#then we met up on campus and got starbucks and sat outside the library and talked
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#okay besties it’s time for an insane personal post#so i downloaded a dating app bc i was bored and i didn’t actually expect to meet anyone but then i did meet this guy that i actually liked#and we’d been talking consistently every day for like a week#then we met up on campus and got starbucks and sat outside the library and talked#and then i sat in his lap and we made out for a while but that’s not important#anyway. everything seemed to have gone fine like there was no indication he wasn’t equally enjoying himseld#he made references to us seeing each other again in the future#and he’d even said ‘i don’t ghost people even if we don’t work out i’d still want us to be friends’#so then i get home after we’ve spent like an hour making out#and he’s blocked me#now. the question here besties is that i know where i can find him#i know where his class will be tomorrow and when so i could in theory wait outside the classroom until he shows up and demand an explanatio#im aware this is insane. like i know i sound absolutely nuts#however i am tired of being nice and i would like to go apeshit#i’ve had it with guys who do this and also he’s fully aware that i live my life in the science building where his class will be#he did this knowing there’s a very high chance he will run into me#so like. so what if i make him run into me on purpose#i want to smash his kneecaps is that so wrong#sam speaks
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Happy New Year! Here is my Secret Santa gift for @ubilupus! I hope you enjoy!
Summary: Alice Brandon has a massive crush on law student Jasper Whitlock. The only problem? She’s never actually spoken to him out loud. AH/AU
Title: Apricity
Words: 3,450
Rating: G/K+
Read on: AO3 or FFN
The snow fell in feather-light flakes in the crisp winter air. Alice chewed her lip as she gazed at the historic building across the street, almost mystical in the snowfall. She walked back and forth by the bus stop, hesitating to cross the street. A dark blue bus pulled up to the stop, its sign flashing yellow. Several students descended and the driver waited to see if Alice would board. She shook her head, shaking flakes out of her pixie-cut. The driver shrugged, closed the door, and drove off.
“What are you doing?”
Alice jumped at the voice. Sharp yet sweet, like a slice of key lime pie, with just a hint of caramel smoothness. She turned and plastered a huge smile on her face.
“Oh, hey, Rosalie!”
Rosalie Hale was one of Alice’s closest friends. The two had met freshman year signing up to assist with one of the many student theatre groups on campus. Rosalie, a Business major, wanted to get involved in marketing and Alice, who was studying Art and Design, was interested in assisting with designing posters or helping to paint sets.
“Don’t ‘hey, Rosalie,” me,” Rosalie retorted. “This is the third time this week I’ve caught you loitering out by the Law Quad.”
“Is it?”
“C’mon, Alice, something’s going on with you. And don’t just say you’re trying to plan out where to take grad photos because I know it’s something more than that.”
Alice quickly shut her mouth. That had been the excuse she was about to give. Everyone knew the Law Quad was in high demand for graduating seniors. In a few months, once the majority of winter was behind them and the temperature rose above freezing, Alice knew there’d be people crowding for the perfect cap and gown shot.
But that wasn’t the reason she’d spent more hours than she could count recently, wrapped up in her warmest--yet still fashionable--winter clothes and staring longingly at the gray stone arches. Alice heaved a sigh, her breath forming a tiny cloud in the wintry air.
“Okay. Fine. C’mon.”
Alice adjusted the strap of her cross-body bag and swung her scarf over her shoulder before leading Rosalie across the street. The two of them wandered into the Law Quad, looking more like Hogwarts at Christmas than it had any right to. Snow dusted the tops of the stone towers and turrets and coated the rooftops. Icicles hung from the mature trees like crystals. Students meandered through the Quad, ducking in and out of the grand arches, crossing pathways lined by Victorian-style street lamps. When they reached the door to the Law Library, Alice hesitated.
“Just don’t get me kicked out, okay?” The Law Library was notorious for having a strict no-talking policy.
“I won’t make a peep,” Rosalie said, her ruby lips curling into an intrigued grin.
They walked into the Reading Room, and no matter how many times Alice stepped foot inside there, she was always struck by its grandiose beauty and ambiance. The room was large and open, with a 10 story ceiling surrounded by beautiful stained glass windows bearing the seals of great universities around the world. The ceiling itself was intricately designed with squares of floral-like designs sculpted in gold. The Reading Room was illuminated with soft light from elegant two-tiered chandeliers, stylized to look like candles. Wooden shelves filled with legal books lined the long hall, interspersed with elaborate doorways and stonework. With finals fast approaching, students from all across campus crowded the oversized tables with curved reading lights, their books and notes stacked high. Anxious, academic energy crackled in the air. Alice walked down the aisle, Rosalie trailing at her side, until she came upon the third table from the back on the left. There, like he had been every day this week, sat a god.
A golden-haired young man with storm cloud eyes. Sculpted cheekbones and lips that Alice just knew were soft and kissable. A few strands of curly blond hair fell in front of his face as he pored over a thick tome, and the man pushed them out of his way with a flick of his long fingers. He was dressed in a knitted black sweater that complemented his tanned skin and accentuated his lean figure. His long legs were stretched out in front of him, crossed at the ankles.
Alice delicately pulled out the chair across from him, and slid into it as silently as she could manage. As she sat down, the man looked up from his book. His face lit up, eyes sparkling and lips stretching into a heart-stopping smile. Alice’s heart fluttered, and she returned his smile with an uncharacteristically shy grin. She opened up her bag and pulled out the textbook she kept in there for this exact purpose. She flipped through the pages until she came across the midnight blue bookmark denoting the last chapter she’d attempted to slog through. But before she could even attempt to read the first sentence, a crumpled piece of paper landed in front of her. Alice opened the note with excited fingers, her eyes eager for the words scrawled inside.
Art history again?
Alice’s mouth twitched. She scribbled a response on the paper, folded it up neatly, and passed it back across the table.
Yeah. My last final. I’ve been really slacking on the reading.
Maybe you know more than you think. You’ve been reading that book every time you’ve been in here.
Alice bit her lip. Had she done that? She’d meant to rotate her books, her excuses to be in his presence.
I keep getting distracted by the architecture. It’s just so beautiful in here.
It is. But if it keeps pulling your focus away from your studying, maybe you should try one of the less decorated spots on campus. Like Starbucks.
He shot her a smirk as he watched her read his words.
Never. I like the view here too much.
Me too.
Rosalie surreptitiously watched the exchange from a table across the aisle, quirking an eyebrow when Alice flushed scarlet and covered her mouth to hold in a giggle. She narrowed her eyes further as the note passing spanned a whole page. Then a second. Then a third. She didn’t think either of the two had touched their books in a while. Pursing her lips, Rosalie rose to her feet and sauntered back over to Alice’s table. Alice didn’t even notice her approach, she was too engrossed in whatever she was writing. Rosalie tapped her on the shoulder and crossed her arms. Alice gave her a sheepish grin, hurriedly wrote one final message, and passed the note to the blond-haired guy. He glanced it over, and the good-natured smile seemingly glued to his face fell ever so slightly. He gave Alice a wave as she stood, returned her book to her bag, and hoisted it over her shoulder. Alice returned his wave with her own, then tripped over her feet as Rosalie grabbed her by the elbow and dragged her to the exit.
As soon as they were back outside, Rosalie spun on Alice.
“Okay, spill. Who was that guy?”
Alice’s voice took on a dreamy tone. “Jasper Whitlock, first year law student. He’s originally from Texas and he went to Rice, majored in Political Science and History. He’s got a younger brother who’s studying Engineering at Rice now, and a little sister who’s in her senior year of high school. He likes horseback riding, Mexican food, and horror movies.”
“Wow, Alice, did you stalk the guy?”
A rosy blush colored Alice’s cheeks. “No. We passed notes. And then I Facebook stalked him.”
Rosalie snorted. “You’re crushing on him hard.”
“Except I haven’t said a word to him!” Alice cried, dragging her hands over her face. “I came to the Law Library to sketch last week--you know how I feel about Gothic architecture--and he was just there! Sitting at that table all gorgeous and studious. I don’t know how I worked up the nerve to pass him that first note, I swear my hands were shaking the whole time. But I’ve never actually spoken with him, like, words out loud, you know?”
“And he’s never tried to follow you out of the library to actually speak with you?”
“Nope.”
“Hm. He loses a few points for that. But maybe he’s just shy.”
“How could anyone that looks like that be shy? He probably just doesn’t like me.”
“Oh, he likes you, Alice. Trust me.”
“You don’t know that.” Alice whined.
“Did you not see the look he gave you? Like you were the sun and he was a mere flower. He bloomed in your presence. And practically wilted when you left.”
“I don’t know, Rose...”
Rosalie spun on her heels to stop and face Alice. She reached down to place her perfectly manicured hands atop Alice’s shoulders.
“Alright. Here’s what we’re gonna do. Tomorrow, we’re gonna dress you up and make you look so goddamn gorgeous, that he’ll follow you outta there like a little lovesick puppy.”
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Early the next morning--earlier than Alice would’ve liked--Rosalie was in her apartment, clucking her tongue as she parsed through Alice’s wardrobe. Alice sat on the edge of her bed, rubbing sleep out of her eyes. Rosalie had roped their friend Bella into the scheme, and the brunette was sitting next to Alice, almost as tired as she was, her head falling onto Alice’s shoulder every now and then.
“You owe me Starbucks for this,” Bella mumbled.
“Yeah, Rose,” Alice agreed. “Jasper doesn’t usually make it into the Law Library until after 11.”
“Which means we only have four hours to get you looking jaw-droppingly sexy,” answered Rosalie. She picked out a black dress that was way too short given the current temperatures, shook her head, and returned it to the closet.
“At least she’s keeping in mind the weather,” Bella muttered under her breath.
Bella was the most practical out of the three girls. She and Alice had met in their first year English class and had become fast friends. It had taken some time for Bella and Rosalie to warm up to each other--Bella had a knee-jerk response to anyone involved in a sorority. But after Rosalie had chewed out a sleaze-ball who’d attempted to run his hand up Bella’s skirt while the three were out dancing one night, the two had forged a tight bond.
“Okay, how about this,” said Rosalie as she held up two hangers. In one hand was a black pencil skirt. In the other was a silk purple blouse with a deep V-neck. It was long-sleeved with bunching at the wrist. “Some tights, your black pumps and--”
“I’ll look like a librarian,”
“A sexy librarian,” Rosalie corrected, but she returned the items to the closet.
“We’re trying to get this Jasper’s attention, right?” asked Bella.
Alice nodded.
“Well then, what do we know about him? What does he like?”
“Ooh, good idea Bella. Alice, has Jasper ever looked at you more than usual or in a different way? And what were you wearing when he did?”
“Um, not that I can remember...”
“Does he have a favorite color?” Bella offered.
Alice straightened, like a jolt of electricity had run through her body. Her eyes sparkled and she grinned with exuberance. She hopped off the bed and rushed over to her closet, pushing aside dresses and sweaters with ferocity until she found what she was looking for. She pulled the emerald green sweater dress out of the closet and held it out in front of her proudly. Though unassuming on the hanger, it clung to her body like a second skin. It had a scooped neckline, which artfully showed off her delicate collarbones, and an intricate knitted design.
“Green,” she said with a joyful smile.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Girls, I don’t know if I can do this,” said Alice, clutching the front of her black peacoat with white knuckles.
“Alice, you look beautiful,” Rosalie assured her.
“Yeah, it’s going to be fine! You’ve got this!” Bella encouraged.
Once the emerald dress had been decided upon, Alice had spent the next few hours under Rosalie’s direct care. She’d picked out a pair of black leggings, as well as a pair of black booties, plus the black peacoat with silver buttons to complete the look. Bella had chosen the knitted white beret style hat that hung loosely off the back of Alice’s head, displaying her dark hair with contrast. Alice’s hair normally stuck out in all directions, but Rosalie had coaxed the energetic strands into becoming tendrils. Rosalie was an artist with makeup, and had accentuated Alice’s features without overpowering her. Black eyeliner and mascara heightened Alice’s doe-like eyes, and the silver eyeshadow shimmered with every blink. Alice’s cheekbones were highlighted and dusted with a soft pink blush. Alice had always thought her lips were small--just like the rest of her--but Rosalie had worked her magic and now the lips, painted cherry-red, appeared pouty and full. Bella had talked Alice through exactly what she was going to say to Jasper, filling her up with self-confidence. She gave advice to Alice on how to win over Jasper with her words, not just her looks.
Now, the three of them were standing in front of the entrance to the Law Library. Alice’s knees knocked together. Rosalie and Bella were on either side of her, practically pushing her in.
“You know, I think I might be coming down with something, I’ve been standing in the cold too long, maybe I should go home and we could try this another day--”
“Uh-uh, no way!” Rosalie stopped Alice from running away and turned her right back towards the Law Library. “We did not give up valuable finals studying time for you to back out now. You are going to go in there, and you are not coming back out until you have a date!”
Rosalie shoved Alice forward, causing the shorter girl to almost trip. Alice recovered and gathered herself with a determined puff of air. She brushed a stray curl out of her eyes, rolled her shoulders back, and strode into the Law Library with as much confidence as she could muster.
As expected, Jasper was there, seated at his usual spot. He was surrounded by piles of books, and hunched over a thick notebook. He looked very focused and very hot. Alice closed her eyes, thought back on everything Rosalie and Bella had said to her that morning, and began to walk towards Jasper’s table.
He heard her approach--the clicks of her black boots echoed in the silent hall--and glanced up from his notebook. At first, he gave her his usual genteel grin, but then Alice watched his eyes widen and his lips part as he took in her appearance. Alice slowly undid the buttons of her coat, feigning nonchalance as best she could. She shrugged the coat off her shoulders, and Jasper gasped. The big reveal, Rosalie had called it.
Alice slowly sunk into the chair, smoothing her dress as she sat down. Gracefully, she extracted the small notebook and ballpoint pen she’d hidden in her coat pocket. Her heart was beating a mile a minute but she forced herself to appear calm as she placed the notebook on the table, flipped open the metallic golden cover, and began to write out the words she, Rosalie, and Bella had planned.
I’ve really enjoyed our chats over the last week, but I’d much prefer to actually speak in person. I like you a lot, Jasper, and I want to get to know you better. Grab a coffee with me?
With a final flourish of her pen, Alice tore out the sheet of paper, folded it, and tossed it over to Jasper, who hadn’t taken his eyes off of her since she sat down. The note landed in the center of his notebook.
Jasper blinked dumbly at the sound of the paper hitting his book. He glanced away from Alice and nimbly unfolded the note. He smiled as he began to read it, and Alice’s heart skipped a beat. But then an odd expression came over his face. His smile fell. His jaw dropped. His eyes became pitying, disbelieving.
Alice felt her heart sink into her stomach.
He didn’t like her.
Feeling tears well up in her eyes, Alice haphazardly threw on her coat and hastily stuffed her notebook and pen back into her pockets. Biting her lip, she ran out of the Law Library as fast as she could.
She burst out into the Quad, her face stinging in the cold. Rosalie and Bella were waiting by the door for her, but she ran past them, ignoring their perplexed faces and questioning calls. She couldn’t talk to them right now. She wanted to run back home and hide under her comforter, forgetting every foolish action she’d taken today.
“Stupid, stupid, stupid,” she muttered under her breath.
“Hey, Alice, wait!”
Alice turned as a charmingly accented voice with just a hint a twang called her name. Jasper was running after her, his unbuttoned coat flying open in the wind. Alice tried to hide her gape as she took in Jasper. She knew he was tall, but she hadn’t realized he was quite this tall. He towered over her by over a foot at least. Alice sniffed and wiped away the few tears that had fallen.
“It’s okay, Jasper, you don’t have to humor me.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I saw how you looked at me in there. It’s clear you don’t like me the way that I like you. And that’s fine! I’m fine! I--”
“Alice, what?”
“--really, you don’t need to let me down easy or anything, I got it, and--”
“Alice.” Jasper’s tone became more pleading. “I was just a little taken aback, is all. You surprised me.”
Alice’s breath caught. “I...surprised you?”
The edges of Jasper’s lips turned up. “Yeah. I’ve been working up the nerve to ask you out all week and you beat me to it.”
Alice’s mouth fell open. Her brain was a mess of white noise as she attempted to process his words
“You...you like me?”
It was Jasper’s turn to blush.
“But you never...I mean...all this time...and the way you are I...” Alice stammered.
“My apologies for not speaking up sooner. But I’ve never,” Jasper hesitated, “I’ve never felt like this before. The words we shared on those scraps of paper weren’t much, but they meant everything to me. I’ve actually been coming to the Law Library every day, hoping you’d return,” he added with a bashful grin.
Alice gave a little start. He’d been doing that, too?
“I’m not good at expressing my feelings,” Jasper continued, running his fingers through his long blond locks, “but I felt a connection with you right away. I just didn’t know how to deal with it, cause it’s been so long since I’ve felt anything close to that. I’ve had some pretty messed up relationships in the past,” he said with a sheepish shrug of his shoulders.
“I don’t understand,” said Alice. “If you felt like this, why didn’t you say anything? Why did I have to do all this,” she motioned to her outfit, “to get you to come outside with me?”
“I came outside cause I could tell I’d upset you. And that ain’t right. I only ever want to see you smile.”
Alice flushed. Jasper took a slow step closer to her. Alice was struck again by his imposing stature. He had to duck and push snowy branches out of his way to get to where Alice was standing. And yet, with the way he was gazing at her, Alice didn’t feel small at all. In fact, she felt terribly emboldened by his adoring look.
“So it’s not cause I look amazingly sexy?” Alice teased.
Jasper chuckled. “You look beautiful today, really you do. But I think you look beautiful every day.”
Alice giggled, and her cheeks turned pink with new warmth. “So about that coffee,” she said, a hint of coyness slipping into her tone.
Jasper smiled sweetly. “I’d like that, ma’am.”
He took her hand, and Alice was surprised to find how well hers fit in his. Like they were made for each other, despite the height difference. Warmth raced through her body as he interlaced their fingers and gently ran his thumb over her skin. Alice hummed contentedly, and nestled into Jasper’s side. Another perfect fit.
#jalicesecretsanta20#jalice fanfiction#jalice#my fic#twilight fanfiction#ubilupus#twilight renaissance#the twilight saga
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Roomies
You and Tom accidentally get paired as roommates, but it quickly becomes something more.
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You didn’t know what you expected when you signed up to have a random roommate because you didn’t know anyone else at the school. You were hoping you’d be friends, but you’d also heard stories of people having to change halfway through the semester because they hated each other. You hoped that wouldn’t be the case, but you were getting a bit worried when you were starting your drive up and still didn’t know who your roommate was.
You were essentially on your own – your parents were helping your other sibling move into another college a few hours away and you weren’t all that attached to things you had at home, so you packed your clothes and toiletries and saved up money to buy everything the day you got there. Was it kind of ridiculous? Yeah. But would it save you a ton of time and pain moving in? Definitely.
You noticed you were in one of the co-ed dorms when they gave you the key and the packet that had codes and information in it, but you didn’t know who your roommate was. You knew the last name was Holland, and that they were an international student, but other than that your packet didn’t help you. You got into the room and picked a side without much thought into it. You moved your furniture around a little, moving the bed up so that your dresser could fit underneath it and you had a little more space for your clothes that you’d brought.
You were almost done unpacking when you heard the lock open and a guy carrying two bags walked in. You were confused for a second, and so was he.
“Hi, I’m Tom, your last name’s Y/L/N, right?” He asked. He had a British accent, you noticed, so he was an international student after all. “I didn’t realize the rooms were co-ed.”
“Yeah,” you responded. You shook his hand, giving him a smile. “I didn’t either. I can go to housing if…”
“It’s fine with me if it’s fine with you. I have three brothers, so living with a girl would be different.” You smiled at him.
“I have two sisters, so living with a guy might be nice.”
“Is that all of your stuff?” He asked as he put his things on the bed.
“Yeah, I tried to come with as little as possible. I figured I’d run to the Target up the street later if you want to join. I hope that’s not all of yours.” He laughed.
“Actually, it is. I didn’t want to pay a fortune for airfare, so…”
“If that’s everything, we could just go now. Unless you want to go to those orientation things.” He shook his head and the two of you headed down to your car. He explained that he’d just wanted to come here for college so he could move to California after, which made sense because he was going to be an acting major. Your major was similar, so you were kind of glad for the pairing. Neither of you had expected to get a roommate of the opposite sex, but you seemed like similar people so maybe it could work.
“Okay, so if you get the fridge,” you started as you looked at the list the two of you had made in the car. “If you get the fridge, I’ll get the A/C unit. I smuggled in a TV and an Xbox, so we have those, and then we can just split the snacks if you want?”
“Sounds good to me,” he replied. You both grabbed carts and got to work, buying everything you needed, and struggled to get it all up to your room later. By that night you were both unpacked, had set up everything, and you were putting the comforter you’d bought on your bed. It was your favorite color, and it was his, too, so he got a similar one. At least your room somewhat coordinated. You were getting pictures developed to put up on the wall, which he said he didn’t mind, and that was that. You were excited that Tom was so chill. The only inconvenience was having to change in the shower stall, but it didn’t matter that much.
Every time you made friends, it turned out the both of you were involved, so you considered yourself lucky that Tom quickly became your best friend. You would go pretty much everywhere together, and since you had many of the same intro classes, you had a lot of classes together, too. You’d be lying if the thought of dating him hadn’t crossed your mind, but he was your roommate. He probably didn’t want to date you, and what would happen if you broke up? Nothing good, probably, so you let it go. You holed up during fall break and snacked on junk food and played games most of the time, you studied together, and whenever you went somewhere at night he would walk you there and back so nobody would mess with you.
You were studying in the library a couple of months later when he did the first weird-ish thing. You were absolutely freezing, but it was still hot outside, so you were wearing shorts and a t-shirt. Your leg was shaking up and down and you debated walking all the way across campus for some hot chocolate. Tom looked up from his textbook and saw you were shivering.
“I have a sweatshirt,” he said with a smile on his face. “You didn’t have to suffer.”
“I wasn’t going to ask just in case you were cold!” You said. He handed it to you anyway and you put it on over your t-shirt. It was warm and it smelled like him, which was incredibly comforting considering you were worried you would fail the exam on the material in front of you. You muttered a thank you and he just gave you a smile, starting to type on his computer again.
You decided to retire first and of course he walked you back, exchanged textbooks, and went down to the dorm’s common area to finish doing his homework. You were almost asleep by the time he came in and muttered a good night, earning a small laugh as he told you to go to sleep. It was little things like the sweater that started to add up. If you fell asleep he’d put a blanket on you. If he knew you were walking back to your car when it was dark he’d make you call him, or he’d volunteer to go get gas for you so you wouldn’t be out there alone. He would often bring you back food or drinks without you even asking, just because he’d gotten to know you so well that he knew you would never pass up an opportunity for a chicken sandwich and waffle fries.
The next time things got weird was October. It was the week before Halloween and there was a party at one of the houses off campus. Tom didn’t feel like going, so he didn’t, but he told you to keep him on standby in case you needed him. You dressed up in your slutty outfit and tried to pretend you didn’t see him checking you out, and then you left. You met up with your friends, but they soon ditched you for boys they were both seeing, so you were alone.
You started talking to this one guy, whose name you had no idea of, when Tom texted you to check in for the first time. You looked down at your phone just long enough to text him back and then grabbed your PBR, chugging the rest of it in hopes that someone had gone on another run and was back with some beer that wasn’t essentially water. It tasted weird, but you didn’t pay attention. You just kept talking to the guy.
Your vision started going slightly blurry and you tried to walk straight on the back lawn, but you couldn’t. You noticed the guy was watching you and was never too far away, and you realized when your stomach started hurting. He’d roofied you. Shit, you thought. You took out your phone, crossing your arms against your chest to hide some cleavage, and called your trusty roommate.
“Hey, how’s it going?” He asked, putting his phone on one ear while he continued playing with the Xbox.
“I think some guy just roofied me,” you said, “when you texted me I looked away and he must’ve put something in it.”
“Shit. Where are you? I’ll come get you.”
“Take my car, it’s out in the parking lot,” you said as you started getting dizzy.
“Don’t hang up on me, Y/N. Talk to me.” You did – he asked you about how your night had been other than that and before you knew it he was pulling up to the front of the party house. You got in and immediately reached across the console to hug him. He concluded that you’d definitely been roofied because you were drooling by the time he walked you back to the room. He herded you into the shower and then into bed after you were dressed. You woke up the next morning and he had gotten Starbucks for you, probably having borrowed your car again (and filled it back up, because that was who he was).
“Oh, you’re a lifesaver. Literally,” you said as he presented you with the venti cold brew with sweet cream. You sat up and reached toward it and he handed it to you. You drank it like a baby drank a bottle, which just made him laugh.
“No problem. You mind if I play Xbox?”
“Only if I can too.” He handed you one of the controllers and sat down at his desk chair that was pointed toward the TV in between your two beds. “Come sit up here, you don’t have to sit there,” you said, referring to the wooden chair that was obviously uncomfortable. Tom always almost fell out of it, too, every time he used it.
“Fine,” he sighed. He walked over and climbed on your bed with you, sitting down beside you, and you wasted most of the morning playing games. You both had class in the afternoon, so you bucked up the courage to go. You sat down and lo and behold, there was the guy that had roofied you. You elbowed Tom.
“Tom, that’s the guy,” you muttered through gritted teeth, trying not to draw attention to yourself. Tom turned his head toward the guy, who looked straight at you. Tom’s arm flew around your back, pulling you to him uncomfortably.
“Anyway,” Tom cleared his throat so the guy would look away. You elbowed him again.
“What was that?” You asked.
“He was looking straight at you. If he thinks the guy who picked you up was your boyfriend, maybe he’ll let you go.” You knew he was right. You tried not to let the guy get to you and eventually class let out. You were one of the last out of the hundreds of people in the gigantic lecture hall, waiting for Tom to ask the professor about an extension on a paper. You finally went back to the room and sighed.
“There’s no need to panic, darling, you have one class with him!” Tom said as he typed away at his paper. You were pacing back and forth, shivering because the A/C unit was on full blast and you just didn’t want to walk over there to turn it off.
“Yeah, but he definitely knew you were just pretending! What if he tries to, like, stalk me or something?” Tom scoffed.
“Anyone that tries to stalk you will have to stalk me too because I live here. You’ll be fine. One of us’ll be with you all the time in classes and on campus. You really don’t have to worry. I promise.” You sat down in your bungee cord chair, pulling up the hood to the sweatshirt you were wearing. It was Tom’s, actually, you noticed. You didn’t notice when you’d pulled it out of your clean laundry, but you’d done some of his the night before since he didn’t have a full load, so it was definitely his.
“I guess.”
“Come on. Let’s go get some dinner,” he insisted, “and then we’ll go camp out in the library.” You got up and let him drag you halfway across campus to the only dining hall that was open.
You ended up going to the semi-formal with him, because neither of you had another date, and the way he treated you was strange. He opened your door for you, he paid for the dinner beforehand, and he took about a million pictures of you for your Instagram without complaining one bit. He took care of drunk you and held back your hair, got you Gatorade, and took you to get a milkshake at 2 AM because you wanted one so badly that you were crying. You drunkenly told him you loved him and he laughed, just saying he loved you too.
That phrase became familiar, too. I love you. You told him that when you were leaving him, when you were drunk, when he got you food without asking. He smiled every single time, responding that he loved you too. You always told your friends that, though, it was just who you were. It didn’t mean anything other than you valued the friendship you had together. He came with you for Thanksgiving, since he’d never been to one before, and your parents even made him sleep on the couch because they were convinced you two were together. And then there was the night of your friend’s birthday party, and all hell broke loose.
You were sitting in a circle in your friend Sadie’s room, playing spin the bottle with a bottle of Malibu that you’d all emptied together not long ago. You still had a cup of half Malibu and half sprite in front of you. Sadie had to kiss her roommate, Allie, and a couple other roommates had done the same thing. It was just a peck, so it was whatever. You’d spun it, though, and of course it landed on Tom. His face got red, immediately, but he playfully patted his lap and you giggled, walking over to him, and his legs were crossed as you got on your knees to match his level. You cringed a little as he reached out for you and finally kissed you. It was just a peck, like most of them were, but you could tell that he didn’t want to pull away. He didn’t want to pull away.
You lasted through most of the party and decided to leave once you were sobering up. Of course he came with you, and when he put his hand on your back to lead you out of the dorm you couldn’t help but look back at him.
“Sorry the bottle landed on you,” you apologized. “We’re the only co-ed roommates on our hall and of course it ended up on us.” He shrugged.
“It’s spin the bottle. Doesn’t mean anything unless you want it to.”
“Unless I want it to?” You stopped on an empty sidewalk underneath a lamp-post, turning around to look at him. In the low, yellowed light you could see that his face was changing colors, and suddenly the heat rose to your cheeks and you were burning up in the sweatshirt you were swearing. Tom’s sweatshirt. Again.
“I mean…”
“Be honest with me for just five fucking seconds,” you said. “Would you have done that if we were both sober?”
“I am sober, Y/N,” he insisted. “I am. And if you won’t lie to me I won’t lie to you, alright? Have you noticed how I always say I love you too? Or I bring you coffee and I know your order, have you ever considered why? Or did you consider at all why I came and got you at two in the morning at that party?” He walked a few feet in front of you when there was another set of people walking down the sidewalk. He paused to let them through and then looked over at you again. You were freezing in the sweatshirt. It was December, what were you thinking?
“I thought…” You took a deep breath. “I thought. But I wasn’t sure, so I didn’t say anything. And now you’re telling me you’re doing all of this for a reason and I want to believe that you like me, but it’s so complicated, and…” Before you knew what was happening, he was closing the gap between you. His hand went behind your head and his other one splayed across your stomach, pressing you up against the lamp-post in front of you, and he kissed you. This time, it wasn’t a peck. This time, he didn’t pull away. He kissed you for a few minutes and you kissed back, and you only parted when you heard another set of people about to walk by.
“Are you sure now?” You nodded, panting a little. He’d left you out of breath and the air outside was so cold that you could see it.
“Yeah,” you said quietly, reaching out to take one of his hands.
“I like you, Y/N. Roommate or not, I do, and I can guarantee I still would even if I didn’t live with you.” You smiled at him a little.
“What is this, The Prince & Me?” You asked out loud. He looked slightly confused. “It’s a movie, where this guy comes to college in America and…”
“I know the movie.” You felt heat rise to your cheeks again. “So…” You started walking again and so did he.
“So?” You looked at him. “Tom, are you sure? Are you sure you want this? And it isn’t too complicated? Because we live together, what if we fight?”
“Then we talk it out. Come on, Y/N. We can make a King sized bed with our beds put together.” You laughed.
“Is that the only reason why?” He grabbed your waist and squeezed it, making you laugh a little.
“No. I love hearing you laugh, is one of them.” You reached the dorm, finally, and rode the elevator up to your room.
You went back to the room and immediately started moving your furniture together. You talked about going into the city to get brunch as your first official date as you tucked in a set of sheets. This time when he went to change his shirt you didn’t turn away, and he didn’t get mad when you reached for one of his shirts to sleep in. You smiled to yourself as you settled in beside him, assuming the position of the little spoon, as he picked a movie to pretend to watch.
“Good night, girlfriend,” he said in your ear.
“Good night boyfriend,” you replied with a smile on your face. He squeezed your waist again and you smiled, thanking your lucky stars that you’d gotten the co-ed dorm that year.
A/N: I loved this request so much! Thank you for sending it in!
Taglist (if you’d like to be added, let me know!): @an-adventureland, @firstangeldragonranch, @ssebstann, @winterreader-nowwriter
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Uni! Ben Hardy
Authors note: Yes hi it me, I’m trying something new after I developed a crush.. again. I hope people like this or that if you didn’t you could leave some constructive criticism. This is an AU
Word count: 2130
TW: some swearwords as well as insomnia mention
You first met Ben at the university library, it had been filled to the brim with students trying to get the last bit of cramming in before finals started.
Ben had found a corner in the back of the library which was less populated, sheltered by big shelves of books. It was your usual spot, and no one had ever seemed to be there, at least not at the same time as you. Just as you turned around the last shelf, you saw someone sitting at the table, with room for only two. His back was turned to you, so at least he hadn’t taken the chair you usually sat in. His broad back was covered in a grey hoodie and you could see the blond tufts of hair sticking up from every direction, probably from running his hands through his hair so many times.
Seeing him made you stop dead in your tracks as you cocked your head to the side in confusion. It took you a second to gather yourself, but you just turned up the music in your headphones and went to sit down in front of him, refusing to back down. You slung your backpack from your shoulder and down to the floor as you took a seat. It made him look up from his computer and notebook as you made yourself comfortable. You felt his intense gaze on you as you pulled your notebook, one of your astrophysics books out as well as your laptop.
You had seen his face around campus, but you had no idea what his actual name was. So instead of asking, you just tried to get to work after giving him a soft smile. He was not letting you though.
“Look, no offence, but I was kind of hoping to get some work done? Not flirt.”
He said with a tiny little smirk, and a cocky tone. You could barely hear him over the music in your headset. So you moved one to the side and gave him a chance to correct himself. Because although he was cute with his green eyes and tousled blonde hair, you had no time for his attitude.
“‘M sorry, didn’t quite catch that.”
You smiled, feigning confusion. You knew damn well what he said.
“Said I don’t have time to flirt, love.”
And he almost could have fooled you, with his confidence, but you saw a little bit of confusion on his face.
“Look, no offence..”
You gave him a questioning glance as you waited for his name.
“Ben.”
He answered, not hiding his confusion anymore. So much so, that his own name sounded like a question. He also looked a little bit disappointed, as if he had expected you to know his name.
“No offence Ben, but I was kind of hoping to get this astrophysics work done before my final, so I don’t fail, therefore, no, I’m not flirting, I’m merely being polite by smiling at you. So be my guest and study ‘cause that’s what I’m going to do.”
You looked to your book and started reading some complicated formula whilst pulling your earphone back to your where it belongs. Not bothering to look up at Ben's flabbergasted face.
The both of you sat in silence for a while, studying, Ben seemingly having accepted the fact that not every girl was gonna fall face first for him at first glance. It lasted for a good two hours until something kicked your shin softly. You looked up, only to be met with Ben’s face staring into his book. You shook your head, thinking you’d imagined the feeling until it happened a second time, and a third. Therefore you kicked off the tattered converse and pulled your legs up in the chair. Sitting with your right leg tucked behind the left one, which was propped up, exposing your knee through the rip in your jeans. It seemed to work, until you felt him kicking the actual chair.
You looked up to see him smirking at you.
“Can I help you Ben?”
Plastering on a big fake smile, you hoped he would notice how annoyed you are.
“Yeah, I was wondering if you’d like to grab a coffee or something.”
His smile was more genuine than yours. You weren’t about to give in that easily though.
“Look, as I said two hours ago, I need to get through the course work before my final-”
Ben interrupted you.
“So reading the same passage forty times is gonna help you do that?”
You felt the heat rush to your cheeks. How the fuck had he noticed? You cocked your head to the side questioningly.
“My brain is fried after all the reading, I physically can’t anymore.”
He said a little embarrassed.
“Fine, as long as we don’t go to starbucks, that place is bound to be filled to the brim right about now.”
You surprised yourself as you agreed. The two of you packed your things up and headed out the door. There was still a bit of people in the library and you got some glances as you walked out of there with Ben.
“By the way, I should probably tell you my name.”
You started, but again Ben interrupted you.
“I know who you are, Y/N.”
He stated offhandedly while giving you a little wink.
“Really? How come?”
Your interest genuinely piqued.
“Well, rumor has it that you’re almost better than I was in professor Atkins’ class.”
This made you turn your head as you muttered a little thanks as Ben held open the library door for you. You had never really considered the fact that the boy in front of you might study astrophysics as well.
“Wait, you’re that Ben?”
You said incredulously.
“Which Ben?”
He asked back, albeit a little cockier now.
“The one mr. Atkins won’t shut up about.”
You grumbled back.
“You know, he does this every year, takes the best student from the previous year and hypes them up in front of his new class to make them strive after beating them. Apparently it works.”
He chuckled and you soon joined in, shaking your head. It sounded like your professor. Soon you noticed that you had arrived at a coffee shop you hadn’t been to yet. Again, Ben held the door for you, and again you muttered a thanks to him. He picked a table by the window, and while you sat down he asked you a question.
“What do you want to drink?”
He asked, and it felt so natural. You tried to shake yourself out of it.
“I’ll just come with you.”
Ben tsked at you. But he didn’t stop you as you got up to stand side by side with him as you ordered your coffees. In your case a chai latte.
Once you’d gone back to your table and sat down, you looked at him. Like really scanned his features. His green eyes glittering like diamonds and his cheeky little smile, his cute nose and the curly hair that was still sticking up in every direction. You watched as he put half a pack of sugar into his black coffee and took a sip.
“Why not coffee though? I feel like that’s what every uni student lives of off.”
He asked as he looked at you, but not before giving you a little wink. You sighed as you looked at him.
“Oh, I just don’t react very well to caffeine, doesn't mix all that well with insomnia.”
You looked down at your cup, instantly regretting revealing the little secret that very few people knew about to a complete stranger. It seemed like Ben understood nevertheless.
“I know that one, my mum has struggled with the same thing.”
You looked up at him with a small crease between your brows. He had a soft smile on his lips, so different from the smirks you could tell he wore a lot more often. And you returned the smile.
You sat there and talked about life for a while. That was until an older lady with a name tag that read Anne-Marie came up to your table.
“I’m sorry darlings, but I’m afraid you have to leave, we’re closing.”
You cursed to yourself as you got up and got ready to leave, not having realised how empty the café had gotten. Once you’re outside you noticed the dark as well.
“Wanna come over to my place? I’m not finished with the discussion about the big bang you know.”
Not feeling the tiniest bit tired you just nodded as he lead you to the parking lot. The car ride was short, but you enjoyed the ride nevertheless. He parked the car and exited, and before you could exit yourself, he had jogged around the hood of his beaten up truck and opened the passenger door for you.
“So, what do you think was out there, before the big bang?”
He asked casually as he lead you up the stairs to his top floor flat.
“That’s the question isn’t it?”
He nodded and looked at you, still expecting an answer.
“I think maybe a big infinite number of things. Or maybe we all live in a simulation and the fact that we can’t figure out what was before the big bang is because the programmers of the simulation won’t allow us, or haven’t figured out themselves, or maybe they just want us to keep wondering.”
You looked down at your feet as you wandered into his flat. However you looked up in curiosity when he asked you to take off your shoes. And you complied.
“That is quite the theory, Y/N.”
Ben said as he looked at you, now you thought, it’s him studying you.
“And I think I agree, even if your theory is a little crazy.”
He guided you to the living room and you sat down on the comfy couch, just realizing that he has an angled roof with windows in it. You could barely see some stars out there. Ben seemed to note your fascination, before sitting down facing you. And you both sat there, talking about theories, both plausible and highly unlikely ones, until you could tell that Ben was getting tired. He was yawning more and more, as well as stretching.
“You know, I should probably leave, you’re getting tired.”
You said as he yawned for the third time in under five minutes. He glanced at the watch on his wrist, immediately shaking his head.
“Nope, you’re staying the night.”
He said, with a cheeky smile.
“Ben, come on, I hardly know you.”
You said as you tried to reason with both yourself and him.
“Fair point, I’m not gonna force you, but thinking of how sketchy it is to walk back to wherever you live, well I’d rather you not.”
Ben explained with the most sincere expression on his face. You swore you could see a tiny blush on his face.
The watch showed an excruciating 1 a.m. He ended up throwing you over his shoulder and carrying you to his bedroom. There was no point in fighting him, he was too strong.
When he got to his bedroom, he threw you on his bed and then went rummaging through his dresser. You could only admire his back until he turned and tossed you a pair of joggers.
“Bathroom is the door on the other side of the hallway.”
After you’d finished changing you reemerged in his bedroom. Finding Ben laying on his back in just joggers and boxers that were peeking up from the waistband. Fuck, was all you thought.
“Come on then, love, it’s getting cold here.”
He said as he pulled up the comforter and invited you into the bed.
“No funny business okay?”
You said seriously as you inched closer to the bed.
“No funny business, I promise.”
Ben replied just as seriously.
Finally you got into the bed, underneath his white comforter. Albeit a little closer to the edge than you would have liked. Ben seemed to notice.
“Come on, darling I swear I won’t bite unless you ask me to.”
You gave him a dry laugh, but crawled a little closer anyway. Shocked was a bit of an understatement as he pulled you into his chest. However, you felt safe there.
“There we go.”
He almost muttered to himself as he turned off the light on his nightstand. Not long after you heard his breath even out as you laid there, watching the stars from his bedroom roof window. You made a game for yourself that night, that was just spotting the stars and their constellations. Until you no longer did, drifting off to sleep, to the sound of Ben's steady heartbeat and breath.
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Since I’ve been putting it off due to lingering sicky feels, etc.
Here’s the far too long and far too unedited and written at 4am vacation rundown NO ONE ASKED FOR! (huzzah!)
So, yeah. I arrived at the new Amtrak station in the city which is a major upgrade from the trailer park reject of station the old one was. Way roomier. Could use a coffee stand or something but yeah. Improvement. Had to go underground under the tracks and back up to get to the very cold surface, it must suck in the winter.
About an hour, hour and a half into the trip I quickly realized that a.) all I wanted to do was sleep, and b.) that my throat was burning. I assumed this was due to the absurdly cold, non-stop dry ass air conditioning, but no. This bitch got sick for her entire trip. On the plus side I had the seats to myself for the majority of the trip, but still. I barely watched any CR or anything because I was miserable the entire time. Ya don’t wanna be miserable for 10+ hours on a train.
Got to Boston, to @conniecorleone‘s frightening apartment stairs. My bag was way too heavy and she troopered through taking it up them for me without dying. So if you ever need a tank in battle, call Rachel.
Hung out a little. Ordered some Five Guys. Watched a couple episodes of the first season of American Horror Story. I get the appeal but also never needed to see Dermot Mulroney’s ass.
Rach was busy with work stuff a lot early in the week, not helped by some dumbass school shooting threat the week before and kept apologizing while still going above and beyond as a hostess while I just felt guilty for getting snot on her sheets.
Day two I colored a bit. I can do a wicked water gradient with erasable colored pencils, for the record. Hung out. Relaxed. Used a lot of Zicam and Advil. Then we were on way to The Middle East for her conehead space boyfriend.
We waited like, an hour? In the chilly mist outside? The show started like AN HOUR LATE after that. The venue was nice but man, the mood was getting close to dead at points, especially since, again, FUCKIN SICK. But Planet Booty came on and while, a little on the bordering too raunchy side, put on a fucking amazing live show. Dylan has an absurd amount of energy that should be bottled and sold, but if it were it might result in the orgypocalypse. I saw a youtube comment that said he’s ‘very touchy lol’ and truer words never spoken. That man will grind on you and sing directly in your earlobe with his tongue if you are front row and happily, I was not. Yet somehow I still ended up with his sweat on my sweater sleeve thanks to someone being a dumbass and high fiving him after their set and not being able to handle the consequences. Ahem.
THEN TWRP TOOK LIKE ANOTHER GODDAMN HALF HOUR???
But I FORGIVE THEM because they were GREAT and played Daft Punk’s Celebrate in honor of motherfuckin Canadian Thanksgiving so... fine... I guess. My only complaint is they didn’t do The Perfect Product even though I get that’s probably a weird thing to do live. Also minimal keytar and Sung almost decapitated himself but you know... it happens. They DID do Tactile Sensation though which is a fucking jam. And Atomic Karate, ofc. And Meouch broke his fucking bass string which is like? Fucking hardcore? He came down like a foot away from us at one point. It was dope. They’re amazing live and have no right to be for dudes in ridiculous robot costumes playing synth in the year 2018 and rolling around stage on a hoverboard. Sadly I brought minimal memory cardage this year and didn’t get a lot of good video of them.
Afterwards, despite *someone* almost passing out, we hung out in the merch lines and did NOT accidentally cut ahead this time. I got a free signed poster because it was my birthday vacation ayyyyy and bought a couple EPs and the Together Through Time album. Then hopped over the PB’s line and got two hugs from Dylan who hung out and talked to/hugged/got selfies with every single person who got into line there and just? Good dude. Pure dude. Awful stache but... thumbs up human being. I got their Naked album and we headed out back to the apartment and some delivered Dominos (which was the only good Dominos I’ve ever had in my life.)
Day three I accidentally slept until like 4pm. Literally what else did we do that day? I cannot remember for the life of me. We might have went to Dunkin at like 9pm and she showed me a weird omnipotent plastic ear hanging on an electric wire? Was that this day? I have no fucking idea. Her Netflix and supply of Puffs tissues were my best friends this trip okay.
Day four she went to class and I relaxed and intended to walk to the mall. Unfortunately, my sick bleh hit and I didn’t feel up to going until about ten minutes before she got back. So we ended up heading over there together. I made her try Baja Blast, as is customary in my nation, and got her to try some green matte lipstick. Success. I was highkey hoping they would have a Build-A-Bear in the joint but they didn’t. They did have a Newbury though, that had the six-inch Roadhog pop which I’ve had a hard time finding locally, so I said fuck it and bought it.
That night was MST3k live! The theater was old as dirt. The kind of old as dirt where the flooring is bowing in. They had real strict rules on cameras and shit, which I get for the sake of spoilers but c’mon.... c’mon. Their merch sucked unfortunately though, so I didn’t waste any money on anything (for some reason they had 2017 tour stuff? It’s... not 2017?). The show itself was good, though I was wondering before it started how sick they must get of doing the same movie in different towns almost every other night. Pretty quickly realized oh, yeah, a lot of this show was likely pre-riffed. They did pull a kid from the stage at one point so he could guest riff off a script from Joel, which I’m thinking was a clever little insert fraction of the riff they did live between segments. I could be wrong, but on that front, it felt a little cheap. But it was still fun to see the boys and the bots live and have jokes cracked about not being able to afford the villains for the tour. And The Brain itself was........ I don’t know what I was expecting but..... it sure was.... something. The novelty was worth it and I will still gladly marry Crow T. Robot.
We went across the street to a little pub stop that was I think called Rock Bottom after that and got some much needed late night food. For some reason my brain was like “man, I could go for chicken fried steak right now” and don’t you know IT WAS ON THE FUCKIN MENU? WITH GARLIC CHEDDER MASHED POTATOES? Boston, much like with wings, does not know what country gravy is, but it was still everything I fucking wanted and did not expect to find, so A+. Also I was wearing a dress with shorts underneath it and stuck to the goddamn stool. Such is life.
Day five was rainy and miserable. I tagged along to university with Rach and it sucked, honestly. Being on a campus makes me feel awkward and the whole still being sick thing didn’t help. I ended up taking a walk way around the block to a Starbucks and getting the worst fucking frap I’ve ever paid too much money for. Went back around. Sat in the library. Felt even shittier. Started googling food places. Yard House wasn’t far but I didn’t want to deal with crossing a lot of traffic, especially if the rain started back up (it did, with a vengeance). So I ended up back around the block at some Olive Garden-esque fake Italian place with not an Italian in sight called Bertucci’s for some bland chicken-less fettuchini alfredo (because, as I’d reasoned with myself, I had chicken three times the day before). It was dimly lit, I had a booth to myself, and the water had the sweet skullet and braided beard combo I had liveblogged. People kept complimenting my tattoo. It was nice and no one seemed overly bothered that I was clearly killing time until I spent probably way too long in the restroom after trying to look alive. I tipped the dude ten bucks and left in the pouring rain with my umbrella.
From her school we took the world’s longest Uber to Parts Fucking Unknown in awful traffic and rain to find a Double Tree where @freakishlytallaustralian‘s parents were staying for a hot minute during their brief little US tour on their way to Europe. I’ve never met Mandi in person, but I’ve now met her parents who say she’s gotten to know a good bloke. She looks exactly like her mom. They were sweet. Anxious but sweet. And I am a freak who doesn’t talk and was sick trying to seem presentable at the bare minimum capacity.
Back ~home~ we ordered some JP Licks ice cream (BROWNIE BROWNIE BATTER!!! BROWNIE. BROWNIE. BATTER.), I watched CR and some stupid videos on the internet with her. Got some sleep. Sort of. Barely.
Despite Matt Mercer nearly succeeding at lulling me to sleep and eating my dreams, it didn’t happen, and I could not get comfortable for the life of me. The “coughing every five seconds in bed” started this night and was not having mercy. So I opted out of another day of hanging around campus to try and get some more rest. It didn’t really work, but I did eventually get a solid three hours or so, so it was something.
As the day progressed it was onward to the Science Museum to meet Ron the T-Rex. There was a wedding happening. How appropriate, for Bravier funko pops to have come along on the day of a blessed union. Coincidence? I think not. A turtle kept falling off a branch when he was trying to nap. There was some space stuff. It wasn’t great. But I got a little stuffed dinosaur and that’s Important.
From there we hit up the same movie theater we went to the year before and saw Bad Times At The El Royale. Do recommend. Chris Hemsworth as a Charles Manson was not something I ever thought I’d see, and I still don’t understand it, but it rather predictably works for me, so we’ll leave it at that. Good movie, good performances, good pacing and editing that could have easily not been. See it, it’s fun. Not perfect, but fun.
It was COLD AS BALLS after the movie and neither of us brought jackets or sweaters, so the walk to the train station and back ~home~ was a chilly one. We stopped in, got some warmth, and headed down the road past her old place to a bar. If we didn’t appreciate TWRP and PB enough already, the band she had to pay cover for us to get in for just to pick up food were about 8 upper middle aged men playing every instrument in the book. Afropunk, they said. No, we said. Offkey, we said. This place was dark as shit and loud as shit but you know what? They KNEW WHAT REAL, HOT CHICKEN WINGS WERE and for that, I am appreciative dammit.
Went back, got some more Dominos, and was finally introduced to John Mulaney’s (or two of) comedy specials. He’s genius and I *understand* it now, tumblr. I get it. We ate way too much and did my laundry.
The week had come and gone way too soon and I felt robbed of my good time by how shitty I felt. Hopping on the train the next day (after a godawful uber ride) was just as depressing as the time before. And even though I didn’t feel as miserable as the trip there, and once again had a window seat to myself, I found myself curled up against my hoodie crying trying to fall asleep again knowing I was already headed back home.
Once the initial depression passed, the trip wasn’t bad. The iced latte was good. The Albany stop not as confusing the second time around. The WiFi kept me company. Eventually my aunt texted me asking if I wanted to hit up Stevie T’s on the way home because they were 24hr and neither of us had eaten all night. It was a plan. Get off, get food, come home, faceplant on my own big comfy bed, vow to deal with my dad’s drama in the morning and call it a night.
Then *that* happened. Yeah. Last year? Every stop, regardless of time of night, they made announcements. They came by, checked the marker above your seat, and if you were due off at the next stop told you it was coming up, would help with luggage if needed, and directed you to the correct door to exit the train. This year? Nothing. They decided to stop making announcements right before the Rochester stop, and no one came by in our car to tell us where to get off. Stopped, myself and the other person due off at that stop, a late-teens girl, went to the door at the front of our car where every other stop had gotten off before us. We assumed since no one said differently, and no attendants were around, that must be it. We were idiots. Because by the time we realized hey, they’re not going to open this door and we should go to the far other end of the train, it was already moving again en route to Buffalo.
We found ourselves in the dining booths by the cafe car while the staff made vague remarks and the conductor acted like it wasn’t his problem. My aunt on the phone talked to the Rochester station, we tried to claim I didn’t even have a reservation until about two other people looked up my ticket. They said it was up to the conductor to get us a cab home, he laughed at us, claimed to know nothing about any of that, and asked if were were going to buy the bus tickets the other girl was looking up. The bus for 3am, in downtown Buffalo, nowhere near the station. When we got off the staff at the Depew station was a lot more sympathetic, and said since nothing else was being offered he would put us on the next train back home, but since it was a Sunday morning there was no train to Rochester until roughly 7:45am. It was about 1:30 at this point. I felt awful for encouraging the other girl not to pay for two ubers and a bus ticket with the only alternative being offered to sit alone in an empty, unstaffed station in the middle of the night for hours. And between the situation, being tired and still sick, and dealing with my aunt calling hotels only to get put on hold and lose the room she was trying to reserve - I put my bags in a corner, found the restroom, and had a panic attack. I don’t know why, but those tend to be stupid like that. It’s not even like I was scared, or confused, or that worried myself. I started out very ‘whatever, I’ll just get a room or stay in the station, I’m pissed but whatever’. But something about the constant calls and texts and my battery nearing 0 had me stressed and I was crying like a bitch. I just wanted to fucking sleep, and I knew that wouldn’t happen in a train station with nothing but some benches, a restroom, and a vending machine.
Rach suggested an alternative I felt guilty about taking but ended up going for: Get to her parents house just outside Buffalo, get their spare key, and sleep on their couch while they’re out of town with their blessing. So I called an Uber, and the first one passed me by, with the gps fucking up and saying I should be picked up ON THE TRAIN TRACKS. The second guy was smart enough to come to the cab pickup out front and was really cool. He said he was just thankful I wasn’t a fucked up drunk college party kid and the first all night. He didn’t comment on how I probably definitely looked like I’d just been broken up with in the world’s worst romcom. It was over 20 bucks and I tipped him the max. Found my way inside, set up the couch, and continued my momentarily on hold panic until I eventually passed out. My Aunt came to pick me up in the morning, I got carsick, we had mediocre diner breakfast and what’s after that isn’t news worth talking about. Isn’t it bad enough the tail end of the trip took up like a third of this post?
All in all... it felt like a disaster. I’m not gonna lie. In weird ways the stars aligned that TWRP would end up on Conan the night of their show and have to reschedule to the day I came to town, but I paid for it with otherwise bad timing and my body deciding against me having a good time. Fun was had, don’t get me wrong. The good was good and any chance to get away from... this, is appreciated, but it just seemed like everything went awry.
Mucho thanks to @conniecorleone again, for letting me crash on the futon and be my usual bland self, even blander while ill, and also buying me expensive cold syrup and a-many ubers.
We’ll see if Massachusetts and I ever cross paths again.
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A Coffee a Day
Relationship: Kara Danvers/Cat Grant
Words: 3,799
Chapters: 4/?
Summary: Kara is a third year at NCU studying biology with a quickly developing crush on Lois’ graduate professor Cat Grant. In an effort to see more of Cat, Kara starts bringing Lois coffee every class. An excuse Cat quickly sees through.
Read under cut or on AO3
“Kara this is the third week you’ve brought Lois coffee.” Lucy held onto the coffee she had just poured forcing Kara to stand and talk to her. “What’s up? Is she making you do this? because I know my sister can be a lot-“
“-what? No!" Kara stood mouth hanging open. Lois hadn’t asked her to bring coffee, even she was surprised that Kara kept showing up with the life saving beverage in hand. "It's on my way, and Clark asked me to make an effort with her when they started dating…”
“I think he meant invite her to games night every once in awhile Kara, not personally fetching her coffee every time she has class.”
“It’s not every class!” Kara reached across the counter holding her hand out expectantly for the second coffee. “This one is just on my way!”
Lucy watched Kara shove the coffee into a tray, almost tipping them over in her force before exiting the cafe.
“I think something is up with Kara.” Lucy murmured to Maggie as she passed on her way to making a drink for the next person in line.
“Like?”
“I’m not sure…” Lucy looked out the window following Kara’s figure as she dodged through the traffic crossing the street.
“Have you mentioned it to Alex?”
“Not yet. I was hoping Kara would just tell me.”
“Well you know Kara, if it’s not Alex asking the questions she takes awhile to open up about things.”
“I thought we were in a good spot, she used to be able to tell me anything, we were together for over a year…”
“You are good, but you’re also with James now.”
Lucy nodded, deciding to let it go for the moment, taking the cup from Maggie and calling out the customer name written on the side.
//
As usual the lecture was still going as Kara slid into a seat at the back of class. She had been coming earlier and earlier each week, peeling off her jacket as she watched Cat pace the floor in her heels, and depending on the week, in her bare feet. She thought she was getting better at sneaking in without making much noise, but no matter how few students turned to look at her, Cat always noticed. She tried to return Cat’s stare that lit every inch of her skin on fire, holding her in place until she started to shift in her seat pressing her legs together as she crossed and uncrossed her legs. She swore Cat was doing it out of pure enjoyment, the moment she started to squirm Cat was continuing to wear her path into the cement floor.
The class emptied quickly after Cat barked about how they had failed her expectations on the last assignment and she was expecting more from them this time. Kara made her way through the stream of exiting students to the front of the class where Lois always sat, waiting patiently until the room had cleared before approaching her professor about this week’s concerns.
Cat watched Kara as Lois talked, ranting about something Cat had said in the lecture and how her grade from the last assignment did not reflect the work she had put in.
“Miss Lane.” Cat’s voice clipped the argument short as her gaze finally returned to the other reporter. “I suggest that if you want to get better grades you hand in better assignments.”
Lois’ mouth fell open in argument, quickly shutting as she turned on her heel to gather her items before leaving.
“It was nice to see you in my class again Kara.” Kara’s mouth went dry as Cat lifted her eyebrows over her glasses, turning her full attention towards her computer screen. “But if you keep insisting on coming under the pretence of delivering Lois her much needed coffee, maybe you could bring an extra.”
Kara didn’t bother nodding as she fell into step with Lois handing over her coffee.
“You don’t have to do that Kara." Lois’ voice softening as soon as they got out of Cat’s ear shot. “You don't have to bring me coffee either for that matter. Not, that I don’t appreciate it.” Lois hummed as she took a long draw from the cup.
“I know I don’t have to…but…I really don’t mind bringing her coffee.”
Lois raised an eyebrow at Kara as she took another swig of coffee.
“What?”
“Nothing.” Lois smiled behind her cup. “I didn’t say anything.”
Rolling her eyes Kara slumped her shoulders pulling up her bag as she pouted. “You didn’t need to.”
Chapter 4
It was a couple weeks before Kara walked into Lois’ class again carrying three coffees in a tray. She had been nervous about buying Cat’s, having no idea what her order was, and had assumed she would want something fancy, low fat and extra hot. Turned out extra hot was the only thing Kara had guessed correctly, right before she learned that Cat Grant was a latte junkie and every barista in the campus Starbucks including Maggie and Lucy had her order memorized.
“This is Cat Grant we are talking about. She’s in here practically everyday, multiple times a day. And she’s terrifying. Of course everyone knows her order.” Kara smiled relief flooding her body as she took the cup from Lucy. Thankful her friends didn’t quiz her on the additional coffee.
The tension in the class felt different today. Cat sat in the chair behind the desk with her laptop as she spoke, occasionally rubbing the bridge of her nose and her temples. Students seemed more on edge with this display then they did with Cat’s usual reign on their class. Kara wondered if this was because they just weren’t used to seeing their professor so out of character or if something had happened before she had slid into a seat in the back.
Lecture ended early, Cat dismissing the room with a wave of her hand. The room was hushed as they left, leaving Kara to weave to the front of the room silently placing the white disposable cup on the desk before taking a moment to place two pills from her bag on the lid before making her way back to Lois. It was only a moment before Cat lifted her head to inspect the coffee, pushing the pills around before popping them into her mouth, seeking Kara’s face as she chased them down with her latte.
Their eyes met over Lois’ shoulder as she whispered something to Kara before side stepping towards the door, Cat mouthing a silent thank you as Kara followed, her eyes lighting up as she flashed Cat a soft smile.
“Is she like that often?”
“Who?”
“Ms Grant.” Kara looked over her shoulder as the door fell close, getting in one last glimpse of Cat, her throat flexing as she drank. “Does she get headaches often?”
“Often enough.” Lois replied, scanning Kara’s face. “But I’m sure your advil will help.”
Kara blushed as she lifted her own cup to hide her face.
//
“Do you like Ms.Grant?” Lois’ eyes never left the road as she drove off campus towards Kara, Alex and Lucy’s apartment. It was Friday and a long weekend, so Alex had taken the liberty of inviting everyone over for a games night with food, drinking, and possibly a movie marathon.
“What??” Kara sputtered as she willed her face not to go beat red, not to think about Cat sitting with her feet up on the desk in the library, or how she put on two sets of glasses when she had gotten particularly frustrated at her article, or how her skirt rode up her legs every time she sat down with a new coffee. “Ms.Grant?…She’s your professor!”
“You know Kara, you wouldn’t be the first person to have a crush on a professor.” Lois parked the car in the underground parkade, taking a second before she turned towards Kara. “You don’t have to tell me if you do. But I want you to be careful Kara…that cat has claws. She wouldn’t be where she is if she didn’t.”
Lois left the car, leaving Kara to take a moment. She had meant it, Kara was a sunny, smart young woman, and Cat Grant was twice her age with a reputation for being ruthless. The last thing she wanted was for Kara to get hurt.
Kara sat in silence with what Lois had said. She had researched Cat Grant after that first week she and Alex had walked into her class, she knew Lois was right. But it had only increased Kara’s curiosity of the woman. Sighing, Kara climbed out of the car letting Lois throw an arm over her shoulders as they headed inside.
“Finally!” Alex’s head appeared over the top of the couch as soon as the door opened. “Lucy and Maggie are arguing over some paper for one of their criminal justice classes and James and Clark disappeared talking about photography, or journalism, or both, and left me to fend for myself with these two!”
“Like you weren’t getting in on the debate!” Lucy scoffed as Maggie pulled Alex’s arm back around her shoulders.
“She’s right, you were getting just as heated as the two of us! In fact… I think you’re the reason Winn volunteered to go get the food!”
Kara chuckled as she imagined Winn running out of the apartment at the first chance he saw.
“Where is Smallville? Out on the balcony?”
Alex nodded as Lois headed for the balcony in search of Clark, sliding the glass doors closed behind her the same time the front door opened again. This time to Winn attempting to balance bags of chinese food on top of three boxes of large pizzas.
“Some help would be nice!”
Everyone broke into movement, Kara stepping forward to take the bags of chinese as Alex hopped over the couch to take the pizzas, Lucy sticking her head outside to tell announce that food had arrived, Maggie digging out plates and utensils as the food got unpacked. Soon everyone was sitting around the coffee table, plates heaped with food balanced in their laps.
“No couples!” Winn shouted as soon as Taboo came into sight.
Everyone groaned quickly shouting out new names as they switched up teams. It was a fast game, Lucy and Kara coming in second, only one point behind James and Clark, Lois and Alex taking third and Maggie and Winn dead last.
The rest of night passed in a giant game of monopoly and drinking. Lucy and Lois neck in neck for first place, Kara and James and Clark going bankrupt first, Maggie, Winn and Alex occasionally taking sides with the sisters knowing they wouldn’t come out on top.
“Traitor!”
“Sorry Lucy, Lois scares me more then you.” Winn's grin faltering as Lucy glared at him, James holding her firmly in his lap so she didn’t jump over the table.
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I will be your: hands, eyes, heart
prev - chapter 5 - next
word count - 5.8k
thank you to chloe for beta editing
read it on ao3
+
Adam woke to loud knocking Saturday morning, and it took a minute for his sleep stupid brain to understand that it was coming from outside his door.
He sat up and murmured a sleepy greeting to Noah, only to realize Noah wasn't there. There was only rumpled bedsheets and a perfectly pressed pillow. Maybe he'd stayed at a friend’s.
“Parrish? Adam? You in there?”
Adam picked his jeans up from the floor and pulled them on as he walked to the door, trying to think of what was waiting for him on the other side. A cancelled class? An insufficiently paid book fee? Someone with better grades or more money raring to take his scholarship?
Adam opened the door. Some guy he'd never seen before was standing there. He pointed down the hallway. “Phone,” he said.
Adam watched him walk away. He left the door hanging open behind him and padded barefoot to the shared dorm phone.
The phone was on the table, face up. Adam picked it up with sweaty hands. “Hello?”
“Hi, Adam? It’s Gansey.”
Adam breathed out a sigh of relief and slumped against the wall. “Hi, Gansey,” he said.
“I didn't ask for your number yesterday because I'd assumed Ronan would have it, which was stupid of me. He's not a friend to phones, or their numbers for that matter. So I found this number in the student directory.”
“I don't have a phone,” Adam told Gansey. He closed his eyes; he felt drained, and heavy, like his body was missing more than sleep. “What's up?”
“Well,” Gansey said, “Ronan’s still asleep, but him and I are going up this mountain later today. There’ve been strange energy readings from the base of it that match the energy readings I have from the faerie ring. I want to get higher up and see what's there. If you wanted to come with us, if you're not busy, I was thinking that you might be able to feel changes in the line….”
Adam had seen Ronan in Latin on Friday, but he hadn't seen Gansey since Tuesday, when strange things had happened with the faerie ring. He would not lie to himself: he was nervous.
No, nervous was not the word to describe the feeling. He was unhinged, unmoored, undone. He’d been fighting with himself the past few days, trying and failing to make sense of what had happened.
He knew it couldn't be real, but it was. He wanted to believe in it, but it was hard to. It's not real, it's not real, Adam told himself. But he had heard the faeries, felt the line, seen Gansey’s awestruck face. He couldn't make himself feel indifference when he had such solid evidence.
But still…. Adam thought, never able to believe in something so wholly, never able to beat the untrust hard instilled in him. At the very least, he would climb a mountain and sweat with some boys he had just met. At the very least, they'd laugh and tell him it had only been a joke.
Adam didn't have anything to do but catch up on sleep, so there wasn't much to lose by saying yes.
After telling Gansey he would go and consequently listening to another few minutes of faerie-filled rambling, Adam hung up and went back to his room.
“Hey!” Noah said, jumping at Adam from behind the door and nearly giving him a heart attack. Adam slipped past him to the kitchen for a drink. Noah stepped on his heels with how closely he followed Adam to the tap. “You're up!” Noah said. “Want some breakfast?”
Adam got his water and backed away out of Noah’s space. He let himself slump against the wall for the second time that morning. Noah went to the microwave, as perky looking as ever in his rumpled university sweater and faded jeans. Adam rubbed a hand over his eyes. The rate his heart was going at couldn't be healthy.
“What's for breakfast?” he asked.
Noah tapped an enthusiastic, uneven beat on the microwave, then threw his hands up when it beeped. He punched it open and tossed a steaming bag to Adam. “Pancakes!” he said.
Adam gingerly let the pancakes flop onto the counter. He looked around the kitchen, but the counters were bare save the usual box of protein bars, chips, and miscellaneous coffee cups. “Did you go grocery shopping?” he asked.
“Nah,” Noah said, grinning, “I just swiped them from the cafeteria. They taste better when you cook them in your own microwave!”
“Right,” Adam said. “Thanks, Noah.”
Noah shrugged in his weird, erratic way and jumped up onto the counter. He pulled his knees to his chest and propped his head on them; the patient look on his face told Adam he was going to very happily watch Adam eat his twelve miniature breakfast pancakes.
Adam ate as fast as he could as Noah told him about everything that he had done in the past week, repeating some stories and details Adam already knew. When Adam was done he checked his watch.
“Hey,” he said, gently interrupting Noah’s tirade on the campus police officers, “I’m about to go hiking with some new friends, so,” he turned to find his shoes, stalling because he was unsure if it was okay to invite Noah. He knelt down to double knot his laces.
Noah hopped down from the counter. “I’ll go with you!” he said happily. “I love hiking. Didn't I say that a while ago?”
“Oh, okay,” Adam said, standing up. “Do you-”
Noah tapped the toe of his sneaker on the toe of Adam’s. “I've got my shoes, you've got your shoes. All set all set! Are we going now?”
Adam nodded, staring down at Noah’s shoes.
They were the same pair of converse he wore everyday, with fraying laces and beat-up soles. They were crappy in the real way, not in the fake, desperate way that Adam saw so many students showing off. It comforted Adam, a little, to have someone like Noah in his life, someone who was so much like him; someone who was careful about buying bikes and, despite his unstable personality, always knew when things needed to be quiet.
Adam had never asked Noah about his home life because Noah had never offered, but he guessed the beat-up shoes and obsession with material possessions meant Noah was a runaway like him.
A pretender.
Noah tapped Adam’s shoe again. “Where are we going? Exactly?” he asked.
“Gansey said to meet at the Starbucks off campus. I don't know where we're going after that.”
“Okay,” Noah said, though he sounded concerned. Adam looked up at him. Noah shrugged happily and ruffled Adam’s hair. “Cool! Let's go.”
+
The walk to Starbucks was short, the wait much longer. Neither Adam or Noah ordered coffee, so they sat and waited, Noah chattering away while Adam watched student after student pay for six dollar coffees with wallets full to bursting.
For the hundredth time that morning Adam wished he had a cell phone. Calling Gansey to see how far away he was wouldn't do him any good, but the ever present want inside him hungered nonetheless; to be able to look something up without having to go to the public library computers, to aimlessly glance at a blank screen when walking to class or feigning disinterest, to have something in his pocket of the shape and weight of casual wealth.
One day, he told himself. His terrible mantra. The headache that was always hanging behind his eyes. One day.
A chill pricked the nape of Adam’s neck. Noah was watching him.
Adam looked over at Noah, but Noah wasn't paying him any attention. He was quiet and calm, the breeze from the air vents overhead ruffling his colorless hair. He had upended a bowl of sugar packets onto the table and was busy making a castle out of them. He pushed the two salt and pepper shakers against either side of his creation to reinforce the center, but it was all for naught; his hand shook, and the castle fell apart. Immediately he began building it again.
Adam looked back at the line of customers, and there was Gansey, looking hectically and effortlessly attractive in dark shorts and a half tucked in white t-shirt. In one hand he held his thick journal full of all things Glendower; the other hand reached for a coffee while his smiling mouth thanked the barista.
Adam tried to find Ronan, but Gansey spotted him and waved him to the door before he managed to. Probably Ronan was waiting outside with Chainsaw and couldn't come in.
“Noah,” Adam said, getting up. “Gansey’s here.”
Noah looked up from his castle. “Ganseywhat?”
Adam pointed to the door. “My friend. He's here.”
“Right,” Noah said. He put all of the sugar packets back and jumped up. Adam led him out of the air conditioned building and into the heavy Virginia morning.
Gansey was right outside the door, sipping his fancy iced coffee and looking unpleasantly hot already. At his side, Ronan was sullen and sweating in a black muscle T and jeans too messily ripped for it to have been on purpose. Hunched on his shoulder, Chainsaw didn't look very happy, either.
Gansey greeted Adam and together they walked to where the Camaro waited in the parking lot. He unlocked it, turned around, and did a double take when he saw Noah still behind Adam. It wasn't the first time Noah had gone unnoticed by the people around him, so Adam didn't agonize over his feelings. Gansey looked over at Ronan, but Ronan was too busy grinning at Noah to notice.
"This is my roommate," Adam said uncertainly. “Noah.”
Gansey reached out a hand to Noah, but Ronan pushed past him. Chainsaw chirped nervously and wiped her beak underneath Ronan’s ear.
“I remember you!" Ronan said to Noah, more joyful than Adam had yet seen him.
"Oh," said Noah. He half hid behind Adam like a shy child. His hands were cold where they gripped Adam’s elbow.
"At the Blue. You totally fucked that kids car."
"Oh," said Noah, meeker this time.
"A frat party?" asked Ganesy, concerned - though he seemed happy Ronan had a friend. "What were you doing-” His expression turned tense. "Ronan. Don't tell me you were with-"
"Then don't ask," Ronan said cheerily. It didn't miss Adam that Ronan all of the sudden was not looking his way. Ronan directed his attention to pilfering the Camaro’s keys from Gansey’s pocket.
"Noah, wait," Adam said, finally processing what Ronan had just said. "You crashed someone's car? Were you drunk?"
"No," Noah said, very unconvincing as he shuffled his feet. He looked up at the sky and down at his shoes, at the sweating coffee in Gansey’s hand, and at every other point that wasn't one of the others’ eyes.
"How are you paying him back?" Adam asked. He knew Noah had to have at least a little more money than him, considering the eagerness with which he collected material possessions and the laden care packages he brought to the dorm monthly, but that still wasn't saying much.
"There was a rainbow..." was all Noah said, and Ronan's laugh and Gansey's sigh stopped Adam from saying anything else. Their unconcern made him feel something ugly inside. One day, he told himself. One day.
Gansey wrestled his keys out of Ronan's grasp and pointed a warning finger at him. With no discussion and a decent amount of swearing from Ronan, Noah and Adam clambered into the back of the Camaro, Gansey threw himself into the driver's seat, and Ronan slumped into the passenger seat.
Gansey grabbed his headrest and turned around to face the back. Ronan stole his keys again and turned the air on. Gansey paid him no mind. He was looking at Noah, thoughtful.
“Noah, was it?” he asked. Hot air began to wheeze through the vents.
Noah nodded. “Yep. Noah.”
Adam saw Ronan roll his eyes in the rear view mirror. They both knew where this conversation was going.
“What do you know about Welsh kings?” Gansey asked.
Noah looked out the window. He watched a group of students for a few moments, then shrugged. “I know a lot about the stories of sleeping kings, like Glendower and stuff. And all the stuff with how he's supposed sleeping to be on a ley line, and he can be woken up by whoever finds him and grant a wish and all that.”
Ronan laughed once, loud. He caught Adam’s eye in the rear view mirror and then Adam was laughing, too. Chainsaw cawed and flapped up to sit on the shoulder of Ronan’s seat, her feathers ruffled with excitement. Adam laughed until it hurt, looked up to see Gansey’s dumbstruck face, and laughed some more. Noah observed all of this with faint interest until, gasping, Ronan punched Gansey’s arm and said, “Shit, man. He stole all your lines!”
“Oh,” Noah said. “Sorry.” He reached a hand towards Chainsaw, curious, then drew it back before touching her. The raven hopped down to Adam’s knee. Adam pet her like he'd seen Ronan do and she gave a happy chirp.
He looked up to try and catch Ronan’s eye again but Ronan was already watching him. Adam felt himself flush and he looked at Gansey instead.
“I didn't tell him anything,” Adam said to Gansey. He turned to Noah. “How did you know all of that?”
Noah reached a hand towards Chainsaw again. He didn't quite meet Adam’s eyes. “I like reading about that stuff, I guess,” he said.
Gansey made a pleased sort of sound. He didn't seem bothered that Noah didn't notice him grinning in the rearview mirror. He didn't seem like he could be bothered, by anything. His happiness did not dull or sharpen in accordance to others. It simply existed as it was, bright and pure, easily distinguished from every other emotion in its sheer magnitude. He asked Noah, “Do you know about faerie rings?”
Noah shook his head. “Nope,” he said.
Gansey smiled some more, and told him. He told him about the ring they'd found deep in the forest, and what had happened when Adam stepped inside it. He told him about ley lines, about Glendower, and about his desperate search.
“Wow!” Noah said. “Awesome.” He seemed ready to believe anything Gansey said. He didn't ask Adam why he hadn't told him about the ley line or the faeries’ voices. He didn't ask anything at all, except, “Ronan, where did you get your pet bird?”
Ronan was quiet. It was only for a moment, but Adam noticed it. “I found her,” he said.
Gansey pulled the car out of the lot and got them on the road.
After a few minutes of driving, Ronan started punching buttons on the radio at random. Adam watched him, and Gansey ignored him. Again Noah reached for Chainsaw and again he withdrew his hand when she looked at him.
Finally, Gansey said, “Annoying it isn't going to make it work.”
“It’s such a piece of shit,” Ronan said, without anger. “You should throw it out and plant some mint in its place. Start an on-road business.”
Gansey seemed to consider this. Then he reached a hand over to rub it across the dashboard. “The Pig wouldn't appreciate that.”
Ronan muttered something. He turned around in his seat to check on Chainsaw, then turned back and looked out the window.
“Sing for us if you want music,” Gansey suggested.
Ronan snarled something back in a nasty tone.
Gansey glanced at Adam and Noah in the rearview mirror. “Ronan used to perform in Irish music competitions,” he said. “He has a lovely voice.”
“Gansey,” said Ronan.
“Ronan,” said Gansey.
Ronan continued to stare out the window. Then, with a savage smile, he started to sing, “Squash one, squash-”
The Camaro swerved, and Ronan laughed maniacally. Noah grabbed onto Adam’s arm.
“No,” Gansey gasped. “Not that. Never that.”
“I didn’t think it was bad,” Noah whispered in Adam’s ear.
Ronan punched the radio again. Reluctantly, it let out a static rendition of Mr. Brightside. Gansey grinned and pointed at him in a meaningful way. They drove.
+
Finally Gansey pulled the Camaro over and killed the engine. They weren't at a toll booth for public hiking like Adam had expected, but were instead parked in grass that was so tall it reached the windows. Dirt road stretched out ahead of them, and thick forest framed either side of it.
Adam hadn't paid enough attention on the way to know where they were, but he knew at least that they weren't on public land. He wondered who Gansey had bribed to let them trespass. He wondered if Gansey would go so far as to break the law.
Gansey grabbed his journal, electromagnetic frequency reader, and GPS from the dash and got out of the car.
“Chainsaw,” Ronan said. Immediately the raven hopped to the console and allowed Ronan to put her on his shoulder. Ronan opened the passenger side door and got out. Adam and Noah followed.
Gansey walked around the Camaro’s steaming hood to the others, already flipping through his journal. He stopped in front of Adam and Noah.
“I’ve been here a few times in the past two weeks,” he said. “I haven't climbed the mountain yet, but the energy readings around the base match those we found around the faerie ring almost exactly, so I want to see if they’re the same higher up as well.”
“And you think I’ll be able to feel the line up there, too,” Adam said. Already he felt something beating like a heart in his heels and fingertips, but it was possible that was only his own nerves.
“I know you will,” Gansey said, full of confidence. He held up the EMF. “This doesn't stop working on different points on the line, so neither will you.”
Adam wanted to point out that him feeling an energy source that may or may not exist was not an exact science, and so it could not be predicted, but he just nodded and shoved his hands deep in his pockets. As they all began into the forest, it occurred to him that Gansey thought of him as both a magician and a machine. He closed his eyes and felt for the ley line underneath him. He wasn't bothered by the idea.
Unlike the other forest Gansey and Ronan had brought him to, this one had no paths or clearings at all. Ronan swore up ahead as another branch caught around his body, and Chainsaw screeched. Behind him, Gansey tried to placate the bird and got his finger bitten instead.
“Don't be an asshole,” Ronan scolded her. “You can go and look around, just don't go far and don't try fucking with any snakes.”
Noah tripped and caught himself on Adam’s arm. “Oh, geez,” he said.
“‘Oh, geez’?” Ronan repeated.
Gansey looked over his shoulder at Adam. “Do you feel it?” he asked.
Adam nodded. “I think so. But it's not as strong as last time.”
“Ronan?” Gansey asked.
“Could be it’s actually weaker here and the EMF is inaccurate, could be because he's focusing too hard instead of just feeling it. Hell if I know.”
Adam shielded his eyes with his hand as he looked up at Ronan. He was facing away from Adam, his head turned up to the sky to watch Chainsaw above them. He was flushed and sweating, and there was something weirdly charming about his unwavering yet uncaring belief in these supernatural forces when he himself couldn't feel them.
Adam ducked under a branch while Gansey held it aside for him, then held it for Noah, and then they were at the base of a stone face that inclined steeply upwards.
“We’re here!” Gansey shouted, his face turned up to the sky, arms spread like the wind was lifting them.
He stood like that for a moment, looking less like the Gansey that Adam was starting to understand and more like a statue of a war hero or a defender of the world. Then he resumed the loose, giddy posture and gait of a boy adventuring. He jogged ahead of Ronan to a gathering of boulders at the base of the mountain, knelt down on the ground, and set his journal down in front of him. Flipping through the pages with one hand, he dug the other into his pocket and pulled out a tape measure.
Adam and Ronan went to Gansey’s side while Noah hung behind them, his hands gripping his elbows. He was wearing his usual long-sleeved university sweater, and unlike the others he seemed completely unaffected by the heat, but very affected by something else entirely. He wasn’t sweating, and he looked paler than usual.
“Noah?” Adam asked, half turning away from Gansey. “You okay?”
Noah nodded, not really paying attention. He was starting to look less like the excitable version of himself and more like the quiet, barely there version.
Adam looked back at Gansey. He was writing down measurements in his journal, the tape measure forgotten on the ground, Ronan watching him over his shoulder with his arms crossed.
“I knew you'd want proof,” Gansey said, getting to his feet, “so I wanted to wait to show you these measurements for when you could see them for yourself.”
He handed Adam the journal and stepped close enough that Adam could feel his body heat. It was open to a page full of sketches of boulders with notes underneath them and arrows pointing upwards. Written along the margins were lists of measurements ranging between a few centimeters to half a foot.
Adam looked up at Gansey. He was smiling. He didn't seem to be able to stop. Ronan was frowning behind him. Adam believed less and less by the second that they might be joking about all of this.
“They've been rolling upwards?” Adam asked Gansey. He was starting to like this way of talking with him, this heated exchange of questions and answers.
Gansey nodded. He took his journal back from Adam and pointed to the top of the mountain above them. “I think we'll find the reason why at the top.” he said.
They began their ascent. It was not an extremely steep mountain, but ten minutes in Noah began stumbling behind Adam.
“Look,” Gansey said to Ronan, showing him the EMF.
Ronan glanced at it but kept on walking. “It'll probably go back up in a second.”
Noah made a surprised sort of sound as he slipped, loud enough that Gansey heard. Gansey stopped and looked back at him. “Noah?” he said, concerned. “Are you okay?”
Noah shrugged. He looked nervous. “I'm just… I don't think I’m very good at this.” He rubbed a hand over his cheek and looked away. “I'm sorry…”
Ronan looked a few degrees past irritated, but Gansey turned around without hesitation and went to Noah’s side. “I’ll walk in front of you,” he offered. “We’re almost to the top anyways. Just follow my steps exactly.”
Noah shrugged again. “Okay.”
Gansey made, from what Adam could hear, many valiant but fruitless attempts at small talk with Noah. His enthusiasm wasn't affected at all by the slowness of Noah’s replies.
Adam followed Ronan the rest of the way up. He could see the top already, thick with trees and fog. He tried to feel the ley line under him, tried to listen for that hum in his pulse - nothing. It was like it was dead. Like it had never been.
He didn't bother telling Gansey until they reached the top. There was no point if the line ended up coming back on.
A few minutes later, they reached the top. And the line was still dead, and there was nothing there.
Gansey breathed out a soft swear word. He looked up from the dead EMF reader. “Anything, Adam?” he asked, voice hopeful.
Adam shook his head.
Gansey's face fell. Ronan punched him on the arm. “Hey, man,” he said. “Don't get all emo. It's just like in Henrietta. The line gives no fucks about being predictable.”
“It'd been pretty predictable up until now,” Gansey said, pouting. “I thought there'd be at least something. Something connected to the faerie ring. A clue, maybe. ”
“Life isn't a mystery novel, Gansey,” Ronan said, but he didn't say it stern.
“I just thought,” Gansey started, then he shrugged. “I don't know. Let's go back to the faerie ring.”
“Now?” Adam asked.
“Christ, no.” Gansey laughed, but it was weak. “Later. Not today. Now I think it's in our best interest to go to The 90’s and stuff ourselves with pizza.”
“Um, Adam,” Noah grabbed Adam’s sleeve. His breathing was fast. “I don't feel good. I think I need to go.”
“We’re leaving,” Adam reassured him.
Gansey smiled at Noah, bright as the sun. “The altitude might be getting to you. The air’s thin up here.” He looked around the clearing, eyes excited despite the disappointing nothing they'd found. He clapped Noah on the shoulder on his way back down the mountain. “You'll feel better once you've had some pizza.”
Ronan followed Gansey. Noah stared after them, then turned a startled look on Adam.
“Adam-” he started.
“You don't have to eat,” Adam told him. He preceded Noah down the mountain. “Let’s go.”
+
Adam caught Blue’s eye just a few minutes after they were seated. She was working a table across the restaurant, notepad in hand, her spiky hair going in every direction. She waved. Adam waved back. Then he turned around to see Gansey watching.
“So Blue’s working tonight,” Gansey said nonchalantly. He was decidedly not looking at Ronan.
Noah elbowed Gansey in the side, suddenly bold. “She's cute, dontcha think?”
Gansey coughed into his fist. “She is attractive, sure, like a…. like girls tend to be, I mean…” he trailed off as their waiter showed up.
Their waiter tonight was an older man, which was a disappointment ; but he took their orders with a significantly less amount of impatience than Blue had, which was a relief.
Again there was talk of ley lines, but it was more for the pleasure of it than to figure anything out. They had hit a sort of dead end, and Gansey was rallying the only way he knew how.
He entertained Noah with a book's’ worth of legends and theories, intermittently interrupted by Noah’s appreciative ooh’s and ah’s. Adam half-listened to them as he watched Ronan cut lines into his napkin with a fork.
Finally their pizza arrived and Gansey stopped talking to shove it in his mouth with the typical unselfconscious desperation of a college student. Ronan grabbed two pieces and put them on Adam’s plate, then grabbed two for himself. Noah politely shook his head at Gansey’s offer and sat with his hands in his lap.
“So, Adam,” Gansey said, putting down his pizza long enough to look Adam in the eye. “I was wondering if you would you be interested in an internship with a law firm my father is affiliated with? He was telling me yesterday that they're looking for bright college students willing to work next summer and I thought of you.”
Adam put his pizza down. Something simmered in his gut, ugly and familiar. He told himself not to be offended. He told himself that he had grown past letting every little thing hurt his pride.
But he could feel Noah’s and Ronan’s eyes on him. And this wasn't a little thing. He knew it was an act of charity, even if Gansey didn't think it was.
It was charity to Adam. It was charity because it was something he needed. Gansey did not need an in to the game; he didn't need the bright smiles or genial slaps to his shoulder. Adam did. He needed their questions, their interest in his future, their yearning for his youthfulness. He needed their internships and their sponsorship money. He needed their impressive names at the bottom of job applications, their insistence on his amiable character.
“You thought of me,” Adam said.
Gansey nodded. “It's a few hours from campus, so you'd need to live nearby during the summer, but that can be arranged.”
Adam looked down at his pizza. “I’d have to think about it,” he said carefully.
“No rush,” Gansey said, “I just wanted to let you know.”
Gansey went back to Glendower. Adam went back to his pizza. After a while, Ronan’s leg fell against his.
Adam stilled. He considered moving over to give Ronan more room, but he didn't want to piss Ronan off, or make him feel awkward.
He leaned forward to get a bite of pizza, his leg shifting against Ronan's. Ronan's hand dropped from beside his plate to touch Adam's knee, for just a second before moving away. Adam swallowed. He didn't know if that had been an accident. If Ronan had even noticed.
Adam looked at Ronan out of the corner of his eye. He was slumped over the table, slurring something to Gansey about cars.
Ronan’s eyes slid over to Adam’s and caught, then briefly dropped to his lips in a distracted, flighty way before going back to Gansey.
That had to be intentional. Adam felt himself flush, unsure if he was self-conscious or flattered. He looked at Noah to see if he had noticed, but Noah was busy staring at Gansey. There were no witnesses.
He bent his head over his pizza and listened to Gansey ramble on about the faerie circle and Ronan shoot down every inventive theory he came up with. His pulse was a chaotic thing inside him.
He watched Ronan, but Ronan didn't look over at him again. Adam wasn't sure if he was surprised. He wasn't sure if he was supposed to be.
Later, a few minutes before closing, Blue brought them their bill. “I stole your table from Ron,” she said, a little nervously, looking mostly at Adam.
“Was he upset?” Gansey asked. He politely put down the pizza crust he'd been picking at and looked at her.
Blue smiled, a little. “Delighted, actually,” she said. “He thanked me.”
“I’ll try not to take that personally,” Gansey said.
“Hm,” said Blue. She put her hands on the table and leaned forward. Noah shrunk away from her. “I heard you guys talking about ley lines, and faeries, and, well, I heard a lot. Anyways,” She leaned away from the table and stuck her hands in her jeans pockets. “I come from a family of psychics, so I'm familiar with all that. I just haven't heard anyone talk about it since moving here.”
Ronan shoved Adam. Adam startled and looked at him. “Come on,” Ronan said, his eyes on Gansey. “Let’s get out while we can.”
Adam followed Ronan’s gaze to Gansey’s face; it was lit up like it always was when he talked about all things Glendower. His mouth was hanging open slightly as well, but that probably had more to do with Blue than thoughts of long lost sleeping kings.
Adam gestured to Noah, but Noah was looking between Gansey and Blue like they were his favorite show. Adam shrugged and slipped out of the booth. He led Ronan outside to the parking lot.
It was night now, heavy with streetlight and the buzz of cicadas. Ronan lazily dragged his shoes on the asphalt on his way to the Camaro. Adam hesitated for a moment, then went to stand beside him. With a little smile, Ronan knocked on the passenger side door. Chainsaw replied with a raspy caw and hopped up to balance on the open window a second later.
Adam reached out a hand to pet her. “She stayed in here the whole time?” he asked Ronan. “She could have flown out the window while we were inside.”
There was something fierce in Ronan’s eyes as he considered the raven. He dug a pizza crust out of his pocket and held it up to her. “She never goes far,” he said.
Adam ran the back of his finger along the soft feathers on Chainsaw’s beak. He wanted to look at Ronan, but he thought that maybe Ronan was already watching him. And he wasn't sure what he might do if he caught him at it.
They were both silent for a while as Chainsaw demolished her pizza crust. Then Ronan said, “You should take it.”
Adam glanced at him. “Take what?”
“The internship.”
“It's not as simple as just taking it,” Adam said, “I don't want you guys giving things to me.”
“That's just Gansey,” Ronan said. “It's just what he does. He likes helping people.”
“Like a project pet,” Adam said. A little heat had crept into his voice. Chainsaw shook out her feathers.
Ronan was petulant. “You know he doesn't mean it that way.”
“Even if he doesn't realize,” Adam said evenly, “I think he does.”
“He's excited about being your friend. Let him.”
“Ronan,” Adam said, starting to actually get angry now. “It's not-”
“Just fucking think about it,” Ronan said, so calm and collected Adam felt ridiculous in comparison. “Knowing Gansey, it's a good internship and it probably pays. It could give you a better way to make money.”
Suddenly, horribly, Adam thought back to yesterday, when Ronan had seen him coming in from the back. Anxiety overtook him as he remembered Ronan’s raised eyebrow, his own flinch. He’d brushed off Ronan’s questions, his gaze, but had it not been enough? Had his hair been disheveled? No, he'd checked it. Had something given him away? No, he was always careful. Had Ronan seen through him so easily?
“What do you mean, ‘better’?” he asked.
“I mean steady pay,” Ronan said, his tone even, gaze unflinching. “In an air-conditioned office, with frail businessmen and complimentary bagels.”
“I like my job fine,” Adam said. Jobs, he thought.
Ronan didn't say anything. He merely looked at Adam, eyes bored, mouth pulled down in dissent. Adam gazed back, refusing to flinch, refusing to back away. He knew Ronan used silence like a weapon, but he was good at being quiet, too.
Ronan kept staring, and Adam endured it. Then something like a smile tugged at the corner of Ronan’s mouth. His eyes flickered to the door. “The posse’s here.” he said.
Adam looked over his shoulder to see Gansey and Noah stepping outside, Gansey in front and bathed in streetlight, Noah half a step behind him, all shadow. He could see Blue, too, through the window, bent over a table with a rag in her hands, a small smile on her face.
Gansey stopped in front of Adam and Ronan, grinning from ear to ear. “You guys good?” he asked.
Adam looked at Ronan. Ronan turned away from them both and got into the Camaro. “Yeah,” Adam said, after a moment. “We’re fine.”
#pynch#trc fanfiction#trc#pynch fanfiction#the raven cycle#vv#sorry this upfate took so long#lifes been very overwhelming lately#thank u guys for reading and sharing i appreciate u guys so much
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Hazel Eyes & Cake Pops [Ch. 4]
Read on Ao3 here
It was Tuesday again and I was getting ready to go to class. Since Thursday, Chloe and Rachel were stuck in bed and I was stuck on the couch. At one point, I walked in on them mid-fucking so I ran and stayed outside. I have been watching the SyFy channel with choice shows like Face Off and Channel Zero; I had the volume all the way up.
I just wanted to be sure.
"Good morning, Max." Rachel walked by. She still looked better than me even with bed head and just her flannel on.
"Good morning." I said back as I was tying my hair up again.
Both Chloe and Rachel were so secure about themselves that they were walking around with barely anything on. It didn't bother me at all, though I just wished they warned me or told me something before I barged in. Do you know how frozen in shock I was? All I wanted was to get my backpack to go to class today, but what I got instead was Chloe's face missing in between Rachel.
"Are you eating breakfast?" Rachel came back with a spatula in her hand.
"I'll just catch something on campus." There were hundreds of vending machines and I pass about five of them going to this room alone. I never really buy anything from one because, every single time, something gets stuck in between the hooks and the glass. And then, when I get another thing to fall on top, that one gets stuck, too. I haven't succeeded yet, but maybe my luck changed today.
There was a look of disappoint on her face, so I went to the kitchen to eat a cake pop. I forgot that it was designed like a little pirate, with the eyepatch and all. As I bit into it, the chocolate inside was so sweet against my tongue and made me squeamish. Sorry little pirate, off with your head and you weren’t even that tasty. She giggled at my scrunched-up face, but approved.
"Chloe, are you ready?" I called out. Chloe was already dressed. I could have sworn she was half-naked like a minute ago.
She was twirling her keys on her finger, "Are you?"
We left Rachel home to eat breakfast alone. She was only making eggs but Chloe and I still felt bad. She told us to leave her there; maybe she’ll get her bags with all her clothes in it.
She asked, "Wow, Maxaroni, not your gray jacket today?"
We were stuck in traffic, one lane closed due to road work, multiple car honks went off, making me late to class once again.
"I wanted something to match my new and cool haircut." I hugged myself in my warm black cardigan. I had the sleeves all pushed up to my elbows, because immediately regretted wearing it. It was very hot for late-March.
"You're looking more like an art student every day."
She took her hands off the wheel; we were not moving anymore.
"Actually," I had an idea, "You should work at the bar at the club we went to."
She snorted, "Did you ask the bouncers or something?"
"No, I just thought because Dana worked there, she would give you a chance."
"Oh shit, Dana Ward is here?" She hummed after finishing her sentence. She placed her finger on her chin. I could tell she was thinking about it. I don't recall Chloe ever liking or hating Dana, but I have a feeling she liked her. Chloe never finished at Blackwell and she rarely spoke good about anyone or anything associated with the school.
"I just might go again tonight."
"You're not going to drink again, right? You were out cold last time."
"No, I'm going to be good."
I should get a job, really. I was living off of Chloe. She said it was fine and to just do my school shit, in fact everyone in my life said that to me, but something about it felt so wrong. I appreciated the help, nonetheless, and yet there was this feeling deep in my stomach that should do something other than school. Chloe was really good at saying her feelings aloud, even though they are very emotional, so she couldn't be hiding anything.
She was confusing and I still had to figure her out.
The traffic started to move ever so slightly.
"How long do you think Rachel will be here?" I rested my elbow on the console.
"I hope she stays long enough. A lot of the time she'll be home alone or at my work and that really fucking sucks."
I could hear Chloe's voice becoming somber at the end. I contemplated saying something, anything to make her feel better, but I stayed quiet instead. We started to move again, but we didn’t say anything else for the rest of the drive.
I was two hours late. I lumbered along through the hallways. I remember I got lost first day and it was embarrassing. I couldn't find a room for the life of me and I thought, for sure, that it would be in either floor two or three. It was on the first floor the whole time. In my defense, it wasn’t a number and I thought floor one was just the library, tutoring center, and restrooms.
I passed the first vending machine right next to the elevator, peering into it and trying to find which one is less likely to get stuck. I will never get a granola bar. I decided on chips, and as I pressed the number and letter, I hoped and prayed that it won't get stuck. I watched the yellow bag fall, only to eventually get stuck at the granola bars at the bottom. I stared at it for so long.
Are you fucking kidding me?
I didn't even want to attempt at putting more money. Instead, I kicked the machine as hard as I could, resulting in a throbbing foot, a clenched jaw, and the face of pain. My screams were held back, coming out as a high-pitched cry. My eyes shut from the pain and I held on to the machine.
"Ah, fuck!" I cried out.
"Do you need help?" I heard next to me. It was a gentle, soft voice. I looked over and felt embarrassed instantly.
"No," I let go of my knee and forced a smile, "Wait, did you mean the machine or my foot?"
She giggled, "Your foot, but I can see there's something wrong with the machine too."
I wasn't expecting anyone, let alone her. I think that was the first impression of the century. I tightly held my hands together behind my back to stop them from shaking.
"We're in the same class today, aren't we?" She asked as she looked at the Lays chips.
"Yeah, I got stuck in traffic and that's why I'm out here and not in there."
"At least you’re dressed out today. I can lend you my notes, do you want them?" She took a dollar out of the pocket of her jacket.
Shit, did she only know me because of last week? Or was she referring to the other time? Or what happened in the library? I hated this moment and I need to be saved right now.
"Yeah, is it break-time right now?"
"It is," she chose the same chips, falling and making mine fall along with it, "There you go."
"Thanks, uh..." I hesitated. I knew it, but I didn't want to creep her out.
"Kate," she held her hand out and smiled, "I saw you at Starbucks with Rachel Amber."
"We go way back," I shook her hand, "Everyone calls me Max."
I felt so lost looking in her eyes. They were such a warm and lively mix of golden brown and forest green, the ring of green embracing amber so close, everything in her eyes united so harmoniously. What a strange sea to get lost in.
"It fits you." She let go first.
Oh dog, my hands were clammy. We both reached for the chips at the same time and then retracted at the same time. We both awkwardly laugh and told each other "you first," but she eventually took hers.
"I'll give you my notes when we get back." she started to walk away.
I took a few steps to catch up with her. I could be like "hey, can we walk together?" or "can we hang out later?" I stayed behind and leaned against the vending machine.
"Sorry I kicked you." I said to it.
I finished my chips in about five seconds and walked around on the first floor for ten minutes. It was boring and still break-time, so I decided to go to class. The class was practically empty, except for Kate and the teacher.
I went to my seat in the back. Immediately, I was met with a red notebook sitting on my desk. Curiously, I flipped through it and found a page with a yellow post-it note right in the middle.
I recalled you sitting here. I hope you don't think it's weird. Give it back to me whenever!
It was Kate's. Her g's and y's had looped tails, her h's and b's curved, and letters like e, n, and r attached to the letters they were next to. She stayed on the blue lines perfectly and made small notes in the margins. I was surprised she knew where I sat; she was more observant than I thought. I took my composition notebook out to start copying her notes. My book was tattered and covered in many stickers and drawings Chloe and I wanted to shove into it. I bought it when I started here and it already looked shitty. Yet, I loved it more like this.
I was never one to copy word for word. The only reason why my book looked full were all the pictures in it. I had many deer and many studies of classmates from different classes on every single page. It was so disorganized.
I looked up and saw Kate looking over. She smiled at me and turned back to the front as everyone came back into class again.
Class ended and, honestly, I was done writing the notes an hour ago, but I couldn't bring myself to give it back. Dare I say, I actually felt too scared and nervous to do it. She came up to me, still showing me her kind smile and asked, "Are you done now?"
"Yeah," I handed her notebook back, "Thanks."
She took it back with two hands.
"No problem, see you again on Tuesday." She waved and left behind everyone else.
There was a swell in my chest and my face was so hot to the touch. I acted normal as I waited for the elevator and went all the way down. At the bottom, I rushed out of the door, looked around, and then proceeded to cheer. I whooped and hollered out, jumped around and thanked whatever God above cursed and then blessed me today.
It was still too early for me to bust into Starbucks, so I called Rachel. I was still full of adrenaline, but as I listened to my phone ring and ring and turn into the "your call has been forwarded," all of it was gone. Shit, are you kidding me? I called again and no reply.
There were possibilities I thought of as to why she couldn't answer: she was napping, Chloe took her away, or Chloe and Rachel were both ignoring me. I even put the new number she told me about, so I couldn’t be calling the wrong person.
I checked on Chloe’s number instead. It rang and then nothing again.
I let out a huff. I got a text instead. Sorry Maxi pad text you later. With Rachel.
I wasn't worried about her, because one, it's Chloe, and two, she was with Rachel. Chloe told me they were crazy together, but I trust nothing too illegal was happening.
I went to the library again and, of course, Kate was there again. She sat at the same table and was focused on her book. I went to the same aisle I was in last time and pretended to browse. I was not here to check her out, no pun intended. I was here to wait for Chloe! I told myself that, but why did I go into the same aisle I could see her in? Nope, I was here to wait for my friend to text me.
But, I still wanted to look over. I kept my head still and looked into the corner of my eye. She wasn't looking back, thank dog. I sauntered around, looking at books about animation, knitting, cooking, and history of various films. I hope I looked like a normal student looking around and not creepy or weird.
"Hey Max." The voice scared the shit out of me. I physically jumped and put my hand on my chest from it. It was a classmate from my Friday class, which I missed. It was just a general class, so I didn't care much for it. I sat next to him and he was a bigger hipster than me. I would be down to wear a bow tie and a Clubmaster glasses, but I don't know how that would look.
"Oh, hey dude," I leaned on the bookcase, "What's up?"
"I noticed that you were absent. I brought the notes from class if you want them; there's a test this week." He was holding a stack of papers in his hand.
"Oh, yeah! Can I take them home? That looks like a lot." I flipped open my messenger bag.
"Of course, I already have it all down, so go nuts!"
As I put the packet in my bag, he went on talking about a show he watches. I was listening and nodding to acknowledge everything he said, but I was perfectly angled to see Kate over his shoulder. She saw me back and waved her hand, then went back to her book. I felt my mouth twitching into a smile, but I went back to my classmate, still rambling about all the death in the show.
I left the library when I told him I was going to watch it as I copy notes. I wouldn't say it was a lie, but it was highly unlikely. I didn't even catch the title.
I wasn’t sure if Chloe or Rachel ever text me, but I just left outside. It was hot outside and I needed some fresh air.
To my surprise, Chloe's car was in the front and I could see Rachel in the front passenger seat. I took strides and then got into the backseat. They were both dressed normally, in matching white tank tops no less, so Chloe must have left work early. We were back in the traffic when Rachel finally said something.
"How was class?"
"I was only there for two hours, so nothing happened," I put on my seatbelt, "What were you guys doing that you couldn’t call me back?”
“Chloe was able to stay just for two hours, just like you. We were out eating. Being a couple and then fans coming up to me. Sorry we didn’t answer you at all.”
“It’s cool.”
"Did you talk to her?" She turned to look at me. She changed the topic so fast, I was speechless for a moment. I was able to reply after a couple um’s and uh’s.
"She talked to me first." I said confidently.
"Oh, really now?" Rachel wasn't convinced. I knew they wouldn't believe me. Hell, even I couldn't believe it happened.
I held my breath, but eventually I murmured, "I may have kicked a vending machine and she saw it."
"Now I believe it." Chloe snorted.
"Wait, why did you kick a vending machine?" Rachel's eyebrows furrowed in concern.
"I wanted chips and it got stuck." I realized that it was a bad idea. My foot still hurts.
"Oh Max..." Rachel sighed, but she was amused. She turned back to look out the windshield again. This was the first time I was in the back and it was a little tight.
"But, did you guys go on a long date or something?” I mentioned.
"Oh, we decided to go to that club again and asked if they had an available time for Chloe to go in or if she could get a job at all," Rachel explained, "I think mentioning Dana helped, but we have to wait until tonight to talk to her. Do you want to come along?"
"Are we going in the limo again?"
"Yes."
"Then, I would like to go again!" My mouth watered at the food I could get there once again.
It was midnight, Rachel and Chloe didn't drink during the ride. I sat in between them, which felt strange, they were close and leaned over me to talk to each other.
"I think you'll get the job. I'm sure Dana has some power." Rachel crossed her legs, one over the other. She got even closer. I was uncomfortable in this moment. Our legs were pressed against each other, their hands would periodically use my legs as leverage to lean over, and I was smelling their hair more than breathing real oxygen.
"Why are you guys sitting over here?" I finally asked. I looked at both of them with a confused look on my face. They looked back at me with straight faces, really unconcerned and not bothered by the question.
"What's wrong with sitting altogether like friends?" Rachel cocked her head to this side.
"You guys are talking to each other," I placed my hands on their shoulders, "And I feel super... out of place, being in between here."
The smell of green apple was overwhelming, the pressure of them leaning over on my thighs were hurting me, and my back and neck bending back as far as possible doesn't even cover even half of how I felt. What level of third wheel do you have to be to get to this point? I felt like I was definitely at the highest point. Was I jealous or was I just irritated?
"We're sorry, Max," Rachel put her arm around me and rubbed my back, "You're not uncomfortable with being so close, right?"
"Only the fact that you two keep talking to each other in front of me."
The limo stopped, the window dividing this section and the driver in front of us slid down, and the driver said, "We're here, Miss Amber."
"We'll talk about something you want to talk about when we get back." Rachel patted my back.
It was the same thing. The line screamed for Rachel's attention, we followed Rachel in, passed the two guards, but this time, we beeline to the bar lit by white light. The music was loud, but there were less people dancing inside. It was Tuesday after all, these people must have a lot of time on their hands, but who knows. Dana was there again, wearing a shirt to reveal her midriff, and she saw us right away. She waved excitedly at us. She walked around the bar and hugged Rachel first, tightly and rocking her around.
"Rache, I missed you so much!" She avowed as loud as she could.
Chloe and I couldn't hear anything else after that. We were swaying and shimmying around to the music, bumping into each other once in a while. She was a lot better than me and it was obvious.
"Chloe," Dana shouted out, "You need a job?!"
"Yeah, can you hook me up?!" Chloe hollered and walked away.
"Want more food, Max?!"
"Yep!" I sang. I bounced to the bar stool.
As the three talked to each other, I was sitting on the same stool with all the same foods I was eating the other night. Everything was a lot less hectic. People weren’t dancing as much, doing more interacting and drinking, and it was more chill. Maybe I was actually enjoying myself or it was the food talking. Simultaneously, I finished my food and they were done with their conversation.
"Babe, I love you and shit," that was the first thing Chloe said when we left, "But, we are fully capable of making our own cash."
Chloe a year ago wouldn't say that at all. She would've loved to get some cash, whether someone willingly gave it to her or she stole it. Even when I was the voice of reason, she would still listen to herself and acted out on it. I couldn’t lie; there were times that I actually agreed with her. I still remember the face of relief she had when she finally paid off all her debt for the weed she bought.
"You love and care for Max and I do too! Please let me pay for your debt!" Rachel grabbed my shoulders and hugged me from behind.
There was one problem college students were stuck dealing with for the rest of time: money. I don't know if they felt the need to because they did not finish high school or whatever another reason it could be. I didn't know whether to accept or reject or even say nothing.
"It would be cool, but I think I'll be okay." I finally decided.
Rachel wasn't impressed, "Modest, but this is art school we're talking about."
She was right, but I had a sense of guilt that was way stronger than actually accepting her offer.
"I'm still three quarters in, so let me think about it." I finished. Chloe and Rachel seemed happy with that answer.
"Step two, Max, you have to talk to her more." Rachel reminded me.
I don't want to force anything or make it look like a romantic relationship was my only intention. I wouldn't want to scare her away.
"Yeah, I'll try."
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January 16, 2019 4:51 pm
So on last thursday after that update, I met up with heather for the first time since October. We met up at starbucks, but neither of us bought a drink. She already knew about my moving out because she saw me posting about it on snapchat. I told her all about how my new roommates don’t really talk to me (or do the dishes, or pay rent on time...) and also how my parents didn’t let me have my own bed (she was really shocked at that, which i didn’t understand like girl ive been homeless because of my parents no shit they won’t let me take a bed they bought themselves). I also told her about the whole rose situation, and ofc anna. I thought it was funny how when i told her about the whole “surgery on a porcupine” she was like “how is that possible? you mean she did surgery on those things that fall off of trees?”
After hanging with her, I went home since I had like 5 hours until my next class. rose kept messaging me like “hey are you ready to meet up?” “i can see you’re home now” etc. I didn’t answer, and honestly i was annoyed that she used my location as a weapon, so i left my phone at home when i went to class. Which was kinda annoying tbh, i felt so disconnected without it. (just got sidetracked, but i think when i get my student refund i’m gonna buy an ipod nano 1st gen, which was the first mp3 player i ever had. prob gonna fill it with the 3 vocaloid cd’s i found). After class i went to get a smoothie, then drove home. rose was waiting outside my door for me to get home, and she started going on about “omg i was so worried you weren’t answering my texts etc” we get into my apartment, and i just kinda unloaded onto her (again). just told her how it’s not even just the whole mom situation, but all of them had piled so much hate onto me since i was a kid that i’m incapable of loving myself, and it only frustrates me when they say “don’t see yourself negatively!” it’s like someone breaking your arm and then saying “just use your hand to grab x” without acknowledging that your arm was broken by them. she starts crying (as she always does tbh), then we go to get sushi.
friday i only had one class (psychology) so i chilled at home most of the day. can’t really remember what i did lol. oh wait i think i hung out with rose, to make up for not hanging out on thursday. yea we chilled at my apartment for a bit, then went to the west side to scoop up peter and get hooter’s. and then i complained about how i started feeling sick, and then called in saturday. i told myself that i would get ahead on my homework and clean my room, but i spent most of the day chilling. the gray cat that hangs around my apartment walked by my window, so i opened it and pet her. She climbed into my room, and i spent a good 3 hours just playing with her. I texted the owner asking if she was pregnant or not (bc she really looked like she was about to give birth) but he texted back saying it was a boy, and neutered. apparently he’s just super cuddly.
i called in sunday too, since it’s like i already lost an attendance point and i didn’t feel like going to work. i actually was productive that day, like i did laundry and cleaned my room. still getting the depressive episode out of my system, though, so i wasn’t running at full capacity.
on monday, i checked anna’s twitter (btw after i soft blocked her i felt that she was still looking at my profile tho, like our tweets would mirror each other in mood a lot), and she tweeted “omg i think my crush is flirting with me” so rip my chances with her. and yea i know it wasn’t about me bc outside of class i heard her talking about how they were talking thru snapchat. :c
i really can’t wait until fall when i get transferred to the downtown campus, though. as i was walking up to msb, i saw someone sitting directly next to the entrance. and you can probably guess who it was. I really thought “new semester, new schedule, no more stalker savon waiting outside my classes” but i guess i was wrong. as i sat in the hall waiting for my class to start, I had a minor anxiety attack that i tried to cover up by talking to my classmates and professor about high school funding. luckily in that conversation, i learned that msb has two side exits, so now i have different paths to take. (honestly this whole time i’ve gone here, i thought the “handicap accessible” sign in front of the side entrance was trying to say that wheelchairs should go down the stairs, but my classmate pointed out that it was supposed to say “handicap accessible, up this path to the right,” not directly forward. I took the side stairs after class and basically ran to the garage in case he was following. At home i still had an assignment for comp, which was “visit a place on campus that you’ve never been to before and draw it in a 4-panel comic” (this class is all about multimodal writing) which, by the way, is really only possible for freshmen. as a spohomore, there isn’t a single place on campus that i haven’t been to. except for that side stairwell. so i drew my experiences taking a new staircase as an exit. let me make this journal entry multimodal by adding my comic:
anyways, that comic was apparently way overdrawn, when all of my classmates did simple stick figures at memory mall. kinda felt like wednesday addams wearing a long black dress at summer camp. it was nice tho, gave me a way to express all of my feelings about the whole thing (since i had nobody to talk to). it was like art therapy.
tuesday we had a quiz at the end of calc. i know hindsight’s 20/20, but seriously how the fuck did i fail this class it’s so damn simple. I finished the quiz in a literal 30 seconds and then sat there because i didn’t want to be the first person to finish. all of my classmates looked really deep in thought too, so i started to wonder if i was maybe not doing it right. but then the professor walked by and saw i wasn’t doing anything, so i was like “is this all that we have to do (setting up an integral but not even solving it)” and he was like yea, ur good. surreal.
then i went home and chilled until my evening class, then after that drove to peter’s bc we were gonna hang. so rose remembered that i was coming over, but peter forgot; while peter remembered they invited paul over, but rose forgot. i know that they’re kinda close with paul and all but tbh i don’t really know him that well, and it feels awkward hanging with him. when i told rose that, she was like “but you guys have hung out together, remember that time you got blackout drunk and slept on his bed, i felt like that was a real bonding moment for yall” um no i actually didn’t remember that, probably because i was BLACKOUT DRUNK. anyways i told all of them about anna (since peter and paul didn’t hear the story), then we smoked a little and played comer. We all won a round except for peter lol. then we watched an episode of marie kondo’s show (i wanted them to see how she lowkey looks like a robot), and then i headed home. i got home at like midnight tho, and since we had a sub today in calc, i figured i could skip it. so today i woke up around 10, got on campus at 2 since i was gonna hang with heather (but her boss didn’t let her have a break since she only worked 5 hours so we’re gonna meet tomorrow instead), went to psychology (and we finished the chapter early so no class friday!!!), and since then i’ve been in the library writing this.
here’s my plan for surviving this semester: i’m gonna act like this is fuckin birdbox, but extreme version. he wants to get a reaction out of me, and he’s not gonna. from now on, any time that i’m outside of a building (and even most times that i’m indoors but not in class) I’m going to have headphones in, and look down at the ground (not like directly at my feet, but like looking forward but at the ground ahead of me) or at my phone. that way if he finds me, he still can’t get a reaction bc i’m visibly distracted in the only two senses that he can reach me through. i don’t think he would go as far as to try to touch me, so i should be safe.
i hate that i feel like i’m always on the defensive at my own damn college. i hate feeling like i can’t even walk around freely without being followed. but hopefully i just need to make it to fall, hopefully ucf doesn’t delay the opening of the downtown campus, hopefully i transfer in a few months and can *really* put this all behind me. then it’s all smooth sailing, just gonna go through my final two years at uni, then graduate, get a job in CPS for a few years, then go back to school for my master’s. from there become a licensed clinical social worker, so that i can maybe work for cps but in a hospital setting where i get paid more, buy a house, have a family. get out of orlando. (but i kinda like orlando...)
anyways it’s 6 o clock now, so in about 15 minutes i’m gonna leave the library, use the guidelines i wrote above, use the side entrance, and get to class.
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