hi guys!!! i would like to speak to u all ab smth i’ve been thinking ab for a while 🤍 please please read

tldr: leaving for a few days, mutuals feel free to ask for @ for secret blog

ok so i’m gonna be completely honest w u all 😣 for months now my mental health has not been the best. ik it obv won’t show on the internet (and irl either because i’m not that type of person) but i’m in a bad place in my life rn. i’ve been pushing thru it but today i received some news that was kind of the final straw for me 😭 (it’s not life threatening or anything it’s just super disappointing for me)

i feel like because of this + stressing over exams for months i’ve kind of lost who i am as a person ?? if u know what i mean ??? and i need nth more than to reset and find myself again because honestly i’ve been making decisions and doing and thinking things that i know aren’t who i am as a person and don’t align w myself and it’s really bothering me but i haven’t done anything ab it and it’s become an endless loop

today was awful for me tho and so i’ve decided to take a break from all social medias 😣 i’ve alr deleted insta and tiktok cz they’re my main issues but i fear this is a social media too. i don’t want to fully leave because honestly this place isn’t that much of an issue for me & u guys rly make me feel better but i can’t do anything halfway LOL so basically what i’m trying to say is i will be taking a break from this blog and my main ( @gentlehue )! ik i already said i’m on semi hiatus but that’s more posting content w this i mean posting in general so this blog will be mostly inactive

i dont think it’ll be very long!!! a few days at most just for me to reset my brain and fix my mindset 🙏🏼 however i do have a secret blog made so that i can talk to my mutuals still because i love u guys SOOO much and i can’t just leave u like that so if we r mutuals feel free to ask for the @ of that blog (i’ll be going by my irl nickname on there so don’t question the name LOL)

i’ll stay checking this blog today and tomorrow just to answer asks and post the buzzcut jason drabble i promised but after that i’ll be gone for a little bit

i’m so sorry it’s come to this but i feel like i’m losing it and if i don’t do this i’ll lose track of everything ☹️

love u sososo much, cynthia

might remake to a new account entirely and change the name i go by

Haunted again by my instagram presence

hey quick question, what does it mean when your incredibly cute coworker spends months lamenting the fact that he cant order new contacts because his vision script is out of date but ends up still wearing his (new) glasses to work then later shows you pics from a family gathering where hes definitely wearing contacts and you have a dawning realization that no, he really has worn his glasses exclusively around you and you think it might be because of an offhand compliment on his new frames six months ago

asking for myself. h elp

I'm going to struggle to sleep and get up tomorrow

Curse it all

.

Tumblr's debt is a problem of their own creation. The app is buggy, the userbase is flooded with porn bots, nazis roam free, hate speech roams free, trans women have sfw content marked mature, art and posts are stolen for promotion, features are forced down our throats, ads are malicious and often gross or triggering and giving them money will not stop this.

If we give tumblr money they're not going to get rid of Tumblr live or restore the nsfw or remove ads or whatever you think they're going to do, they're going to KEEP DOING THE SAME THING except with more money to blow. Tumblr is a CORPORATION, they can get a government bailout like any other corporate entity can, and while people are throwing money at a dumbass corporation there are people begging to get bills paid and for food and other necessities.

Please open your eyes to the reality of the situation, its not just some guy anymore, David Karp is long gone its a soulless conglomerate now and they do not need our pity

a lot of yall seem to think that i want to like, bake sale save the baseball team. that's not what this is about. i don't think we need to "fix tumblr's debt," i think we need to make the website profitable (and the debt shows it isnt, altho from what i can gather a better word is "deficit" rather than "debt," ie, they are losing that much more money than they take in annually), because as it stands tumblr has no reason whatsoever to want to keep the current user base around. it's trying to attract a different userbase, because yall are PROUD of the fact that tumblr is a failing website and you dont want to pay them. you're loitering inside a store and acting surprised when the store wants you gone. of COURSE they're constantly introducing new features and not listening to what the users want, they don't want you here.

it's not a protest, it's not an attempt to buy good will, it's a simple business transaction: i spend a lot of time here, and i would like to keep spending a lot of time here. so i will buy my shitty internet crab, and tell my fellow loiterers that they can as well if they want. if you dont want to do that, you literally don't have to, but you can't tell me not to.

you people are all like "ohh tumblr isnt your friend dont give it money" but like. yeah. its not my friend. i would like to pay it for a service it provides, instead of expecting it to continue to provide that service out of the goodness of its non-existant heart. i dont think im the one with the parasocial relationship here.

also:

dont tell me to help a poor people. i am a poor people. i am allowed to spend THREE DOLLARS on something i like for myself, and not give literally every single dollar i have to charity and mutual aid. you have NO IDEA how much or if i do for other people, and you won't, because you aren't owed every detail of my life like that. people are allowed to have things they want for no other reason than they want them sometimes.

to those who are unfollowing people who are reblogging/speaking/doing what they can to spread word about gaza and the genocide, you are part of the problem. it enrages me– and not because you’re unfollowing. but because you are actively choosing to ignore it. i don’t have a big following, or even a decent one compared to some of my mutuals, and i dont care if i lose every single one of you if it means supporting those still fighting for their lives and those who have already lost them. i may not be able to donate, or to go to the protests, but i can AND I WILL use what little following i have here to do what i can.

do better than our world leaders. do better than what you currently are. because everyone speaking about gaza, or boosting posts about the situation would be doing the same for you if it were the people of your country being wiped off the map. even if you don’t have a lot of followers, one more person speaking out on social media is another voice for someone who has lost theirs.

so go ahead and unfollow me. stay silent, if you want. i don’t want small minded people here. i don’t want anyone who supports genocide here. this entire thing is so much bigger than you, and yet you as one person can still help. the posts you scroll past, the posts you unfollow for, can reach someone who can do even more than you or i could. for a website that preaches kindness and acceptance im seeing a lot of avoidance and an unwillingness to help.

I love your bf headcanons so much. could you do one unrequited crush headcanon for each member? 💘

thank you sm <3 !! here's your ask 👇👇

SEVENTEEN UNREQUITED CRUSH HEADCANONS

how does seventeen members act / react when they dont know if the crush is mutual

scoups

admires you from afar, will laugh a bit extra hard when its you, wont tell you, shy but will also be provocative

he's your co-worker. you two probably have a subtle competition with each other at your workplace. but seungcheol will never let you know how he admires you and your professionalism. sometimes, he gets himself staring at you while doing your work for far too long, he sees himself learning from you. he has to suppress his smile and his heart races a lot, he wonders what this feeling is. seungcheol gulps every time you pass by and dont spare a glance.

jeonghan

will tease you like his life depends on it, flirty but wont tell you, quietly notices a bunch of your mannerisms

he's your friend and he just finds so much fun in teasing you, making white jokes to get a reaction from you. until that one time things got out of hand and you two had a fight over it. you swore yourself you wouldn't be the first one to say something. jeonghan just cant stop thinking about it, he misses you and is afraid he might lose you. he was never like this over something so small. he just needs you by his side forever and it aches his heart if you dont. maybe he does have feelings for you.

joshua

will compliment you in anything, show interest by listening to you attentively, most likely to stay in the friend zone because he's naturally nice and gentle that you wont notice it thinking he's just being a friend

he's your neighbor. noticed how pretty you were since you moved in and had his little crush from the first glance. now every time you get with the groceries he helps you out inside, had offered himself to show you around the neighborhood if you needed it, and the small talk you have whenever you bump into each other at the corridor is always the highlight of his days.

jun

you will know, likes to be silly around you to make you smile, EXTREMELY shy, will blush in a conversation

just a friend you know from a long time, he's always been sweet and a good time, its always fun with junhui. until you two started to go around together some more, and he noticed how his heart races, and he starts to get nervous whenever you meet. his actions get weird from time to time, and he knows he won't be able to hide for too long, he just hopes you wont notice any time soon.

hoshi

FLIRTY!!! tease you to get a reaction and get sad when he's not successful, wont tell you because for him the thrill of it is fun and he's ok with staying like this for longer, temporary... but if it persists, will tell you about it

he just finds it so fun the nervousness and butterflies on the stomach he has because how pretty you are to him. the turning point was when whenever you two talk, he could learn something or see a different side of things because of you, that was so intriguing and attractive to him. the first time he tried to flirt with you and you got a little twisted but still played back, he knew he had fallen to your web.

wonwoo

watch you foundly whenever he listens to you, will probably tell you or ask for a date, shy and flustered

just someone that you met at the library. that one day, the place was crowded and you excused yourself to sit in the desk next to him. you sound so sweet and looked so pretty that he couldnt help a smile. he just likes to watch you study or being concentrated in whatever task you are doing. you look so comfy on your hoodie and headphones on, your aura just attract his eyes. everytime you get there and you smile acknowledging each others presence, his heart just melts.

woozi

wont tell you and you wont know, will ask you to come over when he wants to hang out, gets a tiny bit touchy

he's just himself and won't change, remain loving quietly, and that's why there's no way you would know. quietly listen to you talking, i picture woozi with crossed arms, layed back on the chair or sofa and a big smile on his face while watching you speak. acts of service, will buy you food and leave you notes remembering what you have to do. its hard to tell because he himself doesn't know he likes you either.

mingyu

gets the puppy love vibe, turns into a silly big man, you notice he likes you and so does everybody else around

mingyu could tell something was wrong when he suddenly got himself way too excited on your presence, clinging to your side and hugging you any chance he has. literally, does anything to make you smile and gets extra pouty when talking to you. he does not cross any line but cant suppress the admiration he has for you, so it shows.

dk

will gather all his courage to tell you, gets shy and flustered, but is also pretty confident, his smile tells it all

once he realized how happy he gets talking to you and how he gets himself thinking about how could it be you two together, he was sure he has some feelings for you. in his mind, he has already told you and asked you out but you seem so nonchalant, so unaffected (compared to him) by your interactions that he is finding hard to make a move.

minghao

will flirt and will tell you at some point, gets easily giggly, likes to provoke to test the waters and see your reaction

he gets so easily found about you, giggling to whatever you do. its almost as if you triggers his cute aggression. stare at you while you talk and just have this desire to voice out what he is feeling. you'd be saying anything, and he'd reply, "i like you so much, what's that?" laughing right after, saying he was just joking around to see your reaction. he would end up playing some games with you, but because he is not sure about what you feel and is afraid to scare you with his.

seungkwan

protective and secretive, you will definitely not know unless he's sure it could be reciprocal, (same as cheol) shy but provocative, drop everything if you ask for his help

he's your childhood friend who you get the chance to meet again. seungkwan got his cheeks flustered at the first glance at you after so long. you've always been beautiful, but something about your confidence and how good you seem to be on your skin makes your aura more attractive to him. you went to a café together to catch up, but for you, that seemed to be all, no more texting or anything. the silence got him thinking why can't he get you out of his mind?

vernon

dino

watches you foundly, will stay hours talking to you, stares you down that's his way of showing/flirting

the first time you two stayed almost the whole night talking, vernon knew he was starting to feel something more. he just can talk about anything with you and its always so profound and entertaining, makes him want you around all the time. sometimes the feeling gets to the surface and his chest tight, he just cant stop smiling (almost smirking) at your figure. "vernon... what happened?" you'd ask feeling his gaze as he cant hide it.

you wont know, will mostly stay quiet about it and wait for your possibly first move (yes opposite of his song)

it didn't take much for chan to realize the little crush he has for you, he gets all tongue tied and loss of words when talking to you, every time it ends he gets himself sighing deeply like he was holding his breath for this long. only time he flips a switch, is when he gets that licor corage on him, and he is all over you, flirting and putting it all out as you just think he's being an annoying drunk that you have to take care of.

losing my marbles thinking about jordan taking your virginity (it's all i talk abt atp ik it's annoying 😔). about how it's not their first time having sex, but it's the first time it's meant something to them--the way it makes them feel something they've never felt before. it having always been a means to an end, not something they associated with love or some sort of deeper connection--just something mutually beneficial n sometimes necessary.

but then there's you, looking up at them like they're your whole universe. pupils blown out, eyes hazy n teary when they're sliding their fingers inside of you--your arms shaking, clinging to them like a lifeline. little cunt clenching around them when they tell you how good you are, praises of "that's it, baby. you were made for this, weren't you?" nd remarks on all your sweet lil reactions :( nd they're so, so angry at you--at the throbbing between their legs--but it melts away when you look up at them all desperate and fuzzy. cut you off w their lips on yours when you open your moutb to say something that's only gonna cloud their judgement even more.

nd it's finally something real for them--their thumb rubbing your hip softly saying more than any "i love you" ever could. they're angry at themselves bc they're supposed to be woke!! know that virginity is a construct!! but some debauched and desperate and possessive part of them wants it so bad. wants to be the first person to make you cum on their fingers, their mouth, their cock--wants to be the only person. ever. know that won't happen, can't happen, but want it so bad it hurts a little bit.

so they have to settle for this--making you feel so good that there are tears streaming down your pretty face. taking care of you, their sweet little thing, in a way they never knew they needed to. trying not to think about how this, you, has done more for them than anything or anyone else ever has. try and fail to pretend that they're not falling in love w you.

once they're done having grand realizations they go back to being pissed at u 😋 compensating for all the lovey dovey gross stuff they wanna do witb you

-🦸‍♀️

this is so.

them being angry and resentful because of how fucking weak you make them feel, but they're also smitten and adore you so fucking much they can't help but be gentle with you - be sweet to you. tell you how pretty your little cunt is, how soft she feels inside, how good you're going to make them feel when they push inside.

they shouldn't feel as satisfied as they do when you clench around them, coming first for them with their fingers and their words, clinging to them and hiding your face in their neck. they love it though, love being the first to overwhelm your senses, to touch you where you're wet and wanting and make you see stars up close. it makes them feel like a fucking god. it also makes them so achingly protective of you, seeing you so vulnerable and teary eyed in their arms, so delicate nd easy to shatter.

they have to beg you, "tell me to stop," when they slide on top of you, lips brushing against yours because they're afraid of how deep they're going to fall if you let them have this, have you. "i need you - to tell me if you don't want this -"

but you just wrap your legs around them, hooking your ankles to their lower back and pressing them close - close enough that their cock slides through the slick mess of your cunt, head catching and notching at your hole - you gasp but you dont tell them to stop, fuck you, you're just egging them on, cupping their cheeks and looking up at them like they're everything to you.

"please dont stop. i - i want this. i want you,"

"fuck -" and because they must hate themselves, "look at me. don't fucking look away."

because why not just ruin themselves completely, when they slide inside you and have to see the way your eyes widen and the way your face scrunched at being filled and the way your mouth falls open all in close detail with their forehead pressed against yours, not letting you turn away.

"oh god," they dont know who say it. you're gasping, and they're moaning, and your lips are sharing the same air as they rock in and out.

"you feel so fucking good, baby, fuck." that is them, praise spilling from their lips because the warm heaven wrapped around their dick - squeezing, milking, hugging - just pulls everything out in the open. "i love being inside you - holy shit. just keep squeezin' me like that."

they love you.

hello, I hope this isn't rude or anything but you've been posting a lot about how just voting isn't enough to get change in America, in addition to voting how can I do more to foster the change I want in the government?

Remind them you dont need them.

Nothing scares them like thinking they're losing control.

Fix your own potholes

fund community medical/housing expenses

start up a food pantry or community fridge to make sure everyone is getting their needs met

Build a mutual aid/bartering network and offer things like a 30 day gym memberships so someone can shower and clean up for an interview, a suit, maybe a haircut, or offer driving lessons, tampons, etc in exchange for some company, babysitting, a etc

Look into ways you can support you local activist groups

On a more Directly activist end you can

participate in helping people escape Florida

you can protest

be there with a big group of allies to help de-arrest people being harmed for made up crimes or crimes you disagree with

That's how Stonewall started. Now we have gay rights. If you won't protect us, we will, that's what that said.

And you can build those concepts into anything. The Black Panthers gathered enough support and mutual aid to have the resources to offer free school breakfasts to starving kids. Which is why a majority of schools today offer a free breakfast. It was because of them.

They had free medical clinics of volunteers working with donated supplies and rent paid by donation/bargains, too. Guess when we got Medicaid.

And then COINTELPRO had the Black Panthers systematically disbanded because they were proving that people can and will take care of each other, that they don't need to be reliant on a (racist) system (of money) not built for them if they rely on each other. That if you needed help or you could offer it then do. Don't sit around waiting for a biased bureaucracy to help. Directly act yourself. Dont even let money stop you.

The government really did not want that sentiment catching on.

It was terrified that everyone would find out that better systems to take care of people exist and that those systems didn't include them.

So besides voting:

go back to Community. Go to to Council meetings, LGBT meet ups, drag shows, BIPOC poetry slam night, community movie nights, the fair, protests, join a union, etc.

Start making friends and networking and building the community you need. Maybe discuss a few of the ideas I mentioned and see how people respond. I think you'd be surprised at how eager people are to help and feel like they're a part of something bigger.

now that the dust has cleared from the chaos for me irl, i want to officially thank you all for 3000 followers!! because wow. where do i even start?

this isn't a milestone i thought i would ever reach. i made this blog during my junior year of high school when i was bored as hell in online school, not knowing what would come of it, and honestly not expecting anyone to read anything i’ve written. i exclusively wrote avatar fics (kind of embarrassing that a series i started at the beginning of my blog still isnt finished huh?) because it was what i had been watching most recently. i started to gain some recognition, made some friends, and slowly but surely i carved out my little corner of the internet. and now, 3 years, 3000 followers, and almost 500,000 words later, i’m going into my junior year of college with some of the best online friends a girl could ask for (shoutout to my day 1 @simplysolo for still being around and still being the best ever, and shoutout to all my other tumblr friends that have deactivated over the years</3 i miss you guys) a whole array of fandoms that i’ve dabbled in, and a newly discovered thing for middle aged men. cool 

i truly cannot thank you all enough. i’ve always been a writer, but this blog has given me a sorely needed creative outlet and made me more confident in my writing skills than ever. at the end of the day i’m just writing silly little x reader fics, but i’ve truly had so much fun doing it! every single fictional man im in love with is also in love with me isn’t that crazy!!!

a special, extended shoutout to the loveliest mutuals i’ve picked up over the years. i wouldn’t be half the writer i am and i wouldn’t have half as much fun on here without you all. @simplysolo for being around since the beginning and truly being the greatest person on this app, i love you intensely, @sokkadora for being another one of my ogs (we dont talk anymore but i see you every so often on my dash and you’re doing great!!) @mcallmestiles for being one of the first avatar fics i ever read, traitor encouraged me to be a better writer and i hope you’re doing well with your medical career!! @tangledinlove for being my most famous mutual, the kindest person in the world, and being brought together through the power of lockwood, @giyuji and @milkiane who are both inactive but who i have to tag because i love them and i hope they’re doing well; naomi you got me into the grishaverse and liane we were in the trenches of the stranger things revival together, @boneblushed for dealing with so much but still being phenomenal and lovely in every way, @tommymcartney for being so sweet all the time, my biggest cheerleader and encouraging my insanity in every fandom ive been a part of, @nghtwngs for being the only person who loses it over nikolai lantsov as much as i do, to all my new/more recent mutuals @hotchfiles @ma1dita @moowithmidnight @emiliehornby @supercutszns i can't wait to get to know or keep getting to know you!!! you're all so lovely!!! and all the mutuals i don’t talk to as much as i should, i love you all and cherish you in my heart regardless of if we talk every day or have never said a single word to each other!! i don’t want to tag you all because i don’t want to bother you, but if you’re looking at this and thinking am i talking about you, i am. i love you. it takes a village and im so lucky to have you all as mine 

i can’t believe it’s been 3 years, i can’t believe i’m halfway done with college, and i can’t believe we hit 3,000. truly, from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for reading my fics and letting me be some small part of your lives. i can’t wait to write more for you all. keep a lookout for my 3k celebration post! 

Lost Time (Soldier Boy)

Mind games til we lose control drabble

Pairing: Soldier Boy X FSupe!Reader

Summary: After the disaster at Herogasm, you and Soldier Boy blow off some steam, and make up for the loss time. Takes place during that one scene at the beginning of ep7, but like not that. Just same place. This is just porn without a plot I'm sorry.

Warnings: 18+, minors dni, unprotected sex (pls children wrap it before you tap it), p in v, oral (f receiving), fingering, creampie, dirty talk bc its Soldier Boy, praising kink, bit of degrading, drug use, brief mentions of stormfront, allusion to attempted sexual assault (NOT from sb). Slightly occ ben, I make him slightly less horrible. This is one is kinda heavy so strap in.

WC: 2k

A/N: pls I'm sorry, I know I'm bombarding yall with soldier boy (smut) I promise I was gonna take few days and post something else, but I was just sitting here thinking how I havent seen any fics of sb eating pussy so I wrote it. I promise I'm not turning into a sb blog, i have a dean winchester fic coming, I just so happened to finish this one in one sitting in like 2 hours. Dont unfollow me pls kay enjoy the sin love yall. Ps I know this is too long to be a drabble but idk what else to call it so just accept it.

Soldier Boy Masterlist

Comments and reblogs are highly appreciated!

"And you remember that chick Liberty?" You asked Ben absentmindedly, an arm behind your head as you held a joint to your lips with the other. You heard him hum, his face pressed to your stomach as he left sloppy kisses on your skin, "So turns out she was like a nazi." 

"What the fuck?" He snapped his head up to look at you with a twisted look on his face. You looked down at him and nodded, taking a long drag of the joint before placing it on the ashtray next to you. 

"You didn't know?" 

"Fuck no. I was a soldier during World War II, you think I would've been in the same room as that bitch had I known she was a nazi?" He scoffed and shook his head, looking like he was questioning his life choices. "Fuck, and to think I founded Herogasm with her." 

"Yeah well," You shrugged, watching him with a raised eyebrow as he laid his head on your bare thigh. He was a surprisingly good listener. And since you were pretty much catching him up on all the supe and Vought business he had missed, he was particularly attentive, as well as he could be with you naked and him between your legs of course. "Her and Homelander were fucking, like they were public and everything. And honestly it doesn't surprise me, that motherfucker is a weirdo. And that's saying something." 

"You know the fucker? He recognized you at Herogasm." He raised an eyebrow at you, you could hear the slight bit of possessiveness in his tone. Funny how some things didn't change. He would always throw a fit if he found out you talked to other men, he was the only man in your life. Yeah as if. 

You snorted at him and shrugged, running your fingers through his long honey strands, "Some. He wanted me to join The Seven years ago. I thought about it, and then the motherfucker tried to get me to fuck him in exchange of joining the team. And you know exactly how well that went when you tried it the first time. Told him fuck off and he didn't like it. And of course Vought didn't give a shit when I told them what he did, so I left and they got Noir instead." 

"At least I took no for an answer," He scoffed with both a mixture of disgust and anger. "And for the record, I didn't ask you to fuck me to join the team, I wanted to fuck you, and after that I wanted you to join the team, but those weren't mutually exclusive."

"Oh right, you were such a gentleman." You rolled your eyes at him and chuckled, hoping to humor him, but he still had a hard expression on his face. 

"But he didn't—" 

"No Ben, he didn't do anything. It was a long time ago, I haven't seen him since. Well, not before Herogasm." You reassured him, fingers threading to his scalp, making him close his eyes and hum lowly. 

"I don't know what I would've done if he had laid a fuckin' hand on you when I wasn't there to protect you." He mumbled, his lips pressed against your thigh, you barely heard him, but you did. You sighed softly. 

"Yeah well you're here now. So relax, relax before we have to go fuck some more people up. Enjoy this while you can." You emphasized, biting your lip softly. You saw the way his expression changed, and his pink lips twisted into a smirk. 

"Yeah I'm gonna fuckin' enjoy this alright." He bit his lip, positioning himself so that your legs were on either side of his broad shoulders and he was laying on his stomach. 

You watched with glazed eyes as he drew a line on your stomach and pitched the side or his nose before he dragged it across your stomach, the white substance lingering in his nose. He sat on his elbows, eyes closed as he sniffled and hummed. 

"Christ, that's some good shit." He chuckled, wiping his nose with the back of his hand and looked up at you, pupils so dilated that you barely see the green in his eyes. But you didn't know if that was from the drugs or lust, maybe both. "But this is better." 

You gasped, body jolting when he dipped his head and dragged his tongue over your clit, suckling on the bud for a second or two before he lifted his head up again, leaving you whimpering. 

"Best goddamn pussy I've ever had the pleasure of eating," He rasped, teeth digging into his bottom teeth as he threw your legs over his shoulders, pulling you closer to his face and dived back in, but not before he muttered, "Can't get enough of it." 

He had you like this for hours. Alternating between fucking you with mouth and fingers, and actually fucking you. Ever since you got back from Herogasm, your failed attempt at killing Homelander and pretty much hijacked The Legend's place, you had been in this room, with Ben all over you. He had always been insatiable, but even back then he would get tired too, and would take breaks. But now, he wouldn't keep his hands off you, he was relentless. You pretty much had to beg him to stop and give you a break. To which he surprisingly agreed. But that was maybe fifteen minutes ago, and he figured it was time to continue, while he still could. Make up for the lost time, you guessed. You weren't complaining though.

His long fingers eventually joined the rhythm of his expert tongue. The second you felt two fingers slip into you you began to feel an ache in your stomach. You gave up on words a long time ago. You were nothing but a mess of whimpers and moans by then. Something that definitely fueled Ben's ego, he loved watching you fall apart for him. He knew your body perfectly, and the second one of your hands flew to pull at his hair, he knew he found your trigger. And his fingers curved over that spot, over, over and over until he had you crying out and he felt warm sparks on his scalp. 

Your juices coated his tongue and fingers as you shuddered, your shaky thighs clamping around his head. You were panting, and you could hear your heartbeat thump against your head so hard it made you dizzy. You closed your eyes, hissing softly when you felt Ben's fingers leave you, but his tongue was still drawing slow figure eights on your clit. 

"Such a sweet girl. So fuckin' sweet," He coaxed as he pulled his face away from you. You were still shaking from your high when you felt his lips trail up your stomach until he found your neck, and he was attacking that too. "Now that I got you nice and wet, I'm gonna fuck you real good before those fuckers come in and spoil all the fun. I can hear Butcher outside." 

You half nodded, still a bit blazed from both the weed and your orgasm, but you still helped him shrug off his ridiculous robe. He unraveled it and tossed it aside before taking his already hard cock into his hands. He grabbed one of your legs and held it over his shoulder as he sat back on his knees and positioned himself at your entrance. He slipped in with a groan, his face twisted into a pleasured expression as he watched the way he slid inside your walls with ease. You were already so cock drunk and fucked all you could do was moan. 

"I don't know what I love more, eating this pussy, or fuckin' it." He was drawing back and slamming back in with enough force to make your body slide on the mattress. God, Soldier Boy fucked like he fought, ruthless and with purpose. 

Your head was thrown back, eyes screwed shut and your hands were clutching the sheets so tight you thought you were going to rip them. Though by then the whole room was tossed, somehow some pillows had been ripped in half and you were sure the brick wall had dents in it. It was absolutely messy, filthy and absolutely intoxicating. He was intoxicating. Everything about him. 

"You're squeezing the fuck outta my cock, you wanna come my pretty Violet?" He rasped and panted, his forehead and chest glistening with sweat as he watched the way he fucked himself in and out of your tight walls. And fuck did he love it. "You need me to make you come again? Is that what my pretty slut needs?" 

"Yes! Fuck Ben, please." How you were speaking, you had no idea, but you screamed it, overstimulation and the aching need for release making your vision blurry with tears. 

"Fuck, yeah give me what I want. Come for me, do it now." He ordered, sneaking a hand between your bodies and rubbed quick harsh circles on your clit until he had you crying out and your eyes flashed violet. "Fuck, shit, that's it." 

Your leg hung over his shoulder as he leaned down and held himself up on his forearm as he snapped his hips quickly but more shallow like he was trying to get himself over the edge. You were so drunk on your high you barely noticed when be grabbed your hand placed it on your lower belly, his own hand right of top of yours, and you sure noticed when he pushed down on your belly with the slightly bit of pressure on it and spoke in your ear. 

"You feel that? That's exactly where only I fuckin' belong. Not Homelander, not fuckin' anyone, me." He rasped, a groan leaving his lips when he gave you one final thrust and spilled inside you. 

He kept himself braced on his forearm so as not to crush you with his weight, but his body still laid on top of you, still inside you. Hazily, you threw your arms over his neck and ran one of your hands through his damp hair. His heavy breaths and your own filled the room, but other than that you laid in silence, simply soaking in the feeling of each other. Fuck did it feel right. Too bad it didn't last. 

"Oi children!" You heard an unmistakable cockney accent as the doors suddenly opened, followed by a pair of collective groans. 

"Fuckin' Christ. Can't even fuck my girl in peace." Ben groaned as peeled himself from you and sat up, naked as the day the boys found him. 

"Oh Jesus, please put that away." Hughie muttered to Ben, face red as it could get at the sight of you two naked. 

Despite your still hazy state, you were quick to pull the sheets over your naked body as you sat up. You inhaled sharply as you brought your legs to your knees, muscles already screaming at you for your reckless activities. You eyed the three men in front of you. Legend was going on a rant about the room you destroyed, Butcher was berating Ben for his shitty Intel on Mindstorm, and Hughie just stood there mortified. 

"It's not like you've never seen a dick before. You do have one right? Or do you just have a pussy down there and that's why you act like one?" Ben chuckled, looking directly at Hughie as he stood up, cock half hard and with no urgency to grab his robe from the ground. 

"Ben, stop harassing the kid and put your dick away." You scolded him, being pretty much the only person on this earth that could tell Soldier Boy what to do without being threatened with bodily damage. He glared at you, but complied nonetheless and wrapped the robe around himself. "And you two could learn to fucking knock, save yourself the trauma." You sighed as you looked around the bed for your clothes but they weren't on sight. Until you felt something hit the side of your head and fall on the bed. 

"Asshole." You glared at Ben as you grabbed the hoodie sitting beside you and slipped it on, the smirk on his face making you roll your eyes. 

"Anytime sweetheart." He winked at you before turning his attention to Butcher and Hughie who were going back and forth about Mindstorm. Guess they could find an address after all. 

Well off you were. At least you were able to make up for lost time. 

so there's only an hour left of 2023... i wanted to write something about the year and how it passed.

it doesnt come back to me as much as i would like it to, i spent it working and watching lectures, reading discussion posts, and trying- trying so hard to write, only to lose myself to comforting daydreams that didn't challenge me, just buffered the world and let it slip away from me.

still, an inconclusive list of things, however small, that i did and i'm proud of:

make new friends on tumblr despite being someone prone to keeping to themselves

finished two more semesters of grad school

earned all the credits i need to graduate (cant say i graduated yet boooo)

started my seven sentences event and fulfilled some prompts; maybe i havent finished answering all of them yet but im very proud of the ones i have done

grew some potatoes!!

saw a therapist for the very first time and worked on myself

crocheted a very special froggie friend and started some wips i love

went on my first roadtrip with a friend and had as best a time as i could make it despite it being rainy 24/7 and being ill

learned more and more about archiving at work!! i know things now!!!

and i persevered, even though it was hard and i was empty and hollow inside. maybe it's a placebo effect, but i think i have words again. i have feelings deep in my bones, i have stories on my tongue, and i have not told them all yet. i can persist on here and i will persist; no matter what, i'm here to stay.

my heart is full!! my heart is heavy!! but my heart is yours!! i love you, my friends and friends-to-be!! a song for my mutuals who make my world a delight and full of color!! an ode to the anons who slip into my inbox and make me long to hold their hands!! wishing everyone a happy happy new year 🥳🫶🏻🍾

i want to acknowledge the people who ive talked to or interacted with who have touched my life deeper than they could ever know. i dont think i listed everyone and im sure that i didnt. whether you're tagged or not, if you follow me and interact, i hold you dear to my heart. even if you're inactive, i will think about you. and if you have left, i still love you. 🩷

snoopy anon, raccoon anon, @ttyls @babyjakes @eulalielatibule @sweetdreamsbuck @levans44 @worksby-d @eloquentreverie @rodrikstark @intrepidacious @thornsnvultures @punemy-spotted @boxofbonesfic @scrumptious-delusion @dc418writes @angrythingstarlight @krirebr @giorno-plays-piano @venusstorm @biteofcherry @ronearoundblindly @starksbabie @ghotifishreads @buckymorelikefuckme @needleandhammer @onsunnyside @rubythecrimsonwriter and all my beloveds who have moved on. river, ren, wherever you are i hope you're doing well.

Hi! I got a Pomni x reader prompt:

Imagine if the reader and Pomni both have crushes on each other (something that everyone else in the  circus is aware of and doesn’t stop teasing Pomni cause of it) and at some point, the reader gives Pomni a quick kiss on the cheek spontaneously leaving Pomni in an incredibly stunned silence and the reader instantly embarrassed. The two avoiding each other out of fear of possible rejection and losing their friendship with it only taking everyone forcing them together for Pomni to actually saying the words to ask the reader out but they get there

Pomni x reader where theyre both losers!!! in love!!!

no clue what i wanted to name this one so uh uh uh uh !!! last request of this batch, gonna stretch my legs real quick then get right back to writing!! making pretty steady work of the remaining requests, me thinks

the gif above is more or less the face pomni makes when you kiss her on the cheek before running off... except her face is all pink, from blushing... and its not exactly a face of dread or anxiety, rather one of pure shock

i mean she had been crushing on you for how long exactly? it was hard to tell time in the digital world but it had been quite some time... oh jeez was she that obvious about it..? the though that you returned her feelings doesnt even cross her mind for a while, until later that night when ragatha found her still standing in the hallway with that look

ragatha, god bless her heart, manages to snap pomni back to reality and gets her to speak... she has this... look on her face when pomni says that you kissed her cheek

a "about time" look

"so are you two finally together?" or something in that vein, i dont think ragatha would word it like that but! you know?

meanwhile youre in your room cursing yourself for your actions

words gets out about what happened; mostly because jax entered the conversation between ragatha and pomni

and of course, jax told everyone about what happened

that everyone included caine

oh, you two were really in for it now, because caine decides to play match maker!

you guys ever seen the owl house, that one episode in season 2 where hooty makes a tunnel of love to try to get luz to confess her feelings to amity? thats basically what caine does; makes something thats really really lovey dovey and cute under the guise of it being for an in house adventure

except caine is not subtle about it, probably congratulates you for finally spilling your heart out to pomni

except... you didnt...

but hey at least the IHA forces you two to pair up

alone

in a tunnel, while cheesy romance music plays... so.. maybe in another heat of the moment thing, you both spill your guts to each other at the same time

pause

wait

huh

wow you guys have a crush on each other? who would have guessed!

^jax, probably

bonus if the tunnel of love thing has a camera and it takes a few pictures but instead of you two kissing n stuff its just both of you beat red, hands lightly raised as you guys take turn talking lightning fast to try to salvage the friendship out of that whole... fear of rejection thing... only for the shock on both of yalls faces to be captured as you confirm to one another that the feelings are mutual

caine feels... particularly proud of himself after this

hi! i'd love to get some sympathy/advice/etc from other ppl about this. so long story short my girlfriend (wonderful amazing great i am so happy with her) has a boyfriend, and i at first their rs was meant to be ephemeral, but then things changed and they realized they could make a longform commitment work out, so they tried! problem is, during the trial run, the guy realized poly wasnt working for him and he failed to communicate this well, so it caused a situation where he was very much just fishing for my partner to get in a closed rs with him. when she expressed how hurtful and wrong that was, he apologized and changed his behavior and after some more various ups and downs we've now settled into a pretty good situation where he's giving polyamory a serious try and seems sincerely committed to making it good! i trust my gf wholeheartedly and i want nothing but the best for them both, and for that brief period of time where it was ok we even had 3person dates and really special interactions, so i came to sincerely like guy a decent bit and i am cautiously but sincerely optimistic. however, by having to admit shit to himself, he's now of the mind that he'd like a much more segmented-off rs with my partner, which is fine, but also the resentment he felt towards not being able to have my gf all to himself made him lose his positive feelings towards me and now he expresses a (his words) 'goodwilled indifference' and we havent even Talked since he tried to effectively ultimatum my gf out of being poly. and that is just SO hurtful when i know i did absolutely nothing wrong to warrant the loss of what i felt was a genuinely precious and positive connection, and like, the first time ive had the chance to have a metamour! like as someone who really cares about learning how to admit fault i really cannot stress enough how much i didnt do jack shit here i was just vibing and trying to be nice and now it's just this sad thing i have to deal with. i know it has everything to do with his own preferences and insecurities and nothing to do with me, but i still feel a big child-like sense of betrayal and injustice and it makes me want to be mean and bitter and defensive ("well if you dont give a shit about me and wanna pretend i don't exist, then im gonna do the same! how do you like that, huh?" type beat). i know those feelings are to be worked with and worked through instead of acted upon, but it's still hard :-( i dont really miss *him*, really, i just miss not being in a polycule that has a member who struggles so much with polyamory. and though i trust her deeply, i am still sad and worried that this is a precarious situation that can end up hurting my partner and hampering her ability to feel free and happy in polyamory, which only adds to my mistrusting of the guy. anyone else in a similar situation, havin' to work with a poly-newbie metamour or something similar? im not crazy for getting bad vibes, despite my best hopes for them? thank you either way, i dont know enough poly people irl and ive been bursting with this shit for a bit so it helps even to just ramble it out

Yeah, I've been in similar places. Just putting the read more immediately because I don't have a good pithy introduction. But uh, TL;DRI guess? 🤷‍♀️: its totally fair for you to struggle with some negative feelings. But you are still in it together (even if he's pretending you don't exist) and the only way to the other side is through.

Its shitty, its exhausting, its infuriating. And it's all the more frustrating that you like... don't even WANT to be mad at him cause he DID apologize and now he IS trying to change the shitty parts, so you WANT to encourage that. Feels very

And it puts your mutual partner in the tough spot of having to balance⚖️ things between you two if he's unwilling to talk to you. And like, you're stuck waiting for him to come around, you can't even really DO anything, its all on HIM to prove he's not going to be an asshole forever.

And you kinda resent him for causing this much trouble basically all on his own! And then thinking he can still get all the good shit after stirring the pot! Like he tried to break you up and now you have to be the bigger person?? What kinda bullshit--

Fucking. Sucks.

I do have some advice, though as with most things, its not magic 🪄

🤬Be mad for a little bit! Allow yourself to feel it. You're not gonna wallow 🐖there, but let it hit you full force how much you dislike being in this bullshit situation. Maybe have a cry about it or throw some darts at his picture 🎯. Then, and only then,

Set it aside. Set the anger aside in your mind, set the situation aside in your discussions. Say "yup, sucks. Moving on..." and enjoy the good parts of your life.

As part of that, remember polyamory is a big ask for people who've never done it before. Him even just politely ignoring you is likely, in his mind, him compromising on everything he's believed in for years and the fundamentals of what his life will look like. That's a big deal. It's hard to do after there was previously a higher standard set, but try to give him some credit for that anyway. (Again. You are probably going to have to Be Mad first to be able to do this. That's okay. Don't skip ahead.)

I don't think having approximately the same attitude back is necessarily a bad strategy. Maybe don't do it with the petulance you presented in the ask 😝 but if you're able to just gently, non-judgmentally accept neutrality as a mode of operating with him... might save you a lot of trouble honestly🤷. Warmth is great and all, but I think it runs the risk of you burning out and feeling greater resentment down the line if it stays one sided (but you know yourself better than I do, so if you can handle it, power to you).

Know your feelings about this really well. Know what you're good with 👍, know what bothers you but you're willing to do for the good of the polycule😖, and know what really upsets you👎. Is this something you can make work long term? What changes would you need to have it work long term (including progress from him, accommodations from your partner, etc)?

Consider confronting him directly. You'll know better if that's actually a good idea in this situation than I will, but consider it. It may help you move past things to air your feelings, it may help him understand you better and vice versa, and it may lay the groundwork for a more functional relationship down the line. I must admit bias here. It is VERY important to me that things can be relaxed with my metas. The idea of refusing to engage with me feels like they're refusing to engage with the very concept of polyamory, and I that cannot work in my life - like, I run a poly blog you can guess how I value polyamory 😂 If you can be comfortable with something closer to parallel polyamory, this may be unnecessary.

And of course, through all of this, you have to talk to your partner. All of it. If you have a tendency to martyr yourself so as not to stress your partner out, overpower that tendency for this one. You are NOT doing your partner any favors by doing bottling it up. 🍾

For example, earlier I said your partner is going to have to balance things between you and your meta. It may be tempting to think you can spare her some of that by shrinking your feelings and needs, so maybe you'll just bite your tongue. However, she has to do the work anyway, and forcing her to work with incomplete information actually makes the balancing that much harder. While you shouldn't harp on them about it, she should know where you're at in all this. You owe your partner the ability to make informed decisions, and your happiness and ability to sustain a certain set-up is going to be an important factor to them! Tell them your misgivings, tell them if its going to take you some time to forgive him his bullshit, tell them if you are okay with something in the short term but don't know if you can spring it long term, tell them if you need a break from thinking about the whole damn situation. (And of course, as always, tell your partner when something feels good or is going well 😊)

It can be recovered. It will require patience. Hang in there. 🤗 I admire your commitment to figuring it out, and it sounds like you have a splendid partner who is just as committed to making it workable. I'm rooting for you all 💙💖🖤