Ok I genuinely can't write for shit but I NEED this fic,,, or really any Not Me and The Eclipse crosses whatevers
Ayan is part of the gang
Yok and Akk are twins
Aye and Yok are best friends (they'd be INSUFFERABLE and hilarious besties and you can't convince me otherwise)
Yok and Akk have been separated since before the gang formed (the gang knows Akk exists, this isn't secret sibling/twin stuff again (unless you want it to be 👀))
Extra thought!: Ayan could be Dan's younger brother... Idk I thought it could be funny like, "bro, what if I wanna date your twin" "only if I get to date your older brother" idk just a thought (dan is, I'm 98% sure, canonically older than Yok by like 5+ years? So that would still track)
Akk has to come live with Yok for whatever reason and therefore also meets Aye
Aye flirts with Akk cause he thinks it's funny, oops not funny I fell for him
I feel like there could be an Akk and White bonding moment in there
Anyways that's what I got, use what you like, don't use what you don't. If you do write a fic inspired by any of this though,,, you should tag me so I can read it 👀
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I miss the subtle aches
notes: post ep. 9, hurt/comfort, Akk/Ayan; title from Touch by Sleeping at Last; English isn't my first language so apologies if you find any mistakes
Aye has a bad day.
Read on AO3
It’s just a mixture of awareness and curiosity and concern at first, and Akk is wary of it. He keeps it at the edges of his mind to examine later.
He takes his phone out of the pocket of his blazer – the phone which is still on and in the pocket of his blazer instead of buried under the books in his backpack. But Akk quiets the murmured silly boy, all this rebellion and for what? slithering in his mind with a twitch of his nose.
Hey shorty, aren’t you coming?
He sets the phone down on his desk and he drums his fingers on his thigh with every ticking second.
“Isn’t Aye coming today?”
Akk looks up, startled.
Kan is standing right next to him, looking down at him like they’re both playing a game. “It’s not like him.”
Akk looks down at his phone. There are no new messages. He looks back up at Kan. The game is called I’ll pretend for you.
“I should probably go check on him,” Akk says, playing along. He gathers his backpack and he stands up. “I don’t want him to get us into trouble.”
Kan raises his chin, a little curl to the corner of his lips. “Good idea.”
*
Akk walks, at first. He walks because if he’s walking that must mean he has no reason to hurry, no reason to worry.
He’ll get to Aye’s house and he’ll find him asleep and he’ll have every right to look exasperated and then he’ll have Aye drive him back to school. Maybe Aye will have to kiss him to be forgiven. The thought is almost enough to distract him from the clock’s numbers on the screen of his phone, which keep progressing mercilessly.
He taps Aye’s contact and he brings his phone to his ear.
It rings.
And it rings, and it rings, and it rings –
and Akk starts running.
*
When Akk gets to Aye’s house he’s out of breath and his sides hurt and his shirt is sticking to his back.
He would be ashamed of the way he knocks if his whole chest wasn’t filled with sheer determination – which he isn’t calling panic, not yet, because panic isn’t useful. Panic means drowning and Akk needs to keep his head above water.
He knocks until the side of his hand starts hurting and then he knocks some more.
“Aye!” he calls, yells, “Aye, it’s me! Please.”
The door opens and Akk almost loses his balance, caught mid-knock. He catches himself in a stumble, half a step into the doorway.
Aye is standing in front of him and Akk finds himself suddenly emptied of everything he’d thought he would say or do or feel.
Aye looks – beautiful and like the keeper of Akk’s youth. But he looks like he’s bleeding colours, like standing in front of Akk is draining him.
Akk lets his backpack fall to the floor as he toes off his shoes, trying to do everything at the same time, he steps forward with his fingers already predicting the shape of Aye’s cheekbone –
Aye takes a step back.
Akk freezes.
They are both so very still that Akk feels it take up space between his lungs.
“Aye?” More a plea than a request. “What’s wrong? Are you sick?”
Aye looks to the side. There are dark circles around his eyes. “I’m fine,” he says. Always infuriating.
“I don’t believe you.”
Aye looks at him. Sharp. Akk knows how sharp he can be, so he’s braced for it when Aye says, “How surprising.” Cutting.
Akk takes a step forward, but he doesn’t reach out again. “You’re not going to get rid of me that easily.”
Something achingly similar to surprise flashes across Aye’s eyes for a moment only, but he doesn’t let Akk hold on to it. He turns without a word, dragging himself towards the stairs. Like he’s carrying some unspeakable pain.
Akk wishes he could offer to carry it for him. But he just follows, keeping up with Aye’s pace. The stairs are excruciating.
He sits on the floor when Aye lays down on the bed.
“You shouldn’t be here,” Aye says, his voice rough and deep, like the pain he’s carrying is a well his voice is drawing from. He’s staring stubbornly at the ceiling.
“Why not,” Akk says, too steady to be a question. Still a challenge.
Aye hesitates. And then he whispers, “Because I don’t deserve it.” and then he shuts his eyes and presses his lips together and it breaks Akk’s heart.
“Don’t say anything,” Aye adds, still whispering, eyes still shut. “I know it’s just my head. I know how this works. Please.”
Akk pushes his heartbreak to the side, but in order to do it he has to at least clear his throat. “Have you had any breakfast yet?”
It takes Aye by surprise enough that he turns his head on his pillow to look at Akk. “What?”
“Have you eaten today? At all?” Akk keeps his voice even, calm.
“I’m not hungry.”
Akk stands up. He goes to the window and opens the curtains just enough to allow some sunlight to cut through the room. “Water?”
Aye just looks at him. “What are you doing?”
Akk stops. He lets his hands drop to his sides. That question almost shatters him. Because the truth is, he has no idea. He’s hoping. He’s trying. “I read about this. I found some books in the library,” he admits, lowering his voice. Because he needs to know if he’s doing something wrong. It’s important that he knows.
Aye looks at him with barely a spectre of wonder in his eyes.
Lucky for him, Akk knows something about being haunted.
“They all said – it’ll make you feel better to attend to your basic needs. But I know it can be difficult, so.” he lets the sentence hover and fall on the floor between them.
Aye blinks. “You read about it.”
“Yes, of course.”
“Oh,” Aye says, following Akk’s movements as he pours some water from the jug on the desk to a glass. “You’re going to destroy me, uh.”
It sounds like resignation so certain that it’s almost amused.
Akk thinks about it as he moves closer, places the glass on Aye’s bedside table. “I learned from the best,” he says.
*
Akk brushes his fingers through Aye’s hair once Aye tells him it won’t make him feel worse. It’s almost lunchtime.
“You can’t expect yourself to be here everytime this happens,” Aye says, words left in the space between his lips and Akk’s chest.
“No,” Akk replies, calm. “But I’m here now.”
Aye sighs. It’s shaky.
Akk keeps brushing his fingers through Aye’s hair.
“Would you kiss me?”
Akk’s fingers still. He looks at Aye. “Will it make you feel better?”
Aye says, “No.” like he’s expecting disappointment. But Akk just waits. He gives Aye a chance to continue, “But I like it when you kiss me.” just a murmur, like it’s dangerous to be heard. “And I’ll remember it later.”
Later. There is hope and space for a time where this is not hurting any longer and Akk wants to get drunk on the word.
He moves closer and closer to Aye, inch by inch, because he wants this to be the best memory Aye can wake up to. And he doesn’t know how to do it but he presses his lips to Aye’s, hand cradling from Aye’s temple to his jaw. The most precious thing he’s ever held and Aye asks him if Akk would kiss him. Like Akk isn’t starving for a blessing.
Aye trembles in his arms and Akk thinks maybe he’s getting better at it.
Aye’s eyes are closed and his lips are red. Colour bleeding back into him, drip by drip. “Thank you for finding me,” he says, with that grace he has when it comes to saying exactly what he means.
Akk smiles. “Always, shorty.”
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How about smoke and sunshine for earthmix?
send me earthmix/khaofirst prompts
listen i know you don't care about earthmix so have some angsty akkayan because i am losing my mind
Rating: PG-13/Teen
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Seeing Ayan again is oddly anti-climactic.
It feels like the world should stop spinning, thunder, lightning - an accident of some sort.
But it’s just Ayan, walking towards him, clear and bright in the rays of the afternoon sun. The same sweet smile and a few extra lines around his eyes.
It’s just Ayan and Akk’s breath catching in his throat, the anticipation of an explosion that never happens.
‘Ey Aye!’ It’s Wat who runs up to him, pulling Ayan into a hug. Ayan beams into Wat’s shoulder as they exchange pleasantries. Wat looks around, catches onto Akk looking their way, ‘‘Akk can you believe it? It’s Ayan!’ and pulls Ayan towards him.
‘You seriously look like you haven’t aged a day!’ Wat says.
‘But you certainly look like an old man.’ Ayan teases back, sending them into fits of laughter that Akk joins in politely. And just like that Akk misses his chance at a stilted greeting, that shared moment of longing and awkwardness brewing for a decade between them.
‘Papa!’ Is all the warning Akk gets to brace for impact by an excited toddler. He bends a little to wrap his hand around her back while Wat picks up his own child, cradling her on his hip.
‘Look what I found!’ His daughter holds up a leaf with little spikes around the edges and little patches of yellow mottled around the central veins. Akk smiles down at her, ‘great job! It’s really pretty.’
Akk chances a look at Ayan, whose only expression is of delight, ‘and who’s this?’ he asks, crouches down until he’s of height with Maya, attentively nodding as she talks about her leaf.
And maybe there’s a sting of betrayal here - morphing into disappointment - that Ayan is here, meeting his daughter and there’s no cracks in the ground swallowing them whole. That Ayan is here at their ten year reunion, meeting the daughter Akk has brought to show his friends. That Ayan looks pleased with sunlight clinging to his lashes while Akk goes up in flames on the inside.
Ayan’s smile is as easy and beautiful as the day Akk falls in love with him, as easy and beautiful as it is in Akk’s memories - illuminated and proud in a way it has never been between just them. When Akk could only hold him in the darkness like a secret. Ayan is beautiful in the darkness too, lips wine red and parted with desire, skin mottled by the light shining in through the cracks in the blind, marking the trail of kisses for Akk to leave on him.
‘Papa!’ Maya says again and this time she’s at level with him, cradled on Ayan’s hip, ‘uncle Ayan said he can show me how to catch bugs! Can I play with him?’ Akk’s nose itches and his voice feels heavy with the weight of his heart sinking into his stomach.
Of course Maya would take an immediate shine to Ayan, clinging to him in a way Akk had never dared to. As if there was any other option, as if Ayan could be anything other than thoroughly loveable.
Akk nods, watches Ayan lead her away to crouch in a patch of taller grass and weeds. He doesn’t join them. It would be too easy, the things he’s kept from himself, the things he could never have.
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