I have a question that I wanna know your thoughts on, if you care to have them :). When and how do you think Brian Kinney became Brian Kinney. The ‘no excuses, no apologies, no regrets’ Brian Kinney. And when do you think he became the stud of Liberty Avenue? I mean Debbie does tell in s1 that Brian has basically been a loose canon since the day Michael met him when they were 14. And in season 5 i think it’s revealed they went to the club for the first time when they were like 17/18 and Brian even makes a tiny brag about the backroom (btw i will never be over that scene because they put them in “teens” clothes and said fuck it) but I always wondered at what point did Brian become ‘the man, the myth, the legend’ and like how that had to be for him and his friends or I guess Mikey since he was obsessed with him and then suddenly he was fucking everyone. Sorry for such a random all over the place question, you can tell I recently started a rewatch.

Oh dear sweet anon! I love all {kind} asks in my askbox equally, but some I love more equally than others. You have truly unleashed the beast with this one as I literally have a doctorate in analyzing characters (sure, at work I call it ‘case conceptualization’ but tomato tomahto and all.) I’m going to put this all under a “read more” because I love my mutuals and I don’t want to subject their dashes to what is undoubtedly going to be an unhinged character analysis. Pour yourself a beverage of your choosing, grab a snack, and buckle in.

My mother is a frigid bitch. My father was an abusive drunk. They had a hateful marriage, which is probably why I am…unwilling or unable to form a long-term, committed relationship of my own. The fact that I drink like a fish, abuse drugs, and have, more or less, redefined promiscuity doesn’t help…much. As a result I have lost the two people in my life that mean the most to me.

- Brian Kinney, 508

Early Childhood

Brian is the youngest of two from married parents. His mother, Joan, is not employed outside the home and is devoted to her Catholic faith. His father, Jack, is employed in some unnamed blue collar job and is a union man. His older sister, Claire, is a presence but left the home and married and had children shortly thereafter. Both Brian’s parents struggle with undiagnosed and untreated alcohol use disorder. They are both abusive in their own ways. Brian suffers physical abuse at the hands of his father. He suffers emotional abuse in the form of religious trauma and neglect in the form of Joan not intervening when Brian is being hit by his father by his mother. He also grows up with the family lore that he was an unwanted child and his father asked him mother to abort him. In his understanding, it is his mother’s Catholic faith that has doomed him to this miserable life. And throughout his life, it is clear his mother cares more for outwards appearances within her church community and for his eternal soul than his happiness here on earth. He observes their marriage as a hateful one. Jack cheats on Joan and apologizes with empty gestures (bringing her flowers) and words (apologies and good behavior before reverting back to his philandering ways). He’s told repeatedly by his father that Jack should never have been a family man, that Kinney men not not designed to be family men. In other words, Kinney men are not made to be “tied down” to one partner. And in the absence of a model or understanding of an ethical nonmonogamy, Brian learns that men, if they have partners, will cheat. Brian also learns from his family that words and apologies are empty - Jack can apologize to Joan but if he never changes, what worth do his words have?

We also see from his family where his determination to earn money and be able to afford a luxurious lifestyle comes from. He is determined to avoid any suffering (failing at monogamy, struggling to pay bills) that they endured.

Adolescence

Around age 14/15 Brian meets Michael Novotny. He either moves to Pittsburgh or several junior high schools feed into one high school (this is not uncommon in the US). Michael worships him immediately - Michael is gay and Brian is cute. And then Brian defends Michael against the school bullies. Brian also meets Debbie and either meets or hears of Uncle Vic. For the first time in his life, Brian has adults who are accepting of their son being gay, he has a model of a gay man who is loved by his family (for the most part - there’s reference to a sister that rejects Vic and a grandmother who may be oblivious to her son’s sexuality). He receives mixed messages from the Novotnys. From Michael, he gets a best friend. Someone with whom he can be silly and have fun. But everything they reference from their teen years is about Mikey’s interests - the Captain Astro club for instance. What were Brian’s interests as a teen? Did anyone nurture them? In Mikey he also gets someone where he can safely explore his sexuality (Patrick Swayze). In Debbie he gets a mother figure who is a firm (albeit imperfect) ally. We don’t know when the Liberty Diner opened or when Debbie began working there, but there is a sense she was also a portal to the world of Liberty Avenue and the diner provided a sort of safe-for-teens queer space. However, Debbie also cares for her son first and foremost (as she should!). She is not Brian’s parent. When she sees Brian’s influence taking Mikey down a path of - getting in trouble at school for fighting back against bullies, sneaking out to go to Liberty Avenue, espousing an nonmonogamy ethic, experimenting with drugs and alcohol - she rightly calls him out. However, with his background, when she - a clearly loving mother who would have no reason to lie - calls him a little shit or an asshole, he believes it. There is a paradox that develops where Brian does not believe words because they are meaningless so refuses to apologize or make promises - unless those words are cruel and directed at him, especially by people he trusts.

For historical purposes, this is taking place in 1985 or 1986 - as the AIDS crisis is reaching an inflection point. The CDC (US Center for Disease Control) estimates that more people were diagnosed with AIDS than in all earlier years combined (source). It is impossible to overstate the impact this had on the queer community more generally, and on Brian more specifically. We see his unwavering commitment to using a condom even in the face of other reckless behavior. As someone who predominantly tops, he is at lower risk of contracting HIV but he cares enough about his partners to never ever fuck without one. His alcohol and drug misuse harms him and him alone, fucking without a condom harms others. Coming of age during the height of the AIDS crisis shaped Brian. We don’t know exactly when Vic seroconverts but we know that relatively shortly before the Pilot episode, Vic was on his deathbed and Debbie was nursing him and they go on that trip to Italy and max out all of Vic’s credit cards… (because those credit card statements come to him in S1) So the AIDS crisis is also front and center in this little safe(r) space Brian has found away from his childhood home. With the AIDS crisis there is also a loss of nearly a complete generation of gay men who could have provided a model for the type of relationship Brian and Justin eventually try to find for themselves. I’ll say it again AIDS WIPED OUT AN ENTIRE GENERATION. We learn from the models around us. If we are an ethnic minority, we learn about that from our parents. As queer people, we often cannot learn from our parents how to be queer. We need queer elders in our communities. Brian comes of age exactly as all those queer elders are dying and changing their lifestyles to protect themselves and their partners from a hideous disease with (at the time) no known treatment and in which the government’s inaction is actively contributing to the loss of entire communities.

And then we have the famous locker room gym teacher incident. Brian’s first (as far was we know) sexual experience was at age 14 (iirc) when he walked into the showers after soccer practice and saw his coach showering. Brian as a gay teen, gets hard, and to cover up any embarrassment about what this reveals about him (it’s the 80s in a public American HS!) gets on his knees and gives the coach a blowjob. This is the first instance of Brian using sex and his sexuality to protect himself and to empower himself. However, he is a kid and a student and he has been taken advantage of by a teacher. No matter how much Brian tells himself (believes) that he was in power in that situation, the power dynamics are always that the teacher has power. That is the reason those laws exist (and even when everyone is an adult, professors cannot sleep with their over 18 college students, nor can they sleep with their graduate students - that goes against every university’s guidelines because that power imbalance cannot be erased). Brian may not self-identify as such but he is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse.

Late Adolescence/Early Adulthood

Around 17/18 we know Brian and Mikey are sneaking into Babylon and Brian is engaging in more experimentation with his sexuality. How is this different than Justin doing the same? Well, first and foremost Justin’s was incredibly lucky that Brian was the one to take him home that first night and treat him with respect and kindness. Brian made sure he enjoyed his first time. Brian’s speech about wanting Justin to always remember this tells us that virginity, while a vile social construct, is something that can feel very important. And the first time being penetrated can set the stage for one’s expectations and beliefs about what is good and normal for future experiences. Does Brian realize this because his first time with penetrative sex was similarly good and kind or because it was the opposite?

We also know that Brian graduates high school and goes to a traditional four year university/college (per fanon it’s Carnegie Mellon where Ben is later a professor and is a prestigious university) where he meets Lindsay. Unlike, Brian, Michael attends a few semesters of a community college. Anon, I’m not sure if you’re in the US but a community (or junior) college is usually a two year college that is intended to prepare students for transferring to complete their education at a 4 year college or university. Some students just complete their Associates Degrees and do not transfer. The reason a student might do this is a) finances - community colleges are public and much less expensive than 4 year institutions (even 4 year public universities) and b) readiness - if a student’s high school grades are not good enough to get into a 4 year institution or the student personally doesn’t feel ready for college course work, attending a community college is a great place to get adjusted to college level coursework (classes tend to be smaller, especially compared with large universities). My spouse is a community college professor, nothing but respect to the community colleges. Mikey probably attended due to finances and poor grades (he is canonically not book smart). Brian comes from a similar background financially - I would find it hard to believe that Jack, who later asks his son for money, was saving for college tuition when Brian was a child. Given the lavish lifestyle Brian later leads, I find it hard to believe he took out (predatory) student loans (he also doesn’t mention them among his expenses post- Concerned Citizens for the Truth so I’m going to believe he doesn’t have them). I am going to guess that he attended a prestigious private university (in 2021-2022 tuition for one year at CMU was $58,924 and in 2023 it was $62,260 with another nearly $20k for room and meal plan) on a combination of Pell Grants (for students with exceptional financial need) and merit based scholarships (due to good grades in high school). This means that Brian, in order to gain admission and to earn scholarships to afford to go, despite all his antics at school (ahem chemistry club!), was studious enough to earn the grades needed. This is no small thing. For comparison, I attended a high school in one of the wealthiest school districts in the US and I had special counselors who helped me decide what schools to apply to, how to craft my applications to be more competitive, and I was taught explicitly ways of approaching SATs (college admissions test) that improved my scores (like test taking strategies). Basically I had every advantage. Brian had none of that. I imagine the school district that the Kinneys and Novotnys would live in, would not have all those advantages. In the US, local tax dollars pay for schools - wealthy areas have better schools as a result. It says a lot about Brian - his determination, his native intelligence, and his ability to code-switch and pass as someone who belongs as at a place like CMU - that he succeeded.

This is also the first time that he is apart from Mikey. He’s making new friends like Lindsay who come from wealth and privilege and getting a taste of that life. He is also away from Mikey’s hero worship and any pressure from Mikey (and Debbie) to date Mikey. He probably sleeps his way through the gay, bisexual, and questioning male student body. I do believe at this point he probably hadn’t instituted his “no repeats” rule but he learns that after a certain number of hook ups, expectations begin to build. He doesn’t want to be his father, so it’s safest to make sure his partners have no expectations. He learns that if people expect the least and the worst from him, he will never disappoint them.

We know that if he wasn’t before, he’s certainly experimenting with drugs in college (references to spiking the punch with ecstasy after Lindsay’s heart was broken). He is studying something that is immediately practical (we do not know if he goes onto graduate school, but my headcanon is that he does not - he would have gotten his masters degree in marketing or business and those are expensive and, again, he doesn’t seem to have student loans). I believe he studies marketing, but though general coursework, his own intelligence and curiosity, he learns enough about the arts and other areas of study to be able to pass in upper class worlds and not betray his working class roots. And to appreciate Justin’s talent. Of course.

Post College/Adulthood

He is hired by Ryder Advertising and quickly moves up the ranks. He purchases his own home (the loft) and decorates it with only the fanciest furniture and appliances. He wears designer clothes. He wants to fit in and belong to this world that is so different than where he came from.

My guess is that by the time he’s working at Ryder, he has fully become the man, the myth, the legend we meet in the pilot.

No apologies - he learned that early on from Jack, apologies are meaningless.

No regrets - life as a gay man may be difficult, but he is not going shy away from experiences just because it might make his life harder. His life has already been hard on someone else’s terms. If it’s going to be hard again, it may as well be on his own terms.

Actions matter more than words, unless those words are from someone he believes cares about him in which case, if they are negative, they are true.

Protect others, even to the detriment of yourself. People want you for what you can do for them (protect them from bullies, make them feel special for one night) not for who you are.

Brian has no model of nonmonogamy that isn’t monogamy with cheating. He cannot conceive, until Justin comes along, that he can have a primary partner and also have an open relationship.

Being a “Stud” is another status symbol, like the loft, like the Jeep, like his wardrobe.

Everything is a wall built from his childhood to protect himself from the pain he experienced and to protect others from what he believes is his destiny - to hurt others the way his father hurt his mother and him. Walls don’t just keep out others, they protect others from the (imagined) monster within.

There is a good fic on Midnight Whispers that goes into this quite a bit: Why Not with Me

I asked @britinbliss for their favorite britin scenes and also for their favorite qaf scenes in the whole show, and I am sooo happy that they answered, and they asked me to answer the questions too, so here we are.

My favorite britin scenes:

5. I really love their first time sex scene cause it was so intense and just beautiful and really hot. Especially, I love the rim-job Brian gave Justin. It was so beautiful when Brian's tongue runs over Justin's back and a small drop of sweat caught on her. And Justin moaning when Brian's tongue got in his ass was just so intense. I love it!

4. The pride party scene at the end of the pride episode is sooo beautiful. Justin accepted who and how Brian is and wanted to leave, so Brian can do what he wants to do, but Brian just wanted to dance with Justin is such a huge step in their relationship. "Hey stud, wanna dance with me?" "Shut up." "I promise you won't forget this one." makes me giggling and smiling every time cause it is just so cute and beautiful. Brian would literally do anything for Justin, and we see this in season two. Season five is so far away, but we can see that Brian really cares about Justin and loves him. Brian is just proud of Justin cause he made it. He showed his pride and he got over the thing with Chris Hobbs. Brian taught Justin so much and this scene shows this and is just lovely.

3. Of course, I really love the scene in s5 ep10 where Brian says "I love you." for the first time. I cried so much when I first saw it because we all waited so long for this moment, and it was soooo beautiful. Brian showed Justin that he loves him for five seasons (not straight lol) but when he said it a new era began.

2. Also, one of my favorite scenes is when Brian brought Justin to Britin and said he would do anything and be anyone to prove Justin that he loves him and that he meant it when he said he wants to marry him. The best part of this scene is when Justin said, "You bought this! This Palace!" and is totally in shock and Brian just answered "It's for my Prince." And when they made love on the floor in front of the fireplace, I was crying again.

1. My all-time favorite scene is their reunification in season three. How they are laughing and smiling while kissing and undressing each other is so beautiful. I can see that Brian missed Justin so much, and he wants him back soo badly. I just love this. And how they dance after this in Babylon is just perfect. Ben was so right when he said, "The biggest reunion since Germany" (which is so meaningful and funny to me because I am German). But I can not stay with my top five, cause my second all-time favorite scene is when Brian and Justin are celebrating that they betrayed Stockwell (of course they are celebrating with sex) and got interrupted by Stockwell and Gardner Vance. The sex in this scene was so intense and how they undressed each other was just beautiful. But what I also like about this scene is that Brian said "Wanna finish?" after Stockwell and Gardner Vance were gone. He doesn't seem to be mad about Justin and what happened. He wanted to go back to Justin and fuck his brains out like he always does, cause he hates it to get interrupted when he has his time with Justin.

To write down my top five was really difficult cause I love nearly all the britin scenes the show gives us, but I tried.

My favorite scenes from the show in general:

5. I really love the scene in s3 ep14 when everyone at Liberty Avenue is celebrating that Stockwell lost the election and Mel and Lindsey had their absolutely cute moment. They were sooo happy together, and I loved them very much in that scene. I also love the britin scene in the last moments of season three when Brian said, "I guess I've lost everything." And Justin answered, "Not everything." to show Brian, he will stay with him no matter what happens.

4. I also really enjoyed the scene in s1 ep1 when Daphne asked Justin where he was, and he just said, "I saw the face of god! His name is Brian Kinney." This scene is so funny but also shows how much Justin felt in love with Brian after one, okay two times, they had sex.

3. And you're right! I love the scenes where the whole group of friends helped for Mel´ and Lind's wedding. It was such so beautiful how they all worked together and Mel was soo happy about this. In my opinion, she wanted to hug Brian, but she knew it would be awkward for both of them, so she just smiled and punched him softly.

2. I really liked much of the scenes with Emmett and George. In my opinion they were a good and cute mature couple. And Emmett was so tough with the thing with George's money to give the whole money back to his awful family just to make his point clear.

1. I really don't like Cody Bell and what he made Justin do, but I love his little argument in the church with the reverent. "What's your point, young man?" "I believe the point is, if you can eat shrimp, we can eat cock!" I love this quote. It's so on the point and so true.

My favorite episode:

I would say my favorite episode in the show is s2 ep9, cause in serious times it's nice to watch it and just laugh about it. This whole episode is just funny and nice. The beginning where Brian fucks the reverent is so cool, cause in first place I thought Brian is just fucking around as always, but then he leans to the side and kisses Justin. And Micheal says they have a date night. Their definition of a date night is so cool. And then the whole thing with Ted taking viagra and the conversation on Mel´and Linds´ veranda, "What do you mean, you still have an erection?!" "Thank you, CNN!" is just so hilarious. Brian's idea to spook Ted's penis and when he said Mel and Lindsay should show him their tits to turn him of is soo funny. And after that, the scene where Justin and Brian really stole Teds viagra and are fucking for the tenth time this day and their conversation "I can't believe you're fucking me again." "It was your idea to steal Ted's viagra." is so fucking hilarious, too. The whole thing with Brian's mum is so shitty, and I hate Joan so much that it's actually funny again. How Brian holds his hands in front of his erection, so his mum can not see it, is so funny. I just love everything about this episode, so I should stop.

I could write so much more about other (favorite) episodes, so I should stop. It's too much.

I hope you all can understand what I wrote in here. English is not my first language, but I really try.

I've just rewatched prom and idk if it's just me but I'm obsessed with that little moment between britin after Brian says even if it was ridiculously romantic and then he just kinda pauses and stares at Justin??? Like he's fully inhibiting a nervous teen on his prom night too yk? He's literally just made out with Justin in front of the entire school, choreographed a dance routine out of a romcom and yet is like so nervous to kiss the boy he loves in the parking lot! It's not just the best night of Justin's life it's Brian's too, he's not Brian Kinney Stud of Liberty Avenue putting up a front or pretending. He gets to just experience romance and not feel awkward about it for a millisecond like he's happy and then of course tragedy strikes.

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I JUST REALISED SOMETHING

in the qaf season 1 finale, brian and justin are at in the carpark at prom, and after they kiss, justin says ‘later.’ brian says ‘later’ back, and justin starts walking away. brian gets in the car and watches him leave, just to see chris hobbes appear.

now, in season 2, there is this whole scene:

justin is just relearning how to walk by himself down the street without having a panic attack. before justin leaves, they kiss, and justin says ‘later.’

brian says ‘later’ back, and watches justin as he walks away, except:

he doesn’t want to let go. he holds onto justin’s hand for as long as he can. even when they have to let go, brian continues to watch justin as he walks away, as if making sure this time he will be alright. this is brian - who is not an affectionate person, not even to justin. brian never puts himself in a situation where he appears more vulnerable than the other person; where he is the one who needs/wants them more than they need/want him.

here, he is letting his guard down in broad daylight, in the middle of the street, among all these people, many of whom know who he is. he is doing something uncharacteristically vulnerable without caring of his reputation or everyone’s perceived (and personally reinforced) notion of ‘the stonecold stud of liberty avenue’ — admitting to justin and himself that he wants justin to stay with him, that he likes justin around, that he doesn’t want to let go of him — because the last time they promised ‘later,’ the last time they let go of each other, brian almost lost him forever. 

this is such a subtle parallel that i have never noticed but that is paramount to their development as a couple throughout the 2 seasons and to brian’s personal development.

Coming Out

Queer as Folk (US)

Where Gus decides to come out as asexual to his father and Brian acts like a prick.

Read on AO3

“I’m asexual.” Gus finally lets drop after ten minutes of nervous wiggling and throat clearing.

“You’re what? I thought you were bisexual,” his dad answers without empathy. Justin immediately moves a hand to his dad’s knee, a warning more than a comfort .

“Let him talk,” he suggests.

His dad puts his hands up in sign of surrender. 

“Go on, Gus; we’re listening,” Justin says. 

God bless Justin, Gus thinks, not for the first time. He doesn’t really remember what his father used to be like before, but he often bears witness to the multiple ways in which Justin stabilizes him.

“Okay, so yeah, I thought I was. Bisexual, I mean. Then with Matthew, I- Anyway, I’m not. I’m asexual and biromantic.”

“Gus, you’re not making any sense. Christ, it used to be so simple. Either you liked cock or you liked twat. Your generation is making a mess of things.”

Justin reacts to that with a loud, “Brian!” coupled with a pointed stare probably meant to shut his dad up. Gus just shakes his head, gets up and leaves the sofa for his bedroom.

He knew it would be like this. This is why Gus waited so long before telling his father. Almost everyone knew now; they were just keeping it a secret until Gus told his dad. He kept putting it off, knowing how hard it would be. Well, at least now it’s done, right? And Justin seemed to be pretty understanding, so that’s that. 

With a sigh, Gus goes to bed, hoping they will move on from this quickly.

A couple of days later, Gus is sitting on his bed, back against the headboard, reading, when someone knocks on the door. It’s probably Justin wanting to know if he’ll join them for dinner today - he hasn’t since the talk. 

“Come in.” 

To Gus’s surprise, it’s not Justin who enters the room but his dad. Instantly, he shuts down,  donning an indifferent look.

“What?” He grits out. 

Of course, his father is not perturbed by the harsh tone. The Kinney men know how to read each other.

“So, it’s been brought to my attention that I could have handled your announcement better, and that I should apologize.”

“You mean that Justin told you you were being a jerk and is withholding sex until you make things right with me?”

His dad scoffs and lowers his head - a sure sign that he’s a little embarrassed. 

“Something like that.” 

They fall silent for a minute. Gus won’t make it easy for his dad, not this time. His dad seems to sense that, because he finally looks at Gus, bottom lip pulled in between his teeth, and sit on the bed next to him. 

“Okay, I’m listening.”

“Are you though?”

“That’s fair,” he answers with a sigh. “Look, Gus, I’m a stubborn son of a bitch, okay? I’m pretty set in my ways and I probably won’t change, but my dad rejected me when I told him I was a fag and - well, I don’t want you to feel what I felt.” 

It’s the most honest his father has ever been about his feelings so Gus knows he means it. If he can take a step in his direction, then Gus can probably do the same.

“So what do you want to know?”

His dad thinks about it for a second then answers. “Asexual, what does that mean exactly? Sunshine tried to explain but we got distracted.”

Gus laughs; his father and Justin really are like bunnies.

“It means I don’t feel sexual attraction.”

“So you don’t want to fuck?”

“Right.”

“Like never?”

“Nope.”

“Why?”

Gus shrugs. “I don’t have a reason. It’s not like I have some kind of trauma or anything; I just don’t get aroused much.”

His dad frowns and Gus knows that’s because he can’t figure this out. 

“But you get hard? Sometimes?” Gus is relieved they’re having this conversation sitting next to each other and not face to face. 

“Yeah, I guess. It’s… I’m able to if that’s what you mean; it’s just a physical thing like sneezing or something. There’s no desire behind it, though.”

“What about Matthew? I assumed you were fucking.”

Gus wriggles a bit uncomfortably.

“We tried a few times. We’ve done stuff but never- He kept saying it was just nerves. I just…” he trails off. Immediately, his dad straightens up next to Gus.

“Did that fucker force you?”

“No! I mean, not really. I didn’t know then. I pushed myself and I didn’t know my boundaries. I know better now. “

“I’m pretty sure I don’t understand it all, but let’s move on to the next word you used. Bi-something?”

“Biromantic.”

His dad nods expectantly.

“It means I can have romantic feelings for both genders.”

“So you can love but you can’t fuck? Fucking hell if you ask me.”

Gus doesn’t take offense. He knows this is hard for his dad. Uncle Mikey is always telling him stories about Brian Kinney, the stud of Liberty Avenue. It’s sort of weird actually that Michael tells him that much about his dad’s sex life, that he knows so much about his dad’s sex life. Anyway, Gus knows that his father defined himself through sex for a long time and that he kept preaching that love was bullshit. He still does, but now everyone knows that’s what’s bullshit. Anyone with eyes can see how much his father loves Justin. 

“It’s not that I can’t; it’s that I won’t.”

His father chuckles loudly at that, which surprises Gus.

“That’s the most sense you’ve made so far, kid.”

Gus is definitely puzzled but doesn’t remark on it. He likes talking to his dad, just the two of them. Silence settles again until his dad breaks it.

“Look, I won’t lie; I’m not sure I understand any of this-”

“I’m not asking you to!” Gus interrupts. It’s important for his father to understand this. “I don’t need you to understand; I just need you to support me and trust me. Do you think you can do that? Even without Justin telling you what to do or say?”

“Yeah, Sonny Boy, I believe I can.”

“Thank you, Dad.”

In a rare display of affection, Gus hugs his father, feeling lighter and happier. The smell of his dad surrounds him and he feels five years old again.

They break apart and his dad goes to leave. When he’s about to open the door, he stops and turns around.

“Oh, and Gus? If I run into Matthew, I’ll break his face.”

Gus snorts, secretly delighted by the show of protectiveness. 

“Okay, Dad, I’ll let him know.”

When the door closes on his dad, Gus drops back on his bed and grabs his phone.

Thank you he sends to Justin, who answers with a heart emoji followed by a little ace biro flag. 

How to Win TOUGH 몰디브바둑이 Shoe 2020? #4549

Columbia University's Rare Book and Manuscript Library holds the Albert Field Collection of Playing Cards, an archive of over 6,000 individual decks from over 50 countries and dating back to the 1550s. Both decks are continuously alternated in and out of play, with each deck being used for every other round of play; and The cards from only one deck shall be placed in the discard rack at any given time. If there are more tens and aces in the game of blackjack, taking insurance is mindful. In typical Cartesian manner they created a strictly rational and hierarchical structure to depict these "characters of Liberty and Equality".

Pachinko machines offer different odds in hitting a jackpot; if the player manages to obtain a jackpot the machine will enter into payout mode. http://www.bbc.co.uk/search?q=비트게임 The joker was invented c. 1860 as a third trump, the imperial or best bower, which ranked higher than the other two bowers. Incorrect number of cards to a player constitutes a dead hand for that player only.One hand per player.Supervisor’s decision is FINAL.If an automated card shuffling device is not being used and the dealer is dealt four cards of a five-card hand, he deals an additional card to complete the hand. The original meaning of knave was male child, so in this context the character could represent the “prince”, son to the King and Queen; the meaning servant developed later.

To make matters more interesting regarding suit symbols and indicators, there are large variations today since card manufacturers not only make playing cards for their own country, and regional groups within their country, but also make decks for foreigners living in that country. Manufacturers also make special decks for card collectors (a very popular hobby), special decks for special games, travel sized decks, commemorative decks, historic decks, and also decks for export to countries which don't make their own playing cards. Generally accepted as the first is a Florentine ban dating to 1377.Also appearing in 1377 was the treatise by John of Rheinfelden, in which he describes playing cards and their moral meaning. For instance, if a patron wished to place a full complete bet on 17, the player would call "17 to the maximum". 40 states now[when?] have some form of casino gambling. Interstate competition, such as gaining tourism, has been a driving factor to continuous legalization.

There is no specific name for the pattern else than Jass, which is the group of games played with this deck. The cards are usually 36, with values running from 6 to 10, and three German-style courts, Under, Ober and König. The aim of the game is for your poker hand to beat the dealer's hand. If you draw one of the top five Caribbean Stud hands, you will also be in the running for an additional Jackpot bonus - all you have to do is place an extra wager on the Jackpot option. France boasts many of the most famous European casinos, including those at Cannes, Nice, Divonne-les-Bains, and Deauville.In addition to being able to offer higher kakuhen percentages, koatari made it possible for manufacturers to design battle-type machines.

At any time, a player may wish to take any bet or bets out of play. Players then mark which numbers they wish to play and then daub those numbers according to the numbers drawn. Players are generally asked not to throw the dice above a certain height (such as the eye level of the dealers).Each spin pays out a small number of balls, but the objective is to hit the jackpot. The program of the digital slot machine decides the outcome of the spin when the ball falls through the center gate, not when the spinning animation plays.

This program is very small (less than 60kB of source) and has no graphical user interface. 0-32-15-19-4-21-2-25-17-34-6-27-13-36-11-30-8-23-10-5-24-16-33-1-20-14-31-9-22-18-29-7-28-12-35-3-26 In order to get around California laws barring the payout of a game being directly related to the roll of dice, Indian reservations have adapted the game to substitute cards for dice. 안전토토사이트 In the 2010 Disney Pixar film Toy Story 3, a scene featured a See 'n Say being used as a roulette wheel for gambling.

This has little or no bearing on how the game is played today. Read the sign before sitting down to play. he Drouard et Berthault Lock and Metalwork Factory (now Société des Constructions Métalliques de Baccarat) at 10 Avenue de Lachapelle (1873)This is because the house always sets the paid odds to below the actual odds.

The wagers are made in cash, never in chips, and are usually thrown down onto the ground or floor by the players. The first three points will not pay out on the fire bet, but the fourth, fifth and sixth will pay out at increasing odds. However, more frequently tips are given by placing a bet for the dealer.After the point is established, a seven is typically called by simply "7 out"[citation needed] or "7 out 7".[citation needed].

007카지노 pattern that give you money Part5 #1526

Unlike the three Spirits mentioned above, these four "Liberties" are not wearing the Phrygian cap of liberty but brandish them on staffs or spears. They are also all female. http://query.nytimes.com/search/sitesearch/?action=click&contentCollection®ion=TopBar&WT.nav=searchWidget&module=SearchSubmit&pgtype=Homepage#/먹튀검증사이트목록 Eleven other local lotteries in Nebraska followed suit, until the state banned the devices, effective 1985. The region of Limousine lay in the middle of France on the western side. Its design, which is regarded as a bad copy of the Auvergne design, was used by the cities of Limoges, Angoulême and Poitiers. Limoges also exported much of her production to Spain. Spanish-suited cards are still used in France, mostly in Northern Catalonia, and Brittany and the Vendée with the latter two using the archaic Aluette cards.

If you are a blackjack fan or just want to learn more, you should read on. You can learn its origin and other useful information. Playing cards spread  in Europe rapidly -- in Spain 1371, in Switzerland 1377, and in Italy and France 1380. The game was then patented using the name Caribbean Stud Poker. Some time later, the casino owner sold the patent for over $30 million to a company called Mikohn. Suits are irrelevant. In most varieties of the game, a player receiving two cards of the same rank may split them, receiving a second card for each, and play the two hands independently of each other.

This is one move which led him to bring back his company from bankruptcy. The player would receive 7:1 minus half the total bet payout on half the total bet for craps and 15:1 minus half the total bet payout on half the total bet for 11 (yo). No casino currently runs a craps table with a bet that yields a player edge full-time. The red card in the red-numbered box corresponding to the red die, and the blue card in the blue-numbered box corresponding to the blue die are then turned over to form the roll on which bets are settled.

The tuck box may have a seal applied.Card manufacturers must pay special attention to the registration of the cards, as non-symmetrical cards can be used to cheat. In Germany, the card game that is played determines the type of deck that will be used - and all German decks are not alike. (See the page on Germany in this section for different decks.) On the left is a picture of German suit symbols. The first card features the "acorn" or in German the Eichel suit. The second card is of the "bells" suit or Schellen. Although the third card appears to look like a "spade", it is a "leaf", sometimes called a "green" and in German known as the Grun or Blatt suit. The fourth suit is the "hearts" suit or Herz. Germany produces playing cards for many different countries today. Some of these exports are made with the suit symbols illustrated, some exported decks use other symbols. Suiss suit symbols are somewhat similar to the German suits, but there are differences.The first card in the Swiss deck pictured in the second photograph on the left is also known as the "acorn" or Eichel suit. The second card is the "shield" suit or Schilten. The third card is the "bells" suit or Schellen. Finally, the fourth card is in the "roses" suit or Rosen. People in Swizerland who play a game (or a number of related games) called Jass will use a deck with these suit symbols. However, people living near the French border may use decks with the French suit indicators, while people living near the Italian border may use Latin suited cards. Casinos must set the i-Deal Plus shuffler to the “Caribbean Stud Poker Cover All” mode.After the dealer removes his hand from the shuffler and presses the green button, the i-Deal Plus will determine the number of players in the round and display the payouts on its front screen.The deck has Shields, Arrows, Helms, Swords, Crescent Moons, Orbs, Hearts, and Crowns, each suit numbered 1-9, plus a suit of dragons numbered 1-10, providing an 82 card deck. The system was released in 1996.

For players who choose to disobey the ninth of my Ten Commandments of Gambling, you'll be in side bet heaven at the Palms casino in Managua, Nicaragua. They have no fewer than four side bets you can make, as follows.Bonus,Power Play,Super Power,Fuego. Number 1 and number 3 each cost 27 chips and pay 297 chips. In part, it has something to do with casinos’ ability to hide their true price from even the savviest of gamblers.It was used as housing for the administrators of the crystal works from the middle the 19th century.

The former Deneuvre Mill (now a Crystal Lapidary and Engraving Factory) on Rue du Moulin de Deneuvre (1836) The most common are from cancers[37] resulting from exposure to second-hand tobacco smoke[38][39] and musculoskeletal injury (MSI)[40] from repetitive motion injuries while running table games over many hours. he Drouard et Berthault Lock and Metalwork Factory (now Société des Constructions Métalliques de Baccarat) at 10 Avenue de Lachapelle (1873) 적토마게임 Horn: This is a bet that involves betting on 1 unit each for 2, 3, 11 and 12 at the same time for the next roll.

Starting with an initial bet of, say, 1 unit, a loss would raise the next bet to 2 units. Jacks or Better, sometimes simply called "Draw Poker," is the most common variation of video poker. Payoffs begin at a pair of jacks. Sigma Flush Attack is a combination of video poker and a banking slot, in this case what is being banked is flushes.Fan tan is their ruling passion." The large Chinatown in San Francisco was also home to dozens of fan-tan houses in the 19th century.

This additional bet wins if the point is rolled again before a 7 is rolled (the point is made) and pays at the true odds of 2-to-1 if 4 or 10 is the point, 3-to-2 if 5 or 9 is the point, or 6-to-5 if 6 or 8 is the point. The Casino Estoril, located in the municipality of Cascais, on the Portuguese Riviera, near Lisbon, is the largest casino in Europe by capacity. To have the appropriate card counting, you must ensure all cards are out from the deck.Jumping the Gun/Premature Bingo – One who calls bingo before having a valid bingo.

Sunday Six

And before you remind me that he’s the Stud of Liberty Avenue and an asshole, hold your fucking tongue. I don’t know why all these people, these people who claim to love him, claim to be his family, can’t see below the very thin veneer that he puts up to see he has a guilt complex a mile wide and a deep seated need to take care of those he considers in his circle of obligation.

As much as I struggled to know on a deep cellular level what being with Brian had been like before I was bashed, I knew we had been equals in a way that he wasn’t with Michael and couldn’t be with anyone else in our little family. I knew in the way he treated me, in the way he talked to me about his job, his thoughts, everything. In ways I didn’t see him with anyone else. Except when it was just him and Vic, sitting at the old kitchen table at Debbie’s.

Making that insecurity gifset is one of the reasons why I love Brian as a character to have that much depth and richness to him. He's that metaphorical onion with so many layers, which makes it so exciting and interesting to analyse him like a little bug under a microscope and to relate to those parts.

On the outside presenting as this stud of liberty avenue that everyone wants to fuck and be fucked by, he's drop dead gorgeous, rich, with a high power job and business owner. Everyone wants him and wants to be him.

And yet inside the saddest thing is the only one who isn't at peace with himself in spite of having "all those things" is Brian. He never truly believes that he would be it for someone, that they would love him to maybe do the things that he wouldn't. That with all his flaws and issues, boy he's got a lot, that he would be enough.

Avenue south residence brochure4

With spring right around the corner, it's time to put away the winter gloves and coats and dust off the suntan lotion and binoculars. To be sure, there's nothing like being able to soak up rays and refresh in the swimming pool following one of the most intense winter seasons on record - more than 60% of the U.S. was reportedly blanketed in snow earlier this year. That being said, it's no surprise travelers are more than ready to hit up picturesque beaches, fine restaurants and lively nightclubs in Miami, Los Angeles, Las Vegas and other spring break hot spots as the weather heats up. Read on for a taste of what awaits you at these meccas for fun, sun and much more.

Party in Miami

Known for its pearly white sand beaches and booming nightlife scene, everything about South Beach oozes fun and vibrancy. Fashion shoots and star-studded events are standard here, thus earning Miami a reputation as an oasis for the fashion forward. Shopping options are endless, from the popular Dolphin Mall in Doral to fine boutiques on Ocean Drive to a wide collection of stylish designer stores in the heart of the Collins Avenue Fashion District. Then there's scores of chic, Art Deco hotels nestled on South Beach, each within minutes of the city's hippest attractions. Among them are the trendy Whitelaw Hotel; Hotel Chelsea, an Art Deco fixture since 1936; the Beach Paradise Hotel, whose design was inspired by Spanish mansions of old; and the Deauville Beach Resort, which over the years has Avenue south residence brochure  attracted the likes of celebrities like Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin.

Let Loose in Los Angeles

I'd be remiss to discuss Los Angeles shopping and nightlife without highlighting Beverly Hills and West Hollywood. The former includes world-famous Rodeo Drive, a shopping district famous for its upscale boutiques and shops. Passing through West Hollywood is the Sunset Strip, an area where colorful and expansive billboards are easy to find, as are various restaurants, nightclubs, and - if you're lucky enough - a celebrity or two. Like Miami, Los Angeles is a playground for beachgoers as thousands flock to Venice Beach, among the city's other sizzling beaches, to catch some rays or hang ten. Hotel Angeleno - a Joie de Vivre Hotel - and Hotel Beverly Terrace, two boutique properties in close proximity to Beverly Hills and Hollywood, make great places to unwind after a day of non-stop action in SoCal.

Live it up in Las Vegas

Dazzling lights and an ever-festive ambiance make Las Vegas a popular vacation hot spot year year-round, and spring break is certainly no exception. With scores of famous casinos, towering hotels, fine shops and renowned restaurants, it's no surprise the city has been dubbed "The Entertainment Capital of the World." Most of the world-famous Strip's best shows and attractions are found on the resort properties that line it. Take Stratosphere Casino, Hotel and Tower. Aside from boasting the largest observation tower in the United States, it proves that Florida and California are far from the only places for theme park thrills. Guests can enjoy heart-pounding rides including X-Scream and Insanity, both of which propel you anywhere from 27 to 64 feet over the edge of the Tower. Racing aficionados will love Speed - The Ride, a state-of-the-art roller coaster at Sahara Hotel and Casino's Nascar Cafe Entertainment Center. If your idea of fun involves getting wet, guests should not miss Golden Nugget Hotel & Casino, a Four-Diamond Award winner each year since 1977. The Tank is a $30 million complex featuring a shark tank, private cabanas and an exhilarating 3-story waterslide.

Tour NYC's Stellar Attractions

Though New York City likely won't sit atop your list of top beach destinations anytime soon, it nonetheless has enough attractions to keep travelers, no matter their age, well-entertained over the course of spring break. Catch a New York Knicks game at Madison Square Garden, photograph the Statue of Liberty, watch a show on Broadway, tour the Museum of Modern Art, spend an afternoon unwinding at Central Park, or delight your palate at one of Chinatown's many fine restaurants. Your options for things to do and places to see are endless. Within walking distance of these attractions is the Belvedere Hotel, an Art Deco style hotel that features a state-of-the-art fitness center and popular Rodizio-style steakhouse, Churrascaria Plataforma. Other notable properties include Affinia Shelburne at Lexington Avenue and the Eastgate Tower Hotel in Murray Hill.

Explore Europe

If you're looking to break out of your usual routine and travel abroad for spring break this year, you'll find a wealth of fun things to do and landmark attractions to gawk at in Europe. Among travelers' favorites: the Louvre and always-striking Eiffel Tower in Paris, the historic Coliseum in Rome, and Museumplein, a spacious square along which four museums are set in art-rich Amsterdam. If you'd rather be doing something a bit more lively, each city hosts tons of exciting events year-round and features plenty of nightclubs, shops, restaurants and sporting venues to suit different tastes. Properties to check out include Villa Eugenie and Tonic Hotel Du Louvre, two of Paris' finest; Hotel Savoy and the Ripa Hotel, two four-star gems in Rome; and Grand Hotel Amrath, a 5-star masterpiece nestled in the historic heart of Amsterdam.

It’s holiday season already! Soon, your calendar will be filled with fancy parties, casual family get-togethers, gift exchanges with friends and office celebrations. With so many special occasions, a shopping trip is definitely in order! I’m Amber, the plus size fashion blogger behind Style Plus Curves, and I am here to share my top 10 holiday must-haves with you. #1 Dresses that Sparkle!

Even though I’m a firm believer in wearing sequins and sparkles every day, the holidays are truly the time to shine! Every girl needs a little sparkle in her life, and I’m especially fond of this adorable Illusion Spiral Sparkle Dress. It’s festive and flirty and oh-so-easy to wear! Hitting just at the knee and with sheer sleeves with a slight flutter, this dress will have you shimmering your way through many a holiday party! If you want just a touch of sparkle, try this Ruched Rhinestone Cold Shoulder Dress. The rhinestone accent at the waist is a tasteful and elegant way to incorporate some sparkle into your holiday wardrobe.

Other fantastic, sparkly options include: • Celebrate Caviar Bead Tank • Velvet Sparkle Dress • Sparkle Cold Shoulder Dress • Floral Sequin A-Line Dress #2 Casual Dazzle

Even though I am personally obsessed with dresses, from time to time I trade them in for a great pair of jeans and a glitzy top. But for the holidays, it can’t be just any old top…it has to be so great that it makes me want to dance the night away with the girls! I look for tops that are casually glamorous. Here are a few that I have my eye on from Avenue: • Sequin Diamond Wrap Top • Foil Cold Shoulder Asymmetrical Top • Sequin Keyhole Back Top • Noir Stone Criss Cross Split Sleeve Blouse #3 Cardi Party

Cardigans are another holiday must-have. But I’m not down with basic basics, so pick a cardi with some flair and button up your holidays with festive layers. One of my favorites is this rich and dramatic Baroque Cropped Cardigan . The red with the black print is classic and the baroque print elevates this cardi to a statement piece. I’m also loving these holiday-style worthy cardigans: • Velvet Flower Cropped Cardigan • Rhinestone Button Cropped Cardigan • Striped Shawl Cardigan #4 Blinged Out Sweaters If you’re familiar with my style, you know that I have a tendency to be a little “extra.” Even my sweater game demonstrates my obsession with bling. I like shimmer and beads and embellishments – all the things that let you shine throughout the season. Here are a few faves: • Embellished Asymmetrical Pullover • Solid Lurex Sweater • Beaded Cutout Sweater #5 Something Red

Red is THE COLOR of the season, and it comes in so many gorgeous shades and silhouettes at Avenue. Never underestimate the power of a bold color to lift your spirits and spread cheer to everyone you pass. Of course, the Ruched Rhinestone Cold Shoulder Dress is one of my favorite holiday must-haves – since it’s red and has some sparkle! But here are a few other bold red options that caught my eye: • Medallion Velvet Sheath • Solid Lurex Sweater • Stone Strap Cold Shoulder Blouse • Red Embellished Band Blouson Blouse #6 Active Wear with Attitude The busy holiday season means lots of errands and late-night wrapping sessions. Be sure you have some casual and active tops that are comfortable and cute…and have a little sass like these: • Embellished French Terry Pullover • Rosé French Terry Active Top • Sequin Dog French Terry Sweatshirt • Tis the Season French Terry Sweatshirt #7 Street Style Street style is all about athleisure looks this year and these coordinated sets are both warm and stylish. Here are some sporty sets perfect for decking the halls: • Seamed Velour Active Hoodie • Velour Active Pant • Chevron Stripe Active Jogger • Heather Curve Stripe Active Jacket #8 The IT Jean

A great pair of jeans is a must this season. The Virtual Stretch® denim from Avenue is a personal favorite, and there are so many different styles to choose from. I prefer skinny jeans and jeggings so that they fit nicely when tucked into your boots. Try a pair of grey or red jeans to push the envelope, or go with one of the frayed or distressed pairs for an on-trend look: • Virtual Stretch® Stud Trim Skinny Jean in Grey • Virtual Stretch® Frayed Hem Jegging • Virtual Stretch® Frayed Jegging • Butter Denim Skinny Jean in Red #9 Easy Tops and Tees

If you’re doing a grab-bag gift exchange with your sisters or girlfriends, this Diva Sequin Tee or the Beyoutiful Sequin Tee is sure to be a hit! And when you’re out shopping or grabbing a casual coffee with your friends this holiday season, opt for a stylish and easy-to wear plaid top. Plaid is a winter staple and Avenue has so many options! I especially like these: • Button V-Neck Plaid Top • Virtual Dipdye Crochet Hem Plaid Blouse • Butter Denim Skinny Jean in Red #10 Fancy Footwear

Don’t forget to complete your outfit with a pair of statement shoes! Avenues boots are full of rich textures and embroidery and are sure to make the season merry! Add some of these to your wardrobe to be head-to-toe fabulous: • Hamilton Soutache Trim Tall Boot • Liberty Zipper Bootie • Shore Velvet Bootie • Vesey Lace-Up Pump • Waverly Burnout Velvet Bootie • Kimberly Over the Knee Boot And there you have it! Those are my Top 10 Holiday Must-Haves. Happy shopping! • Follow Amber on Instagram • Check out her blog at stylepluscurves.com • Like Style Plus Curves on Facebook

Need a short break from unhappy reality? Why not start the newest story from Tagsit & Lorie - ‘Unexpected’

Summary: When a stray five year old named Gus shows up on Brian Kinney's doorstep one night, the Stud of Liberty Avenue is thrown unprepared into the scary and uncharted realms of parenthood. Luckily he happens upon a hot little blond with a parenting story of his own.

Read it here: http://www.kinnetikdreams.com/Adminftp/eFiction355/viewstory.php?sid=1044

Hi,sorry to bother you.. what are your toughts about Brian being abusive with Justin like Jack was with his mother in the first two season? I mean, he definitely had his bad habits and sure didn't always treat Justin well and wasn't always emotionally available for him (especially in s1) and this eventually resulted as Justin being hurt sometimes but I never thought that it was that bad..

Thank you for this ask! 

Brian definitely was harmful to Justin in season 1 and 2, but I wouldn’t go so far as to compare him with his father.

In season 1, Brian is definitely emotionally unavailable. He doesn’t just not want a relationship; he despises relationships. He has removed that possibility from his mind and vocabulary, and most of all, he doesn’t believe he deserves one or is made for one.

Naturally, with all of his emotional trauma and his unwillingess to face it in any direct and healthy way, he is not ready for a mature relationship either. So when Justin comes along with his persistence and youth and adoration, Brian pushes him away. He doesn’t want to entertain the fact that someone may want him for more than sex, or for being ‘the stud of Liberty Avenue.’ Many factors come into this: Justin’s age, Brian’s belief system, his past trauma, his moral code, his experience, etc. He doesn’t believe or even want to believe that someone as young and innocent as Justin could want to be with him, and he doesn’t believe Justin should want that anyway.

But Justin makes him question this all the time. He is constantly pushing Brian, willing Brian to be the man Justin knows he is. This scares Brian; nobody has ever known him deeply enough to see through him. Even Mikey and Lindsey are blinded to who Brian truly is through their own filtered perceptions of what they want him to be. Nobody truly knows Brian Kinney. But Justin Taylor gets pretty damn close. “You can’t push me away,” he says. “I’m onto you.”

Nobody has ever stuck around long enough, or even wanted to stick around long enough, for Brian to ever hear these words. This is the first time someone has ever said that to him and meant it. Brian, most of all, is afraid to be known. He hides behind his persona and uses external means to prove his self-worth. So when Justin consistently sees through him and isn’t afraid to say it, it terrifies Brian. Most of the time it makes him retreat even further into the asshole persona as a defence mechanism. When Brian is afraid, he lashes out. 

And because Season 1 Brian Kinney is quite unhinged and in denial, he doesn’t think twice about lashing out at Justin. He convinces himself he doesn’t want Justin in his life, that he’s “trying to get rid of him” but he just keeps bouncing back. And the scary part of it is - that Brian might actually want Justin to stick around. 

Because of Justin’s maturity, I think everyone forgets how young and impressionable he is (including Brian), so Brian doesn’t think twice about possibly conditioning Justin in a potentially harmful way in the long-run. I don’t think Brian realizes just how much of a sponge Justin is until the King of Babylon contest when he uses Brian’s own tricks against him. I think that was also his first flash of fear where he thought: Perhaps I have made him too much in my image.

The truth is, Brian in Season 1 is mostly irresponsible and selfish. As much as I adore him, nobody can excuse his actions even though we know his reasons for them. He has not yet learned responsibility for another person, because part of his code of conduct is that everybody should be responsible for themselves. This philosophy is not wrong, but he takes it to the extreme to further shield himself from being let down. Even with a kid, Brian makes the choice to only be a ‘drop-in’ dad who only contributes through money, because that’s all he thinks he can be. He doesn’t want to even risk turning out like his father, so in his mind, it’s better just not to try. (However, he has a moment of clarity when he decides not to sign over his parental rights to Mel. That was his first flash of ‘Hold on. I am responsible for this child, and I want that responsibility. I accept it.’)

It isn’t until the prom when he learns what it truly means to be responsible for another persons life. There, he is forced to face reality head-on; how easy it is to lose a person, how precious life truly is, how easily it can be snatched away from you. Here we see Brian in his barest form. Terrified out of his skin, guilt-ridden, and hollow. Here is when he takes full responsibility; too much, in fact. He believes the bashing is his fault, that Justin nearly died because of him. It’s a turning point for Brian where he ceases to be that callous, selfish man from Season 1. That night at the prom, his heart was broken.

In Season 2, we see a new side of Brian. The caring, hesitant, selfless side. He knows how easy it is to lose Justin, so he doesn’t make the same mistake of pushing him away to protect himself. He lets him in a little more, he admits that he wants Justin to stay, that he will be “doing exactly what I want to do: coming home to you.” But while Brian has had a wakeup call, that doesn’t mean he will change his entire way of thinking overnight.

Throughout the second half of season 2, we start to see Brian sink into his old habits of neglecting Justin emotionally. Brian’s ‘love language’ isn’t through words of affirmation; it’s through acts of service. He believes actions speak louder than words, and with that philosophy, he convinces himself that he is taking care of Justin in all the necessary ways; namely, paying for his school fees, asking him to stay in his loft, helping him financially, driving him around, etc. Because nobody has ever done those things for Brian, he believes these actions scream affection. 

The truth is, Brian Kinney is a man of conviction. As an advertising executive, he knows the futility of words and how easy it is to manipulate them. He knows they are just words, and this has been proven to him time and time again by his parents. This is part of why he doesn’t believe in marriage and relationships. “Love is just something people tell themselves they’re in so they can get laid.” He has been proven how meaningless words really are, so he doesn’t see the necessity for them.

But Justin does see the necessity. After the bashing, he changed. He was no longer that cock-sure, confident, self-assured boy from Season 1. The bashing wiped away all control he thought he had over his life. Something was taken from him against his will, something he will never get back: his memories, the control of his left hand, his boundless dreams of being an artist. He realized that Justin Taylor is not invincible. This loss of control terrified Justin, as it would anyone. He realized that reality was harsh and life takes and takes from people who don’t deserve it. He felt like a stranger within his own body, like he didn’t own any part of himself. He felt lost and confused and helpless. 

So, understandably, he needed reassurance. He needed clarity. He needed the words, and things spelled out for him. He needed some semblance of control, some certainty in all the chaos of his mind. He no longer had the mental energy to play the guessing game with Brian. He could no longer assume Brian’s feelings, or read into his actions. He needed Brian to say the words.

But Brian couldn’t. And that was why Season 2B happened. The moral of all these ramblings is: yes, Brian inflicted some form of emotional abuse on Justin in Season 1. Yes, their relationship had toxic elements. But no, I don’t believe their relationship can be compared with that of Jack and Joan Kinney’s. That was a loveless marriage between two hateful and bitter people. While they each have their issues, Brian and Justin’s relationship ultimately is one built on trust and love.

We don’t need rings or vows to prove that we love each other. We already know that.

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