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blueroan-equestrian · 3 years

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Eskel’s Family

warning smut and pregnancy

Eskels POV

“You know what?! Lambert is right for once! You get everything! And here you are whining like a little bitch because you got too many options! You got the one you are totally in love with and wants a baby but can’t, and then you got the crazy obsessed one who has figured out how to actually have a baby with you! I would at least like to have the chance to be a father...one which wasn’t one I stole with law of surprise, one I helped make. You’re taking it for granted.” I barked.

Geralt rolled his eyes, “Then why don’t you go find a girl willing to carry a baby for you and then I will convince, (witches name), to help you. Get the girl first.”

... (y/n) POV

I scrubbed the floor of the tavern I worked in like I do every day till my fingers bleed. Today was no different, the patrons were disgusting and lewd. But it’s how I can feed myself, and house myself so I tolerate it. Today, a new man came in, he watched me just like the other patrons do, but when he moved towards me, it was more calculated and respectful than any other man has ever approached me. He smiled, he’s quite a handsome, well built man. He had scars running over his face but they didn’t hinder his beauty. “Hey... um ... I have a proposition for you if that’s not too forward.”

I roll my eyes, “I am not a whore but there’s a brothel down the road.”

He smiles with an awkward body shift, “That isn’t exactly what I was about to ask.... though I suppose it’s not too far off... I was looking for someone to................ travel with me... as a companion... and hopefully more later?”

Pinching my brows together, “Why?”

“I want ... I would like to have a family and it isn’t exactly an easy thing to find when you travel... I would take care of you, protect you from harm... you wouldn’t have to deal with this shit.” He said as gestured to our surroundings.

I think for a moment. He is quite handsome and quite polite, unlike most suitors around here. He was also much more respectful than the other men. It would be nice to know that I would be taken care of and not end up being the towns old maid. I nod, “Alright but I don’t know that I’d much of a family to you unless you want to adopt a baby or something as I hear that Witcher’s are infertile.”

He grinned sheepishly, “Well... I know someone who could help with the infertility ... I would like to ask you to carry a child for me.”

I nod sternly, “Alright but babies can’t be out in the elements for long.”

He responded, “I have a place for you to stay during the early years.”

I nod, there are worse reasons for such a deal. “Alright Witcher, I’ll bear you a child. I’m (y/n) by the way.”

“Eskel.” He smiles. “Um could I ask you to help raise him... or her too?”

“You would have to fight me for me not to be apart of a baby that came out of me.”

Eskel laughed and smiled, “Good, so um how would you like to go about this? Do you want to travel a little bit together and get to know one another...or...”

“Let’s just get it done, there’s no need for the waiting and talking about what? You are arranging me to come for a baby and in exchange I don’t have to worry about anything else so if that’s the deal then why wait.” I reasoned mostly with myself.

He nods and sticks his hand out, “Then let me start with providing you with some better clothing and anything else that you might want.”

“How about something to eat from the bakery down the road?”

He nods and we simply leave abandoning everything I know behind. After shopping he suggested we move on to the next town. When we got there we got settled into an inn. I plopped down onto the lumpy bed. “So tell me about this plan for... you know....?” I asked.

“Well we are going to head to my childhood home in the winter when we go to the fortress, an old friend can help me access someone who can help... so two more months and then we will begin to head back home.”

...

“Alright, you’re in luck, she’s actually ovulating now.” The witch smirks and continued to talk to Eskel in a volume only he could hear, handed him something and then left.

“What did she say?” I asked.

Eskel shrugged and held out a vile, “That all I have to do is drink this before we... fuck and then you know the rest.”

I nod, “Okay.... shall I meet you in your room?”

He simply nodded, so I went to the room and prepared myself for him. I stripped down and crawled into bed to wait for him. He came in shortly after still holding the full vile. “What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Do you want to do this... I mean really?” He asked a little bit out of character.

I get up and moved to him, I take the vile and open it for him, “Why are you questioning this now? Where I am from this is a dream. If I had stayed I would have been eventually endebted and as a result “married” off to someone who could pay off my debts and well ended up a sex slave. If I was lucky I would end up an old maid but died alone unloved by anyone. Besides you’re handsome, kind, you take care of me and I want a kid and honestly if I have a baby, I want it with someone who also wants a baby and not just have one because I am just something they use for pleasure. So are you ready?” He actually kissed me and held me until I pulled away and held up the vile, “down the hatch.” He does and I lead him to the bed, “Now do you want me to ride you or do you want to take control?”

He chuckles, “Even on my first time I wasn’t this shy about it.”

“Well just tell me how you want me, tell me and I will do it. On top rocking back and forth, on my back, ass up and face in the sheets, against the wall or in the tub, you decide.”

He swallows the vile and leads me to the bed, “On your back beautiful.” He ordered as he gently helped lay me down on to the bed. He took a pillow and placed it under my lower back. He quickly stripped down and crawled on top of me. His golden eyes raked over my body as his finger tips skimmed over my skin ever gently... as gently as extremely calloused fingers can that is. It was a soothing gesture as he pushed his very thick and long member into me making me feel like I was being split in two. Seeing my discomfort, his eyes widened, “You were a virgin, weren’t you? Why didn’t you tell me? You should have told me!” He says halting his movements.

I simply moved to hold onto his arms and widened my legs, “This wasn’t about sex... it’s about creating our baby... what does it matter to you... I am just a vessel for your baby to grow.”

He leans back, “No, that’s not it...”

He tried to continue speaking but I cut him off, “If you want to talk about this, we can talk after, I might be the virgin but I know enough to know this isn’t the time. So... make me scream your name!”

He nods and slowly began to push the rest of the way in, “I love you beautiful...” he groaned as he settled into me, as he slowly began to move back and forth, “You’re the most beautiful woman I have ever met! ... you feel so good, oh!!!!”

He kissed at my neck and reached down and began to rub circles on a very sensitive area, slowly my hips started to grinding into him and my back started to ark, “Ahhh!!!!!! Oh!!!!! God!!!! Oh Eskel!!!! Aaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!” My toes curled and my nails dragged down his back.

He grunted and groaned as he pumped into me until a wet, but hot sensation filled me up sending me out into a feeling I have never experienced before. When he pulled out, he moved the pillow under my lower back to under my bottom and added another. He flopped down beside me and slung an arm across my belly. “You are amazing my beautiful. How are you feeling?”

“Satisfied... so very satisfied... in a way I never thought could be be possible.” I sighed happily.

Eskel moved his arm he had across my belly and began to rub it. “Do you think it took? Do you think that there’s a baby inside of you?”

I turned my head to look at him, “We won’t know until I skip my period or not. We just got to be patient and until then I will take care of my body as if it is with child.”

He pats my belly and he leans in to kiss my belly humming, “Daddy loves you.”

“Talking to your sperm?” I teased.

“No, the embryo, soon to be our baby.” He laughed kissing me this time, “I really do love you, you’re going to be the mother of my child and if you want I’ll marry you if that’s what it takes. Just say the word.”

“Okay... marry me. But who will marry us?” I questioned.

“One of my friends, we can do it in the morning, right now let’s rest and let my seed take root.” He says patting my belly.

I roll my eyes but he was so huge that even though he was gentle through the whole thing I was soar so I nodded and let myself fall asleep. When I woke up he was gone so I got up and started for the most likely place he would be and with the way this place was built their voices carried out into the hall. “I still can’t believe that you didn’t know she was a virgin! Listening to you babble was pathetic man.” A male voice teased.

Was this a joke to them? I marched right into that room and barked, “and what exactly do you find pathetic about him caring about my comfort, huh? Tell me! Well?” They all looked at me like I had surprised them some how. Eskel remained seated but reached for me, so I went to him so that he could pull me in and hold me on his lap.

“We’ve been drinking, they didn’t mean anything by it. It’s just how we are ” He soothed as he kissed my shoulder.

“I still don’t understand why that’s acceptable behavior.” I huffed.

He sighed heavily, “We grew up together... and it wasn’t anything against you.”

“No! No.” The others agreed.

Eskels hand fell over my belly gently, “Are you hungry?”

I nod and he moved to feed me something.

...

Once it was warm enough to leave, I was out of my first trimester and it was a miserable trimester. Eskel lifted me onto Scorpion and then leaned in to kiss my belly, “How are you feeling my love?”

“Like this little fucker is trying to escape already.” I grumbled as it shifted again inside me.

Eskel rubbed my belly, “Hey in there, you better be good for your mommy. Shhh... there you go, that’s a good baby.”

“I hate you, I fucking hate you.”

“What? I can’t help that she’s a daddy’s girl.”

“How do you know it’s a girl?” I snipped

“Because, she listens to daddy. I just know.” He hummed leading us away. But we didn’t last long out of the fortress. We had to return because travel was too difficult for me. He sat on the bed that I was laying in. “I need to go and make us some coin.”

“I can barely get out of bed without you, you can’t leave me alone!” I cried “I need you, we need you here there has to be another way!”

“Geralt has a friend who is willing to stay and help with you until I can return. He owes Geralt a favor for letting him travel with him. Jaskier come meet my wife!”

...

By luck Eskel arrived back a week before I gave birth.

“You shit head!!!!!!!!” I yelled through my contractions.

“Just breath honey.” Eskel says holding onto my hand.

“No you breath!! You fuck head!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” I screamed in pain.

“Alright one more push and you’re there.” The Witch says. I give one last push and finally it’s out and I go limp, barely able to hear her next words, “It’s a girl! Do you want to hold her?... How about you Daddy, so I can take care of mo...” her voice faded and I fell into a deep darkness.

“It’s going be alright baby girl, mommy’s going to wake up soon.” Eskels voice said to a crying infant.

“The baby is clearly crying because she is hungry not because she understands what is happening to her mother. (Y/n) breast clearly still work because I can see that she has been leaking so let the baby latch... and for god’s sake name her so that we can stop calling her baby!” The witches voice growls.

I can feel Eskel position the baby to allow her to breast feed. ‘What has he been feeding her before?’ I mentally questioned.

“I was wondering the same same thing!” The witch laughed.

“What?” Eskels voice asked.

“Oh!!! Good news! Your wife is mentally aware! She’s listening to us right now.”

“She can hear me?” He asks with so much hope in his voice.

“Yes, she can hear you and she wants to know what the hell you’ve been feeding her baby?”

“Goats milk.”

‘Goat’s milk! From Lil Bleater?!’ I projected my thoughts and the witch laughed.

“She’s pissed!” The witch tells him through her chuckles. “She’s right, the goat milk isn’t designed for the baby like what she is producing for the baby.”

Eskel kissed my head, “I’m sorry sweetheart, I will do better now.”

...

One day I finally open my eyes and Eskel is asleep next to me with the baby in between us. I try to sit up but I couldn’t, “Eskel?” I whispered hoarsely.

“Hmm...” he hummed not realize that I was awake at first before he snapped up, “(y/n)! You’re awake!!! Oh god baby, I am so happy! Let me go get (witches name)! I will be right back.”

I am weak from my state in a coma so it took the witch a lot magic and a lot of help from Eskel. Eskel had to bathe me, feed me and carry me to the toilet.

“Eskel, I’m hungry and the baby ... I mean Evangeline... she needs to be cleaned up.” I grumbled as I tried to get up on my own.

“No, don’t get up, I got her. I’ll clean her up and then I will cook you something to eat while you feed little miss.” Eskel says as he rushed to the bedside to pick up Evangeline. He took her and placed her on an old dresser to change her and then handed her back to me.

...

I grew old, Evangeline took after her father and a deal created a family.

#eskel witcher #witcher eskel #Witcher #eskel smut #the witcher #witcher smut #eskel fanfic #eskel fic #eskel witcher smut

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lia-jones · 3 years

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Growing Together - Chapter Eight - Aftermath

Author’s note: This chapter has graphic descriptions of violence, as Andrea remembers a very specific episode of her abuse. If you sensitive to this kind of things, avoid the third part in italic.

The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes were hers. They were red and puffy, almost unable to stay open. It was obvious that she had been crying for days. I tried to call for her, but only a raspy sound came out.

“Don’t try to talk just yet.” I heard her instruct. “Your vocal cords must be sore from the tube.”

“She woke up?” I heard my father ask. “Andy, can you hear us?” He bolted to my mother’s side, allowing me to see his face.

“Andy, do you remember what happened to you?” My mother’s eyes shone again with tears.

I lied, shaking my head. I knew exactly what had happened. I wished that I didn’t.

“Do you need a blanket?” I felt Victor’s hand touching my shoulder. I turned my gaze from the jet window to face him, seeing concern in his eyes.

“I’m ok.” I quipped, turning to the window again. I could feel Victor watching me, but he didn’t speak another word.

“The pilot wants to let you know that we will be arriving in Loveland at 3 pm, local time.” We were informed by the flight attendant. “The duration of flight is estimated to be 11 hours. Should I prepare the bed?”

“Maybe for later.” Victor answered. “Put on some extra pillows for my wife as well.”

We sat in silence for a moment, as the flight attendant walked back to the booth.

“You have been very quiet since we left the clinic.” He held my hand. “Are you in pain? I’ll ask for a bottle of water so you can take an analgesic.” Victor motioned to press the CALL button.

“I’m fine, I’m just tired.” I rubbed my forehead. Victor lovingly took my hand, lowering it to my lap.

“That doesn’t mean tired.” He quipped softly. “But maybe you should take a nap. You’ll be more comfortable in bed.”

I laid down beside my husband, letting him wrap a protective arm around me. His hand took mine, drawing soft lines on my skin.

“Are you comfortable?” I heard him whisper.

“Yes.” I closed my eyes, trying to end the conversation.

“Do you need another pillow?”

“I’m sleepy.”

I felt his lips touch my hair.

“Good night.”

I got the pen and paper from my mother’s hand and placed it on my lap, writing furiously on it.

“The baby?” I wrote.

My mother sighed heavily, and took my hand.

“Andy��” She trailed off. I slapped the paper hard with my hand. Why couldn’t she tell me already? I knew he was dead, no embryo would survive that beating. But I needed to hear it.

“It’s incredibly rare, but it can happen to a woman to have a false positive pregnancy test.” My mother explained. “There was no baby. You weren’t pregnant.”

That was simply ridiculous. There was a baby, I was sure there was a baby. I had symptoms, my breasts were swollen, I was late, there was a positive test…

“I have something to tell you, Andrea.” My mother warned me, with tears in her eyes. “But you have to promise me you’ll be strong.”

I nodded, without knowing exactly what I was agreeing to, or what kind of strength would I need.

“You had severe uterine bleeding.” She held my hand tightly. “They had to perform a hysterectomy.”

I woke up, enjoying the soft sun and the earthy colors of our bedroom for the first time in a week. We were back in Loveland. I had left in Switzerland the dream of giving Victor a biological child.

What exactly does one do when one’s dream is gone? Until our trip to Switzerland, my infertility was a reality, but with the help of science, it could still be overcome. The dream was dormant, but still alive. Now, not even all the fighting in the world could make me have a child of my own. The dream was dead. The only thing left to do was to bury it, and move on.

Without much thought, I got up from bed and did what I did every morning, on a normal day: I went to the kitchen. And predictably enough, Victor was finishing cooking, the scrambled eggs and toast already on the table, a mug with coffee placed by my usual seat.

“Good morning.” He announced, as he added to the table some sliced fruit. “How are you feeling? Any pain?”

“The cramps seem to be gone.” I declared, making an effort to look perky. “ Will you give me a ride today? I need to go to LCG today, see how the remodeling is going. Any interesting news?”

My husband didn’t seem interested in the news, though.

“You’re going to work?” He frowned at me. “You had a procedure two days ago.”

I gently placed my forkful of eggs on my plate, my appetite suddenly gone. I didn’t want to think about Switzerland or my procedure. I just wanted to move on.

“Three days ago.” I corrected. “There’s a time difference. Besides, I’m fine, I’m just going to see the remodel, I’m not going to break any walls myself.”

I needed to sound as normal and healthy as possible if I was going to convince my husband. But the truth was, I was not only trying to convince Victor, I was also trying to convince myself. Except my body wasn’t in on my lie. I felt a painful cramp in my lower abdomen that almost made me double over, suppressing a whimper.

“I have to find my phone.” I got up from my seat carefully, before Victor could be any wiser. “I must have a hundred emails to return.”

Victor and I didn’t reveal what we were doing in Switzerland, just stating we had meetings with new clients there and would be extremely busy, so we kept communications to a bare minimum. When I went to the clinic for the procedure I turned off my phone, and because of all that happened after, I never remembered to turn it on again. The moment my device came to life, it started beeping non-stop.

I started skimming through the messages, already categorizing the most urgent ones to reply as soon as I got to my computer. My eyes lingered on one sent by Diane.

Aunty Andrea, I have arrived! I was born on August 19th, at 7 pm, weighing 6 pounds. I am a healthy and happy baby and I can’t wait to meet you. Mommy and Daddy say hi! Lots of love, Penny.

Below there was a picture of a sweet baby wrapped in a pink soft blanket, sleeping peacefully. I heard Victor speaking from behind me, leaning against the door frame.

“I was going to tell you after breakfast.”

I took a deep breath, afraid I might start to cry. Clearing my throat, I turned to him, trying to act as perky as possible.

“It’s ok, now I know.” I moved past him to the walking closet. “Penny looks absolutely precious.” I picked a shirt to wear. “I need to call Diane to know when it’s the most convenient to visit. They’re probably too tired to see people right now.”

“Just stop it already.” Victor scolded, making me start to get jittery. “I know you are unwell, you shouldn’t be going to work. You need time to recover.”

“No, what I need is a shower and to get back to my life. I can’t do that staying at home and moping.” I was desperate to get steaming water on my abdomen to ease the pain I was feeling. “Give me 20 minutes and we can leave.”

My wish to pretend everything was ok soon fell apart, as the dull pain I was feeling sharpened and made my knees buckle. The only reason I didn’t fall was Victor’s watchful stance, as he promptly gathered me in his arms.

“You’re not going to work today. Neither am I.” He sat me on the bed. “I’ll help you shower and change into more comfortable clothes, but no one is leaving the house today. You just had surgery, and you are still in pain.”

Despite my protests, Victor undressed me and took me to the bathroom, allowing me to shower by myself under the condition that he would sit outside the stall, waiting for me. I let the hot water dissolve the knots in my body, my mind reeling with thoughts of the recent events.

For the past two years, I had worked hard to get rid of all the marks Daniel left in me. I got my self-esteem back, fell in love, made a career for myself. But I couldn’t erase the mark that hurt me the most, my infertility. I had told everyone that I couldn’t remember what had happened, convincing them that my head injury or maybe shock had erased it from my mind. However, I was trying to spare their feelings. The truth was too cruel, I needed to keep it to myself, so it wouldn’t hurt anyone else. That day at the hospital, I swore to myself that what happened that night would die with me.

First, the memory came in flashes. I did my best to keep it hidden in the dark corner of my mind, but to no avail. It was overpowering me, to the point that I forgot where I was, and simply closed my eyes, finding myself on the cold floor of my old kitchen again.

“Did you really think it would be that easy?” Daniel circled me as I sat on the floor, wiping the blood from my nose. “Did you really think I would just let you walk away?”

He removed the belt from his pants and wrapped it around my neck, tightening it as he kneeled behind me.

“Listen carefully, my love. You don’t get a say about your life. You don’t get a say about that baby’s life. You don’t even get to decide where you go.” I fumbled uselessly to get the belt off my neck, almost passing out with the lack of oxygen. I was startled with his mouth whispering in my ear. “I’m the one who decides who stays and who goes, and I decide who gets to live. Let me tell you what I have decided.”

He grabbed a fistful of my hair and suddenly smashed my head against the tile. After that, I couldn’t get up. The pain was so unbearable I was paralyzed and temporarily blind, my ears ringing loudly. The only thing I could feel was the blood pouring from my forehead and pooling on my hair and ears, and his voice, far away, like I was under water.

“I will let you live your pathetic miserable life.” He spoke with disdain. “But you will not have that child, or any other child.”

The first kick made the air suddenly leave my lungs, and I couldn’t breathe in anymore, before another kick followed. And another. And another. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t cry, I was helpless. The only thing I could do was hope he was wrong, and death would take me anyway.

The sound of the shower door opening startled me, my mind still somewhat fuzzy, stuck between memory and reality. The water stopped, I felt a towel wrapping around me, arms lifting me from the wet floor.

When I fully came to my senses, I was in Victor’s arms, his face close to mine, whispering. It was then that I realized I was gasping for air.

“Deep breaths.” I heard his voice in my ear, while he rocked me back and forth. “Take deep breaths, Andy.”

I couldn’t stop the sobs that followed, making me shake violently. Victor held on tight to me, and I grabbed the fabric of his shirt like my life depended on it, wanting to escape the memory.

After seeing I was more relaxed, he helped me dress and laid me in bed.

“Talk to me.” He urged, as he pulled the comforter over me. “Tell me how I can help.”

“I just want to sleep.” My voice was weak as raspy, barely audible.

His hand rested on my back and lingered, as he seemed to ponder on what to do. After a moment, I felt the mattress rise as his weight left it, and I heard the sound of the door closing softly behind him. He came to the room numerous times, checking up on me. I pretended to be asleep in every single one of them, until he eventually grew tired of it and woke me up, stroking my curls.

“Your mother is on the phone, she wants to talk to you.” I opened my eyes, and his phone came into my line of sight.

“Tell her I’m sleeping.” I covered my head with the comforter.

“You need to talk to someone.” Victor’s voice had lost all his softness. “If not me, your mother. Take the phone.” He almost ordered.

“I said I don’t want to talk to her.” I turned my back. “Stop pressuring me.”

Victor unmuted his phone, bringing it to his ear.

“I’m sorry, Mariana, she’s asleep. I’ll tell her to call you later.”

I closed my eyes again, waiting for him to leave.

“You’re avoiding your mother now?” He scolded me.

“I’m not avoiding anyone, I just want to be left alone. Is that so difficult to understand?” I buried myself under the comforter.

“Yes, you are. You are avoiding your mother and you are avoiding me. Don’t think I don’t know you were pretending to be asleep every time I came to the room. You can’t deal with this all by yourself Andy, you need to speak up.”

I got up from the bed, running to the door, trying to avoid a discussion. I didn’t have it in me to fight. I was too weak. But before I could reach it, Victor pushed my back against the wall, resting his hands on it, blocking any exit for me. I was trapped.

“Victor, please, just let me go!” I begged, tears already forming in my eyes.

“I will not.” He spoke assertively. “Not until you talk to me.”

I looked down, avoiding his gaze. His forehead pressed on mine.

“Don’t hide from me, Andrea. Please.”

I felt the bad blood rising fast, and I couldn’t hold it in anymore. All the frustration and the anguish of the past days came full force in one single wave, and before I could help it, it was spilling all over.

“What do you want me to tell you, Victor?” I felt so enraged I just wanted to scream at his face. “That I’m a horrible person that can’t even be happy for her friend? That I’m consumed by bitterness and jealousy? Or that I feel guilty for having let that piece of shit into my life, and take everything I held dear? Can you possibly understand what that’s like? He won, Victor. You are already paying the price for my bad decisions, I can’t let you pick up the pieces too.”

Victor grabbed my face with his hands, looking at me with piercing eyes.

“You are not a terrible person and you are not responsible for what happened to you. I understand this can be hard for you, but don’t avoid the people that love you. Talk to me.”

“I don’t need to talk!” I yelled, frustrated. “I need normalcy, I need to feel like I’m not about to break, and I need space! I’ll figure it out by myself. Just let me figure it out by myself.”

Victor looked down, seemingly trying to hold himself back. After a moment, he let me go, walking away in frustration.

“What am I supposed to do then, sit idly as I watch you crumble to pieces? Pretend I don’t hear you cry? I will not see you like this and do nothing!“ He lifted his left hand, showing me his wedding ring. “I made a vow I have every intention to keep. In the good times and the bad, remember? It’s my duty as a husband to be at your side at all times, why won’t you let me?” He paused, looking down again. “Am I not good enough?”

His question felt like a bucket of ice dropping on me, freezing me to the core. In my mind’s eye, I could remember all the times I urged him to open up to me, worried about him. I could remember how I felt unwanted every time he pushed me back. Now, I was doing the same. I broke down sobbing, and immediately I felt my husband's arms around me, steadying me. Like they always did.

“I don’t know what I’m doing anymore!” I pulled him tightly to me, taking the strength he was offering me. “You are more than enough, please don’t think otherwise. You are the man that I love, I need you.” I nudged his chest, letting all my anguish finally out, unrestrained. “I’m so sorry, Victor, please forgive me.”

“I’m here, my light, don’t cry.” He whispered softly in my ear, one hand holding the back of my head, the other running soothingly in my back. “All will be well, I promise. You are safe in my arms.”

#growingtogether #Growing Pains - Series #victor x oc #mlqc victor #mlqc li zeyan #mlqc fanfic #mister love queens choice #mister love dream date #love and producer

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ladywithoutababy · 4 years

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Retrieval Cycle Day 2: IVF Day 1

It’s official, I am undeniably now in the process of Doing IVF.

I have decided to approach this process with positivity and optimism, mostly because my sister pointed out how uncharacteristically negative I was being and I realized she was right. I can decide to be fine with all kinds of other things, why not this thing!

So I took a deep breath this morning, left my house before the sun was up, and went in to the doctor’s office for monitoring and to get definitive instructions about which medications I should take, how much, and how often. It wasn’t that bad, even though I had to wait there for an hour – the secret, as with most things in life, is to bring a good book.

I was surprised that after I got my blood drawn I had to get an ultrasound. I thought maybe there was a mistake and said to the nurse “I have to get a scan even though I’m on my period?” and she said yes. Maybe she didn’t understand the connection. (”The indignity!” I texted my husband.)

I was also surprised that I had to pay up front for the genetic testing we know we’ll want to do on any good looking embryos, especially when I learned that it costs $1000 more than it did last year.

The highlight of the visit was the extremely nice, no-bullshit doctor who did my ultrasound. She walked into the room, introduced herself, and then told me that they have a 70% success rate with IVF (??? I thought it was 40-50%?). She said that they’ve been conducting a study on the 30% of women who are not able to get pregnant in their first attempt (either because the embryo doesn’t implant at all, or because they have a miscarriage), and that it appears that every single one of them suffers from a thing I’ve never heard of called chronic endometritis (not endometriosis, the thing you have definitely heard of), which is an inflamed uterus caused by a specific kind of bacteria. She said for these women, they treat the bacteria with an antibiotic and try again, and then they’re able to get pregnant. Consistently. Reliably. IS THIS THE ANSWER?????

She asked if I wanted to participate in the study, and seemed prepared to try to convince me why I should do it, and I interrupted her and said I’d love to help. I tried to make a joke - “At this point I’m pretty sick of pregnancy not working, I’m happy to help with that however I can” - and, right on schedule, started crying. I wish I wasn’t the kind of person who cries when I’m frustrated or angry or scared, but I am. Instead of doing the weird pity thing doctors usually do when I start crying, she:

grinned at me

called me “honey”

yelled “I cry every day!”

said “don’t worry, you’re going to be a mommy”

gestured for me to put my feet in the stirrups and got back to business

...all of which were very effective at making me feel better. Anyway, what a crazy story, right? Maybe this’ll work? Right? Right??? Maybe?

As usual, everyone said that everything looked perfect, I’m good to start the hormones, blah blah. Here is a picture of the 900 lbs of hormones in our fridge:

For the next few days, I have to take “Gonal-f” (cool name) and Menopur (the lovely, aforementioned nun urine). When I got home from work, my husband and I watched some helpful videos about how to prepare and inject these things, and we got to work. I got a bad case of the giggles when he was gearing up to do the first one, but those got cured quick when it started stinging. I thought the worst was over, but the Menopur a) hurts going in, b) stings for a long time after, and c) causes some kind of weird puffy reaction. (I did google that to make sure I’m not having an allergic reaction, but trust me you do not want to see the terrifying allergic reactions one can have to Menopur. Or at least I don’t.)

All in all, I guess it wasn’t terrible. It took us 20 minutes to do these two shots, but I’m sure it’ll get faster as we get used to it. Also, I don’t have to go back in for monitoring until Saturday, so I feel like I got off easy. And as one of the nurses I saw today told me, “2 weeks will fly by before you know it.” I do sort of feel like an old pro now that I’ve already gone through 3 rounds of IUI.

Here is a picture of what was left over after we did my shots:

Not pictured: the needles themselves, which we disposed of in our sharps container. My apartment now has a sharps container.

Did this blog post make any sense? I’ve been up since 5 am. Goodnight.

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silhouetted-beauty · 5 years

Text

“Run In: Fate” - Part 2

Genre: Angst and Smut

Word Count: 7.8K

A/N: Welcome back for another chapter. Happy Readings!^^

Yoongi had emerged from the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist as water dripped from his hair and naked body. His walk slowed to a stop as his eyes scanned the room. You were gone and he was a bit confused as to where you were but that was cut away by the ringing of his cell phone. Walking over to the bedside drawer, he picked up the device and answered.

“Min.”

He listened carefully to the voice on the other end line before hanging up and quickly getting dressed. Yoongi didn’t have time to look for you and hoped you wouldn’t be too upset by his sudden absence. Only when he had closed the front door and was now getting into his car, you came out of hiding and back into the bedroom. Yoongi wasn’t there and judging by a missing suit in his closet, he was gone.

You fell back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling and letting out a sigh. Contemplating whether or not you were making the right decision, plagued your mind. You were so unsure of yourself and also angry. This didn’t have to be as dramatic as it made it. If you usually had a problem, you could talk to Yoongi about it. If it was something he did, you had no problem standing up to him and voicing your feelings. So why couldn’t you do it now? What was so hard about telling him you were expecting and whether he wanted to believe it or not, he was the father?

It sounds easy but what really worried you was seeing the look of disappointment on his face. You knew that Yoongi was a man that wasn’t easily moved. If he wasn’t ready for a child and you surprisingly were, you had a strong feeling that the relationship would become strained then wither away into nothing. You didn’t want to burden him and didn’t want to give him a reason to stay if he didn’t want to.

Letting out a frustrating sigh, you entered the bathroom to shower and get ready for work. What were you going to do?

~~~~~~~

When Yoongi made it to his club, he was barely able to put his car in park before rushing inside. He couldn’t believe what he was told and needed to get to the bottom of it. Today was supposed to go smoothly for him before his trip out of town. He was supposed to cuddle you and make sure you were okay especially after his chef told him that you went to bed sick last night. He was supposed to have lunch with his father, discuss business a little, before he returned home to pack. Yoongi had planned on taking you out to dinner and making love to you then catching his early morning flight. Now majority of his plans were shot to hell and he wanted to know why.

Entering into his office, he found Namjoon, Hoseok, and few other men gathered around his desk. When Namjoon saw him enter, he stood to his feet, letting Yoongi take a seat in the chair.

“What’s happened?” Yoongi asked coldly.

“Jimin’s on the line, he could explain it to you clearly.” He stated, directing him to the black landline on the table top.

“Jimin.”

“Yeah, I’m here.”

“Now explain to me what the hell is going on.”

“A shipment is gone.”

“What the fuck do you mean it’s gone?! Three shipments went out last night, what the fuck happened?!”

“From what I gather, it was some kind of ambush. The other two shipments were successfully sent out but the last one was stalled at the docks. Apparently a group of unknown men showed up, killed everyone, and took the boat with the goods on them.”

“Ambush?” Yoongi mumbled to himself. How would anyone know products were being shipped that night and why would anyone go after it? The obvious answer was money. That boat alone was worth an easy two hundred grand and the products inside not only contained weapons but also drugs. The buyer was looking for that last shipment, a shipment he now had to replace. “You told me you could handle this. You were the foreseer for this transaction, how could you let this happen?”

Jimin took a deep breath. “If you want me to pay you the two hun-“

“No!” Yoongi yelled raising his voice, standing to his feet. “I’ll replace it because it is my job to do so! This is about you letting someone take our shit! My guns! My drugs! In the hands of God knows whom!”

Now it was Jimin’s turn to become angry. He didn’t appreciate Yoongi talking to him as if he was one of his workers. He handled hundreds of transactions no problem and quickly learned that when there are losses, cover them and keep moving. Dwelling on them can attract unwanted attention.

“Yoongi, I get that you are angry but please refrain from talking down to me. We are partners, it’s not like you were the only one who suffered from this. Shit happens. We could either cut or covers our losses and move forward or fight about it like amateurs on their first run, it’s your choice.” Yoongi remained quiet as he bites back a response. A part of him knew that Jimin had a point. “Now I want to add something that I thought was strange about the entire transaction.”

“What do you mean?” Yoongi leaned forward resting his arms on the desks, his eyebrows dipped into his forehead.

“I received a message from Ujin saying the buyer wanted to discuss the last transaction over a call. While on the phone, he told me that he wanted the last shipment to remain at the docks. If we could, send it two hours or so later than the other two.”

“Why would he request that when he was adamant about receiving each package within thirty minutes of each other?”

“I don’t know, but when I returned to the docks the boat was gone.”

Yoongi thought it over, something about this wasn’t right. Out of all the transactions he’s done, none of the buyers had changed their minds about the shipment especially with the risk of the police watching. “You don’t think the stolen shipment was a setup, do you?”

“Actually, that’s exactly what I was thinking.” Jimin stated. “After I told the buyer what happened, he wasn’t mad at all. Told me that he’d make do with the two shipments he had.”

Yoongi wasn’t too thrilled to hear that a buyer help set him up and now someone escaped with a shitload of weapons and thousands of pounds of heavy drugs. Selling the drugs was quick easy way to make money but what worried him was the guns.

“You did well, Park. When do you plan on returning to town?”

“I should be back later this afternoon.”

“Let’s meet up afterwards to discuss this further.”

~~~

The time was approaching midday afternoon and the bakery had been busy with customers running in and out. The phone was ringing consistently with orders ranging from simple desserts for a party to large wedding cakes for more special occasions. To put it short, today was a busy day and you were trying your hardest to grin and bear it all.

You were trying to block out the conversation you had with Yoongi that morning and the phone call you had with your doctor was also getting to you. She didn’t seem too thrilled to hear from you and how you plan to precede with the abortion. She even tried to persuade you to think about it some more or at least consider talking to Yoongi about adoption. You ended the call, putting her at ease by setting the appointment a month from now.

While she seemed a bit relieved by this, it did nothing but make you feel like a monster. A monster for thinking about killing your own blood. Your own seed. An embryo that will grow into a tiny baby then into a toddler, calling you ‘mommy’ and telling you how much they loved you. How could you live with yourself after that? You could barely stand being in your thoughts, trying to figure it out.

What would people say when they find out? How would they react? What really scared you was how they would view you when they realized your solution to the situation. Honestly, it scared you to look in their faces and see the same mirrored disappointment. You knew because you saw it when you looked in the mirror at your reflection, not being able to recognize the person staring back at you.

You greatly dislike how one choice given to you affected so many people. Even the people, who were still unaware of your situation, would have a lot to say on the matter. And could you make them understand? How could you justify your fears by killing off your own?

Releasing a small sigh, you tried to shake the negative thoughts from your head to focus on work. It was only when the bustling around the shop slows to a halt, Jungkook’s grandmother asked you to have tea with her. The two of you were seated on her living room couch in the connected upstairs apartment, while Jungkook stayed in the bakery in the case of another customer.

“The weather seems awfully cloudy.” She commented, taking a sip from her cup. You looked outside of the window, taking note of the sunny blue sky. There wasn’t a single cloud in sight.

“But... I don’t see any clouds.”

She lightly chuckled, sitting her cup down. “I’m not talking about outside, dear, but up here,” she said, motioning towards your head. “Your head has been up in the clouds all morning. What is it that’s bothering you?”

You sighed, letting your emotional barrier down and decided to come clean to someone because you couldn’t bear holding it in any longer. “Well yesterday, I confirmed that I am pregnant.”

“Congratulations! That’s wonderful news but why are you still gloomy about it?” She questioned.

“Although I would like to be pregnant, now is just not the right time.”

“When is there ever a right time, dear? Things happen out of our control. Sometimes it’s best not to fight it; sometimes it could just be fate.”

“Yes but Yoongi and I never discussed having kids. Lately, he’s been so busy with his business that he’s rarely ever home and now, he’s leaving town for a couple weeks. A year ago, I’ve accepted him and his lifestyle in order to be with him but I honestly don’t want him to continue his business when we decide to have children.” You sighed. “I don’t want to be that kind of person that gives their boyfriends an ultimatum. I definitely don’t want to force him to do something just to suit my needs.”

“Of course not, honey, you’re doing it to suit the needs of your unborn baby. After all, you didn’t create it by yourself.”

“I know but I’m worried he’ll hate me for it later. We sort of talked about it this morning and although I wasn’t able to tell him I was pregnant, he did tell me that he wasn’t ready for kids either and I don’t know what to do. Yoongi doesn’t hold back his emotions whatsoever. If he’s mad, I’ll definitely know about it by facing it directly. He’s more than likely to tell me to either accept that he’s never leaving his family’s business or may tell me to leave.”

The elderly woman sat in silence as she thought it over. You had came to work for them almost a year ago and despite your name being in the headlines for being romantically involved with the biggest mobster in the city, they welcomed you with opened arms. You proved to be hardworking and a great asset to the company. Within that short period of time, she had gotten to know you and realize how much of a sweet and caring person you were. Although Jungkook’s grandmother has never met Yoongi, she figured that he couldn’t be as cold hearted as everyone painted him to be, seeing how he rescued you and your parents. With that being said, she believed that your relationship with Yoongi could withstand anything as long as you two were together. Neither one of you were good on your own and if you two didn’t stop being self absorbed in your own selfishness, then this would be the beginning of the fall of the relationship.

“In a relationship, when communication starts to fade, everything else follows.” She mumbled to herself, taking another sip from her cup.

“Hm?” You asked her, coming out of your own thoughts.

“Oh nothing, dear, just a saying that always stuck to me.” She smiled. “Let me put it this way... if Min Yoongi was harboring a secret that he was afraid would tear the relationship apart and you may leave him, would you want to know?

“Of course! I would want to know everything that was bothering him.”

“Why?” She challenged.

“...because I love him and I wouldn’t want him to hurt himself keeping it in.”

“But what if he doesn’t tell you out of fear? What if he doesn’t want to burden you and hides the problem until it is forgotten?” She held your eyes in a lock, refusing to break you from its hold. Eventually, your eyes begun to water at the heartbreak of the conversation.

“I would be hurt at the fact that he didn’t come to me and he had to suffer in silence. I wouldn’t know if I’d be able to trust him because he couldn’t trust me with his problems.”

“Now, is it better to keep him uninformed on the pregnancy? It is his child just as much as it is yours. You don’t want secrets to form and trust to break because of miscommunication, do you?”

You lowered your head, sobbing in your hands. “No...”

“If the Min Yoongi you told me about has grown from the asshole he used to be, then you have nothing to worry about.” She smiled at you.

~~~

You returned to work a short time later, working until late in the evening. You were the only one left in the bakery, cleaning up before leaving for the evening. Jungkook and his grandfather had left to deliver one of the wedding cakes to the reception while his grandmother had retired upstairs for the evening. All of the hired help had also clocked off, leaving you alone.

As you cleaned, you couldn’t help but think of the conversation you had earlier. Mrs. Jeon was right. In order to protect the relationship, you would have to tell him the truth.

Coincidentally, the bells on the door suddenly rung and when you looked up, there he was. Seeing him standing there brought a sense of ease and you couldn’t help the smile that had slowly appeared. Wasting no time, you walked over and right into his arms, throwing your head into his chest and inhaling his cologne.

“Well hello to you too.” He chuckled wrapping his arms around you.

“I’m sorry. I just... miss you.” When you looked up at him, he gave you a quick kiss on the lips.

“Are you ready to go?”

“Almost,” you stated, breaking away from him to finish tidying the shop which only took a few minutes. After putting everything away, you ushered Yoongi out of the door and locked up. “There! Now I’m ready to go.”

Yoongi took your hand in his and walked to your car. Usually when he would pick you up from work, he’d always drive his car but when he asked for your keys, it had left you a bit confused.

“I had my car sent back so you wouldn’t have to leave yours here overnight.” He stated after sensing your confusion.

After he helped you into the passenger seat, he climbed into the driver side before pulling out onto the street. He held your hand the entire car ride back to his home. It reminded you of all the times when the two of you snuck around and he did little romantic gestures that made you even crazier about him. Surprisingly enough, as you stared at him, the more you wanted to jump his bones when you made it into his bedroom.

“So... are we just going home to go to bed?” You asked seductively.

“Is that what you want?” Yoongi asked, turning his head to face you but you only shrug.

“I want whatever it is that you want.”

He smirked, turning his attention back to the road. “Then I have something planned for us that you will enjoy.”

The car pulled up in front of his house and he stepped out, helping you out of the vehicle and up to the front door. Once opened, the lights were all dimmed low added with candles to light the home. Soft sensual music filled the air along with the delicious aroma of food. Your stomach immediately growled and you hoped that your pregnancy sickness wouldn’t rear its ugly head and ruin the mood for tonight.

“I’ll give you two options,” Yoongi spoke, pulling your body into his. “I’ll let you shower and get ready for dinner or, we could eat dinner right now.”

You quickly thought it over and after realizing that you won’t be seeing him for awhile, you wanted this night to be just as memorable for him. “I’ll get dress for dinner.” You commented, walking out of his embrace and up the stairs; smiling over your shoulder.

You wanted to wear something that would immediately grab Yoongi’s attention when he saw you and you already knew what. Walking into his closet and going over to your side, you pulled out a lingerie night gown. You held it up to examine it further. Not only was the gown silk, it was also transparent and his favorite color. With the see-through panties to match, you were sure your choice of clothing would make his mouth drop.

As you showered, you could help but smile at the anticipation of his reaction. After drying off, you placed your hair in an up-do style, slipped on the gown and panties, put on light makeup which basically included mascara and lipstick, and walked out of the room. You found Yoongi sitting on one of the living room couches, talking on the phone. Of course he’d use this opportunity to work in your absence.

He didn’t see you at first but the moment his eyes landed on your person, he couldn’t tear them away. It was as if you held his attention in a trance and couldn’t help but feel giddy on the inside. This was exactly what you wanted.

“Are you ready for dinner?” You asked innocently.

“L-Let me call you back.” He stuttered, hanging up the phone immediately; not caring if the person on the other line heard him or not.

Yoongi got up and walked over to you, pulling you against him in a not so gentle way. He leaned his head down to placed soft kisses on your neck, mumbling into your skin.

“Fuck... why are you so sexy?” He asked breathing in the fragrance from your body wash. “You don’t know how crazy you make me.”

You smiled, taking your bottom lip in between your teeth. Your hands traveled down his arms and removed his hands from your ass. As much as you wanted him to touch you all over, you still wanted to see what he had planned for the evening. And if you hadn’t been the one to break away, even though you wanted nothing more than to sit on his cock, there was a chance that Yoongi would be drilling into you while you both laid on the couch.

Yoongi released a groan as he tried to get himself together. There will be plenty of time for that later; you both just had to make it through dinner which proved to be a more difficult task for him. Instead of sitting across from each other, like he usually do, Yoongi pulled his chair right alongside yours. You tried to hide your smile as much as you could but it ended up shining brightly at his behavior.

His chef walked back and forth from the kitchen, balancing several dishes on his arms and hands. Your eyes lit up at the colorful meal, wishing you could be able to eat it all. As the music continued to play in the background, you and Yoongi traded off feeding each other different entrees, telling one another how good it tastes. He would purposely leave sauce on your lip or in the corner of your mouth, just so he could lick it off which, in turned, started a heated make out session. It always ended with you breaking away to eat more food.

You ate as much as you could and by the time his chef brought out desert, you couldn’t eat anymore. If you did, you were liable to vomit it all up. You stared at the delicious looking cake, topped with strawberries and whipped cream with strawberry syrup drizzled all over.

Yoongi lathered up one of the strawberries until the sweet red syrup was dripping from the fruit. When you noticed that he wasn’t going to eat it and, instead, offer it to you, you spoke up.

“Yoongi, I don’t think I can fit anything else in my stomach.” You whined.

“Just try one.” He stated, bringing the fork closer to your mouth.

You opened wide to taste the fruit but the moment it closed, sweet liquid had escaped from the corner of your mouth, dripped down to your chin, and dropped into a trail on your chest.

“Let me see.” His deep lustful voice rung out.

Yoongi stopped you from wiping it away as he sat the fork on the plate. Helping you up by your hands and maneuvering your body, you now straddled his legs as you faced him. His hands held your hips but his eyes were trained on your chest, specifically on that red line heading down the top of your breast. Yoongi couldn’t take it anymore; you drove his insides crazy even though you didn’t do it purposely. It just shows what kind of affect you had on him.

His tongue came out and licked that trail upward, gathering the syrup on his tongue. Your head fell back so he could get any that may have gotten on your neck. Yoongi’s tongue licked over a patch of skin, taking it between his lips and sucking on it. This caused you to release a moan that felt like music to his ears. When you lowered your head, Yoongi continued feasting on his meal, licking up the last of the strawberry sauce on your chin before kissing your lips.

The kiss was rough and hot, giving off a primal feel of want. It was a fierce battle as you tried to match his intensity but the moment you were pulled up his lap and felt his hard cock under you, you melted in his embrace; letting him have his way with you. His chef had entered the room ready to ask about the dessert but found you both in a compromising situation, not that neither one of you noticed. He quickly exited and left you both to a moment of privacy.

But that moment was all Yoongi needed as he stood to his feet, holding you by your thighs so that you wouldn’t fall and when you were able to lift yourself comfortably, your legs wrapped around his waist and your arms came around his neck, your fingers running through the soft strains of his hair. Yoongi carried you through his house and upstairs to his bedroom.

The two of you fell onto the bed and the kissing picked back up where it had left off. Yoongi was on top of you, kissing you as if this was going to be his last time seeing you. He needed to make up for not being around as often as you wanted and also for his absence in the future. His tongue entered your mouth at the thought, massaging against yours. He needed to as much of you as possible, something to hold him over until he returned home.

Your hands were already gripping the bottom of his black T-shirt, easing it up his body to take off. His soft skin just felt so warm and smooth that you needed to feel more. When Yoongi felt you tugging on shirt, he broken the kiss to sit up and remove it. The two of you took the time to admire each other from different views. Yoongi stared down at you, lust in his eyes as they scanned over your body; taking in every little detail about you. You self consciously bit your lip as you watched him, his dark eyes watching your every move, you could only imagine what was going through his head as he did it. Having a man, such as a man as Yoongi, made your stomach flip at the thought of what he was going to do to you. You could see it in his eyes that you two were in for a long night and you didn’t mind one bit.

Since he was now topless, Yoongi wanted you to join him. He pulled your upper half off the bed and quickly shed you out of your night gown, leaving you in nothing but see-through panties. After you lied back down, he gave your lips a final kiss as he softly kissed down your body, mumbling sweet compliments between each one. One of your hands rested on his head, gently running your fingers through his hair while you brought your other hand to your lips, smiling and lightly biting on your finger at his words. He always knew how to make you feel special and for as long as you two been together, you couldn’t help but to blush at his small praises.

Once Yoongi reached your breasts, his tongue appeared and gently licked over each bud, hardening them before continuing to the other one. You felt his soft lips leave wet prints as he worked his way down your stomach. When Yoongi’s mouth touched your belly button, he lingered there; kissing around it. Suddenly, any lustful feelings you had were replaced with nervousness and worry. You began to shift uncomfortably but didn’t make it obvious to Yoongi, who was still focused on pleasuring you. Did he find out? Could he sense it? Could he tell? Were you starting to show? What should you do?

All of the questions you had were circling around your head. You were approaching three months and didn’t know if it was noticeable to others. To you, you looked and felt different but you weren’t sure when it came to someone else. Seeing how Yoongi was the father, you wondered if he sensed something different with your body. Fortunately for you, he didn’t dwindle in the same place for long and moved away, allowing you to relax and get back into the mood, especially when his hands gripped the band of your panties and pulled them down your legs and off. He pushed your thighs open an up, spreading your legs further apart.

Yoongi sat up and back on his knees, once again looking down at you from above. You looked unbelievably sexy, lewdly spread and vulnerable to him. He brought his fingers up to his lips to wet them on his tongue. You watched him closely, never once breaking eye contact but the moment you felt his fingers rub against your pussy, your eyes closed at the pleasure. With your focus no longer on him, Yoongi’s eyes lowered to your glistening center. He brought his bottom lip in between his teeth as he watched the tips of his fingers become wetter in your folds. Yoongi repeatedly gathered your arousal at your entrance before torturously rubbing along your lips and around your clit. Your back arched off the bed as you moaned.

“Fuck, Yoongi... are you going to torture me all night?”

He scoffed with a smirk, licking his lips. “I’m just waiting.”

When he slowly massaged your clit between his middle and index fingers, you lost your train of thought as another moan escaped your mouth instead of words. He continued to do this causing your to mumble nothing but gibberish. Getting the feeling that a Yoongi wasn’t going to stop to let you speak, you concentrated hard on what you wanted to say.

“Waiting... waiting on what?”

“On you.” He simply replied. This, of course, confused you for you had no idea what he meant. Although he spoke to you, his eyes were still planted on your lower half, watching as you begin to drip down your ass and to his comforter.

“Waiting on me to do what?”

Suddenly, his eyes met yours in a dark gaze. His fingers moved from your clit down to your entrance, making sure they were fully lubricated.

“To beg me.”

And with that being said, two of his fingers, slipped inside of you; taking notice of your tight walls. You gasped at his movements and reached down to grip his wrist as he fucked you on his fingers. The more he pumped them, the more juices he pulled from your pussy. You tried to sit up to watch him but had trouble doing so, especially when he twisted his fingers inside and was now rubbing against your sponged like button. Your hips began to roll but his other hand held onto them, controlling how much you moved.

“I’m still waiting.” Yoongi blurted out.

“...fuck.” Was the only answer you had to offer.

You knew you were in trouble when Yoongi’s eyebrow rose in the air. Your respond wasn’t enough and you both knew it. With his fingers still deep inside you, he added a third and then leaned forward to take your clit in between his lips. You were thrown off guard but your legs easily rested over his shoulders. Both of your hands went to his head, tightly gripping his dark hair to possibly control his movements but it proves to be futile. His mouth created pulsating pressure to you clit as he sucked on the upper half of your pussy, adding the pressure from his fingers had you racing to your impending orgasm.

“Shit, Yoongi!... fuck!” You squealed.

Your stomach tightened and you were almost there but just as quick as your orgasm neared, it disappeared as Yoongi removed his hand and mouth from your body. He returned to his previous position, sitting up on his knees and you joined him, leaning up on your arms.

“What the fuck was that?” You asked bitterly, not hiding your frustration.

“That was me giving you what you wanted.” He licked his lips, maneuvering on the bed.

“But you didn’t give me what I wanted!”

“And neither did you.” He quickly shot back. Your head fell back as you released a sigh at the ceiling. You weren’t in the mood for games. All you wanted was to come which he was preventing.

Sucking up your ego, you sat up to rub his arms. “I’m sorry, baby. You know I want to make you happy. You were just making me feel so good that I couldn’t talk. So please, Yoongi... please make me come.” You stared into his eyes before moving to kiss his neck. “Please, baby? I need you so bad...”

Yoongi’s hand came in between the two of you and pushed you back onto the bed. You watched him remove the last bit of clothing, staring at his solid member. Turning you on your side, Yoongi gotten behind you and you immediately knew what to do. Holding onto the underside of your thigh, you lifted your leg in the air as he guided his cock between your folds and into your pussy. Your head fell back on top of his arm as it curled, bringing you closer. Once you both were settled into the position, Yoongi removed his hand and you lowered your leg to match your other. His hand gently turned your head where you both met in sensual kiss. It was nothing like before. This was soft and gentle, expressing the love you both shared between each other.

Yoongi’s hips slowly moved, massaging your walls with his shaft. You moaned into his mouth which made his thrusts become longer. He broke away to kiss and nibble on your shoulder. Your hand came up to hold the back of his head for support when his hand rested on your hips to help rock you on his cock. Yoongi pulled away from you briefly to watch his cock disappear and reappear which made him even harder. Your pussy had his dick covered in juices and the sound of him fucking you was like music to his ears. If only he didn’t have to leave in a couple hours, he would have kept you up all night making love to you then holding you as you both slept the day away.

Halfway through the love making, he wanted more; he needed more. His thrusts increased and so did his hold on you. One arm came across your chest, resting his hand on your throat while the other eased your legs apart, holding one up in the air. This allowed him to fuck you faster and harder.

“Keep your leg up.” He whispered in your ear, moving the arm under you down to toy with your clit.

“Yoon-Yoongi...” you moaned out his name. He hummed in approval as he nibbles on your earlobe.

“I fucking love the way you moan for me, y/n. I’ll miss this voice while I’m away. I’ll have to call you just to hear you say my name, maybe even stroke my cock to it.”

His admission fueled the passion inside of him as his ministrations became quicker. You held onto his arm, bracing yourself as his cock slid deeper in your channel. Your leg was becoming tired but you didn’t dare lower it just in case there were consequences if you did. Besides, the pleasure Yoongi was feeding your body was enough to distract you from any discomfort you were also feeling.

His fingers were rolling your clit between them and the orgasm that had escaped before had now returned and was approaching rather quickly than you expected.

“I...” you began to say but were unable to finish.

“You’re ready to come, aren’t you baby?” He groaned in your ear after he felt your walls close in around him.

You could do nothing but nod in response. Whether you or him want to or not, you came hard, freezing in place as your muscles spazzed and tightly gripped his cock. Choosing not to fight it, he let your pussy milk him dry of his nut.

You both remained frozen in place as nothing but deep breathing could be heard in the room. Your leg came down and the two of you shared one last passionate kiss before unknowingly falling asleep in each other’s arms for the remainder of the night.

~~~

A woman with long dark hair appeared out of nowhere and stood by as you and Yoongi enjoyed the scenery. He was the one who noticed her first as he turned to face her. You held onto his arm, watching as the two of them had a stare off. An uncomfortable feeling came over you when you tried to speak but nothing came out. This caused a smile slowly appeared on the woman’s face. Yoongi walked towards her, breaking the hold you had on his arm.

You wanted to go after him but you were rooted in place, unable to do so. He suddenly disappeared out of view, leaving you and the woman to stare at each other. For some odd reason, her face became blurred from your view as nothing but her lips was the only thing that was visible. Her mouth opened and your entire world began to crumble and fall apart. Blood poured from her mouth, spilling out in a nonstop fashion like a broken faucet. The ground crumbled below your feet and with nothing to hold onto, you fell into the black pits of the unknown.

You quickly sat up, throwing yourself from your dream. The dark blue sky told you the time and Yoongi’s empty spot in bed was growing colder. Coming to your senses, you heard talking downstairs and realized he was still there. Taking a deep breath and rubbing your face, you thought back to your dream and what it could possibly mean. It scared you when he disappeared and it made you realize that you didn’t want him to go, you were scared of him leaving. The thought had you feeling the effects of your morning sickness which was starting to take over.

“What are you doing up?” He asked in surprise as he came back into the bedroom.

You swallowed down the bile, threatening to erupt from your mouth and answered as steady as you could. “Do you expect me to still be asleep instead of seeing you off?”

“Well yeah,” Yoongi chuckled, but as he stared into your face, he could tell that something was wrong. “Are you okay? Are you feeling sick again?”

You shook your head. “I’m fine, probably still just a bit sleepy.”

Yoongi smiled and gave you kiss on the lips. “You don’t have to get up, you know.”

“But I want to.” You replied, holding onto his shirt. In actuality, you honestly didn’t want him to go. You didn’t want to go one day without seeing him, let alone weeks and didn’t know how you would manage but you kept it all hidden, not knowing how to tell him.

You slipped on a robe and followed Yoongi down the stairs and out of the front door. Namjoon, Hoseok, and Jimin were all there, waiting by a large black suv. As his butler loaded in his suitcases, Yoongi said his final goodbye. You held him close, nesting your face in the crevice of his neck. It wasn’t long before he felt something wet and pulled away. He cupped your face with both hands, using his thumbs to wipe away your tears. You could see the worry painted over his features but you put on a front and tried to smile behind your pain.

“I’ll miss you... so much.” You stated. This time, Yoongi kissed you more passionately, breaking away to smile.

“I’ll be back before you know it, okay?” You nodded, holding onto his wrists. “Just make sure you take care of yourself.”

“I will.”

The two of you hug one final time before you had to let him go, watching him walk away. You waved to Namjoon and Hoseok before they got into the car. Before he gotten in, Yoongi pulled Jimin to the side to speak with him briefly.

“Make sure everything is running smoothly while I’m away.”

“You don’t even have to worry.” Jimin stated in a joking manner. “I’ll take care of everything.”

“One more thing.”

“Shoot.”

“Y/n hasn’t been feeling well lately. Do me a favor and keep an eye on her for me; you’re the only one I trust.”

“Not a problem. You just make sure you go and come back in one piece.”

Yoongi nodded, glancing in your direction one last time before getting into the car. Jimin walked over and stood by your side as you both watched the vehicle leave the property before disappearing around the corner. Neither one of you said a word as the dark blue sky began to brighten in the early morning.

You had as much as this as you could take before you rushed inside to the nearest bathroom. The sudden act caught Jimin by surprise as he followed behind, only to find you huddled over a toilet, throwing up the contents of last night’s dinner.

He reached for a towel, wet it under cool water and placed it on the back of your neck. Although the towel did cool you down a bit, it did nothing to ease the morning sickness you were suffering from. He didn’t say a word as you slowly stood to your feet going to the sink to rinse your mouth. Jimin lightly guided you by your waist to the living room couch. Once there, he left to get you a glass of water. When he came back, he found you hunched over with your head resting in your hands.

“Here, drink this.” He offered the glass to you.

You sniffed, lifting your head and hand to take it. “Thanks.”

Jimin took a seat next to you, watching as you took a couple sips before sitting it down on the table. He studied your every move like he always does. He knew something was wrong but he wondered if you would tell him if he asked.

“How long have you been sick?”

“For a couple days now,” You mumbled before looking at him. “Why?”

Jimin shrugged. “No reason,” but there was a reason. “Are you usually sick in the mornings?”

“Sometimes.” You stated, holding Jimin’s gaze.

“I’m no doctor but it sounds like-“

“I know what it sounds like, Jimin, and I appreciate the concern but I don’t really want to talk about it right now.”

“Okay,” He held his hands up in defeat but before he ended the conversation, he added one last thing. “I guess I should ask the child you’re carrying since its mother doesn’t want to talk.”

Your eyes went wide, never guessing Jimin would actually figure out that you were pregnant but you should have known better. He was smart and cunning and you had underestimated him. As he went to stand, you grabbed his arm, holding him in place.

“Jimin, wait!” You panicked. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have been so snappy but please don’t tell Yoongi.”

He sat back down, closer this time to comfort you as you became visibly upset. “Why doesn’t he know?”

You sniff, wiping the tears from your eyes. “I’m going to tell him eventually. It’s just that...” you went silent as you tried to figure out a way to phrase it so that he understood.

“You know, Yoongi is pretty worried about you.” Jimin added.

“I know he is.” You mumbled, thinking back on just a moment ago. You could see it in his eyes that Yoongi was worried and didn’t want to leave you. It even showed in his movements as he dragged out his hugs and kisses. “I’ll tell him what’s going on but you have to promise me not to say anything.”

Jimin smiled. “We are friends, y/n. You don’t have to worry.”

A sudden call from Jimin’s phone interrupted you both as he answered. He listened closely and you tried to do the same but couldn’t make out what the other person on the line was saying. When he jumped up to leave, you quickly followed behind; suddenly not wanting to be left alone. He ended the call seconds later and your curiosity took over.

“What’s going on? Who was that?” You asked.

“Ujin... something’s come up and I’m afraid I have to go.”

“Is everything okay? Is it something with Yoongi?”

“No, he’s fine. It’s just something I have to take care of.”

“But!-“ you wanted him to stay but couldn’t bring yourself to say it. Sensing your hesitation, Jimin offered you a soft smile, putting his hand on your shoulder.

“I’ll be back later tonight to check on you before you go to bed.”

“Okay.”

You had no choice but to watch Jimin walk out of the front door, down the pathway, and get into his car. He drove off, watching your figure in the review mirror until he disappeared off the property. He couldn’t bring himself to tell you that one of Yoongi’s warehouses was just broken into. He was sure that Yoongi didn’t want you involved with his business and he also didn’t want to give you a reason to worry more.

The sight of Jimin’s car was replaced with another as a car pulled onto the property. You felt a sense of relief when his chef had gotten out and had met you at the door.

“What are you doing here? I thought you only came when Yoongi was here?” You questioned.

“I do but then I realized that you’re still here and must be starving,” he smiled. “How about breakfast?”

You followed him into the house and ended up chatting the morning away as the two of you ate before you showered and dressed for work.

~~~~~

Jimin had arrived to the warehouse, only to find it engulfed in flames. The sparks and other sounds from the fire, roared in the wind. Thick black cloud of smoke flowed into the air alerting anyone nearby, what was going on. Jimin had no choice but to call for the fire department. If he was lucky, maybe the damages weren’t as bad as it looked.

He stood by, leaning against his car as he watched countless firemen try to control the blaze. This didn’t look good. First the missing shipment and now the fire to his warehouse. Jimin figured that someone was targeting them, more specifically: Yoongi.

The first time they struck, they made sure he was distracted and away from the docks. The second time, they waited until Yoongi left town; almost as if they were watching him. Jimin’s eyebrows knitted into his forehead as he continued deeper into his thoughts. Could it be like before? Was the police after him again? And why?

Ujin ended his phone call and walked back over to Jimin, leaning in to whisper in his ear and out of earshot of others. “Master Jimin, I just gotten word that the fire started early this morning, perhaps around the exact time Min Yoongi boarded his jet. Apparently, he was supposed to see the smoke and land the plane.”

Jimin nodded. “Is there any kind of surveillance of the incident?”

“If it is, it went up in flames along with everything else inside.”

Jimin turned his focus back to burnt building, nothing but debris and light smoke remained in its wake. This was supposed to get Yoongi’s attention, why? What would have happened if he seen the fire, landed the plane, and investigated?

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youcantunringthebell · 5 years

Text

Welcome to my uterus. Here’s my story. Now get out.

I wasn’t an irresponsible teenager or a single twentysomething or a victim of rape or incest or carrying a nonviable fetus when I had my abortion.

Arguably, I’d never been in a better position for motherhood, except I was pretty old for it at 42. I was married to a good, responsible man and working a high-stress but high-paying job.

I say all this knowing it’s none of your business that I had an abortion or why. But I tell you because my right to have one is under attack, and you need to know that people YOU know had abortions, and they had their reasons, and there aren’t certain people whose right to an abortion should be protected and those whose shouldn’t. My uterus, my choice, to be made with my partner, my doctor, my pastor and whoever I wish to gather data from. Normally, I’d tell you to stay out of it, but this damn country right now is prompting me to invite you into it for a little storytime.

My birth control, taken in pill form and missed probably three times in 20 years, had failed me. Turns out St. John’s wort, which I took to deal with that stressful job, interferes with the pill. (You may want to make a note of that, fertile women.) When my period hadn’t arrived a week after its scheduled time and I felt nauseated every morning, I took a pregnancy test just to calm myself down, because I KNEW there was no way I’d be pregnant.

I sat in our tiny downstairs bathroom with my pee stick and my phone, counting the minutes, and there it was: the second stripe. I worked up another pee for the second test. Double stripes. A tiny pinprick-stabbing sensation started at the top of my head and traveled to my fingertips. A child was something I wanted for literally one day when I was turning 35 and afraid of missing out on an experience most of my friends were treasuring. On THAT occasion, I skipped the pill and had sex with my first husband, only to fearfully gulp down two pills the next morning and start watching the calendar. That’s how opposed to motherhood I’ve been. Why? Probably because I’m the oldest of five children and was helping Mommy by the time I started kindergarten. Or maybe I think my screwed-up lineage should end with me. It doesn’t matter. That’s who I am.

I felt panicky. Without ever leaving the toilet, I looked up abortion clinics on my phone, and scrolling through my whole two options, it finally occurred to me I should tell the other person involved in this situation. I pulled up my underwear and opened the bathroom door. JJ was playing a video game, which he paused when he saw my face.

“What?” he asked.

“I’m pregnant,” I said.

He was quiet for a moment. “Well, I told you my family’s sperm could overcome anything.”

I didn’t laugh. “We need to talk about what we’re going to do. I want to get an abortion. We also have gay friends who want a baby. Maybe we should consider that. But that would mean me going through a pregnancy and trying to figure out whether the baby would be healthy, and I don’t know if I could stand it.”

He shook his head. “I couldn’t watch people we know raising my child.”

“I saw online where I could have an abortion on Tuesday. It’s $600,” I said.

We sat in silence until he turned the video game back on. “Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME? You’re going to PLAY A VIDEO GAME RIGHT NOW?” I yelled.

Later, I figured out that was his way of numbing himself before he had a panic attack.

I took a sick day that Tuesday, and the two of us drove to a clinic in South Nashville. The woman on the phone told us to leave everything in the car except a method of payment. We couldn’t carry anything in — for security reasons. No books. No phones. Just a credit card carried on a short walk from the car, listening to protesters across the street shouting, “We can help you save your baby! Don’t do this! Think about it!”

As though I hadn’t thought about it. As though I hadn’t spent 30 years of fertility trying to avoid it. As though I would cross the street to people who were making a hard day even harder, asking them to save me.

A stern, beefy man at the door gave us the once-over and let us in. I wore a pencil skirt and a suit jacket, as though dressing up somehow put me more in control over the procedure. The shabby, dated waiting room was absolutely packed, every seat taken by women of all races, old, middle-aged and young, sitting next to their boyfriends and sisters and moms, watching a game show on a small, fuzzy TV or flipping through faded women’s magazines, finding summer looks and risotto recipes and not talking.

At that time, 7 years ago, Tennessee required fetal viability tests but not a 48-hour waiting period, so I had a vaginal ultrasound, but at least I didn’t have to leave and come back after it. The embryo was 5 weeks, the size of an apple seed. It was not life. It was a mass of cells with the potential for life, existing because of my life. It wasn’t a person any more than an apple seed is an apple tree.

So I was allowed to join the other women having medical abortions -- as opposed to surgical abortions, the other option -- and they took us back in groups of six to watch the required video. I don’t remember much about the video, but I remember well the “what are you in for” conversation we had. One woman was married and pregnant by her husband, who would beat her if he found out she’d gotten pregnant again. She lied to him so she could be at the clinic that day. Another woman got pregnant by her boyfriend while her husband was out of the state on a six-month work assignment. Another said she was there for her third abortion. I couldn’t imagine having to come back to that place once I’d been.

I paid my $600, minus a $20 coupon from the clinic’s website. I had a physical exam and took the first pill of a two-pill process — once you take the first one, you MUST take the second to flush out the uterine wall or risk infection, the doctor warned. They told me to come back in a few weeks to be sure I’d totally passed the embryo.

By Thursday, the day I was supposed to take the follow-up pills, I was in a regular hospital for a deep vein thrombosis and bilateral pulmonary embolism that had actually started weeks before I knew I was pregnant -- manifesting as a persistent calf cramp and the occasional shortness of breath I attributed to being fat and stressed. Likely, the combination of birth control pills and being pregnant caused a clotting disorder. I didn’t know about it until, dressed for work and walking out the door, I couldn’t breathe while I noticed my leg turning purple.

My primary care doctor at the time was the sweetest human on the face of the planet, so when he met me in the emergency room, he didn’t bat an eye at the news I was in the middle of a medical abortion process. “Just take the second dose of pills, and we’ll keep an eye on you here, overnight,” he said. He told me about a dear friend who died on a treadmill from this very clotting disorder, and how relieved he was that I’d come in when I did. Not an ounce of judgment or blame.

I’m not sure how I would have dealt with a pregnancy and treatment for my clotting disorder at the same time. I didn’t have to find out, because Tennessee law allowed me to make that decision about my own medical treatment, and an abortion clinic was available to me. That very clinic is closed now, regulated out of business by men and their self-hating women enablers bent on turning America into a theocracy. Neither JJ nor I regret our decision, and we are grateful for the men and women who risked their safety so we could make it. Some of them have been gunned down in the street for their roles in helping women like me.

I absolutely respect people who are pro-life, as long as they don’t attempt to regulate my medical care and they do demonstrate a love for life already in the world. (Hello, Tim Kaine.) To those who would take away my rights: Ending abortion access wouldn’t have made me carry that embryo. I’d have spent my last dime traveling for an abortion, and I had dimes to spend. Women who don’t will do like a friend from the Kingdom Hall’s daughter, who punctured her uterine wall with a wire hanger when we were teenagers.

So I’ve told my story. If you can, tell yours. If you can’t, I completely understand. And I mean you too, men. Now get out of my uterus.

P.S. Apropos of nothing: The closest I came to losing it over having my abortion was when my editor at the paper assigned me to go back and cover a special protest IN FRONT OF THE SAME CLINIC only a month or two later. It was a bunch of teenagers led by a priest who taught at a Catholic school. I kept my composure and did the job. A few months after THAT, the priest called me up wanting a story done about the fact he was releasing an album, so I met him at a Music Row studio and wrote up a religion column about him. I asked if we could use a clip of one of his songs to run online with the column. He said no, because “someone might steal my licks.” In my opinion, the licks were not stealable, and to my knowledge, few people ever heard them, never mind stole them.

#abortion #women's rights

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dear-penelope · 4 years

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January 18, 2020 - Age 23

Hi. There never seems to be the perfect time to do this, so I think I’m just going to bite the bullet and do the first one, that way the other ones flow easier.

Hi. Today is Saturday, January 23, 2020. I am currently drinking a rip-off White Claw from Aldi, because that’s the kind of life I currently live. Last year’s me would kick my ass for ever /vaping/. It looks SO stupid. But here we are. But don’t be so sad! I got home from Portland this morning (I currently live in Southern California). Portland is, so far, my favorite place to travel. Let me tell you why I did it, Penelope.

Let’s name names. We have nothing to hide. We did some not-so-good things in the past, but no one is perfect. What matters is you recognize your problems, target them, and figure out how to change your toxic self in the future. Okay. Disclaimer done.

So, let’s first start off with if I was still with Alyssa, your name wouldn't be Penelope. This isn’t a post about Alyssa, this post is about you. And if by the time you’re here you aren’t called Penelope, I’ll know that choice was mine, and everything I’ll have written to you still holds absolutely true despite your name.

Penelope is a weird name. But I like it. If you have a twin sister, I like Scarlet. But at this point I’ve very happy with just you. It’s what I’ve dreamt about for a long time. My therapist thinks you will help heal a lot of parts of me that were not properly put together during my own childhood (I had this thought first... she agreed with me!). I need something to pour my love into without judgment. Facial love. Something I never really had.

Something that sticks in my head every day is when I told my mom, you grandmother, that I want a child because no matter what they’ll never hurt you or leave you. And she said the direct opposite. And she’s right. I hurt her feelings last year when I cut her off. But there are a lot of strains, a lot of factors. It takes two to tango. Penelope, I want us to have what me and my mom never had.

Holy shit. Major side track.

Portland.

Alyssa, my most recent exes, one of two of my most real heart breaks, and honey it was bad, had already visited Portland. She and her friends did not like Portland. While she was going to be away for work, I decided I wanted to go on a little vacation, too! So, I planned my first solo trip ever. Portland. Goal? Prove it isn't boring like she thinks!

Days before my trip, she broke up with me.

I almost canceled it. Pen, I cannot describe to you in words just how much I loved that trip. It was some of the happiest I have ever been. Sometimes when you visit a new place, you think, “Wow, I could maybe live here,” or you might think “So glad to be home! I love California!” But, for me, Portland was it. The energy wasn’t like California. It wasn’t dragging. It was light. Friendly. Everyone was stupid nice. There was always something to do. Not a gross feeling anywhere. I felt like myself. The most me I had felt in a long while. AND? NO SALES TAX! It’s more affordable, has public transit, much nicer people, and overall the quality of life seems much more high. Not boring in the least.

So, I took another trip. I had to. The past semester about killed me. I deserved a break. I have been working really hard and making decent money for what I do (currently nannying: through an agency and my own business. I started my own in March 2019). I loved Portland in the cold just as I did in the summer. I really think that might be where we’ll be, P.

I went to the OMSI and there was an exhibit that had displays regarding the human reproductive system and they had this sensitive area of embryos/fetus’ from like a week after conception all the way to 40 weeks. The biggest part is they were REAL SPECIMENS!!!! I have only seem them on medical Instagram. The samples were not aborted, they were lost by natural causes. It was insane. I think I spent an hour looking at them / reading about them. It really made me feel the pain for parents who experience miscarriages / even the mother dying during birth. I mean, some of those babies were SO developed (Fetuses, sorry). So developed they could’ve been born any second. So developed I could tell at least a little of their race. I saw them covering their eyes/heads, or sucking their thumbs. It’s so human. But not quite. And, well, guess it got me thinking about you again.

I sound as creepy as Joe from “You”. But I just imagine everything with you by my side will be better than I could imagine it ever to be in general (I’m sorry, I’m experiencing a lot of emotions RN: someone’s tryna argue with me on Twitter, Good Love - Aly & AJ just came on, and I’m high.

Ok. Anyway. I do want to take you everywhere with me. But being a parent is hard in all ways - physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially, maybe even developmentally I don't know. And I want to raise you to appreciate what you are given, because I didn’t until I was older. I was too spoiled and not taught correctly. I was given a lot. No, I’m not the most privileged child (/now adult), but I know I have a HELL of a lot more than a SHIT ton of people. And I don’t want your life to be average. I want to have a home where you can run and play, have a crib, a stupid changing table, a backyard, can take dance classes or play a sport and do Mommy & Me classes. I do want to spoil you. But I want to you know that I’m trying. Because no one really ever has.

I’m 23. Chances are, I will be seeing you within the next seven years. Meg said it’s Zack’s decision. Zack asked for advice from his dad about what he would do if he were in Zack’s spot. But he only said he’s not in Zack’s spot. In seven years, we will see if you are part of me and part of Zack. He really is a wonderful guy, so handsome, so thoughtful, and also? I already know you’re going to be so CUTE but a little me and Zack is going to be SOOOOOO CUTE (not in the straight way because like Meg and Zack are my parents). Penelope, as you grow up I will make sure you know all the truths and I will help you understand as much as I am able to teach you. I meant about the family situation, but now this is kind of applying to pretty much everything about your life.

I will be honest about who Megan and Zack are to you, who I am, and anything else you want to know. Kids are a hell of a lot smarter than adults give them credit for. I look forward to teaching you and raising you.

I love where life is now. I love focusing on me. Lord knows I need it. But I’m really really excited to see you. Sometimes I’m afraid motherhood will be too much for me but that’s something I can’t return at the store or give up on and return to next year. But then I know I have a record so far of making it out out alive of my most difficult or my most embarrassing days ever, so odds are I’ll make it through whatever obstacles come to me / us in the future.

Love you, Pen B!

Mom? I guess?

Idk this is getting weird now.

#millenial #white claw #Aldi #motherhood #daughter #portland #california #los angeles #oregon #college #lesbian #gay #single #mom #penelope

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muthur9000 · 7 years

Link

Prometheus (2012)

1. Jon Spaihts was originally brought on when the film was simply the “untitled Alien prequel.” After a general meeting, where he riffed for about 45 minutes about what could happen in the film. When faced with a studio saying they wanted to go back to the Alienuniverse but wasn’t sure how to do it, Spaihts said, “The only way to do it was to go back in time.”

2. After his first meeting, it took only ten days before Spaihts had a meeting with Ridley Scott and the 20th Century Fox executives. He wrote his first draft in only 3 ½ weeks.

3. Although Scott has said that the location for the opening sequence is not necessarily Earth, Damon Lindelof describes it as a “sort of nascent, pastoral, lifeless Earth” and later identifies it as “the dawn of life on Earth.” However, several minutes later, Lindelof says it’s up for debate whether this was Earth.

4. The opening sequence included dialogue between the Engineers, and this was shot and included in the deleted scenes. However, the dialogue was removed because it was felt the Engineers speaking robbed them of their mystery. Lindelof, who recorded his commentary before the film was released, suspected he would be criticized for not saying exactly what happened.

5. Lindelof says that he and Scott had “a long and involved conversation” on what to call the film. “Ridley would constantly bust my balls about calling it Prometheus because he thought it was pretentious and hard to pronounce,” he says. “I said I agree it is both, but as I am a very pretentious person, I was able to sort of bludgeon him into it, and I think Fox thought it was cool.”

6. The name of the ship in Spaihts’ original script was the Magellan, and the name Prometheus was added by Lindelof. Continuing to admit he’s a pretentious writer, Lindelof says he chose the allusion to Greek mythology because Weyland (Guy Pearce) is trying to get immortality from his creators as Prometheus stole fire from the gods.

7. Even though the dig where we meet Shaw (Noomi Rapace) and Holloway (Logan Marshall-Green) was in Spaihts’ original script, Scott didn’t shoot it initially, choosing to start the action in space. This scene was added during reshoots. Other versions of the archeology scene includes one in which Shaw and Holloway make their discovery in a submarine, but it was cut for budgetary reasons. Another version had them finding archeology on Mars, but Spaihts felt that was too much of an easy sell to convince someone that aliens seeded Earth.

8. In regards to Prometheus being labeled a horror movie, Lindelof states, “I think Prometheus certainly has defined horror elements… They just can’t stay out of the attic even if they know that it’s dangerous.”

9. Spaihts identifies what he believes is the biggest shift between his script and Lindelof’s revisions: the amount of alien creatures in the film. Spaihts’ script had traditional facehuggers, chestbursters and xenomorphs. Lindelof removed many of those elements in order to avoid telling a standard Alien story.

10. Spaihts also felt a big difference in the script versions was there was “a pretty long drum roll at the top” in his script. Initially there were extended sequences of Shaw and Holloway making their case to find alien ancestors, using puzzle pieces of language, genealogy and pre-history. “By the time we got onto a ship, we’d been running really the ghost story of human past, the mystery story, for a solid twenty minutes of screen time in the scripts I wrote.” In Lindelof’s script, this exposition is put in during the crew briefing. Lindelof says he did this to be more dynamic by presenting the information to the crew members at the same time it’s presented to the audience.

11. Lindelof compares this exposition scene to the crew to his work on Lost. The scripted scene was 8 or 9 pages, and it throws a lot of exposition at the audience. He said when he worked on Lost, he avoided expository scenes “at all costs.” As a result, he says, “people hate me because the show was very confusing.”

12. Lindelof points out that David (Michael Fassbender) is perfectly happy to be a robot. He doesn’t’ have a Pinocchio complex. “Robots are like iPods,” he says. “You can put your own case on them or put your own apps on them.” This is why he emulates Peter O’Toole from Lawrence of Arabia, to personalize himself rather than to emulate humanity.

13.After she wakes up from cryosleep, Meredith asks David if everyone is still alive. She is specifically asking whether Peter Weyland survived. If he were dead, she would have turned the ship around and gone home.

14. Both Spaihts and Lindelof express disappointment in the casting of a younger, extremely fit actor like Guy Pearce as Peter Weyland. Originally, there were scenes in which David talks to Weyland in his dream, and he appears as a young, fit man. However, Scott dropped those scenes because he didn’t think they were needed. This led Spaihts to refer to Weyland as “a strapping old man” and Lindelof to point out the inherent silliness of not just casting an old man rather than using old-age make-up.

15. Spaihts addresses a common complaint about the Prometheus being so much more advanced than the Nostromo, even though this film takes place many years before the events of Alien. He points out that the Nostromo was “a tugboat,” and it’s possible that cruder ship had been around for 150 years. “I don’t trip too much over the anachronism of the technology.”

16. Lindelof compares Weyland’s quest for more life (rather than more money) to Roy Batty (Rutger Hauer) in Scott’s Blade Runner. However, instead of an artificial being seeking more life from humanity, this film features a human going to his creator and asking for more life. He says, “For me, Prometheus was all about making an Alien-Blade Runner mash-up, using the best themes from both movies and dropping them all into the same world… I just assumed they were sequels of each other.”

17. Spaihts wrote five drafts of the film, generally adhering more to the original Alien and including more of the derelict spacecraft (which is later referred to as a “juggernaut”).

18. In Spaihts’ original draft, the pups used to map the caves rolled and crawled along the ground instead of flying. He admits that they look cooler in the air.

19. Both Spaihts and Lindelof address the often criticized helmet removal by the crew. Lindelof calls it a “leap of faith” for the characters and compares Holloway’s helmet removal to the scene from Close Encounters of the Third Kind in which Richard Dreyfussremoves his gas mask to prove there’s no danger. Spaihts calls the issue an inevitable tug-of-war. “Logic demands the helmet stay on almost always for head protection, for atmosphere, pressure could blow, infection could set in,” he said. “The director and actors will always want their helmets off for performance’s sake. And there will always be pressure to give the actors a good excuse to take their hats off.”

20. Spaihts originally conceived that the Engineers saw a greater spectrum than humans did. However, so did David, and he could see signs and symbols in the corridors that the humans didn’t.

21. Lindelof says Holloway gave Shaw “probably the worst STD you can possibly get, an alien in the belly.” What emerges is progenitor of the facehugger, and he says, “Shaw and Holloway are kind of that facehugger’s mommy and daddy.” Spaihts also independently calls the alien embryo a sexually transmitted disease, adding, “A chestburster was actually conceived by the love of a man and a woman.”

22. Lindelof further discusses the motivation of the Engineers: “That’s kind of the point of the movie, I think. The idea that our creators really don’t have a particular sense of great ambition or meaning behind what they’re doing as Holloway described it in an earlier draft… The idea that Earth was just these people’s Petri dish. But perhaps there is more to why they created us in the first place, which is sort of the spirit in which the movie ends. Again if you’re listening to my commentary it’s probably because you’re interested in what I have to say or you hate me. In either case, one of the things that I love to do in my writing is not answer questions definitively. As frustrating as this is I rely much more on the human imagination and your ability to sort of theorize as to what you think may have happened. And although that’s why its’ frustrating, people talk about movies after they’re over.”

23. Lindelof anticipates fans taking issue with the explanation and human connection to the space jockey, as he did initially when he read Spaihts’ script. He says, “It’s a controversial idea because anything in a prequel that essentially recasts your understanding of the original movie has the opportunity to lessen that movie and therefore, it’s a risk.”

24. On how the film actually ties in directly with Alien and its sequels, Lindelof is continually vague: “We still don’t know what happened on LV-426. Maybe we’ll never know. This movie goes off in its own direction. But again we sort of wanted to have the sense that if Prometheus had never occurred, maybe Alien still would’ve happened. But we’re seeing a similar chain of events going in an entirely different way.”

25. Lindelof explains that David is hesitant to spike Holloway’s drink with the alien mutagen possibly because of his ethics programming. However, because Weyland has instructed him to do whatever is necessary to bring a solution, but more importantly because Holloway admits that he’d do anything to get his own answers, that allows David to override that part of his programming.

26. Spaihts originally conceived Janek (Idris Elba) as a Captain Nemo type. While Elba doesn’t physically resemble the bearded type Spaihts had envisioned, he did fit the part extremely well. In fact, Lindelof makes several mentions throughout his commentary that he would do anything to add more Janek moments.

27. The sex scene between Holloway and Shaw was originally more antagonistic, in which Holloway was upset because he wanted to disprove the existence of God. Lindelof rewrote the scene for a reshoot to make it more congenial. This allows the audience to feel sympathy for Holloway when he is eventually killed by Vickers (Charlize Theron).

28. In Spaihts’ original script, Holloway was impregnated by a facehugger in the tunnels of the pyramid, after being startled by the holograms and falling down on an egg. The chestburster then emerged while he was making love to Shaw. Spaihts specifically chose this moment to tie together sex and violence, as is often done in the Alien universe.

29. Lindelof added the element of Fifield (Sean Harris) getting stoned in his suit to match the pattern of a horror movie, in which characters that have sex or get stoned often die.

30. After Holloway and Shaw’s sex scene and the attack on Millburn (Rafe Spall) and Fifield, Spaihts elaborates: “It’s interesting to see the Alien franchise’s built-in sexualization of menace play out in different fronts here. And it’s something that I think Damon did well, you know, obliged to part company with facehuggers and chestbursters which are very rapey and sexual phenomena. Pregnancy. And you, know, oral rape and impregnation as the way of being done in a by a monster, really ghastly. It’s why there is an Alienfranchise and not one scary Alien movie… The blasphemy of it, the fact that it is so vile and it’s so transgressive in the way it victimizes a human being I think is what makes it resonate, what makes it so dark.”

31. In Spaihts’ script, David finds a huge cargo hold of eggs, which was meant to undo the experiment on Earth. David captures and restrains Shaw when she confronts him in there. She is impregnated by a facehugger, and because she witnessed Holloway’s death, she knows what it will do to her. This is what causes her to escape and use the Med-Pod to extract it. Spaihts says that this deliberate exposure of Shaw to the aliens is what he misses most about his screenplay.

32. Spaihts says his idea of the C-section alien removal is what got him the writing job because no one had ever survived that before in an Alien film. “The real trauma is the exit wound,” he says, “so if you get it out clean, you might live.” In his script, once the creature was removed, it was ejected from the Med-Pod, and Shaw stayed in there for hours to heal, all the while watching it grow and eventually kill people. “Either way, she ends up running away, bloody and half-naked,” he admits.

33. The imagery around David accessing the Engineers’ stellar cartography hologram was inspired by a painting from Joseph Wright called “The Orrery.”

34. When Holloway is torched by Vickers, Spaihts points out the challenges in Lindelof’s script: “This is a difficult moment. And I can see Damon here looking for answers. You know, deprived of the facehuggers and aliens that otherwise killed these characters, how do you do away with them and how do you provide a moment for the evil for your villains to play out?”

35. Lindelof identifies what he considers to be the fundamental difference between his and Spaihts’ scripts, which influenced the name and direction of the film: “Weyland was not a character in Jon’s draft other than at the opening. He’s not on the ship. He was driven by the idea that finding the Engineers would result in breakthroughs in terraforming technology and thus could make the company a lot of money. In this version, Weyland is not driven by money at all. He’s driven by the one thing his money can’t buy him, which is some iteration of eternal life.”

36. When the surviving Engineer awakens, Lindelof points out that there are no answers to what exactly the Engineers were doing. David gives a theory, but there are no answers, though Lindelof hints at some ideas that could be developed in further films. Spaihts offers a more concrete reason why there’s no explanation: “If you’re gonna wake up God, you’re gonna have Him talk to you, what on Earth could he say? What speech can he give you that will satisfy you that will be good enough, cool enough, deep enough? Here’s the alien super-race that made us what we are. What do they have to say to us?”

37. The Engineer originally did speak to David, which is included in the deleted scenes, but Lindelof said it was removed from the film because “it robbed him of any coolness or mystery.”

38. At the end of Spaihts’ script, after the juggernaut crashes, Shaw has to fight a xenomorph which emerged from the Engineer pilot. Lindelof decided to change it to the Engineer fighting her because he felt it was a movie about a creation confronting its creator, rather than a woman fighting an alien.

39. Spaihts chose the name “David” for the android because the first three androids were Ash, Bishop and Call, in that order. Alphabetically, David was the next logical choice. David was also a reference to Michaelangeo’s famous sculpture, which was a physical model for the Engineers. He’s also the first android to be referred to by a first name instead of his surname, and he was the first in chronology.

40. As he wraps up his commentary, Lindelof goes back to the question of whether this is an actual prequel to Alien or not. His final argument is: “This movie doesn’t end with a bunch of eggs on LV-426, and that’s partly what makes it not fit as a direct prequel.”

Best in Commentary

Lindelof: “That was my attempt to get Charlize Theron naked, but cooler heads prevailed.” (Regarding Meredith Vickers doing push-ups in her underwear after waking from cryosleep)

Lindelof: “How far away is that from LV 426?” About 185 LVs, whatever that means. Yes, I’m not as nerdy as I should be.” (Regarding the location of LV-223)

Lindelof: “David is not really the guy you want as your OB-GYN.”

Lindelof: “A spoiler alert here. If a man and a woman have sex, you can make a baby. And if that man has just been infected by a crazy android with weird black goop, that baby is going to be strange and upsetting.”

Spaihts: “Both of the women in this movie are in insane shape. It’s terrifying how muscular and powerful they are. Either one could kick my ass.”

Lindelof: “If you hated the movie, again, I apologize. And hopefully this made you hate me even more. And if you liked it, I’m really grateful that you did. And hopefully we’ll get to spend some more time in this universe because it’s one of my favorites.”

#prometheus #jon spaihts #damon lindelof

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