#that's a huge fucking deal and a burden on me
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Quick blanket-statement for anyone who is thinking of sending me messages:
I am fully aware and conscious that there are problems with every Star Trek.
I understand the ongoing issues with racism, sexism, and a number of outdated ideologies. TOS-VOY (which are what I watch, other than the movies) are all products of their time and incredibly dated in many ways, and it’s wonderful that people want to point out the flaws and issues and discuss the varying ways that Star Trek could have and should have done better even for its time.
But let me make this clear: Star Trek (TOS, TNG, DS9, and VOY) are my comfort shows. I am autistic and they’ve been my special interest for a long time now, and I cannot stress enough what that means to me. I watch them to be happy and to find a sanctuary away from the constant stressors of every day life, especially since I struggle with anxiety and depression.
I don’t want to talk about everything wrong with them. I just want to focus on the best aspects of Star Trek - the stories, the characters, the relationships. I want to talk about fascinating science-fiction concepts and the beautiful way Star Trek tried to bring important social issues to the table. I want to talk about found families who love each other, including all the ways they are strange and unique and different.
I know that there are problems and I am not ignoring them entirely - I just need a space to focus on the good things.
So please for the love of god, I don’t need people to question whether or not I’m aware of the racism or the sexism, I don’t need people coming after me because they don’t think I should enjoy specific characters, and I don’t need to be hounded about every little issue that ever existed because a bunch of (mostly) Cisgendered White Men were writing stories before we even reached the 21st century.
#personal#I'm not mad at anyone right now#I'm just burnt out and exhausted#been sick lately and my chronic pain has gotten REALLY bad#because I moved to a new goddamn state#and had to unpack a million heavy boxes#about a dozen times#all I want is some nice friendly people#to talk about my love of star trek with#all I want to do is yell my love of it into the tumblr void#even if no one yells back#just let me have this ONE NICE THING#when my life is fucking falling apart#and I have no goddamn friends to even share in my problems with#and all the stability i used to have#of a familiar home and a familiar town#are all gone#and as an autistic person#that's a huge fucking deal and a burden on me
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tw assault, don't worry, just thinking out loud
it's horrible that people feel that they have to question themselves like was I actually assaulted, I did the same thing, but it's nice to know that this uncertainty isn't a me thing
#is it bad that i just go hold on hold don't worry about me it was just physical but also he did like me#so im just glad there were people there and that they worried#but i do feel a sorta burden that im still thinking about it#because the people there asked me whether they should talk to the guy to make him stop but i said no even though i had tears in my eyes#because we were /just/ playing around#him lifting me up and then putting me on the floor and then fucking holding me down legs around my legs#like he's a fucking alien#he's a huge guy#i feel like it's too late to tell my best friend#it was her party#and he was there at the party the next year#and he was nice didn't seem like he had memories of it#and nothing happened#I don't want to unnecesarily ruin my friends friendships#and he might get the wrong idea#my mind always go to oh he was drunk#he'd drunk a lot so is it that big of a deal#i felt terror when his legs coiled around my own#genuinly what the fuck is wrong with the guy#i watched hoots' newest video which made me think#but the thing is i've got a habit of staying silent about things having been done to me#i got bullied throughout fucking kindergarten and some elementary school#never told anyone#and my parents were always like why are you never playing with anyone#idk maybe because i can name the names of people who like to see me cry
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.
#I’m so tired of being the way that I am dude#I’m sensitive and fragile and emotional about fucking everything#I’ve been pulling away from my friends the past few months so that they don’t have to deal with it#but now it’s just being put on my online friends#and I hate it so much#I don’t know how to change#I don’t know how to not get upset over so much#sometimes I feel like I’ve come far and other times I feel like I haven’t made any progress at all#it’s so frustrating because it makes me so paranoid#do people dislike me because of this? are they talking about me? am I just a burden that people tolerate?#I just want to be fucking normal lol and I don’t know how#I’m too autistic and just a huge baby about everything all the time#I’m so stressed and overwhelmed about so much lately#but I can’t just keep using that as an excuse#do people just roll their eyes when I apologize because they’re tired of it and know it will happen again?#I want to just hide away#so that people don’t have to deal with me#and it sucks because I’m not saying all this to be like woe is me please feel sorry for me please reassure me#I’m just getting my feelings out#now is a great time for my schedule to be changing to not allow for regular therapy lol#idk man#I don’t know what I’m doing anymore
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looked over the notes from my cardio appointment from Thursday bc my sister wants me to see her doctor instead so I wanted to bring all the info I have and I just noticed even more blatantly incorrect shit... I hate it here 🫠 annotating all of my fucking paperwork from this place so I'm not giving the wrong fucking information. I should be getting paid for this instead of paying them at this point, hundreds down the drain only to be prescribed meds that I found out are literally the opposite of what I need 😒
#FUMING.#like it's not the biggest deal. but he wrote that i had some pvcs prior to activity and none during activity for my stress test#but the actual stress test results he gave me literally say that yes i had few prior to activity but during activity i had a high pvc burden#like. im not concerned. i know pvcs arent a huge deal. but why would you change high burden to didnt happen at all. none. zero. zip. nada.#why lie?! who does it serve?!?#and several areas on the notes are like 'patient counseled to supplement magnesium' which no the fuck i wasnt but also i already do that#which he should know. and maybe would have been reminded of if he had counseled me to do so.#and also. he has my electrolyte blood work? where my magnesium levels are. in his words when he looked over it btw. perfect. so?
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Owning Me Is Complicated
Occasionally I come across content that makes it seem like being a Dom is easy.
Order her around, make her do the things you don't want to do, do whatever you want, "win" all the disagreements because you're the dom - or even silence her from disagreeing with you to begin with. Get sex exactly how you want it, exactly when you want it. She's just a living, breathing object that can and will do whatever you want. She has no needs other than to make your life easier. She's your own personal robot, but with a body you want to fuck. Being a dom is like a regular relationship but without the emotional labor.
I'm sure there are other gender versions out there too, but I see the M/f version most often.
It's so funny to me how absurd that all is compared to real life.
Owning me is complicated. Owning me means doing way more emotional labor than a vanilla relationship would require, not less.
Yes, I do what he says - but he's responsible for making the best decisions he can. He's in charge, so keeping me physically and emotionally safe is his responsibility. It's a huge part of how he earns my submission. It's no small thing to make decisions when making them well is part of how he keeps me safe and keeps me open and trusting towards him.
Yes, I'll try to push my sexual limits for him - but I have complex emotional needs that accompany physical intimacy. Use my body without having respect for my physical and mental health and it'll fall apart real quick. And once again, making a reckless decision here that would leave me damaged and could forever damage our dynamic. Sure, he can take his cock out anytime and instruct me to suck and I will, but that doesn't mean it's all fun and games. He has the burden of double and triple checking that he isn't pushing me too far, or taking too much as to leave me empty.
Yes, he gets the final say in disagreements, but he earns that by hearing me out. He couldn't keep me submissive if he didn't respect my feelings. I can't feel respected if I'm not heard. So he has to hear me out and really listen. And then his job is to attempt to get the best outcome for both of us. He has to try to balance our needs, because if either of us gets neglected, we individually suffer and then the relationship suffers. So he sometimes deals with the weight of threading the needle between his needs and mine, his wants and mine. His shoulders carry the weight of those choices.
Yes, he can deny my wishes - and even my needs for a time, if he chose. But I am human. How long can he deny me things that bring me pleasure before I start to feel unwanted, unloved, disrespected, thrown out? Resentment would set in eventually. Self-protection would kick in eventually...and it might be too late by then, the damage may be done by the time I would wake up to look around and decide I didn't want to live like this anymore. Why would he want to even find out, given that he loves me? He wouldn't. He has a sadistic streak, so he likes to deny me things I like so that I long for them even more for a while. He likes to see me eager, desperate to get it when he decides to give it. He likes to watch me tolerate discomfort for him. Playing with these ideas require a deep understanding of my needs and limits. He has to know where "desperate for you 🥺 " starts to fade and "That goblin in the back of my head is starting to worry I'm not valued" starts to enter my thoughts.
Yes, I look to him to guide and lead, and he has a lot of power and control - but that comes with the ability to destroy and damage. There's nothing easy about ownership if you feel the weight of the responsibility you're carrying.
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Adam SMUT HEADCANON
(It's my first work and English is not my native language, be indulgent and correct me if the grammar is bad lol)
It’s quite Adam with his virginity kink than his general smut headcanon lol
This man has a HUGE kink on virginity, if you're not one he would not really pay attention, he understands that you had fun before him, I mean, everyone’s kinda hot here lol.
However, if you are one, oh boy yes, this man is going crazy
Understand him he has abandonment issues, even if you can't really tell at first, he was really broken when Lilith AND Eve left him for another man.
He just wants to be important to someone and the only one and this goes through virginity.
NOBODY touched you? No man or woman? He's the first and only one who's going to see, touch, and please your body? This drives him CRAZY
You didn't fuck before actually being in a relationship with him, you seemed quite negative about that and he respected your boundaries, he didn't want to rush it all because he loves you.
Nevertheless, when you got officially into the relationship, of course, the subject was going to happen naturally.
So one day, you were together, laying on his belly and watching a comedy while criticizing it: "I fucking understand why this man broke up with this stupid bitch ! Sex is important as fuck ! I'm on his side !"
He was getting angry as always and continued to shout but froze up when he saw your blushing face, avoiding any eye contact with him. He kinda messed up and stuttered "B-Babe that's not what I meant ! Yeah it's important but I'm not a fucking dickhead I can wait !"
You were staring at him in embarrassment " You know, I'm not against doing it, I'm just not ready since I never did that"
Now that's his turn to be red. His eyes widen as he watches you "fuckkk-"
"You should've told me before but damnn-" a smirk started to appear on his face, quite a pervert smirk in your opinion.
You didn't know if it was a big deal or not, you always wanted to wait for the right man and he's the one in front of you.
"Babe we're going to wait as long as your little body is going to be ready for me ~" he purred “Adam !” his arms moved slowly around your hips. His big hands on your smaller body, you skipped a breath
You haven't done anything this night but you noticed that this man was getting horny as fuck. It was not oppressive of course, he would not do that, he doesn't want you to see sex as a burden. Even if he's going to rail you and makes you cum again and again he's waiting for your consent.
So the day you inform you're ready, he's more than happy. He tries to be the most romantic lover possible even if it's quite awkard.
In reality, he just fucking googled how to please a virgin girl. He followed weird tips and put some rose petals on your bed and all. You couldn't help but laugh, he usually has his romantic side but it's not like THAT. It was quite too lovey-dovey but to be honest really cute from him.
he was VERY gentle, very different from everyday were he insult and fight with everyone.
In Adam's head, he was concentrated, he wanted to make it special so you remember that for the rest of your life and from your perception, it was working.
He thought your reactions were cute, "Gnnn, please-", you were reacting with each of his touch. Your body was warm and particularly red from excitation.
But boy, even if he was slow, he wanted to be inside and right now. He was really dominant, you could feel his body and weight on you, your size difference took a part of it.
He touched your panties as he can feel the wetness of it. His smirk appeared again, his breath got heavier. Now it's going to be interesting for both of you !
His touch went a little faster, moving on to your most private parts. He's the first one who's going to see it. He put you panties away and looked your dripping pussy "Ohooo You won't regret waiting babe"
Adam started to lick your inter thigh, humming. Rapidly his tongue found your clit, he licked, sucked and devoured your pussy like he was starving for days and found the most delicious plate in front of him.
And you could definitely tell that, because damn you were feeling pure bliss, your man knew how to please your body. “Yes- sweetie continue-“, you were caressing his head unconsciously
Your pleasure growth, your inside craving him as you moaned his name. You wanted to keep this sweet pleasure but he stopped, you let an annoyed moan from the lack of sensation
He let a deep laugh “don’t worry babe, your cunt is going to be filled and with something better”. You saw his dick and damn you understood why he always was bragging about it, it was massive. “Are you ready to feel the dick of the first man ?” You just let a moan of excitement and spread your legs wider. “That’s my good girl”, he finally pushed it inside of you. You felt pain, it was really big but when he saw you in pain, he stopped and gave a a soft smile.
He kissed you during a time and continued slowly.
It was quite painful but you didn’t want to stop, you were happy to do it with him and were okay with the pain.
However you started to feel some pleasure from it, your hips movements met his. Adam noticed and tried to keep this spot as much as possible. You felt like you were drunk, your head felt heavy “Adam-“
You squeezed around his dick “fuckkk, yes baby- your pussy feel so fucking gooood”. You wrapped your legs around him, scratching his back as he was fucking you.
You started to feel a bigger pleasure growing inside of you. You’re going to cum soon and he knew it. His thrust became faster, at this point you couldn’t stop any moan and just let yourself feel your man. “I got you babe, let yourself go, yes just like that”
He praised you and knew you were getting close “baby let me fuck you right, I can feel that you love my cock, you’re perfect for me “ you moaned as he continued to talk, he also was close “You’re mine and mine only, I’m the first and the last cock you’re going to feel aaah~, promise me that you’re mine oh fuckkk yesss-“
You stared to also praise him, his face went with pure bliss, his blushing got redder, he loved the way you talked to him, praise that baby please he just wants to be a good boy for you.
“Aaah yesss fucking shit, you’re fucking mine and mine only” his last sentence was the start of your orgasm, you felt yourself tightening , a warm liquid blending with his own while he was cummimg, moaning your name and pounding his sperm inside of you.
You were his and he was yours
—
Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed ! I don’t really know how to feel since it’s my first fic lol
If you have any suggestion with ships and stories tell me !! And also if the voc I used is weird tell me 🙏
#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel adam#smut#headcanon#hellaverse#vivziepop#hazbin adam#fanfic#hot as hell#hazbin x reader#hazbin x you#hazbin x y/n#adam smut#hazbinhotelfanfic#adam x reader#hazbin hotel headcanon
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breathe
a/n: there's not enough hurt/comfort johnnie fics on this app
summary: johnnie helps you come back from a bad panic attack
tw: crying, panic attack
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you had been staying at jake and johnnie's place for the time being because you recently got fired and you're barley making ends meet so you couldn't pay rent which of course led to you getting evicted.
you were almost completely broke and it's causing you heaps of unwanted stress that you didn't need especially because you were recently diagnosed with a panic disorder along with your anxiety so everything that's been happening is just adding fire to the fuel.
you sat in johnnie's bed as you waited for him to come home him and jake were out filming a food video which left you completely alone in the house with your endless anxious thoughts.
what if you don't find a place? what if you don't find a job? what if jake and johnnie are annoyed that you're staying here?
what if? what if? what if?
you could feel your heart rate start to increase as your palms started getting sweaty it was suddenly so hot as if there was a burning hot fire nearby. your breathing started to pick up you placed a shaky hand on your chest as it frantically rose up and down.
you heard the front door open and footsteps approaching johnnie's room "fuck" you thought to yourself before quickly taking a huge chug of water and trying to get your anxiety under control.
you could feel hot tears rolling down your cheeks you wiped them off desperately as the footsteps finally reached the door.
you heard a knock and your heart dropped to your stomach.
you waited for a moment but you couldn't bring yourself to reply your throat was closed up with panic.
"i'm coming in love"
you heard your boyfriend's voice through the door.
he swung it open scanning the room before looking at you with a concerned expression.
he sat down next to you on the bed he knew exactly what was going on you had talked to him about the severity of your anxiety and he knew that you were going through alot right now.
he placed a comforting hand on your thigh,
you sat there shaking but trying to force a smile the last thing you wanted was to burden your boyfriend.
"i'm okay, i'm okay, it's fine don't worry please i'm okay."
he shook his head tucking some loose strands of hair behind your ears.
"baby..you're shaking.."
he cupped both your cheeks with his tattoed hands and placed a kiss on your forehead.
you melted into his touch you couldn't keep the act up any longer and you completely broke down you felt like you were suffocating you frantically gasped for air.
johnnie stayed calm for the both of you. he slid his hand up you're shirt rubbing your back hoping the sensation of his hands on your bare skin can be somewhat of a distraction.
"hey, hey, look at me y/n..breathe"
you looked up at him still holding your chest trying to breathe.
"johnnie.. i-i can't it's too much..i'm so tired..it hurts.. i can't breathe"
johnnie pulled you into his chest stroking your hair
"shh..shhh it's gonna be okay love."
he pressed kisses onto your salty teary skin
you sobbed into his chest riding out the attack
your breathing became more steadied as you eased into your boyfriend's lap he was looking down at you wiping your wet cheeks with his sleeve.
he pulled away scanning your face for a second before speaking
"are you okay?"
"mhm i'm just stressed out.."
you spoke up
he gave you a sympathetic look
"i know baby i know...i'm so sorry you have to deal with all this"
you both sighed he was still peppering your face with kisses from time to time you guys both sat on the bed as you recovered from what just happened.
a little while later he let you borrow that black hoodie that he always wears because being in his clothes just gave you so much comfort and your shirt that you were wearing was drenched in cold sweat he washed it for you and made sure you felt comfortable throughout the night.
as you both layed in bed later he kissed your neck soft loving kisses and whispered,
"i love you so much baby"
you smiled and turned around to face him pressing a kiss onto his lips which led you both into a small innocent make out session.
you pulled away after a while and started into his beautiful blue eyes,
"i love you more."
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#johnnie guilbert x reader#johnnie and jake#jake and johnnie#johnnie guilbert#johnnie guilbert x you#jake webber x reader#jake webber#tara yummy#tara yummy x reader#the tinas
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can you do a jake x reader smut where we have a huge argument and hes js so mad that he js fucks the anger out of the both of us? idk what else to say that js sounds hot as shit
😩😩😩😩😩😩
Sex as a solution to arguments? Yes please.
(irl it's not tho, babes. Keep that in mind 🙃)
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He's never back this late. He's never this late. Something must've happened. Something's wrong...
You chew on your nails as you pace your tent, heart racing, your thoughts eating away at you.
Where is he?
This isn't the first time Jake has gone on patrol at night. And it's the first time he's not back when he's supposed to be. But he's over two hours late...what could have possibly happened?
You're aching to hop on your ikran and find him, but you know the rules. You can't go out, you have to wait for him to come back.
It feels like years have passed by the time he finally shows up.
“Jake!” you gasp as he walks into your tent. You look him over, ensuring he's unhurt, finding a few bruises and a few scratches, but nothing major. “What happened?”
He gives you a sheepish look. “I, uh...Tsu'tey and I kinda got caught up 'cause we were chasing these palulukan off, and it sorta led us astray so it took a while to get back.”
You exhale sharply. “Again? You know your job isn't to mess around with the forest creatures, Jake. You're supposed to just keep a lookout for the Sky People.”
He shrugs slightly. “Well, yeah, but it's also fun sometimes.”
You can feel anger spark within you. “Fun?” you echo, crossing your arms. “I've been sitting here worried for the past two hours! And you're out having fun?”
He sighs softly. “I didn't mean to make you worry, I just—”
You scoff, cutting him off. “You never mean to make me worry. You always say so, and yet you keep doing it over and over again!” you snap.
“Hey, I've the right to go out there and have some fun. There's nothing wrong with that,” he replies, raising his voice. His amber eyes flash with frustration, his tail swishing uneasily.
“Maybe you could keep in mind the fact that I'm here waiting for you!” you yell back. “You're so self-centered, only thinking about having fun while I'm here wondering whether you're even fucking alive!”
He sighs. “You think it's intentional? That I leave you here to scare you?”
“I'm not saying that. I'm just saying you could be a little more mindful about me and maybe at least tell me beforehand that you're going to be late because you're going to be messing around with the forest creatures.”
“So now I have to report my every move to you?” he scoffs. “You want me to inform you of everything I fucking do?”
You exclaim, “That's not what I fucking mean and you know it. I'm just saying that it's not fair for you to leave me here, waiting for you without you telling me you might be late.”
“Even if I fucking told you, you'd make a big deal about it,” he snaps. “If I'm back late, you're upset. If I got distracted during patrol, you get upset. And apparently, if I don't tell you everything I'm going to do, you get upset.”
You exhale sharply. “You make it sound like I'm controlling you when you damn well know I'm worried for you.”
“Maybe you shouldn't worry. I think I'm old enough to take care of myself.”
“I'm just trying to help you!” you yell.
“Maybe you're only a burden instead of help!” he yells back.
You laugh bitterly. “That's it, then. You don't need me for anything else than to cook and have dinner waiting when you come home.” You sneer, but tears of anger and pain are welling in your eyes. “I see how it is, then.”
He narrows his eyes at you. “Don't you dare get that way with me, you know you're more than that.”
“How should I fucking believe you?” you yell. “All you have to show for how you feel are your empty words!”
“Just my empty words?” he scoffs. “I'm making sure this village is safe—that you're safe, and you complain?”
“Complain?!” you snap. “I'm worrying about you and you're being the ungrateful ass that you are!”
“I am not ungrateful, I just don't understand why you're so upset about this! It's my life, I don't have to keep you updated about everything, you know. I can take care of myself.”
You throw him a deadly glare. “I guess you'll always be human in that way, then. Because us Na'vi actually take care of one another.”
And that's it. The final straw for him. He loses it, anger flashing in his eyes as he grabs you by the throat and pulls you to him, roughly pressing his lips to yours.
“You—!” you exclaim, pushing him off you. He doesn't get to treat you that way and kiss it all away.
But he's stronger than you. He grabs you tight, holding you close, his lips forcing yours open and sliding his tongue into your mouth.
You gasp softly, hating how much you're enjoying this, wishing you had the willpower to move away. But you don't.
One of his hands starts going south, tracing over your torso, down your abdomen, to your pussy. He touches you through your loincloth, fingers pressing against your clit through the thin fabric.
You feel what he's doing and a semblance of sense pops back into your head. He can't treat me like that and fuck me and expect me to forgive him.
You bite his lip, making him grunt softly, but he holds you close, kissing you even though the taste of his blood invades your tongue.
He tugs you to him, holding onto your hip, his other hand undoing your loincloth before caressing your cunt, spreading your folds and touching you just the way he knows will make you wet.
You try not to, hope it doesn't get to you, but you find yourself whining, nails digging into his skin. “Jake—”
He shuts you up with another kiss before leading you to the ground. You're pissed, you want to keep fucking yelling and crying and making him angry. Instead, you let him. You let him take you to the floor, let him undress you, and in turn, you tug his loincloth off.
He chuckles darkly when he realizes that you're as eager as he is.
He runs the thick head of his cock between your folds, gathering the wetness at your entrance before sliding into you.
You whine softly, pussy throbbing around his long, thick cock.
“There you go,” Jake groans when his hips meet yours. “Oh, fuck.”
You grab onto his shoulders and he gives no warning as he starts rutting into you, the tip of his cock bruising your delicate cervix, each thrust knocking the breath from your lungs.
“Asshole,” you seethe between heavy breaths and little whimpers. “You're an asshole.”
“Shut up,” Jake says, pressing his lips to yours, kissing you like he's starving, like he's trying to tell you everything without saying a word.
You wrap your legs around his waist, your eyes fluttering shut, your body trembling as he fucks you.
You kiss Jake back with everything you have, all the anger, all the fear, all the love—all of it. You pour it onto his lips, your sharp canines dragging over his tongue when it slides inside your mouth, and he shudders softly.
He groans lowly as he breaks the kiss, moving his mouth to your neck. You mewl as he increases his pace, making your legs jerk with each hard thrust.
He bites on the skin of your neck, sucking on it, and you gasp. You already know the hickey you're going to have in the morning.
“This what you fuckin' needed, hm?” he says, biting you again. “You just needed me to teach you some fucking manners.”
You sink your nails into his back, making him grunt. “Stop fucking talking,” you seethe, your voice a mere whine as he continues to rut into you.
The sound of your soaked pussy is loud in your tent, the slap of Jake's hips against yours making you blush with the obscenity of it all.
Jake bites down on your shoulder, hard, and you fold your ears back, hissing softly. But the pain only adds to the pleasure. It makes you gasp and tremble, a heat spreading in your womb as he keeps fucking you.
You want to complain. You want to bite him and punch him and kiss him and tell him you love him. He's so infuriating, so fucking annoying. You hate that you can never stay angry at him, hate that he always finds the way to get your heart to soften for him. You wish you were immune to his charms, but it's damn near impossible for you.
You tangle your hands in his hair and pull, drawing his face to yours so you can kiss his lips. You feel him grin slightly as you do, his soft lips smirking into the kiss as you moan.
The pleasure within you is spreading, reaching across your skin like vines, taking root and making you see stars behind your eyelids.
You begin bucking your hips up, gasping as you feel yourself closer to the edge. You try to match Jake's pace, but he's going too hard for you to keep up. Besides, he's already fucked you half dumb, there's not much you can do but take it.
Jake can tell when you're going to come. He can feel the way your pussy grows tight around him, sucking him in, making it harder for him to fuck you. Still, he keeps going, relishing in the sensation of your slick dropping down his balls. He grunts with each thrust, ensuring he fucks you as deep as he can and in return, he receives your little whimpers and moans. He watches your face as your eyes roll into the back of your head, and he knows you're right there.
And still, the stubborn little thing you are, you bite your lip, trying to keep quiet as you come, but Jake fucks you harder, forcing you to let out a gasp followed by a loud moan that has his own orgasm nearing.
He continues to rut into you, again and again, groaning and gasping until he comes. His load fills you, making you shiver, and he's left caging you under him, your body trembling.
He pulls out of you, leaning on his knees to see the way his cum drips out of your swollen, raw pussy.
His eyes scan up your body until he meets your gaze, and something within him softens.
He crawls beside you, laying down at your side and spooning you. You cross your arms, obviously still upset, and he presses a few soft kisses on your shoulder.
“I'm sorry,” he tells you, his voice quiet and gentle. “I'm sorry. You're right, you're only worrying about me, and I'm being an asshole. I didn't mean to scare you, baby. I never do. Sometimes I just get carried away by the excitement when we're out in the field. But I promise it won't happen again. Truly.” He kisses the side of your neck, one of his hands caressing your hip. “I'm sorry, baby. I'm truly sorry. I'll let you know beforehand when I plan on taking a little longer out during patrol.” He kisses your cheek gently. “I love you. So much. And I don't want you to think that all I need you for is to take care of the house. You know you're everything to me. You're my sun and my moon and my stars. You're everything. Without you, I'd be empty. You know that. Please, baby, don't ever think that you're nothing but an asset to me. Because you're not. You're my woman, my wife, my baby. You're everything to me, love. I don't know what I'd do without you.”
You turn around to face him, your eyes softened.
“Do you forgive me?” he asks softly.
You smile gently at him. “You're forgiven,” you say.
Relieved, Jake leans towards you and places a soft kiss to your lips. He doesn't know what he'd ever do without you.
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@kamcrazy123 @yagirlheree @sweetllamaparadise @neytirishottie @crazy4books1
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Broken Heaters // J. Todd x gn!reader
Requested? Yes!
Warnings: none!
Summary: The heater is broken in your apartment two days before Christmas...and a huge blizzard is about to hit Gotham. Your unlikely friendship with Red Hood pays off and your Christmas gift to him sweetens the deal.
Snowflakes drifted past your face as you made your way down the streets of the Bowery. Folks greeted you with small smiles and a wave as you passed, but no one stopped to chat. It was Christmas Eve Eve and everyone was hurrying to get home due to the weather report of an oncoming blizzard on Christmas Eve.
As a nurse at the Bowery clinic with Leslie Thompkins, you were well-known around the area. It was as if some kind of invisible protection ward surrounded you as you walked down the streets. For one thing, you had treated and helped a good portion of the gang members or their families in the area. Another reason was that, after finding him bleeding out in an alley and saving his life one night, the Red Hood ensured that everyone knew you had his protection.
“Merry Christmas, Mrs Donahue!” you called as you entered your apartment complex. You were instantly made aware of the lack of warmth seeping from the walls and you cursed under your breath, fishing your keys out of your bag as you climbed up to the third floor. Once you unlocked your door and pushed it open, your suspicions were confirmed.
The heating was broken.
“Fuck,” you muttered. You weren’t worried about yourself, you were worried about the other occupants of your complex. Fuckfuckfuck. Could you get them all a hotel this close to Christmas? You knew your shithead landlord wasn’t going to do anything, so that meant you needed to get working.
“Fucking hell, it’s cold,” a voice said from your bedroom. You rolled your eyes and crossed your arms in waiting as the familiar leather jacket and red helmet came into view. A fluffy Santa Hat sat on the already blazing red helmet and you pursed your lips at the sight of Hood’s attempt at holiday spirit.
“Are you hurt?” you asked.
“Pretty sure my balls sucked back into my body the second I walked in here, but no, I’m good.” He looked for any broken windows or another reason as to why it was freezing in here.
“Heater’s broken,” you explained. “Fuck. And that piece of shit fucking landlord won’t do anything to help.”
You turned in a circle, your eyes scanning the room as if the answer would be written on the walls. First, you needed to make sure that the elderly found a warm place to stay. Mrs. Tran was in Bludhaven to see her daughter for the holidays so that left Mrs. Donahue and Miss Macios. But then there was Liz on the fourth floor who had a toddler and a baby. Her husband was away for business and he had already called you asking to check up on his family while he tried to get an earlier flight back before the storm hit.
“Hey.” A steady hand landed on your forearm and you brought your gaze up to meet the familiar red helmet once more. “What can I do to help?”
Relief surged through your chest and your shoulders sagged in relief. Usually, the burden of caring for others rested solely on your shoulders. It was a task you loved and devoted yourself to, but you were exhausted from the constant worrying.
But here he was, standing before you, and offering himself to help. Ever since that night when you found him in the alley and stitched up his bullet wound, Red Hood had been a constant presence in your life. You appreciated his sharp wit, dry sense of humor, and under all of that tough veneer, the softest person alive rested under his armor.
“I don’t think you can help me with this,” you admitted quietly. “I need to find hotel rooms or somewhere warm for sixteen people. Unless you can pull a rabbit out of a hat for this one, I’m screwed.”
Hood pulled away from you and turned, lifting one finger as a way to let you know that he was doing something. You could hear him mutter something low and indecipherable and then he waited a moment before nodding and turning back to you.
“The Wayne Foundation has a warming center nearby that still has beds open. Free of charge. I also can send someone over today to fix your heater.”
“I-” Words failed you. In just a few seconds, he has pulled a rabbit out of the fucking proverbial hat. The man standing before you was highly dangerous and yet so very kind. He had millions of people to look after, but he was standing in your apartment and solving an issue way below his paygrade.
“I don’t know how I can thank you,” you murmured. Hood shrugged and shoved his gloved hands in the pockets of his leather jacket.
“No thanks necessary,” his modulated voice replied. “Need help telling your neighbors?”
Sure, because the look on Henry’s face who lived two doors over being greeted by the Bowery’s armed protector was enough to send you into hysterical laughter.
Once the two of you knocked on every door and left notes to those who didn’t reply with directions, you found yourself back in your ice cold apartment. You packed a duffle bag of your own to head to the local warming station when he joined you.
“Before I forget,” you said, dashing over to your closet. You reached up to the top shelf and pulled down a wrapped gift. Extending it to the hero, you waited until he grabbed it before focusing on packing once more. The soft sounds of paper tearing met your ears and then a startled gasp.
“Is it bad? I can exchange it at the store for credit. I just saw it and remembered you mentioned growing up and reading them, so I figured…”
In his hands was a boxed set of the Lord of the Rings books. The buttery soft covers seemed fragile in his large hands, but he touched them delicately, as if he would break them if he pressed any harder.
“It’s perfect,” he whispered. “Thank you.”
“Merry Christmas, Hood.” You hefted your duffle bag up on your shoulder. “Not to be rude, but I’m heading out so shoo.”
“Where are you going?”
You frowned. “Uh, the warming center, obviously?”
Hood shook his head and extended his free hand, the other cradling the books to his chest. “I have a safe house nearby that has heat. If you…if you want to join me.”
You considered his offer. Red Hood was no stranger to you. You had been handling late night meetings with him for eight months now. He had taken off the helmet a few times, letting you see his dark hair tinged with a shock of white and those full lips that always seemed pulled up in a smirk. The domino mask over his eyes concealed his identity, but you didn’t care much about who he was. Because you knew who he truly was, deep down, and that was a good man.
Someone who served the “lesser” population of the Bowery. Someone who saw the hurting in the world and wanted to fix it. Someone who brought you cookies from a local bakery the one time you were sad and brought you chicken soup when he came by and found you with a cold.
“Okay,” you breathed. You grasped his hand tightly and smiled. Little did you know that after being stuck together for the three days due to the blizzard, you would come to know Jason Todd.
tag list: @khaetiin @mcrmarvelloki @gone-batty-fics @someoneimsure @perpetual-fangirl900 @visagebrise @cursedandromedablack @alexxavicry @havingarebelliousstage @the-wayward-daughter @raging-trash-of-mind @kimm4710 @kat-nee @khaylin27
#jason todd x reader#jason todd imagine#red hood x reader#red hood imagine#red hood fluff#jason todd fluff
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OK OK WORM UPDATE. I JUST GOT THRU INTERLUDE 1. ohhhh my god the shit about Scion????? horrifying. fills me with such immense dread. i don't know if its SUPPOSED to be like that but knowing vaguely how this story gets i immediately saw "man with golden skin appearing floating naked above water healing people who touch him and stopping disasrers and generally being seen as a GOD" and my first thought was ohhhh no oh fuck . i LOVE that shit. i hope scion is like. relevant enough to come up again and not just some vague historical figure bc ohhh my god i love that kind of worldbuilding. yeah man! if this guy showed up one day with no warning and was THE FIRST person with superpowers ever??? people WOULD go nuts and trear him like a deity!!!
anyway i also liked seeing from taylors dads pov. not much 2 say abt him yet i just thought it was neat :]
and i am VERY sus on the whole "so who gets credit for this" thing that armsman(?) brought up. hmmmmm
ohh this is such a fascinating first impression to me..... putting u under the microscope <3333. ALSO. saying this early iiii... probably am not going to speak on a lot of yr analysis other than vaguely giggling and saying ominous things (burdened by terrible knowledge) but!!! believe me im SO excited 2 hear it <333 anyway yeah im a HUGE fan of the way worm deals w/ the "how and when did superpowers become a thing? how did that affect the world?" questions..
taylors dad!!!! danny hebert.... man. also!!!!! what r yr taylor thoughts so fsr!!!!?? eyes emoji eyes emoji
#also!! armsmaster!!!! i have. MANY thoughts on that guy. crawling all over him like weevils....#im so so so hyped 2 see u enjoying worm though holy shit!!!!!!!!! aaa!!!!#mac tag!#wildbow
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Ch.127 Rambling and Gushing
MAJOR SPOILERS FOR CH.127 OF KOT!
As always I will be referring to tessenpai's rough tl which you can find here
Hello hello! Yeah, I'm not even pretending that I'm not just gushing about this chapter
Know this is obvious, but I’m so suspicious that Chika wasn’t *just* half asleep at the beginning of the chapter. Like, I don’t know, he was coming out of some kind of dream. And he mentions later on that he dreamt their performance went great, but I don’t know, just seemed a weird reaction. Them squinting against the light is really cute though. But Chika looks on the verge of tears until he snaps out of it and fully wakes up. Like, maybe he had dreamt they performed and thought it was all over and that’s why he grabbed onto Takezou like that? I don’t know, and I’m probably making too big a deal out of it.
Can't believe this is actually the day they're gonna perform at Nationals. Like, we've come this far. Also should of course be mentioned how great Satowa and Hiro look and how obviously Chika and Takezou also thought this. is truly just so ecstatic to have every little experience with the club, and it’s so cute. But Momoya not wanting to lose the charm is so sweet. Like, a huge success with him. Satowa’s immediate, oh you don’t have to keep it though, like girl, please, even he values the handmade thing you gave him, people aren’t burdened by you and I still need people to remind her of that. Even Keishi gets a charm! And Chika’s little reaction after Satowa gives Keishi the charm is so cute. He’s so nervous about it.
The way Chika asks Satowa to sit with him is just, ughhslekdnc. I can’t. And Hiro once again 100% representing all of us, especially with that “Excuse me, Chika-kun!?” cuz like, that is also def how I feel about this in the best way possible. But also our girl Hiro being such a go-getter this chapter, and I love that for her. But also she doesn’t even KNOW what just went down with Chika and Satowa this chapter. Like, if she hand’t exchanged charms with Takezou, she might’ve just dropped dead from the cuteness and also jealousy. But also Natsu being so done with being on the romance bus
Satowa thinking about how it isn’t even that unusual for her and Chika to sit next to each other! And Chika is trying to play it so cool but he’s so nervous it’s the sweetest thing. And they’re both just such disasters. I fucking love so much how Chika tries to casually hold out the charm to Satowa, with his head turned away.
Like he’s just this sweet boy trying to do something for the girl he loves and it just makes me wanna scream. And I’m just never gonna get over this. Not only does he still def have the charm that she gave him (the first charm he’d ever gotten and then wrote her name on without hesitation and she considers it her charm too cuz he did that) and then he went and made a charm for her and only one for her. Like, HE MADE HER A CHARM. And then what is the first thing she does with her charm? SHE WRITES HIS NAME ON HER CHARM TOO. THEY MATCH AND THEY’RE BOTH SO DAMN HAPPY ABOUT IT! Like, they’re simply the most in love people ever.
But like, the way he, much like her and much as he always has, tries to immediately recover when he thinks she doesn’t want it, and that’s when her ability to express how genuinely happy she is kicks in, and just the way she catches his hand holding the charm, and so she’s holding onto him as he’s holding the charm, and how easily she reaches out for him, and how easily they reach out for each other with how softly he caught her arm earlier.
And then he reaches out cuz he wants to hug her so bad. And her brain moves onto slightly different topics while his just implodes because she just wrote his name on her charm that he made her and smiled like that about it, and HE BLUSHES SO HARD HE HIDES HIS FACE IN HIS BACKPACK. Like, I’ve been wanting so badly for Chika to blush more often with Satowa, and I know he’s confident and comfortable somewhat in the idea of loving someone and being loved, but like I wanna see my boy blush, and this was like the biggest blush ever. His blushly little ears and the way he hides his whole face, and how she notices and is just so happy and also basically hasn’t stopped blushing herself since she sat down. And like, these two people have already expressed that they love each other through words, and now they just keep doing it through actions and gestures as they always have, and I just can’t believe how precious they are. But I also love that while they have said that they love each other, Chika’s immediate reaction when he reaches out cuz he wants to hug her is just like “oh shit, that was dangerous” and like just cuz she said she loves him doesn’t give him consent to touch her whenever, but also like this is the girl that has literally said she loves him and now he just wants to give her a hug and it’s just so sweet. AFTER MAKING HER A HANDMADE CHARM LIKE SHE DID FOR HIM. Like, I’m never getting over this. I’ve wanted the charms to be brought back but questioned if they even would, and now we’ve got the fluffiest chapter ever of basically just exchanging charms and I’m just gonna scream about it forever.
Also Satowa reacting out-loud to Chika’s cover of “gonna sleep” with “suddenly?” is so funny.
Hiro continuing to be a go-getter and persevering through the awkwardness is honestly great to see for her. She deserves some stuff happening with her own romance. Also though her mentioning that imitating Chika and Satowa, ya know, the people who have already confessed their love for each other, might be a bit much was unexpected but welcome. And Takezou being the problem solver, offering to exchange charms, and how he tucks it next to his heart and his soft smile, and how they’ll both be able to draw strength from each other’s charms. Like, Hiro really is making her love into strength. Just love Takezou's little smile so much even though he smiles bigger in a minute. There's just something so private and joyous about it.
And then Sane and Mittsu being the epitome of single life when asking each other if they should exchange charms is so hilarious. This along with Sane trying the soothing pressure points on Mittsu’s hand just really made them a whole vibe this chapter. Like, we have these two, the painfully single, Kota and Yoshinaga who are just either vibing or oblivious, the set of absolutely ridiculous love birds, and Momoya and Takinami who are just so *done*
Honestly don’t even feel the need to mention Ichiei at the end, cuz like, yeah yeah, they’re being all intimidating and scary, but my babies just exchanged charms so I don’t care. Am I also selectively choosing to ignore the very existence of Chika’s dad right now, much less that he’s at nationals? Absolutely. I need the fluff in my life right now, so my god I will take it and be thankful for it. The amount of times my babies blush in this chapter, I just CANNOT. I love it so much.
#kono oto tomare#kono oto tomare!#kono oto tomare manga#kono oto tomare spoilers#chikawa#chika x satowa#kot!#kudou chika#houzuki satowa#kurata takezou#kurusu hiro
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Unknown Ep 11 Stray Thoughts
Last week, Wei Qian tried to hide his health problems from Yuan, but Yuan knew the whole time and was super pissed about Wei Qian always choosing to shoulder every burden on his own as well as lying to Yuan. We left them at another critical moment where Wei Qian admitted openly that he also can't live without Yuan.
Of course Yuan is a "if he looks back" gay. Where are all my Andi Mack girlies?
Episode 11: Embracing Regrets Magnifies Courage
Wait, when did they start making out?
Oh, I see, they're playing with time. This is the first time I've really felt like the show's stylistic choices have gotten in the way of its storytelling. We have been building to this moment with Qian and Yuan, and I don't like this choice to show them connecting sexually while intercutting the emotional decision to be intimate and Yuan's flashbacks. Both of these moments are important and happen sequentially, not simultaneously.
I feel like they really botched this sex scene and I'm annoyed about it. I really don't like that we didn't lead with Wei Qian's choice to be intimate with Yuan. It feels like we skipped an important decision. I also don't like all the constant cuts of flashbacks interspersed with the pre-sex convo. This is a huge moment for Wei Qian and I really feel like they got this wrong by making it primarily about Yuan's feelings culminating. We know that Yuan has wanted to fuck this man for like a decade at least. We know Wei Qian hasn't let anyone touch him. We really needed to stay in that moment and not constantly jump around to other moments. It feels like the show got shy about sex, or that the sex scene itself lacked a narrative when they filmed it.
These walls thin as fuck! Like Li Li didn't hear what was happening!
Okay, Li Li is still capable of being adorable when it suits her and I love her.
Man, I'm grumpy from earlier. Wei Qian daydreaming about sex with Yuan at work would have worked a lot better if we weren't flashing back to a scene dominated by flashbacks.
I hope this is the last of the gangster stuff.
Okay, I'm having fun with the dinner date and the decision to be public about themselves.
Test results?? They denied me seeing this man choose to go to the hospital???
Mhmm, we recognize that Li Li is smart. She definitely knows what's up.
Okay, I actually like Qian not answering about the hug and instead just kissing his head. That feels appropriate because that line is quite blurred.
I'm feeling mixed about the mom stuff resurfacing on the episode they had sex for the first time. We suspect that Yuan's mom abused him, and that feels unresolved for me. I'm having a hard time separating his sexual trauma from his abandonment trauma in his breakdown here.
"Nobody cares about Qian." Okay, I cried. Wei Qian's siblings saw and understood what he was doing for them the entire time, and they both wanted to care for him in return. Also, San Pang is a great listener in this scene. Truly one of the best characters of the year so far.
And we deal with the rest of their people finding out next week. Okay.
I said what I said above. I didn't think the turn worked this episode, and I didn't fully connect to Wei Qian's emotions this week. It's a letdown and I'm disappointed.
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youtube
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End Up Here (Ross Macdonald)
warning: SMUTTT SMUTT AHEAD i wrote this so quickly sorey if it’s bad
a/n: part two to kiss me kiss me
⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:*⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆
violet passed out after the third movie in the scream franchise. ross offered to carry her to bed but you had to argue with him to stop being so nice all the time.
so now you’re standing out on the fire escape with him, side by side, shoulder to shoulder. the stars aren’t bright but the moon is full and he’s smoking a cigarette he passes to you each time he takes a slow drag from it.
you’re to his left. with one hand, he smokes his cigarette, and as he passes it over, his other hand comes to you to rest over both your shoulders, tugging you into him a bit harshly. he can be rough sometimes, but especially when he pays no mind to it. sometimes you wonder if it’s his natural way of being, and he’s only ever gentle with you.
“what are you thinking about?” you ask him.
“thinkin about our conversation earlier. when we were talking about when we first met. how you thought it was so easy.”
“well, what about it, baby?”
“just can’t believe that’s how you viewed the story. guess that’s a good thing. on my end, at least, i was so focused on being the perfect boyfriend and i suppose i did my job right.”
“course you did,” you turn into him, wrapping both arms around his waist and settling your fingers into the slight dimples on his back. you tilt your head up to be near face to face with him, “you’re perfect to me. you know that?”
“i know that now,” his words are whispered onto your mouth, he’s close enough you can feel his breath. “i was freaked the fuck out at first tho, my love.”
⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:*⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆
2 years ago
“what’s with you, today?” george speaks loudly over the pumping music in his flat. a week ago, he moved into this apartment, alongside ross, matty, and adam, and today, the four host a housewarming party.
“me?” ross questions stupidly, there’s no one else in the room at the moment other than the two of them.
“you’re all… jumpy. squirrelly. i’ve seen you check your hair in the bathroom 4 times today.”
“my hair? what’s wrong with my hair? is it stupid?” ross is speed walking back to the bathroom again. george sighs and follows him in.
“nothing. but the fact that you care so much… is this about a certain someone?”
“i don’t know what you’re talking about,” ross mumbles but his fingers frantically digging into his hair tell a different story.
“is it that girl from backstage the other day?”
ross freezes.
“i’ll take that as a yes,” george leans casually against the doorframe. “she coming tonight?”
“yeah. but matty invited her. what if she comes, and i’m all ready to hangout with her but she’s got eyes for matty all night?”
“you hear yourself right now? you sound ridiculous.”
“am i, though? you know girls flock to him much more than they do me.”
“how about i make you a deal, okay? i’ll keep matty away from your little crush all night, if you promise to throw away the shorts.”
…
“what shorts?” ross plays dumb
“the 3 inch inseam shorts.”
he huffs, as if this is some huge burden he’s to bear, “fine.”
george is thrilled with the news, and leaves ross alone in the bathroom to continue fussing with his appearance. it’s not like george is going to stay and give him a pep talk telling him he’s a real lady killer and that he’s the sexiest guy around. that’s matty’s job.
⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ: *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆
george has been very successful in distracting matty tonight. he started out by getting the man tastefully tipsy, then once he was comfortable in his level of intoxication, george introduced a fierce game of beer pong out on the back patio and insisted matty join, as if he would be able to say no to something like that.
she had almost, almost wandered outside to see what all the commotion was about out back but luckily, ross caught her by the arm right as her hand brushed the handle of the sliding glass door.
she whips around, hoping she hasn’t stumbled into trouble, but a warm grin spreads onto her face when she recognizes the man that the hand is attached to. it’s a welcome touch, as well.
“oh, hey bass boy. didn’t know you lived here too,” she steps out of the way of some people aiming to slip out the back door, and he absentmindedly leads her into the kitchen to have a more private moment with her.
“yeah, we all live here, the four of us. like a clown car, but a flat.”
she glances around, taking in the space fully. “i don’t know, i don’t think it’s that small. seems like plenty of space to me.” she almost gets too distracted watching people passing by, but focuses her attention back to him, and a sly smile appears, “you have your own room, handsome?”
ross’s eyes widen just a little bit, and if the lighting was a bit brighter, she’d be willing to bet money that a blush appears on his cheeks.
“um… yeah. i’ll uh… show you,” he mentally facepalms himself for sounding like such a creep about to lure her to her gruesome death. it’s just his bedroom, no promises made other than to show her his space.
through the dense crowd, she grabs onto his bicep without thinking and he does everything he can not to freak out. he keeps walking her, leading her down the hallway, eventually opening a door and motioning for her to go in first.
he closes the door behind himself when he enters after her, and immediately out of habit, shrugs his leather jacket off and tosses it to his unmade bed.
she looks at him, raising a curious eyebrow. “stripping already macdonald? at least pour me a drink, first,” she means it as a joke but continues on with her bit, removing her jean jacket as well, slipping off her shoes and looking ready to start undoing her belt.
“wait, wait, you don’t have to!”
she chuckles. “i know. i’m just fuckin’ with you. got a lighter?” she grabs a pre-rolled joint from her jacket pocket, waving it at him indicating her plans.
he’s frozen for a moment, speechless, then bursts into motion. “yeah, yeah.” he opens the drawer to his nightstand, feeling more than embarrassed when he has to dig through a pile of condoms to grasp his lighter. it’s small, white, and almost empty, but it will do the trick.
she takes it upon herself to sit down on his bed, laying back for a moment to test it out, then gleefully rolling around on top of it. “wow this thing is comfy as hell.”
he hums, watching her, a little concerned. “it’s new. the mattress, at least. bed frame, i’ve had it for years. damn thing squeaks like a mouse when…”
she sits up, a knowing look plastered on her, “when what?”
“when i sit with a beautiful girl and smoke a joint with her on it,” he tests it out like she may smack him across the face if she takes it the wrong way but he mostly means it as a joke, though his words speak the complete truth.
he comes to sit next to her, lighting the joint at his own lips.
“you think i’m beautiful?”
shit. he thought she had moved on from that already. feeling as though, he’s already dug his own grave, he just decides to lay in it, hoping she doesn’t get too uncomfortable by this whole situation and runs for the hills.
“i think you’re very beautiful.” he blows the smoke out the corner of his mouth and passes it over. this is nice, for however long it will last. it’s nice having her in his bedroom, alone, her full attention on him, giving him a good chance to stare at her long and hard.
she gets quiet as she takes a hit, like she’s dropping her confidence out the window for just a moment. “no one’s ever told me that before.”
“that’s a shame, cuz it’s true.”
he’s about to lean in and make his move on her but she swerves, unintentionally, to blow the smoke away from his face, knowing how close he is, it would be rude to blow it right at him. which gives her an idea.
“ever shotgunned before?”
he furrows his eyebrows, never understanding how she can change the subject so effortlessly fast. “don’t believe i have, no.”
“you wanna try?” she’s been sitting crisscrossed on his bed the whole time, him with both feet on the floor, but she is just itching to move closer, to enter his space more. but she needs his permission. needs to know he really does like her like she likes him, that he isn’t just being nice.
typically, this whole situation seems obvious that he’s showing major interest in her, but she’s been in nearly identical situations, only to get hit with a ‘we should do this again sometime, maybe my girlfriend can come too.’
she doesn’t want to repeat that tonight. not with him. never with him.
“yeah.” she sees a look in his eyes that speaks to her that he wants to be closer just as bad as she does, and with that, she makes her move.
she gets up onto her knees, placing one hand on his cheek to hold him steady. if she leaned her hips any further forward, they would be resting against him, but that’s too much. “when i exhale, you inhale. got it? and stay very still.”
dazed by the proximity and the prolonged eye contact, he can only nod and swallow hard.
“ok, get ready.” she takes a medium sized hit, not wanting to overdo it, and places it in his fingers resting on his lap so she can free up her hands to hold his face place properly.
she glances at his eyes, his lips, his eyes, then his lips again before she leans in, merely ghosting her lips onto his, exhaling into his open, waiting mouth. he takes it excellently, like he’s done it a million times. she hopes he didn’t lie just to encourage her to do it, but either way, she wouldn’t mind too much.
the smoke exits from his nose in a long sigh but she doesn’t find it in her to move back. in fact, she moves forward an inch to rest her forehead against his. a curious, patient hand finds it’s way to her waist, testing the waters as if she’s just going to leave right after this.
when she feels his hand and it’s gentle grasp at the bare skin between her tank top and her shorts, she reciprocates by boldly swinging her leg over both of his, resting her weight on him in a straddling position.
he reaches behind her to rest the joint in the ashtray conveniently placed right on his nightstand.
they’ve only been sitting in silence, feeling each others breaths on their faces, awaiting a move to be made. he looks at her needily, and he realizes how fortunate he is to have made it this far with a girl like her. it’s in this exact moment that he knows if he doesn’t make the move he’s been waiting for for ages, he’d regret it for as long as he’d live.
he crashes his lips into hers, urgent and desperate, but he hopes she feels the same, though it’s hard to tell when he’s only focusing on how long he’s waited for this.
she wraps her right arm around the back of his neck, hooking her elbow around it and reaching her hand to rest on his shoulder blade while her left digs into his brown hair.
meanwhile, he’s holding her firmly at the waist, still scared to go any further lest she get freaked out by him. it’s the last thing he wants to do, make her uncomfortable.
she leans in more, deepening the kiss, subtly grinding her hips down into his, and when he responds with a low groan into her mouth, one of the hottest things she’s ever experienced, she knows to continue.
she’s a little upset that he hasn’t taken to feeling her body more, hands still gentlemanly polite on her waist. she moves a hand to grip his jaw, and with the other, she removes one of his from her waist.
he worries for a moment that he’s gone too far, and that her peeling his hand off is an indication of it, so he breaks apart the kiss. a mere hum of a word escapes his mouth when she continues directing his hand, moving it to rest on her clothed breast.
he breathes out a shaky breath, not knowing how to cope with the interaction. knowing she’s going to have to continue the heavy lifting until he gets the memo, she gently massages her breast with his hand, humming out a small moan, and once he hears the hot sound come from her throat, he snaps back into motion, beginning to continue the movements she started with his hand.
she nods with a smile, leaning to kiss him hard again. she grinds her hips once more, harder this time, with more purpose, and it doesn’t go unnoticed. he breaks apart to take a breath, “fuck,” he mutters lowly.
she tugs at the bottom hem of his black tshirt, “can i take this off?” he’s already tugged it off of himself barely before she can finish her sentence. she responds with a giggle and he begins to kiss down her neck, her leaning her head to the side to give him plenty of room for his kisses, his light sucking that eventually turns harsher by the minute, leaving behind soon to be dark purple marks all over.
she moans louder this time to show her appreciation for his work and by the time he’s kissed down to the strap of her tank top, he’s looking back up at her. “can i- is this…okay? if i-“
“mm, please,” is all she says until he begins to slip it off her, fingers toying at the bottom of it, then making his way to carefully peel it off her body, over her head and off her arms. he throws it somewhere random in his room.
she gives him two firm kisses, one on the corner of his mouth and one square on the lips, then reaches behind herself to unhook her own bra. once the back is undone, he grabs it by both the straps and slowly drags it off her arms.
“god, darling, you-“ he’s interrupted by a rogue moan slipping from his lips when she grinds into him again. he decides to abandon his sentence, instead moving his mouth down to pay close attention to the display of skin she’s showing off before him.
he kisses down her sternum, gentle and sweet as he can be, then places one kiss onto he nipple of her left breast, his other hand coming up to lightly toy with the other. on the left, he places more kisses surrounding, some right on her nipple, and he licks around it, swirling his tongue over the bud.
she digs her hand into his hair and tugs on it, feeling him moan onto her skin at her movements, making a mental note to do that again sometime.
he continues to essentially make out with her tit, eventually switching to the other nipple to place wet kisses on it, giving them each equal attention.
after she’s had enough of this teasing, she places both hands on the sides of his head and pulls him up to be face to face.
“please, will you fuck me? please?” she sounds more than ready to burst with pent up arousal and she wants nothing more than to feel him fill her up perfectly like she imagined he would. he is a big man after all, that usually translates down nicely.
“mm, get on your back, he instructs her and taps her thigh twice to set her into motion.
without any hesitation, she detaches from him and crawls to the center of the bed, fussing with the belt and buttons of her shorts but he pushes her hands aside, now hovering over top of her.
“let me, baby.”
she lets him, feeling so utterly gone at the sight of his big hands unbuttoning her shorts and sliding them down her legs. once off, he throws them in the same direction her shirt and bra went.
he grabs her legs at the knees, spreading her thighs open and adjusting himself to be comfortably between them. he kisses down her stomach, enjoying the way she trembles under her touch, a mix of arousal and her being somewhat ticklish under his featherlight kisses.
he keeps going down, kissing down, and continues his way down until he can place one kiss directly onto her clit, through the barrier of her black panties. he moves to the side, kissing the very inside of her bare thighs, watching them twitch under the pressure of it. he kisses down to her knee, then reaches a hand to the waistband of her panties, looking back up at her face as a silent ask for consent.
she nods furiously, ready for him, ready for anything he’s so graciously willing to give to her at this very moment. “can you take your pants off?” it sounds silly when she says it but she knows it’s what she wants.
he takes off both, her panties first, then his own pants, returning to her bare naked body in only his boxing, raging erection on full display. he parts her thighs again, wondering why she felt the need to close them once more when he wasn’t paying active attention to her body.
he lowers his body down further on the bed, near his his head to the place she needs him most and she drips in arousal at the thought of what he’s going to do to her.
he goes in with one prodding finger first, starting at her hole then swiping a finger up, just missing her clit but making careful efforts to work around the area just around it. she feels so done with all this foreplay, she wishes he would just take her now, but she can tell he’s got a plan of his own and she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t excited to know where he was going with it.
with his thumb this time, he finally pressed into her clit, rubbing tight circles and figure eights onto it. she mewls and whimpers pathetically at the delicious pressure.
“please…” she begs.
“please what?”
she huffs a sigh, not used to this dominant, confident, and teasing version of him. “please, more, i want your mouth, please.” she speaks the word like it’s the only one she knows.
he grins madly that he has this effect on her, but ultimately follows her desperate instructions.
he leads with a harsh lick that lands right over her clit and she moans out, “ross,” and he wonders if it’s the first time he’s ever heard her speak his actual name.
then, like he’s lost all his gentlemanly manners, he grips her hips mean and moves in with his tongue. his lips wrap around her, flicking his tongue back and forth over her sensitive bud. he takes turns flicking his tongue, swirling it around her clit, and taking hard sucks at it.
meanwhile, she’s an absolute mess, desperately grasping at his hair and tugging if only to feel the vibrations of his moans onto her wet cunt.
“fuck, darling, just like that,” he’s slipping a finger into her now, pumping in and out slowly while he continues his harsh suction on her clit.
she moans out loudly, hoping it will encourage him to give her more, and it does, he begins to pump his middle and ring fingers in and out with great skill and speed, curling upwards at just the right spot to make her see stars.
his licking has gotten much messier at the addition of his fingers fucking into her, like he’s as desperate to find her release as she is. this would be the very first time he would make her cum and he wants it to be as memorable as possible.
he licks broadly over her clit, circling back to suck on it again, pulling back an inch to flick it back and forth with the very tip of his tongue, all while deliciously sliding in and out of her with his fingers.
she’s pulling harder at his locks, the feeling of his stubble burning her sensitive skin just a bit but she couldn’t care less at the moment, as she grinds her hips onto his face, chasing her release. he decides to allow her to do so, enjoying being used as a conduit for pleasure like some sex toy who’s only purpose is to get her off.
with enough weak gasps and whining moans, she finally finds her release, and he licks her through it, eating her up like it’s his last meal on this earth, and she continues grinding onto his face as she rides out the aftershocks of her mind-blowing orgasm.
as soon as she can’t take the unending pleasure any longer, drags him up by his jaw and connects their lips together once more. she doesn’t hate the way she tastes on his lips, and to be honest, it sends butterflies south on her body, she feels just about ready to go again.
“shit, please fuck me now, fuck.” she can barely whine out her words, just as he wanted.
“are you sure?” he asks her, breaking eye contact only to pull out a condom again, conveniently placed in his nightstand drawer where his lighter once was. the joint in the ashtray is pretty much forgotten by this point, burning to ash alone on the stand.
“please, i need it so bad, need you.”
he can’t contain the smile that plasters itself onto his face. how long he’s been waiting to hear her beg for his cock like this.
“as you wish, love,” he’s already slipped his boxers off at some point and she watches him roll the condom onto his length, which she’s finally getting a good look at now, and it almost seems like a challenge too much for her.
she pushes the thoughts aside, however, the moment he lines himself up with her weeping hole.
finally, he pushes into her, filling her up perfectly with just the slightest feeling of a searing stretch, not enough to cause a lot of pain, but enough to have her moaning at the feeling.
he groans loudly, a stark contrast from his previous moans, which were all low and contained.
he places both hands onto her waist, waiting for her permission to go any further, and when she gives her nod, he begins his motions.
he thrusts in and out of her, slowly, feeling like he might break her if he goes as hard and rough as he’d like to, so he stays gentle and sweet with it.
now, it’s him who is grunting and whining a bit as her tight pussy grips his cock so tightly.
she grabs him by the back of his neck to pull their lips together again, as well as to get his body just a little bit closer to hers, and she mutters in his ear while it’s lined up right by her mouth, “harder.”
he chuckles darkly and the noise goes straight to her pussy. he rocks his hips into hers with more purpose, nearing his ideal speed and roughness. she reaches down to flick her clit with a single finger but he almost immediately knocks it out of the way. “let me.”
he rubs it hard and mean, inconsiderate to the previous orgasm he just gave her and how it could be leaving her sensitive.
she clenches around him at the stimulation and he moans openly into her ear.
“fuck baby, you gotta stop or i’m gonna cum.”
“cum, i’m close.”
though he hadn’t even been inside of her for all too long, it only takes her weak command for his thrusts to begin to falter, losing traction and his grip on her hips.
he starts to work double time, eager to help her cum as fast as he is on track to. rocks his hips in and out of her at a perfect pace, spreading dripping arousal all over her clit and not giving controlled circles over it anymore, merely aimless swipes.
she reaches her climax so suddenly that neither see it coming, but her soft moans into his ear and the fluttering of her wet pussy and the wet noises it makes when he plunges into her is just enough for him to be spilling his release into the condom.
he rides her through her orgasm for the second time, milking her for everything she’s worth and finishes his peak with a shaky moan low in her ear.
he pulls out and collapses beside her, careful not to crush her under the weight of himself.
“fuck,” is all she says and it earns a laugh from beside her.
“go out with me.” he blurts it out so sudden she almost doesn’t understand his words.
“what?”
“again, i mean. we’ve been on a few dates, i know. what i’m trying to say is that i like you. a lot. and i’m going to take a leap of faith to say that you like me to. so let’s be official. please?” he sounds so small when he speaks the last word of his confession, it nearly breaks her heart.
“of course, baby. i’d love to,” she rolls over to cuddle into his chest, and he gladly accepts the act of affection.
“so can i call you my girlfriend?” he feels like a giddy teenager but that’s just the effect she has on him.
“yup. we can be all gross in public and stuff, too, if you want.”
“i think i do.”
“i think i do too.”
⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:*⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆
taglist: @itssimpleanditgoeslikethis @indierockgirrl @milkluvr8 @americanangel
#Spotify#ross macdonald x reader#ross macdonald smut#ross macdonald#ross macdonald x you#ross macondald fanfic#ross macdonald fluff#ross macdonald fic#ross macdonald fanfiction#the 1975#at their very best#1975 band#the 1975 fanfic#matty the 1975#the 1975 fanfiction#the 1975 smut#the 1975 fluff#the 1975 fic#matty healy fanfiction#matty x reader#ratty matty#matty healy smut#matty healy fanfic#matty 1975#matty healy#george daniel#george daniel fanfic#george daniel smut#george daniel fic#george daniel fanfiction
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Everywhere, Everything-
CL16 (Chapter 5/?)
Pairing: Charles Leclerc × female!reader
Series Summary: In which a rising singer gets her biggest break yet; opening at the Austin Grand Prix. All record companies would have their eyes on her- along with a certain monegasque driver.
Trope: Slow burn with a mix of other tropes in there (He fell first, one bed, roommates, all the good ones!)
Chapter Summary: Sharing a bed with your newfound friend is completely normal. Even with new feelings brewing, surely you could push them down for one night, right?
Warnings: Cussing, rushed chapter, probably typos 🫣
“Charles, just get in bed before I push you out the window,” You stated firmly, patting the spot in the bed next to you.
The two of you had spent the past 25 minutes unpacking, and within the last 5 minutes, arguing about the bed situation. It was race weekend and the both of you were exhausted. Sure, one bed for two people wasn’t ideal, but you were tired and couldn’t care less at this point. Charles rocked back and forth on his feet nervously.
“Are you sure?” He muttered. You huffed. If he asked you that one more time, you swore to keep the bed all to yourself.
“Yes, Charles,” You crossed your arms. “I trust you, it’s not weird. I share beds with friends all the time.”
Charles wasn’t worried about weirding you out though. Well, he was, but his main concern was being so damn close to you. He was afraid if he somehow turned too far in his sleep, his arms would find their way around your body. He would instinctively pull you closer to his chest. And he would never want to let go again.
You hardened your eyes on him. Why was he so adamant about not sleeping in the same bed as you? You could see how it would be weird, but surely he didn’t want to sleep on the floor, right?
Then a horrible thought flickered in your mind. Maybe he didn’t want to be around you. That possibly, he was already regretting taking you on the tour. After all, you already cost him a bed.
You sighed deeply when he stayed frozen. Pushing yourself out of the bed, you shrugged. “I’m gonna go change into pajamas. You can have the bed, it’s okay. I’ll make a pallet on the floor.” You muttered regretfully. The last thing you wanted to do was burden Charles days before the race. You felt a pang in your heart when he remained silent as you closed the door to the bathroom. You rested your forehead against the door. “Fuck,” You muttered to yourself. You were probably a huge inconvenience to him at this point.
Charles was interesting like that. One moment you’d be the happiest person alive in his company, the next, you’re nervous under his gaze or worrying whether or not you’re saying the right thing. Then again, who wouldn’t be nervous around him? Especially under this circumstance.
You decided you could push the feeling away long enough to get through the rest of the race season. You’d sooner lick the bottom of Christian Horner’s shoes than have feelings complicate your friendship with him, and even more than that, your career. You had one focus at the end of all of this- your music career. You didn’t wanna lose sight of that.
“Charles, are there any extra blankets?” You called as you exited the bathroom, dressed in fuzzy shorts and a tank top. You froze where you stood seeing the sight of Charles.
On the bed.
Shirtless.
“We can share the bed, no way in hell I’m making you sleep on the floor,” He said, playfully tossing a pillow at you. It hit your stomach and fell to the ground, your arms unable to move due to his naked state. Well, not naked, but he might as well have been. He chuckled at you. “Damn, you can’t catch.”
You scoffed at him. “Screw you, I’m jet lagged,” You countered, crawling into bed. Next to your shirtless friend. No big deal.
Charles leaned the back of his head against the bed frame and gave you a smile. “It was really sweet of you to offer me the bed,” He said, not a hint of falseness in his voice. You shrugged.
“Last thing I could do, all things considered,” You said. “I’m not about to inconvenience you right before race weekend.”
“You’d never inconvenience me,” He said, almost immediately as the words left your mouth. You blushed deeply, and thanked whatever God was out there that the lights were dim.
“So, you ready for free practice tomorrow?” You asked, hoping the subject change would prevent him from saying odd stuff like that.
“Yeah, I got a lucky charm now and everything.” He joked, nudging you with his elbow.
Fuck. Didn’t work.
You rolled your eyes. “You’ve been doing just fine before me, you’ll be okay now.” You said, a sideways smile tugging at your lips. “You’re hella talented frenchie.”
Charles bit his bottom lip, and you swore for a second his eyes trailed down to your mouth. Just for a second. “I don’t know, last race was the first podium I’ve gotten in a while. Same shitty strategies, same shitty mistakes, only one thing was different. You were there.” He argued. A convincing debate it was, but you couldn’t allow yourself to get carried away in the thought of being his ‘lucky charm’. You wouldn’t.
“Hopefully the luck continues then,” You grinned at him.
Even in the dark of the room, his face lit up brighter than anything you had seen. “It will,”
And that was a promise.
⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰
You were cold. Near freezing, even. Toes numb and fingertips prickly, you huffed warm breath into your hands. You curled your knees up to your chest and shivered.
Who knew Charles was such a blanket hog?
At some point in the night, he had completely wrapped himself up in the blankets and sheets. Leaving you with nothing. The air conditioned breeze soon awoke you, much to your dismay.
You flipped your body to face him. His face looked peaceful, features soft. The covers were pulled up to his chin and a faint smile was found on his sleeping lips. For a minute you stared, unable to do anything else. You had never seen him like this- so still. So beautiful.
Your eyebrows furrowed. Shut up. Shut up. You can’t be thinking such things. You can’t.
Carefully, you nudged Charles with your foot. No reaction. You huffed. “Charles,” You whispered intensely. “Charles!”
Damn, he was a heavy sleeper.
You decided to take matters into your own hands and tear the blanket away from him yourself. Your shivering hands found a fistful of the covers, tugging with all your strength. There was zero movement.
“Goddamnit, Charles, you drive an F1 car with super quick reaction time and yet you’re a heavy sleeper??” You whispered in annoyance, still tugging. “Charles!”
Not a stir. At this point the goosebumps on your skin had multiplied and you were fed up. You sat up in the bed, and with a deep breath, you grabbed Charles by the shoulders and shook him as hard as you could. “Wake up! Wake up!”
A gasp exploded from Charles as he jolted awake in your grasp, and he shook himself free from the covers. He sat up immediately, eyes wide in fear. “What? What? Are you okay Y/N??” He asked frantically, grabbing your arms. “Holy shit you’re cold.”
You couldn’t help but laugh at him. “Yeah, you took all the covers,” You said. His body fell back onto the bed in relaxation, but he looked up at you guiltily.
“I am so so sorry love,” He muttered, slapping his face with his palm. You ignored the butterflies you got when he called you ‘love’. “Lie back down, I’ll cover you up.”
You happily obliged, suddenly hit with a second wave of sleepiness. You lied on your side, looking up at him thankfully.
You were still shivering, which Charles noticed, and he quickly draped the blanket over your body. When he did this, though, one arm fell over your body. You could feel the skin of his bicep when he adjusted the blanket, trapping you beneath him. Your breath caught in your throat. Yet… his body was so warm.
Charles seemed to notice this predicament and he quickly retreated his arm, flustered. You shivered at the loss of contact. “Aye yi, so so sorry,” He muttered for the second time that night.
“No, don’t be,” You said, suddenly feeling bold. Something overcame you as the words left your mouth, but you caught his gaze in the dark room and gave him a soft smile. “It was nice. You were warm, I mean.”
He chuckled. “If I ever hog the covers again, feel free to kick me off the bed,” He said. You couldn’t read his expression, but you nodded just in case.
Within that sentence, it was implied you guys would be sharing a bed again.
You decided you liked that thought.
You were finally warm, after all.
A/N: I’m so sorry for how short the chapters have been! I’m really rushing to finish the story and I find that writing shorter chapters at a time is easier. Thank y’all!!
#f1#formula 1#formula one#charles leclerc blurb#charles leclerc#charles leclerc x reader#charles leclerc imagine#charles leclerc x you#charles leclerc x reader series#everywhere everything
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Under his influence (Post Avengers! Loki x female reader)
Read chapter 32 here/ Series Masterlist
Chapter 33
Summary : A horrible nightmare fuels your insecurities yet again. Loki thinks he has the perfect solution but his plan is interrupted by the news of Mrs Geller's accident.
Trigger Warning: 18+, foursome (but not in the kinky manner) , HUGE Canon divergence (Just me making shit up), Dalia, Reader needs to seek professional help for her trust issues, topics dealing with cheating and falling out of love, timey wimey stuff again (yeah I didn't forget about the main plot you guys)
Note : This chapter was the most personal and pretty difficult to write but it was important for her growth.
You could hear the sound of his moans coming from his room and your heart clenched, why was he moaning that way? You weren't there with him then who was making him feel that way? You trusted him, you really wanted to believe that he won't hurt you like that but then you heard a woman's cry of pleasure and your heart stopped. You slowly opened the door to his room and found him on the bed, all bare, and he wasn't alone, and he wasn't with just one woman either.
There was Dalia in front of him, sucking his cock and making him emit those noises that you thought only you owned, your eyes welled up as you glanced at his face, you recognised that look, he was enjoying it you could tell.
"Tell me..did she ever please you like this?" Dalia asked him so he snickered, his chest was heaving in a hypnotic rhythm, you wanted to hate him , he was breaking your heart so cruelly but you couldn't stop admiring his beautiful features, he was yours, he promised to be yours then what happened? You always feared you weren't enough and all your fears had come true to life.
"Never, she couldn't please a man to save her life. She doesn't compare to you, any of you, she's beneath me and all my darlings over here, she truly means nothing to me now"
The words cut you deeply and you gasped as you could hear the sound of your own heart breaking over and over again. He looked at you finally and instead of showing the signs of feeling remorse or pity even he smiled, he felt happy as if he was free to do whatever he desired now. He turned his head and kissed Darcy, then he turned to the other side and kissed Atrishia, they all clung around his body like snakes as he pleased them just the way they wanted.
"I thought you loved me lo…why are you doing this to me?" You screamed at him, the world around you started to spin and your chest felt constricted, you couldn't breathe, you couldn't take the betrayal, he was your best friend, how could he do this to you?
"You burdened me and you bored me to death y/n, now fucking get out of here"
He spat venomously and you wanted to run away but your feet felt stuck, your body was paralyzed, you couldn't breathe, you couldn't breathe at all.....
Loud sound of the alarm made you wake up suddenly, you looked at the ceiling but your brain felt deprived of the oxygen, you felt as if you were holding on to your breath for too long. You took a deep breath as you sat up and that's when the dam broke and you burst into a fit of cries, the vivid dream was still a fresh in your head.
You could see it clearly, your Loki with those women, the cruel words that he spoke to you the way he put you down in front of them, it was just a nightmare and that made you feel slightly better but it was still the worst you had ever felt after a nightmare. What if those nightmares were to come true the way your dreams did in the previous timeline?
Once your breathing had leveled you looked at the clock and it was 3:30 already, you barely had gotten any sleep and the way you have been obsessing over the female attention he had around him you knew something like this was bound to happen.
How much reassurance did you need from him? You sighed as you pondered over the thought and got off the bed to get ready. Once you were dressed up for the day you ran to the kitchen the tower had on every floor and made yourself a cup of coffee as well as brewed black tea for Loki since none of the cafes were open and kitchen staff wasn't at work either this early in the morning.
By the time you reached Loki's room it was 4:30 already and he was getting prepped for the early morning appearance at the news channel. Thankfully Dalia wasn't there for once and you didn't want to see her face first thing after that nightmare
His makeup was already done and hair was slicked back neatly, his stylist Riva was putting the coat on him when you entered, the only reason Riva didn't intimidate you was because she was a lesbian. You felt pathetic.
"Good morning darling" he smiled as he looked at you but just by looking at your face he could tell you weren't feeling good, perhaps you didn't sleep well after Tony's birthday party. He really needed to spend a night with you, not just for you but his own peace of mind.
"Good morning sir..i brought your tea" you said as you kept the cup on his dresser.
"Thank you sweet Lady, sleep alright?" You nodded as he said that but he could read your lies. As Riva got a phone call she excused herself and made her way out of the room.
You were standing a few feet away from him as you supported your side against the closet so he tilted his head and looked at you up and down, thoroughly checking you out, a simple pair of jeans and shirt, you barely had any makeup on and even with your puffed up sleep deprived face his heart fluttered at the sight of you. To know that you belonged to him completely would never not make his heart soar and cock uncomfortable at all times.
"Come here" he said to you softly so you looked around,
"Somebody will come lo" you answered him so he walked towards you instead and cupped your cheeks to kiss you, as his lips met with yours the fear you had from the nightmare slowly started to chip away for a moment. It was just a nightmare, he'd never be so cruel to you. The feeling of relief didn't last though.
"Are you well? You can stay here if you wish to, I will talk to Dalia" he said to you so you shook your head.
"I'll do my job"
"It is my job to take care of you"
"I told you don't worry about my work.. besides I want to get the fuck out of this tower" he sighed as you said that and pressed a soft kiss on your forehead.
"Loki?" You called out his name so he hummed in response "Can you…promise me something?"
"Anything my love" he smiled, his thumb caressing your cheek before he placed them under your eye to reduce some of that puffiness with his cold touch.
"If someday, you find someone that.." you hesitated to speak your thoughts, all of a sudden your words felt stupid, your insecurities felt unwarranted. He had done nothing wrong to you.
"Someone what?" He asked firmly so you looked down.
"That makes you feel something for them, promise me that you'll tell me before you do something, promise me you'll not keep me in dark or hurt me behind my back" As soon as the words left your mouth you regretted them completely. His eyes teared up as he registered the meaning behind these words, you thought someday he'd stray away from you and cheat on you?
"I promise" he said as he took a few steps behind, tears rolled down his cheek so he wiped them away quickly. No you didn't need his promise, you wanted him to tell you that he'd never even think of doing that to you, that he'd never find someone else but he promised you instead.
You wanted to play victim and say something but as you looked at his face you realized that he wasn't trying to spite you by giving you what you asked him for, he was just hurt, deeply hurt that you'd even insinuate that. He had no intentions of ever letting you go, he thought he had made it clear with his actions but he didn't blame you either for feeling this way.
It still hurt though, the way you seemed so terrified as you asked him to promise you that he'll tell you before he cheats on you was haunting him. He wished there was a spell he could have used to rid of these insecurities you had but he knew there were no spells or potions to heal those emotional scars.
Before you could say anything the room was bustling again as Dalia arrived with the whole team, you wanted to run to him and hug him, tell him that you just wanted him to reassure you again but you felt helpless at the moment. It felt too much.
Until now Loki hadn't really done anything outside of this tower, they came to him here for every interview, press conference and photoshoots, he wasn't allowed to go out except for those missions he went on to so this national appearance was a big deal, you wanted to go with him, you were his assistant after all and you desperately needed to leave the tower but Dalia told you that you won't be required as she'll be present there. You didn't argue with her either, Loki had already left for the studio and you were supposed to go with Dalia in a different vehicle but she denied you. You turned around and made your way to your room.
As soon as Loki realised you weren't there with him he texted you immediately
His message made you feel worse, you didn't enjoy this, not at all, but at times it felt inevitable.
In the previous timeline Dalia never fell for Loki, so why did this happen this time? There were so many things different this time, you couldn't help but wonder if you were the reason for it, perhaps things weren't meant to be like this. Perhaps you had messed with fate's original plan and it was going to come back and bite you sooner or later.
Loki put the phone in his pocket, his eyes were moist, he really wanted you to be here, he knew how stressed you had been at the tower and he wanted you to come out and be with him here.
As Dalia approached him he immediately composed himself and turned to her,
"Where's my assistant?" He asked her and she shrugged as if she didn't care about the question which she probably didn't.
"What?"
"Y/n…My …assistant..where is she?" He asked her a bit more sternly this time.
"She wasn't needed here" she answered shamelessly,
"You are not to decide when I need her and when I don't, the next time you dare interfere in my matters i give you my word Dalia, I will make your life a living hel on midgard..you hear me?" She looked terrified as he said that.
"I uhhh…" her lips trembled and eyes teared up but she didn't say a word and he didn't feel bad about her reaction at all, he knew he was coming across as very suspicious right now but he had lost his cool completely, the little altercation he had with you was already enough as it was and not having you here wasn't something you both needed today.
"I asked an intelligible question. Do you hear me…or not?" He glared at her again so she nodded furiously.
"Yes Loki i understand"
It was really hard for him to stay smiley and cheerful for the interview but he knew he had to fake it. He really wanted to go back to the tower and talk to you, at times he really wished he could have told everyone who you were to him and what you meant to him but what had happened to Melissa the last time had solidified that fear he had regarding your safety, if something was to happen and god forbid he fails to protect you then he knew for sure that he'd never be able to move on from losing you..
After the interview the whole team had to leave for yet another mission so he called you as soon as he was alone but you didn't pick up and that annoyed him even further. However he realised how tired you seemed and If you were sleeping then he didn't want to bother you again so he sent a voicemail instead.
A few hours later when you woke up you immediately looked at the time and it was late in the noon, you had been so sleep deprived that you dozed out like a baby. You were going to call Loki but you already had a voice note from him so you opened it.
Hello darling..i uhh
He took a deep breath before he spoke again
Interview went well, I'm not sure if you watched it, perhaps you are asleep because you didn't receive my call..i hope that is the reason and I'm not being ignored here
He chuckled nervously and you felt your heart breaking slightly, what were you doing with him? He didn't deserve to feel that way, he needed you but this constant insecurities you had always created a tiff between you two.
Anyways i uhh.. I'm going to go for yet another Avengers matter so I will see you at night Princess, I Love You.
The voicemail ended and you just wanted to cry again because you didn't know why you always did this whenever he was going to do something dangerous, you really needed help, you had to do something before you cause more problems between Loki and yourself.
Your whole day went by anxiously, when Loki wasn't there you had to be on Dalia's call at all times, the pay was good and you had never felt so compensated before so you didn't want to complain much.
During lunch hour you met Pepper and Jane in the dining area so you all could eat together. Jane really wanted to get to know you both while she was here. A year ago, if someone had told you that you'd be having lunch with the CEO of Stark Industries, you would have slapped that person for making such a joke.
"Where's Darcy?" You asked Jane even though she was also one of the last people you wanted to see after that horrible nightmare.
"Ahhh she's out exploring NYC, she has a few people she knows here" you nodded as Jane said that.
"So y/n how's it going with Loki?" Pepper smirked so you shook your head.
"Nothing is going on" you said to her but she kept smiling,
"I know..I know..been there, done that"
Well Paprika didn't know shit.
"Ummm can I ask you a question? I mean it's not something I want.. Loki is not my type really but ..I'm. Just curious " you said to her so she nodded.
"Well i always read about Tony and how uhh he ummm you know..women..and "
"His Playboy image??" She finished your words and you were thankful for that.
"Yeahhhh how did you deal with that? I mean he still gets the constant attention from women and it must be hard right? I think I can ask the same question to you Janey"
"Do you have a nickname for me? I love you already'" You bit on your cheeks as she said that, It slipped out of your mouth.
"To answer your question well I don't really think about it much, I mean I trust Thor and we have a connection since we met, it's different with him, I feel different with him, I just know he won't hurt me like that" Jane smiled as she answered your question.
"Ditto" Pepper said as she munched on her salad.
Oh to be this secure, how that must feel?
"Are you bothered by the attention Loki is getting from his ..admirers?" Pepper smirked again so you shrugged in response.
"Why would I be bothered by that? He's not my boyfriend or anything really"
"But you really want him don't you" Jane said so you glared at her before you finally smiled.
You liked having friends, you liked having people around you that weren't out to hurt you, and you had the best of them all with you, your Loki, so why was it so hard to remember what you had with him as soon as he was out of your sight?
Around ten at night you showered and got in bed but you couldn't sleep because Loki would come back soon, he had texted you already.
You felt so overly anxious, you just wanted him to come back so you could hold him and apologize for your behavior and what you had said to him, you'd have been extremely offended if it was Loki who had said something like that to you. Don't give shit you'd not take, you always wanted to live by that policy.
A few minutes later you saw a green shimmer appear in the middle of your room and there he was. The precious love of your life.
He had just showered and had no shirt on- offensive. His hair was wet and he was dripping still, reminded you of the first day you had met him.
You sat up on the bed as he walked towards you,
"Lie down, I'm going straight for the snuggles, is that alright?" He asked so you smiled and opened your arms for him. He quickly crawled into the bed and placed his head down on your chest, his body resting right next to yours.
You caressed his wet scalp and sighed, that's all you needed in that moment, you didn't think you could have gone longer without him by your side.
"Did you get hurt badly?" You asked him and he noticed the tremble in your voice so he smiled and looked up, his lips latched on your forehead before he trailed down and kissed the tip of your nose.
"I am all perfect darling, I need you to talk to me about the incident this morning" he said to you as he tucked your unruly hair behind your ears and ran his fingers through your scalp.
"I had an awful dream" his brows furrowed as you said that.
"What did you see?" He noticed the tears bubbling so as soon as they rolled down the corner of your eyes he wiped them away
"It was horrible.." you sniffled, you didn't even want to recall it "It was about you, you were in bed with Dalia, Darcy and Atrishia, all at once, doing bad things and you said awful words about me"
His eyes welled up too as you said that, no wonder you seemed so terrified and asked him to promise you something so ridiculous.
"I did that huh?" He asked before he leaned in to kiss you softly.
"I know it's not right or fair to you that I allowed a dream to ruin my mood and my thoughts about you but it's not just the dream..it's just how I feel all the time..i feel like someday you'll find someone else that will catch your eyes and then your heart, there are women out there in the world that would suit you better and I know that and it bothers me so much because I think you'll leave me all alone like everyone else did"
By the time you were done speaking you were sobbing uncontrollably so one of his arms went under your waist and he pulled you in a warm embrace as he sat up taking you along with him, he held you like a baby and allowed you to let it all out, holding it in was doing you no good, he knew that at the very least.
"It's okay sweetheart, it's okay..let it out, i am right here" he kissed your neck softly as he spoke, after what felt like hours you finally pulled away to look at him,
"I have felt loved by many people before lo, they told me they'd always be there but do you see anyone by my side? They all left as soon as they found something better, something they thought they deserved, i was just a service stop they used when they needed me, never the destination" you hiccuped as you said that and all he wanted to do was make it all stop, he wanted you to stop living in such a fear and he wanted these insecurities to stop hurting you like that
"I don't want to be a stop..I want to be your destination lo"
Tears rolled down his eyes as you said that. He cupped your cheeks and placed his head down on yours, for a few moments he didn't say anything but then he finally spoke.
"You're my only destination, you're my only hope, my only way, my only home. The moment I met you I found myself having a moment of peace, do you have any clue how long I have been searching for that feeling?" You shook your head as he said that but the tears didn't stop coming.
"A thousand years darling, sure i lived lavishly and had nothing to be ungrateful for but at nights when I finally laid down in my bed all alone, i felt restless, I felt hollow as if i was missing a piece of me, and you weren't even here, you didn't even exist back then" your arms wrapped around his neck as he said that.
Why couldn't you just remember his words when you needed to remember them? In moments of insecurity why couldn't you just remind yourself what you meant to him? Why did you always allow your past to ruin your present as well as your future?
You had to let go and you had to heal, you had to seek help.
You wanted to hold that thought but then he said something that almost made you want to pass out because of the whirlpool of emotions that were raging inside you.
"Marry me my little darling"
You pulled away from him, a gasp escaped your throat as he said that.
"What?"
"Marry me love, let me show you that I am here with you, by your side, for life, forever" you gulped as he said that, of all the ways you imagined how this moment would be like, this wasn't the one of them.
"Are you being serious right now?"
He smiled and waved his fingers, then there was a ring that he was holding between his fingers, it wasn't an actual ring made from jewels but something he had just made.
"If you say yes to me we will get wedded in the traditions of pure Asgardian customs, right this very moment my love" you looked at him awestruck as he said that, he wasn't messing with you.. "Then tomorrow we can go and marry each other again as per the requirements of your Midgardian laws"
"Lokii–" he cut you off as you said his name.
"You're the only one for me, now and forever, so why the delay?" He mumbled against your lips before he kissed you deeply, when he pulled away you were breathless and you knew what you wanted to do.
"Okay..okay I'll marry you baby, let's get married" he smiled and slipped the ring on your finger and then he kissed you again, as passionately as he could.
You couldn't believe this was happening, you felt terrified but you felt excited too.
However your happiness didn't last long because an impending call was awaiting you, destroying the momentarily joy you had felt just now. You heard the Frantic voice of your mother on the phone and your gut sank immediately. Mrs Geller was in the hospital after a drunk driver had hit her while she was going home after a grocery trip. She was in a coma and she was struggling with her life.
You didn't know why this was happening but you had a feeling it had something to do with you and Loki.
You had changed your fate but it didn't just affect you, it affected everyone around you. In the correct path of journey, the one that you were meant to take, the one where you were supposed to marry Strange and find Loki years later, in that journey things would have been different.
Unbeknownst to you if you hadn't messed with your destined journey then on the same day as today Mrs Geller would go for the grocery shopping but you had tagged along with her, while walking back home she was almost hit by a drunk driver but you grabbed her arm and pulled her towards you thus saving her from getting hurt in this accident, but since you decided to alter your path you weren't there to save her life.
You weren't where you were supposed to be. You had messed with the time and it was its turn now.
🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲
Note : Every action has a consequence you all. Also as pure as his proposal was, she was marrying him for the wrong reasons, she needs to reflect on that.
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@cosniffee
#loki x female reader#loki#loki x reader fluff#loki x reader#loki x reader insert#loki x reader fic#loki x you#loki x reader angst#loki x reader smut#post avengers loki#soft loki#canon divergent au
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Man oh man, it confuses me, very genuinely that ppl dont think that Beau and Yasha were a good end pairing. That they don’t see it. Idk. I catches me off guard every time I read it because, to me I suppose, they go together like... Chocolate ganache. You heat the milk, pour in the chocolate and stir and stir.... and you’re staring at it and there’s awkward chocolate chunks and it’s just milk with chocolate, oh my god I’ve messed it up, it’s sticking to the bottom omfg ive wasted ALL this milk holy shit I’m an idiot and - Bam. Suddenly. One last little stir and it magically transforms before your eyes into smooth rich brown chocolate ganache.
Idk. For me. They are this fascinating twirling of strong forces that at some point just meld together to make this beautiful thing neither of them could have ever even visualized. The dichotomy of two violent women who have been battered by the world. Told over and over how Destructive they are. Who have destroyed each other in all these crazy situations? Who have been lauded as machines of war and bastions of retribution or cast out as “too much to deal with”..... These two women who have been taught over and over again that EVERY single fucking hand that touches.... strikes.... So strike back and first before they get the fucking chance....
Gods be damned do they deserve gentleness.
And not to say there’s not many places you can find that. But the idea of standing there, holding your broken parts and looking around to find someone to help you... Not fix you, just help you hold them all... And the peace someone might feel handing them to someone whose hands have known pain. Someone whose hands are scarred and battered and tough. Someone who won’t be shocked to see so many broken parts. Someone who is carrying their own armful and a few more of yours won’t be a huge burden. Someone who fucking gets it. You know? I just think of Beau sliding into that hot bath and thinking of the kind words. Not even just kind words, but the acknowledgment and the sincerity.
The... “I see you. I see you. And I’m not looking away. I will carry these pieces with you, if you might also carry some of mine”.
#whoops made myself cry over beau again lol#for the record cuz one comment I got confused me great this is very PRO Beau and Yasha#critical role#scrolling through the cr discourse tag and making myself sad#i genuinely had no clue ppl thought beau and yasha were a weird pair#and i get on some level the habit of being sad your ship is canon but cmon haha#life and stories are more complicated than that#and beau and jester have so much chemistry and they love each other so much!#and it's okay and normal to have many loves in your life#crushes and flings and romances#lusts and wants#etc etc#beau 'ending up with' yasha does not magically disappear her love for jester#or her attraction ya know?#like it's fine#it's all fine
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