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negasonicimagines · 3 years

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Tell Me I'm Not Funny

Request: darkandmysteriousbutheartofgold!ellie and wholesomeanddoesn'tunderstandwhyelliedoesn'tlikeher!reader where they're both part of the friend group but ellie just thinks reader is straight and messing with her pls

Notes: I don’t usually write MCU!Peter, so if he comes up in any future fics (like as the reader’s stepdad 👀 I’ve loved spideypool longer than I’ve loved Negasonic) you can safely assume it’s Andrew Garfield. But, for this time, this is MCU!Peter. Everyone in the friend group is 18-20, just to be clear.

This really isn't my best work, but it's a fun little slice of life piece. A lot of my ideas are pretty cinematic, I can picture them in my head but sometimes those pictures don't really translate into words. I may revisit this one day.

Warnings: D-slur (reclaimed by Ellie in one line), allusions to prior assault (an unwanted kiss that could've been more had another character not stepped in), and that's about it. Oh, and a little swearing, but this is an imagine for a character from Deadpool. If you can't handle swearing, you're on the wrong blog.

Synopsis: You’re into Ellie, but she’s with your good friend Peter. She treats you like you don’t even exist, and in the few instances she does acknowledge you, it’s usually just to make some sarcastic remark. You’re head-over-heels, though, and decide to deal with your unrequited love by writing her a song she’ll never hear.

“Fuck, that movie was terrible,” Michelle groans. “I’m just glad it was a matinee show and we didn’t have to pay as much to see it.”

“The special effects were good, but can’t Disney just leave stuff alone?” Peter agrees.

“Next thing you know they’ll be making a live action Toy Story, as if the original wasn’t traumatizing enough. I don’t want to imagine Watermelon as a sentient being. She’s seen some shit,” you snicker.

“Who’s Watermelon?” Ellie asks with a dark chuckle, and you clam up. How had you forgotten she was here?

“Oh, uh, nobody.”

“Don’t tell me you still sleep with a stuffed animal,” she snarks. “You really do need to grow up.”

“Don’t be mean, Ellie,” Peter protests.

“Watermelon is cute, everybody likes cute things!” Yukio adds.

“I think a live-action Toy Story could be cool,” Ned says. “It’d look really good if they did stop-motion animation.”

“Oh, you’re right!” you chirp. “It’d be quite the undertaking, but it would look badass.”

“I think you’re using that term a little loosely,” Ellie grumbles, and you have to stop yourself from frowning, instead you laugh it off. Why does she always pick on you? Sure, she’s got a witty remark for everybody, but she’s way harder on you. It hurts, she really is so gorgeous and funny and mysterious and everything you want in a woman, but she acts like she can’t stand you.

Ellie and Peter head off together, Peter still hasn’t gotten around to getting his license and Ellie seems happy to give him a ride. You really don’t stand a chance.

You and the others pile up in MJ’s SUV for some late-night band practice.

“I don’t know if I can do it,” you admit to Yukio in the furthest row back.

“You can,” she insists. “You’re a way better singer than Lola, anyways.”

“I’m sorry about that. I didn’t mean to give her the wrong impression, I-”

“For the millionth time, Y/N, you didn’t. If she hadn’t left the band, we would’ve kicked her out. Not just for cheating on me, but for hurting you.”

“I guess,” you sigh. “Why can’t you sing instead?”

“Because I’m flat.”

“Yukio, breast size doesn’t have anything to do with singing ability, you’ve just gotta practice,” you joke.

“Shut up!” she giggles, punching you in the arm. “Plus, when you sing, the songs are being sung as they were written. We’re getting the real feelings.”

“Speaking of… I have something new I’m thinking about sharing tonight. Do you mind if I text you the demo?”

“Ooh, a first look! Hell yes!”

You text her the audio file and she puts in a wireless earbud, nodding along. Her smile gets wider and wider as she listens, and when she’s done, her assessment shocks you.

“Oh my gosh. You’re into Ellie.”

“What?!” you squeak. “No way!”

“You are! But, uh-”

“Don’t even say it. I know I don’t have a chance in hell. She only tolerates me for the sake of you and Peter.” Despite the gloominess of your tone, Yukio gets a mischievous glint in her eye, it confuses you. But, that’s just Yukio. Her thoughts are all over the place; she and Ellie balance each other out that way. They dated a couple of years ago, but it didn’t work out. They decided they were better off as friends.

“Screw that other song, we’re using this as the lead single. Everybody’s gonna love it, do you have the sheet music?”

“Yeah, uh, it’s in my bag.”

“Awesome.” Yukio’s grinning like she’s won something. Is the song that good? “We’ll have to practice this one a lot, we definitely need to have it ready by the concert this Friday.”

Right. Liz’s 19th birthday party. Apparently Peter had convinced her to let the band play, it’d be cheaper than hiring a more established artist.

“Our first paying gig? I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” you remind her. She scoffs and rolls her eyes.

“We’re mostly gonna be playing covers of Liz’s favorite songs, and she only has so many. We’ve gotta beef up the setlist with originals, and this is perfect! Has that pop-y fun vibe, it’ll fit right in.”

“Yeah, but if it’s that obvious how I feel about her after one listen-”

“Only because I already had a hunch after Daft Pretty Boys,” Yukio clarifies cheerily, and you sigh.

“Fair enough.”

The gang makes it to Michelle’s house, travelling down to the side door and going into the basement from there. MJ’s parents have encouraged her creativity from day one, and were ecstatic when the band was formed. You speculate that they’re mostly happy that she’s made friends. Writing and photography can be lonely hobbies.

“Y/N has something new for us!” Yukio chirps.

“That fast?” Ned’s surprised as you hand him the sheet music. He skims it. “Holy shit, this is a wicked solo! Thanks, Y/N!”

“Well, I’m hoping highlighting everybody else’s talent will disguise my lack thereof,” you chuckle.

“Don’t be stupid, we’ve all heard you sing backup,” MJ says. “You’re Ryan Ross, she’s Brendon Urie. I’m just glad we booted her out before she decided she was gonna be the only pangolin in The Pangolins.”

Everyone laughs at that.

“Let’s try it,” Michelle continues, and everybody agrees. After a sound check and a few runs of the song, it’s still clumsy, especially on your part. You’re not really used to playing and singing at the same time, outside of backup vocals, which require far less focus.

“I suck,” you mumble, but it happens to be into the microphone.

“You don’t!” Ned insists.

“With that attitude, we’re not going anywhere,” Yukio says. You hate it when she gets to the tough love stage of her support. You wish she’d stay in the shallow reassurances stage, it’s easier to brush off. “You wouldn’t be the lead singer if we all thought you sucked. We would’ve just put an ad in the paper. You’re awesome, get over it!”

You sigh.

“Fine. Thank you.”

“Say it,” she insists.

“I’m awesome,” you huff, it’s hard not to smile when Yukio tries to look serious.

“Damn straight,” Yukio says. “Or, I guess not, considering that was about Ellie.”

“Yukio!” you squeal.

“That’s about Ellie?!” Ned exclaims.

“Obviously,” MJ scoffs, fiddling with her tuners.

“Is it that obvious?!” You can’t help but feel embarrassed. Ellie probably knows exactly how you feel, maybe that’s why she dislikes you so much. Her boyfriend’s stupid friend has a crush.

“Wait, but at the beginning…” Ned trails off, before laughing. “Oh my gosh, I get it.”

“Get what? Oh… Y/N, have I ever told you how much I love you?” MJ asks.

“I- I love you, too?” You’re puzzled by their words, but you’ve got enough on your plate.

“Let’s go ahead and practice some of Liz’s favorites while we’re here,” Yukio suggests. “It’s a pretty big set list.”

You practice until dinner, getting a pizza and deciding to make a night of it since it was a little late for Michelle to be dropping you all off at your assorted residences.

You all sleep on a pallet in the basement, and despite your worries, you manage to get some rest.

Over the next few days, The Pangolins practice at every free moment, until it’s finally time for the party.

“So, just pictures of everything?” Oh, shit. She’s not supposed to be here. How are you supposed to sing that song with her here?

“Yeah! I know with how many people are coming, I’m probably not going to get as much time as I want with everyone, so pictures will be a good way to remember the night.”

“Why not just invite less people?” Ellie wonders.

“I want all my friends to be here,” Liz explains. “How’s the sound check going, Y/N?”

“It’s going great,” you say into the microphone, demonstrating the quality and volume with a smile. “Thanks for letting us play here tonight.”

“Well, Peter said you guys are great. Are you really gonna debut your best song so far tonight?”

“Oh, um,” you stutter, stepping away from the microphone. “Maybe not.”

“What? Oh, come on, please, it’ll make the night even more special! You’re playing covers of all my old favorites, sing me my new favorite!” Liz presses, but she’s not being demanding or bratty, she seems genuinely excited.

“If the birthday girl says so, who am I to say no?” you concede. Hopefully Ellie will be too distracted taking pictures. “You have way too much faith in me.”

“If you don’t quit with the self-deprecation, I’m gonna duct tape your mouth shut,” MJ interjects.

“But, Daddy, how will I say my safe word?” you tease, giggling at your own joke with the rest of the group. Yukio’s laugh seems the loudest. Ellie glares.

“We should practice a song!” Ned suggests.

“Ooh, a private show!” Liz seems excited.

“Any requests?” you ask her. Ellie’s resting scowl intensifies. If she’s more pissed off the more you open your mouth, you’re not sure how she’s gonna survive a night of you singing without going nuclear.

“Oh, oh, Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne, please?”

“You’ve got it,” you agree.

The song goes smoothly.

“What happened to the old singer?” Ellie asks, clearly unimpressed.

“You didn’t tell her?” you ask Yukio, grateful for the excuse to turn away from the sharp-tongued girl you adore.

“Didn’t want her to get the wrong impression,” Yukio explains. “She already makes enough rude comments towards you.” Yukio leans over her drum kit to give Ellie a pointed look.

“Oh, wait, shit, I didn’t mean it like that. You, uh, sound good, Y/N.”

You can’t help but whip your head back to look at her with a flabbergasted expression.

“What?! It’s true,” Ellie defends herself.

“Uh, yeah, but you just said something nice. About me. Liz, do you mind checking her for a fever?”

Liz obliges for the sake of going along with the joke before quickly withdrawing her hand.

“Jeez! I know you were kidding, but she’s burning up,” Liz declares.

“My internal temperature is higher due to my mutation,” Ellie quickly explains, looking a bit bashful. “Besides, I say nice shit about Y/N all the time.”

“No, you don’t,” the whole band says in unison, including you.

“Well, clearly I shouldn’t if everyone’s gonna make a big fucking deal about it,” she retorts, rolling her eyes. “I’m gonna go get some pictures of the decorations before there’s a bunch of fucking people here to block them.”

She stomps off in her heavy boots, and The Pangolins get back to work, putting on the final touches and making sure all the blocking looks right.

Soon enough, guests start flooding in, and Liz zips around to greet them, eventually meeting up with Peter and keeping him with her. He and Liz eventually pull Ellie away from her picture-taking, confident she’s done enough and needs to just relax and enjoy the party.

So much for distracting herself with work, she thinks.

They sit on the couch and eat, the dining room was monopolized by The Pangolins due to its elevation and space.

Ellie’s mesmerized by the way your fingers move until she hears Peter talking to Liz. They really are a cute couple.

“You really do need to hang out with us. Yukio told me Y/N thinks Ellie and I are a thing,” he says.

“Gross, you’re like my annoying little brother,” Ellie remarks.

“And you’re like my bitchy older sister,” Peter retorts with a shit-eating grin.

“Both of you, quiet! They’re about to play the new song. You’re in for a real treat, Ellie.”

“What does it have to do with me?”

Liz gives Peter a confused and slightly irritated look.

“I haven’t said anything to her, I didn’t know how,” Peter squeaks, blushing a little at the look in his girlfriend’s eyes.

“Explain, quickly,” Ellie demands.

But, then you start to sing again.

“Y/N-” Peter starts.

“Shut up.”

“But you asked-”

“I said, shut up,” Ellie insists.

“You know me as your boyfriend's goofy friend. I seem to have this effect on women, and your friends aren't as goofy as I am. I try my best to keep you entertained, always laughing at the jokes you are saying. I nod my head when you make a point, oh oh…

“Kiss me, kiss me with your eyes closed! Whisper that your heart shows all I want is you, yeah, you… Hold me, hold me I'm your bunny! Tell me I'm not funny, tell me I’m legit! ‘Cause I feel weak, in your hands and your feet… A precious end, I’ll never feel your touch…”

Ellie continues to listen to the song, all expression drained from her face. All the yearning in the words and your voice, all you want is…

Ellie looks at Peter, who’s looking at her with a triumphant smile.

“I told you.”

Ellie feels like she’s about to faint. She notices you’re talking to Liz— when did she leave? —your hand over your mic. Despite the knowledge that Liz is taken, Ellie gets jealous. You look so happy to be talking to Liz, to just about any girl you talk to.

She wishes you’d smile at her that way.

You nod at whatever Liz said, and the band starts packing away their instruments. Liz sets up her phone on some Bluetooth speakers, and songs that sounded so much better when you were singing them start to play.

No! Ellie internally protests. Sing for me again, please, sing that stupid song about how you think I don’t like you.

Yukio’s dragging you somewhere. Gosh, Ellie wishes it was her holding your hand.

Suddenly, though, you and Yukio are approaching her. She knows what she has to do.

“So, what’d you think of our- Eek! Finally!”

Ellie parts from the kiss to tell her to fuck off and not ruin the moment before kissing you again.

“Holy fucking shit,” you breathe. “Uh, I thought you were-“

“Dating Peter?! Seriously?! Do I need to write ‘dyke’ on my fucking forehead? I practically already have with the way I dress and act and-”

“I, uh, I try not to make assumptions,” you mumble, fingers touching your lips.

“I’m, uh, sorry for not asking.”

“No, it’s- It was good. I’ve wanted you to do that for a while. It’s just that that was the first time somebody’s kissed me, since, uh…” Your eyes dart to Yukio, who’s ruffling Ned’s hair and laughing.

“Yukio?!” Orange flickers in Ellie’s eyes for a moment, but she keeps it under control.

“No, no, of course not, uh… The old singer, Lola. She and Yukio were dating, but apparently I was the one she really had her sights on, and… She was entitled. Thought that because she wanted me, I must want her. That wasn’t really the case, I was already pining over you. Didn’t stop her from forcing a few kisses on me and trying to go further. If Yukio hadn't shown up early with cupcakes, I don’t know what would’ve happened.”

“I am such an asshole,” Ellie says softly. “Can I kiss you again? The right way.”

“I’d say what you did before was pretty right, but sure,” you consent.

Her kiss before had been rough, needy, and impatient. Just the way you like it. This, though, this is gentle, soft, and exploratory. You tangle your hands in her hair and kiss her harder. She moans into the kiss before pulling away, bewildered.

“That was…” Ellie trails off, trying to find a positive adjective that won’t sound to frilly or lovesick.

“A mistake, wasn’t it?”

“Oh, fuck, no. I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time,” she corrects you. “Just- Didn’t really know how. Even when you were kinda flirting with me at first, I just thought you were messing with me, so I- I am so stupid.”

“So am I,” you scoff. “I thought you were dating Peter.”

“I was spending a lot of time with him, but… I was just using him as an excuse to avoid you so I wouldn’t embarrass myself anymore. And I was asking him for advice. I figured if he could land somebody as far out of his league as Liz, maybe I stood the slightest bit of a chance with you. But I kept fucking it up. I’d just get so nervous, all of my compliments would turn into insults, all of my teasing turned into straight-up cruelty. I don’t know how you actually like me.”

“I’m a little bit of a masochist, I’ll admit,” you tell her. “I’m really glad you don’t hate me.”

“I’m really glad you don’t hate me,” Ellie replies, but she can’t help but think that what she‘s really saying is ‘I love you, too.’

She takes your hand, and you two rejoin your friends, swept up in a group hug. They wanted this to happen almost as much as you two did.

#negasonic teenage warhead #ellie phimister #x-men #negasonic teenage warhead imagine #ellie phimister imagine #x-men imagine #negasonic teenage warhead x reader #ellie phimister x reader #x-men x reader #wlw x reader #sapphic x reader #wlw imagine #sapphic imagine #lesbian x reader #lesbian imagine #songfic

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simp4reggie · 4 years

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Found Family

Reggie x Alive!Reader

Word Count: 2,457 Words

A/N: Thank you so much to @shellbeerocks and @dr-rigatoni for looking this over and proofreading. Every comment was appreciated and I hope you enjoy the final product! <3

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Julie is sitting in her chair getting ready for her performance at the Orpheum. The world (well the audience in Los Angeles) was about to get blown away by Julie and the Phantoms. While she seems calm, I definitely am not. See, Alex, Reggie, and Luke made a bad decision the night they were supposed to have a gig at the school dance. They ended up going to this ghost club and meeting a ghost, Caleb Covington, who, looking back at it now, was not a great dude. Now, a couple weeks later, they have three options. They can either perform at the Orpheum and hope they cross over, stay at the ghost club and be the house band for eternity, or get destroyed by these jolts that Caleb gave them to force them back to the club and that's the last thing they want. So, here we are. After some ghostly tricks, Julie was called to open for Panic! At the Disco. However, Julie has to go on in like 10 minutes and the boys are still not here yet.

“Where are they? They wouldn’t do this to you again,” I say, walking back and forth.

“It’s fine. Stop pacing you're gonna make me more nervous than I already am,” Julie replies.

“Sorry,” I said sitting down on the couch. “It’s just their jolts were pretty bad when we left. I know that they’re going to be gone after the show but it’s different knowing they won’t be in pain.”, I sigh. We never got to actually say goodbye to them. Sure, they had a band meeting and I had wished them good luck, but it wasn’t enough. Especially when I’ve fallen for a certain bass player. Reggie and I have gotten really close over the time they’ve spent in the garage. I’m not in high school so I was able to spend a lot of time in the garage hanging with guys. My days consisted of making sure they didn't get into any ‘trouble’. Our younger brother, Carlos, was suspicious enough after dad found three orbs in his picture of the garage.

Anyway, being there all the time, I was able to get to know the boys and become close with each of them in different ways. Luke and I bonded over song writing and some guitar playing. Alex and I would go on little adventures whenever he needed to get away from the other two dorks. Reggie and I bonded the most, about movies and video games and...pizza.

Now, you can understand why I am freaking out a little. Julie turned around in her chair to look at me.

“Okay first calm down. Sit.” I sit. “Now, breathe.”

“I should be saying this to you. You’re the one about to go on stage.”

“Like you said, the boys wouldn’t let me down again. We have to trust them.”

A knock on the door interrupts us. “Julie, I got your roadie,” Rob, the Stage Manager says. Julie goes to open the door and Flynn walks in. Rob then says he’ll be back when it’s time to go on stage. Flynn doesn’t say anything until the door is shut.

“You see this backstage pass?! I had sushi with Brendon Urie.”

“Good for you. I threw up in the car on the way over here,” Julie says, reminding me of that disgusting moment.

“And you still look amazing. I made friends with the tech crew. You’re gonna love what we have planned.” Flynn looks around. “The guys are here right?”

“No. They're not,” I say, upset

Flynn looks surprised. “Wait. You don't think they changed their mind and took Caleb’s over, do you?”

“No. That's the last thing that they wanted.” Julie looks at both of us sorrowfully like she’s trying to convince herself that too.

Flynn stands next to Julie facing the mirror, “You’re gonna kill it,” she says. I stand up from the couch and stand on the other side of Julie. We all hug each other and go back over the couches to have a few snacks. Little did we know, shit that was going down on the other side of Hollywood.

After about 10 minutes, a knock disturbs us, bringing us back to the reality of the situation. Julie and I look at eachother.

“Hey Julie. It’s time,” We hear Rob say.

“Just a second!”

“What are you going to do? They’re still not here yet. I knew something was wrong. They wouldn't do this,” I say, starting to freak out. I start to panic, thinking about how much pain the boys must be in. What if they're just sitting somewhere alone with those jolts, hurting. No one to call for help. No one to be there with them at the end. We should be there. What if they’re already gone? No. They can't be. Stop thinking like that (Y/N).

“(Y/N) stop you’re not helping anything,” Flynn looks at me sternly, nodding to Julie, who looks like she’s going to cry.

“No. She’s right. The jolts were getting bad when we left and they wouldn’t leave me alone again. They must be gone.”

The idea of never seeing Reggie again set in and I broke down crying. I’ve never had a relationship with a guy like I've had with him. As much as I would love to hug him and kiss him, it was nice to meet a guy and just be able to talk to. He listened to me and I listened back. He told me all about his parents and their fights. I’ll never be able to hear him play his bass again, watch him go on stage doing the one thing he was born to do. I miss him so much already. I miss all of them. “Why did this have to happen? We didn’t even get to say goodbye.”

Flynn walks over to give me a hug.

“Hey, Julie. You’re on,” Julie then runs out of the room. Flynn lets go of me to run after her.

I get up knowing I have to be there for my sister. As much as I want to sit here and cry over what I lost, she lost something too. These boys helped her through so much. I didn’t think I would ever see my sister sing and play piano again. I leave the room and see the stage manager facing the stage door. I go outside and see Julie looking up at the sky, crying and talking.

“...supposed to help the guys, we didn't. They’re gone and I’m so sorry. They were my friends, my band, my family. Why can't you just come pick me up and hold me in your arms and tell me everything's gonna be okay. That even though they're not here with me, they're still up there with you. I just wish you were here.”

I go over to her and wrap her in the biggest hug ever. For what felt like a minute, we were just there outside the theatre, hugging and crying together over everything we’ve lost. First, our mom, now, this found family we had. A woman walks by and hands us each a dahlia flower. We look at the woman then each other. I grab Julie’s hand and smile with her. She’s definitely listening and looking down on her girls. Julie squeezes my hand and then runs back inside. I try to keep up with her.

We see Flynn and Rob standing near the stage. Rob starts to tell someone over his headset to tell Panic! to go on now. Julie goes up to Flynn, shows her the dahlia, says “Signs.” then marches right up on to that stage.

“YES JULIE!” I screamed! Flynn and I walked closer to the stage, so we’re standing in the wings.

“Hi I’m Julie. I would like to dedicate this song to my mom, who’s been with me every time I played and for not giving up on me. I would also like to dedicate tonight’s performance to three special friends,” Here come the waterworks, “who have changed my life completely, who have brought music back to me. It was their dream to play here; this is for them. This song is for anyone who’s lost their way. Step into your greatness. Don’t give up. Stand tall. Thank you,” By the end her speech I was full on crying. Flynn and I were holding on to each other for dear life.

Then Julie started singing.

Don’t blink

No, I don’t want to miss it

One thing, and it’s back to the beginning

Cause everything is rushing in fast

Keep going on never look back

And it’s one, two, three, four times

That I’ll try for one more night

Light a fire in my eyes

I’m going out of my mind

Whatever happens

Even if i’m the last standing

Ima stand tall

Whatever happens

Even when everythings down

Ima stand tall

I gotta keep on dreaming

Cause I gotta catch that feeling

Whatever happens

Even if i’m the last standing

Ima stand tall

I’ve heard them rehearse this song so many times I knew when everyone was supposed to come in, so when I heard the drums I thought I was going crazy. Then I looked up to see Alex smiling at Julie. After a couple more lines I see Reggie pop up. He looks at Julie and then looks over at me. We stare at each other for what feels like a century. He’s really here. My heart swells at just the sight of him standing in front of me. After I compose myself I wave at him. He winks back at me. If he wasn’t in the middle of performing and I wouldn’t fall through him, I would run up to him and give him the biggest hug.

Then there was one. One more to complete the band. Then Luke starts to flicker, but he’s not staying. “C’mon Luke. C’mon Luke,” Then just when his line comes up. He’s there.

I’m going out of mind.

The crowd goes nuts. They're electric out there and they know it. Luke and Julie are feeding off of eachother like it’s the last time they will ever sing to each other. Which it might be. I couldn’t stop looking at Reggie. I went from thinking they were gone to them singing in front of me. I need to burn this memory into my brain forever, knowing they will cross over after this.

When it gets to Reggie’s solo, we lock eyes and don’t let go.

Whatever happens

Even if i’m the last standing

Ima stand tall

He starts walking over to me still on stage. I take this as an opportunity to yell “I love you Reggie!!”. He winks and mouths “I love you too.”

At the end of the song, they walk to the front of the stage to take their final bow. Then in a flash, they’re gone. Julie looks around, thanks the audience, bows again, and walks off the stage. We immediately hug, our boys are gone.

When we get back home, Dad, Carlos, Julie, and I are in a conga line singing Stand Tall. Julie and I say goodnight to dad then head out to the garage. We walk in tears already coming to our eyes.

“I know I already said this, but thank you guys,” Julie started.

“You really changed our lives,” I finished.

“You’re welcome,” We heard in the dark room.

Julie runs to turn on the lights, and we see the boys lying on the floor, groaning and in visible pain. I run over to Reggie to grab his hand but remember that I can’t touch him.

“I thought that you guys crossed over. That your unfinished business was done,” I cry.

“Well obviously playing the Orpheum wasn't it. We wanted you to think that we crossed over, so we pretended to. We just...we had nowhere else to go,” Luke says with red rimmed eyes.

“We thought you would go straight to bed,” Reggie adds.

“Yeah well, I knew they would come out here but nobody ever listens to me,” Alex groans.

Julie and I try to convince the guys to go back to Caleb’s club. It’s better than not existing at all.

“Please, go. You’re just hurting yourself,” I say to Reggie.

“No. We’re not leaving. I’m not leaving you.”

I look over and see Luke and Julie by door and hear Luke say, “Music is not worth making Julie if we’re not making it with you.” I looked back at Reggie and he nodded. I went to grab him knowing that it wouldn’t work but I yearned for his touch. To my surprise I felt his hand. He looks down with wide eyes and doesn’t let go. A ring of light starts to glow around him and he stands up. He looked up at me and gave me the award winning smile I fell in love with. After a moment I saw him look behind me I turned around to see Julie and Luke hugging. I wrap my arms around Reggie and hold him as close as possible. He pulls away and puts his hands on my face. We lean in until his lips are on mine and it makes me think about what I almost lost. I almost didn't have this.

“Aw, look at the lovebirds.” I hear behind me. I pull away from Reg and see Alex behind me, smiling. I walk over to Julie and Luke. “Alex, Reggie, get over here.” We form one big group hug and see the purple signs on their wrists lift off and disintegrate in the air. We hug one more time and jump around for a couple seconds.

We stand in a circle and I look at each of them. I think of all the moments that we had and how one fateful night changed all of our lives. Who knows if Julie would ever have played piano and sang again? I think about the two new best friends I’ve made and how my life will never be the same without them.

Finally, I think of Reggie and how even though he might be a ghost, some higher power beyond my imagination knows we should be together. Something caused us to be able to touch. I look up at him to see he’s already looking at me. I grab his hand and put my head on his shoulder. I never want this moment to end. I look at everyone again and feel the biggest grin appear on my face.

Our little family is here to stay.

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Thanks for reading! If you have any suggestions/requests please feel free to send me a message!

- Maddie xoxo

#julie and the phantoms #julie and the himbos #jatp reggie x reader #jeremy shada #jatp x reader

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jerakeenc · 3 years

Text

many kidfics i’ve read and loved

look who’s reccing a million year old fics now. kidfics, very many. posted to dw for snowflake, thought I’d copy here as well. will be reading most, if not all. if you don’t hear from me again, this list is the culprit.

101 Ways To Get Lucky (In Love) by lenore

18,200 words | SGA, McKay/Sheppard

Rodney McKay is rich, gorgeous and at the top of his game—except someone just moved the goalposts! Now Rodney realizes he is sorely lacking the one status symbol that everybody seems to have…the perfect family. Rodney needs help, so he hires a relationship coach. Single-dad John Sheppard may be an expert, but not when it comes to his own relationships! And every day he spends with Rodney makes him wish that he could be the one to fill the vacancy in Rodney's life…

A Beautiful Lifetime Event by astolat

29,000 words | SGA, McKay/Sheppard

Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.

An Earlier Heaven by regann

67,400 words | X-Men, Erik/Charles

In the wake of Cuba, Charles and his students are ready to pick up the pieces and work toward achieving Charles's dream of a safe haven for young mutants. Those plans, however, take a surprising turn thanks to a very unexpected complication. As he slowly builds a future for his students and for his child, Charles struggles with the loss of Erik and the secrets he's willing to keep to protect his family, but those strides are shattered when Erik makes a startling reappearance into his life. [mpreg, kidfic, ensemble]

And everything nice by noelia_g

30,200 words | Social Network, Mark/Eduardo

The one where Mark somehow ends up with a child and of course needs a nanny for the amount of time he spends at the office. Only problem is a string of nannys keep trying to get into his pants for what he assumes is his money. Cue Mark's assistant hiring a male nanny, enter Eduardo.

asking to be born by longtime_lurker

26,500 words | Bandom, Pete/Patrick

"Don't worry, it's probably just his big gay freakout," Andy yells cheerfully and unhelpfully into Patrick's ear as they're hustling Pete over to the nearest private clinic.

Better with You by harriet_vane

38,100 words | 1D, Liam/Louis

Based on this prompt at the kinkmeme:

Single parent and solo artist Liam Payne hires Louis Tomlinson to be a full time nanny to his four year old son Sammy. Although the two men don't quite click from the start it's love at first sight between Sammy and Louis. Eventually Louis and Liam warm up to each other and get on like a house on fire, in fact the two become a little too fond of each other.

I refuse to apologize for how sweet this ended up, okay? It's kidfic, I am forever writing kidfic, and this one is even kid-fic-ier than usual.

Can't Get Enough of You (Baby) by eternalbreath

22,100 words | Inception, Arthur/Eames

Eames vanishes from dreamshare and Arthur goes a little crazy looking for him until he stumbles across him -- with a baby.

Chelsea, Chelsea, I Believe by empathapathique

300,800 words | Hockey, Kane/Toews

Patrick meets a girl his rookie year.

Don't You Shake Alone by dsudis

62,180 words | Generation Kill, Brad/Nate

Nate looked exactly like Brad always pictured him: exhausted in the full life-in-a-combat-zone sense of the word.

Dude, what's a bulwark? by kellifer_fic

12,150 words | Teen Wolf, Derek/Stiles

Beacon Hills is the kind of small town where everybody knows everybody, and what everybody knows is that surly diner owner Derek Hale and free spirited single dad Stiles Stilinski have been in love with each other for years. If only they knew it too.

Every Other Beautiful World by rhiannonhero

43,280 words | SGA, McKay/Sheppard

Some things are unexpected but still inevitable in every beautiful world.

Forever, Now by harriet_vane

227,100 words | Bandom, Frank/Gerard, Jon/Spencer, Brendon/Ryan, Brian/Greta

Brian rescues kid!Gerard and Mikey from life on the streets, and eventually everyone finds a family.

here comes the sun by oflights

56,600 words | Social Network, Mark/Eduardo

This is a story about growing up, sad 70's rock songs, too much hair gel, "Maxwell's Silver Hammer", a baby with curly hair, a Geiger counter, a dog that isn't named Max, the Chicken Dance, Cheerios, pepper-spray, drugs, sex, and a stuffed chicken named Cluckerberg, nicknamed Cluck. or: Mark raises Sean's accidental baby, and I write the fluffiest thing ever.

I Got a Love (That Keeps Me Waiting) by svmadelyn

163,700 words | Hockey, Kane/Toews

There's a lot of different ways this summary could go, like:

Patrick Kane gets more than a gold medal in Sochi.

Or, the classic: It's too late to pull out now.

Or: Patrick Kane continues to thrive in high pressure situations.

Or: Patrick Kane gets knocked up, goes to White Castle, and finds love, not necessarily in that order.

But, ultimately, all that really matters is this: Patrick Kane is keeping his baby.

I Would Be by cathalin

20,290 words | American Idol, Kris/Adam

AU. Adam and Kris meet a few years down the road, when down-on-his-luck Kris and his young daughter Katherine show up to rent a room from Adam, who never made it to an Idol audition.

Ice Ice Baby by uraneia

51,340 words | Hockey, Claude/Danny

A gold medal isn't the only souvenir Claude brings home from Prague.

OR: The one where Claude gets drunk, gets pregnant, and gets convinced to move in with Danny, whom he's been secretly in love with for years. What could possibly go wrong?

my heart is bigger than the distance in between us by estrella30

15,000 words | 1D, Nick/Harry

Nick chuckles quietly but grabs the remote and follows Emma, Aimee coming up close behind him. It’s indeed Harry on the telly, singing along to his latest radio hit and smiling slowly into the camera far too seductively for half eight on a Friday morning, if you ask Nick. He presses the volume just in time to catch the crowd’s roaring applause and see the pink flush Harry’s cheeks. Nick watches him duck his head as he gives a small wave to the audience, and it hits Nick that Harry is still the most humble and appreciative billionaire Nick’s ever met.

Good job, popstar, Nick thinks to himself.

or, Nick is a single dad and Harry is his bff and it's a bunch of years into the future and they fall in love

Once Upon a Furry Octopus by skoosiepants

11,270 words | SGA, McKay/Sheppard

He was an intelligent, intuitive pet, but he wasn’t going to start sniffing out ZPMs or hidden Ancient weaponry or detailed instructions on how to kill a Wraith with a common household item. A pen, for instance.

Reconcilable Differences by astolat

40,000 words | Smallville, Clark/Lex

Luthor Family Values.

Shelter by harriet_vane

63,500 words | Social Network, Jesse/Andrew

From the kinkmeme prompt: Some sort of AU vaguely based on Shelter! For whatever reason, Jesse has to take care of Hallie and give up his dream of being an actor. He ends up working in a dead end job when former, now successful friend (Andrew) returns home. They fall in love, etc, only Jesse can't go away with him because he has a responsibility to his family. CUE ANGST.

Show Me The Way Back Home Baby by stilinskisparkles

15,000 words | Teen Wolf, Derek/Stiles

In which Lydia and Jackson produce the world's cutest baby, and the pack goes crazy-- the good kind of crazy. Except for Derek, who is afraid of tiny cute babies and Stiles who plans to be the best Uncle ever. Even if Danny called dibs on Godfather.

Skybird by windsweptfic

33,785 words | Inception/White Collar, Arthur/Eames

Arthur and Eames adopt a kid and raise that kid into Neal Caffrey.

Small Cells and Fibers by sevenfists

7,830 words | Bandom, Frank/Gerard

Tuesdays were finger-painting days. Frank made sure to wear his oldest pair of jeans, because even with his full-length apron and his constant reminders that paint belongs on paper and not on clothing, he always ended up with tiny, multi-colored handprints all over his clothes. There wasn't a thing he could do about it, so he just wore pants from 1995.

Small Primes and Square Roots by liviapenn

12,500 words | SGA, McKay/Sheppard

"I hope you picked someone really intelligent, otherwise it seems like it would be kind of a waste. Of incubation time, if nothing else."

So Wise We Grow by deastar

81,250 words | Star Trek Reboot, Kirk/Spock

"Commander Spock, we have located your son," the Vulcan lady on the screen says, which would be great, except Jim can tell by the look on Spock's face that he's never heard of this kid before in his life. "If it is expedient, the child will be sent to join you on the Enterprise within the week."

Something Better by lovelypoet

18,350 words | Bandom, Frank/Gerard

"We all have to take jobs we don't like sometimes, you know?"

The Next Time You Say Forever by Thistlerose

27,300 words | Star Trek Reboot, Kirk/McCoy

After his ex-wife's death, McCoy is forced to leave the Enterprise to look after his teenage daughter. Under normal circumstances, this would be the end of…whatever it is he has with Kirk that's more than friendship, but less than what he wants. But the universe has other intentions.

The Reeducation of Misters Kane and Toews by jezziejay

15,900 words | Hockey, Kane/Toews

In which Kaner sort of has a kid, and Mr. Toews doesn't know which of them is the bigger brat.

AU featuring teacher!Jon and hockey-player!Kaner. With bonus 'Hawks characters, love notes, pasta jewelry, Be Better Pizzas, pirouettes, a sprinke of angst and guest appearance by Derek Jeter.

The Road Delivered Us Home by keelywolfe

117,430 words | Hobbit, Thorin/Bilbo

In the years since Bilbo left Erebor, he has lost his respectability, gained a nephew, and gotten on with life at Bag End.

He'd left aside adventure for the comforts and peace of his little Hobbit hole, and for the love of a child who needed him. Though perhaps, adventures can yet find him.

This Story Was Brought to You by Our Sponsors by scaramouche

29,500 words | Supernatural, Dean/Castiel

Dean's post-apocalyptic life is a friggin' soap opera. Romance! Angst! Separations! Reunions! Pizza Dinners! A Child Dean Never Knew He Had! It's all very dramatic.

throw a little sparkle all over it by etben

26,000 words | Bandom, Frank/Gerard

"Hey, Ma," Mikey says. "No, everything's fine—well, I mean, Gerard accidentally adopted a baby—no, he's changing her now, he can't talk."

Tiny Houses by ohmyjetsabel

77,130 words | Teen Wolf, Derek/Stiles

"So this is what Stiles does. He lies in Scott’s bed and waits for Melissa to say she’s found someone to get it out of him, to cure him of the wrongness and the bad, and he dreams.

God, he dreams.

He dreams of fire and swollen bellies and that scene in Alien, of giving birth to jackals through his urethra, the whole horrific nine yards. His head is a terrible place to be, he can’t imagine his stomach is much better, why anyone would want to put a thing inside of it."

Tip, Slide, Tumble by j_s_cavalcante

42,900 words | due South, Fraser/Kowalski

Ray knew when he found the body in the alley it was going to change someone's life. He just didn't expect that life would be his.

Turn by saras_girl

306,000 words | Harry Potter, Harry/Draco

One good turn always deserves another. Apparently.

Unless it's lies or it's love by sprat

25,300 words | American Idol, Kris/Adam

In which Adam (a rock star) meets Kris (a single dad) at an Emergency Room in Arkansas at the end of a particularly shitty night. Also features: San Francisco, fresh starts, baked goods, OCs, cameo appearances by Matt and Megan, pirates, monsters with garbage heads and a recording studio.

What Child Is This by lamardeuse

30,150 words | Merlin, Arthur/Merlin

A modern AU with Merlin, Arthur, mayhem, a baby and a jingly elf hat.

What to Expect by arsenic

29,200 words | Bandom, Bob/Mikey

Mikey has his band, and his little girl, and that's enough. Really, it is.

Winter's Children by neery

66,890 words | Marvel, Bucky/Steve

When their attempts to recreate the super soldier serum failed, Hydra started trying to breed Captain America clones from his genetic samples. Unfortunately, the serum's effects aren't passed down genetically, so instead of an army of tiny Captain Americas, they get a bunch of tow-headed, asthmatic, allergic, immuno-compromised little Steves.

And then the Winter Soldier stumbles across Hydra's failed experiment...

With Six You Get Eggroll by speranza

31,000 words | due South, Fraser/Kowalski

"Kick 'em In The Head: A Guide To Parenting."

ETA: Bonus! Because I apparently lost my bookmark for this one but have the memory of an elephant for kidfic, so it came to me eventually. :D

A Farm in Iowa 'Verse by sheafrotherdon

166,000 words | SGA, McKay/Sheppard

John inherits a farm, Rodney ends up entirely out of his element, and there is much ado about baseball.

#kidfic #recs

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sfthearts · 4 years

Text

Sunshine part 4

This took me too long for 0 reason but it’s cute and it’s hella fluff so enjoy

It had been almost 2 months since Adelaide and Brendon met, and they had been inseparable ever since. Every chance they got they were either talking to one another on the phone or physically with each other, linking hands and sharing little soft kisses on lips, cheeks and foreheads. Brendon had developed a preference for kissing Adelaide’s forehead, solely because it made her smile up at him with such a wholesome look, he thought he might melt on the spot. Adelaide deeply enjoyed kissing his cheeks, and each freckle she saw upon them, and she especially loved when he was waking up from a nap and they were flushed pink. They both took quite a liking to each other’s lips on their own, however.

Brendon had grown to love Pumpkin, not that he wasn’t already a fan, and even joined Adelaide on her morning walks with Pumpkin sometimes. He began to love his time Pumpkin so much that he even had considered adopting a dog of his own.

Brendon spent much of his time with Adelaide thinking about how beautiful she was, inside and out, and Adelaide found herself doing the same of Brendon.

Brendon had recently joined a band that was gaining a lot of traction, and combined with Brendon’s solo projects getting their own attention online, things were starting to pick up quickly for him. Adelaide had recently gotten a promotion at work as well, so all in all, both of them were absolutely ecstatic with life.

It was a calm Sunday afternoon, and Brendon and Adelaide had devoted their day only to each other. Adelaide was curled up on Brendons couch with her head in his lap as he played with her hair, a vinyl softly played from his record player. They’d talk every once in a while, but mostly they just enjoyed each others company. Brendon truly felt blissful for at least an hour, however Brendon began to grow restless.

“Hey, you wanna go for a drive?” Brendon says to Adelaide as they laid lazily on his couch in each other’s arms.

Adelaide nods in response, smiling up at him. She hated to admit it so soon, but she would follow this boy anywhere he asked her to go.

She was falling for everything about him and she knew it. His kind, soft eyes that squinted up when he smiled, the way he already would do anything just to look out for her even though they’d only met a couple months prior, the sweet and soft side of him that seemingly only came out when he was speaking directly to her or about her, all of it. To her, he was perfect. He constantly reminded her how beautiful he thought she was, and she loved that. She wasn’t used to that kind of attention, and it felt strange at first, but she found herself slowly growing to enjoy it. She would often try to give him the same reassurances, but he always brushed them off.

Brendon felt his heart skip a beat when she smiled up at him so softly. He matched the smile as Adelaide stretched, and the two walked hand in hand to Brendon’s car. He unlocked it and opened Adelaide’s door, helping her inside and closing it once more. He settled in his own seat, and headed off down the road.

Adelaide looked out the window at all the passing cars and buildings, getting lost in her thoughts. She doesn’t hear Brendon when he asked her a question until he gently placed a hand on her leg, rubbing it slightly with his thumb.

“Oh sorry, what?” She said, shaking herself from the daze she was in.

Brendon chuckled and repeated himself.

“You doing okay over there cutie? Too warm? Too cold?”

Adelaide shook her head and smiled.

“Perfect” she stated, and grabbed for Brendon’s hand to hold. He happily obliged and took her smaller hand in his. She absentmindedly stroked her thumb over the top of his hand as he drove. Brendon noticed quickly and smiled, the soft motion helping soothe any anxieties he was feeling.

Adelaide looked like she was off in her own world again, and Brendon began to worry.

“Is everything okay? You just seem like you’re somewhere else today” he asked, looking over quickly before putting his focus back on the road. His brows scrunched up with concern.

“Yeah, yeah I’m okay. Just thinking” Adelaide says quickly, bringing his hand up to her lips to kiss it.

Brendon feels his anxiety wash over him like a wave. “Thinking? About what?”

“About you. All good things, don’t worry.” Adelaide confesses. Brendon smirks when she says this.

“About me? Well pretty girl, I’m thinking about you too. I’m always thinking about you.” He says sweetly.

“I’m always thinking about you, too.” she replies as her heart melts.

“Adelaide I… I really, really like you.” Brendon tells her sincerely.

“And I really, really like you.” she countered quickly.

Brendon took a quick breath before finally saying what had been on his mind for a while.

“We’ve been seeing each other for a couple months now and I knew from the minute I saw you that I was all in, and I hope you are too, and we spend a lot of time together now so I was wondering… Adelaide, would you officially be my girlfriend?”

Her face broke into the biggest smile she’d ever smiled.

“Yes Brendon, yes!” She says excitedly, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek.

Brendon suddenly pulled the car off to the side of the road. Before Adelaide had a chance to question him, he explained with a smile.

“I had to pull over so I can kiss you properly,”

And kiss her properly he did.

Once they were both out of breath, cheeks flushed, and lips swollen, they decided to get back on the road and continue their little scenic drive. Her hand was firmly clasped to his for the remainder of the trip, and a slight smile remained on both of their faces.

Brendon pointed out some large homes off in the distance, telling Adelaide about a few parties he had somehow managed to attend there.

“Brendon! I can’t believe you snuck into mansion parties in the hills!” Adelaide chastised him while laughing. He laughed as well, stating that there was no way he’d have the guts to do it now, but a few years back he’d been a lot more daring.

They chatted and giggled some more, as Brendon navigated them along the narrow streets.Brendon had driven this same path many times before, when he needed to clear his head, and Adelaide was happy to join him this time.

He drove with no destination in mind, just until he came to a dead end. Usually he had turned around by this point, but he was enjoying their time together. He liked exploring with Adelaide, even if it was just exploring the residential streets of Los Angeles County.

“Well, where to now?” He asked, turning to face his dream girl sitting in his passenger seat.

Adelaide craned her neck to look up at the sky, noticing what looked to be storm clouds nearby.

“I think it’s gonna rain, let’s head back to your place and make hot chocolate!” She said excitedly.

Brendon chuckled and nodded at her request, turning the car back around and heading in the direction of his house once more.

Once they arrived, Adelaide practically skipped to the front door and bounced as she waited for Brendon to catch up. She could smell the rain coming soon, and the sky was almost black with clouds.

“It hasn’t rained like this in FOREVER! I’m so excited!” Adelaide said, bubbling with excitement as they walked inside. Brendon giggled at her optimism, making a mental note to try to be more like that.

A thought suddenly occurred to Adelaide as she removed her shoes at Brendon’s front door, just before the sky let out its first big clap of thunder. She gasped and began speaking anxiously.

“Oh my god, Brendon. I’m so sorry, can you take me home? Pumpkin is terrified of storms and I can’t leave him alone, I just didn’t… god I’m so sorry-“

Brendon cut her off with a light kiss to her lips.

“Hey, don’t worry about it. I’ll take you.” He said softly, unlocking the door. Adelaide slipped her shoes back on quickly.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think about him being alone, I was just so excited. Now I feel bad.” She says quietly, walking outside and back to the passenger side of Brendon’s car once again.

“Baby, you don’t need to feel bad. I’d be more than happy to hang out at your place instead, if you’re okay with that?” Brendon offered.

“I’d love that.” Adelaide replied.

The drive was quick to her apartment, and they got inside just as the rain started to pour down in sheets.

“You go find him, I’ll be waiting right here for you.” Brendon said with a soft smile. Adelaide gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before going to find her spooked dog.

She found Pumpkin hiding in her bedroom curled up on her bed, body shaking.

“Hi buddy, it’s ok, I’m here now.” She tells him quietly, laying on the bed next to him and softly petting his head and neck. He scooted closer and licked her hand appreciatively.

“Let’s go sit on the couch, who’s out there?” She asks the dog excitedly, which made him perk up and jump off the bed in a hurry, curious to see who had come to visit him, because obviously anyone visiting the house had come for the dog.

“Hey there pup!” Brendon said happily as the dog bounded into the living room to see him, Adelaide ran to catch up.

The dog joined Brendon on the couch quickly, panting and sniffing and licking excitedly as Brendon laughed. Suddenly, the sky seemed to open up again, and another loud crack of thunder sounded through the apartment, accompanied by a flash of bright lightning. Pumpkin’s demeanor changed in an instant, as he became shy and scared again. He quickly tried to curl up into Adelaide’s side on the other end of the couch, desperately craving her soothing touch.

Brendon’s face fell into a sad frown, as did Adelaide’s.

“I’m so sorry for all this Brendon, if you want to go home you totally can-“ Adelaide started, but Brendon interrupted her.

“No way! And miss spending time with you? Forget it. Plus, there’s no way I’m going back out in that mess.” Brendon said, gesturing toward the window.

“I can go make us that hot cocoa we talked about if you want to stay here with him. Just tell me where everything is and I’ll make you the best hot cocoa you’ve ever had in your life.” Brendon said with a wink and a smirk.

Adelaide giggled at his confidence and told him where to find everything he would need.

“You got it gorgeous. Sit tight, I’ll be right back.” Brendon turned to leave the room, but Adelaide stopped him.

“Oh, and Brendon?” She added as he began to walk away. He turned back around at the sound of her voice.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you. For being so patient and sweet and understanding.”

He smiled softly.

“Don’t mention it.”

#brendon urie #brendon urie oneshot #brendon x oc #brendon urie fic #brendon urie fanfiction

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theexecutionerssong · 4 years

Note

GAELLE HOW ARE WE FEELING THE ALL TIME LOW COME BACK?

EXCUSE ME BUT IM LOSING MY MIND because waking up to them dropping a new song was WILD I almost fell off my bed but!!! if you think about it this past year has been such a wild ride? i can’t get over how much content we’ve had in just a year, like:

All Time Low rereleasing Nothing Personal and touring it was big enough already but now they just went and dropped Some Kind of Disaster and it’s a perfect come back song, like excuse me??

first of all, MCR coming back, I think that’s enough said but it BEARS REPEATING BECAUSE HOLY SHIT THEY ARE BACK AND TOURING AND IT’S PRETTY STABBY???

as if Gerard hadn’t blessed us enough with The Umbrella Academy already

HAYLEY FUCKING WILLIAMS announcing solo music and it’s so close I can smell the hair dye

Yungblud finally blew up and tons of kids are loving him and embracing him, with his incredible lyrics and his cute dresses and his eyeliner

I’m sorry but I need to address this: Josh died his hair again and it was pink and Tyler Is Gonna Be A Dad yes this is making me overly emotional

Fall Out Boy did not only released Believers Not Die Vol. 2, but also new old songs - look at me in the eye and tell me Bob Dylan doesn’t slap, I dare you -

and as if that wasn’t enough, they are going on tour with Weezer AND Green Day playing massive stadiums???? talk about a HELLA MEGA TOUR :)))) btw all 3 of them dropping new songs on the day of the announcement was a damn move and let’s not forget the show that same evening in LA with Sarah Urie livestreaming it? i went feral

Speaking of Green Day, Father of All… and Fire, Ready, Aim absolutely send me, come on give me more already

can we talk about Waterparks releasing Fandom and 15 high quality songs? yes we can

The Maine released You Are OK and have been on tour twice in a year, jesus christ what did we do to deserve this

BMTH deciding to drop an EP out of nowhere filled with the most unexpected collabs, we have to stan

sorry not sorry, but by the way, Halsey absolutely belongs on here because Nightmare? fucking slaps, and every song on Manic is a blessing to my ears, how can you be that famous and still be underrated

Ryan performed Northern Downpour as if that wouldn’t kill me on the spot, the audacity

FUCKING BRENDON URIE is on the Frozen 2 soundtrack??? meanwhile High Hopes has been topping the charts for months

let’s not forget idkhow and the Christmas Drag

I can’t believe I almost forgot but blink-182 Nine dropped just 4 months ago

sum41 is on tour, hello!!!

Counterfeit keeps dropping masterpieces after masterpieces

The Faim finally released their first album and have gone on 3 different tours in a year…… i need a moment, wow

hot milk are having their first ever headline shows super soon and boi am i ready

this list isn’t complete without Palaye Royale and Massacre, the new american dream, holy shit

the rawring 20s are fucking on and i could talk again about it’s probably an almost direct consequence of the rise of facism everywhere but this is a celebration post so i’ll shut up

#gaelle parle #music stuff #Anonymous #you did not ask for this anon but i need to let out my excitement or i'll explode

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hummingluke · 4 years

Text

i was tagged by @redrattlers and @lifewasradical, thank you! your own lists gave me some new songs to check out and also reminded me of some songs i like that i’d kinda forgotten about! okay so this has the potential to be highly embarrassing but let’s go!!

Rules: hit shuffle on your media player and write down the first 20 songs, then tag 10 people. no skipping!

1. I Think We’re Alone Now - Tiffany (yes this is bc of umbrella academy, anyone else find a lot of new music recs through tv shows?)

2. I Think I’m OKAY - Machine Gun Kelly, YUNGBLUD, Travis Barker (there was a whole week about six months ago when this and SAN MARCOS by Brockhampton were literally the only songs i listened to on repeat)

3. June, After Dark - Elliot Root (THIS IS A HUGE REC i think it’s such a romantic song and the way it ends HITS ME every damn time)

4. Roses - The Chainsmokers (yes i hate the chainsmokers but unfortunately i also have basic taste and think they have some pretty good songs pls don’t cancel me)

5. Broccoli - DRAM, Lil Yachty (lol i haven’t listened to this pretty much since it came out but yeah it’s catchy okay?)

6. Prophet - King Princess (my little sibling introduced me to her, i have to admit i don’t usually seek out her music but i have a lot of it saved in my library and i never skip it when it comes up, so she is definitely a rec!!)

7. Unsteady - X Ambassadors (further proof of my basic-ass taste is that this song almost always makes me cry)

8. In Bloom - Nirvana (i only listen to nirvana when i’m angry lol)

9. Wilson (Expensive Mistakes) - Fall Out Boy (confession: sometimes i forget fob exist even though i LOVE every album of theirs)

10. Shake It Out - Florence + The Machine (queen of giving me chills every. damn. time.)

11. You Can Call Me Al - Paul Simon (graceland will forever be my ultimate roadtrip album bc we used to listen to it every time we went on family vacation. if you haven’t heard this song i HIGHLY RECOMMEND)

12. Red Desert - 5 Seconds of Summer (the relief i felt when this came on, i was starting to worry 5sos wouldn’t show up on this at all haha. my second favourite song of theirs ever (after jbh ofc))

13. Gloom Boys - Waterparks (it is with great shame that i admit i still can’t sing glOOooOOooOOooOOm no matter how much i practice. i just don’t have that kind of vocal control 😭)

14. Saturday Sun - Vance Joy (REC REC REC i can’t tell you how many times i’ve listened to this on repeat for literal hours while i write, and somehow i’m still not over it)

15. Keep On Keeping On - Travie McCoy, Brendon Urie (this is like my go-to hype song, like how can you not feel amazing listening to this? and that guitar solo???)

16. Walking in the Wind - One Direction (not only one of my favourite songs of theirs but one of my favourites of all time, and another one that makes me cry almost every time i listen to it, but in a much better, hopeful way)

17. I Miss Having Sex But At Least I Don’t Wanna Die Anymore - Waterparks (honestly i don’t even listen to waterparks that much so i’m surprised they’ve come up twice lol)

18. Everybody Wants To Rule The World - Tears For Fears (every time i hear this now i think of that video of luke in awe of hearing it live and that makes this song very special to me)

19. Africa - TOTO (i mean, what can i say? iconic.)

20. Electric Love - BØRNS (apparently this is a tik tok song now but i’m pretty sure i first heard it through andy deluca)

i’m not gonna tag anyone directly bc i’m pretty sure most people have already done this, but if you haven’t and you want to please feel free to say i tagged you!! i need more new music recs anyway!

#i was scared lol but this turned out really good!#i like to think i have a fairly eclectic music taste but it definitely revolves mainly around rock #how can you even define rock these days though? wHaT Is GeNrE?#and my taste has definitely been influenced by my mum's favourite bands bc we never listened to top 40's radio when i was growing up #only her record/cd collection #i hope you found at least one new song you like from this list!#luca posts stuff

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pentanguine · 4 years

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Songs Asks

1: A song you like with a color in the title Blue Dahlia, by The Gaslight Anthem

2: A song you like with a number in the title August 17th, by The Spook School

3: A song that reminds you of summertime Don’t Let It Break Your Heart, by Coldplay

4: A song that reminds you of someone you would rather forget about Stalemate, by TSSF; Mock, by TSSF; Solo, by…TSSF…you know what, the entire self-titled album does it for me

5: A song that needs to be played LOUD House of Wolves, by MCR (or anything by MCR, honestly)

6: A song that makes you want to dance Johnny I Hardly Knew Ya, by The Dropkick Murphys

7: A song to drive to Cliffs of Dover, by Eric Johnson

8: A song about drugs or alcohol It’s Not Living If It’s Not With You, by The 1975, which also happens to be one of my favorite love songs

9: A song that makes you happy Elle me dit, by Mika

10: A song that makes you sad This Hunger Strike cover by Chris Cornell and Chester Bennington

11: A song that you never get tired of Know Your Enemy, by Green Day

12: A song from your preteen years Well…having just used up Know Your Enemy, by Green Day, I suppose I will out myself as a big fan of Rockstar, by Nickelback, which I used to listen to while playing Wizard 101.

13: One of your favorite 80’s songs I think I’m the one person alive who’s not super into the 80s, but I do love Walk of Life, by Dire Straits.

14: A song that you would love played at your wedding I suspect Heterosexuality is a Construct, by Onsind, would be considered a confrontational choice and not go over well with my family, so…Don Quixote, by Coldplay? Because it’s mostly sweet and upbeat, and part of it was used in another unreleased track called Wedding Bells.

15: A song that is a cover by another artist Going to California, by Amy Lee (Led Zeppelin cover)

16: One of your favorite classical songs Pachelbel’s Canon in D Major, because I don’t actually listen to classical music but I do love the Trans-Siberian Orchestra

17: A song that would sing a duet with on karaoke Uh…Borne on the FM Waves of the Heart, by Against Me? A Part of Me, by Neck Deep? They’re both breakup songs but I can’t think of anything else.

18: A song from the year that you were born God of Wine, by Third Eye Blind

19: A song that makes you think about life Dear Future Historians, by Enter Shikari

20: A song that has many meanings to you Lisbon, by Wolf Alice. I honestly wasn’t sure what to put for this one, but Lisbon always gives me such a confused tangle of emotions, so I guess that’s having “many meanings”

21: A favorite song with a person’s name in the title Donnie Darko, by Let’s Eat Grandma

22: A song that moves you forward Animal Arithmetic, by Jónsi

23: A song that you think everybody should listen to Harlem Roulette, by The Mountain Goats

24: A song by a band you wish were still together I feel like I’ve already mentioned all the bands I’d usually talk about (MCR, The Gaslight Anthem, The Spook School), so I’ll go with Far Too Young to Die, by Panic! at the Disco with their Brendon/Dallon/Spencer lineup. I know they’re technically “together,” if by together you mean Brendon Urie is still using the name, but it’s just not the same.

25: A song by an artist no longer living Werewolves of London, by Warren Zevon

26: A song that makes you want to fall in love Home, by Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros

27: A song that breaks your heart Dasher, by Gerard Way

28: A song by an artist with a voice that you love Sour Breath, by Julien Baker; everything by Julien Baker is incredibly fucking sad, and nowhere is she more anguished than the end of Sour Breath.

29: A song that you remember from your childhood We Will Rock You, by Queen; the first song I ever loved

30: A song that reminds you of yourself Friday Forever, by Trophy Eyes

#i tried not to repeat artists #but coldplay is on here twice #music #ask meme #personal

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thecomedybureau · 4 years

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The 100 Best Things in Comedy We Were Witness to In No Particular Order of 2019

OK, 2019′s officially over and we’ve wrangled our 100 truly favorite things in and around comedy (and it really spans all of comedy) that are not ranked whatsoever. It’s just like the title says and, it’s, as it is every year, quite long, so we won’t waste any more time with this intro.

Oh, in case you forgot and/or curious and/or need a quick refresher, here’s our 2018 list.

1. Rory Scovel Live Without Fear-This documentary follows Rory Scovel and his journey through six nights of completely improvised hour sets. In a single word, it’s inspiring. You see the way Scovel truly connects the audience and keeps it that way through his indelible charm and endless curiosity. The near unbelievable story of the Relapse Theater in Atlanta is also beautifully threaded in the doc as well. The clips of the improvised performances capture the magic that stand-up comedy can be that’s absent from the majority of comedy specials. You should be required to see this whenever and wherever it comes if you have any level of interest in comedy at all.

2. Naomi Ekperigin-From her own stand-up, to her podcast with husband Andy Beckerman, Couples Therapy, and her writing across TV, and everything else she does, Naomi is such an thoroughly commanding, yet delightful presence that we love seeing every time anywhere (and she should already be way bigger of a star already).

3. Cait Raft’s Presentation on “Bradley Cooper’s a Star Is Born Takes Place in an Alternate Reality Where 9/11 Never Happened”-Witnessing the imagination of Cait Raft up close was a privilege for us. This amazing dissection of the zeitgeist left us in stitches and with our mouth agape for how thoroughly it proved its point.

4. Corporate Season 2-The second season of the ultra dark workplace comedy delivered once again on its hysterical nihilistic satire that’s so prescient, yet still so unbelievably funny.

5. Mom-Prov Presents Family Therapy-Improviser Izzy Roland was daring enough to have her mom and her grandmother, both of whom are also in showbiz, to join her on stage for one of the most madcap, fourth wall-breaking, entertaining improv shows we’ve seen all throughout 2019.

6. Jena Friedman-So, this year, Jena delivered yet again with her subtle delivery and calm demeanor that hides her absolutely killer jokes. The follow-up to her Adult Swim special, Soft Focus, upped the ante with an interview of a gun-toting John McAffee and her brilliant Conan set about everyone’s true crime obsession.

7. Brendon Walsh’s Afternoon Delight-This last year, Brendon Walsh let everyone know that he was and still is one of the best at pulling prank calls, which is so much harder now than it was even ten years ago. This live show actually has Brendon place live prank calls in between stand-ups and the ride you go on is absolutely thrilling.

8. Jacqueline Novak’s Get on Your Knees-Novak’s solo show has more than earned its spot as an Off-Broadway show with bringing such an exquisite, almost never before seen comedic sensibility to the topic of blow jobs.

9. #F*ckF*ckJerry-Props to Vulture Senior Editor Megh Wright for sparking the fire to take out the egregious social media accounts of F*ck Jerry that just lifted jokes from comedians all across the Internet without pay or attribution.

10. Lorelei Ramirez-We’ve known distantly about Lorelei Ramirez for so many years, but seeing them up close was a breathtaking experience that had us laughing so hard. Their artistry in comedy that gracefully borders on performance art and even horror is absolutely inspiring.

11. Aaron Urist-Denver’s Aaron Urist is such a killer joke writer and joke teller and has been for years. We just were reminded about that with his burning bush joke during his latest LA trip.

12. Booksmart-Olivia Wilde’s directorial debut was not only a reinvigorated take on movies that specifically hone in on the end of high school, but also had a sincerely hopeful vision of the future generation. We hope that Booksmart finds its way to the top of the coming-of-age comedy films pantheon.

13. Rachel Mac on Lights Out-One of the highlights of Lights Out with David Spade is how unfiltered and raunchy they let comics get during their sets on the show. Rachel Mac took that amount of comedic license and thrived in getting into the nitty gritty about her last teaching job.

14. What We Do In The Shadows-The FX TV adaptation of the seminal Taika Waititi and Jemaine Clement film in 2014 exceedingly succeeds in nailing the comedy of minutia in the world of the undead that also happens to be in a (somewhat) grounded reality.

15. PEN15-Maya Erskine and Anna Konkle’s vision of 2000 and their performances as teens were so spot on that PEN15 would deserve acclaim just for that. However, the heart of this show made its humor stand out in an ever crowded field of coming-of-age comedy.

16. Tiffany Haddish’s Black Mitzvah-A lot has happened for Tiffany Haddish since her last special (she’s a legit A-list celebrity now), but it’s clear that she is still her unapologetically positively, life loving self. This special is evidence of that, especially with her bit about her New Year’s show that she got undeserved flack for.

17. Straw Men-Lindsay Adams, Danny Palumbo, and Sam Wiles (and producer Kimmie Lucas) put on what is our favorite imagining of a comedic debate that we’ve seen thus far. The encouragement to make the most ridiculous, baseless arguments and being transparent about the whole thing is a golden goose of comedy.

18. The ending of Gloria Bell-Well, we can’t very well give away the ending to this English language dramedy remake from Sebastián Lelio that has Julianne Moore shine as bright as she has ever shone before, but just know that we stood out of our seats, applauding what she did to John Turturro right at the end.

19. I Think You Should Leave-Tim Robinson’s unflinchingly absurd sketch series unequivocally has many of the best sketches of 2019. The hot dog costume and Mexican restaurant sketches will have us busting up through, very likely, the next decade.

20. Les Miz and Friends-Bonkers (and we mean that in the best way possible) doesn’t begin to describe how wild this meta and great this puppet and human hybrid take on the theater institution of Les Miserables. The sheer cleverness on every level is awe-inspiring.

21. Dave Ross’ The Only Man Who Has Ever Had Sex-Ross has been a longtime favorite of ours for the contrasting bounciness and darkness of his comedy. His debut album captures this dichotomy perfectly.

22. Nikki Glaser: Bangin’-Nikki Glaser’s first Netflix hour special started off with a bang, pun intended. Her frank, but heartfelt exploration of all facets of sex is so damn funny that Glaser gets away with being as blue as she wants.

23. Super Dating Simulator-This live, interactive version of various Japanese video game dating simulators is one of the more innovative and surprisingly charming things we saw this year. Creator Sam Weller did a bang-up job not only making a video game work as a stage show, but doing so with a very off-beat sub-genre of video games

24. Emmy Blotnick’s Party Nights-Blotnick’s latest album shows Emmy at the peak of her delightful observational powers. The concept of a “Self-Potato” is just priceless.

25. Tammercise!-Folks in comedy are getting all sorts of clever these days to redefine traditional formats and disciplines and push the art form forward. Madeline Wager does this exquisitely with a solo show of a woman unraveling that doubles as legit aerobics class.

26. The Cherry Orchard w/Chad Damiani and Jet Eveleth-Damiani and Eveleth explore a new angle on postmodern clowning by supposedly doing a Chekov play going through dress rehearsal without any of the players knowing what they’re supposed to do. The back and forth between the live direction and the tomfoolery on stage is truly hysterical.

27. Bake Stuff with Lindsay LIVE-It’s about time for a comedic cooking show that actually does teach you a wonderful recipe and also explores and resolves(?) childhood trauma. Lindsay Adams’ Bake Stuff with Lindsay, which we indeed saw live, accomplishes all of that and inspires all those watching to cook through their feelings.

28. Shalewa Sharpe’s So, You Just Out Here?-Shalewa imbues homespun wisdom with marvelously colorful descriptions all throughout this very satisfying album.

29. The Amazing Johnathan Documentary from Ben Berman-The Amazing Johnathan’s life story is pretty captivating as is. The story about Ben Berman trying to tell his story amidst several other people trying to tell his story is absolutely engrossing and is somehow all true.

30. Julio Torres’ HBO special “My Favorite Shapes”-Torres’ special is simultaneously one of the most daring and silly hour specials in recent memory and his elevation of prop comedy to a whole new level is to be commended.

31. The Underculture with James Adomian-James Adomian has been one of comedy podcasts’ most in-demand and bright shining stars. It comes as no surprise that his own podcast that revs up all his characters has some of the best, most dynamic, absurdist interviews in political and pop culture satire.

32. Daniel Van Kirk’s Thanks Diane/Together Tour-Van Kirk’s first, complete hour that he both toured with and released as an album is so impressive with how deftly Dan manages a balance of sincerity and mischief from wire-to-wire.

33. Conan in Greenland-Conan marvelously turns his travel specials series Conan Without Borders on its head by attempting to buy Greenland based off of Trump’s stupid tweets.

34. Mary Beth Barone’s Drag His Ass: A F*ckboy Treatment Program-Mary Beth Barone’s live show exploration into her dating life is illuminating and hilarious throughout, but the actual interview that she does live with a “f*ckboy” is transcendent.

35. Obvious Plant’s Carnival of Toys-Jeff Wysaski AKA Obvious Plant really outdid himself this year in his quest to permeate everyday reality with a satirical twist. He not only made a whole line of custom toy figures that satirize pop culture on so many levels, but opened up a whole pop-up museum for several days to exhibit them in all of their bizarre glory.

36. Sports Without Equipment with Coach Keith Alejo-This Dress Up Gang sketch is one of those ideas that are simple, yet so out-of-left-field. Literally, they take sports without equipment to its funniest conclusion.

37. #Squatmelt-Howard Kremer’s desire to keep the spirit of The Meltdown with Jonah and Kumail alive has evolved into its own very special thing in the form of a DIY stand-up comedy show/walking tour that periodically migrates around LA.

38. Catch-22-Trying to adapt such a monumental literary work like Catch-22 is almost a fool’s errand, but writers Luke Davies and David Michôd do a smash-up job for not only bringing Heller’s immortal words to life, but also sticking the landing for all the darkly absurdly comical moments that run rampant throughout the story.

39. Get Rich Nick-Even if they didn’t have the fantastic banter, riffs, and asides from the very funny duo of Nick Turner and Nick Vatterott, this podcast that explores how to make money real quick is one of the best new podcasts of the whole year. Fortunately, Nick and Nick’s humor runs rampant through every episode and makes Get Rich Nick engrossing and makes you actually laugh out loud.

40. MK Paulsen-The comedy of MK Paulsen can be faster than a bullet, but as satisfyingly silly as a gun that shoots a flag with the word ‘bang’ on it. Every time we see him do stand-up, it’s a fun, rollicking ride that’s equal parts offbeat whimsy, clever wordplay, and an agile sense of timing and play.

41. Father Figurine by Matt Kazman-The dour faces of the family in this dark comedy short play to the highest comedic effect perfectly. A dead patriarch and an apathetic family make for some of the best dry humor in 2019.

42. Funk Shuffle-Danny Cymbal, Dennis Curlett, and Michael Gardner comprise Funk Shuffle, an improv group that manages fly freer and more untethered than almost any other improv group that we’ve ever seen. They make their defiance and experimentation with improv forms really work due to the trio’s unflinchingly playful spirit.

43. Gary Gulman’s The Great Depresh-Gulman, as one of comedy’s premier craftsman, of course, delivers an hour of stellar comedy with this special. He also manages, this time around, to destigmatize depression and, in general, be hopeful. That particular comedy trifecta is such an impressive feat that very few can accomplish.

44. Greener Grass-The scope and ambition of Jocelyn DeBoer and Dawn Luebbe’s directorial debut hints at some really special things to come from them in the future. Their absolutely demented, pastel drenched absurdist vision was a shocking delight through and through.

45. Jenny Slate’s Stage Fright-Slate’s best comedic strength is her unshakeable vulnerability. This hour special lets Jenny present that trait as intimately as she has ever presented it and gives an in-depth look as to where that hilarious vulnerability comes from.

46. Heather Anne Campbell swatting a baby out of someone’s hands in an improv scene-At this point, it should come as no surprise that Heather Anne Campbell is one of our absolute all-time favorite people in comedy and thus, she kind of just ends up making it on this list annually on her own someway, somehow. This year, during a performance of her improv group, Heather and Company, we laughed as hard as we’ve ever laughed at Drew DiFonzo Marks initiating a scene by rocking a baby back and forth and then, Heather insanely swatted it out of his hands and stomped on it. It sounds ludicrous, but trust that Heather made that so unbelievably funny.

47. Adam Cayton-Holland’s Happy Place-Cayton-Holland’s live solo show based on his critically acclaimed book of the same name pulls off oscillating between cleverly wrought and self-aware comedy and some of the most heartbreaking stories you’ll ever hear about his late sister. Holland’s focus and calm make it all miraculously blend together.

48. The Authorized Unauthorized My Favorite Murder Musical-In the world of unauthorized musicals about things that you wouldn’t really think about being adapted into unauthorized musicals (it’s a bigger ever-burgeoning world every month it seems), the staged reading of this My Favorite Murder-inspired musical that we saw was phenomenal. The full stage production to come in 2020 will undoubtedly be something really great.

49. Pedro Gonzalez-Pedro’s jokes are so expertly written and crafted that you forget that he immigrated to America as a teenager from Colombia and learned English as a second language.

50. Garry Starr Performs Everything-UK comedian Garry Starr’s solo show is a genius send-up and celebration of theater as a whole. The physicality and the sheer madness of the whole show are so thoroughly hysterical.

51. Kira Soltanovich-We just want to take a moment to appreciate the agility of the comedy of Kira Soltanovich. Not only does Kira play any room or any show as far as we’ve seen, but her drive is just unstoppable (see ep. of The Honey Dew).

52. Mike Birbiglia’s The New One-Though it seems almost too routine that Birbiglia comes out with a new hour special that garners tons of acclaim for its ornate and complex and, ultimately, very satisfying tapestry of stories, Birbiglia delivers exactly once again with one such solo show/special on fatherhood.

53. Michelle Buteau-We saw Michelle headline just a few months ago at Dynasty Typewriter and were reminded of just how good Buteau is. She combines being heartfelt, having a fun bit of attitude, and an absolute command of the stage in such a beautiful way.

54. Gareth Reynolds’ Riddled with Disease-Many folks know how great Gareth is from his madcap riffing on The Dollop, but Reynolds shows he is fantastic with a sharp, hilarious, yet still fast-and-loose-feeling hour.

55. Sara Schaefer’s LIVE LAUGH LOVE-Sara, above most folks working in comedy today, goes to great lengths to be considerate, inclusive, and vulnerable in her comedy and it’s so, so wonderful because of that. This album is yet another great example of that mix.

56. Sean Patton’s Scuttlebutt-Sean Patton’s latest album is a fantastic note to any and all that Sean is, hands down, one of the best comedians ever to spin a yarn (and also share some damn fine true stories) and deserves way more accolade and attention for that now and going forward.

57. Matt Rogers’ Have You Heard of Christmas?-Rogers had quite a 2019 in putting culture on notice, but his queer and subversive holiday musical extravaganza might be one of the best pieces of holiday themed comedy of all time.

58. The Chris Gethard Show with Robby Hoffman-Not only does Robby Hoffman keep the punk rock, conventions-be-damned spirit of TCGS alive, but she makes it so much her own and lets her hilarious, domineering persona transform the show into another very special, unique round of controlled chaos.

59. The taping of Eddie Pepitone’s latest special-Eddie’s sound and fury and his irreverent stream-of-consciousness-seeming comedy were flawless in this latest hour. Everyone in attendance, including ourselves, were in stitches for the whole taping. Props to director Steven Feinartz for one of our favorite looks of a special that we saw last year (which you’ll all get to see soon in 2020).

60. Eric Dadourian’s closer on Nebraska 2-Dadourian is always all in for the sake of a real bold, imaginative bit and, as such, pulled off one of our favorite closers of the year on his very first full length album.

61. Jessica Kirson: Talking to Myself-Kirson’s hour special on Comedy Central really let Jessica cut loose and let her showcase her stand-up expertise. From the way that Kirson contorts her face to her deep well of voices/characters to razor-sharp quick wit to, of course, her signature asides to herself, Jessica really kills it in this hour.

62. Brody Stevens-Long live the “jock doing performance art” comedy (one of our favorite descriptions of Brody’s comedy by his dear friend Zach Galifianakis) and may he rest in peace. Yeeeees! Enjoy It!

63. Byron Bowers on Colbert-Byron Bowers and his clever, yet sincere, dark, vulnerable comedy put up one of our favorite late night sets this year. From the opening to his frank jokes about his dad make us think that it’s just a little crazy that this is his network TV debut.

64. Desus and Mero on Showtime-With the upgrade of being on Showtime, Desus Nice and The Kid Mero are having the most fun in late night with the freshest voices and format (and they’re able to pull that off with only being twice a week).

65. Fleabag Season 2-creator and star Phoebe Waller-Bridge assuredly has more masterpieces ahead of her, but managing to top herself from one masterpiece season of dark romantic dramedy with another one is something that deserves all the accolades and awards that it has gotten.

66. Kenny DeForest on Corden-Kenny dismantles toxic masculinity so incisively through the whole set that he most certainly earns all the applause breaks he gets the whole way through.

67. Josh Gondelman’s Dancing on a Weeknight-Gondelman is often thought of as one of the best, sweetest people in comedy. This latest album, for all of its being clever and genuine, is proof that he indeed really is that sweet and funny.

68. The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel Season 3-The perennial prestige comedy from Amy Sherman-Palladino earns its keep by having some of the best writing (it’s almost impossible to write jokes that are contextualized for the 50s/60s and make them actually funny for 2019 audiences) and also being one of the most gorgeous looking shows in all of television.

69. Nick Ciarelli and Brad Evans-Whether it be pulling pranks on Twitter, their plethora of hysterical sketches doing an impression of Jack FM on shows around town, or their monthly live sketch character showcase Atlantic City, Nick and Brad are a damn fine comedy duo and have been for quite some time.

70. Caitlin Gill’s Major-It’s quite the magic trick to make an hour of comedy that’s entirely clean and have it being clean not be a thought that you’re thinking about at all when listening or watching it. Caitlin Gill spectacularly does just that with this album as Gill can make all of her earnest rants, imagery, and observations work in any way that she needs to.

71. 97.9 The Rat Race-Ben Roy’s satirical reimagining of a morning radio “zoo crew” is so spot on, then gets real twisted to make this one of the most surprising and rewarding podcasts of 2019.

72. Mike Lane’s Picture Frames-This short film from Lane heightens the idea of remembering those you love after they’ve left this mortal coil to such a ridiculous level every step of the way (and is more and more enjoyably unpredictable the further it goes).

73. Paige Weldon on Corden-Paige’s upbeat self-deprecation is just hard to resist and it makes the best impression in this late night set on The Late Late Show with James Corden.

74. The Righteous Gemstones-Danny McBride’s latest HBO series that darkly and comically dissects the South might be his most ambitious yet, but, of course, he nails it. The constant suspense perpetuated by hysterically tragic characters in the world of televangelists is profound.

75. My Friend Chuck-Comedic erotica author Chuck Tingle (one of the absolutely most unique voices and cadences we’ve heard in awhile) and friend McKenzie Goodwin celebrate their friendship every week for a podcast that’s preposterously funny and, also, more heartwarming than almost anything we’ve heard or seen.

76. Joey Clift’s Telling People You’re Native American When You’re Not Native Is a Lot Like Telling a Bear You’re a Bear When You’re Not a Bear-Clift makes such biting, pun intended, commentary with this short film/PSA that is also so playful that the message about Native identity will undoubtedly stick with you.

77. Megan Gailey’s My Dad Paid For This-Gailey strikes a wonderful balance of charm and attitude and fervent desire to burn down the patriarchy. Such a mix accents her very delightful observations about herself and the world around her in this marvelous debut album.

78. Robin Higgins as Baby Yoda at Tournament of Nerds-Higgins might have made one of the best, first attempts at Baby Yoda cosplay. She also, for what’s supposed to be a roast-style competition between fictional/pop culture characters, perfectly imagined how Baby Yoda would roast someone while maintaining Baby Yoda’s sweetness that has captured the hearts and minds of the Internet.

79. The Man Who Killed Don Quixote-Terry Gilliam went through hell, did a few laps, and came back over several years to get this meta-quixotic tale about reimagining the legendary novel Don Quixote made. The finished film, for us, was worth the wait.

80. Jo Firestone on The Tonight Show-Jo’s sense of play is so pure and present that it’s kind of irresistible. Combined with a perfect amount of self-deprecation, Jo really delivered a terrific set we’ll probably never get tired of.

81. Paul Rudd continues his time honored tradition of playing that one clip of Mac & Me on Conan-Rudd evolves the arc of this long running bit on Conan where, instead of playing a clip of what he’s on Conan to promote, he plays the same exact clip of the universally panned alien comedy Mac & Me. We all know what’s coming and yet, without the benefit of surprise, Rudd’s annoyance of Conan still keeps on being so damn funny.

82. Billy on the Street featuring Reese and Mariah-This year, we were lucky enough to get two instantly classic episodes of Billy on the Street with Reese Witherspoon and Mariah Carey that gave us our fix for our obsession with Billy Eichner yelling at strangers on the streets of NYC.

83. The Dollop England & UK-As Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds embarked on an entire England & UK tour of The Dollop, they thought it prudent to do a mini-series specific to Great Britain and did a smashing job making fun of British history. The Cyril the Swan episode is particularly brilliant.

84. Lost Moon Radio-The live musical sketch comedy theater troupe (Lost Moon Radio truly lives up to such a description) marked their 10th anniversary and put on an absolutely fantastic “Summer Block Party” this year that both showed that they still got their ingenious musical sketch comedy chops.

85. Nate Bargatze’s The Tennessee Kid-The calm with which Bargatze pervades all of his comedy is part of what makes it beloved by nearly any and all that see or hear Bargatze’s stand-up. That’s such the case now that Nate gives updates to stories from previous specials on this latest hour.

86. Beth Stelling on Kimmel-Every detail of this set on Jimmy Kimmel Live is pretty stellar. That includes Beth, in general, for her warm demeanor, smile, and cleverness, the Chippendale’s story, Beth’s mom being there in the crowd, and, of course, the surprise guest at the end.

87. Liz Climo’s Please Don’t Eat Me-This illustrated book is just the latest in a long line of uber-adorable and genuinely-funny-for-all-ages books from Climo. Liz seems to have quite the knack for making unlikely animal friendship jokes.

88. John Hodgman’s Medallion Status-Hodgman’s journey through the various statuses of airline privilege/celebrity is a superb serving of existential humor, done up with Hodgman’s painstaking attention to the exactly right details.

89. Jane Curtin’s 2019 New Year’s Resolution “My New Year’s Resolution Is To Make Sure The Republican Party Dies”-Said during a CNN interview with the SNL alum, this was the first thing to make us heartily laugh in 2019.

90. Alex Kavutskiy’s Squirrel-Kavutskiy’s short film dives into the concept of forgiveness unlike we’ve really seen and, as is Kavutskiy’s style, is so darkly spellbinding and so pointedly funny at the same time.

91. Astronomy Club: The Sketch Show-The long running comedy troupe known as Astronomy Club really ran with their chance to do a full-fledged sketch series on Netflix. They’re so endlessly clever on in their sketches, especially when it comes to the subjects of identity and oppression, and pack in so many jokes and sight gags that you’ll definitely want to watch it more than once so you don’t miss anything.

92. Dolemite Is My Name-Eddie Murphy seems poised to make a real return to comedy (and stand-up comedy in particular) and this marvelous biopic of comedian and blaxploitation star Rudy Ray Moore AKA Dolemite is the perfect way to start.

93. Anna Drezen on Corden-Drezen has such a perfect sense of farce and misdirection and puts on a beautiful display of those two things from start to finish in this set on The Late Late Show with James Corden.

94. BUTT’s Yoda themed dating app sketch-This sketch is so prescient of the resurgence of the world’s current (baby) Yoda obsession. Also, while this is so absurd with its deep dive into various Yoda fan art and cosplay, Joe McAdam and Chris Stephens’ take on dating apps is so sharply and deeply funny.

95. Mel Brooks Unwrapped-The never ending bit of attempting a documentary between Mel Brooks and the BBC’s Alan Yentob is yet another display of the true, unquestionable genius of Mel Brooks.

96. 50 First Stephs-The amazing, hysterical Steph Tolev kicked off 2019 with a show where 50 or so of her compatriots and contemporaries did various impressions and characterizations of her. Part roast, part loving tribute, part amazing showcase of the depth of creativity in LA comedy, Tolev’s night for herself was something really special.

97. The Bongo Hour with Sandy Honig and Peter Smith-Honig and Smith brought their wild variety show that featured such wonderful bits, characters, drag, and burlesque to LA and showed, truly, how much better life is when you’re fluid about nearly everything.

98. How Did This Get Played?-Hosts Nick Wiger and Heather Anne Campbell and their take on the “worst and weirdest” video games do their namesake, the beloved How Did This Get Made?, proud. Even if you’re not a gamer, the way they dissect the most bizarre video games ever made along with Heather and Nick’s chemistry is very, very enjoyable.

99. Joe Pera Talks With You Season 2-This second season of Joe Pera’s unique talk-to-the-viewer series is so calming that the comedic twists sneak up in the most delightful way possible. There is a certain beauty to Pera’s show that makes us want to have Joe Pera Talks With You playing on a loop in a contemporary art museum.

100. John Mulaney & The Sack Lunch Bunch-John Mulaney does “it”, yet again. “It” being releasing another hour of comedic brilliance that’s so markedly different than whatever he did before, yet, somehow still stamped with an indelible mark of Mulaney’s comedy of obtuse hyper-specificity.

#top 100 #100 best #best of 2019 #2019 comedy #best sketch #best stand up #best improv #best comedy specials

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panickedvulture · 6 years

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Bittersweet [001]

Bittersweet is a con-artist!Brendon Urie x barista!Reader AU, and also a “We know each other but we don’t know we know each other” AU.

Summary: You hate to be cliche but you’ve always been a lone wolf. From turning group projects into solo ones, to refusing roommate offers even when the going gets tough. But then you meet someone, and as he likes to say, you’re the Bonnie to his Clyde.

Warnings: Profanity, Kleptomania, Con-Artist AU, TØP and MCR cameos

A/n: Wow, so this is a series! I am super super proud of this part (9.7k words) and excited for what’s to come. Please let me know what you think and what you want to see in the future, and happy Halloween everybody!!!

You have lived with the stench of pumpkin and tickling of cinnamon up your nose five days a week for the past four weeks. There’s been the whirring of the espresso machine and the chit and chatter of college students arriving in flocks, and the incessant typing of key after key after key. If you have to make one more god-damned pumpkin anything, you’re gonna have a fuc—

“Uhm, pumpkin spice latte?”

Tyler snickers, the young girl (not so young, not one among the thirteen year olds that come in groups after track practice, maybe seventeen or so) and you both shoot him a look, though yours is more irritated than her petrified glance.

He raises his drink to his lips, eyes lifting from behind his dark brows. You suck your lip in between your teeth and clench your jaw at him, which is enough for his eyes to go wide and for him to politely smile at the girl and lift himself up from the counter and get back to working—something he still hasn’t figured out how to do.

“I’m sorry, we uh…” Your smile breaks to run your tongue over your lips, your eyes squeezing shut. Then you pull at the corners of your lips and knit your brows together while delivering the solemn news that, “aren’t…Starbucks. We have other, Pumpkin flavored treats however if you would prefer…?”

She gives you such a pitiful look, shifting her weight and wrapping her index finger around one of the loops in her jeans. “I mean, that other cafe down the street has it…” She beats you to explaining how you’re still not that cafe down the street when she explains, “Isn’t it just like, milk, espresso, cinnamon? Can I order it as like a special thing?”

You remind yourself that she’s really not a bad kid, nowhere near the customers you’ve run into with abysmal orders or general untidiness when it comes to lounging around the place. You push all those negative thoughts to the back of your mind and instead think, “God I can’t wait to get out of here,” before chirping up a, “Sure thing!” And get on to make her super special drink. “Would you like whipped cream on that?”

She hums and nods, nibbling on her lip. She smiles, and you suppose that’s worth it.

You scribble her name on the side of the cup and as she wanders off to hesitantly sit at a table, Tyler comes on back. At this point he hasn’t seemed to make any progress on his drink, still letting the lid brush against his lips.

Over the roar of the espresso machine, he shouts, “How’s it going?” Chuckling to himself at the way your jaw clenches tighter and your grip on the cup does the same. You’re on your phone, scrolling as best as you can with your non-dominant hand.

“I don’t know how to make a fuckin’ pumpkin spice latte,” you grunt.

You figure it can’t be that hard. Regular steamed milk, cinnamon, nutmeg apparently—just a regular latte with cinnamon and whipped cream to blend with the liquid and hide all your slip-ups.

“Bet you’re just itching,” he snaps, “to get to that party, aren’t ya?” He finally take a genuine drink, throwing his head back while he turns to lean his bottom against the counter. You hum in response, walking toward him with no intent to go around. He’s stubborn to move too but when he doesn’t see the slightest hesitation in your step (he’s standing in front of some ingredients you need and the faster this goes along the better), he takes a step to the opposite counter.

He takes a deep breath, “Who’s house is it at?” Then yawns, peering around to the semi-empty cafe, just enough people missing from their regular spots and quiet enough to have some hope for the rest of this shift.

Well, his shift. He’s working for most of the night. You however, have ten to fifteen minutes give or take and you’re off. It’s six-forty now, the evening sun lowering behind the superiorly standing buildings surrounding this quaint coffee shop of yours. You whip around to top the drink with some whipped cream, taking some pleasure in his blank state of realization.

“That girl Jenna I’ve been telling you about.”

“Oh, oh…” He clicks his tongue, “What’s she like?”

Again, as you have done so with every mention of this party for the last week, “Nice? I guess.” You call out for the girl, reaching over the counter to give her her drink and guiding her through (what you think isn’t that complicated but it apparently is) the pay system, just some dingy app on your boss Ray’s dingy old iPad.

You continue, leaning against the counter opposite of him and enjoying this brief moment of silence and solitude—before Josh comes on in to start up the espresso machine and Tyler snaps, “Dude!” At him as though he’s ever seemed interested in your conversations to begin with first place.

Josh looks over his shoulder, eyeing you and Tyler and mustering a shrug before continuing with who drink he’s been tasked to make.

Tyler takes a sip of his drink, gulping heavily. Then he swirls it around, looking to the cap as though he can see the liquid sloshing around inside. “Is, is she uh…pretty?”

You’re taken back by the question, blinking in surprise and finally recognizing Tyler’s slow-movements as something sparked from either genuine interest or embarrassment. You’re not sure. You’ve never managed to embarrass Tyler out of his sheer ability to not give a fuck, yet with all the days he comes into work specifically not to do work, he acts just as miserable as the rest of you.

You shrug. “Yeah? I guess, I mean she’s—”

He purses his lips lightly and pulls his arms closer to him, hugging himself with one and waving around his drink with the other. “Blonde, brunette, brown eyes, green eyes—you gotta tell me these things Y/n.” He takes a drink, an elongated one to hide the growing pink on his cheeks.

“You know what Tyler…” you start, stretching your arms out behind you and pulling your legs in as Josh mumbles an apology and slips past you two. “Why don’t you just…join, me?”

“Nah,” he sighs, looking at his drink. “I get off at eight.”

“So?” You cross your arms tight over your chest, crossing a leg over the other. “As soon as I’m home I’ll be getting ready. Just come over and we can go together.”

He stutters, “You-you don’t have to. I, you know, I can just drive there myself.” He nods his head up, “Where’s it at?”

“Westray,” you explain, a tone of defeat in your voice.

Tyler bites into his lip, fixing up the lost moisture with a quick lick of his lips then leans forward and repeats, “Westray?” You nod and hum. He leans back again and breathes out in disbelief. “As in…Westray Estates?”

“Mhm.”

He sucks in a breath. You watch some color drain from his face, and some color come back to it in the form of blush. You stifle a chuckle—you think this is the most energy you’ve seen him put into anything since the dreadful day he started working here six months ago with a twisted sense of workmanship and pure desire for discounts and opportunities to write his numbers on pretty girls’ cups.

“This, Jenna, you’re talking about—did she go to school with us?”

You think about it. Yes, you and Tyler went to high school together, Josh included though he came into work with nothing more than a workman’s mindset and little to no tolerance of Tyler’s insistence on doing anything but. To outsiders they were strangers and you and Tyler were the dream team, though you hadn’t dared to spare him a glance until Junior year and you both walked out on graduation day with the intent to let the other fizzle out of your memory like most of your high school comrades. They on the other hand, have always been best buds. Working here together, just a strange coincidence. You never knew Tyler could care enough about coffee to surround himself with it every day—the only thing you’d seen the kid drink was Red Bull and Monster, and even now you’re not so sure about what’s in that cup of his.

“Yeah I think she—” You bring your attention to the door when it chimes. Your initial feeling is of deep-seeded regret for ever deciding to work in a place like this and your second feeling as your eyes bring themselves to this future customer of yours is hot damn.

In walks a guy with thick black hair, combed up and a little to the side, something like a messy pompadour ready to fall back down into a flattering fringe any second. He’s looking down at his phone, lips pursed and one of his hands gripping his leather wallet. His white button-up has the sleeves pushed up to his elbows, showing off some of his tattoos, and the bottom of the shirt is tucked into his black jeans. Normally you wouldn’t find a belt so complimentary or even notice if it was, but your eyes gradually drop to that…area, when you notice the way he walks. Nothing wrong with it. It’s just a strange thing to find him looking like such a preppy though also the son of the Mafia Boss or something equally badass.

Tyler nudges you out of your mindless state, the man looking up just as you jump up to say—

“Hello and welcome!” Tyler beats you to it, “How may we serve you today?” Okay well he said we so it won’t seem too possessive for you to slip in there.

The guy’s thick brows raise along with the balls of his cheeks, giving you and Tyler a smile before reaching to slip his phone and wallet into his back pockets. He plants his feet a foot apart against the (faux) hardwood floor, and claps his hands together, rubbing them along one another as he reads the menu hanging from ‘industrial’ chains above your head.

He throws an arm out, pointing enthusiastically and reciting a name that makes his voice dip as he squints at the chalk lettering.

“Huh, Sickly Strawberry, what do you think of the Sickly Strawberry?” He crosses an arm over his chest, his other hand reaching to brush his knuckles across his lips. “What’d you think about it?”

You look down at Tyler, his knees bending and head dropping as he lets out a soft, drawn-out chuckle. More than anything he wants to make this experience as excruciating of one as possible seeing how you eyed this guy coming in, but then again—he doesn’t drink coffee. He doesn’t drink coffee and you’re seventy percent positive he is yet to fully memorize the menu, so he won’t be able to steal him from you. For all the drinks he doesn’t know how to make he slyly passes the order off to you and engages in some ‘important’ work wherever else he can.

You crack a smile and clap your hands together. For once your voice is chirpy in a way that doesn’t sound like the hellish squealing you’re so used to forcing out. “Well, the Sickly Strawberry Frappuccino is a blend of milk and ice with a strawberry-botanical—“ you raise your brows and lower your chin to your chest, to which he smirks at and nods, looking up at the menu for a moment, “infusion, layered with splashes of strawberry and vanilla whipped cream to top it all off.”

“Ah,” he breathes, shoving his hands into his pockets.

He clicks his tongue and squints at you. Tyler watches beside you, bent over with his elbows against the countertop and chin resting on his palm.

“Sounds exquisite I will—“ He chuckles, stopping with the posh accent he put on. “Nah I’m kidding.” He quickly throws an arm out to gesture you, and you intertwine your fingers behind your back. “I-I mean it does sound exquisite I just uh…” He shrugs, running a hand through his hair and keeping it there as he starts to rock between the balls and heels of his feet, “don’t know what that means.”

You sigh in relief, “It’s strawberry shortcake?” He raises a brow and you explain. “It literally tastes like strawberry shortcake—that’s all I have to say about it. That and the fact that I make a pretty sick one if I do say so myself.”

He chuckles and nods his head to the side. “Alright then, I’ll go with a Sickly Strawberry!”

“Excellent choice,” you say, making sure to give your voice an impressed tone before grabbing a red sharpie from the drawer built into the counter. You twist off the lid and hover your hand over the cups. “Small, medium, or large?”

He shakes his hair out, “You know what, large.”

“You sure?” Your hand hovers over the large cups and after a moment he nods. “Are you as much of a strawberry shortcake guy as you make yourself out to be?”

“I’m really not sure, but you said you made a pretty sick Sickly Strawberry, so let’s just go with it.”

“Whatever you say…” He smiles and looks to the ground, eyes jumping to all of the intricate details in the floor, the tiny shapes in the multitude of carpets placed all around, and the mix-matched chairs pushed under every table.

As much as you despise this place you really only despise the working at it aspect. On any other day you’d gladly waltz on in here and seat yourself by the window at a small wooden table paired with a leather chair and an outlet that works. If only he had a briefcase or a laptop holder slung over his shoulder he’d fit right in. Well, maybe not even then because he’s possessing more confidence than you’ve seen an entire flock of college students hold combined.

“Name?” You ask. He hums in question and you repeat, “What’s your name,” ready to scribble it on his cup.

“Oh! Brendon.”

“Alright then Brendon. I shall let you know when your Sickly Strawberry is ready.” You smile at him and turn to get started, ignoring Tyler pleading for you to catch him up on what you think of Brendon. You feel both of their presences staring at you but get on with preparing the drink, humming silently before you see Brendon walk over to that precious little corner of yours you could only dream of sitting at.

With Brendon gone and out of the way Tyler hops on over to lean right against every little thing you need—again. You groan, pushing past him and instead of retaliating with a scoff he hops over to your other side, leaning into the nearest machine to crane his neck and get a direct look at your face.

“You help me with Jenna and I’ll help you with Brendon over there.”

You chuckle wryly, “Don’t know how you’d manage to do that but okay.”

Tyler trudges behind you, his head drooping to the right. You grab the whipped cream and twirl it around the top of Brendon’s drink. Tyler jabs at your side with his pointer finger and again leans into the nearest machine. “Remember that senior Urie? And his girl Sarah—Jenna’s best friend?” It’s like all his memories of high school are flooding back.

You take a breath, “What about him?”

Tyler’s silent, eyes digging into your temples. You keep your head down and look to his fingers, jittering and the tips of them tapping against the counter in a repetitive but uneven pattern. You finally look at him, his eyes bearing into yours before he looks to the side and nods his head in that direction too, right on over to Brendon.

Huh—well the resemblance is there, isn’t it?

“Holy shit…”

You look over at Brendon. Maybe you didn’t pay the kid that much attention in high school because he wasn’t so…this, whatever the hell this is. Attractive? Yeah, yeah, maybe that’s what’s up. He was a well-known kid back in the day, well-known enough to date Sarah Orzechowski for Christ’s sake. Now you’re finding yourself in the same state of awe that Tyler was in when you informed him the party was in Westray. It didn’t strike you as so monumental—that’s where the rich kids lived. How rich exactly, well damn…you’re itching to get on over there even more.

“Brendon?” Tyler shouts, pushing himself to his tip-toes to get Brendon’s attention. He jumps up from the seat, shoving his phone in his pocket again and pulling out his wallet. He walks over with his lips lightly puckered as his finger runs through the cash in there. You don’t mean to look but you can’t help it, your eyes already glued to right where he stands, and you get a look at the coupons and receipts among other things littering the thing.

He closes it, clearing his throat as he looks up to the menu again and sets down what he owes. It’s just a four dollar drink, but he sets down a ten, and you prepare his change. He watches you intently, though your head is dropped, your face too hot to face him until you have to.

You pick your head up and hold out the change, and yet he smiles, holding his palm to you for a moment as he rips the paper from a straw he plucks out of its container, sticks it in, and takes a sip. He looks to the ceiling, smacking his lips and running his tongue over them as he really savors the taste.

He looks…impressed.

“You know what?” He squints at you, then sucks his lips in and points to his change. “I think you deserve it.”

Tyler is just Tyler, not working, watching, waiting, leaning against every important machine and keeping poor Josh from doing his work over on his side. Tyler surely looks impressed, and a bit smug about it too.

You eye him, honestly hoping he’ll try to ‘help’ you with Brendon as promised in exchange for helping him with Jenna, but he turns away, strolling a few feet farther than normal and fiddling with some cups and machines to look busy.

“Heh, really?” You look at Brendon. Your smile is faint but you are genuinely grateful.

He furrows his brows. “Of course!” Then starts to walk backward, slipping one hand into his back pocket along with his wallet and pointing at you as best as he can, drink still in his grasp. “You said you made a sick Sickly Strawberry, I’m just being the judge of that!”

“Really?” You giggle.

“Absolutely…” He eyes your name-tag and pops out, “Y/n.”

“Well…thank you.”

“No, thank you.” He holds his hand up to wave goodbye, then pushes through those front doors. You watch him as he walks past the window, taking another sip and holding the drink out, twisting it around to get a look at the small swirls of pink among the white, before taking a longer sip. And then…he’s out of sight.

Coming down from your high, you whip your head around to look at Tyler, now accompanied by Josh who’s seemed to finally get a break. He’s had it rough all day thanks to Tyler’s slacking.

“Was that Brendon Urie?” Josh asks, crossing his arms.

“Yeah, Tyler!” You clap your hands together in front of your chest. “What happened to helping me with him. Not like I believed you’d have the power to but still.”

Tyler presses his tongue to his cheek. “Oh please…” He picks up his drink from the counter, taking a sip and having to take another to double check it’s actually his. “He’ll be back tomorrow. Now get outta here—it’s seven o’three and you gotta Halloween party to go to.”

“Helloooo—woah.” Tyler drops his things on the floor, just his bag and the café’s complimentary hoodie, the one thing getting the both of you through these harsh autumn (feels more like winter) months. He claps once, standing in the doorway of your bathroom as he watches you add the final few touches to you ehm…costume, if you could call it that.

You hold a finger up, your lips pressed tight together as you gently flick your wrist to add some dry grey around your eye sockets, to really deepen the appearance.

Tyler looks around, waiting, then leans against the frame and crosses his arms.

You poke your lips out, tilting your chin up and gently running your black-painted fingers along your neck, gently smudging some not quite dry paint here and some completely dry paint there.

“What do you think?” You ask. You lower your brows to get a look at yourself from behind them, your white contacts a striking white among the darkness.

Tyler scoffs, “Is there anything I’m supposed to say other than good?” He nibbles on his thumb, walking deeper into the bathroom and circling you. He looks down to your choice of outfit, black and white, something flattering but easy to move in.

You shrug, moving past him and hurrying to your bedroom. Tyler grabs his things, chucking them on the couch as he passes it and once he’s in there with you he sits on the edge of the bed, observing the…horror, per say, of clothes thrown everywhere and papers too, lots of papers he can’t seem to decipher or figure out.

He doesn’t even get to relax for a minute before you run back to the bathroom, this damned apartment having the audacity to not have one built connected to the master bedroom, and he runs too.

“Geesh if I knew you were going all out I’d like, dressed up as something.” You look him up and down. Jeans with a black t-shirt and a sort of black and pink floral jacket, thin and wispy. You cant help but nod and hum, impressed considering his sense of fashion is something he pays attention to. Everything else, you’re not even sure you’ve seen him try.

“Oh please, you look great,” You say, finally looking into the mirror and being content with yourself.

Tyler seems to notice your slight change of posture. “Ready to go?” He asks.

You turn around on your heels and hold your arms out to gesture yourself. “How do I look?” You ask, and Tyler shoves his hands into his pockets.

He rocks between the balls of his feet and his heels, his bottom lip sucked in between his teeth as he works his way around your appearance. Messy hair, white paint with some intentional streaks of black posing as cracks, black eye-sockets, painted over brows, a black nose and teeth all over your lips…

He rubs at his nose and looks around your apartment. “Never thought a skeleton could look so hot but uhh…” He raises his voice, “Yeah! You-you look great.”

“Alright! Then let’s get this show on the road!”

You take his car (heh, cause you don’t have one), feeling oddly blessed to have Tyler’s permission to mess with his aux cord and choose the music, the sound being drowned out whenever your phone needs to pipe up and tell him which street to turn on. Chances are he doesn’t need it though.

The Westray Estates are where all the parties were held in your high school days. Well, people like Tyler and Josh, that one senior Frank Iero way back when you were Freshmen, they threw parties too, but they weren’t so classy. Not to say the rich kid parties were either, but they hid their informality and the stereotypical stench of sweaty teens and alcohol through the fact that they were rich kid parties.

Jenna’s house was one of the customary ones. You almost knew it like the back of your hand, give or take a few years of separation. You’re sure you’ll be able to figure it out again in no time…

Despite your and Tyler’s mutual excitement, you both keep it hidden. You know he’s itching to try his shots with Jenna, and you can only assume he’s trying again from the way he recalled her earlier. You don’t expect to stick to his side all night. Him coming into your home was strange enough, and you carpooling was another inconsistency in your relationship, usually so ‘professional’, or better yet purely stuck in the workplace. He was the kid that sometimes made funny jokes in class but all-in-all you’d rather he have his vocal cords ripped out with all of the interrupting he did. Made junior year with Mrs. Atterberry for Social Studies even more horrendous, but senior year American History spectacular with the way he humorously modernized and showed just how ridiculous the founding fathers were.

You chuckle thinking back to it, and he instinctively chuckles too, flashing you a grin before reverting back to his look of disinterest for the rest of the car ride.

You two get past the gate, and drive up to Jenna’s house, her driveway and the street packed with cars just like in your high school days. You don’t doubt some actual high schoolers are here, but Jenna was always conscientious about keeping her parties legal.

Tyler parks some ways away and you two walk up a hill till you reach her residence, but even then you’re a good thirty or forty feet away from the front steps. You suddenly stop and look to the side of her house, the lights on the bottom floor are on but the lights on the top floor are dimmed, the light shining through that room’s window seeming to come from the hallway. Tyler strays along, shooting you glances until you decide to continue hesitantly.

You’re not sure what you expected but it wreaks of uncomfortable, overly-prepared freshmen students and uncaring college sophomores.

Tyler takes a whiff, “Ahh, just like I remember.” He smiles at your look of disgust, then starts kicking at air before you start to walk around. You keep close to the walls, Tyler obligated to stay near you though you know he’s itching to get to the kitchen, and to get close to Jenna.

“How’d you find out about this?” He asks, trying to make conversation though despite the cacophony of sounds the air around you is silent and cold.

You click your tongue. “Uh, Jenna invited me?” You shrug, “I guess.”

Tyler scoffs, “What do you mean you guess.”

You kick at some cups dropped down in front of your path. “We were kinda friends in school. It wasn’t a formal invitation just her texting me for the first time since then to ask if I was coming but not telling me I should.” You get on your toes to look for her head of blonde hair through the crowd. Not as easy as you thought it would be, there’s lots of heads of blonde hair. You come back down.

Tyler scratches behind his ear and you two come to a stop near a grandfather clock perched in the corner of the living room, the staircase just to your left. “Well you made enough of an impact for her to remember you so…that’s good I guess.”

“Not really.” You scrunch your nose. “She comes in to get a latte all the time. I think she figured it would be awkward next time she came in if she didn’t keep me up to date.”

Tyler blinks and gulps. “Really?” He asks. You lean in thinking you heard him wrong with how soft and raspy his voice has become, but he refuses to repeat so you trust your gut.

“Yeah. You’re just too busy, you know…not working to pay attention.”

“I….can’t say that’s not true, but—“

“But, Tyler, it is.” He looks down at his feet still kicking at nothing, his shoes brushing against the carpet. You can’t deny that you’ve always had something against him, purely his inability (or unwillingness) to pay attention and just work.

You can’t imagine how any personal conversation between you two won’t end up in you calling out his work-habits. “Look, there’s Jenna,” you say after about fifteen or so minutes of walking to and from your little corner, following him to get drinks and searching for the girl. You prod his ribs with your elbow and nod in her direction, all your energy wasted on walking around the whole house for the girl, but at least you got a good idea of it all.

“What?” He stretches his neck out, and you start pushing him through the crowd. He jumps away from your hands when you get too rough than he would like and you both stop ten or so feet away From her. He shivers, his face flushing when he spots her. You’re starting to put together little clues from high school. The poor boy’s probably had this crush since the day he saw her, and now it’s all flooding back. But now he’s a grown(ish) man who doesn’t have to worry about borrowing his father’s car and therefore has no excuse for throwing away his shot.

He walks the rest of the way, and you turn back to the corner, your eyes still on him as he gives you a sly thumbs down by his thigh, and he approaches Jenna. You chuckle, your neck craned to try and get a peak of her crowded presence. Then you bump into somebody, a “Sorry!” Slipping past your lips and your hands instinctively raise to hold your palms to them.

You feel their hands on your waist, just as instinctive before you find stability. They nearly take their hands away, leaning to get a look at your face, hung low and hot in embarrassment.

“Heh, no way!”

A familiar voice but nowhere near attached to a familiar face, rather a face painted to that of a skeleton.

“Holy—wow,” you breath out, their hands slipping from your waist and going to pin their—his—own. You stamp your foot to the ground, leaning away just as he did, just enough to get a proper look at him. Same idea as you, huh. Just a black dress shirt, pants, and shoes with a while belt, socks, and a skinny tie. You laugh, knitting your brows together for a second before they jump up as he holds his arms to his side, twisting his body to give you a better look.

He’s playful. Nice.

“Looks like someone else finally has good taste,” you mutter, half of your bottom lip pinned below your teeth.

He throws his hand out to gesture you, “Could say the same for you. You—you’re the girl everybody’s been pointing me to!” He blows out, taking a look over the heads of the crowd.

“I’m sorry?” You step back, legs and arms crossing.

He runs a hand through his slick, jet black hair. “Been approached by uh…” he takes a breath, lowering his voice, “irritated teen girls complaining how their boyfriend refused to dress up at all let alone match costumes. I guess they like our sportsmanship.”

“Heh, so we’re boyfriend and girlfriend now?”

He steps closer, “Apparently.”

“Well, what’d you tell them?”

He sputters, “Well I couldn’t crush their dreams and say they’ll get there like…well, like we apparently did eventually.”

“Well…” you start, swaying back and forth, “What if I have a boyfriend and when these kids see me with him they’re gonna go around calling adultery?”

His brows, painted white, raise. “Do you have a boyfriend?”

“Who’s to say?”

“Eh…” He looks over your shoulder and you follow his eyes to what you can only assume is the group of girls with their partners. The girls aren’t the most extravagantly dressed but it’s Halloween and they tried. The boys however look as casual as ever, talking amongst each other and looking more than disappointed realizing their drink are as alcoholic-free as can be. Sunkrist and strawberry soda—which is what your ‘boyfriend’ here seems to be drinking as well.

You sniff and look to him, “Then again....who knows? Maybe that’ll be the most exciting part of their night.”

He grunts, sticking a hand into his pocket and rocking back and forth on his feet. “Yeah.” He looks into his cup, “Or it’ll have them questioning their own love, but hey, their own fault for coming, right?”

You click your tongue. “Right….”

“So…do you have, just…anybody, with you? Other than that friend I saw you with a moment ago?” You shake your head softly, pressing your lips together and sucking air into your cheeks.

“You?” He runs his hand through his hair, breathing out and shaking his head.

“Then I guess you’re stuck with me.” His arm goes limp and he holds his drink by its rim as the plastic bumps against his thigh. “I think we can both agree it’d be a lost opportunity if we didn’t go through this thing together. Look at us, it’s like a sign from the Gods.”

You press your cheek to your hand, scrunching up the side of your face and potentially smudging some of your makeup. “We on a date now then or what?”

He purses his lips, full, thick lips. You can tell despite painted on teeth covering them up. “I guess we are.”

You look down at your feet, unable to choose one place to plant themselves. You suppose this won’t be that bad. You’ll have an alibi, you’ll have somebody to spend the night with that doesn’t wreak of awkwardness, and maybe you’ll get an actual date out of this. Though that’s not the main thing on your mind.

He shakes his hair out and takes the last swallow of his drink, his lips twitching into a grin as he recognizes the time has come that he is out of Strawberry soda. He shrugs one shoulder, then looks over your head for some sort of trashcan.

“Tell you this,” he starts, “give me one minute. Meet me back here. I’ve got to go to the bathroom.” You nod and he walks off, looking to the floor for a place to chuck his cup.

You imagine just how horrifying the two of you would look together walking in darkness. The minimal light in the room is enough to ruin the illusion a bit. Then your mind wanders to other things…and you find yourself upstairs in the master bedroom. You don’t know what the deal is with Jenna’s parents, if they’re just out for the night, on vacation, off on business, but it’s safe to say they’re nowhere to be seen.

There’s a nice King Size bed, beige, white, and brown sheets and pillows, the ceiling is fancy even, the floors are slick aside from the intricate carpet under the bed, and in the middle of the room between the bed and the vanity there’s a chandelier.

You gravitate toward the vanity, where there’s a door on each side. One you can assume is the walk-in closet and the other’s probably the bathroom. On the vanity’s a jewelry box, and God, the damn thing probably costs more than all the crap inside…but you see about that.

Taking a look at everything you’re still not sure, but you are sure to look behind you and peak at the door. Nobody’s there waiting to catch you. You hurry on over and close it for the most part. The hinges squeak so you’ll be able to hear when somebody comes in.

You lift one necklace on your index finger, letting it sway back and forth in front of your face. You lower it to rest in your palm. On the heavier size. It’s a deep orangey gold, a thin chain attached to a piece speckled with small diamonds and two ‘emerald’ pieces, and from that hangs tassels of gold, again speckled with bits of diamond. You know your jewelry and you’re taken back—this thing certainly cost thousands and you’re doubting it was anything under 20k.

You lower it to the vanity, and find another one, similar to it, though is made of pure diamond, and instead of an oval piece it’s a flower, a longer set of tassels hanging from it.

“Nice,” you mumble, whirling the tassels around before letting it all rest in your palm. You fold your fingers over it, then breathe out, take a look to the door, and slip it right in your coat pocket, digging deep in there.

You pick up the other one, and look at the rest of the jewelry box. It’s loaded, can’t even imagine how much it’s all worth, but any number would be far from underwhelming.

You put your chin to your chest, pushing up your sleeve as you slide on some of the more ordinary looking bracelets, ones that can be mistaken for a million others in the box. As you start to pull your sleeve down, the door to the left of the vanity swings open, and the sound of a throat being cleared is heard before you gasp at the sight of that ‘boyfriend’ of yours, fixing the cuffs of his dress-shirt, folded up with something under the surface sticking out.

He stands there, looking down with no regard for your presence, before he goes stiff and brings his eyes to yours. You eye his wrist and he eyes yours, decked with bracelets and your sleeve pushed to your elbow.

He cackles, and you groan as he leans over to press the jewelry box shut, the click being a very loud one.

“Well what do we have here?” He says as he takes some steps closer to you. You back up but you aren’t scared. Irritated really, first that you got caught and second that, uh…well—he's acting like he hasn’t committed a bad deed too.

You go to push your sleeve down, and he reaches and grasps it. You wince but appreciate how his grip softens and his eyes trail up your body to reach yours. He holds your wrist in his palm, gently running two fingers along the metal. He looks, impressed, but you watch his brows as they furrow and rise. He’s trying to keep a straight face and you can’t help but roll your eyes and stomp your foot against the wood. In response he pries open your fingers, the gold necklace sitting there.

And yet you’re still silent. You look to his neck, a white chain sparkling under his collar, and of course his sleeves, his cuffs looking heavy and hardly being able to stay folded inward.

“Whoops,” you roll your eyes, “you caught me. Let go now please?” You rip your wrist from him, clenching your fist again and shoving the necklace into your pocket.

He realizes he won’t be able to have his fun for much longer.

He groans, “Didn’t expect you to be like this but here we are.”

“Yeah? What about it?” You walk past him, making it to the end of the bed before he clears his throat and calls out.

“Think I’m gonna let you out of this that easily?”

You throw your head back, putting your tongue to your cheek and looking to the ceiling. You swivel around on your heels and watch him stroll to the side of the bed close to the wall.

“Well you could…And if you do I’ll let you out of this, just as easily!”

“What the hell are you talking about?” He crosses his arms.

You lean over the bed and yank his arm from resting on top of the other. You stick your fingers around the cuff of his sleeve and tug, smirking. Onto the bed falls his own set of bracelets. You can’t say he was idiotic for thinking to do so, who expected a person to hide shit in-between layers of the sleeve instead of under it. He just scoffs, blinking his eyes rapidly as he holds back a smile.

“Not so smooth are you, huh?” You click your tongue and pout, dragging your fingers over the duvet covers and curling them around the bracelets. You hold them in the air, looking to the door then drag them into your pocket once you consider the coast clear.

“Wow. You think you know a girl. Shows up the same party with the same costume as you, you think everything is going fine and dandy, and then you find out she’s a criminal!” He lets out a breathy laugh. “I don’t even know your damn name…”

You breathe out and lean over the edge of the bed, your jaw tight. “My name’s—“

“Woah woah woah!” He shouts. You blink at him. He screws his face up, offended and concerned. He puts his weight on the side of the bed, the mattress dipping as he leans closer to you. “C’mon, you just tried to steal from this girl’s house—probably has scummy lawyers for parents and you’re about to tell your only witness your name?” He runs his tongue over his lips, but realizes the potential harm so he sucks it in quickly and dries his lips with his sleeve as he walks around the bed. He stands in front of you, spitting and groaning at the taste of paint and chemicals on his tongue, before peaking into the hallway. “Bonnie.”

You’re taken back. “What do you—”

“You’re my Bonnie now.”

You blink. “Excuse me?” You scoff, “Let me guess, and you’re my—”

“Clyde.”

He starts walking out of the room, looking back to make sure nothing is out of place, that no light is turned on. He presses his lips together tight and nods. He didn’t really do anything but he just seems so proud of his ‘work.’ Then he starts walking down the hall.

You walk after him, skipping until you walk beside him. “What makes you think we’ll ever even run into each other again, after this? Did you just take your shot at a Bonnie and Clyde allusion just for the hell of it or—”

He—heh, ‘Clyde’—whips around, holding a finger to your face. You smack his hand down and he raises it again to hover in front of your chest.

“I am sorry but you’re really bad at this.”

“Psh, bad?!”

He stretches his arm out to the master bedroom, “First of all you don’t leave the door open during a heist. Second of all, you don’t just put shit in your pockets, third of all you didn’t even check the two connected rooms to make sure you didn’t get walked in on!”

You mumble and look down at your fidgeting feet. “It’s just been a while is all.”

‘Clyde steps closer, his shoulders rolling and head tilting to lock his eyes to yours, busy darting around the hallway. “I can’t have you causing a fuss and stirring up suspicion because you decided to bring back and old hobby for the hell of it, aight?”

“Just a hobby, listen buddy—” you grunt, some less than polite teenagers pushing past you two and dragging each other to the bedroom. You turn to give them a glare of disgust and when you turn around ‘Clyde’ has started walking without you…again.

You hurry to him and lean in, your arms brushing against each other as they sway, your breath on his ear to get your point across in this crowd. You doubt anybody would take any care or notice to your little conversation—it’d just be another strange couples quarrel’—but you can’t risk anything.

“Some of us have rent to pay, alright?”

“Oh come on!” He cranes his neck back and comes to the kitchen, where he heads for the fridge, ignoring the options laid out for him. He can only manage a grimace. “You’re telling me,” he pulls out a liter of soda with maybe a gulp or two left then puts it back, “that you do this cause you don’t have a job? Because I’ve gotta say if you’re not gonna put the effort and passion in then why the hell do it at all?”

“Hey!” You smack his arm, “I never said that!” You lower your voice, crossing your arms in a huff. “I have a job, alright?”

He turns, cracking open a can of ginger ale. “Not a good enough one,” he says before taking a drink. “Wh-what are you? A barista, getting paid 9 dollars an hour or something?”

You stay quiet far too long for his liking, so he clears his throat.

“Anyways…are you in this thing or not?”

“What do you mean this thing?”

“Are you going to cooperate and work with me or do I get to pin the blame on a girl who uh,” He pokes his lips out, throwing his hand out to yours, limp by your thigh, “has this colored skin,” you look to see that your sleeve’s ridden up past where you painted your hands black, “this colored hair,” he gestures for your head, “is about yay tall, and uh, hangs out with a scrawny kid named—” He sputters, hand dropping to his side as his tongue sticks out from between his lips.

“Oh damn, you found your twin!” Here comes…you sigh—Tyler. Then you freeze. This ‘Clyde’ character leans against the counter. He hardly dares to spare Tyler a glance, not until Tyler stands beside you, your arms now crossed over your chest and one potentially messing up your paint as you can’t help but facepalm at his less than timely arrival.

“Y/—” He starts up your name and in that moment you snap your neck to him, your jaw clenching tight enough and eyes bearing deep enough into his own for his voice to fizzle away. Clyde’s neck snaps to him too, and right when you’re ready to consider your cover blown, he locks eyes with a dazed Tyler and Clyde seems more befuddled than him.

He just stares, long enough until he lets out a harsh breath that ends in a coughing fit. “He-hey,” he coughed into his sleeve, “dude,” he said, wiping his hand along his jeans. He scrunches up and wiggles his nose, nodding up calmly but all of that means nothing with how tense his shoulders are.

The facepalming, you could help it. You’ve always been good at hiding your emotions when it came down to it—this once you just assumed it was game over. Clyde on the other hand…you have no idea why he would find himself in a bind, but it’s clear he’s not having a good time.

You smirk, a soft one hidden immediately as you drop your head to get a look at the floor, but Clyde almost senses it and next he’s wincing with how many drastic movements he and his poor neck have made in the past minute.

Tyler pushes a drink toward you, and you take it graciously, flashing him a smile before cupping both hands around you. “Clyde, have you met my friend—”

“T—”

“Deacon?” Tyler, or, Deacon (if you remember correctly, W.D. Jones from the Barrow Gang had been a long-time friend of Clyde, close enough) winces realizing the fiasco he’s walked into.

He chuckles and hovers his drink over his lips, “Sure.”

Tyler tries to withstand the hostile atmosphere but can only last for two or three minutes, a fair amount of teens stumbling into the kitchen in clusters and shuffling out at the sight of you three (really you and Clyde) before he raises his cup to you both in a sort of cheers and walks out.

You raise your chin, blowing some hair away from tickling your brow.

“What’s got you so frightened, Clyde?”

Clyde shakes his head, eyes glued to the back of Tyler’s head and then to the crowd he disappears into. He bites into his lip and his hand grips the countertop behind him. He hums something incoherent, then in a huff, shaking out his hair, snatches your cup and throws his head back, forgetting about that ginger ale he just cracked open. His cheeks puff up with the liquid and he makes a face at the bitterness. It all goes down in a harsh swallow.

“Feeling intercepted or something?” You squeeze your nails into your palm, still warm from your now stolen drink.

“Already got a partner?” He sniffles.

“Maybe…what’s that mean for you?”

“Or…” He puts his tongue to the inside of his cheek, “boyfriend?”

“Again…what’s that mean for you?”

He steps away from the counter. “I just need to know if your little friend…” He swallows and darts his eyes to the crowd then back to you, “is apart of your little shenanigans…Or does he even know?”

You groan, putting your palms to your eyes. “Oh my god, can you just—what are you getting at dude?”

“Look, I step past boundaries…” His fingers appropriately run up and down the side of your arm as he swishes the little liquid in his (or rather your) cup. “But I don’t step that far.”

If you have to ask him to clarify one more fucking time you’re gonna—

“Be my partner.” He says in a deep whisper, his hard-shelled demeanor breaking seconds later when you nearly spit, clutching the fabric around your heart.

He bounces his head side to side, “Yeah, well, didn’t have to be mean about it.”

“Are you really that desperate?” You push yourself to sit on the kitchen island.

He steps in between yours legs, arms reaching past your thighs to press his hands into the cool granite. “Oh come on!” He pouts. “What’s a Bonnie without her Clyde?” “Or rather—a Clyde without his Bonnie.” Your voice dips, “Don’t even know why you just went on a tangent about how inexperienced I am with this stuff like four minutes ago.”

He shrugs, “For now. As you said—you haven’t done it for a while is all. You’re rusty. And in desperate need of rent.”

“If you care so much about it why don’t you just, I don’t know—give me money?”

“You’re gonna have to work for it, doll.”

You shiver a bit, as though the warmth of his torso against your thighs or his leaning over you wasn’t anything startling to begin with.

“How do you expect me to be your ‘partner’ when you can’t even tell me your name and you won’t allow yourself to learn mine?”

He pushes his lips up and scrunches up his nose. “Safer and smarter—how can you rat the other out if you don’t know who the other is?” You’re quiet, fiddling with your fingers in your lap. It’s one of those moments where you have a million reasons to say yes and a million reasons to say no. Really the million reasons to agree with this Clyde is the million of possibilities that can spark from it. Runaway fugitives, extravagant heists, a multitude of instagram worthy costumes only given any effort to hide your identities. You’ve been at this awhile. This little teenage party—nothing close to the things you’ve pulled off, both legally, not, morally and ethically alright, and far from.

“Fine.”

His brows raise and he claps his hands together. “Great!”

“You’re acting like this is some office job and you learned your sales went through. “Great,” what the hell is that?!”

“Casual.” He pulls out his phone, “That’s what it is. Now give me your phone.”

You put your hand in your pocket, clutching it and twisting your body from him. “Do you expect me to think you’re not gonna run like hell? I’ll be seriously pissed.”

He tilts his head, “And you think if I did I would care? Here.” He pulls out his phone, unlocks it, and opens up his contacts. He holds it to you, already having typed “Bonnie” in there. You take it and wrap both of your hands around it.

“What’s the point of using fake names to ‘hide’ ourselves from each other and yet I’m giving you my phone number, something that can so obviously be tracked.”

He’s silent, and you smirk.

He pipes up, “Well, we’re each other’s alibi.”

You give him his phone. “Sorry, I prefer legal things. You know, won’t have an apartment to pay rent for if I’m too busy living in jail. But maybe that’s just me.”

“Says the girl I caught trying to smuggle out a whole jewelry box in her panties.”

You scoff, “Okay okay—So what? Jenna’s been complaining how her mom talks shit about her dad’s shitty taste since grade school, okay? If anything I’m doing her a favor. Been complaining how she’s more into sapphire, ruby, that type of shit for as long as I’ve known her.”

“So you know her now, don’t you?” You roll your eyes but hum, grabbing your cup that he’s set on the counter and looking inside but alas, there’s nothing left for you to drink so you set it back down, your whole body deflating.

“I’m not about being obvious and illegal and stealing shit people would actually care about, alright? Like…” You roll your eyes, “Stealing from people who could decide to randomly travel the whole world one day and wont give a shit if their damn car gets driven off a bridge because daddy can just buy another one!”

“Fine then, Bonnie. We’ll keep things legal. Legal, but fun.” He points to your cup, “And there will be plenty of drinks along the way. I’ll do the dirty work, which I don’t know if you’ve noticed but uh—I’m great at. And you’ll be my sweet little alibi, just an ordinary girl that happened to get caught up with a—“

“Klepto?” You suggest, perking up.

He grunts, “No…no no. I was gonna say,” he looks around then whispers, “Con. Besides, I think you’re mistaking me for you.”

“I am not a klepto, alright.”

Clyde eyes your hands, which you dig into your pockets and fidget around in there. He holds his hand out, waiting for you to give yours to him. You feel inclined to but before your instinct can take over he pushes his hand into your pocket and pulls out a shimmering necklace, the diamond flower one, against the back of your hand. There’s no use in trying to snatch it back from him, though you try anyways, and he just turns his side to you and holds a finger to your lips.

“Really? You know stealing is just my hobby but at least I don’t crave it to the point I can’t even wait to set up precautions.” He looks at you from behind his brows then balls up the necklace and shoves it in his pocket. “But you know what. I, Bonnie, this we’ll make a great team.”

He reaches a hand into your pocket again, and you do nothing to stop him. He pulls out your phone, holds the screen to you so you can unlock it, then while you sit with your hands over your eyes, he puts in his information. He uses his email instead of his number, appropriately names himself “Clyde,” then drops your phone in your lap before handing you his.

“Fuck it,” you say, putting in your digits.

He sends you a quick text, and smiles, satisfied with himself when he hears it buzzing on your lap.

“See you around, Bonnie.” He walks out of the kitchen, leaving up sat atop the counter.

“Hey!” He rolls his neck to look at you, tilting his head down. “Where you going…?”

“Come on,” he spits. “Don’t tell me you wanted me to stick around.” You look down at your feet, bouncing against the cabinet. “Alright alright alright,” he rushes, looking behind him as he walks back to you. “I, will see you some other time. We’re ‘friends’…but only when we need to be. Sound good?”

You start to pout, crossing your arms over your chest and throwing your head to the side. “I mean, you said we were basically on a date before we found out we’re both dirty liars and now you’re just leaving me alone at this shitty party…”

He rolls his eyes, posture faltering before he shoves his hand in his pocket, fishes past Jenna’s diamond necklace, and pulls out his wallet. You get a look inside—messy, filled with coupons and receipts. You cock a brow and he gets a look before pulling out a ten dollar bill and waving it in your face. “There.”

You scoff, “What the hell am I supposed to do with this,” but fold it and put it in your pocket.

“Uh, use it? You like strawberry shortcake?” You suppose…so you nod…”Buy yourself a Sickly Strawberry at that industrial cafe, ‘bout twenty, minutes from here, and tip the barista. She makes a sick one if I do say so myself.”

You sputter but fail to spit anything up.

“Consider this a first date gift, from me to you. And every time you have one…” He does a little curtsey, walking backwards out of the kitchen, “And if you’re lonely—just think of me and I shall be summoned.”

Your breath hitches, “What the fu—”

“Goodbye Bonnie!”

And like that he’s gone, out of the kitchen and through the crowd. You sit on the island, alone, squinting at your phone. You have one message from Clyde. A strawberry emoji.

#brendon urie #brendon urie imagines #brendon urie x reader #brendon urie imagine #brendon urie smut #imagine

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