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foldingfittedsheets · 4 months

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I’ve just realized. It’s time to tell you all. The story of the Great Dildo Heist.

I’ve mentioned before that I used to work at a sex shop. It was basically your average retail job except you’re selling sex toys. Aside from selling skills our most valuable asset was not giggling about the products.

When I was hired the manager at the time plopped a 20lb hyper realistic ass on the counter and said I must slap it with a straight face to work there.

I passed.

Now, our story begins a few years later with a new manager. You need to understand the store layout somewhat, so from left to right here are the zones:

A: Porn DVDs

B: Run of the mill sex toys, $10-50

C: High end sex toys, $150-300

D: Checkout

E: Lingerie

Before I go in to work I get a call from my manager. She tells me not to come in for two extra hours, because we’ve had a break in. This is especially surprising as we had really good security.

There’s cameras, motion sensors, alarms on the doors, and our store was really close to the local police station.

But our mystery thief was extremely savvy! They broke a window on the ground level near Zone B, sliding in amongst the safety glass. The alarms only activate on upper windows and doors, so our thief now had the run of the store.

We suspect that our daring robber intended to steal a whole lot of porn DVDs. But they, like you dear reader, were unaware of a crucial detail. We remove all discs and sleeve them up in a huge locked filing cabinet in Zone D.

So, foiled in the pursuit of a million hours of porn, our thief was left with the rest of the store at their disposal. And instead of proceeding to snag thousands of dollars of high tech, waterproof, rechargeable, high quality Ferraris of sexual pleasure, instead our intrepid interloper set their sights on something else.

In all the time they spent in the store, they were never once caught on camera. Between that and not tripping the alarms our robber was all set to emulate Danny Ocean in this magnificent heist. It was only on their way out that they happened to graze one of the motion sensors.

Now, right by our store was a 24hr Starbucks. Our thief could have strolled in with a backpack full of stolen goods and calmly sipped a latte while waiting for things to cool off.

But that’s not what happened.

What happened was that the cops found him a block away, sprinting as if his life depended on it with stolen sex toys flying out from his partially zipped backpack leaving fallen dildos in his wake like the most deranged trail of breadcrumbs imaginable.

When apprehended it turned out he’d stolen a backpack full of the foulest cheapest dildos money can buy, totaling not even $100.

Oh and also several tubes of a product called “Anal-Eze” which is a topical numbing agent to facilitate cramming stuff into your butt. (Don’t ever use it by the way, that’s how you end up in a hospital.)

He sobbingly confessed, “It was MeEeEeeE! I stole the diLDoS!!!”

And that’s the story of how I got to come into work two hours late.

#ramblies #story #writing #nsft #funny #ffs foibles

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pinknipszz · 3 months

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modern headcanons | he subscribes to your onlyfans!?

⋆✮↪ ryomen sukuna, fushiguro toji, and zenin naoya

‘ - imagine: you start an onlyfans account as a joke, only wanting to satiate the curiosity in your mind and share a good laugh with your friends. however, with an eviction notice and student debt weighing like stones in your pocket, you plunge yourself into the world of adult entertainment. it takes a lot of effort to make good progress but eventually you do. now with several months under your belt, a sizable salary, and adoring fans, you think that the risk is worth it.

warnings: suggestive language, its not that serious but mdni pls

*⁀➷ HOW HE FINDS YOU…

SUKUNA sees your profile in the suggestions list. being a patron to a few creators already, he’s not new to the platform. the algorithm knows what he likes, follows, and watches, so he’s unsurprised to see that your content caters to his liking. he doesn’t really plan to subscribe to anyone new, but things have been pretty dry recently, especially with the creators he already follows. sukuna thinks you’d be the same, but he can’t bring himself to close the website. his intuition tells him to drop a few bucks to view your page properly.

TOJI randomly picks your profile after searching up “top ten cheapest subscriptions.” like most men going through financial and family problems in their late 30s, toji turns to adult entertainment for a quick distraction. it works for a while, but he’s absolutely devastated after realizing that the good stuff is blocked by massive paywalls. he can only earn so much from gambling. toji eventually decides to do some research for a cheap (but quality!) creator and ends up finding you: a very pretty girl with very pretty videos for a very pretty price.

NAOYA learns about you from a friend at work. at first, he’s unimpressed. naoya is not really the type to use paid-access platforms. why the fuck should he pay for some pussy? it literally takes less than half the effort to find a free website. at the end of the day, however, naoya submits to his curiosity and buys your one-month subscription. he wants to see if you’re as good as people say you are. he doesn’t want some coworker to give you that credit. he wants to decide for himself because his word is law.

*⁀➷ HOW OFTEN HE COMMENTS…

SUKUNA doesn’t comment often. since paying for your monthly subscription a few weeks ago, sukuna watches every single one of your videos, special extras, and livestreams. he doesn’t know if it’s your sweet voice, pretty lace, or delicious body, but something about you has this man absolutely hooked. he rarely leaves a comment under anything though. it might be a problem with his pride, but sukuna doesn’t want to look like a desperate dog, even though onlyfans isn’t really a public platform.

TOJI comments occasionally. his comments are a healthy mix of praises and whatnot. considering that creators set their own subscription fees, and you’re kind enough to sell your content at a generous price, toji doesn’t hesitate to send a few words here and there. it’s the least he can do. now that he’s subscribed to you, toji almost feels bad about paying so little. he thinks you should be charging way more, but you won’t catch him complaining! besides, toji makes it up to you with salacious little comments.

NAOYA comments a lot. this man takes advantage of his anonymity. he probably has some stupid username, like “panty sniffer” just to fuck with people. or have a good laugh. maybe both. anyways, naoya is obsessed with your content. he turns your notifications on so he can be one of the first people to join your livestreams. naoya spams your chat too. it gets annoying for other people trying to enjoy themselves, you included, but this man does not care. he leaves the dirtiest, most obscene comments for you to read later.

*⁀➷ HOW MUCH HE DONATES…

SUKUNA donates a lot. he works a well-paying job so he doesn’t really care about sending you big donations. sukuna especially enjoys donating when you’re live. it leaves him with sick satisfaction when you grow flustered and moan out his name (he’s a bit uncreative with his user compared to naoya) in front of thousands of viewers. it feeds his superiority complex honestly, and makes him think that he’s a tier above your other fans. he may be stingy with compliments, but sukuna certainly won’t hesitate to spoil you.

TOJI donates every once in a while, but most of the time he doesn’t. he comments more than he donates. remember, one of the biggest reasons why toji watches you is because your subscription fees are outrageously affordable. when he does feel like donating though, it’s usually a portion he earns from winning a gamble that day. maybe if you’re lucky, toji might split his salary with you, but that’s incredibly rare. he still needs food and water to survive.

NAOYA never donates. that’s one line he doesn’t want to cross (but most likely will in the future). it’s easy to leave comments under your content because they’re just words. they only hold meaning if you want them to. but when it comes to real-world money, it’ll cement the fact that naoya stays up almost every night fisting his cock over some girl that doesn’t know he exists. it leaves a heavy blow on his pride that you hold that kind power over him, so choosing not to donate gives him a false sense of security.

(masterlist) | (a/n: this prompt was funnier in my head but whatever. also i played around w my headcanons format bc i got sick of the other one)

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #sukuna ryomen #toji fushiguro #naoya zenin #sukuna x reader #toji x reader #naoya x reader #sukuna ryomen x reader #naoya zenin x reader #jjk sukuna #jjk toji #jjk naoya #jjk x reader #jjk headcanons #jjk imagines #toji fushigro x reader #jujutsu kaisen toji

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sabertoothwalrus · 3 months

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Hi!! I hope it's okay to ask, which university are you/were you attending? I want to study animation in university but i have no idea which one to choose, so can you please tell me about yours?👉👈

I go to CSUF! It’s definitely one of the cheapest places to get a degree in animation in California, if not the US.

Only a handful of the California State schools offer animation, and most of the ones that do are 3D only, and I wanted to learn 2D.

SJSU has a good 2D anim program, and they’re the only state school in the bay area that does, BUT last I checked you need something like a 3.9 GPA to get in?????? like HELLO these are animation students. who are you fooling

the other schools I considered were CSULB and CSUN.

CSULB has a strong animation program! They have the guy that literally created the worldwide 24 Hour Animation Challenge. However, they required ONE extra art history class that none of the other CSUs needed, and I didn’t have it, and I wasn’t about to prolong transferring a whole other semester just to take it. (It was prehistoric art history, I think, which I admit sounds cool as fuck)

The reason I chose CSUF, beyond liking their curriculum better than CSUN, was because I heard about the Pencil Mileage Club. It’s the largest student-run animation club in Southern California. I’d argue that networking is almost more important than your actual skill. I’ll admit, the faculty is probably not doing as much for the students as other schools, but PMC more than makes up for it. I’ve made all my friends (and girlfriend teehee) through this club. I was president of my Art Club at my community college, so it was important to me to be part of PMC’s council. I’m now an event coordinator and so I help organize and run events and studio tours and guest speakers! :)) Clubs and extracurriculars look fantastic on resumes, so wherever you go, look into what’s available.

Things I should note: when you start at CSUF, whether as a freshman or through transferring, you will not be an animation major yet. You have to do the portfolio review first, and you can’t have any of the prerequisite classes in-progress when you apply. The portfolio requirement is only a few years old, too, and therefore it’s not nearly as competitive as, say… calarts or sheridan. I often say, students make the program better, not the other way around. the higher the level of students that apply, the higher the overall education quality will need to be to match that. Though this does mean that the higher quality a program is, the more people will be excluded, unfortunately.

CSUF’s aniamtion program itself is…. a little silly. You take storyboarding and character design after doing your short film ? for some reason? The new department head started at the school the same semester I did, and she’s definitely trying to make it better. She held a screening of the production classes’ finished films, and she told me she plans to have the curriculum restructured by 2025 (after I graduate, lol).

I’ll also mention that the art buildings are in the process of getting demolished and rebuilt. The first wave of new buildings won’t be done until the end of this year, and once that’s finished, they’ll tear down the remaining two buildings and start remodeling those. For now, we do a lot of our classes in the modular buildings jdhshfjs 🫡

We also have a mated pair of gay ducks that come every spring. Their names are Pebble and Rock. They are beloved by the art students.

And really, you don’t NEED a degree in animation to get into the industry. There are SO many online resources out there, a lot that are free, that can give you just as good of an education (in fact, several of my professors’ lectures have just been playing youtube videos and pulling up articles). BUT your classmates WILL be your future coworkers. If you’re not establishing relationships with people in some way on your own, you definitely need to make that bigger priority. After all, you won’t be working by yourself when you’re in the industry.

edit: oh I forgot to say that all the california state schools are striking the first week of the semester. so uh. there’s that

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saltydkdan · 1 year

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Salty, may I ask which you recommend more: the one piece manga or anime. I wanna get into it but I also want a recommendation on which one may be better to start with depending on the pros and cons. Anyways I apologies if this is a dumb thing to ask.

Sure! One Piece is a really interesting beast when it comes to the difference between it's anime and manga, and at the end of the day it depends on your preferences- However yes, there are Pros and Cons to each! For this ask, I'll be trying my best to stick to the Official options available to you.

Also, this post specifically will be about how to best GET INTO the series, not necessarily a critique on the content of it! (I'll gladly do a separate write up on that eventually if anyone is interested in my thoughts on the Pros and Cons of the series itself)

Anyway, here are my personal thoughts:

MANGA

(This is my preferred way to experience the story)

PROS

-I'm not a manga purist by any means HOWEVER, the One Piece Manga is really good

-The pacing is really great (especially initially). In the first half, arcs are very quick and snappy! And even as they got progressively longer in length I didn't mind because by that point the story already gripped me.

-The art is wonderful in both black and white, and the official colored scans (which you can find online)

-This isn't really a "pro" per say, but it's something I enjoy doing. When I read, I like to put on some of the soundtrack from the anime. I usually find stuff like "Tense One Piece Music" or "Emotional One Piece Music" and listen to it as I read. It really enhances the experience for me personally. I also like to look up clips of arcs from the anime that I'm reading or already finished to see what they look like, and also see them in a fun new way. I feel like this sort of mixed approach is optimal for me.

CONS

-You have to read 😔

-There are many ways to read One Piece and in many different languages. There's black and white and colored manga- however just be careful. The best one TRANSLATION wise is the official release, and while you may find other options, some older "unofficial" translations are VERY outdated (I once saw one where Zoro casually dropped slurs)

-That also being said: Even though the official translation is the best, it is stuck in black and white. Many official colored scans were never officially licensed in English, and because of that aren't as accessible.

-Collecting it physically is fun, but can get VERY pricey. Like... hoo boy. Thankfully they sell compendiums that collect a metric shit ton of chapters, however the paper/print quality is noticeably cheaper. So if you want to collect them, the smaller volume releases are the way to go. That being said, I would just suggest using the Shonen Jump App by Viz Media. It's the best official way to support the series officially, as well as the cheapest for the average consumer! $3 a month for the entire library as well as other series + getting new chapters updated every week is great. I'm not sponsored or anything either, I just really like the model. So if you find yourself really enjoying the series, THEN you can go about collecting it physically if you want!

ANIME

PROS

-It's animated (obviously)

-You have a choice of either the Japanese Sub or English Dub. This also boils down to preference but from my experience they're both great options!!

-I'll get into it in the "Cons" section, but the One Piece anime is VERY long, like... kind of in a not so good way at certain points. However, I've heard that even though some parts are a bit too long, it's one of those things that if you really get into it, you'll love the fact that it feels like a never ending adventure! Not my experience, but it's what others have told me!

-This is gonna sound crazy, but Filler Arcs. A lot of people don't like these, and I get why, but they are very easily skippable if you want to look up a guide, and some of them can actually be really short and fun (as well as add a bit of extra flavor to the story). One of the best examples is an arc called "G-8". Even Manga readers recommend it, so you know it's good and gives each of the characters some fun moments!

CONS

-You may be aware already, but the One Piece anime has a very bad reputation of having HORRIBLE pacing. Now, to be fair, many people say that the pacing only gets truly horrible AFTER a very specific arc about halfway through the series (which is where a lot of anime watchers jump ship to the manga)

However, I'll be honest... I wasn't a super huge fan of the pacing from the beginning. To clarify, I STARTED with the anime. I don't have a super great attention span, so having to wait around 38 or so episodes for "Arlong Park", the arc that people suggest you get to before deciding whether to keep going or quit, was very difficult for me at first. I got through it, and I'm glad I did, but as soon as I did, I decided to switch over to the manga and had a much easier time.

-I find the show's music very repetitive at times. That's not to say the music is necessarily bad, I love the One Piece OST! It's just... over the years they have barely updated the soundtrack. Every arc you might here one or two new tracks, however a lot of the time you'll hear the same tracks replayed in the same sort of situations. ("OVERTAKEN" is an AMAZING track, but if I hear it one more time I'm gonna snap)

-This is a bit of a nitpick but I need to say it. One Piece's sound effects, while iconic, are also extremely outdated. When you start the series and hear the older-styled Toei Animation sound design, it is super charming because it fits with the older visuals. However in more modern One Piece, which visually looks incredible, THEY STILL USE THE OLD SOUND EFFECTS AND THEY JUST DON'T FIT.

TOEI, UPDATE YOUR SOUND LIBRARY!!!

ANYWAY...

Anyway, I hope my funny little list here helps!! Sorry it's so long, went a bit off the handle. But I think this is a fine enough starter guide and may help you get started!

#salty asks #saltydkdan #one piece #Manga #long boys

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xieni-logs · 9 months

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hii i was wondering if you could do yanqing bf headcannons?

thank you so much if you ever do this

❤

Boyfriend!Yanqing x Reader Headcanons (RQ)

Boyfriend!Yanqing who's pretty smug about his swordsmanship. he shows off his skills any opportunity he gets! he probably shouldn't be going around flaunting his skills but man, your praise is worth it. little "wow! that was awesome!!"s and "how'd you do that?!"s from you boost his ego ten times more than he needs it to be.

Boyfriend!Yanqing who really shy with pda at first but now he's dying to hold your hand. not exactly into big gestures of pda like making out in public, he still has some public decency but he'll happily take your hand or give you a hug, no questions asked! makes a big show of holding your hand in hopes that someone would bring up your relationship so he can smugly talk about it (his face gives it away, most people just ask out of pity).

Boyfriend!Yanqing whose dates with you include walking around the Xianzhou Luofu and getting the cheapest food you can get from vendors. despite being a lieutenant of the Cloud Knights, his wallet is typically empty (especially nearing the end of the month). blame it on his inability to resist buying swords and sheaths. he really does try to save up but oh do you see that beautiful sheath? such good quality too! and uh oh, your date this week is going to consist of walking around the Xianzhou Luofu again...

Boyfriend!Yanqing who despite being terrible at saving money resulting in having a bunch of walking dates with you, he makes it so much fun. it's impossible to remember what you guys talk about, something about swords to food you want to try to gossiping about the adults, and so much more. but you do know, that it is the most entertaining thing ever. it doesn't matter if swords aren't your thing, he will make it your thing. Boyfriend!Yanqing is just really entertaining to listen to!

a/n: TYSM for your request!! Yanqing is my absolute favorite character (and currently most invested). he'd honestly be such a sweet boyfriend if you can deal with some childish behavior. please send requests because I love seeing and writing them :')

#honkai star rail x reader #honkai star rail #honkai star rail yanqing #star rail #yanqing #yanqing x reader #yanqing headcanons #hsr yanqing #yanqing hsr #yanqing honkai star rail #xieni's requests

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gothhabiba · 11 months

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hello! i am a longtime huge admirer of your clothing/fashion sense, as well as a longtime backreader of your #victorian and #goth tags. i am really interested in what you've written about Victorian dress, and i am looking to get more into 19th and 20th century clothing for gender + diy craft reasons. i'm so sorry if you've answered similar questions before, but do you have any tips for where a newbie should start researching? either way, thank you thank you, your blog opens my mind wide and brings me much joy and reflection!

General research:

Spend some time searching the 'net, museum websites, and archive sites for fashion plates (such as archive.org—link leads to a date-restricted query for "fashion"—or the Smithsonian—link leads to fashion plates in their image collection). Take note of what you like, as well as which styles correspond to which decade. Karolina Żebrowska has a good rundown of English fashion over the decades.

The undergarments are what does the most work creating the necessary silhouette to make Victorian & Edwardian womenswear fit properly. If you've figured out a decade you want your outfit to draw on, doing a quick search for "[decade] undergarments" should bring up plenty of blog posts, which may or may not cite primary sources (such is the fickle nature of the historical blogosphere). Bustle pads and sleeve supports can be purchased or made; they're both pretty simple, and tutorials abound.

Purchasing clothing:

Reproduction made-to-measure clothing can be readily found on etsy, but can be in the several-hundred USD range. I've had some luck finding vintage reproduction clothing (like, a skirt someone made by hand in the 1980s to a 1900s walking skirt pattern), which tends to be much cheaper.

Men, women, and children wore stays and corsets. As far as I know, Orchard Corset has the cheapest OTR corsets that are good quality and safe to wear. If you get a corset in the style of a specific decade handmade or made to measure, make sure that the seller tells you what the boning material is, what construction the boning is (spiral steel is sturdiest and most flexible), how many bones there are, what the corset material is, &c.—otherwise it's an indication of an unserious maker. Follow general advice for wearing corsets at a waist reduction (lace up slowly, break it in, &c.).

Antique Menswear on youtube gives a lot of good, practical advice for wearing late 19th-century and early 20th-century men's clothing (including where to buy reproductions and how to treat them, how to modify modern shirts to 19th-century standards with basically no sewing skills, &c.).

Actual antique clothing can be found and purchased online or at estate sales—usually in very small sizes, but I've seen Edwardian skirts and petticoats in an XL (also a small size, but...). You can also just simply browse this kind of thing for inspiration and save photos of anything you think you'd like to recreate.

Even clothing that was not "meant" to be worn by re-enactors can be clearly historically influenced (e.g. the huge boom in Victorian- and Edwardian- style blouses in the 1980s), so keep an open mind when shopping for vintage clothing! A lot of 1970s dresses that look "hippy" on their own can look very Victorian with the right undergarments and an updo. A lot of 1980s men's trousers also approach the right silhouette for the 1910s-inspired three-piece suit I'm trying to put together. Witness also the recent trend for big puffed sleeves!

Making or modifying clothing:

Victorian and Edwardian manuals for garment drafting and sewing can be found online—go to archive.org and search for "sewing," "drafting," or "dressmaking," then use the filters on the left to chuse which year(s) you want to see results from. Most of these have patterns that are sort of vibes-based: The work-woman's guide is one manual that claims to have patterns laid out strictly according to a grid.

I don't sew garments, but if Victorian pattern-writing for sewing is anything like it is for knitting, that may not be super useful. People do sell updates and graded 'translations' of antique patterns (which tend to be written in only one size) on etsy and ebay—just make sure from the description that it's 'deciphered' and translated rather than a scan of the original pattern!

One of the easiest things that you can do to add some Victorian or Goth flair to an otherwise plain-looking garment is to add trim. You can knit, crochet, or tat your own trim from Victorian lace-making patterns; purchase antique trim from resale sites; or buy braided or lace trim very cheaply at any craft store. Trim doesn't just have to go around the hems and cuffs of a garment: lace "insertions" between two pieces of fabric, as well as raised geometric patterns over the surface of a garment, are common in 19th-century clothing.

[ID: first image shows a black overdress showing lace insertions between strips of fabric of equal width, creating a striped effect. second image is the back of a black blouse with trim in a geometric design centred around right angles and parallel lines. end ID]

Jewellery (women's and men's):

Actual antique jewellery (including men's jewellery and fastenings) is not as expensive as you might think. Even if you're not willing to spend a lot of time learning what to look for and scouring estate sales for people who don't know or care what they have, late Victorian mass-manufactured costume jewellery often goes for sub-$50 or even $30 prices at auction on ebay (USD, in the US—in my experience it is even more plentiful and cheaper in the UK).

Specifically, I've lucked out with lots ("lot" as in, a bunch of small things being sold together) of "vintage men's accessories" going for $20 or so that contained Victorian cufflinks (in low-karat gold, mother-of-pearl, and jet), collar studs (in low-karat gold and base metals), and shirt studs (in low-karat gold, with garnets and seed pearls, &c.). Searching for lots of accessories is generally a good idea since by and large people do not know what these things are... but if you're willing to spend a little more for something that has been identified and is more likely to still be with its set, use the specific search term for that item (e.g. "antique collar studs").

Answers to Questions About Old Jewelry (though aimed at estate sellers and, if memory serves, full of regrettable pæans to Queen Victoria) is a good reference text to dating antique jewellery. I also recommend Miller's Illustrated Guide to Jewelry Appraising. Both of these texts are available on libgen.

Feel free to ask me follow-up questions if you want more detail on any of these points. As you can see I am perfectly happy to blather away on this topic

#questions #Victorian #Goth #long post /#Anonymous

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the-dominant-wife · 1 year

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Hi I noticed a recent post of yours where you were rightly bragging rather wonderfully about how you can make your hubwife cum from pegging.

https://at.tumblr.com/the-dominant-wife/703933322795024384/dl9enqoe7t1i

I wondered whether you could elaborate and maybe share your approach, techniques and equipment you use to achieve this?

My submissive is in p.a secured chastity on a permanent basis and I have no desire to unlock him, I use him sexually to provide me with oral on demand but he will never be permitted to have penetrative sex with me. I may decide to cuck him in the future but for now his talented, eager tounge is very efficient and well trained at this point so my need to replace his penis is not currently a priority or need of mine.

I've decided that the most suitable and appropriate way for @female-leds-boy (my submissive) to orgasm on a strictly controlled monthly basis should be while still secured in chastity and from me pegging him. I've so far been unsuccessful after numerous attempts and would very much appreciate any advice or techniques you might be able to share with me. It's my desire he should only ever cum for me this way.

Thank you in advance.

In admiration and respect of your FLR.

MS xx

Thank you for what is clearly a well-thought out question. I also think it's admirable that you're being so considerate of your submissive and his needs while at the same time establishing parameters that fit your needs!

Chastity doesn't mean someone can't enjoy orgasms. Sure, they won't be orgasms that a more alpha male will have, but nonetheless, it's an orgasm and one befitting of their status.

I'll share what I've found works for me and in turn, works for her/hubwife :)

First let me say that I make love to my hubwife this way (pegging) because I find it enjoyable. I do take her feelings into consideration but my enjoyment is the primary motivating factor to "fucking" my wife. Her enjoyment is really a by-product of my own.

Also, her orgasms are never "guaranteed." In other words, she doesn't orgasm every time I make love to her. I would say that it happens probably about 60-70% of the time. Here's a list of things to consider:

Finger Fuck Your Sub: The first thing I would recommend is your (the Domme) becoming familiar with your submissive's prostate. Using plenty of lubricant and your finger, do some exploring of his boi-pussy. If you find it too messy use some latex gloves...make believe you're a doctor doing a prostate exam...lol. Get in the mood with him, get him to relax, and gently "do your thing" and see if you can bring him to orgasm this way. It might take time but it can be lots of fun. Here's a link to WebMd that discusses the prostate and orgasms. I think it would be very helpful: Prostate Orgasm: What is it?

The Strap-on Dildo: Once you've enjoyed finger-fucking him, it's time to move on to doing it with your "girl-cock!" While women love a man-sized cock, a boi's pussy isn't made the same way as ours. It might make for great pornography, but the pictures of Dommes with massive sized dildos is simply not realistic or for that matter, safe. Find a realistic looking dildo (don't ever buy one that is hollow plastic) that is of reasonable size, sturdy and somewhat flexible. It shouldn't cost a fortune, but to look for the cheapest either. You get what you pay for. Shop around, read reviews, etc. If possible shop in person. Big cities have fetish shops that usually have quality toys.

The Harness: Next, don't skimp when you buy a harness. Shopping online is ok, but I bought the harness I use in person, at a fetish shop that sold quality leather goods and other toys. You want something that is going to fit you comfortably and can be worn securely. The dildo you use also has to be attached securely. You want to be able to "go through the motions" naturally without things becoming loose or flapping around! Bottom line is: Get quality toys.

Lubricant: More important than anything else is to make sure you use plenty of it. "More than you really need" is always better. In my opinion, thicker lube is better. You may want to explore by trying out a few different ones. It's worth the effort and time, and it's not like you can't have fun with the exploration. Here's a link from Women's Health Magazine reviewing different lubes: 19 Best Lubes for Anal Sex, per Sex Therapists.

Technique & Positions: I've been able to give my hubwife orgasm in different positions. Variety is good and it might depend on your own mood. I like the missionary or "diaper" position because it lets me look into her eyes when I'm making love to her. I've done it a couple of ways both when we're both on the bed or with her at the edge of the bed while I'm standing on the floor. The diaper position is probably my favorite. Doggie style is good for when I'm feeling more dominant, getting her on all fours and slapping her girlish ass at the same time, maybe grabbing her hips as I thrust into her (I'm getting a little horny just writing this...lol). You'd also be surprised at how well you can penetrate your submissive lying side by side, you behind him in a spooning position. Again, explore them all.

When it comes to technique, take it slow. While you're the Domme and in charge, this shouldn't be a rape scene for the two of you. Though he will experience some "fullness" and different feelings, it shouldn't be a painful experience for him/her. Be sensual about it. Tease him gently with the tip of your well lubed "cock" rubbing against his pretty little rosebud. Penetration should be slow. Go back and forth just a little bit at a time. Don't be in a hurry to go deep all at once. Note that the aforementioned finger fucking I recommended will be a big help when it comes to developing your own technique. You'll know when the tip of your "cock" brushes up close to your sub's prostate. Be patient. You'll get there!

Set the mood: Know what turns your submissive on. Be tactile if necessary. Words matter....be verbal with them. If you're a good dominant, you already know how to push their buttons. Now's the perfect time to use that knowledge. In my case, I honestly believe that my words are what really set her off. I may tell her what a good fuck she is, make her beg for my cock, etc. It could be a blend of sexy talk, humiliation or whatever works for both of you. The mood you're in is incredibly important. Remember, the brain is the most powerful sex organ, it's there that all orgasms begin and are enjoyed!

Other Toys: Something else you may want to experiment with, particularly in the beginning of your "journey" is the use of a vibrator against her chastity cage as you are penetrating her. It's a form of masturbation I suppose, but it will bring her to orgasm most times. Maybe consider it a treat!

Preparation: This is something that isn't discussed very much. It's hard to get comfortable and difficult to enjoy yourself if your submissive's rectum isn't ready. You get what I'm talking about. If you're planning a lovemaking session with your submissive ahead of time, you might want to make them douche. It'll be worth it. If you're into making love this way regularly, make sure they are on a healthy diet that is high in fiber. Here's another link from WebMD: Anal Douching: What to Know

As you can see there are several factors that in my opinion, are necessary to consider if you want to enjoy pegging your submissive and bring him to orgasm. In many ways it is a trial and error process but a worthwhile one as you figure out what works for you. Providing a chastised male, sissy, hubwife etc. is a beautiful thing - a gift they will certainly appreciate.

Best of luck. I'd love to hear how you progress!

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sirfrogsworth · 6 months

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Regarding your Plex server, do you have any tips for compressing media to save space?

Right now, almost all 1080p content is encoded in the H.264 codec. So my biggest tip would be to convert all of your H.264 content to a newer codec called H.265 10-bit.

First, you'll want to make sure that all of the devices you play media on can handle the H.265 10-bit codec. Pretty much any device that says it can do 4K HDR will suffice. It's okay if you have a device that can't do this, as Plex can transcode your media as you watch it, but you are going to use up a lot of computer resources and it can also be slow and buggy.

So to get the best experience, I would definitely recommend upgrading anything that cannot do H.265 10-bit. Thankfully, even the cheapest $30 4K Fire TV Stick is capable.

H.265 allows you to heavily compress your media and maintain quality. The 10-bit color, even if the original file was 8-bit, can reduce color banding in gradients which can often be a consequence of compressing video.

The rule of thumb is you can reduce the file size by 50% of H.264 and not take a hit on image quality. But you can actually go beyond that and still get acceptable quality.

Yes, H.264 will play on pretty much any device these days, but eventually that will be true of H.265. So if saving space is more important than dealing with a few compatibility issues that may crop up (and are usually solvable), then you can definitely shrink the size of your media library while maintaining image quality.

The bad news is that converting your media, depending on how much you have, could take a while. Even with a super beefy computer, compressing in H.265 is a slow process. And you can't use hardware encoding because that is meant more for streaming than media preservation.

Also, I do not recommend compressing 4K content at this time. Only 1080p. Re-encoding and compressing a 4K file takes more time than it is worth. A 4K movie could take 12 to 24 hours even on a very fast computer. Though if you have a 4K file and you don't care if it is 1080p, that might be worth it.

Handbrake is pretty much the only game in town as far as re-encoding your media. It can have a learning curve if you want to use it to its full potential, but there are a ton of decent presets you can use if you don't have the time to learn the fine details of what everything does.

I can give you some recommendations for a few important settings.

In the video tab...

I'd start by finding a preset that is close to your end goal. In this case I chose the H.265 MKV 1080p30 preset in the "Matroska" presets that I will slightly tweak.

I usually want to make MKV files because they can hold subtitles in the file container without a separate subtitle file. I want H.265 10-bit. Most of my content is 1080p. And most of it is 24fps, so I'll just ignore the 30 frames the preset uses and change it later.

So once you select the preset, change framerate to "same as source" to just carry over whatever it was originally. You do not want to monkey with the framerate unless you have a really good reason.

You'll want "constant quality" selected. And then the RF or "rate factor" is basically how much compression you want to use. A lower number is less compression and a higher number is more compression. Once you have experience using Handbrake you'll be able to make a pretty good guess at what RF you should use, depending on the content. But I can give you some basic guidelines for you to test out.

When picking an RF, a higher number will give you a smaller file and a lower number will reduce the chances of creating unwanted compression artifacts. Since you are doing 10-bit, that will help a lot with color banding, but if you overcompress you may get unsightly blocks, especially in dark and fast moving scenes. If you watch dark content on YouTube, you probably know what I mean.

So before I compress media, I ask myself a few questions...

How important is this content to me?

Is good image quality what makes this content special?

Does this content have a lot of dark or fast moving scenes?

If this is my favorite show or movie, then I am going to want to preserve it at the highest possible quality. Or if the content is a visual spectacle, like Avatar, then I am going to want to make sure I preserve visual fidelity. And if this content is prone to compression artifacts due to dark and/or fast moving scenes, like a horror movie or an action movie, I am going to want to use less compression to avoid distracting artifacts.

However, if it is just a game show I like to put on in the background, I might not care if I compress it more. As long as it is watchable, I am not going to be precious about the compression quality.

Typically I choose an RF between 17 and 24.

17 will give bigger file sizes but will almost never create compression artifacts that were not already in the original content to begin with. This is for the stuff you really care about. Your absolute favs.

And if it is the game show I play in the background, I will probably choose 24.

But all of that space in between 17 and 24 is where you have to figure out what you can tolerate for different media. It may take some trial and error and test encodes to figure out what you prefer.

Like, when I compressed Law & Order for my mom, I knew that wasn't a huge visual spectacle. So I did 22. But for an action movie for my dad, I'd probably do 20 because of all of the fast moving scenes. And for my precious Batman TAS cartoons, I went with 17 because I wanted those files to be as close to perfect as possible.

The final slider I will talk about is the encoding speed. In the image above the preset is set to "slow." This ranges from "very slow" to "ultra fast." (Don't use placebo.) This setting basically allows Handbrake to either take its time and figure out the absolute best and most efficient compression... or to hurry up and just get the job done.

Think of this as the efficiency slider. If you give your computer more time to think, your compression will be more efficient. It will be the best compression possible for the quality RF you chose.

If you set it to a slower speed you will be able to get smaller file sizes with fewer compression artifacts, even if your chose a higher RF. But it could take one file many hours to encode.

At faster speeds your filesizes will get a little bigger and there is a chance some compression artifacts may sneak into your video, even if you chose a lower RF.

It's a little confusing, because the RF is supposed to be the only factor in image quality. But the encoding speed does factor in a little bit too. Especially in difficult to compress dark or fast scenes.

I was pretty happy with the "medium" setting. I have a fast computer with a lot of CPU cores and a lot of free time. So I didn't mind how long it took. But I actually think the "fast" and "faster" setting still gave great results while still shrinking file sizes.

Again, if it is super important to you, maybe do medium or slow for those files. Otherwise the fast setting is probably acceptable for most other things.

And finally the audio tab...

You are not going to get much benefit from compressing the audio. You might save a few megabytes. So I highly recommend just preserving whatever the original audio was. And you do this by selecting a "Passthru" codec. Handbrake will not touch the audio data and just copy it exactly to the new file.

However... if there is an audio codec that you know does not play nice with one of your devices, then you might want to convert it to something that works better. Though if you are using Plex, it can usually transcode audio without using significant CPU resources.

When I finished converting my media collection, I think I calculated that I saved myself about 20 TB of hard drive space when all was said and done. I think I have around 250 shows and 2000 movies. This left me a lot more room to keep more 4K content that is not worth compressing.

I definitely recommend watching some Handbrake tutorials and learning about some of the other functions. I also recommend learning how to do "batch encoding" so you can set up a bunch of files and just let your computer compress while you aren't using it.

But I covered the most important settings to get your started. Definitely do some tests and familiarize yourself with the process before you start converting your entire media collection.

I hope that was helpful. I promise explaining it is a lot harder than picking a few settings and hitting "start."

#long post

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thevagabondexpress · 8 months

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guys, i'm not saying getting a bicycle will solve all of your problems, but it'll solve more of them than you think.

it's good for the environment —lower carbon footprint etc etc

it's good for your health —even on flat ground it still gets you a good workout, which is good for your physical health —it gets you that workout somewhere that's not a gym where you might feel stared at and judged which is good for your mental health and your self-image —it gets you out into sunshine and fresh air which is good for your mental health: you can touch grass and go places at the same time so if you don't have time to touch grass otherwise you can sneak it into your commute. —you really can't bicycle in high heels so you can use bicycling as your excuse to yourself and to everyone who wants to judge for wearing flat shoes and saving your feet. —you don't need a license to for a bicycle which saves you the mental stress of driving lessons and tests. —just the reward/payoff of the work you put into it: getting to the top of the hill, traveling further than you've gone before, doing a repair yourself, seeing another bicyclist on the street and knowing you're not alone

it's good for your bank account —bicycles are less expensive than cars by a lot. even new ones don't come in at much more than $800 (American dollars here for reference) unless you're ordering one of those swanky Dutch ones and shipping overseas, used ones are almost never over $150 and because they're not full of electric parts you can repair them over and over again so a used one won't be any lower quality than new, really. depending on how many bicyclists you know and how good your networking skills are sometimes you can get one secondhand for real cheap or even for barter or in return for doing odd jobs. meanwhile even the cheapest used cars are a couple thousand dollars usually. —bicycle repairs cost less than car repairs, and if you can learn to do them yourself they'll be even cheaper. —bicycles break down way less than cars so you'll be paying for repairs less frequently too —you don't have to pay to get it inspected once a year, neither do you have to pay for license plates, parking stickers, mandatory insurance, and all of the other bureaucracy that comes with driving a car —you don't have to pay for gas —you don't have to pay for parking, unlike cars where sometimes you have parking decks, parking lot toll booths, parking meters, etc. at least, i've never been anywhere you have to pay to park your bicycle. i guess it might happen in places where there are so many bicycles there's barely any space to park them all so you have to encourage people to walk or take skateboards somehow? but i don't really know.

it's good on space —you can fit three to five bicycles into the space taken up by a car depending on how close you're willing to shove them together. a single bicycle takes up space lengthwise (about four to five feet of it) but not even two feet widthwise. even a tricycle (and you can get adult tricycles and they can hold way bigger baskets and therefore way more stuff) takes up less than half the space of a car. imagine how much more other stuff you could fit in your garage.

in short, if you're at all capable of riding a bicycle, or a tricycle, get one and do it. at least borrow one from a friend for a weekend and try it to see if it's doable. it's so worth it.

#bicycles #bicycling #don't worry about storage either #there's so many kinds of baskets #and for big loads or small children you can get carts a bicycle can pull #those bicycle-pulled toddler buggies are the most adorable vehicles i have ever seen

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rfxiii · 7 months

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Romantic gestures and date nights w/ Trevor, Michael, Franklin, and Brad:

Trevor Philips:

“Grand”, over the top, horrifically cheesy and tacky. He’s wearing some ugly, cheap suit he bought from Binco, he’s got cheap, fake rose petals scattered on the floor, he’s lit some slightly bad smelling candles he bought at the discount store, he’s wearing gas station cologne and he’s pouring you boxed wine into a solo cup. He’s ordered takeout from the “good” place in town (it only gave him food poisoning once). And his shitty, half broken radio is playing sappy old love songs. He’s leaning across the table with a crooked grin on his lips while he asks you about your day and tells you how sexy you look tonight. Once dinner is over he tells you to go to the bathroom and put on what he bought you. In the little bathroom of his trailer, hanging on the shower rod, is the cheapest, tackiest lingerie you’ve ever seen. It looks like it came straight out of a tacky, home made porno. It’s scratchy, uncomfortable, and kind of ugly. But it’s so him to be into this and you happily put it in because it’s clear he’s really thought this through. And despite the kinda shitty food, the cheap wine, and the tacky outfit, the way his eyes light up when he sees you all dressed up and how he’s been so interested and attentive to you tonight is more than enough to make up for the slightly odd details of the gesture.

Michael De Santa:

Classic, classy, and smooth as hell. He’s dressed up nice, but not too over the top. He’s either bought you a nice outfit for the occasion or he took you out to pick something you wanted. He’s made reservations at an upscale restaurant where he orders you a nice, fancy bottle of wine to share while he orders an expensive glass of whiskey. The food and service are amazing, and it leaves you imagining you’re a star living the life of the rich and famous in Los Santos. Once dinner is over he’d planned to maybe take you on a drive or to head home before it gets too late. But as you pass the movie theater you spot him gazing longingly as he drives by and spots a re-showing of one of his favorite old classic movies. You can tell how badly he wants to see it but he doesn’t want to bore you (he doesn’t get a lot of positive feedback on his film tastes). But he’s given you such a good night, and you don’t want it to be over yet. So you suggest stopping in to watch the last screening of the night. You’re both over dressed, but the theater itself is practically empty and you get the room all to yourself (nobody else wanted to see the cliche black and white film he picked). He orders you both huge drinks and a giant popcorn neither of you can finish. And he spends the whole movie quietly commenting to you about the plot and things he knows went on behind the scenes. You may not really get the appeal of the movie, but watching how happy it makes him is more than enough.

Franklin Clinton:

Chill, low key, and comfortable. While Trevor dials up the “cheesy romance” part of the date and Michael really brings in the “classic night out”, Franklin likes to keep things a bit more personal and casual. Takes you to watch a drag race he knows is going on that night. He’s a big fan of fast cars, he’s an excellent driver and he wants to share some of his favorite things with you. He wants more than anything to join in on the race to impress you. But quality time tonight is much more fun. He grabs you both some drinks and you spend your time with him pointing out cars, talking about their make and model, and describing and explaining all the different mods he spots on the cars. He gets a little embarrassed after a bit for feeling like he’s talking too much or overloading you with information. But everything he has to say is honestly so interesting. And even if you’re not into cars or racing, the way he talks about it and lights up while he explains it makes even the most boring topic feel engrossing. He spots a handful of people he knows and introduces you to them. He’s almost a little smug as he talks about you and maybe rests a gentle, respectful hand on your waist. You’re his and he couldn’t be more proud.

Brad Snider:

Simple, genuine, and spontaneous. He wanted more than anything to ask you out, and then you said yes and now he’s extra stoked. Except…asking you out was as far as his brain got. He has no actual plans for the date he asked you out on tonight and he’s kinda freaking out. Buys you flowers (they’re from the convenience store but his heart was in the right place). He’s dressed nice but casual because he has no idea what you guys are doing tonight. And when you ask him what the plan is he nearly dies he feels so stupid. Lucky for him you’re pretty ok with anything. You guys mutually decide on going to the local diner. You eat at the outside tables and spend most of your time there picking on each other, stealing food from the other, and flicking paper napkins or throwing french fries at each other. Sure you’re adults, but you look more like teenagers on a date. He takes you to a more chill bar he knows after. Shows you how to play pool (even if you know how. He wants an excuse to be close). Gives you all the money you ask for to hog the jukebox all night and play all your favorite songs. Prepared to fist fight anyone who tries to stop you or interrupt one of your song choices.

#grand theft auto v #grand theft auto 5 #gta v #gta 5 #trevor philips #michael de santa #franklin clinton #brad snider

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eastwardbound · 2 months

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Hey guys so umm on my 21st (?) day in octopia and just got to the part where Izzy and Alva are introduced and there were just SO MANY good things about it so yeah. Here are my pointless observations I made while playing ☺️

• okay so first of all Alva and Isabel making their entrance not by train like normal people, but by CRASHING INTO JOHN AND SAMS HOUSE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. I just love this, it’s so chaotic and perfect- Isabel and Alva being like “WERE SOO SORRY WE WILL MAKE IT UP TO YOU 🙏🙏”, Sam being like “WHY TF IS THERE A UFO IN MY HOUSE ?????” And John just standing there like “😀 who are you”

• Alva casually dropping that she hasn’t eaten all day once John offers to cook like girl me too 😭

• I WAS RIGHT!!!! I PREDICTED IT ALVA GAVE SAM HER SHOES OH MY GODDD

AND SAM SAYS THE EXACT SAME DIALOGUE AS SHE DOES IN THE GAME YALL I ACTUALLY STARTED SQUEALING AND KICKING MY FEET UUGHHH <33

• THIS. SCENE.

It’s just so perfect. Like I love how it’s after this really chaotic and funny scene with Alva and Izzy, cause this part is more calming and you can just see how they really GET each other. Like Alva didn’t even have to finish trying to say that she wanted to move to octopia, Izzy just immediately understood her.

And like those last lines Izzy says to Alva when she’s already asleep…. Like they just got introduced and you can already tell how much they care about each other and I think that’s so perfect for octopia because it’s a universe without the miasma, apocalypse, or any of the sad things that happen in eastward, so this is the PERFECT time to have more wholesome bonding moments like this one.

• Human Daniel is so salty and passive aggressive to almost anyone who isn’t robo Daniel or William and I think that’s SO FUNNY 😭🙏

Like if you go to the shop when robo Daniel is working it he says “we sell only the highest quality goods !” But of human Daniel is running the shop, he’s straight up says “it might not be the cheapest, but it’s not like you have any other options.” LIKE. DANIEL 😭😭😭😭

Also this:

I know he gets that from William ✋

• ALVA AND LEE ARE CANONICALLY SIBLINGS OMG.

Don’t have screenshots on my phone but that one guy (forgot his name lmao) says that Alva is looking for her big bro or smth like that, and mung says “just don’t go gambling like that brother of yours” And THEN Silva says later “I didn’t know she and Lee were related” BITCH ME EITHER WHAT????????

In eastward I just thought they were like childhood friends and had grown up together, BUT SIBLINGS???? THIS IS EVERYTHING IVE EVER WANTED IN LIFE <333

(Or maybe they’re not actually related and they just call each other brother and sister idk either way I LOVE IT UGHHHH)

• Alva and mung already knew each other before octopia apparently??? I mean from the way they were taking they definitely weren’t like meeting for the first time there and already knew each other, Alva also says stuff like “Mung has always been like this”. Anyways the way she talks about him and the way they interact reminds me of Alva and Lee which is cute

OKAY THATS ALL I CAN THINK OF FOR RIGHT NOW…. What do y’all think of all the characters so far??? I definitely think octopia is doing them justice ☺️

#eastward octopia #eastward #john eastward #sam eastward #alva eastward #isabel eastward #lee eastward

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zilabee · 1 year

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Yoko: I'm trying without the marmalade today, you know.

The breakfasting genuinely makes me so happy. And the lunchtime conversation today is stellar. It's the quality content I'm here for, more than the music or the interpersonal dramas.

What do you want for lunch? --- Sparrow On Toast. --- Boiled Testicle. --- Whatever The Veg-etables Are.

My menu when I open a fancy london dinery.

- When George is talking again about releasing Get Back as a single, and Paul says he's really just rehearsing at the moment sldkjfowije. They're still trying to do different projects at the same time.

- I am starting to feel a low drag from watching get back so constantly, now. While the small amounts a day is definitely easier for me than the whole thing was, it's also very constant, with all the pain and the frustration spreading out endlessly, heartbreaking and blue.

- John deciding he wants Billy to be a permanent Beatle, and not just deciding that but deciding to talk about it, and then George wanting to drag in Bob fucking Dylan too. Exhaustion. I love Paul just openly acknowledging that he can only just cope with the Beatles they already have. (I know there are pros and cons and maybe it makes sense to turn the Beatles into a concept instead of a group, but also it doesn't at all not really.)

- I do just love Ringo having a little art gallery. The only thing keeping him sane.

It's a bit of a drag, bass, isn't it?

It is not a drag Paul, it is your soul. (Is it John that then claims he's never heard a song without bass, and Paul has to go 'well we've done a few...')

Paul: ha aha ha, it's so weird, it's like we wrote songs that mean something lol John: yeah, mad. it makes it sound as if we love each other or whatever roflmao!

- MLH doesn't know what story he is telling any more, and I'm trying to have a bit of sympathy for him. I think he could just call someone with a bit of imagination, and a bit of push and put them in charge. But at the same time... he thought it was going to be about everyone working hard, it all fitting together, and creating a huge Beatles concert to light up the world. So he's allowed to be sad that all they do is sit in a room and talk in circles.

> At the moment we've got a movie about smokers, nose pickers, and nail biters. > We are rather uncouth. We're not your elite you know.

- I suppose he didn't know who they were. I suppose we have a lot of hindsight about them. I suppose he thought he was going in to do a film about really successful people doing something successfully and he just didn't know he'd have to organise it and shape it at all. I suppose he thought they were magical and was surprised that they were weird terrified children.

George: It sounds lovely that, now. After all the anguish we went through with it. John: Well, it's part of the, the pudding... It's a Henry Moore sculpture, that. George Martin: And the fact that you're working so well together: you're looking at each other, you're seeing each other, you're... just happening.

- All my heart to George Martin for saying perfect things to them.

- The bit in Polythene Pam where John is frowning, and confused at what his chords are doing, as though he has nothing to do with it, and he is so beautiful when puzzled that is all.

- I love that they only bought George the cheapest Hawaiian but if he's any good he can have a better one. Mimi would be proud.

- I love how much Paul and John use each others names the moment they're in an accent or a character or a bit.

#get back #get back january #get back words

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dark-elf-writes · 11 months

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“Naruto would also do so much for the red light district once he was in charge.”

Just absolutely love the thought of Granny Rin teaching Naruto how to use what little money he has and him taking it to heart as hokage. Him taking to heart all the love and care such a large part of Konoha (forgotten and ignored as it may be) gave him even when they had so little.

Him completely overhauling every financial system in place for the better. Correcting the money funneling for Root Danzo was probably doing, negotiating better trade deals with other villages, finding new trade routes, requiring careful documentation of how every dime is spent (suddenly undocumented spies are very rare), etc.

They don’t have to go with the cheapest “quality” goods anymore when Naruto can go straight to the source of the best and make negotiations himself. Shinobi get better gear, better pay, more benefits, better health care (therapy!!!), etc.

And when all that’s done with, turns out there’s actually hell of a lot of money left over without a Danzo shaped leach screwing with things. The academy gets more specialized teachers and more funding, the orphanage becomes habitable, and workers go through intensive screening before they’re allowed around the kids.

The red light district gets better housing options, the removal of dilapidated buildings that are more hazard than not, medical options, education options for the kids that don’t want to become shinobi, and the workers get full legal protections.

———

Maybe once it becomes clear that the changes to the academy lead to better/ more well rounded graduates, each one being better than or equal to past rookies of the year, they raise the graduation age. Give them time to learn more than the basics and put less stress on the Jonin taken away from their duties to train them in basically everything. Assign teams before they graduate to give them time to work with each other outside life or death situations and complete d ranks in the village for a year.

Fatality reports come in. Less genin dead than ever. They raise the graduation age again, diversify the lessons, call in experienced chunin to work with the older students, and incorporate specialization training with special Jonin. Again they’re better trained, more well rounded, more experienced. Every graduate comes out at least on mid chunin level. The majority makes special Jonin, Jonin, or ANBU within a few years.

The other villages take notice as they always do. They mimic Konoha’s success until there really are no kids on the battlefield. It’s a dream realized and finally made true. Even if it does take several hokage’s to get to Naruto.

I mean when you think about it ROOT would have been a massive suck on resources. Like even just keeping his little homegrown terrorist organization fed alone would have taken some serious cash much less training and outfitting each and every one of them. And for all the good Kakashi could do as Hokage, he has never had to think about money the way Naruto has.

How to make it stretch. How to barter for survival. How to ensure every last cent is accounted for because that could mean the difference between a meal and going hungry.

The finance department was shocked and a little horrified to see the Hokage himself, hat and formal robes abandoned for a messy bun and silken kimono, chewing on a senbon as he pours over every expense report in the last few decades and reworks the budget by hand.

It’s the most strict budget they have ever had.

It’s the best budget they’ve ever had.

He scribbles down a message on the back of a scrap paper they’re pretty sure is a receipt for his lunch and sends it off with a bird before anyone can stop him and gets a scrap of a puppet schematic with his answer written back. soon enough a trade contract is hammered out on scraps of paper and their relationship with sand has never been better.

He demands every teacher gets more stringent background checks and training for how to recognize abuse. In turn they see an upswing of kids who were thought To be sure washouts starting to thrive as they were taken out of bad environments. There is even a stretch where Naruto himself taught at the academy until more teachers could be found and trained. The kids why had him as a teacher end up as one of the best Shinobi Konoha has ever seen (if a bit unhinged in the same way he is)

He directs the budget into he poorest places in the village, starting with his home (because the red light district would always be his home) giving them the better world he promised them with a fanged smile.

Naruto fixing Konoha by learning the lessons the ‘lowest’ of the village taught him and through his skill of making alliances fixing the world and leading them all into a golden age.

#the elf talks #naruto #red lights and fox fire au

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otteroflore · 3 months

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Do you need expensive art supplies to start doing art? No

Should you buy the cheapest possible art supplies? Also probably no.

Yes, there are artists who make amazing art with crayola crayons. But id argue it takes more skill and patience to learn how to work with a limited tool than just buying the right tool in the first place.

It also depends on the product. Cheap crayons and colored pencils might be more difficult to layer and get a good color finish. A marker is going to be more vibrant, but water based markers can tear up paper and cheap alcohol markers might too.

Acrylic paint and gouache are some of the safest cheap art supplies imo. Watercolor palettes are a gamble, the dry ones are often really chalky. If you can get cheap tubes go for that.

For 3D art supplies like clay, a little increase in price might see a significant increase in quality. You can very much tell the difference in results and how easy it is to work with clays

I know some people will be happy with cheap art supplies. But imo it can make the learning process feel worse if you go for the cheapest option.

#shutupotter

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runwayrunway · 9 months

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No. 27 - Airline Alliances (oneworld, SkyTeam, and Star Alliance)

@imjustanobsessedjew asked me to follow up on my thoughts on airline alliance liveries, so I'm here to do that.

I struggle to find a good way to describe airline alliances. Examples I've pondered over and ultimately rejected on some or other technicality include fraternities, record labels, and TikToker content houses. But maybe it doesn't matter. I'm not here to talk about how they function broadly. It's not important to this post that you can use American Airlines miles to get tickets on flights operated by British Airways.

Generally, member airlines will have a symbol from their alliance painted on their planes. I showed an example in my SAS post of the Star Alliance logo on an airframe (center), but here are examples for the other two: an Aeroflot plane wearing the SkyTeam symbol (left) and an Iberia plane with a very, very small oneworld logo (right).

But sometimes this isn't enough for them. The three major airline alliances have a habit of painting planes in special alliance liveries. Because who cares if you're flying on Delta, XiamenAir, Kenya Airways, or TAROM - what's important is that they're part of SkyTeam.

I sort of just don't understand the purpose. I don't think anyone is going to see a Star Alliance livery and think "wow, I am reminded to specifically spend my money with these 26 otherwise completely unrelated airlines!" because that's...that's just really silly. While airline alliances can make it a lot easier to use frequent flier miles and neatly book multi-leg trips on the passenger's end, I've always been under the impression that these must do more for the airlines than they do for the end consumer, because otherwise they probably wouldn't exist. I'm not sure what the need is to advertise them to someone who has no say in their existence and probably picks their flights based on what Google tells them is cheapest anyway. Nobody has, like, brand loyalty to alliances, and there's no reason they should, since their member airlines will offer wildly different qualities of service and cover entirely different regions of the world.

So why the special liveries? Is it a hazing ritual? I can't really imagine what benefit they might offer over just putting your symbol somewhere else on the plane. Some kid sitting in the window seat of a plane that's delayed by an hour at a massive airport isn't even going to notice or care about a SkyTeam livery, and I honestly really should have put airline alliances on the questionnaire in some form because I'm not sure how many people know or care that they exist. I don't understand the point, and the only thing I do understand, really, is that I hate it when airlines which have gone through the trouble of designing their own livery, even if that livery is terrible, would then paint a plane in a way which makes it interchangeable with everything else on the tarmac. But they're fully developed (mostly) liveries, so they're the sort of thing I'm here to talk about. Without further ado: SkyTeam, oneworld, and Star Alliance.

oneworld goes first because it's a bit different from the others. (Yes, the correct way to write it, as seen in all company literature, is with the first half bolded.) oneworld was founded in February of 1999 and is the third-largest of the major alliances.

Currently, there are thirteen active oneworld members, shown above, plus their regional subsidiaries; S7 Airlines is currently suspended, as is the case for all Russia-based airlines in major alliances, and Oman Air will be joining the alliance by the end of 2024. Fiji Airways is also nominally involved as a 'connect partner', which as far as I can tell means situational benefits from the alliance when working with its member airlines. It feels like they're scrambling for a foothold a little despite having some absolute powerhouses among their ranks because they keep getting their members bought out by other alliances and/or merged into each other. I think I prefer it that way.

To begin with, the logo is atrocious. Blue-to-white airhrush gradient circle with big yucky sans serif lettering, half of which is bold and half of which is standard width, which leaves you unable to tell which half you hate more. This logo is really painfully early '00s website and not in the cute nostalgic way. It's not stylized in a way that provokes nostalgia, it's just so inept that it could fit in during the era where web design wasn't really a field that had been fully invented yet.

But as a livery, it's sort of hard to review. A oneworld paint job changes less than the average logojet.

I'm not entirely sure if I can even consider this a special livery. It's just an extra line of text. Ugly text, sure, but I wouldn't call it a different design. This doesn't change the fact that you can immediately recognize these as an S7 plane and a Cathay Pacific plane because none of their livery is fundamentally changed.

There's just a limited amount I can say about what's a glorified sticker. RAM gets to keep its nice little swirlies, all is right with the world, they get to keep the normal text on their other planes, this is not a big deal. Maybe they keep losing members because they can't tell them apart from other planes in the airport without a big, all-encompassing custom livery to make a select few unlucky planes airline-ambiguous. oneworld, more like...dumbworld.

Moving on in alphabetical order, SkyTeam is the second largest of the alliances.

SkyTeam has 20 members: the above pictured, plus Aeroflot, which is temporarily suspended for the aforementioned Russian reasons. It also has its own elaborate system of 'associates' and 'affiliates', and a dedicated cargo alliance, SkyTeam Cargo.

I actually enjoy the SkyTeam logo. The wordmark is just a yucky thin monospace sans serif, but they have that nice flourishy design that's aesthetically pleasing and easy to recognize, and I can't knock that.

Still, this is where we get into proper airline alliance liveries. You have to zoom in pretty close to tell that the above planes are TAROM on the right and Korean Air on the left. I didn't have to specify, when covering oneworld, that the logo was framed by Iberia and Royal Air Maroc, because their branding was left intact. This is not so for SkyTeam, which takes over its hosts in full, creating SkyTeam planes with a tiny mark denoting their actual airline instead of the other way around.

This could be a lot worse. It's got recognizable logos, legible text, and I think most crucially the main fuselage body is painted a mid-light grey. The opposite of something like the SAS belly stripes, which are cheapened by the proliferation of Eurowhite, SkyTeam sort of gets a free boost from the fact that their non-white fuselage is a rarity. I do really like the relatively lowered contrast between the main body and the logo, because this shade of blue is usually paired with stark white. The SkyTeam curlicue is big and visible on the fuselage. I would have made it bigger, but it's not terrible as is. The airline's logo is placed below the window line while SkyTeam's wordmark is above it, hypothetically giving them equal weight (though in reality I think people obviously read SkyTeam's first).

It certainly has Detached Tail Syndrome, but for my tastes the lower contrast and placement of the curlicue make it far more tolerable. Northing here is ostentatious or overdesigned, and while it falls short of true minimal elegance I truly can't say it's ugly and I don't think it's lazy, either. This is one of the few times the detached tail does feel at least slightly deliberate, given the non-blankness of the rest of the fuselage. The bits feel a bit separate sometimes, but it's nowhere near as bad as that effect can get.

I'm going to give SkyTeam a B-.

I sincerely, earnestly, emphatically do not dislike the way the SkyTeam livery looks. But I still think it should not exist. Airlines should wear their own liveries. If you have 20 airlines, you should have 20 distinct fleets. I would rather have a bunch of mediocre or even bad liveries than one decent livery which doesn't belong to anyone at all.

Regardless, I do have to leave off on a fitting note. SkyTeam...more like WhyTeam.

Star Alliance is the largest of the three alliances, with 26 member airlines.

In my SAS post, I introduced the Star Alliance Test, a metric by which I judge the the absolute worst designs which end up on this blog. The test consists of one question: would I prefer that all instances of this livery be replaced with a Star Alliance paint job? As I mentioned there, I chose Star Alliance because, like SkyTeam, it entirely overwrites the original airline's livery. Not only do I like it less than SkyTeam, it is also more prolific, with an entire six more airlines with planes begging to be ruined.

It is inoffensive nearly to the degree that it becomes offensive again. Big, ugly sans serif wordmark, though it at least has the decency to occupy the majority of the fuselage to prevent it from just being a white expanse. Detached tail. Teeny tiny airline logo that you have to squint to see.

Star Alliance liveries are both functionally identical to blank planes and dangerously close to actually being them. But they have just enough design that to me they avoid being nothing and graduate to minimalist. I think it's the large text and the fact that the actual logo is actually decently designed, but it doesn't evoke the sheer dread in me that something like Lufthansa does. It's not uninterrupted, unbalanced white, it's just...really, really boring.

I...honestly think it's a C-.

Air New Zealand and Singapore Airlines both have a variant livery, all black and all white respectively. I would rate them the same, I think. Maybe Singapore's is a little more boring while also feeling like more of a statement, while Air New Zealand's makes me very happy by being a primarily black plane (I am one of the few Airplane People who is also a consummate goth) but suffers from thin white-on-black text being fairly eyestrainy. In general, the Star Alliance wordmark is somewhat difficult to read. These two belong with the rest of the liveries, even though I think I ultimately like Singapore's a bit less than the default and Air New Zealand's a bit more.

While not a vehement condemnation, C- is not exactly a shining endorsement. When I devised my scale I did envision it as something of a normal distribution. Most liveries are going to be somewhere in the C range. This is cromulent. This is satisfactory. This does not make me angry.

It just makes me sad, thinking about all these airplanes wearing identical liveries. Sure, Copa and United already match, but this is an extremely varied set. It ranges from the painfully boring to the somewhat ugly to the actively nice, and all of them get replaced with identical stock liveries...an inter-fleet Scar Alliance.

While I rate these as competent liveries in terms of their appearance, I cannot pretend I do not hate everything they stand for. In my opinion, to paint your airplanes in a livery which makes it impossible to tell that the planes flanking the logo fly for Croatia Airlines and Continental respectively without zooming all the way in is the very definition of failure.

#tarmac fashion week #grade: b-#grade: c-#era: 2000s #era: 2010s #era: 2020s #royal air maroc #iberia #air new zealand #singapore airlines #s7 airlines #non-airline liveries #cathay pacific #compilations #requests #I only tagged the airlines that appear in liveries that are noticeably theirs

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