#the thing that really gets me abt it is how my mom (ik i said i would stop complaining abt her on here but we have been fighting all month | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pepprs · 1 year

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not to be a pain-crazed wild animal. i KNOW i do this every time. but p*riods are so fucking crazy. like my cr*mps are so bad my body is trying to strangle itself but im awake and i need to be at work in 2 hrs and get thru an entire 9 hr workday as if im not in excruciating pain and im gonna bring my heating pad and my p*in r*lief cr*am if you catch my drift (💀) and i’ll need to use them DURING a busy day in which i will not see any other ppl who get periods in person and using them is gonna be a whole awkward thing. like omg. this is not fucking normal lol

#purrs #it is normal obviously. but it’s SO fucking frustrating like omfg the amount of time i lose every single month to being in pain like this #FOR NO REASON and like half the global population has to deal w that and it’s like it’s nothing. idk. despair and suffering and misery #delete later #menstruation tw #the thing that really gets me abt it is how my mom (ik i said i would stop complaining abt her on here but we have been fighting all month #LOL so im giving myself permission) gets so fucking pissed at me and my sister when we’re in too much pain to do chores bc she thinks we’re #being lazy / making excuses and then she compares us to o it brother like.. omg um YOU should know how painful this can be first of all and #second of all why would you even make that comparison when he doesn’t lose a third of his life to his body trying to tear itself apart! lol!#and yes i could work from home or calll out sick but consider: i am mentally illabout not being at work. which * is gonna be on my ass abt w #when they hear me say that bc i know im gonna make a whole awkward big deal abt my heating pad. UGHHHHH embarrassing lmaooooo #like why do people have REGULAR B*DILY F*NCTIONS!!!!! REGULAR!!!!!!! that REGULARLY put them in this amount of pain and we have to just deal #with that like it’s nothing and be discreet about and whatever. ew i sound like um… someone who cares too much abt stuff like this lol but I #im so mad abt it rn like oh my GOD can the pain just not be part of it can we just evolve to get rid of that or put structures in place in a #society for ppl to be more accepting / supporting / whatever of it. please please please please please #(also goes for more than just p*riods btw. like imagine if as a society we had things in place for ppl who are regularly in #chronic pain of any kind 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 what a world that would be 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 wow i sure hope it happens in my lifetime 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍)

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perenlop · 10 months

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Hghhh I genuinely can’t explain how much of a game changer it was to realize that misophonia is a recognized mental condition and that I wasn’t just a killjoy tbh

#there’s something so comforting about seeing people talk about their experiences and say things id always said to myself #and it just feels so good to have the term and i feel like since thats happened people have been less mean about it #my mom who honestly is fickle abt whether shes supportive or not told me the other day bc we were at the bowling alley #and it was really loud and triggering for me so i had my earbuds on. and she defended me about it and told me #‘’you dont have to feel bad for existing’’ and hhhhghgghghgggh #and ik its bare minimum and ive been trying to get over feeling like an ass for wanting accommodations #but friends in my server as conscious of my triggers and go out of their way to try and avoid them when possible #and like. tbh its almost a weird feeling bc its so different from my life growing up but i cannot express enough how grateful i am #echoed voice #idk its just less lonely and suffocating now

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mangoposts · 4 months

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girl i need to know ur thoughts on alahna. like for me i genuinely miss her sm bro and it makes me so upset that she still wishes they could be friends -but they’ve just like fully ignored the whole thing and have never said a WORD abt it whereas she’s constantly like reposting stuff about old friendships and such that’s def about them. also i always think about how like even IF they became friends again and like we all found out, there would always be like a sense of awkwardness knowing abt the friendship breakup. like obvi it’s happened before with youtubers and stuff where they’ve stopped hanging out but then a couple years later theyre friends again, but i really don’t know if i see that happening, and like she’s a childhood friend as well so it’s a bit different. ALSO it makes me so sad too how they make such an effort with nate and see him all the time, i just don’t get what happened with alahna like that’s my girlll. AND (sorry i keep thinking of more stuff), with the whole unfollowing thing that started it all, that really caught me off guard cos like they have other friends from boston who i bet they dont see that much, but they still have each other on insta, like there’s no need to fully remove them off all their socials ykwim?

also just another thing (IM SORRY😭) in regards to madi, i love her and think she’s so cute, and honestly by no means do i believe she’s replaced alahna cos their friendships were always so different, but for me no matter how close they get with her, it’s just not gonna compare to their childhood friendships, cos it’ll always be through her mom being their manager, so it lowks work related?? STAWP it sounds like i’m hating on her NO I LOVE HER PLS - and i do think their friendship with her is very genuine i’m just saying like the vibes i get are so diff to their boston friends

like in their videos with alahna/nate/chloe etc the friendships are just so real it just like makes me so upset bro idek( obvs it’s cos they grew up tg but yk😭😭)

sorry for this long ass rant ik its sooo not that serious and none of my business at all but like i genuinely mourn their friendship constantly ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

PLEASE.

DONT GET ME STARTED.

I don’t think anybody understand how much i love and adore alahna. No doubt i miss her ass soooooooooooooooooooo bad. I literally talk about it every single day it’s my disgusting roman empire i never stop thinking of her, I’ll die without ever knowing what happened between them. But im sure it was all for a reason, i know it doesn’t look like it makes sense but we weren’t there and we never know what goes down behind the scenes. I don’t think it was anything messy i don’t believe alahna has ever had bad intentions and she never will. But i mean it’s obvious something rough happened if they treat her that differently from the other friends in boston, ill never fucking knoooowwww and i have to get over it one day but i miss her so so so so so so sos is sos sosososowowowowowo BADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD. Fuck. Im not saying anybody is trying to compare, but nobody will ever compare. That’s all and if u don’t like alahna i hate you and block me

#sturniolo triplets #🥭

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sol-shines · 6 months

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@ your tags PLEASE talk abt your parker designs!!!

this is for you and @dreaming-of-stories-and-stars THANK YOU for enabling me :3 sorry this took a little bit

if you don't know what this is about i drew my takes on the parkers here !

rambles under the cut:

SO what i sorta wanted to do was make. each parker flow into the next while subtly changing in between ,,, something something losing yourself to the game, becoming unrecognizable. so let's cover it parker by parker:

prime: i personally Love the hc that the coin is parker's mom. so prime is a lil ancient roman coded guy. he's SOOOO eldest sibling coded help. like he and his mom have a very strained relationship but also he thinks that if he just does whatever she wants she'll finally be proud of him :P whoops! and yeah v explosive anger (firewalker reference!), leading to ego, leading to. You Know. anyway. oh ALSO the parkers get younger as we progress so :))) they all STARTED at 19 but have varying degrees of age. so prime is in his mid-thirties.

parker ii: AH the most elusive of the parkers. SO: in my personal lore interp, parker ii was created when prime starting to push back against the coin more and more to the point where it was becoming a problem. and prime of course is very destructive and makes a mess when he's angry. so ii came about from me going "...what if parker just. said fuck it and left. didn't give a shit about ego just didn't wanna play the game anymore and found a way out." and that's exactly what my ii did. absolutely fucking vanished and quit the game for good. somehow. which uhhh MIGHT have been what caused prime to go apeshit ("why does ii get to leave and i'm stuck here?") and end prehistory. whoops. so i wanted to make them look very vagabond-y. somehow got even edgier than prime (impressive). also they're abt 30-ish. and have crazy gender stuff going on. possibly transfem. "but how is that possible if you hc the parkers as transmasc-" shhh. i don't know <3

park3r: GOD i loved doing this one. this parker is such a bitch and i love him. the first commissioner parker, created bc "OKAY so we gotta make him more young and impressionable and less unstable AND take him out of this game bc very clearly Bad Things will happen if he stays" so they made. a chronically online teenager and made them commissioner AMDNFM. god yeah i love this design he's sooo. just a 19-year-old trying to fill an impossible role and putting on a cool face about it. tragic, yes. but they're gonna complain the whole time and make everyone else miserable too. fully believe he was just scared and out of his depth the whole trial :( oops why are parkers iii and iiii so sad. i drew him closer to mid-20s here but honestly he could easily be younger

p4rker: LOVE this guy's lore so my hc is that after the trial that killed park3r it was like "uhhhh FUCK we need a new one of those. stat." so. they just. took park3r's incin'd body (ik it's not really Canon that park3r was incin'd he just Died but. let me have this) and like. stitched it back together. so p4rker is covered in burns and stitched together like frankenstein all over, and they just threw a mask on them like "see!!! new guy!!" the result of this being they didn't have. a whole ton of time to add shit like Personality, so p4rker is the outlier in that they're very naive and even polite? they don't understand what all the fuss is about them and just wants to be. nice? shame he didn't stick around long :/ the drippy bits are a little percolation nod! in this particular drawing he's like 20 :(

pvrker is. obviously the least human. park3r was more of a prototype of a commissioner, p4rker was a temporary placeholder at best, pvrker... was well and truly made For The Game. and his appearance reflects that. kinda a combination of iii's bluntness and 4's naivety. in-universe some people think he's the most sinister or whatever bc he's so directly Controlled By ILB Shit and that's not NOT true but like. give him a break guys he's like 6 days old he's new at this :(

ANYWAY that's so long holy shit. here are my rambles i hope u like them. im So Bad at blaseball lore so someone yell at me if something i put in there isn't accurate but. yeag :)

#parker macmillan #blaseball #WOO god this took so long to write and so much of it is just vibes but. I Like Them :)#they're so fun to draw!! so similar but different!!! h!!!!!#sol speaks

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auzzzilly96 · 2 months

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Could I learn about your B and James interprets lore 🥺🥺🥺

Errrm well tbh I kinda already said most of the stuff abt my interps the last time I was asked but I guess there r a few more things I could talk abt :3

Mk sooo more abt B’s whole being way older than he should be thing n more abt what his life was like b4 he got lost in the backrooms. So pretty much he was born in the year 1950 in America around the Texas-Louisiana border[silly goofy projection we will not see more of that later definitely not]. He was pretty poor for most of his life, especially in childhood, but they made it work. He might have had siblings idk, neither does he [boom vague Reagan reference where is my gold sticker/SILLY] He was very close with his mother bc his father wasn’t around a lot, mostly out working bc the whole living in poverty thingg. He actually learned 2 speak japanese b4 he learned english bc that was his mom’s native language so that’s pretty silly :3. Well everything was well and fine for about the next 20 years but then uh oh! B’s mom becomes terribly ill one day and ends up dying a few months later! [how sad] This event is pretty much the catalyst 4 every bad thing that happens in B’s life 4 the next like 50 years. Cuz a bit b4 this he’d found out how to no clip and did it a few times but he was just so distraught in the moment that he just kinda went 2 the backrooms and just walked around 4 so long until he passed out n when he woke up he couldn’t no clip back soo yeah that’s basically his epic backstory yay. On the lighter side this is something I meant 2 explain A WHILE ago but just kinda forgor abt it so sad ik but uhm this dude n his fuck ass jacket omg. Basically his like overcoat thing is like a backrooms artifact n its pockets r basically like tiny little openings 2 an empty pocket [pun not intended] dimensions that just stores stuff n that’s it. As long as something can fit around the opening it can be put in the pocket. That’s y blud was pulling out whole ass water bottles n flashlights from them in my fic [read my fic btw chapter 4 just came out last month] Also this blud is like ADDICTED 2 Almond Water actually………. Like. this guy can’t go 15 milliseconds without a lil sip. Smh this goofy ass guy😔😔[SILLY]…..

Ok now James’s epic backstory yippie 😁😁💥💥!!!!!!! oke so like I already talked abt his sad backstory where he lost his eyes n stuff but ig I'll talk abt what he was like b4 that :3. So basically growing up she was treated as like a child prodigy. Like. VERY good in school. Skipping a couple grades type beat. With her being so “gifted” n all she wasn’t really ever given a chance to be. like. a normal kid. Everything throughout her life up until the “accident” was always just focused on just “being the best at everything™” bc that was the mentality that was instilled upon them by their parents. And oh boy. The parental issue I gave this mf. Unreal. Someone needs 2 lock me up[JOKE]. Bro’s whole life he was constantly told over n over again “work work work study study study get into a good collage be successful be somebody important” nothing but that for like 15 years. Like bro had no friends until the age of 26. shitz crazy[silly]. So like time goes by n he’s successful in school n college n gets his job as a professional chemist. So fun n good she did what she was suppose 2 yippiiee nothing could go possibly wrong!! But then the whole explody eyes go bye bye thing happens [not as fun]. N so now this is the catalyst 4 their suffering yippie <3 [sarc] N it’s kinda ironic bc the reason he ended up being so careless in that moment was bc his upbringing made him so unreasonably confident in his abilities that he disregarded even the most basic of safety protocol. So anyways bro wakes up in the hospital blind, scared, confused and alone. Is told what happened. Is so mortified that she has a meltdown right then n there [things r not off 2 the best start]. Not just over the life long facial disfigurement but also over the fact that they failed. They failed to be the perfect scientific prodigy they were supposed 2 be. N in the process, didn’t just fall themself but failed everyone who ever believed in them[At least that’s what they thought at the time]. Like bro didn’t even get fired he CHOSE 2 resign bc he was so ashamed of himself n what he’d done. a lot of this built up trauma n self resentment is y she’s so attached B n Hashely bc they were rlly like 1st ppl in her life 2 show her any kind of unconditional support or affection. Bc after the accident when she was at her absolute lowest point her parents like just softcore cut her off. Like. she tried multiple times after the fact 2 try n contact them but nothing ever came back so they just stopped trying after a while :( Also kinda related is that I think their hair is like naturally curly but they straighten it bc it being curly reminds them of the past n they HATE being reminded of the past.

Erm ok kinda ended in a doomer note but erm oh well :33

#srry this took a bit I needed time to yap properly :3 #austin ramblez #dave and bambi popcorn edition #headcanons

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angelsofneonandgarbage · 2 months

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sorey for being a bit. scary on main. i just finished madk vol. 3 which is finally out in english and i was so excited for it but the ending is a near closed-loop cyclical ending which always really bothers me n puts me in a state in nihilistic anxiety/dissociation idk but also. it just makes me wanna feel things again. i wanna stop taking my meds. ive had the upped dose for a week ish now n its bringing back my paranoia which should settle in a week tops but it's bothering me bc it means i cant listen to tma bc that's creepy enough to set it off. sorry i swear my mental health has actually been better these last couple of days im slowly regaining mental functionality to an extent but i keep slipping and falling and i just. don't have the spoons to figure out every problem i have and address them enough to be functional again. like there's the attachment problems w my ex which keep coming back every time i feel like jm getting over them, the chronic exhaustion and general symptoms of pots, my meds fucking with me, general depression but also manic episodes, the fact im way over budget but my mum wants me to get her a 60 quid fountain pen for her birthday/mothers day and im not going to be there to see her around that time anyway sso i have even less of an excuse to cheap out. and ive been committedly lying abt my mental state to my parents to convince them im getting better than i was at xmas even tho im worse bc my mum will come up here and invade my uni life if she realises how bad i am doing

ah yeah i hate when fiction leads to like a major dissociative bit especially bc i love to use media as an escape when im floating out my body and then it goes and makes it worse and sets off a chain reaction of pent up shittiness? the absolute worst fr

not to sound like an overbearing parent but pls take ur meds !!!!! ik it sucks rn getting thru the adjustment phase but think of how things will change once u get used to them! u may not notice a crazy positive change right away but think of the small things. like u can listen to tma again once ur adapted to ur meds!! even if it’s something small that gets u thru daily tasks like that. u could take ur pills in the morning and be like “this is for u martin”

and oh god ex drama we both know that one well. idk if it would help but maybe if every time u have a like thought abt them that makes u feel any way that’s great just text me ur thoughts to try and get them out yk. like how i texted u like “the voices!!” when i was talking abt my ex like the other week pls feel free to do that back if u think it would help

and exhaustion and depression suck man i wish i had some like quippy little tip or smthn for u there but i’m suffering right there with u on those. and maybe just the thought that we’re going thru that together could help? holding ur hand thru the horrors <3

and oh man money problems r the worse omg. ik u said the pen is like 60 quid and mothers day is coming up so idk what ur like personal budget is looking like but me when i’m trying to make bigger purchases is i set aside a few bucks a day like just a few dollars $2 or $3 nothing that seems like a lot just a little snack or drink price but somthing that adds up a decent bit when done for a few days straight and u have like two ish weeks till then right? so u could make a decent dent with that plan

and hey i’m all for lying to parents but i think u shoukd consider the possibility that u may need to ask for help at one point even tho that’s so hard and ur mom will get all up in ur business but maybe it could help. or u could think of ur daily life like ur mom is there or nearby as a way to like watch urself and try to control what ur doing if that makes sense?

#hi sorry i hope this made sense and i hope u don’t find my response annoying i felt like i had to say more back than just augh man that #sucks im sorry so i hope some of this helps a little? if its not for u tho that’s 100% ok i hope u find things that help u soon <3 #also not sure if u wanted this private or not so i can totally change it if u don’t watch this public #.🫀

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thetenamongstthesethrees · 11 months

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TW: REFERENCE TO SH AND RELAPSE OF SH AND SUICIDE ATTEMPT

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Ok so ik ive been inactive for a *WHILE* and im srry for that but like i have a buncha things that happened these past 3 months that I NEED To share SOOOO....

First things first, the one im most excited abt: I DID MY FIRST PERFORMANCE!!! My school was doing little mermaid jr and I got Scuttle! I was really happy to get my first role and getting at least one solo, and Im just happy overall on how it went! I think I did really good on my first try! Only bad thing was that now im kinda going through my lil mermaid hyperfixation and have been looking up fics where Sebastian and Ariel kinda have a Father/Parental Figure-Daughter or Older Brother-Younger (stupid but ultimately well meaning) Sister dynamic and have started to write a fic on that bc no ones done it before apparently😒(im going cray cray, bonkers mayhaps)

Might've gotten my eye infected(I live in the east of the us, new york to be more specific and woke up the day after the "live vintage (BLAME CANADA/j) filter" with my right eyes nerves slightly more irritated and haven't gotten that checked out so thats fun)

FINALLY finished that one drawing ive been making for 3 MONTHS.(well, technically....)

Almost done writing my passion project, AKA the one I originally wanted to make into an animated series but have settled for a book just in case that can't happen! I still need to work out some kinks, design more outfits, get all their personalities in check, make sure the world and magic is fully fleshed out, ect.

I also do band, and while I originally thought that I would have a problem bc of both band and theatres close scheduling(i originally had dress rehearsal on june 2nd, AND my band concert on June 2nd) but it all worked out in the end! My band concert went great, and while the dress rehearsal was a mess, we at least got through it! :)

Unintentionally quit SH! I was originally only meant to stop until AFTER performances, but ive been bettering myself and learned that if I ever want to forgive myself or at least move on I gotta stop feeling sorry for myself and not forget nor forgive, but remember, i just can't let it haunt me. I know I'll relapse, I always do eventually, but I want to enjoy these few moments of mental "clarity" while I can. I've also learned that for some reason i tend to become a more terrible person and despicable person the more time I spend at home with my mother, so that's fun. God, I hate America's education system, its messed me up BAD. AND the foster care system. I just tried to kms 2 times today, and she didn't even notice, or care. How sad is that?

On a lighter note, yes, as the rest of yt and TikTok, I got a minor lil hyperfixation on the Lorax and really think ppl should make more [PLATONIC] Lorax and Onceler dynamics, mainly the type where they're like some really annoying pair of bickering siblings or a father whos sick of his adopted child's shit, like there is so much on the table for platonic fluff and angst and most of what I've seen is romantic smut and fluff like CHANGE IT UP A LIL

Also, Ive been going to karaoke centers on Tuesdays and have become a lot more confident to performing in front of ppl! So far, I've performed "All You Wanna Do", "The Ballad of Jane Doe", "Heart of Stone", and am gonna do "What the World Needs" the next upcoming Tuesday, where I'm gonna try interacting with the audience while singing!!

(Also, before I end this....I may have ADHD??? my teacher who has ADHD says some of my behavior is "similar to hers"(i feel like thats just her way of saying i reek of neurodivergency) and I also did some research and I display similar/exact behaviors listed, have taken online tests from doctorate confirmed sites and basically all of them said to go get a diagnosis. I also found I do a few behaviors similar to stimming! Also also, I kinda suspect a lil more bc my mom has Autism and apparently sometimes neurodivergency is biological (i forgor the word) but my mom is kinda in denial abt my Depression diagnosis and thinks I got anxiety "biologically", so if I tell her I wanna get tested for ADHD shes just kinda gonna gaslight me into not believing that and i already told the school therapist and basically she just told me that I'm probably just imagining things or copying behaviors from my mother and that "kids like to give themselves all these titles nowadays" so I just did what I always do which is to keep it shut and act until they think you fell in line)

So yeah, thats all! Thanks for reading, now that my schedule is clear again ima start posting more frequently again, so be aware :) <3333

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urboymutual · 2 years

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i think i unfollowed you and refollowed like three times while trying to send this but anyway: fave eddie headcanons please

Funniest images ever...

but hiiii hmm my eddie headcanons: okay so like eddito is usually what pepa calls him but in my heart she calls him lalo bc idk Ive never really heard of eddito in the spanish communities im in it was always like lalo or guayo so i support pepa and buck calling him lalo like how eddie has tht specialness of calling buck evan

alos ive talked abt it a bit with a few anons but i really support eddie being proud of his mexican hertiage and also being as annoying on purpose abt it . i want funny scene where hen and chimney and eddie are like all agreeing on something (lowkey universal poc thing) and buck is like "i disagree" and they all just look at each ofher and are like "buck thats racist" and hes like freaking out like - woah guys im sorry i didnt know and eddie just gives him a teasing smile and kisses him on the cheek to apologize ummm a

im like sleep depreived so im def going to edit this post more when i sleep but i also like idea that in high school (idk if other high school have it) he was in the mariachi band bc again embracing his heritage but also his mom made him do it (ALMOST HAPPENES TO ME...) and he looked very dorky in the outfits buck prints out the pictures and post them around the firehouse... (sorry buck and eddie sre a package . cant have one with out the other)

ummm also i fhink him and buck and christopher - Oh my god i cant finish my thought rn because john wayne by lady gaga is playing and ik thinking about hik in a cowboy outfit . bitinf my fist. honestly . 😵‍💫 i think he shouldve also participated in rodeo... like i dont know el paso cowboy scene but this is my headcanon i do what i want. and what i want is them to give me episode where they go to umm i think they called jaripeo (its a rodeo and theirs also dancing men usually wear cowboy hats) and i want buck and eddie to dance like THIS!!!

Oh my god im literally spiraling i have sooo many ideas . and thiughts uve opened a flood gate... i got distracted at looking at cowboy boots but i think saint christopher or cheesy flame cowboys would be soooo slay of him.. anyways um

my original thought is i think it wohld be funny if eddie christopher snd buck went to one of those like amusement parks or smthin where they do uhh those air spray shirts? i cant think of it but eddie shirt

also hes mixed which gives me sooo many syndromes becauses hes just like me and 😵‍💫😵‍💫 like i know the writers just dont know how to write a latine character but the idea he doesnt talk abt being mexican much and maybe doesnt even identify as mexican (in the show hes said "my fathers from mexico and my moms Swedish") bc like that connection was barely there in his childhood bc of his father being gone. Absent fathers... 😞😞 Like le metaphorical severing of an umbilical cord of culture...

anyways this getting sooo long but he do be waking christopher up bright and esrly in the morning to go to swap meets in la (another hc of mine HSHDH)

I might add more to this when im lucid and not so 👹👹👹

#Sorry fgoat this is so long and incoomherismple #i will clean it up in da morning

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vlvtrkii · 1 year

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It's currently 2:53 am and i just watched the first two episodes of season 1 os succession and tbh it at first looked ike i might not understand as half the things were quite flowing above my head

but then i think i quite got the grip on the ongoing situation and tbh if i try to sum it al up it's really infa t just a shitshow and i really don't want to see a show of bunch of lustful greedy fail trying to take over while lsi being coward at the same time and tryna play safe but terribly failing since none of them actually has anyone's back yk they all just a bunch of backstabbers ready to bite you anytime and take all the profit.... It's just how evryone in the screen is there for the money except some two or three characters i guess

All of logans kids remind me of those useless nepo kids of Hollywood tbh cuz i think Logan was right when he decided to still be the CEO since Kendall is really not mature enough and brave to be a CEO or step up and same goes with the other kids

They all are so emotionally sensitive and want a safe place but also has got the greed and lust from their father

They want to top each other but also don't want to hurt the else feeling or be straightforward with their motives to the others

Funny hw every side character slash spouse of them are gold diggers and just their for money like God damn babes

I think shiv is also quite emotional and vulnerable to stupid people but she has got that bossy instincts and roman do lack maturity to a whole other level

Kendall is just a emotional attached boy with skills but the fact he is not strong for the Bulls game like he can't even convince his siblings, he lack that bossy nature, he is too emotional and sensitive and tbh weak for a job that runs the whole fucking company and i do believe Logan was right when he said he might need a more time to get all that strictness, and he wasn't firing him tbh he is the most appropriate our of all four,,, but the fact Logan decided to do the Marcy thing in the game kinda screwed it up since i think evrybody knows she is a gold digger it was obvious and still Logan did such a stupid thing was maybe just becuz idk it's his third wife and i beleive he has more moments with her and also obvi the NSFW thing,, maybe that's why he is actually attached but i also of beleive that maybe he was just fucking it all up to scre them even harder cuz ain't no way a man running a company and so heartless would be this dumb

And conner was the person i felt quite the best in characters but ohh when he showed up with willa,,,, like why do rich PPL are so nasty and yucky bro

And don't get me started on how big of a loser is Greg i mean yeah maybe he's just a filler or sm shit but it's so annoying and he is not being relatable, he is just purely an ass tbh like how did he not grow up at all and till dream high to play this game when he literally discussed abt shoes with her mom

He is the iconic manchild but with more hairs and leaning on soft side of his way of body language and all which don't make it so annoying but rather tumblrworthy

And Tim is just a dick and i hate how he's technically using shiv to be somewhere in that game like what the fuck

logan has all the CEO qualities except maybe he is too harsh and egoistic and don't suck ppl's dick to get his things done which is impressive atleast he ain't a bitch but he also lacks how to be loyal and yk the man of words cuz of what he did to Frank and the debt thing makes it a lil more clear that he really don't have some business mides strategies and hasn't read books like Kendall has,,,, but yeah a man of words won't fire a loyal co worker of 30 years for a shitty son so maybe he too lacked there in order to support his sons but i think he did it in order to keep the business in the hands of his family after he steps down idk

I just don't want to watch a show where evryone is a shitty person in general but idk i might not continue it altho its just been two fucking episodes but in alr tired for this long ass commitment

#Succession #succession s1 #Succession season 1 #Kendall roy #roy siblings #logan roy #shiv roy #connor roy #greg succession #Tom and Greg #tom succession #roman roy

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onemillionvolts · 2 years

Note

GM CYNO

what if i told you every single question in the ask game should be answered, that or WHO IS THE SEXUEST PERSIN THAT COMES TO MIND IMMEDIATELY

GOOD MORNING HI HI. BET. im gonna do all of them you bet i wont but i will. youre the best for this btw

IMMEDIATELY? PFFFF HOW LONG DO U HAVE LET ME GET MY LIST

0. height

i yam 5 foot 6 (and a half)

1. virgin?

what the fuck did you just call me? /lhj

anyways in my head yes i am and thats what matters isnt it

2. shoe size

i wear 11s and god i wish that thing people say about shoe size was true 🤙

3 + 4 + 5. do you smoke/drink/do drugs

no and i never plan to <33

6. age you get mistaken for

i.. honestly have no answer to this tbh

7 + 8. do you have (and/or want) any tattoos?

i don't have any, i'd like one/some but i'm not really sure what i'd get

9 + 10. do you have/want any piercings

no to both PFFFF i think like... a clip on lip piercing would probably be my personal limit

11. best friend

...ego stroker much, tumblr user wangshu? /t PFFFFF

12. relationship status

harem with fake 2d men single. yeah uh. single

13. biggest turn ons

tbh... i cant think of any off the top of my head that aren't painfully obvious

14. biggest turn offs

ducklips iykyk

15. favorite movie

i'm not kidding when i say step brothers. but if you want a more respectable answer, nightmare before christmas

16. i'll love you if

you aren't an asshole??? i mean ik it's hypocritical of me to say but cmon

17. someone you miss

i've lost a lot of family over the years so probably someone there tbh

18. most traumatic experience

when my ex lived with me and i wish i was joking it was that fucking bad

19. A fact about your personality

which one /hj

i do think.. i overcompensate a lot by trying to be funny bc i dont feel like i HAVE a personality so there's that about me

20. What i hate most about myself

mm thats a toughie it could be the appearance or the voice or the attachment issues or the codependency issues or the jealousy issues or the mood swings or the weak immune system or the several mental illnesses or holy shit this is turning into a pity party

21. what i love most about myself

im an alright writer i guess? and id like to think i'm a good friend

22. what i want to be when i get older

i just wanna write man idc what

23. my relationship with my sibling(s)

i have 0 of them

24. my relationship with my parents

my moms cool but the less said about my dad the better

25. my idea of the perfect date

literally just staying in and watching a movie with snacks and stuff... honestly never thought about it much

26. My biggest pet peeves

UM UM um people who think the world revolves around them people who don't know the difference between their there and they're um people who Unironically Capitalize Every Word Like This oh i could go on

27. a description of the person i like

big hat dumb bowlcut open kimono /j

28. description of the person i dislike the most

um literally jusr my dad so. narcissistic explosive annoying abusive etc etc

29. A reason i've lied to a friend

only time i'm lyin is when i say tiggy ain't best boy 💯

30. what i hate most about work/school

it kinda semi interferes w my night owl ways but otherwise i'm chill

31. what your last text message says

gonna use actual texts cause using disc is too easy 👹 it was just me asking my mom if she wanted a drink from mcdonalds from last sunday

32. what words upset me the most

does this mean like. just words you hate or a phrase/sentence that upsets u...

uh i'll do it both ways. the word bussin makes me want to fall down an abyss a la childe ajax tartaglia

and uh. i hate being told i don't do enough, specifically by people who don't do jack shit in the first place. AGAIN iykyk

33. what words make me feel best abt myself

oh it was the second thing. honestly don't hve an answer to this but i just hold onto any compliment i get for actual years so there's that about me

34. what i find attractive in women

eyes its eyes

35. what i find attractive in men

sense of humor tbh

36. where i would like to live

somewhere close to a big city so that it isn't massively crowded and loud and overwhelming all the time but i'm close enough to stores and hospitals and all that stuff

37. One of my insecurities

i feel like this has already been asked in like 6 different ways.. prolly my body tho

38. my childhood career choice

honestly i've.. always been kinda laughably indecisive about this type of thing. i never wanted to be like, an astronaut or fireman or any of the cliche stuff that kids talk about i.. don't think i ever thought of it actually

39. my favorite ice cream flavor

cookies n cream 👹 specifically like a cookies n cream cheesecake blizzard from like dq or culvers.. that shit is unmatched

40. Who i wish i could be

a mentally stable person or cyno genshin (real)

41. where i want to be right now

in bed <///3

42. the last thing i ate

leftover pizza <3

43. SEXIEST PERSON THAT COMES TO MIND IMMEDIATELY

TIGHNARI FINAL ANSWRR I DONT PERCEIVE REAL PEOPLE

44. a random fact about anything

all odd numbers contain the letter E

GOLLY THIS WAS SO FUN.

#✶ neon.mutuals ✶#✶ neon.plays: ask games ✶#there's your tipsy lore for the day

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lavend3r-stardust · 2 months

Text

BUCKLE UP FOLKS THIS IS A VERY PERSONAL POST (abt questioning gender wahooo)

am I enby? am I a butch/tomboy? am I a demigirl? am I only questioning my gender identity bc I live in a patriarchal society where femininity is demonized so I feel comfier in the default which is masculinity? h m m m . .

like I cringe when people call me "a good girl" or "ladylike" or whatever, but that's typically said by desi aunties n stuff, I know they don't mean to hurt me or anything and I do appreciate the sentiment bc they just want to acknowledge how hard I work . . . but it just messes with me, like it doesn't feel right being called that . . . I don't think i'd care much if people saw me as a boy or whatever, but I guess that'd be hard to do lol I look pretty fem (got pretty soft ish facial features ig)

i've never really felt comfortable wearing traditional desi outfits bc I feel like I look wrong . . . in a way. Like they feel tight around my chest (and that's emphasized too much imo, but compared to others I might not have much to hide :P) and I think I'd feel much more comfortable wearing masc stuff like a panjabi or something (but that doesn't have to be a gender thing, that could just be a comfort thing like shopping from the mens section in general)

i've never liked being seen as a stereotypical woman or being held to all these restricting molds that afab folks are forced into, like having kids and managing domestic roles n stuff . . . like is that all I am? a walking incubator? I'm more than that :\\ maybe I feel safer presenting as masc bc being fem comes with all these standards I feel suffocated by.

i don't mind she/her pronouns but I think I wanna try out they/them along with that, make a little pronoun salad yk? mix things up and experiment bc there's nothing wrong with that. And with fem clothes, I think some are fine, like i'll wear a tennis skirt now and again, but I think I might just have a general dislike for them bc my mom has picked out my clothes for me since I was little, and her perception of how her daughter should look doesn't match up with how her kid sees themselves. She grew up in a different culture, which isn't her fault. If I feel confident in fem clothes, it's because I picked it out and Ik i'll feel good in them because it's what I want for myself.

I don't completely hate my appearance, I don't mind menstruating and bras and whatnot (I think I feel pretty fucking badass in them lol, black lace for the win lets gooo). But sometimes I don't really like the curves of my legs?? like sometimes I wish I could de-emphasize my hips so I try to wear baggier pants n whatnot. Is that a dysphoria thing? Maybe? I don't really know . . . And I never liked how my voice sounds bc its too high n nasally (maybe too fem? but all that boils down to how I define femininity), I wish I sounded like a few of my guy friends :\\ wish I had my voice a little deeper like theirs, need some of their testosterone lmaooo (I don't think I'd go on hormones or whatever, just joking around over circumstances I can't control). Sometimes I get this urge to cut all my hair off bc it's hella long and I think a shorter/medium style would be affirming for me. I've gotten used to seeing myself in a certain light that I really want to change things up just to see how my confidence would improve.

tldr, I guess I just feel mostly like a girl? but also not quite? if i'm making sense. I just don't like how rigid gender norms are in western society and I don't completely feel like a boy or want to be a boy either. I'm pretty attracted to and would like to present more masculine (mostly regarding clothing, but also my crushes have been pretty masc/tomboyish) or androgynous in general.

in the end, how I view myself will def change between now and later, so I don't need to feel pressured by picking a label or feeling intimidated by using a term that feels "wrong". if I think it'll work for me now, I might as well stay with it unless something changes in the future. phases aren't necessarily a bad thing, it just means you're taking time to experiment and see what fits you best, you wanna understand yourself and there's no harm in that.

#gender muse #shira is going through a gender journey atm #queer shenanigans and all that #personal rant #personal #gender????

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charlotteiscrying · 4 months

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you never made me cum. not once ever. i really wish that was a lie. i faked it every time. i don’t even feel guilty anymore for it. but i’m glad, so mf glad, i left it with you believing your dick is just THAT good. because you’re pretty awful at fucking. you always ONLY do short, fast strokes, which prolly do feel the best to you, but they feel the worst to the girl. maybe that was on purpose though, i keep realizing more and more that you only ever cared abt yourself. i didn’t have the heart to correct how you fuck. i really tried to give you tips, tried to tell you what i needed you to do. the longest you ever ate my pussy was for five minutes. it takes me 15 minutes with a mother fucking vibrator to cum, you never even got close.

when a girl squirts, that’s just liquid coming out, there’s no orgasm. that’s why i’d always stumble over my words when trying to explain that squirting is different than cumming. one time i tried to say that you hadn’t made me cum, you looked at me like i was insane, and you told me that you knew as a fact i had already came. when you would eat me out i’d tell you omg do not stop doing that, you’d immediately stop, or you’d do it for 15 more seconds, assume i’m good, then stop. the times id tap out were because your dick was hitting my cervix. that is the one thing you do have going for you, your dick is huge. but size really don’t matter if you don’t know how to use it. none of this ever mattered to me, because sex is just skin deep. you were so much more to me than just an orgasm. so much more. it didn’t matter if you’d made me cum because i knew that night id be asleep, held tight in your arms, and i knew that i loved you, and you loved me (that’s the first time ive said that in past tense, i’m proud of myself).

i tried so hard to explain what i wanted. what i needed you to do to make me feel good. “can you go slow this time ?” “no i don’t like that.” “will you eat me out just a little longer ?” “no my tongue hurts.” “i cum harder from my clit than from my pussy,” “no you don’t dummy i fuck your pussy not your clit.” “you should tie me up, you should come over one day n just start fucking me don’t ask just do it, i want you to dominate me i want you to tell me what to do,” “are you sure you want that ? i don’t think you’d like that.” you’d always complain abt giving me hickeys, kissing my neck, you straight up refused to suck on my nips after i got them pierced, bc you didn’t like how they look. you’d say they tasted like house keys. welp, your sweaty hairy unwashed ball sack never rlly tasted all that great either. but i never complained. when you’d say “i want you to suck my dick but ik i smell,” id say “omg come here rn you DO NOT smell, n if you do ill suck it up, i want you to get what you want i want you to feel good.”

the amount of times i woke you up by sucking your dick, even though i had explained to you multiple times that i was raped in my sleep, that’s a lil triggering for me, i really don’t wanna do that. you’d ask me about twice a week to do that for you, so id do it. i did lots of sexual or even non-sexual things i neverrrr wanted to do, but i did them bc i wanted you to feel good. id do absolutely anything for you. and i knew from day one that you wouldn’t do absolutely anything for me, yet i didn’t care. ig i’m stupid. or way too hopeful. i’d suck your dick for hours. gagging n struggling not to puke while ur pulling on my hair n pushing my head down, i loved it. i loved making you feel good. that’d turn me on more than any shape or pattern your hands tried to draw on my body. you never once traced big circles on my back. you’d never play with my hair. you’d never kiss the back of my neck, you’d never take even 5 mins before we fucked to just touch on me, to actually try to turn me on.

i did bring that up once. i told you i wanted you to take more time to turn me on. it turned into a huge argument about me lying n how ur ex faked it n how ur mom faked it and on and on. all i wanted was you to say oh that’s easy ! i can touch you more. the same way i said oh that’s easy ! i can put my sock on your dick ! all i ever wanted was to please you, if you ever had actually cared you woulda spent a lot more time focusing on pleasing me. those few times you put a vibrator on me, those were amazing. the last time you fucked me, on my bday when i flew out to you, that was the best you’ve ever fucked me. you listened to what i asked you to do, you went slow, you touched on my body, you kissed my neck. it’s pretty fucked up, the very last time we fuck is the best it’s ever felt. and i still didn’t cum. i went to the bathroom n finished myself.

at least i know damn well that i’m the best you’ve ever had. or will ever have. you’ll never find another girl who can fuck like me, ride like me, deep throat like me. but don’t you worry, i also know damn mother fucking well that you’re not the biggest dick i’ve ever had. or will ever have. i love the fact that for the rest of forever, ever single time you beat your dick, i’m who you’re thinking about. you’ll probably still watch all the videos we made. and i know im the last girl you’ll ever film with. good luck finding another girl that’s down to have threesomes with you, that you actually wanna be with. there’s a huge difference between a freak and a whore. i’m the only girl you’ll ever fuck who’s a porn star. i’m the only girl you’ll ever be with that’s hot enough to work, and make BANK, in this industry. i’m the only girl who will ever let you use me how i like, and i know AS A MF FACT i’m the freakiest girl you’ll ever get with. i love the fact i fulfilled all your fantasies, i gave you something you’d only ever dreamed of. i love that you’re never gonna feel that again, from anyone, ever, because i know i’m NEVER EVER touching you, or your dick, again. i am the only person that will ever make you feel like that. even if you get back on the pills, no amount of fentanyl will ever feel like my throat, my socks, or my pussy. i just hope you got all the freaky puss you need outta this life. and i hope that subpar motodyke coochie was worth never feeling me, my throat, my pussy, or my ass, ever again.

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v1ncentzuckz · 6 months

Text

"mom, I'm tired.." never related more to a lyric omfg

I wish I could talk to her about my feelings but she never fucking listens it's hilariously annoying. It's like whenever I want to talk the her about things that bother me (wich I rarely even do with anyone it's like every time I try to talk I get interrupted or they talk about their own experiences.) she always finds a way to relate everything I do to HER worries, or she tells me that "this is really dramatic" or "you need to calm down/calm your heart" like omfg PLEASE shut up unrespectfully.

Like one time while I was at school she threw out water bottles I had on my bed under 2 of my pillows (I have three but only put my head on one bc it's the biggest) and she fucking threw the water bottles and kept one I think (i had mike 3 or 4) but it's like I had those there bc at night whenever i need to drink I'm genuinely afraid of the dark like ALOT so whenever i wake up in the middle of the night i can just deink those without getting out of bed. And ik this can be seen as affection for my health but it's actually stupid how it seems she doesn't care about my mental or physical health that much, so I'd doubt it's that like when I try to talk to her, she tries to tell me "it's ok, ik this situation is stressful but we'll find a home 🥺" (bc we're going to have to move soon bc there's going to be a new owner and we might need to find a new house bc my mom has problems with bills I think and like tge new owner will probably prefer iy's someone that can actually pay correctly the bills to make benefits), or how in the past she used to relate it to my father(they're divorced btw) but i'm not even thinking ONE bit about the house, I'm talking about my useful water bottles and how i'd be grateful if you didn't throw them out! Thank you..

And also for the "she doesn't rlly care Abt my physical & mental health " part it's bc like.i first said abt how I can never talk to her about my worries, and for the physical part for example; I have lung issues so i can't run or do extreme exercise for an extended period of time (like running for 1 min is too much for me, by example to show how bad it is) and we do endurance at school every year. (Like run for x amount of minutes and it intensifies every year) Last year was ABSOLUTE HELL doing that, on the test (wich was 20mins of running at ur own pace) and I only got a health certificate this year (back in September( so i wouldn't have to actually run while the exercises and test. She knew about my lungs issues since I was FIVE YEARS OLD. So why do I only get a health certificate this year, WICH I HAD TO REACH OUT TO HER FOR, even though she KNEW about this issue and even didn't me to go on basically EVERY school trips "because of my weak lungs"(and she also has trust issues, so that's also an issue..). The fact those school trips weren't has dangerous for my health as the exercises for gym SHOWS she only cares when it's good for her and makes her feel good or like 'her child is secure' or whatever.. Also! She probably doesn't care that much about my health because I've eaten pizzas from a specific brand for so long in my life (8+ years) so frequently and a lot of other unhealthy and unnoutritious things in my life my health and body is actually really fucked up. Pretty sure I even developed an ed bc of how bad she treats and feeds me and my siblings.

I have a genuine hatred towards her, I know she has childhood trauma, and she was most likely pressured to have children (she was born around the 1980's) but I just can't unhate her, or have full live for her. Our 'home'(even if it doesn't feel like it , at least for me) is so broken I seriously think out of no where how better physically znd mentally i would be if i was adopted or in a good fostee family. I know most of this isn't her fault as this is how she was most likely raised but I'm a child and I can't help but partially hate her for her horrible actions and choices. There's so many wrong things I haven't talked about but this is getting long.

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baekhvuns · 7 months

Note

Ok good news my mum said it fine to take a drop year like finally dude 😭😭 but the bad news is the job i told you about....i couldn't get it...cuz the aunt tht told me out didn't tell us how urgent it was like they needed an answer then and there if it was a yes or no, but of course emy parents took a lot of time to decide and when they called her she was like "oh now the slot is unavailable" 😭

Anyways whenever I'll get a job I will, but ykw I'm worried about now, a function is taking place in my house and well...I'm happy cuz I get to dress up BUT IK MY RELATIVES ARE GOING TO EAT ME UP WITH QUESTIONS AND IF I TELL THEM IM TAKING A YEAR OFF IMMA HV TO DEAL WITH THOSE JUDGY LOOKS 😭😭 I get what mum meant...but, I'll Def won't pay mind to it, but at this point, I'm preparing for that stupid test and honestly...I'm see no opportunities for like graphic designing and stuff as of now...or any other course I'd like to opt for but...I won't give up, I'll look for them and in the meantime I'm focusing on my language learning...yeah, but for some reason I've been really happy...idk but yeah 😭

AND WE'RE GOING TO THE WEDDING ON 14 JANUARY YAYYYY!!! CELEBRATIONS!! And before tht too I'm wearing suit to the function I told you about and it's not a new one it's my grandmothers...I'm HAPPY 😭

Ok so i HAD to talk abt this to you, so I've been tutoring my cousin, she's in 9th grade and yeah we've been having fun, but sometimes she...SHE HAS A SUPERIORITY COMPLEX OK? And well ok it shouldn't bother me but the way she says it ticks me off like the other day we were talking about this whole ethnic and traditional clothes thing and she legit said "well, you know traditional clothing doesn't suit you, you can't manage it" or something like "when you speak Punjabi you look really funny, even my mum said you don't know how to speak it"

...like? HOW CN YOU POSSIBLY TELL ME THAT MY CULTURE DOESN'T SUIT ME??? WTH??

Anyways, NAURRR you're so right PPL my age debuting is like 😭 LIKE WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING IN MY LIFE? WHY ARE WE STILL HERE? JUST TO SUFFER?

Omg yes, that actress is like a softer version of hema Malini THE EYELINER I WAS DED 😭 u r so right, the Indian fan base is so FRUSTRATING bcz they collectively make up a Karen fanbase really I'm not even kidding, like an actress gains weight they all go crazy, or they say oh she's had plastic surgery and stuff...It's so annoying honestly man

As a person who has no experience with lehnga I think I get what you're tryna say, the poofy lehengas the ones you gotta pick up and then move. Omg i just remembered something, the other day me and my mum were just talking about something and somehow we somehow started talking about relationships and my mum, my typical brown mum, was like "you better not have a bf, focus on your studies, when the time is right, you'll find someone, and blah blah" and i looked at her straight and the yes and I said "do you honestly believe i have the confidence TO FIND MYSELF A BF?" And she started laughing like 😭😭 I was like what? And she said you're right 😭😭😭

hello!!

OKAY WE GOT ONE GOOD NEWS??? and 🧍🏻‍♀️

COME ON 😭😭😭 U GUYS SHOULDVE SAID YES ON SPOT DEAL W THE CONSEQUENCES LATER AT LEAST THE $$$ 😭😭 hopefully another one opens for u 🤲🏻

see for graphic designing, u can always start a etsy business where u sell prints (made in canva) and or templates, some of my friends do that as well as i so it does generate and make u practice ur skills! ofc focus on ur test, hope u pass w good grades 💓💓

WE WIN EITHER WAY???? we need pics (will priv the ask if u do send!) and details and everything

“how can u tell me my culture doesn’t suit me??” LMFAOOO PLS THIS EXACTLY FVWJDHWKHDKW like what’s the competition in speaking punjabi like 😭😭😭😭 see my mom raised me like “if they don’t like what u wear and point at it they’re just jealous they don’t do it better” SO U GET MY POINT JCJCJ

NO SRS???? LIKE WERE WAS I IN THAT GENE POOL WHERE U ALL GOT SELECTED AND THEN BECAME FAMOUS LIKE

her eyeliner and looks were god tier, truly what an era of women and beauty 😩 omfg im so tired of the “she’s pregnant” bc she’s wearing LOSE CLOTHES OR HWS HER HAND ON HER STOMACH LIKE????? aunties ????? shaming aish for weight gain and then u click their pfp it’s “shalini nath, jai ma durga💖” ????? FAM????

i wore it once never again, the poof in it like gets stuck in between ur legs so there’s like poof stuck in ur thighs and u have to walk like a penguin truly the most frustrating night of my life and it was at a reception too 😭

LMFAOOOO NO CAUSE HRJWHDKW SAME LIKE THEY RLY THINK SAYING THAT WILL DO SOMETHING TO WHEN IT NEVER DOES like im amazed u have this thought that i have a lot of bf’s but miss girl that iz le not true <3

#✉️ : ask #[ rosesapphiremysticalrose ]

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mublerr · 8 months

Text

tw: vent, really bad vent

ik i don't really talk abt my life here but i really need to type it somewhere, the shit im feeling rn is so hard and i feel do bad that i must just let that out...

so yeah, i supposed to go to school now but im gonna not make it all bcs my mom, wtf is wrong with her, ppl think she's nice and lovely and surely loves his kids, but i don't think that mom who tousle my hair, shouting and uses fucking phone charger on me like some fucking whip is being good. imagine that she is one of the most important things on this miserable planet and get smth like this. ppl after think why someone jumped, why someone hanged. maybe bcs of ppl who love and are everything for you, makin you shitty and cry and hurt, i wonder what will happen if the 20 min argue will stand longer, i already have bleeding finger, and i can't even defend, first of all ofc shes my mom, i can't defend myself when i beating to person that make me here, my mind won't let me to do it, all i can do is talking which isnt working bcs she screams like fuck, while writing this post she came into my room and look who's felt guilty omgggggg, i don't care, i don't care how many sorry you say if you even gonna say it to me, i don't want your hugs, i don't want your 'pill for calming down' , i just want you to leave from my room and leave me alone, crying at my pillow bcs of this whole situation and seenin how fucked up life i got. you want to make me feel guilty but i didnt do anything while you where screanin your lungs out, she said why tf im even here, good fucking question, why i live, if you don't care about me and going with all fake love you were giving me for years why should i live? ive gotten one try of makin it go away so why shouldn't i make it second now huh???

im sorry ppl, for everything i did, doing, and gonna do.... idfk if im gonna make it.

eughhhh i hate ventin, i know that ppl don't a shit abt me anyway

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starfxckersinc · 10 months

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and what’s worse is she sent me this text

and my brother was like “yeah well you could do some of that stuff” and I’m like yeah what. like you went to Atlanta and got to party and do cool things with our uncle and yeah you worked but you were paid 200 dollars a day and it added up to 2,000 dollars bc you’re his nephew. like. Mom and dad offered me a position that they wanted to design for me bc they need a staff manager and I agreed to it & they never figured out what they wanted. I offered to do data entry for the business and even tho there wasn’t much I still said I would do it, it was never given to me to do or explained to me. I said I would be willing to work in town if they would drive me, nobody would. I didn’t get a permit this summer PARTIALLY bc yeah, more school after the hardest semester of my life just sounded unbearable, but also bc everybody assured me I wouldn’t need a car in the city & my dad said that even if I got a license he would not allow me to drive in Richmond with only 4 months behind the wheel. so it was just like lowkey impractical & a lot of effort to just not learn anything or even be allowed to have a vehicle after the end of august.

so I don’t really have personal funds and everybody knows that. i Also have 0 access to my own financial information, like I couldn’t have a banking app until I stole my own SSN bc I kept asking my mom what it was and she said she didn’t know and that it was in a filing cabinet so I just took it. i can’t make deposits, pay apps, pay for lessons etc bc I’m only 22, I have been severely limited in terms of maturity, i haven’t been able to get a job or even work for my parents, and while I may have had some play in avoiding those things out of anxiety or fear ultimately I didn’t really have control over a lot of those circumstances.

in terms of cooking my own food, i don’t cook often besides basic things & when I Do cook I’m yelled at for “only feeding” myself, like if I’m caught making ramen on the wrong day I will be accused of being a selfish asshole. so I mainly subside off of leftovers or frozen/pre-made food that’s fair game, I will admit that I’m a dick abt doing dishes tho but nobody else does their dishes beyond rinsing them and in the past I have been screamed at for not loading the dw “properly” or mocked for not understanding sth so it’s just like idk if she feels so strongly abt it she can do it herself fr. in terms of applications I have done as much as possible by myself and done everything I could do legally on my own, AND I CAN scan documents???? I had to scan a signature for my HS diploma, ik how to do that and could have done it for you had you provided the documents but they were in another location with a different printer so it made sense that you do it. idk man. like it really hurt me that Mason’s like “yeah but ur not desperate enough to get a job like you COULD do some of these things” & im like broski we live in rural VA and I can’t drive bc I only got over my phobia of vehicles like 2 years ago if the fam stopped feeding me I would die bc any form of work available is 20 mins away by car bare minimum. it’s not that I’m not “desperate” it’s that even if I were, where would I go. like even if could be this perfect self sufficient person after a lifetime of my Mom not wanting that for me or me being unable to pursue it due to OCD, she would not want that. she doesn’t want me to leave bc I will become self sufficient. like why are you acting like she’s put upon or like I’m a deadbeat you’re such a dick sometimes

#aberdeen spoken word

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