#the only unforgivable thing allison did was what she did to luther everything else was understandable | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

0000507 · 4 years

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Into the Spider-verse, but make it about the Umbrella Academy

Album challenge: Umbrella Academy Edition, i.e. I take a songlist and try and attribute each song to a character.

Song lyrics and (my personal, probably inaccurate) character analysis under the cut. Fair warning, long ass post is long.

So I’m starting this challenge with the Spider-Man: Into the Spider-verse album because I’ve been listening to it (a lot) lately.

01. What’s Up Danger by Blackway & Black Caviar is, to me, very much a Five song. Like, just check out these lyrics:

Ayy, gettin' old, they doubted us Makes it that more marvelous … Two-hundred miles-per-hour wit' a blindfold on (on) Mama always askin', "Where did I go wrong?" (wrong) What's up, danger? Ah, what's up, danger? Traveled two-hundred miles, I'm knockin' at your door And I don't really care if you ain't done wrong, come on What's up, danger? (Danger) D-don't be a stranger (stranger) I like it when trouble brews, I won't dare change I like it when there's turbulence on my airplanes I like it when I sense things I can't see yet Swimmin' with sharks when they ain't feed yet 'Cause I like high chances that I might lose I like it all on the edge just like you, ayy I like tall buildings so I can leap off of 'em I go hard wit' it no matter how dark it is If I'm crazy, I'm on my own If I'm waitin', it's on my throne If I sound lazy, just ignore my tone 'Cause I'm always gonna answer when you call my phone Like, what's up, danger? (Danger) Like, what's up, danger? Can't stop me now I said, "I got you now" I'm right here at your door I won't leave, I want more What's up, danger?

02. Next up we have Sunflower by Post Malone & Swae Lee which, to be honest, gives me such heavy Vanya vibes I can’t even. More so due to the song itself than the lyrics, but they’re still pretty accurate. That smooth af sound, tho.

Give me a reason to (to, to) Oh, every time I'm walkin' out (ayy) I can hear you tellin' me to turn around Fightin' for my trust and you won't back down Even if we gotta risk it all right now, oh (now) I know you're scared of the unknown (known) You don't wanna be alone (alone) I know I always come and go (and go) But it's out of my control And you'll be left in the dust Unless I stuck by ya

03. Next we have Way Up by Jaden Smith, which, despite being a boppin’ song, really didn’t remind me of anyone in particular until I really sat down and read the lyrics. So I’m going to attribute this one (tentatively) to all of the seven, though I’m leaning a little heavier towards Luther than the rest.

I went from boy to a man, wow (man) Opposition had to stand down Man I had to make a perfect plan, now I'm on the wave (Wave, wave, wave) I had to fight for the city (for the city) I had to fight for the people (for the people) You gotta do what all leaders do (go) Everyone here, we believe in you (yeah) Know you can be a hero 'cause we seen you do it (woo) And this is the time that we needin' you (you) Everyone is here to see you move (move) Winnin', we winnin', we winnin' (we winnin') We put a world on a wave (wave) And every time you swinging through the city You are the saving the day (let's go) ... We had to fight for the town (town) Now there's no villains allowed ('lowed) Everyone cheer in the crowd But I'm still way up, I'm over the clouds (clouds) We had to fight for the city (city) Competition was lethal (lethal) Honestly it's no biggie (biggie) I had to do what all leaders do ... They always hate on us, but they can't do it without us Yeah-yeah, yeah-yeah, we out here cleanin' the streets (streets) We don't accept the defeat ('feat) We keep on going until we win (win) Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, all of 'em weak in the knees (knees) Deer in headlights when they freeze (freeze) But we keep on going until we win

04. Familia by Nicki Minaj & Anuel AA ft. Bantu is, without a single doubt, representative of all of the Hargreeves siblings. Full stop.

Father, father, unforgivable This is my house, you made it personal It's always trouble when they go too far Nobody mess with my familia Father, father, could you bless his soul? He talking crazy, I may lose control

05. The lyrics don’t necessarily fit in some places, but the general tone and feel of Invincible by Amine still makes it a Luther song in my book.

I wanna, I wanna fly right now I wanna see all my homies get down I wanna feel like I can't come down I got a dream so I can't stop now I gotta stop feeling invisible And start feeling invincible Hate feeling impossible The hardest thing is believing in your dreams Stop feeling invisible And start feeling invincible Hate feeling impossible The hardest thing is believing in your dreams I feel like a stranger to myself And sometimes that feels dangerous But I'll bet you'll see me For who I truly am, maybe not if it wasn't bland Some days I look in mirrors and I wonder who's that man

06. Start a Riot by DUCKWRTH & Shaboozey is Diego’s official anthem don’t @ me. The dude probably blasts this when he’s taking down bad guys. A bit of shade, a bit of bass, I can fully see Diego rocking to this song.

When I say, "Brooklyn, stand up" (stand up) You better just fix your posture And every hero needs his theme song So, who in here tryna You ain't got a chance, boy What you think? (Huh?) I thrown in everything but the kitchen sink (yeah) I try to be friendly in the neighborhood (okay) I know all the little grannies wanna sip they tea (yeah) And here you come, all barging in (huh?) All ugly like a brown fur cardigan We receive the monologue and the arguing I'm like who in here tryna start a riot? … If you bump that action, it don't matter Just let me know, oh, know Make way (make way) I'm comin' through With my crew to make 'em pay I don't need no super suit I'm feelin' brave Don't be a hero Turn around and walk away … Every day is like a sticky situation When evil's looking for a chance (for a chance, ooh) And I know we are the newest generation (newest, newest) We got the power in our hands

07. Hide by Juice WRLD ft. Seezyn is, for me, all about Allison and how having and losing Claire changed her as a person. This is a more sorrowful song, but I still think it fits her. Slow, more laid back, but still heartfelt.

She made me leave the thrills at home And I'm fine with it She really made me lose control I'ma let my love unfold We're just two lost souls But we're fine with it There's love at my front door, short notice You're not like the same girls I notice Think I met my soul mate Yeah, I know it When it gets dark outside In you I confide You help me face my demons I won't hide, hide Girls like you are hard to find I hope you don't mind If I give you the time of your life … Life is not the same With your pictures in my frame Now that you're here I want nothing to change You pick me up when I'm down I need you around You seen me through my darkest times Girl, is there something that you try to find? You brought meaning to my life All because of you, I do right Because of you, I have a purpose Fight for the world, because you're worth it

08. Oof, this next song. Despite having a nice little lo-fi beat and a lighter sound going on, in the context of his experiences I really do think that Memories by Thutmose personifies Ben (both the Umbrella and Sparrow versions) and, to an extension, Klaus (seeing as dead!Ben can only interact with the world through him).

My memories came back In the form of someone else … Memories It's gon' take some getting used to Memories Feel the pain when it hits you Memories Don't you ever let them fool you Don't you ever let them fool you 'Cause I know that you know that it ain't true I learned the hard way about trust About us, about us You sin and be on your high horse We're not so stable anymore What's left if I give you my all?

09. Save The Day by Ski Mask The Slump God & Jacquees ft. Coi Leray & lougotcash was a tough one, because the sound really didn’t fit in with anyone and I wasn’t really feeling it in regards to the group at large, but then I started digging into the lyrics and...

I pull up and save the day Don't want any problems, I'll be a call away I'm ready for action, fly without a cape I'm one of those ones, they'll never beat me

Okay, fair enough, this one can go into the “All” category. But, y’all, when I tell you I felt my soul ascend when I read this line:

You could still be adopted even though you a sibling

I am positive this song represent all of the siblings, now.

10. It’s time for the angst track, everybody. And let me tell you that Let Go by Beau Young Prince has the reverb, the tone, and the soul crushing lyrics for the job. It’s universal angst, too, because this could honestly apply to any of the seven.

Sometimes I don't really know myself Devil on my back, pray for me, need help Angel in the front tryna guide my steps Who do you call when you need some help? Who do you call when you by yourself? Who do you call when you feel down low? I just wanna scream, I just wanna explode … Violence in the streets, I just wanna calm the beast All these problems I'm just fightin' with myself are enemies Looking for my peace while I'm (Looking for my peace while I'm) I just wanna swing and fly away (fly away) I just wanna see a better day (yeah) I just wanna soar and never drown (never drown) I'm looking for my happiness now (now) I just wanna swing and fly away (fly away) I just wanna see a better day (a better day) I just wanna soar and never drown (drown) I'm looking for my happiness now, yeah

11. Scared of the Dark by Lil Wayne & Ty Dolla $ign ft XXXTENACION is one of those tracks that immediately hooks you, pulls you in, and then sucker punches you in the feelings. With that in mind, in both a literal and figurative sense, this song is all about Klaus.

I'm not scared of the dark I'm not running, running, running No, I'm not afraid of the fall I'm not scared, not at all Why would a star, a star ever be afraid of the dark? I'm not scared I'm not scared, even from the start I'm not scared of the dark Of the dark, mmm Tunechi I ain't never scared and I ain't never horrified I just look down at my Rolex, it said it's the darkest times I ain't never terrified, I ain't never petrified You know I see dead people, I just tell 'em, "Get a life" I ain't never scurred, I'm not sure if that's a word, but I mean every word, feelin' like, "Do not disturb, " wait … You know I can read your mind like I'm the author There's a line for tomorrow and that line's gettin' shorter I'm behind the trigger, what if I am the target? Deep sigh, a sayōnara, I ain't afraid to die It's either goodbye or good mornin', and the skies start to fallin' And I'ma shine in the darkness

12. Elevate by DJ Khalil ft. Denzel Curry, YBN Cordae, SwaVay & Trevor Rich has that kind of upbeat tone, can-do attitude, and fun tempo that immediately makes me want to see a scene where the Hargreeves siblings fight a bunch of baddies (together) to this song.

No millimeter, this is my arena I'm the black widow with a bad stinger And I'll make you scream like a bad singer I'm everything that you wanna be plus more Since there's no heroes anymore Jump out the window, then put the mask on Who the bad man that a man gotta bash on? … They will slander me, I just plan to be Somethin' powerful for my family Tried to balance life and my sanity Show a different side of humanity So amazin', keep appraisin' Save you from a home invasion Chasin' robbers from the bank … When the light shine, I go python I've fallen, on my last lifeline There's no way in my right mind My city up on my back tight How can I possibly act right? I'm Robin Hood, I'm the Black Knight I know you heard 'bout my last fight 'Cause I win, over and over again Battlin' evil, I'm hopin' to win Fightin' my demons, I'm nice for a reason Enticed with the bleedin', I'm showin' my sins How can you expect me to stay sane? Protect me My technique go X speed on high waves and jet skis I jump off this building to save these civilians My strength and my honor is trusted by children I'm ready and willing to fight all these villains No chaos or killings, my style is so brilliant … I may have lost the battle but I will not lose the war I can promise you I will not lose this time

13. And finally, Home by Vince Staples has a soulful kind of sound to it that, combined with the lyrics, reminds me that Five will quite literally do anything, endure anything, kill anything, to get back to and protect his family. It also has a kind of epic choral-esque start and finish to it that felt really nice to listen to.

This morning I woke up in a fortress of distortion I'm at war with my emotions, I'm at war with they enforcement Tryna fight for what's right and got sidetracked Where your mind at? Never mind that Can we think in a blink, you swimmin', you sinkin' You win, you leavin' a head where I've loaded my weapon I stay with my brethren, I pay for protection My prey in my sight so I'm doing what's right and not askin' no questions I wanna be home free Where's one that was lonely? But I'm ready and waitin' For my day of salvation, and I'm patient I'm coming home now I'm coming home … Right where I belong now Right where I belong They looking for saviors, I'm looking for safety They never gon' break me, take me Down on my knees, believe I'm never gon' beg or plead Yeah, I never say never, but I guarantee Gather my strength, goin' hard in the paint Paint you a picture, it's put on display I'm gonna get, they don't give then I take Can't take me down now My feet on the ground now Fight 'til I'm down now Say it out loud now Say it out loud, are you ready for war?

And there you have it. If anyone has any suggestions or questions about this challenge feel free to wander into my ask box.

- 57

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dogbearinggifts · 5 years

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“Dad Sent Me to the Moon” vs. “Because Dad Made Me”

How Luther and Vanya Talk About Trauma, Part Six

This is Part Six of my series analyzing how Luther and Vanya both address their own trauma and respond to the trauma of others. I’m almost finished with the episodes, although I still have a lot to say that will probably wind up in a quote-free final thoughts piece, so stick around for that.

If you missed previous installments of this series, or would like to read over them again, you can find them here:

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five

They can also be found under the tag “how luther and vanya talk about trauma.”

Episode Seven: The Day That Was (aka CHRIST ON A CRACKER, GET KLAUS A HUG ALREADY)

Vanya brings up her exclusion twice either prior or adjacent to the following conversations. They seem to remain more or less the same as they were in the prior episode, so I’m not going to analyze them. I’m just mentioning that they happen to keep my trauma counts straight.

**********

Our next trauma mention comes from Luther, shortly after Vanya and Leonard leave.

Luther: Yeah, you guys go. I’m gonna stay behind and look through Dad’s files. I still think this has something to do with why he sent me to the Moon. Diego: Seriously? Now you want to make the end of the world about you and Dad? Luther: No. “Watch for threats.” That’s what he told me. You think that’s a coincidence? This all has to be connected somehow.

I’m not going to spend a lot of time analyzing this, since I already did so in my analysis of the previous episode, but I would like to note that Luther’s mention of his time on the Moon here is still nothing more than speculation that he learned something that might help them save the world. Diego is the one who accuses him of “making it about him and Dad”; it’s an assumption that has little to do with what was actually said and more to do with Diego’s resentment toward Luther’s position as the parental favorite.

***********

Soon after, Klaus approaches Luther with a length of rope over his shoulder.

Klaus: Luther! Luther, you need to tie me up so I can…Are you drinking? Holy shi…holy shit, your’e drunk! And you busted into Dad’s liquor cabinet! He’s gonna be so pissed! Luther: Get him. Dad. Do it now. Klaus: I…I told you already, I can’t! Luther lifts Klaus by the throat and shoves him against the wall. Luther: Little shit! Klaus: Please… After a moment, Luther lets go, and Klaus crumples to the floor, coughing. Klaus: Jesus Christ. Luther! Of course I’ve tried! God knows I’ve tried! But he is as he was in life, he’s a stubborn prick! Luther: He needs to answer to me for what he did. For sending me up there. I sacrificed everything for him, my entire life. I never left this house. I never had friends. And for what? For nothing. Klaus: Hey, no no no. Just…just relax. I could try again. I can’t promise I’m clean enough. Luther takes another long sip of alcohol. Klaus: Hey, that…that’s enough of that. Enough of that. Come on. Come on. Chin up there, big guy. Luther: It’s okay. Just go. Klaus: Hey, why—why don’t we find the others? I’m sure Allison— Luther: I don’t want her. I don’t want them to see me like this. Besides, I—you know I’d just hold them back. What they’re doing is too important. Klaus: What’re you talking about? You’re our Number One! Remember? O Captain, my Captain? Remember? Yeah? Right? Luther laughs, then breaks down in a sob. Luther: You know, Diego was right. Dad sent me to the Moon because he couldn’t stand the sight of this. Of what…of what he did to me. Of what I’ve become. Klaus: No, no, no. That’s…that’s not….It…Damn it, Dad was such an asshole, right to the end. Look, if there’s anything…anything else I can do…. Luther: I wanna be like you. I want to do whatever it is that you— Klaus: No, no no no. You don’t. Absolutely not. Luther: Yeah. I do. Yeah. You just, you always seem so carefree, and I need that. I wanna be Number Four. Klaus: Trust me. Trust me. You don’t want that. You don’t want that.

I’m sure by now that everyone is familiar with the criticism Luther receives for this scene, and I’m not going to try to defend his behavior. Yes, he’s drunk, and yes, this seems to be the first time he’s ever been under the influence, but being under the influence is not an acceptable excuse to lash out in violence toward your loved ones—or anyone, for that matter. Pushing Klaus up against the wall, choking him and calling him a “little shit” for not doing something he, at that point, cannot do, tossing him across the floor—this is reprehensible and I’m not going to pretend it’s anything but.

However, much is made of the fact that, aside from being incredibly noisy during his hangover the following morning, Klaus doesn’t hold Luther’s behavior against him. A popular consensus seems to be that Klaus is simply such a loving and accepting person that he will not hesitate to forgive the unforgivable, but that is not my take. Honestly, I think Klaus has been where Luther is. Lost to substances, crazed with pain, lashing out at his family for withholding the one thing he thinks can bring relief? For a man who hasn’t been completely or willingly sober since he was thirteen, this is probably familiar territory. Klaus’ ready exoneration of Luther’s behavior is not, to me, evidence of his capacity to forgive the unforgivable, but evidence of just how deeply he understands Luther needs to be dissuaded from the same path he walked. In this scene, I doubt Klaus is thinking “Oh, Luther’s my brother, he doesn’t mean it,”; he’s probably thinking “Oh shit. Not you, too.”

As for Luther’s behavior in this scene, two things must be taken into consideration.

First off, Luther spent the most time of any of the siblings in that house, directly under Reginald’s authority. As we see from flashbacks and Klaus’ talk with him later in this episode, Reginald was easily angered, emotionally distant, and emotionally unavailable. He held his kids to an impossibly high standard, and was often openly cruel to his children (as we see both with Klaus in the mausoleum and when he later refuses to let Vanya join in the family photo). To survive in such an environment, repressing emotion isn’t just a coping mechanism—it’s a necessity. When we hear Luther address his trauma with statements like “I felt like I was meant to be there [on the Moon]” or “He had a difficult decision to make and he made it,” we can see that this is exactly what Luther did. He repressed all negative emotions toward his dad, refused to let himself get angry, and was grateful for whatever shreds of approval or affection happened to come his way.

The thing about repressed emotion, though, is that those negative emotions don’t go away. They just stay bottled up inside, getting worse and worse until they finally explode out all at once. If you’ve ever moved into a house that’s stood vacant for a few weeks and watched as the taps ran brown, you’ve got a pretty good visual for what’s happening with Luther here. He’s kept the faucets off for too long, and the water is running brown. That’s part of why he shifts so dramatically and so quickly from anger to despair: Everything is pouring out at once.

The other factor that must be considered: It has been a known fact, since the beginning of human history, that getting drunk is not a good way to remain calm, cool, and collected. From Klaus’ disbelief and Luther’s lack of self-control, it seems safe to say that this is Luther’s first time ever getting drunk, which means he wouldn’t have known his limit or when to stop. Since his goal was getting wasted enough to numb the pain, he would have just kept drinking and drinking, possibly passing the legal limit before the liquor even fully hit him.

There’s a distinct difference between Luther’s reaction here and his reaction in the previous episode, and I think it can be chalked up to two things: who finds him, and how quickly that happens.

In the previous episode, Allison seems to find Luther just a few minutes after he discovers the packets. He hasn’t had time to process what he’s found; he’s only had time to calm down a bit. But I think it’s the fact Allison is the one to find him that has the greatest impact on his behavior: It’s Allison. He wants to put on a brave face for her, appear strong and capable. He doesn’t want to scare her, either, so when she pops in, he tamps down the anger he’s feeling, doesn’t give in to despair. Her successful attempt to distract him from the pain further pushes these emotions down.

Here, though, Klaus had time to consider his plan, go upstairs to wherever he found the rope, maybe exchange a few words with Ben, and come back downstairs to ask Luther to tie him up—all while suffering withdrawals. Not only does the Academy comprise an entire city block with multiple staircases and long hallways, but in his weakened state, Klaus would have taken longer to get what he needed and return. He might have even stopped to rest, started to crave drugs, realized he had to enact his plan immediately, and gone to find Luther.

All of this is to say, Luther had time to think about what he’d found. He had time to get angry, to wonder why Reginald would do something like that. And he had enough time to wander past the bar, possibly do a few shots to try and stop his thoughts from chasing each other in circles, realize it wasn’t working, do a few more….you get the idea. Although having time to process trauma is definitely a good thing—and an essential one—in a case like Luther’s, where he just received news that shattered his worldview, time alone would have been his enemy. He needed someone to talk to, and he only had his own thoughts. I don’t condone his using alcohol to cope (this scene demonstrates why it was a terrible idea) but I can sympathize with what drove him to it.

Now, I would like to address something that Luther receives a lot of criticism for: his attitude toward Klaus’ substance abuse.

Many people within this fandom mock Luther for that line—“You always seem so carefree, and I need that. I wanna be Number Four.” He’s roundly condemned for not understanding addiction and unhealthy coping mechanisms, to which I say….well, yeah. Of course he doesn’t. In this very scene, Luther says that he never left the Academy, he never had friends, he always stayed close to Reginald out of misplaced loyalty and a belief that the world needed him at the Academy. I doubt Reginald would have invested a lot of time or effort into programs about the dangers of substance abuse, so everything Luther knows about drug addiction would have been gleaned from his interactions with Klaus.

The thing to remember about Klaus, though, is that he underwent a drastic shift between the end of Episode 4 and his next appearance in Episode 5. He had ten months of offscreen character development, and while his time in Vietnam left him with even more trauma and baggage than he had before, it’s clear that falling in love with Dave, and remaining with him as long as he did, brought out the best in him. He’s more openly empathetic. He’s more protective of his siblings. He flushes his stash down the toilet.

But one thing I’ve noticed in this fandom is a tendency to retroactively apply Klaus’ positive character development in Episodes 5-10 to Klaus in Episodes 1-4. I don’t think this is done intentionally, but I think it does happen. Part of it is that this shift is done so well that Post-Vietnam Klaus and Pre-Vietnam Klaus don’t feel like separate characters. Pre-Vietnam Klaus was very flippant; Post-Vietnam Klaus takes life more seriously while still tossing off flippant remarks (“To save the world.” “Oh, is that all?”). Pre-Vietnam Klaus laughed at everything; Post-Vietnam Klaus still laughs during solemn moments, but his laughs are sadder, harsher, betraying more of the emotion they once concealed.

I could go on at length about Klaus’ character development, but because my analysis of this scene is already nearly as long as some essays in this series, I’ll leave it at this: The Klaus who comforts Luther is not the same Klaus from whom Luther learned about drug addiction. This Klaus is the one who told Diego about Dave, betraying the full depth of his love for him with just the word “Beautiful”; the one who later pushes past his own bitter disappointment and the fact he just died to confront Reginald about how he treated all his children, not just him. The Klaus whose actions taught Luther about addiction is the Klaus who laughed and joked when Luther asked him to conjure Reginald, who responded to Five’s hurtful “Does it matter? It’s Klaus” remark by cheerfully robbing a convenience store.

The Klaus who comforts Luther in this scene spent ten months learning to be vulnerable for a man who would eventually die in his arms.

The Klaus whose actions taught Luther about addiction treated life as a joke.

We the audience know Klaus’ addiction to be a means of self-medication for childhood trauma. We know his humor is an attempt to keep his hurt hidden from the world, and we can surmise he doesn’t even enjoy being high, if his “You guys are worse than the drugs” remark is any indication. Luther has seen precisely none of that. All he’s ever seen is a brother who does a lot of drugs and always seems to be in a good mood.

This is not Luther’s fault for not understanding something that was never properly explained to him. It’s not Klaus’ fault for layering a flawed coping mechanism on top of a dangerous one. It’s just sad.

***********

Our next trauma mention is somewhat oblique, and it comes from Leonard.

Leonard: You spend your whole life trying to get over what happened to you as a kid, but the second you step back in, you feel just as insignificant. Vanya: Yeah. I know.

There isn't too much to analyze here, as it’s a fairly short mention that lacks any details of Leonard’s childhood trauma (most likely by design). But it is the first time we get an inkling of just how deep Leonard’s trauma might go. Previously, he’d kept mentions of his dad short and fairly casual—”I still don’t think my dad ever forgave me for being born” hints at something darker, but it’s delivered so quickly and lightly that it can easily be brushed off as a humorous remark about his family.

One thing I’d like to point out, though, is that Vanya doesn’t ask for more information. Maybe she’s trying to respect his privacy, but given her openness toward her own childhood trauma, and her reputation within fandom for kindness and caring, it seems she might at least ask if he wants to talk about it, and respect his wishes if he says no.

Now, there’s the chance she already did ask at some point offscreen and Leonard declined. It seems a likely possibility, and we can’t know for sure. All we know is that in this scene, when Leonard hints at childhood trauma, Vanya responds by hinting at her own.

*******

The next one comes beside the lake, when Leonard is trying to get Vanya to learn to master her powers.

Leonard: Vanya, you’ve seen what people with power can do. They can stand up for people who can’t defend themselves. Vanya: Yeah, and at what cost? I watched everything my bothers and sister could do ruin their lives.

This exchange, though brief, raises a lot of interesting questions regarding Vanya and her attitude toward her siblings.

It has been well established prior to this that Vanya does not think highly of her siblings. Perhaps the most obvious remark of hers (which is, coincidentally, the one providing the clearest contrast to this scene) comes when she is ranting about her siblings on her way out of the Academy: “Nothing is ever good enough next to their holier-than-thou, weight-of-the-world bullshit!”

Taking a minute to dissect that remark, she almost seems to be dismissing their trauma. I wouldn’t quite say she is, since she doesn’t address their trauma specifically and doesn’t explicitly dismiss their pain, but she does reveal a very negative attitude toward the emotional baggage their superhero days left them with, dismissing it as “holier-than-thou, weight-of-the-world bullshit.” Rather than identifying it as the result of Reginald’s forced compliance with his vision of a crime-fighting dream team, Vanya views it as one more instance of her siblings believing themselves superior because of their powers.

Here, though, she doesn’t treat their baggage as a moral failing, but as a result of the powers they had. “I watched everything my brothers and sister could do ruin their lives.” They don’t ruin their lives because of their powers; their powers are the guilty party. She removes the blame from her siblings and places it upon something over which they had no control.

I see two very different ways to view this shift.

Now that Vanya has realized she is like her siblings, she is able to see that their poor decisions and worse outcomes were not entirely due to their own weaknesses, but to powers they didn’t ask for that came with unintended effects. Her own struggle in controlling her newfound powers has made her more willing to empathize with them.

Vanya is only willing to admit her siblings’ failures and frailties might have been a result of their powers because it allows her a means to escape responsibility for her own failures and frailties. She’s not inclined to let them off the hook for anything, but if it means she has a scapegoat for any mistakes she might make, she’ll allow it.

I think there’s evidence for both interpretations here, with room in between for grey-area views. It’s also possible something else is going on—i.e., she has always harbored sympathy for her siblings, but was simply angry when she left the Academy and wasn't inclined to show it. My take on this line is simply that it is evidence of a changed attitude, although the reason for that change is not entirely clear.

*********

Running count of trauma mentions (cumulative of all episodes thus far)

Own Trauma: Vanya 8, Luther 9

Trauma of Others: Vanya 5, Luther 3

Read on to Part Seven

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in-tua-deep · 5 years

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So I imagine that the kids eventually find out that their moms gave them up, and as they grow older they each grow angrier and angrier at these people they’ve never met. What if at the end of S1 when they all travel back in time they don’t arrive to a place/time that they’re all at the academy again,what if they somehow arrive in a time/place where they meet their mothers and have to pretend to be complete strangers to these women that they find unforgivable?

HMM honestly I can’t see most of them really being angry? On a big level their mothers just,,, don’t matter to them. They probably didn’t even know mothers were a thing until Grace came into their lives, and by the time they got around to learning about the birds and the bees and knew enough to know that Grace couldn’t exactly have brought them all to term, they already knew they’d been bought

and maybe they were angry at first, but they know their circumstances. Their mothers were seven (or six depending on if you think Luther and Five are twins in the show) women who were exceptionally unprepared for what happened to them.

Honestly that must have been so incredibly traumatic for all of them, they never consented to that pregnancy. They had to give birth, a process that is incredibly painful, when they had no prior knowledge or preparation mental or physical. They didn’t have a choice whether these children came into their lives, and honestly I don’t blame them for giving up the kids - and frankly having them be adopted by a billionaire? Who clearly has enough resources to take care of this child when perhaps you yourself so not?

The question isn’t why Reginald Hargreeves got so many kids, it’s why he got so few.

I would however be interested in maybe thinking about an au where one or more of the parents looked at the unveiling of the Umbrella Academy and looked at the seven children knowing that one of those kids was theirs and they just stopped a robbery (the one on the end is covered in blood, and some of the robbers are dead and the kids are little soldiers) and them trying to take some kind of action. Any kind of action. Because she thought her child would be safe and provided for, not… this.

And maybe it’s not out of place in canon. Maybe it’s an attempt that doesn’t work, because Reginald has access to plenty of lawyers. And the mothers terminated their parental rights. No matter how much they try, they can’t touch those kids.

I don’t know I understand that maybe some of the kids are angry. But I think some just… don’t care. These women aren’t in their lives. They aren’t important. They didn’t ask to have these kids, they didn’t have a choice. I can see at least some of the kids being downright empathetic about that - I mean, wasn’t their whole childhood about not having a choice but to obey Reginald Hargreeves? It might not have even occurred to them until they were older that their mothers even had a choice in giving them up, because Reginald is the ultimate authority in their lives.

There are a lot of reasons to give up a baby, and I refuse to think badly of these women for doing so. Not when they had to go through that. Not with how traumatic it must have been. They did not consent to these pregnancies. They did not ask for a child. They were not prepared for a child. They didn’t spend months bonding with a child growing inside them, didn’t go out to buy little onesies and cribs and toys, they didn’t pore over books of baby names, or have a baby shower, or get congratulations from coworkers and friends and family - they didn’t ask for this. That girl from the start of the show was young. She was shy with a boy that she liked and flirting and having fun, and she wasn’t expecting to give birth on the floor in front of all those people in her life, including the boy she liked.

So maybe they do go back in time, and there’s one of their mothers. And maybe they are angry at this stranger who didn’t want them. But they look at this young woman who gave birth to one of their numbers, and they see how young she is. See how she smiles and laughs without a care. Maybe she’s still in school. Maybe she isn’t. Maybe she’s working, working hard, she’s passionate about her career. Maybe she already has a family, maybe she has a husband or wife and maybe they already have kids or maybe they don’t. Maybe she’s helping take care of her parents who need assistance. Maybe she’s on her own in a shithole apartment and yeah it’s shitty but it’s hers and she’s out on her own and she’s independent and she worked so hard to get to this points.

My point is, they see their mothers, and they’re incredibly human. These women? They have lives. They have friends. They have family. And maybe they were angry, but they look at these women in their normal regular lives and think - how would I handle it? If I had a baby thrust upon me, right here, right now, with 0 foreknowledge and preparation, would I be able to take care of them? Would I keep them? If a billionaire swooped in and was able to make it all just - go away, wouldn’t I take him up on that?

Honestly I don’t think all of those children were bought. He probably got some of the kids for free, from mothers who weren’t willing to put a price on a baby’s head but were equally relieved to have someone to make it all go away. For this man who is obviously of means who has the funds to take care of a baby. Children are expensive, after all. That day would have been one of the most traumatic of their lives, wouldn’t you want to pretend it didn’t happen?

For this purpose i’m going to say Luther and Five aren’t twins and that there are seven individuals

So yeah, they meet their mothers. They pretend to be strangers and chat to these women. They find out that Luther’s mother is the first in her family to go to college, on a scholarship. She’s got big dreams and even bigger plans for her life. They learn that Diego’s mother is the eldest of four children and she’s very responsible, helping her parents out. She picks up her youngest sister from school and walks her home every day, she helps her siblings with their homework and cooks and cleans when her own parents are too tired to do so. They can barely make ends meet, but they’re close knit and they care about one another. A new mouth to feed on top of all of that would have been a terrible burden to bear (and Reginald’s money could put her siblings through college, she can make sure her parents don’t have to work as hard, that they can have some security, and all it costs is a baby she doesn’t even know). They learn that Allison’s mother is a leader among her peers, confident and social and outgoing. She’s climbing the ranks at work, confident and working hard to prove herself to all the people around her who say she can’t do it. She’s got her whole life ahead of her, and there’s no room in it for a baby. Not yet. Not now, when she has so much to do, so much to work towards. Maybe in the future, but not now when she has so much to lose and no one to help her.

They meet Klaus’s mother, who has clawed out a place for herself in the world with her own two hands. She has no one, she has her apartment and the two jobs she’s working and she’s going to make it no matter what just to prove everyone else wrong. They meet Five’s mother, who ran away from home when she was a kid and she’s putting herself through school going to night classes and working during the day. She runs on just as much spite as Klaus’s mother, but she has people. She’s stubborn and furious at the world, but she loves as furiously as she does anything else. She didn’t run alone, her little brother is with her. He’s in high school and she would sacrifice everything to make sure he has a future. She fought for custody of him, and she won, and she won’t do anything to jeopardize what little stability she has fought to give him.

They meet Ben’s mother, who has someone important in her life. They’re in love, but they have to keep it quiet. She loves her girlfriend, loves every stolen kiss and every moment they hold hands beneath tables. They plan to run away together, they’re saving up and they’re going to get a house together far away from everything that holds them down. They have plans. They barely have enough money scraped together for themselves, let alone a baby. A baby she knows her family won’t love, won’t want to take care of. They barely love her. They meet Vanya’s mother, who is afraid. She knows her family. They won’t love this child, born out of wedlock. She can’t make it on her own. She’s too young. She can’t support herself, let alone a child. She loves her family, she loves them, but they don’t understand her. They’ll take care of this child out of a sense of obligation perhaps, but they won’t love her. (They wouldn’t let her take care of her daughter anyway, would sweep it under the rug, maybe pretend that her daughter was her little sister. She wouldn’t get to raise her daughter, no matter what she chooses. And at least maybe this man, this rich man, wants her - and that’s important)

They meet their mothers, and learn about them, and they know Reginald. It isn’t these women’s fault, they didn’t choose this. They didn’t ask for this. And even if they did spend nine months carrying these children in their bodies, even if they were aware and prepared and knew what they were getting into, that still doesn’t mean that they were required to keep the kids.

So maybe they are angry, when they arrive. But that anger doesn’t survive contact, because these women are just… people. They’re smart and funny and sarcastic and irritating and passionate and spiteful and they’re so very very human. They have jobs, and families, and friends, and lives.

The Umbrella Academy arrived on a day like any other, the only remarkable thing was that their mothers weren’t pregnant when the day began. They arrived to a world that wasn’t prepared for them. To mothers who weren’t prepared for them. To mothers who had their own problems, their own reasons.

And now the Umbrella Academy gets to learn them.

Gets to see Luther’s mother who’s still in school, who can’t take care of a baby and complete her studies. Maybe she could have, if she was prepared. But she was taken by surprise. Gets to see Diego’s mother swing her and her sister’s hands between them as they walk back from school, hand-me-down clothes and worn out shoes. They’re living paycheck to paycheck, and babies are expensive. Gets to see Allison’s mother, a career woman, who doesn’t have time for a baby and doesn’t want a baby. She has a life, and a plan, and she knows what she wants.

Gets to see Klaus’s mother, who has clawed out a place for herself and herself alone. She’s supporting herself, she can’t support a baby on top of that. (and it’s not the baby’s fault, but her body was supposed to be hers, and she can’t help but hate what was forced upon her - she didn’t want to have a baby, didn’t want to go through that). Gets to know Five’s mother, who loves her little brother so fiercely and is so terribly proud of him. She worries over him and hangs his report cards on the fridge and neither of them speak about the home they left behind. She puts him first. Her brother comes before a squalling infant she didn’t ask for. They’re finally getting their footing, getting in a good spot. She can’t jeopardize that. She won’t.

Gets to see Ben’s mother, who is so in love and so ready to leave. A baby would be a chain, tying her down, making her have to stay because she can’t do it alone and she’s in love and their relationship isn’t ready for a baby. Gets to see Vanya’s mother, who is responsible and a member of the community. She swims. She flirts with a cute boy she wants to like her. She figures this baby has the best chance at life away from her, in a home that isn’t hers. She’s a nice girl, she wants to do what’s best, and she believes giving the baby up was the right thing to do.

Maybe they built their mothers up in their minds. These terrible women who would give their child to Reginald Hargreeves. But they didn’t know. They thought the babies would be cared for, why wouldn’t they?

The moral of this experience, the result of this time travel, is that they learn about the reasons someone can have for giving up a child. They learn that these abstract women in their thoughts are real people, with real lives, who make real mistakes.

They’re not monsters. They’re not evil. They’re frightened people who don’t know what’s happening to them, what’s happened to their bodies. None of them asked for this. None of them knew what was happening. It was painful, and frightening, and it wasn’t their fault.

And the kids have to realize that.

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klaus-king-of-death-hargreeves · 5 years

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Could i request a diego sick fic? Maybe he doesn’t want the fam worrying abt him but when he’s sick he stutters and ofc they find out and it’s just good old fashion hurt comfort lol tysm!

Of course! I hope this is alright and thank you for requesting! fsahdfjdg

It had been a full month since their family drama ended the world. A month since they discovered Vanya was more like them than they first thought. Not only in the sense that she too had powers but in the fact that she was just as fucked up as the rest of them. It was something they were all still coming to terms with.

It had been a rough ride. Five had never taken more than one person nevermind five others –six if you included Ben and Klaus had insisted that they did. Now, they were stuck in the past, trying like hell to figure out what their next step was. The Commission was still a threat and most importantly, they were still a mess. They had never been close as a family but in the weeks that followed Vanya almost killing them all, they were trying. Still, they weren’t perfect.

Some things came easily. They resumed training not only for their smallest sister but for themselves, and with that came the usual competitiveness. At least between Luther and Diego. So when Diego felt that little tickle in his throat that morning, he tried to ignore it out of existence. Unfortunately for him, feigning ignorance did nothing to deter germs and by nightfall, he was fairly certain he was dying.

They were all curled up in the living room, taking a much-needed break and watching a movie that took them nearly two hours to decide on and he was fighting the urge to cough. It was Klaus who noticed first –or maybe it was Ben. Diego noticed him turning his head to the empty spot beside him, whispering and laughing at the ridiculous characters on screen. Regardless, he was the first to speak up.

“You alright there?” Klaus stage whispered, leaning to close the space between the couch he was on and the armchair Diego was currently curled up in. Diego cleared his throat –or tried to. The small action seemed to make things worse and before he knew it, he let out a particularly nasty sounding cough.

“Y-Yeah. The pop-popcorn went down the wrong way,” he lied mentally cursing his stutter. For the most part, he had conquered it. He no longer stopped and started every time spoke, but in times of stress, the childhood speech impediment seemed to come back with vengeance. He could feel Klaus’ gaze still on him and when he turned, he could see his brother staring, eyes narrowed as if the truth was written on his face. “Stop staring. You’re being w-weird.”

“Shhh. We’re just getting to the good part,” Luther hissed as he pointed to the screen only for Allison to gently smack his arm. Silence fell again and after a second more, Klaus turned to look back at the screen. Relieved, Diego shifted in his chair, trying to get comfortable only to get up and come back with a blanket. Was no one else freezing?

It was Vanya who noticed now, brows furrowing as she looked at her brother. She stared at Diego for a good long moment before tapping Allison’s arm and whispering to her. Though she had been working on speaking up instead of keeping things to herself, it was a process. It was Allison who looked at him now, brows pinching with concern before she began to write in her notepad, holding it out for Vanya to read.

Diego watched as the two shared a quiet conversation before Vanya spoke up, her voice barely louder than the television.

“Diego?”

Though Diego closed his eyes, he could feel all eyes on him the moment his name was called. With a sigh and a cough, he opened them again to look at Vanya.

“Yeah?”

“Are you feeling okay?”

He sighed, fighting the urge to both cough again and pull the blanket up further. God, it was freezing in here. “Y-yup. Never be-better.” It was an unconvincing lie. Especially since it was summer and he was almost wrapped up to his shoulders in a thick blanket. Before he could speak again, another cough wracked his body, sounding worse than before. His throat hurt like hell and he fought the urge to groan in pain.

“That cough begs to differ.” It was Five who spoke, looking at Diego from over his mug as he drank what might have been his third or sixth cup of the evening. It was hard to keep track and that much caffeine was sure to stunt his growth.

“It’s f-fine. D-drop it,” Diego murmured and pulled up the blanket a little. With everything going on, the last thing they needed to worry about was a little potential cold. Besides, he had been through worse. Still, he kind of wished mom was there. She always knew when he wasn’t feeling well and always knew what to do. No sooner had the thought crossed his mind did Allison get up. Without a word, she walked across the room and placed a hand on his forehead. It was such a motherly thing to do that for a second he didn’t move.

He watched as she frowned, and flipped to a fresh page to write before holding it up. Diego squinted in the dim lighting to try and read the words, just barely making them out.

’You’re burning up.’

He scoffed –or tried to as another cough worked it’s way up his chest.

“I’m f-fine,” he lied with a breathless sigh once he had gotten control of it. He could hear the sound of Five blinking off the couch only for the light to turn on, causing them all the close their eyes as they struggled to adjust to the sudden and unforgiving brightness.

“Really? ‘Cause you sound like hell,” Klaus stated, head lolling to the side as he studied his brother. Though his tone was light and joking, he could see the concern in his eyes. Klaus was always one to empathize. Especially when someone was sick. Though, it was usually him. The kid always had a piss poor immune system.

“It’s N-nothing. Ca-can we just g-g-go back to the m-movie?” Diego winced as he spoke, his voice rough as he struggled to get through the statement.

Allison shook her head and scribbled on a fresh page before turning to show the others what she wrote. Vanya stood now, placing the large bowl of popcorn she had been sharing with Five to the side before walking over. Though she hesitated, she reached out to touch his face, her frown confirming that he was, in fact, burning up.

Lifting a hand, he –as gently as he could– pushed hers away. “I-It’s nothing,” he stated simply wanting nothing more than for everyone to go back to watching the movie and not him. However, the film was paused and now everyone seemed to be staring.

“I’ll get something for the cough,” Luther stated suddenly, his tone authoritative as he slipped into being the leader once more.

“Soup will probably help.” It was Five who spoke and no sooner had the words left his lips that he blinked out of the room, vanishing in a flash of blue light. Diego frowned as he watched his siblings beginning to scatter, groaning as even Klaus stood, bare feet slapping the floor in his rush.

“Oh co-come on not you t-too,” Diego groaned and Klaus paused.

“What? I’m just getting some tea…It’s three sugars, right?”

Diego opened his mouth to protest only for a thermometer to be shoved in by Allison who held up an already scribbled note.

’Shut up.’ She flipped the page to show the next bit. ’Just accept the help.’

Rolling his eyes, Diego groaned but he didn’t protest knowing this was a fight he was not going to win. If there was one thing all his siblings shared aside from trauma it was stubbornness. Still, he couldn’t help but feel a little thankful to have them there. Even if they had bigger things to worry about than a little cold, it was nice.

#diego hargreeves #The Umbrella Academy #tua #klaus hargreeves #vanya hargreeves #ben hargreeves #Allison Hargreeves #number five #Five Hargreeves #luther hargreeves #requests open #seriously hope this is ok. I've never taken a request before so i'm NERVOUS.#requests #my writing

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