The history of that Tarik's joke about the bear
‘I wish it was only twice we had to hear it,’ put in Aximand. ‘I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard you tell that tale. It’s getting to be as bad as that joke you tell about the bear.’
‘Don’t,’ warned Loken, seeing Torgaddon about to launch into a rendition of the joke.
‘There was this bear, the biggest bear you can imagine,’ started Torgaddon. ‘And a hunter…’
The others didn’t give him a chance to continue, bundling him with shouts and whoops of laughter.
‘This is the Mournival,’ said a powerful voice and their play fighting ceased immediately.
Loken released Torgaddon from a headlock and straightened before the sound of the Warmaster’s voice. The remainder of the Mournival did likewise, guiltily standing to attention before the commander.
[click for better resolution && bonus under the cut]
153 notes
·
View notes
Mournival but they are your college roommate
No one asked it but I need to share that :v
Ezekyle Abaddon
Comes to school with a huge duffel bag and toolbox. When you ask what's in it, he just smiles and says "tools." You don't ask anymore.
Always blasting really aggressive rap/metal music super loud. His top jam is "Back in Black" by AC/DC on repeat.
Leaves his dirty laundry everywhere but his bed is always perfectly made with tight hospital corners.
You're pretty sure you saw him behind the wheel of a rusty black van late at night, but the school won't investigate strange disappearances.
Loves party games but is way too competitive. No one wants to play Mario Kart with him anymore after "the incident".
Constantly gets in fights at parties but never seems to get in trouble. Cops take one look at him and just shake their heads like "not dealing with this tonight".
Always standing shirtless in the room doing calisthenics. Claims he's cultivating mass but you think he's just trying to intimidate the RA.
Somehow accumulated the world's biggest knife collection despite the no weapons policy. Admin turns a blind eye for fear of their safety.
Tries to get you to join his intramural flag football team, the "Black Crusaders". They go way too hard and half the other teams have dropped out.
Somehow has a 4.0 GPA while seeming preoccupied with "more important things." Howwww.
Tarik Torgaddon
Brings way too much beer to your first Friday night dorm party. Claims "Bro always shares his drinks!"
Leaves practical jokes everywhere - who put googly eyes on the toothbrushes?!
Always trying to get you to join the campus meme lodge with him. "Come on, it'll be fun! We just post poorly photoshopped history professors, I swear."
Never cleans the mini-fridge. Wonders why mystery science experiments started growing in there.
Burns popcorn at 3am trying to make "late night snacks." Fires the fire alarm and you both get written up.
Steals your lounging spot in the common room to "hold court" and tell loud stories to anyone who will listen.
Hogs the bathroom for hours getting ready to "go out in style" on the weekends. Comes back drenched and you don't wanna know from what.
Leaves you in charge of the dorm when he goes home for breaks. Comes back to three keggers you "somehow forgot" to tell him about.
Somehow always tests positive for COVID right before big exams. You're 95% sure he's faking to get out of studying.
He's a really fun dude and always has your back. Gonna miss this guy after graduation!
Garviel Loken
He wakes up at 6am every morning to do pushups and calisthenics in your room.
Never seen him drink or party. That one time you tried to get him to come to a frat party he responded with "Nah bro I gotta hit the hay early, lifting at 6 am."
Tries to get you to join the campus military re-enactment club. Insists you could benefit from "some discipline and camaraderie".
Cooking? You thought you were the one making ramen but he shows up with a whole homecooked meal like beef wellington from scratch. "My friend Tarik taught me."
That one time the fire alarm went off at 3am? He carried you and your mini fridge down the stairs in one go."
Always does his dishes immediately after using them. Not one speck of food left. The clean freak we all need but don't deserve.
Super into his classes, always studying. You often find him making color-coded notecards at 3am under his desk lamp.
Somehow still finds time to join every club and sport. Is president of the book club, captain of the ultimate frisbee team, volunteers at the animal shelter on weekends.
Has a strict 9pm lights out bedtime. You've tried stay up late to play game but he just throws a pillow at you look and says "some of us have 6ams."
Somehow always has cute girls knocking on your door asking "is Garrie there?". The chad energy is real.
Horus Aximand
The second you meet him you're like "Woah this dude looks EXACTLY like the frat bro president."
Helps you move in but 'accidentally' gets protective plating mixed in with your clothes and snacks. Whoops!
Forms LARP club which is really just him and 3 (actually 4) other guys who are all as intense as he is.
Constantly blasting Sabaton songs from his speaker. Claims it's for "battle prepping" but we all know he just loves some power metal.
Bonding over late night games of Smash Bros while deep in the existential crisis of your freshman year.
Always wears matching sweatsuits with "Little Horus" embroidered on the chest. Claims it's his sport team uniform but you've never seen him play any sports.
Making you try all the experimental protein shakes he conjures up in the mini fridge. You're scared but don't want to hurt his feelings. So many regrets.
Finding mysterious used bandages around the room. He swears they're from "glorious battles" but they're really just from the intramural dodgeball games.
That one time the fire alarm went off and he tried to purge it with a flamer.
Always "forgetting" he can lift a textbook one-handed and showing off to the swole bros.
36 notes
·
View notes