity as a poor scholar in a foreign land, and has a unique charisma that attracts others to his presence. In return, Friedrich doesn’t expect anything to become of their friendship, even when he thinks Jo and Laurie are not a couple or when he’s confused by her contradictory range of emotions after he tells her that he’s leaving New England. And, neither does he feel threatened by her unique sense of ambition at a time when men’s ambitions are taken more seriously. He courts her like a patient and observant gentleman awaiting the final verdict about a woman’s romantic feelings, as if he is afraid to impulsively ruin a dearest friendship.

Friedrich Bhaer is no romantic, but neither is Jo. He is not one for passionate phrases about love, but Jo wouldn’t be impressed by such a companion. He has little wealth, yet Jo has lived her whole life in poverty so she is used to hard work. With the professor, Jo is able to live a life dedicated to her ambitions, where the social constructs of marital life need not necessarily apply, while also conquering her fears about love –that it doesn’t necessarily have to be about an unequal dynamic where the woman succumbs to a meaningless life of pure domesticity. Her dynamic with Friedrich is about being with someone who treats her as his intellectual equal, a kindred connection with someone outside of the loving but splintering family she was afraid to leave many years ago. In other words, it's hard to imagine a free-spirited woman like Jo, who has lived her whole life in the seclusion of her hometown with the safety and security of her family, not being captivated by an intellectually forward-thinking mentor type figure like Friedrich Bhaer. It is fitting that a woman so radical for her day forms a companionship with a charming, progressive intellectual.

Friedrich is Laurie’s foil in both his life experiences and characteristics. Laurie is an extroverted, wealthy socialite who has the privilege of pursuing intellectual interests, but would rather spend his time pursuing other things. He is impulsive and persistent in his pursuit of Jo. On the other hand, Friedrich is the poor scholarly professor in a foreign country who is soft-spoken and charming. He spends his time pursuing intellectual hobbies like attending philosophical symposiums. Both characters represent different aspects of Jo’s personality. Laurie represents her naiveté; he embodies her past and her too comfortable homely life. In contrast, Friedrich represents Jo’s growth into womanhood and a life away from the luxury of her comfortable home where she undergoes a feminist awakening about the kind of writer she can be. Her time with Friedrich also represents the challenges she is forced to confront regarding her own perspectives about the world and how she doesn’t necessarily have to forego love to life a fulfilled life. She can have both her intellectual ambitions and a companion who understands her.

Many have suggested that Laurie is a better companion for Jo. For example, some suggest that Jo and Laurie are good friends, have good chemistry, and know each other well. He wouldn’t constrict Jo’s ambitions, and therefore he would make a good life partner for her. While this is true, having good chemistry doesn’t necessarily translate to a successful romantic partnership. There are many people who we have good chemistry with in our lives, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they would be great life companions. Although they know each other well, Laurie doesn’t completely internalize Jo’s unromantic, stoic personality; he reveals this when he complains that she “won’t give anyone a chance” and “doesn’t show the soft side of [her] character.” He is needy for attention and love while Jo is more of an independent, free-spirited person who wouldn’t be able to provide that kind of love for him. Furthermore, just because he wouldn’t inhibit her ambitions, doesn’t mean that her ambitions wouldn’t be thwarted by marrying him and fulfilling her marital duties in wealthy society.

Another perspective is that Jo would have been better off single because she is a strong, independent woman and Friedrich was simply shoved in so Alcott could fulfill a romantic subplot. Although being single is what Alcott preferred for Jo, it contradicts Jo’s characterization in the novel. Jo is strong-willed, independent, and extremely ambitious and while all these things are great reasons for her to have a fulfilled life without the construct of marriage tying her down, she is also extremely averse to love and marriage because she fears the loneliness that it brings. She’s seen what these institutions do to her family -- they break it apart and it can never be completely repaired again because all of the fragments (the married sisters) are in different places (their married homes). By the end of the novel, Jo’s reality is one of loneliness and isolation -- the very things she feared all along. The inevitable happens. Moreover, Jo is in search of a belonging where she is able to be herself completely, but not feel the burden of societal normativity upon her shoulders. With Friedrich, she gets the best of both worlds -- she is able to pursue her intellectual passions as a writer because he is also passionate about philosophical ideas, they share similar world views about individualism, and she gets to have him as a friend, lover, and companion.

Alcott didn’t focus much on Jo and Friedrich’s dynamic, but she also didn’t focus much on the romantic stories of the other sisters as well. Romance was always going to take a back seat to the strong themes about family and womanhood presented in the novel, but it’s disingenuous to claim that because Alcott was required to pair Jo off with someone at the end, she decided to simply insert Friedrich as a subplot device and thus their relationship is random and forced. Regardless of whether or not one believes that Alcott succeeded in illustrating a believable romantic storyline, she did create a distinct character who compliments the unconventional heroine in many of the subversive ways a unique dynamic like Jo and Friedrich could have been depicted. She addresses Jo’s ambitions, her fears, her indifference to marrying for wealth or power, and her deep sense of intellectual curiosity -- in other words, it’s hard to imagine how such a radical character like Jo (for the times that she represents) could have ended up with anyone other than an intellectual type, someone who could continuously challenge and inspire her (as Friedrich does with her sensationalist writing, which inspires her to find where her passion lies). By introducing Friedrich’s character, Alcott wanted to make a bold statement and subvert societal expectations about what a potential romantic interest could look like. Therefore, it’s quite possible that she spent more time crafting his character. In fact, she seems to have thought about the character quite purposefully and thoughtfully.

Although Alcott didn’t intend for Jo to be paired off at the end of Little Women, it’s unlikely that she would half-heartedly insert a romantic interest in order to fulfill a requirement. By making Friedrich Bhaer a counter stereotypical character, one who subverts conventional stereotypes about masculinity, she was very intentional in the kind of lesson she wanted to impart about social class, intellectualism, unconventional romances, and a relationship founded on equality. Jo’s dynamic with him represents the subversion of societal norms; they are intellectual equals. With Friedrich, she remains an ambitious, impassioned individual with greater clarity about how to focus her passion for writing. On the other hand, Laurie represents Jo’s innocence and comfortable family life. They are two stubborn and alike individuals who seek a belonging in each other – Laurie seeks her feminine presence while Jo wants to live vicariously through Laurie’s masculine energy. Alcott never married, but she created a romantic interest who understood Jo while many others stood by shell shocked. It’s through Friedrich Bhaer that Alcott revealed a part of herself and her ideals.

**A special thanks to @fairychamber for the thought-provoking discussions and review of this piece.**

Sources

“Alcott: Not the ‘Little Woman’ You Thought She Was.” NPR: Morning Edition. 29 Dec. 2009.

Alcott, Louisa May. Little Women. DigiReads Publishing, 2015.

*Azelina. “Louisa May Alcott’s ‘Moods’ and Transcendentalism.” Wordpress. 2012.

Brewton, Vince. “Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882).” Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy.

*Campbell, G. Jacqueline. “Gender & The Civil War.” Essential Civil War Curriculum.

Hartman, W. Dorothy. “Lives of Women.” Conner Prairie.

Rogers, Olivia. “Louisa May Alcott’s Transcendentalism.” Live Ideas Journal. 19 Mar 2019.

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werevulvi · 4 years

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This is not a coming out post or a declaration of new labels in any way, shape or form what so ever. This is merely me venting new thoughts and trying to detangle my feelings. I'm just experimenting around, alright.

I took a break from venting to my partner about my endless gender anxieties and instead turned to an online friend for advice on my situation, because he was open to hear about it, and asked me about my wish to go back on testosterone. This barely adult trans guy who's 10 years younger than myself, only been on testosterone for about a year and fairly recently had top surgery, has become a little bit of a mentor for me... ironically. As just a couple of years ago, I was a bit of a mentor for him as an inspirational "trans elder."

Is it right that I unload my deep, heavy inner struggles on him for advice about transition/detransition stuff? Debatable, but I'm pretty sure I have good influences on this kid, as he has matured and wised up vastly for the past couple of years that we've been friends. And yes, he's totally fine with my "terfy" gender critical, radfem opinions, despite being a transmed/truscum himself. We usually get along just fine, despite our different views. He looks up to me.

So, for whatever it's worth, I really value my friendship with him and I have a lot of respect for him.

So, anyhow. I had a chat with him yesterday, in which he kindly tried to substitute for my absolutely useless therapists. Much appreciated. And it helped me to get a new, fresh perspective on it that sparked a lot of new ideas and feelings within me. Even as a gender critical person, I think it's important to not narrow my mind down to only listening to that one world view. If I'd do that, I'd be no better than the hive-minded TRA's, okay.

What's so fresh about his world view is that he doesn't believe in nonbinary, because he understands that the only sexes that exist are male and female, and that intersex is not a third sex, and otherwise has the quite typical transmedicalist view of gender identity being connected to dysphoria and that that's something trans people are born with, alright. Furthermore, he accepts that he's bio female and always gonna be that way, but just feels better living as a man and passing as male.

So he would never shove the nonbinary label down my throat, like almost everyone else has (including my quack of a gender therapist who literally spews fake-science), and he understand that I really have dysphoria when I describe it to him, despite having mostly thought of me as "a regular cis woman deep down." He understands that my traumas fucked with my perception of gender, takes my autism and BPD into account (he's also autistic and his sister has BPD); but is also quite open to the idea of atypical dysphoria in binary trans people, and that trans men don't have to be masculine, etc. He's also totally fine with my sex-based views on sexual orientation, but regards his own sexual orientation as gender-based. So his perspective differs slightly from my own perspective, but we do have a lot of views on trans stuff in common, and are both respectful of each other's differing views.

That should be the necessary background info about him, I believe. So like... he's not like the harmful TRA's on twitter, even though he has shitty views on bisexuals (yes, that was him in my previous, angry post about bisexuals, lol. We got over that.)

What he suggested to me was basically (my rough translation of a snippet from what he said, what stood out to me the most): "Why not be openly FtM? Accept your female traits (then I mean body and terms like lesbian and that too) but put yourself in a male identity? It sounds kinda like that is what fits the best in your situation when the only thing you have dysphoria over is just what's socially male traits och not the directly bodily." It hit me hard because I had never seen it that way before. It opened up a new posibility, and that's really all I'm saying here. It's a posibility, and I want to explore it. Just telling me that I can be FtM if I just feel like it was not what I needed to hear. I discarded that from others in the past, claiming such an assertion to be silly and illogical. I miss my breasts, I regret my top surgery, I love my female body and I'm proudly a lesbian - I cannot possibly be a trans man because I don't have enough dysphoria for it! -I kept thinking.

But then... when I was instead told that I could be FtM based on that I actually want to and like passing as male, and that I can actually totally be a hyper-feminine, lesbian trans guy who is fine with his female body underneath the clothed surface... THAT lit a light in me. So, why I had been repeatedly discarding the option to be a feminine trans man in the past, wasn't because I genuinely thought it was a dumb idea, but because I didn't believe it could even be an actual option, based on my dysphoria being so... female friendly. Now... I feel like it could be an actual option.

I mean I have healed... A LOT. I've healed my connection to being female a lot. I've even accepted and embraced that I'm a lesbian. I made most of my dysphoria go away. Those are HUGE things that should absolutely not be flushed down the drain. But fact is I'm still dysphoric and without really having seen it that way before, I have been presenting as a feminine/gnc male quite a lot throughout my detransing, and that's what I'm the most comfortable with. I've stated it many times: That I love looking like a gnc man. Being a "male-passing bearded woman" oooh sounds like a trans guy to me?! Well, could be. I've felt consistently uncomfortable trying to pass as female, and my dysphoria has gotten worse the longer I've been off testosterone. Quitting voice training and saving out my beard again felt like two huge reliefs; to embrace my beloved T traits and accept that I cannot possibly hate them.

They are mine, they feel intrinsic and crucial to my body and I want them to stay. Now I'm hassling with my gender clinic to get back on testosterone again. I am going to. If at all possible.

I feel a sense of relief, but also defeat, at the thought of going back to my old label as a trans man. However, it wouldn't be the same as it was back then. I'm a proud lesbian now, I have enough pussy power to empower a whole nation of insecure women, I'm fine with being considered a woman based strictly on my biology, I've healed my connection to my female sex. I feel like a completely different person compared to the miserable, self-hating trans man I was prior to mid 2018, and I would never go back to being that sorta trans man again... but I'm contemplating the posibility of being a lesbian, openly female, gender critical trans man. Because as my friend said: why not? Let's address gender identity quickly: Would I then identify as a man? No, not really. If so, I'd wear the label trans man or FtM in the sense of being a dysphoric female who's happily transitioned, (hopefully) back on testosterone, happily male-passing and living as sort of a man socially. Then I mean living as a man in the sense of deliberately passing as male, going by male terms/pronouns (except from labeling myself lesbian and being fine with using female terms on occasion, depending on the context) but not actually identifying as any sorta gender in particular. Then why calling myself a man at all? Well... because I look like one and I love looking like one. People cannot see or hear in my voice that I'm actually female, and they don't need to know that, except from when they actually do need to know that. I want to be open about my sex being female but I feel like maaaaybe I'm not actually comfortable with calling myself a woman. At least not like 500 times a day. Because personal comfort is more important than politics. Repeat that after me.

This does however, unfortunately but of course, make me re-think my wish got get breast implants. Do I regret my top surgery? Yes. Do I miss having boobs? Yes. But it's hard as hell to present male with obvious boobs that I'd be unable to bind. Both because the implants would likely damage my internal tissues badly if I kept them pressed down like that, and because I've already whacked my ribs from previous binding pre-op. It would be way too dangerous for both those reasons. I can't help that the thought of being a trans man with silicone boobs, after top surgery, sounds insane to me... but I'm trying to look beyond that and focus on what I want for myself and what matters to me personally. If I actuallly, truly, madly, deeply, want new boobs for myself and my private personal life because I think that would improve my connection to my chest... then I should do that regardless of how insane it may seem... because of the label I'm slapping onto my ass.

The questions spinning in my head, about my chest, are:

Can I live with it?

Can I accept that I made a mistake to have top surgery, but move on with my life with how things became?

Would it be easier to become fine with it if I reclaim my former male identity, or just another escape?

Was my wish to get new breasts only connected to my identity as a woman?

Would I be able to let go of my grief and regret, and find the silver lining of having a flat chest, as a self-loving and self-caring, openly FtM person, while presenting as male?

Could I allow myself to enjoy going out bare-chested in public and enjoy the summer breeze, or pool water, directly caressing my skin, if I'd embrace that I actually enjoy looking like and living as a man who is actually female?

If I willingly and wantingly present as male, not just skipping trying to pass as female out of convenience, but embracing my male-passability as a positive thing that I actually enjoy; would that also make me comfortable, or at least okay with, not having breasts?

I need to think through all of those questions. I'll soon have my consultation for breast reconstruction. Fuck. I need another summer to explore and experiment with being flat-chested and how I really, really feel about it. My god, why is this so hard?! (breathe... relax... it’ll be alright.) Yes, I have healed my connection to my femaleness, but was that ever equal to me being happy with living as a woman? Perhaps I went too far with it to actually detransition, when there was an in-between option all along, that I just glossed over and discarded without even entertaining the thought. Perhaps the middle ground that I need to be, is not nonbinary... but a lesbian, openly female trans man? I need to experiment and explore this new-old option which I feel just opened up before me. I'm freeing my aching chest from the heavy breast forms and tight bras, even trying out packing my underwear again (I kept my small "Pierre" packer (uncut version) which is perfect for when wearing skirts, as it barely shows any bulge at all... because boner+skirt is just a really bad look alright), while still wearing my usual feminine style. I'm vaguely considering going swimming in just bottoms again (whether panties or shorts). I'm playing with the rare, male name Saphir in my mind as an alternative to my similar-sounding birth name Sara (which I currently go by, officially), and asking myself gently how I would feel about going by he/him pronouns and male terms again; just to play around and feel things out.

So far... it feels pretty fucking good. But it's only been one day and that's not a lot to go on. I need to give this a hell of a lot more time. I am not done yet. I'm merely starting, again. I only wanted to vent these thoughts and feelings while they're still fresh in my mind. So please excuse the mess, I'm still under construction and it's unfortunately taking a little longer than expected. Thank you for your waning patience.

#detrans female #ftm #gender critical #ftmtf...tm?#just exploring the idea thats all #transition #testosterone #chest issues #labels schlabels #lesbian #dysphoria

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kaibutsushidousha · 5 years

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Can you give your opinion/theories on Kimi ga Shine? At least on each character?

Sorry for not having much on the theories department, but here are the character opinions.

Hoemy is between Kai and Jou. Noel is between Kanna and Mishima. Hannaky is last. Gashuu is not anywhere yet since he was barely introduced.

Sara is a nice protagonist. She’s kinda basic but enjoyable, with her “samurai girl” style giving her a good bit of personality. Not only that, but she’s also pretty involved in the plot, both in her relationships with Jou and Kai in chapter 1 and with the whole mystery surrounding her father later on. Chapter 2′s Phantom Density mechanic is also a great addition to her character, showing the events of the game are having a deep effect in her. Jou sure has a priority there but it’s nice how she includes every dead character among her Phantoms, including Mishima, whose death had nothing to do with her. It’s a great way to show her “take charge, take responsibility” personality.

As for theories, I don’t have anything solid yet. The best I have is that her father is secretly a yakuza, and was involved in the past mafia death games mentioned by Keiji and Noel. The enemy mafia that they compete against obviously being Kai’s family, aka the kidnappers.

Like Sara, Jou is also very simple but very effective. He is just a friend and the writting is very in making him feel like a friend. He was pretty fun while he lasted and had some excellent moments in his attempts to protect Sara. Honestly, he was really well utilized, both in his role as the Scapegoat is the first Main Game and as the Phantom from chapter 2 onwards. He’s more of an accessory to Sara’s character than a character on his own, but he’s good enough as that.

I also really loved the concept of his execution, with Hoemy making use of Sara’s panic and desperation to prolong his suffering.

Keiji is quite decent but not my type of character. I’m at least glad that his backstory is already taking shape this early instead of having an overdone build-up that would lead to hype backlash. His interactions with Sara are also nice for how their trust for each other fluctuates a lot depending on the situation.

As for theories, we know that he was lying about still being an cop and that he was forced to kill his fellow officer at some point. Going by the name list, it’s possible that he got his Phantoms from killing Megumi right here in the first trial, but that wouldn’t explain how he lost his job.

The Yabusames are decently enjoyable and with many interesting aspects to them. I overall enjoyed the Reko replica better than the real deal but that’s because her status as a replica immediately plays into my favorite tropes. Still, I’m very interested in learning more about them and I really wasn’t expecting Alice to go down when he did.

There’s still a lot to learn about him, like the details of Alice’s crime and their unique relationship with gender but thankfully we still got Reko there to explain everything when the time comes.

(In case I haven’t properly explained the gender thing in the threads: Reko normally uses a regular feminine speech pattern but whenever she loses composure she quickly switch to an overly masculine speech pattern, sometimes correcting herself to the her usual form when she catches it. Conversely, Alice normally speaks with a masculine speech but switches to an overly feminine one whenever he loses composure. His name being Alice is also curious in this regard. That said, even in the moments were he’s talking the most femininely, he still says “I am Reko’s brother”, so I really don’t know what’s what.)

My opinion on Sou remains the same as when I was previously asked, but I definitely enjoying him a little more now that I know that a big part of his thing is that he is hopelessly conviced that Sara is evil.

As for theories, I don’t have much going on. Judging from the inconsistency in the name list and the fact Alice’s victim was named Sou Hiyori, I presume his real name is not Sou but Tsukimi. He can’t be the real Sou because Alice recognized the name but not the face, but if he chose that name, he must have had a connection to the real Sou, and consequently to the Yabusames. Why is he using Sou’s name and what does he plan to accomplish with his game strategize are still big question marks so far.

Nao is… really not interesting. I see her getting her moments showcasing her will to get braver and her well-paced progress getting there, but I haven’t gotten any reactions out of any scene aside from an apathetic “eh, that’s neat, I guess”.

That said about Nao, I really loved Mishima. His character was kinda one-note with his “gag” that he looks creepy as hell with his Komaeda face, Shinguuji way of talking and bizarre body language but is actually the nicest teacher ever, but his send-off was a very effective way of establishing the majority rules game (but practically and emotionally) and it had a great message there with the group losing its kindest member for judging a book by its cover.

Qtarou hasn’t had enough focus yet but he was a character taken in interesting directions, especially in chapter 2. I like all how he was consistently worried about Kai and interesting in finding out his true intentions (or at least proving he’s not evil) because his life in the orphanage lead him to be able to notice the loneliness of other people unloved by their parents. His orphanage story was also introduced very interestingly by the issue of his absurd accent.

The chapter 2 bad end was also a fascinating thing do with his character and really made his moments saving Gin in the end of the half-chapter much sweeter. He doesn’t seem too involved with the larger plot aside from his interest in Kai, so I assume we will get all of his best moments in game role interactions like these.

Gin is a sweet kid and his brother-sister relationship with Sara is really cute, but his focus in chapter 2 really showed there’s not really much to his character. Zero expectations for him going forward.

On the other hand, Kanna has been consistently all around excellent ever since the Chapter 1 Main Game started. Like Gin, she already has a full backstory that makes her quite unrelated to the larger plot but she makes up for it by being a quite active and competent player in the death game. Her partnership with Sou is being one of the biggest highlights of the story.

Still think she loves Kugie way more than she deserves though.

Kai was my favorite character so far. Chapter 1 presented him as an evil stalker and one of the kidnappers but with visibly a lot more to him, as evidenced by his angry attack on Hoemy when Mishima died and his last moments. He died by slicing himself before he could be executed and talking about how “small acts of resistance will ultimately lead to something bigger”, motivating the group (and mainly Sara) to do everything they can to upset the kidnappers and the game at every opportunity.

Chapter 2 connects all the dots by revealing Kai as someone saved Sara’s father and very dedicated to protect the Chidouins from the shadows. His e-mails are cleverly recontextualized into him being a double agent contating both the Chidouin yakuza and the kidnappers, stated to be an enemy yakuza led by his father. And than he is found out by said father and thrown into the game. And then the half-chapter ends with a seemingly high ranked kidnapper with the same family name as him, so it’s safe to assume Gashuu is Kai’s father and we’ll learn more about Kai through him. I’m looking forward to it.

The dolls so far have been the most fun thing in the game, aside from Hannaky. Hoemy and Noel managed to be impressively hammy in an unvoiced game, which sure is an amazing feat. I loved then enough just for their doll role, and to top it off, Noel managed to have a strong and genuine emotional moment I wouldn’t expect from the dolls. I hope their quality level stays like this.

#kimi ga shine #sara chidouin #jou tazuna #keiji shinogi #reko yabusame #alice yabusame #sou hiyori #nao egokoro #kazumi mishima #qtarou burgerburg #gin ibushi #kanna kizuchi #kugie kizuchi #kai satou #hoemy the smiling doll #hannaky the crying doll #toto noel the disguising doll #gashuu satou

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