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no7of9 · 3 years

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Project Babyhood - Chapter 2

As he lay there not knowing what to expect it occurred to Frank that he would never return to his normal life again. The man called Dadda had acted with such confidence he wondered exactly what he agreed to when he signed that application form at the post office.

For a moment he tried pushing the top half of the fibre-glass-bean as high as he could. His efforts did nothing. Instead, he found the entire cocoon device shifting position. The voice of some strange woman on the telephone filtered through his left ear and Frank grabbed device trying to pull it off. Unfortunately, it was stuck in place. What the fuck am I supposed to do now ? I’m stuck in here for nine months. How the hell are they going to feed me ? Frank asked himself as the meaning of his tattoo sunk into his mind. Over the next hour, his mind wondered until at last he closed his eyes and fell into a deep sleep.

Once his brain had shifted into a deep alpha state Jonathan Adams pumped a sedative into the tank. It did not take long for the boy to breathe in the drug. When he was asleep the bean was opened. Wearing surgical gloves Jonathan inserted a feeding tube down Frank’s nostril all the way into his stomach. After securing the tube to Frank’s head with some glue, Dadda took his foetus’s hand and formed it into a loose fist.

He clicked a button over Frank’s right ear which caused a soft gentle music to start playing and guided Frank’s left thumb into his mouth. Content with his work thus far, he snapped off a photograph and sealed the fibreglass bean. He then stepped off the third platform and made his way over to the second artificial womb. Inside it another boy called Paul was sleeping. Jonathan peered inside the bean and smiled as he noted that Paul was voluntarily sucking his thumb. “Ah, sweet little Paul.” Dadda said softly to himself, “You don’t even know that I’ve cut your little balls off, do you ? Hmmmm, awh don’t worry about it baby boy they were of no use to you anyway.”

Next to Paul’s womb, Dadda stared at a computer which was monitoring Paul’s progress. A tablet computer was graphing his blood pressure and toilet habits and Jonathan flipped through these charts at random. He then put down the computer and took up an old peanut butter jar in his hands. It had been sterilised and now contained Paul’s two testicles which floated in preservative. Highly amused at this Dadda turned the jar upside down and watched as the two pathetic organs floated to the top of the jar. He recalled for a moment how Paul had cried and begged as they put him in his cocoon. “You sure put up a fight little Paulie but in three months time you’ll be a helpless a newborn.”

Stepping down from the control panel of the second artificial womb Jonathan walked over to the first of his test subjects. Jerry was awake staring blanking into the darkness of his cocoon. For a moment Dadda stared him directly in the eye and smiled. Jerry was preoccupied with his hand and seemed to be inspecting it with great interest. “Just one month to go my precious. Yes, one little month and then I’ll take you out of there Jerry-berry.” Dadda said placing his hand on the cocoon’s surface. “It’s time for your foodies hey Jerry ?” he asked and picked up a bag of glucose-based syrup.

He hung this onto a pole connected to the womb and then stabbed the feeding tube’s adapter into the bag’s connecting port. Hesitating for a moment Dadda stared into space and then adjusted the flow so that it sent a drop of fluid down the tube every minute.

He had no need to review Jerry’s charts and signalled for the control deck to shift Jerry’s womb. In one swift movement, the entire bean-like structure rose in the air and began moving slowly as a woman walking, in her eight month of pregnancy, would.

A small video camera filming the inside of the womb showed the Jerry was now sucking his middle finger. At the same time, he had just urinated into his fibreglass diaper. For a moment the chief technician joined Doctor Jonathan Adams on the platform and spoke to him about a scripting issue for Jerry’s final month of mock pregnancy. Jonathan nodded and read over the computer tablet. As he walked away he ran the tip of the tablet’s wand over the screen deleting word which he did not like. By the time he’d made his way to the raised control deck, he’d finished editing the script and instructed control team one to “change” Jerry’s diaper.

“I want to go through Frank’s personal belongings and begin creating a profile.”, he told his team and left the laboratory. Back inside his office, Frank’s three suitcases were waiting unopened on his workbench. Doctor Adams smiled and opened the first case. Working slowly he counted Frank’s pairs of underpants and then inspected every pair. When he held the final pair to the light he smiled and poked his finger through a hole in front of the garment. Not wasting a minute he tossed the pair of underpants aside and picked up a half-read novel. He scanned the synopsis on the back and made a note on the examination pad beside him.

“I just love my work.”, he said softly and continued the process of creating Frank’s psychological profile. By the time he was finished going through the first suitcase, Jonathan had twenty pages of notes which he took over to his desk and began typing into his computer.

The days passed quickly as Jonathan monitored his patients’ progress. Frank had tried to pull out his feeding tube and needed to be sedated for a little while longer. As a punishment Doctor Adam’s withheld food from him for three days.

It was a little after five weeks since Frank’s entombment in his cocoon when Dadda had assembled his entire surgical staff for Jerry’s birth. The previous day his staff had removed Jerry’s makeshift diaper, feeding tube and leg bindings

At nine am, Dadda opened the small circular valve in Jerry’s womb causing the liquid oxygen to rush out into a bucket. He then poked his hand into the womb and felt for Jerry’s head which was facing downward toward the floor.

His patient was awake and was clearly alarmed. The top fibreglass plate of the bean was pressing him further down to the half a meter valve than he’d ever been before. Snapping his fingers once Dadda signalled that a mixture of vegetable oils should be poured into the cocoon.

“Come on Jerry. Come to Dadda.” He said softly increasing the pressure on the top plate with a foot pedal. Jerry responded by screaming at the top of his lungs and Dadda waited a few more moments before opening the hatch a little more. As he did so, he inched the glass ceiling a bit further which caused Jerry to move his head closer toward the hole. This process was repeated over four hours and to his delight, Dadda was pleased to see Jerry’s head emerged from the artificial womb with his eyes closed and his arms moving wildly in front of him.

Jonathan caught him in a large green sheet and lifted him onto the waiting trolley. An orderly helped hang the patient from his ankles and Dadda smacked his new baby’s bottom. “Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.”, was the reply he got and Jonathan wasted no time pushing a mini-suction device down his new baby’s throat. “OK, let’s hope we can get much oxygen out of him as possible. Somebody pass me the eye drops please.”, he said and pulled Jerry’s eyes open with fingers.

The newborn’s hands and legs wiggled madly as his Dadda dropped eye drops into them and seemed to settle down as Jonathan wrapped the green sheet around him. “Aw there, there little one. That’s quite an ordeal you’ve been through. Yes, yes it is.” Dadda said and offered Jerry a folded finger to suck on.

It seemed like a miracle but Jerry opened his eyes and sucked eagerly on his Dadda’s finger. “You’re absolutely perfect my baba. Yes, you are. Come on let’s take you to your nursery and give you a bath.”

Jonathan placed Jerry on the trolley and walked beside it as they rolled it from the room. In response, Jerry screamed all the way down the passage until they came into a huge new nursery. There were four adult-sized cribs with mobiles hanging over them. Two huge changing tables and a playpen on the floor filled with plushy toys.

Dadda picked up Jerry and carried him into the bathroom. Working confidently he ran a bath and unwrapped Jerry from his sheet. “Ga gu gu gu.” Jerry muttered to himself and Jonathan picked him up and placed him in the scales which hung from the ceiling.

Jerry had been a short but overweight boy of twenty when he arrived ten months ago. Over the course of his mock pregnancy, he’d lost thirteen and a half kilograms which brought his weight down to sixty-two kilograms.

Swinging the scale across the waist level bath Jonathan guided Jerry into the water. “Waaaaaaaaaaaaa” Jerry screamed and Jonathan smiled. Most babies hated water. Tufting softly under his breath Dadda guided Jerry’s hand to his mouth and placed his baby’s thumb in his mouth. Jerry appreciatively sucked on it and stared up at the ceiling.

Dadda began by washing his Jerry’s body with mild baby shampoo. He lathered his stomach, arms and legs leaving his babies toti for last. Working gently he lifted the empty testicle sac and inspected the small cut. It seemed to be healing well. Dadda rolled Jerry’s foreskin back and washed the penis gently.

For a moment he stared at the horrible intrusion of pubic hair which had spread over Jerry’s crotch but left it alone for the time being.

With his free hand, he pushed Jerry’s legs onto his stomach and inserted a finger into his baby’s anus. Jerry’s response was to wail at the top of his lungs. Dadda took no notice and fished in the pocket of his coat for a suppository. “The din-dins we’ve been feeding you has stopped you having stools my baba, but now we need to open up your little bum and get you pooing again,” Dadda said slipping the white bullet up Jerry’s anus. “Waaaaaaaa.” “Yes, I know it’s not nice but I have to do it, little boy. Let’s get you out of this water and into a nice fresh nappy with lots of powder, shall we ?” Jonathan said pulling the plug and lifting Jerry from the bath.

He placed his baby on the flat marble surface and began drying his body. Next, he took the disposable diaper which had been waiting and spread it out. In a swift motion, he pushed Jerry’s legs into a loop which was connected to the ceiling with a pulley. Gently he pressed afoot to peddle and lifted the baby’s legs and bottom. It took him a second to spread the diaper out underneath the boy and then lower him. Dadda quickly wiped Jerry’s toti and balls with the towel and then reached for the bum cream. He smeared the gooey paste over his Jerry’s balls and then applied it to the penis itself. Finally, he rolled the foreskin back and applied a liberal layer around his baby’s mushroom-shaped penis tip.

Once that was done he began lifting the newborn so that his arms went through the sleeves of pale yellow onesie. “At least you’re not going to grow any bigger,” Jonathan said softly and snapped the studs of the onesie closed until he came to the diaper area. He checked the tapes of the diaper and stretched the waterproof pants out as far as they would go. Slowly he pushed Jerry’s left foot through the appropriate hole and did the same with the other leg. Lifting his baby so that he could pull the plastic pants over the diaper was more difficult than he foresaw but after a couple of minutes baby, Jerry was ready for his first bottle.

A muscular orderly carried him through to the nursery and held him while Jonathan, sat in a rocking chair, and tested the temperature of a bottle of formula on his arm. Sitting down he spread a baby blanket across his chest and indicated that the orderly should lower Jerry into his arms.

“Ga, ga bo.” Jerry said resisting his Dadda’s attempts to push his thumb out of his mouth. “Jerry, look what I’ve got for you little boy ?” Dadda said closing the blanket around his baby and bring the bottle towards his baby’s mouth. “Do you want some nice milky wikly ? Hmmm, does you baba ?” “Waaaaa” “Oh Ok, yes I know. Here it comes.” Dadda said placing the extra-long nipple inside the baby’s mouth. He peered into twenty-year-olds eyes as the newborn twisted his tongue around silicon nipple. For a moment Jonathan thought that Jerry was going to choke but then relaxed as his mouth closed and his cheeks began sucking the formula from the bottle.

The rest of the afternoon Jonathan spent bonding with his baby boy. He waited until Jerry was asleep before applying a solvent to the two microprocessors above his ears. Working gently he pulled off the devices and held them up to the light. The one in his left hand had fed a continuous feed a female voice pretending to be pregnant into Jerry’s ear. Its counterpart was more sophisticated and pumped a string of subliminal messages into Jerry’s brain throughout the time he’d been in the artificial womb.

These little waterproof Wi-Fi devices had sent signals to the control deck where a team of technicians had adjusted the type, frequency and length of each different message. It had taken eight days for Jerry to lose control of his bladder and after a week his old personality had begun fading.

Today the doctor stared down at the sleeping patient and wondered just how much of his patient’s original personality remained. He had been commissioned by an Arabic billionaire who had three problem causing sons aged between eleven and fourteen when he first contacted Jonathan. These youngsters had indulged in every type of forbidden activity available to them and their parents were not only frustrated but also highly embarrassed. At the moment they were confined to their rooms of their father’s home.

“It’s a miracle that they haven’t lost their hands.”, the Arabic businessmen had said to Jonathan, “If it wasn’t for my money and influence my sons would have felt the full wrath of the Saudi Arabia’s law. I’m desperate for a method to reform them. Money, it goes without saying, is of no matter.” The doctor had thought for a month before and then outlined his Project Babyhood in a detailed report. The facility in the North West Province of South Africa had taken sixteen months to build during which Jonathan had spent his time recruiting staff and his first two patients. In a week’s time, he would give his first report to his boss and despite the personal satisfaction he had gained from his work, the man known as Dadda also knew that nobody else had dared attempt forced mental and physical regression.

He knew that his boss’s wife, who had been an American businesswoman, would object to having her three sons humiliated in such a fashion. However, considering the amount of trouble the lads had caused Jonathan had suggested trying to reform the boys without the mock pregnancy.

Jerry De Villiers had stumbled into his office looking for a job as a messenger. Because he was short and had an attitude from hell Jonathan had taken a keen interest in him and hired a private detective to find out about his background. It soon became apparent that Jerry had a criminal record and was serving the last few months of his parole.

He was given a job as a messenger and enough freedom to do what he pleased. Within three months of working for Jonathan, the doctor had accumulated evidence of Jerry’s new underground career. So what if he had given the boy an opportunity to commit new crimes ? He had not held a gun to Jerry’s head and forced him to steal money from the firm or appropriate various assets.

It had been a sunny afternoon when Jerry had come to collect his month’s salary. Instead of a paycheque in his envelope, there had been a note that he should report to his Jonathan’s office. Jonathan was waiting for him, with a private detective, two lawyers and a retired policeman who was employed as a consultant.

They began by presenting evidence of Jerry’s early career. By the time they started on his new criminal career Jonathan had painted a fairly bleak picture. “As a psychiatrist and expert in behaviour therapy, I can present you with two options, Jerry. First of all I could pick up the phone right now and hand over all the evidence of your activities to the police or I could turn a blind eye under certain conditions.” “What kind of conditions ?” “Let’s face facts, shall we ? You are obviously a career criminal. From the short time I have been observing you it has become obvious that you are likely to end up back in jail. Not only aren’t you the not the smartest thief I’ve ever come across you are also one of the most arrogant and sloppiest. With the current thinking, you’re likely to end up in a maximum-security prison where you’ll undoubtedly be raped and initiate into a prison gang.” “You’ve got a very nice little ass boy. You could make someone very happy.”, the policeman said, “With corruption the way it is in the prisons I suggest you start stocking up on condoms.” Jerry’s face had become rather expressionless at this time. It has not taken much effort to find out who his previous cellmate had been at Leeukop prison. Thankfully Benny Labelho had whispered some fairly graphic stories into little Jerry’s ear.

“We could sit here all day painting pretty pictures Jerry but I have an offer for you. I’m offering you a job for the next ten years. It will be an all-expenses-paid, live-in position. Although the training in the first year may a little tough I can assure that by the time you graduate from the firm you will have a nice little nest egg and a new personality. I’m not going to torture you so you can put ideas of electrotherapy right out your head. Instead, you will be starting over, from the very beginning.” “What do you mean starting over ?” “We will erase your memories and personality and replace them with one that is more acceptable in modern society. After ten months of intensive therapy, you’ll be a new person.” “You mean talking about my feelings and shit like that ?” “Yes, you’ll also have enough time to relax and I estimate that you won’t be working more than three hours a day. The job pays six thousand rands a month for the first year. My legal friends here will explain the details of the contract to you. We’ll give you half an hour to weigh up your options. Either way know this: you’ll be in police custody or our care within two hours. Don’t fool yourself by thinking that you can escape because you can’t. I’m going to get a cup of coffee in the boardroom and someone can call me if you have any questions.” Doctor Jonathan Adams had said and left the room.

What had passed over the following months had been difficult and pioneering work. Dadda peered out of the nursery’s windows review his mental notes on Jerry De Villiers. Either he had performed a miracle or the boy was one hell of an actor. “Only time will tell,” Dadda said softly to himself as he stuck a pacifier into Jerry’s mouth.

That night Jonathan sat at his desk typing in his findings from his report. He spent a vast amount of time on how Jerry’s regression had changed his behaviour and the use of subliminal messaging. After the first outline was complete he stumbled into bed and slept until nine am the next morning. It was the sound of Jerry’s screams that woke him. Dadda listened intently over the baby monitor as the night nurse handed over to the day nurse. Within an hour he was dressed and entered the nursery.

Jerry was lying on the floor staring up at the ceiling. A string of drool ran from the left side of his mouth. “Put him on the table please,” he said “I’ve just checked his diaper. It’s clean.” “Good, is he displaying age-appropriate behaviour ?” “Yes sir. He seems to be unable to hold his head up which is unexpected.”, the nurse said as he placed the baby on the changing table. Dadda clicked open Jerry’s onesie and slowly undid the diaper.

A small lucid uncut penis greeted him amongst a bush of pubic hair. Jonathan reached over a tray of instruments and selected a pair of scissors. Within in minutes, the last sign of Jerry’s adulthood was reduced to a few fine hairs. Dadda took a small tube of VEET from his pocket and smeared a generous layer over Jerry’s crotch, balls and the little patch of skin that ran to his backside.

After waiting ten minutes he took some wet wipes and began removing the last traces of hair. By this time Jerry was niggly and thrashed his arms about. “All right Jerry just a few more minutes and then I’ll give you a nice bottle,” Dadda said cleaning up his baby’s groin He spent a little time powdering Jerry and soon had him in a fresh nappy. “Come on little one.” Dadda said, “You need to be awake for your bottie.” “Gag gu boo.” Jerry replied in a half-hearted sort of way taking no notice of the fact that his Dadda was swaddling him in a huge baby blue blanket. His eyes barely remained open as Dadda placed him in his crib and eased a bottle of formula into his mouth.

Career-wise his life was pretty boring over the next couple of days. Jonathan observed Jerry, took photographs of him and cared for him the way any normal father would. He’d brought his laptop to the nursery and worked continuously on the second draft of his report. By the time the first week had passed he had enough information to recommend a course of action to his funder regarding his sons.

Satisfied with his work, he sent the document to a PDF printer and e-mailed it to his bosses address. He knew it would take some time before he received a reply. That evening he opened up a bottle of champagne and prepared himself a nine hundred gram T-bone with chips and fried eggs. He also settled down with the latest Fredrick Forsyth novel and relaxed for what seemed to be the first time in three years.

The Arabic businessman phoned a little after ten the next day. “I’m very impressed with your work Doctor Adams. I’m sending oldest boy, Don, to you today.” “I will meet him at the airport personally.” “That’s fine. If he doesn’t respond to the regression therapy then we’ll discuss the entire mock pregnancy option. Keep me posted Jonathan.” “Yes, I will do.” Dadda said and replaced the receiver. His thoughts were going off in different directions as pulled out the checklist for Don’s arrival. “Grace get me all the information on we have on Don, will you. Also, contact Mr. Obinlamdon’s office and find out when we can expect him.” “Yes sir.” Jonathan’s secretary replied.

As he got up Dadda smiled to himself and said softly “And now for something completely different.”. The day before Don’s arrival Doctor Jonathan Adam addressed the team that would be accompanying him to the airport. “We going to have restrain him the moment we get him out of the plane. Remember he does not come from a traditional Arabic background. I’d go as far as to say that he’s an American living in Saudi Arabia. You’ve got your checklists so let’s make this happen people.”

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nagirambles · 2 years

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I agree with you that we should have seen more of their magic. While Milanna and Sho's magics are simple, they could have easily been used more interestingly then what we saw. Wally especially could have been used in so many more ways given his magic's premise. Pulling yourself apart into blocks that you have control over and rebuilding your body into new, functional forms has so much creative potential in what you can make out of yourself. That and all the odd stuff he can do like teleporting.

Riiight? But I guess you could apply these to any character in the show, honestly. There's a ton of wasted potential all over the place, and it's generally the factor of difficulty in juggling so many characters. Oh well...

I honestly would've liked to see more to Milliana than her tube robes. Like-- she's kinda just a cat-themed dominatrix for fan service. Like-- Paulie from One Piece had better utilisation of his rope-based powers than this girl, and he didn't even have the nullification part that made Milliana's ropes strong.

And Wally was literally Minecraft. I love him.

I think I've heard it said before that they were planned to come back, but there was no narrative segue for them to come in, so they never ended up returning to the story. It makes me sad, but at least we got to see Milliana again.

#it's an ask

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medalmonkey · 3 years

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Class 12th NCERT Ch 05 Magnetism and matter

Q1. The primary reason of magnetism is-

a) Atomic current and intrinsic spin of electrons.

b) Polar and non-polar nature of molecules.

c) Pauli exclusion principle.

d) Electronegative nature of materials.

Q2. For a solenoid and an equivalent bar magnet, which of the following is correct-

a) Magnetic moment is equal for both.

b) Magnetic moment is more for solenoid.

c) Magnetic moment is more for bar magnet.

d) None of these.

Q3. Which of the following is not correct-

a) Magnetic field lines form continuous closed loops.

b) Tangent to the field line at a given point gives the direction of the field at that point.

c) Larger is the number of filed lies crossing per unit area, stronger is the magnitude of the field.

d) Magnetic field lines may intersect through each other in certain conditions.

Q4. Which of the following is correct-

a) Magnetic monopole exists.

b) Magnetic monopole does not exist.

c) Magnetic monopole has constant value of magnetic moment.

d) Magnetic moment increases when distance from the field increases.

Q5. What is the relation between BE and BA? BE is equatorial magnetic field. BA is axial magnetic field.

a) \(B_E=2B_A\)

b) \(B_A=2B_E\)

c) \(B_E=4B_A\)

d) \(B_A=4B_E\)

Q6. There is a square of side d. Two short bar magnets are arranged at the opposite corners of the sides such that the centers of the bar magnets coincide with the corners and their axes are parallel. Like poles of the bar magnets are placed in the same direction. What would be the magnetic induction at any of other corners of the square?

a) \(\frac{\mu_0}{4\pi}\frac m{d^3}\)

b) \(\frac{\mu_0}{4\pi}\frac {2m}{d^3}\)

c) \(\frac{\mu_0}{4\pi}\frac m{2d^3}\)

d) \(\frac{\mu_0}{4\pi}\frac {m^3}{2d^3}\)

Q7. A bar magnet is cut into two equal pieces. Magnet is cut perpendicularly. Magnetic moment of the magnet is M, and moment of inertia is I (about center, perpendicular to length). What would be the time period of oscillations of these pieces when kept in a magnetic field B? The time period of the original magnet was T.

a) T/2

b) 3T/4

c) 5T/2

d) T

Q8. What would be the force on a current carrying wire if placed between the poles of two fixed bar magnets.

Q9. Two identical bar magnets are placed with their centers at a distance d apart. A stationary charge Q is placed in between the gap of the two magnets. What would be the force on the charge?

a) Zero.

b) Directed along OP.

c) Directed along PO.

d) Directed perpendicular to the plane of paper.

Q10. What would be the torque and magnetic potential energy of a magnetic dipole in most stable position? The magnet is placed in a uniform magnetic field B. Magnetic moment of the magnet is m.

a) -mB, 0

b) mB, 0

c) 0, mB

d) 0, -mB

Q11. When you place a current carrying coil in a magnetic field, its potential energy gets affected. Arrange in the order of increasing potential energy.

a) 4,2,3,1

b) 1,4,2,3

c) 4,3,2,1

d) 1,2,3,4

Q12. Electrostatic shielding and magnetostatic shielding are not one and same thing. Which of the following is not showing the essential difference between the two?

a) Electrostatic field lines can end on charges and conductors have free charges.

b) Magnetic field lines can end but conductors cannot end them.

c) Lines of magnetic field cannot end on any material and perfect shielding is not possible.

d) Shells of high permeability materials can be used to divert lines of magnetic field from the interior region.

Q13. You place a closed surface in a magnetic field. What is the net flux through the surface?

a) Zero.

b) \(\frac{\mu_0}{4\pi}\)

c) \(4\pi\mu_0\)

d) \(\frac{4\mu_0}\pi\)

Q14. Which one of the following magnetic fields are correctly depicted?

Q15. What is the direction of earth’s magnetic field?

a) From geographic north to south

b) From geographic south to north

c) From geographic east to west

d) From geographic west to east

Q16. The strength of earth’s magnetic field is-

a) Constant everywhere.

b) Zero everywhere.

c) Very high.

d) Vary from place to place.

Q17. Earth’s magnetic field is due to-

a) Convective currents in earth’s core.

b) Diversive current in earth’s core.

c) Rotational motion of earth.

d) Translation motion of earth.

Q18. Which of the following is not used to specify earth’s magnetic field-

a) Magnetic declination.

b) Magnetic dip.

c) Horizontal component of earth’s field.

d) Vertical component of earth’s field.

Q19. If you model earth’s magnetic field by a point magnetic dipole at the center of the earth, then what would be the angle of the dip at a point on the geographical equator?

a) Always zero.

b) Positive, negative or zero.

c) Unbounded.

d) Always negative.

Q20. What is the responsible factor for the departing of earth’s magnetic field at a large distance (greater than 3000 km) from its dipole shape-

a) Motion of ions in earth’s ionosphere.

b) Motion of ions in earth’s atmosphere.

c) Motion of ions in earth’s lithosphere.

d) Motion of ion in the space.

Q21. Which of the following is not correct-

a) Magnetic permeability is dimensionless.

b) Value of magnetic permeability is one.

c) For ferromagnetic materials, magnetic permeability is very larger than one.

d) For paramagnetic materials, magnetic permeability is larger than one.

Q22. Which one is a set of diamagnetic substances-

a) Aluminium, sodium calcium and oxygen.

b) Bismuth, copper, lead and silicon.

c) Cobalt, nickel, gadolinium and aluminium.

d) Silver, niobium, magnesium and calcium.

Q23. Which one of the following is universal magnetic property-

a) Ferromagnetism

b) Diamagnetism

c) Paramagnetism

d) Anti-ferromagnetism

Q24. Superconductors are-

a) Most exotic diamagnetic materials.

b) Ferromagnetic material with low resistivity.

c) Paramagnetic materials at high temperature.

d) None of these.

Q25. Magnetic susceptibility of a diamagnetic substance-

a) Increases with increase in temperature.

b) Increases with decrease in temperature.

c) Remains constant with change in temperature.

d) None of these.

Q26. Magnetic susceptibility of a material is -1. What would be the relative magnetic permeability and type of this magnetic material?

a) 0, diamagnetic

b) 2, ferromagnetic

c) 1, paramagnetic

d) -1, diamagnetic

Q27. You dip a ball made of some superconducting material in liquid nitrogen and place it near a bar magnet. In which direction the ball will move-

a) Away from bar magnet.

b) Towards the bar magnet.

c) Around the bar magnet.

d) Remain constant.

Q28. What is the range of magnetic susceptibility and relative magnetic permeability for diamagnetic materials-

Q. Which of the following substance has maximum susceptibility-

a) Calcium.

b) Chromium.

c) Oxygen.

d) Tungsten.

Q29. Which of the following is best representation between magnetic susceptibility and temperature-

Q30. Which of the following is correct graph between M and H for paramagnetic material (at constant temperature) -

Q31. You take a paramagnetic liquid in a U-tube. The liquid is arranged in such a way that one of its limbs is kept between pole pieces of a magnet. What would happen to the level in the limb?

a) The level will go down.

b) The level will rise up.

c) The level will remain same.

d) The level will first go down and then rise up.

Q32. Which of the following is a set of ferromagnetic substances-

a) Iron, cobalt and nickel.

b) Iron, cobalt and lead.

c) Silicon, bismuth and nickel.

d) Aluminium, sodium and copper.

Q33. Which one of the following has magnetic susceptibility much greater than one-

a) Diamagnetic

b) Paramagnetic

c) Ferromagnetic

d) Non-magnetic

Q34. Which one of the following exhibits maximum magnetic permeability-

a) Ferromagnetic substances.

b) Diamagnetic substances.

c) Paramagnetic substances.

d) All of these.

Q35. Which of the following is a property of ferromagnetic substances-?

a) The ferromagnetic property depends on temperature.

b) The ferromagnetic property does not depend on temperature.

c) At high enough temperature ferromagnet becomes a diamagnet.

d) At low temperature ferromagnet becomes a paramagnet.

Q36. Nickel is a ferromagnet at room temperature. If you increase the temperature of the room beyond Curie temperature, then how would Nickel behave-?

a) As anti ferromagnetism

b) Will not show any magnetic property.

c) As diamagnet.

d) As paramagnet.

Q37. The temperature of transition from ferromagnetic property to paramagnetic property is called-

a) Transition temperature.

b) Critical temperature.

c) Curie temperature.

d) Triplet temperature.

Q38. Which of the following statements is incorrect-?

a) Retentivity of soft iron is more than retentivity of steel.

b) Coercitivity of soft iron is less than coercivity of steel.

c) Area of B-H curve in soft iron is smaller than the area of B-H curve in steel.

d) Area of B-H curve in soft iron is greater than the area of B-H curve in steel.

Q39. The hysteresis cycle for the material of a transformer core is-

a) Short and wide.

b) Tall and narrow.

c) Tall and wide.

d) Short and narrow.

Q40. What do you call the magnetizing field required to apply in opposite direction to remove residual magnetism?

a) Retentivity.

b) Coercivity.

c) Hysteresis.

d) Flux.

Q41. Which of the following material would you prefer to make the core of a moving coil galvanometer-?

a) Copper

b) Nickel

c) Iron

d) Copper and nickel

Q42. What are the necessary properties possessed by a material to become permanent magnets-

a) High retentivity, low coercivity and high permeability.

b) Low retentivity, low coercivity and low permeability.

c) Low retentivity, high coercivity and low permeability.

d) High retentivity, high coercivity and high permeability.

Q43. Permanent magnets are the substances having the property of-

a) Ferromagnetism at room temperature for a long period of time.

b) Paramagnetism at room temperature for a long period of time.

c) Anti-ferromagnetism at room temperature for a long period of time.

d) Diamagnetism at room temperature for a long period of time.

Q44. Core of electromagnets are made of ferromagnetic materials which have-

a) Low permeability and low retentivity.

b) High permeability and high retentivity.

c) High permeability and low retentivity.

d) Low permeability and high retentivity.

Q45. Identify the mismatched pair-

a) Hard magnet –Alnico

b) Soft magnet – Soft iron

c) Bar magnet – Equivalent solenoid

Electromagnet – Loud speaker

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emetophobiahelp · 4 years

Text

The Sopranos

Masterlist of warnings below the cut

Season 1 S1E1: In a chase scene with Tony and Christopher, you see Tony chasing a guy down with Christopher and Christopher bending over, presumably sick, though only the posture is visible (and nothing heard) S1E5: Mentions throughout of Meadow feeling n* from drinks but nothing seen or heard. After mentioning AJ would be sleeping over with a friend, Father Phil goes to the restroom and v*. Audio only. S1E7: The kids break in and drink wine. During basketball, one of the kids holds their stomach and runs off camera g* to v*. Audio only. S1E8: When digging up the body Georgie says he’s going to p* then runs off to do it. Audio only, you do see him in the background hunched over with nothing visual aside from posture. S1E12 After someone blocking an assassination attempt goes into a donut shop and walks back out, it abruptly cuts to a visual and audio scene of Junior v* from the backseat of a car. Season 2 S2E3: Walking into the kitchen at the beginning to collect Meadow there’s a girl on the floor v* into a trashcan. Audio only, heard before you see her. Mute when he walks into the house if sound is triggering. Audio continues until scene changes to Tony in the car. When Janice gets the mail and walks inside the home later, it pans to v* on the walls and floor from the party. Safe to look when you hear the door shut as she leaves. Later on you see Meadow cleaning the mess (only soap on the floor) and g*/coughing as she does so. S2E13: All scenes are audio only. Tony clutches his stomach after a bad dream and rushes to the bathroom to v*. You do see him moving to bend over the toilet. Second time is waking up after the threat of being made to eat something. You see him rushing from the bed and hear v* offscreen. Third time is when Artie goes upstairs to talk with Tony. You see him rush from the bed to the bathroom and v*. He does crawl off the bed at one point to be sick again with them helping walk him. Though he coughs and sputters it ends before anythingi s heard. At Pussy’s place Tony grabs his stomach and rushes to the bathroom but there’s no audio. When Tony goes back up to the top of the boat where Sylvio is, he sees Sylvio clutching his stomach by the back of the boat. Mentions n* but nothing happens. If d* is a trigger be advised that every time he v* he also has gas and it’s a frequent sound effect during all the dreams. Season 3 S3E5: Possible Trigger. Bobby Sr. has lung cancer and does deep, hacking coughs, occasionally with blood. Off and on throughout his scenes. S3E7: After Paulie tells Tony nothing will happen once Adriana and Chris are married, he holds his hands up in defeat and he and Tony walk offscreen. It immediately cuts to Junior being pulled back from over the toilet with a gasp. At the end of the scene Junior says batter up and is carried back offscreen to v* again. You hear audio as it shows Tony but nothing is seen. Season 4 S4E2: After telling Adrianna she could be in trouble for bringing someone to family dinner with Tony, mute or look away for the next 15 seconds. She will say “oh my god” and immediately v* (very graphic audio and visual). V* remains on surfaces until the scene ends. Safe when the scene changes to the doorbell ringing and only missed dialogue is calling for a wastebasket. S4E6: There’s a scene transition from Artie to a far away shot of Chris and someone else (Eddie). As soon as it closes in and the music has started, Eddie leans forward from the front of the toilet and begins v* for the next seven seconds. Audio and visual. Safe visual when it shows Christopher looking in the mirror with some background coughing. S4E9: Tony gets into a fight in the kitchen. When it’s over, he g*, covers his face with his arm, g* again and v* brielfy (audio and visual) before going half offscreen to v* in a kitchen sink (you see his back half only). Safe when you hear the water running. S4E12: You get a few seconds of warning. Tony apologizes for the mess in the limousine (implied only) and Furio mentions how Brian v*. He’s helped to the helicopter and as he walks towards the camera he bends forward and v*. Full visual, very light audio. Safe when Tony calls him “old faithful.” Unsafe again when Tony yells something while urinating with Furio. Furio looks at the spinning rotor and then back to see Brian once again v* repeatedly by the copter. Again slight audio, full visual, about three seconds. Season 5 S5E1: Slight choking during lunch at a golf club as someone suffers a stroke. Person is hit with a brick and collapses, seizing for a long time until they are ultimately killed. There are choking noises during the seizure that might be distressing. S5E4: After a friend says “where’s the patient” it cuts to someone passed out with v* visible on the toilet. S5E5: A running theme of this episode is Adriana developing and being diagnosed with IBS. Nothing explicit seen or heard but frequent mentions/scenes of her being distressed and people discussing her having d*. S5E9: A joke during work on the construction site doesn’t go over well, prompting Finn to look visibly n*. Cuts away before anything is shown, but cuts back to Felicia over him as he’s bent over, again visibly looking n*. There’s a final shot close up on them but again, nothing explicitly shown. S5E11: A scene at the therapists leads to a joke about the Honeymooners (One of these days Alice). Tony spits out a mouthful of water in amusement. Tony tries to shoot a coach in the dream and makes some potentially triggering sounds as the bullets melt. Season 6 S6E1: Opening scene: In the car Agent Harris starts coughing and they pull over. Car door opens and he leans out to v*, audio and visual. When Barbara calls Tony about needing to leave Junior, after Tony tells her “go, go” it cuts back to Barbara and Junior v* in the background. Audio until it cuts back to Tony, Junior has a handkerchief so no real visual. S6E2: Scene change from helicopter lights bearing down to someone on a hospital bed pulling their breathing tube out in confusion, making several g* noises as they do so. Can be triggering. S6E4: Talking to Paulie, Tony v*. Audio and visual. There’s little warning so when Paulie says he’s “just repeating what Phil told him,” mute and/or look away. You miss Tony saying that they better understand their obligation (he v* on himself almost immediately after saying obligation). S6E5: Episode ending with very slight spoilers. Tony fights with Perry and leaves him on the floor. You only miss him smiling so I’d strongly advise ending the episode after you see Perry on the floor. If you want details: When it cuts from Perry to Tony in the bathroom, he rushes to the front of the screen and v* graphically and with audio into the toilet. Wiki says it’s blood and while I partially agree, there’s more than blood so be warned. There’s an overhead audio as he continues, he moves back to the sink to wash up and smile at himself before moving back to the same front view as he runs back and v* all over again, the episode ending to the sounds of him continuing to v*. S6E8: Tony picks up AJ (you’ll know the scene) and AJ v* almost immediately after Tony says, “you gotta grow up, you’re not a kid anymore. You gotta grow up.” Audio and visual for the next twenty seconds. Look away after he says you’re not a kid anymore because it’s a very quick cut from his last line to v*. S6E9: Chris discusses business in the car with Corky. Audio cues work better for this one. The conversation lulls and music takes over: “Sometimes I think about Saturday’s child And all about the times when we were running wild I’ve been out searching for the dolphins in the sea” When the “I’ve been searching” line starts it will pan to the back of Chris’ car and then around to the driver’s side where he has his head hanging out, v* a moment later before the line finishes being sung. Visual and audio despite the music. Safe ten seconds later. S6E12: Julianna crawls away from the couch where she’d been cuddling with her lover and towards the camera to grab a small trash can and v* into it. Dark lighting so slight visual, light audio. Audio is over once the scene changes. S6E18: A wreck happens and when the passenger moves around to break the window and help the driver, the driver v*/coughs blood (only) a few times. The driver chokes and makes distressing noises with all the blood. There’s very little warning on the next instance. Tony takes peyote with a friend and continues on with the person. I give it 20 seconds before you need to mute and/or look away. As soon as light flashes indicating a scene change Tony is going into a bathroom and v* graphically and with audio. From the moment he takes the peyote and the bottle hits the table with a clunk you can safely skip the next minute and miss it. It’s safe again when he’s sitting back and looking up at the light. S6E21: A woman cries out in surprise and abandons her car (with two babies inside). The car starts to move on its own and runs over someone - almost immediately after, it cuts from a crowd to someone shouting, “oh shit!” and then back to the crowd where a person leans over and v* with audio and visual.

#the sopranos #masterpost #submission

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whispersafterdusk · 4 years

Text

Lost in Time - ch 10

On the morning of Winter Solstice Selene found Eli outside exercising; in fact, over the last three weeks that's how Eli had started her mornings. She knew the woman wanted to get back to her pre-tube physique but she hadn't been pushing herself this hard before -- discovering her dead husband had triggered the change in her and Selene didn't know what to do about it.

'Hopefully Dr. Xu is making headway...' she found herself thinking as she headed over to the corner of the yard that Eli had taken to exercising in. It was a fairly flat area, mostly shielded from the sun in the afternoon and evening, and would have thick grass coverage once the seasons changed; it also was outside of the stable area so there wouldn't be animal droppings to worry about either. Maybe she could pave a small area to give Eli something solid to exercise on too? And when spring arrived with its downpours a paved spot would keep her out of the mud as well...Selene mentally stuck it on her To Do list. ((Continued below cut))

Eli was currently doing push ups, and doing them really damn well -- far better than Selene could ever hope to do. She didn't look up as the builder approached, and Selene waited silently and counted out 52 push ups (and who knew how many she'd already done before Selene had even come outside) before Eli finally came to a stop and shifted her legs around to sit cross-legged in the cleared area of frozen grass.

"Did you still want to go to the Solstice gathering?" Selene asked. For a long moment Eli was silent, then she simply nodded; Selene returned the nod and smiled at her. "Yay, all right -- did you want to be the bringer of cheese or the meats?" She took a step back as Eli got up; once the woman was up and out of the shadow of the edge of the nearby stables Selene could see sweat droplets sparkling in the woman's eyelashes and a thin sheen of it over her face -- she'd need to get inside and get dried off before she froze.

"Cheese, I guess."

It wasn't enthusiastic but she'd take it. "Ok then - I'll go get the foodstuffs while you get cleaned up. We've got a couple hours before everything starts but usually people gather early to watch Django get the hot pot started. It'd be a really good time for you to meet and mingle, talk to people."

"I don't know that I feel up to mingling."

"Oh. Well, uh..."

Eli gave her a strained smile. "Sorry. Don't mean to make things awkward, I just..."

Selene didn't press her to continue; instead she nodded and led the way back into the house where Eli disappeared upstairs to her room and Selene turned into the kitchen. She'd bought some nice cuts of beef and chicken and a very soft and delicious white cheese from Sophie and Emily a day ago. After her first Solstice in Portia Selene had decided to vary what she brought each year; the first time she'd brought diced up layered carrots and last year she'd brought cornballs from her own garden which had turned a small spot of the pot into a spicy chowder. This year would be the first time she'd brought any meats. Hopefully they were sliced thin enough that they'd cook up quickly once they were in the pot...maybe she should have checked with Django first. Oh well.

Eli should at least be well-received for bringing the cheese; the soft white was a Portia favorite and it tended to sell out quick when Sophie had a new batch ready to go.

A quick glance in the fridge showed that the wax paper wrapped around the meats hadn't leaked, and there weren't any grease marks on the paper bag that the cheese was in - it was nice to see that she wouldn't need to put them into other containers or worry about the bags ripping on the way in to town. Selene grabbed a potato fruit fritter out of the bag next to the cheese (she liked Sophie's pies and fritters, what could she say?) and retreated to a chair, slowly munching on the fritter as she waited for Eli.

She was washing grease off her fingers when she heard Eli coming down the stairs; the Dubei woman was combing her hair off to the side as she walked, and was wearing a sweater Selene hadn't seen before - it was a burnt orange color with goldenrod colored trim along the sleeves and collar.

"That looks nice. When did you get that one?"

Eli glanced down and smoothed down the sweater's hem. "Couple days ago. Carol was nice enough to tailor it a bit so it fit better across my shoulders."

"Going to need a lot of tailoring soon, huh?" That got a faint smile from Eli; Selene grabbed the meats and cheese and led the way out of the house toward Portia's gates. "What were celebrations like, in the Old World? Were there a lot of holidays?"

"Saying there were 'a lot' would be a massive understatement. You could find a festival or holiday going on almost every other week," Eli answered.

"Wow... That sounds hectic, but also fun."

Eli shrugged. "Isn't that true of any holiday?"

"True. Oh, here-" Selene briefly spun around and walked backwards, holding out the bag with the cheese in it. "Best cheese anywhere around."

Eli took the bag and tucked it into the crook of her elbow. "So...how does this festival work?"

"Well, we have a giant hot pot that Django gets started with a broth base. We wait 'til it gets boiling, then everyone starts tossing ingredients in. Everyone is welcome to eat as much as they want and because of how big the pot is you'll find little pockets of dozens of different flavors -- and, when we're done, all the leftovers are divvied out to everyone to take home, or available to eat for free at the Round Table for the next couple of days. After we've all eaten we have a snowball fight -- or, WOULD have a snowball fight. What snow that's out in the fields right now isn't all that packable since it's not fresh so I'm not sure if Gale has something else planned instead. And THEN, after that, we all take pictures together."

"...'all,'" Eli repeated. "Who does that include?"

"Everyone in Portia, if they want to," Selene giggled. "I help build the riser platforms each year. When we're done with the hot pot and everyone heads off to the snowball fight I, Paulie, and a couple others move the pot out and get the risers in place for when it's picture time."

"Are the pictures just...for free? For anyone?"

Selene nodded. "Yep. And a lot of the pictures get printed in the newspaper too so even if you don't manage to grab a copy today you can clip it from the paper later."

They were approaching the central plaza now and Selene could already smell the vegetable broth; Dawa and Paulie were standing near the massive hot pot helping Django feed logs to the fire burning beneath it. Gale, Gust, Ginger, and Russo were already there too, and so was Carol and Martha and standing with them were the triplets, Toby, and Jack as well. Their arrival immediately caught the attention of the children; Selene subtly moved Eli around the plaza's edge in the opposite direction.

They stopped at the benches over near the Research Center and Eli sat down, and sat the bag of cheese on the bench beside her.

"That is definitely a large hot pot."

"Yep. No idea who first forged it but it's been in use for awhile - not sure what they used before. Maybe just a giant cauldron or something."

They sat and waited, and watched as more of Portia's residents began to show up. There were a lot of curious and uneasy looks tossed their way; few people seemed willing to do more than nod or wave, and Selene was pretty certain most of the friendlier gestures were aimed at her and not Eli. Really made her wonder what Lee might have been telling others since Eli definitely hadn't done anything to warrant the weird looks she was getting.

Eventually, as more people showed up and more greetings were exchanged, Martha's attention wandered enough that Toby broke away from the group they were all standing in and as Selene suspected the boy made a beeline toward them.

He stopped just short of the bench, eying Eli for a moment or two; despite having a heavy coat on along with his backpack he had managed to also strap a wooden practice sword to his back and the handle jutted awkwardly over his left shoulder.

"Hi! Are you really three hundred years old?"

Eli blinked at the boy for a moment, then sat up a bit straighter. "I think I'm closer to 370, but yes."

"What did you do in the Old World? Were there adventurers?"

Selene watched as Eli's gaze moved from the boy over to where his mother was standing and chatting with Carol and Alice; after a pause Eli looked back to Toby. "I was a ranger. It was a type of soldier."

"Ha!" was Toby's response. "Django said there was more to you than it looked! Did you fight in the war? Did you shoot robots with guns? Was there really robots everywhere you looked? Did you use only guns or did you still use swords and stuff? Do you know how to use a sword?"

"Toby, one at a time," Selene interrupted dryly. Eli got bombarded enough as it was thanks to those nosy scholars.

A small smile crossed Eli's face. "I didn't fight in the war - I was already injured and inside that tube by the time the Calamity hit. I'm not even sure what event started it. As for AIs - yes, we had a lot of them. They did a lot of the work for us, but not ALL of our work. We didn't use swords but we had some long-handled machetes as part of our camping kits and if we fought in close combat we had bangsticks. They were these metal rods of varying length that, if you swung and hit something with it, would release a little electric shock with a loud bang, hence their names. And, I know how to dance with a sword but not how to fight with one."

Selene had been listening quietly as Eli rattled off the answers to Toby's rapid fire questions but the last answer caught her attention. "Dance?"

Eli nodded. "Dubeian saber dancing. Was a hobby I picked up when I was a teenager and carried it along while serving - I wasn't especially limber or graceful but it was still fun."

Toby pulled a face. "Dancing? That sounds boring."

"Maybe, to someone who hasn't ever seen it. You started out with plastic practice props, worked your way up to wooden ones, then blunt metal, then sharpened metal, and the last 'rank' was sharpened metal with a middle, inner strip that you lit on fire."

THAT got Toby's attention. "You danced with fire?"

"Me? No. I only made it up to the sharpened metal rank - live steel, as it was called. Once I was out of school I only got the chance to study and practice when I was on leave from active duty."

"That sounds pretty neat, actually," Selene mused. "Sounds kind of dangerous too though - a sharp edge AND fire?"

"It WAS dangerous, and that's why it was fairly challenging to work your way up the ranks. You learned the basic moves with the plastic, then added weight and balance with the wooden ones. From there you began picking up the advanced stuff with the heavier but blunt metal props, and you needed a perfect score from a certified instructor to move on to the sharpened ones. When you got to the sharpened rank you had to have so many hours of supervised practice as well as a certain number of dances performed and scored by eight different instructors, all perfect scores and with no injuries or else you had to start over and put in the time and effort again. Being as it became something I did on the side to keep myself busy when I was on leave I never had the time to put together the dances or log the hours needed."

"Are you bothering Eli?"

Selene jumped at Arlo's voice and spun around to find him standing behind her with his arms crossed and his attention squarely on Toby.

Toby jutted his lower lip out at Arlo. "No! I'm learning about the Old World."

"Fine, but your mother is looking for you either way."

"Aw man..." Toby slouched off through the crowd back toward Martha who greeted him with a glare and what Selene imagined was a very short and to the point lecture on running off when she clearly wanted him to stay put. He...did that a lot, and could probably recite any lecture by heart now.

When he was gone Eli leaned back against the bench and stretched her legs out. "He wasn't bothering me. Just asking questions."

"Fair enough. Martha WAS actually looking for him however."

Selene shifted around to perch on the arm of the bench, looking up at him. "Are the scholars going to work today too?"

"Not that I know of. Gregory and Adam are going to stay out at the sinkhole just in case they do, and also to keep guard. Mali and the others planned to come take part in the festivities but I've no idea if the scholars will too." Arlo glanced over a shoulder and skimmed the crowd, then returned his attention to Eli. "I did want to mention that Lee gives a sermon every year before we eat - whatever he might say today know he's more or less said something similar every year. This might be the one time I can honestly say it shouldn't be personal."

Eli nodded but didn't say anything in response. After a few moments Arlo moved to sit on the bench with the bag of cheese between himself and Eli, and not too long afterward both Sam and Remington found them and stood about chatting as they waited for Django to signal that the broth was ready; it already appeared to be boiling and Selene spied what she thought were vegetable bits floating around in it. Shouldn't be too long now.

"-Eli, I had a question about Stewart," Sam suddenly asked, abruptly changing the subject away from the weather.

"What about him?"

They'd all had a chance to talk to Stewart at least once now; the All Source AI was polite and helpful but Selene found his constantly shifting facial projection to be massively distracting.

"What are we going to do with him?"

That was a question Selene had thought about too. Wendy, the other All Source AI they'd found, was currently in the Research Center and wouldn't be able to ever leave it now that her original power supply had been damaged beyond repair -- she'd always be tethered to the power supply they'd rigged up for her. Stewart, on the other hand, had been specifically built to be mobile; his inner battery needed repair due to the ravages of time but he was confident they could fix it even with limited technology, and that would leave him with about three months worth of power if he was forced to go without his docking station. Could they move his docking station out of the facility and figure out how to power it up here? It seemed like a huge waste to leave him down in the facility or for him to walk back and forth between there and town.

"I'm not sure yet," Eli answered after a lengthy pause. "He seems convinced the reactor is still fully functional for now, so we've got a bit of time to figure something out. But he'll have to be moved somehow -- the fuel inside a reactor has an expected lifetime and to be honest I'm surprised it's still working after all this time. It won't last forever though, and there's no way we can make more of what fuels it."

"We were able to make a new power source for Wendy," Selene said. She glanced toward the Research Center -- Wendy had seemed satisfied with the power output of the high voltage dual engine set up they'd put together. "Could we move the docking station and make do like we did with her?"

Eli was silent for another long moment - Selene could only imagine the calculations going on in her head. "--it's...possible, I guess. But it'll need a lot of room, first and foremost - we'd need his docking station for sure, along with his memory cores and server banks, and then space enough for whatever power source we come up with to run it all. He might need his own dedicated room entirely."

Remington's eyebrows shot into his hairline. "He really needs that much power? That much room?"

"Yeah, that seems-" Sam paused, then shook her head. "Wendy didn't need that much of either. What's the difference?"

"They're different models," Eli answered. "They might both be All Source AIs but their duties are drastically different and they have different specs. And I bet if we could find Wendy's original memory cores and servers her power and space requirements would shoot through the roof too."

Selene huffed out a sigh at that. "Man...we've lost so much, haven't we? I hope we haven't damaged Wendy on accident."

"I wouldn't worry about it," Eli replied, looking over to her. "If she says she can manage with her current power level then she knows what she can and can't safely process."

"What would happen if we got her hooked up to more power?"

"Probably nothing. Her memory cores aren't attached and she's not connected to anything else to warrant more power right now."

"She DID say that she couldn't teach us anything because all she did was give orders, but she's given us a few blueprints since she said that," Selene said slowly, tapping a finger against her chin as she thought - what did a memory core or server bank even look like? "If she had her memory cores, would that make a difference in what she could teach?"

"A huge difference. You can't teach something if you don't remember knowing it in the first place. With her it's likely she DID know the inner functions of certain technologies but that information was stored in a separate memory core than what she's carrying onboard now. If we separate Stewart from his servers and cores he'll lose a lot of what he knows too."

"Which seems like a poor idea," Arlo broke in. "Having those medical texts is helpful but having something on hand that actually knows it and could teach it to others is way more valuable."

Sam shrugged. "The clinic DOES have that storage room upstairs, and also the space around it to add on another room or two - it'd make more sense to install Stewart in the clinic than it would here at the Center, since he's a medical AI. I think it was just last year that Dr. Xu was talking to Albert about a possible expansion too."

Remington shook his head at her. "He only did that because Phyllis wants to open her own office. I think the plan was adding on and giving that space to her to start out with but she found a place out in South Block that she's trying to buy instead. He probably wouldn't say no to an expansion to house Stewart but I don't know that any plans or budget from before would be useful now since he wasn't factoring in an All Source AI's needs."

Selene stood up and stretched as she noticed Gale taking his place at the center of the crowd. "Eh, leave it for another day - looks like it's about time to start."

Portia's townsfolk had all clustered around the hot pot and Selene and the others were basically at the back of the group; Gale was a little hard to hear but, as he did every year, he greeted everyone and then invited Lee to start his sermon.

-----------------------------------------

Eli listened quietly as Lee detailed how, after the Calamity, the sky had darkened and sunlight had disappeared. AIs had gone rogue, crops were failing, people were starving - humanity already pushed to the brink was getting even closer to extinction. To hear that finally, in a moment of need, people came together to ensure survival was nice...even if the story as a whole was very bleak.

'To think I outlived all that because of a stupid tube and science I can't understand...'

One of the first things she'd asked Stewart was why she was down there - why she was in that tube - and the AI couldn't tell her.

Not because he didn't know but because he'd been ordered not to tell anyone outside of the project involving the tubes. And what that project was was also something he couldn't share, and no amount of administrative access he could grant her would give her access to those files. He couldn't go against his orders or his programming and had been very apologetic but ultimately she'd gotten nowhere with that subject.

The rest of her questions had been directly answered, at least, and it painted chaotic, terrifying, and destructive final days for the facility and the people of Dubei.

First had come a bombardment from orbital railguns. Eli hadn't even known there WERE railguns up in orbit, and if they had fired freely on Dubei she imagined no one in charge had known they were there either (or if they HAD known, why weren't there defenses in place?). Who could have gotten railguns into orbit without anyone detecting them? Maybe they were inside something else...hidden, so that no one would suspect. And if that were the case then it could have been any nation behind it, and while Eli knew diplomacy had been breaking down she didn't think the Generals would have kept something this potentially devastating a secret...

Then Stewart had detailed how, in the immediate aftermath of that first attack, a small group of unknown assailants had forced their way in and appeared to be there to steal top secret information from various government-funded research projects. Stewart didn't know what files in particular they had come for but they were systematically searching floors and attempting to breach his encryptions and firewalls before they'd been subdued either by security or by circumstance; the orbital bombardment had leveled over half the city and obliterated that part of the facility that had been above ground, and the damage had caused the air filtration and circulation system to go haywire during the infiltration. Several of the underground sections were subsequently flooded with such severely polluted air, smoke, and particulates that it had caused many to suffocate (even some who had tried to get protective equipment on had been killed before it made a difference) before Stewart had been able to get the systems under control again and broadcast an order to begin evacuation once the intruders had been dealt with.

A small silver lining to this was the suffocation had taken out some of the attackers too, though their losses paled in comparison to the number of employees that had died. There was a mad scramble by those left to try and pack and prioritize, and to the credit of the survivors a lot was able to be salvaged and taken with them as the remaining living AIs were able to carry a lot more than a human could. But it was during the rush to leave that they'd been hit with a second bombardment and Stewart lost all contact with the surface world. In the chaos of the second attack Stewart had issued a total evacuation order: if it couldn't be immediately carried out on one's person then it had to be left behind...supplies, personal effects, the fallen, everything. Those few that were left alive to hear the order made it out through old maintenance tunnels.

And that was it. Ever since then Stewart had been the lone guiding force within the facility and had struggled to keep it functional (especially after an earthquake struck about 73 years after the second bombardment and had destroyed even more of the facility), and make certain that the remaining stationary AI assistants like Pauline as well as Eli in her tube survived until help arrived (something Stewart admitted he had lost hope for several times over the centuries).

That was a touchy subject... Eli had been in a tube, and so had all but two of her squadron. It had definitely hurt to know that most everyone she'd worked with AND her husband were all dead in the same room she'd spent over three hundred years "sleeping" in and that it had only been sheer dumb luck that the earthquake's damage hadn't reached far enough into the room to take her out too. Thinking about it, even briefly, was enough to make her eyes sting and well up and she quickly squashed it down and tried to focus on the end of Lee's sermon.

Better times... Yeah, compared to what she'd been told had happened, and what had been been endured, these times were certainly better. Humanity had a future even if it felt like she didn't.

Don't think about it.

At least, don't think about it until the next session with Dr. Xu. Or, bare minimum, she should aim to make it through today without falling apart.

"-all right, time to start adding things."

Eli flinched a bit as Selene - she hadn't even noticed the woman had moved from the other end of the bench - grabbed her by the elbow and tugged her toward the enormous hot pot, giving her only a moment to pick up her sack with the cheese in it; Arlo stayed with them and had produced a small bag of eggs from somewhere - she was about to ask where he'd been hiding it when she noticed Sam pull a cluster of some leafy green herb out of the bag she seemed to carry everywhere. She handed whatever the herbs were to Remington and then pulled out a parcel wrapped in wax paper; Sam wasted no time in approaching the pot and dumping the contents of her parcel in and Eli watched as a small shower of tiny meatballs plopped into the boiling broth.

"What'd you end up bringing?" Remington asked then. He had a small pocket knife in hand and was carefully cutting off the string that held the bundle of herbs together; she caught a whiff of it as well as a closer look and thought it was coriander.

Eli opened her bag and pulled out the chunk of cheese inside it, and managed to smile a bit as Remington's eyes lit up at the sight of it.

"Ha, you actually managed to get your hands on some of Sophie's cheese? That'll win you a lot of friends today I bet." He wiped the blade of the knife clean on the hem of his shirt then offered it to her, handle first. "Here, this'll help."

The cheese was the size of her two fists put together and it cut smoothly. She did notice a couple of approving looks as she dropped the first few pieces into the pot and watched as it melted and floated on the top almost like a cream.

"Should I try to spread it out?" she asked, glancing over to Remington; Arlo and Selene seemed to have moved on to other spots around the pot, chatting with the other townsfolk as they walked and dropped in cuts of meat and freshly cracked eggs at random intervals.

"You can, or you can claim a little spot and let others come to you," Remington answered. He started gently twisting the coriander into small handfuls that he sprinkled over a wide area of the hot pot's surface; the boiling broth quickly sent the little green bits floating away or sinking inward.

Along with the sudden surge of various types of foodstuffs appearing in the pot there were a lot of people and a lot of separate conversations going on around her; for now she decided to slice up about a third of what she had and spread it in the same area. As she was carefully cutting off a few more slices one of the short, hairy men appeared at her elbow with what looked like fresh fish fillets.

"Hey, look at that," was the man's greeting as he spied the cheese in her hand. "I always end up eating all that myself when I manage to get my hands on it."

She recognized him in that he was identical to the three others like him that she'd met, but his glasses were more opaque and a different size and shape than the ones his brothers wore. Quadruplets? "Would you like a piece to eat?" She cut off a decently thick bit and offered it to him; he accepted it with a grunt and smile and popped the whole thing into his mouth before beginning to carefully slip the fillets into the broth.

"-so, you're Eli. I'm Qiwa. You meet the rest of my brothers yet?"

"I've met Dawa, Sanwa, and I saw a third brother on the night I was introduced but I'm guessing that wasn't you. How...uh, how many of you ARE there?"

Qiwa began to chuckle, and didn't respond until he had all the filets in the pot; after wiping his hands on his shorts (Eli couldn't fathom how he wasn't freezing) he began to point to various spots in the crowd. There was Dawa, and Sanwa, and there was...three, four, five...

"-there's SEVEN of you?" she asked, looking down at Qiwa in amazement. "What's in Portia's water and should I be concerned?"

That got a deep belly laugh out of Qiwa. "Don't worry, you'll get used to it! We at least color code ourselves."

He kept on laughing and Eli shook her head - seven identical brothers, good grief. She cut a couple more slices of cheese and let them drop in; Qiwa headed off, still chuckling, and for a brief moment Eli was left standing more or less by herself as people milled around. Seeing that the pot was pretty cheesy where she was standing she decided she would move around after all and carefully edged off to the left toward a dark-haired woman who was carefully adding in what looked like dumplings but before she got too far another woman stepped in her path and cleared her throat.

"Oh, uh - hello." Her brain stalled on the woman's name; she knew she owned the bakery and she recognized her from earlier when Arlo had sent Toby scampering back to her.

"Hello. Sorry to bother you on a holiday but could I have a word in private?"

"Sure." Eli returned the cheese to the crumpled up bag and tossed the knife in with it as well, then tucked it under an arm and followed Martha - THAT was her name, right - as the woman headed over toward the far wall and gate that led out of Portia.

Once they were away from the crowd Martha inhaled deeply and seemed to be trying to force a smile but it didn't quite cover up how tense the woman seemed.

"You might have guessed this already or been told but I'm Toby's mother," Martha started. "I know he ran off earlier to pester you with questions and now all he can talk about is you being a soldier and fighting robots."

Eli winced a bit. "Sorry about that. I didn't mean to-"

Martha waved her hands and shook her head. "No, it's not that - I'm used to him being a nuisance and overly excitable when he gets fixated on something. It's more that I know exactly what he's going to do next and I wanted to ask you NOT to indulge him."

"...huh?"

Martha sighed and ran a hand over her headband and then through the hair it was just barely holding back from her face. "His father was an adventurer, and it got him killed. Toby is dead set on being an adventurer too, and while Django has been humoring him and teaching him some very basic swordplay I know without a doubt that he'll come asking after you to teach him how to fight as well. And I don't want you teaching him anything, because I don't want him encouraged to go off into the wilds like his father did."

...well, that's not what she'd been expecting. Eli mulled that over for a few breaths - it was a reasonable enough request, on the surface. "I can abide by that, sure. Can I ask you something, though?"

"Oh good! And, of course."

Eli shifted the cheese from one arm to the other, turning her head to skim the crowd and pick out where Toby was standing with the other children again; he had that practice sword in hand and was waving it wildly as he spoke, and the others were laughing along with him. "I don't mean for this to sound insulting or belittling, but how confident are you that you can keep him from running off, if he's determined to follow after his da?"

Martha's expression faltered a moment and then she sighed heavily. "Well...so far I've not had much luck..."

She trailed off and Eli nodded, more to herself than to the woman -- that was what she thought the answer was going to be. It would seem little boys are just as headstrong now as they were three hundred years ago; it was a bit endearing but knowing how concerned Martha was just based on how she was acting now...

"I won't teach him anything if you don't want me to, but it sounds like - at least for the time being - he's not going to let go of that particular dream. And if that's the case, maybe he SHOULD be learning how to take care of himself in a fight." She turned her attention from the kids back to Martha. "Since you worry he's going to run off anyway learning how to handle himself in a dangerous situation and how to deal with injuries and survival techniques would be valuable information for him. THOSE are topics I'm well versed in, and I wouldn't mind teaching him. But, I've got an idea for a compromise: I could bore him to tears with it in the process and see how much he likes the adventuring life then when he gets to see what all is needed for it."

Now it was Martha's turn to mull things over, glancing between Eli and Toby but seeming to be looking through them rather than at them. "I...didn't think of it like that. I try not to think about it in general because I just don't want to lose him like I lost his father. And, what do you mean when you say you could bore him?"

"I am definitely well-practiced in not thinking about things," Eli said quietly. She took a breath and then flashed Martha a half-smile. "And yeah, bore him with it. If we make learning the skills and the act of adventuring seem like more trouble than its worth that might work better than forbidding him from doing it. He's a kid after all: I've not met a kid who didn't push boundaries or rebel against their parents. This might be a phase you can turn him away from but if not at least he's not walking out into the wild unknown not knowing a thing about how to take care of himself. -- and actually, I had another deterring idea. How's his grades?"

----------------------------------------------------

After the hot pot gathering they'd all gone out into the fields for the largest game of "flag tag" Eli had ever participated in. Everyone was exhausted and muddy by the end of it but they all remained in good spirits as they trudged back in to town to goof around in front of cameras (old-fashioned film cameras...another thing that had been old even in her time).

While she'd admittedly not felt like mingling or even really felt human this morning Eli found she was glad she'd let Selene drag her out. The weird looks had mostly stopped by late afternoon and while only a handful of people had been brave enough to walk up to her she felt less...like an outsider, more or less. And she hadn't run into that minister either so the whole day had been pretty peaceful; she had a small photo of herself with Selene, Xu, Arlo, and Dawa posing beneath the large tree that took up the center of the plaza, and her jacket smelled faintly of wood smoke as she walked back toward Selene's place.

In the morning she'd be heading back into town to meet Martha at her bakery, before Toby had to be at school. He didn't know it yet but he was about to be offered survival and combat lessons, taught by Eli, on the condition that he had to get high scores on all his schoolwork for the next two quarters.

Martha had been tickled pink by the idea as it seemed Toby was a little terror in school too, and while the prospect of having to focus in school may not deter him initially Eli still vividly remembered her boot camp days...they'd find out how determined Toby was when she started putting him through his paces (both physical and mental - took more than just being strong to be a good ranger).

But, on the flip side of that particular coin, if he kept with it he'd be one heck of a well-trained adventurer. At the very least that ought to relieve a bit of Martha's worry about the kid if their combined efforts couldn't turn his attention away from a future career of adventuring.

She would also need to drop by the Civil Corps building and give Remington back his pocket knife - she hadn't been able to find him after the tag game so it was currently in her own pocket (and she'd made sure to clean the cheese off before closing it).

When she got inside she borrowed a thumb tack from Selene and stuck the picture to the top edge of the headboard of her bed, then changed into the loose pants and shirt she'd designated as sleep wear and crawled under the covers. Along with needing to talk to Martha and Toby, and return Remington's knife, she was also expected down in the facility to babysit the scholars...it was going to be a very busy day.

#Lost in Time #lit #Lost in Time - ch 10 #Arlo #Builder #Remington #Sam #Qiwa #Martha #My Time at Portia

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iguessihavemore · 5 years

Text

Garden Chap. 1 Not Your Garden Variety Pt.1

Ahhhhhh yessss. A smaller chapter because I Do Not Trust tumblr yet with big big posts. Enjoy folks!

“This is the best day ever! WOOHOO!” Chris cheered, hopping up with both feet off the ground. He held a cellphone in one hand. “I knew I was right! Take that!” He threw it down in a celebratory-football way, and it shattered instantly. Chris clearly didn’t care at all.

“Uh….” Someone voiced behind the camera, and it went dark.

----

“This show is MINE, baby. Ain’t NO ONE can tell me how to run it but ME.” Chris continued to dance, after who knows how long the video was off. Several groans resounded this time, and cut to black again.

----

The host cleared his throat. “Heyo, and welcome to the next instalment of Total Drama!” He was still buzzing from excitement. The camera seemed to jitter and focus happily, having not expected this to be a viable take. “We’ve got a fresh change of atmosphere- a REALLY big change, try not to let it give you a shock. I won’t lie, it’s so new, even I had to wonder, ‘oh my god, producers, what are you thinking??’” He shook his hands, face scrunched up. He loosened up. “But not to fear, despite what I once thought until this moment, we can still torture these contestants at will. And by we, I MEAN ME-”

For once he caught himself, and rapidly switched back to his calm tone. “The only difference this time around is that it’ll be prettier or something? They wanted an exercise on how much the puke and mud was really drawing in an audience.” Chris rolled his eyes. “So now we have a whole season without it. It’s AeStHeTiC, they said.”

Drawing back, he was standing on a bright green plot of grass. Decorative stones littered the ground like tiny pathways. A white birch archway behind him blocked the view of the rest of the garden with green tubes hanging from it like a curtain. To the right, an odd, unappealing to look at, massive flower bulb sat sideways on stilts, the bottom end of it connected to a wide tube that trailed off-screen. To the left was the beginning of a woodwalk, that also went out a view. “This season, we decided to let the contestants themselves decide how they wanted to be introduced. As stupid adreneline junkies,” He gestured to the tube contraption. “As boring and basic,” He held a hand near his head and looked back, referring to the archway. “Or as pretentious wannabes.” As he said this, he brought a hand to his eyes and smiled down the walkway. “Speaking of which, here comes our first one!”

The wooden planks led to a serene lake. A gondolier was just finishing up rowing up to the little dock. The contestant sitting at the other end, who at first glance gave off a brunette Barbie vibe, delicately eyed the scenery. She stepped from the boat and waved pleasantly at the man who had brought her, mouthing a ‘thank you.’ He had too much facial hair to see if he cared, and simply pushed off. The girl didn’t mind, smiling forward with glossy light-pink lips, batting her lightly mascaraed, blue eyes in every new direction she looked in.

“Hello Chris, it’s a pleasure.” She gave a bow-curtsy, feminine but not wearing a skirt. Chris and her shared a smile. “And I mean it. How lucky of me to be accepted into the best of the seasons.” She straightened, folding her hands at her hips. She had on a white blouse with the slightly poofy sleeves and single button at the collar, tucked into blue jeans, and white ballet flats she pointed with an arbitrary delicacy.

“Nice to have you here, Amelia. And, hey, if you say so.” He put on a grudging tone that was the total opposite of before.

She giggled, her arms bouncing lightly and jostling her auburn hair, curled to shoulder length. “Never fear, with my thespian roots, I’ll personally ensure you all have something to look forward to, even without your beloved explosions.” She placed a flamboyant hand to her collar.

“Well, we’ll see.” Chris motioned for her to step to the side, and she did so. He walked to the other end near the bulb, winking at the camera with a toothy grin while she couldn’t see.

“Next contestant, you can come out now.” He called to the curtained archway.

“Oh hell yeah, baby.” Two brown-greyish hands poked out between the garden hose-like tubes, quickly thrusting them to the sides, tossing the curtain around her in a grand entrance. Amelia laughed supportingly as the girl took a long stride forward, and then went shock-silent when one of the tubes coiled around the girl’s arm on it’s way back down, snagged her, and threw her face down into the ground.

The girl, hair a combo of dark purple to neon green sprawled around her head, laid there silently for awhile. Amelia couldn’t help but laugh quieter and more awkwardly. In a single move, the girl drenched mostly in black clothing sprung to her sneakered feet, hands already on her hips like nothing had happened, sans the green hose still tied to her upper arm. “It’s Cameron!” She beamed.

“Yes it is!” Chris agreed, letting her wipeout speak for itself. “How’s Cameron ready for this season?”

Before she answered, she unknotted her leather jacket sleeve from the hose with her tongue sticking out, fussily tossing it to the ground since she’d unknowingly ripped it from the birch. She went back to her previous attitude in an instant. “Oh, I’m ready. I have the power of ghosts and, heck, maybe even god on my side.” She did a wide, ninjitsu-esque move. “Eh, who am I kidding. More likely Satan, but he’s more of a bro than you’d think.” She smiled cockily, etching up her two facial moles (on her cheek and upper lip), and folded pink eyes.

“Whoo boy, sounds like we’re in for a ride with you.” Amelia spoke up as Cameron came to her side. Her hair could now fall in its intended long-in-the-front bob.

“You betcha!” She winked, making a single finger-gun. She took in a deep, content breath, and then her entire person relaxed. Putting her hands in her jacket pockets, she said, “Okay, I’m done.” Her boxy-jacketed, legging-clad body shifted to the side comfortably.

“Much obliged,” Chris nodded, happy to not need to force them to shut up just yet. “Now for my favorite of the bunch, the sliders, give a warm welcome to Paulie!”

“AAAAAAAHHHHH-” A husky voice screamed as a dark shadow filled the inside of the tube, rocketing downwards. Once at the end, the bulb contracted slightly and spat out the next contestant. She flew with a shock of coiled, lime green hair, legs kicking desperately. She was lean, but definitely top heavy, dancing on her bright pink and black sneakers with a war cry of “AHHYAYAYA”

She finally came to a stop, knees wobbly and pointed at each other, but upright nevertheless. She gasped deeply, with a happy scoff mixed in. “You- you thought.” She shakily pointed at Chris with pride.

The host, with a smile, snapped his fingers in a disappointed manner. “Hopefully you can keep up those good plays.”

The dark skinned girl rose fully. She had a simple black T-shirt, dark blue ripped jeans, a shiny silver ring pierced in her right nostril, an array of various rings lining both her ears, an X on her cheek made of simple bandaids, and a black bandana at the base of her scalp, lighting it up with a bright red-and-yellow flame decal. She tilted forward, staring excitedly with her round, rusty-red eyes and a broad smile parting her thick, skin-colored lips. “You are so not ready for me.” She insisted.

“Guess all that’s left for us is to pray, then.” Amelia mock-sighed. Paulie turned, her arms and what could be seen of her knees littered in faint scars. She gasped.

“SAME HAIR DYE!!” She yelled, a dull-nailed finger was pointed at Cameron’s head.

“Lime Crime??” Cameron questioned. Paulie screamed in agreement. Cameron screamed back, and they jumped at each other with open palms. It’s good that they went at each other with equal force, or one of them would have been high-fived into the next dimension.

Amelia laughed with the enthusiasm they radiated. “You guys would be fantastic in theater.”

The trio hushed as Chris made his way over, ready to introduce the next teenager. This one was also arriving by boat, and was just as bright-eyed to see the pretty destination as Amelia had been, if not more so. She hopped off the gondola and also thanked the ferryman, who this time gave a very slight nod.

“Hellooo, Marina!” Chris called, waving his hand.

“Hi Chris!” The girl called back, with big, dark, lemon shaped eyes. She had thick, wavy dark hair that reached right under her neck. Her bangs parted at the center, tucked behind her ears. A soft pink dress flowed around her brown skin and she walked down the path with a quickened pace. Her dusty-pink flats stopped as she got to their congregation, the lacy skirt of her dress resting at her knees, a small bit of dusty-pink leggings peeking out just past it.

Chris patted his knees and bent to her eye level. “Dressed for the occasion, aren’t you?” He commented, though his nose wrinkled just slightly at the pinkness.

She smiled brightly with her simple mauve lips and thick arched eyebrows. “This is how I always look!” She fiddled with one of the red ribbon bows that made up her sleeves, the top portion of her dress printed with a big red heart center-focus. “I’m glad to hear it happens to be fitting for the season, though.” She had freckles littered between her eyes right above her button nose.

“Girly-girls unite!” Amelia laughed and knelt down just a bit, holding her hand out. Marina flashed a smile and high-fived her, but it held nowhere near the flair than the previous one.

“I kinda hope I’m just as fitting, too...” Marina thought aloud, idly tapping her fingers.

“Ah! Ha ha.” Chris leaned back with his hands on his hips. “Yeah. We’ll see.” He said non-committedly, not wanting to show his cards so soon. Marina’s eyebrows flipped, but she didn’t let up on her smile.

“Next up? Come on out.” He called towards the archway.

This person held a tan hand out between the hose curtain, sweeping enough aside to step through. She stared out blankly for a moment, then smiled lazily with dark grey lips. She passed into the pretty clearing, her black platform boots a stark contrast to the pastel greenery. Her entire outfit- a simple black corset over a modest grey dress that went to her neck, just past her elbows, and right above her knees with a pleated shard look- was a contrast to the whole current setting.

“I’m J-” She began to introduce herself with a soft, low voice.

“How come you didn’t get catapulted to the ground?” Cameron huffed. Everyone but Amelia blinked at her. The newest of the bunch then smirked lightly.

“Did you barge in all gung-ho?” She teased, flicking a wrist that was dressed with a sheer, fingerless glove. Cameron snorted in response.

“Maybe? Who’s to say?” She shrugged. She put a finger to Amelia’s lips, even though she wasn’t going to say anything anyhow.

The gothic girl silently giggled. “Of course. My name’s Jennifer.” She gestured to herself by placing her palm above her bright crystal necklace. Her long, dark brown hair that framed her face swung with her as she regarded Chris solely. Her eyes were constantly relaxed and under a heavy set of lashes, and the cute shape of her face was very familiar. “May I ask what the surprise is, Chris McClain?” She cut right to the chase.

“What are you talking about?” Chris threw his hands in front of him, putting on an annoyed tone. “I wish there was one- I’m gonna die of boredom before this season hits the merge!”

She sighed, “I thought not.” Jennifer rolled her eyes at his insistence. “Let’s prepare ourselves.” She told the other four girls, coming to stand with them.

“Our next competitor-!” Chris began to pump up for the next person to be shot out of the flower bud shotgun-style.

However, the streamer curtain behind him exploded with a loud, “Yeah!! That’s me!!”

Chris gasped and clutched at his chest.

“Careful grandpa.” Paulie cocked her head with a smirk as the others laughed.

The host glared over his shoulder at a boy of medium stature, fully clothed in what looked like a black morph suit. “That was not your cue.” He snapped.

The boy, with one of the only visible things of his skin being a strip cut out for his honey brown eyes, squinted one of them. “Yes it was.” He argued simply, as if Chris was the confused one.

Chris opened his mouth, groaned, and pinched his nose. “Roger, everyone.” He flipped his hand lamely. Roger blinked, his eyes curling happily, and rose his arms up once again. One of the tubes, after flapping back, had tied onto his upper arm from the force he arrived with.

“Oh, oh buddy-” Cameron started to speak up.

“So what’s with the…?” Chris leaned towards him, waving his hand in front of his own face.

Roger rose a brow. “Huh?” He asked for clarification. Chris continued to mention the mask in every way but saying ‘mask,’ and Roger continued to be confused, completely drowning out the teenagers who were trying to warn him.

“Why are you hiding your face?” Chris finally said, which must have been enough for Roger to get it.

“Uhhh…” He brought his finger up, fiddling with a bit of bushy brown hair that escaped from his suit. “I don’t know. It’s TV and that’s embarrassing. But I also wear it all the time because it’s embarrassing to be around people when they can see your face. I guess the TV thing is just an excuse-” He lost himself in his musings rather quickly.

“Alright alright.” Chris cut him off, annoyed. “At least we don’t have to see your junk.” He motioned downwards, at the basketball shorts and tanktop Roger was wearing.

The space between his eyes flushed pink. “Uh, yeah. I’m on TV, that’d be so embarrassing! Like in would be in public-”

“Go stand with the others.” Chris cut him off again, eyebrows cinched together. “You’ve just about ruined my groove.”

Roger’s eyebrows curled upwards and he did what he was told silently. “Uh, you’re welcome!” Amelia called to him teasingly. She, Paulie, and Cameron were standing where they would have been behind him. They held up the hose proudly. “You almost fell right on your face!”

Roger looked at the three with wide eyes. “You… you were going to trip me?” He asked softly, betrayed.

They let their mouths hang open for a second, until Chris clapped. “Next contestant for real this time!”

Marina’s shoulders jumped up. “It might be my sister!” She told the others excitedly. “She chose the slide.”

“Yikes,” Paulie winked down at her. It was the first time Marina frowned.

The slide filled with a shadow, a consistent thud thud thud filling the air. The first three to be introduced made way, Marina and Jennifer following their lead, the former with much concern. Jennifer looked over her shoulder and grabbed a spacing Roger by the collar of his shirt, pulling him to the rest of them.

The tip of the petals parted, and a massive figure twirled out feet-first. It landed right in front of where they had all been standing, but they could still feel the impact of this creature landing upright. A lanky stature of a person rose from the squat they landed in, with a slight serpentine manner to a height that towered over the others. “HOWDY!” A chipper voice came out of her, her olive eyes glittering.

“Jesus CHRIST you’re a giant!” Cameron shouted, holding a hand to her head.

The glitter ran dry. “Language, pal-y.” She laughed despite. “And it’s all the camping in me! Made me big and strong!” She flexed her tanned freckled arms, and though not totally muscular, made an impact due to the rest of her being so slim and lanky. Her legs were the same, all her limbs nicked with a small cut and a bump or two. She wore a simple pair of cargo shorts, and a light blue T-shirt with boxy sleeves reaching mid-upper arm. It sported a nondescript summer camp logo on the front. She lunged forward on one sneaker, nearly worn thin, and stretched as she took in the scenery. “Pretty little place! Are we having a tea party?”

“Oh, you better get used to things looking like this,” Chris grinned, “It’s Garden all season.”

“Huh!?” She gasped. “Naw, don’t tell me we won’t have any trees or hills! Come on, don’t tell me!”

Chris rubbed his chin in thought. “Not many... at least, not the kind you’re wanting. You can’t touch those trees.”

“Ummm why’s that-?” Jennifer asked allowed in utter confusion, but was drowned out by the newest arrival.

“Aw Chris, that just isn’t any fair!” She tilted her head, her frizzy dark ponytail flipping with it. “You can’t keep me from cabins, and nature, and campfires, and rivers, and rope tying, and- and-” She listed off fretfully.

Chris shook his hands out in front of him. “Relax! There’s still going to be half of that stuff, and you’ll get a butt-whooping of nature to last you a lifetime, don’t you worry.”

She righted herself, wiping her nose with a sniff. “Chris, that isn’t appropriate. As you’re not an official counselor I suppose I can give you a pass JUST this once, but don’t let me catch you mentioning again…” All of her chipper drawl was gone as she began to chide the host, getting to his level to whisper “Hitting the derriere.”

Chris laughed his absolute head off. “Oh! Rosie! I’m nowhere near a counselor! But keep up that uptight attitude, I love it!”

“Hmhm.” The campy girl squinted with a tight smile. “Yes, I see. Make no worse offenses. Surely even you can manage.”

Chris tried to calm himself as he circled over to the edge of the boardwalk once more.

Rosie felt a light pat on her arm. Marina was looking up at her. “Hey… it’s okay that you didn’t like what he said. Sorry that he laughed at you like that.”

“Aw,” Rosie brightened. “Never you mind- I’m sure Chris has some tight windows to be saying such things, anyway.”

Marina mustered a little smile. “Oh, haha, I’m sure he… I’m sure he does.”

“And next we have…!” Chris motioned to the lonely dock. “...!”

He motioned again. “...!”

“Tsk!” He threw his fists on his hips, staring daggers further down the lake. The gondolier was down on his knees at his end of the boat, clearly pushing the paddle so far down he was pushing off the bottom of the lake to get anywhere. He was sweating bullets, as on the other end, the contestant was such a muscular unit his corner was slightly sunk into the water. “Hmmm…” The host turned away. “He looked smaller in his audition.” He mused to himself.

He moved on to the archway. “Hey, yo, you can come out now Annabelle.”

“Sweet.” A smooth, femme voice said. From behind the tubes came a curtain of its own, made of honey brown hair reaching her lower back. The contestant ducked and straightened from the archway with her hands in the pocket of her grey hoodie, a panther printed on the front. She smiled a small, lazy smile under her hooded hazel eye, her thick coarse hair encasing the other. Light freckles dotted her high cheeks and button nose. Her lips pulled up more as she nodded to the others. “Heya. Nice to meet ‘cha.”

Some of the previous teenagers tried to say something quippy but it got drowned out in the general ‘hey’ they all said back. Annabelle swept her sight over them, and a relief seemed to settle on her calm person. “Looks like I don’t have ta worry about fitting in.” She said fondly. She walked her blue jeans over, and stood next to Paulie nearish the back.

“Okay, looks like Tony finally decided to show up.” Chris didn’t bother walking back to the dock. The blonde contestant, too wide for the dock, was making his way towards them, the ferryman trying to scoop out water from the half-drowned gondola behind him. Instead of safely shimming down the boardwalk, Tony opted to walk with both his feet just halfway on either side of the dock, head-on. The group of them let out a sigh when he finally got to the ground.

“So, Tony, welcome. You excited?” The host asked the pale boy who never skipped arm or leg or torso day.

He curled back his lips, speaking through his teeth. “Yeeeah. Yep.” He paused, and with no change of tone admitted, “I’m scared.”

“Aw, no need to worry. Nothing to fear here, and if you’re camera shy, just turn any amount of degrees and your hulking muscles will block the view!” Chris did his best impression of consoling.

“Mmm… okay.” Tony went over to the others, all of them wide-eyed. They didn’t really strike up conversation like they had when it was Rosie’s height they were aweing, probably because Tony made no effort to notice any of them at all.

“AAAaaand....!” Chris suddenly perked up, turning his beaming face to the slide, now thumping with the next contestant. The bulb contracted, a blur of faint yellow and blue rocketing out. The person attempted to land right, but his tennis shoe only grazed the ground and the rest of him smacked right flat into the dirt.

Marina gasped and threw her hands to her mouth. A few people around her snickered or expressed sympathy, as Chris quickly blocked the way of any of them that moved to help the newcomer. “Welcome to the show, Jackson!”

Jackson lifted his shoulders off the ground, his tongue sticking out as it was covered in grass. He quickly spat as he stood up, displeased and blushed on his light, orange-undertoned skin. He shook his choppy, platinum blonde hair that reached his cheekbones, and blinked at Chris with hazel-green eyes. “Th- thanks. Definitely already feeling it.”

“I should hope so! I have to get my kicks somehow!” Chris beamed, and laughed at it for far too long. “Now, our next competit-” He began to turn away.

“H- hey! Don’t tell me they get to know my name and I don’t get to know theirs’!” Jackson cried incredulously, outstretching his hands to his peers that came before him. “That’s not fair!” He stood in place and wouldn’t move to the gathering quite yet. He was thin, the only thing plumping up his silhouette being his clothes, like his grey sweatpants and open blue hoodie, a black T-shirt underneath.

The host groaned, rolling his head to the side. “Think about that for a second, would ya? Then we’d have to do that for every single person, and that makes no sense-”

“I’m Jennifer.” The gothic girl smiled warmly and waved. She stepped forward to shake Jackson’s hand now that Chris wasn’t standing in the way. Jackson finally brightened. When he smiled, it really showed off his prominent upper lip and cupid’s bow. As he shook her hand back, the others piped in.

“I’m Paulie! Like a parrot.”

“My name’s Marina, nice to meet you!”

“Cameron, ghost hunter!” Cameron thrusted her thumb firmly to herself.

“Annabelle.” Annabelle shrugged, looking away to the side with her small smile.

“T o n y.”

“Amelia.” The thespian did a flashy hand gesture.

“So that’s your guys’ names!” Marina laughed, turning to the first three girls.

“Do you want me to say my name to!?” Roger excitedly asked Jackson, pointing to himself.

Jackson chuckled. “Yeah, man!”

“I’m Roger!” He happily yelled.

“And I’m ROSIE!” Rosie also yelled. “Glad to be here and glad to have you here, camper!”

“Alright!” Jackson moved over and found a place in their gathering.

Chris, his arms dangling in front of him, was scowling at the kids the entire time. “Don’t make that a habit.” He pointed to them. “This section can’t get TOO long.”

Jennifer shrugged unapologetically. “I thought you’d be happy, since it took that long for the next boat to come.”

Chris whirled around in surprise, to find that the gondolier was only just getting to the dock. He’d forgotten about Tony’s complications beforehand. “Whatever.” He huffed when he looked back at the teens.

Once it stopped at the pier, the arrival stood up. She was tall and slim, covered completely in pastels and a pair of thick grey yoga pants. A pale blue hijab wrapped around her brown face, as she looked at the host from a distance, staring blankly. She did not step off the boat.

“Well?” Chris asked her testily.

Pride instantly crossed her features. “This.” She informed.

The girl arched her back and placed her bare hands on the surface of the dock. She lifted her entire body effortlessly from the gondola, standing perfectly straight but upside down and backwards from the others. They let out a unanimous “Oh, woah.” Her black runners pointed into the sky.

Instead of rolling forward and doing a prolonged frontflip sort of thing, she instead curled only her head towards the rest of the cast, lifting up an arm as her legs slowly came down. She tightened her stance, planking in the air on one hand.

“Ha ha! Okay, okay, showoff!” Paulie cheered, clapping louder than everyone else.

She got to her feet and walked over with a smile, a mole present on the left of her upper lip. “I only take that as a compliment.” She said earnestly, regarding the competition with smiling rusty-brown eyes. “Chris! Nice to meet you.” She held her hand out to him. Her mint green shirt flared at the wrist, hanging down between them. Most importantly, it had an adorable panda icon printed on the front. Don’t you dare forget about the cute panda.

“Nooo, you’re making a pact with the devil!” Cameron called out. Behind her, Rosie’s pupils shrunk to pinpoints and almost made a noise due to how fast they glared at her.

“Nice to meet you too, Nadine.” Chris urged the girl on to the others. She nodded and stood towards the side. She was the tallest after Rosie and Tony, who were already taking up the back.

“I, uh…” Roger turned around, a sparkle in his eyes as he looked at her. “Love your, uh…”

Nadine looked him over and guessed in an instant, “My hijab?” She brought her hand to it.

His eyes squinted adoringly as he let in a tiny gasp. “Yes!”

“ROGER, in fact, should have been introduced now,” Chris cut in testily. The boy looked over fearfully, anyone could feel the confusion radiating from him. “But no biggie. ‘Cause now we can get back to the sliiiiiiiiiiiiiide!!!”

The teens began to flinch back and prepare themselves, but Marina ran to the front. “W- wait! Wait, please!” That has to be my sister, but she didn’t know it would be so- so intense!” She stressed to Chris.

“So?” Chris asked cockily. “Any one of these options had a risk- honestly it’s saddening no one stepped on the trick board yet.” He mused.

“Uh, wh- what was that.” Amelia asked.

“Yeah but, Stella, she- she’ll get hurt and not be able to think about much else, and later when she learns that’s how she spent her introduction, she’ll- she’ll be devastated!” Marina clasped her hands in front of her, pleading with the man. The slanted tube began to thump, making her more panicked. “I can’t let that happen to her- isn’t this season suppose to be less dangerous, anyhow!?”

Chris rubbed his stubble, looking away in false thought. “Nothing dangerous about getting your head bumped a little. It’s not my fault you brought me someone who’s easy to embarrass.”

“Hey! That’s not-!” Marina huffed, lamely scowling.

Rosie easily stepped up to the front, crouching down pretty close to the gross bud thing, winking at the pink-clad girl. “No worries, there’s plenty of big guys here to protect you little ‘uns. That’s just how nature is-” She thrusted her fist into her open palm and then threw her hands out in front of her. She looked like the catcher in a game of baseball. “The strong protect the small so we can all have fun!”

“WEEEEEEEEEEEE!” A girl’s voice shrieked as the bulb twitched. It shot her out full speed, and Rosie sprung up. Her arms flew out and caught her loosely, the two spinning around a few times from the pure momentum. After it was all done, Rosie was left standing with a giggling girl face-down in her arms, one around her shoulders and one at her knees. Stella’s own arms were outstretched in front of her, having come out head-first, her eyes sealed shut from her glee. “HA HA HA!”

Rosie smiled down at her, flipping her over effortlessly so that she was facing upwards, still in her hold. A latina girl with high thin eyebrows and a huge gaping smile greeted her and she couldn’t help but laugh back, sharing the excitement. Rosie finally set the girl on her yellow converse-d feet.

Stella now moved her hands over her stomach, still giggling. She had curly, dark caramel hair with a few lighter highlights reaching right to her shoulder blades, a long yellow ribbon tied in a bow behind her. Her nose was round and had a semi-prominent bridge; her bangs were parted in the center but some shorter bits hung over her forehead near her eyes. Her outfit consisted of a pale yellow scoopneck T-shirt that went to her elbows and sported a glittery, swirly pattern of a big crown and the cursive word ‘Princess,’ ending just above her belly button, a pair of navy green shorts held to her hips with a black belt with a golden buckle, unrolled socks with a single gold stripe at the tops, a copper-plated necklace, and several colorful bandaids stuck to her calves if they counted.

“Stella!” Marina said happily, coming to give her sister a small embrace. She then turned to the campy gal. “Thank you.”

“Aw!” Rosie waved her hand dismissively. Stella was clearly still laughing to herself as she walked with Marina to the gathering, but was silent.

“You can say hi to the others when you’re ready.” Marina told her. It was hard to tell if her sister heard her or not. “They’re really nice so far, you’re going to love them.” Stella audibly chuckled for a moment at that. The rest of the teens mostly kindly, silently regarded her, and a few said ‘hi.’

“Welp, that was the last of my favorite entrance.” Chris mourned. “I liked how it ended, though. Very loud, very flashy.” He rubbed his hands together. “I hope the last boardwalk person is gonna give me a show…” He uttered with an eager darkness.

The twelve current competitors turned at once to the dock, causing the ghastly pale person making their way down the dock stop in their tracks. The newbie and everyone on the grass seemed to be having a staring match, but the solo person was clearly just confused. They finally- while sweating bullets- walked the rest of the way, pink pupils darting everywhere for some sort of answer.

Chris groaned loudly, head rocked all the way back.

The albino standing before them brought a finger to their round chin, their downturned eyes staring out of their rectangular glasses. “Did I- did I already mess up?” They joked nervously, but was obviously also really worried.

“NO.” Chris grumped, crossing his arms like a child. “Welcome to the Garden, Jupiter. Hopefully everything comes EASY to you. Hope it’s all sunshine and daisies for YOU.”

Jupiter had no idea what to make of that. They had a simple shoulder-length hairstyle with their white, smooth, thin hair- it fell straight down and curled a bit at the ends. A button nose, and hands clasped tightly in front of them. “Thank you.” They muttered in fear.

“Shucks, looks like you got favoritism already.” Annabelle winked at the newcomer.

They wavered a bit of a smile, stepping closer to them all. At this distance, the sticker on their white lab shirt could be read, saying ‘Hi, my name’s Jupiter! They/them pronouns!’ Beneath that they wore a red V-neck with jean shorts, red and white sneakers, and sported a faint scar on their left thigh before it trailed under their shorts. Their torso was round at the bottom, tapering at the top like a pear. “I guess it’s the best welcoming I could hope for.” They shrugged, stopping near their peers.

Chris shook himself off. “Last and literally not the least- in fact, dare I say double than any of you- we have- well, depending on how you look at it,” Chris kept interrupting himself, his smile growing wider and wider.

“Ah, come on man! On with it!” Jackson put his hands on his hips. “I don’t know how anybody can be Tony doubled.” He pointed his thumb at said boy.

“Oh ho ho! Not like that!” Chris gushed. “From the archway, we have our last one and/or two contestants…” From the tube curtain, two pairs of fingers began to appear, too far apart to be from one person. “Avery and Erika!”

A leg appeared, a leg appeared, and a leg appeared exactly. Two girls walked from the curtain, each using a hand to part themselves a way. Between them, they let what remained of the curtain trail over their shared shoulder until they walked far enough for it to slip behind them. Operating their five limbs carefully and slowly, they didn’t have to worry about the curtain yanking them back. Everyone who had come before them were ready to greet them like normal, but as the seconds passed and realizations began to bloom, things went dead silent.

They stopped soon after, standing in front of the gathering. Chris walked up to them as the twins and the rest of the cast shared glances, their light brown eyes open wide but relaxed- owlish. It didn’t take long for the two girls to look down at a space between them, cupping their hands together and inching towards each other a bit, making themselves smaller. They had a sandy complexion, and dark brown bobs. Avery, the twin with the right hand, had blunt bangs over her forehead, her hair reaching the mid of her shoulder blades. Erika’s hair ended at the shoulder, her bangs swept to the side.

Tailored to their needs, they wore a brown blouse over their bulky top with short, slightly puffed sleeves and short collars. Their conjoined torso tapered towards the middle where they had a black thick belt wrapped around their stomach, then widen to their shoulder width at their hips where they wore a three-legged pair of denim shorts. Below, they had two right-foot black Mary Janes(their middle leg slightly favored Erika, but alas was very stunted either way) and one left one, and black stockings that went up to their knees. Thankfully, for how misfortunate their situation was, both could stand upright with proper posture without either one having to lean to a side, which is more than can be said about most conjoined twins.

“I’m so glad you two could make it!” Chris jeered. “Or one. However you call it.”

They had small, pouty lips, and blinked at each other. Avery lifted her head and began looking out at the others blankly once again.

“Call us two.” Erika softly requested.

Avery let her personal shoulder sag. “But count us as whatever you will.” She said just as quietly. She dropped her voice to a whisper. “Such new… territory.”

“DON’T MOVE!” Paulie demanded, jumping towards them. “We’ll come to you!” The others quickly followed suit around the twins. Curious stares were thrown all around the girls, but no one got close enough to touch them.

“This is so cool…” Annabelle muttered.

“I want to ask you a billion questions… but must’nt overwhelm you…!” Jackson was visibly holding himself back, one of the nearest to the twins.

Avery and Erika barely responded to any of them beyond flicking their eyes here and there.

Chris let out a sigh, the least angsty sigh he’d let out all day. “You know, that wasn’t so bad. Too bad I have to ruin it by showing you around- ugh- the garden, I guess.”

Previously standing within the camera crew, some interns came to the meeting ground and began to clear out the props. The boardwalk was allowed to stay, and they dismantled the archway in record time. There was an actual curtain behind it that had kept those who chose the archway from seeing the rest of the island.

And once it was taken down……

The clearing before had been pretty and all that, like grandma’s backyard or something, but this was like the personification of aesthetic and botany had a head-on collision AND a love child. The prettiest of flowers, from pastel, dainty, and sweeping, to bright neon, bold blooms.

A fountain with a statue was in front of them a ways away, shaped as a vague man-shape holding a tall vase, the tip of it gurgling out a stream of water with a pleasant sound. Light blue glassy bricks made a clean walkway to it, and in two other directions further into the island. Some tastefully-chosen trees filled some empty space within the near candy-green grass, broken up only by tiny stones or carefully picked wildflowers.

Chef sat nearby at an off-white table made with intricate designs, sipping on a fine china tea cup. The matching tea kettle was on the table.

“Tea parties…” Rosie muttered, hanging her head sadly. Not her cup of tea.

“It’s GORGEOUS!” Amelia cried, lacing fingers with Marina. Stella bobbed her head in front of them, her smile huge as ever.

Some of the others, like Jupiter, Nadine, and Paulie, were impressed by the sight, but not too much to comment. Others, like Jackson, Rosie, and Annabelle, preferred something else, but not enough to complain.

Jennifer shifted her eyes in outright suspicion. “Is that a mango tree!?” She pointed at a lush, fruitless tree.

“Uhhhhh….” Chris, more fearful of not knowing something than of Jennifer’s brewing wrath, swiveled to Chef to back him up.

“Not yet it ain’t.” Chef decided to help.

“Tropical trees don’t grow in Canada!” Jennifer chided. “At least, they shouldn’t, especially not around all these other- none of these plants should go together! They’re all going to die!”

Chef made her wait until he took a long sip. He set the cup on the saucer he held in his hand. “Man…” He said, “Stop dissing my mango tree.”

Jennifer continued to hotly argue plant ethics. An intern got Chris’s attention from it by tapping his shoulder, giving him a piece of paper. “Oh! Ahem,” He began hostly once he saw what it was. “This season, we have a team of the world’s BEST plant experts, who have carefully either found a way to keep all native and nonnative plants living in harmony with one another, or under a careful plan for future removal once the season is finished.” He smirked pridefully. “There, no harm done.”

“‘Plant experts?’” Jennifer scoffed. “Plant experts my ass! That’s just Total Drama bull-”

Rosie planted a hand on her shoulder from too far away, but made up for it in one long stride. She was at her side in a second, toothily smiling down at her. “Jenny, what’s it matter? I’m a nature enthusiast! You don’t see me complaining. You’re just being silly.”

Jennifer rose a brow from her scowl. She sighed angrily, but otherwise decided to back down.

“Now if you’ll all follow me.” Chris started to lead them down one of the brick pathways. Chef finished and took up the rear.

“Down this way we have the essentials. You’re going to be in charge of cooking your own meals, but here you’re almost always going to be able to get the ingredients you need.” He explained as they came to a large patch of tilled soil, many various green stalks and vines sprouting from it. Towards the back there were some huts that Chris pointed to. “Those have things like meat and grain stuff. We weren’t allowed to have you slaughter things for yourselves, so I said to heck with all the farm animals then, what’d be the point?” That got a mixed reaction from the teens. “But downside is you have a limited amount of the stuff a day. A pity. Oh, and fruit and berries are scattered around the island- can’t let your snacks be too easy.”

Chris gained a boost of excitement at the little shack at the edge of all the food spots, skipping up to it. “This!” He eagerly smacked the side of the shabby wood with a flat palm. “Is the tool shed- this season’s confessional! There’s lots of these babies all ‘round the island! I want you guys to get acquainted by taking turns saying who you want on your team or not! Who wants to give it a try first!?”

*Shed: Jupiter* They sat at a small wooden bench, knees tucked in. The lighting was a bit dim, light peeking in from the cracks of the wall behind, and a light was illuminating their face for the camera. “I want to be on Annabelle’s team. That may sound strange to instantly decide but… we’re actually siblings. We auditioned together.” They admitted, eyes dropping. “She said that because of my skin condition, as long as Chris didn’t mention it, no one would be the wiser. We even didn’t mention each other on our audition tapes, just in case. It looks like he’s playing along.” They laughed nervously. “I don’t like our plan much, but Anna’s right, it has a lot of pluses. Having the others thinking-” They began to hack grossly “Alright! I can’t take it anymore! Why’s it smell so bad!? It’s not like this is an outhouse anymore-” They turned around, revealing that the wall behind was lined with some small gardening tools… and stacked with open bags of manure. Chris could be heard outside the door cackling like a witch.

*Shed: Jennifer* “One, these plants WILL have retribution.” She informed before saying anything she was supposed to. Her leg was crossed over the other, her hands resting on her knee if not animated around her. “I hate to say it, because people will assume this is how I am in real life outside of sick television world, but I want as few of the… weaker people on my team as possible. I usually PREFER to hang around underdog types, but those are dangerous in a drama competition. Sorry twins, sisters, and Jupiter… but the less of you the better. Not sorry Amelia, you’re preppy.” She finally succumbed to a wince, and glared over at the bags of manure in the corner. Chris somehow, someway, knew this and laughed shrilly once again outside the door.

*Shed: Nadine* “I plan on being the strongest on my team no matter what.” Nadine announced, sitting with her legs pointed to one side. “Even versus… Tony, was it? I can get around him in no time flat, and I’d be surprised if he was able to flinch about it.” She suddenly laughed, looking away bashfully. “Sorry, that was a bit mean. Um, a leader type would be nice. I’d hate for people to look at me to solve in-fighting. If I had to guess who’d that be…” She scratched at her hijab, trying not to be at a loss for words. “Rosie or Paulie, perhaps?”

*Shed: Roger* He sat leaned back with his legs crossed. “I don’t super get it. Like, I don’t know how to PICK someone to be with for important stuff. Everybody hates me being in their group projects at school, but I don’t know why, because I always end up doing all the work, and I hate it because it takes me forever! And they never give me credit!” He crossed his arms and leaned forward, fuming at the floor. “And people always change… they give you attention for nothing but ignore you when you ask for it… so I want people on my team who make sense! That’s it!” He clicked his heels. “Hnn… being nice would help though… or if they were pretty. Or smart. Or-”

*Shed: Cameron* “Eh, I’m thinking Amelia, Paulie, and Jennifer would make good teammates. They seem well-rounded at worse, and I feel a slight bond with them. I’d be crazy not to want both Tony and Nadine on my team. Oh! And Erika and Avery. So cool. So creepy. Maybe get a collab thing going if things don’t turn out here. REAL conjoined twins on my mystery channel would be insane for business! Or if not, I want to hang with them as much as possible, just for funsies.” She paused, a finger on her chin. “But what if… they don’t think I’M cool!?!?”

*Shed: Stella* “Ahhh! Friends!” She joyfully cheered. She balled her hands and bounced in her seat. “With Mari! Ahhhh!”

*Shed: Avery and Erika* Avery sat with her hand on her lap, and Erika lent to the side on hers. “We reeeeally hope to get better at this whole people thing.” Erika whined, sounding nothing like before. Her voice was still soft, but not sad. “We came onto this show hoping to get used to people outside the orphanage. It’s pathetic to say but… we were most excited that they’d be forced to get along with us.”

“We fall into the creepy twin act on habit.” Avery explained. “We’re just so nervous around new faces. A driving factor to joining was also that Total Drama is notorious for oddballs. If anyone’s going to get used to us quick, and us get used to them, this seemed like just the environment. Like Erika said… pathetic. We know.” They didn’t seem all that embarrassed, though.

Erika perked up. “Team wise? Anyone will do! It’ll all be about the same for us, probably cannon fodder no matter what.” She shrugged nonchalantly. “Pathetic. But hey, if we get any sort of positivity out of this at all, it’ll be- say, will you hold your hand out, I wanna do the thing- yeah like that.” Avery held her hand open palm-up for Erika to throw her fist into. “It’ll ALL be worth it!”

*Shed: Paulie* “HMM…” She gleefully pondered. “Definitely Rosie and Cameron- so wild! And Jennifer’s hilarious, gotta be on her team when she pisses Chris off. Mmm, who else… Jupiter maybe? They look cool- oh yeah! And the twins. Think about it- if they count as two, when we vote them off, we still get to keep them! At least once.”

*Shed: Annabelle* She sat sideways on the bench with her legs propped up. “On the opposite team as Jupiter, my dear little sibling. It’ll be good for them, and best case scenario we both get to the merge and become unstoppable. If you’re wondering why we’re not all like those sisters… we’d be targeted like crazy. Being on separate teams, we’ll have a much wider range of people to target, and I won’t have to worry about having to work against them.” Annabelle’s confidence in her plan sounded a bit more flakey when she continued with the next part, “And the main reason I can’t risk getting targeted due to being related is that… it makes it fifty/fifty on which of us gets voted, and as much as I love them… I have to be the one who gets to the finale.” She propped her cheek on her fist. “Jupiter thinks they have a good plan for the money that I pretended to agree with, but to be real, it’ll go to waste in their hands.”

*Shed: Marina* “It goes without saying, Stella! I don’t baby her, I swear, but she deserved a decent introduction, at least! And she’s not the best at talking, so I’ll probably be pretty necessary for awhile since she’s so excited. Otherwise, Rosie’s so nice and strong! I’d love to be on her team. Amelia’s nice… Jackson’s pretty cool… Nadine seems like she’ll be great in challenges… that kind of stuff!” She propped her hands on her hips in excitement.

*Shed: Tony* “Pft, it doesn’t matter. They’re all simple enough, I’ll get under their skins easily.” He said with way more clarity than before, examining his nails. “Err, not those twins though. There’s no WAY I’d be able to get either of them alone…”

*Shed: Amelia* She sat dainty as ever. “Cameron and Paulie, of course! Being the typical ‘quirky girls,’ they’re going to be looking for someone to give them direction. Tony’ll be useful. Jennifer will be fun to mess with, her being on either team will work just fine. Rosie is too into herself, I think, so I’ll pass on her. Roger is a puppy, he’ll follow me easily. I would say Marina would be a nice addition, but now that she has a sister to look after, not so much. The twins have too much of a specific thing… like on stage, you want to be versatile! I can’t tell how stubborn Nadine will be… she’s a dangerous wildcard. Annabelle and Jackson will probably take orders from something that sounds right, which won’t be any trouble for me. Jupiter can be my replacement Marina, I suppose.” She listed off without a second thought on any of her assumptions.

*Shed: Jackson* “There’s SO many girls on this show. Oh my god. I hope I’m with at least ONE of the two other boys. Chris really would toy with me and put them together on the opposite one without me, UGH. Not that the girls are bad, it’s just- Well, I’m no sexist, just- WHATEVER just trust me on this, ‘kay!? Anyway, Jennifer, Annabelle, and Cameron would be pretty cool too.”

*Shed: Rosie* Her eyes popped open in earnest shock. “There’s a lot of un-camp worthy stuff going on already! Jeez! Who raised these folks!?” She huffed. “Well, I’ll give them one chance each, which that all-black wearing girl better appreciate, ‘cause she said some unsavory things a minute ago! Oh, and that OTHER girl… she’s got like, a point and a half. Any worse offense, and she’ll have to go home, with a lesson at that! I’d love to be on her team, just to make sure she stays in line.” *End*

The last of the confessors tromped out to a beaming Chris. “Now on to the next landmark, we have the winners cabin. Which, as it sounds, is the better of the two cabins for only the most recent winners.” He described as they walked to it.

They came to a quaint little cottage sitting in a field, another confessional shed sitting nearby. Right in front of it was a basic wooden fence leading up to the front door. Sitting upon the fence, there was a boy of the contestants’ age idly knocking his knees together, flicking his dark eyes from the clouds to the cast as they approached.

He sprung from his seat ahead of Chris, smiling wide and outstretching his arms. He was one of the most wiry people in existence it seemed, at a normal height and with brown skin. Dressed simply, he wore dark green jeans, brown dress shoes, and a golden yellow long-sleeved T-shirt. Well, less simply, he had a short black tophat perched on his head, concealing his hair. He had a weird pair of eyes where instead of his eyelids squinting as he emoted, they simply widened or contracted together perfectly, like the lens of a camera. “Chris! What a bunch!”

“Hello Lucas.” Chris groaned, lazily waving at the boy. “Care to tell this ‘bunch’ what you’re here for?” He sorta flicked his wrist over his shoulder.

Lucas hopped up to his side, training his sight on the others. “I’m Lucas, I’m with the people who know the island this season is taking place on.”

Chris sharply growled at him. Lucas blinked at the host, then brought his wrist to his eyes. With his other hand, he pulled back his sleeve a bit, stared at his skin, then looked up smiling once again. “I’m with the people who OWN this island!”

Chris smacked himself.

“I’ll just be around. I’m not working with the staff, so don’t go asking me for stuff.” Lucas continued.

“Like we can ask them for stuff anyway.” Jackson scoffed light-heartedly.

“Will you be doing… anything?” Nadine asked him.

He shrugged, giving a coy, innocent smile on his sharp-featured face. “I sure do love the idea of Reality TV chores. Much more fun than normal chores.”

Marina chuckled. “I bet, if you aren’t competing.”

“I suppose.”

“Anyway, Lucas’ll be around and if he tells you not to do something, listen to him because his dad might get mad if we mess up his island. I don’t really want to know what will happen if we tick him off.” Chris instructed, and Lucas waved to them at hearing his name. He turned to the boy. “I was showing them the good cabin, so if you could…”

Lucas tilted his torso at a weird angle. “Ooh! I like how they have to be two to a room. How do you think they’ll go about that!?”

Chris grimaced.

“Just pick whoever we like the best on the team.” Cameron shrugged. “Though I do admittedly not share very often.”

Lucas turned to them brimming with intrigue, but Chef shook his head from the back and waved the boy over. He perked up, and left the host’s side happily.

“You know what? The cabin speaks for itself when you go inside. Let’s move on to the loser’s cabin.” He lead the cast on the path. From the rear, Chef and Lucas shared dark giggles that all the others nervously picked up on.

They walked this path the longest yet, a curve in the walk suggesting they were walking the perimeter of something, hinted even more so as fences were a prominent feature on one side of them. A grey mass in the distance came into focus, nearly drawing all the attention from the shabby shack in front of it.

“Cool.” Annabelle said while looking up at the gnarled forest, in slight awe.

“Nasty.” Stella added.

“Isn’t it?” Chris asked proudly, before shaking back his senses. “Ahem. THIS is the loser’s cabin. It’s worse than the other one in most ways, the confessional shed is attached to the side, AND it comes with a chore.”

The teenagers groaned prematurely, before they even knew what it was. It made the host even happier. “After a challenge is lost, the losing team will come here after voting off one of their members. You will then be tasked with keeping the untamed part of the island at bay, however you can.”

“What?” Rosie cried, aghast, yet again. “If it’s growing then it’s alive, and it’s not okay in the slightest to cut away living trees!”

“Rosie Rosie Rosie, this forest is SUPER invasive and dangerous. I assure you, it’ll take over this island within a few DAYS of being left untouched, and there’s nothing good inside it. Trust me.” Chris seemed a bit serious. “And as for all of you, don’t be stupid, reckless, curious, or any of that other dumb teenage stuff and try to explore it. That is literally the only important job Lucas has, to make sure none of you act that idiotically.” For anyone who looked towards him, Lucas once again waved his hands at his name. “Because I’ve been at this for way too long to know that at least someone will try it.”

Rosie still looked worried, but after giving the weird forest another look, didn’t press it.

“Now!” Chris clapped his hands. “It’s time to find out who here you have to trust and rely on for your success in the challenges- your teammates! And don’t worry, once the merge hits, you’ll all be in charge of forest taming! But that’s a ways down the road. For now, will the people I call stand over to where I point” Chris motioned to two sides in front of him, Chef and Lucas moving behind the host. Chef whispered something to the boy, who went happily sprinting off.

“Tony,” The massive contestant trucked over to the right side.

“Annabelle,” He pointed to the left. She slightly nodded and contentedly moved away.

“Paulie,” She cockily made a ‘heh’ sound and fingered her bandana as she made her way to the right.

“Stella,” She brightened, coming up to Annabelle. “Hi!” She said, and Annabelle returned the greeting with a chuckle.

“Jackson,” The boy pumped his fist, then paused and coughed into it as he walked over. Paulie smiled at him, and he returned it.

“Marina,” Said contestant had been sweating bullets the second her sister had been called, and was relieved to be pointed in her direction- and so soon at that.

“Amelia,” She walked to the right with a happy wave, turning to face the host promptly once she arrived.

“Erika,” The twins paused before slowly making their way to the left.

“Jupiter,” They jolted, muttering “Ah, y- yes!” and walked to the right.

“Rosie,” She adjusted her non-existent tie before making her way over.

“Roger,” He pointed to the right to make sure, and Chris aggressively pointed in that direction even harder. Jackson beamed at his arrival.

“Cameron,” The girl sprung up as she made her way to the left, and Rosie’s eyes glittered down at her.

“Jennifer,” The goth nodded like she expected it, and went to the right.

“Nadine,” She calmly walked over to the left, no flair nor expression.

“And Avery,” Chris pointed for the final time, to the right.

The clearing was silent.

“Uhhh…. NO?” Jackson stated incredulously.

“What the heck, Chris?” Cameron shouted, flinging her arm around the twins’ shoulders. The twins, who had yet to emote to the announcement themselves, jumped slightly at the touch. “That’s not right, cool, OR possible. So stop joking, man!”

Chris chuckled remorselessly. “What’s wrong about it?”

“They CAN’T- not to offend-” Jennifer interrupted herself to make that note to the twins, “They literally can not be on both teams, and you know it, so stop being cruel.”

“Yeah, pretend I said it like that.” Cameron pointed to the goth.

“I’m not being cruel! As you can see with Marina and Stella, I’d never split apart sisters, and the twins still look together to me!” The host stifled a laugh.

*Shed: Jupiter* They sighed, their shoulders slumping. *End*

“That’s the opposite of funny, Chris.” Nadine grumbled, running her hand down her face.

He planted his hands on his hips. At this time, Lucas returned with two flashy props in hand. Chris didn’t pay him any mind yet. “Well I think we’re all forgetting to ask the people this is about. Avery! Erika! What do you say? Can you do it?”

The twins perked up, flicking their eyes to each other. They whispered in the space between them quickly. With the first smile they ever mustered in front of the others, Avery said, “We can handle it.”

Chris seemed to be the only one completely happy about that, but the contestants let it be.

“Um. So I guess we should like…” Paulie did an awkward step out, “Get a little closer?”

“Just a tad.” Amelia agreed, and the teams wedged a little closer, the twins tilting to be standing with them both.

“You all on the right,” The host reached behind him to take one of the props, “You are the Cheshire Queens.” He tossed the object, shaped like a long scepter with a big, heart-shaped gem sitting up top. Paulie caught it with a smile.

“And you,” He turned to the others, “Are the Hare Hatters.” He tossed a tube-shaped hat with white bunny ears coming out the sides to the team, and Stella eagerly caught it.

“It’s dumb!” She said, putting it on.

Chris ignored her. “With that, we can now,”

Lucas’s eyes grew wide behind him, bouncing on his heels, clasping his hands tightly.

“Start the first challenge.” The host stated simply. The boy behind him looked incredibly aggravated that it didn’t have the flair he was pumped for, and turned away. “A nice little scavenger hunt to get you guys used to the garden. At the expense of one of you on the losing team, of course, but such is life.” He produced two folded squares of paper from his back pocket. “Y’all ready?”

#garden #garden chapters #i'll have to make a page or something later to keep these around #tony fucking die challenge i hate you so much #i don't know flowers and will die next chapter myself lol #mangos trees don't belong in canada psa #idk if that's even right I just google #what trees don't belong in canada #it was the best answer i got #agh I hope you guys have fun with this!!!

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phantoonsoftheopera · 6 years

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Review: "The Phantom of the Mall: Eric's Revenge" or: "I was a Teenage Phantom"

So it has come to my attention that there are some in the Phandom who may not be aware of some of the, let us say, more obscure Phantom adaptations there have been through the years. Well, as one of the dinosaurs of the Phandom, I cannot let this stand. So gather around, children, while I drag out this ancient tome I wrote a few decades ago about the cinematic masterpiece, “The Phantom of the Mall.”

(Oh, but let it be known that this is a review of the broadcast version of the movie, which included scenes not included in the theatrical cut. Because I have both versions. Yes. I have BOTH VERSIONS.)

Note: This review is written with tongue firmly implanted in cheek. No offense is meant to the fans of the movie -- either one of you ;-)

This past weekend, I was cataloging the various Phantom items I have collected over the years when I came across a long-forgotten recording of that late 80s cinematic extravaganza: "The Phantom of the Mall: Eric's Revenge." I immediately popped it into my VCR and sat transfixed by this lost gem. And being the gracious fellow that I am, I felt compelled to share my thoughts with those of you who had the great misfortune of missing its original limited theatrical engagement (pulled from theaters a week after its release -- it was obviously ahead of its time).

Directed by Richard Friedman, auteur of such films as "Scared Stiff" and "Doom Asylum," this 1989 epic featured such master thespians as Pauly Shore ("Bio-Dome"), Rob Estes ("Suddenly Susan") and screen legend Morgan Fairchild ("Test Tube Teens from the Year 2000"). My only regret is that Vanilla Ice had yet to emerge onto the public scene in order to claim the title role. A role which, I'm sure you all would agree, would have secured his name in the annals of film history.

But I digress.

Its cinematography surpassed that of "Citizen Kane," and the acting (as you can surely tell by the few actors I've already named) rivaled that displayed in Kenneth Branagh's "Hamlet." And the music? Ah, the music... But enough gushing, let me enthrall you with the details.

The screenwriters did a masterful job updating the classic tale for modern times. Replacing the Opera House with a mall? What brilliance! Brian de Palma was on the right track when he set his "Phantom of the Paradise" in a discotheque, but it lacked the symbolism and dramatic possibilities that a shopping mall provides (just thinking about the tense scenes filmed in the Windsor Fashions and Sam Goody stores makes my heart race!)

While I'm sure you'd all want me to go into a scene-by-scene description and analysis, it would be want of me to rob you of the pleasure of the thrills and surprises it contains. Therefore, I shall only give you a brief rundown of the plot and describe a few key scenes which make this a standout among "Phantom" films.

The film involves the grand opening of the Midwood Mall, built atop a former residential area. Eric ("Erik," as portrayed by Derek Rydall) has been dead for a year, and his girlfriend Melody ("Christine," played by Kimber Sissons) and their friends Buzz ("The Persian," played by Pauly Shore) and Suzi ("Meg," played by Kari Whitman) all get jobs there. At the big press event opening the establishment, Melody catches the eye of a photojournalist named Peter ("Raoul," played by Rob Estes). It turns out that they met the year prior: they were both at the scene when her boyfriend's house burned to the ground, making the way for the mall developers to begin construction. Eric had helped Melody escape but was apparently burned to death in the conflagration. Melody believes it was arson (perhaps it was the strange man dousing her with gasoline prior to the firemen arriving that raised her suspicions) and Peter promises to help her solve the mystery. Little does she know that a masked figure in ball cap and varsity jacket watches her every move from the security monitors in the batcave -- excuse me -- the lair...

It is a staple of all "Phantom" films to have an unmasking scene, and this movie delivers in a clever update. After rescuing Melody from the arsonist who has taken a position as a security guard, Eric takes her to his lair in the catacombs beneath the mall. She awakens on his leather sofa and sees her savior doing pulldowns on his weight machine nearby. She slowly walks up behind him, but no, she doesn't rip his mask off to reveal his charred face as you would suspect. Melody instead simply says, "Hello Eric." He then obliges her by removing the mask himself. She shows no fear in seeing him unmasked but once he shows her the department store wardrobe that he has picked out for her, Melody suddenly remembers she has a life and a handsome new boyfriend aboveground, which rouses Eric's anger. Ah, cinema at its best.

But for me, the best acting in the film came in a touching scene involving Suzi and Buzz. In it, Suzi laments over her lack of companionship while Buzz attempts to console her. Here is an excerpt from the script:

Suzi: "How come all the girls who don't want a boyfriend get one and the girls who do, don't, huh?"

Buzz (reassuringly): "Lots of guys like you, Suzi."

Suzi (dramatic pause): "Not the ones that really matter."

Buzz gestures to himself and smiles.

Suzi: "I mean, what would this world be if all the people who wanted to buy cars couldn't, and the ones that could had them given to them?"

Buzz: "That would be pretty kinda like, messed up, huh?"

Surely, even Sir Laurence Olivier could not have given a more inspired performance!

Finally, let me address, briefly, the music. No expense was spared to gather the finest of 80s hair bands to perform on the soundtrack. Yet they were all eclipsed by the stunning rock and roll anthem, "Is There a Phantom in the Mall?" by The Vandals. As hummable as anything Lord Lloyd Webber has written, it made its debut during a party scene and later was reprised over the closing credits. Sadly, through the fault of the studio hierarchy, no soundtrack was officially released for the fans to treasure. But now, I share with you some of the lyrics:

chorus: Is there a Phantom in the Mall? folks are bound to ask Is he the Phantom of the Mall? Or just some retard in a broken hockey mask?

Clearly, even with those few lines, the brilliance of the songwriters shines through!

It is a crime that the dilletantes at the AFI neglected to include this masterpiece in their top 100 films of the century. "Lawrence of Arabia"? "Gone with the Wind"? "Casablanca"? Pshaw! Robert Friedman's "Phantom of the Mall: Eric's Revenge"! Now there is a landmark -- nay, epochal -- cinematic masterpiece!

#Phantom of the Opera #Phantom of the Mall #phantom movies

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dustedandsocial · 6 years

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Music 2018 April: There’s too much music and it isn’t helping anyone. Please stop all music.

Rock, punk, post-punk, psych, etc. Also folk I guess?

Full-Lengths Bart De Paepe - Pagus Wasiae LP (Beyond Beyond Is Beyond) Blank Realm - Last Seen LP (Hobbies Galore) Blind Mans Band - Blind Mans Band CS [Orig. 2016] (Insula Jazz) Bridge of Flowers - Bridge of Flowers CS (Sloow Tapes) Bodies On Everest - A National Day Of Mourning CD (Third-I-Rex) Chris Cogburn, Ingebrigt Håker Flaten, Bob Hoffnar, Henry Kaiser - En Las Montañas de Excesos LP (Self Sabotage) Christian Kann - Tang® Under the Bridge... CS (Metaphysical Circuits) Chocolat Billy - Délicat déni LP (Kythibong / Les Potagers Natures) Convivial Cannibal Clan - Autosarcophagy CS (Ignorant Ear Tapes) COXNOX - COXNOX CD (Econore) Death by Delirium - Pushing up the Daisies CS (Wilhelm show me the Major Label) The Doozer ‎- Figurines LP (Feeding Tube) DLVRNC - DLVRNC (Self-Released) Faux Départ ‎- Au Pied Du Mur LP (Colilla / Doomtown) Flesh Narc - Songs of Reality CS (NULLZØNE) Great Saunites - Brown CD (Il Verso Del Cinghiale / Hypershape / Toten Schwan) Gnaw Their Tongues - Genocidal Majesty LP (Consouling Sounds) Headroom / Dire Wolves - Split CS (Pome Pome Tones) Holiday Inn - Torbido LP (Maple Death) Hospice - Hospice CS (Scavenger of Death) Itchy Bugger - Done One LP (Low Company) Jacob Yates - The Hare. The Moon. The Drone. LP (Optimo Music) Jesus Is My Son - Tout a une fin (même l'amour) CD (Cheap Satanism) King Dick - KDIII LP (King Dick) KTB - KTB II LP (Feeding Tube) Lewsberg - Lewsberg LP (Self-Released) Leverton Fox - I Am Zebra LP (Not Applicable) Litku Klemetti - Taika Tapahtuu LP (Luova) Locean - Object / Disco CS (Box) Maailmanloppu - Tuhon Koodi LP (Svart) Marc Ribot's Ceramic Dog - Yru Still Here CD (Yellowbird / Enja) Lonker See - One Eye Sees Red CD (Instant Classic) Makoto Kawabata • Richard Pinhas • Yoshida Tatsuya - Trax LP (Bam Balam) Mark Wynn - Damp Towels Stink Drama (Desert Mine) MÄSÄ - Viimesen päälle LP (Luova) Mr Sterile - Haters, Wreckers and other Friends CD (skirted) Ramble Tamble - Outlaw Overtones CS (Eiderdown) The Shna - Fairytape CS (Kitchen Leg) Sonic Death - Punks Against Mafia Vol. 1 (DTH Studios) Spost - Monkey Face LP (Self-Released) Stratocastors - Living Under The Johnny Vacances LP (Et Mon Cul C’est Du Tofu) Thee Agnes Muller - Le Bad CS (Degelite) The Submissives - Pining for a Boy CS (Egg Paper) Tommy Jay & The General - Florida Songs LP (Feeding Tube) Total Leatherette - For The Climax Of The Night LP (Mïlk) The Trendees - NIGHTMARE CITY (Self-Released) Vanta - Vanta II CS (Self-Released) Weasel Walter - Skhiizm CD (ugEXPLODE) Weeping Bong Band - Weeping Bong Band LP (Feeding Tube) Wombo - Staring At Trees CS (Sophomore Lounge) Yes Deer - Gloss LP (Abstract Tits) Ylayali - Pumpkin Patch CS / Picked Apart (Self-Released) Zëro - Ain't That Mayhem 2xLP (Ici d'Ailleurs)

Singles, EPs, Demos Basic Human - Cassette CS (Meatspin) Bodybags - Demo 2018 (Self-Released) Can Can Heads - Duo Exchange in 4´42 Minutes EP (Self-Released) Cerkkyu - Demo CS (MYDY / Overflöd / Pissed Off!) Crude - Drug Culture 12" (Farewell) Dauðyflin - Dauþiflin 7" EP (Iron Lung) Dick Whyte & Finn Johansson - What Kind Of Bird Am I 7" (Ilk Ither) Ecstasy - Ecstasy 7" EP (Digital Regress) Fatamorgana - Fatamorgana CS (Self-Released) Floating Skull - FROSTED MINOTAUR / SECULAR BUTCHER CS (Self-Released) Gen Pop - II 7" EP (Feel It) Hetze - Bedbugs (Self-Released) Jesus Is My Son - Désolé 7" (Lexi Disques) Kovaa Rasvaa - Pahan vaimon käsikirja 12" (Svart) Laurence Wasser - The Garden CS (Kitchen Leg) Life Fucker - Z - 12" (Static Age) Merlin Nova - Protect Your Flame EP (Blank Editions) Nandas - EP II (Toxic State) No Future - Demo CS (Televised Suicide) NoNoNo - Cutting Edge CD (Self-Released) Photogenic - Demo CS (Self-Released) Physique - Punk Life Is Shit 12" (Iron Lung) Primer Regimen - Ultimo Testamento 12" (Byllepest Distro) Punctï - Quartz Hour Shining Sphere (Self-Released) Pvnisher - Pvnishment Demonstration CS (Razored Raw) Rapid Tan - Golden Wonder EP (Self-Released) Sara Fuego - soundcloud demos Scarlatine - Tine EP (Self-released) Slab City - Regina Delle Streghe CS (Always Restrictions) Slant - Demo 2018 CS (Headcount / Pissed Off!) Skitklass - Kaos Och Förstörelse 4-låtars 7" EP (Hardcore Survives) Stagger - Thermobaeric Blues CS (Self-Released) Street Gurgler - Live on WRUW CS (Adamant Blasts / Pete Smokes Weed Tapes) Terebentina - O outro (Self-Released) XUX - XUX CS (Hobbies Galore) [pictured] WAMEKI - 72 Hours EP (Self-Released)

Experimental, Avant-Garde, Free Jazz, etc

6majik9 - Ritual Zero / Monk Nun 2xCDr (chemical imbalance.) Ad`Absurdum & Strøm - Infest LP (Acoustic Desaster / Tonzonen) Adam Cadell - Bush Songs CS (Soft Abuse) Adderall Canyonly - The Limits of All Known Ice CS (Lighten Up Sounds) Aeolipile - Observational error CD (Foolproof Projects) AMK & WM Zarate - Embedded CS (Regional Bears) Amuleto - Misztériumok LP (Three꞉four) Aqueduct Ensemble - Improvisations on an Apricot LP (Last Resort) AmErIkAn TeEnAgEr - Bandcamp CS (Barreuh) Awkward Geisha & GX Jupitter-Larsen - Final Destination CS (Lurker Bias) Baldruin - Vergessene Träume LP (Ikuisuus) Bianca Scout - __dislex-ia (Beatrice & Annie) Bella e Cadu Tenório - Vazios CS (QTV) Body Morph - The Three Mothers CS (Moon Myst Music) Brianna Kelly / Sympathy Pain - Split CS (Whited Sepulchre) Carlo Giustini - Sant'angelo CS (Purlieu Recordings) Chaos Echœs with Mats Gustafsson - Sustain LP (Utech) Chesterfield - Consuelo CD (Mikroton) Chow Mwng - Ah Alpine ! CDr (Self-Released) Church Shuttle - Natural Disaster 7'' (Soft Abuse) Columbus Duo - À Temps CD (Dead Sailor Muzic) Crazy Doberman - "Get Lost Pens Of Baldwin" Particle I & II CS (Fag Tapes) Dane Rousay - IMP-ENV 10'' (Colour8) Dead Voices on Air - Mirror Carrier CS (Format Noise) Dirk Wachtelaer, Jürgen De Blonde, Alec Ilyine, Gert De Meester - Tales From The Hellhole (Self-Released) Disposición Asoleada - Sigses Saturninos 7'' (Lexi Disques) Dwarfs of East Agouza - Rats Don’t Eat Synthesizers LP (Akuphone) Èlg - Vu Du Dôme LP (Editions Gravats) eRikm & Percussions de Strasbourg - Drum-Machines 2xLP (Percussions de Strasbourg) Fuck My WInter - Hic svnt leones CS (Jeunesse Cosmique) Jérôme Noetinger & Sec_ - La Cave Des Étendards CD (Mikroton) John Godbert - The Sealed Container CDr (Chocolate Monk) Kurt Liedwart & Petr Vrba - Punkt CD (Mikroton) kutin | kindlinger - Decomposition IV (Variations on Bulletproof Glass) 2xLP (Ventil) Lärmschutz - Divine Descent CS (No Index) Lao Dan 老丹 - 思維扭曲的行動體 Functioning Anomie CS (WV Sorcerer Productions) Les Horribles Travailleurs & Mechanical Ape - Collaborative Soundworks CS (Noir Age) Li Jianhong 李劍鴻 - 1969 CS (WV Sorcerer Productions) Louise Landes Levi - IKIRU or The Wanderer LP (Oaken Palace) Lucrecia Dalt - Anticlines LP (RVNG Intl.) Maria da Rocha - Beet Root & Other Stories CD (Shhpuma) Martín Escalante and Charlie Mumma - Escalante / Mumma CS (Sploosh) Me Donner - ÉÀ&! (Self-Released) Mei Zhiyong 梅志勇 / Ryosuke Kiyasu - 高円寺 Kōenji CS (WV Sorcerer Productions) Michael Foster / Ben Bennett / Jacob Wick - Glove Issues CD (Palliative) Mike Dilloway - Hay Bale Paws CD (Chocolate Monk) Nat Birchall - Cosmic Language LP (Jazzman) Neutrals - 0318 CS (Alien Passengers) Nick Hoffman - Salamander CS (Notice) La banane de Hakim - Q EP (Self-Released) Q'uq'umatz - Tepeu CS (WV Sorcerer Productions) Paulie Shankwank / Zawinul Cropse - Split CS (Post-Materialization) Red Brut - Red Brut LP (KRAAK) Richmond Avant Improv Collective - Communion / Il Delirio E La Mortalità Di Amore 2xCD (Arachnidiscs) Rob Michalchuk - Where Did You Learn To Fly CS / Thirty CS (Poor Little Music) Saboteuse - X CS (Crow Versus Crow) Sensual Spasmo - Lichhouse Drip Feed CS (Moon Myst Music) Simon Cummings - 間 (ma) CS (Crónica) Sparkle in Grey - The Bones of Quietness CD (Grey Sparkle) The Spiders - Bit Offset 2xCS (chemical imbalance.) STARBIRTHED - The Dweller On the Threshold CS (Flower Room) Tasos Stamou - Musique con Crète LP (Discrepant) Tatras / Oostanaula - Split CS (Park 70) Thembi Soddell - Love Songs CD (Room40) Threes And Will / Deludium Skies - Kraaipan / From The Dirt Arose The Lesser King CD (Xtelyon) Tomaga - Music for Visual Disorders LP (meakusma) Torben Snekkestad, Agusti Fernandez, Barry Guy - Louisiana Variations CD (Fundacja Słuchaj) VA - 2018 Balkan Experimental Survey - Post Industrial Culture Series (Unexplained Sounds Group) VA - New Modernism (Unexplained Sounds Group) VA - Solidarity Is Our Weapon Against All Prisons (Anarchist Black Cross Benefit) 2xCS (Totes Format) Uton - Sax On, Sax Off CS (Eiderdown) Vanessa Amara - Manos LP (Posh Isolation) Wukir Suryadi - Atas Nama Bunyi / In The Name Of Sound 2008 EP (Self-Released) Zohastre - Pan And The Master Pipers LP (S.K Records)

Reissues, Archival

A New Personality - A New Personality 1981-84 (No Label) Cardiacs - The Seaside (Original Edition) [Orig. 1983, Remastered] (The Alphabet Business Concern) Dino J.A. Deane - For Leena 2xLP [Rec. 1991-1998] (Lullabies For Insomniacs) Expo 70 - Mother Universe Has Birthed Her Last Cosmos 2xCD [Rec. 2008-2010] (Zoharum) Goz Of Kermeur - Greatest Hits 2xLP [Rec. 1992-1996] (Jelodanti / Et Mon Cul C'est Du Tofu / Degelite) Heldon - Electronique Guerilla LP / Heldon II LP [Orig. 1974, 1975] (Bureau B) Nexda - Words & Numbers LP [Rec. 1982] (Emotional Rescue / Blowpipe / Mannnequin) Nocturnal Projections - Complete Studio Recordings LP / Inmates In Images LP [Rec. 1981-1983] (Dais) No Trend - You Deserve Your Life. LP [Rec. 1983] (Digital Regress, 2018) Norgez Bank - Samfunnets tjenera LP [Rec. 1980-1982] (Fucking North Pole) Onyx - Complete Works 1981-1983 LP (MIND Records) Peggy Lee & Dylan van der Schyff - These Are Our Shoes [Orig. 1998] (WhirrbooM!) Pellethead - The Best of a Bad Bunch LP [Rec. 1992-2017] (GNUinc) PRRRL JAM - Prrrl Jam 2xCS [Orig. 2014, Expanded] (Grog Pappy) Residents - The W⁎⁎⁎⁎⁎ B⁎⁎⁎ Album LP [Rec. 1971]͙͙ (New Ralph Too) Shatterbox - Strung Out On The Line LP [Orig. 1981] (Dig! Records) Sun Ra - God Is More Than Love Can Ever Be LP [Orig. 1979, Remastered] (Cosmic Myth) Tunnelrunners - Neath Abbey Road CD [Rec. 1980-1982] (Only Fit For The Bin) Unknown Artist - Early Sampling Puzzle, Potentially Recorded During The Late 1980′s LP (Delodio) Unovidual - Synthetic Solitude CS [Rec. 1983-1986] (Kontakt)

Electronic

AQXDM - Aegis 12'' (Bedouin) Astrid Sonne - Human Lines LP (Escho) Beat Detectives - Rhythms & Edits Volume 1 CS (Altered States) Blue Nude - Blue Nude CS (Puff Boys) burnet207 - forever CD (Jacktone) C_C - Brumas, Nieblas, Neblinas CS (Zamzam) Chloé - Recall Remixes 12'' (Lumière Noire) Curses - Pedal To The Metal And Don't Look Back 12'' (Bordello A Parigi) CVN - Kaisou CS (Altered States) Cyclist - Alabaster Thrones 12'' (100% Silk) Eomac - Reconnect LP (Eotrax) Garland - Preludes #1 LP (Lullabies For Insomniacs) House Of Kenzo - Bonfires Of Urbanity CS (Ascetic House) Hugo Jay - Tape Two LP (Coastal Haze) Hysteric - In The Moonlight 12'' (Violette Szabo) Jack Patterson - Snapping The Golden Thread CS (Archive) Kiwi - Mountains Of Dew 12'' (Disco Halal) Lauren Tosswill - My Home In The Year 12'' (Enmossed) Low Jack - Riddims du Lieu-dit LP (Editions Gravats) Mateis e. aqir - Geography of Nowhere 12'' (Jungle Gym) Mind Safari - The Dream Manipulator CS (Jacktone) Modified Man - Modifications꞉ Set 2 LP (Albert’s Favourites) Mrs Dink - The Norma Meetings EP (Run On Recordings) NN* - Cave Of The Birdbath King CS (Self-Released) Opal Beau - Open Window CS (Altered States) Overloper - Aposynthesis 12'' (Pater Noster) Piotr Połoz - Shameful Hatred CDr (Mik.Musik.!.) PSYCHOPOP - The Devil's Drums and the Angelic Electronics CS (HIT+RUN) Raquin - Ariclone CS (Janushoved) Ssaliva - WYIN 12'' (Collapsing Market) Somaticae - Planètes De Glace CS (ABRecords) VA - HU-MR96 3x12'' (MISTRESS Recordings) VA - Metallurgic 12'' (Metallurgic) VA - NOWHERE01 (Something Happening Somewhere) VA - One Instrument Volume 01 LP (One Instrument)

#i'll add links later #and an explanation for why these keep getting longer #i've never broken a promise #monthly

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exquisitelyeco · 6 years

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The self made man...the unmade God.

Pucifer did am amazing song called ‘Humbling river.’ The song is about a man who has done everything on his own. Faced the earth, wind and fire. And he has fought and crushed them, all by himself. But faced with the river, he cannot cross. He cried out ‘ Angel, Why? I have done everything else by my own strength and will! How can I not cross this silly river myself?’ After saying this for sometime, He hears Angels. They tell him this river cannot be crossed the way he has lived his life. By rage and muscle. The He must open his heart and his hands to others. And it is together with them, doing this, that he will be able to cross.

And it got me thinking. As humans we insist we can do it alone. We do not want help. I know for me, the more angry I get, the more determined I am to win. I get impatient waiting for help. So injure myself doing it alone. I am proud, and rightly so, at times of my successes. But in that pride, is also an Arrogance. ‘I did this ALONE. Sod the world! Me! Myself! MY strength. My will. I need NOTHING and NO ONE.’ By living like this, we choose to be our own Messiah, and declare we need no other, Thankyou very much.

But do you know the Creator of the whole universe is NOT like this? HE is vulnerable. He does NOTHING alone. But meekly submits to one or another of the God head. In fact, one part of the Godhead, will do NOTHING alone! Nothing! Don’t believe me? Check out John 5v19! Jesus obeys the Papa. He said Himself, I do ONLY what my Father tells me. (John 5v19, John 5v30) In fact, in John 5v19, He goes so much further in how meek and humble He is in submitting ONLY to what His father said. And it’s mind blowing. He states, ‘ The son can do NOTHING by Himself!’ He ONLY does and says what the Papa tells Him too! Even though He knows He has the right to judge and say things about His enemies. (John 5v22, John 5v30)

This is profound. Do you get that? The GOD OF the ENTIRE UNIVERSE WILL NOT DO ANYTHING ALONE! Because if one did, insist that they would do it alone, without the rest, then God would no longer be God! Because God consists of THREE persons, all in complete UNITY. And all honour and submit to each other. Alone they would be torn apart. And become like Satan. Each vying for attention and domination. How completely ridiculously confusingly mind blowing is that?? But why? What makes each of the Godhead do nothing alone?

Relationship. That is WHO God is. He IS relationship. Why? Because someone alone is just that. Alone. Even with three of them, God still did not want to be alone! So He created us. Because God is always MORE. Alone is always LESS. Reciprocity reproduces. It gets bigger. Why? Cos it brings more LIFE. Alone brings nothing. Basically speaking a woman cannot have a child without the sperm of a man. And a man cannot have a child without the egg of a woman. Science had made it possible for test tube babies. But still the egg and sperm both are needed to create MORE. Alone they die. DIE. Because they do not reproduce. Get it? Alone we are nothing. Together we are EVERYTHING. Nearly as powerful as God Himself! And God Himself had to change the whole of our language and scatter us, when we joined together, because He SAID how powerful we were together! Don’t believe me? Check out Genesis 11v5-8!

We need each other. Because we are all different! Some are teachers, some scientists, some nurses. All of us have different abilities and capabilities. It is true with non Christians and Christians. As Christians, we CANNOT show Christ alone! We are His body, together! 1Corinthians 12v25-27 So much are we to be joined, that if one of us hurts, Paul said we ALL hurt! Total unity. Just like the Godhead. Because that is who we are created to be. Just like that. (1 Corinthians 12v12 Ephesians 4v4) if we are all only gifted to be nurses, who would teach us? Who would put out fires? Who would Mother us? Who would clear away rubbish? What would happen to Art, entertainment, the list is endless! We NEED each other!

So the self made man will fall. In fact has already fallen. Because that is what we chose in the garden of Eden. To become alone. Divorced from God. Because we decided our way was better. And because of that we became smaller. We became less. Losing our son and daughtership of God and becoming orphans. Lamentations 5v3, John 14v18, Romans 8v15, 2Corinthians 6v18.

By submitting unto death, Christ clearly showed relationship is key. Philippians 2v8. If Christ, had acted singularly, WITHOUT the rest of the Godhead, and had done it alone, He would have stayed dead! Not physically, but the split from the Godhead, would have been divorced and so died, in their relationship. If He had have insisted ‘ I don’t need you two, I can do this by myself, I’m God!’ He would have split the Godhead apart. As I said before, against each other they are no more than Satan. No different from us. But they are not. The ARE Love. And love wants and insists on unity. Indeed they do not know or comprehend alone. (Apart from knowing it divides, and hurts us. Which is why They divised the plan to come and bring us BACK into Unity, with Them, if we chose!) They INSIST on the Trinity in Unity. All of them working TOGETHER, each with their OWN authority, raised Him to life. It was because of the RELATIONSHIP of the Godhead. 1 Corinthians 8v6. They are ONE IN Three! Each ONE, But IN three! An example of this, the fingers on your hands! All your fingers are on one hand, yet work together. Each with its own authority and place. Or another example. The brain needs the heart the heart needs the liver and lungs, to survive. Each are dependant on each other. Your brain gives commands, but your BODY carries them out! Together they live. Apart they die.

God KNOWS a house divided against itself will fall. Mark 3 v 24-25,Matthew 12v25, Luke 1v17. Satan divides. His act of pride, in doing it alone, separated and divided him from God. And us, without God, are separated and divided forever. Alone. God is One. Unity, not division. Never, ever, division.

So it’s all about relationship. Together we cross the river. Christ IN us! Then, WE are ONE with Him! 1Corinthians 6v17. Without Him we are dead. Colossians 2v13, Ephesians 2v5. The difference is, God does NOT need us! He has unity in Himself. But He wants us. John 3v15-16, John 1v12. He restored our self made human choice to do it alone, without Him, and so to die alone. He did this so we can be in RELATIONSHIP with Him. Dependant on Him, as He chooses to be with the Father.

Doing it alone may seem amazing. But think on it like this. Alone, you are like George the Galapagos tortoise. The very last of your species, alone, on your OWN. And when you die you will be extinct. Lonely, horridly lonely, and, believe it or not, weak. Because you chose to do it alone. Your strength became weakness. You are made smaller. Because you are SEPARATE. Pride tells us we can do it alone. God tells us we can do it together. Like Pucifer say, it is not by rage and muscle. Note the river is called the ‘Humbling’ river.

Pride is alone. Satan fell because He thought he could do it without God. Alone. He wanted worship for himself, ALONE. God the Papa wanted Glory for Jesus, Jesus wanted Glory for the Father, the Spirit wanted glory for them, and they all wanted Glory for us. John 3v 32, John 17v1-5, Romans 8v16-17. So a strong person will humble themselves. Jesus Himself did. Philippians 2 v 8 . So doing it in our strength alone, our rage alone, or our own independence, all these things pass. We age and grow tired. We end up depending on others anyway! Doctors, carers, etc. But together we hold hands and help each other. Supporting each other’s weaknesses. And by doing so, they support ours.

The world loves the one hero. And loves division. Division is everywhere. In government, education, family. Politicians, slagging the other party off, rather than learning from each other, together making a better nation, no matter who won! Teachers and TA not working together. Silently pulling and backstabbing. Prideful of themselves and their position. People disagreeing, but not accepting another’s right to their point of view. Accepting that we can agree to disagree. Cutting themselves off. Families refusing to talk or have relationship because of a slight. Or something that has happened. Sure, sometimes we do, work well together. Must mostly we don’t! We seem to take a perverse pleasure in dividing! Pointing the finger! Staying and preserving our own ‘little group’ Until that goes wrong! Or the all American hero. Tough, alone. Clint Eastwood. Sylvester Stallone. But the hero, if you watch carefully, always needs help! And is actually NOT alone! Clint beaten, left for dead, gets saved by the undertaker! Paulie helps Rocky!

And we are no better. Which is tragic. The world needs to see we are different! United! We are the body of Christ. But we think we can do it alone. Denominations set against each other. Even in individual churches, people in silent or open strife with one another. Until we join up, with Christ as our head, and truly work together and love each other, as Paul said, (1 Corinthians 12v12, Romans Romans 12v5) we are alone. We must learn to love and honour each other, in spite of our differences! There are so many facets of God, and He is more than capable, if we are truly willing, to show us how and who we are. Protecting us and helping us discern real deception. But we must be willing. To want to be one together. One complete, whole body.

And TOGETHER we cross the river.

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zanygardenherowobbler · 3 months

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First Time Reaction: Michael W. Smith - Secret Ambition

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#michael w. smith #gospel #secret ambition official video #michael w smith reaction #soul #reaction channel #the paulie show you tube #Youtube

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zoebechtle-blog · 6 years

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Unlikely Chapter 4

Despite my throbbing head, Friday flew by. I tried not to check my phone every 38 seconds, but failed. I wanted him to text me, but he had to do it first. I don’t play by “The Rules” usually (hmmmm, given my dating history, maybe I should try) but out of sheer anxiety I never call or text first. It doesn’t mean that I don’t bite my nails while waiting, however. And more than once I’ve basically bitten a whole finger off waiting for a message that never came. I tried to distract myself at work by helping in the office in between appointments, explaining some procedures to Rose’s replacement (I’m sure telling her the total wrong thing). At lunch I decided to take a walk to occupy myself, but ended up sitting in the tea shop seven doors down eating a chocolate croissant and sipping Earl Grey. I was wearing ballet flats - there’s simply not enough arch support for a walk. Plus, my afternoon appointments didn’t need to see me sweaty. It was in the best interest of my patients. I was a woman of the people.

That evening Carly and I went to see Kinky Boots on the West End. It was my favorite and Carly had gotten box seats through someone at work. We sang like ninnies throughout the show, laughing and carrying on. Afterwards we hit a swank gastro-pub she’d heard about. As we settled in and were chatting about our days, she dropped the bomb I knew she’d been dying to ask, “So, Niall?”

“Nope.” I rolled my eyes at her.

“Yep. Spill.”

“Well yes, young Niall. He’s a friend of a friend. Perhaps you’ve noticed him at quiz night. Blonde thing, Irish?”

Biting into the olive in her martini, she stuck her tongue out at me. “Seems like he’s more than a friend of a friend. You two were almost snogging last night.”

“I was just playing with his hair. It was innocent. I do that to Paulie all the time.”

“Paul doesn’t practically drool on your boobs when you play with his hair. And he doesn’t look that cozy, either.”

“Stop.”

“Z,” she started. “He rea-...”

“No, Carly. I said stop.” I knew my irritation was evident. I had no poker face - anything I thought or felt was always on display. “Listen, he’s really nice and all the other stuff. But it’s nothing. NOTHING.” She tried to interrupt and I held up my hand. “Don’t. I will not get my hopes up. Because every time someone shows me interest I get a little excited, and I am not doing that anymore. It never ends well, and I’m not putting myself through it again. Remember Adam?” I took a long drink of my martini (Ketel One, extra dirty) and stared at her.

“Right. He was a dick.”

“He was a dick who lead me on for two months and then Aaron found out he had a girlfriend in Leeds. And before him there was Sam, and, um, Robbie. In college there was Dave. High school was Sean. And Kyle The Worst. I’m not doing it. Short of Niall Horan tattooing my name on his ass, I will not believe this is anything more than friendship.” For emphasis, I smacked my hand on the table, startling the tables around us. I eyeballed people who were looking, and stuck my tongue out at a kid about 7 who was staring. Like a sensible human being, he stuck his back out at me.

I’d been unable to get over my hissy fit with Carly, so we called it a night after one drink and no dinner. She hugged me outside of the pub. “Sorry, Z. I didn’t mean to upset you. But don’t shut him down. Friend or whatever, I think he’d be a good guy to keep around.” I nodded at her and hugged her back. I wasn’t mad at her really - she said the same things I would have said if the tables were turned. But Carly didn’t have my history with men, so she couldn’t understand where I was coming from. Sigh. I dug around my purse and found an emergency Valium in my container of miscellaneous pills, swallowing it as the cab sped towards my flat.

I slept late Saturday and Sunday mornings (okay, I sleep late every weekend) and ran errands. I’d begrudgingly let Hannah talk me into hot yoga on the condition that we got pancakes afterwards. I spent the rest of my free time on laundry, had dinner and wine at one of the other therapist’s in my office’s house, and caught up on paperwork. My friends all avoided any mention of Niall - I was assuming Carly had made everyone aware of my meltdown Friday night and they were tiptoeing around me. I was okay with that, though. I didn’t post on Instagram, but went on a few rants on Twitter. Nothing exciting happened, not that I expected it to. Sadly my philosophy on life was to set low expectations and never be disappointed.

Monday began earlier than I expected when my texts notifications dinged at 6:30 (my alarm was set for 6:45 - those 15 minutes make a huge difference). Having been raised to believe that no good came of late night or early morning phone calls, and having adapted this to texting as well, I fumbled for my phone, knocking it off the nightstand. Trying to get to it as soon as possible (Did someone need bail money? Had my sister-in-law finally snapped and murdered my brother?), I fell off the bed. Happy fucking Monday.

Niall. The text was from Niall. I rubbed the tiny knot rising on my forehead (which I knew would swelll into a goose egg by the time the morning was over), and opened it.

“Dragged everyone to quiz night . Not the same without ya !

“I’m shite at the science questions-wish ya were here Z .”

Holy fuck beans. I was wide awake now. As I processed this info, another text came in.

“Oh, and it’s trivia night here . Not quiz night . Americans ;) .”

That was flirty. It was definitely flirty. There was a wink emoji. I took a screenshot of the conversation and sent it to Hannah.

“HELP!”

“HELP!

“HANNAH LOUISE GET UP! THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!”

“omg. he texted you! he’s flirting! that’s total flirting!”

“i’m totally squealing for you, btw”

“Right? Me too!”

“what did you say back?”

Fuck. I needed to respond.

“I haven’t. Shit, what do I say?”

“be clever.”

“Oh, that’s helpful.”

“z, it’s 6:40 on a monday morning. you’re lucky i’m awake.”

Okay, I can do this. I carried my phone (like it was my precious baby) into the kitchen while I started my Nespresso. I tried typing in several witty answers and deleted them before I could hit send.

“Sorry, my friend. You hit the quiz night goldmine with us on your first try. And damn those dirty Americans :)”

When I didn’t get a response in a few minutes, I gave up and started to get ready for the day. In the shower (washing your hair actually causes ideas to get loose, I swear) I thought of several comebacks that would have been much better. Damn. No response as I gave my hair a quick blow dry (then gave up and put it in a bun), tossed on my fast weekday makeup (BB cream, a quick swipe of eyeliner, and mascara...lipstick could be done on the tube), and tossed on a pair of gray khakis and a navy sweater. Nothing. Bullocks. I reminded myself that this was the exact reason I didn’t want to get excited about Niall in the first place-it was too easy to get caught up and let my emotions get dictated by someone else. With a concerned effort, I turned off my phone and tossed it in my bag.

When I finished with my 3:00 appointment, one of the part-time admins was standing outside of the treatment room we’d been in. “Zoe, you need to call a Hannah back as soon as possible. She’s called three times since lunch and sounds like she’s really upset. I hope everything is okay.”

Damn it, Hannah, you drama queen. I went into my (tiny) office and retrieved my phone, turning it on. 14 texts from Hannah, 8 from Paul, 2 each from Jess and Carly, and 1 from Brian. She’d sent in the troops. As I scrolled through, I saw one more I’d missed in my initial perusal - Niall. First things first, though: Hannah. I called her extension at work and she picked up, “Jesus Christ, are you okay?”

“Wow, that’s a professional way to answer the phone. I’m fine. Turned my phone off this morning.”

“Did he not text back?” People were shouting numbers behind her and the mere idea of it gave me a rash.

“Not right away, and I didn’t want to keep looking at the phone. Just checked it since you freaking called the hounds out on me. He responded.”

“And?”

“And what? I didn’t read it yet. I called you before Scotland Yard showed up at my office.”

“Well fucking read it!” her high pitched voice pierced the line. Ouch.

“I’ll text you shortly. Call off the posse, I’m safe.” I ended the call and stared at the phone a minute. Here goes nothing.

“I did hit the jackpot for quiz mates . Brains and beauty .”

I gasped. Literally gasped. And dropped my phone, narrowly missing my mid-afternoon San Pellegrino. Beauty. BEAUTY. But mate. But beauty. But mate. Gah! This is why my spinster plan was a good idea. Copied the text and sent to Hannah with my own “WTF?” note.

I hammered out a quick response, “Yeah, Paul’s quite the catch. You did well.” It was almost 7 am in Los Angeles (thanks, Google, because time zone math always tricked me). I didn’t figure Niall for an early riser, so back in the bag went the phone and I went into my 4:00 with Elliott, one of my favorite kids.

On the tube home I couldn’t resist and looked again. Nothing. So I did what any sensible person would do and ordered eggplant parmigiana take away. I got into my flat, changed into an old t-shirt - pants were totally optional in my house, took out my contacts, and plopped my ass down with my dinner. My Netflix and chill date was Italian and delicious. A little saucy, though.

At 9:30 my phone dinged with a text. I was half asleep and could feel the pattern from the sofa pillow indented in my face. I grabbed it and saw a text from Niall.

“Paul is a nice looking chap . Not who I had in mind, tho .”

Well fuck this, I was no good at playing cute. Trying to come up with a way to come and ask him if he was hinting at liking me, I heard another ding.

“Want to facetime? I’ll turn on the Lumineers and sing to ya .”

Oh, fate, you’re a cruel mistress. I didn’t even want to know what I looked like right now. There was marinara on the front of my shirt, and I’m sure some on my face. I highly doubted that my makeup had lasted for 14 hours. And I had dragon breath. (I know, he wouldn’t be able to smell it because we hadn’t invented that technology yet, but I’d know.) I pondered if I could put him off long enough to take a shower, get a blow out, and properly contour and highlight my face. Instead I opted for a coy response.

“What fun would your singing be if I couldn’t play with your hair?”

“I’m not really up for FT right now - Monday slug night. Talk, though?”

One minute and 43 seconds later, my phone rang.

I finally hung up the phone at 00:18, GMT. My cheeks hurt from the smile I was rocking. At one point I'd laughed so hard as Niall told me about being chased by stadium security guards on his Segway that I got the hiccups. He, in turn, laughed so hard he had a coughing fit. “We’re a right mess, aren’t we?” he said as we both calmed down, an occasional chuckle between us. “Suppose we are. But at least we’re entertaining.” By this time I’d abandoned the living room and crawled into bed, almost purring when my back hit the mattress.

“What are you doing?” he asked in almost a whisper.

“Getting comfy. Just laid down in bed. It’s my happy place.” The silence on the other end of the line was obvious. Did I just freak him out? I wasn’t trying to get all sexy times, I just got into bed. My shirt and panties were still in place, for God’s sake. “Uh, I didn’t mean happy place like sex. Well, I mean, I guess that happens here, too, well, has happened here, but I’m just, um, laying down. Ya know, it’s late and my bed is warm.” The babbling.must.stop. “I just really like to sleep.”

His chuckle calmed my nerves. “I like to sleep, too, Z. I guess I was just thinking about you gettin’ cozy in your pajamas.” The tiny yelp noise I made echoed through my room. And the phone. But before I could get awkward, Niall beat me to it.

“Not perverted. Well, maybe a little.” I could already see him pulling at the front of his hair while he tried to explain himself. He let out that damned adorable chuckle again and continued. “I just think you’d look cute curled up in a big bed with lots of blankets. Probably one your gran made ya or something like that.”

My heart was beating so hard I thought it was going to explode. Unable to handle the sweetness, I laughed and said, “Do you have a camera or something in here? I thought you weren’t being perverted?” And I pulled the quilt my Grandma Bechtel made me in elementary school up closer to my chin. It scared me (in a good way, not a Jamie Dornan in The Fall kind of way) that he could imagine a scenario that was basically right on.

“I’ll keep my perverted thoughts to myself, promise. At least for now.”

Okay, well I’ll be good and goddamned if my panties weren’t on fire. “You’re testing my restraint here, Horan. I’m a good girl.”

“I have a feeling anything I say here is going to lead us down a bad path.” His voice had dropped an octave, though, and I could practically SEE the sexual tension in the air. “And, for the record, uh, I think you’re a very good girl, Z.”

Struggling to keep my heart from actually packing up and abandoning my chest, I managed to respond. “I think I should say goodnight, Niall. Or good afternoon in your part of the world.” I barely recognized my own voice. It sounded a little higher and throatier than usual. Oh my god. It was my horny voice. I wasn’t usually in a position to actually listen to myself.

“Yeah I guess it is late there. You go and enjoy your beauty sleep. Not that ya need beauty sleep, I just mean I hope you sleep well. You’re already beautiful. Just, uh, sweet dreams, Z.”

Wow.

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