Going through some shit? No problem, put Peppino through it too

can i be honest? im really happy about buck being bisexual. yada yada oh but he didnt kiss eddie. whatever. okay? ive been with this show since that fateful night in january 2018. id seen the previews and ads for the show for a while and so i awaited the night eagerly and watched the premiere episode with my mom. this was 6 years ago, and i was young, and still new to being queer, and to me that was something you kept secret in online chatrooms and fanfiction read in the dead of night. i was young, and maybe trans maybe lesbian. and you weren't supposed to be those things in the "real world". and this is a truth i keep in my mind for a while. and then, i dont remember when, but we are introduced to karen. hens wife. these two become the first queer people ive seen on screen outside of online circles. away from fanfiction and cartoons. and they feel so real. so tangible. and i feel seen. because maybe ive met queer people before. but we were always tucked away into the digital world. this was cable tv. this is what everyone could see. and this meant there were dozens and dozens of people behind the scenes letting this be real. and in that moment i felt everything could be okay. and i found lonestar, i found paul, and by now i was familiar with queer people in media and in real life but paul was a trans man on tv and this was so new to me and once again i felt comforted. felt seen. i smiled when owen helped paul with skincare in that one bathroom scene and it was normal and okay. but heres the thing. these were queer people established from the beginning. and they have always been queer. and i love them for that. i love hen and i love paul and i love carlos and i love tk and i love nancy. but we have never gotten to see discovery yet. and ive been with this franchise 6 years. ive had all these queer headcanons in my head, some big ones i knew could never be true, but that's okay, because i could still imagine them and discuss them with friends and make them real to myself. and while buck being bi was plausible, maybe far more likely to happen than any other headcanon i had, i was familiar with this show. queer identities had been established from the beginning. you knew from the get go if a character would be queer or not. and so i expected this status quo to stay. and yet it didnt. because on the 100th episode of this show thats carried me through these psst few years, buck kissed a man. or more accurately, was kissed by a man. and he wasnt disgusted. wasnt appalled. didnt pull away. he reciprocated. and this wasnt like with tk. this isnt oh haha some guy thinks buck has a crush on him and buck is bewildered because oh! he's obviously straight. this is a kiss. and he kissed back. and when he lets go hes shocked. surprised. but not bothered. this is bucks "oh" moment, even described as such by oliver stark. this is a beginning. this isnt a scene they're going to throw away, but a story theyre starting. and it's going to be something entirely brand new for 911. because now we can see someone grow into their identity. accept it. learn to be themselves proudly. ive loved buck since day 1 of this series, and i cant help but feel proud. and i know he's just a fictional character yada yada who cares. but i care. because ive watched his story for 6 years. his struggle to love himself. to accept he can be desired and cared for. and hes been getting better. but now hes been introduced to something new. and now he must love himself in a new light, learn to love himself through change, and not just as a static personality. and im happy. and i wont stop being happy. and oliver stark said "you were right". and i was. and i cant believe i am. that this story can exist outside of my head. outside of online chatrooms. outside of fanfic. and it feels poetic, to watch buck come into himself in real time like this

can i ask for any color gang + purple specific headcanons? ALSO what did u think of episode 30 :)

RAAAHHH i love sharing hcs okay here we go, ill limit myself to 6 per character so this doesnt get overwhelming or boring heheheh

General stuff, oldest to youngest i see them like this: green, purple, blue, yellow, red, second. i HC that stickfiguresfighting.dotcom is actually a job they all had and that was the way they met (before second), Yellow wanted independence, Green overall just needed to start making money, Red wanted to really fight other people and he dragged Blue along Following up, Blue and Red are siblings, Blue being the oldest and often looking after Red when they were small.

WITH THAT OUT OFTHE WAY.

GREEN: - AUTISM - Oldest of the group but actually a middle child in a very loud household, he loves his family but he's very likely to have wished for a more comfortable space so thats why he moved out rather quickly and got that job - Noise cancelling earphones yesyes - genderfluid any prns pansexual icon - He HATES PDA (public displays of affection) this is a running joke i have that has developed into a proper HC haha, he always makes faces and gagging noises when YellowBlue are being gay in his general field of vision -Following up, despite hating PDA, he's super super affectionate in private when in a relationship, when in public or out of the confiness of his room he's more subtle like knees bumping against eachother under the table or soft looks across a room, THIS IS OF COURSE ALL IN REALTION TO PURPLE, SORRY, I AM A GREENPURPLE ENJOYER.

PURPLE: - My baby my baby youre my baby say it to meeee, thats not HC thats just my honest to go reaction to anything purple avm - Boy might be dog shit at fighting but he's so good at everything else i swear to god, he's super flexible and has a great amount of body strenght since we see him doing all sorts of stunt and gymnatics plus we see him being reasonably good at parkour, which in turn i have decided to take as "oh okay so he kicks ass at parkour he's the best and no one would ever be able to beat him noted." - I think he's decent at cooking but terrible at baking. Not even minecraft cakes come out right when he makes them. - They/he transmasc ourple sorry woa who said that?!?! (also mlm)

BLUE: - ELDEST DAUGHTER SYNDROME woa who said that?!?! what! - These are just canon but stoner epic skater girlfriend material she's so cool and epic - she/him bigender lesbian WOAH! - Alright you got me i'll elaborate on the eldest daughter stuff. SO BASICALLY. in my mind palace since i have decided that he and red are siblings Blue ends up being the oldest of the two, they have a singular parent so this makes Blue go thru the epic /s experience of having to take care of his little brother and their parent, giving up on childhood and dealing w responsabilities she shouldn't have. You might ask where the fuck did this come from and ill reply I HAVE NO CLUE THEY WRITE THEMSELVES OKAY!? - Blue is doing better now if you wanna know how fucked up that syndrome is just google it real quick you will be hit with the force of three trucks, shes an epic stoner gamer girl that likes to now play pranks on his little brother and be a menace. he's still a caretaker at heart and thats why he mostly tasks herself with doing most of the cooking. - THIS ONE IS BASICALLY STOLEN FROM THAT OTHER TUMBLR USER BUT UHH chronic pains after the lava incident yes brilliant send tweet

YELLOW: - Youngest child in a normal nuclear family, has an oldest sibling, relationships w family are not terrible but he always wished he would get more attention and always felt left aside when he tried to talk about his passions and interests - this guy is autism for sure! - he/him transmasc lesbian sorrey bleh - insomniac i share this hc w everyone else in the fandom this guy is just crasy insane and needs blue to remind him to take his sleeping pills and go to bed - after the LAVA incident and blue struggling to walk down the stairs of their house i think everyone agreed to rearrange the rooms and let blue have the bottom one, those two since they are a couple decided to just share a room and yellow made his old room a sort of study or overall "work" room so that he would not bother blue at night

RED: - ADHD (EXPLOSION GIF) - not a single thought behind those eyes but somehow still so smart and just as capable as everyone else OUGH - fisically strongest, not saying he's the best at combat he simply can pack the hardest punch but he might not be doing it the right way and thus hurting himself in the process - SPEAKING OF, ISNT IT FUCKED UP HOW FAR HE PUSHES HIMSELF?! now that we bring up 30 and everything that came before it i just could Not help but notice the way red passed out like three times during that whole battle, that boy had multiple broken bones and was running on pure adrenaline fighting w his own body to not give up, despite being the one more battered and bruised he kept standing back up and throwing himself right in the line of fire he makes me so sad OUGH -he/him transman realness mlm PHEW - i think that second and he passed out on the couch they moment they all realize they were out of danger you could not wake up those two up for a week they needed the rest SECOND: -trying my best to not run out of ideas here cause i know i have many hcs relating to them but also ive already wrote down a phew a while ago let me think uhhh - youngest. baby of the group, but for some fucked up reason he has decided to take on the "im the more responsible one here i need to look after all of you" role like a DUMMY - it makes very sad to think of him worrying himself so much w the safety of the others cause he has seen first hand that they are way more fragile than him, he doesnt know WHY he endured so many of Dark's attacks in ShowDown but he knows he did and he remembers vividly seeing his friends fight for their lives right in front of his eyes, of course he is going to be burdened with that weight. - Second has terrible separation anxiety that's not even a HC thats basically canon he can not be at ease until everyone is together and he is reasssured that they are okay OUGH (sounds of crying) - Little guy has awful nightterrors that leave him just sitting at the edge of his bed staring off at nothing until he falls asleep again, Green caught him one night and was like "hey you good why are you sleeping sitting like that?" and Second had to explain and Green offered to sleep w him so he would be more comfortable, Second now tends to ask green or red to keep him company when it happens smiles

OKAY THATS ALL!!! as usual i shall share a doodle, please forgive any grammar and spelling mistakes english isnt my first language we are doing the best we can over here hahah, here's the doodle! with my family headcanons for the colors and an extra "family photo" for the hollowheads haha

i'm so happy you liked it!!! wow, you're just as insane as I am. life is good. our thoughts are in sync. the tragedy that speaks to the core. thank YOU. it's refreshing to let your slightly crazy thoughts out there and be welcomed. im absolutely insane for their dynamic (im dying to live this). you have no idea (im losing it). i personally think gojo would be relieved once he's king, he's in control now, it's natural to him. there are more possibilities and he's so prepared. but you know what? becoming king has its duties and one of them is that prince!gojo's hand has been promised before he was born. i wonder how he'd cope with that knowing he belongs to someone else. i like to think he'd rebel and refuse the marriage completely (for personal, selfish reasons), but again he isn't childish in the sense of ignoring politics completely, yes? behind playful comments he is indeed a smart man. after all, he was raised to become this. he knows how to navigate the world and understands that his decisions can have massive political impact (and that this can also be negative for his knight, right? he cannot risk losing the power and privileges he owns, how would he be able to protect them? he must play the game as is). i think this might be one of the moments in his life where he'll be the most conflicted. but he'd play nice and polite when his fiance comes to visit him (i think due to gojo's natural disdain for his fiance, casual visits would be encouraged a few weeks before marriage). the first sting of jealousy knight!reader feels and oh. that's when they realize the nature of their feelings for prince!gojo. that it goes a little beyond what they thought. their dynamic might shift a little, things become uncertain and confused. knight!reader might dissociate between it all, not allowing selfish feelings to get in the way. and gojo's so annoyed and he wishes the whole building would just collapse and burn with everyone in it. and there knight!reader is, not so far away, shining only for his eyes. prince!gojo looks at them like begging for forgiveness, help, love and sadness all together while the lady by his side tries to get his attention. it's pathetic, he thinks. but his heart is somewhere else, it belongs to someone else for fucking sake!!! can't anyone see that? their first kiss would probably happen during this time I think. i can see him finding knight!reader at night, carrying the weight of the kingdom on his shoulders. and when his eyes land on them relief washes over him. soft moonlight shyly on knight's confused face asking 'satoru, are you okay?' vulnerability! comfort! home! because they belong to each other deeply, a mere look on each others face is enough to understand something is wrong. the kiss!! his little act of rebellion. he's so proud of it after, it's cute af. can you see? the blushing and all!! difficult times, ah the hurt!! at the end,,, i think ruling by himself is much gojo like, right? it would be somewhat controversial and there would be implications but to him it wouldn't be fair to fill a promise he didn't make, plus he's committed to his knight!reader already. ye? he'd learn so much and mature during this period as well. he'd find strength in his love and his love alone. it fills him with a supernatural sense of responsibility that he finally understands that knight!reader went through (though only a little, as he doesn't get his hands dirty nor commit acts of violence (i hope he does, sincerely)). and yess,,, sorry, it was too much again. or if it doesnt resonate with you, haha. omg. i am simply happy in my element talking to you. yes, uhm. you can call me momo/crazymomo if thats ok? it was supposed to be 'crazymomo' but i guess it kind got f'ed up in the way and i just didnt care about fixing it. im bringing you cake ok!!!!!

HI MOMOOO u r feeding us yet again!!!!! and same same same, its so fun to be insane together i appreciate u sm <333 mickey rlly is a genius bc ive never seen a character/reader dynamic thats caused as much insanity as knight!reader & prince!gojo they had me in a chokehold from the get-go

and OHHH these thoughts momo!!!! so tasty and interesting, i lovelovelove hearing more abt how u interpret them!! when it comes to dynamics like these i feel like everyone has their own take on them at least to some degree and i think its SOSO fun to compare!!!!

BUT OKOK let me get thru this!!! i had so much fun reading this and thinking abt it, u brought up so many things i hadnt considered yet!!

OK SO. king!gojo…… after some contemplation i think i definitely agree w u momo. i feel like satoru relaxes once he has the throne. its tough and a huge responsibility, a weight on his shoulders, but its no longer hanging over him as a burden he’ll one day have to bear, its something he’s gained and grown used to and i think he earnestly loves making a change in the society he lives in. and!! i think he is soso loved. i see him as the type to visit poorer villages all the time, financially support struggling mothers, speak to their babies and hold them all gently HES JUST SO… hes such a good man im gonna be sick. ABSOLUTELY helps all orphans he comes across they may or may not remind him of a certain knight so he cant bear to look away from them

(i do think he still longs to run away w knight!reader tho…. its just a nice daydream to him atp bc its impossible in so many ways but i think he hates the fact that being king means hes moved even further above them on the social ladder)

BUT ANYHOW ANYHOW lets get to the juicy bits. the engagement bits. i have my own take on this that differs from urs a little bit momo but i think urs is soso good and nice and romantic… and i agree on a lot too!! specifically this ohhh u get him soso well!!

behind playful comments he is indeed a smart man. after all, he was raised to become this. 

(…)

(and that this can also be negative for his knight, right? he cannot risk losing the power and privileges he owns, how would he be able to protect them? he must play the game as is.)

^ i agree soso much!!!! i think prince!gojo is very very clever, he enjoys acting goofy and has a very genuinely silly side but i do think hes both intelligent and mature. especially when it comes to politics, both for the sake of his own sense of duty AND what you said — for the sake of knight!reader!! they’re his motivation to become king in the first place, so i don’t see him doing anything that’ll cause too much of a stir; but at the same time… he gets away with a lot.

i do think rejecting his fiancee completely as a prince might be too much (his parents let him do as he pleases for the most part, but theyre not fun to deal with when they start to feel threatened lol), but once hes become king… well.

i think you’re right, momo!! he chooses to lead the nation on his own, with no queen by his side — only one very loyal knight. 

(on the topic of heirs though since thats kind of connected to this… obviously his decision causes quite a stir. who will lead the kingdom when hes gone? a king with no firstborn — how scandalous. and so on.

but satoru doesn’t care. he continues to live his life, do his duty. visiting villages, dealing with neighouring countries… and, well. maybe one day he happens to run into a particularly clever assassin, with a scar on his bottom lip, escaping by the skin of his teeth and thanks to his knight — and, who knows? maybe said assassin, bleeding out, murmurs something about a child, a run-down building, a young life soon to be lost… and maybe satoru finds said child. maybe he even feels compelled to look after him, just for a while, because that unruly hair and those guarded eyes remind him a bit too much of a certain someone.

and if satoru grows fond of said boy, if he raises him as a candidate for the throne, but with an understanding and sympathy that he never received himself — then that’s no one’s business but his own.)

my bad i got carried away PHDKFJFJ back to the topic at hand. (i just needed to bring gumi into this narrative hes my special little boy ALSO maybe just maybe suguru finds an orphaned boy in the woods w pink hair who he takes in and raises as a knight hmmmm.. wonder what that’s all about…..) SORRY IM SORRY theres. so much to think abt when it comes to this au…………..

but anyways. i think satoru abolishes the marriage the moment he becomes king — but until then hes polite, well-mannered, maybe even a tad friendly w his fiancee. just to make it easier for the both of them. he does however make it very, very clear that this is a business partnership in his mind — its not a marriage of love, it never will be. and he’s firm about it. he has no intention of leading her on.

i think he might even go as far as to say his heart belongs to someone else (hes giggling on the inside bro gets butterflies at the thought of belonging to his knight in any way shape or form), with no specifics since he doesnt want to get knight!reader into any kind of trouble with the royal court.

but yes!! this is where i think our takes differ a bit (not at ALL a bad thing i just need to make that clear!!) bc i dont rlly see knight!reader being jealous!! i see their relationship with satoru as very comfortable, w a strong sense of understanding between them. it isnt entirely romantic or entirely platonic — if i had to put it in simple terms i’d just call them soulmates. they were born to save each other. and i think both of them understand that! knight!reader is well aware that satoru doesnt feel a single thing for his fiancee, because he makes it so clear that no one has a place at his side except for knight!reader themselves. so in that sense i dont see that uncertainty appearing!! i think the only one between them who feels frustrated is satoru.

and gojo's so annoyed and he wishes the whole building would just collapse and burn with everyone in it. <- THIS IS SOOOO CANON TO ME BTW i think that when ppl are being annoying around the castle a tiny voice in his head is like ”i hope this building fucking explodes” PHDNDBD HES SO DRAMATIC…. but in this case i think hes just so frustrated, especially if his fiancee/parents make the whole engagement more troublesome than it has to be.

on that note i just gotta mention;

and there knight!reader is, not so far away, shining only for his eyes. prince!gojo looks at them like begging for forgiveness, help, love and sadness all together while the lady by his side tries to get his attention. it's pathetic, he thinks. <- GOD THIS ONE GOT ME THIS ONE GOT ME GOOD momo pls stop im in agony </3 ohhh the way his eyes reflect his soul those sad sad puppydog eyes ☹️☹️ i would fold instantly

so in simple terms!! i think knight!reader and toru feel very at home in their dynamic. i dont think knight!reader would mind at all if satoru got a fiancee — if she made him happy i think they’d even grow fond of her. theyre just very kind and accepting, and dedicated to their prince’s happiness above all else. (but, of course, satoru’s happiness only ever lies with them 😔 stupid silly dense knight.) 

BUT THE KISSSS OHHH THE KISS MOMO…. i see your vision so SO clearly. i picture their kiss by the riverbank like this too — satoru does it w/o thinking overcome by fondness and hes all giggly and giddy after. hes just happy to be alive PDJJDFJ 100% goes for a forehead kiss right after bc his heart is just bursting at the seams and his favorite person ever is right there in front of him!! all blushy and unsure!!! ohhh hes OBSESSED momo u get it ofc u do… ur version of events is so lovely and sweet!! i can really picture is so vividly!!

ANYWAY that was so fun pls never apologize, i lovelovelove long asks like this!! it was such a treat to read!! <33 IM BRINGING U A BIG CAKE TOO tysm for blessing us w this 🎂 (lets share it hehe 🍰🍰) (+ extra piece for mickey in case they see this here u go mickey 🍰)

zak i am forever thinking of your fic where mc gets swole and how all the guys have an awakening from getting Held by her. i showed my fic to my friend and we got into an argument over who engineer tripping events to be Held by her versus outright asks. im marius and luke BUT my friend says artem and marius. who do you think is right??

hi anon!! and omg thank you so much for reading and enjoying "baby, you're the man, but i got the power" :DDD

ur argument with ur friend is SO incredibly entertaining to me, im glad this fic caused a rift tot-character opinions HAHAHJKSDHFKSJD

that being said, as the author of the said fic, here are my personal verdicts on luke, marius, and artem (and vyn is out immediately cuz i'll be upfront, hes already solidly in the territory of "engineering tripping events to be Held" for me HAHA, and then later on when hes more secure abt his wants/needs would slowly acclimate to simply asking)

LET'S GOOOO:

luke: he would just ask to be held

luke has a bad habit of lying/deflecting, yea, but thats for Big Things and Big Secrets and Big Moral Shames. when it comes to smaller emotional needs and wants from mc, hes pretty upfront!

yeah, he'll be incredibly shy about it and would be blushing the Entire Time as hes asking for some cuddles, but he Will ask and his nervousness will slowly fade away as he gets comfortable in the beauty of physical affection

hes like a puppy that walks into the room looking all guilty but he just needs a hug and then his tail is figuratively wagging. this whole debacle is pretty straightforward for him

-

marius: he would BOTH engineer tripping events to be Held and also just ask to be held (or maybe one after the other)

i'd like to make it clear that marius isnt a liar, honestly. hes simply The Boy Who Cried Wolf. or rather, The Boy Who Cried JIE JIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!~

like, he'd make a Show of tripping and being oh so miserable about how he tripped, oh miss pls give me the attention and affection i so DEARLY CRAVE. and mc would see past this pretty quickly, she'd get a bit >:(

but at the end of the day she does also see that the want to be held is indeed genuine!

once marius sees that hes made mc a affectionately miffed with his antics, he fesses up and transitions to simply asking. but he'll do it in a Marius Way. one thats less of asking and more of "i just like it when you care about me :((((" in an overdramatic fashion to try and deflect from how much he Yearns for physical affection.

sidenote hc: i think marius wants So Much and that intensity is something hes still hesitant to show for a lot of reasons. his life isnt one thats very kind to outright sincerity. it has to be tempered or dressed up in different ways to be palatable

thankfully, mc doesnt care about whats 'palatable' she just cares about people and what can make people happy. once marius drops the act, she'll sigh affectionately and hold him

-

artem: he would, for a split second, think about engineering a tripping event but then he gets so caught up in the Moral Implications of feigning an event to cause genuine concern. he gets so upset about it that he makes his mind up to submit to the mortifying ordeal of asking for comfort, but because hes overthinking about this so much, he actually ends up legitimately tripping over himself cuz he was paying more attention about his internal debate and was thusly paying less attention to the nxx roomba that had, at that very moment, moved to where his foot was sposed to land on the ground

yeah. what it says on the tin

artem goes Through It

-

as to how this information contributes to u and ur friend's argument, ive got no idea HAHAHAVDKJFHSD

omg hii

so im on anon cause im scared to be found haha

but just

im so relieved to find someone who doesnt like leah as annabeth because she looks nothing like book annabeth with ZERO racist intentions(i hope?).

because people dont understand- like i love leah she's done a phenomenal job portraying annabeth but i just wanted her to look like annabeth like she;s been my comfort character and like having the way she's being portrayed change- thats been hugeee for me (huge bad). and if i say this people usually jump on me for being racist (not all but yeah most people ive told this to).

but isnt just annabeth. i HATE that percy is blonde. i hate it so muchhh that all the fanarts are changing and i hate the eyecolour part of the books- its just gone cause i personally felt like that was a big thing in the og series.

(and another thing- most of my personal favourite fanarts of percy show him as a poc) and the blonde white asf casting for percy also bothers me (like personally)

whatever my personal opinions are tho theyre still kids (i say this being aryan's age hahah) and the hate leah's getting is fricking unacceptable.

The ship has long sailed for anyone to find me genuine when I say “with zero racist intentions” because obviously I’m doing something so weird and out of my way but truly my dislike for show Annabeth is what you just said: she looks nothing like book Annabeth.

There’s a different type of satisfaction seeing a character portrayed as they have always looked (whether described in writing, illustrated in art, etc) and whenever it’s not done correctly it’s always a let down.

Fortunately I’ve moved away from the PJO fandom so the overall inaccuracies with all the characters doesn’t put me in as foul of a mood as you hinted at 😅 I was thinking of all the let down Annabeth fans though when the casting was announced. I’ll feel your pain if Nico’s casting isn’t done right; he’s the only one I am eager to see (even if I stopped watching the show after episode 3 due to its horrible writing ☺️)

Also I thought I had the anon messages enabled since the very beginning🧍‍♀️I realized today that they were not ..

H!gh and fly

one day freddy gaybear fcked ur (non-existing)dad who got preggo cuz fanfic logic. anyway you were born, such a dumbass, am i right? well anyway, u turned out to be gay, or just any mf from the lgbtq+ community, also u like comitting arson. so on, u fall inlove with William Afton and get trauma, haha L bozo, moving on. u got trauma and read weird fanfics like these. how tf did u even get to this point??? anyway freddy gaybear and ur (non-existing)dad are happily married(not happy w/ u tho), u have any sibling(u can choose gender this is a fanfiic after all) who is annoying as fck so u murder them and bury them in ur backyard(writer doesnt have one, never had one so he doesnt know what thats like but slay ig) and move on with ur life, ur parents are devestaded that ur sibling is gone so they kill u too, L bozo rip. they have some more kids that are more mentally stable than u are. freddy gaybear and ur (non-existing)dad had more children, 3 to be exact, piter, gaylord and james charles. peter griffin is a friend of gaylord, who has a crush on peter griffin, but peter griffin has a crush on james charles, BUT james charles has a crush on boss baby. years pass on(2 yrs), and james charles was making out with boss baby, having the time of their lives, nothing could go wrong, right? right???peter griffin saw them kissing, it made him mad, real mad, so he planned a murder on boss baby, he succeded with his plan, but james charles was so sad his lover was gone he drived into insanity and ended up in prison for mulitple crimes. peter griffin was sad, but he still had gaylord, who he had fallen inlove with overtime, they confessed their love to eachother and started dating, eventually getting married after some years, during their dino themed wedding ur (non-existing)dad had a heart attack and freddy gaybear died of a broken heart. the wedding countinued and they lived happily ever after.years pass, gaylord and peter had a baby grill called Remi, who was a wonderful kid, thats all. anyway, that all changed until remi discovered TWITTER. finding nsfw art of fnaf characters, such as freddy gaybear! and most importantly, ELON MUSK. traumatized and disgusted remi told puss's parents(remi has puss/pussy/puss-self pronouns, btw neo pronouns honestly suck ass, i hate having used one before, never again, 0/10) who took away puss's phone, puss didnt like that and called puss parents spagehti-eaters(thats a slur against italiens, pls dont say it to people, most importantly italiens), freddy gaybear is actually italien(he isnt hes probably from Utah or britian) and cried, gaylord comforted him and put remi under house arrest for a few days. later on remi went to school and everything was fine, until someone confessed their love to remi, the person who confessed their love was PLUMBER MARIO himself, but remi couldnt accept his feelings, MARIO was sad but he understood, they soon became close besties, bendy, a new student in their school, in their class, bendy suddenly fell inlove with MARIO on first sight. right away confessing his love to MARIO, who accepted those feelings bc he needed to get over remi, who all this time didnt accept those feelings bc puss was aroace and was happy that MARIO was able to get over puss, but no one knew the plot twist that was about to happen. BENDY WAS ACTUALLY RICK ASTLEY: who was also a undercover cop. when MARIO found out he was so turned on by that he exploded into thin air. rick astley didnt mind, he stopped loving MARIO anyway. remi was flabbergasted, like wtf??? remi moved soon to germany with puss's parents, who met baldi, whos remis new math teacher, remi is homeschooled now bc the writer cant be bothered to write shit in german)baldi was acually super nice and he also had a kid named morty, he also was married to rick Sanchez(poor morty btw, i hate king jellybean mf he needs to be tortured(reason is in S1 EP5) remi was happy for baldi and was happy too about how cool baldi was. thats it for now. happy end for remi :) maik the criminal#7808 on discord, hmu i got a server hehe haha *thumbs up*

(Too many words, had to split it up :3)

Man i should've been writin during this lol. I just started enjoying the song Oooh, maybe I could write lil bio's for all my friends OC's I think it'd be really fun to just like, learn and research their backgrounds and histories, and just try to summarize them Like ok, let me do something for Aeon (my HS Fankid) like rn Ok, so transfem cunt who's kinda girlfailing, but like is doin decently outside of that. Very much someone who sings, but kinda hides it cuz its a lil embarrasing sometimes, and is a big Kamen Rider fan. She is super invested in her friends lives, and loves to keep tabs on them (She's a lil weird lol) As far as her strife specibus, i'd love to do one where you can use diff rider belts as weapons, yknow transform into them. it'd definitely be really cool, but like she should get their weaknesses too. Like Den-O would be hard, cuz like how would u get an Imagin. Although if ur Den-O, That would in turn mean your a singularity point, so u like exist independent of time now. Woah, would that fuck with time players???? That would be interesting to think about. Honestly there's prolly an explanation in Homestuck, but I don't care to check right now tbh. (Aurora [Meet me in the stars] (Anamanaguchi)) haha man, that was cute, just writing down character thoughts and notes, love to do this stuff. Kinda off the cuff, If I think about it harder later, itll be better I love being a Witch of Blood :3 Uhh, i don't know if I have anything else to talk about. alright, rn its 3:04 rn, maybe there'll be something else lol ok 3:10 now Y'know in Vrchat, i'll wear like stuff that actually shows skin right, but like i could never do that irl lol. Like I am always decked out, hoodie/jacket, jeans or sweatpants, the works. All you get is my head and hand :p I think thats why clothes are such a like, indicator of comfort to me. Like just seeing how you dress, and learning what they like yknow. just like, wearing matching clothes, or wearing stupid clothes together, or maybe the opposite, maybe less clothes in their presence, from like sweatpants to shorts, etc, just chilling together Man, just had Mcdonalds for the first time in a while, and the fries are alright, but those nuggets are as bad as i remembered Ok its 3:29 rn I think ive rambled my last breath lol. I'm gonna go sleep.

Hey Layla! I’m curious.. who is a fictional character you find yourself identifying with? And why? I feel like it says a lot about a person 🥰

Hiii <3 i love this question but omg its difficult.

Here me out on this one but

Mole (Wind in the Willows)

🌿 He starts off so quiet/reserved and isolated, he lives his quiet underground life minding his own business and well, i guess staying in his comfort zone... But he does have the desire for adventure, later whenever ratty is shaking his head and not wanting to go along with toads plans, its moley who is like "oo but it could? Be fun" like he's uncertain but he has this kind of want for excitement. Which is very much me as i have been my whole life, im really shy, and I'm anxious about things, but i have a curiosity that means whilst i do prefer my comfort zone and my little house with all my little things, theres still something inside me that craves the excitement and draws me to the wild wood. Like i too would have heard ratty say "we don't go there" and immediately been curious as to why.

🌿He's so anxious but so fiercly loyal to his friends that he faces his fears and puts himself in harms way to save his friends and I'm like that too, anxious, terrified to talk to people, but the moment a friend needs me, i find my voice for them. Also there's like a level of stupid to his loyalty, like when he goes into the wild woods on his own, doesnt even know where he's going but he just goes because he feels he has to for toad, so he just stumbles on in, knowing its a bad idea but doing it anyway. I do that alot haha

🌿 He's younger that badger and ratty and he really looks up to them in every way, like theyre not father figures but theyre older, wiser friends who moley looks to for protection and to learn from too, they show him the riverbank and all these new things like Messing about on boats!! And he really admires them but also trusts them immediately, almost naively, just trusts them and I feel like thats very much what i am like when i make friends with any male my age or above. I look for friends with that "take you under my wing" nurturing side to them. (like how me and B became friends, it was because he really did just keep me tucked under his wing)

🌿He's so earthy (yes i know he's a mole) but hes so earthy and he loves his dark damp mole hole with all of his little things, its his home and he loves it even though it isnt much and then when he's with Ratty and he realises that he can't remember where it is, and he cries and gets so sad. Like hes so me for real, i love my room, i love making myself a little home, a sanctuary kind of place thats mine that feels totally safe and cosy and comfortabke. And i will quite happily stay in it forever and ever like its my little nest if I get things just right.

Unnamed Narrator/second mrs de'winter (Rebecca /daphne du maurier)

🌿 Shes so young and she falls head over for a sophisticated older man who is more well educated, higher class status etc than she is and she is so taken in by him and like, naively swept off her feet. She's desperate for his approval and giddy whenever she gets it and what can I say... Reading this book made my daddy issues ten times worse because it normalised them haha

🌿 She really is like, an over emotional, naive little waif and she spends the whole novel feeling too much about the smallest of things. There are times when Max is a little sharp with her and she gets overwhelmed with sadness and guilt and shame ans humiliation all at once and sits there trying not to cry but crying anyway and like, literally last night i was overtired and sulking and B made a passing comment about me being in a foul mood and I waited until he'd left the room and then burst into tears with the intention of getting it out my system whilst he was gone (but he came back into the room unexpected and saw me and was just like oh...) like idk i feel like im a super dramatic takes everything to heart, really easily upset kind of girl? And also like happy things, people showing her basic kindness also sets her off and i too cry at the smallest kind gesture towards me.

🌿Here are some bits i took photos of when reading because i identified so hard haha

🌿 Shes also just deeply anxious about pleasing other people, living up to expectations, she thinks so much about everything and she spends so much time deeply embarrassed by her own perception of herself, whilst like, biting her nails over whether or not she is doing things right. Shes so aware of her own naivety and yet also not at all.

🌿Max is constantly calling her a silly little girl, B is constantly saying similar to me, for similar reasons (like he acts a little distant once, or forgets to be soft with me once and i become convinced he hates me haha)

Thank u for this it was fun, i do think ive basically revealed myself to be even more whimiscal and pathetic than we already thought though haha <3

Welcome Beanies.

Hello Bitchess!!! 

Masterlist.

Fic request guidelines.

Welcome to my page, this is going to be a weird and strange place. So if you are normal this isn't the place for you but I will still welcome you to this place. This little page is my safe place, no one knows me here and that's the best thing about tumblr. 

You may call me AL, my pronouns are still being figured out, I don't feel comfortable with any so 😂😂 y'all may just use anything also feminine or masculine pet names allowed prefer gender neutral but y'all go wild. Im 21 years old and trying to figure out what the hell Im doing in my life, so all aboard the ride of life. This page is going to be filled with my interests, things I love, some writing that I do and some weird stuff about my personal life and some silly issues that I may have.  So yall welcome to watch me go through my early 20s crisis please enjoy and if anyone wants to start a strange or awesome conversation please feel welcome too. 

Fandoms Im currently obsessed with are Criminals Minds (Take a quick look at my page might figure that out ya self) Also love 9-1-1 and Marvel. Those are my top three fandoms at the moment. I'm sure there's more that I just can not think of right now haha.

I have been completely and utterly obsessed with Criminal Minds for the past year which is so bad, my friends are over my crap so thats why im on here (kinda) Anywayyyy. I love Criminal Minds because all the characters have their own purpose and their own flaws. No one is perfect and that's why I like it. 

I am way too in love with Aaron Hotchner and David Rossi and I blame that on my daddy issues. Like please those men are 40+ years older than me but I would let them hit it without a second thought like damn sir please holy fuck me. Anywayyy I am a whore but not the point. All of the BAU team feels like a family and are my comfort characters depending on my type of mood and it's just..perfect. 

I have a huge writing ideas list on what Fics I want to write for everyone on the main team and some of the other team members in the later seasons. I won’t post a lot at the moment, maybe once every week or so but that's the best I can do with my schedule. With my writing I will mainly write Gender neutral Reader as I don’t think there are enough of them out there. I will write the odd Male and Female reader as well, I'm not the best writer and would love feedback thank you loves.

So ya enjoy the craziness and welcome to my weirdness called life. 

Love yas.

Harley Quinn problems (Tv wise)

Sooo...looking at this season. Well for me the problem is still the series. Not so... look not gonna apologize if I offend someone. I'm literally allowed to have an opinion on the show/writing etc.

So as season 4 ep 7. The show itself is average. Not the best but also not the worse. The series as a whole has some funny haha moments. Butttt it kinda tries to hard to be "woke". But that being said its a hella lot more entertaining than Velma's spinoff.

But its not without problems. One of which... is how the heroes are portrayed. Yes I know its comedy/satire/and also I know this is aimed for the villains. But they have the heroes featured in here. And their role ranges from comedic to down right incompetent at their job. Thats not to say I expected them to be gods/or perfect. No I can see some of the antics the show put the heroes in as real. Batman having issues at communicating with Gordon (season 1). When Batman got jumped by Ivy and Harley on live TV, and most of the heroes either just watched or in Superman's case just shrugged. Cause yeah they've been at it long enough to say "heh he's fine".

Even both Batman and Nightwing had trouble accepting help/change. Nightwing having freak outs cause he didn't get it perfect (season 2) and yeah definitely found it believable that he had a fit over losing his weapons. I can even believe that Wonder Woman fell for a Harley disguise as a fellow amazon.

Then the writing takes biggggg drastic turns. Batman/and heroes did nothing when Joker killed a celebrity on live TV. Amazons came to Ivy's wedding, thats not odd. Whats odd is technically they're in Wonder Woman's alignment aka considered good. So when the villains are killing the police they just do nothing.

Heck Batman spiraled over a breakup and brought back the dead. Did Alfred stop him? No. Did Nightwing or the Justice League? I mean zombies are hard to ignore. When Nightwing's murdered they literally DO nothing. They come to a funeral and go home.

Any other variation they would have stuck their nose into Bat business and offered Batgirl comfort/aid or an ATTEMPT of helping. Batman is literally in jail and NO ONE hero wise is questioning/attempting to help? Batman didn't even attempt to come to funeral. And you can't say "its jail". They let Alfred out. And importantly the show went on the "the rich are given better privileges" . So its not out of logic that Batman should quit djaying and attempt to look for what was like his second son's murderer.

Alfred is literally spiraling/suddenly clinging to being near Bruce and none of the Batfamily tried to stop or help him. I just am puzzled since the season before. Alfred seemed to be given a change as a character doing the hero thing while Bruce is in a coma. How did that go from being a hero to "can't be 5 minutes away from him". I mean yesh why didn't Superman even attempt to ask "Alfred why are you in an orange jumpsuit?".

Another problem is how they're treating Gordon. Again I know comedy/satire etc. I don't even mind if Gordon's very flawed. Season 1, yeah pretty much described him. Freakin' tired from the job. But as the series goes on they kick him always to a lower point. As I said I don't mind him flawed I can believe he was a shitty dad. Being a cop/and literally being in gotham. Its just kinda believable that became his focus instead of Barbara(daughter not wife). Butttt I wanna say it was season 2. I thought they were give him some development and turn his life around. But season 3-4 just kept kicking him lower and lower. And at some point making him the punching joke was a little too sad to watch.

I was hoping he would get his life together and he would have a Lupin/Zenigata kinda thing.

Third is sometimes the villains. Heh sometimes. Trying to think, uh sometimes it feels like they go a little too hard to make them evil. I dunno season 4 with the Legion constantly killing staff. I mean the starfish things killed a dude for stepping on their toes. I'm "a little overkill?". Even a few times they do it just cause they want to. I dunno hard to explain just feels like its not needed. They are literally fighting good guys. We don't need it so obvious sometimes. The other part in regards to villain is Joker himself.

He's... mixed for me. Particularly how he's been given a new girlfriend and "loves" those kids. I dunno for YEARS and I do mean years I've heard fans complain about how Joker treated Harley. So just because they're ripping off Venture Bro vibes they feel Joker deserves a happy ending with a wife and kids? I .... I dunno. And no I don't care if it humanizes him. He's literally suppose to be the most evil character, and we're suppose to suddenly like him cause he's got kids.

Just nope. Not feeling it. The show is not Venture bros and hasn't gotten to that level in my opinion. So Joker can not pull a "Red Death". Because from recent eps he's and his story have no merit to it. Joker goes evil and his girlfriend is okay with it.... but from what the show is giving his girlfriend isn't evil. A bit aggressive if she's physically threatened but I wouldn't deem her evil. She wants her children as far as I can tell to be good.

If the show had shown her aggravated for her lifetime of being good. Even and I hate to say it, show her even snapping at work as a nurse. Fine I could believe it. But she's suddenly okay with her children encouraging murders. And wanting to murder a person who is rude to her at the checkout line oO. By all accounts she should be arguing with Joker, telling him she doesn't want her children to be sadistic killers. She should even want compromise.

Heck Red Death is the best example. He's evil at work but separates it from his homelife. His little girl isn't evil. A bit bullyish? But she acts like a normal child. His wife wasn't evil and treated his arching like work. She even wanted a compromise to cut down his work. And he was trying to by becoming a guild member. Thats more entertaining then whatever the hell Joker is.

Anything else... uh dunno. I mean the rest of the show/season is kinda of predictable. Harley/Ivy having conflict due to jobs. Gotta work it out and I think they will. The clone thing is probably different. Uhh kinda wonder what Nora Freeze's deal is. I know she was a villain's wife but she's not very evil. Just there. Sometimes selfish but thats it.

About Torches & Beyond, I was wondering how far do you have it planned out? I have plans for a comic myself and I'm afraid to only start working on it when I have everything perfectly planned out, was wondering how it is for you and if you plan to develop it as you go along or if you know where do you want it to head. May sound silly but you definitely serve as inspiration for me with how much you have done so far. Your art is incredible by the way.

My planning process is super wacky lol… I have the ending planned out and bits and pieces for the middle??? I know where I want it to end basically, and I have general scenes/character developments I know I want to get to… for writing out actual issues it’s kinda hard because I have to piece together those concepts and make it make sense to readers lol. So it’s kinda a big mix of “I have a specific plan but I also write along the way”!

Thats the way I write at least, I can’t have it totally perfect to a T because it’ll drive me up the wall if I have to follow a set of “rules” I made for myself. I like to have it open ended so if I randomly come up with a cool idea or a small scene I can just simply plop it in when the time is right!

Lots of things in my story has changed since I started writing it, also. When I was younger, it was actually going to be Sabrinia had gotten lost in the woods and sent into a magical world where she meets PK… it was very very different lol. Something’s have stayed the same, and something’s evolved over the time I really found what I wanted the overall vibe to be.

I have DOZENS of comic pages, sketches, concepts and ideas in a huge binder and a big folder from over the years, along with many google docs of timelines, scene ideas, and just ideas in general that I’ve either kept since the beginning/along the way! My process isn’t really perfect but it’s organized in a way that I can understand and remember things lol.

For goodness sakes Sabrinia was going to be a human for a while lol. She was a gardener who hated her job because everyone bullied her about it. Geffory was one of those people… she’d hit him with a broom when he’d get on her nerves lol. Lily was always going to be the way she is, and there’s a specific turn of events that has always stayed the same since I came up with it!

I have about 100-ish pages of the comic I wrote as I thumbnailed them… this was when I started to take the whole “I think I want to make a comic” very seriously! I was just like you with it, I was really afraid about just starting it. But doing these quick thumbnails and finding ideas for what I wanted to happen next/taking scenes and ideas I already had in my brain really helped me feel more comfortable with how I wanted it all to be! Granted, back then the story was different with how I paced everything, it was very quick and chaotic lol. The High Ruler had these weird snake things in his back it was a fun time haha.

All in all, what I have planned is where I want the characters to be in the long run. Then I fill in the bits and pieces! Of how they got to be there! It’s complicated but it can also be super fun :) I’ve noticed that I grew with my characters as well, funnily enough lol.

I hope this helped kinda!! Nothing I do is really perfectly written or planned, some of it is I suppose, but I’m not really the type to plan anything exact??? Because what if something happens and the plans just kinda crumble down into pieces?? Yknow?? :O

Thank you so so much for the ask, I’m glad I could maybe help you out even a teensy bit <3 It is such an honor to be an inspiration to anybody, it’s crazy to think I am at all! And thank you for the super kind words!! I hope all goes well with your comic! If someone as sporadic as me can keep up a series like this I know for sure anyone else can :) I’m totes looking forward to it, I bet it’ll be awesomesause >:P

Old fanfic

diluc x gn!reader

i recently found an old fanfic and i told myself “why not upload it as a sort of filler while i gain motivation to write again” so here it is!! quick current AN, this was written back in february of 2021 and it’s a bit lengthy so i’m just kinda gonna paste it on here and see what happens lol! please excuse any grammar mistakes!

OLD AN : hi there! little A/N before i actually post the fanfic(?) one, this isnt something thats gonna be uploaded weekly, i started this for fun + to release stress so im not exactly sure how often ill upload im sorry to disappoint ! two, this is gonna be based around a school au! I love writing in school au’s so thats what im most comfortable with ! and third, this will not (for the most part) have any nsfw or anything (unless i change my mind and if i do i'll put a warning before each chapter) so fellow nsfw lovers im sorry ! oh and also for anyone wondering, all the characters will be around the same age in this au (yes this includes venti, im mainly doing this for 0 spoilers and just cause a teen venti sounded like a lot of fun to write) + im only using mondstadt based characters because im too lazy to write everyone else in, anyways i hope you enjoy this !

Chapter one - New beginning.

“Finally!” Y/N said followed up with a sigh. “a new school, new people, far far away from my old town!” Y/N thought to themselves. “WATCH OUT!” said a girl in a bright red outfit who was chasing after,,, a dog? “AMBER!” said a boy in green chasing after her. he stopped next to me and sighed, “Oh, hi there!” the boy in green said with a smile. He had lovely green and blue eyes with dark blue hair that faded into light blue/cyan. “My name is Venti! Who you saw running after that dog is Amber.” he continued. “My name is Y/N” I replied. “Y/N?” Venti said with a confused face. “That doesn't sound like a local name. Are you from mondstadt?” “No,” I replied, “Im from a neighboring city, my siblings and I were moved over for a safer environment.” Venti looked at me with a concerned face, “Ah, that would make sense yes.” We were awkwardly standing there for about a minute or two before we here a “Venti!” in the distance. It was the red girl, Amber. “Hey Amber! Oh right this is Y/N, Y/N this is Amber!” I smiled and said a simple nice to meet you. She smiled and said “Hello! Nice to meet you. Oh and also welcome to Mondstadt!” Both Venti and I were a bit shocked, we looked at each other with the look of how in the heck did she know? Before we could even speak any longer, the school bell rang. The girl in red had a bit of dirt on her face, most likely from chasing the dog, so venti got out a cloth and started wiping some of the dirt off as he said “We’ll be late, go drop him (the dog) off before you forget like last time” Like,, last time,, I thought to myself. “Oh yeah right haha, venti, cover for me if I am late please?” she asked the green boy with puppy dog eyes. “Yeah yeah, now go before you're seriously late. You have five minutes” He said with a smile. As soon as he finished his sentence she ran off again and in the distance I can hear her say “WATCH OUT!” Venti and I laughed and started walking into the school.

Immediately I noticed the school was five, no ten times bigger than my old one! “Was your old school smaller perhaps?” Venti said as he looked and smiled at me. “It was.” I replied with a smile, we both chuckled at it and continued walking. “So what class are you in?” “Im in uh 3-B” i said thinking and hoping all three of us had the same class. “Cool!” he said “Most of the popular kids are in 3-B with us but at least you’ll have us for comfort” he continued with a smile and a giggle. I giggled as well. “Good. I’ll be fine as long as i have you two!” I said with a smile. Venti kinda blushed at what i said then smiled. Soon enough we were at our class. “Ready?” He said. “As ready as i’ll ever be” I said with a nervous chuckle. He opened the door and immediately we bumped into a gorgeous yet cold red head. He looked at us almost as if he was disgusted by us. “Sorry about that Diluc.” Venti said with a slight smile while he scratched his head. Diluc looked at Venti, “its okay, just a misunderstanding. No need to worry Venti.” His voice was soft yet so cold it was almost displeasing yet satisfying to hear at the same time. And then he walked out and headed towards the bathroom. Venti noticed me staring at him. “Well well well, looks like someones got a crush already!” he said with a giggle, I quickly shushed him and said “Venti! Don't say that!” He continued to giggle and walked into the classroom, I walked in after him. “This is where me and Amber usually sit. Knowing the teacher, she’ll ask you to sit anywhere you'd feel comfortable. I suggest this seat, its closest to us so we can still talk and work together.” He said with a warm smile. As soon as he finished, both Amber and Diluc came in and soon after them the teacher came in to look for me.

I walked out of the classroom and she started talking to me. “I'm going to start class but please come with me to the faculty office at lunch, we need to get some information clear” I nodded and she headed into the classroom. “Okay class, today we have a new student joining us. Y/N, come on in” she called out to me and i did as she said. “Why don’t you introduce yourself sweetie.” “Hello, my name is Y/N, i’m from a neighboring city hence my unusual name, and i’d love to get along with all of you!” i said with a smile. “Okay, go ahead and sit where you’d like dear.” as i began to walk near Venti and Amber, Dulic called to me and signaled me to sit next to him. he was sitting behind Venti and Amber’s table so i gladly accepted and sat next to him. immediately Venti and Amber looked at me. “Are you going to talk to the teacher during lunch?” Venti asked. I simply nodded, my heart was pounding so hard, i felt as though i was melting. maybe sitting next to mr gorgeous was a bad idea. i thought to myself “Does that mean you won’t be able to sit with us at lunch?” Amber asked. “I’m not sure Amber, but if i have enough time i’ll find you guys as soon as i can!” i said with a smile. i heard mr gorgeous chuckle and as soon as we looked at him he looked away and out the window. he seems a bit shy haha how cute. i thought and giggled. Venti and Amber looked so confused but just turned around to listen to the teacher. a couple minutes went by and i saw Diluc hand me a note. he still didn’t look at me. what is this? a comedy romance anime? i thought to myself as i opened the note. “friends?” was written in it with a yes no and maybe box. i chuckled, answered, and handed it back to him. i could see his reaction out of the corner of my eye, he just looked at it, smiled, and put it in his pocket. WHAT IN THE HECK WAS THAT REACTION? OKAY HEART PLEASE CALM DOWN ITS BARELY EVEN BEEN AN HOUR SINCE WE MET THESE PEOPLE! i sighed and continued to listen to the teachers lesson.

AN: if y’all want more pls lmk LOL i kinda wanna redo or add onto this! also i feel like i added more onto this but this was posted on wattpad a while ago so i’m not too sure; might go search for it later LOL

it's april now. my birthday is right around the corner. next week. i started my period five minutes ago. i dont want to celebrate my birthday. my boyfriend took the day off for me. i wish he had let me know a lot sooner so i could have thought about what i might like to do instead of slapping something together. but it was sweet of him. he asked me to clean up his room of garbage today. i got it all together in bags but i didn't grab a largw trash bag to put everything in. i meant to but. im not comfortable in his house. i feel lonely here. we've been together almost five years. im confined to a 15ft by 15ft by 8ft cube. or thats how it feels anyway. i know im just hormonal right now. i know these feelings wont be forever. but i dont want to be here. in this house i mean. i shaved one of my calves today (on my right leg). im pretending it's gender-affirming care bc im using Gilette men's shaving cream. just ignore the pink razor. it has been almost a month since the last time i very badly hurt myself on purpose. im not proud of myself for that but im trying to be. i wish i had friends. that's something i have been wanting pining for more and more lately. companionship outside of 3 family members and my boyfriend. i know it is my fault that isnt the case. i havent learned much about socializing. i do well in social settings most of the time but i feel like an odd sort of duck. a novelty. people like me on the short term but they dont seem to stick around or want to stick around. cramping. so sad. despondent. for no reason too! just wishing for things that wont be and wanting things to be different. wish i hadnt latched onto so many fictional characters to cope with being lonely bc now that's all i have. maybe that's all i ever had. why. why do i repulse people. why am i alone in a house that is overly full. why do i feel disconnected from everything. if you want me to be comfortable here why do you not make an effort for that to be the case. why am i still with you. this isnt making any sense or turning out how i wanted it to but this is just a diary. haha. an online diary. well it isn't like anyone i know is going to see this and know it is me. im sad. i carry it with me all the time and i can only hope i've sealed it away enough when im around others so they think im normal. i am the dam. i hold everything in. emotions thoughts dreams aspirations passions. im so scared to let any of it out. what is a life if you dont do anything with it.

OH MY GOD I GUESSED WRONG. time to wither away i suppose...

WAIT 'DOES THE DOG DIE' IS ACTUALLY A SITE?? THATS AMAZING??

see the issue is, most kdramas have an extremely traumatic event happen in the same ep as the happy event, so we wouldn't be able to avoid it anyways......

OKAY THE ANIME IS CALLED URAMICHI ONIISAN!! THE LINK IS RIGHT HERE: https://youtu.be/0_dVPjbDZuo?si=ucDTiRRRzFh1hZOX

THANK YOU FOR AGREEING WITH ME. NO ONE UNDERSTANDS IT WHEN I SAY JOSH GIVES OFF THAT ENERGY BECAUSE HE DOES. i think its the way he talks....

omg brie that sounds horrible :( she probably doesn't hate you (but even if she did, she should communicate that to you!!). i hate it when people tell me to 'stop overthinking' but i genuinely think it's super good advice!! that being said, you're NOT crazy for being worried about your friend/what she thinks of you, so don't worry 😭😭

in my experience, yes...people just go mia and come back 'normal'.... in that case, you should totally tell her how you feel and everything so you guys can clear it up and hopefully you guys will have a deeper understanding of each other (and a deeper bond)! remember though, if it doesn't work out, don't beat yourself up over it!! some puzzle pieces are so close to fitting with each other, but you can't force them to be together, cuz then they won't find their perfect match. you got this brie!! you are NOT crazy.

OMG HAHAHA YOUR METHOD CAN ACTUALLY WORK??? CUZ YOU WILL EVENTUALLY FIND A GUY THAT LIKES BRATS...the issue is, a lot of dom guys are lowk looking for 1. someone as calm as them 2. someone spontaneous to balance them out BUT YOU MIGHT FIND THE JACKPOT IF YOU KEEP ACTING LIKE THAT?? I HAVE NO CLUE CUZ i haven't been able to find one either .........

WTF HE SAW UR BDSM TEST RESULTS??? AND THEN THERE WERE NO REPERCUSSIONS??? what kind of guys are around you brie....

no totally!! a sleep study is super helpful since i feel like sleep apnea,apthia (whatever) is seriously super harmful to you as a person cuz sleep is so important?? heres to hoping everything goes well cuz you need some rest 😭

THE THIRD TWIN IS KIND OF FUNNY ICL. VANESSA HUDGENS IS KIND OF LIKE A MAD SCIENTISTS AND I FEAR THAT IT WORKS....

no cuz ive worked at subway and i did the exact same thing... i think it's a way of bracing (?) for customer interaction and just getting into that confident customer service headspace 😭😭😭 LITERALLY DW ABOUT IT...YOU BASICALLY ARE THE MAIN CHARACTER SO YOU CAN DO IT. IT'S ALLOWED.

UMMMMMMM MY FINALS ARE DEFINITELY GOING. YEP. WHAT DIRECTION? I DONT KNOW. BUT THEY'RE GOING. THANK YOU FOR BELIEVING IN ME....i fear my math will take my grade out but i think i can squeak my way by.....

CONGRATULATIONS ON SETTING A CRYING RECORD BRIE!! THAT SOUNDS SO DEPRESSING BUT BEING MANIC AND ONLY CRYING THAT MUCH HAS TO BE A GOOD SIGN...RIGHT......

-big hugs and a lot of comforting gestures that i can't think of from 🫨 anon <3

HAHA ITS OKAY WE GUESS WRONG SOMETIMES

IT IS AN ACTUAL SITE AND IT IS A GREAT SITE AND I WILL STOP WATCHING MOVIES SOMETIMES IF I SEE THE DOG DIES

But god you’re so right… drama episodes are so long anything and everything happens in them

I WILL VISIT THE ANIME

WELL YOU KNOW WHAT 🤠🤠 I CANT SAY MY BELIEF EVERYONE IS SECRETLY MAD AT ME IS GOING AWAY BUT IT IS WHAT IT IS I GUESS I CANT BELIEVE SOMEONE BROKE UP WITH ME ON ANON I AM SO STRESSED AHAH

Well, keep me updated in your dom search because i have full on given up at this point-

OKAY IM SO GLAD YOU DID THE SAME THING AT SUBWAY CAUSE I WAS VERY STRESSED ABOUT THAT I THOUGHT I WAS A VAIN PSYCHO (i am a vain psycho but-)

OH HOW DID YOUR FINALS GO!!! TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT!!

Capts Log No.43_ VoyeurMe

IM SO FUCKING PISSED I WAS LITERALLY AT THE END OF WRITING THIS AND THEN WHYTF DID I ACCIDENTALLY DELETE THE WHOLE FUCKING THING IT WAS PERFECT! DAMN SHADOW RX IM CRYING INSIDE.

UGH. Idc im so stubborn I will fucking do it fucking again it will fucking be better than the last time bitch. So what I was saying, DISCLAIMER THIS BLOG FOR MATURE AUDIENCES. If you my pops you def cant reaad this lmao. Consider this the lock on my diary. I wasnt going to tell this story, then that shit that just happened made me feel like I DEF shouldnt tell the story but I love the quote I was literally just tryna add a quote at the end and fucked it all up... whatever whatever.

From time to time I go to this place called Social Island. Its nice place for ppl watching, if you are observant like me.. I love to observe nature, the stars, people, and SL residents! The profiles, expressions, avatars, its always something new and different to see and people from all over are just right at your fingertips. You can learn about their country, customs, whats going on present moment the things the news won't tell you. Its a trip. Yea thats the internet but SL is the whole experience of it, and IYKYK! Theres also of course the occasional debauchery of trolls, loud ass music players and sexual harassers.

So one day I see HELLBOY. *swoons* Like- I can't explain how or why folks, ,but I got so hrny seeing this avatar lmao. Sexy af to me. I was just like, lemme get my tredente waaataaa cuz why am I so thirsty all of a sudden this is unnacceptable!!! But then I look at the profile..

No text. No description. No picture of their avi, just a glitched out looking Skullhead. lol. Idk I have always had a thing for beastly characters. Like the beast from beauty and the beast was one of the first fictional characters i was attracted to lmao.

So I see my RL birthday is the dudes REZ day. Cant make this shit up guyss, I was looking at something on facebook, a sl couple that had this exact situation that were like celebrating something and I was like oh shit that so cool/cute. Next day this shit happens! Okay and then peep the days, 4440. lol .... We talked for about 6 hours.

About deep shit like spirituality, past lives, the usual thing I go on about.. but this dude was skeptic, intelligent. Non-believer. I should have clocked at some point how much he didnt believe in shit but it is nice to talk to people who do not believe in what you do and are still open-minded to hear you out. So that was cool.

I hate how happy we look in that pic on the left lmao because no, this does not end well! The last thing I gotta say haha because after all this is VoyeuristicVixen I cant not ... He had a lot of forms and one of them was VENOM. *sticks tongue out* Have you ever been ate out by Venom? I- lemme just stop there lmao *sips tea* Press play & cont: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWWrEMPLQog

He visited my crib in Jamrock, he even joined mystory lol.

So on his 4444th day, all hit the fan. I decided to have the talk that you know I dont want anything serious, I am still going through healing from a divorce yadda yadda. And it was a great day to do it because 4 represents foundations... four fours is like ultimate foundational energy.

I dont wanna really date on SL or RL at all right now, If anything I want to demo what open relationship situation would be like to see if that is something for me. SL is a great place to test what you are comfortable with in a safe way. Especially with BSDM matters but thats for another blog. So anyways I am telling him about 4444 from my favorite source, and how excited I was for that day for him.. Remember the dude a skeptic.

Long story short, I gauged something that he was doing and called him out on it. When I ended up being right I joked like yea cuz im psychic which is true but i was being vibey.. lol he ends up revealing some prejudices he had against brown people calling themselves psychic. He from India, brown too. But that dont make a difference. People can still be programmed against their own. I was a fun four day fling and I do not regret a thing!

The main lesson I was tryna quote myself on in the last version of this blog lmao was that not every sign or symbol needs to be acted upon. Not everything you attract is worth your time. This world is literally made of constant synchronicities and patterns of numbers and instances. If you really look closely you will see it all.. Everything really is that deep dont get me wrong.

"you dont have to look down to gather water from the well." -FOXEY HENDRIX

i am currently obsessed with this new Alchemy viewer, it does need a few things like a better flycam system for controller and also the ability to pose like the BD "poser" tool & OMG *chefs kiss*

Ive been going EVERYWHERE, like-

Mentoring has been a trip also, its really fun to observe how people go about their first moments on the grid. Last night had someone almost give up till we talked them off the ledge XD For me it was always easy and intuitive to pick up SL was not too hard. But a lot of people just want to start experiencing and connecting and dont care for the technical stuff! It really means a lot to me to be able to make things easier for folks so they have a chance to enjoy the things we all enjoy about Secondlife.

Lmao people will literally be naked all the time but not even their fault they just get stuck trying to change. There are changing rooms, but people dont usually bother to walk to them even if we offer to take them there. I usually just direct them to where they can switch the default avatar so they find clothes quicker.

But omg, this one person kept switching into all kind of random forms that were highly disproportionate you can kinda see ... and then this female had a random bt plug just chillen there. THEY DONT SPEAK. which is the funniest part becacuse you cant tell what the hell is going on. They just start doing weird things to simulate "the act" XD im like " yes we love all expressions here on sl and there are designated places for that! " & they actually do listen to me. Sometimes my fellow mentors will freak out at trolls, and im like.. trolls? my specialty!

exhibit a. the OG trolls of SL used to grieve regions like this, falling d*ck orbs idek what to call them but i remember this day like it was yesterday, i was shopping for clothes at this cute korean place, back then there was a lot more asian creators for mesh clothes .. and suddenly the sky changed i kid you not. Also i think something about the sounds changed too like there was sirens, something that made me walk outside the building, then it was raining d*cks !!! ROFL. I miss when trolls were super original like this... ive also heard some other great griefer stories, I want to find the infamous bomb case.. apparently there was once a case that would basically make everyone in the room crash lol. But I think the servers are built against that very well now.. (not me talking about SL terr*sm) I have no inention to use these things it would just be great to meet someone who knows about those times XD I have to put these * by every word because I dont wanna get fl*ggd lmao. OKAY IM DONE TILL NEXT TIME!!

Shout out to these WelcomHub cutiess <3 Heather is always in something fly shes the dopest!