#lifes been very overwhelming lately
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hmmmm
#feeling very. Hm.#idk like#Tired to my bones rn#and some of it is fandom and some of it is Life#but i think i’m gonna turn anons off for a little while#bc i’ve liked some of the interactions lately but some of them have also been……#well yk#i’ve deleted a number of them too bc i just don’t have the patience#but like i’m overwhelmed enough as it is with life#i don’t feel like coming on here and being overwhelmed with weirdness or downright meanness too#so yeah#idk i’m just feeling Emotional and Tired#so if you try to send anons and find you can’t sorry ig#just haven’t felt Great about the way people have been talking to me#or treating talking to me as a means to use me for shit either bc that’s also happened in the last few days :)#so yeah that’s all#shut up kay#maybe deleting this later idk
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I think some of y'all (people in uni) were never 15 and read, "we accept the love we think we deserve" and sobbed while reading perks of being a wallflower and it shows
#gift giving is not a competition to some of us bestie#love is not conditional#dont make me overwhelmed by making our mutual friends bday a fucking competition#thank god her best friend also agrees and we are both her best friends so we know#but just why are people so#like this insecurity with love is so insane#people who want to see your love will see your love at the end of the day and if they don't keep being the lighthouse around please#anyway in other good news spoke to the cool batchmate i always wanted to talk more with and she was also like bro i love having convos with#you lets hangout and so we ate dinner walked and talked about history partition cultural stories my ex friend's bisexuality crisis which was#so similar to hers also takked about my cultural crisis family stories her firefly house urdu poetry her boyfriend my career pospects#so yayy i guess but so tired presentation was good prof questioned a lot cause he literally knows my source text authors its his friend in#uni and this girl said he'll take us out for drinks on last day of course so yayyyyyyy#my roomie and her bf constantly talk eh that is but i am gonna shower play my playlist till i sleep#today has been something but atleast i will have dinner with a new person tomorrow as well so yayyyy#life is just being very overwhelmed lately and i just hope people i love know that i love them and i am missing them even though#they live a floor above from me or live miles away too actually#eni life stories
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i’m drawing i’m drawing im drawing im drawing im drawing im drawing im finally drawing yay
#wyrms says stuff#i’ve been feeling like shit lately mentally#haven’t drawn or really written anything in a few days :(#finally drawing now though yippee#gonna finish up some old tllr (art) wips#feel free to send silly random asks i wanna talk to people but like i don’t have the spoons to talk to people At All#life is very overwhelming atm#at least i’ve still got my art 👍👍 i’ve got my art#harley poe reference omg omg
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second night of Murder Mystery DONE all went well i am FREEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
#already made a HUGE to-do list for April i am SO fucking relieved#it’s just so much shit i’ve been TRYING to get done but haven’t been able to do bc everything’s been so overwhelming#but now it’s DONE#and i literally don’t know when the next time is that something is MY responsibility#except for bird walks which don’t count because i’m so comfortable with them that they don’t stress me out lol#like just. i can RELAX and HEAL#late February to mid-March almost broke me. i really almost broke down completely#but i DIDN’T!!!!!!#i kept it TOGETHER and now i’m HERE!!!!!!!!!!#surrounded by love and success#and i got my final reference for my fall birding job application today!!!!!!#i am SO excited - you have no idea#my reference list is a goddamn POWERHOUSE#like. Not to act entitled but i am EXTREMELY qualified and VERY hopeful!!!!#OH and i’m visiting my grandparents at the end of the month and hopefully calling my cousins soon#life is GOOD y’all!!!!! SO good!!!!!!!!!!!#love you all!!! Goodnight!!!!!!!
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I am kissing u all on the forehead
#i have an internal desire 2 chat but unfortunately my internal desire 2 not put effort into anything is winning#no chats no vibes i am lying here staring into space#watching something is 2 much work socializing makes me exhausted this has been a rough week#its very easy for me 2 make little jokey jokes but multiple days in a row of missing breaks or taking them late#and being overworked bc my department depends on me has been#its been difficult#and mentally i am just. im so exhausted#also w rooster teeth closing even tho i havent been big in the fandom for a while its just kinda heavy#i also. i am feeling. i dont know if tumblr rp is all that it used to be for me#i adore the muses i adore the writing i adore my partners#theres just. theres something somewhere being a road block i just dont know what#i dont know if its just life being a lot so im struggling to keep up or if it's just like. im outgrowing it or its outgrowing me#i fell in love w rping bc of the community but i fear these days its. it doesnt Feel like a community anymore#some people do and are trying and it means the world but there is an overwhelming loneliness on this site these days#idk if thats just me or what#and i understand the harsh circle of not being here means no attention means not being here#but just. idk. idk what i am trying to say idk what the vibes r this post like my life is a mess w no coherent outcomes
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13Jul22
With scenes that showcase his bedmates,
‘Massive Orgy!!’ is how most fixate;
But it’s just pillow fights
And little spoon rights
And one private, romantic, male date.
#larry#harry#harry styles#harry’s house#late night talking#harry mv#hiiiiiiiii#i know i’ve been mia#i was traveling for harry#and then my account got terminated#and then i got covid#and all the HL content has been pretty overwhelming#and tbh i’m just over the stunting#and for the first time the daily limerick started to feel more like a chore than a delight#so I’ve just been chillin for a bit#but still very much tuned in#and very much still larrying#so late night talking is bringing me out of hiatus#even disregarding the video’s potential larryness#the whole video plays up the farce that is his public love life#his bedmates are literally on exhibit or in the spotlight or being paraded around london#or he’s in a comically oversized bed of rotating sleeping partners#all while he sleeps and is in an alternate universe#and his waking life proves to be much different#limerick-hs#july 13#2022#would just like to be on record saying i loved the pink and yellow and black and whitefit from antwerp#also anne wearing the x factor shirt at manchester 2 destroyed me
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I wonder how different crabs in ER taste like
Maybe the death crabs just kill you the second you taste them
theyre probably fine. but unfortunately sabelina accidentally killed blackguard so she has to boil all crabs herself. if you believe in her cooking abilities, all crabs are good.
#i didnt do it. it was sabelina. dont blame me#also i am going to add this here#sorry i havent been responding to many messages. i get a lot and ive been really down as of late due to some life stuff.#its partially why i also have not been streaming. ill bounce back soon but ive been kind of trying to spend some time offline#that and im not always comfortable answering asks and i dont reply to most dms unless i know you#ive had bad experiences with people getting way too friendly with me simply because i replied to a message in the past so i tend to distance#myself from a lot of it. i really appreciate them though#i read them all. im very grateful#i just get overwhelmed sometimes
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I’m the type that can and will cry if think too hard <3
#random post#me tag ∠( ᐛ 」 ) |/#I’m not an overly emotional person in the stereotypical way. but I do get in my feels when thinking about life and the experience of living#I’m like. constantly explaining things to myself cus there’s never really a time or place to talk about it#also my method of explaining things is very not coherent sometimes. so it takes me a bit to really get my point across in a comprehensible#way. I’m a big thinker. I have many thoughts and ideas a views. a daily thing of mine is noticing problems#and then fixing them in my head with thought out explanations and motives and outcomes#it’s like I’m talking to someone else. much like how I format my text posts. that’s how my inner monologue is#me talking to myself is actually me talking to someone else. someone that isn’t real#anyways it’s a daily occurrence. every day of my life is spent with thoughts similar to those breaking down a movie#lots of thoughts from adhd. compulsive thoughts from ocd. overwhelming thoughts from autism. distressing thoughts from bpd#ya. this isn’t a vent I just need to like. see the thoughts in writing so I can do smth else. like eat this muffin ive been staring at for#over an hour now <3 mmmbfbg yea muffins are hard to eat now cus I had some with mold and food mold especially is a big nono for me#spend like. five minutes examining the damn thing before I even consider taking a bite. I’m very hungry an thirsty </3#when your mouth is so dry you can taste your own mouth 👍 I’m experiencing#nothing in particular. just experiencing. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I like having an experience and living#drank my tea and I had like. hallucinations of like an alcohol prep pad. I’ve been using those in my ear cus. tmi. had a pimple that’s#causing problems so mom suggested that. it burned! which means it worked so word. I’ve noticed lately that both me AND my family have been#using ‘word’ a lot. dad says we’ve been saying it but no we haven’t. if we had I’d have BEEN saying it. maybe we’ve used it before for a bit#but now it’s back. idk. I’ve said it in class on more than one occasion lmao I don’t look like the type to say smth like that but whatever#it’s like when I used to say bro after every sentence like 10 years ago lol. we’re a family of parrots we repeat eachother a lot#I started saying I love you out of no where and they started doing it too. we whistle at eachother from across the house. sing ear worms#together. quote funny things at every opportunity and drive the joke into the ground. everyone in this house is a different kind of mentally#I’ll and it’s the most beautiful clash of personalities because we’re all so annoying and we love eachother so much and also our#communication is shit because some ppl have hearing loss and another is a short fused child and some are quick to interrupt and some dont#get a word in and some just can’t explain and some can’t understand. we get there eventually at some point. we don’t get the full grasp of#how much we love eachother yet. but we’re gettin there. anyways this went into several different directions but they’re all good ones#I think. if you read all this good on you! this is my brain 24/7/365 haha ok love you
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I haven't drawn anything in like 4 months. I haven't done any fanart in longer than that. I've been itching to do something creative but I haven't been in the right state of mind... I should be taking it easy, but what am I doing? Planning a whole animatic 😅
...
wish me luck
#i've done one single animatic in my entire life (that was my only attempt as well) and it was for a very short story based song#so idk if i'll manage to finish this thing#but it's ineffable husbands so i hope they give me the strength lol#i'm barely in the planning stages i have to figure it out first#my brain has been overwhelming lately and i hope i can focus on this and calm down#PLEASE#angel talks#personal
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I'm fine
↑ she was not fine
#I've been so emotional lately akskdka rough time of year for me 🥲😔#it's been a long year in general#I've been crying kind of a lot lately. just rly overwhelmed with this delayed grief.#I've been dating or hooking up w someone since i was 16 so this year i focused on myself n friendship instead#and it's been great. but it also gives me a lot of space to process everything and find clarity - which is also great but The Grief 🫠#giving myself space 2 process my feelings includes making time to cry and talk my way thru it openly 👉👈#transitional periods of ur life r hell fr though it moves by so slow when you're in it then completely forget when ur in ur next phase#i hope better things are coming for me soon. i do my best 😔 i think next yr will be a lot better after i move and I'm trying so hard to#enjoy right now. *long deleted sigh !!!!!*#i wish i could just throw myself into someone's arms and be held. but idk when or how I'll meet the next person 😮💨#dating apps around here r kind of hell and i gave up on them tbh. i think they're a lot better in A Town but it's too oversaturated#and also none of the friends i made thru them rly stuck. i keep busy w my friend n hobbies n bandit and it leaves me satisfied day to day#but there is a very deep Yearning inside of me that's rly gnawing at me lately 🥲#sleepover talk
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now my logical followup is rewatching rogue one for the first time since seeing it (multiple times) in theaters i believe? Will i cry a lot, which i am always prone to do w/media & things but all the more so lately, it seems
#and having a whole [at least one season's arc of prequel for Best Character] will surely just make it a more regular experience#also was thinking hm i'd like to rewatch especially those episodes of the Visible [lgbtq TV history] eps that akd narrated then was ft in..#eps three and five respectively i believe (the one in between like Eh) but both did already make me cry lol. how'll that go now#not like a difference in reaction like ''wow that's sad / moving'' i'm just more proximate to reacting to that in turn by tearing up fr lol#always something when like. the very specific Stressed Abt Life i actually cry over directly is just like#being stressed Enough but then also having to try to Talk. only lately do i realize that being autistic may have always been relevant thus.#& i don't think it's like A Bad Thing either b/c crying is bad (hooray for crying) or i think it's bad it comes all the more readily to me.#even if it's still like [augh. media] or [i'm burnt out / overwhelmed / bit of a meltdown feature as it were] Particulars for me lol#think the last ''i'm crying b/c i'm just like sad kinda encompassingly'' instance was like. once in 2017? & god knows when prior to that.#anyways i've had nothing going on on paper that'd be ''impressive'' but i've done nothing but Become More Powerful in past years.#and in a good way lol. all the less of any hurdles or whatall in going ''oh that's sad :'('' abt what i would already find sad. & i'm yknow#elevated & vivacious with it oft lol. like my other [crying scenario] is a lil burst of teariness b/c i got riled in a Good excited way lol#my power strength confidence stats are up so like hell yeah i'm weeping over media where i'm sad all the more easily lol#plus me and everyone else eh#unless you don't really. in which case hell yeah to that too#rogue one
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“Oi, you don’t look too good...”
“Are you okay?”
#;ic#[silence and low activity seem to be the default here nowadays but i promise we're here still!!!]#[life has been kinda ass lately between some personal stuff and some minor health issues]#[every time i say i'm going to be active here some shit happens and it keeps me away for a while...]#[my rp curse remains as strong as ever it seems ;o;]#[anyways.. i'll try to be active here today]#[won't promise much in regards to replies to threads but an attempt will be made]#[especially for shorter ones as not to get too overwhelmed for now while i get back into the swing of things ;v;]#[i will also be getting to the asks in the askbox]#[sorry y'all for the wait with those!!!]#[and pls by all means feel free to send in more stuff if you'd like to!]#[hope everyone's doing great and having a wonderful day/afternoon/night! <3]#;speedwagon says (( ic ))#[also. yes. post be a si/len/t hi/ll reference in celebration of the very big news sh fans got this week o:]
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whoa
#slightly overwhelmed lately by how much support my parents are giving my art#like its good but im just. surprised#i rarely if ever show them my work because im insecure / that kinda fear of letting your parents know something makes you happy#n that threaten to take it away even though im a full grown adult now#but i passively mentioned i made a good amount of money on a commission and they were like 'AYO?'#and have been non stop praising me and my art since. its nice but just really weird#im so used to keeping these parts of my life separated so its very weird but nice#jasperstatic.txt
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tonight i think i've just been jamming to music
#🌙.rambles#SO RELIEVING TO FINALLY BE ABLE TO REST#until monday no classes n then. tues has classes but wed is non-academic#iirc tuesday is also online?#N THEN FAIR FROM THURS TO SAT (but i'm not sure if apollo n i can go on sat. ion think so T_T but i don't really mind ngl)#i love the 1975 so much actually. BUT#i dont have any friends other than apollo that listens to them 😭#the way they preform live is just so.. special too n. i still can't really believe that one day. less than 100 days from now#i'll see one dream come true.#n the idea of it fills my heart with so much love and hope n#it's.. really lovely. bittersweet actually. feeling so. young. amidst all my thoughts lately#i think i mentioned yesterday how it seems like life is both so real & unreal at the same time.#oddly confusing but also comforting.#n i'm rlly not the kind of person to keep all this all to myself. yk#hang on if i think even a little more right now i think i'll be overwhelmed T_T i've been trying not to overthink Too much lately#tonight that's been working well. but i'm beginning to feel rather anxious rn bcs my phone is#it. has a wifi limit so i can't use my phone midnight onwards :c not complaining ngl but it's#i overthink my interactions w others far too often. even very quick ones. but then my mental health sucks when i'm alone for too long#i'm really the kind of person that. i need to relate to the people close in my life. if we can't relate deeply then#i think it gets draining for me. or my energy's just low at times. either works. other stuff too#i get distracted so easily help. AHH IM GNA BE PRODUCTIVE FOR NOW BYE ><
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Might make something about abuse, might not. We’ll see gamers
#like in my mind its a comic but im already pretty bad at making even like short shitpost comics let alone long ones#I wouldnt go very complex at all with the art but its still overwhelming#if i dont feel like it ill find some other way to make something of the same vibe#but yeah lately just been like really thinking about my own life#and ive been horribly abused and am living in am abusive environment rn and i dont feel safe#but i have no way of getting out cuz im financially dependent and i cant seem to find any ways of making money#and by the time id be able to save enough money i think its gonna be too late#no one seems to realize this it seems#i dont have a clue whats gonna happen anymore#i just. cant fucking stay here any longer not a fucking chance#but maybe if i sound sad enough someone rich will care and give me money lol
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Been feeling lately like I woke up from a really long dream where I was doing so much but getting nowhere and now that I’ve woken up, I’m a completely different person.
There’s a sense of clarity that comes with that some of the time, but other times there’s this sort of emptiness where I think to myself “why don’t you feel the ache you used to feel? Why don’t you want? Didn’t you like wanting?”
Maybe I did. Maybe now I just don’t know what to want.
#I’m very overwhelmed lately. there’s too much happening at once and some is very bad and others are small catastrophes#maybe I’ll stop wandering through life bumping into things occasionally. I feel like I’ve been a DVD screensaver
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