i want to expand on this post just cause i can.

so much of gus and jesse’s relationship is played as an affair. this is only because it makes walt’s anger about their dynamic feel more jilted, like a lover. when he confronts jesse about the two of them having dinner he uses language an excusatory husband would use if he caught his spouse cheating such as “tell me you weren’t as his house last night?” it’s very clearly written as jesse being disloyal to walt and their partnership. now the audience knows that’s just simply not true with jesse literally saying “if you kill mr. white, you’re going to have to kill me too” when he thinks gus is suggesting killing him. he’s devoted to mr. white throughly. even when he’s being shoved into these new situations by mike and gus, there’s never a moment where he thinks about abandoning him. he’s still in the back of his mind through everything, and every character knows this except for walt. that’s what makes most of the build-up leading to gus’s death so ironic. to walt, gus is the other woman who needs to be killed for fraternizing with what’s “his”. in reality, it’s his own brutality and sadistic behavior that is putting a wedge between him and jesse. 

it’s very reminiscent of walt finding out about skyler’s affair with ted. he lashes out and throws a tantrum but he never stops for a second and asks why it happened. he never comes to the conclusion that his actions are what’s driving skyler into another’s arms. he plots to get revenge on ted, but it’s never more serious than toxic masculine how-dare-you-sleep-with-my-wife bullshit. he wants to kill him, i don’t doubt that, but he can’t. how can he? killing, torturing, and all that depravity belongs in the “heisenberg” part of his life. he cannot touch ted because he is as mundane as the life he is fronting. 

now, i will admit, the skyler affair storyline and jesse’s so-called adultery are really not that similar at all. like i said, jesse is not betraying anyone--he is still fiercely dedicated to mr. white. his unfaithfulness is only interpreted as much by walt himself, and it’s walt’s delusions drive him away in the first place. skyler cheats as a means of revenge, as a way to take back some autonomy that walt had stripped her of. however, it’s the way that walt handles these individual perfidies that’s so captivating to me. when deciding what to do with gus, he immediately decides he needs to kill him. this was his plan prior, but now it’s more dire. jesse is gone. he needs to kill two birds with one stone: win back jesse and kill gus. more importantly, he needs to show jesse that him killing gus was something he did for the both of them. so thus he embarks on this convoluted, deplorable, fucked-up scheme. and hey! it works. he successfully manipulates jesse once again, implanting in his brain that no one will have your best interests at heart but me. “gus had to go” and jesse has to agree because this pseudo-son is dying and mr. white is right there and he saved him right? he saved brock and he saved jesse and it doesn’t matter that their love has a body count. their reunion is so impactful because they’re like magnets in a way. the connection they share is so strong that it doesn’t matter how hard they fight or run away, they will cling to each other once more. but what’s devastating this time around is that jesse doesn’t have a leg to stand on with mr. white anymore. he almost fucking killed him and it turns out the “real” mastermind was gus all along. so he offers his submission as an apology, when mr. white holds out his hand he takes it because this is how he can say he’s sorry. and walt? how could he not fall in love all over again. he has jesse, freshly martyred and in his arms once again. 

i could never be a f2/feeder series fan because thinking about how most of them will never achieve their dream of racing/succeeding in f1, even without knowing who any of the drivers are or their stories, is already making my heart feel like it’s cracking into a million pieces. what do you mean they work so hard and dream so big for so long and it just… doesn’t work? they dedicate their whole lives to this, give up school and go into millions of dollars of debt, and all for what? an impossible pipe dream? and now what do they do with their lives? was it worth it? was the experience worth it? the dreams? the laughs? were the memories worth it, in the end?

I feel like now is a good time to announce that I’m in the process of moving blogs! Im doing so for a few reasons, the main one being paranoia, so for that reason I won’t be saying my new urls publicly so like please dm me if you’d like my new url so you can follow me there! I’ll be reblogging this post a lot so ppl can see it (so sorry if you get annoyed by that)!

I’m also remaking my discord account as well so if we’re friends on there then feel free to message me for my new username!

friends and mutuals please do reblog so shared friends/mutuals have a higher chance seeing it!

aksjsjakjs y’all I’m so fucking in love with this man I swear 😭

Serizawa is really the best partner for Reigen, no doubt. Like, this man sees Reigen's true self, and he just accepts it, because he's extremely perceptive and empathetic. Because they both are.

What I mean by him accepting it is that, rather than going along with his ruses/lies for the sake of "the flow", he's been able to watch Reigen closely and learn that people don't actually have their shit together. He's been able to see that he didn't waste as much time as he'd thought he had, being an adult shut-in - and that by going to school and working with s&s, he's actually been able to live a pretty normal life.

Reigen started out as this Big Boss to anxiously impress - to the point of hiding note cards in his sleeve and feeling unable to criticize him - and he was constantly way-too overly impressed by the things Reigen does as part of his work. But Reigen becomes more and more just another normal person to him as the story progresses, and despite how Reigen feels about people knowing his true self ("they'd reject me immediately"), Serizawa treats Reigen's normalness as a positive thing!

He's not thinking of him in a "he's lying to everyone" or "he's just another face in the crowd" way, but he sees him as someone like him, who just happens to be better at acting like a normal citizen. And as someone who has a hard time feeling normal, it's comforting for him to see that actually, Reigen's working just as hard as he is. In this way, he sees him as a true friend and equal - which is also touching because Reigen wants nothing more than for everyone in the world to realise they're all equal at the core.

And of course, he's still always amazed and impressed when Reigen shows intense maturity and understanding of the world, because this is something he can learn from, even though Reigen is actually younger and oftentimes just as lost as he feels. Regardless of the setting, Reigen is someone he can look to. He doesn't look up to his displays of power, like he had been encouraged to do in Scar, but he sees firsthand his ability to see the world, and others, in a way nobody else can. He looks to him for support, and to grow, and in doing so, has been able to help Reigen grow too.

one piece of fanon I see thrown about as a casual fact about beej is that he is somehow morally opposed to cheating as a concept, and has judged and would judge people based on them doing that. most of the time I see the evidence for this being his own meltdowns over even the potential of cheating on peg, and his behaviour towards hawkeye in The More I See You.

the latter is particularly confusing to me because he does emphatically state in his conversation with hawkeye in potters office that he actively does not have a moral aversion to cheating - "I couldn't break my word to Peg. And not because God'll send me to hell without an electric fan... or because it's not the right thing to do. I just don't want to."

and one of the reasons i think he says this - and the reason I think people read some sort of judgement from bj in this scene - is that hawkeye is twitchy about it. hawkeye is probing, maybe projecting, is worried about this guy thinking badly of him because he himself doesn't feel too clean about it. he pokes and he prods, slightly skittishly and nervously.

textually bj starts this conversation, and I think hawkeye (and therefore some of the audience) read into that that he is doing so to Make a Point, but what I personally read into it - and I think the intent - is that bj has some genuine concern (and perhaps a healthy dose of interest!) because he has already had a huge dose of the backstory to this whole debacle, and like any sensible person I don't think he sees it ending well for his friend.

but by the end of it hawkeye knows he has neither censure nor celebration from bj, just a steady and even-keeled acceptance of what hawkeye accepts is 'messing up his life'. bj is just acting as a neutral good-natured sounding board, which is very much early BJ's MO. it's a carefully balanced check in from a friend, one that I fanonically read as an echo of what he says he does with Peg, where he sort of pokes until she speaks about what is on her mind. (In this reading I sort of see hawkeye as hanging about wanting to Talk on purpose, especially as objectively you think this would be Private Time for bj and peg. hawkeye, to me, seems to be Loitering.)

but as bj says, a la potter writing to mildred... that's none of his business 😉

One of the greatest things in the earlier books; the way that Call is lowkey kind of an unreliable narrator, particularly when it comes to his perception of himself and how that relates to others. This is often tragic, but sometimes it's really funny, mainly when he's like "oooh I'm so evil. not like aaron who is beautiful and kind and good and never ever selfish." and meanwhile Aaron is like... giving Celia a death stare and debating taking Alastair up on his offer to run away from all things magic

they r so important guys look at them

the found family ever

Slipped this into my PhD thesis draft I just sent to my adviser

“look how much fun they're having, man.” “of course they are. they haven't realized how much life sucks yet.” it’s always sunny in philadelphia - season 1 (alt)

i want assurances that he tian is gna be as Daddy as he cheng is now or i will take a civilian hostage

I still will never understand that comment by Asagiri saying that Dazai was the best thing to happen to Akutagawa when even Dazai himself doesn't believe that. I mean, from what I heard, the BEAST novel does a pretty good job in showing that Dazai knew Akutagawa would thrive and do better under people like Odasaku and Kunikida, right? Dazai throwing Atsushi at Akutagawa and kind of evading saying anything to Akutagawa sometimes did make me wonder if he was trying to force the boy from dependency on Dazai's approval (though, I also do believe Dazai doesn't fully want let go of his control over Akutagawa, which is another can of worms)

I mean, yes, Dazai wants to control Akutagawa, but I also think he knows objectively (not self-deprecatingly) that he just...wasn't good for him asides from the whole sort-of-saving-his-life thing. What I'm saying is that the relationship between the mentors and mentees of BSD are more complicated than saying "he/she was 100% good/bad for them" but also that generally we do see a progression of growth for the mentor with each "student" they take under their wing. In this essay

i fell asleep last night with my notes app open and then my phone died and this is what I saw in the morning

hey lunie can you draw me the stupidest thing that you can think of on the spot thanks lol (lots of love) xox lorin

bold of you to assume everything i post isn't the stupidest thing i can think of on the spot

ok you've made the mistake of giving me free rein, imagine you're learning a new language and Port is your teacher

tick tock tick tock

don't cheat!!!

ok time's up! here are the answers:

how many did you get right? :)

flop posts are so funny bc its either fucking stupid or genuinely really funny and its like??? why does this have 3 likes and one reblog but a post saying idk. 'sigma more like sugma. sugma balls.' gets 5399534 reblogs 48299592994 likes and a blessing from newly reincarnated jesus

biting her. eating and drinking her