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enhanced-operatives-division · 1 month

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Junicrane/Starstruck Ramble

I will not be brief, all under the cut

To clear some things right off the bat:

No corpse, no proof with Juniper. Obligatory this is set in a canon where he's alive and adjacent to the agency in some way.

Reggie & Juniper are just gay to me, but I don't mind any interpretation of their sexuality

The games are set in 1967/68 to me (based on a couple bits in game) which is before it was legal to be gay in America at least (1971), which is relevant to how I interpret canon as being somewhat grounded in reality, despite unrealistic elements.

This is just an insane amount of headcanons/elements of and AU all culminated into one post. I will talk about some headcanons like they're just facts because they are established in my head, and it saves me over explaining literally everything, however I will explain some parts a little bit for clarity.

Alright. Actual beginning of the ramble:

Juniper is a character to me who had gotten so lost in his job as an actor and a social presence that in the end his whole life revolved around that 'role'. Because of this, by the time he's put into the situation where he's around the Agency, he basically knows nothing about himself, though he doesn't realise at first. Furthermore, what little identity he had has changed in so many ways. He's no longer a beloved famous actor in the prominence of public light, he's legally dead and he tarnished his career just before he was supposed to die, with the bonus of that making him lose the majority of his estate. From that, he also has horrific facial scarring from the electrical burns from literally having his face fried. I believe a friend of mine made a post about this a while ago (I also think they were the first to think it up also), but, to me, Juniper has a permanent trimmer in his right arm (aka his dominant hand) from the electrical current and it is messing with his nervous system.

All in all, he's not doing great, but he's too proud to admit that he's not doing great, because if anything, what's left of his ego is all he has as a defense since he's deep in unfamiliar water.

Before ending up around the agency (I have multiple interpretations of this, so I'm just going to bring it up generally), he'd never actually seen Reggie, and his only impression of him is a single voicemail, which was his only reference he had to later impersonate him. Juniper probably has very little feelings other than the ones he projects onto him because of Phoenix and that, at the very least, he's physically attracted to Reggie to some degree (that's like the beginning of how everything else would tumble into place in this sort of interpretation at least).

And on Crane's side? His feelings towards Juniper are probably very intense and muddled. On the one hand, he adores musical theatre, and that's his now ex-favourite actor. The thought of just casually being around him blows the bit of fanboy in him away at first because THAT'S the GUY, plus the inklings of a celebrity crush which still poke at him. And then there's the rational side of him, which knows Juniper has committed absolute atrocities on the side of Zoraxis, and hates him for that. Then there's how much Juniper comes off as an asshole at first because he refuses to cooperate with anything the Agency tried to put in place. He finds Juniper endlessly frustrating, and yet he's stuck working with him since, afterall, he's the one who knows the Agency's history with Juniper the best. I imagine him acting a lot like how he does IEYTD 1 around Juniper.

At this point, I'm just describing the pitch for a romcom.

I think the start of their relationship with one another largely started with Juniper trying to wind Crane up. It was a way of getting his attention, and I don't think Juniper knows why he's so dead set on that at first, because I don't think he realises he has a crush on 'this grump' at first. (I think that's actually the fun part about these two, because it's almost like a role reversal of the celebrity crush dynamic. This ex-big name actor has a TERRIBLE crush on an average joe and it is KILLING HIM.) But of course the Agency keeps them together because Juniper is at least conversing with Crane, so it's a start.

Through one way or another, they actually get talking casually, at least mildly at first. It takes Juniper a long time to fully deconstruct the wall he's built, and the thing is, Crane isn't the one trying to deconstruct it, at least at first, because yeah, Juniper realises if he wants Reggie to actually like him in any way, he can't keep winding him up. So they talk. Small talk at first, something rhythmic and almost easy to keep to a script. And over time that turns into actual conversations. Genuine ones in which Reggie rips out the occasional one of his jokes which Juniper is endlessly endeared about. The way he smiles just before he makes them, like he wants to chuckle at what he's about to say before he says it. That's probably when Juniper realised that he does have some vague crush on him, and that it wasn't going away.

This is what kickstarts John I can't-buy-you-things-to-impress-you-so-acts-of-service-it-is Juniper to do little things for him. It mostly starts off as him trying to make Reggie his tea how he likes it. However, the nerve damage in his arm makes that hard, as the weight of the kettle and trying to pour is hard all of a sudden. And he refuses to accept that, so he tries for a very long while. Long enough that Crane would go to investigate what was going on. And when he does see Juniper leaning over a cup with the kettle as he uneasily tries to pour it, and when Crane asks Juniper responds so matter-of-fact that his intention is nothing but genuine. And it catches Reggie off guard because Juniper hadn't done anything like that up to that point, and his very apparent vulnerability is so clearly on show.

It shifts something between them.

From that point on, conversations are longer, more familiar. Both of their attitudes soften, and Reggie makes more jokes. Juniper learns how to better use his left hand while strengthening his right back to a point where it could be used again. Slowly, they're both spending time with one another not because they have to, but just because they can. Little bits at first, not too far outside what they already were doing, but those little bits turned into long bits to a point where the other person's company was genuinely desirable.

As time passes, Juniper probably realises that he doesn't genuinely know much about himself or what hobbies he's into, because he never really had the time when he got big, and his home life in his youth wasn't bad, but it wasn't picturesque. I think Reggie would pick up on it, and absolutely try to introduce him to some things he's into. Some things stick, other things don't (corn husking very much stays Reggie's passion, and John will go with him sometimes because it's him, but it's not something he strongly cares for). Crane introduces him to a lot of music, and it's something that becomes a staple between them, with tracks they listen to more than others (tragically, I know relatively little about 60s music so I couldn't really say what). Occasionally they dance, never anything intense, think slow dancing, but the closeness is nice.

Through all of it, Juniper is battling the worst crush of his life, and he can't stand it, because I think he struggles to read people since he doesn't have anything like a script or a director to refer back to, so he has no idea if Reggie likes him back or if he's just desperate for that to be true. I think because of that any sort of confession between them would be incredibly raw, not only because of the time they live in making it hard for them to be truthful about how they love, but because it's a complete show of Juniper who's worked to be this better person. I don't exactly know how that would go, mainly because I don't have one set version of their dynamic, this post is just a generalisation of main consistent points.

Reggie does like him back, because he's gotten used to Juniper being just this guy, not a figure in the public eye, not a Zoraxis lackey, and not any sort of Agency operative (despite being under their care to some degree). He's someone he genuinely cares for, because they've given one another the time of day to learn one another, and I think because Reggie was a field agent, he was a lot better at reading Juniper than Juniper was at reading him. Eventually Juniper's company becomes something he could see around him for the rest of his life, and I think he accepts that he likes Juniper a lot more gracefully.

I think any affection directed at Juniper would at first be met with him feeling a little muddled. Reggie was a very physically affectionate person when he could be, and sure the initial flirting with one another came with the occasional little touches, but everything now was so deeply intentional. I also don't think Juniper would almost ever get over the novelty of being able to kiss him, or many other gestures, because it made the fact that they were together so very real, and it was great. I do think it comes easier to Reggie, and it's a big way of showing how much he cares, so it's important for Juniper to try and show it back because he knows how much it means to the other.

I like the idea of them eventually living with one another, too. I think Juniper would have always had a quiet little daydream of sorts where he does just live a domestic quiet life, and he can with Reggie (well, as close as they can get between the Agency and Zoraxis always being at odds), and he loves that, and he loves him, and it's immense.

I think they cook for one another a lot, it helps Juniper work on his dexterity in a controlled environment, which means a lot because it's a huge point of insecurity (that and his scars). He does improve, and Crane is proud of that and shows it and it's great. I also think they'd probably cook together too, because they can deal with being in the kitchen together and they work well with one another. It's probably a good way for them to unwind because over time they can do it in relative silence.

As I said before, I also think music is a staple in their household, and that Reggie listens to things on vinyl almost all of the time because he likes the background noise. Sometimes Juniper will catch him chuntering along to the music which he finds endlessly endearing. I wouldn't put it past his dramatic ass to also join in to fluster Reggie, but I also don't think Reggie would mind that terribly because Juniper has listened to the music enough to know the lyrics, and that's huge to him.

I don't think they are without rough patches, no relationship is, but I think the good part about them is that they're willing to talk about it (... eventually). They're used to long conversations, and while they're often less fun conversations, they're needed and they know that, and it works out.

Alright. I think I'm done for now. I haven't mentioned everything, but this definitely got the worst of it out of my system. If you ever want to hear any specific thoughts my ask box is open but other than that, behold my general dynamic for these two which has been festering in my head for years. I think they're great

#ty right-agent for explicitly telling me that this would be welcomed you a real one #i had a massive babble to my friend abt what if they all feed me to the hounds for speaking #and he said “girl that fandom is like 12 people big they need you to speak” and yeah that also helped #i have a hard time talking if I'm not asked/prompted to that's why i adding tags is great for me. that and i like the format #anyways.#THESE TWO.............dear lord can you tell I have been unwell abt them forever..#this is propeganda (/j) for them. btw. please you have to understand the potential here. it's so good.#it's slowburn <- my (probably) demiromantic ass cannot handle romance without a build up and this set up is perfect (it will never happen)#also i find it easier to write ANYTHING between these two from Juniper's perspective because i find it easier to get into his head #idk reggie is like the gay version of the: what is he thinking of? i could take a bear in a fight. audio ive heard.#whereas with juniper i have him trapped under a microscope #im going to tag this now so i can use the remaining tags to RANT #ieytd #john juniper #reginald crane #junicrane #starstruck #i expect you to die #<- being BRAVE!!!#when I get really excited i start getting like this internal shaking feeling and uh. yeah this rant started that #the worst part abt that is it also triggers my tourettes so like. double whammy. excited about blorbos? jail :(#but. yeah I uh. yeah. sorry this IS so long..I did warn but . AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHAUUUUUUAHHHHHHHHHHHHH #also i did this rant in 2 parts. last night and this morning so yeah uh. yeah.#god im so messed up about these two #make me a boat by the family crest came on while wroting this and while it's mainly a roxanix song to me......AUUUUUG.....#i struggle to find music for these sillies because they have such a specific vibe to me amd I've not quite managed to find something which -#- genuinely feels correct for them and it drives me up the WALL #GOD NIGHT SHIFT JUST CAME OF SHUFFL.....all my ieytd songs are coming out to drive me up the wall.......#FINISHED I've been adding tags as I've gone alonga #thank you for reading hope you enoyed and if you didn't im sorry

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shoyoist · 6 months

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omfg 😭

#₊˚ପ⊹ soliloquy .ᐟ‍#i saw that post going around #the one about “which character would you remove from a show for a petty reason”#and like listen #i fucking despise the character trope: “boo hoo i have such big dreams but i was born powerless in a place full of powerful people 🥺🥺”#“but then One Fateful Day i became the CHOSEN ONE”#“and hence began my journey to becoming the MOST POWERFUL OF ALL TIME!!”#genuinely i HATE that entire character archetype #and i was about to say with my full chest that i want deku completely wiped off the face of earth #because he's a trademark for that type of character yk and i HATE him so fucking much #but i realized just in time that the op loves deku 😭#and now that would be rude of me if i said his name in the tags to that post #so i'll say it here 😭😭#for a more petty reason i also want him gone because i want uraraka for myself </3 #i cannot bear to watch her resigned to her fate of being the male protag's love interest/his wife at the end of the series #like my pretty girl you deserve so much more than that #perhaps if they don't end up together i will allow him to live #unless and until them?? i want him GONE

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poorlittleyaoyao · 9 months

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horrible realization that this fandom……. has made me get what the New Criticism dudebros were talking about (even though I still don’t agree, because viewing any text in a vacuum would make me an extremely bad history major).

#at the end of the day I continue to be a transactional reader-response theory girlie BUT WITH CAVEATS #Caveat 1 being that the nature of infinite interpretations means that you can’t assert that any particular response is Objectively Correct #Caveat 2 being that authorial intent and broader context of genre/culture/time period/etc DO take precedent when attempting objectivity #the personal meaning one derives from the work from one’s own schema can be whatever and that’s fine #but you need to understand it as PERSONAL MEANING which cannot be inflicted on others and has no bearing on the work’s INTENDED meaning

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hajimehinata · 10 months

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i gave you all i had, i did

day 5 : sacrifice ( from @adfaugust )

all he’s ever done, he did it for this family.

tyler’s long been used to hours of work with little reward, underpaid for hard labour and chalking it up to his family name. the world’s out to get him, he’s always known it, has been told so time and time again by the holt matriarch. and he knows better than anyone that sharon wouldn’t lie, has been an honest woman from the day she was born. if she ever was dishonest, it’s cause she had to be, cause she wasn’t given another option. but ma’s honest, gets her way through respect built from her steely and admirable nature. sharon, impossible not to respect with her fingers poised elegantly around a cigarette. lord knows tyler gladly picked up that habit for a few stolen seconds of her company. always wishing blindly to soak up her presence, as if it would somehow cure him of his own inferiority, childishness she frowned upon. he always feels adult standing next to her — ’cept for when he don’t, when he feels like he’s quakin’ in his boots just being near her. tells himself it’s because he loves her, because he can’t stand the thought of her coming to harm. knows that he’s her protector and that’s all he is, and for a holt, that’s a blessing. no higher honour than to be at sharon’s side, making sure their shitheel of a pa don’t try anything.

never strikes him that he might be thinking backwards, that the person he’s afraid of is the very person he loves the most. so wrapped around her finger he can’t see it for what it is, embraced into her perfumed storytelling, lies that sound like the truth, until tyler can’t help but believe in her. she’s his ma, and she needs him, everyone does. shoulders heavy burdens so she don’t have to, under the firm belief that he had a choice, but that no sane man would choose the other option.

what man would leave his ma to suffer all alone? none that are mannerly or polite, none that really care for her. tyler’s signed away his life, all twenty-five years of it thus far and whatever rest of it that cruel fate gives him. quickly revises the thought, since he oughta be grateful for what he has — the opportunity to be there for his ma, for his brothers.

still doesn’t stop the white-hot jealousy from bubbling up in a weary chest when he sees how easily dale and jay are awarded with ma’s attention. don’t know the last time she called him sweetheart — or if she ever has. keeps blindly charging forward, since he knows why dale’s got ma’s heart; no one could hate a face like that or deny him a thing. and jay… as much as he don’t contribute, as much as he ain’t really one of them ( as much as his sensitive nature is rewarded when tyler’s was long stamped outta him, told time and time again that he’s the eldest and real men gotta keep their upper lip stiff ) … sharon’s affectionate towards the golden boy because he reminds her of that sister of hers. that woman who got herself knocked up and imposed herself on her charitable sister, only to wind up dead and leaving her screaming kid behind for sharon to care for like he’s hers.

( and if tyler had to pick up those motherly responsibilities, it’s cause ma obviously couldn’t, not after her own sister had died, and no one could have expected her to be well enough to take care of a kid or her three-year-old and certainly not her seven-year-old little man, the nickname brooke gave him as she pinched a solemn cheek still ringing in his head — )

— but ain’t he the same as brooke, now? running off to save his own skin when dale’s … a sharp pain lancing through his chest, solid evidence of how he’s failed the family. still feels the sting on his cheek when ma told him clear as day — he ain’t got this, he wasn’t responsible enough, never good enough. and selfishly he wonders how long he has to sweat and toil for … her approval, but he’d never say that. sharon don’t give out praise that ain’t earned, and tyler never earned it a day in his life. no matter how hard he worked. no matter how little he slept. no matter how kind he was to his charity case of a cousin.

and he’s doing everything he can, even if ain’t good enough, even if it ain’t perfect. tells himself this is the best he can do for the ones he’s lost — protect himself cause he’s the only one left to protect her. when dale’s gone, pa’s in some hospital after his act of cowardice, and they had to leave jay behind when the cops were too close for comfort. he’s the only one left, and sharon’s safety’s all that matters. they come up with a plan, her and her only child, and there’s an unspoken understanding that passes through ‘em. the knowledge that they’re all they’ve got anymore, that they have to stick together.

it’s everything he wanted. least, he thought it was. until jay shows back up on their doorstep and tyler’s left to stare. a brother back from the dead and the short-lived attention from his ma itching at the back of his ribcage. forced to think horrible thoughts, wondering if it was jay all along who took this from tyler. if sharon’s affections were only doled out to the youngest boys because that love’s finite, and because jay just had to be difficult, ruin things by taking that book and killing dale, the sting of a motherly slap across the cheek still smarting. can’t accept that he wants more than he’s got, so it’s jay’s fault. that festering itch getting worse until it’s damn near unbearable. it’s jay on the doorstep of the cabin and not dale, not his baby brother who sat on his lap and babbled to him in half-formed sentences, who didn’t leave him ( didn’t leave the family, comes the mental correction ) to go galavanting off in the woods.

still, tyler takes first watch. is used to staying up and expects that neither ma nor jay will wake up for a second watch. maybe he’ll catch an hour or two, but he ain’t counting on it. more important that sharon gets her rest, and it’s not like tyler trusts jay to stay up and keep an eye out. not after he found out about brooke, the long-kept secret that shoulda been told to him long ago, so he could understand why he’s gotta make it up to the family more than ever. if anything, he thinks maybe jay’ll try to slink out and talk to him. the lie weighs heavy on his chest, but it’s the most sensible solution. ma needs to go on the motorcycle, and jay can survive out here in the woods. if tyler stayed ( and his chest constricts at the mere thought ) … he’d die. still, even though ma knows that, it’s still his duty to stay back. even with this busted leg, even with his lack of familiarity of the bush of two rock. when jay wasn’t around, the solution was simple. now, it’s staring him right in the eye. his imminent death. the same fate as dale. loving jay, then dying for it.

the door creaks open, and tyler’s heart squeezes in his chest seeing it’s ma. it ain’t rare for her to seek out his company, whether it’s to unload some stresses or just cause he’s smoking at the same time as her, but that weary heart still jumps when she does. hard and clear evidence that he’s doing something right. but that brief hope gets squashed like an insignificant insect as soon as the words leave her mouth. can we talk about this canada thing?

shoulda known she was coming out to ask about it, silently curses himself for not realizing sooner. remembers the other mistake he made, telling jay about his real ma, and braces himself for a scolding that thankfully never comes. sharon’s not a petty woman, and she’s moved onto more pressing matters. wondering why jay can’t have the prized seat next to her on the bike. wondering all that when she’s whip-smart and definitely smart enough to know tyler’d die if he stuck around back here. and it all comes flooding out. a juvenile confession, practically sobbed out. a desperate begging for love he’s always thought he was above. is it so wrong to want to live? is it so wrong to want a shot at life even when it’s long over? all his life, he’s given her ( the family, he hurriedly corrects, because even now, he can’t stop the helpless fawning over her ) everything he has, everything he is. and here he leans against the cabin post, staring up at the consequence bearing over him like a giant. finds himself scared and utterly alone in the face of this insurmountable beast.

he just wants to live. and if that’s gotta mean just surviving from here on out, he wants that. if his fate was never to live his life, he’ll mourn it and bury it alongside dale. clenches his fists and jaw and tries not to let the grief consume him, crush that bad leg before he’s even got a chance to try to keep going. wouldn’t dale have wanted him to live? wouldn’t dale have wanted… and it feels blasphemous to even think, but wouldn’t dale have wanted his happiness? couldn’t sharon have loved him enough to want that for him?

but it can’t be about dale and it certainly can’t be about sharon, so it’s about jay, the boy who got everything tyler wanted just by being. who whines and gets his way, the eternal favourite and the one dale eventually left tyler behind for. but tyler knows he can still win. he’s just gotta convince jay to stay back. and he does. feels that affection he always had for the kid come back full force, all babyish smiles and hints of wisdom he don’t think even jay knows he has. tyler will miss him. he gets that now. wishes blindly and with all his heart that there were three seats on the motorcycle, even if the thought of sharing ma with jay was nauseating just an hour ago.

tyler trudges back to his world, leaving jay to his own. greets sharon with a weary look, disillusioned like he hasn’t been in a long time. no longer is he excited to be the only one left. misses his brothers, both of ‘em, like hell. but at least he’s got ma, his sole purpose for as long as he can remember. something nettles him about that. maybe it’s just that jay taking off didn’t make him feel any better.

that’s what he sticks with until one night at the church turns into two, and then three.

and tyler lays with his cheek pressed against a dilapidated floor and wonders. do we get what we deserve?

#as dusk falls #tyler holt #sharon holt #adfaugust2023 #pan writes #this is obviously inspired by the cabin scene and my intense feelings about it #and there's a lot i could say about it but i will say that this fic does not paint sharon positively #people do not seem to realize that both bear AND sharon have seriously abused their kids ESPECIALLY tyler #and the cabin scene really shows how for the first time in his entire life tyler is having an intense breakdown about #the absurd expectations placed on his shoulders #it's baffling to me that sharon would not stay behind if it meant her kids would be safe #ESPECIALLY since she goes to paul for help regardless!#but because both tyler and jay are so emotionally abused by her ( especially tyler ) it's never a question whether she should get that seat #leading to this huge fallout between tyler and jay #which tbf was already coming since we know tyler was dying to tell jay he was adopted #and he is severely in his feelings because he (AND LITERALLY SHARON) blames himself for dale's death #cannot stress enough that if dale dies from the sniper sharon tells tyler POINT BLANK that it was his fault. and similarly in the barn scene #if jay fucks up the two by fours bear LITERALLY tells tyler 'weren't you watching him? what's wrong with you?'#so like this isn't something tyler is just making up in his head. people ACTIVELY assign him responsibility over his brothers #in any case the point is atp tyler is DISABLED and there is no way he can make it on his own. leaving him there IS a death sentence #and while jay probably doesn't realize this there is no WAY sharon doesn't. why else would she abandon him and latch onto paul?#and i know she tells paul a different story but she is HEAVILY established as a liar/unreliable narrator in that chapter so #ANYWAY. i have normal thoughts and feelings about sharon and tyler's abusive ass relationship /lie

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keingleichgewicht · 1 year

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YET ANOTHER [very funny] / [deeply sad] dichotomy in how hua cheng is pleasantly, openly, immediately willing to resort to bloody murder* if anybody says anything remotely cruel or derisive about xie lian in his presence (*if murder would be inconvenient e.g. if it would make xie lian sad, then he will also settle for being the pettiest bitch imaginable forever); on one hand i have not stopped laughing about the image of xie lian napping on hua cheng's shoulder and hua cheng unflinchingly giving everybody in the room the "If You Wake Him Up I'll Fucking Kill You" evil eye the whole time; on the other hand it stands in vicious contrast to xie lian's own utter disregard for what is said about him, or how he is treated, or for his own health or safety or dignity point-blank, and what is hua cheng's protectiveness if not a move of desperation, because when it's other people he can at least do something about it, but when xie lian starts saying these things about himself, well then,

#tgcf #tgcf lb #it speaks #xie lians constantly nonchalantly putting himself in the path of danger he dismisses his own pain thoughtlessly he says #things like oh dont worry im not scared of drowning yes i dont have any spiritual power but ive drifted on water for months #at a time plenty of times before lol!!!!! not like its gonna kill me!!!!#and every time you can feel the pressure on hua chengs poor broken heart cranking up horribly because he really cannot #fucking bear to hear it but he also really really does not know what to do about it. if its other people then you can beat them up!#which thank god hes really good at! but when its xie lian himself saying these things with the usual bright unfading ^_^ smile on his #face thinking nothing of it. Well Then What #what can you do about it. how can you survive it. im just saying i think its very justifiable that hes a little unhinged on the subject

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toytulini · 1 year

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hit tag limit on the last post cos i started talking about roller coasters again 😔

#toy txt post #wish there was a way for me to like. Do. something. with my roller coaster hyperfixation. but im not an engineer i dont want to design them #thats so scary and i couldnt be a ride op cos im scared of riding most of them (disclaimer I KNOW HOW SAFE THEY ARE THATS NOT THE PROBLEM #I DONT HANDLE THE PHYSICAL EXPERIENCE OF THRILL RIDES FILLING ME WITH ADRENALINE VERY WELL IT CAUSES ME PAIN #i do not enjoy it. but i love to see coasters and watch them and read about them 🥺 and also sometimea i read about. the incidents which #felt like very foolish at first like okay this isnt gonna help me get comfortable riding them but honestly actually it did help?#to see how many of the incidents are like. truly like either freak accidents or someone fucked up #but like the rides safety mechanisms usually are very good and not the reason for an accident. most errors seem to be like. act of god or #like. operator or rider error. and some of the operator errors are kind of terrifying BUT ALSO seem like things that can be prevented #maybe the new wave of unionizing in the us will sweep into theme park employees and make sure theyre paid well and recieve good benefits #and that they are not pressured to prioritize profits or faster throughput at the expense of safety. and (really optimistic i know) maybe #we as a society and culture can unlearn our systemic fatphobia to the point that its doable to turn someone away for being #too big to ride safely without making them feel like shit or like its their fault and MAYBE we'll even possibly just maybe figure out how #to make rides that can actually accommodate larger guests safely so they can participate in the fun without fear or bodyshaming #logically i know theres no way to remove 100% of risk and that there is still heightened risk especially for ppl w various #medical conditions but idk i think we as a society can keep theme parks and do them well. i believe in us.#i should go to more of them....ive been to like. not that many but i do still have favorites #hershey my beloved. i LOVE how visible all the coasters are all the time i LOVE the skyview going right through great bears track #i hope i can go again this yr and see the new wildcat 🥺 absolutely not going to ride that fucking thing but i am definitely going to stare #at it. jenn if youre reading this i cannot fucking believe you got me to ride og wildcat honestly #p sure that rattle gave me a headache and i would not do it again that was a rough fucking ride lol but im glad u somehow got me into that #i have. such a complicated relationship with being peer pressured onto rides lol #like on the one hand i do need that a little bit or i definitely wont do it but on the other. being forced onto comet as a child was #slightly traumatizing and definitely marked my turn from wanting to ride all the coasters to jot wanting to ride anything #to my parents credit on that one they do recognize it as a mistake and were sorry about it like immediately so i dont hold it against them #but also dont. force ur children to ride coasters lol. but i do need to go spend a day at hershey just forcing myself to ride great bear #over and over. fav coaster best coaster. its so fucking loud. its shaped so good. pretty color scheme. its constellation themed #i do love and am obsessed with how hershey packs all those tracks together like that it looks so cool i love to see it #candymonium right at the entrance like that is Extremely distracting very immediately

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moe-broey · 8 months

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Oh okay so tumblr's tag system and organization is just incomprehensible. Understandable. Not even sure what to do about that tbh LMFAOOO

I WAS finally gonna change the "other's art" tags retroactively since I have a moment I might as well chip away at it. But the two I did change still show up under "other's art", and also looking at "my art" for SOME INEXPLICABLE REASON posts that aren't even tagged with anything relating to the words "art" or "my" (<- I THOUGHT I WAS ONTO SOMETHING HERE I THOUGHT MAYBE THE CONVO TAGS WERE TO BLAME) they. Appear. In that tag. WHY. LIKE. ONE POST THAT'S LITERALLY ONLY TAGGED AS "TAG GAME" IS IN THERE WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

And only I don't even know what to do now. Now my blog organization is ALL fucked up I've been tagging other people's art w "the gallery" and like. Do I change that now???? Do I move on forever forward????? Do I go back to "other's art" as it's more self-explanatory?????? I do like the whimsey of "the gallery" I want every artist who gets tagged that to have a mental image of me framing their work and putting it on display in a museum.

AUGH

#i still don't like the idea of having an art blog though bc i'm stubborn. you cannot separate my art from me.#you WILL experience the full range of me being annoying it comes with the autism which results in the art. you understand.#i also like being at least a little bit unseen a little bit unknowable (<- guy who bears his entire heart to the world voice)#(<- guy who WILL go in great detail and over explain it at great length voice)

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celestial-sapphicss · 8 months

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#so i just finished s1ep2 of the bear (i don't really get it so far but ok)#and there's this scene where the main character calls up his sister and tells her about the mental shit that has been happening with him uk #and like even though this feeling is always there but lile i can't help but feel like my life would have been so much better with a sibling?#like one id have good relationships with uk???#and ik ik found family and forming meaningful relationships outside is an option but like in this capitalistic individualist society? is it?#anyways that's not the point it's that there's always stuff no body in the world would get except people who grow up with you innit?#be it school or hometowns or families and it would have been nice to have someone help me not feel this complete overwhelmness all the time #and without me feeling like im exaggerating or thinking that the person would judge me or having to keep telling everything repeatedly #but then i think would that even matter when I am the one who's the problem and like can't work to form that connection with anyone?????#like i for the life of me cannot share anything beyond the surface level or without making a joke out of it #and it seems funny but i trivialise so much of the fucking shit that happens so obviously no one takes it seriously not their fault right?#and like how fair to my friends that i literally almost always been superficial and lowkey untrue with them in exchange for their honesty???#at this point i feel like i don't even know what i truly feel or truly am because whenever i look back at my past self im like wtf #idk most of the times it just feels like being 'stuck' in a glass container and me not 'letting' anyone in if that makes sense?#ik im being very annoying about it but im just so tierd of feeling like this its been a decade & its way too long to constantly feeling dead #and im so fucking stubborn in my sadness that i won't even go get help after years of crying about wanting it & now finally having resources #it's like this mental block which i can't seem to remove and i feel like even if i do get help ill still be untrue so what's the point!???#yeahhhhh anyways i'll delete this later i don't journal so tumblr will have to make do #vi.txt

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piplupod · 9 months

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racist homophobic misogynist uncle and boomer granddad are going to be here again this evening -_-

#also we're going to the lake today which is ... exciting idk fdsjkl #i am bringing sketchbook and podcasts bc i did not sleep well so idk if i want to spend much time in the water sdfjkl #trying to brace myself for tonight but i really just cannot fsdjkl it was SO BAD LAST TIME Y'ALL #he was saying shit about how white privilege is a load of woke bullshit and that homosexuals shouldnt exist #AND I KNOW THATS LIKE. 101 BIGOT TERRITORY. BUT GODDD my fragile constitution cannot handle it rn honestly #plus theres some personal hurt of like. my mother just expects us to all smile and nod and she will just keep conversing w him #and not attempt to chnage the subject even ??? so this is like ''this is okay and acceptable that he thinks you shouldn't exist :)''#coward behaviour on her part. with a mix of her own bigotry lol bc she has essentially told me i shouldnt exist before so 👍👍👍#idk i just feel so weak and stupid for not being able to grin and bear it easily like i am just so weak idk. other ppl have it so much wors #this shouldnt be so hard to handle fdsjkl i should be able to be around this for a couple nights and not tear my hair out #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

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sagemoderocklee · 2 years

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donating to a*3 does in fact make you a bad person full stop. a*3 is not a 'dream website'. it is a site filled to the brim with racist, antisemitic, homophobic, transphobic, ableist, pedo garbage that's still in beta after over a decade and yall wanna throw your money at that instead of people who are literally going hungry and then tell ppl complaining that their stupid to do so? when it is in fact stupid and a moral failing to refuse to engage with the actual problems of this site... like the way fanfiction is so much more important than real people to the terminally online fandom bitches is truly wild.

ppl complaining about a*3 are allowed to be pissed off about this website and the response to it. it is possible for it to be the only usable website for fanfiction left and still be held accountable for the shit on it. i realize ppl coppin for this dumb site don't get this but multiple things can be true at once and yall pluggin your ears up at criticism of ao3 is why it will never ever change

#i'd say i want yall to keep losin your money to that site #but i'd actually rather yall grow a fuckin ounce of moral decency and donate to ppl in need instead #which is like never gonna happen when these ppl will send hateful messages to ppl with donation posts #talmbout 'im donating to ao3 because you criticize it and i hope you go hungry'#or throwin around slurs cause god forbid you tell a white person their website isn't perfect #and truly truly if you think a fanfic webiste raising 200k in 48 hours isn't fucking awful to bear witness to #then you're actually beyond reasoning with #that money is wasted on that website end of story #you can bitch and moan and whine and talk about all the ways in which ao3 is sOOOoo gOod and it will never be true #because it is provable that this site is scammin yall AND nasty as fuck #like i rlly cannot be online when this site is fundraising #and now i have twitter i see even worse takes #on tumblr my experience is so much more curated because i don’t have a dumb algorithm showing me stupidity left and right

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dmclemblems · 2 years

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This makes me really sad because he thinks people in the Empire would naturally be afraid of him for being the king of another country, as if it’s just second nature to be instantly afraid of him because of that. Even sadder because they went to the same school so even if she didn’t go out much, it’s not like he wasn’t nearby, but because of the war, I assume? he thinks it just... makes sense that someone from the Empire would be afraid of him. 🥺

#Three Hopes #Dimitri #Bernadetta #he's just a giant teddy bear. he's soft and sweet and floofy #I mean sure he will tear off your head like a bear too if you're his enemy but!!! I mean if you're not his enemy... why are you afraid...#but then like I'm the same way I'm soff and good with friends! but if you're my enemy I am full lion #but then I am also not over six feet tall which also means I cannot be a big ol' teddy bear...

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thewhumperinwhite · 1 year

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🔨 Are there any whump tropes that you'd love to see your OC's reactions to even though you couldn't or wouldn't put it into your actual story for whatever reason?

✂ Is there a plotline that you'd planned to write but for whatever reason has been abandoned?

🥇 Pick one aspect of your story that you are particularly fond of. Anything at all.

OOH okay good question. Alright. So.

Hammer: I really really love mind control, and for some fucking reason I have written a vampire story where the vampires don't have mind control!!!! a perfect fuckin opportunity and I have wasted it!!! I think I wanted it to be clear that Karim is stuck with Micah because of Good Old Fashioned Emotional Manipulation and not because of magic, and also because i hate myself i guess.

(i do have a... maybe-canon-maybe-not post-story arc for ATTD that heavily features mind control, which i am Obsessed With, but it would be extremely difficult to write it without a Big Big Spoiler for ATTD so once again I have placed myself in a mind-control-less hell of my own making. 😔

Scissors: It's more of a scene than a plotline, but I had a whole scene plotted out for WKW where everybody's at like a grand ball and Morden tells Thorne to dance with Andry, and Thorne goes into Good Boy Mode and picks up on how funny (and maybe hot) Morden and all the rest of the Falconers think it is when he pushes Andry around in public, and he gets carried away and kisses Andry in front of everybody. Thorne is not thinking too hard about Why Morden Might Like That, he was operating 100% on Make Master Happy So Master Wants To Keep Me instincts, and he's confused afterward about why Andry, who has been starting to very cautiously open up, is suddenly cold as ice again. And then Endure happens before they actually Talk About It.

Buuuuut I couldn't find room for it in To Bid You All Welcome, which was already getting untenably long, and it feels weird to have two different Big Fancy Parties within such a short time span, so it never worked out. sigh

Medal: I really really like my villains, lol, and especially how they fulfill their roles in their various stories. in particular I think the contrast between Morden and Micah (the Vampire Daddy from atykm) is really, like. Funny???

Because, like, Morden is competent and sexy and like... a fairy tale villain? Honestly, he's just a few extra sex crimes away from being a disney villain. if you asked him what his alignment was he would say its capital e Evil. And I don't think he's like a cartoon, really, either! He's just a guy who has a lot of power and thinks he's entitled to more social status than he's been granted, and he thinks he Gets To burn the whole world down if he wants to, and he's having fun doing it. So he's always a balance between Genuinely Reprehensible And A Real Threat while also being, like... "likeable" is maybe not the right word but like. Fun To Watch, certainly.

And meanwhile Micah is like... the exact opposite of that. What appeals to me about him is that he is, stripped of all artifice, Deeply Pathetic. He's just a sexual predator with magic powers. The only thing he's good at other than Being A Vampire is sensing other people's vulnerabilities and exploiting them (and he didn't even get that right tbc: he has Deeply Underestimated most of his coven and they're going to fucking Get Him pretty soon). So he's a really fun balance too, because i get to figure out how to make it clear that he is Not A Criminal Mastermind, he's just privileged and confident, without lowering the stakes of the story--he's a pathetic old man, but he also has the power to Literally Ruin Everything.

...this got longer than i meant it to be lmao BUT basically the thing I am proud of is!! the way both of these Evil Men fit into and improve their stories while..... also being exactly What I Want From My Whumpers at different times 😁

#asked and answered #noncon kissing #(only mentioned but just in case)#listen. sometimes you want your villain to be sexy and compelling and like. Fun To Watch #bc when the Sexy Charming Villain loses his cool its Extra Scary #and sometimes you want your villain to be like. a fundamentally insecure pathetic white boy #bc the fact that somebody so insignificant has so much power over your whumpee makes it even more clear how vulnerable they are #And Thus It Is Extra Scary #also what morden and micah have in common is that they are Very Proud And Vain #which makes them appealingly unpredictable bc like. if they feel like their power is threatened. You Are In Danger #and i just think thats very cool and sexy 😌#(the difference between them is that I have keep trying to rearrange the planned final scene or wkw so that morden doesn't For Sure Die #and i cannot WAIT for the coven sisters to murder micah with their bear hands lol)#UHHH anyway lets see #wkw extras #atykm extras #about the blogger

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